Life With Heathens

I Just Birth Awesome!

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Tue, 23 Sep 2014 14:55:00 +0000

Just like every other mom out there, I think my kids are pretty awesome. The fact that they all got my sense of humor is fantastic! There is never a dull moment with them and their sense of humor is one of the things I miss the most about the older two heathens not living at home.

Thankfully I still have Hyper Heathen to keep me entertained and boy does he ever! I thought I would share some conversations we've had this week. Enjoy!

I've been trying to teach Aidan some Scots Gaelic while I work on it myself, so the other day the lesson went like this...

Me: "Tha mi toilichte"

Hyper Heathen: "Tha mi toilich... Geez there is a lot of phlegm in this language! It's like 'hello' hock a loogie 'how are you' lots of phlegm 'can I get you anything' LIKE A NEW THROAT!!!"

Me: "Don't dis the Gaelic child! Dis it and I won't teach you to curse in it when you're older!"

HH: "Where were we again? I love this language! Oh yeah, tha mi toilICHte. Just rolls off the tongue"

Such a smartass!

For Social Studies he's been learning about Ancient Greece so today we had this wonderful conversation...

HH: "The Ancient Greeks were a-holes but the Persians were total dicks!"

Me: "Don't say dicks and people have been assholes all throughout time. Look how many we have now!"

HH: "Well that's encouraging...be born they said, grow up they said, became an a-hole they said, will be fun they said. Was not fun"

Me: "You just figured out life at the age of 12, now the rest of your life will be mundane and boring."

HH: "well crap, I just lost my will to live"

Me: "Welcome to my world son."

As I said, never dull.

Dick Move Apple, Bono Sucks!

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 19:38:00 +0000

In case you haven't heard by now, on September 9th at the iPhone 6 launch, Apple and the band U2 automatically uploaded U2's latest album onto MILLIONS of iPhones and iPads (via iCloud).

Now when I read that I figured it had nothing to do with me because I somehow usually am lucky enough to be left out. Then I got that sick feeling in my stomach that I get when my gut says, "Oh damn, somethin's up!" so checked my downloaded music on my iPhone 5 and son of a titless goat if those bastards U2 aren't on my damn phone now!!

Don't believe me? Well you may be a drive by suckass music recipient too and don't even know it so haha!

I compare this to coming home and finding out that your father (in this case Apple) has sent the aunt you can't stand (yep that's U2) to wait for you in your living room.

Don't like...

Don't want...

And now you're stuck with the bitch because she will NEVER leave!

Dick move Apple and Bono. Dick move.

And She Thought SHE Shouldn't Tell!!

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Tue, 26 Aug 2014 23:22:00 +0000

First of all I know, I'm a shitty blogger. I abandoned my blog and now would be surprised if even one person reads this. What can I say? I lost my writing mojo for a lonnnnggg time. I think the bitch went to the Cayman Islands without me. Now she's back with a really nice tan and hopefully ready to get back to work.

Will you forgive me? I'm not promising that I'll start writing all the time again but I have so many funny things that Hyper Heathen has said that I want to share. Later. Not today. Today someone else made a funny for me and I wanted to comment on and share that.

Today on Facebook the story The Awkward Parenting Story I Probably Shouldn't Tell came across my news feed. Just the picture alone was enough to get me to read the story and I found myself laughing at how horrified this mom was that she said, "UNO BITCHES!" to her kids. The faces they all recreated too were pretty fucking awesome!

I'm sorry but at the same time I have to say pffftttt amateur! She needs to know she is STILL a pretty perfect parent. I bet SHE will probably never say, "Haha Muthafucka!" to her teen and then grown children. I'm sure she'll never tell her daughters, "DAFUQ DUDE?!" Does she tell her kids, "Don't act like an asshole. You're acting like an asshole! Stop It!!"? Probably not.

I could write a fucking book on my parenting fails when it comes to cursing at, around, or to your kids. Am I proud? Well there IS a fucked up Little Jo inside me that probably is but mostly it just is what it is. Shit happens and if that's the worst thing someone ever does with their kids then I'm fine with that.

I curse. My kids know I curse. My friends know I curse. I don't curse around other people's children, babies, or nuns. I HAVE cursed around a preacher or two. They were being dicks. I'm not ashamed.

When I posted about this on Facebook my 23 year old said, "I'm a little annoyed that I never got to hear you say, 'UNO BITCHES' to us". See, my kids are pretty damn funny themselves so I guess mama being a potty mouth didn't destroy them.

And yes, my daughter and I have a text war once a week to see who can call the other one the worst word possible. Winner gets bragging rights for the week. She's 20... this started when she was 16. She's getting really good at it now and I'm proud. Why? Cuz das my mini-bitch.

Uno Bitches! Fucking UNO!!

Geek Parenting, I'm Doing It Right!

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Tue, 27 Aug 2013 03:23:00 +0000

So just this past week we have finally started watching the Doctor Who series around here. I loved the show as a kid in the 80s but for some reason I put off watching the show starting in 2005. Now I wish I had been watching it all along because we're really enjoying it right now.

I have to admit though, everytime I see David Tennant all I can think of is this...

and it's just not attractive! Haha.

Anyway- so I just wanted to share a conversation I had a little while ago with my 10 year old geek boy...

