Light Blazer

De-press-ing News

2011-08-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

Moving to a new country is like changing to a new job. To be successful, you have to understand and recognize the new culture and find a way to blend with it. I recently repatriated to the UK after living many years in Dubai. I left the UAE determined to approach my new ‘home’ with a fresh perspective and to be as neutral or non judgemental in attitude as possible.

First and foremost I promised myself that I would not discuss the weather or make derogatory comments about it. I knew that this was a tall order since the majority of the population is obsessed with this subject. However, I felt it was a necessary requirement if I was going to settle down quickly and not be emotionally affected by the ‘inconvenient’ downpours or sudden heat waves. So far it has worked miraculously well. I have avoided feeling gloom and doom every time I look out the window and have actually enjoyed the unpredictability of the weather; often pleasantly surprised by what I find and with a healthy respect for the importance of regular rainfall in keeping the grass green and the reservoirs full.

There is, however, something far more difficult to adapt to over here, because it is pervasive and that is the dark cloud of negativity and despair that the media subject us to on a daily basis. It is almost impossible to avoid the damning headlines that scream fear and hopelessness at you from the myriads of free newspapers left all over town by careless (they didn’t pay for it) and thoughtless (we might not like it but why should we bin it) commuters. It’s an almost impossible task to avoid the contamination caused by the media. Trying to stay positive and not be affected by the negative vibes is like swimming against a tide of excrement. A very unpleasant experience at best and if you manage to avoid the worst, it still leaves you feeling tainted and uncomfortable.

How powerful is the mass media in dictating our moods and ultimately our quality of life. Those proponents of free speech and a democratic government will argue that the truth hurts but it has to be faced. I would suggest that there are less painful ways to inform and that a more balanced and measured reporting style might give people hope that they have at least some control over their lives and the economy. Right now the mood in Europe smacks of a Nostradamus prediction or a Shakespearean play – “beware the ides of march”. Give us something positive to hold on to, rather than the diabolical predictions of a heap of irresponsible modern day journalists, who have to write sensational articles to justify their existence.

If I have to sit here waiting for doomsday to come at least help me to believe that I can do something about it. The feeling of the inevitable, the unavoidable causes people to believe that they really have no control over their lives and so they give up without a fight. Feeling helpless in the face of difficulty is the worse emotion. By doing nothing we simply contribute to the early arrival of the very event we wish to avoid. I am not saying that life is all good news and smelling of roses, but every cloud has a silver lining, so let’s see the situation reported from all angles and not the pernicious words of self proclaimed modern day soothsayers.

All that Glitters - The Lure of the Jackpot

2011-07-05T06:31:00.000-07:00

The beady-eyed magpie swoops down upon its sparkling prey and soaring high into the trees, returns in triumph to its waiting brood. The young birds greet their benefactor with wide expectant mouths, which swiftly close in sorrowful disappointment. The coin-sized piece of tin foil does not quench their thirst or stave off their hunger. This mistaken treasure is not the feast they were expecting and their disappointment is heard in their loud chirping at the adult forager.

“All that glitters is not gold” – how many times have we heard that warning and yet we still continue to chase that pot of gold. What is it that attracts us? Is it the lure of the fast buck, the possibility of being incredibly successful or the thrill of the risk? Why are we unable to resist the lure of the jackpot, even though we know deep down that it might be a fool’s errand?

Every year millions of people flock to Las Vegas, only to return to their mundane lives without that big win? What brings them back? Their response is varied; the glamour of the city, the lights along the strip, the ringing of the slot machines, access to free shows and international artists, being part of something exciting and last but not least, they might get lucky next time! One thing they have in common is an enduring belief that against all odds they can still do it. Like Walt Disney and Donald Trump who bounced back from bankruptcy to make millions all over again, they believed it was possible. I am tempted to mix metaphors and ask, if ‘All that glitters is not gold’ and ‘Every cloud has a silver lining’, why not go for it like the Las Vegas visitors, because there might be something positive to be gained from the experience.

The very act of taking a gamble, whether it be in the choice of career, an important decision or a toss of the dice, it is a risk. However it turns out, it moves us forward in our lives in some way or another. One could argue that life itself is a risk. Crossing the road, driving a car, taking the bus are all potential hazards. Yet if we fail to negotiate the cross roads of life we run the risk of stagnating.

It seems that man is not alone in his attraction to glitter. Birds, especially Crows and Magpies, will collect silvery objects and use them to build their nests and/or to attract a mate. The Daily Mail reported an experiment with birds and slot machines. It seems that the birds paid little attention to the combinations that regularly paid out a small number of food pellets, in preference for the chance of winning the jackpot. Psychologist’s say that they are mirroring the ‘maladaptive’ behaviour of humans, who will forgo a small but assured reward, hoping against hope for the big jackpot.

Humans tend to wear something bright and glitzy to attract attention. It’s no mistake that most coins in mint condition are bright and shiny. Gold has always been highly valued for barter as something to be prized. Even in today’s credit card currency it is still used to back up the monetary system. In times of uncertainty we tend to fall back on the gold standard. Pop stars and actors frequently adorn themselves with outrageous glitter, even to the extent of including the word in their name i.e. Rock Band ‘Glitterati’ and Gary Glitter, now unfortunately in his demise. The antics of these people have contributed a new word to the English language - Glitterati, meaning ‘wealthy or famous people who conspicuously or ostentatiously attend fashionable events’. The predilection we all seem to have for glitter has spawned a multi million-dollar industry in magazines like Hello and Paris Match, reporting the public and private machinations of the rich and famous.

Most of us, if honest, admit that we would prefer an easy life to that of the typical hard working, poorly paid drudge. Perhaps we are all naturally lazy and any opportunity to get something for nothing, or for very little effort is irresistible. Some Psychologists argue that the human psyche is motivated by bright and glittery things because they cause the body to produce endorphins that make us feel good. Whether it is true or not, there is no doubt that we will continue to chase the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, to dress up in ostentatious clothes when we want to impress, excite or just show-off. It is part of the theatre of life and it may not make the world go around, but it certainly makes it more interesting.

The Five Year Dresser

2011-05-17T10:28:00.001-07:00

The latest NLP gathering was a themed event called “Come as you’ll be in 5 years time”. I thought this was a fascinating concept and although I was not able to attend, I was curious as to how I would have dressed had I gone. Given that I am already embarking on a new journey of sorts, I mused about how I would dress to reflect the next stage of my life.

The most obvious choice would be a wardrobe for a cooler climate and the possibility of wearing a different outfit for the four seasons. And yet, it is not only about the clothes – how could I express the personality that I would be presenting in 2016? Who was I planning to be? A wry smile crossed my face at the freedom of painting a new me, with no limitations or preconceptions. Could I become an Agatha Christie eccentric or perhaps I could morph into middle age with elegance and charm aka Audrey Hepburn or Amelia Earhart. The latter seemed more appealing. It would definitely attract more admiring glances, providing I could lose enough weight to pull it off!

I quickly dismissed both ideas as superficial because I was working from the outside in, rather than the other way around. It’s like setting goals. One needs to have an overall vision first before working on the details. So what was the vision for my future life? Sketching in the details I could see myself in a more public arena, promoting my book, running my workshops, attending literary events and playing amateur golf. Not much to work with, I sniggered. Seriously, whom did I know that I could model? If I at least looked the part, I might be believable and when we ‘act as if we already have something’, it’s amazing how that very thing seems to manifest. That thought made me feel quite excited and motivated – so far so good – a first step in the right direction according to the manifesting gurus.

I could sense a more elegant me, coming into my feminine essence and dressing to impress. Logging into the internet I googled “female author style icon’ and waited for the results. What a disappointment – all young punks – nothing in my age group. It seems that the last real era of true style icons was in the 1950s and they were mostly movie stars. I’d already nailed Audrey so tell me what’s new!

Googling again I changed the search to “elegant presenter”. The results did not give me any visual ideas, but I did discover something more interesting. Apparently we are considered elegant when we present ideas that are true to our values and beliefs i.e. being congruent wins kudos. Did that mean I could dress any which way and still be admired? I knew that wouldn’t work since I wanted to not only feel elegant but look it. One last chance at the net – where is that icon for me to model? Holding my breath I googled ‘Top Ten Authors 2010” and discovered that they all looked quite uninspiring, except for the obvious makeover from Women’s Own. I guess I will stick with my original plan – eat your heart out Audrey!

