Life Unpublished

A STOLEN KISS IS HERE!

2016-03-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

Holy guac and moly. A Stolen Kiss is out today!

I had this idea that I'd go into some amazing detail about things...but that's what my email list has been for (and for all who are not on that list, head over to www.swanitude.com and join! The good stuff is there).

BUT

You still have to know all the goods.

My first novel is published. Now. Right now. You can buy it RIGHT NOW!

I'm doing a huge party on Facebook--head on over to check things out and win.

OR

If you just want a book and couldn't care less about fanfare, check out A Stolen Kiss wherever books are sold online :)

A stolen kiss. An unstable curse. One big mess in the making.

Derric Harver never expected to amount to anything more than the palace stableboy, but when Princess Maria's curse keeps her from accepting a prince's proposal, she turns to him for help, and he doesn't dare refuse.

With the help of a lady's maid and a prince, Derric and Maria embark on a dangerous adventure to find the sorceress who cast the curse. Along the way they battle deadly creatures and make new friends--all the while struggling with the undeniable chemistry between them. Reaching their destination won't be easy, but the true danger peril in the truths they've fought for years to keep hidden.

A Stolen Kiss is the first in the Stolen Royals Series--an adventure with magical creatures, dangerous lies, and being true to the power within.

Faking it: My Decemopment

2015-09-25T09:36:00.000-06:00

I can't adult today

I'm too busy having a decemopment.

Decemopment? That's not a word.

Yes it is. I made it up and defined it yesterday after accidentally mistyping 'development' and autocorrect saying "I got nothing."

Decemopment:noun (des-eh-mop-ment) That moment when you've gotten so emotional, you need a mop to clean up the mess.

It could be a happy or a sad thing. It would really apply to those soldier videos where they surprise their family members and everyone turns into a puddle of tears.

Or it could happen when you find out your boyfriend is cheating on you and you break all of things/burn all of his clothes before dissolving into a puddle of tears...

Either way, tears are probably involved.

Today I'm fighting my own decemopment. It's been a rough month and a half and my psyche is fighting all the upheaval.
Long story short, everyone is gone. Long story a little bit longer...my best friend moved away and now my Brosef (the best brother that ever lived) is gone for 5 weeks in the boonies where I can't talk to him. *pouts*

Top that off with other drama (divorce, broken hearts, health crises) and I am pretty sure the zombie apocalypse is about to happen.
Maybe that's just me.
Or maybe that's because Walking Dead will start again soon. *Shudders*

Either way, I'm totally faking it today. Smile. Nod. Rinse. Repeat.

Any of you having a decemopment moment? Sound off in the comments. Ten points for Gryffindor if you use decemopment in a casual conversation today.

If you were curious:

Adjective: Decemopmenty: "I'm sad and decemopmenty today."

Verb: Decemope: "Can we decemope together? I'm having a rough day."

Adverb: Decemopely: "He sniffled decemopely, tears streaming down his face and leaving tracks in the dirt smudged on his cheeks."

Thank you to Katie Cross for unintentionally creating the verb form of this word. Let's all band together and get it in the dictionary! Hey, Twerk is in there, why can't our word be in there, too?

Hufflepuff Haters Can Go Hug a Basilisk

2015-09-10T08:43:00.003-06:00

It's a popular thing among the Harry Potter fandom to put Hufflepuff down as the "leftovers" house, simply because Helga Hufflepuff said she would take the lot and teach them just the same.

Know what Helga Hufflepuff wasn't?

Prejudice.

Stuck up.

Arrogant.

Look, I'm a Ravenclaw--the house with the greatest conglomeration of intellect--does that mean all smart individuals or ONLY smart individuals go to Ravenclaw?

Heck no.

Hermione is proof of that.

In fact, Ravenclaws, while proven to be the more studious, bookish crowd, are often also the weirdest/quirkiest. From Luna Lovegood to Padma Patils.

Not all Gryffindors are brave. Helloooo Peter Pettigrew.

Not all Slytherins are wicked. Thank you, Regalas Black, Severus Snape, and MERLIN is even rumored to have been a Slytherin (depends on whether or not the net is right).

So while the Slytherins and Gryffindors (and yes, even some Ravenclaws) hate on the Huffs, I'm here to stand with them and defend them:

Tonks was a Hufflepuff.
Cedric was a Hufflepuff.
Newt Scamander, Pomona Sprout, and many Ministers of Magic!

GUYS! Zachariah Smith is a Hufflepuff! The snarkiest, creepiest punk that ever did walk the halls and NOT be a Slytherin! That right there shows that they aren't all dotty, simpletons like they're treated.

Hufflepuffs are strong and loyal as hell. They'll stand beside you until the end. They're brave and wise and yes, even cunning.

And excuse me, but do you realize their house symbol is a badger? Badgers are dangerous AF! Don't you know why we say Honey badgers don't give a damn? Because they don't.
THEY EAT COBRAS!
Watch out, Slytherin.

Maybe Hufflepuffs aren't the leftovers, but the ones who don't go to the other houses because they aren't just ONE THING. They're so much more than that!

Rowling herself has called this year the Dawn of the Hufflepuff.

Let's not have her fans disappoint her by hating on our fellow students and alumni. If Harry had been sorted into Hufflepuff, would we be saying this about one of the other houses? Stop the #Hufflehate.

Shape up and shut up. United we stand against the dark arts in this world. Don't make the fandom a negative place.

Embrace a Hufflepuff today!

A Stolen Kiss Cover Reveal

2015-09-03T10:53:00.000-06:00

MY BOOK HAS A COVER!

IT'S REAL!

MY BOOK IS GOING TO BE IN PEOPLE'S HANDS THIS WINTER!

GAH!

*dies*

Okay. Love it? Good, because so do I.

Oh, the Pain (Ode to the Smushed Toe)

2015-08-19T09:55:00.000-06:00

Picture this:

There is this beautiful chaise lounge at Costco...it could fit 2 people on it (hello cuddlefest) or a person and a dog (which will be me and Tobias, let's be honest).

It's perfect. So, of course, I buy it. The problem is, it's heavy and awkward and now I need to get it into my house and downstairs where I want it to reside.

PIVOT!!!
Credit: Tumblr

Did I say problem? No problem! I have a Brosef with muscles to help me carry it.

New problem: Box won't fit through door.

NO PROBLEM! I will cut it out of the box like a genius!

So I begin cutting. Cut. Cut. Cut. I'm wearing flip flops, because shoes are important while moving furniture. Cut. Cut. Cut...
Randomly lose my balance and launch my foot into the corner of the box.

Commence stream of unintelligible yelling on front porch, to which Brosef says "Kelsey, shhh...you have neighbors."
And I reply, "DON'T CARE! TOE AARRRRRRRRGH!"

Because 1 Friends GIF is never enough
Credit: Tumblr

Now, in pain, I've triumphantly cut the chaise free. I'm hella pissed and fired up to get this thing taken care of.

Mission complete. Chaise is in place. I return up the stairs and see...

Blood, gushing from my toe.

You see, I didn't just stub my toe...I tore off the pretty little toenail that resides upon it. OUCH! (See, Brosef...I totally had a right to shout it loudly from the porch, despite the neighbors.)

Credit Tumblr

It's funny how stupid things in life can become metaphorical revelations.
Sometimes we want something, are willing to work for it, put time and effort into it...we slave away and do things most people would say scrawny little blondes could not do (or is that just me?).
It's so worth it. We have what we wanted. The Chaise is in place and it's the best seat in the house. Life. is. Good.

Except there's always a cost. The chaise cost me money, sure, but what it really cost was days of stupid limping.

We work hard for things, but we don't come out unscathed. Whatever it is you're working for--writing, music, job promotion, family...it doesn't matter. You aren't going to go through all of that effort and walk out without any bruises.
Or any broken toes.
Or noses.
Or glasses maybe, I don't know. Things break.

Credit: Tumblr

The point is, despite all of the pain shooting up from whatever or wherever (likely heart pain. Sorry guys. It's going to suck), we keep moving forward (Hey! Walt Disney!).

We don't stop.
We press on.
We push past the pain and defy the odds by carrying the damn heavy chaise down the stairs and into the proper place.

In the end, it's so worth it. In the end you forget the pain required to succeed. You're ready to do it again.

Game on, life. I can take whatever you want to throw at me. I will win.

Credit: giphy

But in the future? Well, I'll wear close-toed shoes.

Effing Sadness

2015-06-22T15:00:00.001-06:00

I just saw Disney and Pixar's Inside Out.

Disney Pixar's Inside Out - Photo Credit: Disney and Kelsey Keating

Deep. Stuff.

Like, beyond children deep. This movie might be a cartoon and might have funny, happy, kid-centric things in it, but the writers at the core are deep thinkers. They're playing hard ball and the adults will all see it (older kids might too).

The core that I walk away with (that isn't a spoiler) is this: Sadness is important.

In today's world, you shouldn't be sad. Sadness isn't welcome. Don't be a downer. Don't share your feelings. Don't ask people to see the darker parts of you and still love you.

Sadness isn't welcome.

Be happy! Show off all of your best parts. Post all of the great things that happen to you in a day online to let everyone know how great your life is...even if that's only 1/10 of what your world is really like.

Don't bring anyone down. Depression is a state of mind. Get over it.

How much damage are we doing when we teach people this concept? When we raise children to believe this and they turn into adults who can't cope with the hard parts of life?

This is destruction.

Part of being an effing swan means accepting your whole self. Being a swan doesn't mean you're always happy, confident, and perfect.

Being a swan is being imperfection. Being a swan sometimes means being a mess, being sad...embracing your emotions. Real effing swans feel, and feel deeply.

The feels! Credit: Tumblr and Kelsey Keating

You should never have to apologize for how you feel. Sometimes you may have to apologize for how you ACT when you're feeling deeply, but that's on you for your behavior ;). If something makes you sad...if something makes you happy...if something makes you angry...if it's rational, than no one should make you feel wrong for feeling (obviously if you're being irrational, I can't help you...but we've all been there).

Today I just want you to know that. I want you to know that you aren't alone. If people are telling you to "just get over it" or "change your outlook" and it isn't working...I've been there. Sometimes you have to be there.

Sadness can heal. Sadness can bring people together. It keeps you from bottling dark emotions that will only eat away at your gloriously beautiful soul. Sadness is important. It's okay to feel it.

