Life Straight Up With A Twist

Travel Blog Coming (Finally)

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 06:17:00 +0000

I know that I have not been posting like I should. I have let life get in the way of what I love to do. Ironically, life is the subject of my blogs. Believe me, the material is there. It's just a matter of making the time to get all these thoughts and questions and...crazy...down on paper.

So maybe a change of subject matter will refuel my desire write. So, after 14 years of traveling, I think it is finally times to put these adventures on paper. So, in the coming weeks, I will be developing a separate travel blog on this site. It will take a little while to get it together but, in the meantime, feel free to revisit some of my previous blogs.

Here's to a new adventure :)

Love Lessons

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 02:33:00 +0000

With every new relationship, I have learned more and more about what I am looking for in a man. The concepts and beliefs held at 18 have slowly developed into something more meaningful and distinct. With each failed relationship, another lesson is learned. And with it, my immature concept with love is sculpted into the true image of what love means to me. I would much rather be a person that loves honestly and with renewed hope with each person than to hold back to protect myself. I feel that if you put forth half-hearted effort, you will get half-hearted results. And though heartbreak is inevitable, it’s the lessons learned from each relationship that prove to be worth the post-breakup pain. And in the end, I always know that I will survive and try once again.

These are some of the lessons I will never forget in my journey:

Love should not be based on how someone can improve your status. Love should not be a business gain only. Superficial reasons lead to superficial feelings. Love me for believing that I will be a devoted wife and a loving mother. Love me because you know I will never abandon you in your time of need. Love me for who I am right now and what you feel I am capable of.

Love should not hurt all the time. It shouldn't leave you in despair or sadness. It should uplift, inspire, and encourage. Never love out of pride and do not allow pride to keep you in bad situations. There is someone better for you that won't leave you with emotional scars and fears for the future.

Don't love someone because they make you happy. What I mean is don't rely on your love for someone to sustain your daily happiness. You should be able to walk to and away from someone with your joy. Relying on their presence for your light will lead to a darkness that is hard to recover from once they leave. Add your personal happiness and light to someone else's life to find real love.

Loving someone should not be hard work. It should not be a task you have to make yourself do. Love shouldn't be a struggle. Yes, you face struggles in love but the initial development should not be a battle. That is when it becomes one-sided and unbalanced. One person shouldn't put forth all the effort. Love is a balanced scale. Give and take on both sides. If someone truly cares about you, they will let their feelings be known.

Don't love someone for the way they make you feel. Love shouldn't be your means for high self-esteem. That's not its purpose. Honesty, love will help you grow and mature. It will envelopes that greatness in you and helps it to blossom. Don't depend on someone to make you feel better about yourself. That is just another form of selfish love.

Don’t try to love until you are ready. Understandably, you can’t control who you might have feelings for. However, if you are going through a major life change, dealing with drama and issues, or trying to find yourself, keep to yourself. Find yourself and take care of your home first. Get comfortable and secure in yourself before you try to bring someone else into your life.

Revisiting an old love can be tricky. You are never quite sure if the feelings you had in the past will translate into the present. Sometimes you were only meant to love that person in the past. You’ve learned from the relationship and you move on. Some people are lucky enough to rekindle their old feelings and start fresh. But they find this success because they accept them for they were before and who they have become. Make sure to your love matures beyond your past. Love in reality, not in memory.

Like I said, these are my lessons. They may not apply to you and your situations. I am always learning, always re-shaping what I want versus what I need. And that has truly been the hardest lesson to accept, learn and put into practice.

My Life Needs A Reboot

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 15:17:00 +0000

There has been a negative change of events lately. I have slowed watched myself drift into an uncaring,lackadaisical existence. Previously,I was focused on many changes in life but something shifted. The focus has become less laser and more lazy. I am not focused at work or home life. I am just meandering through my every day with no real results. Productivity has dropped and motivation has come to a halt. It’s like someone with bad eyesight removing their corrective eyewear and seeing nothing but blurred lines and objects.

Myopic living.

It is the strangest feeling when you recognize that you are not doing the right thing but do nothing to change. I can cheer others on all day long. Hold them accountable for their actions and tasks but lapse ion myself. I am my own laziest fan. Ha!

