We received the call Wednesday night. Cassie and I were watching a movie when her little sister called. I only heard one side of the conversation, but all I had to overhear was the word “hospital” and I started putting on my coat.

A lot of things go through your mind when you’re en route to the hospital to meet a loved one. You fear the worst, hope for the best, and tell yourself that this can’t be happening. Then you drive a little faster.

A security guard meets you at the front gate, and whistles at you when you try to plow through without letting him open it first. You fumble with the window while Cassie chokes out a faint “My dad’s in the ER.”

You’ve arrived, but there’s nothing you can do. He’s already gone, and your brain can’t understand what was just said to you. “He really liked you, Shaun.”

Liked me? As in past tense? Are you kidding me?

The family arrives in waves. We all cling to one another, still unable to believe what we’re here for. We’re paraded down the corridor to a room where you find the shell of a man you loved, wrapped in a white sheet, one unseeing eye still slightly open.

You cry, and cry, and cry. People take turns being hugged and hugging you. Someone hands you a tissue. You’re rejecting the reality of the situation when Cassie says “I just had a horrible thought.” Someone asks “What?” but she says it’s too selfish. She looks at me and I’m certain she’s thinking the same thing I am:

He won’t be giving the bride away at our wedding.

You try to find out how it happened. He was fine and then gone, no previous health issues. You realize he was barely 59, and as his siblings arrive you can tell they think it’s just not fair.

A staff person bothers his wife for insurance information. He goes on to ask her who will pick up the body. You imagine yourself strangling the kid as he mutters an emotionless “Sorry for your loss” before leaving with his clipboard.

When you finally leave, you barely sleep. The days blur together as everything happens quickly. Meet at the funeral home to discuss preparations. Write an obituary. Select a casket. Meet the pastor. Drive Cassie wherever she needs you to. Press your clothes. Tie your tie. Attend two days of viewing. Remember to eat something. “Thanks for coming, Thanks for being here, Thanks for everything.” Operate on two hours of sleep. Sit anxiously in traffic on the way to the funeral. Sit in the first row. Hold his wife’s hand as she weeps. Let the tears flow during the eulogy. Honor his passing with kind words by friends and family. Carry his casket.

Writing all of this hurts. The more I write, the more I want to delete. It’s just not right to focus so much on Steve’s death. I’m going to write now about Steve’s life, how I knew him, and how we came to love each other.

…

The first time I met Steve I was really nervous. I was dating his daughter, and all that I knew about him was that he was a powerful and successful businessman. I imagined that all he knew about me was that Cassie met me on the internet. I was terrified that he might not like me.

We met for lunch at an Italian restaurant. Steve and his wife Ellie were already there, sitting in the booth. I’m sure that I was on my best behavior, and I tried my best to make a good first impression, but I cannot recall what we talked about.

The one stupid detail that I do remember about our first meeting was what I ate. I chose a pasta dish: baked manicotti — not because I particularly liked or wanted manicotti, but because it was one of the less expensive items on the menu. The fact that I was concerned about cost shows just how little I knew about Steve back then.

I’d quickly come to learn how generous he was. Steve didn’t care about the price of my dinner. He didn’t care if I ordered a coke, or a beer, or a fine wine. He just wanted to please people with food. Steve would take us out to dinner often, and whenever we went out there was no question who was covering the bill.

Sometimes when we were waiting for a table, he’d walk away for a minute and then come back holding two beers. He never asked if I wanted one, he just assumed that I did and would hand it to me with a big grin on his face.

Whenever there were leftovers he never kept them for himself, and since he always over-ordered he was constantly sending us home with lunch and dinner for the following day. But his generosity was not limited to sharing meals.

When I met him at the casino, he’d give me cash to gamble with. When I found a nice pair of shoes, he’d offer to buy them for me. After I mentioned that I was maybe, possibly, thinking about getting flat screen TV for our new apartment, he showed up at our door with one in his backseat. There really was no limit on how much he was willing to give.

One thing greater than his generosity was his sense of humor. He was a born entertainer, always sharing new jokes and clever one-liners. It’s impossible to fully convey just how hilarious Steve was.

I’ll never forget the time that we bought him a special pillow that he wanted for his birthday. It was twice as long as a normal pillow, and after he took it out of the bag he excitedly balanced it on his head and announced “In honor of my birthday, I will re-enact for you the story of my birth.” Steve folded the pillow around his head, and then made a “HNNNGGGH!” sound while he proceeded to push his face through the pillow as if it were a birth canal.

As time went on, I was confident that Steve liked me. It wasn’t until after Cassie was diagnosed with cancer that I understood that he loved me.

During the first few weeks following her diagnosis, I was spending every waking hour at the hospital with her. Steve stopped by one afternoon and surprised us with carryout. He had gone to the same Italian restaurant where I first met him, and gotten Cassie her favorite chicken pesto pasta. For me, he brought baked manicotti.

I wish that I had shown some ounce of acknowledgement that he had remembered, but all I did was smile and say thanks. After we finished eating, Steve collected his things getting ready to leave. He reminded me to get some sleep, and I motioned to shake his hand goodbye like we always had before. He pulled me in for a hug, and I understood how grateful he was that I could be there for Cassie in this time of need.

The final memory that I want to share is the hardest to write about. Just this past December, I decided that I was ready to make things official, and that I was going to ask Cassie to marry me. I planned on calling Steve to ask for her hand.

The nervousness that I felt on the first day that I met him returned with a vengeance. I put it off a few times, but finally called him the day after he turned 59. I remember seeing his name on my cell phone’s display as the phone dialed and telling myself that this was it.

Steve answered with a friendly “Hi Shaun.”

“Hi Steve how are you?”

“Good and you?”

“Fine thanks. — I wanted to wish you a happy belated birthday.”

