tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61336447642344365212026-05-03T23:50:45.074+01:00A story of adoption and making a Forever Family: This is the blog of our adoption journey; meeting our wonderful children Katie and Pip and our lives as family of four who then became three...LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.comBlogger384125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-18748264571675665182024-11-12T17:18:00.000+00:002024-11-12T17:18:24.121+00:00

We are big Harry Potter fans.  I read all the books when they first came out.  Katie and Pip have seen all the films on numerous occasions and Pip and I are currently working our way through the audiobooks as we travel too and from his new school. We're currently mid-way through The Deathly Hallows so you'll understand we have invested many hours in Harry.The books interest me both

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-13688717932527582062024-06-05T13:58:00.004+01:002024-06-11T10:56:22.527+01:00

It can be very easy when writing a blog to focus on the things that are a challenge.  Over the years I know I have found it quite cathartic to write down the difficulties we have faced and I have found that, as I write, the challenge either feels easier or I formulate a plan as to how to move forward.  This is helpful for me and also, I hope, helpful for anyone reading my little corner

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-78250768654307893722024-04-25T17:22:00.002+01:002024-04-25T17:22:11.419+01:00

Over the past 6 months or so it's become more and more clear that Pip is coming into puberty.  He's 11 now so it's not unexpected but I suspect no parent is ever ready for when it arrives.  It sneaks in, seemingly under an invisibility cloak suddenly appearing in unexpected moments with a growling sort of "ta daaaa!".I started preparing Pip a while ago for the changes he would

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-50001836501615802932024-04-23T14:27:00.000+01:002024-04-23T14:27:21.430+01:00

Dealing with demand avoidance is a common discussion in online adoption groups and it's certainly a topic that creates a lot of high emotion. The first thing I need to say is that we don't "deal" with demand avoidance.  That word suggests there is a solution with a cure, and also that it is something done to someone.  What we do is try to learn to manage demand avoidance, both in terms

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-46413160568283881462024-03-27T00:16:00.003+00:002024-03-27T08:29:33.135+00:00

When you are the parent of children who need extra support you find yourself on a hamster wheel of seeking support. Because the world rather annoyingly doesn’t say “Oh, look, your child needs extra support, I wonder why that is? Shall I easily offer you assessments and help provide you with an answer?” it is mostly left up to us parents and care givers to:1. Firstly recognise that a question

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-55062312527646995642024-03-18T14:24:00.002+00:002024-03-18T14:24:48.557+00:00

Something has been happening for a number of years now. A disquiet that is slowly building momentum. Adopters and parents of children with neurodiversity have been realising the education system is not only not meeting the needs of our children, it is actively damaging them. Parents of children who are neurotypical are also starting to express concerns. There has been a huge mental health crisis

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-67018295746319126072023-04-20T00:25:00.000+01:002023-04-20T00:25:05.996+01:00

There is increasing discussion on social media and in the media about the lived experience of children in education who have neurodiversity. It’s good that the topic is being raised but often the media focusses on specific groups of individuals in a very generic way. There are headline titles about ‘Ghost Children’ (a term Katie finds quite offensive) with specific focus on the children not

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-80334773720710147772023-02-24T17:24:00.002+00:002023-02-24T17:24:29.914+00:00

We've been through so many emotions over the past 5 years that it became harder and harder to write about them so I have only written sporadically.  So many emotions, all tumbled and jumbled together. Where do I start?  How do I break them down? Big emotions. Internalised emotions.  Projected emotions. Emotions from others that were taken on and worn like a coat.  Emotions

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-38290956000815951422023-02-19T23:55:00.002+00:002023-02-21T08:33:08.791+00:00

Over recent months I've heard the government media talking about the "invisible children".  The children who haven't returned to school since the pandemic.  The children who often aren't actually receiving any state funded education because the system isn't really making them a priority.Not long ago I heard an interview with the Children's Commissioner for England, Dame Rachel De Souza

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-66098357934835331052022-11-20T02:09:00.004+00:002022-11-20T20:51:37.832+00:00

During the lockdowns of 2020/2021 I noted that if ever there was an opportunity to reform the UK education system it was now. The pause in normal life provided the opportunity for reflection and change. The one size fits all approach hasn’t worked for a long time, if it ever truly has.  A total overhaul of how our children are taught is desperately required. Smaller class sizes could solve

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-18208871898983418542022-09-25T09:43:00.010+01:002022-09-25T09:49:39.084+01:00

Sometimes I wonder when life will just give us a period of simplicity. I yearn for simple but it often alludes us. I have joked many times that when I came to earth for this lifetime I came on a higher learning programme and am fitting as many big learning experiences into one lifetime as possible. If we didn’t joke about life sometimes I do wonder whether the enormity of some of the experiences

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-10707660429499864522022-06-08T14:24:00.004+01:002022-06-08T14:24:25.541+01:00

I've made the observation several times over the past few weeks that my life feels like I'm parenting under a microscope.  In fact I've even likened it to The Truman Show as well, except I'm at the part of the story where Truman knows that he's being watched and judged 24/7.When you have a child that has complex difficulties parenting is hard.  Parenting is hard enough at the best of

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-15645044778987329712022-04-06T23:58:00.003+01:002022-04-06T23:58:25.089+01:00