Janet Deeb

Cat up a Tree

2011-05-17T10:23:00.001-07:00

It costs our Fire Services thousands of pounds each year to rescue domestic cats that have found themselves stuck up a tree. There are literally millions of such incidents around the world, but it is not only the cats that are to blame. In a recent article in the Metro (ref: Metro.co.uk) it was revealed that:

“Fed-up firefighters are threatening to charge to rescue cats from trees, free dogs from holes and help overweight people out of their homes. In six months, the Lancashire Fire Service had calls from 40 people stuck in their baths, 6 trapped in phone boxes and 8 who could not get out of their chairlifts. 13 youngsters got their heads stuck in railings and 15 were stranded in trees.”

To those of us who are not involved personally, we might find these incidents quite comic, but for the unfortunate people/animals directly involved, it is no joke. As for the fire services, such rescue operations are often hugely expensive and time consuming.

What is the reason for this strange phenomenon? Why would a cat attempt to climb a tree and then be too afraid to come back down? Why do some people have such poor spatial awareness that they can’t tell if the bath is too small or recognize that they are too fat to fit in the lift? Surely there is something built into the feline or human DNA to prevent us from exposing ourselves to such foolhardy situations or choices?

Admittedly there is little excuse for such human stupidity, though we all suffer from lack of common sense at some time or other in our lives. However, if we give ourselves time/space to think before we act, theoretically our finely tuned mental faculties should help us to make wiser choices. Unfortunately, we rarely have that time or space. The point is that when we are under severe pressure i.e. being chased, (aka colleagues after our job at work, too much work, competition etc.) or when distracted by a tasty reward i.e. the bird, (aka material gain or status) are we ever able to make intelligent choices? Choices that truly serve us, help us to be fulfilled and give us courage to climb the tree of life/career, or to come down to earth and move in another direction?

As human beings we at least have the privilege of being able to learn from our mistakes. We can do this by looking at the past, analyzing its success or failure and making a choice as to whether it is wise to follow the same path. Alternatively we can watch what others have done and choose to do it differently or even improve on their performance.

It is not difficult to see what drives a cat up a tree. It is either trying to catch a bird or being chased up there by a dog or other predator. Once up the tree, its innate sense of self-preservation kicks in and any movement from below, whether it be friendly or threatening, causes it to climb even higher. The higher it climbs, the greater the fear, until the cat becomes frozen to the spot and is unable to go anywhere.

When you look at your career, are you behaving like that cat up the tree? Blindly chasing after things, money or status, without really considering the consequences of your actions. Are you so far up that you are afraid to change direction in your life for fear of losing what you have, (aka things, money, status) even if it is not what you really want? Are you using (losing?) all your energy to fight the competition, with sleepless nights, fearing the worst, yet refusing to change your tactics or position? Is your life or career on hold, because you are afraid to move? Ask yourself, is it wise or even sane to continue doing the same thing, even though it gives you poor results? Why would you want to remain in a state of immobility, when any movement or change in behaviour could give you something better?

Through the powerful tools of NLP we help you to start moving, to recognize your strengths and discover what behaviour no longer serves you. We show you how to make positive choices for a more successful life style and/or career. We help you to remove your head from the railings and take a good look around you, so that you can see and do what is best for you and your life. You learn how to become free and fearless like the wild cat!

Janet Deeb
From an idea by Carol at Matrix

Reasons to be Cheerful

2011-05-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

They called it the “Wedding of the Century”. Prince Harry said his mother would have been proud. The crowds in the streets were jubilant. The reporters were asking obvious questions, but we wanted to hear the answers. The people were there to celebrate, to forget the unhappiness and mediocrity of life, to be part of the Royal festivities.

You only had to look at the faces of the people in the crowd to know that they were indeed jubilant. Some of them had camped out for 3 days to get a front seat to view the Royal Couple. There were people of all ages and dominions, some had even travelled across the Atlantic to be there for this momentous occasion. Men and women, boys and girls, all wanted to be part of history, to be able to say that “I was there”.

The television programs began broadcasting from 8 a.m. and were still replaying the Royal scenes at midnight. It was as if the rest of the world no longer existed. Other news was put on hold, whilst we saw umpteen replays of the day’s events. It was one of the biggest and probably best publicity coups for the United Kingdom, since Charles and Diana’s wedding in 1981. Comparisons were naturally made between the two events and the most obvious conclusion was that William and Kate were very much a ‘couple’. Katherine, despite her ‘Middle Class’ background, carried herself with dignity and grace. She demonstrated a confidence and air of Royalty that certainly distinguished her from many a thoroughbred royal.

I was on a train when they were walking down the aisle. Watching it all from my friend’s iphone, we suddenly found ourselves surrounded by strangers. They crowded round the miniscule screen and we all laughed and joked together. Such a thing is normally unheard of in London, where you dare not speak to strangers for fear of being labelled as weird. It was a wonderful moment of togetherness and I will never forget it.

Everyone seemed to be caught up in the moment. There were organized and impromptu street parties all over the country. The cafes, restaurants and pubs were full to bursting as people found an excuse to celebrate. Even the most cynical could not fail to be caught up in the euphoria of the day.

How strange it is that we find so few excuses to celebrate life. How important it is to feel those good vibrations and to do it without fear, retribution or mockery. On the contrary there are too many opportunities to be sad, mad or just plane indifferent. And yet, such negative emotions only serve to divide humanity and make us more suspicious of each other.

Given the opportunity, all people like to rise to an occasion. I remember in the nineteen-sixties how the campaign in London, called “I’m backing Britain” took off in Carnaby Street. It became quite contagious. People were fed up with the negative labels that were being directed at the U.K. and they decided to fight back. It spawned an industry clothed in symbolism with the Union Jack prominently featured on T-Shirts, Crockery and anything that could sell the idea that Britain was great again.

To those people in the crowd and the hundreds of international TV reporters who broadcast the good news around the world, I say a loud BRAVO. Let’s find reasons to celebrate more often. They are good for morale and show that we can indeed be happy and united in the support of each other.

The Misnomer of Ownership

2011-04-13T07:52:00.000-07:00

The biggest problem we have in this world is our concept of ownership. We believe that once we have bought something, we own it exclusively and it belongs to us forever. If anyone tries to take it from us, we are fiercely protective. We remain that way until we decide it is time to let go and for some of us that might take a lifetime.

Ancient civilisations like the American Indians and Australian Aborigines have a completely different attitude. They live in close harmony with nature and respect all its creatures. Their nomadic habits mean that they do not stay in one place long enough to build lasting attachments. They are simply guests on the earth, ‘borrowing’ the resources that nature generously provides until they move on to the next ‘provider’ or water hole. For that reason they do not even have a word for ‘own’ in their vocabulary and cannot understand the concept of ownership. Consequently they don’t spend too long feeling sorrowful when they leave something behind, because it wasn’t theirs to take in the first place!

Conversely, the majority of humans in the ‘modern’ world attach so much importance to owning ‘material things’ that they have developed a huge fear of losing ‘their’ belongings. This fear is so great that it is not uncommon for man to spend a lifetime collecting as much as he/she can so as to avert any possibility of lack and to ward off this huge fear of loss. Of course, we all know that eventually when we die we cannot take anything with us. All those possessions are left behind and we return from whence we came as naked as the day we were born.

This desire to be the owner of things should not be confused with the human need for self-preservation or basic survival. We all need to feel protected and safe but somehow we have become confused. It seems we have developed a limiting belief that the more we surround ourselves with things we own, the bigger our illusion of safety and security becomes. It is no wonder that we are afraid to let go of what we have and yet that is the only way to make a change.

Like the story of the teacup as told by Bruce Lee in his book “Artist of Life’. There was a learned man who went to a Zen master to inquire about Zen. As the Zen master talked, the learned man would frequently interrupt him with remarks like ‘Oh yes, we have that too’, and so forth. Finally the Zen master stopped talking and began to serve tea to the learned man; however he kept on pouring and the teacup overflowed. ‘Enough! No more can go into the cup!’ the learned man interrupted. ‘Indeed, I see,’ answered the Zen master. ‘If you do not first empty your cup, how can you taste my cup of tea?’

When we let go of something old, we make room for new things to come into our life. In the same way that nomadic tribes could move from one place to another, without attachment, we could learn to let go of old habits, old possessions, old beliefs and move on to new experiences, new ways of living. In NLP we can easily identify these negative habits or behaviours that are holding us back from growing and developing. We are able to reframe loss and let go of the things that do not serve us, so that we can move on to a more positive and beneficial existence.

In the Zen philosophy of non-attachment, we learn to accept whatever life brings, without fear or distress or resistance. It is our attachment to things, our resistance to change and our refusal to let go that causes so much misery. If we weren’t so paranoid about holding on to the status quo, to what we have acquired, earned, bought, learned, received, etc., we would be less worried about losing it. As human beings it is inevitable that we will experience the emotion of loss and it is important to acknowledge that pain. However, the emotion is transitory and will pass provided we do not resist the change and allow the natural rhythm of life to ebb and flow.

