Life With Boyd and Jake

Craving Something Beautiful

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 10 May 2012 01:30:00 +0000

It's time to give a proper closure to this blog, four years after I last posted an entry in it, and two years after Jake and I broke up. Yes, it's been quite a long time since we called it quits but I'm glad that I didn't write about it soon after we did. In hindsight, those were beautiful times. Jake and I are still friends and I'm still there for him whenever he needs me. But I've been seeing someone new for a year now. And this time, I won't be blogging about us. Haha. Thanks for everyone who followed this blog. I leave you with this song from Richard Cortez, Craving Something Beautiful, which I guess is a fitting closing song for this chapter of my life. The cover photo of this blog, by the way, is from Richard Cortez's album of the same name. And he's the one with the guitar.

I guess this is it,
Boyd

Barcino: Fave Wine Bar, Bar None

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 09:20:00 +0000

If you're tired of the usual bar beer-bump-and-grind scene or the annoyingly snotty vodka tonic groupies (watch out, that's just cossack!), try visiting Barcino for a change.

Gay people are known to be pioneers in a lot of things. I'm sure when Columbus wagered that he can sail to the other side of India from Europe, his motivation did not only include God, gold and glory. He also imagined G-strings. Men in G-strings. That's why when you're a yummy mestizo guy (The owner of Barcino is Spanish mestizo) opening up a relatively new concept, expect the gay guys to be in line outside your door on Day One.

Barcino, a Spanish wine bar, has been there for quite a while when we first visited it. It's located on the second floor or the City Golf Arcade, Julia Vargas Avenue, Pasig City. As you noticed, we love this place. This is the same place where you can grab a shawarma at Uncle Moe's or New York pizza at Brooklyn's or Halo-Halo at Razon's.

The ambiance is fit for an out-of-the-way bar. It looks like an air-conditioned, glamorized cellar. No, it actually IS one. There's a smoking and a non-smoking side with around five table setups each, each setup sitting two to ten people, depending on the configuration. Jake and I had our pre-anniversary drinks here. We shared a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and boy were we smashed!

They serve Spanish dishes, from appetizers to main courses to desserts. The desserts are not to die for, so don't bother, except maybe if you're ordering dessert wine. The tapas are a bit pricey for the serving size but they taste great.

They have a good selection of Spanish wines and a sprinkling of old world and new world wines, but let's just say that Spanish wines are the main thing. Spain's not exactly well know for their wines but that doesn't mean they can't make good ones! The important thing is that you get really really smashed! After all, that's the objective of drinking and we achieved that in Barcino.

I forgot how we got home - I think we took a cab back - but I'm sure we didn't have sex that night! We didn't even have time to undress!

Exciting Things Coming in October

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 21:05:00 +0000

Hey guys!

Jake and I have a couple of things to look forward to at the end of the month:

1) We're going to Cebu: We're taking a long overdue out-of-town trip together. Since we didn't do anything special on our second anniversary (We had buffet lunch at Seven Corners, Crowne Plaza), I figured we'd need to go all out this time. Well, not all out. We're going to Cebu! We'll be there for nine days! This is our first trip together where we have to take a plane, I'm partly excited about that idea. But I still think that the trip itself should be the highlight! If you're going to Cebu or you're from Cebu, tell us! Let's grab a couple of drinks, or join us for a week sunbathing :)

2) We'll be featured in an online gay advocacy magazine: Yep, that's right! We've sent in our responses to the interview questions and the editor is pressuring me to send in our pictures. So yes, I guess you'll finally see our faces, if ever you read the magazine. To be fair to us, I'm not gonna mention the name of the magazine! But you can guess!!!

Take care guys!

Boyd

Love Conquers All, Even Sarah Palin

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:47:00 +0000

Jake and I had a heated YM exchange tonight.

He read the Butterfly Effect entry and he said he felt sad about it. He was actually quite upset, I was so scared.

Jake, baby, I'm sorry if my entry upset you. I was about to update this blog when we made up but I didn't have the time. Actually, I was too happy to even bother! But I'm really sorry if I made you sad. As I've told you over and over and over again, I really, really, really love you and I'm here for keeps, forever, for as long as I make you happy :) I love you!

I think it's only fair that I explain what I meant with the last few words of my entry:

And the butterfly effect of my decision dawned on me. Did I just prolong their relationship. Or did I end it. Would it have been okay if I fought for my feelings because they would break up eventually anyway? I didn't try exhausting all the possibilities because thinking of the what-ifs is just depressing.

Jakey, it doesn't mean that I'd rather be with Andrew, I was just rambling on with the what-ifs. This is more in the league of a what-if-I-were-straight what-if than the what-if-I-didn't-eat-that-BIG-FAT-quarter-pounder kind of what-if. It's like I'm just wondering what would've happened even if I know that in my current state of mind I know that I'm not gonna like the outcome anyway. Do I make sense?

Anyway, the bottom line is, after all that we've been through lately, I still choose and want to be with you and I am humbled and honored and flattered that despite my shortcomings, you still took me back.

In hindsight, I'm happy we had that argument because we proved what our friends said right, over and again. I really am proud that we can handle things in such a mature way (even if you're such a drama princess who's too hard to convince!).

And next time you want to have an Indian dinner, you only have to ask. :p

---
New Bombay is now open at the fifth level of The Podium, Ortigas Center, Mandaluyong City.

A Double Dozen Treat And Hoo, The Halloween Owl Bear

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 18:48:00 +0000

Tuesday night was the worst.

He was still not talking to me, not texting me and not showing up on YM. I cried like a baby for hours until the dawn broke. I actually proved that you can drown in tears. When crying, sit up, or lie on your side.

I trudged through Wednesday.

