Life With Heathens

Sometimes It Only Takes A Wave And A Smile

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 17 May 2013 01:44:00 +0000

I try to smile at everyone each day because I think maybe that is the only nice thing that might have happened to them that day. After reading this I hope maybe it has at some point saved a life or will in the future. I plan on starting to wave now too. ♥

A Whole New View On Things

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 03:28:00 +0000

When Hubby Guy and I first got together (sometime in the first year) we watched the movie Stepmom starring Julia Roberts, Susan Sarandon, and Ed Harris. It's a sweet movie about the dynamics between the Ex-Wife and the new fiancé of Ed Harris' character. The ex ends up with terminal cancer and realizes that this is the woman who will raise her kids and they become friends. It's more interesting than my description I promise!

Anyway, I remember that the first time we watched it I teared up a little but no real waterworks. It was sad and sweet but at the time cancer was something other people got. This was before I knew my father or about the genetic disorder we have so I figured the worst thing that would happen would be getting diabetes.

Fast forward thirteen years to today when we watched Stepmom again and you would have seen me bawling like a frakkin baby! You see, I realized today that HAVING cancer can even affect how you process and feel about movies you watch. This time I was watching it as a mother who has cancer who has had to face the very real idea of saying goodbye to her kids just like Susan Sarandon's character in the movie.

This time I was asking myself if I have taken enough pictures with my kids. Have I created enough good memories? Have I given them traditions they can pass on? Have I brought them more happiness than sadness during their lives? Was I there for them like they needed?

Maybe it hit me more this time also because I decided on New Year's that I was going to make sure I could answer yes to several of those questions plus I want to make sure they don't remember me as their mom who was always sick and had to lay on the couch a lot. I'm actually DOING something about what I leave behind and I have to admit it feels pretty damn good!

No matter what I'm going to be sick. No matter what I'm going to be in pain. No matter what I'm going to have cancer but that doesn't mean I have to give up showing my heathens how to LIVE or how to stay hopeful.

Even Heathens Grow Up

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 04:48:00 +0000

Around the Life With Heathens house things feel "odd" these days. When I started this blog my oldest was 14 years old and all my heathens lived here at home. Fast forward seven years and my oldest, Big B, is now 21 and living with his girlfriend. The sweet teenager is now a man with a job, a life, and a beard I can't fucking stand!

Sis was 11 years old when this blog started and now she's 18 and living on her own with "her gay boyfriend" aka her roommate. Sis is now an amazingly beautiful, sweet, headstrong young woman who has her mother's stubbornness. So much so that sometimes I want to knock some sense into her!

MonkeyBoy is now "Hyper Heathen" and just turned 10 years old the other day. He was a cute little 3 year old when this all started and now he's a tall, extraordinarily intelligent, funny, sarcastic mini version of us all. He's also my last one still being homeschooled which is bittersweet as well. They grow so fast!

It feels wrong in a lot of ways having only one child in this house. I miss the noise of having two teenagers arguing and slamming doors. I miss knowing that all the kids have no choice but to be here on holidays. I miss checking three rooms each night to make sure everyone is tucked in and sleeping soundly. I just miss having all three of my lil heathens around me. Having your kids grow up sucks ass!

But I am proud of who they are becoming. I am proud of the people they are in their hearts because they are all good people. I am proud to be their mother every minute of every day. They will always be my heathens and I will always feel blessed that I got to have a Life With Heathens. ❤

New Year Resol... CHOICES!

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 23:03:00 +0000

I have decided that I'm going to make some New Year's CHOICES instead of Resolutions this year. I figure that if I can kick a two liter a day habit of drinking Wild Cherry Pepsi a few months ago then this shit will be easy! So here goes...

I choose to Live completely, Laugh often, and Love deeply.

I WILL do Tai Chi this year because I know it will be good for me.

I WILL do the Color Run (September 7th if anyone would like to join me) this year even if I walk it because accomplishing something fun is good for my soul.

I WILL go out and experience more life.

I WILL laugh more and make others laugh too.

I WILL focus more on the positive and less on the pain.

And I WILL continue to let those I love know how deeply they are loved and needed. I won't let opportunities pass that let me express just how much people mean to me. My life is filled with regret & I will start letting go of it and making sure I don't create new regrets. 2013 will be about healing my body, my soul, my mind, and my heart.

TURN OFF THE NEWS...

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 14:50:00 +0000

This is an unknown person's brilliant take on what happened Friday :

"You want to know why. This may sound cynical, but here's why.

It's because of the way the media reports it. Flip on the news and watch how we treat the Batman theater shooter and the Oregon mall shooter like celebrities. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris are household names, but do you know the name of a single victim of Columbine? Disturbed people who would otherwise just off themselves in their basements see the news and want to top it by doing something worse, and going out in a memorable way. Why a grade school? Why children? Because he'll be remembered as a horrible monster, instead of a sad nobody.

CNN's article says that if the body count "holds up", this will rank as the second deadliest shooting behind Virginia Tech, as if statistics somehow make one shooting worse than another. Then they post a video interview of third-graders for all the details of what they saw and heard while the shootings were happening. Fox News has plastered the killer's face on all their reports for hours. Any articles or news stories yet that focus on the victims and ignore the killer's identity? None that I've seen yet. Because they don't sell. So congratulations, sensationalist media, you've just lit the fire for someone to top this and knock off a day care center or a maternity ward next.

