The Moses Home

BFBN Week : Carrie Wiley talks about freedom and responsibility for older children {Guest Post}

2017-01-12T14:56:00.001-08:00

I naturally have always struggled not to underestimate my kids’ abilities, and I’m always surprised by how much they actually can handle and are ready for. I have always been the parent that would notice my kids’ friends doing something and think to myself, “Oh, I guess my kid could do that too!”

My oldest is 8 now and I am just now starting to be able to stay ahead of the game and recognize her readiness for new freedoms and responsibilities. I have found that it does take intentional thought and sometimes a little trial and error.

Readiness Markers to Look For:

A Happy Heart – This is a phrase we use often in our home. We work towards our kids obeying right away, all the way, with a happy heart. But a genuine content, happy heart signals to me a certain amount of maturity. If my child is in a season of complaining, grumbling, whining or being easily frustrated, then I don’t think they are exhibiting the maturity necessary that could “Buy” them certain freedoms.

Peer Standards – While every child is created differently, there are such things as developmental milestones and age-appropriate expectations. This particular readiness marker has been the most helpful for me with my oldest, because she will always be my first 8 year old, 9 year old, etc… So I think it’s important to educate myself on what peers her age are doing at each stage. Most of the time I am intentional about this, I find myself surprised and have a new goal or activity that I can implement.

Intuition – I think parental intuition is not something to take lightly. There are sometimes in my parenting that my husband or I will just KNOW or FEEL like something is right or our child is ready for something new, or the next stage. Have we been wrong before? Yes! But I will say that our intuition has been more right than wrong. This is something we pray heavily about and ask for wisdom for as we guide our kids.

Trial and Error -And that brings me to the last point. Sometimes it just takes some trial and error to see if they are ready. When my son Shepherd was 2 and half, we really felt like he was ready to potty train. So we did the whole shebang: Potty Party, Undies, rewards, etc.. It flopped and 9 months later he was still having consistent accidents. On the other hand, when my mom told me that my oldest helped her efficiently with the dishes at her house one night, I decided to try and see if she was ready to handle that responsibility at our home, and she absolutely was! Sometimes you have to just try it and see what happens.

Here are some Freedoms and Responsibilities to consider if your older child might be ready for:

Bathing – this is one of the first things we allowed our daughter to be responsible for on her own. Turning on and off the water, washing her hair and her body thoroughly, drying off, and getting her pajamas on and brushing her teeth.

Cleaning/Chores – Like I mentioned earlier with the dishwasher, this is an area that is SO HELPFUL when they are ready for more chores and responsibilities around the house. Valerie Plowman wrote a very helpful article for A Beginner’s Guide to Childhood Chores on my blog a while back. This has some really helpful tips for training your kids to be ready for chores.

Cooking – There are some basic cooking and food prep that I have allowed my oldest to help with. In particular when we have date night, we feed our kids early and this is simple easy food prep that my daughter can help with: making PBJs, warming chicken nuggets, dividing chips on the plates, etc… (Read about How We Do Date Night here).

Later Bedtimes – After a while of my daughter lying awake in her bed and taking longer to fall asleep, and after a chunk of time of observing a happy heart from her, we decided to extend her bedtime a little bit later than her younger brothers. We still have her read and wind down during this time (Read about how “Reading Time” has been a Sanity Saver here), but she is allowed the freedom to be awake longer. She has handled this beautifully.

Activities – We try to be pretty careful about our kids commitments and time. But as they get older, I have realized how much more they really can handle because of their maturity. This can be anything from clubs at school to Sports, Dance, Music etc…

These are the readiness markers and areas that I have experienced when it comes to freedoms and responsibilities in our family! What about you? What would you add to the list?

Carrie is a Jesus-following, travel-planning, routine loving Mama, finding adventures in every day life. She is married to Kyle, and has four kids: Laura Kate (8), Shepherd (5), Fischer (4), and Archer (2). You can find her at www.wileyadventures.com .

BFBN Week Busting Babywise Myths: You can schedule your day with multiple children

2016-11-11T05:30:00.000-08:00

Emily who blogs at Journey of Parenthood is talking today about how contrary to popular belief, you CAN be successful with keeping a baby on a schedule while still maintaing the schedules of older siblings. I agree with all her talking points, as her experience in making a schedule that fits ALL of the children's needs is very similar to my own. Head on over to her blog today to read in more detail!

www.journeyofparenthood.com

BFBN Week: Busting Babywise Myths - Cry it out. Or maybe don't

2016-11-10T12:46:00.003-08:00

Probably what makes babywise a bit "controversial" is the idea that you have to let your baby cry. You have to ignore your baby while they scream and scream. Carrie over at Wiley Adventures is talking today about what the actual book says about crying - and what it truly does encourage, and what it does NOT encourage. Head on over to her blog and read more about crying it out, or maybe not crying it out at all...

Sticking to a Schedule Makes your Child More Flexible

2016-11-09T05:00:00.000-08:00

Babywise Friendly Blog Network week continues, and today I have the opportunity to share right here on my blog about the myth that Babywise requires you to enslave yourself to your baby's rigid and unmovable schedule. Read below my experience as to why this is just not the case!

When my oldest daugther was 6 week old, I was so tired. What I lovingly refer to as the "honeymoon stage" of those newborn days had worn off and I was left with dark circles under both of my eyes. At this point, none of my close friends had begun the mothering journey yet, so I felt a little on my own and like I had to pioneer my way around motherhood. Somehow, I stumbled upon the book On Becoming Babywise authored by Dr. Gary Ezzo. I went to facebook to see if anyone I knew had any experience with the book. I was surprised by the reactions I was getting. I had a few people privately message me and tell me they had read the book and either liked it or disliked it, but I had a numnber of people try to lead me far from the principles of the book. Most of them would tell me what aspects of the philosophy they were not comfortable with. It didn't take me long to realize that while this book may work for some, for others it not only didn't work for (which is fine!) but they were passionate in their distate for what the book had to offer. If you do a quick google search for "Babywise" you will quickly see too, a lot of pushback, for a parenting book offering sleep to the tired family.

If you truly dig into the negative thoughts surrounding the book, you can easily assess that many of the people who are critical have yet to read the book all the way through, or they have not practiced/implemented the principles in their homes at all. So many speak without the true knowledge, and many more speak without real experience. You will not find me being critical of parenting styles in which I do not know much about or use in my home. It feels unfair to me to try to convince someone that one way is right when I have little know how regarding the practice.

Today, I am talking specifically about having a consistent schedule (a tried and true babywise philosophy) will actually make your child more flexible when the routine must be interrupted. You don't have to hyper schedule to make Babywise work for your home. In fact, you begin slowly and build. This helps you to know what will work for your family's lifestyle and needs.

When you have your basic day to day living schedule working well for you and baby, baby knows what to expect for his day. There is a sweet, real security created that the baby learns to trust. His body will actually lull at the times where he is used to napping and his metabolism will gear up in times he is used to being fed. This works well for day to day living - but it also benefits greatly when things are a little out of sorts and the schedule is not going as usual. I have found that my baby's cried less when they were tired - even if they were not getting their nap like they were used too - because they knew it would eventually come. Their bodies were not in fight mode because they felt unceratin that they would not get the rest they wanted. This is true for hunger as well. If my child was used to eating prompltly at 11:30 am for lunch, but the trip to the grocery store took 30 minutes longer than anticipated, they were still able to roll with the punches because they had the security to not panic wondering if they would have a full belly again soon.

This is also true for things like daylight savings, or when travel disrupts the normal routine. They are able to bounce right back to the regularly scheduled program! If you spend time, creating for them a day that they can rest assured their needs will all be met, that becomes their normal and that will be their default if a reset is needed.

Over the course of 4 babywise baby's, I have become less and less stressed when the day doesn't go as planned. I have assurance that when life happens and hiccups arise, our family can easily and happily get back on the right tracks with minimal consequences.

So many view On Becoming Babywise philosophies as strict and rigid with no room for flexibility. Everyone has to succomb to the baby's scheduling needs. These have absolutley not been true for me, and even beyond that, the opposite has been my experience. The schedule works great for day to day living and the schedule actually allows my child to become flexible when needed. Babywise has been a gift to our entire family, 4 times over.

BFBN Week: Babywise Myths

2016-11-07T05:00:00.000-08:00

This week is BFBN week! Everyday this week I will be posting an a short recap of one of the ladies blog post with a link to their entire post on their personal website. Each of us will be touching on some of the push back that babywise sometimes recieves (especially online). Today, Valerie is breaking down some myths about babywise and backing it up with the facts.

My first child was basically born back when dinosaurs roamed the earth so far as the Internet is concerned. The internet existed, but it wasn't on the top five list of places you would turn to for information. Because of that, my husband and I happily parented him, our Babywise baby, for two years before we even realized there was any sort of controversy surrounding Babywise.

Hop on over to Valeries blog to read the rest at The Babywise Mom and check back here all week where you will find links to all the ladies blogs and introductions to what they are talking about!

Insurrection: By Kadee Carter {A guest post}

2016-10-14T03:32:00.000-07:00

This is so exciting! A sweet friend of mine in an author, and her latest book has been published and is now available for purchase. Today she is sharing on my blog all about her new book and even giving us a sneak peak into the life of the main character, Saylor. Enjoy her talent in writing below!

Life requires moxie. Yes? Spunk? Life takes a little fight, doesn’t it? A little fight not to laugh at the chaos, a little fight not to yell, a little fight to get out of bed at 3:00 AM, and a little fight every night to put away the latest novel and go to bed and start all over.

Life takes a lot of love, too. Love instigates a lot of the fight within me, as a mom. I began working on the Insurrection trilogy while earning my Master of Fine Arts degree in Creative Writing, pregnant, working full-time as an office manager of a church. At that point in my life I began to understand the depths of what it takes to chase after dreams and shake up the stars. In the years since beginning this journey with Saylor, I’ve sat for hours hunkered over my laptop, chatted with hundreds of people, and even flown across the country to meet with publishers in order to make this adventure more than just a fun story I shared with my own girlfriends as we played in our backyards twenty years ago. When Saylor first appeared as a character to me, she was a boy, because when I played in my backyard, only boys had adventures. It’s time to change that, friends, because girls can rock a baseball bat, obstacle course, and beachside kiss just as good as the best of them.

