Life with the Goodlins

it's been forever

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Wed, 12 Apr 2017 03:29:00 +0000

I know it has basically been forever, seriously forever since I have blogged, but well, life changes, seasons change

10 random thoughts that I felt like needing blogging

1) Simplify. I wish I would have understood that concept 5 years ago, or maybe 10 or 20. It is so freeing to have less, especially when I grew up in a generation where more is more. But really, less is more.

2) Gardening: something I would have never dreamed of enjoying. It's work, but it's beautiful. Seeing something come from nothing. From a pile of dirt to something beautiful. tangible, edible. #heart

3) "13 Reasons Why," a netflix original. watch it. P.S. my kids are never going to high school. we are leaving America.

4) Sarah got her first love letter. She's in preschool. She was called "the most beautifulest" I can't stop thinking how that is what she deserves from her husband, I think I will tell her that ever night, forever.

5)I hate wasting food. I mean hate. Which is strong stance to have, I know. Tonights dinner: spaghetti squash, hot dogs, yellow peppers, enchilada, and salad extravaganza, all in the name of not wasting.

6) Did you know that hormones can change the color of your toilet seat? true fact. and no i'm not pregnant, but someone who has been to our house probably was. Seriously google blue toilet seat.

7) Ok, stop googling the blue toilet seat, because it is seriously ridiculous and doesn't make sense, but is totally true, we had to buy new toilet seats.

8) Make the wind stop in Colorado, just make it stop

9) Brett is basically the same person as Chip Gaines, minus the farm life.

10) I bribed my kids to take photos in the wild flowers, and this is what sarah thought of it

it was all the bugs......

How my weekend away happened (it must be good)

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Tue, 23 Feb 2016 04:27:00 +0000

It's been 2 years, since Norah's awful diagnosis

It's been 2 year years of some giant changes in our home

Some that I have struggled with, and fought internally and externally. Some battles I still have

Ignorance is no longer bliss

I live in a reality that food desperately matters for my children, especially the one who has type one.

I also live in a reality that I am a minority, in the way I treat and manage this disease for her

That I am rebellious in this way..... and I'm not typically rebellious

It's hard for me, to say anything, to make a stand.

But I will fight for my child, for her best, even if that means I disagree with her dr. or go against the norm

It is very isolating at times, not just the disease, but that we treat it differently.

I have spent more nights alone in these past 2 years than my whole life. Retreating. Not wanting to give the burden for anyone else to worry about. Not wanting to let it go, to still have as much control as I can. Feeling so distant from everyone.

With moments of bitterness trying to climb in

but still hanging on to hope. Being reminded of hope. of something more eternal.

I have mourned the thought of ever having a night away, far far away with my husband. of ever having a break. a moment to breath.

And then on my birthday. I got a gift. A weekend away with my husband. At the beach, seeing my favorite band, needtobreathe! WHATTTTT!?!? Elation was my first response!

But then my excitement was breached with misunderstanding and stress

How could this be possible, who was watching the kids? who would be willing to take on Norah that long (and believe me 2 nights is very long for a type 1)? details? I need details, lots of them.

Brett had arranged almost everything. I just had to get it all ready. As in prepare every bite of food that went into Norah's mouth for 3 days, with detailed instructions and pray that Norah's pump sight didn't come out during that time since only Brett and myself know how to change it. 2 nights is the longest possible trip we could have at this point, with all of the diabetes details. I would love to say that it was all excitement before the trip, but it was a lot of hard work, planning and stress. There were moments I didn't even think it would happen, that I thought something would happen to even keep us from the trip, so my excitement was little, until we got on the plane

And from that moment, every moment was just what I needed, just what Brett and I needed.

And it was just one full day . And we made sure it was just that. Full.

I read an entire book people!!

It wasn't just that we had a weekend away at the beach, it was that we spent it with people really important to both of us, they don't know, but they have been right by us in this journey with Norah. They have reminded and given us of hope in some of our very dark moments.

The great thing about beautiful music is that it meets you in this place, sometimes a dark and hard place. It reaches deep down, it allows you to mourn and to heal and to hope. It brings you closer to Him.

"In this wasteland where I'm living there is a crack in the door filled with light.... and it's all I need to get by"

Needtobreathe sings this song, it is about part of their journey, but it is also exactly about our journey.

They have told me that Norah is a difference maker and that maybe even I am

They have reminded me that there can be "something beautiful" in all the hard

They have told me "if your lost and lonely and broken down bring all of your troubles, come lay um down"

And Brett worked some magic and arranged for us to meet them before the show. Meet these amazing musicians who have unknowingly been on this journey with us . They are so kind.

It was a slice of heaven, I'm pretty sure music in heaven will be exactly like theirs.

We got to be right upfront and center.

This last one is my favorite. It shows the magic of the night

And we had another run in after the show only confirmed their genuineness.

I spend a few minutes getting to chat with Seth Bolt (bass player)

And Seth doesn't really know this, but we are friends now.

I'm reading his book and planning on

staying in his tree house someday. With my husband of course :)

Oh probably the highlight, experiencing this with new friends, who we met that night!

Number 1's 2015

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Wed, 30 Dec 2015 21:38:00 +0000

It's meant to be, some kind of wrap of for the year, or a new idea for the next. It's what we all do. A new start, something fresh, but also remember the things that made part of 2015 what it was...... 2015

So here are some of my best of's in 2015

Best Book : The Hardest Peace, by Kara Tippets. An autobiography of a woman who was dying with cancer. Heart wrenching and so life giving all at once.