You can help by forgetting you ever read this man's name, and remembering the name of at least one victim. You can help by donating to mental health research instead of pointing to gun control as the problem. You can help by turning off the news."

I couldn't agree more Anonymous person, except I DO feel that when its harder to get help for mental health than it is to get a gun, we need better laws. So let's please always remember...

Charlotte Bacon, 6
Daniel Barden, 7
Olivia Engel, 6
Josephine Gay, 7
Ana M. Marquez-Greene, 6
Dylan Hockley, 6
Madeleine F. Hsu, 6
Catherine V. Hubbard, 6
Chase Kowalski, 7
Jesse Lewis, 6
James Mattioli, 6
Grace McDonnell, 7
Emilie Parker, 6
Jack Pinto, 6
Noah Pozner, 6
Caroline Previdi, 6
Jessica Rekos, 6
Aveille Richman, 6
Benjamin Wheeler, 6
Allison N. Wyatt, 6
Rachel Davino, 29
Dawn Hochsprung, 47 (principal)
Anne Marie Murphy, 52
Lauren Russeau, 30 (substitute teacher)
Mary Sherlach, 56 (counselor)
Victoria Soto, 27 (teacher)

More in depth about the victims- Who They Were

I'm Not Obsessed! Okay Yes I Am...

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Thu, 29 Nov 2012 00:11:00 +0000

You know you may have warped your almost 10yo with your Supernatural obsession when:

1) He loves saying "gank" and runs around telling the dog, "GANK 'ER SAMMY!"

2) He tells you running out of salt is NOT what Hunters do!

3) His new fave car is a black '67 Chevy Impala. He has also decided he is going to have one and name it "Baby the Metallicar".

4) He thinks we should all get Protection Symbol Tattoos on our chests.

5) He walks around the house singing "Cry No More" and "Eye of the Tiger" (Complete with leg air guitar).

6) He makes sure everyone knows the radio rules in the car which are "Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole".

7) He wants to learn Latin so he can exorcise the demon he is SURE is in his big sister's butt.

8) He tells his father that Dean Winchester is "a sexy piece of man meat" thus leading your husband to ask you if your son likes guys and isn't he too young?

9) He asks if you can redecorate his room starting with painting a Devil's Trap on the ceiling and Angel Sigils on the window.

And last but not least...

10) He is still afraid of normal monsters in the closet but not any monster from Supernatural because as he said when he slipped, "We know how to gank those bitches mom!"

I love this kid!

I Lost It In 'Nam...

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 23:38:00 +0000

Last week I was at the store with the Hyper Heathen (MonkeyBoy's new nickname) standing in line telling him "No" for the zillionth time when this woman just out of the blue asks me, "What happened to your tooth?". Now just so you know, I'm missing the third tooth over on the bottom front for clarification. Most people don't even notice it but for some reason Madam Rudeass did.

After I picked my jaw up off the floor (Who the hell asks a question like that??), the first thing I thought to say was, "I lost it in 'Nam". Before I could bask in how witty and funny I thought I was, without missing a beat the elderly gentleman in front of me popped out his dentures and said, "Those Vietnamese bastards got ALL of mine!".

His wife gasped, the cashier turned red, I burst out laughing, and the woman who asked the question in the first place just looked at the old man and I blankly.

That has to be one of the best replies to a rude question that I've ever heard!

Touché old guy. Touché.

Things A Parent Probably SHOULDN'T Say To Their Kid:

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 17:09:00 +0000

Im backkkkkkkk! The blogging bug has hit me recently and I figure its about damn time I do something about it! So I will set the stage for how this blog is going to go with my first post. If you are easily offended then this blog isn't for you. If you like sarcasm, aren't bothered by a potty mouth that would make Dane Cook cringe, and like to laugh then Hello my friend!

Things A Parent Probably SHOULDN'T Say To Their Kid:

1) "Quit talking and GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!"

2) "Ignore your father, he's an idiot"

3) "Your grandmother is a psychotic whore" (my egg donor)

4) "Don't go in his house, he's probably a fucking pedophile!" (A neighbor)

5) "Tell your father to quit being an asshole, but don't SAY asshole you're not allowed"

6) "That kid ever touches you again punch him in the throat!"

7) "If your AWANAS leader tells you one more time that we should all get baptized, tell her Mommy worships Satan and the only reason she lets you come to AWANAS is because she thinks its a scout troop that allows gays. Nevermind don't say that!"

And last but not least...

"See that kid over there? Don't act like him because he's acting like a douchebag. He's one worth ganking" (Ganking is a word that my 10 year old and I picked up off our favorite show, Supernatural. It means kill on the show but mostly we use it as a way to say they need hushed up).

"Average Joe" heroes

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 06 May 2011 00:10:00 +0000

As a little girl, my heroes were Wonder Woman and my cool third-grade teacher with the wild hair. Later, they changed to people like Amelia Earhart, Joan of Arc, and Eleanore Roosevelt. Okay so I still thought Wonder Woman was da bomb too! When I became an adult though, I quit having heroes. There just wasn't anyone who inspired me anymore.

Then I read the story of Kent and Melony on a parenting board I was on at the time. Melony was the mother of fivc (three by birth and two adopted), a talented artist, and she designed the most adorable outfits for kids. From a distance this woman seemed to live a perfectly charmed life. She just seemed so happy and on top of the world. Soon though I found out how truly amazing her story and life really were.

