Life with Flowers

Yet another giggle for you!

2012-01-30T09:20:00.002-05:00

So, these are supposedly answers that some smart-ass student gave on an exam. I think they are too clever for words! I love them no matter if they are real or fake! Of course, these are via my adorable friend, Hank.

Enjoy!!

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? His last battle.

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom of the page.

Q3. The Ravi River flows in which state? Liquid.

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? Marriage.

Q5. What is the main reason for failure? Exams.

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? Lunch & dinner.

Q7. What looks like half an apple? The other half.

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? It will simply become wet.

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? * Easily , he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? Very large hands.

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

A horrible pun for your weekend enjoyment!

2012-01-28T07:47:00.002-05:00

My response to my friend, Hank, upon reading this horrible pun was simply "Oy."!!!!

You will see what I mean! LOLOL!!

Enjoy!

There was a man who always seemed to lean slightly to the left. His friend suggested he see a doctor and have his legs checked. For years he refused, saying his friend was crazy, but finally he gave in.
Sure enough, the doctor discovered that his left leg was shorter than his right. A quick bit of surgery made both legs the same length, and the man finally stood straight.

"So," the man's friend said, "You didn't believe me when I told you that you leaned."

The man replied, "Nope, but I stand corrected."

Gorilla encounter. Holy MOLY!

2012-01-26T20:39:00.002-05:00

This was the most special video I've seen in ages.

WOW.

Growing up, I either wanted to be Jacques Cousteau and work with whales (which I did for 20 years) or I wanted to be Jane Goodall or Diane Fosse and work with chimpanzees or gorillas... That was it. Those were the three things. I got to do one of them, but...in a way, I still long for the other two. I'm a selfish gal! And I want it all!! So, this video or "veeeeedeo" as my friend June over there at Bye, Bye Pie would say, totally blew my socks off. Holy SH*T! What I wouldn't give to have this experience? Wowza.

Enjoy...Just wow. Wow. I would die happy...

Warning...Adult content (but really funny!)

2012-01-26T10:18:00.003-05:00

So, I get a billion funny emails from different sources - mostly my friend Hank and then facebook!!

This is no exception - but this has more of an adult theme than you generally find here on my bloggity...Just a fair warning that I told you so, so no complaining that it was offensive and all that rot.

So, scroll down if you wanna see it...

Ready?

Don't be a baby!

Here it is:

From my 82 year old friend...

2012-01-25T08:11:00.002-05:00

You will love this (particularly if you are of the XX persuasion!!)!!! : )

Eve chats with God:
>
> "Lord, I have a problem."
>
> "What is it, Eve?"
>
> "I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, especially that hilarious snake, but I'm just not happy."
>
> "And why is that Eve?"
>
> "Lord, I'm lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
>
> "Well, Eve, in that case I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
>
> "Man? What is that Lord?"
>
> "A flawed creature with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain. All in all he'll give you a hard time, but he'll be bigger and faster and will like to hunt and kill things. I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like playing cards and knocking a ball about.
>
> "He won't be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly."
>
> "Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but what's the catch?"
>
> "Well,..... you can have him on one condition."
>
> "And what's that Lord? "
>
> "Well, since he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring, you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret.....
> you know, woman to woman."
>

HOLY coolness!!! Wow!

2012-01-23T19:52:00.000-05:00

This, my dears, is TALENT...

Medical Information for Women (Heee!!)

2012-01-21T14:22:00.002-05:00

I got this hilarious email from my friend, Hank, who is absolutely hilarious! It made me giggle out loud!! : )

Also too? I have a crocus blooming inside the house! I forced some paperwhites, crocuses and allium and all have green shoots and the crocuses are starting to bloom! Yaay!

OK. Onto the hilarity! Enjoy!! : )

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.

A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: That ship already sailed – there will be a new ‘normal’ now.

OMG!!! Accccckkkkkkk!

2012-01-20T17:15:00.004-05:00

DOGGIEEEE FLEURSSSSS!!

I Love love love love love these!! The shell "tag" and the umbrella and the cheery yellow fleurs! I just adore this arrangement!

Many thanks to Peter!! Yaaaay! I really appreciate it!!

Pays to blog sometimes, you know?

Yipppeeeee!!

Thank you again. I sincerely love them!!

