Atika Yahya

A covid mothers life

2022-01-22T00:24:00.000+05:30

A fogged mind, fatigue and diziness due to medication and a toddler jumping from the dinning table so much for the reflection on life. How I thought this disease will allow me the time to reflect but my toddler reminded me that it's not possible.

Well, a few reality checks I guess we mothers of toddler's should always consider before we try to do anything.

Myth 1 REST:

Yes my dear rest so needed but who said you'll get it. Even with all the food been taken care of. The little being called toddler will not let you have the much needed medicine you need at this crucial time for your health. Either he needs his bottle to be filled with milk exactly at the time you crush on the bed or water or just wants to play slide on your legs. Nope no reasoning helps with this one and the more you reason the less reasonable you sound. Even when your head feels fooggy and your mind all bloated from medication you only sleep when this tiny individual decides when you can.

Myth 2 Reflect:

So much for reflection in the past two days. Every time you take a pen and paper there is always a tragedy waiting to happen. Your tiny being either wants to try to examine his new found super powers from jump ing down a dinning table or chair or just decides to give himself a bath all by himself. Or cook a meal for mom by pulling out every existing utensil in the kitchen. And all you could do is sit down and ponder upon the amount of energy and effort you put behind this tiny human.

Myth 3 :Read

Yep I thought I would finish a book in this time. Just imagine the scene in bed with my hot tea and book. Well it's perfect only for a dream for now as my little being wants the book all to himself. He wants to write and wreck havoc to it. Or he brings in his books to be read in bed and pops the most annoying question when you have a head ache (yea kya hai??).So reading off the list too.

Myth 4 Listening:

I have always had these morning azkar Or surahs I wish to memorize play at the background whenever I am resting I just love the serene and peaceful environment around it. But even that isnt possible cause he takes away the phone and wants his favourite thing to play on it. No guesses COCOMELON.!!!

Sorry but thats the harsh reality of a mothers life. We are on duty all the time covid no covid so how do you take care of yourself in this mayhem.

One accepting this mayhem is going to last in your life for the next 4 5 years. Let go of the expectations, even when you are ill. If you are able to just pray 5 times a day with your fever and fatigue consider it a victory.

I know it feels like a battle field, even I collapsed and asked my husband why doesn't Allah make mothers immune to disease when we have to be on our toes 24/7.

And he said that's why heaven lies beneath a mothers feet. The greater the responsibility the greater the ajar.

I might have made this post more longer with more rants of my son but this mindset made me stop instantly.

The fact that I expected my children to sympathize with my condition wasn't justified. Yes my older ones knew my condition but not my son for him he wants his mother just like every normal day.

And that leads me to the biggest lesson I learned during this period

1.Whatever you are doing for your children expect the ajar from Allah, even during their greatest tantrum when you are sick.

2.Gratitude for them being in your life. Yes,it's good to hear but sometimes it feels the other way around no guilt tripping here. It was only when I heard stories of other moms who had tested positive along with their children I started appreciating this more. Appreciating the fact he was healthy and eager to mess around.

For many of us this phase is difficult but I hope you believe in the light at the end of the tunnel. It's going to be over soon sister,as with every stage of your life

You got this!!

Covid 2.0

2022-01-17T16:46:00.000+05:30

As my eyelids feel heavy and body starts to shiver again,my head bangs and my back feel like it's breaking. My feet turn cold as ice and breath turns warm but my little toddler knows nothing what's happening. He cries for attention has all his cars lined below my pillow and worst he keeps asking for a bed time story.

Yes, I have been tested positive for covid and let me tell you its not mild. This is the second time in the last 12 months I have contracted the virus and this being said after being fully vaccinated.

For all those government people shouting at the top of their voice it's mild, sorry it's not.

For a women who could stand alone and roll over 30 chapatis in half an hour I couldn't finish four. I am no where capable of lifting my 2 year old.

As I confine my self to my bed my older children get into action. Cleaning, washing dishes I watched amazed how when I stepped back they were keen to fill my shoes. And that realization that aren't we as parents too over occupied with the thought our children cannot be left on their own.

Not once the shout that someone has taken a toy. It amazed me how my 9 and 7 year old took over the mantle of not only keeping the house clean but looked after their younger sibling.

So many times we as mothers hardly give them that independence that confidence not at least me. Even with four children I am a helicopter mother, and today the realization hit hard they do not need me to be around them 24/7.I can relay on them believe in them.

As I look back at the last time I got infected I was anxious, frightened to the core but not this time.

My mindset now has made me think of what all is right in this situation, a guess a bit of self work gives you that bit of positivity. Even as my body breaks I remember that I'll be given pain only the one that I can endure, in this moment of pain I now know I have an opportunity to ask for forgiveness and for once slow down and think where am I heading in life. Is everything that I do on a daily basis worth the time? And most importantly how well did I take care of my body after the first infection.