I can’t live like this. I won’t move forward. I will become stagnant in a life that I don’t want to have but care so little to change. I have faced problems like this before and have had temporary success and then lapse back into my sloth-like behavior. One of my biggest obstacles is my inability to follow through. I can start a project or idea with overflowing passion and,soon after,it fizzles out. It dissipates. Just evaporates. Then I move on to the next great idea. It’s frustrating. Who knows how many wonderful ideas I could have completed with some follow through?

Come on. This is me. At least two of them would have been successes. Just saying…

So how do I change this lifelong behavior? How do I restart now that I have recognized this problem?What changes can be made to hold myself accountable for everyday accomplishments and completed tasks?

Still working that part out.

To be continued…

Racing to Happiness

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 20:26:00 +0000

There are some obstacles in life that I have the hardest time trying to make sense of. You go through some form of pain or difficulty and you get through it, but the end results seem pointless. Or, on the other hand, you go through a state of happiness and content just to have it end just as soon as it began? And I guess I spend too much time trying to string logic through these “random” events and I can never get them to connect. They never form some neatly packaged “Moral of the Story” scenario. Just a bunch of random clusters of simple happiness or complex issues scattered throughout our lives. Now I know looking forward is the best course of action but you can’t help but ponder on these events.

Could I please experience a life lesson that doesn’t involve my heart or my sanity? Can’t I learn from something indirect for once? Must I stay in this continuous loop of re-building and repairing from yet another stumble in life? Come on! I have enough emotional scrapes, bruises, and scars for now. Let’s try a nice stretch of peace and serenity for a change. Simplicity. Quiet. No tears or frustration or starting over.

It’s like starting the same race over and over again. The first time, you fail because you don’t know what you are doing. But you keep trying. You learn more about the track, what your weaknesses are, where you get your second wind, etc… But sometimes, it feels like you are not going to reach that finish line. You will just keep falling and starting over. Even with a stand full of fans (aka family and friends) cheering you on, it can get to you after I while. I’m tired, my legs hurt, and I’m bleeding from falling. Can I please sit this one out?

Sigh.

And this is where faith comes in. Faith is that conditioning, the training, the extra workouts, anything that prepares you for the race. Knowing you are doing all you can to prepare for these failed races in life. Knowing that you will get to the end of the race successfully. Sometimes when you fall enough times, you start to lost faith in your abilities. It happens. Yes, you have overcome a lot of obstacles, a lot of hurdles if you will, but then that track looks so long. Never-ending. Starting over again gets to be too much. And the thing is I know that no matter what I go through, I will make it through, I will be ok. I already know I will recover because I have done it so many times before.

As I am writing this, I think I realize I need to extend my faith beyond myself. I need to have faith in the outcome of situations and experiences. I learn that though I hurt right now, something better is coming. I have to learn to have more faith in the positive future beyond the finish line.

I guess I have some more training to do.

Death to Good Luck Charlene

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 21:42:00 +0000

If you don’t know by now, I like to reference pop culture in my blogs. This one combines my tweak to the titles for the movies Death to Smoochy plus Good Luck Chuck. Seeing Death to Smoochy will not improve your comprehension of this blog so…no research required. However, I am writing this assuming that most of you have seen the movie Good Luck Chuck. Sorry if you haven’t. It is amusing. To summarize the main plot, it is about a guy that women seek out to have sex with because after they do, the next man that is their future husband.

Now, before you make the connection, no, that is not the case with me. Nasty, lol.

I am not magical and cannot help you find your future soul mate. This has more to do with a similar, and unhealthy, line of thinking that after someone has been with you, they find the person they are supposed to be with. And it doesn’t matter on what level, just some level beyond a platonic friendship. As if you were their stepping stone to someone better. You’d be surprised how many people have this line of thinking. I used to somewhat. The men I had been with found happiness after me, after we broke up.

Feel free to openly laugh at me at this point.

Ok, that’s enough, punk. Lol.

That is simply not the case. No one has a magical…uh…anything that propels someone to the arms of their true love. And there is no reason for you to think this way. It took a very amazing experience with someone very special to wake me up from this self-destructive thinking. It really is, people. Stop TNT-ing yourself.

The reason they found someone else is because they learned from their mistakes and moved on. They grew from whatever went wrong with your relationship, grew as a person and grew up. They didn’t spend endless hours agonizing over what went wrong and longing for the past. Not to dismiss your significance in their life but, clearly, they moved on. And many of us face this problem of lamenting over lost loves. Or, worse, trying to dissect every aspect of that failed relationship to find the cause of death. Not worth the time (I have done that too).