“Oh thank you! That’s cool. I got a lot of calls this year.”

“Yeah? How nice. — I do have something else to ask you.”

“Okay.”

“I wanted you to know that this Christmas, I plan on asking Cassie to marry me.”

Without hesitation, Steve said “That’s GREAT news! How wonderful! I’m sure she’ll be so excited!”

“I think so too.”

I had rehearsed what I wanted to say, so I talked over him a little bit at this point.

“After five years, I’m finally ready to make it official. And I want to tell you that I’m really excited for you to be my father-in-law.”

“You’re a great guy and I couldn’t be happier for you both.”

I told him to keep it under his hat until Christmas, but he couldn’t fight off his excitement. I know that Steve told a few people that he knew could hold their tongue: His wife Ellie, and his son Max.

…

Now that he’s passed, I feel disappointed. I’m disappointed that he won’t be at the wedding, and that I never got to call him Dad. Steve was such a great man, who was larger than life. So much larger than life that he seemed immune to death.

In spite of my disappointment, I’m so happy that he knew my intentions. If I had waited any longer, I would not have gotten the chance to have that conversation with him. It warms my heart knowing that he was excited for us, and accepting of me. Through all of the sadness, knowing that Steve loved me too kept my head held high as he was laid to rest.

I love you and I’ll miss you, Dad.

[TV shows heavyweight champion Apollo Creed being interviewed. Apollo encourages kids to stay in school: "Use your brain. Be a doctor, be a lawyer, carry a leather briefcase. Forget about sports as a profession. Sports make ya grunt and smell. See, be a thinker, not a stinker."]

Bartender: Will you take a look at that guy? I mean, where are the real fighters gonna come from — the pros? All you got today are clowns.
Rocky: Clown?
Bartender: That’s right, clown.
Rocky: You callin’ Apollo Creed a clown?
Bartender: Well, what else? Look at him.
Rocky: Are you crazy? This man is champion of the world. He took his best shot and became the champ. What shot did you ever take?

The bartender says something about how Rocky’s unhappy with his life, and then Rocky gets fed up and leaves.

What I like about this scene is the disconnect between their mindsets. Rocky acknowledges and respects Apollo’s accomplishments. Rocky understands that to become champion, Apollo needed to take charge of his life and take some hard risks. The bartender, on the other hand, is a typical hater.

I think that on some level, the world is divided into two camps. People who take charge of their life, and people who think that’s just too hard. This quick interaction between Rocky and the bartender demonstrates both camps really well.

For most of my life, I was in the second camp. I imagined that I needed to settle for what was put in front of me, and that the interesting and exciting lives were reserved for other people. I was sleepwalking through life, doing this and that, but never really enjoying myself.

I made a conscious decision to change all that, and started taking more risks. This past year, though, I realized that I was falling on old habits. I found myself working in a dead-end job that made me unhappy, and doing little to change my situation.

During one of my lunch breaks I was reading an article about creative writing schools. I found myself remembering what I had set out to accomplish in life, and yearning to be surrounded by fellow writers while immersing myself in their stories. I regretted the fact that I was suddenly aware of how I was clearly wasting my days away at a job I didn’t enjoy, and how it was distracting me from the writing life that I wanted. I kept reading.

The article described the Writers’ Workshop at the University of Iowa as the most renowned in the country. It mentioned how competitive the workshop was, and how the number of people accepted into the program was a relatively small number.

It seemed like a long shot. It seemed hard. It seemed like something that would not happen for me, and was clearly reserved for other people. In spite of all of these initial thoughts, I imagined what a privilege it would be if I’d get to participate.

I have realistic expectations. I applied to a backup school in case my first choice for an MFA creative writing program doesn’t work out for me — but I did apply.

I’m taking a shot. It might work out, and it might not. If it doesn’t, then I’ll have to take another shot after that.

Too many people never take their shot. They don’t take a shot at happiness, at their dreams, or at life. Maybe they’re afraid of failing, or being told “no.” Maybe they think they don’t deserve the life they want, or that they’re comfortable where they are, or that they need to focus on something else for now.

Sometimes we have legitimate excuses for biding our time. More frequently, though, they’re just excuses. We make things up to justify our current existence.

A few weeks before Christmas, I finished the bulk of my application to the schools. It was 60 pages thick and made me smile. I collected everything that needed to be sent away using a checklist, and I dropped everything into the mail with my fingers crossed.

It’s a gamble for a chance at a life that I may never see. But I’m trying my best to reach out for opportunities that aren’t right in front of me.

I may never be champion of the world at anything. Still, I’m taking my shots on my own terms. It feels good.

If you’re unsure of what to do with this year, try taking a shot at the life you’ve always dreamed of. That way, if they’re successful, you can look back with pride knowing they were responsible for the life that you’re living. And even if they’re not, then at least you took charge of your life, and took some hard risks.

I couldn’t help myself. I saw areas that needed improvement. Things that were unclear, or inconsistent, that needed changing. The first time I’m writing something my primary objective is to get the thoughts out on the paper. If something still needs work I’ll come back to it later and edit it until it’s finished.

The thing is, there really is no “finishing.” Not for most writers, anyway. A girl in my writing group constantly reminds me how “There is no ‘finishing,’ only ‘deadlines.’” And she’s right. If I let myself, I will edit this piece in pursuit of perfection forever.

Some of it needs work. A quick edit I did earlier in the month involved me quickly going through and removing all of my stupid cursing. It’s a bad habit I have when writing a first draft. My strategy is just to KEEP WRITING AT ALL COSTS and so sometimes when I’m trying to think of what to write next I buy myself a split-second of time by slipping in an extra, unnecessary curse word. Although they were all removed in my first “quickedit” when I actually started reading the story there was a lot that I wanted to change.