Everybody felt it. I was a walking raincloud. I dampen the mood of people around me. And everybody was asking, what's wrong. I didn't want to talk to people because I don't want them to judge me, or Jake or us as a couple. I only told a few friends whom I know would understand and would not judge. I didn't even tell my roomie who was a close friend from college and a colleague from work. People can be so judgmental. It's as if they're the ones who are in the relationship. I hate it especially if it comes from people who have never been in any semblance of a relationship. What do they know? I thought I'd rather shut up.

Thursday night was not better.

I went home, excited, expecting an extra pair of shoes at the threshold. But when the shoes weren't there, I said maybe he brought it to the room and I checked the bed. It was empty. I even checked the bathroom. No one was there. My best friend was there, though. I didn't even notice. He and my roomie were pretending to be asleep when I came. Maybe there's a surprise. I checked the closet. It was empty. Then I felt really sad...

Friday.

He said it was a week. So today has got to be it. I counted seven days and today was the seventh and if he's not coming to get me, I'll come and get him. Despite coming home late this morning, I managed to wake up with enough time to prepare for this. I went to Krispy Kreme and bought two dozens of doughnuts and made sure that I got the assorted varieties that he loved. The night before, I spotted a Bearista bear at Starbucks Emerald and crossed my fingers that they had some, too at Robinson's. Heaven was smiling at me because there was still one left when I came in. The barista faked a tearful farewell to the bear and asked who the bear is for. And I said, "My Baby".

With donuts in one hand and a bear owl in another, I took a cab from the mall to his school and called his friend to make sure that he was there. I was lucky that he went off to run some errands for a while when I got there. Made the element of surprise more surprising.

Fifteen minutes later, he arrived. I was inside the café, he was outside. I went out and sneaked at him and said, Hi. And he said hi back, looking half-scared and half-surprised. And hugged me really tightly and cried.

That, my dear friends, was a moment to die for. I felt all the pains, regrets and guilt just drop to the ground with his one sweeping display of emotions. In that tight embrace, I felt his love, forgiveness, reassurance and happiness. I was too cool to cry. So I wore shades. Hehe. Cheating. I know.

We spent the early afternoon together until I had to leave for work and he had to go to his next class. But at least I know, sans the trappings of spoken words, that all was forgiven. But not forgotten; because if we forget, we wouldn't learn. I wouldn't learn.

I learned it the hard way and I'm just happy that I saw it as the way it is. It was a test. And the choice was not between Jake and Dean but between commitment and falling short of it.

A friend from university days "divined" that my fate would be "full of long-term relationships but no lifetime commitments." For a long time, I was living against that and felt that I needed to prove him wrong. But my recent experience proves that fate, even destiny, can only take you so far. But when you reach that point, it's ultimately your choice and you make your own life.

I've told Jake that happiness in a relationship is not about being better off. It's about commitment and contentment. Because if everybody wants to be better off, then nobody will be happy. For others, happiness in a relationship is a state of mind. For me happiness is a choice. And I choose to be happy.

p.s. Jake attempted to call the Bearista Owl Bear, Dean, in honor of the man of the hour. I think I laughed to that. Jake took it back and said he'd call the Owl Bear Hoo instead. But I really found it hilarious, babe. :p

A Catch-22 Of Sorts

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:44:00 +0000

I don't know if I should write about this but here it goes...

I met Dean through Jake.

Dean was an interesting fella. Jake would describe him as cute. I would, too.

But Dean was the guy I dreaded to meet the most. Dreaded, not because he's a bad person or he has bad intentions (this point is debatable - but I tend to look at other people through rose-colored glasses). I dread his because he's the kind of guy who's going to test everything that I believed in and preached of about love, relationships and commitment.

It was also the darkest and most depressing two weeks of my life.

Let's just say that it all started when Jake and I decided that we wanted to "play". There comes a point in your relationship when you want to be experimental in the naughtier aspects of your relationship. We've been "playful" during the earlier part of our relationship, so we thought, been there, done that, what's there to lose? We didn't expect the outcome.

You'd think that Dean was a treat. He nicely packaged and you'd figure that he'll make a great playmate. So, we decided to invite him and he was willing. At the end of the night, we got intimate with him.

He's mostly a rag doll in bed. Really lousy. It really went on and on and on and I just lost my momentum. So we just finished it for the sake of finishing.

But something was bugging me after that. He was looking at me in a certain way. And he was more touchy-feely than required. And then he told me that I was cute. That's when the butterflies came. In my stomach that is.

We all had to leave after that. Jake had lessons, I had to go home and Dean had to go elsewhere. But I can't seem to leave that scene. I couldn't take my mind off it.

I called my best friend and told him about what I felt. He asked me: did he say anything to you? And I was like: Yes, he told me I was cute. And then he laughed. He said it was all too familiar. I asked what he meant and he explained that he knows, from our years of friendship, that I easily fall for people who like me and then I drop them like a hot potato. And I protested that I'm not like that said that I felt confused. He told me just to give myself time to think and feel the whole thing through.

I can't quantify the amount of guilt that I felt at that moment. I was asking, why am I feeling this? Truth be told, guilty but happy, and guilty that I'm happy. I thought that if I love Jake, I shouldn't feel this. And I love Jake. But I'm feeling this. So do I really love Jake? Because if I feel this, then I don't love him.

Jake has also been busy the whole week after that, with performance after performance and exam after exam. And I don't know if I should tell him or not. Because I believe that if there are issues in your relationship, the first person who should know about it is your partner because he's the only other person who's been in the relationship long enough to understand its dynamics. I learned that the hard when I talked to a friend about a decision that Jake and I both made as a couple and I heard comments that I think was uncalled for. After that, I made sure that I only talk to Jake about things that concern us and keep it between us two. There really isn't much, but it helps to have that thinking in place. I also refrained from giving unsolicited advice to my committed friends. If solicited, I give a disclaimer that it's ultimately their decision.