Growth is the only way you can move on. Seriously. Sometimes it is hard because all you can do is see the pain or anger from the last relationship. Maybe you have given up on ever finding someone and think there is no one out there for you. You can’t live like that. You will not find a happy future if you live today with pain of your past. I have tried and failed time and time again. You are not cursed to be single for the rest of your life. Come on, even you don’t believe that to be true. And if you do, do better.

It is an amazing experience when you wake up and realize that the person in all of this that needs to change is you. Ha ha, it’s not them, it’s YOU!

Ok, that even made me laugh.

But that is a great thing. Take this time to reflect on your life and where you stand. Are you happy? Are you capable of making yourself happy? If not, time for some changes. Take time out of the dating scene (or cut buddy scene) and make some life changes. Time alone doesn’t have to be a lonesome time. Yes, long nights are in your future but that doesn’t mean this time won’t be meaningful and worth it.

And I am not speaking to you from the Land of the Shiny, Happy People. I am still working on that. I am speaking to you from Just Woke Up (With Some Sleep Still in the Corner of My Eye) Land. I just learned this lesson and I am at the start of my journey. Just thought I would share my discovery with you.

So if you still aren’t convinced, well, continue on your Good Luck state of mind and enjoy loneliness (just saying). But if you ready to make that change for happiness, assassinate your Charlie or Charlene. Ok, ok, if assassinate is too violent of an image (stop being so sensitive people…), just push him or her out of your way.

Bottom line: Do better, be better.

An Ode to Milton Bradley (and Hasbro)...Lol

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 03:23:00 +0000

**I may add more to this but I had to put this up. I am in a silly mood. Sorry if this sucks, lol.**

If you main OPERATION
Is to get into my CANDYLAND,
Then believe me,
It's a TRIVIAL PURSUIT
SORRY boo, get a CLUE.
Cause in THE GAME OF LIFE
The man that has a MONOPOLY
Of my heart
Is my idea of PERFECTION.
He'll be the one to
BOGGLE my mind and SCRABBLE my senses.
I'd gladly get caught in his MOUSETRAP
Or even let his TWISTER of love
Completely sink my BATTLESHIP.
In love, you have to take that RISK
to CONNECT 4-ever to the one that
Excites you like those CHUTES AND LADDERS
Days of childhood.
In your search for your UNO
It's always worth the TROUBLE.

My Dream Deterred - Inspired by "A Dream Deferred" by Langston Hughes

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 22:47:00 +0000

**Hughes' poem is at the bottom of this blog**

My Dream Deterred

Langston asked the question that plagues my mind today
What happens to a dream deferred?
In his mind, it dries or festers, sugars over, or explodes
In my heart it collects dust and grows old
My dreams run deep, plant roots in my soul
Connects my heart to mind and cradles my goals
But at present, they reside in a small box in a corner
And like a curious child on her birthday
I shake the box, remembering its contents.
I try to pull open one corner to refresh my mind
But reality slaps my hands away
Sadly, I realize my true potential must stay enclosed
While zombieing through a plateaued 9 -5
Little hope for a successful climb to the top
I miss my dreams like a high school love
I yearn for it, reach for it, but I fall short.
My unfulfilled potential grips my heart and slows its beats
It steals the air from my lungs and makes me weak
I weep
I pine
I need this dream to be mine
Because my life's incomplete without the truth of my greatness
So I continue to sneak peaks, when reality has its back turned
I spend my nights wrapped around my box of hopes
Of happiness and serenity
Tugging at the tight ribbon of potential
Til that one day when I too can write of dreams
And to Langston's poem I can reply:
What happens to a dream fulfilled?
Does it swell like the jubilant heart of a child?
Or does it fill up like joyous tears
Then run?
Does it perfume like new life in spring?
Or effervesce and trickle down
Like your love's saccharine kisses?
Or it rises light as a feather into the heavens
Then explodes?

____________________________________________
A Dream Deferred by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Wow! I said that?

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Mon, 03 May 2010 23:18:00 +0000

This isn't a real blog. I posted this on Facebook on a bad day I was having on April 28 and liked it so much I felt the need to repost it.