We humans have to be, we moms have to be, stronger than we ever imagine, love ourselves in the process, and dig in when the ground seems to sink. We not only relish adventures, we create them.

And that’s the basis of Saylor’s story in my young adult science fiction trilogy, Insurrection.

Saylor had always been told she was a stain on the cloth of mankind. Escaping the girls’ home with her orphaned sisters Micah, Denise, and Patricia, the four find themselves enduring storms at sea and imprisoned on a mysterious Caribbean island. Separated from her sisters, Saylor must learn to fight for her life and theirs, enduring lonely nights, discovering dazzling beaches, and entangling in the secrets of a covert military base. Forced to trade her freedom for a contract with Alliance Military Group, Saylor develops her inner warrior. Wavering between terror and ecstasy, she faces an enemy who exposes her indispensable abilities. In order to rescue her sisters, impress the hunky Australian, and protect innocent lives on a global scale, she must master techniques of fighting an army created to destroy with a single, scorching touch – or die trying.

They wanted a warrior. They got one.

Join Saylor on this exciting, harrowing adventure in Volume One of Insurrection! Fight for family. Believe in yourself. Fulfill your purpose.

Available today on iTunes, Kindle, Nook, and wherever ebooks are sold. Check out www.kadeecarder.com for more information! And friend, remember, just like Saylor, you can be more than you ever imagined! You are indispensable. Go shake up the stars and grab of copy of Insurrection today.

By Kadee Carder

Saylor had always been told she was a stain on the cloth of mankind. Escaping the girls’ home with her orphan sisters Micah, Denise, and Patricia, the four find themselves enduring storms at sea and imprisoned on a mysterious Caribbean island. Separated from her sisters, Saylor must learn to fight for her life and theirs, enduring dark and strange noises, discovering dazzling beaches, and ensnared in the secrets of a covert military base. Forced to trade her freedom for a contract with Alliance Military Group, Saylor develops her inner warrior. Wavering between terror and ecstasy, she must face an enemy who exposes her indispensable abilities. In order to rescue her sisters, impress the hunky Australian, and protect innocent lives on a global scale, she must master techniques of fighting an army created to destroy with a single, scorching touch – or die trying.

They wanted a warrior. They got one.

Excerpt:

“Don’t tell me what you don’t want to do. The Commander wouldn’t have put you in this company if he thought you couldn’t do it. This is the ECB. We don’t waste people. We win. We defeat.” Logan spat out the words. “I’d prefer you to have several more weeks of training, but we have to deal with what we got.” He let a devious smile filter across his lips. “Use that moxie, kid.” Water dripped down his face, his blue eyes sparkling. Tense jaw, muscles rigid from neck to toe, I could almost see his skin rippling with adrenaline. A shiver fluttered down my spine. A loud, thunderous boom—not thunder, but the same crashing, familiar boom of destruction—cracked nearby. We sought out the source of the sound, deep in the beast’s lair, disguised in ivy and wooded terrain. “Be powerful,” he yelled over the ruckus, stepping closer and turning his face toward me. He scanned the area around us for unwanted observers, and then just inches from my face, he added, “Be strong. Be fearless. You are all those things. You’ve proven it before—now’s your time to shine.”

Author Bio:

Deep in the heart of Central Texas, Kadee Carder resides with her husband and two daughters. Carder earned a BA in Public Relations at Howard Payne University and an MFA in Creative Writing from National University. She teaches English courses on the university level and plans her schedule around coffee availability.

Writing and language have been her life-long pleasure, wordsmithery offering the ability to twist emotion in to sense and cosmos. When she’s not dancing around the living room with her daughters, she helps at church activities, creates encouraging blogs, and orders pizza like a boss.

Follow Kadee on social media:

Twitter: @kadeecbooks

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kadeecarderbooks/

Fight for family. Believe in yourself. Fulfill your purpose. Join Saylor on this exciting, harrowing adventure. See more at kadeecarder.com!

Purchase:

Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Insurrection-Kadee-Carder-ebook/dp/B01M8F5YZR/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1476213385&sr=8-1&keywords=insurrection+kadee+carder#customerReviews

Nook/Barnes&Noble:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/insurrection-kadee-carder/1123393886?ean=2940156756322

iTunes:

https://itun.es/us/5rqpfb.l

BFBN Week: Guest Post by Kimberly Cartwright - Keeping up a schedule through illness

2016-10-12T11:38:00.000-07:00

When my kids are sick I try to stick to schedule as much as possible. I know illness can be a time to toss the routine out the window. This makes sense. It is more important to focus on getting your kid well than keeping up a routine. Sick babies need to sleep as much as they need, eat whatever they are able to keep down, and stay hydrated. But for minor illnesses I find it helpful to maintain at least the bare bones of the schedule. Here are some reasons why I try to stick to routine, even when my kids are sick.

1) Normal naps encourage more rest. When you are sick you need plenty of rest. For kids this means still going down for normal naps. It can be nice to let them stay resting on the couch, but I have found that to be too distracting for solid napping. A normal naptime and bedtime routine helps them transition to sleep, which will allow them to get more rest. I do still wake my children up at wake times if needed. Yes, I let naps run a little long and I let my kids sleep in if they are sick. This just makes sense. But I don't let it go too long. Oversleeping too much can lead to them being undertired for their next nap or bedtime. Then they wake up early or don't have as restful a sleep. Then they are overtired, which makes sleep hard. You see where I'm going with this. Maintaining as much of a normal schedule as possible will actually helps my children get the important sleep they need when they are sick.

2) Normal meal times lets them eat what they are able. Besides giving food when they ask for it, I offer meals and snacks at the same time. A lot of eating rules go out the window when my kids are sick. You have to feed kids what they can handle. I never force my kids to eat when they are sick, but I have found that I sometimes need to offer up the food or they won't eat. Small children and babies don't always have the words to explain they are hungry. By sticking to normal meal and snack times I make sure I am remembering to offer up foods throughout the day and giving my child the chance to eat if they feel up to it.

3) Normal routine helps the whole family. When I had just my son, it was easy to toss the schedule if I needed to. Now that there are three kids it isn't quite as easy. Keeping a fairly normal schedule allows me to meet the needs of all my kids, not just the sick one. (Of course the sick kid gets priority.) This plays into the first two points. It is easier for the sick child to rest during normal nap times with normal background noise. In addition it is easier for the sick child to rest and not feel like they are missing out on fun because they are the only ones napping, instead it is just like every other day. Consistent meal and snack times may encourage a sick child to at eat at least a little bit if they are able when they see their siblings eating. Consistent schedule also means that I can make sure the healthy kids are still having their needs met. This helps keep the day running smoothly and helps hold the added stress of a sick kid at bay. Everyone wins when mom isn't as stressed.

As for the rest of the schedule, well, that goes out the window when one of my little ones is sick. We do lots of books, quiet activities, and snuggling on the couch. So far I haven't gotten any complaints from the healthy kids about getting to snuggle and watch a little bonus tv to help their sick sibling feel better. ;) With sick kids you have to do what is best for that child in that situation. But for colds and other minor illnesses I have found sticking to the basics of the schedule helps them feel better and get healthy again.

-Kim

Kim is the mother of a three year old son and eight month old twins. She blogs at teamcartwright.blogspot.com.

BFBN Week: Short Naps and the Colicky newborn

2016-09-22T06:12:00.001-07:00

Its Babywise Friendly Blog Network Week, and this go around we are addressing issues that YOU babywise mama's asked to read more about! We polled the Babywise Mama's facebook group to get a feel for what topics you wanted to sort of "hash out" the most. Based on the feedback from the facebook group - we are talking about all things in regards to SHORT NAPS.

I am specifically touching on short naps with the colicky newborn. Ill start out by saying, if this applies to you and your newborn specifically, I am so sorry. I personally know the journey, and its memories are forever etched into my mama heart.

Kensington on day 4 of life. We had been home one night.

Newborns are tricky, no matter what disposition they are born with. They don't come with instruction manuals, and you have to get to know your baby to understand fully their cues - and that takes time. After the honeymoom of bringing home an new baby begins to fade away, and the extreme exhaustion takes its place things seem to get real and sometimes they get very difficult.

My 2nd daughter (out of 4) came into the world with an excellent set of lungs. I am certain to this day (she is now 5 years old) the entire hospital knew quickly of her arrival. Unless she was nursing, she was screaming. For the first week or so, we tried to deny the fear of colic setting in as our reality. Like I mentioned before, the honeymoon ended and we were left with a non-napping crying champion.

My 1st daugther was the text babywise baby dream child. So you can understand how my 2nd daugthers colic position left me feeling like I ran straight into a concrete wall at full force. I know how to teach a baby to sleep. I had done it with great success just 2 short years before. Her inability to nap had me baffled, feeling like a sure failure, and most of all humbled to know that I didn't have it all together. I later learned that this would be ok, and that in all things - I would never actually ever have it all together.

My textbook babywise baby trying to calm her very spirited sister, who should have been napping.

With a baby that was constantly crying, all I wanted was for her to get some good naps in. If she was going to spend her time awake wailing on and on, I needed for appropirate sleep to happen in the meantimes. It didn't happen. I read the book. I knew about the Eat/Wake/Sleep cycles. I know about sound machines, and swaddles, and appropriate wake time lengths. I knew it front and back, and yet I could not get her to sleep hardly at all - and when she did - 45 minutes at a time was all that would happen. I was tired, emotionally drained from feeling like I couldn't calm my own baby, and frustrated. However, I did learn a few things from her newborn experience and wanted to share how we made it through, and eventually conquered the short napping problem.