You see, Kent was fighting a Stage 4 cancer and it had been a pretty rough fight for him. Each update told of a body that was getting weaker yet a soul that was still burning brightly and fighting for all it was worth. Neither of them ever complained about anything and Melony spoke of Kent with so much love that you could actually feel it yourself. Kent showed his love by fighting and refusing to leave his family. All this and more is why they will eternally be my heroes.

Kent taught me that I can never give up because the bottom line is that it's not really about me. It's about my family and loved ones who still need me. I learned to always keep my sense of humor thanks to him. I know now that if he could laugh, smile, and joke with all he was up against then there's no reason I couldn't do the same.

Through Melony, I finally witnessed unconditional love, unwavering faith, and the very epitome of grace. She is the kind of woman I dream of one day being. She never spoke of how hard this must all be on her but instead told about every wonderful and encouraging thing Kent did.

Thanks to Kent and his amazing sidekick, Melony, I have heroes once again. Even though they don't wear masks, tights, or long flowing capes, my "Average Joe" heroes still save the day. And the greatest part of all is that all they had to do was keep being themselves.

*Footnote* Kent passed away at home holding his wife's hand on September 23, 2005. He is sorely missed and will always be "Superman" to myself and many others.

Real-world Wonder Women

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 00:46:00 +0000

Do you know that television’s Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter, left acting for several years to stay home and raise her two children? I mention this because to me, when Ms. Carter stopped “playing” Wonder Woman on TV she then took on the role of a lifetime: Motherhood. That is when she became a real life Wonder Woman.

We moms may not have bulletproof wrist cuffs (can you imagine doing dishes in those?), a magic lasso (though it would come in handy for wild children), or an Invisible Jet (how many carseats could fit in that thing anyway?) but who needs fancy accessories? We moms come specially equipped with many extraordinary superpowers like:

-Magic Kisses: Our magic mommy kisses can heal booboos, vanquish bad dreams, stop tears, and charm grumpy husbands.

-Soft Arms: These amazing arms provide safety from closet monsters, lovingly snuggle many children at once, and one hug can make all sadness in a child’s world just melt away.

-Super Senses: Every mommy comes standard with this awesome power. We can hear mischievous whispers from two rooms away, know a lie the moment it leaves our child's (or husband’s) lips, see through the back of our heads, and we always know who wrote on the wall without ever asking. Nothing gets past our super senses!

As mothers, our powers are endless. While TV’s Wonder Woman did a wonderful job of teaching a generation of girls about strength and self-worth, today’s real life Wonder Women go even further. We are raising the male and female “superheroes” of tomorrow. The future of the world truly rests in our hands.

So Lynda Carter’s character can keep the costume and fancy extras, for us real world Wonder Women they’d just get in the way. From the moment we hear our child’s first cry of life we instantly have everything we’ll ever need. How could a piece of rope top that?

Okay so maybe we really would love one of those bustier’s with the “W’s” on it for date night with the hubby, but that’ll just be our little secret.

What “superpowers” do you possess (or wish you did)?

*I wrote this for DotMom many years ago and just happened to find it again. Since I'm considering blogging once more I thought I would post this while I contemplate.*

My Five Year Anniversary

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 02:58:00 +0000

On October 7th, 2004 I was diagnosed with medullary thyroid cancer. Shortly thereafter I was told that someone with it spread as much as mine had was given a 16% statistical chance of making it to 5 years. One doctor told me not to listen to statistics so since then I haven't but I can't help but be excited that...

I've made it to FIVE YEARS!!!!!

I can not even begin to express how excited I am about this. Honestly I never thought the cancer itself would kill me before the five year mark but all the other medical stuff has had me worried. The lack of adrenal glands can get pretty scary (almost dying last year was quite traumatizing) and had me wondering if it was going to cause my time to be up. Making it five more years means my body might be scarred, broken, in pain all the time, and sickly but my spirit is holding it all together just fine. I can't wait for my TEN year anniversary. *smile*

So I just want to thank all my friends who have been with me on this ride. Thank you for the calls, gifts, quilts, love, cards, thoughts, and prayers. You have no idea how much they have meant to me. Thank you for listening to me rant and yes, even cry. Thank you for not giving up even though I know some of you have been scared to death.

Here's to another five years. And then another... and another... and another.... haha.

Our Darkest Day- My 9/11 Tribute

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 14:02:00 +0000

I have chosen to repost this each year so yes, you've seen pretty much this exact post on here before. *wink* I don't do this to get attention for my poem but just as my own small way of reminding myself and anyone who reads this to remember, learn, and honor our heroes not just from that day but everyday.

This is a poem I wrote eight years ago today as I watched the events of 9/11 unfold. I'm afraid it's a very raw poem and not very "professional" but it was my heart that day. My heart hurt for those who had so suddenly lost loved ones, hatred took root as I wondered what kind of monsters could be that sick and demented, and fear took hold as I worried if my children were now suddenly in danger.

"Our Darkest Day" was published a year later in the book "911: The Day America Cried". All proceeds benefit the Todd Beamer Foundation & I am proud to say I did not receive a single penny of any of it! :)

Our Darkest Day

Somewhere today a child cries

For a mother who’ll never come home

A wife waiting to hear from her mate

Sits shaking by the phone.

A sister thinks about words she said

And knows she can’t take back

A brother screams out ‘Why us God?!’

As dust settles from the attack

In streets usually alive with bustle

Now silence and sirens are all that’s heard

Families looking for signs of hope

Just waiting for a word.