As with every mother who hardly takes time out to work on their bodies. Last time I had lost considerable amount of weight owing to covid which I still haven't gained back.

It's time again to stop the rat race and sit still and reflect lessons which where learned earlier and forgotten and lessons which weren't learned and now it's time to learn. Most importantly the fact that life is so short, your time here is precious.

As I struggle to write further as the temp rises in this moment of extreme pain I ask my Allah to heal me because there is no pain in this world he won't heal and ask Him to make a barrier between my disease and my children so it's doesn't touch them became it's only He who has the power of miracles and this miracle I ask for my beloved children.

Back to blogging

2021-11-15T23:49:00.001+05:30

Yep, back again after trying to test waters in so many other stuff. But yes I am back to make this space my comfort zone from where I'll be sharing the various experiences of being a Muslim mom in the subcontinent to what l have been up to in the last 7 to 8 months. Till another post comes up do check out my blog post on

https://halallifemagazine.com/author/syedawriter/

From writing for my blog to an e-magazine it's been a journey.

Do keep checking out this place for the journey I have been through.

Expanding Horizons: Critical Discussions to uplift the Muslim Ummah, A Series.

2020-12-25T20:58:00.242+05:30

*This post is part of a collaboration with Muslim bloggers from different parts of the world. We are part of a huge ummah and yet we feel there are certain aspects within the community that hurt us as Muslim women but still we do not find it necessary or important to address them. To find more about my fellow bloggers in this series please read the introductory post*

Double standards within the Muslim community:

"People are quick to judge but slow to correct themselves"

In September we in India got to see a new low of our patriarchal culture. The beginning of the month started with the whole country witch-hunting an actress for the death of a superstar. I won't be going into complete details of the case but would try to draw a picture of the mindset towards women in society and view the double standards that are on display. With me sharing their thoughts are some amazing Muslim bloggers from across the world.

The witch-hunt is real

Haven't we heard this repeatedly about how a woman is described as a breaker of homes? Every soap opera and tea party discussion ends with making the women a villain. How a happy, loving family was broken down as soon as the son got married. It's so common the bickering, backbiting.

A girl is born in the family, the woman is to blame. The son fails, gosh what was the mother doing. The husband loses his job. The woman was negligent. In short, anything bad that happens it's all because of women. We may cry out for equal rights and opportunity at work but something as basic as dignity in the place they live is missing. Time again and again she needs to prove her loyalties to her husband and his family. This happens everywhere irrespective of religion or region.

What was pathetic was that in September this witch-hunt had reached the prime time news. What would be bickering of people who had nothing else to do had now reached a national level.

A gold digger, witch, and what not, how all these names are used for so many women day in and day out, and now how we had made it into a national debate?

Just like in every household instead of focusing on the most important aspects of the house, degrading the women and shaming them was happening even at the national level.

The problem here lies in the level of hypocrisy we as a society display. On one side we act to provide women an equal status at the workplace with men and on the other, we accuse women as the root cause of all the problems.

Double standards within the Muslim community

My fellow blogger Yasmin has this observation of the double standards within the community

“Within the Muslim community, they often excuse men for their actions and the things they say. People place so much more pressure and focus on Muslim women and what they do while excusing every action a Muslim man does. For example, with a hijab, something that is prescribed for both men and women, men are often excused from it completely. Even when it comes to lowering their gaze, men are completely pardoned. Yet, when it comes to Muslim women who wear the hijab, there is no mercy. The ummah is made up of so much more than just women who wear the hijab”

It's not women who are the problem, but the double standard we display in bringing up our children. We ask our daughters to compromise on each and everything but we never asked our sons to be understanding. We never teach them the value of their sister, in early life, nor have we taught them to be kinder to them. We celebrate the birth of a son as a privilege and people believe this privilege to be bestowed down to them by Allah(S.W.T) himself.

And they use this privilege throughout their life. He can get angry because he is a boy. He can beat up a woman if he gets angry. He is supposed to be tough, rough and no matter how he treats the surrounding women, its all ok.

As Husna points out

“The unequal expectations between men and women in various settings, such as at home, in relationships, and parenting may pave a dangerous path for Muslims and their families. The unequal expectations may lead to an imbalance of power. Two extreme outcomes of this imbalance may include domestic violence and a broken marriage.

In the home setting, we expect the stereotypical view of what a man has to do, does not vary much from being just a breadwinner. This leaves his wife to shoulder the gigantic responsibilities of managing household chores, child-rearing, and parenting, besides work responsibilities, if she is working. Such limited expectations will limit the man, as he is unable to care for himself and his environment. He will be largely incapable and unskilled in many areas of his life. The double standards will ultimately become a disservice to many Muslim males.

His sense of responsibility may become so diminished that he may mistake financial responsibilities as the sole needs of his wife and family. Even then, he will feel unable to fulfill his family’s needs if he becomes limited physically. He would not know that he can still (significantly) contribute to his family’s emotional, social, and spiritual needs.

