Belle

The Truth

2013-11-24T02:14:00.004+08:00

Hey guys! It's been far too long since the last time I blogged. So... decided to make a comeback by changing to a new blog template (had to do it cause I accidentally screwed up my old template and didn't have a backup wtf) and new name!
And yeah, looking at the title and a picture of a fully-opened window you can guess it's going to be kinda like a confession.

To be honest even typing here I don't feel comfortable, but compared to saying it to anyone else in real life, this is relatively the best, and the most comfortable for me right now.

And, fret not!! This isn't going to be some mushy, sweet-nothings confession meant for a specific other half. But this is, probably meant for some people.
Some background info (?) for the past few weeks, months and prolly my whole life, I've been stressing out, worrying over a lot of things, changed into a seemingly different person entirely and back again, I don't know. & this is why I was afraid to start blogging again, because I don't want to be writing another blog draft and delete it just because I don't know how to explain myself. But I'll write whatever I can.

This year, prolly will be my most regretful year. I guess it's because I lost a few valuable close friends. It was my fault, I let them slip away because I was so self-indulged in my own thoughts, selfish and so self-centred. Well, they found new friends and maybe met new people to be with and I'm glad for a particular friend that she is more happier now, (I know she is I just know it hueghueghue *paranoid*) because I used to worry cause deep inside I know she deserves more than what she got that time, at least that was the past and like I said she is happy now, and considering she's in the hands of my other close, trustworthy friends (omg im so confused right now this friend that friend, next time need to name initials!), she'll be well taken care of.

But I am still very upset that I let that particular friend go because she was with me for 4 years in school and even in cca. It sucked that all this happened because of my self-indulging me.

And to the other friend that stuck with me throughout my secondary school life till the period of july, I just want her to know that she is irreplaceable and she will always be my best friend even though we drifted like mad because of me. I'm sorry.

Note: reading on from here on may/ may not offend you, really depends on who you are. but I'm really just being honest if it does.
and if you are, then no offense (that is very ironic).

Not only did I drift apart from these beautiful people I treasure, I drifted from this other circle of friends, too. But I was glad I drifted from these group of people, which are the ones I hang out for recess with, for my whole secondary school life. I guess you can say I'm the kind of person that people do not respect, someone that you can brush her opinions off like dust on a suitcase. That's because I devote half my time in entertaining, having fun, making a complete fool out of myself in this group because I just enjoy making others laugh. Of course, I don't expect myself to be respected if I'm like this, right? So I guess it kind of started off like that, changing into someone less silliness, more firmness to my actions and in my sentences so I won't be treated like a less-worthy person. But believe me, I tried. But whatever I did, nothing seemed to work.
They still made fun of me, laughed, even when a complete stranger could tell I was really being firm.
& I'm left, there, to wonder if what I did before, all that being joked of and being silly and all was an awfully huge mistake.
Sometimes I become really tired of it, or I just think I should be myself, and go back to my old patterns again. To make a joke out of myself for other's laughter and joy.
Soon, their laughter and giggles turned into disgusted looks and sniggering, from being made fun of became critisising and insulting me, especially when times when it's a personal conversation between one of them and me. And trust me, I really freaking mean it when I said they made disgusted looks and the sniggering part. That moment, I swore, I will never get that image off. Ever.

And I didn't realise it became this serious until this one day earlier this year when I got home, hugged my legs while I was in the bathtub and thought about all that they had said that afternoon

and cried.

Then I realised now. It was exactly as what happened to me about 5 years ago.
When I got slapped, when I got hit on my thigh until it became bruised because I refused to hand over my daily pocket money to this girl in my primary school.
That day I got abused,
I got home, hugged my legs in the bathtub and cry, too.
It was a long story, why I held on to that primary school friendship for a long time, but I have written a long blog post of it before (go and find it if you want >__>) . Eventually I broke all ties with her because obv I was still perfectly sane and knew what a bully is and meant.

So what happened to that circle of friends?
Surprisingly, I still talk to them. I guess it's because not everyone in there is that mean and fucked(oops), and as long as they know where they stand and the limit, at least right now they do, I'm fine with them in my life.

Anyway, I put almost to no effort into them anymore, I mean, why am I putting in so much effort to make them happy when they aren't going to put in ANY effort? Sooooo....... isn't really worth it.
I guess I chose the wrong friends to share my weirdest gift with.