When we recognize that we have become inordinately attached to something e.g. our books, car, clothes, etc. and we finally let go, we become aware of a discernable lightness, dare I say, relief. How much time and energy is wasted stubbornly holding on to old beliefs and arguing about them! Remember people once believed that the world was flat! I always thought I was a model of minimalistic living, until recently when I decided to move. How I agonized over what to take with me and what to leave behind! The things I had owned over the years had somehow become a cloak, a mantel for my life – they almost defined who I had become. What would happen if I shook them off, where would I be?

Is it our lack of faith or trust in a benign universe that causes us to hold on to the status quo? Or perhaps it is a lack of faith in our own ability to find something better, to replace what we have accumulated or become over time with something else? Have you noticed how peer pressure keeps us stuck in the old ways? How uncomfortable others become when we change our mind, our beliefs or lifestyle, even our structure of living.

Dr. Wayne Dyer tells a story about the time he went to a local radio station to be interviewed. He had been there many times before and was therefore well known by the staff. On this particular occasion he noticed that everyone was looking very gloomy and barely spoke to him. When he asked them what was the matter he discovered that they had been made redundant. His response was ‘how wonderful, you can turn your loss into an opportunity for change and move on to pastures new.’ At first they were shocked by his comment but when he questioned them more deeply many of them admitted that they could now pursue their dreams and that their forced redundancy had made them reevaluate their lives.

Most people do not like to let go of their comfortable existence, but it is the very act of discomfort that moves us forward in positive and interesting ways. Likewise we often find it hard to accept new ideas, new concepts because society teaches us to play it safe and follow the herd. Yet, when we make those changes, when we change our mind about life, we find that life changes its mind about us.

Janet Deeb
http://www.blazelightaround.com
from an idea by Carol at Matrix Training
http://www.matrix-training.com

Fly Me I'm Fragrant

2011-01-12T04:55:00.000-08:00

Years ago there was an advertising campaign for a famous American airline and the slogan went something like ‘Fly me I’m [girl’s name]”. There were posters everywhere with a gorgeous woman plastered all over them. It was a hugely successful campaign and 10CC, a popular group at the time, even had a hit single with the name, ‘Fly me, I’m Mandy’. It was the start of a series of publicity stunts that attempted to link beautiful women with a desire to fly on a particular airline or buy a particular product. The female community may not have been amused but they could not deny that it worked.

It seems that the human race is pre-programmed to chase after beauty. No matter how much we refuse to follow that particular dictate, it is an inevitable human reaction. In the case of the ‘Fly me, I’m Mandy’ airline, the days of nubile young air hostesses has long since passed, though who would dare to comment! ‘I’m ugly, fly me’ does not have the same attraction and would probably incur a law suite from the Society for the Protection of some minority group or other.

From the time we are babies, the beautiful ones learn fast that a pretty face gets them everywhere. Only when we mature do we practice not to recoil from ugliness and discover that beauty is often only skin deep.

Another thing that the advertising moguls prey on is our sense of smell. Apparently we spend billions of dollars every year on fragrances to disguise our own (apparently) unappealing pong. They do everything to convince us that wearing X brand will make us beautiful and rich with a zillion admirers. I am rather surprised that the airlines haven’t picked up on that particular selling point, or did I miss it?

Instead of ‘Fly me I’m Mandy’ we could have ‘Fly me I’m fragrant’. Now that would definitely interest the more sensitive travellers amongst us. Whenever I fly I seem to attract the most unsavory companions, who either sneeze and cough all over me for 7 grueling hours or inflict their own personal aroma on my personal space. It is a most infuriating experience and one that seems to replicate itself with alarming regularity. So much so that I have changed my pre-flight prayer to ‘thank you for my safe and fragrant flight’. I even fantasize about a ‘cleaner air’ experience. Imagine airlines that employ ‘fragrant guards’ with sniffer dogs to ensure that no one is allowed on board unless they pass the pong test! Imagine, “Fly Chanel” or “Virgin Atlantic by Coco”. The possibilities are endless.

Seriously, though, the aroma of a place can have a big impact on our enjoyment or motivation to return for a second visit. I wonder if governments take that into consideration when planning their tourist campaigns. Inadequately purified irrigation water has sent many an inquisitive walker running for cover. I wonder how much we unconsciously anchor our experiences through the local smells?

After years of living in the Middle East I had become quite used to the dusty air, but did not notice its unique smell until I returned from the wetter climes of Europe. When walking around the souks in Dubai, we are often subjected to the strong smell of Arabic Oudh or whiffs of passing mothballs. I presume that both aromas serve to disguise other unpleasant smells or in the case of the latter to prevent moths from eating our clothes. However, I think someone should mention that they also keep humans away!

On a more positive note, let me come into contact with the local ‘Ghawa’ coffee with top notes of cardamom, and I am instantly hooked. Similarly, I have friends who cannot walk past a donut shop without having to pay a visit. Perhaps it’s the cinnamon flavouring that does it? Whatever your particular fix, next time you venture out into the wide world pay attention to what your nose is telling you. There is a lot more behind our odour detector than you know.

Janet Deeb
http://www.blazelightaround.com
from an idea by Carol at Matrix Training
http://www.matrix-training.com

The Winter Solstice

2011-01-05T02:28:00.000-08:00

The winter solstice marks the beginning of winter and the longest night. It is a time when the sun is at its lowest in the sky, so days become shorter and nights correspondingly longer. In days gone by, it was considered by many societies as a time of celebration and feasting. In temperate climates the winter solstice was the last opportunity to gather together and have fun before the austerity of the winter months set in. Animals would be slaughtered, so they would not have to be fed during winter and this provided a rare opportunity to eat fresh meat. The majority of wine and beer was finally fermented and ready for drinking at this time, so there were plenty of provisions during the celebrations.

Ancient civilisations, as long as 3000 years ago, recognized the significance of the winter solstice i.e. the primary axes of Stonehenge in UK and Newgrange in Ireland were built to capture the rays of the winter solstice during sunrise and sunset.

Various cultural mythologies and traditions have arisen around this time and are still practiced i.e. Christmas day co-incides with the Roman winter solstice, where good deeds and gift giving is commonly expected. The most widespread Scottish custom is the practice of ‘first footing’, which starts immediately after midnight on the first day of the New Year. Tradition requires that the first person (usually tall and dark haired) to cross the threshold of a friend or neighbour’s house, bring with them a gift such as salt (less common today), coal, shortbread or whisky and black bun (a fruit pudding). This is intended as a symbol of good luck for the householder in the New Year.

Another ceremony performed by the Inca priests was the tying of the sun. In Machu Picchu there is still a large column of stone called an ‘Intihuatana’, meaning ‘hitching post of the sun’. The ceremony to ‘tie the sun’ to the stone was to prevent the sun from escaping.

According to Iranian mythology, Mithra was born at the end of this night after the long-expected defeat of darkness against light. ‘Shab-e Chelleh’ is now an important social occasion, when family and friends get together for fun and merriment. Different kinds of dried fruits, nuts, seeds and fresh winter fruits are consumed. This is reminiscence of the ancient feasts, where they prayed to the deities to ensure the protection of the winter crops.

Nowadays, most people, or certainly those in the Western hemisphere, treat December as a time to wind down from their hectic pace of work and focus instead on festive celebrations. They take this opportunity to spend time with their family and friends in very sociable gatherings. In ancient times the months that followed the winter solstice brought fear and frequently starvation. Therefore, their celebrations prior to the onset of winter were considered a last chance to celebrate their lives in case they did not survive the harsh winter.

Although few people in the modern Western world have such fears, December has become known as a period of over indulgence and excess, before January and February herald in a more frugal period. It is also an important time of retrospection, where we consider the past year, how we have faired in business and relationships and where we are going with our lives. The media as well as social pressures often cause us to have great expectations in December. These are, by their nature, frequently unrealistic and usually lead to disappointment and feelings of failure and remorse. Hence the New Year can bring with it huge disillusionment in terms of relationships and personal satisfaction.

January has not surprisingly become known as the ‘sad’ month. There is a general perception that there are no more celebrations, we have spent all our money and there is nothing to look forward to except cold weather and dark days. We didn’t meet the love of our life or worse still we broke up with them! This can be quite a challenge for those who are not naturally optimistic or have nothing else to focus on i.e. the unemployed or those with no family or friends for support. For such people, a coach or therapist is very beneficial. They help us to refocus our attention and recharge our batteries, so that we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

On the other hand the first month of the New Year is a time for reining in not only our wallets, but also our girth. Healthy resolutions and a more balanced diet are the order of the day and magazines are full of suggestions for a new and improved you. This may all be symbolic, but it still reflects the original sentiments of the ancients at this time of year, where there was traditionally less to eat and a general lack of resources. Those of a more cynical nature have long ceased to pay serious attention to these seasonal practices, though they can’t fail to be drawn in by the global talk of change and the unmistakable feel of the New Year.