Favorite Quote: "We need to quit trying to be awesome and instead by wise" Jen Hatmaker

Biggest and most helpful life style change: starting to simplify, get rid of what we don't need, minimize my closet and all areas of the house. This has been so refreshing and freeing and I will continue into this year with it!

Most played with toy by my kids: wait for it..... wait for it...... Playdough!! By far ALL of my kids played with this the most, age appropriate for ALL of them and nothing extravagant. We did store bought, homemade, and jello playdough!

Favorite new musical artist: Rend Collective (the Campfire album). Although Rend Collective is not a new artist, they have been around a while, and I have heard their stuff here and their, it wasn't until I heard this album that I really like them. Maybe part of it is my deep desire to sing around a campfire with a banjo, but there is also a beautiful simplicity to their music.

Favorite song: "When a heart breaks" Ben Rector

Best Movie : Well not quite a movie, but an Amazon documentary "The Sugar Film" EVERYONE MUST WATCH THIS!!! It is so good, such great eye opening information! Everyone already knows McDonalds is bad for you, but this man goes on a "low fat" diet and gains a ton of weight and starts getting sick. Just watch it and see, please watch it!

Favorite Photo: Like I could have just one, so I will do favorite one of each of the kids

Favorite Place : As much as I love love love the beach, which is my favorite place of all time this year going to the American River was my favorite place. It was a place I loved as a child and really wanted to take my kids there. I thought it might be disappointing 25 years later, but it wasn't. I loved that it was beautiful, quite, simply, yet full of so much to do. Fun for all of my kids, dirty, outside, full of lots of water and so much exploring!

Favorite discovery: this place, only about 10 minutes away from our house

Favorite Moment: Easy, Needtobreath at Red Rocks

Most Surprising moment : An unlikely new friendship . Not just for Norah and her friend Lilah (who also has type 1 diabetes) but for her mother an I. A set up that I even felt reluctant to go to, turned into a friendship (although long distant) I am so grateful for!

And I always get some of my best ideas, or books or movies from other people. That is why I share, maybe you will grab one of these, or go watch something,

So tell me some of your best 2015's

#5 the gifts you have given

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 22:39:00 +0000

There's far more to this life than trusting Christ.

There's also suffering for him.

And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting. Phil 1: 29

Carrisa,

For 5 years now I always come back to you, why you leaving as had such a great impact on me, more than Dad and Darren, whose deaths were life changing and so very hard, but yours was different. Maybe it is partially because of it's suddenness, or that fact that your death happened in my adulthood and not childhood. But really so much of it is because that one single moment, of you leaving this earth, drastically changed the course of my life, like a sudden giant U-Turn I wasn't expecting to take.

I mean you leaving even changed that car that I drive, my awesome mini van, I know that sounds strange sis, but you don't need a mini van with the small family envisioned in my head 5 years ago.

Which brings me to these wonderful gifts your death has somehow given me. I am forever grateful to you Carrisa because these are some of the greatest gifts.

My 2 youngest, Sarah and Levi. I really have no idea if you had not died would they have ever been a part of my life. God may have squeezed them in either way. But I do know that in my head , before you died, all I ever wanted was 2 children. Bringing Norah into our home changed all of that, the dynamic I once picture was blown to pieces and a new one started. Now I have this great gift of 4 children. Which is my best and favorite gift. I get to be home with them. I get to enjoy the sweet embrace of Levi's sweet giant hugs and kisses. I get to make squishy faces with Sarah and laugh at her silly phrases. I get to have lunch with Maya and school and hear her heart.

The gift of being home. For me this is a gift, my sweet treasures, I get to help mold their little hearts, spend time with them and have a better understanding of God's fatherly heart.

The gift of my home. Right, you gave us this home? Well ya, we wouldn't have needed a bigger home had Levi not popped into the picture, or had we not had Norah or Sarah. So yes, our home, what a great gift it is! It is one of my favorite places to be, it is where the walls are filled with love, and memories (and some whining too) It would be super awesome if you helped out on the mortgage though....... Would you be able to work on that one from up there?

The friendships you have given, that I would have never known unless on this journey of life and healing from your loss.

The journey with my husband, I see him differently after you left. I saw his heart, the one so widely open to love the fatherless.

Norah. Who has been our greatest, hardest, most humbling gift. In every way Norah has made me a better mom, friend, sister and wife. She has stretched and pulled me in all directions. The gift she has given is not one that might be perceived as lovely, but one that is life long, one that builds my character and teaches me what love means. She has taught me what it really means to lean on Christ, to press in and see beauty at the top of the giant mountain.

So many of my days are daunting with all that is in front of me, especially with Norah's disease. Her blood sugar has been in a weird funk the past few weeks, she is growing, which throws everything off and I am at a loss on her insulin needs and every night have been praying for God to give me His wisdom on what to do. This is a hard gift, one that I still don't like to call a gift really, or see it that way all the time..... But I press into the Lord so much more...... suffering is as much as a gift as trusting. What a hard, and difficult, but beautiful gift.