On a Thursday, I asked Jake to (please) sleepover because I really miss him and I need an assurance of my feelings for him. I was relieved when he alighted from the taxi. Butterflies. Yep, I really love him. But suddenly, I don't know how to act around him. I'm a really bad liar and I can't hide my true feelings. But Jake didn't say anything about it the whole night.

He left for school early the next morning and texted as soon as his first class finished. I just woke up. He asked how I was and I said I was okay, getting ready for the gym. I asked him how he was in reply. Disturbed, he said. because he felt that I was a bit distant the night before. And then and there I poured my heart out. Guilt eats into me in such a way that I'd spill the first chance I get. And I knew that this was going to be one of the most dreaded moments of my life.

I wanted to be honest with Jake because I don't want to hurt him. But in my being honest with Jake, I will hurt him in the process. But not being honest with him would eventually hurt him anyway. So there really is no way around not hurting him by lying or being honest. This is one of the moments when you can only wish that would exercise your best judgment. I went with my gut feel and told him everything.

Remember Dean? I felt something for him.

I still remember the exchange by heart (and kept it on my phone for a while). I don't want to publish it in detail but I can say that it was very civil, very mature. But by the end of the conversation, I was emotionally drained. It was the first time that I cried really hard in a very long time. There it was: my Catch-22. I asked for it and I got what I asked for. I was burnt by the guilt of what I said and the guilt of hurting Jake with the sole intention of not hurting him in a worse way.

I dragged myself to the office and later that day, Jake popped in online and said that he's giving me a week to go out with this guy and see if it's just a fleeting feeling and he assured me that he will only be a phone call away.

I think, more than anything, this cemented my resolve that yes, Jake is the one that I really love and he doesn't deserve this. But I also wanted to be fair to Dean and give it a proper closure. Dean also said that I should never leave Jake for him.

Dean and I did manage to go out once. That's when I found out that he's not as smart as I'd want a guy on a date to be. And add the fact the he was a rag doll in bed. By then, I knew that I was just felt something fleeting for him. My best friend doesn't even call it infatuation.

"Gratitude," he told me. "You're paying him a debt of gratitude because he called you pretty. At sobra kang tumanaw ng utang na loob."

Reality struck really sooner and now I felt sorry that I dragged someone else into my sick concept of gratitude, hurting the one I love along the way. I tried contacting Jake. I called him, he didn't answer; I texted him, he didn't reply. Finally, I caught him online and I asked him why he wouldn't talk to me.

He told me, "Babe, the one week was not only for you. It was for me, too. Besides, I don't know what to say or what to think." With that, I held my end of the bargain to be fair. It was the longest, and saddest week in my life.

Stupid, stupid, stupid Boyd.

The Heart Of The Matter

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 17:32:00 +0000

Butterfly Effect

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 17:00:00 +0000

Last night, I chanced upon an old friend with whom I haven't talked to for a couple years. He was online and he didn't seem busy, it being a Sunday night. Before I sent him an instant message, I remembered that he had a blog from way back when we first got to know each other. That was four years ago. I actually think that I might have influenced him to start blogging.

It was four years ago and I was about to come back to the Philippines from my one-year study in Japan. This was the time when social networking sites started popping out from nowhere and I suddenly had a dozen of accounts with different networking sites. In one of those sites, this old friend sent me a wink. I winked back. He then sent me a message introducing himself. And I gave him my name as well. That's how it started.

We would be chatting online every night and we started sharing pictures. I even called him once and we talked for around 15 minutes, which is quite expensive given that it's an international call. I got to know him more and more and I developed a liking for him. He's an artist, he studies at the other university in the area where my university was, and he was funny. I must admit, at that point, I was starting to fall for him.

"Hey"

"Hey Boyd"

"Hey Andrew"

"What's up"

I told him how it's been a long time since we last talked. I also told him that I was digging through his old blog and found the two poems.

There were two poems that I know he wrote about me.

When I returned to the Philippines, I got in touch with him and set up a meeting. And so we did. At a cafe right across his university, we met for the first time in person. The spark was undeniable. I felt it the first time I saw him.

We talked on the phone. A lot. Those were the times when landlines were still en vogue. Now, no one barely uses landlines anymore, huh.

The next time that we met, he visited me at school and met some of my friends. We walked off to the lagoon and at dusk, under the light of the lamps, we kissed. I held his hands all night because I know that after that I would have to let go. Forever.

Andrew had a boyfriend back then when we met. And I'm not the type who would wreck relationships for my own happiness. I don't want to feed off the misery of others. And I want to believe in forever. And commitment. And contentment. And I don't want some other guy doing that thing to me in my future relationships. So I told Andrew to forget about me and I told him that I'll let him go.

It's difficult to sacrifice your own happiness for someone else's because your principles and your conscience dictate you to. It's more difficult when the person you're sacrificing it for doesn't seem to cooperate with the plan. It's simple. Forget about me and be happy with your boyfriend. Later on, I just had to cut everything and come back only when I know that I'm no longer a threat.

I was partly happy because I know I saved a relationship.

But it's funny because after all our reminisces Andrew tells me, "By the way, wala na pala kami. One year na."

And the butterfly effect of my decision dawned on me. Did I just prolong their relationship. Or did I end it. Would it have been okay if I fought for my feelings because they would break up eventually anyway? I didn't try exhausting all the possibilities because thinking of the what-ifs is just depressing.

But maybe not as depressing as what I feel right now when I find myself in the same shoes that he was in four years ago...

Ang Lihim Ni Antonio

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:26:00 +0000

Truth be told, I liked the film. It might be your typical gay film but for an indie film, the cinematography - which for me is the most important thing next to the storyline - was great.

