LifeVesting

10 Things You Can Say Anywhere, Even When You Don’t Know the Language

Andy Wood — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 13:53:10 +0000

I’m really glad you’re here.

I need to hang onto my fork.

I don’t trust you - you scare me.

May I take a picture of your really cute kid?

Thank you.

I’m not just being polite - I really like you.

Coca Cola

Hallelujah!

Amen!

I don’t want you to go.

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Two Dresses

Andy Wood — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 09:54:07 +0000

The only time I ever bought clothes for my children without a guardian present, I bought two dresses in Mobile - this one and a green one.

Actually, I bought the same dresses twice, for a special reason. Earlier that day my twin girls were born.

Little did I know how quickly they would outgrow them.

Today this dress - and the girls who wore it - turns 25. Time moves even faster now. But the love that filled my heart that July day is stronger than ever.

Happy Birthday, ladies. May you change your world as much as you’ve changed mine.

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Same Same, But Different

Andy Wood — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:10:23 +0000

There’s an old colloquial saying in Thailand that has become something of a joke. Makes for a great t-shirt, too. When foreigners would travel to the Land of Smiles, and ask if this whatever was the same as the whatever where they came from, or the whatever from another part of the country or town, the standard reply was, “Same same, but different.”

Why do they have the same two kinds of markets sitting right next to each other? Same same, but different.

Are the people on the southern coast the same as the people in Chiang Mai or Bangkok? Same same, but different.

Do the cooks turn out that Thai cuisine they way their grandmothers did it? Same same, but different.

Today those who deal with the realities of change in this, the only nation in Asia never colonized, face great challenges and great opportunities. And yet, they hold on to a culture that is the friendliest form of fierce independence I have ever met. Same same, but different.

Chonburi

Like many other cities who number in the hundreds of thousands, Chonburi is a sometimes-rude clash of old-meets-new. In the old parts of town, row after row of marketplace vendors sit next to each other in an odd dance of competition and cooperation. If the restaurant you’re sitting in doesn’t have your favorite dessert, nobody cares if you send somebody off to buy it elsewhere and enjoy it right where you’re sitting.

Meanwhile in other parts of the city, dazzling new shopping malls and massive supermarkets attract shoppers by the thousands, and the consumers are bringing their money or credit cards with them.

“People come to Thailand hoping to see people do things the old way,” my host says. “But people here want to have things the new way, like they see it in other countries.”

Same same, but different.

It’s only a matter of time before the Walmart effect begins drying up what for many has been the family business for generations. The grandpa with the abacus in the back room is no match for bulk buying. Bargaining and bartering will give way to deep discounts.

Bangkla

The Baptist church here is evolving. People half my age now lead worship in the church my missionary parents-in-law helped build in the 60s. The piano has given way to a modest drum kit, a couple of guitars, and a bass. A projector flashes words on the screen, just like most anywhere else in a developed country these days. And the people there seem to be committed to what they’re doing.

Meanwhile, around the corner, what once was the Baptist Hospital still stands, but no longer has patient beds, surgeries, or emergency rooms. Only an outpatient clinic stands as testimony to a ministry that once was. Yet out of the grave of what once was a life-changing medical facility, a new ministry has emerged that offers Thai women a chance at meaningful employment and an opportunity for spiritual leaders and missionaries to teach and evangelize. Through Thai Country Trim, lives are being touched. Same same, but different.

But there’s underlying tension in Bangkla. Like their brothers and sisters all over the world in established churches and ministries, there is a clash between what the locals call “the old way” and “the new way.” The old way sings the old songs. Uses the old tried-and-true methods. Clings to the old-time faith AND the old-time religion (two very different things). The new way is making headway in other places, and there is a yearning for a breakthrough in Bangkla. New methods. New responses to technology. New applications of eternal biblical truth. A new wineskin for a new generation. New ministry strategies that actually work for a generation who lives online and on texting the friend in the next room. Same same, but different, please.

Those who cling to the old way fear that change means dishonoring their past and those who have so blessed them in days gone by. Can you relate? A different dynamic doesn’t have to mean a different gospel or a different “product.” Different can still be same same.

Bangkok

No city shows off change in Siam like Bangkok, and that’s fitting. It was here that my wife went off to boarding school in the seventh grade. Yet as we make the trek into the city, she remarks that all we were seeing has been built since she was here in the early 70s. Yet, she says at dinner, “When I’m here, it’s like my equilibrium is completely balanced. It’s like taking a deep breath.” Different, but same same.

