Life with Maggie and Ben

Wax Poetic

2011-12-31T23:29:00.001-05:00

Happy almost 2012! I, as many people do, wax poetic and make grand proclamations and promises on how I will do better, be better in the next year. But you know what? This year, I am just hanging at home, barely keeping awake before the ball drops ( hubby is already asleep on the cough, kids are in bed) and I am just plain thankful. Thankful for the year I have had and hopeful for the next one to be filled with as little strife as possible. Do I want to lose weight in 2012? Of course! Do I want to be more organized and sane and be Mrs. Perfect? Hell, yes! But more than anything, I just want to look back on 2012 the same way I am now looking at 2011. As grateful as I should be.
Happy New Year!

Nutcracker and A Lifelong Friend...

2011-12-11T21:00:00.000-05:00

We went to the Boston Ballet's Nutcracker today. The first annual with Maggie and her best friend Emily and Emily's mom and I. Maggie is five and Emily turns five this month, and watching them today and listening to them interact with one another was one of the most amazing things. These girls have been friends now since before they were two. Our first ever outing together was Elmo live about 3 years ago. Now they have gone from playing side by side to laughing at each others silly jokes, playing 'no block' tic tac toe, and admiring their dresses for the show.

Bonus- the girls got to meet Clara after the show. Mommy herself was too star struck to get a photo- oops!

Maggie and Emily at 'Elmo Live' over three years ago!

Maggie and Emily at lunch before the show having a blast!

Happy 5th Birthday Maggie!

2011-08-25T23:25:00.000-04:00

Five years ago after a pretty long and intense labor, I gave birth to my beautiful Maggie Lane. Margaret Elena. She turned five today. A few weeks after she was born I started a blog called "Life with Maggie". I wrote and chronicled much of her life from those first hectic and amazing months until now. I altered the name to "Life with Maggie and Ben" when her wonderful brother entered our lives. I am overwhelmed by how much has happened in five years. My children growing, my husband and I surviving sleeplessness and the occasional marital strife that comes with being in the throws of early parenting.

And now, five years later, we stand as an amazing family unit. Maggie starts kindergarten in a couple of weeks as I embark on my Master's degree- we both get to buy shiny new notebooks together. We have lifted ourselves from the fog of baby haze and are entering the world of homework and heartbreak. I am so excited to be on this journey with my children. And I am already so amazed and proud of the person Maggie is turning into. She is her own self. Proud, silly, dramatic, caring, and full of humor. She loves to laugh. She loves her family. She takes such pride in knowing how to spell the following words without any help: Mom, Dad, Maggie, Ben, Izzy (our cat). She draws us all together, sometimes under rainbows, or in front of a house next to a gigantic flower. She grows up with a huge amount of love and support, from us, and from the rest of our family and friends.

Maggie my darling, I started writing on this blog for you. I wanted you to look back and know more than just a lock of hair, a random drawing or class picture. I wanted you to be able to read about our lives and see you through my eyes. I love you so much my baby girl. When you woke up this morning and I scooped you out of bed singing 'Happy Birthday', you laughed and shouted, "Monkey hold!" and I abide and drop my hands from your waist so you could swing from my neck. "Mommy," she asks, "am I too big for you to carry now that I a five?" I hug her close and descend down the stairs, and whisper, "No, no my Maggie, I will always carry you."

Happy 5th Birthday my little Maggie Lane.

As usual, even though I am a rare blogger this days, I always link back to the birth story on their birthdays. Click here to read Maggie's. Its a doozy!

Happy 3rd Birthday Biggie Ben!

2011-07-22T09:27:00.000-04:00

Dear Biggie Ben,

Although there many come a day when you start getting annoyed with this nickname we've all saddled you with, you must know that right now, it suits you in every way. You are a big boy yes, thick and sturdy and adventurous and athletic. You are also our Biggie in your huge personality. If we have to reprimand you for something, it is almost impossible to not laugh at your expressions, so much so that we do most of our scolding with our backs turned to you.

You enter every room as if you are kicking down the door, or knocking over some "bad guys", and you are loud and rough and tumble and so happy for it. But you are also our Biggie in your enormous amount of love and sweetness you give to everyone you know. You always have a wave or a smile for a stranger, and a hug and a kiss for a friend. You love deeply and it is evident in how much you worship your father, your sister, and me, your lucky mom. You tell us each every day, even in your worst mood.