I find the writing process interesting because now that I’m 80 pages into the story, the character I was first writing about was an unspecific, barely described shape of a man that was thrust into an unusual situation. As my story developed, the character became more fine-tuned and understood. I didn’t realize exactly who I was writing about until later, so the first chapter focused more on the things around him than the main character.

That was okay at the time, because it allowed me to get the story idea out — but today I essentially re-wrote the first chapter.

I didn’t expect to have to do this, because when I was writing it the first time I thought it was fine. But coming back to it after enough time where I almost don’t even recognize my own writing, where I can view it with eyes that know where the story is truly headed, gives me the benefit of editing with certainty — I know that I’m really improving this.

Improving writing might mean taking things out. Unnecessary words bother me. Improving writing might mean adding things in. Clarity is important. Improving writing might mean realizing something you wrote in Chapter 1 is inconsistent with a detail you wrote in Chapter 15, and correcting things appropriately so they make up a coherent storyline.

Meeting a page goal was one goal. The next goal is to make it better than it is right now. It’s a competitive school, and not a lot of applicants get in. I’m viewing this piece as something that could be a ticket to a new life among fellow writers. I imagine that I won’t get in, given the odds. But I want to give it my best, you know?

I need to move forward. I spent over four hours today obsessing over individual sentences and individual words in a single chapter. I’m forgiving myself for investing that much in such a small section of the piece because it’s the hook. Maybe it’ll be the only thing the decision maker reads. But I can’t spend forever on it. There’s a deadline involved.

I told myself that I’d forfeit writing in my blog for the month of November in favor of focusing on my manuscript. It’s important to me. November’s over and there’s still work to be done, but I’m confident I’m practically done. Last night I imagined that I was, and today I learned that I wasn’t.

It’s cool. I’m almost finished. I think so, anyway.

Yet part of me thinks that I’ll refuse to send this away to be judged until the last possible moment. It’s not that I’m obsessed with being perfect, or that I’m a terrible procrastinator — it’s just that this is something that’s important to me, that also happens to be something I enjoy. There’s no “finishing” the things that you enjoy. You just keep doing them.

I’m surprised at how many people recognized the writer in me before I recognized him myself. As I’m contacting former professors and professional colleagues for letters of recommendation, I’m receiving a lot of positive encouragement regarding my writing pursuit:

“I’m not surprised to hear about your interest in writing (after all, you won an award for the best journal in the Foundations of Computer Science course and consistently wrote great journals in the other courses you took with me).”

“I’m sure you’ll do well. I remember how your eyes lit up when we interviewed you and I mentioned writing skills!”

“Seriously, even when it comes to simple email messages, your writing is tactful, thorough, and engaging. You’d be a fool not to make your career in writing.”

Their comments reminded me of other compliments that I’ve received, and I began to piece together all of the signals that I’ve missed regarding my interest in writing.

I remember how when I was in college, I was attending Computer Science classes. Once all of my programming obligations were done, though, I’d spend my free time writing. I’d publish my thoughts and experiences online, on a website I hosted from my dorm room. It was fun for me, and I did it purely for recreation.

When I took the website down because I moved home during the summers, people would contact me saying they missed my writing. They wanted their daily dose, and were anxious to find out when the site would be back up. Although I was only writing for fun, people were telling me they were basically addicted to it.

I should have taken it as a sign. But I missed it.

Later, when I would channel all of my feelings into poetry or fiction stories, people would be impressed. When those who were close to me actually had an opportunity to read some of the things I’d written, they’d say “Shaun!? What are you doing in computer science? You are a writer!”

I should have taken it as a sign. But I missed it.

I remember how a girl once read the intro to one of my stories-in-progress. She asked for more, but when I explained that I wasn’t planning on continuing that story, she got mad. She glanced down at the last page, looked up at me with a face of disappointment, and then said “I think I’d actually pay to read more of this.”

I should have taken it as a sign. But I missed it.

In spite of all these obvious signals, I imagined that my writing was just “a silly hobby.” I thought that it was only a side-project, or a thing to do to pass the time. How could it possibly be anything more?

Instead of focusing on writing, I really concentrated on my computer education. They say that “hindsight is always 20/20,” and after many years in the computer industry spent working jobs that I didn’t enjoy, I looked around at the career path I had taken and wondered “What the hell happened?”

At the end of my college career, I stopped writing for a long time. I told myself how “Now it’s time to get serious. Now the fun is over, because it’s time to work.” I didn’t understand that work could be fun, if I’d only chosen a career path doing what I loved to do.

Writing is my passion. I know that now. Strangely, others seemed to know it before I did. So I’ve made some mistakes. Thankfully, it’s never too late to turn back.

In 2007, four years after college, I started this blog. I’ve tried to move it forward ever since. It’s not perfect, it’s relatively unknown, and I only consider it mildly successful — but it’s fun for me.

I like making observations about life and sharing my perspective. I understand how nobody will ever relate to every single thing that I say, but people will still read for their own reasons. And sometimes, I’ll write something that really strikes a chord with someone, who knows exactly what I’m talking about. They’ll contact me, tell me their story, and thank me. Hearing from people that become inspired by my blog makes it all worthwhile. It encourages me to keep writing.

Now, after four years of blogging, I’m trying to take my writing to the next level. I’m trying to get a formal writing education and Master’s Degree. There’s a chance I won’t be accepted into the creative writing workshop, and that fear of failure terrifies me.

That said, it’s impossible to deny who I am. I am a writer. I write because I must. To not write is suicide. It’s difficult to express, but really everything that I do gets tucked away in my brain like it’s being “saved for later.” All of my experiences can be used to illustrate an idea, describe a point I’m trying to make, or even inspire a fiction story.

It’s like there’s a tiny, unsatisfied writer in my head who is watching the world through my eyes. Whenever something interesting happens, he won’t shut up about how “This would make a great story!” Furthermore, he won’t let me sleep or relax until I’ve written something down for the day. He’s a determined little pest.

