My mind bothers me, and the World bothers me, the fucked up economic and social systems we have that make a mockery of equality and justice bother me.  I feel jaded and hypocritical all the time now: We deserve to die, and nobody said life was fair, but it’s always been good to me.   Does that make me part of the problem?

I hate being a baby and melodramatic, but I also feel like stopping typing. 

“NOTHING MATTERS,” is this viscous mantra echoing off the inside of my skull, and perhaps it doesn’t.  I’m seeking release from a battle that perhaps only death can achieve, and yet if I know one thing, it is that I don’t want to spend my life like this. 

I WANT things to matter.  I want to matter.

When I do write, I have failed to do much with it.  I have created so much now that are like lost empty vessels, never to carry any water, never to be read by anyone.  I know not why I create them, but perhaps in this sentence I can find the beginning of an answer. 

Each word is a world unto itself, each sentence a solar system, each paragraph a galaxy.  Bringing my universe to life has meaning beyond me as its creator, even though I struggle with its value, or perhaps exactly because I do struggle. 

Yet, I know from my explorations of the heart, God favors the bold.  I want to be bold, and this life feels timid, scared and hiding.  If the world is going to destroy itself, and so far everything in my being tells me it will, then I want to go out in a vivid expansion of light bursting forth from the realization that new things are hard, but they are worth it. 

The seeds of this destruction, are the foreplay of our next conception.

I do believe, and in believing, I define more about who I am than with anything else. 

No, I want to believe, and I want to be right.  Maybe  I need to let go of the latter and focus on the former, but its hard.  Life is hard, isn’t it?

What bothers me is that the end is in sight.  But I can’t change that.

So do you keep chugging along, hoping to be wrong, or pull out all the stops, and gamble you are right?

We covet our individuality, strutting like meticulous birds-of-paradise preening and posing for some unseen constantly watchful potential mate, without realizing that it is the communal aspects of our own being that are both our mate and muse.

We cannot be happy without others, and yet we only want them to come close to us under our own conditions and permissions.  From first meeting to groove-n-move to family-status and beyond, all relationships impact individual happiness, which is dependent on relations with and relation to "others" for a fulfilled daily experience.

The need for interaction and the special power of both affection and respect is physics-driven, expressed in our biology and complex systems of behavior, related or tied in some cases to reproductive instincts and in others, mixed with all instincts as part of the whole of the being--a critical self-development process resulting in positive expressions of affection and respect or their negative analogues of violence and contempt.

Interaction changes us, whether great or small, whether we like it or not, time is change and motion is change.  We already hurtle millions of miles per hour in multiple dimensions due to the rotation of our planet, the revolution of our solar system and the relative spin and speed of the Milky Way.

So change is constant, and yet the POWER of attention to direct change is astounding.  Beyond simple coincidence and into the realm of constructive relational interdependence, modern physics is learning the power of the observer and observed merge in a unified field of something.

Affection is a powerful operator in that unified field, call it whatever you want, e.g. "dark energy" or "consciousness."  Negative affection and disrespect, e.g. "violence" are also a powerful operators, but I think the data shows that affection has a stronger multiplier affect, a stronger creation-enabling resonance than the hollow energetic echo created by violence.

Affection and especially intense, passionate affection is perhaps the most powerful, most desired drug known to us as social-bio beings, and yet affection exists along a spectrum and balance among the types of affection seems also to be a multiplier increasing behavior. We can be affectionate in action, but also in word and thought.  Affection of thought is in fact the foundation for all true respect.

Closing down any port of giving or receiving affection, from lover to friend to kind stranger mode will damage the individual and effectively infect their self-esteem operating system with constant glitches due to the lacking positive and needed impact of the missing affection in a person's life.

Affection is different in every context, among all beings, and yet it seems to me that one's supply and balance of appropriate affection one's life is directly proportional to the amount and consistency of their respect for others.  The more our needs for affection are met, the more respectful of others we can be, and alternatively, the more our needs for contact, giving and receiving, are not met, the more we seem to almost lack conscious bandwidth to "afford" respect of others, or we use disrespect as an excuse or explanation for our unmet needs.

Perhaps this is because lack of affection often manifests itself by diminishing self-respect, and without respect of the Self, no alleged respect of others comes of free choice from an unconditional heart.  Affection is vital to our ability to grow, respect is vital to our ability to flow, and both depend on our interaction with others.

We are all in this together.

America is emerging from a long brutal Presidential election that pitted the politics of hope against the politics of fear, and with the election of our first non-white President, hope has triumphed in America. 

Fear was marginally set aside in some places and dramatically set aside in others as Americans came together to create a landslide of those who believe in the promise of our great nation, who are dedicated to work for a future we still believe can be ours and to reject the division of our diverse peoples into separate camps of race and gender and religion. 