Staying consistent is key
Doing all you can to keep on keeping on with an age-appropriate schedule even when they won't follow it ideally isstill teaching them what the day should look like. Eventually, they will succomb to the schedule you have provided for them and THAT will be their normal. The short napping won't turn into their normal unless you allow it too. If you can continue to feed them when they need to fed and provide the opportunity for sleep when its time for them to be sleeping they will follow suit.

Following the schedule was all I really knew to do for her, so even though it didnt seem to be working we tried to stick with it. By 12 weeks old, the colic was gradually getting better and so was her sleep. Then, by 16 weeks, she was sleeping through the night and was incredibly predictable with her napping.

We thought driving for a nap would help. I don't remember if it did, but we tried. She was 3 weeks old here.

Let sleep happen wherever it will happen
While I stayed on a consistent schedule with feedings and sleeping times, I allowed for sleep to happen wherever it WOULD happen. My daughter seemed to get longer naps in the swing. When you are in the throws of a colic newborn, you just survive. The swing certainly was one of our greatest survival tools and I had no shame in breaking that "rule" whatsoever. So, if the rock N play helps your colicky newborn sleep longer stretches pull that piece of baby equipment magic out and let it do its thing. Your baby and you will be so glad you did. If the baby will sleep on you best, go for it. These are habits that your baby can fully learn to ditch as soon as this difficult newborn stage passes.

Tag team it
Ask for someone to come help. Anyone. Your husband, mom, bestie, neighbor, anyone. A difficult newborn and a super tired mama is really a recipie for disaster and won't add up to anything helpful, so take short breaks and breathers. If the baby isn't cooperating with their naps and is crying instead ask for someone else to try and calm them. Take a minute or two, and lots of deep breaths, and do what moms do - try again and again and again.

Try it all
I tried every tip and trick that is on google to help my colicky newborn sleep. Not many worked great, but it gave me peace of mind to know I was trying my darndest to help her. We did everything from swaddling and singing to GIVING HER CATNIP AND FENNEL on the tip of her pacifier before sleep times. I am not kidding, I read on a babycenter baby board that it helped so nothing was going to stop me from trying. Do what you can that helps you feel like you are doing your best. Then, even if it doesnt work, still know you are doing a great job.

She was 5 weeks old here, and had been awake for 6 hours. Yes, 6 hours. A day I will never forget.

Rest assured, the tough time will pass. It doesn't last forever (it felt like 16 weeks was an eternity at the time) and things can and will turn around! Sleep will happen. Short naps will end and they will grow up to change the world, those non napping, extreme crying champs. They will change the world.

Potty Training ON THE GO {Guest Post} BFBN Week

2016-06-09T10:06:00.001-07:00

Its Babywise Friendly Blogger Network week, and I am hosting Katrina from Mama's Organized Chaos on my blog today! She is talking all things potty training ON THE GO today. Read below for some great tips on getting out and about while trying to help your toddler master potty training!

The time has come, the time is near! We'll be potty training for good with no more diapers before I know it! I just bought what I'm hoping is our last box of diapers (other than for overnights - obviously that might take a bit longer).

I realized just now that I am down to carrying a tiny, normal purse and that isn't going to work once we are going out and about in just underwear! I no longer bring a diaper bag in the car or into stores. I just haven't needed it. I do, however, have extra items in my car for the just in case moments.

I haven't quite decided if we are going to use pull ups, training pants, or just plain old underwear and cross our fingers! LOL I will say, I am not looking forward to her having an accident in the middle of a store or restaurant! All I can do is be prepared, however.

So, in an effort to be prepared, here's what I'm planning to have on hand:

- Change of clothes (in addition to the spare we have in the car)

- Cloth diapers (prefolds) to clean up any messes that are made

- Wet bag for any soiled clothes (these were great for cloth diapering, and also work great for wet clothes from the beach or pool)

- Car seat liners (2 so we have a backup)

- Probably going to wear training pants for the first couple of weeks (these Gerber ones seem really nice)

We will not be bringing a portable potty with us, although if you are using one at home I'd recommend one on the go as well. Caroline has always used toilets and is now getting comfortable using public restrooms. It is often scary for her, but she's overcoming the fear. She's used them successfully for pooping and peeing several times now. So, I'm hoping to push forward with this and not take a step backwards to using a portable potty.

Hoping this transition goes well for us. I will be on the lookout for restroom locations in all stores, and ready to run! haha I'll update everyone once we are to this point. As of now the plan is to start potty training full force in the next couple of weeks. Once we start we are going all in with no diapers during the day!

All of our potty training posts:

Start as you Mean to go on (5 months old)

My Daughter Refused to Poop in her Diaper (7 months old)

Caroline's First Trip

Potty Training Continued (11 months old)

Potty Training (the plan)

Potty Training Update (17 months old)
The Potty Train is Still Going (18 months old)

This post is brought to you by Katrina Villegas at MamasOrganizedChaos. She has 1 daughter that is 1.5 years old!

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Anslee's 1st grade year

2016-05-30T14:48:00.001-07:00

It is hard to believe that another year of school is in the books and all wrapped up! I remember when I was young, I thought the school year was a forever long eternity. Perspective is everything - because I can honestly say it goes by in blink!

Just like her kindergarten year, her first grade year was amazing. She really loves to learn new things and has been able to do just that. I could see growth in great strides in her from the beginning to the end of the school year.

What I noticed the most this year was how she grew so much socially. This was the year of friendship for Anslee. She grew so close to several little girls in her class. I have, up until this point, always been in charge of who my girls are "friends" (hello - my friends kiddos - via playdates) with. Not for Anslee as much anymore. She is beginning to learn how to meet people her age, in a place where I am not the main oversee-er, and dive into relationship with them. This is both terribly frightening and incredibly sweet to watch happen. I have watched her take the skills we have taught her in how to treat and relate to others and put it into real practice. While Tyler and I - and the family - still have the most influence over her, I can see the process begin where peers enter that circle. So my prayer in response to seeing this has been that 1. She be a light to her peers 2. That she can delight in her peers positive influence over her 3. That she recognize when the influence is not favorable and responsibly chose differently and love her friends through it.

The year started off very well. She has had nothing but cream of the crop teachers, and Mrs. Morton killed it teaching this year.

Her first ever spelling test~

Anslee was Star Student of her class the 1st six weeks :)

Anslee and Kensington and Laynee got to go to their first ever high school football game with their daddy. They barely made it to half time, but it still counts! Go Lions!

Shortly into the 2nd six weeks, the 1st grade students went to a local pumpkin patch and nursery. She had a blast on this filed trip! There were more gourds than you could imagine!

They ended the semester with a fun Christmas party in the classroom, but I am on it - clearly- because I took no pictures during the party!

Anslee was able to celebrate her 7th birthday shortly after they came back to school for the 2nd semester. She brought pink cupcakes for her class to share. Her and her precious friend Molly really never have any fun together - you can tell by the picture below.

The P.E. coach at our school goes all out for Jump Rope for Heart. The kids learn so much about heart health, healthy eating, and living a healthy overall lifestyle during JRFH! They also have so so so much fun.

Anslee was chosen at the 1st grade girl PE Star Student for the 3rd six weeks

We live in a small community, so traditions run big here. Our town hosts an annual Track and Field event for High School Students. Its known as the Bluebonnet Relays. The city invites elementary students chosen by their respective schools to participate, and Anslee got to run a 400 meter race this year! She came in like 3rd to last in the run that included 1st and 2nd graders from her school. She ran her heart out and wasn't even nervous! Here she is - in action!

She had such a fun time running and I was so proud to cheer her on!

I helped with spring picture day and was able to snag a picture of these sweet friends before they took their class picture.

Another fun thing that the first grade students do is a market day. They study an economics unit in the spring where they learn about working on a product to sell, advertising, how to subtract the cost of supplies from what they make, and how to count money and give change. I think it is such a neat project they do, and the kids come up with the most creative things to sell! Anslee made several beaded bracelets. She worked for a full week putting them together before the official market day. She sold out of her bracelets before the end of the market!

A friend of mine, Shantel, who has a son in the first grade also went above and beyond and helped the 1st grade teachers plan the most fun first grade end of year picnic!

Tyler helped cook up the hotdogs, and the little sisters came to see what all the fun was about! Pictured below is Bella Attaway, our treasured friend and neighbor, with Anslee at the picnic.

The kids had inflatable body vest to put on and bounce against each other in, oversized inflatable boxing gloves, and entire park to take over. They spent almost the entire day there - don't worry - we all slept well that night !

The last day of school came so quickly. One thing that surprised me last year with kindergarten was that the last day was more emotional for me than the first day was. I was sad to leave our teacher, proud of the progress that had been made, and nervous for what new expectations awaited us for the next school year. The same is to be said for this year! I am sad to leave our teacher, so proud of how far she came this year, and now looking forward to next year in 2nd grade. We feel so blessed to have had such a lovely experience in our first two years in school.

Anslee recieved a faithful attendance award at the end of the year. I think she only missed two days this year due to illness, so she was typically present.

I was also proud that Anslee recieved a citizenship awared. This award means a lot to me as a parent, as it means that she is treating others with kindness and respect - and tending to her responsibilities at school.

A last picture of these girls who have really made the year of friendship for Anslee

And another year gone by! She finished making all A's all year (except the first six weeks where every 1st grader is being evaluated for reading levels so all students receive an 80 in reading that first six weeks).

We are excited for Kensington to join Anslee at school next year full time. I sure hope that Anslee will watch out for her sister and always be a warm smile when they pass each other in the hallways! Here they are, my two school girls (getting a 7 year and 5 year check up at the time)

Emily - Guest Post on Having a Successful Breastfeeding Experience

2016-04-14T10:50:00.001-07:00

Emily over at The Journey of Parenthood has some excellent tips for making a successful nursing experience be YOURS! She has awesome perspective and has great insight for those mamas who are wanting to reach their breasfeeding goals. I am so excited that she is guest blogging here today about this - as it is a hot topic in motherhood! Check her out below!

Tips for Successful Breastfeeding Experience

There are many areas of parenting that are debatable. We all have our own opinions and ideas about what is "best" and many times those ideas may clash with what others believe is "best" for their children. One of the few parenting choices that is not debatable is regarding breastfeeding. Everyone knows that breast milk is the BEST nutrition for our babies. Even formula companies compete with each other to see who can be the "closest thing to breast milk."