It all boils down to this: People really are “made” for things. Creative types need to create. For me, it’s writing stories. For others, it’s writing music. Similarly, some people need to build homes, or design buildings. Some people need to take cars apart, and then put them back together. Some people need to paint. My point is, there’s something in this world that we are constantly drawn to, because we are made for it.

How you spend your time defines who you are. Your interests are your passions, and your life’s passion is the one thing that simply won’t go away.

It’s what keeps rearing its head when you ignore it. It’s what you think about doing when you’re busy doing other things. It’s what keeps you up at night.

It’s what you are. And it’s impossible to deny who you are.

You may be able to set it aside for a few years to focus on other priorities — but your true calling is always in the back of your mind, waiting for its turn to take the reins. Once it finally does, you’ll feel a bit foolish. You’ll realize “Oh yes, of course. Of course! This is what I love to do! This is what I should be doing! Why didn’t I start doing this sooner?”

I don’t know why I didn’t start sooner. It’s probably a combination of having too much pride, not wanting to admit that I made a mistake, and the fear of having to start over again. All this considered, I’m excited to really embrace who I am.

I am a writer. What are you?

Maybe it was a bit embarrassing for an instant, but I’m sure that she was quickly relieved that she wasn’t late at all. I found this story both funny and endearing. We all know people who are habitually late to everything they’re invited to, and although that characteristic can be infuriating when you’re trying to meet for dinner or a movie, it can be endearing once you’ve accepted that person for who they are.

Although I’m quite punctual when it comes to making plans, when it comes to meeting goals I can often fall behind. For example, I’ve had this recent goal to write 80 pages of a manuscript as part of an application to the University of Iowa’s Creative Writing Program. It’s one step in a larger plan to transition to a writing career.

The thing is, 80 pages of a book-in-progress is a lot to ask of me. In my experiences, fiction is SO much harder to write than blog posts or journal entries, because you have to make it all up from nothing. Furthermore, you can’t just write down a general idea — you must write down everything. Every motion, every decision, the beginning, end, and all of the in-between stuff. So although I’m good at coming up with main ideas for stories, when it comes to the task of actually writing them I lose focus.

I frequently know where I want my story to begin and end. Connecting the two using complete chapters with believable characters in a coherent storyline is the hard part. In order to even come close to achieving that, I must force myself to focus on the small parts. I keep my head down and my pen to the page and press the story forward even on days when I don’t want to.

Now, my goal was to write 80 pages by the end of October. It’s practically the end of October, and I only have 51 pages written. I’m short of my goal.

The thing is, I tricked myself — much like the bride fooled her friend.

When I gave myself this assignment, I tacked an index card to my goal board. It read: “80 page manuscript due November 30th”

While working towards this goal, this is the time frame I thought that I had. I planned accordingly and worked towards it, but didn’t quite make it. Fortunately, I gave myself some breathing room.

That is, when I set out to apply to the school I knew myself well enough to understand how it was going to be really difficult. Not wanting my future self to fail at meeting the goal I wanted to accomplish, I exaggerated the requirements for the application.

An “80 page manuscript due November 30th” was my first deadline. It’s a personal deadline that I made for myself with the understanding that it’s what I needed to shoot for, but was likely to miss.

When I reviewed the University’s website again today, I saw that the actual requirements and submission deadline were different:

“30-80 page manuscript must be postmarked by January 3rd”

I felt so relieved! I imagined that I needed to get 80 pages written by the end of October, so that I could have another few weeks to review and edit it, so it could be ready for submission by November 30th. As a result, I’ve written 51 pages towards an 80 page goal that’s really only the maximum number of pages. Furthermore, I have a whole extra month to finish and refine the piece I plan to submit!

The University’s website indicated other parts of the application that I had forgotten about: Letters of recommendation; official transcript; a personal statement. I started working on these other requirements today, so that they will also be ready before the January 3rd deadline. I feel like I’m going to succeed at this, because even if I don’t finish and refine all 80 pages of my manuscript, at the very least I will have enough to submit my application.

When it comes to reaching your bigger goals, especially the ones that are long-term, there will be a lot of opportunities to lose focus. My past self was really clever, purposely inflating my goal in order to ensure that I’d take action early and work towards it. I clearly knew that there would be days that I’d lose to other priorities, whether they were unexpected obligations, or days simply lost to “putzing around.”

I think that’s normal. Whenever you make plans for what you want to do with your life, you can’t be expected to be working on those plans all of the time. You’re going to lose some days. You might fall behind. If you leave yourself some breathing room, though, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how you’re still on time.

I couldn’t help but laugh about it, because I’m guilty of this myself. In my last apartment, I had a 5′ x 9′ pantry attached to the kitchen. Instead of using this tiny room for storage, I had a great vision of using this tiny room as my dedicated writing room. I imagined myself hunched over a small desk, writing into the late night, and finishing the first draft of my first book — all because I could finally get some privacy to focus on my writing.

I set my thoughts into motion. I covered the cold tile floor with some carpet. I bought a small writing desk, and assembled it inside the room. Finally, I sat in every chair on the sales floor in Office Depot and selected the most comfortable one. My writing room was complete.

And yet it wasn’t. I had started writing longhand, but I imagined that if I was going to get serious about writing, I needed a laptop. It would be my “dedicated writing laptop” for my “dedicated writing room.”

I spent the money to get my laptop, but then it mostly remained untouched in my writing room. From the little use it was getting, I had essentially purchased a $1000 paperweight. Why wasn’t I writing?

I imagined that it must be because my writing room was so drab. White walls, with nothing to draw inspiration from. I bought and framed a 30″ x 24″ poster of Rocky, the greatest underdog story ever told. I hung it on the wall across from my desk so that it could help inspire me. But it wasn’t enough.

