Life, unedited.

Koi

2020-04-26T03:51:00.001-07:00

Living through COVID-19

2020-04-26T03:45:00.000-07:00

Late last year the world was taken over by the coronavirus. Having started in Wuhan, China, the virus quickly spread to every corner of the world. It is much more serious than the seasonal flu that many of us are used to, not to downplay how many people die from the seasonal flu every year. But to put it into perspective, the mortality rate for the flu is 0.1% while the mortality rate for the coronavirus is 1%. This means that for every one person who dies from the flu, ten people die from the coronavirus. The particular strain that's been affecting people has been named COVID-19. So far there have been cases in almost every country, with the US being affected the worse.

Statistics as of today, April 26th, 2020:

Global -
2,933,384 confirmed cases. 839,271 recovered. 203,612 deaths.

In the US -
959,000 confirmed cases. 108,000 recovered. 54,161 deaths. There are 17,766 confirmed cases in Maryland alone and 797 deaths.

Dad taking safety measures

Safety measures have been taken all over the world to slow down the spread of the virus so that our hospitals aren't overwhelmed and are able to treat everybody. For example, everyone in Sri Lanka is under a curfew. They're only allowed out during certain hours to stock up on groceries. While many people are working from home, many more have been completely let go from their jobs. It's no better here in the US. Dad and Zak have stopped working since March 15th. It's been over a month now. Ma Sha Allah, we are blessed to have a home that is paid off, can buy groceries (even though our credit card debt is piling), and can stay home and be safe during this crazy time. There are so many people who just can't afford to stay at home because they have rent/ mortgages and so many other other bills that have to be paid off.

Though we're feeling blessed for the time we had, resources are depleting and we have to think of what we're going to do next. It's a scary time for so many people and we're trying to handle it the best way we can.

On an emotional and mental level, I've been surprisingly okay so far. It started bringing me down a couple of days ago Tom is also visiting so it could just be him. I just feel so frustrated with the system. I'm frustrated with myself for not building much of a savings. I'm just so angry at the way things are playing out, but I'm also trying to just be thankful for all the things we do have because, at the moment, the good is still outweighing the bad.

On a much happier note, Ramadan started a few days ago. It's not the same since we're all at home and there are no tharaweeh prayers and such, but it's still nice to have the comforts of the blessed month upon us.

My back is healing up nicely. It's definitely not as quick as I thought it would be. I still have some very light discomforts but definitely ones I can live with and don't even notice most of the time. My hands are feeling much better too, though my right hand still doesn't feel 100% normal.

I was on such a kick to lose weight and get healthy and I've already forgotten how horrible I felt about my body failing me just a few months back. I'm disappointed in myself and I really am trying to get it together. It's so hard for me though. I really don't understands whether it's a mental connection I have with food or whether I'm just a fat ass.

That's all I have for a monthly update which is something I'm trying to do.

Herniated Disc and Spiraling Mental Health

2020-03-08T05:27:00.001-07:00

Two months. That’s how long I’ve been incapacitated by this herniated disc and I just can’t believe that two months of my life has gone with me being bedridden and in hospitals for the most part.

The sciatica became significantly worse within a week or so and led to drop foot, muscle weakness, and me basically turning into the Hunchback of Notre Dame with all my limping. I went from being perfectly normal one week to not being able to lift my toes or move my foot side to side. Little things like standing on my tiptoes were considered a success. I spent an entire day crying because I couldn’t put on my flip flops - I didn’t have enough control of my toes to scoot them in properly.

Thank god for my primary care physician, Dr. Epstein, who immediately referred me to Dr. Dorai - the Chief of Neurosurgery! We weren’t keen on having surgery initially, but decided to go ahead because there were so many issues along the way. I ended up in the ER like five times - most of the time for pain, once for a horrible reaction to Tramadol, and once because I was sure I’d developed Cuada Equina which requires emergency surgery. After the doc finished up my surgery she told Zak that the herniated disc was a lot worse than the MRI showed and that thank God we did the surgery. No amount of physical therapy would have helped.

Now three weeks post surgery, recovery is good. The drop foot was gone as soon as I got off the hospital bed. The pain lessened each day, as did the muscle weakness and cramping. I’m still not 100% but I am feeling almost 90% like myself. I can’t sit for long periods of time and I get tired fairly quickly, but other than that almost everything is back to normal.

I think I was affected more by the mental symptoms of the herniated disc rather than the physical ones. It threw me into a spiral of depression and anxiety that, for a time, I thought I’d never get out of. I was sad and crying and couldn’t get out of bed. Zak, Phebe, and mostly Allah (swt) got me through it and I’m at a much better place now.

I thank God everyday for my amazing husband who saw my mental health breaking down and stopped everything to spend time with me and keep me calm. This is us at the fish market in Washington DC on a day adventure to keep me distracted. Little would we know that we would have one of the most terrifying experiences of our lives in just a few hours.

These past two months have changed me for the better. I’ve increased my salah and I remember my Maker more. My outlook on life has changed too. And because of that, I wouldn’t change a single thing I went through.

Alhamdulillah for all that I experienced because it brought me closer to Allah (swt).

{Maktub - a concept which means that Allah (swt) has written our fate and that whatever we experience is because it is meant to be.}

Repeat

2017-11-16T22:43:00.003-08:00

No matter how much time passes, I always find myself coming back to this blog and rereading old posts and drafts. (I have a billion unpublished drafts, fyi.) I think that I come back because it feels like a virtual home. lol. That sounds silly but it's a space where I can express myself freely with no judgement, and that's something in a day and age where you're criticized over everything.

Current life updates: All three of my girls, Sasiya, Zarah, and Shaba are now married and living their own lives in Sri Lanka. Sasi is even pregnant with her first baby girl and I am so excited to meet my new niece who is due in March. Zak and I have put the baby-making on hold after four failed IUIs and are just concentrating on being happy and enjoying life. We moved to the US on August 7th (2017) and are now renovating our Baltimore home to save up some money and buy another place. I'm still freelance writing/ editing while Zak's Greencard paperwork is being processed.

We're living in an orange world where that cheeto-dust covered baboon Donald Trump is president. If I go on a rant about all of his decisions that upset me, this blog would be endless.

At times, I miss Sri Lanka immensely. I wouldn't even mind the scorching heat I complain so much about while I'm there. That being said, I'm glad that we decided to move to the States for a while. It's been nice falling back into the old way of life. It is getting cold as a mutha over here, but I'm looking forward to playing in the snow and wearing tons of layers.

Other than that, all is pretty much the same in my world. Eat. Play. Sleep. Repeat.

#IStandWithAhmed

2015-09-18T12:00:00.002-07:00

I haven't been posting a lot lately - one, my brain has become mush and this creative 'roadblock' is more like a caved in, well, cave.

And then #IStandWithAhmed happened and I found myself in my pajamas at two in the morning going on a Twitter rant. For those of you living under a rock, Ahmed WAS a 14 year old freshman at MacArthur high school in Irving, Texas. (The smart kid isn't going back there!)

Having just started school, he felt like a lanky brown kid who didn't know anyone. So he did what he was known for in middle school - being a gadget guru - in an attempt to interact. Little did Ahmed know that within the day he would receive tweets from both, President Obama and Mark Zuckerberg. He would become a national icon.

President Obama knows what's up...