While we all know breast milk is the best source of nutrition, we all have to make the personal choice whether or not to breastfeed. I know many, many mothers choose not to nurse their babies and this isn't a post to make anyone feel guilt over that choice. Instead, this is a post to encourage those who do want to breastfeed and to share my personal experiences and what helped me to be successful with it when nursing my children. I also know there are mother's out there (I have a few friends who fit in this group) who want very badly to breastfeed and try to breastfeed but they truly aren't able to. I am not making some blanket statement that everyone can breastfeed so I hope no offense is taken from this post...the purpose here is to help and encourage!

When I was pregnant with my first child I wasn't sure what kind of mom I would be. The idea of nursing kinda bugged me and I didn't know if I even wanted to to it. Yet the more I learned about the benefits of breast milk for my baby, the more passionate about it I became. I nursed my son exclusively for nine months and he had a mixture of breast milk and formula until a year old. With my daughter I was very confident in my nursing abilities and nursed her exclusively until 11 months when I started to introduce whole milk into her diet then fully weaned her at 13 months.

If you're pregnant and considering breastfeeding, here are some things I have learned that can help you be successful, and NONE of them have to do with the actually nursing process itself!

1. Pretend Formula Doesn't Exist: You know that years ago moms didn't have any other option. Nursing was the ONLY method available. It may sound silly but if you pretend like there ISN'T any other option out there, then you are more likely to be successful in nursing, because you simply aren't going to consider anything else!

2. Buy a top of the line Breast Pump and OPEN it: I bought a Medela Freestyle Breast Pump when I was pregnant with my son. That junk ain't cheap. We spent well over $300 on it. I was hesitant to open it. What if I couldn't nurse? What if I didn't want to? What if I gave up? My husband told me to open it because knowing we couldn't return it would be a BIG motivator to keep on nursing, no matter what!

3. Don't buy ANY Formula: Keep your house formula free. Throw out those samples you get in the mail. Turn down offers from people who are getting rid of their left over cans. During times when you feel like throwing in the towel it will not be EASY to give up. It will require a trip to the store to buy the formula and by the time you actually go get it you will probably just decide to continue nursing :)

4. Know that you CAN do it: I think most new moms, like myself, worry we won't be able to breastfeed. It was my #1 fear when I became a mom for the first time. My husband actually asked during our breastfeeding basics class at the hospital about how many women really cannot breastfeed at all. The lactation specialist said that with the right attitude and motivation, pretty much everyone CAN do it!

5. Share Your Goals: Husband support is SO critical. Without Zach being there, helping me, supporting me, encouraging me, and even giving me some "tough love" in the early days of breastfeeding I truly do not think I would have been successful with it. As mothers we tend to have our first concern be for our children. Our husbands tend to have their first concerns be about US. So when we struggle with nursing and feel like giving in, they just naturally want to help us and make our lives easier. They can't understand what we are going through with nursing and many husbands will suggest quitting because they think it's what will be best for us. Share your goals with your husband. He needs to be your biggest cheerleader!!!

6. Know it WILL be Hard: I personally believe the #1 reason so many women don't try or stop nursing early on is because we feel like we are failing when it is harder than we expect it to be. The media tends to paint this pretty picture of nursing...it's supposed to come "naturally" and it should never hurt etc, etc, etc. As a new mom everything is scary. You're thrown into this entirely new situation and have a little life depending on YOU. When nursing does hurt, or it doesn't come naturally, we freak out. We automatically feel like we are failing at our most important job as a parent, feeding our baby! We take it personally, like something is wrong with US and then we end up quitting because it gives us one less thing to worry about. I know because I've been there. I couldn't for the life of me get my baby to latch properly. It hurt. I bled. I cried and cried during feedings for awhile. I've had mastitis, three times. I kept going through it all and guess what? The hard phase passes. It gets EASIER. Not just that, but it gets ENJOYABLE. There is nothing better than nursing a sweet baby and sharing that close bond together! I truly believe if new moms went into the nursing experience being prepared for it to be a little difficult and knowing that there will be struggles that more moms would tough it out. Just always, always remind yourself that the hard days will be over soon and that it is going to be worth it!!!

7. Have a Goal, But Take it One Feeding at a Time: With my son my goal was to nurse him for three months. Once I got there, my goal became six months. Once I got there, my goal became nine months. With my daughter, my goal was a year and I went beyond that as well. I think having a long term goal is great! However, it can also make you feel exhausted. On those tough days it can feel discouraging to think "omg, I have another year of this?" During those times it's so important to just take it one feeding at a time. Get through that feeding and then have the goal of getting through the next. I had a close friend of mine who felt discouraged and frustrated with nursing but she kept going one feeding at a time and nursed much longer than when she initially wanted to stop. Every little drop of breast milk is SO good for your baby so even "one more feeding" is better than quitting!

While I am no breastfeeding expert by any means, I know that my personal success with nursing had more to do with my MIND than with my BODY. I truly believe that if moms who want to nurse go into it with these things on their mind, then they WILL be successful in it! Whether your goal is a week, a month, or a year you CAN do it and you will be so thankful you did :)

Other breastfeeding mamas...do you agree with my tips? Have some of your own? Please share!

Babysitters

2016-03-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

Its Babywise Friendly Blog Network week! This week, we are all chiming in on all things babysitting/childcare related. You can head on over to our pinterest page and look at what all the ladies have to say. I am going to be writing mostly about it being worth it for me to hire a sitter during my children's sleeping hours if I must be away to continue making our family schedule and their sleep a priority.

Tyler and I don't need babysitters super often, but we have one come everyday. Yes you read that correctly - and yes its true. What I mean is we don't often leave our children during times that they are awake and need a lot of supervision. However, I have a strong conviction to keep my children's sleep a priority - so this is why I have a babysitter come everyday during my younger girls nap time come sit at my house while I pick up my oldest from school (which annoyingly ends at 2:50, right in the middle of nap time). Our sitter is amazing and I am so thankful that her schedule allows for her to come and make sure our house doesn't catch on fire while the girls sleep. On Monday and Wednesday my middle girls (5 years and 3 years) go to a mothers day out program at our church. They get out at 2:30, so on those days my sweet sitter will come a little early to stay at the house with Wynn (napping) while I do pick up for them and then for my oldest daughter right afterwards. She will be here anywhere from 15-25 minutes everyday of the week. When she is here, those babies are sleeping and not requiring a lot (any) of her direct attention so we agreed on $30 a week for her payment. If I have her do anything extra during the week, I of course compensate her for all of her time that I take.

When we leave a babysitter with a quiet house, we tell them to relax - give them free reign over our netflix and set them up on our wifi.

I want the sitters I use to want to come back. I want them to know that I KNOW how valuable their time is, and I want to be respectful of that - and want to make them feel like its worth their time to come and babysit for us. When a sitter is keeping all of my children, who are all awake and the sitter has to be more "on" I pay at least $15.00 per hour. This has been what I pay since I have 3 or more kids. I know better than anyone what a task that is - to take all 4 of them on. I feel comfortable with this, because if there is something that is important enough for me to do to need a babysitter then it will almost always be worth that price. I will pay slightly less for a sitter that is there during sleeping hours for my children - I feel like the work load is significantly less, but I still try to pay enough to make it worthwhile for them. If a sitter needs to be in charge of a meal time, I provide a meal for her as well. I have never and will never ask a care taker to bathe my children, as I am just not at all comfortable with that. I don't think my children would be comfortable with it either, and most likely the sitters I use would probably rather not themselves!

I would say that 98% of the time any long term babysitting needs arise (If Tyler and I leave for a weekend, or sometimes when he travels and I need a little break) I ask family. My parents and my inlaws are so amazing and willing to keep the girls overnight from time to time. I think they enjoy the alone time with their grandkids and I know that my girls soak up every minute they can get with their grandparents. My in laws and my parents are both incredibly respectful of Tyler and I, and keep our kids on their regular schedule as best as they can. Having my children following a schedule, I believe, helps them (and in home babysitters alike) to know what to expect for the day - and gives them a guide to follow. I think they are appreciative that they can know what to expect from my kids and my kids don't miss a beat. The longest we have ever left the kids with family is for 4 nights. This was not for a vacation, it was when I delivered Wynn. (she had very minor complications at birth and just needed a few extra days of monitoring before they sent us home). I also try to split the girls two by two between my parents and tyler's parents when possible. I feel like that lessens the burden on both of them and gives the girls a better chance for a more special visit when I can split them. We are beyond blessed to have both sets of grandparents fairly close (30 and 80 miles away) for this to even be an option for us.

I have a lot of other thoughts regarding babysitting and childcare for my children, but I have learned that it has just been worth it for me to pay someone to sit at my house when I need to leave and children need to nap - and that when they are awake its important to me to make it a gain for a sitter to stay with my kids. I have REALLY learned that it does take a village to raise and care for children and I am thankful for each family member, babysitter, and teacher who has assumed responsibility for any of my children for any length of time.

BFBN Week: Katrina

2016-03-11T05:00:00.000-08:00

Today is the last day of Babywise Friendly Blog Network! Katrina is up today, and has a great post prepared over at Mama's Organized Chaos about the in's and out's of transitioning from 2 naps to 1 nap in toddlers. She talks about everything from signs of being ready to drop the morning nap, to considering the amount of hours in total sleep your toddler is getting, and even a little on her own experience and how her and her daughter made the leap from 2 naps to 1. She reminds us that going from 2 naps to 1 nap doesn't have to be cold turkey. You can have some days where 2 naps are needed and other days where you can get by with just 1. This was a concept that I didn't really think about until my 3rd baby! I so wish I would have thought it out that way with my first two daughters!

Go check her out! I hope you enjoyed hearing from all these ladies this week!

BFBN Week: FAQ's from Carrie and Stephanie

2016-03-10T05:00:00.000-08:00

Continuing on with Babywise Friendly Blog Network Week, today you will want to visit Carrie and Stephanie's blogs!