Dallas THE SHREDDER

2012-01-19T10:10:00.003-05:00

He is the cutest dog I've ever known. And I've had some majorly cute dogs in my life before. I was just crying about Koty and Sadie last night and this morning - they have been heavy on my mind for some odd reason...

In any case, Dallas certainly knows how to cheer a girl up! BOY is he adorable and funny and just the biggest love bug I've ever known! He spends a goodly portion of his life next to me, upsidedown and wagging! He's just the best cure for any sadness that might creep into a person's life!

So here I was trying to be all sad this morning and then Dallas starts walking very stealthily behind me (like a 75 pound dog can go unnoticed?). I knew what he was aiming for...the waste basket that is behind me on the floor.

Oooh this waste basket contains many wonderful Dallas "treats" - there are old coupons, flyers, tissues and even (GASP) used NAPKINS!!

So, one. by. ONE. he takes these treasures out of the basket and carries them about for a moment before setting about destroying and then partially eating them.

It's hilarious to watch!

Here is another short video of the after-effects and a proud Dallas!!!

Wise Words for Thursday

2012-01-19T08:37:00.003-05:00

OK...These words below have been going around for years and years by email. Though some are trite and others are things you've heard from the Dali Lama or some other Godly source, I think these little pieces of advice are very, very wise.

So, I will leave you with these words of wisdom for today. I am sad today for some reason. I'm missing my Koty and Sadie really badly and am feeling the loss of my husband in my life. I could always count on him. Though things were not always pretty in our marriage, he was ALWAYS there when I needed him and I felt very secure in that, if that makes any sense....I miss that.

I am ok. You do not need to call me Mom. I will have sad days here and there. It's normal!

I am going to go love my doggie and take care of my bad self. Enjoy these words below, and take them to heart...Enjoy!

ONE . Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully .

TWO . Marry a man/woman you love to talk to .. As you get older, their
conversational skills will be as important as any other .

THREE . Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want .

FOUR . When you say, 'I love you,' mean it .

FIVE . When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye .

SIX . Be engaged at least six months before you get married .

SEVEN . Believe in love at first sight .

EIGHT . Never laugh at anyone's dreams . People who don't have dreams don't have
much .

NINE . Love deeply and passionately . You might get hurt but it's the only way
to live life completely ..

TEN . . In disagreements, fight fairly . No name calling .

ELEVEN . Don't judge people by their relatives .

TWELVE . Talk slowly but think quickly .

THIRTEEN! . .. . When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer,
smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN . Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk ..

FIFTEEN . Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze .

SIXTEEN . . When you lose, don't lose the lesson .

SEVENTEEN . Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and
Responsibility for all your actions .

EIGHTEEN . Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship .

NINETEEN . When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to
correct it ..

TWENTY . . Smile when picking up the phone . The caller will hear it in your
voice .

TWENTY- ONE . Spend some time alone .

Your giggle for the day!

2012-01-18T11:51:00.001-05:00

For those of you who don't live in New England? These are absolutely TRUE!!! Heee!

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance
And they don't work there, you live in New England .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You live in New England .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with
Someone who dialed a wrong number, You live in New England .

If 'Vacation' means going further North for the weekend, you live in New England .

If you measure distance in hours,
You live in New England .

If you know several people who have hit a deer more
Than once, you live in New England .

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the
Same day and back again, you live in New England .

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a
Raging blizzard without flinching, you live in New England .

If you install security lights on your house and garage,
But leave both unlocked, you live in New England .

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how
To use them, you live in New England .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a
Snowsuit, you live in New England .

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph you're going 80 and
Everybody is passing you, you live in New England .

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes
Are filled with snow,you live in New England .

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still
Winter and road construction, you live in New England .

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car,
You live in New England .

If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in New England .

If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in New England .

If you think everyone else has a funny accent, you live in New England .

Better

2012-01-17T19:51:00.002-05:00

Thank you for the well-wishes. I'm feeling far more human today. Yesterday was NOT fun. Ick.

Dallas is obsessed. OBSESSED with paper, I tell ya. Napkins, pieces of paper, newspaper, paper plates...He adores shredding and then EATING much of it. He is gross. He is a boy. ALL THE WAY!

Though I am convinced he is as gay as a dog could possibly be (and that's not a bad thing in my book!), he is still ALL.BOY.ALL.THE.TIME.

He's messy, he's dirty, he has a penchant for DIGGING in my garden (which I do NOT find cute) and he is just gross sometimes. He loves licking his...ummm...how do I put it? His "area" down "there"...EWWWWW!! Needless to say? There is no kissing of faces in this house. Icccckkkkkkyyyyyyy!!