"The hope and motivation I have lies in my recognition of my talent, abilities and potential. And I haven't lost sight there. That is my guiding light through all of this foolishness. I don't need false support from anyone in that area of my life. If I am egotistical in any aspect of my life it is because I know I am greater than you will allow me to be."

I may build a new blog around it. Not sure yet. Surprised that even came from me. Lol.

Funny, every so often I surprise myself. Ha! :)

Keep Your Head Up!

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Mon, 03 May 2010 23:10:00 +0000

**Repost of MySpace Blog from October 02, 2008**

A couple days ago, I blogged about not being deterred from my goals because of negativity. It was my personal declaration of determination and happiness. In recent weeks, some of my friends and loved ones have not been as fortunate. They are facing daily pressures and heartaches that are too much to bear. Family issues, relationship drama, financial pitfalls, work frustrations, and breaking friendships have plagued them all. And it breaks my heart to see people I care about getting shitted on from all aspects of life. Why is it always the good people that have to fight the hardest? Every roadblock is a test of your ability to survive. I get that. But sometimes it feels like life itself wants you to fail. You know that old saying, "When it rains, it pours"? My people are caught in a freakin' hurricane right now. Hurricane Joy Stealer.

I know there is only so much I can do for them. I wish I could do more. If I could turn back the hands of time, I'd stop the pain and stress from happening in the first place. Sure, we need our tests in life but damn! Not ten tests at once! There aren't enough Cliff Notes in the world to help explain the complexities and meanings of our soul-scarring experiences.

I know I have been on a song kick for the last few blogs but this seems so fitting:
Ooh-oo child, things are gonna get easier.
Ooh-oo child, things'll be brighter.
Someday, yeah, we'll put it together and we'll get it all done
Someday when your head is much lighter.
Someday, yeah, we'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
Someday When the world is much brighter

Here's some advice:
-Don't hold grudges against your people. You waste time being mad and miss opportunities to make new memories. Don't let one mistake ruin a solid friendship. Remember all the other times they were there for you.

-In terms of relationships, FORGET HIM OR HER. You are better off without them! If they caused you pain on more that one occasion, they were idiots unworthy of your time.

-If people offer to help you money wise, don't be too proud to accept. Keep being a proud fool if you want to. Your proud ass will be without a car, place to live and food. People offer help because they care, not because they pity you.

-And if work is getting you down... Hell, send me your damn resume. Lol. We can find you something else. Do your best to leave work stress at work. If it affects your home life, it is time for a new start somewhere else.

And above all, keep your head up and don't let anyone steal your happiness.

And know that people have love for you. Especially me. :)

Can't Nobody Hold Me Down :)

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Mon, 03 May 2010 23:03:00 +0000

**Repost from Myspace Blog from October 01, 2008**

Yes, I am quoting a song again. Shut up! Lol.
So in my past blogs, I gave you some insight into some of my flaws. Basically… I have been a crazy woman before. (Yeah, I know guys, no surprise.)
But I have lots of flaws:
-I am so prideful at times I will lie to protect myself from embarrassed (another blog).
-I make bad choices because I hope for the best.
-I wait until the last minute to do things.
-I have had delusions of sticking through bad situations because I KNOW how much I will be appreciated later (yet another blog).

The list goes on and on. And each time something goes wrong, I fall flat on my face. Feeling hurt, heart broken, pride taken away, just the sight of me crying (ugly crying) feeling sorry for myself. Believe me, not too many people have seen Fragile Tammy. And I rather they don't. (See, being prideful again).

In the past, I have written a lot of angry blogs because of this pain. I can't seem to get it right. I try to be happier, I try new things, I take chances and ish doesn't work out. I got to the point that I thought I would never be happy in any aspect of my life. When I seem to get happy, something goes wrong and it's taken away from me. Why even try? Just be miserable and expect the worse. You are never let down.
But a great thing happened to me years ago. I hit rock bottom.

As I have told some of you, the best thing to happen to me was the worst part of my life. I won't go into details (pride, pride, pride) but I can tell you life has never been worse than that period in my life.

So yes, I get discouraged when things don't go my way. Yes, I cry when my heart is broken and I am alone again. And yes, I get angry and sad when someone interferes with something that has made me just happy in the last few weeks. I quickly gave thought to giving up and moving on. Why waste the energy?