In the shadows of a tragedy

A nation is mourning from sea to sea

Who could have done such a thing?

Who can this demon be?

So many questions left unanswered

So much pain left to be felt

But as a nation we swear to our dead

That justice will be dealt.

For they may have struck a horrible blow

But they failed to remember one thing

That even on our Darkest Day

The bells of Liberty ring.

Jolene Coiner

9/11/01
© Jolene Coiner Burzycki

And yes, this was back when I still felt a little patriotic so if you know me now just shoosh. *smile*

A Little Bit Of Love

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 03:18:00 +0000

First I want to ask for thoughts and prayers for my heart sister, Carrie. She has been pretty sick lately going in and out of the hospital. I worry about her and hate when her health isn't good. Right now she is in ICU so I'd just appreciate you thinking of her and sending her love.

I also want to share the blog links of some friends who have made me laugh and just stare in awe at times. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do...

Jami at Datewrecks- If anyone could make you laugh and gag about online dating it's her! She's also a strong and amazing single mama who I'm proud of.

Kari at Not So Normal Girl- She's one of the most awesome single moms I know and I'm so proud of her.

Eliza at Life Of A Home Mom- She is one of the hardest working bloggers I know. Girl has so many sites and busts her butt daily to try to bring in a little extra money for her family. You gotta respect that.

Dave at A Pile Of Dog Bones- He's so funny and not afraid to tell you how it is. A few years ago he lost his son to an accident and even though he was seriously hurting (what parent wouldn't when confronted with their worst nightmare?) he handled it all in such a way that I have been in awe of him ever since. His strength is inspiring and I hope to have half the grace he does some day.

Katie at Divinely Crafty- Katie is a sweetheart and a perfect fit in her adopted home of England.

"Madame Meow" at Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm- She has been an awesome blog friend and I think one of my first regular commenters back when nobody really gave a crap what I wrote. LMAO. Always something worth reading on her blog and she even makes ya think!

Andrew at Comic Book Marks- I'm going to forgive him THIS time for not telling me about this blog but at least by having it I can still include him.I "met" Andrew through a coupon blog he ran and we hit it off in such a neat way that I don't want to think what it would have been like NOT knowing him. He's like the great guy friend you have who WILL tell you your ass looks big in something, you're acting like a dumbass, or what you said is lame. Our "relationship" is one of those odd ones where if we don't cut down each other at least once per conversation then something is seriously fucked up! If he lived closer I would consider him my man-friend date buddy and totally raise hell with him. Actually, I don't think society could take the two of us in one place. hahaha

Meg at Get In Hang On- My very first New Mexico friend (and then she moved dammit!). Our daughters are still friends and I'm so lucky to know her.

Doc at Doc's Sunrise Rants- Do I really need to explain Doc? Doc should have her own religious following. *snort*

Robin at Homework- She kicks ass at knitting and makes me jealous regularly. She's also sarcastic as hell which you know means I'm won over for life!

Jessica aka my Mormon Puddin' Pop at Did I Read The Fine Print?- My hot dogs and Kool-Aid buddy even though I once sent her the one damn flavor that she's allergic to. *blush*

Tara at MamaMojo- Seriously, how many woman do you know who can actually ROCK dreads? Girlfriend kicks at it!

"VodkaMom" at Waitress Bring Me Another and Vodkamom. Personally I think it takes balls with all the critics and whiners to make blogs with "martini" and "vodka" anywhere on them. She openly says screw the pristine mommy shit and I love that!

Ron and Andrea at Atypical Life- They also started Homeschool Journal which is awesome! When I first started my homeschool blog I hated the idea of being stuck with Homeschool Blogger (not one for the fundie shit) and these two were so cool that they made an alternative for us. In case I haven't said it lately...thank you both.

Amy at Saint Amy Jane- You know, there could be nothing I like about her & I still would have fallen in love with the badassness & tattoos. lmao. There's alot to like about her though and she makes me really think.

Jenny at Gus' Gang- She took the loss of her child and turned it into a lifelong mission to reach out to others. She's another one I admire and I hope you will read about some of the beautiful children on her blog.

Maddy at Whitterer on Autism- Another wonderful person who commented when no one really gave a shit. An awesome mama who has two children with Autism. Add to the list of people I want to be when I grow up.

and anyone else on my Blogroll is worth checking out. They are all cool in their own way and I'm proud to know them.

Wow, An Award!!

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 05:00:00 +0000

When you don't blog constantly like you use to you come to expect certain things NOT happening like not having alot of readers anymore, fewer comments, less writing offers, and definitely fewer awards from other bloggers because well... you're not blogging about anything now are you? LOL

Well Melanie at Running Without Being Chased thought of me when it was time for her to pass on the Queen of Awe-Summm award which totally blew me away. Thank you very much, Melanie for completely making my day. I feel so cool again now. :)

The steps to becoming a Queen are...1. List Seven Things That Make You Awe-Summm!

2. Pass the award on to seven bloggers you read religiously.

3. Tag those seven bloggers.

Seven Things That Make Me Awe-summm-
oh boy this is going to be hard because I don't think of myself as awesome. Hmmmm.

1- I have awe-summm genes when it comes to my kids. They look like me, act like me, and even have my sarcastic sense of humor rather than their donor's (hubby not included) ugly, bland, ignorant ass stupidity. *snort* Yes, I'm taking credit for having the stronger genes in this case so shup!!