LOL!!

SO, this is Mr. D, as I like to call him, doing his paper thing tonight"

I'm back to work tomorrow, but I will be posting again soon! Feeling inspired!

G'night for now!

xoxo

Still poopy

2012-01-16T17:13:00.003-05:00

Hey. Another post. Someone is bored.

So, I feel like crud, but a smidge better thanks to my friend, Dayquil. I was able to go out earlier and get some soup, crackers and Diet Coke, of course. In the meantime, the total came to $9.32 and I had just turned in a scratch ticket worth $15. I had spent $5 on scratch tickets last week (I do this every so often) and I won $15!!

Sooo, I re-invested $5 today in more scratchies.

And? I WON $102!!!! Sometimes it pays to be sick and need chicken soup, you know? Wowza!! So, I got myself online and bought some deeply needed Egyptian cotton 600 thread-count sheets. Girlfriend here LOVES her some soft sheets! AND they were on big big sale, so I still have $41 of the found $102 buckaroos!!

What a thrill in the midst of my coughing and sneezing! Woo HOOO!

Dallas decided he'd like to speak with you, as well. He has found his voice recently and needed to share some things with you.

Here he is:

Tomorrow I will be doing a review of the Golden Globes. Did my homework today, as I was in bed at 7pm last night!

Hope you had a good day!

Ciao for now.

Sick

2012-01-16T08:13:00.001-05:00

Ick.

I am sick.

Have some sort of icky bug - a head cold and terrible cough just for kicks.

I will leave you with a cute thing my friend Hank sent!!

Wish me better! Ciao!

The Busy Bee and Dog

2012-01-14T12:47:00.003-05:00

So, my new job, you ask? I loooooove it! LOVE it! LOOOOOOOVE ITTTTTT!!!

It's wonderful, varied, interesting, fun and I am completely and utterly enjoying myself!

I worked 23 hours last week and even got to set my own hours! Yaay!

I'm the new marketing/designer/writer person for the House of the Seven Gables! I have been creating ads, started a blog for them, got them a better Facebook presence and have been writing blurbs for different listings we're in (like wedding and event planning publications) and taking LOADS of photographs. There are TONS of new, fabulous changes at the Gables, most notably new artifacts from Nathathiel Hawthorne's life and, new exhibits and galleries on site! It's a wonderful, wonderful place just filled to the brim with history and beauty.

Please check out the Gables' new blog I started, called 7 Gables Gab! It will keep you abreast of my goings on whilst at work and also fill you in on the cool changes there!

Friend us on Facebook!

I'll also be re-designing the website and putting in updated content, among other things...

Ok. Enough about my wonderful job!

Next cool bit of news is that I am getting Dallas' genetic background tested!! You just swab inside the upper lip and send the kit back to the place and they do his genetics so we can see what kind of beastie he is!! My Aunt and Uncle did this with their adorable dogs Lily and Addie and they were both mostly boxer and then five billion other breeds! It was really intersting and inspired me to do the same! Cannot WAIT to get the results!

I think he is part pony and St. Bernard. He's sooooo tall! He's obviously part Border Collie but the other part is a mystery to me. They said he was 1/2 Great Pyrenees:
and half Border Collie, but I think he's probably Border/St. Bernard. My friends have a St Bernard named Sadie and she and Dallas are built very much the same way, same tail, same broad head...We shall soon see!

Here's Mr. D with one of my favorite socks that he destroyed:

He's so dang cute!

So I've got much to do today. I'm hosting a party for my friend Bobby who turned 35 last week! He wanted to have a big party for himself, so I agreed to host it here. We're having somewhere around 50 people! Should be great fun! So, I've got to skedaddle and get to cleaning and decorating (just ordered a bunch of helium balloons to make it festive!)...

Hope you have a good weekend!

Ciao for now!

Important test for the New Year

2012-01-11T09:32:00.002-05:00

It is good to use this scientific device every year to test if you are still as sharp as you used to be. It is also recommended you send this important test to your friends.

CLICK HERE

This makes me giggle every time!

2012-01-08T20:07:00.001-05:00

I have seen this adorable video more than a dozen times and it STILL makes me giggle!

Worth revisiting if you have seen it before and WELL worth the 4+ minutes if you have NEVER seen it! : )

Enjoy!