The other types of ramifications include wives who are so dissatisfied with their husband’s behavior that their marriage is on the rocks. Children may become accustomed to never truly knowing their father, or suffering from the marital conflicts that may occur at home. The absence of which may spell trouble for generations afterward as well”.

Islam & Equality

We have a solution to this in Islam, despite that, we love to stick to tradition and prefer to look the other way around.

Amna points out:

“There is a deep historical and cultural divide between the treatment of men and women in the Muslim world. It is widely known that women in pre-Islamic Arabia had little to no rights. Islam introduced many rights to women that a lot of women previously did not have such as rights to marry, divorce, inheritance rights, etc. One of the greatest things about Islam is the great step forward it meant for women’s rights. Common practices like female infanticide were hi forbidden and women were given legal status.

Despite the advances brought by Islam and the protection of their rights within the religion, many people misuse Islam and mistreat women in its name. Muslim women face oppression and misogyny both inside and outside the community purely for the way they look.

Let us break down the life of our exemplary Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) he was sent down as a role model. So we need not see further than him.

Al-Aswad reported: I asked Aisha,

“What did the Prophet, peace, and blessings be upon him, do when he was with his family?” Aisha said, “The Prophet would do chores for his family and he would go out when it was time for prayer.” (Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 644)

Yes! you read it right!! He did his chores!!! He preferred doing things himself.

So here we are talking about a man, who is an army general, a leader, a spiritual guide, an instructor, and the Prophet of the Lord and yet he finds time for his family to entertain his wives and play with his grandchildren.

He ate what was in front of him and never complained. Mind you, that day in Arabia, he didn't march into his home screaming what a tough day he had, and demanded the most delicious dish served.

He was the patient one. Patient with his enemies and also with his family. He did not put the burden of patience on his wives and asked them to be patient in every trial. He displayed amazing patience himself while the others followed a pursuit.

He loved sharing chores of the house and did not sit and order his wives. And the words he used for them were exemplary.

What if we suggest this to the men of today? This is what Azra thinks might happen.

Astaghfirullah! If I dare to suggest the same to the men of our Ummah and their families today! Yes, dear...I know ‘not all men’. Just...quite low. Or if the man is that breed who does it without flexing his contribution, the surrounding people (friends, family, and in-laws included), would raise him to a limitless pedestal. There’s nothing wrong in praising where praise is due. But raising a man to the skies for washing dishes one day in front of his wife who has spent the whole day doing everything under the sun to keep the house functional...hypocritical much...?

Brother and brother’s families and friends...here are a few pointers.

It’s not called ‘helping around the house.’ It’s called taking part in building a home.

It's not called ‘babysitting’. It’s called parenting.

It’s not called ‘doing so much for his wife, mother, sister or daughter’. It’s called being a normal husband, son, brother, and father. Normal?

Yes, normal. When we stop classifying what should be normal into ‘exceptional’, will then the abnormal pushed back to where it should have belonged, within the ridiculous category.

Apart from that, a recent phenomenon where this mindset is shamelessly displayed is on social media. Where women are mindlessly trolled, yet men are given a free pass. People, wrong remains wrong, no matter who does it. So if you feel responsible enough to tell a woman that she might be incorrect, do the same for the man too. Why would you want different things for different people of the same Ummah?

No one can indeed be him, but he is our example to be lead by. What was his last sermon, and his last message to humanity?

O people, it is true that you have certain rights about your women, but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under Allah’s trust and with His permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers.

He emphasized the need to protect and honor women. Why would he emphasize it so much?

Because repeatedly women’s rights were played with their lives considered secondary. He by the divine law had made sure it wouldn't go back to those dark times again. Yet today we stand in this age where we talk about equality but still can't let go of bigotry and sexism. Considering women as intelligent beings is still alien in many lands.

There are countless examples of women in Islam who were more than mothers and wives. Aisha(R.A) took over the role of a teacher after the passing of the beloved Prophet Muhammed (P.B.U.H) passing on the most essential hadiths to his companions.

Khawlah, Nusaibah the brave women warriors tending the injured in the war and picking up the sword when it mattered.

My question now is this, would any of these women be who they are if they were pulled down constantly.

The values we instill in our children be it our sons and daughters should be equal should be those of empathy, concern, and respect for others. Making sure they carry it out even in their adulthood. As mothers when we see our sons demeaning their wives. Don't Push It aside as he is a man and he can get angry, take him into account. Being a qawwam ( The Arabic word qawwam or Qayyum stands. for a person who is responsible for the right conduct, safeguard, and maintenance. of the affairs of an individual, an institution, or an organization) doesn't mean he has only authority to impose, but a responsibility to be the foundation of the family.

It's about time we start focussing on educating our sons on how to take care of women in their house and reminding them of additional duties apart from earning the bread for the family.