Me- "What do you think of Chris Eccleston as Doctor 9?"

Hyper Heathen- "FANTASTIC!"

(sound of me snorting)

Me- "What do you think of David Tennant as Doctor 10?"

HH- ""EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"

(short laugh)

Me- "Do you think Matt Smith will be a good Doctor 11 when we get that far?"

HH- "WHO?"

(Laughs and shows him a picture)

HH- "We kill the ones who sparkle for free! Gank him Sammy!"

(laughing until I cry)

When fandoms cross over then Geek Parenting, you're doing it right.

I'm A Neuropathic Nightmare!

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Mon, 22 Jul 2013 22:28:00 +0000

I saw the Neurologist and found out after many tests, scans, and pokey needle things that I definitely have Peripheral Neuropathy which we already knew but now I have an updated diagnosis of it for my records. What I wasn't expecting was that when I brought the papers home and looked at them I saw that the doctor had written down, "Small Fiber Neuropathy", "Idiopathic Neuropathy" (which just means no clue what caused it), and "Autonomic Neuropathy".

The thing that bothers me is the Autonomic Neuropathy because it's one that affects your organs and explains why I've been getting dizzy a lot. It seems it is affecting my heart although only very mildly at this point. We aren't sure yet what other organs are being compromised yet and I can't say I'm in a hurry to find out.

I also found out that I have to have an MRI and I'm being referred to a pain clinic because she honestly thinks that at this point I'm going to need pain meds. Not what I wanted to hear but also what I already knew too. I've tried all the medications to try to help with this neuropathy and I've either had bad reactions or there is my Gabapentin which keeps me sane and not wanting to gnaw my limbs off but doesn't actually help pain. I absolutely hate pain medications and will have to mentally become okay with taking them so we will see.

In good news, Hyper Heathen is almost finished with swim lessons for the summer and he has done really well. He has gone off the diving board a few times and swims awesome now. I'm so very proud of him and his progress! I was able to sign him up for all of the sessions so he has spent the entire summer swimming and I think that has helped out a lot.

Big B and Sis are doing alright and plugging along in this shithole we call life. All I can hope is that they are smarter than I was at that age and make the most of their lives. I want the best of everything for them and it's hard once your children become adults because you can't give them that or do it for them. As adults they have to go get it for themselves. Can't help wanting to care for my "babies" no matter how big they get though. Lol.

License Lies, Black Mold, and Growing Up

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 21:42:00 +0000

I got my license renewed today and needless to say, I hate the picture. I tried so hard to have a nice picture but just meh. I look fat and tired which is depressing when I am losing weight. I'm cool with looking tired though cuz I am ALWAYS tired! Lol

We've had a lot of contractors here lately because we found black mold in the wall of our bathroom and had to have it all ripped out. All meaning two entire walls inside and out, the shower, and the tub. Talk about a disaster! To make matters worse, I don't think the contractor is doing the job right so I have a feeling this is going to go south real quick. *sigh*

Big B came over and spent the day today with Hyper Heathen today which was nice because HH misses his brother and sister when they're not here often (both have moved out to their own places). I feel bad for him and know its hard having them grow up without him. Today though Big B played video games with HH and they had fun hanging out.

Speaking of growing up, Hyper Heathen is in pre-puberty! My last baby is growing up and that is unfair as hell. Why do they do this to me? WHY do they torture me so? haha. Seriously though, if I could go back I would treasure their childhoods more and enjoy each day. With the oldest two especially I was so worried about "milestones" and stupid selfish crap that I didn't appreciate the gift I was given at the time. That's the problem though, we can't go back and we don't get a second chance. SUCKS! To make it even worse, Big B turns 20FREAKING2 later this month!

Oh and for the record, I cheated on my eye exam for my license. Lol. I get fitted for glasses tomorrow so I will have them but for today my vision stinks so I would close one eye, read some, then switch eyes. haha. I just didn't want to lose my license right before I get the glasses that correct my vision.

So there is my dirty little secret!

A Whole New View On Things

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 03:28:00 +0000

When Hubby Guy and I first got together (sometime in the first year) we watched the movie Stepmom starring Julia Roberts, Susan Sarandon, and Ed Harris. It's a sweet movie about the dynamics between the Ex-Wife and the new fiancé of Ed Harris' character. The ex ends up with terminal cancer and realizes that this is the woman who will raise her kids and they become friends. It's more interesting than my description I promise!

Anyway, I remember that the first time we watched it I teared up a little but no real waterworks. It was sad and sweet but at the time cancer was something other people got. This was before I knew my father or about the genetic disorder we have so I figured the worst thing that would happen would be getting diabetes.

Fast forward thirteen years to today when we watched Stepmom again and you would have seen me bawling like a frakkin baby! You see, I realized today that HAVING cancer can even affect how you process and feel about movies you watch. This time I was watching it as a mother who has cancer who has had to face the very real idea of saying goodbye to her kids just like Susan Sarandon's character in the movie.

This time I was asking myself if I have taken enough pictures with my kids. Have I created enough good memories? Have I given them traditions they can pass on? Have I brought them more happiness than sadness during their lives? Was I there for them like they needed?

Maybe it hit me more this time also because I decided on New Year's that I was going to make sure I could answer "yes" to several of those questions plus I want to make sure they don't remember me as their mom who was always sick and had to lay on the couch a lot. I'm actually DOING something about what I leave behind and I have to admit it feels pretty damn good!