You'd think that the title is a giveaway but I like the twist at the end. You know how all those films hype their "stories with a twist", this one was a very subtle yet effective twist. And I loved the subtlety of it more than anything.

The actors were also effective. Shamaine Buencamino delivered well as expected. Josh Ivan Morales can act, surprisingly! And Kenjie Garcia, the teen who played Antonio, was believable in his portrayal. The question that goes on in my head is: How did they convince this kid, and his parents, to play this role which demands such sensitive scenes?

I'm definitely recommending this film, even if I do think that there are too many gay films out there and they keep on rehashing the same stories. But I don't believe that they've exhausted all possible stories and perspective on gay life. I'm watching for the next film that can capture that.

Long Hiatus Again

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 16:14:00 +0000

Dear readers,

Sorry for not posting at all recently.

Jake and I have both been very busy, he with school and I with work. I didn't mind that. At least I know that neither of us is being idle. Despite the tight schedule, we still got to spend time with each other, and that's the only thing I can ask for.

Anyway, i'll be pre-dating my posts so you might wanna scroll down for my new entries...

That Special Day

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 15:17:00 +0000

After spending a weekend in Shanghai without Jake around, I felt guilty that he was sulking here in Manila, with tons of school work and rehearsals to attend. So on our special day of the month (nope, we don't have periods. LOL) I decided to check-in with him at Holiday Inn. It's not the most luxurious of all hotels but at least we get to spend time with each other, just the two of us. Plus, the buffet breakfast is a good deal! (And I also get discounts from the hotel, hihihi.)

The last time we did this, he had rehearsal for most of the day and I ended up window shopping in Galleria waiting for him. This time, we really spent quality time sleeping with each other (in the literal and the naughty sense of the expression). Sometimes you really just need a nice sleep, in a tight embrace, to reconnect. It always works for me.

The next day, we had a really good breakfast, even if we woke up quite late for it (less than 30 minutes before the closed the buffet).

Shanghai Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 16:17:00 +0000

It was a long weekend and it happened to coincide with my friend P's birthday. She lives in Shanghai and since I've never been there and it's her birthday and I have a long weekend, I decided to go.

It's really easy to jump to another city these days. You just go online and buy a ticket. Sometimes you have to apply for a visa too but getting a Chinese visa doesn't take much of an effort. You just pay for the visa fee and wait for 4 days.

I got an evening flight which was ideal so that I don't have to take a leave on the Friday that I left. I was in Shanghai the same night and P was nice enough to pick me up from the Pudong airport which was 40 minutes from downtown. That's not like an airport-Makati distance although it takes roughly the same time.

My first impression was that it was impressively clean! I had an idea that it would be a bit dirty but it wasn't. I'm not really a fan of urban sightseeing but it helped that I was with a "local" and P took me to some of the best places to hang out in the city.

It was also a good thing that we had a reason to celebrate so I had an excuse for splurging. Aside from the fact that it was P's birthday weekend, it was also my first time ever in China. Never been to Macau nor HK. Those should be next on my travel list.

I won't bore you with the details of my trip. Aside from an afternoon in Yu Garden, it was mostly eating, drinking and shopping. If you need tips on where to go, honestly don't ask me! Because I was just being whisked away from one place to another in a semi-permanent state of drunkenness. Or maybe I can tell you to go to Jean Georges! That place defines posh!

Gay travelers in Shanghai? Don't worry! Your choices will not be limited to the locals. Shanghai is probably one of those cities in the world where ever nationality is well-represented. I for example was moving around with the Filipino posse and the happy people who were lucky enough to be their friends! Pinoys really know how to have fun :)

I was back in Manila Tuesday morning and went straight to work. It was kinda tiring but my weekend felt longer that it actually was and I had a lot of fun! Thanks P for hosting me :)

D.tour Blue Lounge

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 19:06:00 +0000

On a lazy Sunday afternoon, Jake and I decided to head out and have late lunch, merienda and a quick dinner. Sundays in Ortigas are a bore. There's usually nothing open. Even McDonald's is closed sometimes. The only interesting thing that we did that day aside from having sundaes at Icebergs was a trip to D.tour Blue Lounge.

I've heard about this for quite some time and Jake was kinda curious about the place. Since we didn't have anything better to do, we just decided to go and check it out.

It's right along Shaw Boulevard near JRU. The place looks more like a house than a lounge. But someone opened the gates for us. We were then escorted to the lobby where they gave us membership forms - the lounge is for members only - and then we had to pay our membership fees. Another guy then gave us a tour of the lounge. It's actually a big property and they created "themed" rooms for "certain" activities. One fine example is the "viewing room". I had a different idea when I heard the name of the room being said. But it's still not as innocent as you'd think it is.

For a lounge, having an orientation on the house rules is a bit weird and unnerving. But that's exactly what they did. They're actually a lot of common sense but maybe they just need to repeat it in case people are too stupid to know.

After that orientation, we explored the lounge on our own. There was pretty much no one indoors except for a couple or three guys. Many were in the outdoor area, smoking. The "viewing room" had an immediate effect on us and since the coast was clear, Jake and I had a go at it. Ha Ha Ha. That was fun!

The place feels homey and is quite different from the usual haunts in the Metro which are either noisy or sleazy. This place is very discreet. And it feels very exclusive. I wouldn't going back here. With Jake of course. And I don't mind having a go with him here either. He He he.

Let's just say that there's a thrill in the possibility of getting caught.

Thanks Tiggah for Dropping by :)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 19:00:00 +0000

I couldn't believe it myself but Tiggah visited Life with Boyd and Jake. And he left a footprint in the comments section :)

TiggahTigz.blogspot.com is one of the few gay blogs that Jake and I really follow. It's sort of because we can kind of relate to Tiggah and his boyfriend Pooh a lot. Especially when it comes to food!!! We're big foodies, too. I think that one of the things that keep Jake and I together is food. We just eat a lot. We can share a large pizza between us. But it's taking its toll on me. Gotta exercise more.