As Andale rightly mentions:

“As Muslims, we are meant to recite, read, ponder over, and act upon the teachings of the Noble Quran and follow the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). However, when we focus on some teachings of the Quran while skipping over the rest, when we put our effort only in doing the acts of worship that are easy such as offering Salat and fasting as compared to controlling our anger and abstaining from backbiting and jealousy, we create double standards in the Muslim society. A man may have four wives because it is Sunnah but the Sunnah he forgot is to love them, provide for them and treat them equally.”

Degrading women never presents a man in a better position nor does it boost his alpha nature but puts him in a poor light not only in this world but also in the hereafter. Because as the hadith goes “Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “The best of you is he who is the best towards his wife.”

(Sahih Ibn Hibban; Al Ihsan, Hadith: 4786, 4977)

CONTRIBUTORS TO THE POST
Andale Seaworne
My name is Andale Seaworne. I’m a regular 21-year-old, Muslim, Pakistani girl navigating through life, sharing knowledge and opinion related to different topics in life from basic moral values with relevance to Islamic teachings to traveling, books, food, personal experiences, observations, interpretations, and anything that comes to my mind. If you want someone to talk to about cheese, chocolate, McFlurry, movies, books, ideas, or basically life in its entirety without any backlash or judgment, I’m your girl!
Website: https://andaleseaworne.wordpress.com
Amna

I’m a 30-year-old Middle Eastern woman ready to help you with your problems! I like to answer people’s questions about life, love, and everything in between using my diverse experience to bring a new perspective to those problems. I’m on a mission to advocate for and raise mental health awareness, especially within the Muslim community. I’ve faced the stigma and have heard it all before so I want to change things one question at a time! Find out more and connect with me on my website (askamna.com) or Instagram and Twitter.

Yasmin Abdelsalam

I’m Yasmin, an Egyptian-American Muslim born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. I am currently taking a gap year but plan to attend college in the fall of 2021. I recently started my blog Master Peace. Through my blog, I want to help people master both inner peace and world peace by tackling different mental health and social justice issues. I also share different lifestyle pieces centered around travel, decor, and fashion.

Website: https://masterpeaceblog.com/

Azra Rahman

I am a 30-year-old blogger and aspiring writer. I immigrated from India in February of 2013 and have been here since. I have been writing for most of my life and started to take it seriously in the past couple of years. Since then, I have written, and written some more, started a blog, collaborated on various projects, freelanced, and sent a lot of literary submissions.

My blogs are a way for me to connect with people and enhance my writings. I keep two blogs. One, Musings of a spectacled mind, is a literary blog. It showcases short stories, poems, articles, mini-comic strips, from me and other guest bloggers.

The other blog rose out of frustration of not getting into the literary field as fast as I wanted to. It’s called Home,hijab, and humor and portrays snippets of our life with heaping tablespoons of humor. A technique I have been learning since childhood.

Husna Ahmad Sany

Husna is trained in social work, mother of 3 kids, lover of all things art & design and avid listener of independent music. Current earworm would be music by courtship. She also can’t stop the trillion incoming ideas in her head, especially about business, design, and about helping people in poverty, homeless folks, the elderly, and more. She blogs about her views, parenting, relationship building, and essentially the journey of motherhood at Husna Ahmad Sany and tries her best for students from disadvantaged backgrounds to get the help they need to excel in their studies and their future, by setting up Walk With Me Initiative
She decided to join the series as a writer and contributor, due to her strong desire to see Muslim women stand tall and empowered in Islam and not just accept the status quo and to also see Muslim men become champions of their mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters. We can always do better, always.

WHAT A WOMAN WANTS

2020-11-19T22:47:00.000+05:30

What a woman wants it’s a mystery they say,

It’s a riddle,

Laughed at and swept under the carpet of humor.

But never dug in deep and never asked why does she want what she wants?

As a tiny bud, she rejoices in the arms of her parents,

She wants to explore, see the world around,

She is stopped, asked to be aware of the vicious hounds that may prey on her innocence.

She closes those tiny wings in fear.

There is a ruthless world outside.

Yet slowly she learns to fly with her parents around her.

But wait she just can't start flying.

The same place which is her abode of confidence her place of belonging.

They rob her away from it entrusting her to someone she hardly knew.

Even if the one responsible for her now loves her, adores her still some questions are left unanswered in her mind.

If she is abused in any way physical, mental, or verbal she lands in an abyss for life.

And yet people ask what does a woman want!

If loved, within years they will be tiny buds blossoming, but the questions were never answered.

They remain inside deep down hidden but still the same what does a woman want?

To match the needs of the tiny ones her every need is buried.

Her now wings shelter them and have long forgotten to fly

Still, they ask what does a woman want?

How did these tiny ones come into being?

She faced death to bring forth a new life.

She distributed her nutrition so that the tiny ones have a good chance in life.

She merged her days into nights and nights into days.

How easily they ask what a woman wants?

