Life with Anxiety Disorder

Our Deepest Fear

2007-12-15T11:32:00.000-08:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

Is it True?

2007-12-02T07:19:00.000-08:00

If you ask God to give you courage, does he give you courage, or does he give you a chance to be courageous?

(taken from the Evan Almighty Movie)Thanks Cheri!

Even if you are not religious, you have to admit that this makes a lot of sense. Chances to be courageous, use good judgment,or make the better choice plague us everyday. The consequences, sometimes plague us for life.

When suffering with Anxiety, these decisions can make all the difference relating to your symptoms and their management. If you choose to take your meds, get good rest, and ritually practice your coping skills, the benefits will always outweigh the risk of taking the plunge to make that decision.

Power

2007-11-30T10:02:00.000-08:00

The Person I Long To Be
© By Victoria A. Mogyorosi

The day light breaks again
Another day has begun.
But still no sleep has come.
My body is weary

My mind overworked.
I lie awake thinking
But what I am unsure.
I need to break free from the cycle I endure.

Everyday is the same and the nights are undistinguished.
I feel as though I am being pushed along with the tide

Unable to break free from the everyday flow.
This is not me I need to change, before time takes over
And I am unable to change.
I need to be freed from the grasp of ordinary

And become that person I have always longed for.
Express myself in every way, and conquer the dreams as I lie awake.
Then I may fall asleep and put my mind to rest.
Make changes in my life and help those in need.

I would like to touch everyone's life in a positive way
And leave my mark on society before I fade away.

When I first read this poem I was sort of annoyed. It sounded like whining to me. When I took a moment to really sit and think about it, I think I was annoyed because at one point in my life I could relate to it. The desire for things to change but waking up everyday doing nothing about it.

Personal power is a very useful tool. We all have it. Some of us know how to purposely tap into it, some intuitively. The rest have to learn. This can best be achieved when we take responsibility for ourselves and gain realistic perspective. I would love to do something that would change the world. It's a grand idea. However, why fantansize of the world, if we are not willing to take a risk and start with ourselves. THAT is not only a grand idea, but a true feat.

A Lesson Learned...

2007-10-22T18:04:00.001-07:00

As you know from previous posts, it absolutely burns my behind when some medical professional judges me or my character based on some preconceived notion connected to my illness.

Never once did I think that I could be guilty of the very same prejudice. I, myself, misjudged someone based not on a preconceived notion, but by following a mob mentality.

The circumstances aren't important. What is important is that I am guilty. I am remorseful, and sorry. MORE importantly however, is that it gives me a window into what may be the thought process of the very professionals that burn my behind.

Sometimes we are left to solve a problem with only the tools that are readily available. Doctors have old cases, case studies and theories about the illnesses and the patients they treat. So I get the disconnect there. But what makes us the successfully evolved, investigator, physician, and friend, is the ability to assess the problem, analyze the usefulness of the tools available, and use them, or discard them because what we are dealing with is NOT textbook.

This all sounds very haughty and time consuming indeed. But I believe in my heart, that the more this behavior is applied in our patience with one another, we can really sway the masses.

Human

2007-10-14T21:22:00.000-07:00

This being human is a guest-house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
Who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture.

Still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-Jalrudin Rumi

So much of Anxiety Disorder is based on our own individual thought process. What we think about ourselves, what we assume others think about us and our perceived shortcomings.

I challenge you to take a moment to sit with these thoughts and truly give yourself the attention you deserve...that is often mis-used for others. I promise you, in the quiet, you will begin to see the evidence that we are all more alike and wonderful than you thought.

The Agony of Victory

2007-10-12T05:33:00.001-07:00

ad·vo·ca·cy (ăd'və-kə-sē) pronunciation
n.

The act of pleading or arguing in favor of something, such as a cause, idea, or policy; active support.

This month, I have learned a very valuable lesson. That no matter how I feel, no matter how symptomatic I may be at any given point, it does not take away from my intelligence as a human being, as me, Danielle. Despite feeling the Bipolar blues, or the anxiousness of a mouse in the cat's mouth, I KNOW MY BODY. I KNOW MYSELF. If something is wrong, IT IS.

The first step on our road to mental illness recovery and it's maintenance is to trust ourselves. Don't let a diagnosis or an ignorant stigma take away your dignity. I'm Bipolar. So what? Its a MOOD disorder, not a stupid disorder. I have Anxiety Disorder. So what? I get anxious sometimes for no reason, sometimes for a reason. That absolutely does not mean I can't tell blue from purple.