Anyway, thanks again Tiggah!

California's top court legalizes gay marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 16 May 2008 22:22:00 +0000

California's top court legalizes gay marriage
By LISA LEFF, Associated Press Writer Thu May 15, 7:45 PM ET
SAN FRANCISCO - California's Supreme Court declared gay couples in the nation's biggest state can marry — a monumental but perhaps short-lived victory for the gay rights movement Thursday that was greeted with tears, hugs, kisses and at least one instant proposal of matrimony.

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Same-sex couples could tie the knot in as little as a month. But the window could close soon after — religious and social conservatives are pressing to put a constitutional amendment on the ballot in November that would undo the Supreme Court ruling and ban gay marriage.

"Essentially, this boils down to love. We love each other. We now have equal rights under the law," declared a jubilant Robin Tyler, a plaintiff in the case along with her partner. She added: "We're going to get married. No Tupperware, please."

A crowd of people raised their fists in triumph inside City Hall, and people wrapped themselves in the rainbow-colored gay-pride flag outside the courthouse. In the Castro, the historic center of the gay community in San Francisco, Tim Oviatt wept as he watched the news on TV.

"I've been waiting for this all my life. This is a life-affirming moment," he said.

By the afternoon, gay and lesbian couples had already started lining up at San Francisco City Hall to make appointments to get marriage licenses. In West Hollywood, supporters were planning to serve "wedding cake" at an evening celebration.

James Dobson, chairman of the conservative Christian group Focus on the Family, called the ruling an "outrage."

"It will be up to the people of California to preserve traditional marriage by passing a constitutional amendment. ... Only then can they protect themselves from this latest example of judicial tyranny," he said in an e-mail statement.

In its 4-3 ruling, the Republican-dominated high court struck down state laws against same-sex marriage and said domestic partnerships that provide many of the rights and benefits of matrimony are not enough.

"In contrast to earlier times, our state now recognizes that an individual's capacity to establish a loving and long-term committed relationship with another person and responsibly to care for and raise children does not depend upon the individual's sexual orientation," Chief Justice Ronald George wrote for the majority in ringing language that delighted gay rights activists.

Massachusetts is the only other state to legalize gay marriage, something it did in 2004. The California ruling is considered monumental by virtue of the state's size — 38 million out of a U.S. population of 302 million — and its historic role in the vanguard of the many social and cultural changes that have swept the country since World War II.

California has an estimated 92,000 same-sex couples.

"It's about human dignity. It's about human rights. It's about time in California," San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, pumping his fist in the air, told a roaring crowd at City Hall. "As California goes, so goes the rest of the nation. It's inevitable. This door's wide open now. It's going to happen, whether you like it or not."

Unlike Massachusetts, California has no residency requirement for obtaining a marriage license, meaning gays from around the country are likely to flock to the state to be wed, said Jennifer Pizer, a gay-rights attorney who worked on the case.

The ultimate reach of the ruling could be limited, however, since most states do not recognize gay marriages performed elsewhere. Nor does the federal government.

The conservative Alliance Defense Fund said it would ask the justices for a stay of the decision until after the fall election in hopes of adding California to the list of 26 states that have approved constitutional amendments banning same-sex marriage.

"We're obviously very disappointed in the decision. The remedy is a constitutional amendment. The constitution defines marriage as a union between one man and one woman," said Glen Lavy, senior counsel for the organization.

Randy Thomasson of VoteYesMarriage.com, a campaign to amend the California Constitution to ban gay marriage, said the decision was in effect telling children that they have a "new role model — homosexual marriage, aspire to it.

"This is a disaster," he said.

Opponents of gay marriage could also ask the high court to reconsider. If the court rejects such a request, same-sex couples could start getting married in 30 days, the time it typically takes for the justices' opinions to become final.

The justices said they would direct state officials "to take all actions necessary to effectuate our ruling," including requiring county marriage clerks to carry out their duties "in a manner consistent with" the court's decision.

James Vaughn, director of the California Log Cabin Republicans, called the ruling a "conservative one."

"The justices have ensured that the law treats all Californians fairly and equally. This decision is a good one for all families, gay and non-gay," Vaughn said.

The case was set in motion in 2004 when the mayor of San Francisco — the unofficial capital of gay America — threw City Hall open to gay couples to get married in a calculated challenge to California law. Four-thousand gay couples wed before the Supreme Court put a halt to the practice after a month.

Two dozen gay couples then sued, along with the city and gay rights organizations.

Thursday's ruling could alter the dynamics of the presidential race and state and congressional contests in California and beyond by causing a backlash among conservatives and drawing them to the polls in large numbers.

A spokesman for Republican John McCain, who opposes gay marriage, said the Arizona senator "doesn't believe judges should be making these decisions." The campaigns of Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton said they believe that the issue of marriage should be left to the states.

Ten states now offer some form of legal recognition to same-sex couples — in most cases, domestic partnerships or civil unions. In the past few years, the courts in New York, New Jersey and Washington state have refused to allow gay marriage.

Outside the San Francisco courthouse, gay marriage supporters cried and cheered as news spread of the decision. Jeanie Rizzo, one of the plaintiffs, called Pali Cooper, her partner of 19 years, via cell phone and asked, "Pali, will you marry me?"

Shannon Minter of the National Center for Lesbian Rights said same-sex marriage advocates could not have hoped for a more favorable ruling by the Republican-dominated court. "It's a total victory," Minter said.

California already offers same-sex couples who register as domestic partners many of the legal rights and responsibilities afforded to married couples, including the right to divorce and to sue for child support.