Carrie is asked a lot about scheduling her day with her 4 kids! She is going to walk you through how she gets started with this in the beginning and how she stays consistent long term with her family's schedule. As a baby outgrows a particular schedule due to their sleep needs changing you will need to make tweaks and adjustments to your schedule and Carrie discusses how she does this smoothly. Carrie will talk about the flexibility that can come with sticking to a nice schedule that works for the entire family. All your scheduling questions can be answered over at Wiley Adventures!

When you are finished there, head over to Giving it Grace and read what Stephanie has to say about stopping unwanted toddler behavior. I really loved the thoughts she had in regard to naughty toddler behavior. She says, "In our home, disobedience or naughty behavior either means I'm not being clear enough with what's expectedor I'm not being swift enough with discipline." I really like how she takes the perspective of a parents actions fueling disobedience. Not saying that bad behavior can't originate from a toddler just learning how to act properly and follow rules - but just saying that maybe we can change our own behavior to get a different outcome from our toddler. Stephanie also gives great tips about removing a toddler from their "stage" or setting for toddler tantrums. Her son struggled at the dinner table, so for a few days she and her son ate on the floor. Genius! The table was his "stage" so she removed that and saw progress when she did! Go read more! You will be glad you did!

BFBN Week: Emily with dropping the last MOTN Feed!

2016-03-09T05:00:00.000-08:00

Dropping that last middle of the night feed can be a tricky thing! You wonder if they are truly hungry, waking out of habit, or second guess yourself on if they need a full feed at this point. This feed is usually dropped in healthy babies anywhere from 10 - 14 weeks usually (or has been in my home!) and can take a few days for baby get the hang of.

Today, Emily, at Journey of Parenthood is talking us all through knowing its time to drop that last middle of the night feed, and how to do it effectively. Emily clues us into dealing with that frustrating time of 5-6 am when the baby might wake and be ready to feed - but you want to begin your day at least at 7 am and how to make them stretch. She dabbles into practicing the cry it out method during this transition, and also the benefit (and risk!) of using sleep props to help your baby drop this feeding!

Head on over to Emily's blog at the live link above and read more in detail how to ditch that last sleepy feed in the middle of the night!

BFBN Week: Babywise FAQ's

2016-03-08T05:00:00.000-08:00

The ladies who blog with the Babywise Friendly Blog Network are answering your frequently asked questions for practically implementing babywise principles into your daily life and routine. Each of us are taking a day of this week to be "spotlighted" so to speak, and every other day of the week we will feature a summary of another blogger and link you to their blog! Tuesday is my day! Here goes!

One of my favorite things to do is to help troubleshoot little one's sleeping problems and find a direct (or sometimes, not so direct) path to helping those sweet babies find and want the good sleep they NEED. My close personal friends know that this is a passion of mine, and so I get asked lots of random questions throughout the week, and I always try my best to help. I also am on several online mommy forum's and several fb pages for moms to go and ask questions - and I always see a lot of the same questions being asked there as well. I never will have all the right answers, but when I can help a mom help her baby to sleep better my heart swells with joy. I know the joy of getting those kids to sleep!

I get asked a couple of questions a lot, and most of them have one answer. Those questions are:
1. I can't get {insert cute baby's name here} to nap longer than 45 minutes at a time. He/She won't take a full nap!
2. {insert cute baby's name here} takes FOREVER to fall asleep for naps. He/She will never settle down, and just keep talking to themselves (or crying) when I lay them down!
3. {Insert cute baby's name here} keeps waking up WAY early in the morning. Like at 4 or 5 am and I can't get them to fall back asleep!
4. {Insert cute baby's name here} wakes up from a nap SCREAMING. He/She never wakes up happy.

Most of the time, these questions lead me to the same root problem: Overtiredness. Having an overtired baby or toddler can make a mom feel like she is running around in circles - and coming to no real resolution to the problem. A baby who wakes mid-nap, wakes up early in the morning, or can't seem to fall asleep in a normal/appropriate amount of time are usually all signs that the baby has fallen into an overtired cycle. At some point, the baby has fallen of track a little, and is missing out on some sleep that they need. Those are classic signs of overtiredness - so lets look at signs of being tired so that you can avoid the "over" part of being tired.

Signs of tiredness
The first thing I try to do is keep the clock in the back of my head. I try to think about the appropriate amount of time my baby should be awake. I know that a newborn probably can't handle more than 45-55 minutes of being awake. I know a 9 month old can hang out for 2ish hours or so. Keeping my baby's age and the amount of time they can handle being awake is key for me. At around the time I think they should start getting sleepy - I look for a few things:

1. Not being able/interested in a toy. If I hand my baby a toy, and they bat it away - or fuss at it, I know its probably time to start winding down for a nap.
2. Not giving me eye contact or smiling back at me when I try to interact with them. If they were happily smiling and connecting with me, and then they begin to become blank in their stares and uninterested in any interaction then its probably about that time.
3. Rubbing their eyes. Watch out on this one. This can indicate that its a little late in the "get me in bed" game - but if you see this happening early on and its not necessarily paired with fussing - then its a good time to put baby down. This is certainly flirting with that line though - so be forewarned!

Late signs of tiredness are: crying and fussing, yawning, and sometimes - like I mentioned before- rubbing their eyes. Its quite possible that you have missed their "happy window" of time to get them down easily and smoothly if you are seeing these signs. Some baby's are so sensitive to their window - and really will refuse to take a good nap if you miss it. Personality wise, some baby's will be/can be stretched to be a little more flexible - so watch your baby's patterns and as you learn your baby you will know where they stand and you can follow suit for them accordingly.

If you feel like your baby might be in an overtired cycle, I suggest a nap/sleep bootcamp. This simply means making their sleep your priority and putting other things aside to stay at home and work it out. For several days don't let them miss a single opportunity for sleep when they need it. Pay close attention to the clock and their cues. Watching both the clock and their cues can really teach you a lot about your baby's sleep patterns and you will quickly learn what they do to tell you when they are tired and ready to lay down. You will likely find what their "happy window" is and if they can be stretched a little or a lot before naps. You will also be able to tell as they grow when they need longer amounts of time awake. Sometimes, moms can be in such a fog that we can't see past the problem to move to a solution. Taking time to look a little deeper into what is going on will usually give us the answer!

Here is the schedule for this weeks bloggers! Check them out at the links below!

Monday: Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday: Shea at The Moses Home
Tuesday: Kimberly at Team Cartwright
Wednesday: Emily at The Journey of Parenthood
Thursday: Carrie at Wiley Adventures
Thursday: Stephanie at Giving It Grace
Friday: Katrina at Mama's Organized Chaos

Also today, Kimberly is blogging about being a TWIN MOM! Something I will never pretend to know a thing about. Her twin daughters are still newborns, and so she is in throws of implementing babywise with twins and why she feels like having her twins on a nice routine will benefit her family. She implemented this with her older son, and found that it worked well - and she talks a lot about why it makes sense to her. She also tells you how she is getting started with it from the get go! Head on over to Team Cartwright - especially if you have multiples to check her out!

BFBN Week: How to have a Good Sleeper

2016-03-07T05:00:00.000-08:00

This week, each day the ladies of the Babywise Friendly Blog Network will be taking a day to answer their frequently asked questions about different Babywise Principles. Today, head over to Chronicles of a Babywise Mom to hear from Valerie.

Valerie is giving us the basics on how to have a good sleeper. She highlights that in order to have a good sleep you have to make sacrifices. I can't echo that point enough. If you prioritize your kiddos sleep, you will have to miss out on some things. Maybe even a LOT of things. It has to be a commitment and one that you value enough to miss out on events, workout classes, or playdates. It may mean that if you have somewhere you need to be, you have a sitter come stay at the house with your sleeping baby.

Valerie also talks about how important consistency is. I feel like this goes hand in hand with making sacrifices. In an effort to stay consistent for nap time and bed time you avoid planning activities during those times of each day.

Go read in detail here! I will be posting right here on my blog tomorrow about questions I get asked that always lead me to troubleshooting solutions for an overtired baby! Here is the schedule for the rest of the week!

Monday: Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday: Shea at The Moses Home
Tuesday: Kimberly at Team Cartwright
Wednesday: Emily at The Journey of Parenthood
Thursday: Carrie at Wiley Adventures
Thursday: Stephanie at Giving It Grace
Friday: Katrina at Mama's Organized Chaos

How to Handle Aggressive Behavior {A BFBN Guest Post} by Valerie Plowman

2016-02-11T06:00:00.000-08:00

It is Babywise Friendly Blog Network week - and we are are all guest posting on each others blogs this week! Today you get the pleasure of reading Valerie Plowman, THE Babywise mom, and she blogs at www.BabyWiseMom.com. I asked her if she wouldn't mind writing up a post on agressive toddler behavior to share with you all today. Don't worry, I had a selfish motive - in personally needing input on this topic. I have been so blessed with having my 3 older girls not really have a tendency toward biting, hitting, pinching, etc. However, my Wynn given me reason to be on alert about these types behaviors.

I know you all will get as much out of her thoughts as I did!

Title:How to Handle an Aggressive Toddler

Photo: Coming in next email

by Valerie Plowman

No one wants their child to be mean to others. No one wants to have the child who is constantly hitting, biting, or throwing stuff at other children. Let's be real, we don't want our child to do it ever, let alone constantly. There are things you can do to teach your child to not hit and to prevent it from happening in the future.

1-Remove Child Immediately

When a child is being aggressive toward others, it is wise to remove the child from the situation immediately. If you are home and one child isn't playing nicely with another, the aggressive child needs a break. The first time, you might try a time out approach. If the child comes out of time out and is aggressive, then go to the child playing alone until the next major transition. "I am sorry you are choosing to hit today. You will play by yourself until nap time. After nap, you can try playing with others again."