2- I have awe-summm friends who make me more awe-summm just by knowing them. I feel very lucky when it comes to my friends.

3- Despite a screwed up childhood I've turned out fairly normal which I think is pretty awe-summm.

4- I am an awe-summm left-handed person. We lefties are in a league of our own I tell ya (okay so we're weird shup!).

5- I'm able to always have a sense of humor no matter what life throws at me. Hell, I even joke about cancer leasing space in my body. I RULE!!! Just kidding, maybe this award is affecting my ego. Dammit!

6- Speaking of which, it is majorly fucking awe-summm that this October will mark FIVE years that I've been living with cancer. Statistics have had me at a 16% chance of making it this far since the beginning but I've always known that as long as this shit keeps it's hands off my bones, I'll be kicking for awhile yet. *smile*

7- I think it's pretty damn awe-summm that I actually made it through all seven of these! LMFAO.

Okay now it's time to pass the award on to some of my fave ladies...

Doc- Totally fucking awesome I tell you!

Meg- Awesome lady I had the privilege to get to know before she moved back to Indiana.

Robin- Awesome sarcastic knitting bitch whom I adore

Rayne- Even when I didn't post she still read my blog. So awesome!

Jessica- My awesome Mormon Puddin' Pop

Jami- She awesomely rocks my socks and her blog kicks ass!

Summer- She's wired for awesomeness!

So here's your award bitches. Don't say I never give ya anything. HAHA

Time To Start Living Again

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 15:50:00 +0000

I'm almost ashamed to admit that I have become somewhat of a hermit ever since my neck surgery in 2005. At first I hid away because I got tired of people staring at my neck all the time and just didn't want to have to face them. After that I pulled back even more from society because I was grumpy and in no mood to put up with people who were stupid or petty. Eventually pain was what kept me home more often than anything else and instead of fighting that I just let it.

It hasn't been fair to my kids because alot of the time they are trapped in this house with me. I'm not saying I cut us all off from the rest of the world or anything but since we moved outside of town we've not been going out and exploring as much. I hate that and miss our adventures. The kids still play outside, go to the park, take walks, etc but going into town hasn't been as often.

Now Big B is starting college and Sis is starting at the charter school which means that it will mostly just be MonkeyBoy and I from now on. I plan on filling the year with new adventures but I've also realized that I need to start making adventures for myself as well.

So on that thought I have signed up for a Tai Chi class on Tuesday evenings at the local Community Center ($2 a class how could I NOT?) and Bellydancing class at a studio on Wednesday evenings. I have to travel an hour and a half round trip for the Bellydancing class but I've decided that it's worth it and I deserve it. *smile* My rheumotologist has recommended Tai Chi before so that should be good for the fibro and maybe bellydancing will loosen some of the stiff muscles up a little so I can have more mobility.

Of course, I could just end up in even more pain too. I think it's worth a try and worst case I start but have to stop to keep pain at bay. I won't really be any worse off than I am now and hopefully I will be better off than now so it's worth it.

I chose Tai Chi because it has fluid movements that won't jerk my body around causing more pain plus I'm hoping it will help me with meditation and focus. I chose bellydancing because it looks like fun and if I'm going to be stuck in this body then I might as well learn to like it a little more right?

I hope that once I start shakin' my hips I'll be able to get the damn things to STOP cuz mama's fanny has more volume than it use to! Just kidding. Not about the volume but the stopping part. *snicker*

So wish me luck and I might post pics of Tai Chi but don't even ask about the other! Ha Ha.

Did You Have A Nice Fourth Of July?

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 00:29:00 +0000

I just wanted to do a quick post and say I hope everyone had a really nice day. Hopefully you had some fun, good food, and time with loved ones.

While I could do without most of the day personally, watching all the fireworks that my neighbors set off with the kids was really great. I must say that watching all the personal fireworks while sitting in my backyard went above and beyond anything we might have seen with the crowds in town.

For two hours people set off fireworks that lit up the sky and I honestly don't think there was a single break during that time. Very cool and enjoyable!

I would love to say we had a great bbq meal but alas we were stuck with the worst shrimp enchiladas I've ever had the misfortune of eating due to my husband's anal need to find a new recipe (the kids and I LIKE our regular recipe thank you very much). WHAT is wrong with grilling I ask you?

By unanimous decision the children and I are voting him out of all future participation in holidays. He only has himself to blame and hopefully he will learn his lesson. You don't mess with tradition. At the very least you don't cook nasty food and feed it to your family on a holiday. hahaha

Seriously though, enjoy your holiday weekend everyone and stay safe.

School News For All Three

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 22:30:00 +0000

Well as of yesterday Big B is a student at UNM here in New Mexico. I can't believe my boy is a college student already. *sigh* At this point he is going to start towards his degree in Geothermal/Earth Resources Engineering but will have to actually finish that degree at another university since it's not offered here. There are several colleges in the States and overseas that offer the degree so he has some wonderful options. I'm really excited for him and it's nice to see him so excited about something as well.

Sis will be starting high school at a new charter school we have that not only covers basic academics but also focuses on the Arts. She'll be able to work at her own pace on a specialized program designed just for her. I absolutely LOVE that! Sis will also have the option of taking classes like Web Design, Digital Photography, Sculpture, Oil Painting, and so on. I can't wait to see what classes she chooses for herself.