Hope has triumphed, but love still has many great challenges ahead.  Fifty-three percent of us may be celebrating this victory, but at least forty-six percent of our fellow Americans are troubled and worried what this next President will mean for them and their loved ones.  Love is challenged to quell their fears, to stir their hope and to bring us all back together again as one nation under many visions of God.

Love is challenged to reconcile those who are still gripped by fear.  Love is challenged to bring all Americans under the fold of this new movement of hope, to see our shared possibilities through the lens of the best that can be and not the worse that can be.  Love is challenged to mend the families, friendships, businesses and private groups of citizens that have been divided in their choice of candidate, but ultimately unified in their great love and commitment to our nation of the people, by the people and for the people.

Barack Obama is a great American, but around the world, he is even more than that.  He is a symbol of the return of the American Dream, a rejection of the unilateral “go-it-alone” American foreign policy of the Bush Administrations and a demonstration that especially in America it doesn’t matter who you are, but what you do most of all—that anyone among the world’s poor and disenfranchised can work hard and rise to power to change their world.

At home, President-elect Obama is celebrated by many of us as the greatest example yet of the American dream of hard work, self-reliance and equality among all regardless of race, creed, color, orientation or origin.  Yet Obama is also feared by many Americans, unsure of him and perhaps taken in my negative propaganda or outright lies. 

But today and tomorrow can be very different from yesterday if we can but let yesterday go and focus on today.  Today and tomorrow are about our NOW vibration, and we have complete control over that.  You have complete control over that, and each moment we all make the choice to engage our fear, or to quell it, to reject our natural tendencies to love or to embrace and express them.

As someone who feared and yes, even hated the past eight years, I understand what it feels like to have a President that you do not agree with, do not relate to because of his policies, attitudes or upbringing, and yet over that time my heart has learned time and again that no matter who is in charge of the White House, we each have a choice to love or to hate, to hope or to fear.

Last minute, I was in Ohio as a voter protection volunteer for the Obama campaign on Election Day, and I was honored to do my very small part to help elect Barack Obama.  Some fear him as a secret agent for America’s enemies, while others raise the stakes to make him some kind of evil Anti-Christ, and yet those who invest in their fear so much say so much more about themselves than they do about Barack Obama.

We each must look inside and challenge our fears with hope, challenge our hate and discrimination with love.  Barack Obama is just one person, as I am just one person, and you are just one person.  We each always have a choice: to love or to fear, to act in anger or to act in positivity, to believe in the best or actualize the worst.

Hope will never eradicate fear, like love will never have any meaning without hate, and yet the triumph of hope in this election ignites a beacon for all Americans, for all people of the world.  Although we face many challenges, I am confident that love is on the rise and the powers of truth and light will always prevail in the end.

Believe in yourself, seek guidance from your Gods and be kind to your fears, but do not indulge them.  If we can do this together, I know hope will provide all the fuel we need to face our challenges with love.

Forests are important because they are the cradle that nurtured us when we first evolved from the seas, dark and foreboding at first, warm and supportive once entered, the nexus between all plants and animals, the meeting place of more than just minds, but also of bodies and life energies entwined, enveloping entropy evolving ever onward towards our great what's next. 

Forests are our community square, our childhood home and our retirement plan rolled into one, and forests deserve our gratitude, our appreciation and our dedicated effort to nurture and protect them as they once did for us.

I push forward, damp vines like kelp drape towering blindscape columns of green and yellow all around me, waving in unison yet anchored from the heavens above, lowered to me long ago somewhere beyond my memory of what came before.

I push with my hands, recoiling at the odd texture, the slippery memory sliding around me like a capsule, a chrysalis, across my fingers through my prints, individual yet undividuated, simmering pregnant with smoldering intent just below my skin, just below my consciousness.

Consciousness, like a sharp echo in a white sterile room, a dry lick across my parched and swollen tongue.  No words.  No motion.  Just cold wet stickiness closing in like age slowly creeps up on youth to wrap us in wrinkles, right-of-ways and regrets for the road not taken.

I gather and displace, gather and displace, making my way towards something glowing through the fronds of hanging something surrounding and binding me, but not as like before.  Not before he came. 

Inspired beyond inspiration, I feel perspiration bead on my head, then role down the valley between my bands of muscle bracketing my spine, cradling my consciousness as represented here, as stored in the electro-chemical vehicle I pilot.  I steer off the road to refuel again?

Have I been here before?

Haven't we all?

I start the engine on my "machine" again, and I gun it back out into the forest, eyes burning towards the future, lips puckered in a whistle that blows before me, billowing the vines from my way, revealing a path worn by elders, tended by guides.