While there is satisfaction that it has been confirmed that the physical illness I've been feeling is real and has a name, it still stings what I had to go through for a little professional compassion and an open mind.

One of the many rules in treating Mental Illness is to rule out the physical FIRST. The next time you have to fight for yourself when you don't feel well, educate your health provider and show them that we can indeed be moody and agitated, when in the presence of ignorance.

Yes, Food Affects Anxiety

2007-10-07T10:10:00.000-07:00

It's true. Before I left the hospital I met with a nutritionist who sat down with me and went over my diet. I've never been a terrible eater, but I knew that I could use some help, especially if it was going to help keep my Anxiety level down. Since then, I have been amazed at the amount of knowledge that is out there with regards to nutrition and how it affects your moods and emotions, and even more amazed that this information is not posted everywhere for every eye to see. So, listed below are some foods and vitamins and why they are good to help depression and anxiety. I will be posting a couple at a time so that its easier to digest- pun intended ; )

*Chicken, tuna, salmon and mushrooms. They are rich in Niacin or vitamin B3 that is a very important vitamin for energy production. Vitamin B3 also helps support the neurotransmission system of the brain. There is the notion that deficiencies in Niacin is linked to depression and anxiety. Adding protein to your diet also keeps you sugar levels stable which can effect concentration.

*Vitamin B12 – Vitamin B12 is a critical nutrient in supporting the production of red blood cells, preventing anemia. In addition, it promotes proper development of nerve cells. Clinical depression and memory loss can sometimes be linked to a Vitamin B12 deficiency. In addition, heart palpitations and fatigue, just as often seen in anxiety patients, are side effects of being deficient in B12. Foods rich in B12 include baked snapper, venison, scallops and yogurt.

*Processed food can rob your food of nutrients and vitamins that your body needs to fight off stress and promote good health. Try to buy whole foods, unprocessed foods and try and stay away from "instant" foods, preservatives, artificial flavors, saturated fat and MSG.

Now, of course we have also heard that drinking 8 glasses of water a day will help keep you thin. In reality, it keeps dehydration away which can also seriously affect your concentration, cause palpitations, and your heart to work overtime.

Happy Eating, literally.

If You Think You Are Beaten

2007-10-05T13:33:00.000-07:00

If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win but think you can't,
It's almost certain you won't.
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.

- Walter D. Wintle

I used to think that positive thinking was a joke. A load of hogwash that some freaky Hare-Krishna came up with from the '60's when peace in love were in fashion.

But then, I got to thinking....at what point in my life, did any of the negative thinking about myself ever get me anywhere? Did any of these judgments do anything but keep me in my misery, bad mood, sadness? No, they kept me in a cycle of negativity that I always had to fight against. I guess what that translates to, is that I was always fighting MYSELF.

Most days, we don't have a cheer leading team following us around ready to cheer for us for every little accomplishment. It's just not possible. So that means WE have to be our own cheerleaders. For every accomplishment big and small, we have to get into the practice of celebrating ourselves. For those who can't bear to get out of bed, give yourself some chocolate when it only takes you 15 minutes instead of a half an hour to get up. For those of you who can't usually stand to be in crowded places, buy yourself a shake for stopping to buy a newspaper at a bodega and striking up a conversation with the guy behind the counter.

Whatever the accomplishment is, don't take away from it by downplaying it. When you do that you downplay yourself.

It hasn't worked for you so far has it? Maybe those Hare-Krishna's have something after all.....

Did You Know?

2007-10-02T20:44:00.000-07:00

Anxiety Disorder is not just an emotional disorder, but a symptom physiological distress?

Iron deficient blood, one of the most common forms of Anemia, has been linked to be a cause of Anxiety.

'Characteristic symptoms of anemia are light-headedness, rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, and faintness. The anemic person may experience palpitations, because the heart is attempting to compensate for the lower levels of oxygen by pumping blood faster than normal.'

There are also several other illness associated with Anxiety attacks such as Hypoglycemia, Hypothyroidism, menopause, and PMS to name a few.

I'm sharing this very little tidbit of information with you because I have learned that taking care of myself not only effects my mental well being, but my overall physical well being as well. It's all connected.

Proper nutrition, SLEEP, and exercise go a long way to keeping our minds sharp and positive. Do I believe that all of my anxiety woes will disappear because I'm in bed by 8'oclock? NO, of course not.

But if there is a even the slightest chance that I can minimize my attacks and get more out of my life, I'm damn sure gonna try it.

Just When You Think........