Robin and I ascend to the 77^th floor of the Baiyoke Tower Hotel where we’re staying. This, the tallest building in Thailand, gives us a stunning nighttime view of Bangkok. All of that is interesting enough to her… until we realize we’re also standing in a museum. We’re gazing at the different, while she is being reminded of what to her was the same same. There’s the old cart with the yoke for water buffalos. The hundred or so wooden elephants that reminds her of the time they actually saw the king’s elephants being moved from Chiang Mai to Bangkok for a special celebration. The three-wheeled saam lau, Thailand’s old-school pedal-powered taxis. The replica of the old candy store, circa Robin’s childhood. Suddenly she has come to life. This was the world of her never-ending-childhood adventure. And for a few moments, my mate has been transported back in time. Same same is different is same same.

The Dance

We all do a dance with change, but we all approach it differently. To some of us, change is a rude intruder, even something of a chronological rapist. It is forced upon us while we pine away for a life that most of the people in our lives are too young to even remember. Biblically speaking, we try to put new wine in old wineskins, and wonder why our containers keep breaking apart. Same same, by God, and nothing more!

Others want change for change’s sake. They have the right idea, but impotent motives. They want change to save face. To be like the global or spiritual Joneses. They want to change the wrapping without really understanding why it even matters. Different!

Then there are others who approach this dance as the lead partner. They get ahead of change. Anchoring themselves to the timeless, they seek new adventures. Grateful for the same same, and fiercely loyal to its core ideals and truths, they gracefully lead the way toward different. And in doing so, they change lives, and change the world.

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The Home Church

Andy Wood — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 13:08:02 +0000

Have a dream? A vision of what could be, if only…? Do you have a vision of something greater to come, which you passionately long for? This past Saturday night, on what was as much a holiday weekend in Thailand as it was in the U.S., a visionary, passionate Christian leader taught me a priceless lesson about how God brings vision to reality. Here’s how I described it, straight out of my journal.

Saturday night Dui and his wife Gift invited us to join them for what he called a home Bible study. Pastor Preecha and Nit joined us as well. When the van came to pick us up, it was already loaded with an army of others - Dui’s father and stepmother, brother and sister-in-law, and a couple of kids. As we made our way, we stopped at a roadside chicken roaster’s stand, where a woman had five cooked chickens on a rotissarie. Gift picked the best looking one, the middle one, and the lady whacked it off and gave it to her. That, Dui said, was going to be our dinner.

We traveled the highway, then down a very bumpy dirt road (it was the tail end of rainy season), then stopped again at a collection of homes. Dui said this is where Gift grew up, and her family emerged, each hauling pots of rice, meats, and other food. This wasn’t just roadside chicken; we were destined for pot luck, Thai style.

Just before we got to the destination, Dui pointed out an old abandoned church building on the right. He said that the missionaries had come years earlier and established it, but when support ran out (or when the church died out), it was abandoned. His dream is to make this home Bible study big enough, to reestablish a church there, on that site. He is praying that God would send a leader there to move it forward.

This group meets every Saturday night in the village of Nhongnea, at the home of a lady named Sohmkit. She’s a pig farmer. This hasn’t been a particularly good year for pig farming, but Sohmkit is tough. She has survived life with a mean alcoholic husband and has moved on. She has forged a beautiful home, including a lovely covered picnic area that she built herself. By the time everyone arrived, more than 25 people were there. Granted, many came from Bangkok with Dui, but they’re all there to fellowship around the table, then to worship and study God’s word.

One of the people we met was Baam. She had an amazing testimony. As she sat next to Robin, she shared that she was illiterate. But as she became a believer, the cried out to God for the ability to understand His word. With no training or education of any kind, God answered her prayer and gave her the ability to read and understand His word in Thai. Nothing else, mind you! Just the Bible. But she can read it, and can memorize extraordinarily long passages so she can meditate on them later.

After a great meal, Dui took his guitar and led in worship. The singing was raw, but as heartfelt as anything I have seen anywhere else among people who love God.

Dui taught on 1 John 3:16-24, about loving our neighbor. It was a verse-by-verse exposition. Then he gave every adult there - everyone - an opportunity to interact with what he just had taught. He actually went around the circle and asked people their thoughts. Some asked questions, like the young woman who remarked that she didn’t understand how to love strangers - especially when she had been greatly hurt once by a stranger. Dui answered - always from scripture. Others shared how difficult it is to think of loving an enemy or an abusive husband. Others expressed their gratitude to God. A couple of nonbelievers were there, and their thoughts were welcomed as well. And Dui beautifully interacted with them, always pointing back to scriptural truth.