Not happening! I will be a fool and go for it anyway. I will figure out a way to make things right for me.

(Says Serenity prayer silently to herself)

So whatever obstacles or issues stand in my way, I will just have to face them reasonably. Not to the point that other will get hurt in the process though. I never take others down with me. Your issues and insecurities will not interfere with the happiness!

"Can't nobody take my pride, can't nobody hold me down, oh no, I got to keep on moving!" :)

Serenity Prayer for Friendship

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Mon, 03 May 2010 22:58:00 +0000

**Repost of a blog from September 22, 2007**

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I have found myself saying that prayer to myself over and over again lately. Certain events have caused me to reconsider my current situation, in particular, my friendships. Or lack there of.

Now don't get me wrong, I cherish the friends that I have. The friends I have in my life are the genuine article. Top quality. They have helped me through some tough times and, even when I have screwed up in the past…and I mean major screw ups, they are still there. Trying to offer advice or trying to make me crack a smile. But the feeling is mutual. I will gladly empty my bank account if one of them needs help. Or a shoulder to cry on. Or my flat booty to crack jokes on…lol!

Recently, I have lost touch with several friends of mine and have done nothing about it. Actually, "recently" is not the best phrase to use because some of them I haven't talked to in months…. or years! I know, I know, that is horrible. And why have I done this? Who knows
Sheer laziness. Sheer selfishness.
Sometimes, I just didn't feel like talking but they are the kind of people that, if you tell them that, they will understand. But still, I do nothing to change this fact.
I have to make some changes in my daily life and do better.

God grant me…the courage to change the things I can…

Even more recently, I have lost touch with a friend. I know in the past that I have used my blogs to kind of put people on blast but I won't do it this time. What's the point?

Now the reason behind us not talking anymore…well, it was the influence of others…by that I mean their words and actions.

Evil people always seem to find a way to ruin a good thing. Always. Whether they are jealous, scared, lonely, or insecure about themselves. They can't stand to see people doing better than themselves. Sometimes they hate just because they envy what you have.
How about this people…grow up! If you aren't getting what you want, so what? That is your issue to deal with. Don't bring your rainy cloud over my parade!
Get a life and stop envying mine.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things(...and people) I cannot change...

Now I have let go of some friends in the past that have not meant that much too me. Or because their true colors and intentions become very apparent. When that was the case, I dismissed them. Erased their numbers, cussed a few out, and moved on with life.

But the good ones, whether good on the surface or deep down, you do your hardest to hold on to. Because they are the pearls. You can't find people like that everyday. So when you lose one, it hurts. And even though we (this particular friend and I) don't have years and years of history, losing any friend hurts.
Especially those that matter.
Others might not see your worth but I do. And that is what matters.
People question why I even care about losing a friend. What should it matter? Well, when it comes down to it, I do care. When you get to the point that you care about a friend and their well-being…and would help them out without a second thought, they are a keeper.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
So for any of my friends I haven't talked to in a while, I promise I will get back in touch. I promise.
And for my recent loss, well, we will see what happens.
I hope things get better for you...for me...for everyone.
That's all. Goodnight.

We're In This Together...

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 03:16:00 +0000

Having a reflective moment, bare with me.

In life, we surround ourselves with people that reflect our own interests and goals. Our styles and hopes and even our sense of humors. You always have to keep people around that get the joke. Anyway, if this is true in social situations, it must apply in love too. We are attracted to like-minded people. Sometimes their faults reflect our own faults. We meet people on the same levels as us. But that is what you want. You want someone that understands where you have been and where you want to go. You want someone that is on the same path, though not necessarily the same goal.

That being said, when one of you is moving along faster than the other, what do you do? Do you slow your pace so they can catch up? Do you keep going without them? What is the right course of action? I wish I knew the answer to that. A definitive answer.

Here is what my heart tells me. If you are with someone that is like you, maybe their struggles are a reflection of your own. Maybe your success is one area is a reflect of your failure in another. Just because you both aren't moving at the same pace doesn't mean you give up on them. I can look down on you and tell you to get your shit together only when I am at a point of true success. I just because I have a good paying job isn't a complete success if I hate it. That keeps money in the bank but not happiness in my life. I don't have the headaches of the single mothers and fathers but I don't have the joy of having a child either.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for my successes and triumphs. I have great accomplishments but there is always room for improvement. I know I am a work in progress. There is always an upgrade of me available. But getting there is always a struggle. You can always see the best in yourself but it is sometimes hard to get others too. And that is when you need to find someone that does. I think I always taken a liking to someone that is on their way to greatness but not quite there yet.