Ahmed built a clock. I myself remember building similar shit in high school wood shop. Thank god mine wasn't as techy as his, because had I gotten arrested, as Ahmed did, for constructing a 'bomb', I never would have made it. But ten years down the line, social media and an increase in social responsibility, ensured that Ahmed received the justice he deserved.

Imagine this, ya'll: a lanky brown kid in glasses wearing a NASA t-shirt walks into a classroom. He's holding a box... Oh fuck, it's a box with wires sticking out of it. What do you think it is?

Look at the fucking confusion on his face...

I'm trying to stay away from the religion factor of this craziness, but for fact's sake, Ahmed is a Muslim whose parents came from Sudan. Quite honestly, I think the problem here was being brown - even it was a turban-wearing Sikh, or an overly tanned white kid with an inopportune name, it would have played out exactly the same.

The teachers at this bumfuck school did not see a clock - instead they saw a brown kid with a lot of wires, and assumed he made a bomb. The police were called and Ahmed was dragged to a juvenile detention center and questioned without any legal representation, a guardian, or a parent present or aware of the situation. I'm not delving into that, because that's just too much.

After hours of ensuring therapy would be necessary in Ahmed's future, they let him go with a 'my bad'. And the icing on the cake, he was then suspended from school!

What. The. Fuck. Y'all.

I keep waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out a fucking van screaming "I punk'd all y'all!"

And just because I'm growing to hate CNN, here's some shade on their news coverage... "@POTUS invites a teen accused of making a bomb to the White House"... seriously, CNN?

AND to show that no matter what life throws, people can still choose to be positive, here's a couple of pics of Ahmed's father bringing out pizzas for the media on his front lawn.

Where the fuck has time gone?

2015-05-08T12:32:00.001-07:00

I have fallen off the face of the planet for no particular reason. I've just been busy - a constant cycle of work, sleep, and Netflix. I need to add more activities in my life and stop being lazy, so here I am - back in the blogosphere and ready to share my crazy adventures.

Quick update on life: started working for a software solutions company last June as a copy writer. I'm now Assistant Manager of Marketing and I'm heading the Marketing Communications department.

I just spent two and a half months in Jacksonville, Florida working from the company's corporate office. Absolutely loved it. Can't wait to go back.

Still married to the most amazing man... Knock on wood. I've become a huge believer in 'evil eyes' when it's come to my marriage.

I know I've become a butter ball. I am STILL keen on losing weight and generally being healthier.

And I'm currently renovating my house... One small section at a time.

Will be back with more of my adventures soooooooon! Au revoir!

Sacrifice

2014-03-19T13:01:00.001-07:00

She's a mystery

Always surrounded but forever alone

Smiling through sadness

Laughing through pain

She numbs herself any way she knows how

Though many may understand

No one knows

Everything is a blur to her

Constantly in motion

But never moving

Sacrifice is demanded

Change is accepted

Yet it's a constant learning of acceptance

She learns to love

Without being in it

Yellow Blackout

2014-03-19T12:52:00.001-07:00

It always seemed impossible to me that a boy like you would ever love a girl like me. What could you possibly be attracted to? I was so proud to have you... But I was always scared that it was a dream and that I would wake up without you. So before you had a chance to realize that you've made a horrible mistake and leave me in an ocean of shame and loathing, I decided to leave you. Better to hurt than to get hurt right? And of course, like a magnet, I would always come back to you. But it was too late - my actions had altered the course of our lives forever. Is it my fault? No doubt. Do I regret my actions? With every breath. Am I to you what you are to me or has time and experience changed you? I imagine this life and I'm filled with hope. A positive blackout.

"Shit that needs to happen this year, bitch!"

2013-12-30T05:20:00.000-08:00

I used to make New Year's resolutions... they last all of the time it would take me to compile the list. After that I would forget about them and at the end of the year, I'd wonder how come I couldn't tick anything off my list. Last year, I saw screw it... instead I made a "Shit that needs to happen this year, bitch" list. I only had two things I wanted to accomplish for the year: have a child (or be preggers), and to have a renovated kitchen. Neither of these things were accomplished; and though I have another 30 or so hours before the New Year's, chances are either of these happening are nil.

Here goes 2014's "Shit that needs to happen this year, bitch!" list:

1. Have a kid,or at least be pregnant by next New Year's Eve.
I can't put any reasoning behind this psychotic need to be a parent, no matter the cost. I can't guarantee my future, but no matter what I will be doing, I know that I want a child in my life. I can't imagine anything else being as fulfilling as being a mom. Some people think that this urge has overcome me because of the loss of my own mother this year, and maybe it did make me reanalyze the no-kid angle I've been on for years. Maybe I'm just getting old and I feel my biological clock ticking at 26. Maybe I'm envious of all of my friends, peers, who have children and seem so fulfilled. Maybe I'm unhappy and think that a child will brighten my life. I don't know what the reasons are... they could a little bit of anything. Nonetheless, this will be on top of my list once more.

2. Make this house into my home.
My mother bought all this furniture way back when I moved into this house; thank God that she did, otherwise I probably wouldn't have any furniture to this day. I have never been bothered in decorating/ interior designing; all I need is a microwave and a tv and the house is perfect. Lately my outlook has been changing and every once in a while I walk through my house and I absolutely hate it; it's a few cardboard boxes away from looking like I just moved in. So, making this house my home, is another thing that needs to happen. This includes my kitchen/ balcony/ bathroom renovations which I've been planning to a detail (thanks to Pinterest) for years now.

3. Have a better relationship with my father.
My mother's biggest fear was that my father and I would drift apart after she passed away. In a way, I feel that if she hadn't had that conversation with me that we just might have. I have an amazing father; but our relationship becomes so strained when we're actually in the vicinity of each other. We're just so much better oceans apart... this year, I will try to mend that. I will make more of an attempt to become closer to my father.

4. Accept my lifestyle.
I spend the better part of a month taking sleeping pills to sleep early, so that I can wake up early and have a fresh start to my day, which will thereby make me a better, more alert person, and in the long run have me accomplishing more. This year, fuck it... I wake up early and feel absolutely awful the rest of the day. I don't get in to work mode and I end up spending the watching entire seasons of The Vampire Diaries. Each person is different, and I AM NOT that person who has it together, that goes jogging at 5 am, and is in their work flow outfits by 7 all put together in high heels and immaculate make-up. I am the girl that sleeps in till 11, spends the day in her pajamas in front of her laptop working her ass off. I'm also the girls who spontaneously puts off all of her tasks because she needs a damn break, but will suddenly pull out her laptop at 3 am because she feels like working. I'm just going to accept who I am and stop trying to be like all these corporate bitches on TV.

5. Work on my book.
Freelance writing is so hectic... you get the worst schedules, the most impossible deadlines, and even more impossible clients. I've been working on a book for the past three years... I've got bits and pieces, but nothing properly put together. This year, no matter my work schedule, I need to dedicate time to my book. So it never gets published, maybe Zak will be the only person to ever read it (even that's doubtful), but still I will finish it at one point. This year, I will work on it more.

6. Increase my knowledge of Islam.
I've been trying to learn but I've barely scratched the surface. I'm going to include expanding my knowledge in this subject as shit that needs to get done in 2014.

That's it, people. Fuck resolutions... let's get shit done.

Happy Things

2013-12-18T04:08:00.002-08:00

So I was reading through a bunch of posts from other amazing bloggers and I came across Allie's post of things that make her happy... and it made me so happy that I wanted to blog my own list as well! Also, if you don't already visit Allie's blog, Tales of a Twenty Something, you so should. It's amazeballs.

