Lightness & Being

Soul Union

2012-03-01T12:40:00.000-05:00

In Sanskrit, the word 'yoga' means 'union.' The goal of the practice of yoga is union with God. Contrary to the Westernized idea of yoga as a matter of body postures and asanas performed mostly for health, the true yoga is a spiritual practice designed to bring the practitioner closer to the great creator of the universe, the ultimate soul, God. This is not to say that asanas and physical well-being are not important. They are. But real yoga is a science and practice of the soul.

The aim of this practice is to calm the mind, close the senses, and open the doors of true soulfulness--true liberation from worldly suffering. According to the yogins of old, the purpose is to--through single-pointed meditation--to close off the senses and deprive them of worldly pleasure so that we go within to find the source of true bliss, true soul. This can only be found through realization of our higher selves--which is the sacred space in the heart that unites us with God.

Through the practice of yoga, I have been able to calm my restless spirit and find peace. This peace is our very nature. It is the peace we were born with and to which we can return in this life--not just in the afterlife. To find it, though, we must still our minds and find the silence within.

As Patanjali tells us in the Yoga Sutras, we will find in this silence the changeless, timeless, deathless source of all true joy--God.

The Razor's Edge

2012-02-29T09:53:00.001-05:00

The Yogis of India tell us that the decision to walk the spiritual path is a decision to walk the razor's edge. In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna tells Arjuna that the instant you find your treasure, a thief will arrive to take it from you. I can tell you for certain that this is true because, at the moment I found God, a thief came to try to steal Him from me. I am proud to say, the thief has failed to do so thus far.

The moment I made my decision to renounce the past and all worldly desires, my life became filled with nothing but sorrow. I say this, not with a frown, but with a smile. Why, you ask? For the simple reason that it tells me I am on the right path. If I were not, then I would not be experiencing such profound suffering.

The wise Saint Anandamayi Ma said with the greatest insight that God heals suffering with suffering. He places us in the path of sorrow so that we can be purified by it. Ma also tells us that we must accept what is and not fight against it.

I am living now a life in which sorrow is the cup I drink from in the morning, at noon, and at night. Yet, I have attained equilibrium and enough resolve to accept my fate. It is just a life, nothing more, nothing less. And this earthly life will end. I have every faith that the life that follows this one will take me to eternal bliss.

My advice, to anyone who wants it, is to accept whatever your fate may be. Learn from it, suffer with it if need be, but never fall, and never doubt the intrinsic wisdom of your soul.

The Empty Boat

2011-11-23T10:07:00.000-05:00

THE EMPTY BOAT

He who rules men lives in confusion;
He who is ruled by men lives in sorrow.
Yao therefore desired
Neither to influence others
Nor to be influenced by them.
The way to get clear of confusion
And free of sorrow
Is to live with Tao
In the land of the great Void.

If a man is crossing a river
And an empty boat collides with his own skiff,
Even though he be a bad-tempered man
He will not become very angry.
But if he sees a man in the boat,
He will shout at him to steer clear.
If the shout is not heard, he will shout again,
And yet again, and begin cursing.
And all because there is somebody in the boat.
Yet if the boat were empty.
He would not be shouting, and not angry.

If you can empty your own boat
Crossing the river of the world,
No one will oppose you,
No one will seek to harm you.

The straight tree is the first to be cut down,
The spring of clear water is the first to be drained dry.
If you wish to improve your wisdom
And shame the ignorant,
To cultivate your character
And outshine others;
A light will shine around you
As if you had swallowed the sun and the moon:
You will not avoid calamity.

A wise man has said:
"He who is content with himself
Has done a worthless work.
Achievement is the beginning of failure.
Fame is beginning of disgrace."

Who can free himself from achievement
And from fame, descend and be lost
Amid the masses of men?
He will flow like Tao, unseen,
He will go about like Life itself
With no name and no home.
Simple is he, without distinction.
To all appearances he is a fool.
His steps leave no trace. He has no power.
He achieves nothing, has no reputation.
Since he judges no one
No one judges him.
Such is the perfect man:
His boat is empty.

- Chuang Tzu -

Speaking & Knowing

2011-11-22T11:42:00.000-05:00

“Those who know do not speak. Those who speak do not know.”
― Lao Tzu, Tao The Ching

If I speak or write, I begin to believe, as Lao Tzu, that I do not know [the Tao]. Therefore, please forgive me for writing without truly knowing anything. Despite the fact that I know little or nothing of truth or Tao or divinity, even if I have worked on learning for a long, long time, I will say that in silence, I am closer to the divine than when speaking or writing. Nevertheless, I will temporarily break my silence to say: Life is better when words are confined to the page and are not constantly on the lips.

It has become evident to me that silence in its truest form is beautiful and contains the all in the all and the love that is eternal. Go into silence and you will know that the truest form of bliss resides there. It is not external. It is within.

Memento Mori

2011-10-19T10:15:00.000-04:00

Memento Mori (Latin)--"Remember you must die."

In the Middle Ages, a popular school of art arose which was known as Memento Mori. Essentially, the term means, "Remember you must die," and the art form was designed to remind people of their mortality.

Remembering my own mortality is easier now than it was before. I thought, as we all tend to do in our youth, that I would live forever. I managed to hold onto that belief until I fell apart some years back and found myself in Damascus facing my own demise. The strange part about that whole experience was that I did not die, and for the past several years, I have been left to wonder why.