You love Batman, and all fruit, especially kiwi. You will try almost any food once, and think that everything mommy and daddy drink and eat is "spicy". You fall asleep when you are tired- on the dot every night. But you never fail to wake up by 6 am, even on weekends. You love to swim and dunk your head almost furiously under water, loving every second of submersion.

You love your sister so much. You love your cousin Jack and friend Jonathan. You love your grandparents, and uncles, and Aunts. You love your school teachers, quite possibly have your first crush on Miss Sam. And you are 95% potty trained!

We love you our big boy. 3 years old today! I will link back to the story of your birth as I do for you both each year. (Click here to read Ben's Birth story) I still remember the wonder of holding you in the hospital that morning and just thinking, I have a boy. A beautiful baby boy. And he is incredible. And let us not forget to wish Papa John a Happy Birthday as well! How lucky Ben is to share that day with his wonderful Papa!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEN!

Little Girl Growing

2011-06-18T10:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday Maggie had her graduation from preschool. And while she'll remain there three days a week for the summer program, once September comes she will be a kindergartener! I shed a few tears as our little girl came into the room in a cap and gown. Later when I told her how proud I was of her, she looked at me with her big blue eyes and said, "thanks, I was really nervous".

Maggie is a curious, playful, imaginative, and beautiful little girl. I still cannot believe the things that come out of her mouth these days. Most recently her rationale for getting her hair cut. "Mom, you know when I go crazy and you don't like it?" (being crazy is her referring to having a tantrum or meltdown) "Yes.." I said hesitantly. "Well," she said, "that is because my hair gets on my neck and makes me crazy. If we cut it short I won't go crazy anymore."

So she now has a very cute short cut. Unfortunately, occasional meltdowns still occur.

But I will take it. All of it. Because it is all a part of our wonderful Mags.

The Silent Mommy Wars

2011-06-03T23:27:00.000-04:00

Thanks for my friend Nicki for suggesting this topic. I have to say, that I have experienced not necessarily wars between stay-at-home moms and working moms, but more of an overall difference in life structure and occasional opinion.

When I first moved to Needham, I had Ben that summer and was on maternity leave through to the fall. We live next to a park, so I met and mingled with a lot of moms, mostly the stay-at-homers as they were in the park when I was; during the day. They would gather in groups, order pizza to the park, and bond over their multiple children. Most of them had at least one or two children and would throw comments out like, "We're half way done!" So naturally my delivery of real gems like "I hit the genetic lottery so we're done!" and, "wow, I couldn't get an IUD fast enough", fell like grenades onto their plans for procreation and parenting.

As the women I had slowly befriended started to find out I worked and would be returning there of my own volition, putting my now two children back into daycare, my automatic inclusion on the pizza order started to fade. No one was rude or mean to me. There was no war. There was just an general acceptance that my life wouldn't mesh with theirs.

I am sure there are friendships out there that work with these two different lifestyles, but often it is someone you were already friends with BK (before kids). I know most of my friends who are stay-at-home moms are friends from high school and/or college. Otherwise, I think it is very tough to succeed at this. Forming friendships AK (after kids) is tough to do. There are so many variables to consider. Are our kids the same age, same gender, do I like the mom enough to hang out with her for a glass of wine or a coffee in the park? Do we have at least somewhat similar parenting styles? Does the mom/friend work thereby allowing you two to commiserate about the daily juggle and the guilt and the choices we make for ourselves versus our children or ourselves for our children?

I think one thing is for sure. I respect my stay-at-home mom pals so much. In fact, I hate that we are distinguished between working and not-working. Um, excuse me, but motherhood is a full-time job so it should really be more like this: do they have a job inside or outside the home in ADDITION to being a mom, or do they get both the privileges and the daily struggles of parenting full-time, all day, every day?

What have been your experiences with this? Do you see that the mommy wars still exist in your area?

Whatdya Say...Challenge Me Please!

2011-05-25T23:24:00.000-04:00

There comes a point in a mommy blogger who doesn't do this as a hobby blogger... where you say- "what the what?"

And you wonder what made you write so much in the first place, and dammit to hell, what made you stop? I think that the latter can be answered by my many obligations as a wife, a mother, and a damn hard worker. I started my career later in my life. I had always enjoyed social activities more than SAT courses.. My mom jokes that when she asked me how my test went, I rattled off a a succesion of names of peers who sat next to me.

