People are either single by choice or because they haven’t found the right partner yet. Others are single due to a break up or death of a partner. Additionally, there are many people in unhappy relationships who often feel isolated and alone even though they are “coupled”.

If you are feeling disconnected or lonely; how can you take care of yourself and feel good on a day set aside for love?

Here are some tips and suggestions:

1). Recognize the illusory nature of the holiday. Remember that Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday. It is not so much about love and relationships as it is about selling flowers, candy, cards and jewelry.

2). Your self-worth is not dependent upon your current relationship status. A relationship does not define you. Remember that love is for all – not just couples. You have many relationships and people who love you.

3). If you recently experienced a loss and are grieving over your loved one, allow this to be a day of mourning. Acknowledge that this is a hard day and seek out support from others.

4). Plan in advance to do something that will prevent you from having to watch couples fawning over each other. Get together with people you love – family members and friends or plan something fun to do on your own.

As much of a cliché as it seems, we need to be reminded of it again and again – the most important person to learn to love is yourself. You want to create the most loving and joyful relationship with yourself. You are the only person you will ever be with on a constant basis. Other people can leave you but you will never leave yourself. So find ways to love and nurture yourself. Do things that make you happy. Be gentle and kind to yourself – always. Your relationships with others will grow out of the loving relationship and sense of appreciation you have for yourself. The people who come into contact with you will be greatly touched by your presence and will respond to the love emanating from within you.

The holidays pose many unique challenges for gay men who are often forced to make compromises due to their sexual orientation. Couples may be faced with homophobic parents or family members that place undue burdens upon them. Singles often feel like an “outcast” for showing up to family gatherings alone when their siblings may be married with children. Oftentimes a significant other may not be welcome to attend even when siblings are allowed to bring their dates. Further, if you’re not out to your family, you may be forced to dance around uncomfortable questions or merely keep silent about various aspects of your life. There are no easy answers and only you can decide when to come out or confront your family about these issues; however, the holidays may not be the best time to do so. These internal and external conflicts cause a lot of stress and can lead to isolation and depression.

Fortunately there are some things you can do:

Stay connected – Keep in close contact with your friends and partner even if they are not physically with you.  Debrief with them and try to laugh and find humor in the situation. Laughter relieves tension. 

Set realistic expectations – Prepare yourself for any family tensions that might arise. How can you remain detached and keep your spirits high? Remember- you can’t change anyone.

Be kind to yourself – Acknowledge and accept your feelings. Do things that bring you pleasure – listen to music or go for a walk. Do whatever makes you feel good.

Volunteer to help those in need – You may decide to opt out of a family gathering and do something to help others. You can avoid potential family conflicts and feel good about helping others too.

Seek support – If you find that you are depressed or your situation is too hard to manage on your own, seek professional help. Find out if your company has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) where you can discuss your situation with a Counselor. You can also call your insurance company and ask to be connected to Behavioral Health to request therapy referrals. Your local GLBT Community Center is another good resource for support. You can also find supportive resources at: http://www.lifesolutionsforgaymen.com/category/resources

Take some time to really focus on your goals and visualize yourself achieving them. Make your visualization as real as possible. What sights and colors surround you? What sounds do you hear? Who is with you? What will it be like when you accomplish your goals? What emotions do you feel? How will your life be different?

Then consider the actions you need to take. What do you need to do to get what you want? What practices can you incorporate into your daily routine to keep you energized and alive? What supports need to be in place and what resources will you use to stay focused and on target? Eventually, by holding to your vision and taking the right actions, your new reality will start to unfold and your life will change in ways you never thought possible.

One of the ways to remain accountable to your goals is by hiring a Life Coach.

Here are the top 7 reasons to hire a life coach:

 
1. Builds confidence - You know you’re partnering with a trained professional to attain your goals.

2. Guided plan - Sure, you can draft a plan by yourself, but when you write out your plans with a coach, you know you’re developing a realistic plan that works! Your coach will also keep you accountable to your goals.

3. Conflicts - Coaches can explore current conflicts and tensions that you may be struggling with in your life. They can also assist you in finding ways to avoid similar situations in the future.

4. Personal attention - Coaching allows you to get one on one attention so you can be personally supported along your chosen path.

5. Dealing with challenges - Things will not always go according to plan. When you hit a snag, your coach can work with you to overcome the challenge and steer you back on track.

6. Versatility - You can decide how you’d like to use your coach. Do you want to focus on short-term goals or long-term goals? Perhaps you’d like both.

7. Enthusiasm - Your coach likely has a great deal of enthusiasm for their work, which will naturally rub off on you. Sometimes it may be difficult to keep up your drive, but thankfully, inspiration is one of the main reasons why coaches exist.

Oh…the perils of dating! We’ve all been on the giving or receiving end of these statements and it never feels good either way. Sometimes nothing is ever said, and the situation just fades away causing us even more confusion. Dating can be very difficult, especially in the online environments we often find ourselves.

So how do we take care of our personal well-being in dating situations?

Here are some dating survival tips to consider:

1). Date for dating’s sake – Get rid of the expectation of finding “the
one” and just date. Meet people with the intention of getting to know them and
learning about who they are. Avoid getting emotionally caught up too soon. Release
the pressure and expectation that this might be “the one” for the long-term.

2). Actions don’t necessarily speak louder than words – We’ve all been
told that “actions speak louder than words” but this isn’t always so. Be wary
of interpreting someone’s actions as meaning that they are into you or that
they actually want a relationship with you. Some guys may say sweet things, buy
you flowers or gifts, treat you to dinner, introduce you to their friends and
family or initiate sex as a part of their own dating rituals. These actions may
hold no specific meaning to you whatsoever.

3). Have fun – Enjoy the process of dating. Put your best self forward
and have fun. You cannot control another person’s thoughts, feelings or
behaviors. You also can’t control the outcome of the experience. You can allow
yourself to have fun! Be lighthearted about it all – stay in the moment, enjoy
your dates and let go of your attachment to the outcome.

4). Stay focused on your life – Make time to plan activities apart from
dating. Remember that dating is only one aspect of your life. Do other things
that bring you pleasure and balance your dating life with other important life
areas – having a rich full life makes you a very attractive person overall.

5). Learn how to handle rejection – It’s never easy to be let down but don’t
personalize the rejection. Recognize that everyone has their own psychological
issues and relationship histories that they bring into dating situations. If
someone tells you they don’t want to go forward don’t make it about you. There
can be any number of reasons that caused them to back out, and they probably
have absolutely nothing to do with you. If you need to, you can talk about the
experience with a friend, therapist or coach to help you to quickly move on.

6). Focus on your well-being – Take care of yourself every day by asking
– What can I do to take care of myself today?  Perhaps it’s exercising,
meditating, or going out with friends or family. Do whatever is meaningful to
you. Make a commitment to yourself to do something each day that makes you feel
good.

Finally, always remember what my grandmother used to say:

“Men are like buses, there is always another one coming”!

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