Given the utter and catastrophic conclusion of my dreams after I fell apart and committed a crime, I still have no idea why I'm here. I do try each day to find reasons, but like Marc Antony when he knew that the jig was up and Octavian was going to kill him at Actium, I have let go of hope and therefore let go of any anxiety about my demise.

Is what I now feel a tragedy or a moment of enlightenment? I'm not sure exactly. But I know that by expecting absolutely nothing from life, I also feel no sense of anxiety about it. Ergo, I don't care if I die. In fact, I will welcome death like a long-lost friend and fall into her arms and rest eternally in peace.

The Buddha spoke most eloquently of letting go of desires--i.e. hopes and dreams of earthly delight. By doing so, he said wisely, we become free and death is not fearful. In fact, as Thich Nhat Hanh says, we have nothing left to fear in death since it is merely another phase of our becoming and the gateway to potential nirvana.

I remind all my readers today, then, to remember you will die. Make your life simpler, delight in the small miracles, and forget about the rest.

A History of Violence

2011-10-14T10:33:00.002-04:00

Transformation is not simply a word. It is a genuine reality for many people. If a human being's heart is moved toward making a real change, then true conversion is possible. Think of Paul and the dramatic change he made after he was literally struck down on Damascus Rd. Despite the fact that he spent the majority of his subsequent years on earth inside prison cells or being stoned by people in cities that did not believe in his change or in what he taught, he lived a pure life and left behind some of the most powerful words about transformation and the power of love in the Bible.

Think also of Mary Magdalene, a woman who reputedly was a prostitute, yet after she met Jesus, she became an apostle, a devout follower. No one wanted to believe in Mary's change either, but she was probably one of the most important people in the New Testament and in Jesus' life. She was in fact the first person who saw him after he was resurrected.

I know how rare it is for people to believe that you are capable of change after you make a mistake in this life. I know because I am a person who erred greatly, and yet, I have transformed as utterly and completely as a butterfly after changing from a caterpillar. The butterfly can never go back to its cocoon. It's transformation is absolute. And, I, like the butterfly, have transformed my life. I have transformed as an act of daily will and commitment. My change is complete. And though most people don't want to believe I have changed after the unfortunate crime I committed, I can only prove my change is true by living a pure life, one in which I am mindful of my actions, one in which I love others and show compassion for all beings. I am "being" peace and showing I am peaceful each and every day.

If you have ever been in my situation and you have undergone a change, yet you still feel judged by others, do not trouble yourself or feel despair. Live a good life, one which you are unashamed of. Be happy and forgiving of yourself. Love yourself, even if no one else, except God, loves you. And whether people believe in your change or not, you will be free and happy and can find peace.

No one is born perfect or absolutely good. We all err, and we all must forgive one another for it. If we don't, we are all less free. Freedom is our birthright, and no matter what mistakes we make, we all deserve a right to be free.

Being Happy is Embodying Happiness

2011-10-13T15:03:00.001-04:00

Being on the "right path" has to do with the very concrete ways in which you live your life in every moment. This makes you happy, and it also makes the people around you happy. Even if you haven't "done" anything yet to make them happy, once you are walking that path and you are happy doing so, you become fresh and compassionate and people benefit from being around you.

Look at the tree in the front yard: the tree doesn't seem to do anything. It just stands there, vigorous, fresh, and beautiful, and everyone benefits from it. That is the miracle of being. So if you can be yourself, this is already love, this is already action. Action is based on nonaction, and nonaction is the practice of being.

--Thich Nhat Hanh, The Art of Power

The most beautiful thing I have learned about life is contained in the simplicity and power of the Buddhist concept of action and being through nonaction. It is the most unique and complete teaching I have found and it is one which applies to all of us. The Buddha did not teach a religion. He did not even really teach a philosophy. Instead, what he taught was a science of finding happiness and ending sorrow.

In its simplest terms, as Thich Nhat Hanh says in the passage above, we can be most powerful and most happy by embodying the peace and the joy that comes from living fully in each moment. The idea is that you simply need to be your highest self. Let your truest and purest self shine through. Make other people's lives better just by being yourself, by embodying love, compassion, and peace in every moment.

We are all looking for a way to be happy. And we have the power to be so within us. Happiness is not an external quantity to be found by chasing after dreams and illusions. It is found in the simple act of being yourself, of loving yourself, and of sharing your being with others so that they too might find the way to happiness.

The Buddha was asked to simplify his teachings and tell people the answer to the question of how to be happy. He said, in the simplest and yet most profound terms that, to be happy, we should simply:

1. Avoid doing the bad things (i.e. things which cause suffering to you and others).
2. Do the good things (i.e. things which cause joy and eliminate sorrow for you and others).
3. Purify and subdue your own mind.

These steps sound too simple to some people, but if you put them into practice, you will find that there is no art to being happy. It is a practical, concrete science that begins with living fully and being fully in this moment, this instant, and letting go of all the painful desires and cravings that make life harder than it has to be. Forget about fame, wealth, sex and power. Focus on the diamond at the center of you. It is your soul. Love that. Foster it. And happiness will come like the spring rain.

Just breathe....