Citing a 1948 California Supreme Court decision that overturned a ban on interracial marriages, the justices struck down the state's 1977 one-man, one-woman marriage law, as well as a similar, voter-approved law that passed with 61 percent in 2000.

The chief justice was joined by Justices Joyce Kennard and Kathryn Werdegar, all three of whom were appointed by Republican governors, and Justice Carlos Moreno, the only member of the court appointed by a Democrat.

In a dissent, Justice Marvin Baxter agreed with many arguments of the majority but said that the court overstepped its authority and that changes to marriage laws should be decided by the voters. Justices Ming Chin and Carol Corrigan also dissented.

California's secretary of state is expected to rule by the end of June whether the sponsors gathered enough signatures to put the gay-marriage amendment on the ballot.

Republican Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, who has twice vetoed legislation that would have granted marriage to same-sex couples, said in a statement that he respected the court's decision and "will not support an amendment to the constitution that would overturn this state Supreme Court ruling."

___

Associated Press writers Terence Chea, Jason Dearen, Juliana Barbassa and Evelyn Nieves in San Francisco and Liz Sidoti in Washington contributed to this report.

Long Distance Relationships Work (Part 2)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 16 May 2008 21:00:00 +0000

Previously: Frankie and Jai battle it out against all odds as they stand firm on their decision to maintain a long-distance relationship. Will they be able to keep things from deteriorating or will the culture clash, the language barrier, the different time zone and the sheer geographical distance bring this relationship to a bitter end?

We'll never know how KK and Arthur really met because KK has a thing about not telling the story according to how it actually happened because he wants to preserve a certain self-image. He's not really trying to put up appearances but he's just conscious about the way people perceive him. In this case, he doesn't want us, his friends, to think that he's a slut. Maybe he's not or maybe he is. But the factoids that we know about the circumstances of the meet-up were far and few in-between. KK met Arthur in Bed Bar in Malate two weeks before he's told anyone that he met some guy. Who introduced himself to whom would tell us who is slutting around town. Bed is not exactly the gay destination of choice for a good majority of my gay friends... okay, an overwhelming majority of them... as the quality deteriorates - venue and people - as you move away from Makati. KK's "new friends" happen to hang out in Malate all the time. The reason why it took KK two weeks to tell us that he's in such a state with a semblance of "dating someone" is partly because 1) he has "new friends" who are more like recycled friends, and 2) he knows of our aversion for gay Malate.

Let's be clear. I am not dissing KK. He just happens to be the resident underdog in the clique and the tag has grown into him. I'm actually humbled by the fact that of all our gay friends, he feels comfortable confiding in me and seeking my advice.

So again, who was spotted slutting around gay Manila. We'll never know until KK spills all the beans. The slutting around turned out to be a good thing. At first it was high time for paranoia, confusion, miscommunication, misunderstanding and a lot of great expectations and wrong first impression. Which are all normal for a person who just came out of a comfortable/complacent three-year relationship meeting a new guy whom you like in a way you're unsure about and who seems to like you for the wrong reasons. Or so you thought.

Arthur, in a nutshell, is a chap who photographs well. Like his cousin. I've written about them earlier in this blog. According to KK's voluntary disclosures, Arthur made him crave for sex again. A state he's never been in for the last months of his previous relationship. It was a slow gradual process that eventually became a daily routine up to a point where they'd do nothing but each other for an entire day. Even work sometimes gets brushed aside because "it's getting in the way".

In the beginning of things, KK's complaint was that despite his sex appeal, Arthur is shallow and they'd talk about nothing. As in nothing. I was about to foredoom the relationship, or whatever it was back then, but KK made certain pronouncements about the setup. That it was just for the sex. That he just wanted to get back into the game. That he was still enjoying the company. And that he doesn't want to be tied down again in another relationship. The biggest thing that is holding KK back is that in less than a year's time, KK is flying to Europe for his Master's degree. He doesn't want to invest in something that he's gonna stop eventually.

The first dilemma was what the status of their relationship was. "KK," I told him over coffee, "you've barely spent a month with the guy and you wanna label the relationship?" He said that it was not him but Arthur asking. "What do you think are you?" I asked.

"Friends...?"
"Friends?"
"Yeah. Friends. Fucking Friends."

Which is the root word of Friends with Benefits.

He doesn't want to be attached to someone at the moment. That's the least he needs for now. And he's afraid that Arthur is becoming clingy. I told him to be fair and leave the guy or at least be honest about what he really thinks about the relationship and what he needs from it. But KK thinks that he can have the cake AND eat it, too. I told him that it's only a matter of time before the cake realizes that he's being eaten up alive.

KK is the biggest flipflop of all time and the next week he was saying that he now can't imagine himself without Arthur and that he was afraid that Arthur has lost interest in him and that he has changed towards him. Talk about paranoia. He also felt that Arthur was "cheating" on him.

"You're oversteppin' it, bitch," I told him on a text message. "How can he 'cheat' on you when you're not together and you don't want to be too attached to him?"

"I think I'm falling for him."

"Damn straight, and if you keep on it, you'll have enough emotional baggage for a two-year hiatus in Sorbonne."

Two weeks later, he finds out that the rumors were just that. Filthy rumors spread by one of his so-called "new friends" who apparently was also into Arthur and was jealous that KK ended up with Arthur instead of him. He then asked me if he should tell him how he really feels and if he should tell him that he's leaving within the year.

That decision was not for him to make. A few days later. Arthur pronounced his sentiments love of admitted that he knew that he was leaving for France. The absent-minded KK was unaware that he leaves his YM conversation with me open for his ex-boytoy-and-soon-to-be-boyfriend to see.

There were waterworks which was understandable but could be over-the-top to some. But they've decided to carry on with what they have and cross the bridge when they get there. Hopefully they would not be burning bridges instead.