So I started thinking about things that made me happy, and I was appalled at the lack of things that made me truly happy. For someone who gets amused at the smallest of things, not a lot makes me feel really happy, but here are the things that do:

Car Rides

I love car rides in any weather, rain or shine. They instantly make me happier. Let's clarify that I don't like to be the one driving. I also don't like a lot of talking during the rides. lol. So the driver either has to be quiet or sing along with the loud music with me. Open roads, good music, and not a destination in mind: perfection.

Mail

With emails, texts, and Facebook, sending and receiving letters is at an all time low. I don't have the time to send letters as much as I would like to, but my friends and I used to write letters to each other all the time, and receiving a letter always put a huge smile on my face.

Music

"Cuz a real man, knows a real woman, when he seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees herrrr..."

Alicia Keys' A Woman's Worth is my favorite sing-along song ever. Windows down, hair blowing in the wind, me singing along at the top of my fuckin lungs = good times. Music in general makes me very happy and a good sing-a-long really does lift my spirits.

Prayer

There was never really a lot of prayer in my household growing up and I embraced my religion pretty recently in all honestly. Prayer in Islam is an emotional connection with God and the entire process is very calming and peaceful. Whenever I'm really down, prayer makes me re-look at my situation and makes me feel happier.

Family Dinners

Yeah, that's the Sopranos... but seriously, family dinners make me happy. Surrounded by best friends and family, the room filled with lively conversation... We were never really big on family dinners growing up, but it's something I've always loved. I plan to make it a thing when we have kids. No matter how old, or how busy, the family gets together for dinner - and once the kids move out, family dinners once a week!

10 e-cards made with me in mind...

2013-12-07T03:08:00.004-08:00

These are not in any particular order, but they describe me to a tee. Enjoy!

I really do. I also believe that silently muttering this a billion times keeps me sane and stops me from killing people. The phrase is so versatile that it can be used in a myriad of situations:

Eating something tasty: WTF is in this?! It's so good!

Eating something not so tasty: WTF is in this?! Bleugh!

Getting shocked: WTF just happened???

While exercising: WTF am I going to eat for dinner?

You get my point...

I get ghetto-fabulous when I get angry. I always have and I probably always will. The finger wagging, the head swagger, the uncontrollable use of the phrase "oh no you di'int!" - it's all there.

This e-card has a supporting picture that makes me laugh till I cry. I have a Harry Potter marathon once every six months (books and movies, both). I know almost all of the lines and I get super-excited be people who love Harry Potter as much as I do.

"Five points to Gryffindor!"

*If you can't read that second image, CLICK HERE, or the picture itself. So worth it.

This couldn't be more true. I've had a number of distraught girlfriends cry out on how bad things always happen to them and how sure they were that the drug addict who's never worked anywhere without needing to use the phrase "Would you like fries with that?" would have made a fabulous father/ husband.

I'm all for fate and karma and a higher power, but seriously, your relationship probably failed because he was a useless jerk-off and you made the decisions to move him in to your house and have him depend on you financially as well as emotionally.

If I held a family reunion, it would most like be me, my husband, and lots of food. My family sucks, both on my father's side as well as my mothers. I don't even like most of them and I can't be bothered to fake affection and freeze a smile on my face while hanging out with them. In my 26 years of life, it was only last May while my mother was toward the end of her terminal illness that her and her siblings all got along at once. Otherwise one brother won't be speaking, or an aunt will be angry. Useless, I tell you...

Sometimes Zak asks me things and when I respond he'll smile because I'd be completely off the mark. In my head, I would replay it scene by scene and swear that I was right. Then, to prove my infinite wrongness, he'll ask me what I ate for lunch that day and I wouldn't be able to tell him, even though my sanity depended on it. I can't tell it it's getting worse with age... but I figure if it's this bad at 26, I won't remember shit at 50.

Blog? What's a blog?

A couple years ago my Friday nights were filled with crazed, blurred memories and all-night dancing. After a while my crazy Friday nights turned to dinners with friends and good conversation. Now, all I really want is to sit in front of the television and watch entire seasons of Lost and Big Bang Theory in one sitting.

I think that jealousy is just built into people. The range of jealousy differs in each person, but everyone's got a little something that makes them jealous. Most of Zak's female friends I'm completely ok with. I know I have my shit together and that my man is coming back home, but there are some women who I know are just up to no good, home-wrecking whores. Every single time I've highlighted someone to having not-so-good intentions, they really didn't, so now Zak just listens to me...

It's the little things that matter. Sometimes a bra/panty set that matches my outfit makes me feel like superwoman. Granny panties don't get shit done, but matching sexy sets rest the world on my palm.

That's for damn sure. Life has thrown many curves my way, and I've made some not so great decisions, but in the end, they weren't that bad after all.

Check out these and other great e-cards on my Pinterest board, E-cards, Meme's, & other Words!

Santa got me Danielle Steele?

2013-11-24T10:47:00.001-08:00

Alright, so I looked through my past few posts, and good lord, have I been depressing or what people? Let's change it up and go with something fun for a frickin change.

The holidays are coming up, and against all statistics, that's the happiest time of year for me. Religiously, I don't celebrate Christmas, but who-the-hell-cares-ly, I frickin love Christmas. Everything's brighter with the sparkle of lights, and people are so cheerful, it's contagious. Maybe companies are lacing candy canes with Xstacy, or maybe it's the ridiculous carols you hear everywhere, but there's something about Christmas that makes even the most angry people just lighten the fuck up.

I remember my best Christmas ever. I was ten and I was angry that all the other kids had stupid Rudolph sweaters on their bodies and Christmas trees in their living rooms. I went to sleep crying my little heart out. At three in the morning, my parents woke me up to the most beautiful Christmas tree decked out in lights and ornaments with the most amazing gift under the tree: books. Yes, I was the dorky kid who went bat shit crazy at the hundreds of books that were under this three foot tree. (The only reason the books were "under" the tree was because they placed the tree on the coffee table. Otherwise I wouldn't have been able to see the tree at all.) My superhero of a father had gone out in the middle of the night and gotten the tree and bought BOXES of books from some second hand book shop. It was a dream come true for me. Granted many of them were way past my suggested reading list, I was pretty mature for my age and read through every single book in a month or so. Now that I think about it, getting Dannielle Steele books for your ten year old daughter is probably a no no, but knowing my father I'm guessing he just pointed and paid. He always treated me like an old soul anyway.

What's your favorite Christmas memory?

Everyone gets the blues, but I have the blahs...

2013-11-22T13:05:00.000-08:00

I'm stuck in this rut. Neither here nor there, I feel like my life has paused. Nothing changes, nothing happens... I'm not moving toward anything.

More than anything, I'm sad. I don't know what's making me sad. I don't know how to not feel sad anymore.

I want change, yet I don't know what needs to be changed. At least if I knew the cause of these feelings, I could do something about changing them. But nothing has happened. Everything is the same as it always has been. Maybe that's the problem. I'm sad because nothing in my life is changing? But my life isn't so bad that it needs change. Grrr, I can't even express my feelings properly. How can I write when I don't know what I'm writing about? How do you write about emptiness?

I feel sad, empty, unsatisfied, bored, angry, scared, insatiable, incomplete...