Measure for Measure

2011-10-10T16:20:00.001-04:00

Woe to you, O destroyer, you who have not been destroyed! Woe to you, O traitor, you who have not been betrayed! When you stop destroying, you will be destroyed; when you stop betraying, you will be betrayed. --Isaiah 33:1

There are those among us who are evil. There is no other word for them and there are no cogent explanations for why they exist, but we all know they do exist, and they exist to do wrong to others. These people are the ones who enjoy hatred, sorrow, and pain and care nothing for love or compassion. These people follow the wind. They live by no creed or code. And, the Holy Bible makes clear the fates of those who follow the whirlwind. Those people will inherit the wind itself because of their own evil deeds, and their very lives will be lost in the dust. As Isaiah wisely said of such persons, they will be destroyed and betrayed. This is a truth borne out by many other spiritual and philosophical works. The Buddha spoke intensely of the subject of reaping what one sows in the Dhammapada. He said that one who is busily performing evil deeds to harm others may go on doing so for a long time without the seed of their evil works bearing their fruits. But, as surely as day follows night, the evil fruit will bear. Likewise, those who perform good works and plant therefore good seeds will bear beautiful fruit in time. This is as certain as the flower budding out in spring.

We must all love one another and take responsibility for our actions. We must measure accordingly our words and deeds and make each of them count.

Pure, Transparent Freedom

2011-10-07T11:06:00.079-04:00

I wish that every human life might be pure transparent freedom. ~Simone de Beauvoir

Freedom is a beautiful and noble ideal to which we should all aspire each day. Freedom is made of the individual rights of all the people who make up the world. If even one person's freedoms are railroaded for convenience sake, we all suffer for it. And, I am saddened to say that here in my own country, I see freedom eroding bit by bit each day as our government throws our civil liberties to the wind.

But history is littered with such episodes where fascists, despots, or simply brutes have taken the rights of the common man and woman and destroyed them. At one such frightening time in history, Sir Thomas More was one man who stood against the brutishness of his sovereign. And as he said, so bravely and beautifully in response to his son-in-law, William Roper, who asks him if he would "give the Devil the benefit of the law?" in A Man for All Seasons,

SIR THOMAS MORE: Yes! What would you do? Cut a great road through the law to get after the Devil?

ROPER: I’d cut down every law in England to do that!

MORE: Oh? And when the last law was down, and the Devil turned ’round on you, where would you hide, Roper, the laws all being flat? This country is planted thick with laws, from coast to coast, Man’s laws, not God’s! And if you cut them down, and you’re just the man to do it, do you really think you could stand upright in the winds that would blow then? Yes, I’d give the Devil benefit of law, for my own safety’s sake!

Sir Thomas More, by the way, was the only man willing to stand in opposition to Henry VIII when he was trying to seek a divorce from his lawful wife in order to marry Anne Boleyn. The King asked More too much when he asked that he betray his own conscience and agree to vote for the alteration of the laws prohibiting his divorce from a woman whom had in no way injured or betrayed him. Thomas More, sadly, spent his remaining years being tortured in the Tower of London and ended up with his head on a spike.

Such tragic instances as Thomas More's are sadly too commonplace in history. There are so many countless people who have stood against authority when authority was plainly wrong. Few of them, however, lived to tell of the tale.

We live now in dangerous times when people like More are difficult to find. You might come across one here or there, perhaps in an Abby or hidden away as a hermit. They are hidden because they know the world and what it is capable of.

It's time to ask yourself a hard question: "Are you waiting for someone else to be your hero, or are you willing to stand for something?"

I am ready to stand for one thing and one thing only: Freedom. The beautiful freedom Thomas Payne spoke so brilliantly of when he shouted, "Give me liberty or give me death."

I think it's time now, my friends, to remember that freedom is lost for everyone when we allow anyone to be abused in the name of the law. Stand for liberty, for EVERY American citizen's liberty, not just your own.

The Unexpected

2011-10-04T10:37:00.001-04:00

Natalie Portman in her unexpected and jaw-dropping role as a knowing young stripper in 'Closer'

How well do you deal with unexpected events in life? Do you find them thrilling and dangerous or do you find them brutal and absolute? The Zen philosophy is that we should anticipate nothing. But if we must anticipate something, then we should expect the reverse of what we imagine may happen.

The wise and soulful Hindus believe that we should live with the total acceptance of the reality that, our souls (our atmans) are all that matter about us as living creatures. Hence, we should set our sights on the eternal and the ultimate consciousness from which we all came and to which we all shall return. These earthly matters, the wise sages of India tell us, are nothing but maya (illusion) and we must take the reins and control our wild desires for pleasure, money and fame.

I believe both are true and that the stage of our soul's education in life is determined by constant battles between reality and illusion.

Swami Vivikananda tells us that we must learn always through all of the painful blows life brings to our souls, that while these blows may hurt us, they also teach us the necessary ability to discern between truth and fiction, between illusion and reality. Swamiji's name is based on the Hindu word 'vivek' which means to discern between good or truth and bad or falsity. His name suited him perfectly, and we should learn from his brilliant example, his rare ability to see reality and to dismiss and refuse to accept illusions.

Journeys Across the Toll-Bridge

2011-09-30T10:29:00.001-04:00

Each of us passes through life with some experience of karma. When I was a little girl, I once spit my chewing gum out on the pavement when we got out of the car to go shopping. When my mother and I returned to the car, the pavement was scalding hot. I forgot entirely about the chewing gum I spit out. But when I climbed inside the car and looked down at my tennis shoes, they were covered in pink chewing gum. At that moment, though I had no word for what happened, I understood karma intrinsically. That karmic bubblegum was a great instructor for me. It taught me that my mistakes would be paid for by one person only: Myself.

Karma is simple: When we do something wrong to another person, either in thought or in deed, we will pay for it. Like a sticky and determined piece of bubblegum, your karma will stick to you and won't relent until you have paid for your error. Karma is never mistaken and only delivers your outcome based on what you've done to receive it. Whatever karmic outcome you have, you can rest assured that you have bought and paid for it prior to its arrival.