Carrisa, I don't always see it this way. There are days that seeds of bitterness try to creep in, or self pity, or why me, I can't do this. But on this day, Decemeber 11th, when I remember you for some reason my perspective always changes, it is renewed. Thank you for giving me that.

You must know life to see decay. You must know love to feel pain. Why would a Good God allow pain and suffering, maybe because we wouldn't truly know what goodness is without them.

There will come a time, I'll see, with no more tears

and love will not break my heart, but dismiss my fears

get over my hill and see

with grace in my heart and flowers in my hair

You are there sis, I look forward to that day when I see all the beauty on top of the hill.

Music to my ears

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Thu, 12 Nov 2015 00:12:00 +0000

We have all had it happen, you know that one song, something about it, it moves you, unlike anything else could.

Stop, think of

It brings out something

something beautiful

I love when that happens.

I love music!

Really love it, and actually all kinds!

I can remember my dad blasting the Chuck Berry song "No particular place to go"

Still to this day, that songs brings big smile to my face.

I really believe that God created music, the sound of instruments together for our enjoyment, but also to experience something with Him, to know Him better. And not just Christian music, seriously so many different styles and genres, there is so much beauty out there in music!

It would not be surprising to hear Jack Johnson & Rend Collective in my house one day, followed by POD, JT, and 50 cent the next, and everything in between. And of course lots of NEEDTOBREATHE

(country might be my only exception of me not "Loving," but there is still some that I like, Yee Haw!).

We have music in our house all. the. time. (and a lot of dancing too!)

It is so sweet to hear and see my sweet childrens lips singing and dancing away.

I played the piano for a few short years when I was younger, when my dad was sick and dying..... and I was never very good at it and so much of life got in the way, so it didn't last long. I so very much wish I would have stuck with it.

For a a year now Maya has been asking to take piano lessons, Piano is hard work, and an expensive initial cost so I didn't just want to jump in unless she really wanted to (or make it something I wanted), so after a year of her asking and asking, we said yes.

We saved up and bought a piano (nothing fancy, just a small craigs list one).

And we were so fortunate to find a teacher who comes to our home (yes please, I have 4 small kids and one with diabetes, one less outing is just fine with me). Not to mention Maya was was already familiar with him because he is her music teacher at school :)

It is so fun to hear to start, even just simple little notes, even the wrong notes, somehow it is all just music to my ears.

I just love the sound of music filling our home, being embedded into the walls. I love the hard work and practice that is required of learning music. The piano is the heart of so much great music.

I'm so excited for all of those little fingers in our house to get a chance to play and learn and maybe even me again someday

What is your song? The one that moves you.

Here is one of my favs

it's been a month but....

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Tue, 20 Oct 2015 20:55:00 +0000

I love October and Fall and here in Colorado, seriously, it's so great!

I mean it really is glorious!

But for some reason this month got off to a rough start

There was my crock pot (my life line) that randomly stopped working

Then I broke my food processor, my beloved food processor the one that helps me make all of the food staples for Norah

And then, then there were the maggots......... the horrible, scary, life changing occurrence with the maggots.

It was just another lovely fall day

"Hey girls lets do fall decorations with steamers, even though it's 85 degrees out"

As a whistle my way down to the basement and open the storage bin with Fall decor a wauff of flies comes right toward my face....... "what the....."

and the smell...... the smell is horrindous!!

I run upstairs and take the bin upstairs and outside.

I open the bin and to my horrification there is a pile of nasty, moldy squash sludge. With Millions of flies, and maggots and so much nastiness!

I quickly try to grab a few things from the opposite side of the bin as I inhale the mold toxins

I run them inside and throw them in the sink to try to wash.... but the smell the smell is so bad!!!! and there are maggot eggs stuck all over ever thing, permanently stuck

My kids are starring at me like I have gone physco, because well, I have!!!!

I throw everything back in the bin and throw it all out, all of it out!

Tears......

You know how holiday decor is, it is things you have collected over years and time and some things I had made

I was sad a permantely scarred, scarred forever from the maggots, the millions of maggots, some that were now flying around in my houseo

So instead of my pleasant afternoon drinking steamers and decorating, I spent it killing maggots and looking up signs of mold toxicity. so fun.

I must have put a real squash/pumpkin in with the fake ones....

The story is not over

About a week later, Brett and I were putting the kids to bed and there was an agressive door knock and bell ring. It startled the heck out of me so I had Brett run downstairs.

He opened the door, and there was no one. So I assumed it was a ding dong ditch kinda thing. Put then on our front step was a small pumpkin and note, inside the note was a $35 gift card to hobby lobby.

I cried.

It was a simple, sweet, small act of kindness and it blessed me so much.

And I had a good idea of the people up to it!

It is so good to live life in community

And then yesterday we were booed! You know someone dropped off a halloween treat basket for our family, and they obviously knew Norah's situation because it was so thoughtfully put together.

There have been other things this month, when the budget has been super tight that the Lord has provided for us and I am reminded how he cares about the little things and He loves us. And it has also reminded me to give, even when things are tight I can still find ways to give!

And now I have started my new fall collection, thanks to my sweet friends and left over pallet wood, that $35 went a long way

And we made some Vail inspired placemats for $1.75

And even with no crock pot or food processor I still have my sweet family

they are fun

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Wed, 07 Oct 2015 02:44:00 +0000

I like being with my kids.

They are fun!

Mostly.... ha!

Brett is busy with soccer season and gone many evenings this fall.