I bought a corkboard, and hung that on another wall. I used it to capture all of my great writing ideas as they came to me, by writing the ideas down on an index card and tacking them to it.

I bought a surfing calendar, and hung that on the wall next to the corkboard. It helped hide the ugly breaker box, reminded me of each passing day, and made me smile whenever I checked out the new month’s surfer girl.

I bought a tiny corner shelf, which I mounted across from the door. It was just big enough to hold a radio alarm clock. This way I could keep track of time, and maybe listen to the WRIF as I worked.

I bought a small, single-shelf bookshelf. I mounted it behind me and above my desk. I filled it with some of my favorite novels, a pocket dictionary and pocket thesaurus, as well as some “How to be a Writer” books, my favorite of which was called “How to Write a Damn Good Novel.”

After all of this preparation to build my perfect writing space, I still avoided it. The only time I went in there was to water the plant.

What was really happening, was that I was using the idea of writing as a form of not writing. I was imagining that I could build a writing space so that I could look at it and say “See? I am a writer. Just look. Look! Look at all this writing stuff!”

The truth is, the time spent creating my writing room was a form of procrastination. It was tricky though, because it was a hidden form of procrastination. I fooled myself, because I honestly felt like the things that I was doing were productive. Later, when I moved out of that apartment and realized how I failed to write anything at all in that room, I understood just how stupid I was being.

There’s an episode of The Office where Michael Scott has quit his job to start his own company. On his first day of his new life, he plans to start working “after breakfast.” In order to avoid having to deal with the overwhelming amount of work he has to do, he simply keeps making breakfast.

I think that in some ways, we all have these goals that we’re planning on doing, but when it comes to actually doing them we get scared. We think that we’ll fail, or become overwhelmed at the amount of work ahead of us. Consequently, we choose to busy ourselves with other projects instead.

I know that whenever I have an approaching deadline, suddenly the task of doing laundry doesn’t seem so bad. In fact I look forward to it. While I’m at it, I figure I’ll also change the sheets, and then make the bed up real nice. Similarly, I’ll decide to wash the dishes, and then the task expands and I’m suddenly be wiping down the kitchen counter. That leads into cleaning the whole kitchen, and before I know it the apartment is spotless.

Although I’m proud at the cleanliness of my apartment, I then go into panic mode. My deadline is much closer, but I’m no closer to finishing my work before it arrives.

Hidden procrastination is tricky like that. You’re accomplishing something, but at the cost of not accomplishing something else. By saying “Yes” to the distraction, you’re saying “No” to the thing that really needs to get done.

Maybe that thing that needs doing is bigger, more important, and consequently more intimidating — but if you say “Yes” to procrastination often enough, you’ll never achieve the real goals you’re anxious to accomplish.

Fight back. Ignore the hidden forms of procrastination in favor of the real tasks that need doing. Don’t tell yourself you’ll start after breakfast, or once the laundry’s done. Not later, now.

My new apartment lacks a writing room. I wrote this article while sitting on my sofa. I’ve learned that I don’t need a dedicated writing space to be a writer.

To be a writer, I just need to write.

In my recent interview with Kristy Victor, she touched on this idea of wanting the end result immediately. She describes it as a recipe for failure. For me, it was the most important point she mentioned in the interview:

Expecting immediate change sets you up for failure. You need to take everything one day at a time. You didn’t gain the weight overnight and it most certainly will not come off overnight. You must set small and attainable goals for yourself so you’re not overwhelming yourself with the final “big” goal.

After she mentioned it, I started thinking about the notion of gradual improvement. For example, since I started going to the gym almost a year ago, I’ve gradually worked myself up to the point where I can run all out for 15 minutes straight. Although it’s not the most impressive physical feat ever, it is something I couldn’t do a year ago. I slowly gained the ability by increasing my endurance gradually.

At first, it was a painful process. In school I was never an athlete of any kind, so I rarely ran at all. I remember some of my best times for “running the mile” were in the 11-12 minute range. Later, when I was out of school and had entered the work force doing mostly desk jobs, I naturally became less active. So when I finally made the decision to get in shape, my body seemed to fight me against that decision.

I’d warm up for 5 minutes on the elliptical, or the treadmill. No big deal. I’d use various weight machines for the rest of my workout, alternating muscle groups (upper- or lower-body) depending on what day it was. Also no big deal. When I went to do 30 minutes of cardio, though, my body reacted like it was being tortured.

30 minutes doing only a light jog was killing my feet, shins, and knees. I had always grown up with the mentality that “if it hurts, don’t do it.” This is why I was never a runner in school: if I ever started to feel pain, I’d quit. Now, as I start to grow older, and recognize exercise is a necessary evil, I needed to push through the pain in order to get fit.

I remember getting changed in the locker room after those first workouts. When I removed my running shoes, my white socks had turned red. My feet were literally bleeding from running. A lifetime of never needing to run caused my toes to grow up tight against one another, all cozy-like. Consequently, when I started running in spite of the pain, my toenails tore up something fierce.

It was embarrassing and painful, but it was par for the course. My feet always healed, and as I ran more and more they bled less and less. Now they don’t bleed at all. My body adjusted.

As for increasing the duration that I could run, I started off running for a few minutes at a time, then returning to a light jog. I think this is called “running intervals.” I’d run for maybe 2 minutes, then jog 2 minutes, then run 2 minutes, jog again, etc. I’d continue this until I was too tired to run any longer, and if any time was left in my 30 minutes of cardio, I’d walk or jog until my time was up.