Sometimes, karma can be good. Sometimes, it can be bad. But whatever the case, you will deal with your own karma. The process of life and karma will take you across many toll-bridges in this life. You will pay for that walk across the bridge. The payment may be light or heavy, but you will pay. The key is to remember this: You are only responsible for paying your fare--i.e. your karma. And you should never allow anyone else to make you think you have to pay for theirs too.

Hold your head high. Pay what you owe. And keep walking as elegantly and bravely as a mighty elephant through the forest.

A Time for All Things

2011-09-27T10:24:00.000-04:00

I learned a long time ago that there is a time for all things, and I made a deal with myself that I would always respect the times when I have nothing to say and therefore nothing to write. Some writers write even when they have nothing to say, but I fear their work suffers from it. My philosophy has always been that, if you want to give to others of yourself, to give of your ideas and your perceptions, then you should write these down only when they would be relevant to those reading your words. So, I've taken some time away to just fill up the empty well inside me and now that it is full once more, I write once more and hope it might be something good for others to read and consider.

Like Thoreau who took time away from the world to live simply and well, to live on the land and by the land, I have done similarly of late. There is nothing in this world that I have found which is more satisfying than physical work--the kind of work that makes you sweat but that at the end of it, you see a clear result. It gives you a beautiful sense of completion that is rarely obtained in writing.

I write a great deal, and I have been recently toying with the idea of a new book project which I've started outlining, but the reality is: I will write the book and then offer it to others for sale. After that, my hands are no longer really involved. It either sinks or swims on its own. If I did my job right, it will sell. If not, it will languish on some lonesome shelf--as it should if I failed. In any case, the project scheme is never really so complete as the process of say, planting new flowers, watering them, and then seeing them flourish.

My life is simpler in some ways when I don't write, but it is also more complicated. When I don't write, I don't express all that I feel. But as far as I'm concerned, it's not always the right time to express your feelings. It's sometimes good to give your ideas and emotions time to grow and become something better in silence before putting it on the page.

Now, it is time for me to share myself once more in a book, so here on the blog, I will be sometimes less present. Just the same, know, dear readers, that I will return when the odd thought comes along that I hope to share. Until then, namaste.

Discipline & Punish

2011-09-22T12:42:00.002-04:00

“But the guilty person is only one of the targets of punishment. For punishment is directed above all else, at others, at all the potentially guilty.”

--Michel Foucault

“...if you are not like everybody else, then you are abnormal, if you are abnormal , then you are sick. These three categories, not being like everybody else, not being normal and being sick are in fact very different but have been reduced to the same thing.”
--Michel Foucault

Have you ever committed a crime? Have you ever been punished for breaking a rule? Have you ever done anything that others called strange or different or sick? If you are human and if you have a pulse or have ever had one, you probably have experienced all three. The only difference is the degree of your wrong and the degree of your punishment.

What is punishment, after all, but a society's way of telling the wrongdoer that he or she is wrong and simultaneously of telling anyone who might commit the same wrong that they had better not do what this person has done or they will suffer the same fate?

The problem comes in when we consider that it seems what is "wrong" in 2011 or what was wrong in 1911 or 1711 are very different matters. Why is what was wrong in the 1600s not wrong today and vice versa? Is "wrong" an objective matter or is it decided by the groups who hold power at a given time? It seems that it is very much a matter of who holds the power.

In the early days of America, a woman could be clapped in the stocks for no more than disagreeing publically with her husband. In the 19th century in both England and the U.S., a woman or a man could be placed in a mental institution with no proof that she or he was actually mentally ill. During the 1600s, a European citizen who disagreed with the church could be branded a heretic and burned at the stake.

To a modern audience, these terrors sound impossible, yet they were all too real for those who came under the watchful eyes of the power-mongers of the aforementioned ages gone by.

In contemporary America, in matters of discipline and punishment, why and how do the power-holders get to make the decisions regarding so-called moral recourse against so-called criminals? It is sad to note that, the United States has more prisons than all the other nations in the world combined. Most of the prisoners in our teeming jails are in for drug crimes and in many cases crimes for which other countries would only require a fine to be paid. Is this reasonable?

I think it might be a good time to ask the questions: Can we place everyone who doesn't agree with those in power in prison? Can we place everyone who commits even the slightest infraction behind bars? At this rate, it appears that our national leaders want to put these questions to the test.

Everyone is subject to arrest at some point in time if they break--in even the slightest way--the law. The sad thing is that most of us don't ever stop to ask questions about crime and punishment until we are the ones in the hot seat. Unless you land in a courtroom with a judge staring you down, you may not care one way or the other about criminal matters or punishments either. But one day, what will you do if you do err and do get caught and no one--including you--has asked or will ask the questions? You'll go to prison, and then it will be entirely too late for questions.

As citizens of the world, it is our job to ask the hard questions now so that we can prevent a prison nation from being all the U.S. is known as around the world.

We need to criticize most sharply the structure of our current system. As Foucault rightly puts it, we need to challenge all of the assumptions and unexamined ways of thinking that these kinds of wrongful practices are based on so as to "make harder those acts which are now too easy. ”

The Power of Beauty

2011-09-20T10:48:00.017-04:00

Marion Cotillard--French Beauty

When the world seems dark and humanity finds no comfort anywhere, we look to beauty for some ray of hope amidst the gloom. There is beauty in the rain clinging softly to the vine, beauty also in the eyes of Marion Cotillard--so blue and so still.