As long as we recognize the purpose behind this time of the year and take it as part of the natural rhythm of life, we can accept its ebbs and flows. It is pointless trying to resist or even resent it. Attempting to work hard when everyone else is slowing down is frankly non productive and usually ineffective. Take some time off, slow down and celebrate with the others. Take stock of what you have achieved and where you have been going all year. Give yourself space to let your thoughts and dreams percolate into something fresh and new for the coming season. We were all born to grow and to change. Let the New Year bring in those changes. Be courageous, think out of the box and turn yourself into something new and exciting in 2011.

Janet Deeb
Picture & information courtesy of Wikipedia

Choose your channel

2010-11-29T03:29:00.000-08:00

This blog was inspired by an idea from Carol at www.matrix-training.com: When you wake up in the morning do you tune in to the latest news update (probably bad news and depressing), or switch on the radio! What’s the last thing you listen to before you go to bed? Imagine being able to choose your own radio and TV channel inside your head…..and for what purpose would you choose to watch bad news and listen to music you don’t like, when you can direct your own movies and go into your own recording studio to create your own music?

Are you going through a good phase in your life or have you had better times? What is it that seems to cause our good or bad moods? Is it the people or circumstances around us that put us into that fog, that give us the ‘blues’?

It’s not a secret that the way you start your day will usually have an enormous impact on the way it ends. Waking up late, falling out of bed, tripping over the cat and jumping into a cold shower (unless you are conditioned to it) is a sure fire route to disaster. The expression ‘to start the day as you mean to go on’ is a useful reminder that good starts are to be recommended to ensure a better chance of a happy ending. Otherwise we seem to spend the rest of the day either playing catch up or discovering that things can only get worse.

But bad days often begin as a result of a bad night. Not having enough sleep or being unable to sleep properly will most likely cause us to feel tired and grumpy. It’s obvious that getting the optimum amount of sleep is an important factor in our emotional wellbeing. However, going to bed in a good frame of mind is essential if you are to have any hope of waking up feeling the same. I like to do Jin Shin Jyutsu before I fall asleep and upon waking. It seems to put the body into a harmonious state which is more conducive to sleeping. It helps me to come back down to earth from my nocturnal travels, ready for the new day. Another powerful relaxer is to go into peripheral vision, by focusing your sight (eyes closed) between your eyebrows. This causes your mind to slow down and if you focus on something positive at the same time you will fall asleep more quickly.

The thoughts we think before we sleep, the movies we watch are powerful dictators of the dreams that follow. It is therefore very beneficial to have a routine before bed. One that puts us in a good frame of mind, where our thoughts are stilled and our body relaxed. If you go to sleep all hyper and anxious it is asking a lot of the body and the mind to switch off straight away.

I never realized the importance of taking a shower before bed until I understood how much negative energy we tend to absorb during the day. Apart from the obvious benefits for hygiene, the very act of standing under running water, removes all the stresses and strains we have taken on board and helps the body to relax.

If you remember the adage that ‘today is the first day of the rest of your life’, whatever happened yesterday is no longer important. It is what you do from this second onwards that shapes the present and ultimately the future. Therefore make that first thought upon awakening a positive one. That can be quite tricky if you haven’t practiced. That is why having a plan the night before is always helpful. It’s a bit like wanting that healthy salad for lunch. If you don’t prepare it the night before and have it ready in the fridge, the chances are you will find yourself snacking on fast food again. Decide how you would like to start your day. Create a mantra or a positive affirmation that you can repeat upon waking and you will find your mind will be quick to follow it.

Louise Hay says "If you can encompass your day, beginning to end, with loving thoughts, ...you will become one of those people who listens to stories of disaster rather than having them. When you wake up each morning, try saying to yourself, ‘Oh, good morning, Darling! Today is going to be fabulous!’ And that is what it will turn out to be.”

Tune into your own channel of positive vibrations, switch off those old negative vibes and create a truly fabulous day!

Are you ready for an upgrade

2010-10-12T07:27:00.000-07:00

Last week I found myself sitting in a premier cinema in Dubai watching the inaugural presentation of the film ‘Eat, Pray, Love’. The fact that they had made a movie out of the book was sufficient enticement, though the added bonus of first class seating, with reclining chairs and waitress service, had my friend and I giggling at our bravado and the sheer decadence of the experience.

That started me thinking. I often treat others by giving them my full attention, in terms of time, support, interest etc., but how often do I treat myself to something special? When was the last time I bought myself a bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates or had an exotic meal? Some of you might question the wisdom of such ‘egocentric’ behaviour, arguing that it is a waste of money or self-indulgent nonsense. However, I would bet that you wouldn’t think twice if someone else had offered to indulge you and was paying for it.

Why is it that we believe it is ok for someone else to indulge us, but when we treat ourselves we consider it wrong or sinful? This limiting belief usually stems from our cultural upbringing, where we are taught from an early age not to be selfish and to always think of others before ourselves. The New Age thinkers interpret this ‘self indulgence’ differently. Nowadays we are being encouraged to be selfish in a selfless way, because only when we love or appreciate ourselves, can we love and appreciate others.

Those of us who are reluctant to spend money or put some effort into the occasional indulgence, might ask where else are we holding back in our lives? Since money is only a form of energy exchange, our reluctance to spend tells us a lot about our general attitude. I used to laugh when a friend of mine started buying flowers for herself and making a romantic dinner for one. She had decided there was not enough romance in her life and determined to do something about it. Within a very short period of time she had a partner who was doing exactly the same for her. So I stopped laughing. You might call it coincidence, but it is demonstrated by Quantum Physics that what we put out we have to get back.

‘A Course in Miracles’ says that whatever is missing in your life is proportional to what you are not giving. Marianne Williamson paraphrases it in her book, ‘A Return to Love’, as ‘Only what you have not given can be lacking in any situation.’ Whenever I give something of myself, whether it be my time, money, effort, encouragement, compassion etc., it is always returned. It may not come from the same source but something always comes back. When we hold back, we stop this natural energy exchange and become like a silted up river.

Giving generates pleasure and sends a positive message to all the cells in our body that we are appreciated, which in turn sends out a similar signal to the universe. When we are happy we can’t help but share some of that good energy with others and it eventually comes back to us in some positive form or another and so the cycle continues.

There are many parables in the Bible, which encourage us to spend so that we shall receive, “For unto every one that hath shall be given and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath.” St. Mathew 25.29. Here we are being admonished for holding on to what we have, instead of sharing with others so that our wealth multiplies. Even economic theory suggests that in times of slump, the government must inject more money into the economy to get it going again, rather than withholding it.

When we stop thinking lack and start behaving with an abundant attitude we tend to get abundance. Remember the story of Scrooge in ‘A Christmas Carol’ and how his miserly behaviour brought him misery and pain and by changing it to generosity of spirit, he became a different person? Now I am not suggesting that everyone should rush out and spend their last dime on some extravagance simply to prove that they love and value themselves or others. However, doing things that demonstrate the love, appreciation and respect you have for yourself are essential preludes to loving, appreciating and respecting others.

“Whether you want it or not, you’ll probably get it.” In other words, what we expect we get. Our expectations are instructions to the universe to deliver. Therefore, when we expect the best we get it, when we expect the worst we also get it. Prove it to yourself. Upgrade your thoughts about yourself and life will adjust itself accordingly. Think of yourself as a first class person and people will start treating you as if you really are.

Try this experiment. For the next week you will only accept the best for yourself. Think positive thoughts and do positive things. Whenever a negative thought rears its head, simply acknowledge it and throw it in the bin. Do your best to avoid negative people or always have a positive reframe for them. Keep a diary and write down all the positive things you noticed on a daily basis. Delete all the negatives from your memory. At the end of the week see how you feel. I predict that the payback will be worth far more than the payout.

Jumper Cables for Life

2010-09-30T07:52:00.000-07:00

When your car stalled in the 1930s, you had to place a metal pole into the drive shaft through a hole in the front of the engine and hand crank it into action. It was quite an exhausting process and required a lot of energy and effort, not to mention time, to fire up the motor. It was certainly not for the faint hearted or those of a weak constitution. Consequently the driver would do everything he could to keep the engine running.