After college, I took a job as a waitress over corporate life. And even when my senses were abducted by the office beast it was to smaller offices with little to no corporate structure. So when I joined a large and rather succesful Biotech company to ger my "foot in the door" as it were, I was surprised to find myself (who was an English major and an anti-science and math person) enjoying me job and wanting to learn more. I actually know the anatomy of the knee now! And my math skills have improved with the statistics and percenteges applied to marketing and sales.

But alas, there was one period of time where I found my voice. Where I wrote nearly every day. And not because I wanted to be a famous mommy blogger but because I was getting back to the passion of what I love; which is to write. Not all of us will be Hemingway or Pound or Bronte or Alcott. But if you can even envision yourself as a writer for one second...hands on the keyboards, coffee on the desk, a notebook by your bed, well then we can express ourselves with words; which is a remarkable thing.

My favorite inspiration is an assignment. So give me one my friends. A topic to write about, a review, a happenstance that I should reflect on. Give me some direction. You are now my composition teachers my influence, my muse. The best and favorite will be my challenge. Thanks ahead for giving me this gift!

Happy Mother's Day- Almost 5 Years Later and 4 Mother's Days In!

2011-05-08T09:16:00.000-04:00

I am so beyond blessed as a mother. My children fill me with such wonder, hope, and happiness. I promised a recap of the vacation with some photos and will do that later tonight.For now I thought I would do something I did in a Mother's Day post two years ago. You can find all the previous Momma Day posts if you click here.

Mother's Day Musings- 2011-

With Ben turning three soon and Maggie almost five, I am starting to get a handle on this parenting thing. Phew- took long enough!
Maggie has a great sense of humor and already understands sarcasm, which is a survival tool in my family.
I am finally reading books that aren't from the parenting section.
Ben is wild and fairly uncontrollable and I love every piece of him.
I don't get as nervous when I travel lately. I think it is because I am seeing my kids more independently of me lately and know that they will have to live without me someday. However, I pray to whatever higher power there is out there to make that day a long way away.
I still miss my Grandma Eileen every day.
My mother is amazing. I love her with all my heart. She is getting close to retirement and I hope she goes to Paris to read in a cafe near the Seine. If I look half as good as she does when I am that age I will be ecstatic. Ben and Maggie always ask, "when are we going to see Meems?"
My Grandma Pat is in the hospital recovering from a hip replacement. She is one tough cookie. She just wants to be at home and I am sending her all my love this Mother's Day.
My mother-in-law is a regular revolving door of underwear, pajamas, and treats for the kids. They run into her house every Thursday with the excitement of kids at Christmas and when they are in school full-time, losing this day will be devastating.
My sister is a single mom to an amazing little boy. She is my hero and my best friend.
My girlfriends are work friends, college and high school pals, and California friends. They are new friends, old friends, and lost friends. Many of these friends are mothers, are trying to be mothers or are new mothers. And I send you all my love today.
I will get healthier this year for my children. Nothing feels as good as being able to keep up with your kids without breaking a sweat.
I hate whining more than anything else.
I credit ScreamFree parenting for getting me to be a better parent. I get their daily emails and I have to tell you that they are speaking directly to me.
I still can't watch Law and Order or anything that reminds me of violence against children.
The U.S. killed Osama Bin Laden, almost 10 years after he and his terrorist regime killed thousands of people on September 11th. I am glad my children aren't old enough for me to explain the madness of who that man was, nor the sadness I felt at the celebration of this man's death. A fine line, something I will have to tread carefully with in the future. I am reminded of heavy conversations I will have to have with my children someday.
My children are growing up so quickly. When people say it goes fast, I get it now, I really do.
I still haven't found a balance between work and home, but I have accepted that I won't.
I am at peace with who I am as a mother. I know my children feel loved.
I wish every mother a Happy Mother's Day today!

Island Tales Await and A Discovery of Witches

2011-04-30T10:06:00.000-04:00

We just went on our first family island vacation. Any guesses where? Pics and a vacation recap coming soon.

I could not put this book down. I cannot wait for the sequel. I am a nerd.

Two Days,Vomit, Pee and Karmic Synergies...