2007-09-30T14:05:00.000-07:00

Happy Sunday!!!

So...this morning church was set up in the part of the building that is usually reserved for bingo, and other organized events. Today, we were having a special musical guest that was going to come on after us, the choir. It was set up quite lovely. There were a ton of tables with flowers and pastries on them, chairs full with members. It was a packed house. As I looked out and around the congregation, I was almost overwhelmed at the sight of all of these people sitting with their families looking very much like a scene from 'Our Town'. So much so, that it made me nostalgic for my own family, and wishing I could do more to have this type of wholesomeness in my life. Made me wonder where I had gone wrong, and what steps could I take to correct this problem so that I could be one of these lovely proper people that I was looking at.

And then, just as I was really getting down on myself because I had begun to pick apart what I was wearing and why I didn't look as polished as some of these other mothers in attendance, my choir neighbor leaned over and proceeded to inform me about all of the different scandals that were in play amongst these people. Who was gay, who was sleeping with whomever's spouse, who's kid was on drugs, so on and so forth.

Well, in about 5 minutes she had me going from downtrodden to hysterically laughing. then I realized, I wasn't laughing at the stories she was telling me, I was laughing at ME.

I was laughing that I had let a scene, a style of clothing, a perceived notion tear away at my being. Based on what evidence? I was clean, dressed neatly, my husband was there with me- he's my family isn't he?

This is where Anxiety will always get the better of you, if you let it. The next time you are feeling bad about yourself, and wonder why you are not this or that, take a moment to look at your evidence. What clear cut picture do you have before you that makes your fear,or poor opinion of yourself valid? And even after you examine it and you find that there is some truth in it, ask yourself if it really changes the basically good person that you are.

I promise you in time, after a little practice, you will exude what it was I thought I saw in some of these people today...and it will be genuine.

October 11, 2007

2007-09-27T11:46:00.000-07:00

National Depression Screening Day

DON’T LET DEPRESSION GO TOO FAR…
Join the nationwide effort to stop a suicide!

National Depression Screening Day (NDSD)® is presenting Stop a Suicide Today, an initiative that aims to empower members of the public to recognize and respond to the warning signs of suicide in a family member or a friend and highlights the importance of identifying and treating depression and other mental illnesses before a situation becomes urgent.

The American Association of Suicidology, Suicide Prevention Action Network USA, the Suicide Prevention Resource Center, and the National Hotline are collaborating in this effort and we hope you will, too. Register now for this event held nationwide on October 11.

For More Information, please vist http://www.adaa.org

This post has particular meaning for me as I lost someone so very dear to me 5 years ago to Suicide. It kills me that I didn't know where to look for help, and didn't know how to ask for better help than what he had.

After he told the psychiatrist that he had a gun, he was scolded for being late to his appointment. The doctor ignored the statement and failed to act accordingly and get help immediately. Shortly thereafter, my dear friend, was gone.

He left a void in my life, the life of his family and all those who loved him. While I can't change what has happened, and I now hope that he is at peace wherever he is away from the ravages of Depression and Schizophrenia, I hope that maybe writing this will trigger something in the reader to understand the value of asking questions, trusting their instincts in advocating for themselves or someone else in crisis.

Rest In Peace Barry, We love you.

The Road Not Taken

2007-09-24T11:31:00.000-07:00

The Road Not taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

We don't always know what road to take in life do we? We hem, we haw, we justify, we even ignore for a time hoping it will just go away. Unlike this poem, we rarely have the opportunity to redo or try again. There is beauty in that fact. Beauty in the confidence of making a decision because there was no other choice. Sometimes choice, or too many of them does nothing but muddy the waters with fear of the unknown result or indecision in fear of the resulting reaction. The next time you have to make a decision, transform anxiety of the unknown into excitement of the possibilities.

Inspiration

2007-09-23T12:14:00.000-07:00

As you can see, It's been a couple days since I have written. 3 days in fact. I will apologize for that. Why has it been so long? Well, I want to go back to my previous post, where I mentioned on a lousy day about Jane Eyre and why she was inspiring to me.

Today while sitting in the choir box, I was listening to the guest Reverend who had not preached in many years, talk about how he was flustered trying to pick today's sermon. He had thrown out the others that he had written out and needed to have something that was not only appropriate for the day, but relevant to the world today. Then he talked about going back to the literal beginning, and that it was the thought of Jesus that inspired him to deliver today's speech.

Now don't get nervous, I am not going to preach here. The point of my story is that we all, no matter who we are need inspiration in our lives. Whether it's just to get up in the morning, to speak in front of an audience, or to make it through another day with a debilitating illness.