No matter what I'm going to be sick. No matter what I'm going to be in pain. No matter what I'm going to have cancer but that doesn't mean I have to give up showing my heathens how to LIVE or how to stay hopeful.

Even Heathens Grow Up

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 04:48:00 +0000

Around the Life With Heathens house things feel "odd" these days. When I started this blog my oldest was 14 years old and all my heathens lived here at home. Fast forward seven years and my oldest, Big B, is now 21 and living with his girlfriend. The sweet teenager is now a man with a job, a life, and a beard I can't fucking stand!

Sis was 11 years old when this blog started and now she's 18 and living on her own with "her gay boyfriend" aka her roommate. Sis is now an amazingly beautiful, sweet, headstrong young woman who has her mother's stubbornness. So much so that sometimes I want to knock some sense into her!

MonkeyBoy is now "Hyper Heathen" and just turned 10 years old the other day. He was a cute little 3 year old when this all started and now he's a tall, extraordinarily intelligent, funny, sarcastic mini version of us all. He's also my last one still being homeschooled which is bittersweet as well. They grow so fast!

It feels wrong in a lot of ways having only one child in this house. I miss the noise of having two teenagers arguing and slamming doors. I miss knowing that all the kids have no choice but to be here on holidays. I miss checking three rooms each night to make sure everyone is tucked in and sleeping soundly. I just miss having all three of my lil heathens around me. Having your kids grow up sucks ass!

But I am proud of who they are becoming. I am proud of the people they are in their hearts because they are all good people. I am proud to be their mother every minute of every day. They will always be my heathens and I will always feel blessed that I got to have a Life With Heathens. ❤

TURN OFF THE NEWS...

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 14:50:00 +0000

This is an unknown person's brilliant take on what happened Friday :

"You want to know why. This may sound cynical, but here's why.

It's because of the way the media reports it. Flip on the news and watch how we treat the Batman theater shooter and the Oregon mall shooter like celebrities. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris are household names, but do you know the name of a single victim of Columbine? Disturbed people who would otherwise just off themselves in their basements see the news and want to top it by doing something worse, and going out in a memorable way. Why a grade school? Why children? Because he'll be remembered as a horrible monster, instead of a sad nobody.

CNN's article says that if the body count "holds up", this will rank as the second deadliest shooting behind Virginia Tech, as if statistics somehow make one shooting worse than another. Then they post a video interview of third-graders for all the details of what they saw and heard while the shootings were happening. Fox News has plastered the killer's face on all their reports for hours. Any articles or news stories yet that focus on the victims and ignore the killer's identity? None that I've seen yet. Because they don't sell. So congratulations, sensationalist media, you've just lit the fire for someone to top this and knock off a day care center or a maternity ward next.

You can help by forgetting you ever read this man's name, and remembering the name of at least one victim. You can help by donating to mental health research instead of pointing to gun control as the problem. You can help by turning off the news."

I couldn't agree more Anonymous person, except I DO feel that when its harder to get help for mental health than it is to get a gun, we need better laws. So let's please always remember...

Charlotte Bacon, 6
Daniel Barden, 7
Olivia Engel, 6
Josephine Gay, 7
Ana M. Marquez-Greene, 6
Dylan Hockley, 6
Madeleine F. Hsu, 6
Catherine V. Hubbard, 6
Chase Kowalski, 7
Jesse Lewis, 6
James Mattioli, 6
Grace McDonnell, 7
Emilie Parker, 6
Jack Pinto, 6
Noah Pozner, 6
Caroline Previdi, 6
Jessica Rekos, 6
Aveille Richman, 6
Benjamin Wheeler, 6
Allison N. Wyatt, 6
Rachel Davino, 29
Dawn Hochsprung, 47 (principal)
Anne Marie Murphy, 52
Lauren Russeau, 30 (substitute teacher)
Mary Sherlach, 56 (counselor)
Victoria Soto, 27 (teacher)

More in depth about the victims- Who They Were

I'm Not Obsessed! Okay Yes I Am...

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Thu, 29 Nov 2012 00:11:00 +0000

You know you may have warped your almost 10yo with your Supernatural obsession when:

1) He loves saying "gank" and runs around telling the dog, "GANK 'ER SAMMY!"

2) He tells you running out of salt is NOT what Hunters do!

3) His new fave car is a black '67 Chevy Impala. He has also decided he is going to have one and name it "Baby the Metallicar".

4) He thinks we should all get Protection Symbol Tattoos on our chests.

5) He walks around the house singing "Cry No More" and "Eye of the Tiger" (Complete with leg air guitar).

6) He makes sure everyone knows the radio rules in the car which are "Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole".

7) He wants to learn Latin so he can exorcise the demon he is SURE is in his big sister's butt.

8) He tells his father that Dean Winchester is "a sexy piece of man meat" thus leading your husband to ask you if your son likes guys and isn't he too young?

9) He asks if you can redecorate his room starting with painting a Devil's Trap on the ceiling and Angel Sigils on the window.

And last but not least...

10) He is still afraid of normal monsters in the closet but not any monster from Supernatural because as he said when he slipped, "We know how to gank those bitches mom!"

I love this kid!