The school is also new with only 125 students in grades 7th-9th so I think it's a good way for her to transition from homeschool to a more public form of schooling. I am just so much happier with this option than the public school one for the coming years. Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a pub-school hater but I am definitely a New Mexico public education hater! haha.

MonkeyBoy will be my only homeschooler this year and I'm really excited for this year. MonkeyBoy LOVES to learn and soaks up everything like a sponge so it should be an awesome adventure. I can't even say what "grade" he is going into because he's spanned across three grades right now. I love that about homeschooling!

So all three kids are taking their own special paths this fall when it comes to learning and I'm really very happy for them. Even though I will only still be homeschooling MonkeyBoy I plan on posting updates on all three kids on Sona Creidhe so keep looking there to check on the heathens edjumakasion. LOL

Big B also recently got his latest 24 hour urine test results back and I posted about it on our medical blog- HERE. Feel free to read as it's pretty good news.

If I Had My Life To Live Over

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 03:35:00 +0000

I'm feeling a little "deep" tonight and remembered this poem by Erma Bombeck. To me it is a reminder to stop and reevaluate life every so often. To slow down and remember what is truly important to me.

I have actually been trying to treat this poem as somewhat of a motto lately and live by it more. Especially since stressing myself out over total crap could literally kill me. There is so much in life that can't be controlled but at least how I view it can be.

I know this blog has gone totally down hill in the last six months but hopefully you can forgive me. I've been trying to be more present for my kids which doesn't allow alot of time for blogging. I miss it but I think I missed them more so I will try to blog but if I don't just know that it's because I'm loving my heathens.

If I Had My Life To Live Over

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching TV - and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love yous"...more "I'm sorrys"...

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it...live it...and never give it back.

Erma Bombeck

Playing Catch Up

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 18:17:00 +0000

So much to catch up on and no clue where to start. Let's see, first I would like to brag that MonkeyBoy is in his first year of Tee-ball where he is having a blast! Watching these little kids run around the bases or trying to hit the ball is just so much fun. His first game is April 14th so I'm both excited and nervous for him.

Oh and you should see their little uniforms!!! TOO CUTE!! Their team is the Pirates making the uniform shirt black with yellow lettering, gray pants, black socks, their hats are black with a yellow "P" on it. He looks so cool when he has the whole thing on. *smile*

The downside to their uniforms is that there will be times they will be playing in almost 100 degree heat so wearing mostly black will not work in their favor during those times. Ugh.

Another fun thing to share is that my oldest is an assistant coach for MonkeyBoy's team so I get to watch both my boys in action at the same time. BigB has so much patience with the kids (and believe me there are some wild ones!) and I'm so proud of him. He takes his time teaching them to catch, throw, and bat without ever losing his cool. I'm so proud of the man he is becoming.

BigB will also be graduating from high school by the end of May then going on to start his college courses. At this point he is leaning towards a degree in metallurgical engineering but obviously he's free to change his mind many times before he has to decide for sure. I'm so sad to see my kids growing up already but so happy that they have turned out to be so smart and completely awesome. I'm very very lucky.

Speaking of BigB, his scumbag donor, Kirk A. Coiner, is now on welfare and personally I am disgusted with the state of Oregon. Here sits a perfectly healthy and able to work male on welfare, getting assistance with housing, food, utilities, and going to college for free (which is something his son doesn't get to do) all while he is not paying a single penny of the $350 a month he's suppose to pay. He now owes almost $30,000 in back child support yet Oregon does nothing. If someone from the Oregon Division of Child Support (Roseburg office) or their welfare department could enlighten me as to why they are allowing this I would be very grateful. I won't hold my breath though don't worry.

Sis is getting ready to start public High School in the fall thus ending her time homeschooling. On one hand I'm sad to see her go but I also think it will be good for her in alot of ways. While still at home though she is finally enjoying reading making her mama a very happy woman. LOL. So far she has torn through the Twilight Series, the Maximum Ride series by James Patterson, and a few horror books. I'm glad she is finally enjoying reading and seeing for herself how relaxing yet fun it can be.

Sis is also now in 4-H with my friend, Leah's, teens and really liking it so far. She has missed a few meetings but we're hoping she will be to able to enjoyparticipate in 4-H more soon. Once Sis starts school she plans on joining a few activities there which will probably keep BOTH of us busy and out of trouble. Again, I'm so proud of her and she is such an amazing young woman. I couldn't ask for a more fantastic daughter.

I haven't been up to much really. In November I finally had a hysterectomy which went really well. It was so nice finally having a surgery that went like it was suppose to. We found out after the surgery that I had adenomyosis and if you read that link then I'll say that I was one of the "hot coal" analogy people. Life was miserable and every single time I ate anything at all for over two years I would get sick. It sucked because on top of the pain each month I had to deal with not being able to eat out anywhere for fear of what came afterwards. I also had at least two doctors during that time basically say I was making it all up.

Thankfully though as soon as I had the hysterectomy the "hot coal" symptoms went away and I have enjoyed being normal (at least in that aspect) ever since. It has also been amazing to know that I don't have to worry about pregnancy anymore which was a huge fear of mine since I could pass MEN2a on to any child I have. Now I'm free from both fear and pain which has made me much happier.

On the cancer front I'm just going to bow out for now because it's just not even worth going over. I'm just tired of it all and don't want to play anymore. Sorry.

I am still homeschooling MonkeyBoy who is amazingly smart and tons of fun to teach. He learns from literally everything around him which in turn teaches me more as well. It's been really great having this time with him.