As the technology of the car evolved a more sophisticated process for starting the engine was developed and all it took was a turn of the key and you were on your way. Nowadays engines have become so efficient and reliable that they rarely break down and when they do the most common cause is a flat battery. Then all we need to restart the motor is a set of jumper cables connected to another running engine.

Wouldn’t it be handy if we could jump-start our life as easily as the car? Imagine energy fueling stations dotted around town, where we could plug into an energy source and top up our human battery in a jiffy.

I like to think of the tools of NLP as jumper cables. When my battery is flat and I have little or no motivation to move forward, I reach into my toolbox and pull out something to get me started again. All it takes is a small intervention here and there to get me firing on all cylinders.

Life can be quite exhausting and it is hardly surprising that we cannot always maintain a constant level of positivity and motivation. It is not a failure or deficiency, simply a fact of life that this human engine needs a little help to keep it running at optimum efficiency. We already know the positive effects of regular food and healthy nutrition on our physical body, but many of us neglect the emotional and mental top ups. There are more than 40 tools in NLP, which will get your life going again and enable you to recognize when your battery is getting flat before it actually runs out.

It didn’t take me long to appreciate the benefits of investing in regular services for my car. Breaking down in the middle of town, in temperatures of 40 degrees or more or having to risk life and limb in a taxi cab were sufficient motivators. The benefits of preventive maintenance for myself were not always so obvious, though the effects were far more dramatic.

The warning signs are always there, but sometimes we need someone else to point them out to us. When you get to that point where everything is a big effort, you don’t have the same clarity that you used to have and even simple decisions seem like enormous problems, it’s time to crank start the engine, and NLP has all the tools to help you do just that.

NLP works through the unconscious mind to tackle our limiting beliefs, change our negative scripts and reinstall positive strategies to move us forward and onwards to a fulfilling and motivating life. Through these powerful tools we can combat the common scourges of life and open up to our higher self, to regain our self-confidence and know that we can do or be exactly what we want and really ENJOY our lives at last.

A Yearly Phenomenon

2010-08-30T02:50:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed how one’s perception of things changes around this time of the year? I have lived in the UAE for around 30 years and this strange phenomenon occurs without fail. When I return from a trip to UK or a holiday abroad, I see my life and circumstances in a completely different light.

It seems that distance has a lot to do with it. Getting on that airplane and flying for 7 hours is a powerful catalyst for change. As we find ourselves soaring into the air, we metaphorically begin to see life from a higher or bigger perspective. We move out of the detail and into the big picture.

On the outward journey I am usually excited and can’t wait to leave the heat of Dubai and move into the refreshing air of cooler climes. I seem to have more energy and I treat myself to long walks and visits to stately homes and ancient historical sites. I walk around lovingly preserved gardens and natural vegetation and I get this wonderful calm and peaceful feeling. This lasts for a few weeks and then a surfeit of sight seeing takes its toll and I can’t wait to get home. On the return journey I think about all the positive aspects of my life in Dubai. Minor irritations are replaced with major advantages and the holiday experience fades into the background, as I eagerly anticipate getting back into my old routine.

Opening the door of my apartment, I immediately notice that my normally bright and shiny lounge now looks dull and dusty. Somehow the layout of the furniture is wrong and I feel compelled to move chairs around and reorganize the place. Even my clothes look different. Those favourite outfits that I was quite content to wear all year suddenly appear faded and boring. The strange thing is that my friends can’t see what I am talking about. Everything in my flat looks the same to their eyes. So what has changed? Is it me or is it my perception of things that has altered?

In NLP we learn how we all have our own map of the world. This is coloured by our own personal filters, which in turn are determined by our experiences, family and social upbringing. In other words we all see things differently according to these unique influences. If I think of it in that way, my changed perception makes perfect sense. My trip out of the country naturally exposed me to new things, new people, new ideas, and a new environment. Suddenly my filter is automatically affected. It has been updated. That is why when I come back home my furniture looks quite different.

I am happy to accept this phenomenon because it is stimulating. I go out and buy new clothes or think about different ways of wearing the old ones. The process of moving things around, allows me to see things from another angle. I liken this to “spring cleaning” fever. It may not happen in springtime but the effect is the same. It is somehow rejuvenating and a necessary part of man’s healthy evolution. Those of us who recognize the signals and allow ourselves to be moved by these changes, begin the “new cycle of our life” with renewed energy and enthusiasm. Those who do not change remain stuck in their old ways and lack motivation to move forward.

NLP gives us powerful tools to alter our paradigms about each other. As we let go of old habits and perceptions, we grow in understanding and compassion, which in turn leads to more peace and happiness. In the same way that moving furniture around allowed me to see my surroundings with a new perspective, we can reposition our thoughts and perceptions to gain fresher insights and different outlooks on life. When we let go of the old we make room for new, more positive life scripts and this is when we really start to change for the better.

Janet Deeb
August 2010
Website: http://www.blazelightaround.co.uk

It's all in the weather, isn't it?

2010-07-09T05:19:00.000-07:00

No matter how sophisticated we become in this hi tech world there is one thing we never seem to have any control over and that is the weather. If you live in the UK you will notice that most of us are obsessed and emotionally controlled by it. There is either too much rain and we are flooded out, or a total ban on hosepipes and all the grass is dead. It’s too hot or too cold, too windy or completely airless. Basically there is never an ideal combination to suit the British palate.

There are various theories as to why we can’t stop talking about it. The most obvious one is that it is a safe topic. It’s hard to get into an argument about the wind or the rain and this neutral ground gives us an excuse to communicate with strangers. Walking in my mother’s garden this morning I was struck by the effect of global warming on this country. The grass is so parched it looks like a straw mat and there is very little hope that it will ever return to its former green splendour. We haven’t had rain for about 2 months and the forecast is not hopeful for any rain in the next week.

It’s not the sun that causes the grass to die, because I live in Dubai where we have green grass all year round and the temperatures there often reach the high 40s. What keeps it so green is the constant watering. In the same way that man can survive without food for a few weeks, without water he will die within days, so the garden needs H₂0 to flourish.

Water is the elixir of life. The water composition of man varies between 50 - 75% and in order to be fit and healthy we need a constant daily top up of 1-1/2-2 litres per day. Apparently it is not just the grass that is dehydrated, but modern western man is also suffering. Studies have proven that a large percentage of the population does not drink enough water and that is why we lack concentration and are so tired all the time.

There are lots of expressions in the English language connected with the weather. When we are angry about something we feel hot and bothered. When we are miserable we are labeled a wet blanket. When we have no feelings at all we are as cold as ice. To cheer ourselves up we need to walk on the sunny side of the street. Sunlight or sunshine is always synonymous with happiness and good cheer, whereas the dark clouds herald in hard times and depression. It is no coincidence that we have created these expressions to match our mood, for we are definitely affected by the weather. Or are we?

When I moved to a country where the climate is generally hot all year round and there are no distinct seasons, people used to tell me that I would miss the change in the weather and that it was not natural. Well, I have been there for over 30 years and have discovered that I enjoy the sunlight, and I adjust to the lack of obvious seasons by making the change inwardly. I have discovered that if I am happy inside, the rain or the clouds on the outside are just another backwash to the picture of my life, they are not the main picture or the determining emotion.

Most of us are aware of the power of inner happiness. If we think back over our lives and remember those times when we were truly happy, do we recall rain clouds or dull weather? Probably not, or if we do, it is usually with a positive association. Imagine being able to switch on that good weather feeling whenever you felt like it, instead of having to wait for the sun to come out or the wind to blow. How much happier and content would we be with our lives, living in that state of positive chi.

One way of doing it is through the tools of NLP*. They offer us that “light switch”, a way to tap into the power of positive vibrations, a fair weather scene for all our days. Perhaps that is why this modality, which was developed in the ‘70s is having a resurgence in popularity. It’s no longer a question of whether to be happy or sad, but how often. How would it feel to take back that control? Maybe we would talk less about the weather if we were able to turn that switch on ourselves.

http://blazelightaround.co.uk

*Neuro Linguistic Programming

References:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_water

http://www.health4youonline.com/article_dehydration.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survival_skills

Cosmic Fog

2010-05-03T06:39:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why we surround ourselves with so many things in our lives? How much do we really need to function comfortably in this world? Does having more make us more; make us better, safer or happier? There is always enormous pressure to buy more with the promise that our lives will be perfect once we own this object or that outfit. We fall for that trick and later discover that it did not work. We are still dissatisfied and yet we continue to keep trying to make it work, we keep buying more and more. A never-ending cycle of illusion. Am I alone in believing that less is best?