But for now, they are behind. Because I want to concentrate on the ones that are truly important. The ones that cared for me, gave me unconditional love, supported and believed in me. I want to give them the laughter and the joy that they really deserve. I can't imagine life without these people, really.
omf i just teared writing this part hehhehe (': -wipes-

Of course, after that incident I've been very wary and critical about the people around me, in case anyone crosses the line and deja vu! Same cycle will happen.

Anyway, if you're guilty of such a bullying act, verbally or physically, you should stop and apologise now.
Cause karma will get you.

Thinking of writing a part 2, but shall leave it for next time. It's 4am right now and I wanna continue watching my korean drama *yawns* Screwed up body clock at its best :P
Okay, ciao!

“Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” - Albert Camus

Long, long time.

2013-06-12T20:17:00.001+08:00

HELLO EVERYONE!!!!
it's been fucking fucking long since I blogged. It's been like what, 2months? Haha.
Things took a turn for the better as compared to the time of the previous post. Well, I guess so? At least I'm not that insecure anymore. I feel more mature now, I learnt to be more independent and to be accepting and happy with my life, because of course, yolo (-;
Although I still think I'm still a bit insecure and such, and thinking about the stuff today make me realised I don't speak well with acquaintances/strangers, to the point I am so awkward.
I still feel like I close up a lot, and am a kind of person that needs a lot of space. However, sometimes I just want to open up just like the rest of the people, but I just can't. I find myself acting like a slug that's been poured salt on and hiding in its shell after, but I would've melted by then, so.. forget the salt part. No? Just me? Alright.

Recently, I feel so moody, listless in the day, and in the night I get so upset and depressed with myself I actually think about my past and.. ya' know, cry. I don't know what's happening but I just felt like it. & I know this is normal for girls when their 'ahem' is just around the corner. I hope it's true.
I'd just get insecure because I never want to lose anyone close to me, much less get replaced. If it were another person close to me doing the same thing as you, I'd too, get upset.

On a lighter note, I had POA for 8 or 9 hours today, and it was so so so productive! I absorbed everything Ms Tan has said during the consultation and I got full marks for P&L, P&L Appropriation,Current a/c and Balance Sheet, and I used to suck so much at it that I scored 20percent below the average percentage, oh god. So to me, this is a very good achievement for me, and I'll do better cause obv isn't the end yet.
Shall end off with a happy picture. Yay AT!!
Ciao~

2013-04-06T22:12:00.001+08:00

You could be happy, I hope you are.
You made me happier than I'd been by far.

To Be With You - The Honey Trees

2013-04-06T22:06:00.002+08:00

Boopdeloop. Hey guys, back with a new blog post. I know I haven't blogged in like a month or so, but hey, least I'm blogging now right? XD
Things.. haven't been very good these past few weeks, or for a month. Or least, I don't feel good. Have a lot to say but I don't think I'll be able to say everything since I was planning to sleep soon, and I just can't seem to string the words I want to say.
First of all, I feel like I lost everything. Literally, really, everything. The old me, whom was carefree, whom did not care of others' judgments, the old me, whom will not judge someone, at least not badly, the old me who'd put others before her, my dignity, my respect. I feel like I lost it all. Yet I'm trying so hard to fight back for what's rightfully mine.
But really, am I creating these in my head, or did I really lost it all? For one, I really do think still sane and I know what I've got(or rather, I know what I don't have), I have proof, after all these years.
I'll fight and stand up for myself, no matter what. Even if it means losing the people I love, even if they are the people closest to me.
I can't make the same mistakes again. I can't.
And perhaps, I lost the old me on the way, fighting for myself for victory. I feel myself changing. I feel myself as a different person. This is not me.
On a lighter note, I feel that this year I've finally settled down. Sometimes, I do get carried away and get complacent but I try my best to calm myself and get my head straight on whether if what I'm doing right now will affect my future, and what is the right thing I'm supposed to do at the present time.
Who am I?
What have I done?
Who have I become?
Who am I....

These walls must be talking cause man, I can hear em'

2013-01-27T20:26:00.004+08:00

She's perfect. *-*

So another unproductive day just passed, just like that. I feel so disappointed in myself today, for not doing everything I wanted to do. Only completed math homework and english article reflections, and it drained almost all the energy I've got today. Still haven't finished my ss links essay, physics homework, maths revision and I'm suppose to finish all this today T____T hopeless anabelle....