A giant frond slaps me in the face, getting through all my plans, chaos reminder that each breath a potential butterfly in Madagascar begetting a typhoon in the great Pacific.  In the spur of the moment I laugh at the unexpected.

Uncertainty, you are my friend now.

I know not where I am, but I have been here before.

And here we go again

Remember that energy persists, love persists, knowledge persists, spirit persists and the bonds we form in each lifetime continue on and on, cycle through cycle, body through body, love to fear to love again.  It doesn't make the pain of losing a loved one any easier, but is nonetheless so very important.

We fear that death is random, but I suspect that the truth is much grander and much more commonplace to our non-corporeal friends who surround us every day.  We are afraid to believe that we are so important as to deserve such devotion, yet regardless of whether you believe death is fate or choice or dumb luck, it still strikes the living with that cold blade, clean and firm, final-feeling.  In twenty or thirty or even a hundred years, it would probably feel the same.

It is supposed to feel that way though, isn't it?  As the dark defines the light, so death helps define our lives.

I bet a part of your heart knows that death is definitely NOT final, not complete and is in fact only a separation that will be rejoined again, perhaps as it has been many times before, laughing in reunion at one's spiritual temple...."I got back first this time...."  "Yeah, well you missed some good parties!" <laughs><hugs><plansfornextvisit> 

I believe that the calling to be a soul that leaves others here in untimely death, especially in youth and in love is a high calling, a hard road, but an honorable one, and one that serves great purpose in our polar extremes of mortal coils and everlasting lifelights, emotional charges and spiritual vibrations. 

We feel our own limits or lack thereof as we experience the limits of others, and through loss, we change our limits too, don't we?  We want the enlightened change but not the loss, want to eat the meal, but not pay the chef--it is only human.

In my mind's eye, I see the love that surrounds each of us, both in this plane and from beyond.  A part of me is called to say we are not alone in our daily lives~~decidely not alone! 

Yet our attendance to life, especially after the death of a loved one, and our struggle for meaning in light of that loss are important.  Our great fight to find light among the dark, even years after loss is also very important, and so very cherished and blessed by those not in physical form who witness it. 

You are lifted up and made light, even when you feel heavy and dark.

The lessons of non-limitations come fleetingly to our fractured and distributed minds, and for many, those lessons may never be susceptible to expression in words.  But the lessons come in our lives all the same, percolating in the frontal cortex and sweating up our palms, populating our dreams and mashed up in our tears. 

With nary a care for the burnt hole left in us by our loss, death crashes the party, and decades later it still casts its shadow, urging our cynicism as it whispers in our ear that the Gods are as dead as our loved one...But they are not.

For love can conquer fear as the cycle of true life remains unbroken, complete with or without our understanding.  The universe continuously foists choice and opportunity to each of us blessed enough to be alive and aware, so even among death, life goes on. 

Be present and know that you are loved, and I believe the greatest good will unfold for you.  All other meaning is transient until the reunion, so comfort yourself in the uncertainties. 

For some things are not to be understood, but simply to be experienced, to be alive within.  To be in this place at this time is enough.  Anything more is bonus. 

So play in your body, and celebrate each moment of your trip with remembrance--but even more with imagination and gratitude.  Perhaps your journey through the death of a loved one will surprise you with a feeling that overcomes your sense of loss with a hope that tempers grief with faith in the wisdom of that All That Is.

Through equalization, peace and perhaps communion with the non-corporeal that is constantly surrounding us, aware of our feelings and seeking to join in comforting grace with us, reunion is more than possible.  It is promised.  It is real.

But the promise of a loved one, already lost or still here, is always never further away than the opening of our own hearts to the silent part of us that chooses to be silent no more.  

It doesn't change a thing about our loved one being gone too soon and having left this time in too hard a way, but then again it could also change everything, couldn't it?

Wherever you find yourself at this moment in the Egg Universe, you and your Bio Sense Suit exist in a unique personal context.  You may share it with other sentient beings, yet because every sentient visitor's perception is different, you exist in a unique of Universe of One.  

Understanding this fact, and learning to properly explore and populate this critical personal universe is fundamental to getting the most out of your Bio Sense Suit, especially for Communications with your Higher or Original Self and with your personal Complex-Energy Collective.

Because perception warps our processing of stimuli, there is no objective perspective available to you or anyone currently vested in a Bio Sense Suit.  Because your expectations build most of what you see right before you look or act, the resulting local-memory stored in your Suit is always biased.  The resulting accounts of past events are best treated as one part sensory data and one part emotional justification data for current Suit conditions. 

Because your Suit's locally-stored view of the past greatly influences your Suit's immediate future, you have been built with redundant systems for self-evaluation and dynamic updating of local memories.  It is important to use your Suit's higher functions to regularly quality check your memories, beliefs and opinions with your Higher Self or Collective.  Often you will find paired or past Suit programs best removed as unnecessary to your current goals, see Reprogramming Your Suit.