Inspiration is a tremendously valuable tool when dealing with Anxiety Disorder. Here's an exercise:

*Sit in a quiet place with your legs uncrossed, and your palms on either knee.

*Close your eyes.

*Take a deep breath from the diaphragm- meaning make your belly puff out.

*As you release this air, picture something in your mind that brings you either great peace or pleasure. It can be a still picture of a memory from a vacation, to the picture of your baby smiling.

*Hold onto this image as until you have no more air, repeat.

In the most difficult of times, when stress, strife, fear, and anxiety rule you, take the moment to use this exercise to get back to what inspires you. Hold onto that feeling of peace and calm and carry it with you.

If these things you treasure can bring you peace in a terrible moment, then that is a proved reminder that this life is worth it, not matter what.

The Art of Distraction

2007-09-20T14:29:00.000-07:00

Today started off lousy. I woke up upset. At nothing in particular, just everything. As I went on with my usual routine, getting my son ready for school, getting him to school, running all the obligatory errands for the day. As all of this was happening I became more and more upset. I hate when I can't solve a problem in my mind alone. I'm not one for writing things out, especially when I'm upset. So what was going to be my outlet? How was I going to get rid of this angst and this urge to just plop down where I stood to cry it all out?

Then it hit me. I was feeling like dirt, the four walls were really getting on my nerves and I was starving. So I took myself out to lunch. That's right. I went out all by myself. I grabbed one of my favorite classics, Jane Eyre. Now, you may be wondering why I chose Jane Eyre right? I mean, I don't really come across as very girlie-girl do I? Well, Jane Eyre has nothing to do with being girlie. Quite the opposite. The main character is a woman of strength, resolve, diligence, and humanity. All the things I wasn't feeling at the moment. So I chose Jane for a little inspiration.

Off I went to the sushi bar, ordered my fave, and got down to being with myself, and enjoying my company. Why? I was in a place that I love, eating food that I love, reading a book that I love, and it was fantastic.

We don't always have the answers we need to the problem. Resolution is not always going to pop in our mind when we need it either. So sometimes, we need to take a step back, be mindful of ourselves an the role we play in our particular drama, and let it go for while.

When I did just that, it was no longer a lousy day.....

What do Doctors Know?

2007-09-19T14:25:00.000-07:00

Arrrrrggggggghhh!!

Does anybody know how to get a bill passed? Because I wanna know how to get a bill passed that makes doctors that are not in the mental health field go to a class and learn about mental health so that they can keep their stupid feet out of their mouths.

For instance: I'm having a 'lil medical issue right now with my extremities. You see, the tingle. They BURN tingle, and burn shoot and burn period. For a little while there I thought I was having a stroke. So of course I go running to my pcp to see what she thinks. And of course, when my tests all came back normal, she says...."I think it's your depression kicking in. Are you sure your not anxious?"

Yep. Thats right. When doctors like these can't find a logical, reasonable explanation for what is wrong, they jump to "oh, it must be in her head because she has mental health issues." I have no problem telling you that this burns my bum like you cannot believe. HOW DARE SHE?!?!?!? You know what though, she's not the first doctor and she won't be the last to jump to this conclusion. Simply because they don't know any better.

The age old argument of whether psychiatry is an actual science has been around for decades. Because traditional science cannot see it under their microscope they have a hard time believing in it. Understandable to a degree, but how about the living subjects that live with these illnesses. Not everyone with depression, anxiety, or even schizophrenia for that matter are so far out of reality that they can't tell if they have a real pain or not. There are plenty of us 'crazies' that contribute quite nicely to society and have little bumps along the way. Of course, what doctor is going to take my word for it, right?

By the way, I found out from my new Chiropractor that my pain is indeed not in my head, but in my neck. I found out that my neck is all twisted up like a pretzel, and that may be where the pain is coming from. We'll see what further tests say.

I can't wait to see my doctor next week and rub my neck into her little know it all face.

And so it goes.....

2007-09-18T19:11:00.000-07:00

The party on Sunday was a blast. I still can't believe how much I enjoyed myself. As expected there were a lot of people, a few that I've never met and a few that I haven't seen in a long time. I don't know if it was the wine, the gorgeous weather, or the crazy little dogs, but I was relaxed the entire time that I was there. As a matter of fact, I had forgotten to expect to be anxious driving there.