There is beauty in the melodious singing of Billie Holiday and of the old man who sits quietly alone in a room listening to her songs and daydreaming of Marilyn Monroe whose photograph decorates his lonesome wall. Beauty is in the leaves falling, the sun fading, the moon rising, the heart pounding. Beauty in a dancer's movements, beauty in a lover's kisses.

Always, no matter what the hour, no matter how dire the fates we suffer, we can find if we but look. It is not necessary for it to be pure or perfect. It can be perfectly imperfect and gorgeous for that reason. Beauty is the most complete vision of the eternal love from which we all came and which still resides in each of our souls or else why would we all of us, each separate being, still be so drawn to it like a young babe is drawn to its mother's breast?

Beauty is the guide for the weary. Share some beauty today or find some where it still exists and love it for beauty is truly precious in a world like the one we inhabit.

An Excerpt from John Keats' Ode on a Grecian Urn

Thou, silent form, dost tease us out of thought
As doth eternity: Cold Pastoral!
When old age shall this generation waste,
Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe
Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say'st,
'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,'--that is all
Ye kno on earth, and all ye need to know.

Between Joy & Sorrow

2011-09-16T10:23:00.001-04:00

There is a space which lies between joy and sorrow, between love and anger, between hope and despair. It is the sacred place known in eastern religions as the state of harmony. How precious a space it is and how often it seems impossible to find. But it is not impossible. The answer to obtaining it, however, is not a simple one. There is no single way to find harmony and balance. However, if you truly wish to attain it, then it is necessary to be honest with yourself first.

Many people make the mistake of thinking that equilibrium can be found by denying their negative emotions, by pretending that bad things don't happen, and by repressing all complicated feelings. However, the opposite of this is actually closer to the truth. We have to acknowledge and deal with all the negative and the sorrowful and the upsetting in this life. We can't just push it downward. That will end us up with a tumor, a heart attack or a stroke in due time.

Yet, when confronting the negative, we have to avoid reacting negatively to it. This will only add very bad karma to our future if we choose to respond to it with bad intentions toward others. Instead, what we must do is accept our feelings and express our anger and even our fear in healthy ways. For me, boxing is the answer. I spend a great deal of time boxing my way through whatever is bothering me. Running also works for some people. Martial arts is another excellent choice. Either way you decide to go, you simply have to let out the negativity you feel or it will destroy you and any chance you have of equilibrium.

After we are able to fight through our negative emotions, we can use yoga to center ourselves. I highly recommend Swami Sivananda's books on yoga to help get started in practice. His words have helped me more than I can express. Through yoga, then, you can find harmony in that calm center, that silent place where no one else intervenes except the Tao. You carry that with you forward then in all you do and live in the sweet space between joy and sorrow.

But it is absurd to think this is attainable without constant work. Finding balance is as difficult as finding joy, but if you work at it every day, every time you feel negativity rising up, you will eventually defeat it.

The Limits of Language

2011-09-13T12:51:00.002-04:00

Marlon Brando, Helen Mirren, James Dean, Asia Argento, Anna Magnani, Vanessa Redgrave, Natasha Richardson, James Franco, Cate Blanchett, Marion Cotillard. All actors with tremendous talent who share one quintessential quality which makes them each great--their tremendous power of physical expression.

Each of these extraordinary actors uses language beautifully, but more powerful than any word they have ever uttered is their ability to communicate sheer volumes of thought, emotion, and depth of insight with their eyes, hands, mouths, fingers, feet, stomachs, legs, torsos. These are the actors I prefer watching because they do not rely on the cheap substitute of language to express what a look or a moment of frozen stillness can express wordlessly.

As a writer, I realize that my calling language "cheap" is probably a bit hostile to someone who doesn't know me. But the truth is that, though I've been writing since my youth and I've seen quite a few winters since then, I find that language can only take us so far. It has profound limits. And beyond language there is a vast realm of greater truth found in pure physical being. Maybe it's only to be found in erotic moments where two people come undone and lose themselves entirely, or perhaps in moments when we just let go of words. In those moments, we forget to lie, and that is beautiful.

In film and on stage, I love more than anything else to watch the actors who understand how beautiful the unspoken word can be. Natalie Portman delivered a bold and almost damaging performance as the darkly brilliant dancer Nina Sayers in Black Swan. The very best of her moments in that film were those in which she said nothing, when she just let her beautiful, elegant body and those dark, haunted eyes speak for themselves. There was more poetry in her sad movements and sudden shifts of mood than in all the words of Shakespeare's sonnets.

Silence is something so few people seem to appreciate anymore. I thank my lucky stars that I can still watch movies where great actressess like Portman and Mirren and Blanchett explore silence as a mechanism for powerful communication. I find it galvanizing and as bracingly beautiful as a clear mountain stream in northern Montana at sunrise.

Through a Glass Darkly

2011-09-12T10:33:00.004-04:00

Helen Mirren in 'The Debt'

For now we see through a glass darkly; but then, face to face. (Corinthians I: 13:12)

I spent this Sunday, September 11, 2011, at the cinema watching Helen Mirren work out a complex, dark, and utterly brave character's destiny in a rock-solid, white-hot performance in The Debt. The film runs in flashback between the present day and 1965 when three characters worked together as special agents to capture and bring to justice a horrid Nazi war criminal called the Surgeon of Birkenau. In the scenes of the past tense, the role of Rachel is played by the beautiful young newcomer Jessica Chastain. In the present tense, the role of Rachel is played by English cinema's greatest actress, Helen Mirren. Her face, chiseled by time and scarred with one hook-like line across her right cheek is more beautiful than ever. What is it about the woman that makes her still appear like a gorgeous lioness despite the fact that she's pushing 70? In any event, the film is a beautiful one which examines the issue of 'truth' and 'deception.' It is a central issue in the character Rachel's life both as a young woman and an older one who has lived with a horrible reality in her mind for 40 years.