The power of your Mind to create or remove associations and possibilities is paramount, especially in your mind's role as the Pilot Control Interface (PCI) of your Suit.  Your awareness of the PCI and your ability to change any of its parameters or conceptualizations means you are only limited by your imagination for routes to access to the stored power of the kinetic energy of the Spirit behind your Suit.

If it makes "sense" to you, then by definition, you experience meaning and can evaluate that meaning against your sense of purpose.  As your Higher Self separated from your Matter-Energy Self and was left behind in the Energy Field, there was an agreement between the two of you as to your purpose here in this lifetime, and that covenant serves as both the blueprint for your suit this trip as well as the authority for questions of purpose or meaning. 

Progress towards purpose is represented by the current speed and bandwidth of your personal Qi as compared against the expected personal Qi of the originating intention for this lifetime.  Or put another way, your built-in emotional preferences for passion and integrity, satisfaction and equity and non-attachment and compassion are a guidance and navigation system for optimizing Flow (speed) and Grow (bandwidth) on this personalized trip of your own choosing.

Because each suit is powered by the kinetic, or stored energy within the suit as represented by the Spirt/Mind/Body combination at any one time, the power available to the Suit fluctuates.  Upon starting this specific journey, you began with the kinetic energy leftover from your last trip, but once you are here, your free will modifies that starting point to greater or lesser speeds and bandwidth based upon the value and karmic consequences of your choices.

Over the course of each visit, you increase or decrease the total kinetic energy of your whole being as well as that of your Collective(s), and upon re-unification between visits, your changed levels of personal Qi may be utilized in designing the architecture or conditions of your next Bio Sense Suit.  At higher and higher levels of speed and bandwidth, new and exciting forms of visitation not yet open to you become enabled.

Thus, your Suit's personal Qi energy flow characteristics, your awareness of them and your ability to use the PCI for deliberate creation enables many forms of complex energy-based communications.  In this way, your deliberate and directed focused resonance of energy from your personal Qi becomes the exclusive power source for all higher Suit functions including communication with the Energy field beyond your Higher Self and direct manipulation of the Matter field through thought and intention. 

In addition, your Bio Sense Suit is intelligently designed and produced through the global architecture of the universe to self-operate even without awareness of the PCI or any higher functions.  It exists within a contextual energy system that keeps all Suits constantly connected to the Network, to their Higher Selves as well as to each other, whether the occupant of the suit knows it or not.

The kinetic energy of any specific context creates an aggregated generic Qi that runs through and powers the basic functions of most Bio Sense Suits.  In some rare cases, travelers unleash enough of their spirit's kinetic energy to power all functions of their Suit independently, and off-Network travel becomes available, e.g. see Jesus or Buddha.

For most, however, our integration into contextual Qi streams means environmental conditions can greatly impact our perceptions and experience.  In cases where context is so severe as to degrade the value of that energy, personal spiritual kinetic power can be used to power your Suit, your neighbor's suit and really for any other purpose.  If you're unsure, just ask.

Scale is everything when it comes to calculating the kinetic energy of an object, an atom or a galaxy, and in fact, the actual equations used are different depending upon the context.  Likewise, the amplitude and frequency of actual personal Qi energy flow is not usefully compared to another Suit's Qi flow or even to the global Qi flow, but is only usefully compared to the personal intention/model/ purpose for this visit. 

Success is not defined as having a stronger Qi than others, nor even a more robust flow, but is instead defined by achievement of purpose and experience of meaning, i.e. did you meet the goals you created when you conceived this trip?  You set this up, so only you can determine the success of each experience or relationship towards your goal.

Yes, this is hard to do when you can't remember the goal, but that's part of the fun and joy of living in a rainbow Bio Sense Suit. The universality of experience is a basic component of each Suit, and critical to the operation of the Network as a whole. 

You are a node in a diverse and divergent collection of nodes--a Network of complex energy-matter beings, each equal and free to choose based on individual intention, each split into an energy-only part (Higher Self) and an energy-matter part (Suit) and each supported unequivocally by all other nodes whether purely made of energy (guides and teachers) or matter-energy (fellow travelers).

With your new knowledge of the non-local components to your Suit's power and communication systems, we hope you have more clarity on how context and kinetic energy are vital to all communications.  Context informs the actual vibrations of all thoughts and expressions, and context is vital for the experience of meaning and the evaluation of purpose.

Simultaneously, the kinetic energy, alignment, charge and spin of the thinker or actor informs the default kinetic energy for the new thought, action or communication that are spawned with your Suit.  Spawn Away!

COMING NEXT: Using Attention and Affection to Re-Architect Your Suit's Power Matrix