Embrace your inner swan (and outer swan). Embrace your rational emotions. Get the help you need or gather around with the people you need. Just know that the Original Swan is with you. We aren't alone. We aren't weird (okay, maybe we are but being normal is vastly overrated).

We are human. We are beautiful.

Welcome, swans. You are beautiful.

One Pissed Off Swan

2015-06-07T19:42:00.000-06:00

Today I am vexed.

I never know what's going to ruffle my feathers, but when it happens I'm ready to be on a rampage. The problem? Well, I'm not much of a verbal rampager. I'm far more adept at putting my purge on the page.

So, today I am vexed.

I am vexed by my own swanitude. It's hard to change your whole outlook and still have those around you treat you like the old you.

What does it take to have others see the value you see in yourself? How long do you wait for them to see it?

I've been reading the most AMAZING books lately. The Choosing by Rachelle Dekker, and Bon Bons to Yoga Pants by Katie Cross. Both books are about identity and understanding that maybe you're awesome all on your own.

If you haven't read The Choosing, I need you to stop what you're doing, follow the link and buy it for your own reading pleasure.

Credit: Rachelle Dekker

As for BBtYP, that one is a serial novel FREE on Wattpad and already has 30+ chapters.

Credit: Katie Cross

Lexie Greene is an overweight college student who wants to lose weight to get hot for her handsome Facebook friend Bradley. Along the way, though, Lexie is learning that maybe she shouldn't be so worried about being a size two, and instead concern herself with being healthy for herself and herself alone.

Lexie is in the early cygnet stage, but she's slowly realizing that she's a swan without a man. The reason I love BBtYP is because I know how it feels. I've never dealt with my weight the way Lexie has, but I have hella dealt with my worth.
I (and many other young women) have felt the "I'm not hot enough for a guy like Bradley" or "no one could like me 'as I am'."

Today, I am vexed on Lexie's behalf.

There's something so empowering about figuring out you are not an ugly duckling, but an effing swan. It's such a great experience that I hope all of you have had or will have soon.

It's also easily lost.
Finding your swanitude isn't a one time thing. You don't suddenly have permanent confidence as you rock the world with your greatness.

No, you struggle with it. Sometimes daily, hourly, or by the minute.

Today I am vexed, because today I am struggling. I'm struggling with others not seeing my swanitude. They treat me like I'm not worth their time, and they make me feel like that lie is true.

Know what? I'm more than worth their time. I'm not worthless, nor am I forgettable (even if they forget me).

I may have a hard time remembering this today, and maybe I'm tired of others acting like I'm not worth their time, but that just proves it's an uphill battle.

It's an uphill battle for Lexie, who, if I knew her in real life, I would like to tell is beautiful as she is. If the man she's been dreaming about can't see that, then she needs to tell him he isn't worth her time and move on.

There are days where I need to tell myself that, as well. I am beautiful, even if others treat me like I'm still the wallflower who belongs in the role of 'quirky best friend' and not 'leading lady'.

This is a reminder to all of the Lexie Greene's out there...you're beautiful. You're an effing swan. If someone makes you FEEL like you are WORTH LESS...maybe it's time to cut ties.

You're worth so much more.
Surround yourself with people who see your beauty (in and out). End the vexation within my soul.

Oh, and go read The Choosing and Bon Bons to Yoga Pants.

Why I'm Defending Meghan Trainor

2015-05-04T13:26:00.000-06:00

Lately I've been seeing posts about Meghan Trainor's "All About that Bass", casting it in a negative light and calling it "skinny shaming."

I'm here as a skinny/scrawny young woman (just a touch older than Ms. Trainor herself) to tell you that I find absolutely no offense in the song.

In fact, I'm going to defend it.

The Argument:
Meghan Trainor's song is a diss to young skinny women everywhere, perpetrating the idea that curvy is better than skinny and all girls should strive to be bigger. Ms. Trainor mistakenly thinks she's promoting positive body image when she's actually destroying anyone who was born naturally skinny.

My Thoughts:
My first thought is "Wow. get over it. It's a song." Now, that's my first reaction and then I have to step back and remember how people can be emotionally connected to songs.

So that's when I started to dissect "Bass" and figure out how I felt about it as a skinny, not-so-curvy woman.

Here's what I realized: People are taking one song's lyrics out of context and allowing the one song to make them feel like they (or maybe, just going on a crusade on behalf of someone else) aren't worth enough.

So the problem is still the question of worth.

The lyrics that are called into question are:

1. "Yeah it's pretty clear I ain't no size 2,
but I can shake it, shake it like I'm supposed to do."

The first lyrics in question are specific to Meghan herself. She's not a size 2, but she can still shake her body the way it was meant to shake. Know what? So can I. It looks different, I'm sure, but it doesn't change that we can "shake it" (that is, work out bodies, live our lives) the way we're meant to.

It wouldn't be healthy for someone of Meghan's body type to starve herself in order to get to my body type. Nor would it be healthy for someone like me to try to achieve Meghan's shape. We weren't built that way. We aren't going to obsess about being like someone else.

We're going to be our beautiful selves.

2. "My mama she told me don't worry 'bout your size.
She said boys like a little more booty to hold at night."

The lyrics, again, are specific to the singer. Know what? My mama tells me things about my body to help me see my own beauty, too. That's what mama's do. The song's mama is telling her daughter she's beautiful as she is and it's not going to keep her from finding love if she wants it.

Mom loves you. Always.

The same can be said for me. There are guys who want a curvier girl. They like a little more to hold onto. Other guys like a girl who's a bit more petite. Maybe he himself is more on the petite size and he likes a girls that fits (or is shorter than he is).

Let's flip this...would it be wrong to think that girls like different kinds of guys? Some girls like bigger guys, be it muscle bulk or teddy bears. Other girls like the leaner man, be he lean a built or a little more gangly. To each her own, right? Are we going to fault men for liking girls who have a little more booty?
I think not.

3. "I'm bringing booty back,
go head and tell them skinny bitches that."

This one seems to be a REAL BIG issue. Because, of course, to call anyone a skinny bitch is rude and skinny shaming and how dare she, right?
Wrong.
For one, I like to think of "A Diva's Christmas Carol" when Ebony Scrooge calls Kathy Griffin's Ghost of Christmas past a "skinny bitch" and Kathy's response is .
"Gasp! You really think I look skinny?"

(Is bitch the nicest word on the street? No, of course not. Much like other slanderous words, it's used to reference a certain type of person. In this case, women. I'm not going to focus on whether or not music and TV should use offensive language to reference someone in their own group - like the n-word or bitch etc)

The whole line isn't being referenced.

"I'm bringing booty back.
Go 'head and tell them skinny bitches that.
Nah, I'm just playin' I know y'all think you're fat.
But I'm here to tell you every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top."

When you fill in the rest, I find it hard to believe someone can be offended. Meghan is saying "We all have issues, but you're just as beautiful as anyone else."

4. "No I won't be no stick figure, silicone Barbie doll.
So if that's what you're into just go 'head and move along."

This is the other hot-button lyric. The argument that "Bass" is dissing skinny girls and calling us Barbie dolls (which is apparently very offensive) and insinuating that we aren't real (silicone).

Nope.
I've never once felt like this lyric applied to me. Not once.

I, personally, have always felt this lyric focuses on the societal expectation of what women should be--the photoshopped, airbrushed image that no one actually can live up to.

Look at any magazine. The women in them are stick figures. They look like Barbie Dolls. They don't look real.

Society also makes women feel like they need augmentation to be beautiful. The silicone effect, if you will. You aren't good enough if you aren't super skinny WITH large boobs. You need the perfect nose, the perfect hair, the best teeth.

"Bass" is asserting that this image won't be met. Meghan is going to be Meghan, and that's not going to be in line with the airbrushed image. She's not going to be what society demands of women.
And if you're into that airbrushed thing? Well you can move along.

Same goes for me. If you expect me to have the perfect waist, no cellulite, firm thighs and perky bust just because I'm skinny, you can keep on going. I'm not going to starve myself or have surgical implantations made in order to look like a Kardashian or a skinny model who never eats.
You can just keep moving. That ain't me.

Despite being a very different body type from Meghan Trainor, I feel "Bass" still applies to me. I can completely agree with the idea behind the lyrics, even if I am not "all about that bass" in my own body type (admittedly I'm still "no treble").

I think throwing Meghan Trainor under a bus just for singing a song that led her to fame and called curvy beautiful is an ugly thing to do. When a woman finally stands up and says she won't take on the burden of "bigger is ugly or wrong", and other women call foul and tear her down? That's not sisterhood. That's not beautiful.

Meghan Trainor, you're an Effing Swan. There's no ugly duckling syndrome here - except perhaps, in the women who feel the need to taint this young vixen's rise to fame. I take WAY more issue with One Direction's "What Makes You Beautiful."

As for me and my skinny self? I'm going to keep rocking out to "All About that Bass" whenever I feel like it. And probably "Title" too.

The Glitter Globe: HEARTLESS Release Day Party!

2015-03-31T08:39:00.001-06:00

The Glitter Globe: HEARTLESS Release Day Party!: S.R. Karfelt/The Glitter Globe Today is Release Day for HEARTLESS A Shieldmaiden’s Voice ! I’m throwing an impromptu party....

Effing Swan: A.J Priest Guest Post

2015-03-25T09:40:00.000-06:00

Hey friends! With the #EffingSwan movement taking flight (har har), there are others who have expressed interest in joining the cause and blogging about their own anti-ugly-duckling revelations.
Today I have the honor of A.J. Priest guest blogging here at Life Unpublished. Short, sweet, concise, and charming as ever, A.J. gets straight to the point on where her inner swan comes from. Take a look.

Yes I am an #effingswan. Know what? You are too. The problem with being an effing swan is that we’re used to the skin we’re in.

We’d like nothing better than to have her hair or his abs, anything other than what we have now. But here’s a secret - those people you’re looking at just might be looking at you and thinking the same thing.

I know, it’s hard to believe. But it’s true. I remember middle school, how much I wished I had blonde hair. Until the day one of my blonde classmates (I’m talking perfect honey golden ringlets blonde) told me how much she wished she had my so-dark-brown-it’s-black hair. Talk about a shock! Then just the other day I happened to mention to a fellow swan that she has the kind of figure I’ve always wanted. Guess what - she felt the same about mine.