Nobody but my very jet-lagged eyelids was in a hurry to leave. Everybody had their say; I only wish I knew all of what they were saying. But when we left, I was convinced that everybody had been fed, accepted for where they were in their spiritual journey, and had an opportunity (and responsibility) to contribute to the group. A Bible study group perhaps; but with all the makings of the core of a church.

Yet, my excitement and typical “let’s hurry this thing up” style collided mildly with their relaxed, patient wait for the Lord to provide. They need a pastor for this area. They need a few more people. I’m sure they need resources.

Who owns the building, I asked. Sohmkit, they replied. The hostess/pig farmer.

And did they have a timetable? Yes, Gift said. About six months. But they are waiting for God to provide.

Until then, six months or otherwise, every Saturday night, Dui and Gift, along with their families and others, will continue to drive from Bangkok to Nhongnea, where they will meet, worship, dig into God’s word, interact with it at whatever spiritual point they find themselves, and love another in the process. In other words, until they HAVE a church, they’ll “settle” for BEING the church.

The lesson: If you want to see a vision become reality, start practicing as if it already has. Give legs to your dreams – in His time, God will give them wings.

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How to Tell Your Airline Customer You’ve Lost Their Luggage

Andy Wood — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 02:02:03 +0000

Robin and I landed in Bangkok on Friday night local time. As we left the jetbridge, we noticed a beautiful Thai woman holding a sign with Robin’s name on it - the kind you usually see limosine drivers holding. This wasn’t at the street curb - she met us at the gate as we exited the plane.

She had some unfortunate news, she said. Robin’s suitacase didn’t make the transfer. We were to meet someone at Baggage Claim 21 for further instructions, she said.

We passed through customs, and there was another smartly-uniformed agent, again holding up a sign with Robin’s full name on it. We filled out all the paperwork (which means SHE filled out all the paperwork while my wife practiced her native Thai language and I tried to look humble).

Good news: The other two bags made it.

Bad news: The one with Robin’s hair care stuff didn’t.

Making the good news bearable: Somebody actually treated a passenger like a customer or an honored guest, and thought in advance about what OUR needs were. The bag will be delivered tonight, when we can tell them exactly where to bring it.

Hey, lost luggage happens. But has anybody ever printed YOU a limosine sign and displayed it at YOUR gate?

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Are You Smarter than a Fifth-Grade Leader?

Andy Wood — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 06:48:38 +0000

“What are you teaching them about?” my daughter asked – referring to our upcoming pastors and leaders training in Thailand.

“Leadership,” I said.

“Well, can I ask you something? Is there a way – I’m not sure how to say this – is there a way to ‘dumb down’ leadership training?”

My pause meant, “Keep going.”

“I have to train these fifth-and-sixth-grade leaders every day at FROG camp for about 30 minutes on being a leader, and I was wondering how I could explain biblical leadership on their level.”

I did a random brainstorm with her. Talked about David and Joshua and Paul and Jesus. Hurled out Bible passages like Joshua 1:1-9, 2 Timothy, 1 Peter 5:2-4, 1 Corinthians 2:1-5. She said “thanks,” but I hung up with the feeling that I hadn’t “dumbed down” anything.

That got me to thinking later. I have a Ph.D. in Organizational Leadership. I’ve spent years studying theories and models, biblical principles and best practices. But none of them – none - involved fifth- or sixth-graders.

Maybe we have it backwards. Rather than presuming to teach 11-year-olds all about leading, maybe we should try to learn some things from them. After all, Jesus said the Kingdom of Heaven was like a kid… maybe there’s some leadership wisdom there, too.

So I took a mental journey back to the softball/kickball fields of Olive J. Dodge Elementary in Mobile, where I mixed it up with the likes of Paul Baker, Joe Havard, Skipper Grizzle, and Steve Carroll. Nobody ever used the word “leadership” in those one-hour athletic clashes. But the lessons learned from the playground speak loudly to CEOs and Congress, presidents and preachers. See if your leader or leadership lines up with these rules:

1. Give everybody a chance to be in charge.

Every week, by some sort of process, the two team captains changed. Everybody ultimately had at least one opportunity to be the leader. Sure, some were more likeable, smarter, or more talented than others. But everybody had his season of opportunity, and sometimes we were shocked at what we learned about them in the process.