At the end of the film, I drove homeward and stared out at the brilliant blue sky and thought of the fact that it was 9/11 and I thought of what happened on just such a beautiful day in 2001 at WTC, New York City, USA. I thought of how the people in the two towers were thinking or feeling that morning before the unimaginable happened. They (like the rest of the country and the world) had no idea what was coming for them that morning. How could they have known? And how different life would have been if they/we had known.

Similarly, the characters in the Debt have no idea of the outcome of their actions over their lifetimes. They had no idea how their contact with this Nazi zealot would alter them. And even though Rachel, the main character at the heart of the story is brilliantly intelligent, she couldn't see the outcome. If she or the other characters had known, perhaps their lives, though disrupted and collapsed, might have been less sad, less horrible.

Finally, as I was pulling into my driveway, I thought of the book Journal of a Foreign Correspondent by William Shirer. It is one of the greatest books ever written, as far as I'm concerned, by a consummate journalist who wrote about everything he saw and heard in Berlin, Vienna, and then Prague as Hitler was beginning his reign of terror. And even though he felt sad and unsure of the future, he and the rest of the world, had no conception of the level of sadism this man was prepared and willing to take out on the whole of Europe and the Jewish people. Even though Shirer was a clear-eyed and astute a journalist as ever lived, even he couldn't see the outcome of Hitler.

All of this reminds me of what Paul wrote in Corinthians, 'for now we see through a glass darkly; but then, face to face.' I wonder what life would be like without the darkened glass which veils the future and the truth from us. I wonder if in the afterlife we will see clearly all things, as Paul says, and feel delight in finally being free of the world and its lies. In the end, I am not sure if it is better to know the truth or worse. But given the inquisitive nature of my mind, I would say that come hell or high water, I'd rather have the truth. Sooner rather than later preferably.

The wisdom of the Buddha helps us understand that if we learn to discern between truth and lies, between reality and non-reality, we are on the path to enlightenment and freedom in this lifetime. So, for the sake of our heart's potential joy, let's set our sights on learning to discern better. Always, to discern better.

No Time for Self-Pity

2011-09-08T12:35:00.002-04:00

Cheetah--Fastest Land-Roaming Mammal

Being a devoted lover of wildlife, in particular, the great wild cats of the African plane, I am an ardent student of their natures. My particular favorite is the cheetah. This cat is to my mind the most beautiful and elegant of the great cats. His speed is breathtaking, and despite the carnage that results after he stalks and then slaughters his prey, I love to watch him crouch and then go into a full gallop as he chases a Tommy Gazelle across the African plane. I could spend hours watching this desparate and beautiful battle for survival and have done many times as the Animal Channel permits me to do sometimes on Sunday mornings.

The beauty of the cheetah is his predatory nature. I admire the way such a predator regards his prey as the essential element in his survival. As wildlife experts so often point out, cheetahs (like all great predators) have no long-term memory with respect to their failures as hunters. The cheetah knows that he is just as likely to fail as to succeed when he sets out to kill a Tommy. He always bets on winning. He never gives only half to the hunt and kill. He always gives all and chances are good he will succeed in killing his prey. But, if the cheetah did spend all his time mourning over that day when he failed to kill the Tommy, he would never eat again, and he would die. He knows this. His survival depends on his ability to focus on the now.

How unfortunate that we as humans cannot learn the great lesson of the cheetah. Instead of forgetting about our failures in our lives, we tend to focus always on what we didn't succeed at. What if your very life depended on your ability to stay in the now? What if you would never survive with any joy or pleasure if you thought at all about your past mistakes?

We may not have to look at things in this extreme a fashion, but perhaps it would do us all good to consider the wisdom of the east in the matter of survival. If you believe (and I certainly do) that tomorrow is not guaranteed and that right now, this instant, is the best and most beautiful thing we can aspire to, then won't we be happier and less anxious, indeed, less tragic, if we live for this moment and not always be planning for tomorrow or yesterday?

Forget about regret, my friends. It is useless. Think instead of yourself as a beautiful, fast, fearless cheetah. Now is your moment, not yesterday or tomorrow, but right now. Run. Live. Love. And enjoy it with all your heart now. I virtually guarantee you will be happier if you live each moment this way.

Gradations of Character

2011-09-06T10:28:00.000-04:00

Color and light filter through our gaze in gradations. White becomes gray and gradually black. A bright sun becomes dimmer and dimmer. Or alternately the sky, on a dark moonless night, becomes lighter and lighter as the sun rises at dawn. Our character also exists on a scale of gradation. No one is defined by a single act--whether that act is noble or ignoble. All of us, as human beings, are blessed with divine propensities. Our divinity is made manifest more brilliantly depending on our soul's stage of development. Some people spend no time whatever focusing on their soul; hence, they are not manifesting their highest potential divinity. Others are focused constantly on their soul's education, and their divinity shines out like a brilliant golden light.

We all have moments of grandeur and moments of horror in our lives. It is important to remember that no single moment makes an entire life. If we build upon the past, learn from our errors, and attempt to make ourselves better human beings, then no matter what we have done in the past, we can rise above it. As the Buddha tells us, 'we create our own future every moment.' I believe in the truth of Buddha's words because I began rebuilding my life one step at a time some years back.