If your child is a repeat offender, don't mess around with a timeout first. Just go straight to the isolation. Your goal is to stop the aggressive behavior. Will your child be sad to not get to play with her sister for the rest of the morning? Yes indeed. Hopefully it will be sad enough that she won't hit her sister tomorrow when she gets mad.

I have observed over the years some moms who just tell their child to not hit, maybe require an apology, and do nothing beyond that. Those children are typically hitting again in less than 5 minutes. If you don't want the aggression to continue, you have to make it known to your child that it isn't okay.

2-Go Home

If you are out and about, it can be harder to remove the child to isolation. You might be at the park and one child is hitting other children, but your other children are behaving nicely. You don't want to punish the other children because of one, do you? No one wants to. Start by instructing the offending child to sit in a certain spot by you. Since the child can't play nicely, the child doesn't get to play. If the child won't cooperate with that (and don't be surprised if she won't), then it is time to pack up and leave no matter how unfair it is to the others. Your other children will not be happy, and that will help your aggressive child think twice next time. Your child will know she unfairly lead to a punishment of siblings and will avoid re-creating the situation.

If it becomes a constant problem and/or the aggressive child doesn't mind making it so her siblings have to leave, then plan times to take out non-aggressive children and leave the aggressive one home with one parent or a babysitter. For more information on consequences for hitting and biting, see this post.

3-Remove Mis-Used Items

If your child is being aggressive with items, like throwing toys, remove the toy from your child. Do not say, "I am going to take this away for five minutes and then give it back to you. Don't hit with it again." Take it away for the day or for a week or two. Your want your child to not want to hit with a toy again. You have to make the consequence big enough that your child will think twice next time. Taking a toy away is very painless in the grand scheme of life. Read more about responding to mis-used items here. You can also read about throwing toys here.

4-Focus on Prevention

You don't want to only react to situations, you want to prevent them. Consequences can deter, but they usually won't solve. You want to teach your child in her heart to not be so upset she reacts by trying to physically harm others.

Make sure your child understands that you understand that strong emotions are at play here. You know your child is hitting because she is frustrated. Or she is mad. Or she is tired of being pushed around. Or someone stole her toy. Make sure she knows you get why she is doing it.

Then you need to explain that even when we are mad, it isn't okay to hurt others. Your child will be mad or frustrated often in life. She has to learn to deal with it in a non-aggressive manner. Give her ideas of what she can do instead of hitting, biting, or throwing. There are options; help her know what they are.

Teach your child to have self control. For ideas on how to do that, see this post.

In your prevention, employ the ask and tell method. When you are about to go out, have a friend over, or your children are about to play, remind them what is acceptable and what isn't. Remind your child who can be aggressive that it isn't okay to hit/bite/throw toys. Remind her of the consequence that will follow if she chooses to do something she shouldn't. Remind her what she should do instead if she gets mad. Make sure she understands. Then follow through if necessary.

5-Recognize Triggers and Avoid Them

Until your child matures and learns to control herself better, recognize what situations your child acts out in and avoid those situations. If your child is never a hitter unless she is at the park during nap time, don't go to the park during nap time.

Children are more likely to be aggressive toward others if the child is tired, hungry, overstimulated, can't communicate, or is around another aggressive child. Make sure your child is well rested and has had good meals before playing with others. Make sure your child's playtime lengths aren't too long for her to handle. You can also teach sign language to help your child express certain common things.

Conclusion

A child who is aggressive, whether frequently or infrequently, won't usually stop the aggression overnight. You won't have one consequence that will stop it for good or one amazing talk that changes your child's heart forever. I don't say that to discourage you, but rather to encourage you to be consistent and keep working. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen if you stick to it.

My second child is now 8. In writing this post, I reviewed previous posts I had written on the topic. I was surprised to read she was a hitter when she was younger. She would only hit her older brother. I don't remember that about her. She is my peacemaker! You can also reach that point of shock to learn your child was once a hitter. Having a toddler who hits doesn't mean you have a child who will always be mean or aggressive. It is the way she has chose to respond to challenges in life. You can teach her a different and better way.

Valerie is a mother to four and blogs at www.BabyWiseMom.com.

Somethings I LOVE about being in the Season of Littles { a BFBN post}

2016-01-28T09:12:00.001-08:00

It is Babywise Friendly Blog Network week and we are all over our pinterest board posting various topics surrounding the theme of LOVE this week! We thought with Valentines creeping up on us, it was just appropriate to write all things sweet and lovely. Head over to the babywise friendly blog network pinterest board to see all the other Lovely posts written by all the Lovely ladies participating this month (see what I did there)!

In light of the past 18 months being rather difficult at times for our family due to my husband having to travel more regularly for work than usual, and couple that with having 4 small children to care for -it has been tough season. The taxing side of having small children in your home seems to be exaggerated when one of the parents has to be gone for extended periods of time, and I have come to know this full well. I have my days that seem nothing short of impossible while trying to juggle the needs of all the kids under my care. So, I thought I would take some time to focus on the good we have so much of in our home. Here are some reasons I can LOVE the season of having littles at home.

I really LOVE that I get to have the most influence over them right now. I know now, that from the moment your child hits the school age years, your influence as parents (slowly) begins to decline. Right now, the majority of things they learn come straight from my husband and myself. We are able to establish the values and morals we see fit for our home. We get to really emphasize what is true, and real, and important - and during these little years they absorb these things from us without much question or hesitation. I love that now, when one of my girls has a question about something, or wants to understand something more, my husband or myself are clearly the most logical people to go to with their wonderings. We are like experts to them (oh I hate how this will one day change!) at this age, and we have the freedom to answer them in a way that can shape their view of the world - and I feel like that sets up a foundation that isn't easily wavered from in their older years. So often this responsibility can be daunting and a little terrifying, but for my girls - Tyler and I are the right people for the job.

I LOVE that they think we are awesome (I REALLY hate that this also will one day change). They are happy to see us 99.9% of the time. They love to sit next to one of us when we are in the same room with them. Their little hearts seem to skip a beat or two when we arrive to pick them up from school or the church nursery. They wake up in the morning thrilled to see us. They are so elated when we just stop and give them our time. They will beam with pure pride when they have our approval over something they have done, and they are devastated if they feel like they let us down in some way. They want to be like us. They imitate the things we do and say because clearly we are worthy of that, right? In their eyes, we do no wrong during these years! Even when I am in a hurry to drop them off at Sunday school or even with a grandparent - it touches my heart when they fuss a little bit because they know I'm not staying around for a little bit. We get to be the preferred one most of the time! When the girls get hurt, or are angry and needing comfort - Tyler or I are the only ones that will do (its a close race between one of us and the blankee, if we are being totally honest though). It is a real gift to be able to be someones greatest source of comfort - and during these trying young years - that is what we are to them! My prayer is that one day when they fully understand the depth of God's love and invite the Lord to be their constant guide, that he will be their greatest source of comfort. I will be delighted to hand that and their hearts to him one day. It feels good to be so loved like this, and I know that while they will always love us, one day - they won't express it as freely and openly as they do now.

Some days are really hard, and it seems impossible for me to think about the things that I love about this season of parenting. Oh, and trust me, I don't "cherish" every little thing about having lots of littles at home - because really there are a lot of things that should just never be cherished (hello cleaning poop out of the bathtub). I do think its important though for my state of mind to relish in what this season has to offer me and how it can grow me. It is these things I have written about today that make me feel inspired to carry on in the dirty work of parenting the at-home littles.

The Basics of a Dreamfeed {Guest Post} BFBN Week

2015-12-10T06:30:00.000-08:00

Valerie, who blogs at babywisemom.com is guest blogging here today on dreamfeed basics! Many families have benefited greatly in doing a dreamfeed, and she has outlined some best practices for you!

The term "dreamfeed" comes from the book Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. A dreamfeed is simply a late feeding that happens typically between 10-11 PM. The baby is already in bed, but you go in and feed baby one last time before heading off to bed yourself. The idea here is that baby gets a feeding in just before you go to sleep. When baby starts sleeping 7-8 hours straight without eating, these 7-8 hours then fall between 10-6, giving you a good night stretch to sleep yourself.

The dreamfeed is not necessary. If you would rather feed baby and put her to bed in the 7-8 hour and then head to bed yourself, go for it. The downside to not doing a dreamfeed is that it will likely be that the 7-8 hour stretch of sleep between night feedings will come between 7-2 instead of 10-6. If you are okay with this, there is nothing wrong with it. What you have to do is be prepared so when you hear stories of the 8 week old sleeping through the night, from 10-6, and yours is still waking up around 2 am, you can not be discouraged. You can remind yourself that your baby is also sleeping well and there is nothing to worry about.

Some babies do not respond well to the dreamfeed. Some won't wake up and some sleep mores soundly through the night without it. Always do what is best for your baby.

In general, however, a dreamfeed works well for most babies. Some babies take work to get to take the dreamfeed. I had babies who needed a lot of time and effort put into establishing the dreamfeed. For me, it was something I wanted to establish. I wanted to be able to stay up past bedtime to spend time with my husband. With effort, I established a dreamfeed with those babies. Here are the basics of a dreamfeed.

Time:

The time is usually between 10-11 PM. If you get too late, you start to run into disrupting natural circadian rhythms, so experiment with times within that hour. I have had babies who were very sensitive to the time. For example, 10:35 meant the baby slept well that night, but 10:30 or 10:45 meant a fitful night of sleep was ahead of me. I literally set an alarm on my phone so I could get the timing right.

Place:

I did the dreamfeed in the baby's room.

How:

Ideally, you will get baby, feed baby while baby is still drowsy, and put baby back to bed all without ever waking baby up. Do try to burp your baby.

Younger babies, like newborns, might need to be woken up more for the dreamfeed to eat anything. You might need to unswaddle, but you might find unswaddling wakes baby up too much.

Many people wonder if they should do a diaper change or not at the dreamfeed. I change a diaper for newborns. In older babies, I don't typically change the diaper unless there is of course a bowel movement.

When:

The dreamfeed is ideal between newborn and about 4 months old. Most of my babies held on to a dreamfeed beyond 4 months old. Hogg suggests keeping it until 8 months old. Go with what works best for your individual baby.