But don’t worry today I'll tell you what they want

It's no mystery or a riddle neither do they demand a shrine to be engraved forever

Oh! Yes, my dear! Women do not need you to be Shajahan to profess your love for generations to come.

They need simple things

Empathy, compassion, kindness, gratitude, identity, and yes the most important, the magical one, LOVE!!

Show empathy, show care, show you hear, when they are the most venerable

Give them a moment just to be them no matter how flawed.

Sometimes they do not need to be perfect, need not be the superwoman everyone thinks they are.

There are questions, dreams buried deep inside her soul.

Help her connect with it.

Don’t keep asking what she wants, because she might herself not know.

It's not rocket science, dear men, sometimes all you need is to dig in deep, and then you'll know what a woman wants.

A BUD WAITING TO BLOSSOM

2020-11-09T23:05:00.001+05:30

There are times when we as parents see a spark of ourselves in our kids and it's that priceless moment when you feel every sacrifice you made as worthy.

This poem is a reflection of such a moment in my life.

A glittering star you are beginning to shine.

Amidst clouds of such uncertainty.

But your innocence and charm have lit every dark gloom.

Had never imagined my baby had grown.

Like a tiny bud, you are blossoming

Ready to enchant the world around you with your fragrance

There is still time for you to leave my nest.

It seems a lie I am trying to convince.

Rather than protecting you from the fall, it's time to teach you to soar high above all.

My dearest daughter seeing a fragment of me in you has left me speechless and in total awe.

Those dreams of leaving an impact and making your own identity.

It seems I am discovering myself, dreaming once again with you.

But this I would promise me and you, ill walk you through every obstacle.

And make sure you just don’t dream like me but watch them become true.

Ode-Dearest Mother

2020-10-29T11:32:00.004+05:30

As the days go dark and I tremble with fear;

When I am dazed, confused and nothing seems clear;
The only thing I yearn is for you to be near.

You are like the first Sun after a cold dark winter;
without you, the world is cruel and bitter.

I can see over-brimmed with love are your beautiful eyes;
Hope we will stay together till the end of time;
but I know this is nothing but lies.

A day will come when you’ll say Goodbye;
Crushed will be the dreams I built ever so high.

Horses of the mighty time we can never tame;
nothing is invincible, nothing will remain the same;
but your love will always remain with me.

In the mirror a shadow of you'll always see;
In my life as I move further and further;
Every moment of it I owe it to you my dearest mother.

____________________________
Author & Poet: Syeda Afeefa Yahya
_______________________________

Mans worth in the age of AI

2020-10-29T11:31:00.009+05:30

With another few days of lockdown left, there is a lot to learn, and a lot learned from this social distancing.

A few days back when I sat down to read Surah Al-Feel to my girls. I realized how Allah (SWT) had chosen a tiny bird to destroy the Mighty elephant army of Yemen. How a tiny bird had reduced it to something insignificant. The lesson that Allah wants us to draw from this surah is completely relevant to what we are experiencing in these times. Just like the king of Yemen took pride in his huge elephant army. Today’s men were lost in their own elephant army. Men today took pride in their AI culture (Artificial Intelligence), their so-called conquer of the outer universe. We had everything going our way. The world was turned into a global village. The huge economic boom, skyscrapers, awe-inspiring architectures, etc.

Man has now reached and explored the depths of the oceans and the highest peak of mountains with not once thinking about the existence of his fellow-creatures. In his pompous attitude, plus the technological advancements, it seemed men had no bounds. This was our Elephant army which we took so much pride in.

And then to put the man in place came a tiny creature coronavirus, which is so small that it not only needs a microscope but an electron microscope. No achievement of man was ready to deal with it. This global village now become a global threat.

The man had thought that it had left behind the age of pandemics and he has been proved wrong. Never in the last century has the world completely shut itself.

Planes grounded, tourist spots deserted malls, and every place of recreation shut. For the first time, man has stopped earning to save his life. The rich, the poor are all just shopping for essential commodities. Fear runs everywhere, people dying in overwhelming numbers. And the worst effect of all this, the two most sacred places on earth Makkah, and Madinah has been shut. There is no tawaf going on, no Saee, and no ziyaarat of the beloved Prophet (Peace be upon him). The sanctified places remain empty. It feels like our connection with the Lord has been shut.

Indeed, Allah has made humans realize what they are. No matter what they achieve, they are still the creation of Allah, among his so many creations. Men have to coexist on this earth with so many other creatures. And if he doesn’t, Allah has so many ways to take him to his account. With this lockdown, man needs to learn the art of simplistic living, that money, fame won’t help you even in this world when you do not have empathy for fellow humans and other creations. Every time man thinks he is in total control, he will be made to realize his significance in this incomprehensible creation of Allah.

I pray and hope we all contemplate and come out as better humans after all of this has ended.

Ramadan in a Lockdown.

2020-10-29T11:31:00.008+05:30

Ramadan 2020 is nearing its completion. A Ramadan, that was. so different and yet a blessing in every way. For so many years now Ramadan had turned into a month of feasting rather than fasting.