I Lost It In 'Nam...

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 23:38:00 +0000

Last week I was at the store with the Hyper Heathen (MonkeyBoy's new nickname) standing in line telling him "No" for the zillionth time when this woman just out of the blue asks me, "What happened to your tooth?". Now just so you know, I'm missing the third tooth over on the bottom front for clarification. Most people don't even notice it but for some reason Madam Rudeass did.

After I picked my jaw up off the floor (Who the hell asks a question like that??), the first thing I thought to say was, "I lost it in 'Nam". Before I could bask in how witty and funny I thought I was, without missing a beat the elderly gentleman in front of me popped out his dentures and said, "Those Vietnamese bastards got ALL of mine!".

His wife gasped, the cashier turned red, I burst out laughing, and the woman who asked the question in the first place just looked at the old man and I blankly.

That has to be one of the best replies to a rude question that I've ever heard!

Touché old guy. Touché.

Things A Parent Probably SHOULDN'T Say To Their Kid:

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 17:09:00 +0000

Im backkkkkkkk! The blogging bug has hit me recently and I figure its about damn time I do something about it! So I will set the stage for how this blog is going to go with my first post. If you are easily offended then this blog isn't for you. If you like sarcasm, aren't bothered by a potty mouth that would make Dane Cook cringe, and like to laugh then Hello my friend!

Things A Parent Probably SHOULDN'T Say To Their Kid:

1) "Quit talking and GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!"

2) "Ignore your father, he's an idiot"

3) "Your grandmother is a psychotic whore" (my egg donor)

4) "Don't go in his house, he's probably a fucking pedophile!" (A neighbor)

5) "Tell your father to quit being an asshole, but don't SAY asshole you're not allowed"

6) "That kid ever touches you again punch him in the throat!"

7) "If your AWANAS leader tells you one more time that we should all get baptized, tell her Mommy worships Satan and the only reason she lets you come to AWANAS is because she thinks its a scout troop that allows gays. Nevermind don't say that!"

And last but not least...

"See that kid over there? Don't act like him because he's acting like a douchebag. He's one worth ganking" (Ganking is a word that my 10 year old and I picked up off our favorite show, Supernatural. It means kill on the show but mostly we use it as a way to say they need hushed up).

Our First Relay For Life

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Sat, 30 Jun 2012 20:13:00 +0000

I remember when I use to love to write whether it was an article, blog, or journaling. Nowadays I just can't seem to put my thoughts down. It sucks because writing was such a large part of who I am at one point.

Anyway- last night Sis, MonkeyBoy, and I took part in our very first Relay for Life! I'm so glad we did because I had a chance to see and watch so many great survivors and families.

Sis and I each received a "Survivor" t-shirt to wear all evening which was cool. It was also very humbling and to be honest made me feel a little uncomfortable because I don't feel like I have survived anything. The cancer is still there. I'll never be rid of it so am I really a survivor? They also gave MonkeyBoy a "Caregiver" shirt as well so he was so proud all night long. It was really cute!

At the event we enjoyed music, dinner, chatting with others, games, watched an awards ceremony, listened to speakers, made memorial luminaries, walked the Survivor Lap, and then they had a beautiful closing ceremony.

Of course, I got sick as a dog and am wiped out today because it was so hot (the no adrenal glands thing) but it was definitely worth it!

We bought memorial luminaries for my father, Darling Vincent Smith, and also the kids' other grandpa, William Fritsche. It made MB and I both cry to pass them on our lap around the track. It still seems like they were here just yesterday and we feel such a loss because they were both amazing men.

So we will be going every year from now on and I encourage others to go as well. It is an eye opening, humbling, and beautiful experience that you shouldn't miss.

Learning To Be Thankful

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 12:57:00 +0000

Growing up, Thanksgiving was anything but picturesque and filled with family togetherness. At our house the holiday was filled with mean comments about the food, complaints about family, and the only thing to be thankful for was if we actually made it to dessert without a fight. It always made me wonder if this was how holidays were truly meant to be.

Once I grew up and had my own family I realized that it could be so much more. The holidays became something I looked forward to. Thanksgiving finally became a day of good food, wonderful company, and thankfully no fists were ever thrown. I was able to teach my children all the things that I yearned for as a child- to be thankful for all the things we had and not focus on what we didn’t.

This year is very special to us in that we have so much to be thankful for. As a family we have made it through several cancers, surgeries, adjusting to living with a rare disorder, the loss of a loved one, and a job transfer that took us on a move across country. It’s been both hard and busy to say the least.

We can now truly say we know the meaning of being thankful. Having to go through our own trials has opened our eyes a little wider to the hardships of others. Our thoughts can’t help but be with the victims of this year’s hurricanes and tornadoes. The words “thank you” don’t seem like enough to show our gratitude to the brave men and women serving our country both at home and abroad. Joy hardly begins to describe what I feel knowing that I am alive and able to listen to my children do something so simple as argue over what float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is best.

I can’t say I don’t wish my childhood memories of the holidays weren’t better. I’d love to have the traditions and warmth from generations before to pass on to my kids but that isn’t something we will ever have and that’s okay. Instead they will grow up knowing they were a part of making many new traditions that we can all cherish and pass on to the generations to come.