PS - I start a new job tomorrow, so please excuse if I am not very posty in the coming couple weeks. Many exciting developments here at the Life with Flowers world!

xoxoxo

Mr. Dilly Dally Doo Doo plays with his egg.

2012-01-05T14:42:00.003-05:00

A most undignified name for such a beautiful dog, no?

So, I have all these fancy toys for Dallas. Stuffed toys, squeaky toys, soft toys, ropes, balls, this, that and the other.

What is his MOST favorite toy? A soft squeaky egg that came inside a fishy toy.

Egg egg egg egg egg egg egg.

This is what goes on his little brain all day.

Egg egg egg egg egg egg egg egggggggg.

And this is what I hear:

"Gallump, gallump, squeeee, squeeee, squeeeee! Plop. Squeeee SQUEEEE SQEEEEEEEE! Gallump. Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Oh, it's soothing is what it is. Won't you join meeeee? Squeeeeeeeeee?

Enjoy this recent video of my egg-sucking dog.

Back to reality-ish!

2012-01-03T18:29:00.002-05:00

Hi Kids!

Well, I'm back home, Dallas has forgiven my trespasses (he was decidedly unhappy about my travels), I'm tired, happy and am looking forward to the new year and all it has to offer!

A new job at the House of the Seven Gables awaits me next week - I start on Monday, my gardening business feels quite promising as 2011 was a fantastic year for me, I've got loads of great plans for a cook book and a new venture creating savory foods to be sold at a new bakery opening here in my home town!

I'm really excited for all the prospects that 2012 seems to be offering!

I've got a lot to be thankful for and a lot that will still need to happen as life unfolds. I have not talked about it on here and will not be divulging any details, but my husband and I separated in November and it has been a difficult, but necessary step for both of us to be happier. We are still good friends, and we love and respect each other. It just needed to happen. And that's all I'm going to say about that subject.

On a lighter note, I had a blast with my family in Georgia over Christmastime and then had another blast with my friend, June, of Bye, Bye Pie fame.

I found this little gem on Facebook earlier...Made me giggle:

Hope you are all well & have a fantastic 2012!

Ciao for now!

Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T18:03:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to wish you all a Happy New Year!

My best friend, June (not her real name...those of you who know us will know her as "Fuzzy") and I are going to a fancy schmancy dinner tonight and then possibly to a bar with some of her peeps afterward.

I will be more posty after I get home - going to be home later Monday evening. Cannot WAIT to reunite with my poor baby Dallas who, apparently, is rather miffed that I have left for such an extended period...He has commenced to peeing in the house again and even pooed in the house! Ack!

So, I'm looking forward to getting home and getting back into the routine of things, but I must admit? This vacation stuff is FUN!! her heee!

Have a safe and fun night, all...

Namaste!

Talk to you next year! : )

Over here at June's

2011-12-30T15:14:00.002-05:00

So, I didn't really post much the last week or so - sorry about that. Been traveling! Was in Georgia for 6 days visiting relatives for Christmas and then am now in North Carolina with my best friend June of Bye, Bye Pie fame and fortune!

Needless to say I've been having a bit of fun here with June and her doggies! Annnnd, it just so happens that she got a new little mite of a baby kitty today! During my visit! And I am babysitting! June got her kitty and then sadly had to go back to work for a few hours!

I am nuts over her baby kitty! Please enjoy the veeedeos I've taken of June and Iris Frost and then one of Iris playing with her toys for the first time! ACK!

Christmas Trees From Around The World...

2011-12-21T13:34:00.005-05:00

I loved this! Hope you do too!

I didn't know a lot of this! What's really interesting at the end is the real meaning of the 12 days of Christmas.

The Capitol Christmas tree in Washington , D.C. , is decorated with 3,000
ornaments that are the handiwork of U.S. schoolchildren. Encircling
evergreens in the 'Pathway of Peace' represent the 50 U.S. states.

The world's largest Christmas tree display rises up the slopesof Monte Ingino outside of Gubbio, in Italy 's Umbria region.
Composed of about 500 lights connected by 40,000 feet of wire,
the 'tree' is a modern marvel for an ancient city.

A Christmas tree befitting Tokyo 's nighttime neon display is
projected onto the exterior of the Grand Prince Hotel Akasaka.

Illuminating the Gothic facades of Prague 's Old Town Square ,
and casting its glow over the manger display of the famous
Christmas market, is a grand tree cut in the Sumava mountains
in the southern Czech Republic .