My motive for my life is use it or lose it and I practice that in everything, from the obvious bric-a-brac that is so easy to accumulate, to clothes, Jewellery, DVDs, crockery, cutlery, books, papers and even food. My fridge at the beginning of the week is full of fresh food and drinks. Enough to last the week and I try to use everything before I venture back into the supermarket. I regularly tidy up my wardrobe, and at least once a year I clear out all my documents and bills etc. What does it do for me? I feel lighter. My life is simpler. It is easier to find things as I now have less choice. I spend less time in the shops looking for replacement items and more time on things that matter, that make me happy. Holding on to old invoices and records of the past simply keeps me stuck in the past. It’s amazing how liberating it is to throw away financial history.

I have always taken great pride in keeping everything around me neat and tidy. So, it came as a real shock when I discovered that I was hoarding books and training notes. It was as if I did not trust myself to remember what I had read or learned and was intent on holding on to every piece of information I could. The day I spring cleaned my filing cabinet and book shelf was quite a shock to my system. Having to let go of all that "learning". Would I ever be the same again?

In Reiki we are taught to have an attitude of gratitude for all things. I like to think that even the sofa wants to be appreciated for its role in my life. Who am I to say that just because it is not defined as a “living” thing, that it does not need to be recognised for its role in existence. It’s obvious that running water, electricity and waste disposal are services that we definitely cannot live comfortably without, and yet how often do we take them for granted? When the taps run dry and the lights go out, our angry indignation that we have been denied a basic right, highlights our ingratitude. It’s only when they are not there that we realize how much we take them for granted. Think about it. Take a tour around your house and thank each and every item for its contribution. If you find when you get to the fifth set of saucepans or 8 tins of beans that perhaps there are too many items sitting there, doing nothing, and often exceeding their sell by date, perhaps you could consider downsizing!

Even in Feng Shui it is recognized that clutter in the house causes energetic stagnation. It’s obvious that a full glass will spill over when we try to add more water, so why do we keep on pouring? The same applies to other areas of our lives. Someone who has taken on too much, in terms of work or emotional stress, will eventually collapse. It is the natural law of nature that all things need to be in balance. The fairy stories of our childhood teach us through characters like “Goldilocks and the three bears” that the bed should not be too soft, or too hard, but just right, in other words, in perfect balance. Imagine if the trees held on to their leaves or the apples refused to ripen.

Clutter is not only in the things around us, but also in our heads. Information overload can be just as damaging as hoarding material things. I read somewhere that the average Western person receives more information in one day than our ancestors used to read in one year and it is increasing at a rapid rate. This information does not cause clutter by itself. It is the things that we mean to do with it and postpone, the thoughts that we constantly think and don’t let go of, the intentions we decide to have and never action,that cause blockages in our minds. All this amounts to a huge dam in our flow of energy and is responsible for more modern dis-eases, like stress, than most people realize.

What is fog? A collection of unhealthy and polluted air, which hangs around and prevents us from seeing clearly. Imagine that fog as your thoughts. The more you allow them to stagnate the blinder you become to the possibilities in your life. The negative words we use pollute our mind and ultimately the atmosphere. We all have an experience of someone using derogatory words towards us. Do they help us to see more clearly or do they contribute to the foggy haze of fear and confusion in our lives?

There is a wonderful exercise in coaching, which we call “Feng Shui of the Mind”. It helps us to identify and weed out the excess in all areas of our lives. Once clear, we are free to move forward in positive and enlightening ways, which not only help us individually but collectively. It’s simple. It can be done immediately and it costs nothing. Yet the savings in our health and happiness are enormous.

De-clutter yourself today and contribute to the greening of our society and the cleansing of the cosmic fog. Go on! I dare you.

Biographies are ghastly things

2010-03-24T05:35:00.000-07:00

Biographies are ghastly things. They place us in a box. We have to live up to the expectation of the things we’ve done before and qualifications we have been given. That is why I have a problem with my CV. I refuse to be defined by the “Corporate Voice” because it labels me by what I have done and leaves no room for what I might like to do or what I have not yet done. I admit that it gives others an indication of my potential skill, but it also closes the door of their mind to anything else I might be capable of doing. It traps me in my old life, and neatly confines me to stay where I am, instead of being a platform for growth and development.

Biographies also stress me out. They force me to remember my past, precisely what I was doing, for whom I was doing it and how successful I was at it (i.e. references etc.). Information I have long since left behind in the dark recesses of my mind.

I believe that you and I are more than the sum total of our work experience. and should certainly not be defined by someone else’s impressions or projections. I am me, the I AM presence that sees and hears and senses and knows that these labels are only that. The problem is that labels stick and are hard to remove. Then once they have been removed, a new label is then applied by society to fill the void left by the old one. So we have a never-ending battle of sticking and removing, being this, being that, being labeled. I prefer to just BE.

I would rather be labeled by my writing, my poetry, or my ideas; but only those that are current, because they represent what I am thinking in the minute, in the moment of writing. They do not, however, define me.

CVs have become identity tags. Would you object to having a metal tag sewn into your DNA? People can now find you on the web, know your life history through your biography and call you on it whenever they want to test its truth or your integrity. Suppose I got the dates wrong, or even the details, will I be labeled a fraudster, a trickster, a fake?

Think not on what a person has done, but what they are now or what they want to be. Think not on the qualifications they acquired. They probably do not remember them anymore. Think not that the person in front of you is still the same person they where 1,2,5 or more years ago. Apart from the obvious physical changes, we all evolve emotionally, spiritually and mentally. What I believed yesterday may be irrelevant today. Life is changing so rapidly that we can’t stand still, even if we want to. That CV is a flash photo, a snap shot of a moment in time when you did a particular job, lived a particular life. You may, or may not, have enjoyed it or wanted it, and may have just happened upon it. Most of the work I did I just “happened upon” or was offered to me because others thought I would make a good job of it. In those days I never thought to ask myself “Is this what I really want? Is this really me? Do I want this on my CV?”

What is a CV? Is it really a Curriculum Vitae or Programme of our Life. Does it include everything that we are? Bio-data is probably a better description, because Bio implies some form of Biography, or story with Biological data i.e. blond haired, green eyed, female facilitator of human experiences.

So why do I hate writing them? Could it be that I don’t really believe in the labels or the implication that my past history defines what I can do or am allowed to do now? For those of you who came to this site, does it matter where I was educated, with whom I worked or whether I was good at my job? Do I need a CV to write about spiritual enquiry? I think not! As Descartes said, “I think, therefore I am”. So what am I?

Suffice it to say that right now, in this moment, I AM A HUMAN BEING WHO CARES and that, Ladies and Gentlemen is my CV or as I prefer to call it my “CARING VOICE” in this life.

Just One of Those Days!

2010-02-18T06:02:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had just one of those days when you feel like you don’t fit in? Not with your friends, not with yourself, not with life. Is there one thing, you ask yourself, that I can do that will rekindle the passion for life that was mine last week?

Oh the perversity of our existence. Just when you thought you’d got it taped, your whole world falls apart and, with steam pumping out of your ears, you want to scream “Get me out of HERE.” Only no one is there to listen, let alone respond.

So what started this maelstrom of emotions, this bubbling volcano of negative expletives? Actually, I think it began with power. I was losing it (my power, that is) because I thought (assumed) someone else was stealing mine. This, of course, made me extremely angry, though I suppressed that response, instead of expressing it. How noble of me to swallow the anger. After all, there is already too much out there. Right? Not so, you foolish one!

Carrying a burden of self-pity, or disguised anger, I ventured into the wild world and bingo, got tested by another hapless human, who pressed all my buttons in the field of tolerance, patience and compassion. Yet more anger to add to the bonfire!

The net result was a huge wave of depression, eating away at my self-esteem and taking the wind out of my sails. Staggering along, intent on gaining nothing from everything, the prophesy of self fulfillment was realized. Only this time the anger was even greater, and the depression far deeper.

Now that I come to think of it, or write about it, I realize, these experiences were all there to test my ability to use the tools I have been teaching in my workshops. Well! There is nothing like grounding your learning in self-exploration to prove the tools actually work!

Rule #1: Don’t take things personally

Rule #2: Don’t make assumptions

Rule #3: Nobody deliberately sets out to hurt you. They are only doing the best they can with the tools they have

I obviously forgot all 3 rules. In hindsight if I had remembered those rules I would not have been so upset by the power issue and would have felt compassion instead of anger for my perceived aggressors or those poor misguided fellow “in-human” beings.

Of course, my response came directly from my EGO. That dreadful character who is always behind my miserable moods. How is that? You may ask. It’s simple really!