That leaves a lot of time with just me and the kids

We go exploring

or sometimes to the library

or the park

and sometimes our car ride home is everyone crying all.at.once.

But I still like being with them, we hang out, we ago places, they are my best friends.

There is really no one else I would rather be with

And it has gotten easier. The kids are getting older and so much more helpful

see, it's mommy #2

I am in a season of just really wanting to be with family. Not filling our lives with busy-ness and lists of things. But just enjoying each other. Simplifying things a bit. I don't need a play date every week anymore (although I like them), I just need time with my husband and kids

I have a good husband

And some good. silly. kids

My unintentional blogging break

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Thu, 10 Sep 2015 02:14:00 +0000

Some how the whole summer went by without me blogging...........sorry about that

I am not sure how it happened

It was not at all intentional

Somehow I found my time extra time spent sitting on the porch just a little longer with my kids

Letting them stay up just a little later

Going on a walk

Reading a booking

Going to California (twice)

or the reservoir

or Kansas CIty

or Red Rocks to see NEEDTOBREATHE (dream come true)

We spent as much time outside as possible

And enjoyed lots of time at our new pool

And just a second relaxing...

I actually do really enjoy blogging, but I found my time better spent or consumed elsewhere this summer

And rather than feeling guilty, I just let it go and knew that my habit would return again, soon.

And here it is.

California 2015

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Thu, 16 Jul 2015 03:33:00 +0000

Ahh along with the crazy busy travel we have had my computer pooped out on me, so I had a silent June in the Blog World.

I finally just got around to looking through some photos and making a video.

The video warmed my heart because it reminded me what a great time we had.

When you only get 14 days a year in California, you have to make the most of every minute: Park City Mountain restort. Family. Eating Outside. Swimming. In&Out. American River. Park. Apple Hill. Paradise. Billie Park. Disco Cab. Rock Wall. Slumber Party. Capitola. Farm House. Zip line. Hornaceks. Family. Exploring. Camping. Fresh Berries. Late Nights. Dirty Faces. Great Heat. Boegar Winery. So many Memories.

Check out our video.

How we do it- a quick guide to road trips

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Wed, 20 May 2015 19:48:00 +0000

Let me say that taking our family on a road trip is not an "easy" experience
Packing a pile of life saving medical supplies and homecooked foods while traveling for hours in the car with 4 little ones; one who gets car sick; the same one who has diabetes, one who is allergic to soy and a 1 year old that has the patient of a.... well one year old.

but if I were to not do things in life simply because they weren't easy, well I pretty much would do nothing

Road trips take a lot of planning and prep, we cannot just stop by McDonalds or taco Bell, without at least 2 of our 4 kids have some type of medical attack..... so we avoid that

I plan each meal we have and each snack the kids will be eating during our travels. And if we are gone for the long weekend, I plan every single meal and snack for our entire stay.

I put each days food in a ziploc with the menu written on

Then I put their meals in these for ease while in the car or at a park

I plan out each outfit for each day for the kids by previewing the weather for the destination we will be going

I do not have room to over pack, nor do I want to.

We always back lysol and paper towels because vomit and diarrhea seem to accompany road trips

I plan our day in the car like a day at home,: time for breakfast, then coloring, then a snack, then a movie, then lunch, then quite time/nap time in the car, then electronics (refurbished i-pods). It makes the day not so dredful (except for the Driver Brett) and it gives them something to look forward too.

I always put a toilet in the car, because it is a million times quicker than a gas station

I want our kids to be able to see places and people and family. I want them to know what the beach is like, chase fireflies, and get muddy next to a river. I want them to know their aunts and uncles and great grandmas and lets be honest hardly anyone ever comes here and there is certainly no beach in Colorado.

We stay with people to reduce costs.
We don't eat out much, but allow for it as part of the fun.

Don't get me wrong, I am a total crazy lady the week before we leave on a trip. I'm sure my husband totally ~~loves it~~ hates it.

I do have the kids help a lot! They love packing for a road trips and my constant reminders of
"if I don't have help we can't go" probably get a bit naggy (working on that)

And you know I can't leave with a messy house, so you know what I'm doing at 10pm the night before while everyone is asleep.... yep being the crazy cleaning lady

Yep, I am sure you can all tell I am a type A all the way.

But then we get to enjoy stuff like this and it makes it so worth it!

We loved our trip to Durango, Colorado

You should try it too!

Take it all out! Everything!

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Thu, 14 May 2015 20:42:00 +0000

I am sure you all remember my last post about the missionaries from India, Sam and Cam.

And I needed some perspective about what I really need, or don't need.

Basically I want to live more simply.

I don't want things consuming my life.

and then I happen to see a post about a wardrobe capsule on facebook.

I knew I had to do it, like immediately! Little did I know one of my closets friends Heather was doing the same exact thing! Nothing like motivation when your best friend is doing it too!

It's about how less is more! Minimilizing your wardrobe but still wearing cute things!

With a wardrobe capsule you are able to mix and match different things together and it is based on season, which can be tricky in Colorado since the winter likes to come back out in May, so I do a blended season.

Yea so here is my closet....... totally embarrassing. Full of crap!

I had to take it all out! Everything! You have to take everything out of the closet and sift through.

Ewww

Not gonna lie, there was some anxiety going on here. What if I need 14 pairs of painting pants and 400 pairs of underwear for the apocalypse?!?!?