Lavish Iftar parties, ha
leem, huge discounts, seasonal off sale which all lead to endless shopping feast. And yes not to forget the marathon Taraweeh prayers.
Instead of being a month of reflection and purification, it had turned into a huge extravagant carnival.

But Ramadan 2020 has changed it all. With fear and apprehension, we stepped in it, to revive the relationship with our Lord that has long been forgotten. With the world pushed into a dark future
We turned to the only source of hope in the most sacred month.
With Lavish parties and haleem, shoppings gone. We got time to ponder and the question Is this all so important. Allah saved us from spending useless time and money in the markets this year. And yes when we reduced our need, we could truly see the ones really in need.
We still have a week left of this blessed month, let us try to make the most of it, and when in the future our children talk about Ramadan 2020, let them recall how this year changed the perception of Ramadan. How Ramadan in lockdown was a blessing, because even when the mosques were shut, we made sure our houses turned into mosques.

Let them remember how we all as a community did our best to help those in need. Let’s all pray that in these last few days, Allah gives us the ability to reflect and change our approach to Ramadan in the coming years.

The Patriarchy of a Son

2020-10-19T17:18:00.006+05:30

It’s a boy, exclaimed the doc.

See!! You delivered a boy, and he is one healthy guy!

I was still numbed by my pain, it didn’t matter what it was as long as the pain was gone. The child was healthy, born through normal delivery despite having a cord around its neck. My battle was won!!

My son is my fourth child, the first three being daughters. No matter what me and my husband thought, it looked like the whole world around us was waiting for his arrival. Everyone was curious about what it would be after I had delivered 3 girls.

I still remember the day my 3rd daughter was born, we had no visitors, even someone as the Daaya did not ask for the tip as she was the third girl in our family.

“Do betiyon ke baad beta hona tha”.

That’s all I could hear people talk. The reaction from everyone just shocked both my husband and me. She was just hours old, and this was the reception she was getting.

We may call ourselves feminist, or educated enough to not bury our daughters like the Arabs of old. But this sort of reaction buries them alive. We talk about women empowerment at the parliament, but we know the reality at the grass-root level. We claim to be followers of a religion that preaches the birth of a daughter as a way of Allah(swt) being pleased with you. But deep down, the birth of a daughter seems like a consolation prize. What’s worse is that even if the parents are content with having girls, the society hammers this thought of having a son as completing their family. The culture of a son being the flag-bearer of the family has been so intertwined with our religion, that people fail to understand that this sort of approach was never appreciated in our religion.

  The biggest example being our own beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) who rejoiced on the birth of his daughters and guaranteed to be near him in Jannah for the one who raises three daughters and looks after them well.

  Why should the birth of a daughter be looked down upon? I don’t want to sound like those feminists, who in the name of liberty for women are just killing the very nature of women.

  Islam has made women, a daughter, her birth, and her Honorable raising elevates her parents to Jannah. Fatima(RA) being an excellent example. Women in Islam are wives, like Aisha( RA) and Khatija(RA) , a pillar of support in the most challenging times for their husband. Women in Islam are warriors like Qaulah and Nusaibah, not once getting frightened on the battlefield. These women not only nursed the wounded but would use the sword in times of need. And most importantly, women in Islam are mothers, who groomed those countless men into warriors, scholars, kings who spread Islam to every corner of the world.

To my daughters: You are born in a world that will criticise you for who you are, but always remember you are a Muslim woman. You have these numerous roles to play. You are not a woman, who hides behind a veil and is unaware where her society is heading. You have duties to fulfil. You cannot be among those who are self-obsessed with just their looks, you have a far greater purpose in life.

To my son: The world around us might have been waiting for your birth. But for your parents, that was never the case.

  Nevertheless, you are a beautiful addition to our family. You’ll be growing up surrounded by your sisters. That way, I pray you learn to appreciate women, you learn to respect them. For an example, to lead, you’ll always have your father by your side. I pray you learn the value of perseverance from him because it is not muscle that defines a man but being patient in the most difficult times.

  Yes, you all are too young to understand any of these. But, this is a reminder to me as a mother in Islam. A responsibility, that is bestowed by my Lord on me. To nurture you all into one of the valuable assets of Islam. I pray that Allah guides me, and many mothers like me in raising their children in these difficult times.

I AM WHAT I AM.

2020-10-09T11:09:00.002+05:30

I am what I am.

I don’t need the world to define me

A daughter to parents who are the epitome of sacrifice.

Parents who stood and still believe in standing like rocks behind their kids.

I am what I am

I don’t want society to dictate me.

A wife of a man who believes and is an excellent example of perseverance.

A man who stands by his word and knows the value of silence.

I am who am I am

Even though I love him with all my heart. His love changed me, taught me the value of patience over-eagerness, and forgiveness over hate.

But why should my patience and love be mistaken for arrogance?