2011-04-10T21:56:00.000-04:00

Wow, I haven't posted a thing in nearly two months. I feel like am coming out of a fog of sorts. I have been working so much and am so exhausted at the end of the day that I just have had no energy to write. But, I had one of those weekends that I just must share.

1. Saturday- took kids to brother-in-laws new house while hubby helped him paint before they move in. Kids ran around, I took them to a local petting zoo and they got a lot of sun. They were exhausted when I piled them into the car to go home (a nice leisurely 45 minute drive) and i popped on a movie so they could zone out. Now, perhaps it was all the factors of the day combined, but when we pulled into the driveway, I heard Maggie burp loudly behind me. I said, whoa and turned to laugh with her when she sputtered, "mommy, I'm throwing up." And throw up she did. A lot. So, after getting her cleaned up and into the house and waking a sleeping Ben and getting him situated. I spent the next hour taking the car seat out of the car and cleaning it. Decided against going to a party I planned to attend that night in case this had turned viral, but she woke up Sunday morning no worse for wear.

2. Saturday night- When hubby gets home I run to the store to pick up some things, and as I am checking out, the cashier tells me that I am the third expecting mom she's had through her line that day. I just stared at her and collected myself and responded with an "oh, uh huh." She proceeded to say how she never wants to say anything when someone is so early in case they are just fat. "Um, yup, that would be embarrassing," I muttered softly. And instead of revealing that no, I am not pregnant and in fact fall into the latter category of "just fat", I played along and said, "oh, I know, but I popped out really early with my first two."

3. Sunday morning. Hubby takes off again early in the morning to help his brother. I make the kids pancakes and see that it is a beautiful day outside. Coffee in hand, I have a relaxing morning on the couch watching Who Do You Think You are on DVR (a little show I am addicted to and encouraged me to join Ancestry,com to see if I am related to any Mayflowers decedents or The Kennedys) until Ben hurls my fairly large issue of Oprah Magazine over the couch and straight onto my nose. OUCH. I mean, really hurt. I collected myself though, gearing up to have a great day and get the kids dressed. Ben insists on wearing his big boy underwear instead of a pull-up. He is showing a lot of interest in potty training, so as not so discourage him, I agree. We head to the backyard and start doing some weeding. Within minutes I get whipped in the chin with a strong and wiry branch and it leaves a nice bloody cut on my chin. Ok, I get it, the universe doesn't really like me this weekend. But I am determined to go forward and say to hell with the gardening and grab a change of clothes for Ben and an old thing of wipes and a pull-up (just in case) and we head out in the double Bob for a walk to a nearby park that we don't usually go to. We are there for maybe 15 minutes when I hear Ben crying on the upper deck of the jungle gym. And just as I hear the words, "Mommy, I pooped... a women calls over to me, "Um, excuse me Miss, but I think your son may have peed on my children." Ok, that is it. I run over imaging pieces of poop about to break through the tiny slots of the metal equipment and land on these two small boys below. I am mortified but also want to laugh hysterically but cannot since it might offend the mother of the two boys my son just defecated on. So I get to Ben and am relieved to see that it is just pee, but he is crying hysterically and we have now probably set back the potty training a few months due to trauma. I apologize profusely to the mother and see her sons now, their coats covered in small wet spots. I run to the stroller and grab the change of clothes, wipes and pull-ups (at least I had that going for me) and proceeded to provide emergency pee clean-up to all involved. Hand some wipes off to the mom so she can clean up her boys and then climb up the jungle gym to strip Ben down and get him in a pull-up and new clothes.

So, I am ready to give up, to surrender to my pre-destined lousy weekend and head home. I let the kids play for a little while longer. At one point, they run by the two boys standing next to their mom, and the kids point and shriek. So I guess more than one child has been traumatized today. As I pack them up and head out, I see a wallet underneath the bench. I pick it up and rummage through it. It belongs to a girl from Georgia. A freshman at some local college and it has her bus pass and some money in it plus her license. Ah ha! A chance to get into the good karmic graces again! I see she has a library card for my local library. Later that day I swing the kids by and drop it off and the library calls her so she can pick it up. Hooray. The rest of the day goes by and I am unscathed.

3. Monday? Stay tuned...

Patience is Their Guide....