As I kept returning to the gym to repeat this strategy, I noticed that I could always run a bit longer than the time before. I’d run for 3 minutes, and rest 2 minutes. Next time I’d maybe run for 4 minutes, and rest 2 minutes. Although I didn’t keep exact records of my forward progress, the important part was that I was aware of my body’s capabilities, and witnessed how I was gradually improving them. Like I indicated earlier, I can now run all out for 15 minutes straight. Furthermore, I’m starting to notice my body looks leaner; my muscles are more defined.

I want to be fit. I want to look muscular and attractive. I don’t want to do the in-between work, but there’s no other way to do it. You can’t start at the finish line, you have to start where you are.

This applies to anything worth doing. You set goals for yourself because they’re something you need to work towards. For me, gradual improvement applies to my body, my blog, my career, and my hobbies. It won’t matter if it’s piano lessons or Donkey Kong — it’s like anything else:

If you do something, you get better at it. If you do something long enough, you get great at it. And if you do something every day, you’re bound to reach the finish line.

Start today. Gain gradually, and don’t give up.

Welcome, Kristy! For the benefit of those who don’t already know you, will you please give us a 5-second description of yourself and your profession?

I am a personal Trainer from NJ and NPC bikini competitor. I’m passionate about health, fitness, and helping others.

You’ve been invited here today because of your radical physical transformation. Tell me, when did you begin this quest for change?

I actually began my weight loss journey in 2007. I had gained a lot of weight and got all the way up to 185lbs. I started following the Beachbody workout, Turbo Jam. In about four months I had lost 45lbs.

That’s great! Was gaining weight the primary reason you decided to start this journey? Tell me about the moment you made the decision to really get serious about getting in shape.

Well, I have always worked out but didn’t always know what I was doing. Weighing close to 200lbs was definitely an eye opener, and that’s when I decided to change. I didn’t want to be so out of shape and unhealthy.

I’ve seen your before and after photos. They’re incredible! What kind of training regimen did you do in order to get where you are now? Did you have a personal trainer to help you along the way?

Initially I used Turbo Jam and the meal plan that went with it. For a while after that, I simply followed a lot of different workouts from fitness magazines I subscribed to. Starting about seven months ago, I started training with a Bikini and Figure Competition Training Team, Team Bombshell, and that is how I came to have the body I rock today.

You are definitely rocking a “bombshell” body, Kristy! Well done! But was there ever a time during your training that you felt like quitting? What kept you going?

Oh yea, definitely. There are days where you are totally wiped out, and the last thing you feel like doing is another hour of cardio. It’s the desire and drive I have to be at my best, and the passion I have to succeed in my training that always keeps me going. I always remind myself how there is someone else out there that isn’t taking time off, someone else out there that’s working harder than me — and it’s hard to quit when you look at it that way!

Losing weight and getting fit is something many of us aim to do, but from your pictures it’s easy to tell you’ve taken physical fitness to the next level. Where has your love for working out and reshaping your body taken you?

After losing the initial 45lbs, I decided to become a Personal Trainer. I love health and fitness, and now I can help others set and reach their goals. That in itself is very fulfilling, and I absolutely love what I do! I also started competing in bodybuilding competitions. I’m currently participating in the bikini division. I will be switching into the figure division next season.

Congratulations! How do the competitions work? How did you and your team do?

The team consists of hundreds of girls from all over the world. It is based out of Daytona Beach, FL, so if you are outside of that area you train online via email. There are so many shows throughout the season and many of them compete together, but the show I just did was a smaller show, so I was the only Bombshell there.

The competitions are split up into divisions; Bodybuilding, physique, figure, fitness, and bikini. They are broken up into height classes as well. 5’4 and under and 5’4 and over usually. Sometimes there are more height classes if it is a bigger show.

Each competitor will perform posing for their specific division and the judges will then line you up and “compare” everyone in groups of five. First callouts are a good sign — it tends to mean you’re more than likely making the Top 5.

You have to start with local or regional shows. Placing in Top 5 in a smaller show qualifies you for the national level. That’s where you can win your Pro Card. Every show is different regarding which placings receive Pro Cards. Most of the time there is one overall winner (per height class in each division), but sometimes it’s Top 3.

I’m no expert in working out. In fact, I only go to the gym about three times a week. What tips do you have for maximizing my workout?

First, I’d see what your goals are. Are you looking to put on some lean muscle or just lose some weight? Do you just want to be healthy and active? Would you like to compete in some type of competition?

I like to know exactly what a potential or current client’s goals are first, and then I can take their training to the next level. Also, what they are currently doing and if they have any sort of limitations. After I find out all that, you may regret asking that question!

Ahh okay, so you tailor the workout specifically for the client. Good to know! Now, I always heard that “3 sets of 10 reps” was a standard workout, but recently I read an article disputing that idea. In fact, it said 3 sets of 10 reps was probably the best way to guarantee you’d see no results from the time spent in the gym. What are your thoughts on this?

I absolutely agree. Your body adapts to everything you do, so if you continually put it through the same routine, 1) it will get less and less challenging and 2) you will “plateau,” meaning your body will remain the same in spite of the time you spend in the gym. Variety and switching things up is key. In other words, change the number of sets, reps, and type of exercise regularly. Try adding in some cardio or plyometrics between sets. You always want to keep your body guessing, that is the only way real change will occur.

I know that many people struggling to get in shape start strong at the beginning of the year (largely due to New Year’s Resolutions). As time goes on, though, they stop working out as often, and eventually quit completely. What recommendations or strategies do you have for anyone wanting to stay strong and stick with it?

First of all, everyone must think about what they really want. Of course we’d all love to lose, say, 15-20lbs. But the majority of people that start out strong won’t see instant results. That’s perfectly normal, but it causes people to get frustrated and give up.

Expecting immediate change sets you up for failure. You need to take everything one day at a time. You didn’t gain the weight overnight and it most certainly will not come off overnight. You must set small and attainable goals for yourself so you’re not overwhelming yourself with the final “big” goal.