The dreamfeed can be something that really helps you to get good sleep at night so you can function during the day. It can take effort to establish it, but it is well worth your efforts! For more information, see my post on Dreamfeed FAQs.

Valerie is a mother to four (ages 3-10) and blogs at www.babywisemom.com.

Using The Teachers Classroom Language at Home

2015-10-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

The Babywise Friendly Blog Network ladies are all talking about various facets of reading and learning today on their blogs! Go check them out on our pinterest page!

reading one of my favorite childrens books to 2 month old Anslee

This is my 2nd year to have a child in school full time, and I am continuing to learn so much about what the best ways are to support my children in their learning. I am excited to come alongside my girls as much as I can as they learn. I like to think that I will always be their first teacher, and so even though I am not homeschooling, I want to be actively teaching them as best as I can.

One way I really try to make helping with homework after school a positive experience is to find out how the teacher teaches, and use the lingo and language that she uses in the classroom. It was a real game changer for the ease at which homework time went over.

I had a parent/teacher conference with Anslee's kindergarten teacher and as conversation happened, she clued me into certain phrases she would use when teaching the kids how to read. Specifically, I would have trouble explaining to Anslee how sometimes some letters make a different sound in some words than what they "sound out" to say. Her teacher told me that she said some words were "naughty, because they simply didn't follow the rules". This may have been something I should have known myself, but I didn't, and being able to r
epeat this back to her at home helps her to see the word for what it is, memorize it, and move right on - because sometimes this is just how the English language works.

During that same parent/teacher conference I picked up on some phrases she used during math lessons. It was a way she reminded the kids of the instructions without having actually give them the instructions all over again. I use that this year as well. I also would really pay attention to completed work that came home. I would see how things were done and talk with Anslee about how she came to her answers. I needed to do this because the methods that they use are different than the ones we used, so its been different - and I want to make sure she is following the methods being taught in the classroom.

This year, Anslee has been able to communicate to me herself what they are doing and how they go about their day. I can see how her teacher teaches blending consonants and I watch how Anslee uses symbols to help her make sense of it all. When I have a conference with her teacher this year, I plan to ask her about some of her usual phrases or fun tricks/sayings/rhymes she uses with the kids during the day. (Her teachers have both been the next closest thing to angels that a human can be. We are blessed beyond measure here).

On the first day of kindergarten, and again, on the first day of 1st grade Anslee came home with a print out very similar to this one:

photo credit: free download from www.pennykittle.net under research

Seeing the difference in this perspective was eye opening to me, and I love that the information can be presented to parents in this way. I always knew reading to your child was important and clearly beneficial, but to see it laid out like helped me to know the depth of its value.

I feel overly blessed to be able to partner with amazing teachers and administration in helping my daughter grow academically. I feel like we all are setting her up for success, and that is just a gift that a price tag could not be set on.

A Weekly Check-In with your Husband {Guest Post: A BFBN post}

2015-10-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

The Babywise Friendly Blog Network ladies are all guest posting on each others blogs this week!

Today I have the honor of having Stephanie from Giving It Grace speaking on the importance of having intentional time set aside with your husband each week. This is time used to dig deeper and move past the mundane everyday conversation and interaction that busy married couples can easily fall into. She talks about how it is especially helpful with small children running around to re-group with your spouse each week.

photo credit: Clane Glessel from www.clanegessle.com

My husband and I started doing a weekly check-in each Sunday shortly after we got married. I'm all about intentionality and this seemed like a great way to ensure he and I were having purposeful conversations on the regular. After a while of doing the weekly check-ins they became less like an interview and more just a framework for a conversation we have about how our week went and what our upcoming week looks like.

Doing a weekly check-in with your spouse is a great way to get past the "How was your day? Good" conversation. We've also found a weekly check-in is especially helpful if you have tiny humans in your house dominating the topic your conversations. Having this chat every Sunday encourages my husband and I to push pause and just spend some time face to face before we start a new week.

Here are the questions we ask and answer to each other each Sunday evening:

What is your high and low from past week?

I really try to listen to his answer on this question, as often things going on at his job are either his high or his low. I find it worth noting if he's stressed at work so that I can be mindful of that when he's at home.

How did you feel loved this past week?

I love this question. I am easily susceptible to putting standards on myself as a wife that mean nothing to my husband. I've learned over the years that my husband does not feel loved by a fancy Pinterest dinner or the fact that I make the bed every morning (which apparently I just do for me as he could care less). He almost always answers this question by saying he feels loved by how well I take care of our kids. As taking care of the kids often takes up my entire day, it's such a relief to know that really the only thing I can offer him right is the very thing that makes him feel loved during this season in our lives.

Anything I need to be called to repent of?

I also love this question, as it prevents me from being a nit-picky wife (most of the time!). If Kyle does something during the week that rubs me the wrong way I make note of it to talk about at the weekly check-in. If it's still bothering me on Sunday night, I tell him about it. If I forget come Sunday, clearly it wasn't worth mentioning in the first place. Obviously if it's something huge we address it in the moment, but most of the time it can wait. I also like this question because Kyle knows it's coming and his heart is in a good place to receive whatever I have to say. And vice versa; when Kyle has things he wants to bring to my attention I'm expecting it and am willing to listen to him more so during this time than I would be in the heat of the moment.

How would you best feel pursued this week?

Some might find this question weird because it's aimed at our sex life, but in this season of our lives (having little kids) we find it's imperative to talk openly and often about the most sacred part of our marriage: our intimacy.

What does your upcoming week look like?

Walking through the upcoming week on the calendar together helps prevent scheduling oopsies. It also helps set expectations so we both know what's going on and there's no "you never told me about that" or "I didn't realize you'd be home so late", etc.

How can I support you logistically this week?

This question is probably unnecessary to most but we find it's useful to be extra clear about what would be helpful to each of us so that we aren't making assumptions.

How can I pray for you this week?

Another question I really try to listen to his answer on - and then actually pray for what he asks for. As his friend, I really like to know what's weighing on his heart or what he is rejoicing over and coming alongside him for either.

Check in with all the ladies at:

Chronicles of a Babywise Mom

Journey of Parenthood

Giving It Grace (I am guest posting here this week)

Wiley Adventures

Team Cartwright

Faithfully Infertile

Wynn is 16 months, and why its more than just another month.

2015-10-03T13:08:00.002-07:00

This post and all the emotion surrounding its content has been swirling around in my head since May 28, 2014 - the day she was born. She is 16 months old now. She is walking (well, when she chooses) and has 12 teeth, and talks/jabbers non-stop. She plays with her sisters happily everyday. She still takes two solid naps. She is smart. So smart. Understands so much. Mostly, she is happy. She has been a dream baby, and is easing her way nicely into toddlerhood. We love her with ever fiber of our being. But really, this post isn't at all about what she is up to now, or milestones or anything. Her turning 16 months old is ~~hard~~ different for me.

I have never had a 16 month old in my home without also growing a new baby growing inside of me at the same time.

When Anslee turned 16 months old, I had just come to know that Kensington was on the way. She was no bigger than a jelly bean, but I knew she was coming! When I learned of this one's impending arrival, I was scared to death because I could not imagine it being possible to love another the way I loved her. (If only I could tell my "mom of 1" self what I know now to be fully possible, and that for me, love deepens with each child) Little did I know, that from this point on, until I was done having children, would be longest time I would ever go between pregnancies!

Anslee, 22 months old. 1 month later Kensington joined our family

Anslee 25 months old, and Kensington 1 month

When Kensington turned 16 months old I was putting off moving her into Anslee's bedroom so that we could prepare the nursery for our 3rd daughter who would be arriving 2.5 months later. She had a name, Laynee Blair, but not a bedroom. This time I had no fear of not being able to love her the way I loved her sisters. In fact, what I knew was that this baby would make me love my other two even more. We didn't plan for her, but we are so thankful to God that he knew better. When Kensington was a little over 18 months old, we welcomed Laynee to our family.

Announcing our pregnancy with Laynee. Anslee had just turned 3, Kensington had just turned 1.

Laynee's newborn pictures. She was 3 weeks old, Asnlee was 3.5 years and Kensington was not quite 19 months old yet.

When Laynee was 16 months old I was battling the flu. It was awful and I found myself in the emergency room because I couldn't sleep because I felt like I was having trouble breathing, and I was worried about the 16 week old tiny baby I was carrying at the time. I needed reassurance that my having the flu was not harming her/him in any way. We had sent the 3 big girls to their grandparents house because Tyler caught the flu from me, and neither one of us were able to take care of small children. Two days later we celebrated the last Christmas we would have as just a family of 5. One month later, we learned another sister would join the tribe.

We found out our baby would be a GIRL! Anslee 5, Kensington 3, Laynee 17 months

The last picture I took of these 3 before Wynn was born. She came to us less than a week later.
Anslee was almost 5.5, Kensington almost 3.5, Laynee just turned 22 months

One of their first pictures together as a sister set of 4. Wynn was maybe 2 weeks old here.

Now Wynn is 16 months, and it feels like the end of a really great story. Instead of dreaming up a nursery or scheduling prenatal doctor office visits, I am making sure Anslee is prepared each Friday for her spelling test. Tyler and I are both working hard with Kensington to make sure she is prepared to be a big school girl next year. We are being stretched and humbled in how we need to discipline Laynee. Tyler leaves for 9 days each month to go secure our ~~state~~ national border. I am coordinating a Mop's group and going to PTO meetings. Our family is happily moving into the next season of life, and so far, it is sweet. Our life is full.

Here she is, 16 months old. No news to share - my only girl who will never be a big sister.

I know I will re-visit these feelings many more times down the road. Like when we celebrate Wynn's 2nd birthday and their isn't a newborn there to celebrate with us. That has never happened here! It will be so nice to actually potty train Wynn without also having to coordinate an infants sleep schedule in the mix of it. The diaper bag will almost be useless. I better get used to it. For the rest of our life, our family's seasons will shift and I will need to learn to savor the moment we are in, and move confidently forward to what will be. One day we will send Wynn off to college, and I will be left at home - hopefully still knowing I have purpose and gifts to share and use.