But here’s the thing: even if no one wants to look like you, no one ever calls you beautiful, no one even looks twice at you - you are still a swan. Know why? ‘Cause God says so. God created man and called it good. God is the one David was talking to when he said “I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” God created you. Your identity belongs in him, not the praise or recognition of others who are just as insecure as you are. And God says you’re an effing swan, too.

A.J. Priest writes flash fiction that showcases her love of humor, healing, redemption, and the stories of people’s lives. She is busy trying to figure out this thing called the Internet and how to use it to connect with people that want to read what she wants to write. Her latest forays have her building her own website and email list with the help of Kevin Kaiser, google, and copious amounts of chocolate. Her website’s coming soon page can be found at www.ajpriest.com. Or connect with her on twitter @ajpriestwrites.

Now I'm a Believer - Swanitude Part 4

2015-03-18T08:52:00.000-06:00

Currently humming The Monkees "I'm a Believer"

For my other posts in identity click here (part 1) or here (part 2).

IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE POST BEFORE TODAY'S GO READ THAT NOW! By clicking this sentence.

Continuation of my journey into the lies of my identity. I just talked about cutting others down to avoid them knowing what I think about them.

I want to go deeper into that.

Somewhere, along the way when I was young, I was taught to believe (by my peers and some teachers) that my opinion wasn't wanted. I can pinpoint several instances when:

My opinion on books, movies, or music wasn't worth a damn. I was a fool who didn't know good taste.
My feelings about individuals was against the norm (you can't like them or be their friend! They're weird!)
My affections towards members of the opposite sex were unwanted (ewwww gross! Kelsey likes you? Ewwww!)

My opinion was met with rejection. I found my value in other's thoughts on MY PERSONALITY! I put my stock in how they saw me and conformed to what they wanted to see!

It stemmed so far into my being that I truly believe(d) that my feelings, affections, self, aren't wanted. No man could ever want my affections and all friends would pity me because I am
A) not pretty enough
B) not sexy enough
C) not funny enough
D) not worth enough

ALL LIES!
Now, I know this in my head. The head is a great thing that can contain so much truth, but sometimes our selves..the emotional beings that we are (our hearts, if you will) can't connect with our brains.

My brain knows I'm awesome, because God made us all awesome. My brain knows I would be a blessing (and let's be honest, occasionally a curse) to any man.
My heart can't get on board. My heart can't fathom why anyone would love me, because how could I be worth loving? I was told (by people who I shouldn't have been listening to) when I was young that I wasn't what a man would ever want or what anyone would want as a friend.

So now when I sit across the table (or across the room) from a beautiful man, I can't express to him my appreciation of his:
A) Beauty
B) Kindness
C) Humor
D) Nerdiness (is this one only super attractive to me? I didn't think so. Stand up, nerdy girls)
E) Worth that God sees in him (and God has shown to me as well)

Now, no man needs MY approval any more than I need a man's (or a woman's. We've got God's and frankly that's all we need. Believing it, again, is the trick. I know, broken record. Sorry)

I have been a cruel person because I have been so low on myself. I have brought others lower because I didn't want them to know how I truly felt.

I've crushed dreams. I've broken hearts. I've hurt people.
All without meaning to.
All without realizing it.

All because I wasn't capable of seeing I was worth something or that my words could hurt. That my opinion could crush someone just as much as someone else's opinion once hurt me.

It's a journey, and I'm not the only one on it.

It's my identity, but I'm not the only one who doesn't know who she (or he) is.

In my own little bubble, I've knocked others down. I haven't pointed out the glory in others. I haven't told my brother every day how much he amazes me in his kindness and social prowess (he can make friends with anyone and make them feel good about themselves).
I haven't told my mother how selfless she is in her giving and how her heart is what draws other people to her.
I haven't told my niece that her boisterous energy might earn criticism, but that she shouldn't ever lose her love for life because her joy brings others joy.

I haven't told my best friends that they are beautiful...good moms...talented...worth every breath.
I haven't told any man who has an affect on my heart that his ability to listen and care for others is worth an elephant's weight in gold...nay...one thousand elephants' weight in gold. Seriously, that's so important and I wonder if he knows it about himself.

I haven't told these people, because I've been so consumed in who I thought I was, that I didn't realize part of who I am is reminding others who they are.
Because you are me.
(I know, it's confusing, I'm still embracing it myself).

We're all on the same journey, but when we focus solely on ourselves we miss the hurting people around us and hurt each other. When we focus on our lies, we don't listen to the truths others are giving us, and instead we spew more lies without meaning to.

I am the swan, not the ugly duckling.
I will bless (and curse) a man someday should I find one who walks the same path as me (run the race, equally yoked. All that jazz).
I will bless my brothers and sisters with the truths about them, so that when they are dealing with the lies, they will have little nuggets God wanted them to have in their brains...little whispers that sound like my voice reminding them that THEY ARE LOVED.

I will remind you, if you need me to, that you have so many amazing qualities...and so many lies that you're believing.

I will spend the rest of my life getting rid of these lies in order to believe the truth God wants me to have. Come with me.

Now tell me...what lies are you going to stop believing?Shout out to all of my fellow Swans. Tweet if you can relate using #Swanitude (because it's fun and funny and true).

Guys, something AMAZING is coming on May 19th called The Choosing by Rachelle Dekker. It's all about identity and figuring out where you belong and the lies we listen to.
You've already been chosen. You are already loved.

I Think I Love You - Swanitude Part 3

2015-03-11T08:40:00.000-06:00

I love that David Cassidy song lyric "I think I love You...so what am I so afraid of?"

Hopefully you've already checked out "Stop Lying!" and "Ew!" and know that I'm taking a few blogs to talk about identity and the lies I've believed.

Next lie has to do with what I touched on in the last one.

Boys.

Okay, so now that I'm adult, we call them men.

Here's the deal, I don't interact with males well. It's like I'm this awesome, funny, quirky (oh my goodness the quirky) nerdy individual that everyone says "Oh you are seriously so awesome, why are you single?"
But when it comes to men I turn into this mute, blank faced little *pardon my french* bitch who can't play the game.

My darling Brosef has always been my biggest help and hindrance. Let's dive deeper.

"Kelsey, you have to play the game." (Brosef after explaining how a girl calling a guy "friend" can actually be inspiration to make him try harder)
"I don't understand what 'the game' is," I said, throwing my hands in the air. "I thought I wasn't supposed to friend zone a guy I like."
"Well, in the game, you make him want you because he thinks he can't have you. I always work hardest for the girls who act like they don't care when I know they do."
"Let's break this down." I sat in front of my brother, insistent on one of us understanding the other. "I don't do small talk. It's a foreign language to me. I can't participate. I don't have the confidence level to say something that, behind it, means 'I'm awesome and you know you want me but you can't have me.' I feel like I should just be able to be interested in someone and find worth in them and that should be enough. Why isn't that enough?"
Brosef studied me for a moment as he processed what I said. "You know what? Don't play the game, Kels. You're above it. You're too mature. If a guy's going to be good enough for you, then he should want you for who you are and what you just said."

Now I'm loosely quoting an actual situation for two reasons:
1. I'm a writer and I can make what we said clear, easy to understand, and sound awesome and
2. I can't remember the conversation 100% accurately, so Brosef, forgive me for any words I put in your mouth.

Thing is, in my head...liking guys should just be enough that I think he's worth something. I find value in him and I see why the world would be a darker place without him.
Isn't that somehow romantic? Right? My world is better with you in it. Doesn't that make you feel special?

But I don't understand why it doesn't work both ways. Perhaps it's because I still have to remind myself that I'm the swan.
I'M THE EFFING SWAN!

When I forget that I'm the swan, I see the beautiful women around me and I start to compare myself.
"No way will he ever find me beautiful when he knows her."
"She's so much better at being fun and flirty than I am."
"She's better than I am."
"I'm not good enough for him."

Those lies just creep in, starting with a sentence that seems harmless ("she's beautiful") and ending in something detrimental ("He could never see worth in me").

It's even harder when he's beautiful. Let's be honest (are you ready?) I know some beautiful men.
Beautiful.
I have a friend who is so drop dead gorgeous that I forget. I actually FORGET how good looking he is, because my mind's eye and photos don't do justice. Truly. I think I know what he looks like and then he walks into a room and I have a moment of "Holy crap" because I'm reminded just how good of a job God did when he made my friend.
(Note to everyone...we are ALL This beautiful. Someone who will see you the same way I see my friend. You take someone's breath away. Take a moment to be awed by that. It awes me).

Oh but here's the crux.
My friend is gorgeous.
I can't say that to him.

Here I war with myself.

Me - "Wow. He's breathtaking."
Scaredy cat me -"Yeah but don't you dare say that to him."
Me -"But he deserves to know!"
SCM- "If you're that good looking, you know it."
Me -"Um, not true, and even if it IS true, you don't stop saying 'that's a good movie' just because the movie KNOWS it's a good movie."
SCM - "Don't care. If you tell him, he might think (or worse, know) you like him and you can never ever tell anyone your feelings ever because rejection is the ultimate worst thing that could happen to you."
Me - "Well, yeah. Okay, rejection is seriously a total fear of mine. But still, it can't hurt to tell him he's good looking, can it?"
SCM - "He'll think you're a loser and you can't handle that. In fact, instead of telling him he's good looking, cut him down. Insinuate that he isn't. Don't want him to get a big ego after all."
Me - "oooh good plan! Let's insult him instead!"

Now, for everyone who is thinking WTF on the scenario above, trust me. I know. In the moment I listen to the liar (the scaredy cat) and completely fall prey to CUTTING ANOTHER HUMAN BEING DOWN in my own fear of him rejecting my observation that he's beautiful.

What the hell!?

Now you all know why I'm single. You asked, here's the answer.

The lie inside me is that the rejection...the risk..taking the jump off the cliff to flip and dive into the water...that's not worth it. It's the end of the world if I do. Heaven forbid you tell someone they are attractive...heaven forbid you (much worse) insinuate that you could have FEELINGS for someone!
And don't you EVEN FOR ONE SECOND think that you could be worth anything to them. You are their pity project.
So sit down.
Shut up.
And if you have to say something...say something that cuts them down so they don't know how you feel.

To all of those who have been on the end of my barbs...know that you are probably just beautiful. I'm so sorry I ever made you feel otherwise. Maybe I was just secretly in love with you and was so afraid you'd call me icky or make me cry that I ruined your day with an unkind word.