Venice 's Murano Island renowned throughout the world
for its quality glasswork is home to the tallest glass tree
in the world. Sculpted by master glass blower Simone
Cenedese, the artistic Christmas tree is a modern
reflection of the holiday season.

Moscow celebrates Christmas according to the Russian Orthodox
calendar on Jan. 7. For weeks beforehand, the city is alive with
festivities in anticipation of Father Frost's arrival on his magical
troika with the Snow Maiden.He and his helper deliver gifts under
the New Year tree, or yolka, which is traditionally a fir.

The largest Christmas tree in Europe (more than 230 feet tall)
can be found in the Praça do Comércio in Lisbon , Portugal .
Thousands of lights adorn the tree, adding to the special
enchantment of the city during the holiday season.

'Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree': Even in its humblest attire,
aglow beside a tiny chapel in Germany 's Karwendel mountains,
a Christmas tree is a wondrous sight.

Ooh la la Galeries Lafayette! In Paris , even the Christmas trees are chic. With its monumental, baroque dome, plus 10 stories of lights and
high fashion, it's no surprise this show-stopping department store draws
more visitors than the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower.

In addition to the Vatican 's heavenly evergreen, St. Peter's Square
in Rome hosts a larger-than-life nativity scene in front of the obelisk.

The Christmas tree that greets revelers at the Puerta del Sol
is dressed for a party. Madrid 's two-week celebration makes
millionaires along with merrymakers. On Dec. 22, a lucky citizen
will win El Gordo (the fat one), the world's biggest lottery.

A token of gratitude for Britain 's aid during World War II,
the Christmas tree in London 's Trafalgar Square has been
the annual gift of the people of Norway since 1947.

Drink a glass of gluhwein from the holiday market at the Romer
Frankfurt's city hall since 1405 and enjoy a taste of Christmas past.

Against a backdrop of tall, shadowy firs, a rainbow trio of
Christmas trees lights up the night (location unknown).

CHRISTMAS AT ARLINGTON CEMETERY
Rest easy, sleep well my brothers.
Know the line has held, your job is done.
Rest easy, sleep well.
Others have taken up where you fell, the line has held.
Peace, peace, and farewell...

Readers may be interested to know that these wreaths -- some 5,000 -- are donated by the Worcester Wreath Co. of Harrington, Maine . The owner, Merrill Worcester, not only provides the wreaths, but covers the trucking expense as well. He's done this since 1992. A wonderful guy. Also, most years, groups of Maine school kids combine an educational trip to DC with this event to help out. Making this even more remarkable is the fact that Harrington is in one the poorest parts of the state.
Please share this with everyone on your address list. You hear too much about the bad things people do. Everyone should hear about this.

Delightful!

2011-12-20T09:01:00.000-05:00

Merry almost Ho Ho! : )

A Christmas Story!

2011-12-17T11:00:00.002-05:00

This was written by a good friend's 81 year old relative. This is really something!! It is her Christmas "newsletter" she sent out for 2011...

Enjoy and giggle!!

Here it is:

'Twas the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks...
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks, Santa" - what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night,
the elves want more money - the reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids,
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better,
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter!
They say I owe taxes, if that ain't damn funny!
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days, they all are the pits.
They want the impossible, those mean little shits!
I spent the whole year making wagons and sleds,
Assembling dolls , their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo-yos, no request for them,
they want computers and robots, they think I'm IBM!

Flying through the air, dodging the trees,
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees,
I'm quitting this job, there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment!

There's no Christmas this year - now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde, I'm going SOUTH for the season!!

(And please don't email me and tell me that the line about AIDs isn't funny. I know it's tasteless - it's a JOKE. Not meant in the LEAST to make light of a terrible disease...So, please, don't waste your effort telling me...I KNOW! It's a harmless joke. Jeeez!)

OK. I gotta go! Dinner party for 11 tonight!

Ciao!

Be prepared to cry. Get a tissue. Pronto.

2011-12-16T22:42:00.006-05:00

Ok. So this will be your total buzz kill. A stern warning.

I am going to entertain you if it KILLS me! : ) I have most most most exciting news to come. It involves my cooking and a new restaurant in town. Teaser..........

Ok. Get that tissue ready.

I apologize in advance, k?

Click HERE

...and then just click over to to cheer up your little self!

xoxox