I only take things personally because my EGO wants to be top dog and everything revolves around ME. Secondly, I only make assumptions (usually negative ones) because I don’t have the courtesy to ask the other party about their intentions. I, therefore, make my own judgments without any other evidence. Surely, that would not stand up in a court of law! And lastly, my EGO is always on the defensive, and I immediately assume that whatever they did was deliberate. Of course, all of this is completely MAD when you look at it in hindsight and it hurt me far more than the other person, who is probably wandering around completely oblivious to the havoc they instigated.

Now that I know what is going on, I can only laugh at my folly and dispassionately release all attachment to the moods I myself created; and get on with living in the NOW – with a brand new and positive attitude to life and all its annoying little tests. Excellent! Now that’s settled. What’s for tea and who wants to join me?

Feb 2010

Swine Flu .....

2009-10-30T23:13:00.000-07:00

Opening my email today I was drawn to a message entitled “shocking news”. My first thought was to delete it as it looked decidedly like spam, and then my curiosity got the better of me and I decided to open it. Fortunately the main message was in an attachment. However, the one line teaser was enough to make me jump back and instantly click delete. Suffice it to say that it was about Swine Flu. An emotive subject at best, with potential to be absolutely terrifying at worst.

For those of us who choose to believe that the world is one big conspiracy and an atomic meltdown just waiting to happen, shocking stories merely help to confirm our suspicions. However, for the rest of us mortals who are trying to retain some sense and sanity, around a subject that has already been compared to the Black Death, it is simply another scare tactic to shake off.

What is it that makes people want to spread such salacious “hearsay” and send us into blind panic? Everyone knows that it only takes a few extremists in a crowd to cause a stampede. Imagine what you can do by thoughtlessly passing on an email to potentially millions of people. There should be a warning on all computers of the penalty for such irresponsible behaviour.

There has been a lot of discussion recently around blogs and the integrity of information being passed through the internet, where there are no procedures for checking the validity of what is being written. At least when you read a newspaper, the editor is accountable for what goes to print and can be sued for libel. There is no such watchdog in cyber space. We have simply to use our own common sense and intuition to know what feels right and when to delete it, not only from our inbox but also from our minds.

The anti virus programs which identify hoaxes go some way to catching out unscrupulous emails. Nevertheless, how many people actually bother to check before pressing the forward key, whether what they are sending is the truth?

In the same way that we are being advised not to sneeze in our hands, as it spreads the flu, I would suggest that we only forward messages which contribute to the good mental health of our society, and practice some good internet hygiene, by dumping rubbish in the Trash Can where it belongs.

Exodus

2009-10-12T09:52:00.000-07:00

To all those leaving Dubai or another perspective on the global economic downturn

The eerie silence

of an empty town

The grey clouds

gathering

in preparation

How many souls

have come and gone from here

All victims of an easy life

The rest on hold

until they reach their

saturation

There’s only so much

pleasure

in one life

Then balance comes to play

and makes us choose

those options we’ve avoided

all those years

when comfort was the driving

motivation

Yet satisfaction does not please

the soul

in search of higher triumphs

in this mundane life

Don’t fool yourself

It’s only camouflage

When winter comes

and bareness of the trees

reveals the deprivation

What keeps us in this place

Magnificent

When deep within we know

the truth is there?

Our stubbornness, refusal

to believe

that what we do

does not affect the soul?

Alone we came

and all alone we leave

And some of us attempt

connection here

but most discover

that our legacy

Is naught

but bitterness and tears

The joker laughs

as he peels off his face

You thought your life on earth

was free of charge

But now you see the devil

lies beneath

and I have come to collect

What you owe

You’ll pay in kind

through suffering and grief

For all those years

you took

but did not give

And all around you crumbles

Into dust

as Mother Earth cannot sustain

your lust

So get down on your knees

and say a prayer

To that false god of comfort

And prepare

to sacrifice your greed

for selflessness

And as you use this Earth

more gently

and with care

Developers' Greed

2009-10-09T04:20:00.000-07:00

When you build so high

Do you think of others

As you take their sky

When you take away the light

Leaving us to live in dark

Do you pay us for our sacrifice

Or are you ignorant

When you build your cities

Is there room for grass and birds

That fly beneath the trees

Or do you leave us

Concrete and stone

To live alone.

Is there space

For people to embrace

Their need to be

A family

Or did you forget

In haste

and greed

To think of that

When the buildings age

And their luster fades

Do you care to ask

For some repair

Or do you let them rust

And fall to dust

In an ugly mess

Of urban suicide

While you move away

And build elsewhere

Again, taking someone’s air

Until one day

There’s nothing left

And you choke

on your own

selfishness

Dubai 2007

Benefits of Self Love

2009-10-08T22:12:00.000-07:00

Is it possible for us to find true love if we have not found our true self? Carl Jung had an interesting theory about the world outside of us being a projection of within. In NLP we call it “Perception is Projection”. So, if we apply that to relationship, to find your "true love", you would need to "truly love" yourself within.

On a very basic level we all know that we can never truly understand something until we have experienced it ourselves. We may think we understand but true knowing comes after the personal experience. An obvious example might be loss of possessions or a job, a failed marriage or relationship. We can sympathize with the other person but true understanding and empathy only happens when it happens to us, when we have experienced how it feels.

Relationship, like love is a two way street, an exchange of giving and receiving. Tantra teaches us that it is in the receiving that we truly connect. However, to be able to receive is not easy. It requires a switch in our thinking, our belief system. We need to believe that we deserve to receive and in many cases this goes against the cultural upbringing of our society. We are primarily taught that giving is acceptable and receiving, to a large degree, is selfish or greedy. So we focus on the former and suppress the latter. When we are unable to receive, it does not matter how much someone tells us we are loved, we cannot understand or accept it. Thus the exchange, the give and take, the push and pull is thwarted.

Many clients tell me they don’t feel loved or appreciated by others. My immediate response is “do you love yourself, do you appreciate your talents?” Usually they hang their head and admit they don’t. So what can we do about this? How can we learn to love and appreciate ourselves so that we can truly accept the compliment, the love offered by others, so that we can learn to receive?

We can begin by acting as if. When someone pays you a compliment, thank them and smile. If someone offers to do something for you, accept it with gratitude. When you do something well, thank yourself and smile. Tell yourself every morning that you appreciate who you are and can even love both the good and the ugly in yourself. After a while the very act of pretending to receive becomes a true form of acceptance.

One of the five NLP frames is that we are 100% responsible for the results we get. Once we take responsibility we are able to do something about our situation. Instead of wasting time and effort trying to change others, and we all know that doesn’t work, we can focus on ourselves instead. By ignoring or minimizing all the things we dislike about ourselves and empowering everything we like, we begin to grow into that positive model, that person we really would like to be. As Stephen Covey revealed in his Seven Habits, by focusing on the things we have control over, our circle of concern shrinks and our circle of influence expands. So, if you want to attract a fabulous partner or a better life, work on being fabulous yourself and you will find that new you is reflected in your new friends and relationships. Life is then truly what you always wanted.

Of electricity and other things

2009-09-25T08:27:00.000-07:00

Of electricity and other things …….

The electrician arrived this morning to install my mother’s new hob. A fantastical new device that works through induction. It is a completely flat plate with four rings which do not get particularly hot to the touch, but are extremely efficient conductors of heat. I was making polite conversation with the fitter, whilst boiling the kettle for his cup of tea, when I remembered the light switch in the lounge. Every time I touch it I get an electric shock and yet no one else, except my mother, can feel it. The switch is surrounded by a copper plate, unlike the others in the house which are made of the more common plastic variety. He was struggling to read the instructions for use, so I walked over to the hob and showed him how it works. I can’t really take credit for any superior knowledge since I had used a similar model at my brother’s house once before. He thought the hob was not working because he could not see the heat on the plates. We then both realized that we needed to place a saucepan with water over the plate to see if the induction was working. Immediately I touched the handle of the saucepan I could feel the tingle of electricity. I mentioned this and he said this was normal and not to worry, though he could not personally feel anything.

When he had completed the hob installation, I lead him to the lounge and he placed his hand on the “leaking” switch. Typically, of course, he could feel nothing there either. However, since both my mother and I could feel something, and to humor us, he went to get his electricity detector. Sure enough it lit up and he agreed it was quite dangerous and should be changed. We all had a good laugh at my extra sensory skills and he returned to the kitchen to collect his things.

Feeling quite proud of myself for such electrical devining, I asked if he could place his detector on the saucepan handle. Sure enough, it lit up. Again, my mother could also feel it. However, this time, I had an idea. If I hold my hand away from the hob would I also be able to sense (feel) the electricity. Yes! I could feel the tingle about 6 inches away from the handle of the pan. Placing the electricity detector in the same place, it also lit up. Hey Presto! At last my invisible skills had been validated by science. There were indeed electrical currents passing through the air. Not enough to kill anyone, but something was definitely there. How marvelous, I thought. Now I can use this as an example to convince skeptics of the existence of energy fields around us, even if we can’t see or even feel them, they are definitely there.