I am what I am

And I don’t want people to judge our relation.

We’ve been together for nearly 10 years.

So why don’t you just give us a break?

A mother to four wonderful children who I believe is an Amanah from my lord.

Help me in raising them to be an asset to our religion and not ones to be pleasing to society.

I am what I am.

Doesn’t mean I am right in everything I do

Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t acknowledge my mistake.

I am a human bound to make mistakes and so are you.

I can never be perfect but doesn’t give anyone a license to break or nibble away my confidence.

I should have done this long before.

Should have thrown the cloak of camouflage for that’s not who I am.

As I stand in front of the mirror I see myself as a daughter, a mother, a wife, a writer, and much more.

I can't let those negative words describe me.

Lazy, Selfish, Arrogant.

I crash them today to be the best in things I truly am.

I rise like a phoenix from all the negative ashes today and cru out loud!!!!

I am what I am

I don’t need the world to define me!!!

Fairy Tale wedding

2020-10-03T22:32:00.003+05:30

FAIRY TALES

What are fairy tales? A princess or a maiden in distress and a prince rescues her and brings her to a happily ever after . These stories are fed to our children since childhood. Why only our children, even we too were fed with all these notions from different sources of the media.

And now, in this age of social media, you have this notion of a fairy tale wedding that’s popping up all around. We have a huge market to cater to these weddings. The palace-like venues, the lavish dinner , the huge guest list, the dresses and not to forget to capture all these moments photographers.
But does any of these assure you of a better life ahead? Does having an extravagant wedding give you the life partner who will hold your hand for the rest of your life?

MUSLIM WEDDINGS OF THIS AGE:

Being a Muslim I can’t help but analyze where our ummah is heading towards. Late night weddings have become a norm especially in the city of nawabs. If people have to go to work the next day,it’s not their headache. You see mothers dangling with little infants in their arms all of whom have been kept awake beyond their sleeping hours School going kids either have to skip the function or school. And the most amazing aspect of all this is no one is present during the nikah. The heart of a Muslim wedding, especially women. No one has time to hear the qutbah of the Nikah. They are all busy to keep an appointment at the parlor.

The bride and the bridegroom sign the papers not even understanding what the essentials if nikah are. And after all this, we complain about the high rates of divorces happening in the community.

IMPORTANCE OF NIKAH:

In the glitz and glamour of the fairy tale wedding, the soul of the wedding is lost. It has become a mere paper signing ritual.

The call for a simpler nikah is being given by the ulema for quite a long time but it needs to get into the society we live in. And it can only be done when we make our kids understand the importance of it. The nikah is an easy act, an act to make the society a respectable and honorable place. Marriage is a sacred institution and when we make it difficult, we see the morals of the society crumbling.

As a mother of three daughters, people give me a sympathetic look. They constantly nag on my husband to secure his daughter's wedding investment as he has three daughters. A super contrast to the hadith.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said,

“Whoever has two daughters and treats them kindly, they will be a protection for him against the Fire.”

The same applies if he has sisters or paternal or maternal aunts etc., and he treats them kindly, we hope that he will attain Paradise for that. For when he treats them kindly, he deserves a great reward and to be protected from the Fire, so he will be kept away from the Fire because of his good deed.

Why don’t people advise us on raising a daughter Islamically than advising on securing her wedding investment?

As parents to the next generation of this ummah, it’s our responsibility to work collectively in restoring the value of Nikah. Since young age, we have to make our children understand that fairy tales aren’t real. There is no prince or princess. Their fairy tale lies in their hands.

No one is perfect, there is no perfect wife or husband or a perfect relation. You have it built it. There will be fights, tears, disappointments as there will be moments to cherish.

SIMPLIFY WEDDINGS:

A wedding is not just a two-day grand affair. It’s an agreement between two mature adults, an agreement where they decide to become each other’s companions in sorrow or happiness. Yes, it needs to be celebrated but in accordance with the sunnah.

This cannot be done when we as parents take our children to these lavish weddings and when they grow old, we stop them saying it’s not in accordance with the sunnah. We need to inculcate the importance of sunnah at a very early age. Make them understand the value of a simplified wedding.

The first step in their new chapter of life can’t begin with displeasing Allah, it should always begin with pleasing him.

Just a house wife

2020-10-03T20:30:00.008+05:30

Dusting through the various trophies that mark the achievements of every individual in the house.

A thought flutters through her mind

Where do I stand amidst all these achievers?

There is nothing around which signifies any of her achievements.

Cause she is just a housewife.

With the first rays of the sun, her day begins.

Not for her, but to make sure those with professions get their essentials taken care of.

Breakfast, lunch for kids, and everyone who needs to walk out of the door and make a mark in the world.

Training her kids to soar while she has clipped her own wings.

The morning when nobody seems to find anything she pulls off stuff from her magic cloak.

Can't find my specs, my shoe isn't polished my bottles are not filled.