Let’s say a small goal would be to lose 5lbs this month and stay on your meal plan. That is a small and very attainable goal. Once you start seeing results from the small goals, it will motivate you to keep working harder to reach the next goal and the next.

Truthfully, a lot of people would benefit from having a trainer in these situations. A trainer can keep them working hard and motivated to keep going. Without someone to motivate and support them through the difficult road ahead, they get frustrated, fall out of the routine, and completely give up. If you can’t afford a trainer, simply teaming up with a buddy will help. Make a set date and time each day to get in your workouts together. You can motivate each other to eat right and stay on track.

Great advice from someone who’s done it successfully. I love it. Can you tell me, what’s your proudest achievement?

Absolutely the moment I stepped on stage at my first bikini competition. I had always been shy and very self-conscious and never showed my body in public. Just the fact that, even though I was terrified, got right up on that stage with 100+ people looking at me, was huge!

I can only imagine what that must have felt like! Congratulations again — you look fantastic, and are an inspiration to all of us wanting to reshape our bodies! So what’s next for Kristy Victor?

I am currently building my in-home personal training business and group fitness classes. I’m also pursuing my B.S. in Sports Management/Health and Wellness to further my education, so that I can be the best trainer I can be. I plan to make my figure division debut sometime in the New Year around January/February in the pursuit of my Pro Card. Then, wherever life takes me!

I wish you the best of luck in all of your future endeavors. Thanks again for sharing your remarkable story. Where can we find out more?

Come visit my website at www.victoryfitnessnj.com and my blog page at www.fit4lifewithkristy.com. Thanks for having me!

Kristy Victor is a personal trainer who lives and works in South Jersey. Her fitness motto is “If you’re not challenging your body, you’re not changing your body.”

Do you know anyone like Kristy that might be interested in sharing their story? Please Contact Me!

They’d already done a bit of research. They knew what they planned on wearing, they had a rehearsed answer for “So tell me about yourself,” and they knew about the importance of a firm handshake with eye contact. So what was left?

I think it’s important to note that I’ve never been on the other side of the table. Although I’ve been to many job interviews, it was always as the person being interviewed. In all truthfulness, every situation is going to be unique. Every hiring manager will have their own take on things, so no single article on interview tips will have the “right” information. This being said, you can definitely gain an advantage if you arm yourself with recommendations from more experienced interviewees.

First things first, I think the interview process is pretty broken. The interviewer will plan on spending the interview asking you lots of questions, but they will never ask you the one question that actually matters: “Can you do this job?”

They want to ask you how much you expect to be paid for the position, and they often want this information right away. The reason they want it is so that they can immediately dismiss you if you’re asking for too much. In order to stay in the running for the position, never bring up the topic of compensation first. It gives the impression that you’re more concerned about the money than the work you’ll be doing. Furthermore, never name an amount. It can only hurt you, by either letting the interviewer know you’re too expensive, or letting the interviewer know you can be bought for cheap.

When the interviewer asks you to suggest an amount, you should duck the question. Like I said, they’ll ask this quickly — often in the very first phone interview. Don’t give them an amount, no matter what. Good phrases to use to defer them are: “Until we’ve determined that I am a good match for (company), I feel like discussion of compensation is premature.” and “I would like to be compensated a fair wage for the skills needed to fill this role.”

Generally speaking, you don’t want to talk about money during the first round of interviews. When I got my last job, the HR recruiter gave me a phone interview. After passing that, I had an in-person interview with my future boss, and finally had a second interview with the person above him another day. No real discussions about money were made until after all the in-person interviews took place. The HR recruiter called me with a job offer, which was the first offer.

I’ve found that negotiating salary over the phone, AFTER the company has determined that they want to hire you, is the best position you can be in. When you’re discussing compensation in-person, you are more inclined to accept an offer immediately. I can’t fully explain why, but I suspect it has to do with body-language, and presence: The job offer seems within reach, it’s right in front of you, and you want to just grab it the moment it’s on the table.

As unintuitive as it might seem in an economy where jobs are hard to come by, you should not accept the first offer, ever. Even if it’s more money than you expected, you need to keep cool. Realize that at this point, they’ve demonstrated that they want you. You are their choice for the position. If you accept their first offer, then you successfully got the job, but you most likely accepted a “low ball.” You won’t be eligible for a salary increase for another year or more, and the increase will often be a small “cost of living” increase. What you want to do is maximize your starting salary, because that negotiation opportunity is the best chance you have at increasing your wage. It’s much harder to increase your salary after accepting the position, and it will be a while before it’s appropriate to ask for a raise or promotion.

When they give a number, say $40,000, don’t say anything. If you’re on the phone, they can’t read your body language and they don’t know what to make of a “no reaction.”

Count to 25 to yourself. The silence will be uncomfortable, but it’s uncomfortable for the recruiter too — and sometimes that silence can help you. If the 25 seconds passes and they still haven’t said anything else, repeat the figure back to them slowly, like it’s a question: “For-ty, thousand?” See how much longer you can hold the silence, and then ask them if you can have their phone number and get back to them. Explain how you need to put some numbers together and think it over.

I’ve done this. Maybe it sounds crazy, or stupid, but I’ve done it and it has worked out well for me.

You see, your future boss doesn’t always know how much money is available for your position. The HR recruiter does. This is especially true for large organizations in the private sector. The HR person’s job is to fill the position for the lowest amount possible, but if your future boss selects YOU for the position, then the HR person’s job shifts to making sure that you’re going to accept the job. Think about how upset the boss would be at HR if they messed up a negotiation, and lost their first choice! When the employer is in a “we must have you” mentality, you’re in a position to bump up your compensation more easily.

When I was contacted by the HR recruiter over the phone, and I sat in silence counting to 25, she became uncomfortable and said “If that’s not to your liking, would another $2k make the offer more appealing?” She interpreted the silence as disappointment, and basically gave up the game. Now I knew that the offer was negotiable and they were willing to pay more.