I want to change my life. I want to be one of those people who gets up early, who gets in more exercise, who's accomplishing something in their career, who has a home and not a house, who can sleep throughout the night.

Last January, I made two predictions of things I wanted to accomplish this year. Neither of them have come true. As the year ends, it's back to the drawing board...

Bangladesh!

2013-11-18T22:49:00.001-08:00

Hey everyone! I don't know how I stayed away for so long. Posting 'tomorrow' became next week, and a week somehow turned into months, but I'm back now! Not a lot has been going on in my life; Zak and I spent three weeks in Bangladesh, and it was amazing!

I've visited many South Asian countries and have found that each of them offer something beautiful and unique. We didn't get to explore as much as we would have liked; since I hadn't been there in over six years and Zak had never visited my dad's side of the family, everyone was keen on inviting us over for lunch or dinner. We had lunch/ dinner at someone's house every single day of our vacation. Honestly at one point, our schedules got so hectic that we had breakfast at my uncle's place, lunch at my aunt's house, and dinner at my dad's friends place in one day.Thank God the food was so yummy that we didn't really have any complaints against all that eating. :)

Here are a couple of pictures from our trip!

All Roads Lead To You

2013-09-19T09:30:00.000-07:00

There's this hole now. I'm not sure if it was there before or not, but I can no longer ignore the blatantly obvious. There's a hole, and with each passing moment, it's getting bigger and bigger.

Each time I try make it smaller, it seems to get out of control. And I feel like you don't even know it's happening. You tell me that you feel a change, but you don't do anything to make it better.

One day, I will crack. I will scream, yell, and cry. It will come to a point that it can no longer be fixed, and you will just sit there and wonder how it got that far. Maybe it will hurt. Maybe you already see it coming. Maybe you're looking forward to it. I can't feel what you feel anymore.

Maybe this is all in my head and I'm just rambling. Maybe I'll wake up one day and feel... anything, and it will all go back to how it was.

It's a dangerous path I'm on, and no matter how it plays out in my head, all I see is destruction.

Being Bald, Suicidal, and maybe an Internet Stalker

2013-09-08T13:06:00.004-07:00

So it's one in the morning and here I am writing a blog post. I WAS dancing around my room in the dark, but I didn't need Zak waking up and wondering why he married me. Come to think of it, he probably wonders that anyway.

So Bangladesh is most definitely happening; we'll probably head out at the end of the month. I'm super excited - a mini vacation will do us some good. Bangladesh is kind of boring and there isn't much to do, but we'll probably be busy since everyone and their mothers will invite us over fur lunch/dinner. That's one of the perks of being brown - everyone wants to invite you to eat yummy food when you visit the mother land. Or father land, in this case.

I'm going bald. I've been getting random hair treatments for as long as I can remember. When I'm bored, I perm it into a curly frenzy, and then months later I'll chemically straighten that bitch. Blow dry and mousse up them curls? Ain't nobody got time fo dat. So all the chemicals going directly on to my scalp is making me bald. I'll need wigs by the time I'm 30. Yes, wigs: who's going to not go crazy with a billion different wigs if they were bald? Currently, I'm at Asian Girl Straight. Soon, I'll be Buddhist Monk Bald.

Nothing is the same. I'm not the same. I thought I was pregnant last week. Even though the at-home tests came out negative, I was sure I was one of those people who had negative urine tests. A blood test confirmed that I was not. I had a day of mourning where I snapped at everyone and cried for the most random things. I'm back to 'normal' now. Stupid uterus, I hate you.

How does a brown person fix a burned pie? They add masala to it! Hahahahaaha. I can't stop giggling at that. Maybe it's my lack of sleep combined with the billion Advil PMs I took.

Today, I learned that Sri Lanka has one of the highest suicide rates in the world, with an average twelve people offing themselves each day. How fucked up is that? I don't get how people see suicide as a way out. It's a coward's way out. I admit to cutting myself and being suicidal in high school, but doesn't everyone go through that "fuck it all - my life sucks and I want to die" phase growing up? I'm just glad that none of my stupid attempts went too far. Anyway, it's kind of hard to kill yourself when you can't even keep your eyes open while trying to slit your wrists. Blood spurting all over? No, thank you.

I have a bestie who I have never met. Is that weird? We've been friends for over ten years now and we met in a chat room, back when chat rooms were cool. She backed me up in an Internet fight I was in. It was a pretty huge fight; caps lock was involved, so you know it was serious. We've been friends ever since. We iMessage and email each other all the time and she knows almost everything going on in my day to day. I think a therapist would have a lot to say about me preferring virtual friendships to real ones. Anyone have any thoughts on this? Is it weird to have bestie e-friends?

Restaurant Reviews – Colombo’s Latest Nom Nom Spots!

2013-08-29T04:37:00.001-07:00

Everyone who knows me knows that I eat 50% of my meals outside. I’m such a foodie… I like to try all the latest restaurants and I’m not scared of a little spice.

This last month in particular, I’ve had a BILLION lunch dates, and they were great opportunities to try out some of the restaurants I hadn't been to.

The Manhattan Fish Market – 10/10
As soon as I walked in to this place, I loved it. The entire staff screams out a greeting at you; friendly, smiling, employees get me every time.

Zak and I, who usually never have a hard time ordering, really could not figure out what we wanted because we wanted to try everything! After a few minutes, Zak ordered the Grilled Glory Dory (Rs. 990) and I chose the Shrimp Aglio Olio (Rs. 990), but I substituted it with the creamy sauce. For drinks, I got the Tropical Breeze (Rs. 390) and Zak got the Citrus Mint (Rs. 390) – which we’d heard so much about previously.

Looking around, the décor is pretty simple and straightforward: brick layout, framed photographs, and basic furniture with a couple of sofa seats. The drinks arrived shortly – the Tropical Breeze was super tasty but the Citrus Mint was definitely the star out of the two. Made with some sort of crushed lime and mint slushee, it was amazingly fresh and tasty.

Within a few minutes, we were served the main course. Seriously ya’ll – minutes! The food was fresh off the grill, and I have no clue how they got it out to us so quickly, that also while being semi-packed, but they did… and it was heaven. The creamy sauce in the Shrimp Aglio Olio made my taste buds do the Macarena, and while I devoured a flavor-filled mouthful, I could see Zak digging into his Glory Dory. Glory Dory, indeed.

Presentation wise, mines was pretty straightforward: spaghetti and shrimp tossed in creamy sauce and placed to be demolished! Zak’s dish, which comprised a rather large slab of Dory, white rice, steamed vegetables, and a tiny sauce bowl seemed rather crowded. It took a while for Zak to even realize there was rice under the fish. We both thought that the portions were just perfect; usually we never have space for dessert, but this time we had just a bit of space to share an order of the Tuscan Tiramisu (Rs. 590). A swirl of coffee, cheese, and cocoa – it truly was the perfect ending to a perfect meal.

Our total bill came to Rs. 4,210.00 and we felt like it was totally worth it. For less than USD 40 we both got an amazing seafood meal, delicious drinks, and a mouthwatering desert. That being said, that amount is way too high… in Sri Lanka. I must state that for that amount, brown people can feed a family of six a much larger meal. We’ve gotten so used to eating copious amounts of rice and curry that this would seem like a snack to most. Still… I can see another visit to the Manhattan Fish Market in my near future.