The lie is that the rejection...the risk...is too great to tell people how I feel.

Don't let the lie become your reality. Don't let the scaredy cat dictate your worth.

Did you forget? You're a Swan!

Do you ever say the opposite of what you mean in order to hide your feelings?

Shout out to all of my fellow Swans. Tweet if you can relate using #Swanitude (because it's fun and funny and true).
Pay attention! The Final Part will be happening next Wednesday!

Ew! - Swanitude Part 2

2015-03-04T08:31:00.000-07:00

In Part 1 (Stop Lying!), I talked about a friendship that I recently realized (thank you ReWrite 2015) was super abusive and started a lot of the lies I believe today.

"I'm the pretty one. You're the funny one."

That sentence set me up for a world of failure because in the moment my friend (whom I truly don't blame...she had her own lies that led to this) said this to me, I believed it.

This conversation was in regards to boys. Boys liked my friend (because, let's be honest, she is beautiful. That will never change nor should it) just from first meeting. As an extrovert, she also had an outgoing personality that interacted well with the opposite sex.

I, on the other hand, was kind of the ugly duckling. Awkward, didn't love having to wash and dry my hair, gangly, and buck-toothed. I was the funny one. The friend. Boys didn't like me, they considered me one of them.

I grew up, but I never stopped believing that I was still that little duckling. I never saw that, along the way, I'd turned into a swan.

I can write this today because - despite the lies that still try to drag me down - today, a handsome young man reminded me of the truth I already know.
I am the swan. I HAVE TO remember this, because no man can teach me this. I have to know this for myself.
It's a truth I'm trying to accept for myself, and sometimes people can help you accept truths.

Today I went to lunch with one of my best friends, Esca (or Rachelle, but I call her Esca). Let me tell you how amazingly beautiful my friend is....wait, no, just look at this photo.

Photo Credit: Kelsey Keating

There, now you KNOW how amazingly gorgeous she is. Because she is!
We went to grab a quick lunch at Five Guys and a handsome young worker took our order and interacted in a friendly could-have-been-flirty-if-we-had-more-time way.
But it wasn't just directed at the modelesque Rachelle. I was included.
Because I'm a swan, too.

In that moment, I was reminded that I grew up. I'm a grown up, lovely woman. Why do I ever have a hard time believing this?
See, even as I type it, I have to stop that lie that says "Don't be vain. You're hardly worth looking at."

That's the voice I'm battling every. single. day. As if thinking well of myself isn't being "humble".

Are you kidding me?
My Brosef is a humble human being. He doesn't waste his time using vanity or puffery. He just is awesome and is humble in his amazing accomplishments.
Does my brother walk around calling himself ugly or lowly because that's "humility"?
Hell no!
My brother knows he's a handsome guy, friendly, awesome, and worth knowing. He knows he's worthwhile and that isn't vanity.

He tries to tell me I have to think the same way.
I'm working on it.

This is my struggle. This is what I'm facing.

I'm facing me.
I'm facing the "Who I think I am" and knocking her on her ass.
She's not me! She's an impostor!
It will take time, and it's going to be a hard battle, but when I win...

I'll love me as much as I'm supposed to. I'll know me.
I'll know who I am, my identity.
It's a journey.
Half the battle is realizing that there are lies.
I'm already there. I just have to start believing the truth and not faking it.
I am my Father's daughter (the God who is your father too. You are me) and I am beautiful.
Maybe if I say it every day, I'll realize it's true (isn't that like a rule somewhere?)

So to hell with the lies. I'm the beautiful daughter of my Father God, and he doesn't screw up. He made me beautiful.
You don't think I'm beautiful? Well what the **** do I care what you think?
That's right. That's part of the truth to work on.

My worth isn't found in you.

YOUR worth, isn't found in me.

So tell me (if you're brave enough)...do you ever forget that you are beautiful?

Shout out to all of my fellow Swans. Tweet if you can relate using #Swanitude (because it's fun and funny and true).
Part 3 is coming March 11 - stay tuned and thanks for joining

Stop Lying! - Swanitude Part 1

2015-02-28T15:17:00.001-07:00

When I think about my greatest weakness, I think about failure. I think about my own low self-esteem, about failing, about never being good enough.

Who am I not being good enough for? I honestly haven't the faintest clue. There's no one to be good enough for. I am who I am and there's no way around that identity. I am the daughter of the greatest King, the highest of Highs and the most beloved sister of the Prince of Peace.

That's who I am.

So who am I afraid of being "not good enough" for?

You.

Isn't that weird? Who am I to you? What am I? If I put my identity in you, I'm lying to myself. You can't give me self worth. The whole point is SELF worth. You can't give me self ANYTHING.

So why do I feel the need to be good enough for you? Where does this all stem from?

It stems from my dark place.

You know, the way we see the world, it's the BIG things that we assume are the dark things. After all, death of a loved one, parents getting divorced, a relationship ending, or a violation against you (physical, mental emotional...rape, assault, attack) - these are the things we KNOW will hurt/change us. We know that.

Yet so often, it's the little things that can leave deep scars we never even knew existed. Little things can cut open a piece of your heart, slip a lie in, and sew up the opening without you ever realizing it was made.

Little things can become big things.

A little thing I didn't notice has created a lie that feels so insurmountable it consumes me some days.

Once upon a time, I was a little girl in an abusive friendship (amazing how something so short lived can cause such lasting damage). I don't think either of us realized it was abusive. I honestly see, as an adult, that this friend had people in her life that put impossible standards on her. Standards that compared this person to me, because we looked different.

Unbeknownst to me, I was the method of abuse used by ANOTHER person to my friend. It may have never been said out loud. My name may never have been used, but when this other little girl was told she wasn't enough, in her head I think she thought I had what she lacked.

And so, that little girl would put me down, make ME feel I'd never be enough. She would find ways where she was superior, and I think she did that because she felt inferior.

Unfortunately, I didn't know what went on in her life, I only knew that she was (I believed) superior to me. She was better than me. She was prettier, and smarter, and better liked.
I was funnier, but hey, she had to let me have SOMETHING.

Working through my own identity, especially in the wake of my parents divorce (because part of my identity was always who I was in my awesome, whole, perfect family), I've believed the lie that I am nothing.

This is an introductory post. It's a little depressing, but sometimes the hero of the story is in a dark/contemplative place when she embarks on her noble quest.

If you're willing to come with me, we'll talk about identity and who the hell we are and the lies that I am working to stop believing.

How many of you have had toxic relationships?

Stay tuned. Part 2 is coming Wednesday, March 4th.

14 Movies of Valentine's Day

2015-02-13T09:35:00.000-07:00

Still on track with my movie lovin' this month of February.

Truth is, I'm a TOTAL romantic. Can't help myself. I love love. It's honestly the world's biggest shame, because I've never been able to participate, but it doesn't stop me from snuggling up for even the sappiest chick flicks at times.

So without further ado, here are the Romance/Chick Flick movies I can't live without in honor of Valentine's Day! *

*Note: The Holiday and While You Were Sleeping will not be listed here after being listed in the Christmas edition...just know they are also a part of this list.

1. You've Got Mail

There's nothing like hearing those three little words....You've...Got...Mail. Ugh, this movie so encapsulates the 90s AND it's just wonderful. I love it. So. So. So. Much. My favorite Meg Ryan Tom Hanks film.

2. Sabrina (the Harrison Ford version)

Do not get me started on that "other" version. I don't care if it came first. At least the 90s Sabrina had likable characters.
Harrison Ford changes it up, no longer being the sexy Indiana or smouldering Han Solo...instead he shows his nerdier side as he falls for Sabrina fair. I can watch this movie over and over and over again.

3. He's Just Not That Into You

I think this movie gets me because it's the world's biggest hypocrite, but it has a lot of great acting during the process.
What other movie tells you the whole way through "Everything they tell you in romance tales is just creating a fantasy that will never happen to you"
and then they have all of those fantasies happen...
"I thought I wasn't the exception to the rule." "You are my exception."
"I never want to get married. I don't believe in marriage." *20 minutes later in film* "Will you marry me?"

4. Pride and Prejudice

Whether it's Keira Knightley or BBC...I love them both. Then again, I've always been an Austen girl (book wise)
Austen, forever ruining women. "Where's my Mr. Darcy??"

5. Austenland

If you love Austen and haven't seen this movie yet...DROP EVERYTHING AND GO NOW! One of the greatest, funniest, most charming films of all time. ALL TIME! (okay, Kanye...sit down. Nobody asked you)

6. Princess Bride

All right, if we're talking amazing romantic comedies...we know this one (also) takes the cake. It's the most quotable movie I have ever seen. It's not only a wonderful movie, but an amazing book.
Anybody want a peanut?
He's mostly dead.
Mawwaige.
RUBBISH! PUCE! MUCK! SLIME! BOO!

7. Decoy Bride

Hilarious. Scottish. Mixups. David Tennant (and I'm not even a Dr. Who fan). It's all good when watching Decoy Bride. It's on Netflix Instant. Go now.

8. Ever After

No list could be complete without some sort of Cinderella tale on here.
Realistic, as if an actual happening of the fable.

9. French Kiss

"You people make my ass twitch."
Nuff said ^
PS...it's hard to find GIFs for this one. Don't go searching. So much yuck.

10. Clueless

Because who doesn't love a satirical look at society while rehashing an Austen story?
Like, as if!
Plus, early days of Paul Rudd

11. Jane Austen Book Club

Again. Austen. This time a group of women (and one man) reading her books and having their own love stories along the way.

12. 10 Things I Hate About You

This time a Shakespeare rehash...
A funny one
With the Late Heath Ledger and young Joseph Gordon Levitt
And funny
Did I say funny?

13. Secret Life of Walter Mitty

One of my all time, favorite movies. So it should really go on all lists that are applicable. Seriously. Top 5 material here.
Kristen Wiig is delightful in a different kind of role for her.
Ben Stiller is amazing as both director and actor
Scenery is TO DIE FOR
And it's more of an adventure story...so there's that.
Oh! And the soundtrack is amazing.

14. Star Wars

Another one of the greats (three of the greats?). This trilogy is a fantasy wonderland and has one of the best love stories ever...
A princess and a smuggler? Not terribly original...
A kick-ass princess? Getting better.
Who knows how to get under the guy's skin? Okay.
And the guy is actually noble? Love it.
I love you.
I know.
Also I might be in love with Luke Skywalker (and Han. So what!)