The situation is complicated by differing religious beliefs and cultural upbringings. KK comes from a straight-as-an-arrow Catholic family but he turned out to be an atheist until he found his God among the Methodists. Arthur, believe it or not, is a Maranao Muslim royalty (which is pretty much titular and meaningless exceppt for the number of hectares you own), as in the princess of Sulu kind of royalty. He's actually married but decided to leave for Manila. Now that he's finished with his studies, the family pressures him to come back and settle down. With a girl. We all know Arthur digs dicks exclusively so there's no way this is happening.

There's also no way to run away from family duty without being disowned. After KK's Europe sojourn, Arthur plans to run away with him to the halal Big Apple: Dubai. If he can run away at all.

I've told KK that his relationship is a walking textbook case that can be used in fourteen different fields of study and I've asked him how he felt about it. "It might be interesting but I wished it were a bit more normal. But I'm happy just the same."

And I think, in the end, beyond distances and differences, that - happiness - is all that matters.

Long Distance Relationship Works (Part 1)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:41:00 +0000

Repeat: Long Distance Relationship Works.

I'm still undecided on this issue. Jake believes that long distance relationships work. He actually phrased it in a mumbled question (while his lips are pressed on mine) "Why, don't you think long-distance relationships work?" You might not remember it babe but I do because I remember how I did not answer it because, as I've said I'm still undecided on the issue.

This is a long overdue post prompted by two close friends of mine that are in or about to embark on a long distance relationship. First, do I have to put a dash in between "long" and "distance"? I think so. The fact that this is overdue owes to the same reason, which is my indecision on the topic at hand.

It's also interesting because the same issue gives way to another, even more complex set-up of cross-cultural relationship. Not just interracial but cross-cultural. I digress: interracial sounds like animals cavorting with another species. I'll stick to the term cross-cultural as it sounds more academic.

Frankie, yes, Frank Ulrich Cudal von Krefeld, the scion of German ex-nobility, left Manila last month to go back to his native Germany, leaving behind another dear friend Jai. In an interesting twist of events, Jai sent me an SMS about how he was worried about Frankie. I was surprised by that statement. First because I thought I knew Frankie better as his friend. And second because I didn't expect such a reaction from Jai. You see, Jai and Frankie met through me. Jai saw Frankie's pic online through my Multiply and oh-so sweetly asked if I could intervene in their fateful meeting. What was a good friend like me to do but introduce and introduce I did.

Jai's, well, "history" with boys is more colorful than the Pantone palette to say the least. And Frankie is still, well, confused on whether he digs boys exclusively or boys and girls equally. I was not sure about what the outcome will be when the two inevitably meet in oh-so romantic Manila a few months after their online meeting.

Well they hit it off quite well. Quite is an understatement.

The time came last month when Frankie had to go back to Germany to get ready for Uni in September. He spent the last few months of his stay in Manila away from our set of friends and more with Jai, which is of course understandable. I wasn't there at the airport so I don't know what happened at the exact moment when he officially left.

Fast-forward a few days later and I receive the text from Jai. He was concerned about how Frankie was handling all this while they're apart. They're committed to staying together despite the distance and have been making future plans together. In fact, Frankie will spend the three months leading to Uni openings in the Philippines just to be with Jai. He'll be back by June.

Jai, who is a few years older, just quit his work to focus on graduate school. Frankie is just entering University. And I think, at his age, he doesn't know what he wants to be yet.

I really thought that Jai would fare worse in this setup than Frankie. With our upbringing, we Filipinos tend to be more emotional about things like this. And I was thinking that with his age, Jai would be more inclined to actually hold on to this relationship than Frankie, who, with his age, seems to be wanting to try things out. That was what was going on in my head. But the reality seemed reversed.

Three months of course, is not a long time to wait. But what about in the long-term? Can this work? Can two people, of two different upbringings with oceans between them, with different life priorities, make this work?

Up next: A walking case study. KK and Arthur bring more drama into their already-steaming stew of clashing cultures and personas. And they say that they're a couple.

Boyd Gets Promoted!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:35:00 +0000

Woohoo!!! Time to bring out the champagne bottles coz Boyd just got promoted! I've already pre-celebrated the event with Jake last Sunday (with all the fireworks!) and I'm planning to take my family out for a nice dinner. :)

Weekend at the Holiday Inn

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 17:26:00 +0000

I just received my Intercontinental Group Priority Privilege card last week so I wanted to try it out. Jake and I badly needed some time together since my work has been very demanding recently and Jake's been spending a lot of time in training over the week. So we checked in Sunday night at the Holiday Inn Galleria Manila for some de luxe "us" time.

We arranged to meet at two but I was late (and was profusely sorry to be, believe me babe). I've been in this hotel before when it was still Manila Galleria Suites. It's quite improved as a Holiday Inn but it's very casual. We had a corner room with windows facing the Wack-Wack Golf & Country Club, Greenhills and a sunset view. We can even see the Bataan Peninsula from our room. My account manager originally booked for a twin bed room but I told her to get me a king-size bed for obvious reasons, but she was all oblivious to it.

Jake had to run to an audition for a musical and I was left in the room all by myself. So what's a guy to do with a hotel room all by himself? Play Sponge Bob Collapse of course! I went for a bit of grocery shopping, too. We discovered that at Mickey's Deli in Robinson's Galleria, they had gourmet sandwiches at 50% after 7pm. It was a neat deal, I bagged four sandwiches for us for less than 200 pesos.

Jake wasn't back until around 9pm. At least his dance company made it. He was also set for another audition for a TV ad the next day. The sandwiches didn't seem to be enough for the hungry Jake (who also ate my sandwich) so we ordered pizza. After some pizza and a hot bubble bath (which didn't have enough bubbles), you know how the night ended. And yes, in full view of Mandaluyong, Quezon City and San Juan.