So that's it in a nutshell. Of course there are tons of things I could post about that have happened over the months but I'm sure they are far more interesting to me than they ever would be to anyone reading this blog and I'm still a little bit weird about posting too much about my kids. I'm always more than happy though to say that they are truly a treasure and the light in my life. Obviously they have their times and screw up just like we all do but in the end I have been so lucky to have the kids I do. I wouldn't ask for any other heathens even if I could.

Besides, when your children are basically carbon copies of you it's hard to drop the little cretons off somewhere and NOT have someone return them so I suppose I am just stuck with them. *wink*

The Coming Loss of A Wonderful Mama

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 04:05:00 +0000

Yes, I know I haven't written in many months and you have no clue how many times I have started a post only to delete it because my heart just wasn't in it. Blogging just honestly hasn't ranked very high on the priority list lately I guess and for that I apologize to those of you who read here.

Tonight though I read something that broke my heart and I knew that I couldn't just ignore it and not post.

Those of you who have followed my blog have read my posts having to do with Lisa from Clusterfook. The woman is amazing as she has been through cancer three times now. Her strength and outlook through it all taught me alot about how to handle living with cancer with grace and an immense amount of class.

Unfortunately I have just read that she is now in the final days of her battle and it breaks my heart. She was realistic from the beginning about her chances of making it through this time but I'll be honest and say I really hoped she would beat the odds and come out okay. She deserved a break this time, you know?

So my point of making my first post back blogging about Lisa is so that anyone who reads will add her and her family (she is leaving behind a husband and two young daughters) to your thoughts, prayers, loving vibes, or whatever you do as she is very deserving of them. From what I've read, she has fought as hard as she could and dealt with the pain long enough. Please hope she is finally able to be at peace as much as it breaks my heart to ask for her passing.

Lisa- I know you will never read this but thank you for sharing your life with us online and for the emails that helped me become better about living with my own cancer. Thank you for being so amazing, graceful, classy, and honest no matter what. I hope I can one day be even have the woman you are. You've set the bar very high sweetheart.

Go in peace, dear.

Our Darkest Day- My 9/11 Tribute

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 20:50:00 +0000

This is a poem I wrote seven years ago today as I watched the events of 9/11 unfold. I'm afraid it's a very raw poem and not very "professional" but it was my heart that day. My heart hurt for those who had so suddenly lost loved ones, hatred took root as I wondered what kind of monsters could be that sick and demented, and fear took hold as I worried if my children were now suddenly in danger.

"Our Darkest Day" was published a year later in the book "911: The Day America Cried". All proceeds benefit the Todd Beamer Foundation & I am proud to say I did not receive a single penny of any of it! :)

Our Darkest Day

Somewhere today a child cries

For a mother who’ll never come home

A wife waiting to hear from her mate

Sits shaking by the phone.

A sister thinks about words she said

And knows she can’t take back

A brother screams out ‘Why us God?!’

As dust settles from the attack

In streets usually alive with bustle

Now silence and sirens are all that’s heard

Families looking for signs of hope

Just waiting for a word.

In the shadows of a tragedy

A nation is mourning from sea to sea

Who could have done such an awful thing?

God, who can this demon be?

So many questions left unanswered

So much pain left to be felt

But as a nation we swear to our dead

That justice will be dealt.

For they may have struck a horrible blow

But they failed to remember one thing

That even on our Darkest Day

The bells of Liberty ring.

Jolene Coiner

Ugh, I Suck

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 04:01:00 +0000

I know I haven't posted anything in awhile and I know it's hard to want to read here when I never fucking post BUT I've felt like total ass for almost a month now. I can't even pinpoint it down to one certain thing either... I just feel like out and out ass.

Some good news is that I've finally found a good rheumatologist and she is truly awesome! The only downside is that she is the third rheum to confirm that I have fibromyalgia (when others are having a hard time getting ONE doc to diagnose them I've got three! HA) and she even called it, "Very bad fibromyalgia". *sigh* Dammit.

I'm behind on everything at this point. I have reviews that are past overdue, blog posts on my blogs that should go up sometime this century, and I even have fucking snail mail letters that I owe some good friends! The only thing I'm not behind on is laundry and that's just because my daughter gets all weird if she doesn't have clean clothes. *snicker*

Tomorrow I have an abdominal ultrasound to look for a reason why I get sick everytime I eat and any day now I should find out when my next cancer scans are so we can see if the rotten little bastards have gotten any bigger in my lungs and neck. Personally I could give a shit less because the answer is still the same whether they've grown or not. Blah.

My cancer marker is all over the place as well. One test it's higher and then the next test it's a little lower. Not even that can be normal. haha

While I'm sure this post comes across as depressed I'm actually feeling really sarcastic so if you read it as alot of sarcasm then you've got my mood. I gave up being depressed over this crap awhile ago and now I just get snotty about it. I figure you can either laugh, cry, or just stick your middle finger in the air and say "screw you". I'm more of a "screw you" kinda gal myself how about you?

What To Blog About Today...

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 04:04:00 +0000

I use to be one of those people who could blog everyday but for some reason lately that has all changed. The only thing I could think of for a post tonight was a mysterious story about these characters who are all killed in the end by the same vile dastardly villain. Sounds okay, right?