However, today is particularly blue, the air is clouded with nostalgia, sky felt green and room was turning white... Is it just me? I feel like I'm keeping too much, unsaid words are overflowing from the seams yet I'm wanting to stop it with a cork. I can't say, "I am honest!" as one of my proud qualities anymore. I can't say integrity is my first priority without feeling like a cheat.
Somehow, I am able to feel like this without lying.
I think it's just how open I think I should be to people, and when I don't, I feel like I'm a liar, a fake.
Maybe it's just the weather..
perhaps the weather....
yes the weather...

Deep Thoughts

2012-12-11T20:57:00.002+08:00

Hey guys! Wow it's been 2months since I blogged huh! Well things have been going pretty well lately, haven't done much blogging b/c I'm just lazy, not in the mood to, and kinda busy (excuses).
Just wanted to jot down my thoughts in this post. I've been thinking a lot for these few weeks. Hopefully I'll be able to cover everything I can remember right now, I don't wanna be adding in more stuff after I publish this hehe.
So a few days ago, I was doing a lot of thinking then, I realised I push people that are close to me, away a lot. Probably on purpose, prolly not, I don't know. I never really think of really pushing others away unless you're a fucking bitch ass that suck ups to everybody and think you're the best and look down on others, well then yes I'll push you away, I'll even push you off a building. It's like uhmm.. when someone new comes along and tries to get really close to you? Like they build their trust really fast and in a few days they're already sharing their secrets to you. And them, they automatically think that you will trust them as much as they had already trusted you, will want you to share your secrets too. I get uncomfortable and without knowing it myself I'll back off. Is it because I build my trust in people slower than what usual people do? Is that why I always end up building a wall around me?
Maybe this doesn't happen that much to new people I meet. What about the people I'm close to? The people I've built years of friendship, brick by brick?

It's been a weird behavior/habit of mine and I haven't really paid attention to it until that day when I thought about it.
So I went on google to search ''Why do I push people away'' LOL, and yeah lots of useful results came in. Clicked on a few forums and it seems that I'm not the only one with this problem. In fact there are many people doing it (guess I'm not abnormal afterall).
These people from the forums, came up with many possible solutions. Some say I have avoidant personality disorder (?), which I kinda agree (:P). Then some say fear, that if I get too close to someone else - being too reliant or dependent on them. Or the most common one, the fear that they could hurt me more if I get close to them, than if I was just distanced from them.
Another reason could be,
''so will reject others before the others get a chance to reject the avie.''
Well haven't got a clue what is an avie, I think it's the main person (?)
And of course, subconsciously backing off to see if someone will stay or not. If they give up and leave, they aren't suitable. And if they hang around, we push them harder -__-

They also said your childhood also affects what you are now, but I've never suffered any shock when I was a child, well, maybe, apart from G. But.. reeeeaaally? Maybe she was a best friend cum freaking monster and that prolly scarred me for life. I guess maybe I just don't want to go back to that day, huh.
till now I haven't got a clue what's with me. I think I'm just going to let nature take its course.
But I'm not going to do it anymore.
I do treasure my relationships with others and take it seriously.
However if I still do it, pardon me. I don't mean to, then again I do if you are ((insert 7th line of blog post here))

I hope our friendship will be swirl endlessly like the snowflakes in the highest mountains.

if you ever come back if you ever come back now

2012-10-24T21:03:00.001+08:00

Do you remember what day today is?
Today is confession day.
I've waited for a gazillion years, just for this day to come, just to reminisce and cherish the preciousness of this annual day.

Do you remember?

The hardest part of living is taking breaths to stay.

2012-10-11T00:17:00.001+08:00

Waited, til' I lost tension from the anger devil.

I know I deleted many posts, I didn't know what I was doing or thinking, but this'll make up for it. Nothing I'm about to say here is to gain fame, pity, or beauty from.

Exams are over, even though I got distracted a lot in the last exam. Whatever I got, I deserve it.

Been thinking a lot, even though its only a day or two I stayed of that hellhole. I shouldn't have seen anything, I shouldn't have read everything. Right now I'm on the brink of tears, fighting back the lump in my throat.

“If one day you feel like crying... call me.

I don't promise that I will make you laugh

But I can cry with you.

If one day you want to run away, don't be afraid to call me.

I don't promise to ask you to stop,

But I can run with you.