I have gone through some extremes too. I have had a man with no ambition and a man that was so ambitious he thought I wasn't good enough to be on his level anymore. Hell, I have had a man that didn't know what was good for him at all. Just lost in life.

But the man that knows what he wants and is working to get there, I have respect for. One that doesn't look down on me for holding him back and that I don't have to push to just to get him going. He knows where he wants to be and thought he struggles to get there, makes small successes and tries to make it happen. Ambitious but not pompous. Making a way but not standing still. He doesn't like being a failure and finds a way to make things work. He might now find all his successes at the same time but he will eventually. Eventually he will be completely happy but, for now, finds happiness in what he has accomplished so far and in life.

I think I lost my point along the way. Oh well. I think I just needed to say that. Take what you will from it. I hope it made sense.

How Do You Spell My Life?

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 03:05:00 +0000

I hate the “What If” game. I find myself doing this more often than I should. Reminiscing, scrutinizing, deconstructing and re-assembling the events of my life and the paths I have chosen. It’s not an easy task to do. I still don’t think I have accomplished anything from it. Whenever a major event happens or a big change or great loss occurs, I look back at the course of things and try to pinpoint not only the actions that led me here but also the reason why.
Have you ever been typing or writing a sentence and you come across a word that just doesn’t look right. You think you have misspelled it but you check the dictionary and it is correct. Even with checking it, you still aren’t satisfied with the spelling. You stare at it. Something’s not right. It begins to look foreign to you, like you don’t recognize it. Why is it spelled that way? That doesn’t look right. Has it always been this unusual?

That’s me and my life. Except I keep staring. I stare until the word itself divides into individual letters. But it doesn’t stop there. The letters become markings on a page. They seem random and pointless. It always gets to that point where nothing makes sense and what I thought I knew and was comfortable with is gibberish.

Maybe I lost you in all of that. I hope not. I think the point I am trying to make is that all of that hard scutinization and decoding is for not. It doesn’t improve comprehension and it doesn’t leave you satisfied. When you deconstruct your reality to the point of nonsense, it never helps. I know it doesn’t help me.

So the best thing to do is to pull back. Pull back until those markings become letters and then words. And once those words lose their funny look, they make sense again. They look correct. It is the familiar again. And you continue on with your sentence.

Because that sentence is part of a larger paragraph. Part of a larger page. And ultimately, it is part of a longer story that we have little control of. It’s a story written by a better “editor”, a better “storyteller”. We don’t know where we will end up. We only control the words on the page but not the full story.

So I will just have to keep writing. Keep living. Keep pushing forward.

I can’t promise I won’t stop to stare again.

But, I will try not to waste time deconstructing me.

WIP Men

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 05:26:00 +0000

**One of my favorites from 2006**

This subject of today's blog: men.
No, I am not here to put any individual or individuals on blast, so don't worry. I am just here to make a general statement about the current state of most of the men I have had the displeasure of interacting with. To be specific, the work-in-progress.

The work-in-progress is the man that does not have a clue who he is or what he wants. He may be in the middle of finding himself while in college, grad school, while in a long-term relationship, after a bad breakup or marriage, whatever life changing event causes him to step back and re-examine his life. Such life changing moments and self-realizations are best handled in the comfort of your own home. So why do these works-in-progress keep trying to holla at me? Are you serious? Why are you trying to pull me into your post-baby mama, post divorce, I-am-trying-to-make-something-of-myself-after-8-years-in-college bullshit?

Don't get me wrong. I have no problem with someone realizing that they need to make serious changes in their lives. That is a sign of maturity and growth and I applaud such insight. I went through it too. However, I had the happy misfortune of finding myself after a wasted 2 years at my first college. I am still paying for my mistake but, since I have already hit rock bottom back at the tender age of 20, I can only go up from there. Nothing will ever be as bad as those times. Since then, I know who I am. I know my strengths and weaknesses. No question. But it is because I took time to find myself, by myself.