You read right, expecting to be anxious is part of this disorder, no? Since some of us wake up with it, go to bed with it, shower with it, blah and blah, it almost becomes rote that we expect to have it. We anticipate it, prepare for it, and plan around it.

Is the trick not to expect it? To live life everyday not even thinking about it? Well if that were the case then it wouldn't be called a disorder would it.

So the compromise is this, don't expect it or lay in wait for it. Instead, have a plan for how you will handle it IF it does pop up. If you plan on having an attack and then it arrives you are kinda left holding the bag with no relief in sight. If you plan for a resolution, you are already ahead of the game.

One Down....

2007-09-16T18:36:00.000-07:00

So I didn't go the party last night. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was tired, I was unmotivated, and I just plain didn't go. I did feel bad as I hate to turn down anything. But I've learned a long time ago just to GO with the feeling and not sit around for 10 hours ruminating about it.

I did however, go to the other party that was for today. It was a family function celebrating a birthday. I don't know what was different about today's party. There were still going to be a ton of people there and people that I really don't see that often. BUT I felt differently than I did yesterday. And sometimes that's as simple as it gets.

When we find out we have a 'condition' or illness, we tend to think that every little burp along the way is connected to it. That there is a reason for always thinking one way or the other. Sometimes that is the case, sometimes not.

Sometimes, it's as easy as just not being in the mood...

I like that.

Situations

2007-09-15T00:55:00.000-07:00

At 2AM this morning I decide that I've had enough of laying around and that I will go for a ride to get some coffee. I don't sleep. If I get 3 or 5 hours a night that's lucky for me. Why I even bother to lay there tossing like that is beyond me. I wish I could be like most of the world and get a full 8 hours. I wonder what it would be like to be completely awake and aware, not to long for the fluff of my pillow.

Anywhoo, I get in my car, turn on my Sirius and I'm having a dandy of a time. All is right with the world. Until I drive back to my apartment and see....someone has parked in my parking spot.

See, where I live parking spots are a big deal. The management company only allows you one spot per unit. The other vehicle in the household is outta luck. So admittedly the visitor parking is always full. So what do the visitors do? They park any where they damn well feel like it. And tonight, they parked in my spot!

I was gone 15 minutes! The asphalt hadn't even gotten cold yet. So of course as I storm up to my door, my neighbor out for his nightly smoke just shakes his head. He knows how I feel. Or does he? I stand there shaking with RAGE. For what? I just parked illegally like he did not but 6 feet away. No big deal. I was still in my courtyard and didn't have to leave the property. But what was making me shake and tremble with rage and the desire to leave a nasty note on this offender's car? Anxiety.

Have you ever noticed that with anxiety, sometimes makes you feel as though the world is out to get you? Not in that 'I'm coming after you' way, but in the way that you feel like you can't catch a break. Anxiety makes you hyper-sensitive to everything in your surroundings. At first I took it as a personal offense that someone had the gall to park in MY spot. How dare they? blah and blah. Just as my inner rant really began to build up, my other neighbor's door opens up and their guest hops into the car and pulls out of my spot. Easy as pie. Why can't all of the annoyance's of life be that easily resolved? Well, they can. If we allow it to be.

Now that that's over with, what am I gonna do about that party later?

TGIF??

2007-09-14T09:36:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, it's Friday! The weekend has arrived. Plans are being looked forward to, nails are getting done, touch-ups on frosted hair are being applied as I type this. It would seem that everyone is looking forward to something this weekend. Me? I have a party to go to tomorrow. A little soirée at my friend's house that is guaranteed to be full of laughs, alcohol, food, alcohol, shenanigans, and yes, more alcohol. And I'm looking forward to it, right?

Wrong.

Most of my friends know me as the 'action' of the party. I walk into a room and people immediately start laughing because they know I'm about to drop some kind of joke or anecdote that will really set things off. They see me and say, 'now the party is gonna begin'. What am I saying? To myself?

I don't wanna be here, I don't wanna be here, I don't wanna be here.

As a matter of fact, I want to RUN right out of there. See, what these people don't know is that I've been obsessing over this party since I knew about it maybe as far back as 2 weeks prior. I'm obsessing over who is going to be there, what I will wear, will there be people there that I don't know. They don't know that on my way there, my hands were gripped on the steering wheel to the point where my fingerprints were impressed on the leather. They don't know that I parked the car and sat there for about 10 minutes debating whether or not I could get away with a sudden illness or even a faked car accident.