Really, Jen.

And then I did it. I just started 3 piles.

Get Rid Of.

Sell.

Keep.

And my keep pile was super small. Phew. (its the pile on the right)

I found things that I actually wear and like and that fit me, and I kept those.

I've had a few babies, gotten a few years older and little more lumpy, time to trash the fitted shirts.

And apparently I'm some sort of bag hoarder! I had so many reusable old navy and I dunno what bags for my imaginary bag party.

Here is what my closet looks like now

I used the money from the clothes that I sold to buy a few basic things. And really I didn't have to buy much bc I had plenty in my closet. I bought 3 things.

A cute pair of jean shorts from the Banana republic outlet for $12,

A white T-shirt for AE, for $8

A black maxi skirt from Gap outlet for $12.

Totally basic and simple and not expensive.

Once you complete your capsule you do not buy anymore random pieces for that season, you save money and time and most importantly it is sooo freeing!!!

This is an outfit I made with things I already owned

Ahhhh, now for the rest of my house.

One. Bag. At. A. Time.

I didn't really want to do it...

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Tue, 05 May 2015 19:25:00 +0000

A few weeks back we had a couple from India visit our church

What they do for the kingdom is simply amazing!

Before leaving, our pastor made an announcement that anyone was welcome to have them over for dinner as they were in town for the next few weeks.

It wasn't really something that I jumped up and was so excited to do, but I knew we were suppose to invite them over for dinner

It's not that I did not want them over, we love having people over, and serving them!

I knew there would be some awkwardness, the language and cultural differences can sometimes make things feel a little more forced, but I actually welcomed that because I wanted our kids to have culture come to us, since world travel isn't currently an option for our family.

But I knew that having them over would mean that I would hear the hardness of their lives, that I would be broken, especially for the children in their orphanage. That I would remember that we have sooooo much and how they have so very little. That I would want to give, and things are tight now. I was welcoming something a little hard, and sometimes I just liked to dodge that bullet, but knew that wasn't what I suppose to do.

So we had them over, Sam and Cam, and I'm so glad we did!

The children in their orphanage, although they have a roof over their heads, sleep on the dirt.

For this couple to see our bunkbeds, and revel and chat and wonder if maybe someday, just someday they could have that for their children....... broken

My children did not understand, "why don't they just go buy a bunk bed?"

"Girls they don't have money for that"

"well here, they can have my money"

And so easily my children were not bound by their jar of money, it was easily given away at something they could not see, to help someone...

and here's me over here wondering when we are ever going to have enough money to finish landscaping our backyard or when I can paint the kitchen.... and my giant closet filled with crap, gross...

and Sam & Cam, they are truly persecuted, living in risk of prison or death because of what they do.

And again here's me in the corner with my 15 Bibles that I hardly ever open...

And you know what, Sam & Cam see death and disease all the time, but they prayed for our little Norah, they added her to their prayer chain, that God would heal her!

wow, perspective. I needed a little.

These people with seemingly nothing, have so much!

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the great need in the world that I freeze and do nothing..... but this is not at all what I want to do.

I needed this reminder. The reminder of joy that Sam & Cam have, despite their hard circumstances. The reminder of what I really "need".

The reminder that I do not have to help the whole world, but maybe just one person.

Sam & Cam are forever etched in my heart.

If you want to learn more about Sam & Cam's ministry you can visit here

I don't know what to do with her

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 20:53:00 +0000

I see so much of myself in her

Not just looks, but the way she is. She is sooo much like me!

And sometimes it scares me

When you have a child that is similar to you, you see your self in them, the good and the not so good you are.

And you want to help them, help them to overcome things that you struggled with, things in life that were harder....

I want her to know it is ok to not always be perfect, to make mistakes, to color outside the lines

I want her to know that no matter what someone isn't going to like you and that's ok

I want her to embrace the hard moments because that is when you rely on God the most and grow the most

This is Maya

but Maya is a much smarter version of me. And I don't know what to do with it

There is something special to her, the way her brain works. She inherited Brett's ease of just being smart without trying. She is a lefty so it seems she just grasps things in a different way. She reads chapter books non-stop and I can't even keep up with her. Math is a cinch for her and her teacher mentioned putting applying to some time of gifted program for her and I kinda freaked out.

I can tell you we are just normal people, and I am nothing close to a super parent doing crazy things to make my kids smart. I'll I have ever done is just read to them since there were little because I didn't know what else to do.

Brett and I both feel this pressure to put Maya in the right thing or find her nitch, but it overwhelms me in both time, finding it, and expense..... so I just do nothing.....

I fear the jack of all trades setting in for her future, just like me and I know there is more for her.

So I just pray. Because, well I don't know what else to do. That the Lord will lead us into best helping with Maya's future. Even this can be hard for me, I am such a tangible person I want to do do do, know the answer now, randomly swirl my finger around and have it land on the right thing for Maya.