In 2006, I had a very unfortunate moment in my life when a felony and an arrest ended most of my dreams. Since that time, however, I have dedicated myself body and soul, to overcoming the past. I like to think that since that mistake, I have grown, that I have gone through gradations which have now brought me to a higher plane in terms of spiritual consciousness.

If you have made mistakes, remember that if you acknowledge those errors and move forward without repeating them, you can find yourself in a far happier state of existence than ever before. As Jesus taught, "Ye shall know them by their fruits." I believe in this fully. If you devote your soul to good deeds--thoughts and actions--you will see good fruits--good karmic results. If you devote yourself to ignoble deeds, you will bear rotten fruit.

You don't even have to believe in God to know this is the truth. Physics and science teach the same thing: Every cause will have its effect. If you set out to hurt another person, you will see a very negative effect for yourself. It's the law of the universe. The negative effect may come later than you think, but it will arrive, I assure you.

I have reaped what I sowed with respect to the past. But, now I am happy to say that I have found good fruit begin to ripen in the garden of my life. It is only because of the gradations--the gradual shifts toward nobler choices in my life--that I have found such good fruit.

Plant a good seed today, my friends. Let go of the bad seeds you want to plant--to hurt others, to rob them, to take pleasure from them--and instead plant a noble seed of love. Watch it grow as you yourself will grow in goodness and love.

Death Before Dishonor

2011-09-01T13:20:00.001-04:00

Antonio Ordonez

One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.--Nietzsche

The Marines have a saying, "Death before dishonor." Like many sayings used to boost morale, it has its drawbacks as a cliche. Yet, taken for what it means in its purest sense, 'death before dishonor' is a sentiment that I admire. What is honor? It is a quality possessed by few men. It is that rare characteristic which describes a man who stands by the strength of his convictions no matter what. It is a quality which a man whose words and deeds match possesses. It is the characteristic which means a man will die for his beliefs.

It's hard to live honorably. If it were easy, then everyone would be doing it. And since the world is shamefully lacking in honorable men, we have to look hard to find them. But since the world is short on supply of honor, why not step up to the plate and try to be honorable ourselves?

There are drawbacks, of course, it would mean being honest at all times. It would mean telling people what you really think instead of what they want you to say. It would also mean losing quite a lot of friends. But what good are they if they have no honor and won't stand up to defend yours? They are useless.

So, I choose the path that sets me apart: I live by honor and pride. And, as Nietzsche said, "One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly." I would infinitely prefer death to giving up my honor. It is my very honor which gives me pride.

My ethics are basic: If I love you, I love you completely. If I stand for you, I will never forsake you. If you lie to me, I will consider it a dishonor and never speak to you again. If you attack me, I will fight you. And when and if the day comes when I cannot live honorably, proudly, I will welcome death with greater ease than I can express.

Mushin, No Mind, & the Secret of Living Well

2011-08-31T12:45:00.000-04:00

The Zen expression 'mushin' is an important and valuable idea worthy of understanding for those who wish to attain balance and excellence in life and art. The term 'mushin' translated to English means 'no mind.' Many martial artists work hard to attain this magical state where the mind is no longer thinking on the ordinary level, where the mind is, in fact, functioning at such a high level that it is essentially not thinking at all. When a martial artist enters this state, he is able to fight with absolute power and magnificence because his mind is not conscious of itself and the body and the mind function together in the absolute fighting power of 'mushin' or 'no mind.'

Artists and athletes also work hard to obtain this delicious state of consciousness and often refer to it as "being in the flow." When in the flow state, the athlete can go beyond his or her limitations to achieve great feats of physical prowess by shutting off the mind to external ideas and having no mind at all. The mind becomes subordinate to the body and follows its instinctive lead. A writer is able to achieve this sometimes too, if the writer is very lucky, when the words are being written in a state of consciousness that defies normal explanation. You are able to perfect your craft in ways formerly unprecedented by turning off the mind to everything except the writing and finally turning it off even to the thoughts involved and leting the writing 'flow.'

The Buddha spoke a great deal about the importance of non-thought. He once asked, "How can you know what you believe, if you are thinking all the time?" This makes perfect sense to me because if your brain is constanty churning over everything, you can't stop long enough just to be and to believe.

The magical secret to living well, to performing well, is mushin. Thinking less and acting more.

Finding Courage

2011-08-29T10:42:00.000-04:00

Courage is grace under fire. --Hemingway

Life itself, the very act of living, takes courage. When love is the rarest quantity on earth and every action involving other people seems like war, you must dig deep to find the strength and the boldness to go on.

During WWII, the British were under air attack by German forces. The year was 1939, and these attacks were brutal and relentless. Many lives were lost. Thanks be to God that some of the brave men who fought during that war lived to tell of how they found the courage to move forward when it seemed that their entire world was literally crumbling around them.

On the Military Channel yesterday in a documentary series entitled The World at War, I listened as one brave British soldier described how it felt to routinely hear each morning of many, many friends and comrades being killed while flying above Britain and fighting to stay alive and save their people and country. He said that it became so routine and so astonishingly predictable that they simply had to deal with it as "business as usual." He said that they would say to one another upon hearing the grave news, "Ah well, old so-and-so has had it. That's that, I suppose." While this may sound crushingly indifferent, you have to understand that to survive, these men had to accept their losses courageously. And sometimes courage means hardening oneself to circumstances.