Honorable Mentions:

Sliding Doors

Sleepless in Seattle

Sense and Sensibility

The Twelve Christmas Movies I Can't Live Without

2014-12-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

Halloween has come and gone, and now it's Christmas time! In honor of the famous song, I'm picking TWELVE Christmas movies that I can't live without.

They are in no particular order, but I just need them.

1. While You Were Sleeping

Okay so maybe these aren't in any particular order, but out of all the movies I love for Christmas, this is the one I love and will watch at any given moment of any given day. I've never felt like "nah, not that one." It's one of my all time favorite movies.

2. The Holiday

My favorite Kate Winslet and Jack Black movie...and probably Cameron Diaz movie...and probably Jude Law movie. Seriously. I just love this movie. While the Cam and Jude storyline isn't all that awesome to me, Mr. Black and Ms. Winslet steal my heart away. And who can get over that adorable little old man?

3. Love Actually

One of the first of its kind - long before America made Valentine's Day or New Year's Eve (which should never have happened. Bad job, y'all. That thing was boring. V-Day wasn't terrible).
Love Actually is very engaging. It gives you a taste of everything - naughty, nice, political, sweet, hot, love fought for, and love abandoned.
Also it has almost all of my favorite British actors in it.

4. Scrooged

Guys, Bill Murray just gets me. The Christmas Carol in modern (early 90s) day New York?! Fantastic! And he's so funny. My family quotes this movie.

5. Miracle on 34th Street (the original)

No offense to little Matilda and her version, but the original is where this story is at.

6. Santa Clause is Coming to Town

♫Put one foot in front of the other and soon you'll be walking 'cross the floooooor!
Family movie. We watch (and sing) every Christmas Eve.

7. The Grinch (both version)

If you don't love the Grinch I feel bad for you. I'm guessing there's some sadness in your life. Or maybe you're too grown up. What a pity.

8. A Princess for Christmas (Cheesy Hallmark but I love it)

I think ONE hallmark movie had to make the list. I love Katie McGrath and Sam Heughan together. Both are great actors, though the writing for this movie doesn't exactly showcase that. It's cute, it's sweet, it's predictable...everything you need when you want to be cheered up or to just chill.

9. Christmas Vacation

"What's that sound? You hear it? It's a funny
squeaky sound."
"Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah."
"She'll see it later, Clark. Her eyes are frozen."

10. Meet Me in St. Louis

A movie that spans more than Christmas but has one of my favorite Christmas songs ever - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

11. Elf

SAAAAANTAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM!
Seriously, when it comes to Christmas spirit I AM Buddy the Elf. Also it's hilarious. And I have a Jovie Costume.

12. A Christmas Carol (Patrick Stewart's version)

Bah Humbug! You knew one had to make the list (two, with Scrooged). Patrick Stewart is amazing as the curmudgeonly old Scrooge, and he steals my heart away with the story.

They didn't have a GIF of the movie so I am giving you one of Sir Patrick being adorable.

Honorable Mentions:

The Santa Clause, because we all love Tim Allen and his portrayal of the guy in the red suit.

A Diva's Christmas Carol. Ebony Scrooge is a punk and that's why we love her. "I had no idea Tim was sick!" "You had no idea his name was Tim."

Sleepless in Seattle - this one gets mentioned because it's *kind of* Christmasy in that it starts there...but...it's just not Christmasy enough. Still, I enjoy it.

Bridget Jones' Diary - Because seeing Mr. Darcy in an ugly sweater is hilarious. And I love when they fight.

Home Alone. How could I not honor that here?

Last but DEFINITELY not least, Die Hard. (You forgot that was a Christmas movie, didn't you?)

13 Halloween Movies I Can't Live Without

2014-10-28T15:24:00.000-06:00

Recently something is going around Facebook statuses: Name the 15 movies you would pick if you could ONLY watch those 15 movies over and over again for the rest of your life.

Now, to a movie lover/critic/obsessor/fangirl, this seems like the cruelest trick of all. How could you limit me so?

It just isn't fair!

I told this to my clone, and she said "Well, go by genre then. Tell us the 15 chick flicks you could watch again and again...or Disney. Piece by piece because we all know you can't survive with just 15 movies for the rest of your life."

So that's what I'm doing.

In honor of Halloween, I now present you with (in no particular order)

The 13 Halloween Movies I Can't Live Without:

1,2, and 3 - Scream Trilogy What can be said here? Only that it's by far my favorite (and in my biased opinion, the BEST) horror trilogy of all time. I'm sure horror fanatics will argue, but the thing is, the humor, story structure, and thrill factor of this trilogy will long be my favorite. Sydney Prescott, I'm here for you girl, please don't run up those stairs. She's such a badass. Scream GIF montage!
4 - Halloweentown - This is one of those Disney Channel Original movies that, if you didn't grow up with it, will be cheesy and worthless to you. However, to those in my generation, this puppy was a Halloween staple. Who didn't want to find out you were secretly a witch with powers and there was a magical town out there with people just like you!
5 - Halloweentown 2: Kalabar's Revenge. Unlike the two other movies that followed this installment (which you will NOT find on this list), this was a well-made (for a DCOM) sequel to something I already loved. Plus Kal was cute and so was Luke even when he wasn't human. Holla!
6 - Under Wraps. By now you'll notice a trend. I'm not super into horror movies, but I love Halloween. This leads me to another DCOM with heart and humor. A bunch of kids find a mummy and have to get him back to his sarcophagus before midnight on Halloween? Let's do this!
7 - Tower of Terror. I promise, this is my last DCOM. Tower of Terror was inspired by the ride in Disney World (and now Disney California Adventures). Back in Steve Guttenberg's hay day with a young Kirsten Dunst, this movie was perfectly creepy (thanks to obsessive old lady who killed her sister) and still Disney fun.

8 - Halloween. It's in the name for Pete's sake! For the record I'm referencing the original. I don't completely love the remake. It's not bad, it's just...a bit dull. Anyway, the original Halloween with Jamie Lee Curtis is classic 70-80s creepy with a slice of "The Rules" that I love so much from the Scream trilogy. Seriously, guys...don't mess with Michael Meyers.

9 - Hocus Pocus. BY FAR one of my favorites. Oh man. What's not to love about the Sisters from Salem? "I've always wanted a child. I think I'll have one....ON TOAST!" Such a quotable movie and so fantastic. I need to watch it. Now. 'Scuse me while I go on another GIF binge montage.
10 - Young Frankenstein. Frankenstein is ALWAYS a Halloween deal. Young Frankenstein is HILARIOUS! Seriously. Have you seen the funny? Put. The Candle. Back.
11 - Practical Magic. While not technically a Halloween movie, witches abound in this Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman wonder. I love this chick-flick-meets-magic.
12 - Corpse Bride. It's about time I got to Tim Burton, right? The Corpse Bride is an odd delight.
13 - Nightmare Before Christmas. It had to be lucky number 13. While half the time I can't tell if it's a Halloween movie or a Christmas one, this movie can just hit the spot!

Now, what is YOUR favorite Halloween movie?

Through The Portal or Holy Crow I'm Published!

2014-10-07T11:02:00.001-06:00

As of today yours truly is officially published. I know, I know...hold the applause.

#92339536 / gettyimages.com

All in all it's a weird feeling. It's not ONLY my book, so I think that takes some of the pressure off.

What is it, you ask? I'm glad you did.

Meet my new baby: Through the Portal, an anthology.

The portal experts at Read Write Muse invite you to escape into imagination through this portal story collection.

Jump through time to new worlds, indulge in pizza, chocolate, and romance. Fight evil villains, transport with innocent souls, and glimpse into that final portal awaiting us all.

Authors, bloggers, song writers and poets collaborate to bring you stories sprinkled with ethereal prose, whimsical humor, and heart pounding thrills. Through the Portal beckons you to unlock the adventure.
Including the works of Annie Adams, Andrea Asay, J.S. Bailey, LaDonna Cole, Katie Cross, Laura Custodio, Rob Holliday, S. R. Karfelt, Kelsey Keating, D. M. Kilgore, Emily Grace Ogle, Natalie J. Pierson, and Kimberly Robertson.

RWM will donate $1 per book sale to a cancer related charity for one year.

Click on the book to go STRAIGHT to Amazon and snap it up. I know you want to.

It's okay...I'll wait...

Back? Good.

Now let's have a little Meme Attack and a few of the story teasers to express my joy.

Rochelle’s Pizza Run: Sometimes acquiring pizza takes drastic measures.

Portal Potty: Epiphanies happen in unlikely places.

The Bridge: Love lives on beyond the rainbow.

Puddle-Jumper: Some things even time-travel can’t change.

Talk Nerdy to Me

2014-09-06T15:21:00.002-06:00

I may not be the biggest Lady Nerd in the universe, but that doesn't change my love for some pretty dorky things.

via tumblr

Recently I've seen an influx in tv shows and movies discussing grand romantic gestures:

The girl tells the guy her favorite part of Pretty Woman is when he climbs the fire escape to show his love.
The guy tells the girl it's unrealistic and normal people would have used the front door and the elevator.
In the end, the guy climbs up the girl's fire escape, because he knows she'd go to mush for it.

Things like that.

I thought about it, and I can't think of anything I'd like someone to do for me that would win me over like that. I might laugh, thank him, and have a fun moment...but if I'm not interested, the gesture will fall flat.

Then I started thinking about the things I love. Know what? I love Sci-fi and Fantasy...Harry Potter, Star Wars, Star Trek, and the like. So I did a little bit of a search and I found something fun.

via tumblr

I don't get pick up lines.
I understand them, but I don't get them.

At least, until I saw a few of these gems. So, internetland, if you want to make me smile, you can use these.

tumblr

First up, Lord of the Rings. You know the way to this Hobbit's heart. While I love what Sam's got going here, we all know it's Smeagol who has the right line.

via tumblr

Because who could say no to THAT face?

I'm pretty sure my reaction would be the same as Hermione's...but I love a good Slytherin joke.

via tumblr

And the winner of all winners...the quickest way to any nerd-girl's heart.
Go for Han Solo.

Winner winner. Via tumblr

Pretty sure if anyone ever tells me they love me, my response will be "I know."