Um yeah, the story was about my vegetable plants and the vile dastardly villain is ME because I can't get a single damn thing to grow so they are all going to die a horrible death!!! We're talking hacked to bits by a weed wacker here. Don't worry, by the second paragraph I knew I couldn't make anyone else read that crap. *snort*

So I asked MonkeyBoy what mommy should write about on her blog and I'm afraid his answer was, "Write about how last night...in the bed...Daddy did that real nasty fart...in the bed...and I got way away from him because I didn't want his stinky fart all over me". Needless to say, he was disappointed when I told him that all daddies fart nasty so it was really no big deal.

Instead you are left with a Blaugh cartoon that pretty much covers my entire blog. A lot of NOTHING!! hahahaha

When You're So Use To...

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 02:30:00 +0000

trying to be funny all the time it's hard figuring out how to post in a whole different way. I can still be funny but now I can be serious and not feel bad about it. It's a little odd for me. Of course, right after I posted "coming out" about cancer on this blog I get sick and don't have a chance to post again for awhile. *snort*

Things have been pretty busy around here over the past week. We're getting ready to start our new homeschool year which means I'm trying to figure out "curriculum" for a high schooler, middle schooler, and a kindergartner. Wheeeee fun! *eyeroll* So far it's not going so well because I can't get Big B to help me figure out what he needs for his final year and Sis doesn't want to do anything at all. Only MonkeyBoy is ready to go and can't wait to start his schoolwork. We have until Monday to get our shit together so we can get started so wish me luck.

One thing that IS going right around here is the work on our backyard. It has gone from a 46x50' square of nothing but sand, ants, and thorns to a pretty yard with a shed, flowers, trees, gravel borders, grass, and a flagstone patio (thank you Craigslist!!!). Hubby has been laughing his ass off at me lately because the roses he bought and planted are blooming like crazy while the container vegetables I planted have not produced a single solitary veggie or fruit. Damn plants!

Once the yard is completely finished I will share pictures of it's awesome loveliness. Okay so I also want to make people drool over how kick ass my backyard looks without having spent a fortune on it. *snicker*

As far as health goes, I'm waiting on a referral to a cancer specialist in St. Louis and once I have that then hopefully I won't have to wait too long for an appointment. On one hand I'm not looking forward to being away from the kids (surprising I know, I must to be fucked in the head!) but on the other hand it will be nice to see my friends who live in St Louis. I haven't actually hung out with a bunch of other women in so long I hope I still remember how.

Geez, when did I become so pathetically uncool? lol

Finally Facing The Facts

noreply@blogger.com (Jo) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 03:17:00 +0000

As most of my readers know I have metastatic cancer but I'm sure you also know that I've tried very hard to keep that part of my life off this blog. It seems as soon as I told my readers about this part of me I did them and myself the disservice of pretending that it's no big deal and then proceeded to joke my way through the last few years. I now realize that by doing this I'm not facing it but instead pretending it's not there. By making sure most of my medical posts are on Cancer Is The "Easy" Part..., I have been able to make Life With Heathens the place where I am normal and just like everybody else. If I could delegate the cancer and MEN2a to my medical blog then I could pretend it's not there right?

This year though it has gotten harder for me to seperate the two because at times life really is all about the cancer and health issues whether I want it to be or not. So instead of trusting you guys (and myself) to be able to take the whole package I've just not been posting much. For that I apologize to all of us.

There is a mama named Lisa at Clusterfook who is fighting her third battle with cancer. She is facing this newest trial with such grace and she is so inspiring to others of us who are living with cancer. Even faced with the knowledge that the odds are against her this time to beat it, she is fighting with everything she has. This lady and others like her have unknowingly given me a great gift.

That gift is accepting that the cancer and disorder are a part of me, a part that is going to be with me until I die. I've never felt sorry for myself and even when I was diagnosed I really didn't cry much at all. When my oldest two children were diagnosed with MEN2a and cancer then you better believe I cried. It sucked so bad and was so unfair. All the diagnosis' hit us so quickly that all I could think in the midst of it was "What the fuck"!

From now on I will be posting about ALL parts of my life except one and that is my children. I don't mind blogging about them occasionally but I will never be one of those bloggers who talks about their kid's shit or how cute they look wearing mommy's bra on their head. So blogging about my kids will continue the same as it always has. What will change is that I will share the "sick girl" part of my life with you more and not relegate it just to a medical blog.

I have nothing to be ashamed of and shouldn't be hiding from my cancer. I shouldn't feel like I have to be funny all the time so people who read this blog won't get bummed out. I can still be my usual sarcastic funny self but it's okay to also admit that sometimes I'm not doing so hot. As someone said earlier, I'm part of an exclusive club. I didn't ask to join it and I will never be happy to see new members come in but I'm proud of the person I've become in the last three years since I was diagnosed. I'm stronger, smarter, a better person, a better mother, and more alive than I've ever been.

So on a brighter note, I have been able to do a little blogsurfing lately and I'd like to share some of these amazing people with you. Most of them probably have no clue I even exist but I know they are out there and that I'm really not the only mom/person dealing with cancer. I hope you will read their blogs and maybe leave them an encouraging comment. Some are new finds while others have been in my blogroll both here and at CITEP.

Hope For Holly

Weebles Wobble But They Don't Fall Down (this woman's HUSBAND also has cancer! Amazing!)

The Assertive Cancer Patient

Clergygirl

Coffee and Chemo

Mom With Over 100 Chemos

Just Enjoy Him

Cancer Is Killing Me...

One Mother With Cancer

Midwestern Mommy