The Chocolate Room – 3/10
Even then, I only rate it a 3 because that Oven Roasted Chicken Sandwich was SUPER TASTY. Well it better have been… it took them 1 ½ hours to make. 90 minutes. 5,400 seconds. I ordered at 1:30 and got my food at 3 – I almost… almost… walked out. Honestly, I didn’t realize how long they had taken till like 2:50… my sis-in-law and I were DEEP in conversation.

My experience couldn’t have gone any worse… We started out with drinks; I ordered the Pinky Lemonade and Shaz got the Ferrero Rocher Shake. After about 15 minutes, I got a yellow drink. Confused, I asked my server if my ‘pinky’ lemonade was supposed to be yellow. Maybe it’s just me, but I prefer my pink lemonade, well, pink. No, it wasn’t supposed to yeller – instead he had made me a Piny Cooler - some concoction involving pineapples. I’m not a picky person, so I said it was ok, sucked it up and drank my pineapple drink. Honestly it tasted like pineapple cordial, which one can buy at any grocery store. Nothing special at all. Shaz’s shake was WAYYY to thick. If you can pick up your milkshake, turn over the glass, and not have anything spill, it is NOT A MILKSHAKE. It was a frothy excuse for a shake that was so thick, you could choke drinking it.

We couldn’t be bothered with the drinks and went on to the main course – Shaz got the Oven Roasted Chicken Sandwich and I went with the Nachos Grande. I’m a sucker for nachos, and the only nachos that come close to yum in Sri Lanka are the loaded nachos on the menu of Café Che, but I thought ‘what the hell, let’s give them a chance’. Big mistake.

Here I was, expecting “a large platter of tortilla chips covered with roasted chicken, hearty beans, warm cheese, and diced tomatoes, jalapenos, olives, pickled gherkins, and sour cream”. What I got was 15 tortilla chips with a spoon of beans and congealed cheese. Where was my roasted chicken? Where are my jalapenos, people?! Again, the waiter had gotten my order mixed up and put me down for the Nachos Supreme… which is the crap I just described. Never order it.

This time, I couldn’t settle, so I pointed out their mistake expecting quick service. Oh, it was quick alright. He walked into that kitchen and then right back out with a bunch of shredded chicken just put on top. Not wanting to risk sending my food back in, I asked for my jalapenos, olives, and sour cream separately. I got olives and gherkins. I didn’t even want the gherkins.

Shaz’s sandwich was good. I can’t deny them that. Soft, crunchy bread filled with a roasted chicken mixture that was moist and filled with flavor. The sandwich alone is worth another trip to this place… I’ll just go at 1 pm and have dinner there, eventually.

With an additional order of french fries, our bill came to Rs. 2,000 or something. I don’t even remember.

Having stated all of this, I believe that this place runs well when you order their desserts and other chocolate related items. The shake should have been better, but I think the cakes and stuff might be worth a try. Don’t take that statement to heart though, I don’t know if they’ll just start mixing the batter once you place the order.

The Sandwich Factory – 7/10
Is it just me or has the service at Sandwich Factory gone down a bit? I’ve been going to this place since it opened way back when. I love all of the food except the burgers (Rs. 300 – Rs. 700)… there’s just too much masala in them to constitute as a burger but that’s completely my opinion and there’s nothing wrong with them otherwise.

They offer a Sri Lankan version of Taco Bell and I love it… quesadillas, taquitos, soft tacos… all so good.

All of that being stated, anyone notice the quality and service go down as of late? I wasn't in Sri Lanka last year, and I don’t know what happened, but when I went again recently, I wasn’t that happy. The guy behind the counter had his own issues going on and you could see it from the way he snapped at me when I asked if the peppermint shake (Rs. 360) was available. The guy who served the food kind of just threw my taquitos (Rs. 450) on the table and ignored my request for some napkins and ketchup. The taquitos were kind of oily and made me lose my appetite for them… don’t get me wrong, I ate them. But I had to squeeze it with a napkin first… lol. Zak and I shared an ice cream sandwich recently… the cookie was pretty hard, and in general the whole thing was just meh.

I really hope they get it together – it’s one of my fave places to go stuff my face and their menu is completely within anyone’s budget. Plus, it doesn't hurt that the owner is kind of fine.

Brown People Don't Tan

2013-08-21T22:49:00.003-07:00

Isn't that a big ass King Coconut?

Hey home skillets!

What have you guys been up to? There isn't much in my world. Other than a day at the beach, it's been rather humdrum at the home-front.

I've been kind of moody lately. Snapping at people, laying in bed all day watching Big Bang Theory (I bought seasons 1-6 and I don't think I'll stop till the very last episode.) nope, I haven't been much fun at all. I don't think there's one particular thing wrong - I'm just not happy with anything these past few days. It happens every once in a while; I get all moody and annoyed and Zak steers clear till the storm has passed. This time it's taking a lot longer than usual. Raar. I want change but I don't know in exactly what form, so how in the hell can I do something to feel better if I don't know what I want to do. I make sense in my head. Just ignore me and let me rant.

The day at the beach as super fun though. We had the beach to ourselves for the most part and I got to spend the day ocean side. I could stay at the beach forever. I should invest in waterfront property. I didn't get as 'burnt' this time around. Brown people don't tan, we burn.

Isn't it beautiful, ya'll?

5 Things I Wish 'High School Naz' Knew

2013-08-17T12:18:00.001-07:00

Next year will be my ten year high school reunion. I'm so old, y'all. It got me thinking about the person I was in high school compared to who I am today, and lets all take a second to thank the good lord almost none of y'all knew me in high school. Quite honestly, I don't even like the high school me. I was a drama queen, I was arrogant, and sometimes I was just plain ole mean. Don't get me wrong - I wasn't a cold hearted bitch, though I sound like it. I was just very content with my particular group of friends and I hated change, and new people. So here are a couple of things I wish I knew in high school so that I could have been a better person.

1. Pay attention in class... Or in the very least, go to class.

I skipped out of 75% of my senior year. I'd completed all the mandatory classes, so it wasn't a big deal, but I wish I'd paid attention to all those electives - I could have learned something new. For example, I might have remembered more than the alphabet from Sign Language. Or, if I'd actually gone to Tech, I might now know how to use some of the tools necessary for my love of crafts.

2. Be more social!

I had the same set of friends all four years of high school. I didn't add anyone in to the group and I was happy that way. I wish I'd been a bit more fearless in this area - it might have led to some lifelong friendships. Also, I was rude to people who did try to integrate themselves with my friends. I don't know why, maybe I was insecure. Either way, if I did act like a bitch toward you, I'm sorry! I also wish I'd gone to prom. Meh.

3. Don't be afraid to love.

I didn't have a proper relationship in high school, and I blame that completely on being insecure with myself. I'd go out with a guy. We'd be a couple for like a week, and then I'd break up with him. I mean, what was high school relationships? Walking together to class? Dancing at homecoming? A movie? I should have experienced it properly. My shortest high school relationship was one day ya'll.

4. Be respectful toward yourself, your classmates, and the staff.

My high school (Eleanor Roosevelt High School, bitches!) had two on-site police officers. (PG County - what, what?!?) I can't remember one of them, but the other was a guy named Officer Buerger. I was a complete douche to this guy. He was a douche back, but still, I initiated it most of the time. I'd fuck up, he'd drag me to the office, I'd bash him the entire way. It was horrible, and I'd apologize to him if I saw him now. I also remember talking back to a couple of teachers - only when I became a teacher myself did I realize how difficult it truly is! Respecting myself basically means that I would make decisions I want to make, and not because of what everyone else was doing. I was so a 'follower' in high school.