The Obviously Answered Questions from Beauty and the Beast

2014-09-04T10:04:00.000-06:00

Well, readers, Buzzfeed is at it again. That's right, not a lick of research or googling done as they attack Disney.

But this time they went too far.

This time they tried to take on one of my all time favorite movies. Ever.

In the Buzzfeed blog "12 Questions Disney Forgot to Answer about Beauty and the Beast", they've once again forgotten what fantasy and magic are. So let's set things straight.
Most of the sub-questions I'm answering can be found in the original blog.

First let me say this: Donna Dickens, the Buzzfeed Blogger, has quite the mouth on her! Normally that doesn't bother me...but in connection with Disney.
Oh girl. It's on.

1. Who the actual hell is this?

Well, Donna, you've forgotten rule #1 - magic. Actually you've forgotten a whole heckuva lot so let's get into this, shall we?

Prince Adam's parents are dead. It's not that hard to fathom, as most Disney parents have passed into the great beyond.
A curse of such magnitude affects more than just the person cursed. In most Beauty and the Beast stories, the curse either lasts a long time (long enough for the towns nearby to forget) or the curse affects the memory of the towns (erasing all existence of the royals from history). Disney likely chose the second. This also works because the Beast has a whole Kingdom that is cursed, if you remember the end of the movie (and apparently you don't).

2. Who punishes an 11-year-old for not letting a stranger in the house?

First, she isn't the "good fairy". You're thinking of Pinocchio or something. She's an Enchantress (it isn't stated if she's good or bad, just beautiful).
Look, I'm not against the Enchantress being the bad guy (what fun!), but I have a feeling I'm going to have to sass this Buzzfeed post a few times for forgetting rule #1.
How many times do I have to say it?! MAGIC. All right let's go with a few different theories. Including what Disney itself answered.

Theory 1: Prince Adam wasn't 11. He was suspended in time. The flower kept them from aging. He was actually 20 and 10 years passed, dragging out the 1 normal Earth year within the magical realm (because nobody is going to get over being a beast in just one year).
Theory 2:This is way back in the past, when 12-13 would have been considered "a man". Assuming his parents are dead, Prince Adam is acting under his advisers (Cogsworth and Lumiere) care until old enough to rule on his own.
At 11 years old, he shows no remorse, care, or kindness. The Good Fairy sees that "there was no love in his heart" and that's why she cursed him. (However, Buzzfeed, if you're interested in playing with this idea, you can always read Monstrosity).
Theory 3:This one is my favorite: the prologue says "...an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year..." 21st year doesn't mean 21st birthday. It could mean that the rose was able to bloom 21 years past being cursed. (this could support the Disney Canon seen below...at 15 year old boy, and then 21 years of the rose, with only ten passing and him being 25 with Belle)

But wait! If you say this, and Lumiere says it's only been 10 years, why does the rose stop blooming by the end of the movie?
I'm glad you asked. In this theory, we follow that it will bloom until his 21st year (as beast) and "If he could learn to love and be loved in return by the time the last petal fell, the spell would be broken."
So the PETALS may have started falling because he fell in love with Belle, therefore accelerating the process. Otherwise, why would petals only start falling when Belle arrived?

Really though, you can just watch the Disney film clip from the second Beauty and the Beast. It shows him pretty young, though I wouldn't say 11.

3. Why did Belle even open the door here?

I feel like this one is actually rather obvious. Think of the time period and think of Belle's character. She may not be a huge fan, she may think Gaston is a creep, but she's got manners. The girl answers the door because that's what she's been taught to do.

Also, if you think about it, not answering the door means he just won't go away until she makes it clear, "No thanks".

And in a cottage that small? It's not like Gaston wouldn't be able to hear her inside, and I wouldn't put it past him to bust in unwarranted.

4. Who are the faceless bastards in the background?

tumblr.com

What's with all of the swearing? We're talking about Disney, for crying out loud. Also what basic rules of being home alone...you mean the one that says "don't answer the door for strangers?"

And Buzzfeed answers her own question here. "Did all the inanimate objects become partially self aware"

Um. Yes. It's a magic castle. Of course they did. Because there were plates, and forks, and knives, napkins etc in the castle before the curse. You don't think they just vanished because a few people turned into clocks and candlesticks, do you? Also, a feather duster with no arms is not going to be able to help setting the table - neither will a teapot. The castle helps out with the enchanted objects.

5. What is going on with this time-traveling portrait?

Rule #1, Buzzfeed.

The portrait answers to two theories I've already stated above. Time was frozen and/or (it could be both) it wasn't his 21st birthday so much as 21 years.

OR
The artist was pushing to find what the prince would look like when he got older. They did it all the time. Ever seen portraits where a little girl looks like an adult? It's just the style.

6. What would have happened if Belle touched the rose?

Why is this one of your "Disney forgot to answer" questions? No. Seriously. What relevance does it actually have to the movie? How is this somehow a "plot hole"?

It isn't. However, the enchanted rose is suspended in mid-air and the entire castle depends on its life and staying there for as long as possible.

If Belle touches it, how much do you want to bet she knocks it down or causes it to wilt? Hello...that's the whole mythology right there. The Beast has until the flower drops its last petal - would you want someone playing "he loves me, he loves me not" with your curse's life blood? I didn't think so.

7. How did Belle get his heavy unconscious ass onto her horse?

Well done, Buzzfeed. You finally asked a good question. I've always wondered this myself.
So that's Buzzfeed: 1 Kelsey:6

I wonder if the horse somehow helped?

8. How does Chip even exist?

Another question answered by Rule #1.

Time is frozen, deary. Chip is frozen in a childlike mental state. He's six, forever (or at least 10-21 years, depending).
The other cups don't have eyes, that leads us back to the inanimate objects having a bit of self-awareness. And Mrs. Potts isn't a cruel lady. She sees these inanimate objects as family and doesn't want them to feel left out. Now that she's a teapot and her son is a cup, well by-golly those are his new brothers and sisters. It would make it easier on the little kid in the long run, anyway.

9. Is Belle stupid?

This is by far the most aggravating question, as the title of the blog is questions Disney FORGOT TO ANSWER.

When was this question asked? Never. Who says Belle didn't realize he was a prince/count/somebody important. What does it matter when he's a beast? In the beginning, Belle is concerned with A) Leaving and B) not dying. She doesn't have time to care.

Secondly, Belle isn't the type of girl to only be intrigued by someone because they're "important". Gaston is the town's golden boy and she couldn't care less. You think being a prince is all it takes for Belle to bat her eyes and flirt?

I think not. Belle requires what is inside.

Please stop calling her names.

10. Whose clothes are they wearing?

While I understand your confusion, you're forgetting so many things, including Rule #1 (like the castle couldn't create clothes if it wanted to).

Most royals have their own tailor. No doubt this person turned into some form of needle or old fashioned sewing machine. It could make clothes for the Beast over the last 10 years.
The Beast had a mother once, and she wore clothes (SHOCKER!). She had closets full of them, no doubt. Don't you remember the armoire with all the clothes inside? Hello...Belle's dresses...

11. Why didn’t Belle just say she’d be back?

Don't get me started on reasons to kick your ass for bringing up Stockholm syndrome (see!? Now you've got ME swearing!).

IN fact, if you want to be all high and mighty and bash Disney (because that's what "intellectual adults" do), why don't you read this. THIS RIGHT HERE. (thank you Katie Cross for this)

Back to the question at hand - Did Belle even know she'd be back? Did Belle have any clue that the beast would go all morose or that he was working with a time limit?

No. She didn't know how long it would take to care for her father. She didn't know the Beast needed her love ASAP. He couldn't tell her (rules to a curse. Doesn't work if you just tell someone and they say "oh let me magically fix that).

Seriously, this Buzzfeed author sounds angry and bitter...did she wait for her prince charming and never get one? Or did she just find out there's no such thing as "happily ever after"?

12. How did these people not know there was a cursed monster within walking distance?

Rule. #. 1.

MAGIC

The town as had their memories modified.
The town is too far away to actually understand what's going on in neighboring town.
The town thought the royals just up and vanished...not realizing there was a beast there the whole time.

Any of those answer your question.

In the end, it's my blog so I'm biased but....I win!

Please try google or SOMETHING next time, Buzzfeed. You're killing me here.

An Open Apology

2014-08-03T08:49:00.000-06:00

If you've come across me in the month of July (I may have said this already) I'm sorry.

July is the month from Hell. I'm pretty sure there's some sort of alignment of planets or something (not really). This year was a bit different though, so I must apologize for it.
I've been crazy this past month, and I haven't always handled it well. If you had an interaction with me that made you think WTFC (what the fried chicken?!), I ask for your grace, mercy, and forgiveness.

July was a roller coaster of emotions, ending on the note that my dad is filing for divorce after 27 years of marriage. I'm not going to go into that, my thoughts on it, or what I think about divorce (beyond saying that I think divorce is wrong in almost all cases).

All I'm going to talk about is my emotional side. July took its toll, and as a result, I reacted poorly in several situations that didn't require Crazy Annie to join the game.

Little things pushed buttons that are normally well out of reach. Conversations that meant nothing sent me into a fit of rage. I felt both 12 and 16 again.

Tell me I'm pretty.
Want me.
Leave me alone.
I don't want to talk to you.
Why are you ignoring me?
My life is the worst.
I have the best life.
My friends don't care about me.
My friends love me too much.

#105473448 / gettyimages.com

I've been through all these roiling feelings about friends, life, family, and love. None of them have been all too healthy. I want to be wanted, but don't you dare touch me. Make me feel pretty. Tell me how great of a friend I am, even though I've been wretched.

The more I felt this way, the further I tried to push the feelings down. Everyone knows how that ends. I would blow up, get weird, demand things, fall into depression...you name it.

#450742639 / gettyimages.com

This apology is for everyone who was on the receiving end.

On July 31st, instead of celebrating Harry Potter's birthday, I had a conversation with someone in my head. This person probably got the biggest brunt of my crazy, and I was trying to walk through an apology I might give them in person.

Instead I had a revelation. This often is how it is. I imagine talking to someone else and through my internal monologue, I figure it out.

I wanted all of these things from people are are human. People who are just as flawed as I am. I wanted to be wanted, loved, cherished, understood, forgiven, and protected in ways that no man or woman can possibly accomplish.

In my monologue I realized something.

If I can love myself. If I don't want to be me. If I can't forgive myself and those who have hurt me...