2011-02-12T22:39:00.000-05:00

Sometimes Maggie and/or Ben wake up and its like a fully realized vision of where the expression "waking up on the wrong side of the bed" came from. No matter what happens within one of these days, there will be a meltdown, or an overwhelming amount of attitude in their tones and expressions. Regular trips to the store become apocalyptic events that turn into hasty punishments of "no TV tonight" or "you can forget going to the movies", only to realize an hour or two later how much you had been looking forward to those things, and therefore had inflicted a sort of self-punishment.

And this day rolls on and on this way, with your child barely recognizing you as you scold and reprimand and hold on to your sanity by a thread. And once they are tucked away and in bed, clearly exhausted from their own mysterious battling as you are. And this is when I relax into the couch with a magazine and a glass of wine and sigh... And I get enough space from the wartime of the day that I feel like a giant white flag has been raised in my living room.

And then, an hour or two later, I am called into duty again for a bathroom break by my sobbing four year old little girl. She clings to me as I carry her to the bathroom where she goes and is calmed by her exhausted release. And as I scoop her up to take her back to her room, she wraps her arms around me and gently taps my back with her fingers. And I release in all my exhausted fortitude. I let go of the wall I built up all day, brick by brick, reprimand after reprimand. And I stop and remember that they are tiny little bundles of energy that is completely unharnessed and unbound. And I know that it only my patience through these situations that will give them the example of how to proceed. To constantly battle and charge and scold is to show them how to operate with a volcano of reaction. Instead, I need to remember those small taps on my back, reminding me that beneath all the tantrums and craziness of their two and four year old acts, lies two children who love their parents more than anything and just want to be reminded of that and loved for the quiet moments as well as the loud.

Ellie the Hand-shaker

2011-01-21T18:04:00.000-05:00

Maggie's first drawing in the paint program- no help from us- age 4. Titled by her- "Ellie, the Hand-shaker".

I Love You

2011-01-13T22:17:00.000-05:00

When our kids first start to speak in full sentences we are so excited. It is perhaps one of the best developmental phases of childhood that we get to enjoy. Albeit, some of the sentences are whiny, and some can be down right mean- such as the "I don't love you mommy, I love Daddy" moments. But you take those in stride and it is the 'I love you's' that keep you reeling. Right from the first "wuv u" to the "Mommy, I love you soooooo much". And now that Maggie is four, she has progressed right into bedtime conversation about how much she loves me. And at the end of a particularly long work day, or a stressful dinner, this is my yoga that I can't fit into my harried life. This is my zen. Tonight for instance, I was grazing her arm and singing her a song as she drifted into sleep world, and she opened her eyes and said, "Mommy, I love you so much. I want you to be right here with me forever. If you sleep here, I will keep my eyes closed forever. If you leave, I will keep them open forever." Now, this wasn't just one sentence. This was a string of them. And behind each one is the deep thoughts, fears and ultimate love that she feels for her mommy. And I break with it. Sometimes I dream that she is falling and I have to catch her, or that she is trying to reach some impossible height and I have to hold her up. My darling Maggie, I love you to the ends of the earth. To the moon and back. But with or without you, I sleep with eyes wide open. I never rest or cease worrying or caring. I am always thinking of you and your brother and how I will hold you up and never let you fall. Until the day comes when I can't or I won't, and even then, I will be.

Square Peg in a Round Hole

2011-01-05T21:46:00.000-05:00

I had a parent/teacher conference with Maggie's pre-K teacher this week. I heard things like, "Big imagination, so sweet, loves to play, color, and do art projects." I also heard, "You may want to think about having her tested for ADD." Rewind, stop, what? Wait, she is four. "She doesn't pay attention in circle time." Wait, she is four. "She has some trouble with normal social cues." Wait, she is four years old. You hear me, four!

My daughter has trouble listening and performing multiple tasks on demand from her teachers. Yet she can buckle in an imaginary horse to its stable, go and feed all the other fake animals in the fake barn and ten minutes later will return to unfasten her trusty steed and go on her way. I am not going to be mad, or jump to conclusions and assume she has ADD. She isn't the best listener in the world. She is bored with school and needs more challenges, and she is extremely strong-willed and independant, which may be a liability with playtime with pals. But she is mine. And she is creative, unique, beautiful, and amazing. I think it would be unfair of me to brush it off and just say we'll see. So I will observe, and be proactive, but not too reactive. If she is going to need extra attention, or different approaches in her education, then we will do that. But I want her to know how special she is just as she is. I don't want to stifle her creativity and imagination because it doesn't "fit" into the box that has been created.