I've been feeling quite dispirited lately, mostly with education.  A few years ago if two children were out of full time education for nearly two years there would have been a lot of questions.  I'm grateful that we have a team of very supportive people around us and part-time timetables have been sanctioned but, with all the stress currently in UK schools with many schools struggling

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-90520050964700554342022-03-13T10:48:00.006+00:002022-03-13T11:49:35.893+00:00

Becoming a parent through adoption is a process formed on a bedrock of huge emotions. It can be a challenge to understand and process all the thoughts and feelings. As adopters we carry not only our own emotions but also absorb and carry those of the children with whom we share our lives. At the core of adoption is the emotion of grief. Grief is an emotion that we don’t tend to talk about

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-33235925107649731692022-03-09T09:25:00.001+00:002022-03-09T09:25:05.603+00:00

There is a song by The Barenaked Ladies called “Who needs sleep?” I often find the lyrics popping into my head around 1am when I’d love to be asleep but I am invariably attempting to get Katie to go to sleep and am being shouted at for my audacity. Katie struggles with sleeping. She finds it really hard to close her eyes due to anxiety and a brain that won’t switch off. When she was younger

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-36518914618244594802022-03-05T02:11:00.003+00:002022-03-05T02:11:52.741+00:00

One of the things that I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about is how the children process information. I’d much rather not to have to spend lots of time pondering it. I’m sure there are other things to think about but when you have family members whose processing has challenges and can lead them into trouble inevitably trying to fathom it out and trying to explain it to

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-65798919123541346082022-02-27T14:22:00.002+00:002022-02-27T14:22:35.869+00:00

When we become parents we bring with us all our personal history. All the experiences we’ve had, both good and bad; everything we’ve learned about ourselves and about the people and world around us; all the messages we’ve absorbed about whether people are intrinsically trustworthy or to be feared; our role as a child in our family; the roles we carry in our working life and friendships; the

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-34631114767816809102022-02-16T22:54:00.002+00:002022-02-18T23:12:21.916+00:00

Children with neurodevelopmental challenges and developmental trauma can often struggle with emotional regulation. Parents parenting children with neurodevelopmental challenges can also struggle with emotional regulation over time too. We all have a sensory system which enables us to process everything we see, hear, touch, smell and feel throughout the day. On a good day we can enjoy and

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-35656310524867154212022-02-13T13:55:00.002+00:002022-02-13T19:19:20.747+00:00

Developmental trauma is a phrase that many adopters become familiar with.  Trauma, early loss and attachment disruption can all cause developmental trauma. The experience or ongoing experiences impact on the development of the brain; how it responds to day to day life; new experiences and the people in their life. A child may have experienced ongoing physical and/or emotional abuse or

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-25178019833836062102022-02-10T22:43:00.002+00:002022-02-10T22:43:34.215+00:00

 Here in the UK we have a programme called an Education Health Care Plan (EHCP). In my day they were called Statements and they are essentially a document that contains a commitment towards a pupil for educational support. They cover education, health and psychological well-being. An EHCP is only accessible via a country council SEN department and the application for the plan is generally

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-42712276816511193012022-02-10T01:21:00.003+00:002022-02-10T01:21:28.656+00:00

Having a child with multiple diagnoses makes life complicated when it comes to choosing a parenting style. Having two children with different diagnoses takes that to a whole new level because each child needs their own parenting tweaks and of course children soon pick up on differences. It can be easy to get very focussed on the diagnoses our children receive. I can remember with Katie

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-24762113692212714652022-02-08T15:52:00.000+00:002022-02-08T15:52:12.515+00:00

There are times when life just takes over everything and the ability to reflect and write about it gets lost in the emotion of living it. I’ve missed writing because I find it cathartic and I often found I could find solutions to the issue I was addressing but once I stopped I just didn’t know how to get going again. It all just got too big. Too many emotions to just dive back into. I’d love to

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-61743455258759551592019-03-19T14:41:00.001+00:002019-03-19T14:42:42.862+00:00

Sensory overload is a well known anxiety for parents of children with additional needs. Fun and excitement, stress and anxiety can easily tip over into a meltdown. Too much noise, heat, cold, lighting etc can cause physical distress in children with overstimulated sensory systems. One thing I’ve noticed a lot (as a rather introverted and very empathic parent of children with

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-48564084658802406672019-02-09T16:53:00.000+00:002019-02-09T17:51:29.696+00:00

When you are the parent of children with any form of cognitive or behavioural disorder you can often feel like the Fun Police.  You can stand and watch them getting excited over something that any other child could cope with being excited about and feel that sinking feeling in your stomach because you know you are going to be the one that bursts their bubble.  As if that wasn't bad

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6133644764234436521.post-30161584986144388872018-12-05T01:20:00.001+00:002018-12-05T01:20:59.457+00:00

Life, as we know, rarely takes us along the simple routes. My experience is that the simple routes can be picturesque but they don’t have anywhere near as much learning in them as the roads less travelled. I won’t lie though, my life has had a lot of less travelled roads and it would be nice occasionally to travel a road where I could set the cruise control and minimally steer. Maybe in another

LifewithKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04128468078776052456noreply@blogger.com2