We checked out the pool but it's not a welcoming sight. Could've been better. The breakfast was good though. I've tried better buffet breakfasts before (like Shangri-la in Mactan. Yum!) but this breakfast was not bad. And Jake and I are both breakfast people, but we take it at a different time. Like 12 noon. We really struggled to make it to the resto before 10 am. There were quite a handful of people for a Monday morning.

In the end it was a nice way of spending some time together. We really had a nice sleep. Next time we'll try to crash in earlier so that we'll get a longer sleep.

Surprise Babe! We have a blog!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 13:15:00 +0000

I've just come out. To Jake, that is, that we have a blog.

And Paolo (of Shanghai), to answer your question: I didn't know how he'd react that I want a blog. So I created one. And he just told me now that he wants one, too. So I took it as a cue to tell him, hey, we have a blog!

Hahaha.

This should be fun

Summer with Boyd and Jake

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 16:13:00 +0000

I'm back from a vacation in Banaue and Sagada with my family and Jake spent three weeks of his vacation going around Ilocos, Pangasinan and Baguio with his family. His mom is in town from the States.

The only way I can imagine Jake and I spending our summers apart is when we spend it with each other's families. My main concern about Jake before is that he lived by himself. That's great, from the naughty point of view, but from the practical side, it's dangerous.

Flashback to the time when Jake had fever which didn't go away for two nights. I suspected that it was dengue fever so we had his blood checked. It was negative. That night he still had fever and I had to take a leave from work to attend to him. And then when we had a blood test again the next day, his platelet count dropped. I needed to send him off to Baguio so that someone can look over him. I was restless thinking what if he can't stand up when he gets there. Thankfully his fever just went away as if he hadn't been sick at all after a few days.

Now it's a good thing that his cousin Kat and his brother as staying with him. At least we'll never get locked out again like the last time when Jake lost his keys! We had to get a room in a nearby motel and had his window grills sawn off. And it was 20 feet above ground! I had to miss my high school classmates' wedding ceremony at the church.

So many things are happening this summer. The best of them is Jake's having boundless energy for sex! Dear me, the last one was the best one I've had ever! I don't wanna go into details but he can be an animal when he's in bed sometimes. Hahaha.

Anyway, that's my summer so far. How's yours?

Pinoy Gay Blogs

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 19:05:00 +0000

(Have to do this mandatory post on Pinoy Gay Blogs to be linked/reviewed. Hehe)

It's amazing what Migs the Manila Gay Guy was able to do. His own blog has inspired others to either start their own, resurrect their blogs or carry on with blogging.

The blogroll must be listing almost a hundred queer bloggers. A lot of them notable, some of them uninspired, others expired. Visit PinoyGayBlogs.com for the complete listing.

When Jake is away, Boyd feels...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 09:48:00 +0000

Alone by Heart featuring Carrie Underwood.

It's 80's revival baby. Hay, yes. I guess that's how I feel. Huhuhu.

More J.P. Calderon: J.P. Goes on a Date!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 18:31:00 +0000

I don't know about you but I love J.P. Calderon. So more of him here. And don't you think Nathan Dickinson is gay?

Lazy Day At The Office/Waking Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 16:41:00 +0000

Lazy day at the office

I don't hate Tuesdays.

I just had to say that because I was about to start my entry with that word vomit: "hate".

I'm just reeeeally lazy today for no apparent reason. We all have our days, good or bad, I guess.

Waking up at the wrong side of the bed

No, this is not another Waking up with... entry with J.P. Calderon (don't get me wrong, I still lurve the man). I woke up on the wrong side of the bed yesterday. I think it's because Jake woke up on the wrong side of the bed as well, as his text announced when I woke up. I don't really think that there's a cosmic link between our moods. Maybe, his aura traveled through the signalwaves and hit me. Jake can be pretty powerful when it comes to his moods. IT REALLY GETS ME DOWN. It's like the human eyes. They're sympathetic, you know. Like when dirt gets into one, you close both. And you can't look at opposite directions.

I went to the gym and my shoulder hurts when I lift weights. I was supposed to do chest and biceps but I couldn't do proper chest workouts. So I just did a low-impact chest incline machine. I get frustrated when I can't workout properly. I'm starting to get more and more conscious about how I look. I think I'm fat but Jake says I'm alright. That's coming from someone who has 3% body fat. I used to be around that... 4%-5%. I had abs and muscular legs because I ran and bike. I was bottom heavy before. At least I have some serious nigger ass. Ha Ha Ha! I got conscious when Jake admitted that he checks me out with his girl friend. My boyfriend! Checking me out with his GIRL friend. That's kinda sexy but kinda off, too.

I'm really afraid to get a tummy!!! So I'm doing everything to keep it off. Hey... This gives me an idea.

Moving along. Jake is also out of town with Mommy dearest. They haven't seen each other in a couple of years since Mom practices and medicine in the States. I love Jake's mom! Because she gave birth to such a beautiful lad!!! He's my surprise first birthday gift. Hehe. You know why? Jake's was born on the day before my first birthday. But since that's the States and we're one day ahead of them, it was already my first birthday here in Manila on the day he was born! Cool eh?

We were actually kind of creeped out - butterflies in the stomach and goosebumps all over and all - when we found out about this little factoid. I think it makes us feel more connected spiritually, as being both Pisceans, we both are kinda into that spiritual and cosmic stuff.

Where was I? Yeah, he's back in the boondocks, bonding with Mom and his siblings. And I can only be happy for him. I'm always worried about Jake because he has no one to go home, too. It's also a blessing that Cousin Kat moved in. I feel relieved because someone's helping him out at home. He has no family in the city. But he has me. :)

Also, my friend's reaction to something I told him was looming in the sidelines. And it still bugs me. But now I'm okay.

And since I'm able to vent it out, I think I'm going back to work now.