That same evening I came home to an envelope filled with information for parents of kids entering public kindergarten this fall. Registration begins in March. Life starts to get a bit more serious from the school side of things soon. She will enter into an even more structured world of education. So, even though I will be proactive, and observant, and take heed to the teacher's concerns, I will also allow her to enjoy these last months of what is supposed to be the less-formal, play-education world of a- what's that again- FOUR year old's life.

Happy Birthday Jack!

2011-01-03T21:21:00.001-05:00

My nephew Jack turns five today. I cannot believe that my sweet, little baby of a nephew is now such a kid. A real, honest to goodness, funny, whip smart little KID. Love you Jackamo.

Jack at Thanksgiving wrangling Maggie and Ben with his signature choke-hold.

Mom in Modification

2011-01-02T22:09:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year! I have plenty of pics to post of the holidays and great things to write about post Egg-nog and Santa. But first- as I always do this time of year, I reassess. And I have realized that one of the reasons I stopped blogging so much on Life with Maggie and Ben is that it was much more about me and my own crap than my two wonderful kids. And then, it became less about that and the occasional, 'hey, I'm still here, I can still do this' post. Well, I have decided to split the two. I have started a new blog for ME, and then will continue to write about my babes and our life as a family here. So, if you want to know more about ME, my struggles, my determination to make become a better mom, and a better person- then check out my new blog- Mom in Modification. You will see me stumble, fall, succeed, and feel glorious, and this could all be in one post. But I hope to learn more about myself, and since I have no time for therapy in my life- this will be it for now.

You'll see I have a bunch of resolutions and one is to write every day, either something personal or something creative. So I hope if you have been enjoying reading Life with Maggie and Ben, that you will come along with me on my journey to improvement. And keep the advice coming, I will need it!

MaggieTalks Serious Santa

2010-12-09T21:38:00.000-05:00

Kids DO say the darndest things. Huh.

Me: Maggie- get back in to bed!

Maggie tip toes across the room- "Mom, can you hear me?"

Me: No, get back into bed.

Maggie: "Good, then I can tip toe downstairs and surprise Santa and say Boo and his hat will fly off onto my head."

Maggie: "Mommy, I think I should just leave some keys outside for Santa so he can get in. I have way better ideas than him, or the Easter Bunny."

Maggie contemplates what we should leave Santa for a snack. "Milk and cookies. And carrots. And tofu. And oatmeal. And Life cereal. Then he might stay for breakfast."

And we're not even through the first twelve days of the month yet, so I assume there will be more. Stay tuned!

One year later, bigger ass = bigger goals

2010-12-07T22:04:00.000-05:00

Screw New Year's Resolutions. I mean, really, what are they anyway but a last minute attempt to throw everything and the kitchen sink of your good intentions into one last momentous yearning for change. For 2011 I wish to just do it a little better than before. This year got away from me. I got a new job, continued to try and live a balanced work life with mommy life, run a 10k, and a half marathon while simultaneously gaining back all of the 25 pounds I lost in the previous year. I let the year go by in a blur of woulda, should, coulda's, and now I look back and think, what the hell happened?

What happened to the girl who promised to be healthier and to continue running to be a better role model for her children? What happened to finding the best in times, not the worst. I mean, layoffs at work? Selling the house? Sleepless nights and weight gain? What are all these things but bumps in the road. There are so many things to be grateful for. I have a wonderful husband who I love, and who our children think walks on water. I have supportive friends, coworkers, and family who love and care about me and make me laugh even when times are not so funny.

So, pick up, dust off. Finish 2010 strong and happy, and know that a new year can bring new possibilities, new struggles, and new compromises. But resolutions are not needed to make a difference in a new year. Assessment of previous choices and habits are. What can I do to be a better person? What can I contribute to make a difference in my small plot of the world, along with the size of my ass? My resolution will be not to just ask these questions as a mid-December requirement, but as a part of my journey through life.

That, no more salt and pepper chips, and a treadmill.

Ben

2010-11-23T23:39:00.000-05:00

A family photo

2010-11-23T23:38:00.000-05:00

My late post pic is worth it

2010-11-23T23:37:00.000-05:00

I am so behind in posting it is ridiculous. But I had to post this. My little girl on Halloween. Can she BE any cuter?