And then there is the part of me that just wants her to be a kid and not worry about any of that, to feel no pressure to grow up fast, or find her thing now, but to just be Maya

Happy 7th Birthday Maya! The girl I don't know what to do with you. I am so proud of you! You have such a big heart. You always do your best! You are kind and smart, but more than anything you love Jesus. I can't wait to see what He does with your life!

what vacation is to me

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Wed, 08 Apr 2015 20:22:00 +0000

Vacation is

falling off wagons into the mud

Sitting at the table well after the meal is finished

Naps in the car

Bringing exhausted kids home late from a full day

Finding hundreds of ladybugs

Grandmas slippers

Skipping Rocks

Feeding Donkeys

Hints of spring in the air

All things outdoors

Family

It may not be Disneyland, which I do hope to take all the kids to someday. But seriously, they were so happy playing outside in the mud, with animals, exploring and talking the ears off of all of their aunts and uncles. And it was all FREE!

What may not have seemed like a "fun" vacation on the outset turned into one of the best trips we have taken!

Great Grandma is so great! I love her love for family, she spoiled us, feed us and left us wanting to come back!

So glad we got to spend sometime with a piece of Fran; her mom and siblings.

And so glad for us right now vacation means time with family

A coffee themed baby shower

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Wed, 18 Mar 2015 02:01:00 +0000

I have helped host a few baby showers in my day, and hopefully a few more to come :O)

I typically get 99% of my ideas from pinterest, but when I wanted to do a coffee themed baby shower for my friend Heather, there was almost nothing on pinterest, so I made most of this one up myself.

We have a pretty nice espresso machine/steamer so I was able to make drinks (regular and decaf) for all the guests.

What is better than coffee with coffee cake?

And the beautiful Heather! This pregnancy was such a gift, such a treasure and a long time coming for her and her family! So glad her beautiful baby girl is here!

Sweet spot

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Thu, 12 Mar 2015 20:07:00 +0000

What is it like having 4 kids?

"Imagine you are drowning and someone hands you a baby" (jim gaffigan).

Sometimes it definitely feels that way

but sometimes it is good

I was just telling Brett a few days ago I feel like I am in my sweet spot, not the amazing chair I mentioned in a previous blog, but a sweet spot in the ages of my children.

Maya and Norah are in school full time and I get be at home with Levi and Sarah 4 days a week. and it is good.

I am just really enjoying my time with the 2 littles, I seriously love age 3, it has been my favorite with all of my kids, a little more independent but still full of so much cuteness, that is Sarah.

And Levi with his words and the way he imitates his sisters with everything, His cuddles and kisses. I could soak it up forever!

Levi and Sarah

They are good kids

They cuddle with me

Play with me

They play with each other

and by themselves so well

Levi Naps for very long periods of time. And Sarah still naps every other day and when she is not napping she occupies herself so well.

Don't get me wrong, there is still winning, crying and fits, poopy diapers, and food everywhere. And chaos and arguments, especially when all 4 our home. But it just doesn't seem to overtake my life right now, or maybe I'm just used to it now and it doesn't bother me as much.

But there are these moments during my day where the house is totally quite and peaceful. I spend a lot of that time cooking and cleaning. But I have also gotten time to read, to rest, to just sit outside and be.

It is so nice to have a part of my day that doesn't feel like I'm going 100 miles an hour. To just take my mind off of diabetes and off everything that feels hard.. I know this time will not always be here, so I am trying to just soak it up, but at least for now I am enjoying my sweet spot, in life and in my chair.

Jack of All Trades

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Thu, 05 Mar 2015 21:22:00 +0000

I'm a Jack of All Trades type of person.....

I have thought of my self this way every since I can remember even back to 7 or 8 years old.

I'm not excellent or super great at one thing, I'm kinda just ok/good at a lot of things.

I think this was really hard for me growing up. You always see the kid who is amazing at Soccer or Basketball. Everyone dotes on them, everyone knows who they are. You always know the Valedictorian, not the me who got in the top 5% of graduating class because even though I did well in school I wasn't the very best. And if you aren't the best, you're not noticed

I blend in.

I'm not musically gifted, in fact I have a terrible voice!

I'm not super intelligent

I'm not a super athlete

I was never popular

I'm not a doctor

I'm not a good cook

I'm not artistic

I write a blog, that a few people read

I am not bold or outspoken

I like taking photos, but have to work hard and am certainly not extraordinary at them

I like crafts, but get all of my ideas from other people

I love being a mama, but definitely have to work on being a better one daily

(Sarah's probably broken thumb....)

I even remember in the 5th grade, we did a "5th grade Olympics" and I won the decathlon award, the funny thing is, I did not win 1st place in any of the 10 events we competed in, I just placed in every event, so by the end I had enough points to win! It almost felt undeserving

Sometimes I still want to be that person who is really good at one thing...

I feel a bit mediocre, which in our society seems blah

But this guy seems to like me just as I am

And I think God, made me just the way He wanted to

Me is giving my all, my whole heart in everything I do.

When I played basketball, I gave my all and did my best, even though I was not the best

When I take your photos, I am certainly not the best, but I will give you the best that I have

When I host a party, it will not do it half hearted, because people in my life deserve more than that

When I go to work, I give my best work because that is what my boss and patients expect and deserve.

When I'm your friend, I will do my best to be a good one

When I sing, just go ahead and plug your ears or shake your head no (which is what Levi does)

It is so easily to look at my life and feel small and insignificant,

because I'm not an extraordinary person.

But sometimes God uses the people who blend in in big ways.

I just need to allow Him to do it.