Everyone needs their demand met exactly at the same time, no appointment here.

And to add a cherry on the chaos, an infant screaming its head out for attention.

Packed and with a kiss of goodbye for the day, she lays back for a break.

But wait what about the rest who are still at home it's time for their breakfast.

No schedule, no break, no appointment because she is just a housewife.

Lucky enough if she gets some house help but if not then it's time to tidy up the place.

Cleaning dishes, laundry, dusting, brooming, everything just keep on doing because she is just a housewife.

She is the one who makes the house a home.

The one that pitches in those late-night coffee's and snacks when people are busy leaving a mark in their profession.

She is the reason why anyone can pull off a tidy dress out of their closet.

The nutritionist who tries to balance the nutrition of the young and old.

The organizer who organizes not only those messed up cupboards but the life of every family member.

The cleaner when someone has or doesn't has house help.

A teacher whose lesson plans are made just in the morning.

A tailor whose stitch in time saves the day.

A nurse for anyone sick in the family.

A comforter lending a shoulder to anyone who needs to cry on.

The invisible force in every household.

Irony she never gets her pay.

We put all this in just one-word HOUSEWIFE.

No, no, no we have bit fancier word now and we call them 'homemaker', but yes just a homemaker.

The force behind everyone's achievements at home.

Just a homemaker, that's the way we describe them.

No shifts no breaks, no sick leaves.

And when someday they try and think of going ahead with their dreams.

A simple question on their resume leaves them questioning their choices in life "what did you to all these years "

And the answer is only one

Yes sir !! I was just a housewife!!!

The Perfect Color!

2020-09-17T11:53:00.008+05:30

Yes, the perfect color, and mind you I am not talking about mix and match for some dress or the interiors of any house. I am talking about what the so-called “perfect color “means in a typical South Asian household.

Indeed, they talk about the tone of your skin like the different shades in an Asian paint’s manual.

At a time when the whole world is against the discrimination of people based on their color, let's look at how badly this stigma persists in our society.

I do not live in any western country and have no idea how bad racial slurs are over there but I do know how bad it is in the sub-continent being a victim myself.

The people here are so ruthless they don’t hesitate to pass such racial slurs even against babies who are just a few hours old. Not once thinking about how ignorant and foolish they are presenting themselves to be. What seems much worse is how casual these talks are. And how innocent the one making these remarks think they are. Lest trying to fathom the intensity of hurt or destruction of confidence these words do to someone’s mind.

If we ever were to criminalize anyone calling people kaalaa(black) most of our so-called elders of the family would be behind bars. It’s a common living room discussion in our part of the world. You just have to glance through the matrimonial ad’s column in the local newspapers to understand the extent of obsession with fair color. Like every man out there wants a snow-white for his wife. It has turned into a huge market with so much demand for fairer girls’, parents with daughters are on an endless spree of finding products that might make their daughters fairer. A giant cosmetic industry thrives on these girls. What’s painful is that no one feels it’s wrong. No one argues that how can the color of your skin determine the person you are. How can anyone reject a girl for marriage just saying she is not fair enough.

Indeed, Allah has said “O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honorable of you with Allah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa [i.e. one of the Muttaqun (pious) Verily, Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.” (Noble Quran: 49:13)

In the sight of Allah, we all are the same. In discriminating among ourselves aren’t we questioning his creation? Every creation no matter how big or small has a purpose, has a reason, for the way they are. Even the final sermon of our beloved Prophet (pbuh) emphasized unity for all.

“All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also, a white has no superiority over a black nor a black has any superiority over a white – except by piety and good action.“
(Khuṭbatu l-Wadāʿ), also known as Muhammad’s PBUH Final Sermon.

Why accepting that brown and black are beautiful is so difficult for us? Did the years of British rule have such an impact on us that we cannot appreciate anything other than white as beautiful? Is it not time to end the colonial hangover yet?

And now when the whole world is routing for this change in mindset why don’t we start our own revolution against color discrimination, don’t our girls deserve this? Aren’t they already overburdened by a gender-biased society?

Let’s make change happen and not make living room discussions on someone’s color and physique. Let’s throw away those fairness creams, foundations you carry around and take pride in the color you truly are.

It's only then, can we at least create a stigma around it and not make it look normal. We need to make our daughters comfortable in who they are, hammering in them the thought that they are created by Allah as a wonderful creation and they need not please anyone except him alone.

This has become a huge vicious cycle and its been going on for generations and it will go on for further generations. The need of the hour is to first acknowledge the fact that this form of discrimination is totally unacceptable. This needs to stop so that nobody tries to color shame our children’s children.

#Brownisbeautiful, #ColorDoesn’tDefineme #NotFair #LoveYourself #StopColorShaming

How can you shape your soul?

2020-09-17T09:36:00.004+05:30

No matter how many pushups you do.

How many abs you get.

It can only shape your body.

But prayer is the only workout that can shape your soul.