What people who don't have Anxiety Disorder realize is how this disease affects even the simplest, seemingly most benign of activities. You would think that a party would mean that there is going to be fun and nothing bad to happen. It doesn't work that way. For whatever reason, no matter how much I have debated this topic with my therapist, Situational Anxiety whether it's a happy situation or bad situation will cause you to doubt every step you take.
For people without anxiety a little nerves at the unknown are normal. For people like me, they take over EVERYTHING. There always has to be an escape in order to feel safe.

There was a time where I wouldn't even have entertained the thought of even accepting the invitation. I hated this about me. I hated missing out on things because I was afraid. I hated to listen to my friends replay the events of the evening that I missed. I missed them. I missed ME.

So, in an effort not to miss anything again ,within reason, I have come up with a deal for myself where it relates to social gatherings. I make sure that there is going to be at least 2 people there that I know for the familiarity factor. I give myself a window of comfort time. I assess if it's reasonable to be there 2 hours, 1 hour, including the time it takes for me to get there. With these things in place, I am able to rationally decide on what social events I will attend and work with myself not to punish myself for not making it this time, or even better treat myself a little for making the effort.

A little understanding goes a long way. Understanding of your anxiety and it's root, understanding of your boundaries, and most importantly, understanding of yourself as still a good fun person who can be the life of the party....in doses.

Have a great weekend.

A New Day

2007-09-13T09:39:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up with it. I don't exactly remember what I was dreaming about, or if that even has anything to do with it. But it was there as soon as I opened my eyes. It's amazing, in one sense, waking up with anxiety already at a level 6 is a double-edged sword. It gets the blood moving, and there is no hitting the snooze button 15 times to get some extra zzzz's because you really don't need to. The flip side to this great blood-mover however, is that you lay there in a PANIC while your body sweats and you run through all the scenarios in your head. Somethings wrong! Am I late? Did I forget an appointment? Oh no, what did I do?

These thoughts take over your thinking as you lay there in a sweat until your realize the answer to all of these questions; no, I have no where to be, I didn't forget anything, how could I have done something wrong when I just opened my eyes? Then the anxiety level drops from a level 6 to a level 2 and you can finally rise and face the day. It's an exercise I go through almost everyday.

It's a little trick called Mindfulness. I learned this in group as a coping skill for dealing with this ridiculous feeling that seems to have no discernible root or logic to it, sometimes.

Being MINDFUL means:

STOP! Look around you, realize that you are in a safe place.
'I'm home'
Take a look at what's around you.
'I'm safely in my bedroom'
Am I really in danger?
No, I'm alright, and I'm going to stay alright.

It takes a little practice, but it does a world of good. It truly gives credence to taking a moment to stop and smell the roses.

Welcome to my blog

2007-09-12T22:14:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone, and Welcome!!

First off, let me begin by telling you that I am not a doctor, not certified by any means, nor do I claim to have any answers. I created this blog as a way to reach out to other people that have Anxiety Disorder or Anxiety issues, to let them know that they are not alone.

A little background, about 2 years ago, I started to have these horrible fits of anxiety while driving to work. As soon as I got into my car, my chest would feel like it was about to collapse, I began to sweat, and I would start to cry uncontrollably and feel as though the world was coming to an end.

Then instead of this happening to me when I drove to work, these episodes began as soon as I opened my eyes in the morning, while I was in the shower, while I was getting dressed, and then all day. Eventually, I couldn't function at all. I would have these horrible fits where I would get an attack, then pass out! Finally, I was diagnosed with Severe Anxiety Disorder. From there, I was prescribed just about every 'benzo' or anti-anxiety medication known to mankind.

It was a horrible journey for me that ultimately led to me filing for disability because of my inability to hold down job and continue my career.

The GOOD NEWS is that I have been medication free for a year. I attend private therapy once a week as well as an Anxiety Disorder group. Through talking, coping skills, and breathing exercises, I have learned to live with my anxiety. I still don't work, but I can function a whole hell of a lot better and enjoy life.

Well, that's a really, REALLY, quick pic of my background. I'm hoping that people will find this blog and through my experience, will see that all is not lost and that they are NOT ALONE.

I'll be publishing different articles, and links to sites that have been a help to me, and what works for me when I am having an attack. My anxiety ranges on a scale from 1 to 10, at a 3 on a good day, 9 at my worst. I'll be sharing these experiences with you and let you know how I'm coping.

Again, my experience is NOT medical advice, it is just what has worked for ME. Always talk to your doctor if you read something here that I have posted that you want to try as part of your treatment.

Thanks for stopping by, and remember, DEEP BREATH, IT WILL PASS.

Danielle