5. Enjoy every minute.

Because you will definitely do bigger and better things afterwards, but it won't be high school. It won't be hallway conversations, pep rally's, or skipping school without even walking in to the building. It won't be two hour relationships, or bathroom breakdowns, or eating everything on the dollar menu with your friends. There'll be very few times afterwards where you will get away with over dramatizing a situation, but we all know the drama is the best part. Those are the memories you remember. :)

I'm feeling nostalgic. I'm going to browse my yearbook.

Abusive Salons & Other Rantings

2013-08-16T13:31:00.001-07:00

So, I've been gone for a while. The two people who may have noticed I was gone - sorry I disappeared on ya'll like that! Things were just crazy at the homesnizzle. There was the end of Ramadan, which seriously seemed to drag out for some reason, and then there was Eid, which is always super fun. We didn't do much this year - I had the fam over to my place for the day and it was filled with eating and sleeping. Much like any other day actually... I did get to see my twin nieces and my handsome little nephew though!

Anyways, enough of that mess and on to the collection of hot mess in my head... You know how I know that I'm a girl? Once every month, I can stuff my face with a couple double cheeseburgers, some chicken nuggets, a handful of fries, and still regret not buying the pancakes and hash browns.

Of course, I'll bitch and moan about eating all of that for a couple of weeks, but then it'll be that time again and all will be well in my world.

So I went to the salon today... And every time I go, I cry just a little. My hair guy has no reserves for yelling at me. "You call that hair? That's a poodle! Go to the vet!" I get no sympathy when I wince at the threading of my eyebrows. Instead I get a, "this is why your ass should come on time and not two weeks later bitch, so stop crying" stare, complemented with the "hm-hmm" sound effect. It's all very traumatizing. I can't blame them though. I don't get my eyebrows threaded every three to four weeks as recommended, so they grow out and hurt more. Ironically, I don't go when I should because I try to put off the pain as long as I could. And I'm brown - brown people can't afford to put off threading. No. Matter. What.

What else has been going on in my world? Nothing humorous or share-worthy actually. Yesterday I watched the entire first season of Big Bang Theory in almost one sitting. Almost, only because I had to get out of bed to find food. I also did some shopping in the mornin'. Shopping alone is the most therapeutic thing in the world. I usually hate being out alone. I don't dine alone. I don't go to the movies alone. It just seems sad and I feel like everyone is staring at me going, "look at that lonely girl!" I blame my own insecurities but let's not dwell on that... So there I was shopping alone and I realized it's much more pleasant than shopping with Zak or my girlfriends. There's no constant looking over the shoulder from Zak with his 'are you done yet' look, there's no embarrassing looks from my friends when I have a conversation with myself on whether or not I actually need a new wallet. (I bought three yesterday! Wallets are amazeballs!) It was great!

I really think that I'm losing memory power you guys. I watched a movie two days back and today, I couldn't remember what the movie was about worth my life. Granted the movie sucked anyway and that it wasn't in English, STILL! I should have been able to recall what I saw. Other than ONE of the characters, I couldn't RECALL anything. This led to a convo between Zak and I where he tells me that I really have a horrible memory sometimes - and this isn't just concerning movies. This almost bought on a spell of tears, but he then reassured me that when I completely forget who I am, he'll stick around and remind me.

On the subject of health issues, I have the worst aunt in the world. You know how people have a headache, and then Google 'headache' and somehow start believing they have brain tumors or those little insects that lodge themselves in your brain and make your body attack, well, your body - yeah, my aunt is THAT GOOGLE. She came to visit me last week, and I mentioned that (on and off) for the past year or so, I sometimes feel like I can't take a deep breath. I can breathe, but then when I try to take a deep breath, my lungs are left feeling unsatisfied, like a woman with a not-so-well endowed man. It's terrible. And it makes me think that I have lung cancer, and by morning, I've willed all my stuff away because I'm sure that I only have months, if not days, to live. So Zak, being the doll he is, stays up wiping away my snotty tears and reassuring me that it's probably just a panic attack bought on by my own thoughts, or at worse, a symptom of acid re-flux.

What does my aunt say? "Well, your hearts probably just skipping a beat. You come from a family with heart conditions, your ticker is bound to be broken."

Really people, I almost had to call the ambulance then and there. But this was from the woman who sat me down, when I was like 10 and her daughters were 8 and 6, and asked us to give her huge hugs goodbye because she was going in to labor and there's always a chance she wouldn't come back. I mean, who does that? "Well mommy's going to bring you back a baby brother or sister. Or, daddy might bring them home alone because mommy might die!"

I'm tired. And now I can't shake the feeling that there's something terribly wrong with my lungs. I'm going to distract myself with a little Sheldon Cooper.

If you're a Belieber, don't click this.

2013-08-06T19:09:00.000-07:00

I hate Justin Bieber. I was never a "belieber" and I've wanted to punch him in the face from the moment I knew he existed.

That being said, I've been known to hum to the impressive lyrics of "Baby". (The previous sentence is a lie - none of his lyrics are impressive.) I also have "As Long As You Love Me" on the iPod. I know, I'm a disgrace to my kind - I'm sorry! Those are the only two songs of his I know. Really. I promise. Zak also makes me put lots of old school hip hop and rock on there because he thinks I'm "belittling the iPod", so that kind of makes up for it.

So I've come to to the conclusion that I hate Justin Bieber, but not because of his music. Since I actually liked the two songs of his that I have heard, I couldn't understand my hate for him. Have I become one of those people who follow the crowd? Do I hate him because almost everyone I know hates him? No! I am not a fucking follower! I refuse to follow the man! Or the media? My peers? I don't know, whatever the fuck fits.

And then I realized that I hated him as a person. And I was stunned. There's not a lot of people I hate... It's such a strong word and no one really gets put into that category easily. But I hated Justin Bieber, the man-boy, and here is why.

Justin once made a statement that Anne Frank would have been a "belieber". If that doesn't make you want to shoot him in his fun parts, I don't know what will. Really, Justin? She was a Jew during Hitler's reign! The girl had to wear a star at all times... that itself would have taken up most of her time. Coordinating outfits with a big ass yellow star isn't as easy it seems douche bag. She couldn't visit stores or restaurants, she couldn't stay out past a certain time, AND SHE HAD TO GO IN TO HIDING BECAUSE OF HER RELIGION! She was beautiful, smart, confident, talented, and brave, but she sure as hell wasn't a Belieber.

I also hate him because of his sense of style. Though there are millions of us who dislike "the Biebs", there are also a bunch of raging children who idolize him. So his celebrity status means that there are a lot of people trying to be like him. Have you seen what the fuck this dude wears? He has these pants in a ridiculous amount of different colors and prints that are so hideous, words wouldn't do them justice...

Stop trying to gouge your eyes out. Just scroll down and the burning sensation will pass in three to ten days.

And one of the other main reasons I could think of for hating Justin, is that he pissed in a mop bucket at a restaurant. That was a story that if heard, I would usually place as media exaggeration. I know that the paparazzi aren't always nice and that they're always trying to bring a playa down. I watch TMZ. But then I actually DID WATCH TMZ, and there was the Biebs with his ass hat friends, pissing in a mop bucket. What human ever, no matter how drunk and/or high you are, pisses in a mop bucket of an establishment? Isn't there a commandment or something? "Thou shall not drain thy snake in items used for sanitary maintenance."