Musings from the Creek

2009-09-25T08:26:00.000-07:00

Musings from the Creek

Was it Betty Shine who used to say that you don’t have to be a reclining Buddha to meditate? Simply find a quiet place to sit or go for a walk and let the magic happen. Well, today I decided to take myself to the park and get some exercise and fresh air, or as fresh as it can be at this time of year in Dubai! I had been writing reports all day, stuck in front of the computer and I needed to move my body and my energy around. I was feeling extremely pleased with myself for having finished my mission (25 reports) and I just had that urge to get out and enjoy some natural therapy.

Creek Park is a gem of a place. Open early till late and mostly quiet during the week, especially day time. However, I was going there at night and I was pleasantly surprised to find it comparatively empty. I suppose the heat of summer had discouraged the usual hoards of weekend “bar-b-que’ers”. As I walked through the gate, I removed my shoes (my usual practice) so that I could experience the different textures of sand, soil and grass. A perfect way to ground myself and detox from the stresses of the day. I had my bottle of Masafi (water to the uninitiated) with me, so no problems about dehydration for the next hour or so.

Without expectation, I followed my feet, planting them firmly on the soft, cool grass. Wonderful! Exactly what the doctor ordered. I had only been walking a few minutes when it struck me. How busy my mind had become. Full of thoughts of today, yesterday and tomorrow. Was there any chance of switching if off? Right now all I really wanted to do was to be quiet and give my brain a rest. After all it had been working flat out all day. How could I calm that hard disk, that computer hub? And then the spirit of inspiration tapped on my door. All the greatest spiritual teachers of history will tell you, you only hear properly when you are silent. In fact my girl friend had so cleverly reminded me only yesterday that in order to hear our inner voice, our connection to our higher self or God (whatever your belief), we have to switch off the outer noise and tune into the inner peace, the inner ear.

That is all very well, I objected, but it is not so easy to shut out those noises, those external disturbances. There must be another way? At least if I can’t tune out the noise of my thoughts, maybe I can tune into the noises in the park. That way I will at least be able to concentrate on something other than my busy brain. At first, all I could hear were the obvious things like children screeching on a ride in the amusement park next door, a helicopter overhead. And those thoughts still crept in. But I stayed with it, and started to notice the lapping of the creek water on the shore, my feet squeaking in the wet sand, a solitary bird hooting across the water, crickets in the ground cover. I congratulated myself for each and every new sound that introduced itself to me. I am sure if anyone had been watching they would have seen my ears standing on end, straining like radars to trap the next audio offering.

Then I became distracted. Smells of bar-b-q food wafted beneath my nose and men’s perfume as a few families strolled by. I wondered if by shutting off my olfactory sense, the auditory one would be enhanced. Concentrate, gal, what can you hear? I stalked a tree and even put my ear to the bark. I was not sure what I expected to hear but I was willing to offer my ear in a token gesture of greeting anyway!

By now, of course, any of those curious as to what I was doing would have given me up as totally mad. Oh well!, I thought, sometimes it is necessary to sacrifice one’s reputation in the name of science. For science it truly was. I was in the middle of a very important experiment. The curious thing was that I lost all track of time and it must have been over an hour when I realized that I was feeling very calm and relaxed and that my noisy brain was, for the most part, strangely silent.

Whatever I had been doing, something had worked. And that is when inspiration began. I suddenly had all these enlightened thoughts and I wished I had a tape recorder with me to capture them as they flooded into my consciousness. At which point I decided it was time to go home and try and capture the essence of what had happened on paper.

So next time you want to take a break, try your local park and let me know if you have the same experience. I will be listening out for your thoughts in the silence of my mind.

Passion

2009-09-25T08:21:00.000-07:00

PASSION… noun 1. strong emotion, especially anger or love 2. great enthusiasm for something

I woke up this morning and there it was, this noun of all nouns, sitting in my heart like a bow to an arrow, bursting to make its mark, to hit the target of its desire. Unbridled passion is a fierce power. Where should we direct it, plant its seed, re-create the uncreated? When it is not directed in a loving and creatively fulfilling way it turns into its shadow side and that is when we use it indiscriminately and in dangerous ways, such as anger and rage.

How was your morning? Did you wake up with passion? What did you do with it? Shout at the mail boy? Yank the shirt on your uncooperative child? Did you knock your coffee all over the table and then curse all the way to the office? Or was there no passion, only a numbness of having to go through the motions of the day without enthusiasm or direction. What happened to that arrow, did it break and fall and lose its power? Where is the passion in your life? Did you lose it somewhere in your rush to create the life that others expected of you?

Passion is a gift that we are all born with. It is not something we can learn or acquire. It is something we feel. We all know it is there, but often life has a way of squashing it, and in that act of suppression and denial we become very sad. Prolonged sadness turns to anger as that is the only way we can handle the pain. When there is no passion in our lives, we are not really living. We are merely shadows of our true selves, holograms of existence.

Pick up your bow, and as you pull back the arrow, feel the power of your intentions like a force field of love in your entire being; slowly turn and look around at the vista of life in front of you. Where would you like to make your mark? With whom or what would you like to share your power, your passion, your drive? Point that arrow, set the mark, then let it go. Let it soar into the world with freedom and intent. Intend that wherever it lands, wherever it makes its mark the target of your desire will be awakened and in that awakening will inspire you with new life, new thoughts, new energy, new being. You see, the energy you send out will always come back. We attract what we require. The more focused you are on what you want, and the more passionate you are about it, the more powerfully will you manifest.

The secret to utilizing that passion, that driving force is to know where to direct that arrow. Once you have figured that one out, the rest is just quantum physics. You let it fly, now let it go. Cut the cords of your kite, let that blue bird of paradise soar into the light blue yonder. Know that your passion, your energy, your power to creatively manifest is now on its way, set free. Be empowered by this act, and smile, knowing that you have made your mark on this world and it is only a matter of time before it sends an arrow back to you.

Live your life today with Passion and you will find yourself energized with the joy and enthusiasm for life that you truly deserve.

A Day Off

2009-09-25T08:18:00.000-07:00

A Day Off

There is something wonderfully freeing about being forced to stay home sometimes. Yesterday in Dubai, the Government announced a Public Holiday and closed some of the main roads through the city. It was rumored that a very important politician hailing from the US of A was about to touch foot on our sacred soil and true to Dubai’s reputation for great hospitality and absolute security, the Government was doing everything it could to ensure a smooth visit. Thus all offices were closed and the unofficial “curfew” meant we residents could enjoy a day of “enforced captivity” at home. We had no choice but to go with the flow as the main artery through the city was temporarily blocked.

I woke up on that day with a strange sense of anticipation. Would everyone stop working? Would the shops be open? After all, how would their staff commute to work? The first thing I noticed was the eerie silence. I could not even hear the sound of the people upstairs. Yes, everything had stopped. The building sites surrounding my flat were silent and empty, except for the security guards who still kept their lonely vigil outside. There were no cars at the parking meters, nobody in the street. It reminded me of Graham Green’s “On the Beach”. Was this the end of the world as I knew it? No! It was simply beautiful. Beautiful peace, beautiful silence. There was time to think, time to enjoy, time to do whatever I wanted. Time for me without the interruptions of the outside world. I smiled and I stretched and I wallowed in the peace and quiet.

Why is it that we put ourselves into such a state of high anxiety in our daily lives? Why can’t we give ourselves permission to be quiet? Couldn’t we introduce our own curfews? An occasional day when there is no one else to please, nothing urgent to do and only ourselves to consider. I can already hear your clamoring objections – “too busy, too much to do, too many commitments, can’t stop work”. However, consider this: “What would happen if you did? What would happen if you didn’t? What wouldn’t happen if you did? What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t?” Has that scrambled your busy brain?

Meditating monks and enlightened Buddhists have all discovered the secret that silence is very powerful and rejuvenating. I have often thought that “silent rooms” at work instead of “conference rooms” would be far more beneficial in getting our creative juices to flow, along with improved personnel relationships. So, why is silence so beneficial? It helps us to get in touch with our inner souls (not the ones on our feet, of course, not those soles, yet!). When we block out the noise of our environment, the noise of our external thoughts, we can make more sense of our life and what we want from it. That’s why coaches are so successful these days. A coach helps you get in touch with your unconscious mind, your inner soul. To help you sort out what you really want in your life, to slow down that frantic pace that prevents you from making those choices that lead to success and happiness.

It’s your choice. Your curfew.