This is really the first of all the many season changes that will occur during my period of time where I am parenting. Just the first small taste of it all, and it has already made me understand more clearly that the time really does go by quickly. I am still so early in game, with so much more experience to gain in the future.

My hope is to really be able to treasure the sweet times during years, and not to feel bad about forgetting the not-so-fun times that are sure to come in each new chapter of our family's story.

The final four Fall 2015

Benefits of establishing a structure in your home before you bring home a new sibling for your child { a BFBN post}

2015-09-24T06:58:00.002-07:00

The Babywise Friendly Blog Network ladies are all posting today on various topics involving siblings. My focus is going to be on how having a routine for your older child(ren) will be helpful to the whole family when you bring a newborn sibling into the home.

Benefits for the older siblings:

Having a routine (and by this I mean having meal, nap, bedtime, and wake up time set at a consistent time each day) allows for the older child(ren) in the home to be secure in their day. They know they will be fed, and it is less likely that meltdowns will happen out of sheer exhaustion. Nap time is coming, and their bodies are well adjusted to that. A child who is secure in the boundaries of their day is a child who will be well adjusted to other changes that may be thrown at them. For example: bring home their newborn sibling. Their day stays the same. The baby will be there when the older sibling is interested to show attention, but its nothing that is going to totally change their day to day activities.
They will still know what to expect. They will still have the security of their routine, and the new baby will not be a cause for any major change that might make them feel uncertain and confused about their world. While caring for a newborn may shake up mom's and dad's world for a while, the other children in the house will carry on without a care in the world as they always have. We have been so thankful that the 3 times I have brought home a newborn to an older child - we have had no behavioral problems arise, no re-training or re-learning of house rules, and no aggression/jealousy/unease about the baby. Who would want to deal with all of that when you have a newborn? The transition with the new baby can be smooth, and a lot of that is a result from having a steady structure already established in your home.

Benefits for the new sibling
When a newborn is brought into the world there is a lot they must learn. They are learning to nurse. They are learning that they are no longer in the womb. They are learning who mommy is. All of these things are easier to learn if they are born into a home that already has stability and structure. Everyone is calm and understands what needs to happen, so helping a newborn to figure out their new world is much easier to do.
They will also naturally fall into a nice routine. If mom is helping to keep older siblings work within the bounds of their day, the baby will also wake and lull into a routine in which they feel comfortable. If the older kiddos always wake at a certain time and mom has to be up with them, baby should wake too and begin their day. Immediately they are starting to understand routine because they have began on one. New babies are difficult because they need so much care and attention, and it is helpful for them to be welcomed in a world that makes sense early on.

Benefits for parents
If older children are not acting out in any way due to bringing home a new baby then parents have one less "thing" to tend to. A newborn baby will always bring enough to tend to, so not having to also help an older child will allow for the transition to be pleasant, and an experience you can really treasure.
If parents have already set a sound day for older kids - they (parents) will also know when they can expect some down time or when the child will want to be fed. They can plan ahead things like trying to get a quick nap themselves or when they can get another to do list item marked off the list. They can know when they can get out and about or a play date or to run errands. They can also be sure that their child will nap. It can be planned that everyone naps at the same time, even. Most importantly, it allows for spouses to know when they can make time for each other - even in the event of a newborn baby being brought home. It has a made a world of difference to have the peace of mind that everyone in the house is getting what they need out of their day. I can honestly say that having a routine in place is the only reason I have been able to manage 4 children living under my care.

I feel like we all crave structure and boundaries. Everyone wants to live a life that makes sense. It can be so much more than surviving, and with a routine and steady structure you can enjoy each day as it comes.

Go and visit these ladies sites to see what they have to add siblings dynamics

http://www.faithfullyinfertile.com/
http://www.journeyofparenthood.com/
http://teamcartwright.blogspot.com/
http://www.wileyadventures.com/

Safety in the Car {a BFBN post}

2015-08-27T11:42:00.005-07:00

The Babywise Friendly Blog network ladies are all talking about different facets of car seat safety today. I am sharing on what the law in Texas requires, sharing my unique experience in this area as being married to a Texas State Trooper, and also showing you how we travel.

As mothers, we may disagree on many parenting topics/philosohies - but I think one thing we all have in common is that we want to do our best to keep our children safe in all areas - and especially when traveling by car. I am especially partial to this because of the unique nature of my husbands job. He is a state trooper in Texas and has an advantage that many of us do not. He sees firsthand both the great benefit and devastating tragedy that can come from using a child safety seat properly or improperly in a vehicle. I feel blessed to be able to have his perspective, as it has guided me in being proactive toward keeping my girls safe while we travel.

When I was preparing to write this post, I asked Tyler for his input. He immediately told me of a tragic event that had a silver lining. In January 2014 Tyler was working a night shift and the dispatch called him out to a crash. It was dark, around 9 pm. When he arrived on the scene, he saw a pick-up truck in the middle of a pasture on its side, driver side down. It was clear the truck had rolled several times before landing in that position. The driver was thrown from the vehicle and unfortunately did not survive. Another passenger, an adult, riding in the front seat was also thrown from the car. Neither of the adults were wearing seat belts at the time of the accident. In the backseat, a 3 year old.

The 3 year old had been properly restrained in her carseat and walked away without a scratch. In the same crash that had a fatal ending to one, another walked away without any injuries. Praise the Lord for this child's safety.

I believe that alone shows the vast difference in safety that a child safety seat in the car can make. A life saving product, and one that has come so far in the past 30 years. The research and technology behind the manufacturing of car seats has really become so sophisticated, as they have proven to be valuable in the event of a crash like the one I just described.

Car Seat laws may vary from state to state, but this what the State of Texas requires:

Transportation Code section 545.412 "(a)A person commits an offense if the person operates a passenger vehicle, transports a child who is younger than eight years of age, unless the child is taller than four feet, nice inches, and does not keep the child secured during the operation of the vehicle in a child passenger safety seat system according to the instructions of the manufacturer of the safety seat system."

What the rear view is in my minivan

There are no laws against when to turn the child from rear facing to forward facing, but the American Academy of Pediatrics strongly encourages a child be rear facing until at least two years of age. This has to do with the immature development of the spine and neck. In the event of the accident, when rear facing, movement is absorbed into the area of the car seat that surrounds and supports the neck and spine. This is incredibly important for young children who still have an underdeveloped spinal cord. If facing toward the back - when force occurs their bodies will still be moving, but will be moving directly into the car seat that will absorb the movement and force. If facing forward, the child will still be moving forward upon impact, and their tiny bones can't as easily withstand the force, leading to possible life threatening injuries. The AAP recommends age two as a minimum - but also recognize that it is really not until age 3 that children's spinal cord and supporting muscles are fully capable of handling this type of trauma. I should also note that it is NOT AT ALL dangerous for feet to touch the back of the actual seat of the car while rear facing. Any possible injury from the feet and legs touching the back of the seat are FAR less in detriment than injuries that could occur to the spine, head, and neck if facing forward prematurely - and its highly unlikely that legs being "squished" up against the back of the seat would actually cause any injury whatsoever. It is really tempting for parents to turn their child around earlier than recommended because in early toddlerhood is common they they begin to get "bored" or "fussy" while riding in the car, and turning them around to have a view seems like it would be more enjoyable for everyone riding in the car. I would suggest that if this becomes a problem, to try having music for them to listen too, or making sure they have a lovey or a pacifier for soothing. They will usually grow out of this stage shortly after it begins. I also recently listened to a lady who was employed by both the Texas Department of Transportation and Scott and White Hospital do a demonstration about car seat safety. She reminded new mom's that toys that are marketed to attach to a car seat are never crash or safety tested, and so its ideal to not use them. No one really knows what damage they could (or would not, for that matter) cause in the event of an accident.

Anslee is 6.5 years old, weighs 44 lbs and is 46 inches tall. She is petite for her age, but is still in a high back booster with a 5 point harness. She fits the height/age/weight requirements and so she stays. She is beginning to ask about regular booster seats (no back and use the car seat belt), so far she is just questioning and we will keep her in a seat like this for quite a while longer.

When it comes to car seat shopping, there are a million options. You do not have to spend thousands of dollars on car seats to be truly safe, and ANYTHING is better than nothing. In our family, we do not buy the cheapest or the most expensive option. We read research and read reviews and trust that not only will the safety seat be a saving grace, but that the Lord will provide protection over our children.

Kensington at 4.5 years old, riding in a high back booster with a 5 point harness. I suspect she will be comfy here for several more years! She is an a Recaro Brand Pro-Ride booster.

Laynee, age 3, in a convertible - forward facing safety seat. She rides in a Britax Advocate CS car seat that has been passed down from her sister, Kensington. (PS she somehow got an extra comfort cushion and stuffed it behind her head in this picture before I realized and took a picture)

Wynn at 14 (almost 15) months old. She is in an infant carrier here. Chicco Key Fit 30. It is built for up to 30 lbs. (She is 19.9 lbs as of last week) I don't need a "carrier" any longer with her, but she still fits safely in it and is happy. She is still rear facing and loves talking to her sisters during car rides. We will move her to a larger/non-carrier convertible car seat soon, still rear facing. Her feet do touch the back of the seat of the car she is secured in. :)

There are community organizations almost everywhere that will:

1. Provide a family with a free child safety seat that will meet their needs.
2. Train a family member on how to properly install a child safety seat into a vehicle. (Police stations, Fire Stations, Hospitals, and Car seat safety professionals)
3. Will train a family on how to place a child into a child safety seat (Family service centers, police and fire stations) They will show you exactly how much give should be between your child and the safety belt. They will also show you exactly where the chest clip should on the child.

There are several resources available to parents who are actively seeking help in this area. I have felt so incredibly blessed to be married to a man who will do this for families in our communities that need his help. Please never be hesitant to reach out for help when you need it. So many are willing to partner with you in keeping your children safe while traveling!

Happy and safe travel wishes to you all!