And then he had the nerve to fuck around with Bill Clinton. Nobody messes with Bill. I'm not in, nor have I ever been, in law enforcement of any sort, but I would jump in front of a bullet for Bill. It's Slick Willie, y'all; he was former Prez of the free nation and he is awesome. He plays the saxophone, he smokes weed, he likes blow jobs - who doesn't like a guy like that?

If I had a daughter, I would ban her from his music for that last act alone. Not really, I don't believe in banning people anything. But I would frown really, really hard.

And now, some Justin Bieber related memes and funnies for your amusement.

Dubai: Less Desert, More Damnnnnnnn

2013-08-05T18:50:00.003-07:00

Zak and I decided to be unique and get married on February 29th, so last year, we had an official wedding anniversary. We decided to go on a well deserved vacation to Dubai... have any of ya'll ever been? It is beautiful, with just the right mixture of culture and modernism. I'm all for deserts and camels, but home girl needs a Burger King too.

Us, in our over-sized abaya
and long white thing.

Dubai was much different than any other Middle Eastern country I've been to (Qatar & Bahrain). It was so... westernized. In Qatar, there were many foreign tourists and expatriates there, myself included, but everywhere you went, you were always reminded that you were in the Middle East. Women in abayas, men in those long white outfits I don't know the name of. Hold on, let me find a picture...

They have all of that in Dubai as well, but they also have clubs, women wearing shorts, and did I mention Burger King?

Any whoooo, I'm going to share my Dubai experience with all of ya'll, cuz I love ya'll, and plus I've been looking for a way to share some of my photography on the blog.

Dubai is home to the tallest building in the world, the Burj Khalifa. It's filled with offices, apartments, etc. Everyone was super excited to see this, but for some reason, I didn't care that much. It's a tall ass building, and yes it took a lot of architectural vavoom to get it up there, which I respect, but still it's not much. Actually, I remember reading somewhere that there are plans to create a building larger than the Burj Khalifa. I'm not a major the-icebergs-are-fucking-melting-global-warming person or anything, but I do feel that trying to construct the tallest building is just some sort of pissing contest in a huge scale and involving millions of dollars.

For a place that was mostly sand a couple of years back, they have an amazing skyline constructed in such a short period of time. Only the Burj Khalifa sticks out like a sore thumb... OK, fine, I'll get over it!

And here are some more pictures of the Dubai skyline.

Are we in New York or Dubai?

Dubai has the most amazing shopping malls. I grew up in the DMV area, and we had some pretty decent shopping malls there... Columbia, Townson, Arundel Mills... all perfectly good malls... now combine all of these in to one, and then multiply that by ten. That's the type of malls you find in Dubai. Zak and I went prepared anyway; we knew that we'd be shopping our asses off and gave ourselves a decent budget. But I was seriously taken aback at the sheer size of the malls. We went to around five or six malls, and not once did we walk through a mall in its entirety. One of the malls has A TAXI SERVICE INSIDE THE MALL. Nuff said... they have these mini golf cart type vehicles that take you to the store you want! It took me 8 hours to get through one wing of a four wing mall... are you finally getting how big these mother fuckers are?

We spent a lot of time shopping, but we also did a lot of touristy things, one of them being an annual fair, Global Village. This a huge expanse of desert that is converted into huge fair grounds for half the year... and is exactly what the title says it is, a global village. Each and every single country you could possibly think of is split into separate sections, and each section includes food, clothes, products, and entertainment that particular country is known for. It's amazeballs - I loved it. On the other side are a bunch of rides and roller coasters. I could have stayed there forever.

The pictures above were taken in "Morocco". The photo on the left is a of a collection of antique coins, and the picture on the right is of a bunch of different lamps that were for sale.

Below is a picture I took of the grounds from atop the Ferris Wheel. In the center-bottom of the photograph, you can see Zak standing there and holding my bags. He's such a wuss, I tell you. I had to go on all of the rides with our mutual bestie. Zak doesn't even like bumper cars, and he married a woman who one day WILL bungee jump. Sigh.

That's me in the middle, straight geekin, with the bestie on my left. Poor guy, had to deal with me dragging him on all of these random rides.

And since it was our anniversary, we planned a special dinner on the Dhow Cruise, which is an awfully fun ride that shows a great view of Dubai. Deciding we were going to be super romantic and Titanicky (I make up words, if you haven't noticed by now), we went and sat at the table placed on the bow of the boat. I'm fairly certain that 'bow' is the right term for that little 'v' section at the front of a boat. BIG MISTAKE. The wind and the night chill combined to kick us both in the ass, and we spent a lot of the night shivering - having tons of fun, but still shivering.

It's us! Being cold but super cute. And fat - thank the food lords that both of us have lost weight.

And one of the best things we did on our ten day holiday was go visit the middle of the desert. It's great! You drift through sand dunes and take the chance of flipping the fuck over. Such a thrill. There's belly dancers, henna, and camels! All of the photos below are from the day in the desert

This is what we got to the middle of the desert in. Well not that particular SUV. I'm in the SUV I'm taking the picture from. The other people from our tour group were in the SUV above. I make sense in my head... most of the time.

Belly Dancer!

Zak, sandboarding.

Me, on a camel,
with another girl
from the tour bus.

Another camel picture. I have a hundred now.

More Belly Dancer pictures. You know she's not wearing
any underwear with an outfit as scandalous as that.

So there was this awesome man who had a stall there with a bunch of different colored sands and different-sized metal straws. And he would create beautiful bottled sand art - as featured in the picture at the very top of the post. Zak and I got one done with our names on one side and our anniversary date on the other. I still have it on my bookshelf. Its booooootiful.

This picture is of Zak and I with our "Zak & Naz" bottled sand art. Spiffy, right?
Also, Zak looks super high in this picture.

This is of "the Sandman." He made like 50 of these personalized bottles of
sand art in two hours. I'd end up crying, probably having stabbed myself with
a metal straw, and with colored sand in all sorts of unholy places.

There was a woman who did Henna art. She did that in less than a minute. No lie. I can't even draw a stick figure in less than a minute. And it wasn't that annoying henna that sticks around for like a month and fades from black to dark brown, then more of a poop brown, and then a baby diarrhea color, and finally a piss yellow. Black henna, three days max, went from black henna to no henna - just how I like it.

And there was lots of food and sheesha - two of my most favorite things ever.

And breathtaking sunsets that made you forget all of your worries.

So that was my 2012 Dubai Wedding Anniversary trip in a nutshell, and a great excuse to share some of the photographs taken by yours truly. We went again in February of this year but that was mostly for business. Don't worry your pretty little head though; I managed to sneak in a bunch of shopping under the guise of meetings. I was meeting with clothes, and meeting with shoes - the most important kind of meetings there are. Anyone else travel anywhere fun? Put links in the comment section! I'd love to read about your travels!

My Blog Has Comments?

2013-08-05T05:20:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and did a happy dance. In the five hours I had slept, my blog had 3 comments and over thirty new page views. This, for me, is super exciting. This is no pants, eat Doritos, and watch-an-entire-season-of-Dexter-in-one-sitting exciting. Can you tell how excited I am?