Anytime we face adversity, we are tested for courage. My greatest moments of adversity occured inside a prison cell. And having courage at that point was the difference between life and death for me. To survive imprisonment, one must take a hard, cold look at the circumstances and adapt to them rather quickly, or else, one will crack up. That's that.

Living inside a cage will test everything you are, and nothing in life can compare to it. But if you do survive it, you have got some courage in you. That is for sure. So, for me personally, no matter what I face--brutes who try to steal from me, bosses who turn out to be lying criminals, lovers who stab me in the back, sickness that is killing in its power--no matter any of these, I have courage to face them. And the fact that I am still standing is a miracle of courage.

The only things I write about are the things I know, and I know this: Never assume you have courage until you've run the gauntlet. Never back away from the gauntlet once you have it before you. And never act like you have it all under control if you don't. Fear is a useful gift. If you are afraid, you may survive your Waterloo. If you are foolish enough to think you are fearless, you are dead in the water.

Practice inner calm and absolute mental control, call upon the name of the Lord, and then fight. Fight for all you're worth. Fight to the death if need be.

Namaste.

Gazing Past Death

2011-08-23T10:26:00.001-04:00

Miura Bull--Death on 4 Legs

One day, we all must face our own mortality and look ultimately into the blank space which lies beyond death. Whether you believe in an after-life, a God, a saint, or something else, you know that your days here are numbered, and no amount of praying or hoping will alter that number. The problem is: You don't know what day that will be, so you must live as though this hour, this day, may be your very last.

What if you had to confront that possibility today? Imagine at this instant that you are not yourself but rather a bullfighter, not just an average matador but a fearless one--a Belmonte or a Manolete. You walk into the arena with your picadors and your horse, your bandarillos. From across the arena, a large wooden door flies open and a gigantic animal with fire in his eyes and horns on his head comes charging toward you. Right now, this instant, and not a second later or tomorrow, you will confront your own possible demise. What makes you able to stand your ground? What gives you the strength and the strange nobility to look into death's eyes and dance with it?

Only a Manolete or Belmonte would be able to answer these questions, but we can learn something enormously important from what they did with their lives. Their actions--brave, noble, and powerful--stand as living testimonies to the strength of the human mind and soul against death. If you can take your very soul into your hands and confront whatever you fear most in this life, you can overcome it. You may not be able to defeat death (though you might be able to cheat him a time or two), but you can face him like a man. You can stare him down. You can stand your ground.

There is no such thing as a free and easy ride in this life. Sickness can drop on you like a ballpeen hammer and crush your skull, your soul, and your heart in one swift blow. Will anyone come to take your place at that hour? Hardly. The trick is to be ready for whatever comes, to accept it, face it, and gaze past it to what comes next.

Remembering A Great Poet

2011-08-22T10:23:00.001-04:00

Charles Bukowski, American Poet

He had a ravaged face, a face which expressed all that words could not. It was a face that spoke of pain, of difficulty, but never once of defeat. Charles "Hank" Bukowski was a great poet, a national treasure, more to be treasured perhaps than most other poets I can think of, because he took the fist in the chin, the elbow to the gut, and he smiled through all the pain, kept writing, kept trying, never once gave up or in. I loved him, though I never met him. His words offer me something other writers never give me--honesty, real simple, true honesty.

A man of wild temperament, a Depression-era hoodlum with bad skin, a beautiful soul with a depth and a gentleness that his eyes did not always show. Fueled by alcohol and women, he said his writing was the "residue" after the experiences themselves, and oh what sublime residue.

Bukowski, for all you left behind in your words, thank you. For never giving up or giving in, thank you. For sharing your truth--sometimes ugly, sometimes beautiful, sometimes too harsh to read--thank you.

And for getting me through this past week of food poisoning, you were my sole companion in those long afternoons, I love you.

Here's to you, Hank!

Bluebird

by Charles Bukowski

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?

Oneness

2011-08-15T10:41:00.001-04:00

We come into the world naked and alone. Some of us seek ardently for a union with another being. We seek such a union with friends, with parents, with sisters, with lovers. Some people, however, have no interest in union, and seek only to satisfy the desires of their own flesh. They seek only for their own contentment without ever considering that it causes separateness and sorrow rather than oneness and joy.

We will only find peace and lasting inner harmony by seeking oneness. If you wish to know the secret to understanding whether an action is good or bad, then know this: All actions that lead toward oneness are good. And all actions that lead to separation and multiplicity are bad. It is that simple.

A man who is interested only in feeding his stomach and goes into a house, kills and robs the people who live there, and then goes home to eat, drink, and be merry is of course performing an action that leads to the darkest and most sorrowful separation. No oneness can be achieved through such a selfish, senseless act.

Alternately, a man who gives himself entirely to helping those in his life who are in need is performing an action of the highest good, an action that leads to oneness.

Lovemaking is an act of oneness when it is performed as an act of love and worship of the other. Rape, on the other hand, or even simple domination and control of the other, is an act of separation and cannot ever lead to union or oneness.

Lies told to others are also actions that lead only to separation and never to oneness. To anyone who wants to lie and to control others, I can only say this: Lie all you want. Control all you want. But your actions will never lead to oneness and will only bring the worst kinds of karma to you.

We have free will, but we also must acknowledge that we have to face certain realities. One such reality is that if you wish to find soul satisfaction, love, and peace in this life, you should act always out of a desire for oneness with others, with all other people, with all living creatures.

When you deify your actions, when you make them sacred, you become united with everyone and everything, and most of all, you become united with the Divine. From that center, you can never fail.