Fall Family...

2010-10-30T15:31:00.000-04:00

Time for Pumpkins

2010-10-26T22:48:00.000-04:00

Dear world- I rush to meet you each day, haphazardly flinging my chores, reminders, to do's and such to meet your demands. I only ask that I get some time to carve pumpkins. Yes, pumpkins. Such a funny tradition to draw out silly or scary faces on a gourd and carve its innards out for consumption, to then take the shell outside for mocking among the fall revelers. Such a funny tradition of sacrifice.

But this year, I have one of two children who has memories that hold fast now dear world. She remembers in her small four year old way that about yesterdays, and last years and weeks. She may confuse them sometimes, but she knows that Halloween is the stuff of the three c's. Carving, costumes, and candy. She knows that when these things enter her world they are tradition. Her mommy and daddy will put aside whatever else is on their minds for those few precious moments of preparation for a holiday of ghouls and ghosts.

So I ask you dear world...allow me the time to escape with her into these moments. To leave behind my own three C's. Crap, consumption, calamity. Somehow, over the years, simple pleasures like candy have become no no's to the waist line, and costumes have become a parade of the who's kid has the best one... Dear world, allow me to enjoy the simple silliness of this trumped-up holiday. If not for me, or for my daughter...if not for the simplicity of the moment...then my god, please, please, think of the pumpkin seeds...

Exposed Anniversary- Brain Waves....

2010-10-12T12:00:00.001-04:00

One year ago today began a cool, little movement across the blogosphere that I was compelled to participate in. In honor of the anniversary, one of the first people to start this movement, Mish from Eating Journey has asked all of the participants of the original wave to take some time to look back and reflect on the post and the year since. I look back now at my “Exposed” piece, and am glad for a chance to reflect on my year since and how I differ from that girl in the bikini with the photoshop statements revealing my positive reflections.

What I liked most about the idea is that we could look at images of our bodies and say positive things about it. To try and keep the negativity at bay is alarmingly hard to do. But to be truly honest, I have to look back and acknowledge that I was a different woman then. Even just a year ago. And I am not particularly proud of who I am right now as compared to her. Because I slid back from that strength I had found, and let old habits take over.

A year ago I ‘exposed’ myself and wrote of how strong my arms are for carrying my two children and my legs for running across the finish line. When I wrote that post, myself and many others received such amazing support behind it. For me, it was a wake-up call. I felt like I was lying. I had all these great things to say about my body, but at the time, I was stressed out and secretly smoking. I outed myself to my friends and family a few posts later. I quit and made it through the winter feeling great, and even maintaining my weight loss. Then some new stresses entered my life, and I started again. I found myself drinking more wine, eating more chips, and smoking more cigarettes, while throwing in some half-assed training for my 10k. I quit again, but not before my slippery slope let me gain 20 pounds back, and lose all the strides I had made. I had taken some giant leaps backward.

I am happy to say I am running again, and I am eating better. I am cutting alcohol out of my life save for special occasions and the occasional weekend glass with dinner. I just finished my first half-marathon on Sunday.

I am not sure if I am ever fully exposed in who I truly am. It is easier to just keep rolling along, easier to deal with the daily struggles. Like being a working mom, being healthy, making ALL the right choices. I am proud that I am always learning more about myself every day, ‘exposing’ a new side of myself. The truth lies in how I then chose to show myself to others. Do the two match up? Does reality meet with my own thoughtful projection? Time will continue to tell. I can only use this to be positive and thankful for who I am, what I have, and who I strive to be. To be positive, rather than negative in the use of my time and thoughts. To continue to show my children through positive examples. I am not resubmitting a picture with this post of my ‘exposed’ self. Instead- I am exposing my thoughts- the brain is in fact, the biggest muscle in our body. It is what I choose to expose this year in honor of the anniversary. It is only from within that change can truly begin.

If you get a chance, go check out the Eating Journey post today and expose yourself today!

Happy 4th Birthday Maggie!

2010-08-25T12:50:00.000-04:00

I will write more later... we are in the midst of selling our home, and trying to take an actual vacation! More words to come on her party and how wonderful she is!

Maggie at her 4th Birthday party with BFF Emily and brother Ben.