How can anyone else possibly succeed?

Furthermore, why am I turning outward for love and attention when I have the Greatest Heavenly Father waiting with open arms? He made me beautiful, no matter what men or women around me think. He made me special, no matter what I tell myself. He made me. He chose me. At the beginning, I ran to Him. I found my safety and identity in Him. Somewhere on July 2nd or 3rd I switched gears. I ran away and tried to have people fill my needs.

I'm so sorry I asked you all to do that. I'm so sorry I put my burdens on you. To all my friends and loved ones, I'm sorry for July. I intend to never go back there.

As Walt Disney said, I plan to Keep Moving Forward.

Only this time, I'm keeping my eyes on Jesus.

Forgotten Girl

2014-07-16T16:34:00.002-06:00

I have battled the Negative Nancy gene all my life.
You know her...the "woe is me" lady who feeds off of your pain and makes you sit in it until your fingers get pruny.

I am prone to that wallowing. I hate it - HATE IT - about myself, and yet every now and then I catch myself doing it.

I caught myself today.

I've had troubled friendships in the past; the kind where people hurt you intentionally. Those friendships have led me to be quite the whacked out friend for those who enjoy my company today.

What one might say "aw, darn. That sucks", for me becomes "they hate me. I'm a pest. Why am I even their friend? I'm going to go cry in a corner."

It's stupid, really. It's foolish. Yet, for some reason, it's the conclusion I always immediately jump to when something goes wrong.

Today I was forgotten. Even typing those words makes me want to cry. It wasn't my friend's fault. Sometimes people forget.

That is logic talking.

Crazy Annie is convinced that this friend forgot me because I mean nothing to them.

Why would you mean anything to them? Why are they even nice to you? Charity case, no doubt. In fact, you probably weren't forgotten. You were probably blatantly ignored. They don't like you, and you're not getting the hint. You're the ugly duckling. Nobody likes you.

#165626360 / gettyimages.com

My heart breaks moment by moment, logic trying to say "SHUT UP ANNIE! YOU AREN'T HELPING!"

Annie never helps.

It's moments like this that I wish I were stronger. I wish I wasn't so sensitive. I wish I could roll with the punches, shrug my shoulders and say "eh, whatever" the way so many of the people I admire do.

I am not that person.
Not yet.
But I am damn well willing to do what it takes to get there if it means never feeling like this again.

I told Clone how I felt, that my heart hurt, so she gave me a little mantra originating from The Help.

You is smart.
You is kind.
You is beautiful.

I wish my self-esteem wasn't so volatile.
I'm sorry, blogisphere, for my insecurity, but if I wasn't real than you wouldn't like me anyway.

Spock Vs. Annie Wilkes

2014-07-08T17:01:00.001-06:00

If you've ever heard me talk about my Clone, you know that we think alike. As I was preparing this blog, she posted this one here. Great minds...

Sometimes it sucks to be a girl. I'm not just talking about "those" times - the ones where everyone ducks and covers, offering up chocolate and heating pads for appeasement.

I'm talking about every day, emotional girl issues. The crazy Annie Wilkes that lives in all of us...waiting to tie up our favorite author and break his ankles until he writes a better ending.
Oh, uh...too far?

I'd like to think of myself as a rational person. Usually, I am. I think through things logically. When life throws a curve ball, I try not to react, but to consider the situation and respond with a cool head. Spock (and for that matter, Data) is my hero.
Calm, rational, doesn't let emotions stop him from getting the job done.

#3271376 / gettyimages.com

I am not Spock.
For this reason, I must apologize to everyone who spent any time with me from 12:01am - 12:30am on July 4th-5th, 2014.

It wasn't PMS that made me crazy during this time period, but just emotional girly-ness. It lacks all logic, makes no sense, and frankly is a pain in the...well, you know.

Explanation? Not really. Curious? I'm sure you are if you've read this far.
July 4th is my least favorite day of the year. It's the cursed day. Everyone has one - that day that no matter how hard you try, it never goes right.

Mine started rather fantastically, and frankly if I wasn't a girl it might have gone splendidly.
The first to get a dose of my insanity didn't know what he was up against. All he did was invite me to watch Independence Day to celebrate the holiday.
Frankly, this movie is a personal favorite - it's one of the best. How could I say no? This friend - Han - is a darling. One of my favorite people on this earth - all around nice, and while undeserving of my crazy, often takes the brunt of it with a forgiving smile.

So Han and I watch the best 4th of July movie around, talking through half of it and debating different cinematic elements (this is why I adore our friendship so much. Han and I share many interests. It's fun).

And then I turn crazy.

#163269412 / gettyimages.com

I never plan on turning crazy. Seriously, the Spock side of me facepalms and begs for me to shut up. Unfortunately, "Annie" is already on her way to the loony bin.

So after a freakout in front of Han, I went home and didn't get enough sleep - this only makes me worse.
Crabby Annie locked Spock in the closet and spewed venom at her family until she fell back to sleep (missing the soccer games, thank you very much).

By the evening, Spock and Annie were arm wrestling for the power to rule the remainder of the day. A little Vulcan Death Grip knocked Annie out long enough for me to enjoy a concert in the park where a friend Mike's band played (and they did so well)!

I barely made it home, however, before Annie reared her ugly head and went all Exorcist Linda Blair style. What does that mean? Read this blog here.

Spock, realizing all hope was lost, sent me to bed, only to be awoken by my amazing mother to be told she had to take Brosef to the ER.
Because, of course, the 4th of July couldn't pass without harming SOMEONE that I love.
(Don't worry, Brosef is okay. Bronchial spasms are no laughing matter, but the man doth breathe again!)

All in all, I'm glad the day is done. I'm thankful that Han has a sister and gets that girls randomly go crazy for no reason. I'm thankful that Mike's band did so well, and that I got to enjoy them.

I'm also thankful that the Spock in me let me write this blog, despite the Annie influences splashed all over it.

I'm glad to be a woman - really, I am - but sometimes, I wouldn't mind avoiding the crazy.

BLANK!

2014-05-15T08:00:00.000-06:00

No, really. It is.
That isn’t a “fill in this. What’s coming?” sort of game.

BLANK: A Shieldmaiden’s Voice is HERE!

TODAY!

Anytime a sequel (or in this case, prequel) of a book I love is going to be released, I get excited.

This is different.

This is THE book.
It’s MY book.

Not like I wrote it “mine”, but like…that book that belongs to me.

*Notices the blank stares at the computer screen from our readers*

How about this – BLANK is to Kelsey as Chocolate is to S.R. Karfelt, the author who wrote it.

NOW it’s sinking in. This book is my catnip. It’s one of those stories that has buried itself down deep and become part of my soul. Carole Blank is my friend, which is a hard thing to do, as Carole doesn’t have many friends.

Carole Blank is the reason I’m called a Shieldmaiden. She’s the reason I’m brave enough to start my own Manuscript Critique Business.

Carole Blank and I are, at the same time, NOTHING alike and the exact same person.
Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, a meek, quiet girl with short blonde hair went to a writer’s conference. For the first time in her life, she ventured out on her own into the scariest environment known to her: people like herself.

Thankfully, the girl survived the weekend, occasionally catching the eye of one woman, who would always smile at her and turn away. At the airport, returning home from her trip, the girl caught sight of the woman, recognizing her from the conference.

“Go say hello, then. The whole point is to connect with other authors!” her mom said, because let’s be honest…the girl went to the conference alone, but didn’t travel across the country alone.

Begrudging bringing her mother for the first time, the girl stood and approached the other author, a woman named S.R. Karfelt. As would be expected when one author meets another, they were pleasant, kind, and likely a bit awkward in their conversation.

Months later, still in 2011, after most of those at the small conference had reunited in a group on Facebook, S.R. Karfelt admitted something to the girl.

“When I first saw you, I thought you were my character Carole Blank come to life. You look just like her.”

Startled and a bit thrilled, the girl accepted this compliment as well as the chance to be a reader of Carole Blank’s story.

Thus began my love affair with the story of BLANK. I suppose part of it might be vanity – this is me! – but the main reason I love this story is because I love to see Carole grow. So often we see a chunk of a character’s life, a span of days or months. Carole we get to know early on and see her transformation. She faces much of what we all face – the desire to belong.

Carole Blank is stronger than I am. She’s fierce and powerful. She’s a shieldmaiden. For those of you who are smart/fortunate enough to have read Warrior of the Ages, Carole won’t be a new character to you. Her story, though, will open your eyes.

Join me and the many others who are already touting BLANK’s praise – you won’t regret it.

The FOUR Questions Disney Left Unanswered

2014-05-13T11:42:00.000-06:00

Anyone who knows me knows I love Disney. LOVE IT! I love Fairy tales and princesses and all things Belle, Merida, Elsa and Ariel.

And pretty much everyone else.

Well, in that regard, Buzzfeed posted a blog entitled "24 Questions Disney Left Unanswered"

For a Disney buff like me, this is MORE than exciting. DISNEY! You, mysterious entity, you. What have you left unsaid this time?

But then, if you're like me, you start reading the blog and realize something...

The Buzzfeed blogger didn't do her homework.

Most of the questions are answered RIGHT IN THE MOVIE, and several are answered in sequels and TV spin offs and can be GOOGLED to get the answer right away.

So here I go. Here are the 24 Disney Questions left unanswered: Debunked.

1. "How could Pocahontas communicate with John Smith if he was the first English man she’d met?"

This one rankles right from the get-go. It's answered right in the film. In fact, there's a whole song about it - "Listen With Your Heart" The magic of nature and their own hearts give them the ability to understand each other.

2. In Toy Story: "Why did some toys have voices and others didn’t?"

I'm wondering if the Buzzfeed blogger ever noticed that the toys without voices...were also toys without mouths.

3. "One of Aladdin’s wishes was to become a prince. When it came true, does that mean the Genie created an entire kingdom for Aladdin? And if so, what happened to those people?"

This one is also easy if you've seen the two movies following Aladdin: As we all know, the third movie is Aladdin and the King of Thieves. WHO HAPPENS TO BE HIS DAD. Hello! Who says that Aladdin's dad wasn't just a normal thief who suddenly rose in the ranks VERY quickly when his son made a wish to be prince.
Aladdin didn't say WHAT he wished to be prince OF.

4. "When Boo went missing, what did her parents think happened to her?"

The first legitimate question. I have no idea. We will give this one to the Buzzfeed blogger.