I said “Of course it would make the offer more appealing, but (my current employer) might be willing to match that salary in order to keep me, if I explain that I’m leaving for higher compensation. Can I have a bit of time to crunch some numbers and think it over? How can I get back in touch with you?”

In situations where they’re not willing to offer additional compensation, you can frequently ask for added vacation days instead. Your job offer is a contract, and in my experiences, everything is negotiable. You want to adjust the job offer in any way that will make it more appealing to you. Your future employer doesn’t want you to accept the position and leave 6 months later, that’s a “lose” for everyone involved. They will need to invest the time and resources into refilling the position, and perhaps you left because you didn’t get exactly what you wanted. Maybe you didn’t get exactly what you wanted because you didn’t ask.

At any rate, these are the strategies I’ve successfully used to negotiate salaries that allowed me to change jobs (in a lateral move) while increasing my wage as much as $10k/year. As I already mentioned, everyone will have their own take on things, and each situation is unique. You’ve got to decide what’s applicable to your situation.

Of course, after I told my friend all of this, I realized how I didn’t completely answer their question. Although negotiation is really important, it comes much later in the interview process. It’s something to keep in mind so that you can avoid the compensation discussion in the early rounds, but there are other important things to know in order to nail the first interview.

You want to appear informed. Don’t come in without the slightest clue about what the company does, or what your position is for. They will let you finish the interview, but you won’t get the job.

In order to seem well-prepared you need to ask relevant questions. Demonstrate that you’ve invested time and energy into researching the position and the company. For example, if you checked out their website, maybe they had a link to a news story where their organization was mentioned. Bring this up in the interview, and talk to them about it. Prove to them that you’re not just a person qualified for the job, but someone that’s genuinely interested in the what the company is doing.

If you ask enough questions about the company, you can sometimes turn the tables on the interview completely: You’re actually asking the interviewer more questions than they are asking you, as if you’re interviewing them. The atmosphere will suddenly shift to the point where the interviewer is trying to impress you. In my experiences, this strategy has never failed to get me a second interview, if not the job.

See, an in-person interview is most often just a test to see if you’ll fit in. They want to see if they’ll enjoy working with you every day. In a way, working for someone is kind of like going steady.

So when the interviewer spends the duration of your interview talking about themselves, after the interview is finished they’ll subconsciously like you more than the typical candidate. You see, the easiest way to get strangers to like you is to let them talk about themselves. People LOVE talking about themselves!

Ask questions like “What makes (company) a great place to work?” Engage the interviewer in casual conversation with “How long have you been with (company)? Knowing what you know now after working here (that long), would you do it all over again given the chance? Why?” The important thing is to really get them talking. If you’re asking questions that have simple, one-word answers, be sure to have some related follow-up questions that will cause them to tell you stories. Have fun. Smile. Laugh.

Simply put, the first interview is more about getting the interviewer to like you than proving you’re able to do the job. They already know you can do the job from your resume, and that’s the reason they invited you to the interview in the first place. Now they’re just trying to determine if you’ll fit in there, and if they want to work with you every day.

Good luck!

I have trouble relating to the “must have it now” mentality. I’ve observed early adopters of the iPod quickly abandon their first generation mp3 player for the smaller iPod mini, only to do it again the next year for the even smaller iPod nano. Later, when the iPhone effectively combined Apple’s mp3 player with a cell phone, every previously released music device was abandoned, and the “gotta have it” frenzy shifted towards the iPhones.

Of course, this behavior isn’t unique to Apple products. Many people choose to upgrade their cell phone the instant they’re eligible, so that they can enjoy the thrill of getting something new. My girlfriend Cassie has been through three different phones in the four years that I’ve lived with her, and she’s already looking forward to becoming eligible again for her next upgrade.

I’m not suggesting that anything is wrong with liking gadgets, or wanting new things. After all, I’ve been fortunate enough to enjoy the privilege of affording a brand new car, brand new laptop, brand new furniture, etc. I’m only sharing my fascination with those who seem to always “need” new things, and I’m curious about what drives people to crave that “new gadget feeling.”

To offer some perspective, I’ve only ever owned two cell phones. The first one I got in 2001. I was 21 at the time, and got it at the request of my employer. I was a traveling consultant for his computer firm, and having a phone made it easier for my boss to keep in touch with me when I was on the road.

I got my second phone in 2005. My father wanted a cell phone, and could save the cost of a phone if I let him have mine. I renewed my contract, obtained a free phone, and gave my dad my old one.

The free phone that I got in 2005 is still the one that I’m using today. It’s in my pocket as I’m writing this.

Sure, it’s six years old — but it works, and it’s served me well for all these years. Of course, people sometimes make fun of me for it. It’s not uncommon for people I’m meeting for the first time to actually take a picture of my old phone using their smart phone, so they can upload it to Facebook for a laugh. It’s like they’re saying “Seriously? What’s wrong with this guy?”

They tell me to get with the times, and ask why I won’t upgrade to a newer phone. Although there are several reasons, the main one is that it still works. I guess I subscribe to the old adage: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”

Still, I suspect that there’s more to it. There’s a reason why other people are always buying the next best thing. Some people are compulsive shoppers, some are self-proclaimed technophiles, and some just want to be accepted as part of the crowd who’s “with it.”

And I’m not going to lie. I’m not anti-iPhone. In fact I’m a bit curious about it. At one point I got to use one for my job and I did like it. It had some cool games, and if it lacked any features you could easily find and download something extra ones using Apps.

All this considered, I’m still comfortable with not being part of the “gotta have it” mentality. Maybe I’ll get one when my phone finally dies. If not, that’s okay too. I’m satisfied with what I have.