That one place

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Fri, 27 Feb 2015 00:55:00 +0000

I always want our home to be a place the girls and Levi want to be! A place of warmth and comfort, where the walls are surrounded by love and memories. A place, where when life gets hard, it's just where you want to be. Having a home like that is more than how it looks, more than the decorations or the colors on the walls, but a place where the beauty is told by what happens inside those walls.

There is one place in our home, that is "the place to be"

I'm not quite sure what it is, but this chair, this spot in our room...... It's the best!

I could sit there for hours and everything about it is comforting

Our room is one of the only places in our home we have yet to decorate,

but I still could be in this chair all day!

It is the place where I read, I rest.

My children sit on my lap

We read stories

Watch shows

Stare out the window together

It is the place where the kids argue about who gets to sit there

especially that corner spot, the best!

Even Levi, desperately races and climbs for his spot .

It is the place where blonde hair has been braided, millions of times!

And giggles and thieves oil have been spread.

It is the place I always go when the house in silent and the kids are napping. Sometimes I don't know what I'm going to do when I get there, I just know I want to be there.

It is the place I go when I feel sad or overwhelmed

It is the place where I have gotten a closer look at who God is through His word

and it is the place I have gotten to know the Braveman family.....

I hope that as my kids grow and all four of their little booties can't squeeze on they will still race for the chair

I hope it is a place they will find comfort and joy and a sense of home and maybe even draw neared to the Lord

Where is your place?

Diaversity

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 20:37:00 +0000

Today marks one year since Norah has been diagnosed with diabetes. People always say managing this disease will get easier, and in some ways it has, but it also become much more complex.
I made a short video of what life is like living with type 1. I made it so you can get a glimpse into our lives, but more to spread awareness so children don't suffer the severe effects of undiagnosed diabetes.

Living with type 1 from Brett and Jenni Goodlin on Vimeo.

33rd

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 21:03:00 +0000

I just had my 33rd birthday

Brett got me NEEDTOBREATHE tickets for this summer at the Red Rocks outdoor amphitheater! DREAM COME TRUE!
I'm kind of dying from excitement about it!

A friend stopped by in the morning with a gift and stayed, which was just as good of a gift!

Those are my favorite types of friends.

The ones that come and stay unexpectedly!

2 More friends came by with lunch and just spent time with me and made me a delicious deep dish cookie pie!

We spent the evening watching Maya's school performance....

Friday, I had a small valentine party with a friend who shares my California heart, we both sighed at the thought of a nice Spring time..... only in Cali

I squeezed in as many free meals as I could from all my birthday coupons. Red Robin, yes please. Qdoba, I'll take that. Free starbucks, of course!

We were invited to a game night on Valentines evening.
It was so good to be invited somewhere!
And eat tri-tip!

Papa & Yami watched the kids on Sunday afternoon so Brett and I could have a date. We both ate very quickly and then went grocery shopping....

I woke up Monday morning with a lovely message from a friend. I had one of the biggest gifts in my life ever this past January! I got to be with my friend Celine as she gave birth to her 4th baby! I was able to do photography and videography and she wrote about it all here!
It was one of my favorite moments in life!

Go check it out.

I was with who I loved most. It was simple. It was loving. It was a good birthday weekend!

learning something new

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Mon, 02 Feb 2015 20:14:00 +0000

It's February, Hoorah!!

I always feel like January just trudges along so slowly. Like I'm going uphill in a paddle boat in the snow and I'm never going to feel warm again.

I wanted January to feel more purposeful. To do something outside myself. To learn something new.

So I decided to make use of free pallet wood. Which fits in perfectly with our budge of $0 for crafting and home projects.

So I did it. I found a place with free pallet wood. Even getting the wood myself was outside my comfort zone..... I'm in introvert at heart

I tried demo-ing the first pallet with a few crow bars and hammer as suggested pinterest.

I discovered that after about 20 minutes I was a very hostile person to be around and I had only taken one nail out!

that's not happening, so I tried to figure out a better way to demo a pallet and discovered the Sawzall! It's basically just as tough as it sounds.

Now power tools...... yeah that is WAY outside my comfort zone. I mean I used dainty and delicate hand tools all the time as a hygienist. But power tools, VERY DIFFERENT! I'm pretty sure it was the best day of my husbands life when I asked him to show me to use a power tool, none the less a sawezall! Ha! It shook my entire body and even rattled my brain. It was intense!

But it took apart the whole pallet in about 5 minutes! Score

Then I learned to use the nail gun and sander and started my first sign project

I stained the wood and started the wording (using a crayon transfer technique), I just haven't finished it quite yet.

We also started a wine rack, which I'm very excited about! Brett is working on that one

I do want to write something on the top wood piece of the wine rack but I'm not sure what to write, would love suggestions, that aren't to corny.

Oh and years ago I was inspired by this blog to put this up on my wall! I have been wanting to do it for years, but was so nervous to permanently attach photos to my wall, so I just bought a cheap piece of paneling and attached it to the wall and mod podged the photos on it.

they are black and white 5x5's printed from Costco.

I'm glad February is here! The sun is just starting to last a little longer into the evening and I can smell the warmth of spring drawing near..... ish. I mean I live in Colorado, so I will see the Spring in May :)

Top 10 reasons I make a terrible pancreas for Norah

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 20:54:00 +0000

It was once said that I will eventually make a great pancreas..... but here are the top 10 reasons I never will

#1) I'm not attached to Norah's body, although many parents would like to be attached at their child's hip (near the pancreas) I do not want to nor will I ever be attached to Norah's body, especially internally.