If one day you don't want to listen to anyone, call me
I promise to be there for you,

But I also promise to remain quiet

But...If one day you call and there is no answer...

come fast to see me..

Perhaps I need you.”

- Robert J. Lavery

I hate myself, to the core. It's not only you that is against me. Everyone is, the world is, even I am against myself. I hate how I changed everything. I hate how I am still living. I hate what I am right now.

At times, I feel lonely and my heart wants my penguins back, but my brain will stop me, because this happened once before, I was a burden, a hindrance to success. I don't want to let it happen again, yet I still want to go back to where left off.

I'm torn.

It was entirely my fault. But I'm getting perpetually exhausted, tired. I want to stop trying, I feel like stopping, because it looks like I'm the only one trying. While everyone is like 'oh idgaf', you know, I don't know what to say. I'd naturally keep quiet until the subject is directed to another, or 'no, don't say that'.

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to count you penguins as. Are we acquaintances or friends? That day when 'outsiders' asked me, I was tongue-tied. Maybe I should've said we were once close but then one day we drifted.

I really don't understand, sometimes penguins would say they never left in the first place, but on other days penguins would say we only wanted ______ and _____%#%#& urgh what I don't even understand what I'm saying now. You said you didn't leave, but you meant you did when you say we wanted you penguins back.

'Is there something or nothing you wanted to say?'

'That feeling, when half your bottle is filled with secrets, promises, insecurities, and the rest continues building up and they start to burst at the seams, overflowing'

Nobody understands, nobody does. The feeling when you keep everything to yourself for 80days. & when there's nobody you can trust to tell everything to, or there's really nobody physically, there at all and you're just fooling yourself.
You won't know how it feels to have your bottle filled up and the rest to overflow. I am like this because last time I had people I could talk to, but now I don't and I feel.. tensed. Like everyone is out to get me.

No matter how much I fool myself that I can make you happy again, the fact still boils down to this.

''I can't.''

''There's only one person in the world I can trust now..''

''Who? Annabelle?''

Getting to know the fact that she can't trust me after we had so much fun and reflection in a day, it kinda sucks. Especially when all I want was a trust-ful friend. Then, some things happen and I started distancing from everything emotionally, then to her, until finally, the rubberband broke.

“Friendship is a rubber band. It can either be stretched to its limit so that it can hold the most number of things, or it can be stretched till it breaks. If you stretch till it breaks, it means that the friendship will not last. The one who stretches the rubber band is reality. Whether it holds or breaks doesn’t just depend on how strong the love is. It depends on how aggressive reality is stretching as well. If the rubber band has broken, there is no way to fix it.”

Is there really no way to fix it?

I never really mind much about their new friends. I even found it weird one day during lessons, that they talk a lot to their peers, but they never hung out.

I'm not snatching, well, I don't know, probably I am now that I'm wanting to take away half the time where they coulda hung out more if I didn't existed at all. I'm just saying I don't want my penguins to forget us completely. I know penguins is a weird word but I feel uncomfortable to 'you all you all'.

& I never wanted 24hrs at all.

'If I can't stop myself from seeing what I don't want to see, then I'll do it by force. If I can't stop myself from saying what I don't want to say, then I'll force myself. I'll cut my eyes out and I'll sew my mouth'

I lost my chance. Cried so much, shed so much red river, on a single picture. It fucking hurted a lot. But now I'm over the picture already. I am contented again, because your smile was beautiful, and you were happy and that's all that matters. The background does not mean a thing.

~~I do not have courage without you by my side~~

I can't smile like that. I'll be disappointing you if you expect I should. You're right, this, isn't the only problem for you and it isn't for me either. Month ago, I'm tied by whether I should forget liars, continue greeting two-faces with a smile. But in the end I decide to forgive and forget.

I'm a real person. I sin, I forgive and do good deeds(i don't know what is the opposite of sin), I smile when I'm happy, I brood when I'm sad. But I don't fake, unless I really have to, like infront of my family. But it's tiring, you will never know how it feels to be in my shoes.

Not everything was directed at you, but I will stay away from the hellhole to stop me from turning into a red devil. I will stop myself from brooding. I will stay away from the things you do. But if one day, one day, if I ever break my promise, then forgive me.

I feel very lost, everyone knows what they're doing and I don't even know what to do. It's like I don't even know where I'm going.

All I wanted to say was

I am sorry.