I started this blog in 2010, did a couple of random sucktackular posts, and then just forgot it. At that time my mother was sick and I was constantly travelling between Sri Lanka and Baltimore. I didn't have time to sleep, let alone write a blog. Then a couple of months ago I came across this pin with a list of books to read for the summer and found Jenny Lawson's book "Let's Pretend This Never Happened", and blog, www.thebloggess.com.

I loved her book. Scarily, I identified with her childhood. No, my father was not a taxidermist, and no, I didn't have a sister to share the ~~trauma~~ memories with, yet I felt like she and I would have been BFF's. So I proceeded to stalk her: followed her blog, followed her on Twitter, followed her on Pinterest. Total stalkerness, to the point she may have considered putting out a restraining order. I kid, I kid, I make joke with you!

And when I started following her, I also began finding other AMAZING blogs, and now I live in a continuous state of blogging.

Anyways, this is just to say thanks, so thanks everyone! You guys are amazeballs and I love all two of you.

That's right, bitches. Be jealous.

Mommy wow! I'm a "big girl" now.

2013-08-02T14:07:00.002-07:00

My family is so weird.

I know that all of you think that your family is weird and embarrassing, but mines takes the cake. Really. While showering, I thought of over a dozen embarrassing (now hilarious) stories, that might also be the reason I need therapy. Check it out.

"Big Girl"
In most cultures, a girl "becomes" a woman when she begins menstruating. Usually, there's a 'talk' and an embarrassing trip to the store, and bham, it's all done. It's never bought up again, unless to reiterate a point during the 'sex talk'. I never got a talk about menstruation or sex, because it is assumed that as a brown girl, I will remain celibate till marriage, and by that point I would "pick up on these things from movies". In our culture, it's an entirely different game.

Let's summarize: you get your period. Your mother screams and cries from joy? shock? happiness? (I really have no clue.) They shove you in to your room for SEVEN days, in which no males other than immediate family can see you. They then make you drink all sorts of randomness to make you stronger? healthier? more fertile? (Again, I have no clue.) And then, THEY THROW A PARTY. A party in which they tell all of your family and friends that you are now a "big girl". If you're brown, and you haven't heard the phrase "big girl" in regard to your menstrual cycle, I envy you.

Imagine having to explain the reason for this sudden party to the cute sons of your parent's friends.
Me: "Uh, yeah, it's my half-birthday."
Cute Guy: "It's November and your birthday's in two months. That doesn't make sense."
Me: "Oh look, cake!" *Runs away!*

This entire episode is bad enough, but mine's was worse. I was always an over-achiever in this department.

My "big girl" moment happened to fall during an important project in middle school. You know, middle school, that time where life is hard enough as it is, and being a "chubby" brown girl doesn't let you fit in AT ALL. My parents, being brown, and wanting me to get all A's so I can be a 'doctor' (scoff, they must be proud huh), said that they would go and drop off my project for me. In hindsight, I should have SEEN it coming. My mother couldn't be prouder that I was a "big girl" as if I'd actually done something. So when they went to go drop it off, a friend of mine happened to see my mom and asked her where I was, and my mother thought it would be appropriate to respond:

"Oh, she's a big girl now! She got her period, and she's at home because she can't see boys, but we're having a party to celebrate this Saturday. You should come!"

This moment, right there ladies and gentleman, was the death of my already dying popularity. How many of you can pinpoint that moment in your life? I'm special, I tell you.

I, of course, denied the entire thing. But it was never the same after that...

"Apple Pie"
A conversation I overheard between my mom and an aunt.

Aunt: Shahnaz got an iPad right? How is it?
Mom: Oh, it's great. I play Bingo on it all the time.
Aunt: Where'd she get it?
Mom: The Apple Pie store.
Aunt: I should stop by there tomorrow and get one.

"Waterrrrrr"
My mother called me up once, laughing so hard that she could barely breathe. I was at work and had to leave my cubicle because her laughter could be heard two cubicles over. Yes, our office is super quiet, but my mother was also very loud.

Me: Mom, are you ok?
Mom: *Gasp. Laugh. Gasp some more. Laugh louder.*
Me: Mom, I'm at work. What's up?
Mom: *Still laughing.* I'll have to call you back once I catch my breath.
Me: You're ok right?
Mom: Yeah! We're fine. *Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. Click.*

My mother called me again half an hour later to relay what was so funny. My parents, at one point, lived in the heart of Baltimore City. They had a studio apartment over a shop on Saratoga St. which they loved. Many evenings you could find my mother hanging over the window, waiting for my father to come home from work. They were a cute couple.

That particular day, my father parked his car, looked up at my mother and said, "Throw down some water." My dad's friends with the shop owner below and usually spends some time having a chat before he comes up. So my mother replied, "Why do you want water? Chuck* has bottles in the shop."

With a confused look on his face, my father said, "No, throw down some water!" Shrugging, my mother threw down a water bottle and almost knocked my dad out cold. Seemingly frustrated, "What are you doing?", he yells, "Throw down water!!!!!"

At this point my mother is confused and irritated and yells out "I don't know what you want. Go away." and proceeds to close the window. Now, completely red and irritated himself, my father starts beating the parking meter and yelling,"Water! Water! Water!"

She still couldn't stop laughing as she said, "Turns out he wanted quarters!"

I should have a Pinterest board of twerking videos... said, no one ever.

2013-07-30T12:57:00.001-07:00

It's 6:22 am and I am yet to fall asleep. I don't think I should be writing posts in this state.

I've got mad baby fever, y'all. Like to the point I need a bigger box for all of the clothes I've bought my unborn child. It's scary, I know. And let's not even discuss my future child's Pinterest board...

Every month I let myself believe that I'm pregnant, and then I realize I'm not and spend a few days eating chocolate and watching episodes of Big Bang Theory on my bed.

Zak and I have always said that if it wasn't meant to be, that it was ok, and that what we have now is more than enough. And though I believe we will pull through not having children, I still think that both of us would feel a tad incomplete.

Ok, enough of the depressed ranting, does anyone ever forget how old they are? Someone asked me how old I was the other day and my mind went blank and I blurted 23. I'm sure they thought I was being anal and trying to appear younger than them, but meh, who cares. Afterwards, I had an hour-long debate on whether I was 27 or 28, in my head mind you. Turns out, I'm 26! I had to actually do the subtract-the-year-you-were-born-from-this-year calculation to figure it out. I'm completely fucked if I have memory problems now itself.

Dad's back in Sri Lanka. He's still not 100%... I don't think he ever will be actually. Zak and I are planning on going to Bangladesh for a month with him; Zak's never met my father's side of the family. This could either be a really fun trip, or it could lead to Zak questioning our marriage. I'll let you know how it goes, if we go.

Completely out of the blue, but have ya'll watched Busta Rhymes's 'Twerk It' music video? I'm not going to lie, when I initially heard the song, I had to Google what 'twerk' was... this could be an entirely different blog post: "My Twerk Adventures: To Thongs & Beyond". My eyes are forever burned with the images of all that ass. Even female artists have music videos with a whole lotta females... when are we going to accept male video ho's? hos'? hos? What's the plural of 'ho'? Anyway, watch the music video. If my eyes are fucked, yours should be too.

I have to say that the 'twerk' Google search led to a video of Miley Cyrus twerking in a unicorn onesie. I don't understand the unicorn, but the girl's got rhythm! And plus that song 'Wop' by J Dash is amazeballs.

I need some sheesha and a Cadbury Mousse Double Chocolate chocolate bar. Has anyone had one of these? DROOL.