2. Pick your team well

In kickball or softball, you were only as good as the team you put on the field. Team selection was critical, and usually based on a ruthless pecking order. But if the goal was to win, then leadership genius emerged here. (Sorta reminds me of those 12 unschooled ruffians Jesus picked.)

3. Clearly define – and agree upon – the playing field.

Unlike Little League Baseball, we often had no bases or chalked foul lines. So the starting ritual before every game was to find something – a sweater, a piece of cardboard, something – to serve as the official bases. An unofficial leader-type would ceremonially run the base paths, and loudly pronounce – “This is first… this is second…,” etc. It’s amazing how badly such a clear definition is missing in organizational life.

4. Position your team in the places where they are most useful (or least dangerous).

Yeah, there were the kids who were destined for right field. And there were the obvious pitchers. But in-between, a game could be won or lost by the way the captain positioned his team. Every once in a while, when the routine last-picked boy got to be in charge, he’d want to use his leadership to get even on behalf of all the other rejects out there. He could certainly do that – after all, he was the captain. But he wouldn’t like the results.

5. Resolve conflicts with negotiation or do-overs.

There were no umpires, and no balls-and-strikes in our game. Only swing-and-miss or foul-ball strikes. What that meant was that the pitcher had to serve up something the batter was willing to swing at, or we’d be there all day. And on a loudly disputed call, somebody would declare a “do-over.” The words had a magically authoritative quality about them – as if when somebody (anybody) declared it, everybody had to agree (whether they liked it or not).

6. Encourage and stick up for your team members.

Even a fifth grader understands the power of cheering somebody on.

7. Leave it on the field – life is bigger than the game.

Whatever arguments we had stayed on the field. Nobody told us to do that – it just sort of happened (imperfectly, of course). Friends who were on opposing teams remained friends. We knew there’d be another game, and braggin’ rights up for grabs, tomorrow. None of us ever found a team captain laying out strategy or running bases at suppertime.

8. Plan for tomorrow.

The previous point doesn’t mean we didn’t think of how we’d change things up tomorrow. We’d get advice from team members, scheme to catch opponents at a point of weakness, or try to hatch a surprise or two.

9. Remember – today’s opponent may be next week’s teammate.

Unless your opponent is the devil (not likely he’s changing sides), it’s wise not to burn too many bridges with people.

10. As long as possible, keep money out of the equation.

We had no agents, contracts, unions, or pensions. We just loved the game, and the chance to win at it.

So what can a fifth-grader teach you about your team, corporation, or nonprofit?

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The Stain

Andy Wood — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 06:39:25 +0000

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

You and I were created in a stainless image. Our first parents appeared on the outside as what they were on the inside - innocent in the likeness of their Creator.

Then came the Stain.

Soiled and discolored, we instinctively knew something was wrong. We tried soaking it out and scrubbing it out. But the Stain never went away. Like silver is discolored simply by exposure to the air, we were forever tarnished by the choices we made, and those made upon us:

Passion stains. Anger stains. Gluttony stains. Pride stains. Fear stains. Rejection stains. Deception stains.

Pick a role, we’ve tried it out. Victim. Perpetrator. Priest. Codependent redeemer. Witch doctor. Shrink. Prophet. Sheriff. Judge. Executioner. We’ve all donned the robes, flashed the badge, asked for mercy, or tied the noose.

But the Stain remains.

Like the dye under the microscope, the Stain makes the invisible visible. Despite our protests that “that’s not really who I am,” the Stain says otherwise. It harshly suggests that people lie because they’re liars. That they act out because they’re acting in. That their dirty deeds mirror their dirty hearts.

Plan B

This isn’t the human race having a bad day. This is a race in rebellion, careening toward oblivion, with no one to blame and no solution in sight.

And always to remind us, there is the Stain.

So, we tried Plan B. Let’s glory in the Stain. Let’s have a Stain party. BYOS. We’ll all revel in it. We’ll tell Stain stories, have Stain parades, sell Stain souvenirs, even have secret Stain societies. Hey, if we can’t wipe it out, we may as well try to wear it out.

But while the Stain could intoxicate us, nobody could blot out the discredit, the disgrace, or the haunting despair brought about by the image that languished underneath. We were created for an eternal purpose, in the image of a holy God. And with or without our pretenses, guilty is still guilty.