5. "And what about Russell's parents in UP!?"

Half fair. After all, Russell's dad obviously wasn't involved in Russell's life, so he wouldn't notice, BUT what did Russell's mom think? Poor woman. So the Buzzfeed Blogger gets half for this one, because we don't know what Russell's mom thought or did.
For those keeping count, that's Kelsey 3, Buzzfeed Blogger 1.5

6. "What the hell did Ariel do between finding out about the wedding at sundown and the actual wedding? That’s an entire day."

This is another foggy one. We don't know that it was an entire

day, as we don't know what time Ariel woke up. She had a late night the night before, and it must be exhausting to learn how to use legs (seriously, it'd be like a total leg workout for that girl). We don't know if it was 9:00am or Noon when she woke.
So without knowing how much time had passed between Ariel waking up, finding out, and the wedding, this one is a bit harder BUT what do YOU do after your heart is broken?
You cry a lot. Wallow in misery. Wonder how this could have possibly happened to you. Hate your life. Cry some more. Avoid your true love as he prepares for his wedding and his servants run around getting everything ready. Heartbroken girls WALLOW. After all she wasn't even invited to attend! It isn't until Scuttle realizes that Vanessa is the Sea Witch that they have something to do! Ariel is 16 and not our strongest Disney Heroine (as much as we love her. She's in the 80s when Disney tread the line of a classic damsel in distress - Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty - and a strong willed fighter - Belle, Mulan, and modern day princesses).

7. "How does Ursula paint her nails under water?"

This one is legit again. I suppose we can all imagine that there's some land-based paint, or maybe she kills little creatures and uses their bits the way she does with her lipstick. It's very foggy, and I will give this one to the Blogger.
Buzzfeed blogger 2.5, Kelsey 4

8. "Why did Ursula live in the palace? And why was she banished?"

First, this is two questions, silly blogger. And second, anyone who can use google can find out the second answer quickly:
In the Disney's TV Animated version of The Little Mermaid, the episode- "Heroes", it is also implied in this episode that the reason behind her (Ursula) exile was because she tried to create copies of the Trident, referred to as dark tridents, for the aforementioned army against Atlantica.
Back to the first question: In Kingdom of Hearts (the Disney Video Game) it is stated that Ursula was King Triton's Fortune teller before she was banished for making the dark tridents.
Buzzfeed Blogger 2.5, Kelsey 6
UPDATE: Anonymous below added this to the argument: "For question 8, you could also listen to the musical version. Ursula is Triton's sister. She says in the song "I want the good times back" pretty much everything you need to know. Their dad died and Ursula got half the sea and Triton got half. Triton got the trident. Ursula was banished because she used black magic. Also during the song "Sweet Child" the musical version, Ariel says something about Aunt Ursula."

9. "Why didn’t Prince Eric think Ariel was a psychopath? She combed her hair WITH A FORK in the middle of their dinner."

Anyone else feel like the Buzzfeed Blogger is picking on The Little Mermaid by this point? I digress.

Why didn't they think Ariel was psycho? Well they thought she was odd, but they also found her wrapped in a sail on the beach, obviously having been stranded there. Poor girl probably hit her head (and that's why she can't talk). They are going to give her the benefit of the doubt. Likely they had her see a doctor/physician who would have diagnosed her that way - after all, no one believes in mermaids.

10. "Why was Ariel OK with the fact that they were serving seafood? She is a mermaid, therefore she grew up surrounded by seafood."

Told you they were picking on this movie.
I have two arguments for this, though mine was sort of negated by a friend (Katie Cross, you win this one).
I figure I've grown up around cows, pigs, chickens etc...but I still eat pork and beef (not chicken. I hate chicken).
However, Katie pointed out (rather correctly) that Ariel would be a vegetarian. She knows men on land eat fish, but she doesn't. I know that there are people who eat chicken, and I don't go psycho about it. Most vegetarians know that their friends eat meat, and the cool ones don't freak about that either.
Besides, she saves Sebastian...so...

11. "How did Nemo’s fin get damaged if he was an egg? Did he even have fins that early on?"

His egg was damaged, that will damage his growing process. That's why his fin never grew to full size, because the damage in the egg screwed it up (regardless of whether or not he had a fin yet)

Also, if you look closely when Marlin turns Nemo's egg over in the beginning, you see the little guy moving inside.

12. "Why didn’t Beast know how to use a fork? He was a human."

It's like trying to eat with your non-dominant hand

This one is foolishly simple in my opinion. He'd never used a fork AS the Beast. He'd become an animal and acted like one for 10 years. He was only 11 when he was transformed, so it wouldn't be that hard for him to forget and just become feral. Working his paws isn't the same as working hands.

13. Why didn’t Aurora’s parents just freaking invite Maleficent?

Would YOU want a crazy evil fairy coming to your daughter's birth celebration? Um, no. No parent would want someone evil there. You would hope they just wouldn't hear about it.
Merryweather even says "You weren't wanted"
Any parent who loves their child is going to try and keep that child safe from harm. Maleficent is evil, she'd likely bestow an evil gift whether or not she was invited.

Scary. Terror. Fear. Not welcome here.

14. "How would have Aurora survived her slumber without food or drink?"

*Rolls eyes* Magic. Duh. This Buzzfeed Blogger is losing the element of fantasy.

Does this look like a normal spindle?

15. "Why didn't Cinderella ever try to run away?"

Does this look like a girl who wants to run away?

Two thoughts. 1) Maybe she did. How would we know? 2) If she did, where would she go? She has no money, no possessions. She'd likely end up on the street, which is unkind to pretty young women. What good would running do? They may have been awful, but I'd rather do chores and have a roof over my head than have no money and starve.

Times were different then - ever see Ever After? She had it rough, and she didn't run away.

Finally, she had too many animal friends she cared for to desert them like that.

16. Mowgli was found in an abandoned canoe. What exactly happened to Mowgli’s parents? Where were they going in the canoe?

Another one of those more than one question ones.
Question one: Mowgli's parents were killed either in a river accident (the cartoon version) or by Shere Khan (the live action version). As both are Disney movies, both answers are applicable.
Why were they in canoe in the cartoon version? Down the river. Not sure why this question matters. Another half to the Buzzfeed Blogger.
Buzzfeed Blogger 3, Kelsey 14

17. "Why was Wall-E the only unit of his kind left?"

This one seems like it's explained right in the movie.

First on a technical standpoint, he uses the parts of others to fix himself. Second:

Because he was different. He had, the best I can put it, a soul. He had a personality. A will to live. The others were just machines. They didn't get recharged by the sun. Maybe they forgot. Maybe they broke. Wall E continued on because he had the Heart to do so.

Also, it has been argued that he may NOT have been the last one. After all, we only saw one small portion of Earth. We don't know if other bots were still working around the world.

18. "Why are the dwarfs pulling jewels out of the ground? What do they do with them after mining them?"

I hate Snow White, so I don't know. If you do, feel free to give me the answer. Otherwise, this point goes to the Blogger for my sheer lack of caring.
~~Buzzfeed Blogger 4, Kelsey 15~~
AMENDED: Reader Sabrina Danielle states the following:
"In the song 'Hi Ho', they sing "We don't know what we dig 'em for".' I would call this an answer and a non answer. Nobody gets this point (except maybe Sabrina)
Buzzfeed blogger 3, Kelsey 15

19. "How did Hades never know that Hercules was chilling as a mortal? His brother liked him enough to invite him to the birthday party but not to let him know he was watching his son grow up as a mortal?"

Maybe Zeus was a little cautious of his Brother Hades and that's why he never told him. Or MAYBE Zeus didn't want ANY of the gods to know because he never knew who took Herc in the first place, so he and Hera kept it secret so no one could get to him again.
Because obviously, it had to be a god who took Hercules in the first place, as mortals can't enter Mount Olympus.

Right? Right?

I just love Hercules

20. "Why didn’t the government warn the Incredibles about a trap? If they were tracking all superheroes, wouldn’t they have known about several of them being killed?"

First, it's not like they put microchips in the Supers. So if one disappeared, they wouldn't necessarily know he or she died.
Second, these superheroes disappeared and the gov't didn't know where they were. In not knowing, they couldn't ADMIT that they'd screwed up, so they said nothing. Just got increasingly more worried. That sounds like the government to me.

21. "Does Scar have a real name? What was he called before he received his scar?"

This one makes me mad. Don't blame Disney for your lack of research!
Scar's name was Taka. He asked his family to call him scar after an attack by cape buffalo, as a reminder to how foolishly he allowed anger to rule him (didn't go over so well. He fell prey to it again, after all).

Poor Taka

22. "Anita and Cruella de Vil are supposed to be the same age? And why are they friends? Cruella is kinda rude."

First I'm not really sure how this is unanswered. Right in the movie it says Cruella and Anita are "old school friends." That doesn't necessarily make them the same age (I had friends in school who were older), but even so, Cruella smoked that poison and it sure aged her.
Second, the second question is an opinion. I think most of us could say we've had a friend who is abusive. It's hard to get out of that relationship, especially if you're the kind of sweetie Anita is. You may not like them, but British propriety and politeness will keep you from turning them out of your house.

23. "How was Rapunzel even able to hold her head up? Wouldn’t it be heavy as shit with all that hair?"

Once again, Buzzfeed blogger is getting too literal with fantasy. It's magic hair. BUT even so, as Rapunzel grew with it, she would have developed the neck muscles necessary. Ask Katie, she's a nurse who confirmed it.

24. "Why didn’t Olaf melt when they were visiting the trolls? There was no snow to be found yet there were steam geysers."

While intriguing, this one is still answerable. Elsa set off an "eternal winter", meaning that temperatures have dropped by the extreme. Just because there isn't snow doesn't mean there aren't freezing temps. After all, Kristoff and and Ana are still wearing their furs and winter outfits. If it was warm, they'd peel those off.
Also, geysers can still go off when it's super cold. Just because it's freezing above ground doesn't mean it's freezing below ground.

Final Tally:

Buzzfeed Blogger 4 3

Kelsey 22

Do you have theories that differ from mine? Can you answer the Snow White question? Chime in below!

References:

http://lionking.wikia.com/wiki/Scar

http://disney.wikia.com/wiki/Ursula

http://disney.wikia.com/wiki/Mowgli

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ursula_(The_Little_Mermaid)

The movies themselves.