The WIP, however, thinks that by trying to get under another woman, he can speed up the process. And 98% of the time, the cause of the self-realization is due to a woman. Ok, so you just broke up with your cheating girlfriend of 3 years or you finally filed for divorce, or you are in a custody battle with your baby mama for one of your two kids, or you have a kid or kids (plural...so sad) on the way. That challenge/change just happened to you. Why you trying to talk to me? Your life isn't together, why bring someone else into your chaos?

I know, I sound angry again. I wouldn't even bring up this topic if it wasn't a problem with my other friends too. I am not saying to just count out the new dads, newly single, heartbroken, or new divorcee. What I am saying is take some time out to repair. Think about what you really want for yourself or your child or your family first. Then, when you have that in order and you don't still find yourself crying at night or drinking over the situation, holla at me. When WIPs trying to start something new with another women, you just bring all your baggage and B.S. to the table. That usually results in a lot of frustrated and pissed off women that have wasted their time.

Don't waste our time, guys. Don't.

Get yourself together first.

The Ex Factor: Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 03:52:00 +0000

**Another oldie but still quite relevant. Oct '08"**

Sad to say, this is more than a wonderful Lauryn Hill song. This applies to my life currently... And a few years ago. Sorry, that was a little too vague. I have my reasons though. Out of respect for someone I love, I won't go into details.

This blog is about the other woman. Not necessarily the chick on the side, but the former or current girlfriend and the jealously that drives them both. Sadly, I have played both of these roles.
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Let's start with the current girlfriend. She is the one that, of course, has the man. Someone's former man. That is the part that bothers some women: who was he with before me? What was she like? Is she pretty? ("prettier than me" is what I really want to know). Did you love her (...more than me)? Why is her number still in your phone?

And the jealous bitch has reared her ugly head. Now the obsession begins. Now, some women will start an argument about it and nag on and on about every little detail about her man's ex. And it is usually to the point of "if you don't let that shit go, I may shake the shit out of you!" (see, that is why I have few female friends. They are crazy).

But then you have the bold few that actually try to find out about the ex on their own. Calls, text messages, emails, etc… You get the point. The ones that cross the line of "hey, I might me a little jealous" to "yeah, I called the bitch you haven't talked to in months… and?"
My advice: Let that shit go. He is with you, right? If he wanted to be with his ex, he would be.
If you keep looking to his past, you will miss your future with him.
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Now, the ex girlfriend. She is the one that, of course, no longer has the man. The man that is someone else's boo now. Because you lost that title, you are obsessed with knowing why. Why isn't he mine anymore? What could I have changed? Why is he with her instead of me? She ain't as cute as me. She damn sure can't do what I did for him. Matter of fact, she doesn't deserve him. (That is the point when your insecurities develop into anger and, yes, jealously). Jealously is a bitch! It can make the most rational, well-educated woman morph into a foul-mouthed, neck-swinging, insult dropping psycho! He's got a new bitch, huh? Well let me call her and let her know what's up. Tell her what we did hw he liked this and that, and why he will drop you too.
My advice: Let that shit go!!! He's an ex for a reason, right? If he wanted to be with you, he would be. If you keep looking to your past, you will miss your future with anyone else.
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Two different issues, same advice. Damn shame.
I'm been the jealous girlfriend (with reason, he actually was cheating on me with his ex) and have suffered the backlash of the jealous ex (twice!) But I put that in the past.. because I understand where both of these women are coming from. I don't have time to play those roles anymore. Don't want to. I can never get that wasted time back. Like I said, jealousy is a bitch!

My point today is… hell, I think I lost my point. Lol
Sisters, don't fall victim to men's stereotypes of women being crazy and jealous.
Be confident in what (or who) you have and love it.
Didn't mean to go all Maya Angelou on you. I had a lot more anger planned but seemed to have lost it. Lol. Sorry. (damn maturity)
That's all.

Do Better, Be Better!

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 16:40:00 +0000

***Blog note: This is an older blog I published in December 2006. It is a favorite because it talked about an ideal I try to hold on to everyday: DBBB (Do Better, Be Better). Hope you enjoy***

DBBB... Do Better, Be Better. Ever heard that before? I don't just want to do better...I need to be better.

Confused? You shouldn't be. It's the one thing we all strive for and want out of life.

Happiness. Corny sounding, I know, but it is the truth. Problem is we have lost sight of what it means to obtain happiness.