The love, true thankfulness, and heartfelt giving begins with us. The past can never touch the joy and togetherness we have now. Oh there still might be a fight or two but it will most likely be started by a hungry three year old who just wants the last piece of pie. The rest of the day though will be filled with the giggles of five goofy people trying to cuddle on one little couch.

"Average Joe" heroes

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 06 May 2011 00:10:00 +0000

As a little girl, my heroes were Wonder Woman and my cool third-grade teacher with the wild hair. Later, they changed to people like Amelia Earhart, Joan of Arc, and Eleanore Roosevelt. Okay so I still thought Wonder Woman was da bomb too! When I became an adult though, I quit having heroes. There just wasn't anyone who inspired me anymore.

Then I read the story of Kent and Melony on a parenting board I was on at the time. Melony was the mother of fivc (three by birth and two adopted), a talented artist, and she designed the most adorable outfits for kids. From a distance this woman seemed to live a perfectly charmed life. She just seemed so happy and on top of the world. Soon though I found out how truly amazing her story and life really were.

You see, Kent was fighting a Stage 4 cancer and it had been a pretty rough fight for him. Each update told of a body that was getting weaker yet a soul that was still burning brightly and fighting for all it was worth. Neither of them ever complained about anything and Melony spoke of Kent with so much love that you could actually feel it yourself. Kent showed his love by fighting and refusing to leave his family. All this and more is why they will eternally be my heroes.

Kent taught me that I can never give up because the bottom line is that it's not really about me. It's about my family and loved ones who still need me. I learned to always keep my sense of humor thanks to him. I know now that if he could laugh, smile, and joke with all he was up against then there's no reason I couldn't do the same.

Through Melony, I finally witnessed unconditional love, unwavering faith, and the very epitome of grace. She is the kind of woman I dream of one day being. She never spoke of how hard this must all be on her but instead told about every wonderful and encouraging thing Kent did.

Thanks to Kent and his amazing sidekick, Melony, I have heroes once again. Even though they don't wear masks, tights, or long flowing capes, my "Average Joe" heroes still save the day. And the greatest part of all is that all they had to do was keep being themselves.

*Footnote* Kent passed away at home holding his wife's hand on September 23, 2005. He is sorely missed and will always be "Superman" to myself and many others.

Real-world Wonder Women

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 00:46:00 +0000

Do you know that television’s Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter, left acting for several years to stay home and raise her two children? I mention this because to me, when Ms. Carter stopped “playing” Wonder Woman on TV she then took on the role of a lifetime: Motherhood. That is when she became a real life Wonder Woman.

We moms may not have bulletproof wrist cuffs (can you imagine doing dishes in those?), a magic lasso (though it would come in handy for wild children), or an Invisible Jet (how many carseats could fit in that thing anyway?) but who needs fancy accessories? We moms come specially equipped with many extraordinary superpowers like:

-Magic Kisses: Our magic mommy kisses can heal booboos, vanquish bad dreams, stop tears, and charm grumpy husbands.

-Soft Arms: These amazing arms provide safety from closet monsters, lovingly snuggle many children at once, and one hug can make all sadness in a child’s world just melt away.

-Super Senses: Every mommy comes standard with this awesome power. We can hear mischievous whispers from two rooms away, know a lie the moment it leaves our child's (or husband’s) lips, see through the back of our heads, and we always know who wrote on the wall without ever asking. Nothing gets past our super senses!

As mothers, our powers are endless. While TV’s Wonder Woman did a wonderful job of teaching a generation of girls about strength and self-worth, today’s real life Wonder Women go even further. We are raising the male and female “superheroes” of tomorrow. The future of the world truly rests in our hands.

So Lynda Carter’s character can keep the costume and fancy extras, for us real world Wonder Women they’d just get in the way. From the moment we hear our child’s first cry of life we instantly have everything we’ll ever need. How could a piece of rope top that?

Okay so maybe we really would love one of those bustier’s with the “W’s” on it for date night with the hubby, but that’ll just be our little secret.

What “superpowers” do you possess (or wish you did)?

*I wrote this for DotMom many years ago and just happened to find it again. Since I'm considering blogging once more I thought I would post this while I contemplate.*

My Five Year Anniversary

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 02:58:00 +0000

On October 7th, 2004 I was diagnosed with medullary thyroid cancer. Shortly thereafter I was told that someone with it spread as much as mine had was given a 16% statistical chance of making it to 5 years. One doctor told me not to listen to statistics so since then I haven't but I can't help but be excited that...

I've made it to FIVE YEARS!!!!!

I can not even begin to express how excited I am about this. Honestly I never thought the cancer itself would kill me before the five year mark but all the other medical stuff has had me worried. The lack of adrenal glands can get pretty scary (almost dying last year was quite traumatizing) and had me wondering if it was going to cause my time to be up. Making it five more years means my body might be scarred, broken, in pain all the time, and sickly but my spirit is holding it all together just fine. I can't wait for my TEN year anniversary. *smile*

So I just want to thank all my friends who have been with me on this ride. Thank you for the calls, gifts, quilts, love, cards, thoughts, and prayers. You have no idea how much they have meant to me. Thank you for listening to me rant and yes, even cry. Thank you for not giving up even though I know some of you have been scared to death.

Here's to another five years. And then another... and another... and another.... haha.

Wow, An Award!!