From Guilty as Sin to White as Snow

“Come now, and let us reason together,”
Says the Lord,
“Though your sins are as scarlet,
They will be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They will be like wool” (Isaiah 1:18).

An amazing promise, if we can simply imagine how deeply, deeply offensive the Stain is to God. And yet, here is the grace-filled offer: He can remove that stain.

Not to be picky here, but did you notice He didn’t use the word “wash?” This is no cosmic bath. It’s heart surgery. It’s character re-creation.

To listen to a lot of us, you’d get the idea that to “wash our sins away,” Jesus shot at us with some sort of spiritual hose or took us into His magic washing machine.

Not so, Ajax.

Jesus became the Stain. He immersed Himself into our soiled state. And in doing so, He took on every variation:

the killer and the thief,
the abuser and the materialist,
the slanderer and the adulterer,
your stain and mine.

He who knew no blasphemy became blasphemy.

He who knew no manipulation became manipulation.

He who knew no hatred became hatred.

He who knew no deceit became deceit.

He who knew no lust became no lust.

Why?

So that blaspheming, manipulating, hate-filled liars, sluts and whoremongers could become as righteous as He. All at His expense.

The problem with many in the church is that we don’t believe that about certain stains or certain stain-holders.

The problem with many others in the church is that we don’t believe that about our own particular stains.

Read this… slowly. Don’t sing it in your head; read it:

There is a fountain filled with blood, drawn from Emmanuel’s veins;
And sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains.

The dying thief rejoiced to see that fountain in his day;
And there may I, though vile as he, wash all my sins away.

Dear dying Lamb, thy precious blood shall never lose its power
Till all the ransomed church of God be saved, to sin no more.

E’er since, by faith, I saw the stream thy flowing wounds supply,
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be till I die.

This is what Jesus said never to forget as He broke the bread and shared the cup.

This is what grace - and only grace - does to my disgrace.

Here - and only here - is where Jesus says, “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.”

To let go of the Stain and my feeble attempts to wash myself and trust in His merit alone to change my heart - this is the faith that saves.

To let go of my fears and prejudices and reach out to others who were as stained as I was - this is the hope that redeems.

To see other believers as forgiven, regardless of their former Stain pain, - this is the love that turns hopeless enemies into community.

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Chick-fil-A

Andy Wood — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 06:03:17 +0000

Our buddy Tim Hawkins is back with a new DVD, “I’m No Rockstar” - a 90-minute combination of stand-up, acoustic guitar comedy, and “rock star moments.” You can order it, along with his other awesome stuff, here. Meanwhile, here’s a hilarious tribute to the place where cows encourage you to “Eat Mor Chikin.”

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Coming Back to the Heart of Worship

Andy Wood — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 07:17:53 +0000

“The time is coming and is already here when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for anyone who will worship him that way” (John 4:23)

For centuries Christians have broken fellowship and broken God’s heart in the name of worship. We have argued over form, anguished over the opinions of others, and attacked those who looked or acted differently. Meanwhile in Heaven, the search goes on…

When you can sit at the feet of Jesus and rivet your attention to him, even when life is incredibly distracting around you… that is worship.

When you can freely love Him, even in the midst of an angry or resentful environment… that is worship.

When you can give yourself permission to do everything else imperfectly, so long as you love Him completely… that is worship.

When you can come to Him boldly, even at the risk of the disapproval of others… that is worship.

When you can pursue His presence, even when your heart is broken… that is worship.

When you can see in Jesus all that you hope for - all the healing, the help, and the home - … that is worship.

When you can welcome all of who Jesus is into your present reality, even when your reality is rocked with surprises and racked with pain… that is worship.

When you can submit your life to Jesus even when you don’t understand all of what is happening around you… that is worship.

When you can love Jesus with ridiculous generosity, offering to Him the finest of your time, your talent, and your treasure… that is worship.

When you can see the meaning of His death and the overcoming power of His life in the most meaningful or trivial events you encounter… that is worship.

As the Father still looks for that kind of worshiper, I hope His search finds completion in you.

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Hanukkah Hams Goes to College

Andy Wood — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 08:04:33 +0000

Okay, you students of all things gloriously stupid! Time for another round of Hanukkah Hams. In case you’ve missed previous episodes, a Hanukkah Ham is a reminder of what can happen when unlicensed people are left free to drive an imagination without supervision.