My generation is a generation of obtainers. We like nice things: fancy cars, fine jewelry, big house, things like that. Material things. We spend and spend trying to do better than the next guy. We try to do better than the Joneses because, well, how else will others see our successes? But we keep chasing a dream we may never catch.

Think back for a second. As you grew up, you always looked ahead at better times. For example…when you were 12, you wanted to be 13. At 13, you wanted to be 15. At 15, 16 was what was cool. At 16, you wanted to be grown up at 18. At 18, well, we all want to be legal at 21. 21 lead to a desire to be 25. And now, for most of my friends and me, we are looking ahead to 30. 30 is our new magic number. It's the status we want to obtain. 30.

So what does 30 hold for us?

We see 30 as the time when we will be at out happiest (at least for now). We will have the job we want, the car we want, and the house/apartment/townhouse of our dreams. Many of my guy friends have settled on 30 as the age in which they will settle down with a good woman. No more chasing hoes. Time for the wife and kids.

Here is the only problem I find with striving for 30. I know quite a few 30+ year olds and, believe me, they dont have it good. They are trying to make it just like us under-30 year olds in the same situation s, same problems, and same drama. Just older.

So how is 30 looking now, people? I ask this question of my peers…how is life right now? Forget about getting to 30. How is life today for you? Good? Bad? Ehhh? So-So?

Yeah, I feel the same way.

And so the reason for this blog…do better, be better. This isn't about the material gains. It's about being happy before you buy all of that stuff. TVs break. Cars get totaled. Jewelry gets lost. And then what are you left with? A bunch of bills? An empty feeling? Unfulfilled? Yeah, I will pass on that.

I have been so used to feeling SSDD all the time: same shhh, different day. The same old routine that has been a burden to me for far too long. I am not out here to live the monotonous, everyday life. I want better than that. I want better than the rut I have been reduced to. Or let myself get used to. (Ha…I rhymed!)

So damn the SSDD. It's time for DBBB. Do better, be better.

Many of my friends are practicing that now. I have people in law school, medical school, getting their master's, PhD's, making doors of opportunity open for themselves. They aren't waiting for some magic age to break out. They are making it happen now.

Obtaining the material things isn't going to cut it for me. Granted, a car and apartment are necessary for me right now, I don't have to be in the best. I just need to be happy. I don't want the newest TV, newest car or best entertainment system. None of that is going to help me in the long run. Just fulfill a temporary need until I see something that someone else has and then the whole process starts again. I don't need a life of trying to catch up with others and their purchases. I would never be happy if that was the case. Always running to catch up. I'm going to get tired eventually and then what? I am stuck with stuff I don't want anymore because it is not the best.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting the best of everything. It just shouldn't be the driving force for your actions. You should be. Your family and friends should be. The desire to be fulfilled and content with life. That is what I am trying to get. That is what I want. So, go ahead and do better…get the material things. But be better as well. Work on getting to the point that all those material possessions are just icing on the cake. Not the cake itself.

DBBB, people.

DBBB!

An Introduction

noreply@blogger.com (Sweet T) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 16:15:00 +0000

Good Day All:

It is here...at last! Life Straight Up With A Twist!

I have been blogging for years to a limited audience but now, my hope, is to reach more people. Not that I have life-changing, moving revolutionary thoughts and ideas. Believe me, the world will not gain peace from my blogs. However, I am here to entertain, bring some funnies into your lives, maybe a few LoL's and possibly make you laugh so hard, you either snort or let one go. (I will try to limit those. :) )

Now for the warnings...
1. I am very sarcastic! Some people find that offensive... and people like that I find to be idiots.

2. I curse! Deal with it or move on!

3. I make lots of cultural references: movies, TV shows, music, theatre, literature, etc... Education required! Don't be embarrassed if you have to look something up. Take the time to do so. You may learn something.

4. Speaking of education, I DO NOT plan to "dumb down" anything. Not that you will need a Master's to read my blogs, however, I am not writing to a 3rd grade level. Really?? Who does that??

5. I have a tendency to be long-winded. Just continue to follow what seems to be randomness and ramblings to their final and worthwhile end. (See... that wasn't too bad, was it?)

Hmmm... I think that is it. I will be posting some older blogs on here (some of my favorites) but also plenty to fresh items.

Think you can handle this?

Good!

On with the show!