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

When you don't blog constantly like you use to you come to expect certain things NOT happening like not having alot of readers anymore, fewer comments, less writing offers, and definitely fewer awards from other bloggers because well... you're not blogging about anything now are you? LOL

Well Melanie at Running Without Being Chased thought of me when it was time for her to pass on the Queen of Awe-Summm award which totally blew me away. Thank you very much, Melanie for completely making my day. I feel so cool again now. :)

The steps to becoming a Queen are...1. List Seven Things That Make You Awe-Summm!

2. Pass the award on to seven bloggers you read religiously.

3. Tag those seven bloggers.

Seven Things That Make Me Awe-summm-
oh boy this is going to be hard because I don't think of myself as awesome. Hmmmm.

1- I have awe-summm genes when it comes to my kids. They look like me, act like me, and even have my sarcastic sense of humor rather than their donor's (hubby not included) ugly, bland, ignorant ass stupidity. *snort* Yes, I'm taking credit for having the stronger genes in this case so shup!!

2- I have awe-summm friends who make me more awe-summm just by knowing them. I feel very lucky when it comes to my friends.

3- Despite a screwed up childhood I've turned out fairly normal which I think is pretty awe-summm.

4- I am an awe-summm left-handed person. We lefties are in a league of our own I tell ya (okay so we're weird shup!).

5- I'm able to always have a sense of humor no matter what life throws at me. Hell, I even joke about cancer leasing space in my body. I RULE!!! Just kidding, maybe this award is affecting my ego. Dammit!

6- Speaking of which, it is majorly fucking awe-summm that this October will mark FIVE years that I've been living with cancer. Statistics have had me at a 16% chance of making it this far since the beginning but I've always known that as long as this shit keeps it's hands off my bones, I'll be kicking for awhile yet. *smile*

7- I think it's pretty damn awe-summm that I actually made it through all seven of these! LMFAO.

Okay now it's time to pass the award on to some of my fave ladies...

Doc- Totally fucking awesome I tell you!

Meg- Awesome lady I had the privilege to get to know before she moved back to Indiana.

Robin- Awesome sarcastic knitting bitch whom I adore

Rayne- Even when I didn't post she still read my blog. So awesome!

Jessica- My awesome Mormon Puddin' Pop

Jami- She awesomely rocks my socks and her blog kicks ass!

Summer- She's wired for awesomeness!

So here's your award bitches. Don't say I never give ya anything. HAHA

Time To Start Living Again

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 15:50:00 +0000

I'm almost ashamed to admit that I have become somewhat of a hermit ever since my neck surgery in 2005. At first I hid away because I got tired of people staring at my neck all the time and just didn't want to have to face them. After that I pulled back even more from society because I was grumpy and in no mood to put up with people who were stupid or petty. Eventually pain was what kept me home more often than anything else and instead of fighting that I just let it.

It hasn't been fair to my kids because alot of the time they are trapped in this house with me. I'm not saying I cut us all off from the rest of the world or anything but since we moved outside of town we've not been going out and exploring as much. I hate that and miss our adventures. The kids still play outside, go to the park, take walks, etc but going into town hasn't been as often.

Now Big B is starting college and Sis is starting at the charter school which means that it will mostly just be MonkeyBoy and I from now on. I plan on filling the year with new adventures but I've also realized that I need to start making adventures for myself as well.

So on that thought I have signed up for a Tai Chi class on Tuesday evenings at the local Community Center ($2 a class how could I NOT?) and Bellydancing class at a studio on Wednesday evenings. I have to travel an hour and a half round trip for the Bellydancing class but I've decided that it's worth it and I deserve it. *smile* My rheumotologist has recommended Tai Chi before so that should be good for the fibro and maybe bellydancing will loosen some of the stiff muscles up a little so I can have more mobility.

Of course, I could just end up in even more pain too. I think it's worth a try and worst case I start but have to stop to keep pain at bay. I won't really be any worse off than I am now and hopefully I will be better off than now so it's worth it.

I chose Tai Chi because it has fluid movements that won't jerk my body around causing more pain plus I'm hoping it will help me with meditation and focus. I chose bellydancing because it looks like fun and if I'm going to be stuck in this body then I might as well learn to like it a little more right?

I hope that once I start shakin' my hips I'll be able to get the damn things to STOP cuz mama's fanny has more volume than it use to! Just kidding. Not about the volume but the stopping part. *snicker*

So wish me luck and I might post pics of Tai Chi but don't even ask about the other! Ha Ha.

If I Had My Life To Live Over

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 03:35:00 +0000

I'm feeling a little "deep" tonight and remembered this poem by Erma Bombeck. To me it is a reminder to stop and reevaluate life every so often. To slow down and remember what is truly important to me.

I have actually been trying to treat this poem as somewhat of a motto lately and live by it more. Especially since stressing myself out over total crap could literally kill me. There is so much in life that can't be controlled but at least how I view it can be.

I know this blog has gone totally down hill in the last six months but hopefully you can forgive me. I've been trying to be more present for my kids which doesn't allow alot of time for blogging. I miss it but I think I missed them more so I will try to blog but if I don't just know that it's because I'm loving my heathens.

If I Had My Life To Live Over

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching TV - and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love yous"...more "I'm sorrys"...

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it...live it...and never give it back.