#2) I have hair and a face and I'm not a slimy organ

see

#3) I have emotions, which I think most pancreas' are lacking, which is good, because sometimes I base my daughters insulin dosage to quickly on my emotions

#4) I inflict pain on my daughter. Somehow a pancreas can release insulin without doing that, sheesh

#5) I'm only right about 20% of the time......

was it food?

is it hormones?

did I mis-calculate?

is her pump sight bad?

Is that a protein spike?

or there is the often, "I have no idea"

I think a functioning pancreas has a tad more accuracy

#6) I like to sleep for about 8 hours a night, which makes being a pancreas very hard when my brain is off!

Pancreas' they usually run 24/7.

#7) I lack patience and want to get Norahs blood sugar down NOW, often times giving her to much insulin and then causing a scarey low blood sugar.

Pancreas' must have the most amazing patience and know exactly the right timing of releasing the hormone insulin.

#8 ) I can only give Norah synthetic insulin,

and believe me, the real deal is way more efficient and doesn't take 2 hours to kick in!

#9) I will not be around Norah forever.

She will grow.

I will have to train her and She will have to learn to take control of this disease and know how to manage it.

I'm pretty sure a real pancreas doesn't train others on its job, otherwise I would be the first in line!

#10) I am not a mathematician, which is apparently is a pancreas' 2nd job

I guess one thing I have in common with Norah's current pancreas is that we are both broken and flawed. Trying to function, but often malfunctioning. Maybe there is a miracle in store for both of us someday.

In people with type 1 diabetes, the pancreas cannot make insulin. This vital hormone helps the body's cells convert sugar into energy. Without it, sugar builds up in the blood and can reach dangerous levels. To avoid life-threatening complications, people with type 1 diabetes must take some form of insulin for their entire lives.

There is no specifically known cause.

There is NO cure.

joy sucker

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Wed, 07 Jan 2015 20:34:00 +0000

I've never been that good in the kitchen.

I can cook, but I'm a recipe/ruler follower type of cook.

I'm not good at making up my own things, adding ingredients, or being creative.

It's kind of like I am in life, the rule following, not really creative type (all my good ideas come from other people).

I have never disliked cooking, and at times I have really enjoyed finding new recipes, and baking things, especially on cold winter days. And one of my favorite thing to do in life is have people over for dinner, seriously, my favorite.

but recently the joy of cooking at all has been completely sucked out of me, especially baking.

I hate that I feel this way.

Baking is currently is a task for survival. I have to cook a lot from scratch for Norah. This is how we best manage her diabetes. no sugar, starches, or grains.

It's work. It's not creative. Or fun. Or even all that tasty. And it's expensive.

Christmas season was hard. A lot of the usual Christmas baking didn't happen. I attempted to modify a cookie recipe so Norah could have it, and well...... like I said I'm not good at creativity...

I usually make something special for Christmas morning breakfast, that didn't happen either.

Every ounce of my extra cooking time goes into making Norahfied sugar free/grain free bagels, crackers, cereal, granola, and cupcakes, using pounds of coconut and almond flour. I can't even remember the last time I baked normal cookies for my family

So I did today

I'm tired of life trying to suck the joy out of me, and last year was a real joy sucker.

So I pulled Levi and Sarah up to the counter and we baked my mom's famous chocolate chip cookie bars.

With white flour and brown sugar, all things totally bad and delicious, full of lots of sugar, gluten, and carbs!

I let them lick it from the spatula

so delicious Levi can't even keep his eyes open

And have a cookie for lunch

And get chocolate everywhere

And it was great

(just don't tell Norah)

Even as I sit here right now and blog, I'm enjoying this delicious chocolate Gooiness

Despite the work that goes into making healthier foods, not just for Norah but all of us, it is way easier than managing the stressful and scarey roller coaster of blood sugars that would happen if Norah ate anything she wanted. And I know that the hard work now, will help her have a healthier future.

I enjoy blogging to, and diabetes sucked the joy out of that too. So here's to more cooking, blogging and doing a few things I like every now and again.

P.S. I got a Kitchen Aide for Christmas! I have wanted one for 10 years. It took a small village to get me one $$$, but I'm so grateful. Hoping it will help!

best of 2014

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Mon, 05 Jan 2015 03:04:00 +0000

My favorite photos usually come from when we are outside and when we travel!

It's the scenery change

It's that I have my camera out more

It's that it's not home....

I look forward to those times and remembering them.

Here's to remembering my favorites of 2014

mr. mischievous

the girl who could melt a heart of stone

the dreamer

the girl with big ambitions

my 4 pack

Mr. G.Q

favorite indoor shot of the year

the water...

but sometimes my favorite photos just capture something in time, not necessarily happy

but something to remember..... those who came

those who love

those times we just let go

the friendships we share

the memories we make

the moments that are just right

and somehow captured perfectly

and then there are those few unexplainable moments, that top the year that leave you happy pick up a camera. Take a photo. you won't regret it.

Annual Christmas Video (2014)

noreply@blogger.com (Jenni Lynn) — Sat, 27 Dec 2014 15:22:00 +0000

We have had a very busy season!

Merry Christmas to your all, check out our annual Christmas video!

Christmas video 2014 from Brett and Jenni Goodlin on Vimeo.