What better place to discover colossal displays of “what-were-you-thinking” than in the hallowed halls of academia? I once had a college professor that said, “College is the only place where people don’t want to get their money’s worth.” See if these true stories, drawn from the actual testimonies of college professors, don’t restore your hope in the future of America.

Remember, friends - these people will be managing your nursing home. Or running your country.

These are actual letters or emails sent to professors, as reported in the Chronicle of Higher Education Forums. The comments are mine, after picking myself up off the floor.

1. “I just did not expect the first test to be that hard. I did not even buy the book, so I hadn’t read the chapters. I guess I am just trying to explain why I have gotten off on the wrong foot.”

Oh, thank you so much. Otherwise I would have just thought you’d gotten off on the wrong planet.

2. “I do not like math much at all…. I am a liberal arts type of person. ;) But I have been a 4.0 what do I have to do to get a “A” or “B” in your class?”

Here’s a thought: Study. Do well on your exams. And since this is a math class, one more thing… if you make a “B” in my class, you may have an itty bitty problem with that 4.0.

3. “About the midterm, I haven’t read the last couple of books, can I just read your notes and be o k?”

With your girlfriend maybe.

4. (From an acting class): “I do not like the script approach used in the book. So I did not do the assignment you gave. This is how I have always do script and character work and I decided to turn it in instead. Do you use the same method in acting 2? I think you must not be familiar with the approach we learned in High School. It is much better. You should study it. You will find it is better.”

Wow. Thank you so much for giving me such sage advice. Maybe instead of all that time doing postgraduate work, I should have hung out with you in high school. In the meantime, just disregard any assignments in the future that violate your preferences. I’d hate to interfere.

5. I have a question about the [assignment that is due on Friday, for which weekly reminders have been given and instructions available since the beginning of the semester]. What exactly what are we supposed to be doing??? Please let me know as soon as possible

You are supposed to be saving tuition money so you can repeat this class next semester.

6. As you may know I’m an athlete here and I didn’t do well on my first test. Depending on the second test is going to be whether or not I play this weekend. So I was wondering if you could finish grading my test by tomorrow and email myself or my coach, it would be greatly appreciated.

I think I can actually give you that grade right now…

7. I definitely read my schedule wrong and didn’t realize I had [your class] tomorrow morning. I had already signed up to go sailing tomorrow with a few friends. It’s the last chance of the season and I really don’t want to cancel on them. Is there any chance I can talk with you sometime tomorrow about what I will miss?

What? You gonna call me from the sailboat?

8. Because of my absence today, I was wondering what exactly will be on tomorrow’s quiz.

Aw, why don’t I just go ahead and take it for you? It’ll save you the trouble.

9. “I know I missed half of the classes, but receiving half the points seems a little dramatic.”

Just call me Shakespeare.

10. i am happy to be in your class and i will be a good student for you and get my work done. i have a little promble with my spelling and reading.

But other than that, you’re…?

11. THIS IS LUDICROUS !!! !!!
On your last exam I got a 62/67, wich is a 94%. That is an A by any standard But you gave me an A-!! That meant that my overall course grade was a B+ instead of the A- that I deserved. This has ruined my grade point average and possibly even my med school apps!
I DEMAND A REGRADE!
I DEMAND A REGRADE!
I DEMAND A REGRADE!

OK - YOU GOT A B+

YEP - B+ AGAIN

WOWEE! ANOTHER B+

(Oh, and 62/67 is a 92, which is an A-)

12. “I will not be able to attend class on Tuesday because a very close family friend just completely and unexpectedly died.”

As opposed to partially and predictably?

13. Well, I’ve done it again. I was focusing on my other classes this quarter and I realize I haven’t done the required assignments in your class. But you know from our conversations how well I understand the course material, and I hope you’ll pass me anyway.”

And YOU know from our conversations what the answer is.

14. “hi, i haven’t been to class since the midterm, and i was just wondering where we would be able to find the results.” (Written 13 days after the midterm exam, from the same guy who spent the first two weeks of the term golfing at a resort).

Somewhere between “you” and “flunked.”

15. “I think the candidates should emphasize on what they can do for us and our country and stop the name calling, and slenderizing towards each other.”

That’s right, McCain. Barak’s skinny enough as it is.

16. I regret to inform you that i dont think im going to be able to complete my Masters this academic year. I recently recieved my final invoice for my fees for this year and im enable to pay.

I think what you meant to say is… oh, never mind.