Erma Bombeck

Playing Catch Up

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 18:17:00 +0000

So much to catch up on and no clue where to start. Let's see, first I would like to brag that MonkeyBoy is in his first year of Tee-ball where he is having a blast! Watching these little kids run around the bases or trying to hit the ball is just so much fun. His first game is April 14th so I'm both excited and nervous for him.

Oh and you should see their little uniforms!!! TOO CUTE!! Their team is the Pirates making the uniform shirt black with yellow lettering, gray pants, black socks, their hats are black with a yellow "P" on it. He looks so cool when he has the whole thing on. *smile*

The downside to their uniforms is that there will be times they will be playing in almost 100 degree heat so wearing mostly black will not work in their favor during those times. Ugh.

Another fun thing to share is that my oldest is an assistant coach for MonkeyBoy's team so I get to watch both my boys in action at the same time. BigB has so much patience with the kids (and believe me there are some wild ones!) and I'm so proud of him. He takes his time teaching them to catch, throw, and bat without ever losing his cool. I'm so proud of the man he is becoming.

BigB will also be graduating from high school by the end of May then going on to start his college courses. At this point he is leaning towards a degree in metallurgical engineering but obviously he's free to change his mind many times before he has to decide for sure. I'm so sad to see my kids growing up already but so happy that they have turned out to be so smart and completely awesome. I'm very very lucky.

Speaking of BigB, his scumbag donor, Kirk A. Coiner, is now on welfare and personally I am disgusted with the state of Oregon. Here sits a perfectly healthy and able to work male on welfare, getting assistance with housing, food, utilities, and going to college for free (which is something his son doesn't get to do) all while he is not paying a single penny of the $350 a month he's suppose to pay. He now owes almost $30,000 in back child support yet Oregon does nothing. If someone from the Oregon Division of Child Support (Roseburg office) or their welfare department could enlighten me as to why they are allowing this I would be very grateful. I won't hold my breath though don't worry.

Sis is getting ready to start public High School in the fall thus ending her time homeschooling. On one hand I'm sad to see her go but I also think it will be good for her in alot of ways. While still at home though she is finally enjoying reading making her mama a very happy woman. LOL. So far she has torn through the Twilight Series, the Maximum Ride series by James Patterson, and a few horror books. I'm glad she is finally enjoying reading and seeing for herself how relaxing yet fun it can be.

Sis is also now in 4-H with my friend, Leah's, teens and really liking it so far. She has missed a few meetings but we're hoping she will be to able to enjoyparticipate in 4-H more soon. Once Sis starts school she plans on joining a few activities there which will probably keep BOTH of us busy and out of trouble. Again, I'm so proud of her and she is such an amazing young woman. I couldn't ask for a more fantastic daughter.

I haven't been up to much really. In November I finally had a hysterectomy which went really well. It was so nice finally having a surgery that went like it was suppose to. We found out after the surgery that I had adenomyosis and if you read that link then I'll say that I was one of the "hot coal" analogy people. Life was miserable and every single time I ate anything at all for over two years I would get sick. It sucked because on top of the pain each month I had to deal with not being able to eat out anywhere for fear of what came afterwards. I also had at least two doctors during that time basically say I was making it all up.

Thankfully though as soon as I had the hysterectomy the "hot coal" symptoms went away and I have enjoyed being normal (at least in that aspect) ever since. It has also been amazing to know that I don't have to worry about pregnancy anymore which was a huge fear of mine since I could pass MEN2a on to any child I have. Now I'm free from both fear and pain which has made me much happier.

On the cancer front I'm just going to bow out for now because it's just not even worth going over. I'm just tired of it all and don't want to play anymore. Sorry.

I am still homeschooling MonkeyBoy who is amazingly smart and tons of fun to teach. He learns from literally everything around him which in turn teaches me more as well. It's been really great having this time with him.

So that's it in a nutshell. Of course there are tons of things I could post about that have happened over the months but I'm sure they are far more interesting to me than they ever would be to anyone reading this blog and I'm still a little bit weird about posting too much about my kids. I'm always more than happy though to say that they are truly a treasure and the light in my life. Obviously they have their times and screw up just like we all do but in the end I have been so lucky to have the kids I do. I wouldn't ask for any other heathens even if I could.

Besides, when your children are basically carbon copies of you it's hard to drop the little cretons off somewhere and NOT have someone return them so I suppose I am just stuck with them. *wink*

The Coming Loss of A Wonderful Mama

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 04:05:00 +0000

Yes, I know I haven't written in many months and you have no clue how many times I have started a post only to delete it because my heart just wasn't in it. Blogging just honestly hasn't ranked very high on the priority list lately I guess and for that I apologize to those of you who read here.

Tonight though I read something that broke my heart and I knew that I couldn't just ignore it and not post.

Those of you who have followed my blog have read my posts having to do with Lisa from Clusterfook. The woman is amazing as she has been through cancer three times now. Her strength and outlook through it all taught me alot about how to handle living with cancer with grace and an immense amount of class.

Unfortunately I have just read that she is now in the final days of her battle and it breaks my heart. She was realistic from the beginning about her chances of making it through this time but I'll be honest and say I really hoped she would beat the odds and come out okay. She deserved a break this time, you know?

So my point of making my first post back blogging about Lisa is so that anyone who reads will add her and her family (she is leaving behind a husband and two young daughters) to your thoughts, prayers, loving vibes, or whatever you do as she is very deserving of them. From what I've read, she has fought as hard as she could and dealt with the pain long enough. Please hope she is finally able to be at peace as much as it breaks my heart to ask for her passing.

Lisa- I know you will never read this but thank you for sharing your life with us online and for the emails that helped me become better about living with my own cancer. Thank you for being so amazing, graceful, classy, and honest no matter what. I hope I can one day be even have the woman you are. You've set the bar very high sweetheart.

Go in peace, dear.

Our Darkest Day- My 9/11 Tribute

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 20:50:00 +0000

This is a poem I wrote seven years ago today as I watched the events of 9/11 unfold. I'm afraid it's a very raw poem and not very "professional" but it was my heart that day. My heart hurt for those who had so suddenly lost loved ones, hatred took root as I wondered what kind of monsters could be that sick and demented, and fear took hold as I worried if my children were now suddenly in danger.

"Our Darkest Day" was published a year later in the book "911: The Day America Cried". All proceeds benefit the Todd Beamer Foundation & I am proud to say I did not receive a single penny of any of it! :)

Our Darkest Day

Somewhere today a child cries

For a mother who’ll never come home

A wife waiting to hear from her mate

Sits shaking by the phone.

A sister thinks about words she said

And knows she can’t take back

A brother screams out ‘Why us God?!’

As dust settles from the attack

In streets usually alive with bustle

Now silence and sirens are all that’s heard

Families looking for signs of hope

Just waiting for a word.

In the shadows of a tragedy

A nation is mourning from sea to sea

Who could have done such an awful thing?

God, who can this demon be?

So many questions left unanswered

So much pain left to be felt

But as a nation we swear to our dead

That justice will be dealt.

For they may have struck a horrible blow

But they failed to remember one thing

That even on our Darkest Day

The bells of Liberty ring.

Jolene Coiner

Ugh, I Suck

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 04:01:00 +0000

I know I haven't posted anything in awhile and I know it's hard to want to read here when I never fucking post BUT I've felt like total ass for almost a month now. I can't even pinpoint it down to one certain thing either... I just feel like out and out ass.

Some good news is that I've finally found a good rheumatologist and she is truly awesome! The only downside is that she is the third rheum to confirm that I have fibromyalgia (when others are having a hard time getting ONE doc to diagnose them I've got three! HA) and she even called it, "Very bad fibromyalgia". *sigh* Dammit.

I'm behind on everything at this point. I have reviews that are past overdue, blog posts on my blogs that should go up sometime this century, and I even have fucking snail mail letters that I owe some good friends! The only thing I'm not behind on is laundry and that's just because my daughter gets all weird if she doesn't have clean clothes. *snicker*

Tomorrow I have an abdominal ultrasound to look for a reason why I get sick everytime I eat and any day now I should find out when my next cancer scans are so we can see if the rotten little bastards have gotten any bigger in my lungs and neck. Personally I could give a shit less because the answer is still the same whether they've grown or not. Blah.

My cancer marker is all over the place as well. One test it's higher and then the next test it's a little lower. Not even that can be normal. haha

While I'm sure this post comes across as depressed I'm actually feeling really sarcastic so if you read it as alot of sarcasm then you've got my mood. I gave up being depressed over this crap awhile ago and now I just get snotty about it. I figure you can either laugh, cry, or just stick your middle finger in the air and say "screw you". I'm more of a "screw you" kinda gal myself how about you?

When You're So Use To...

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 02:30:00 +0000

trying to be funny all the time it's hard figuring out how to post in a whole different way. I can still be funny but now I can be serious and not feel bad about it. It's a little odd for me. Of course, right after I posted "coming out" about cancer on this blog I get sick and don't have a chance to post again for awhile. *snort*

Things have been pretty busy around here over the past week. We're getting ready to start our new homeschool year which means I'm trying to figure out "curriculum" for a high schooler, middle schooler, and a kindergartner. Wheeeee fun! *eyeroll* So far it's not going so well because I can't get Big B to help me figure out what he needs for his final year and Sis doesn't want to do anything at all. Only MonkeyBoy is ready to go and can't wait to start his schoolwork. We have until Monday to get our shit together so we can get started so wish me luck.

One thing that IS going right around here is the work on our backyard. It has gone from a 46x50' square of nothing but sand, ants, and thorns to a pretty yard with a shed, flowers, trees, gravel borders, grass, and a flagstone patio (thank you Craigslist!!!). Hubby has been laughing his ass off at me lately because the roses he bought and planted are blooming like crazy while the container vegetables I planted have not produced a single solitary veggie or fruit. Damn plants!

Once the yard is completely finished I will share pictures of it's awesome loveliness. Okay so I also want to make people drool over how kick ass my backyard looks without having spent a fortune on it. *snicker*

As far as health goes, I'm waiting on a referral to a cancer specialist in St. Louis and once I have that then hopefully I won't have to wait too long for an appointment. On one hand I'm not looking forward to being away from the kids (surprising I know, I must to be fucked in the head!) but on the other hand it will be nice to see my friends who live in St Louis. I haven't actually hung out with a bunch of other women in so long I hope I still remember how.

Geez, when did I become so pathetically uncool? lol