Burnt lungs

2012-08-12T01:10:00.000+08:00

Still able to live, wake up to a memory, go to school, sleep and get ready for another day. Life goes on, but I am miserable at best.

Lo siento.

2012-07-13T21:06:00.001+08:00

M o n a L i s a

2012-06-24T21:15:00.000+08:00

mi Mona Lisa, eres hermosa. eres digno de él y voy a hacer cualquier cosa para que usted vuelva.

.. No voy a dar marcha atrás

2012-06-24T21:02:00.003+08:00

♥

2012-06-24T21:02:00.000+08:00

#nowplaying Want U Back - Cher Lloyd

2012-06-10T11:23:00.001+08:00

Stare into the gun, do you feel this numbing feeling on your forehead?

OMG 3-DAY CAMP. IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!! altho it was super tiring, exhausting, and I was so sleep-deprived and walking like a zombie and sneezed at everything in sight ):
There was just so much drama in just 3 days omfg. But during these 3days there was happiness, contentment, excitement, delight.
Omg!! The forest adventure!! it was so scary yet fun!!
finally got to use the two ropes thing on the harness! I've always thought what was it for in primary school!
AND FINALLY we do not need people to keep billaying (?) us while we're in mid-air only a thin rope to support our weight. I never trust the people billaying me!! if they're not focused I'll die ok!! and last time I had someone whom was very quiet and blur to billay me I felt unsafe to even walk on the log! I felt like if I fell and died she would've panicked but still afraid to tell a teacher omfg.
Yeah so we have to make use of the tools we have on the harness to make our way through the four stations. And we would go from one station to another by the flying-fox! Cool or cool!!
And I was so afraid when I first had to do the flying fox! (oooh I still have that feeling when I close my eyes and think about it!) it was so high up and when I looked down my legs turn all jelly and shit but I mustered my courage to just jump and convince myself the pulley thing wouldn't jam or snap while I slide across the reservoir and yeah I succeeded!
The other 2 flying foxes were less scary since I did the first one and I survived. & hey it wasn't really scary after I did all the stations high up whether I had to step on shaky logs and walk on a single rope and hold only the rope that was attached to my pulley.
Altho the lightning alert sounded while I was in Site 3 and they just asked me to 'roll' myself through all the stations and just flying-fox to Site 4, I've never felt so accomplished! I used to be rlly scared of the flying-fox!
& although there was no one to cheer me on except my own pretentious enemies, its sad all of us were separated into groups ):
So much more to say but I'm just too tired!.. even though I had already repaid my sleep debt for 2 days ok maybe I'm just lazy but whatever guys ciao!!!!

I'm glad I came for this camp because I became a better person

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.

2012-06-04T21:51:00.001+08:00

Hmm.. It seems my life is crumbling into pieces, huh.

forget happy posts, why should i pretend

2012-05-13T00:02:00.001+08:00

Everything is written in the aspect of ~~true~~ friends-
Yes, I wrote it, I wrote that post of negative things about you, with half of me hoping you would see it. Why? because you were treating me coldly after those few days, and all I want was for your attention whether good or bad. B/c I'd rather you hate me for something I do, than treat me coldly. But no, after you read it you treated me colder than before. I thought you would scold me when I came to school so I could scold back and scream at you and blame you for all my misery, but you didn't.

Attitude
Yes, my attitude played a part in this for being possibly the most egoistic shit you'll ever meet. I admit my attitude is shitty as hell. Yes, I'm self-centred. Yes, I'm selfish. Yes, I'm arrogant. .. It was like, 'since we're in this plight already, why not sink deeper' attitude. This was what triggered me to write it. I don't know why I was born to be a burden to others.

Anger&Jealousy
Yes, I admit I was jealous & envy, obv or I wouldn't have written about her 2. Jealous you've got bettr things to care abt, jealous you've got people to care for you & I don't..& yes I was angry, angry that you didn't care, angry that you told her everything even tho I told you not to. Yeah, maybe that time when you said it was fine I rlly thought you were fine with it. You needed somebody to confide in, so maybe I kinda disregarded your thoughts and feelings then. Seriously I never wanted to hurt you, I didn't mean for you to be backstabbed.

Friend
You may have a lot of friends to wipe your tears, cheer you up and encourage you. But I only have you as my true friend. I'm sorry if I come across as a very clingy person. When you're depressed or down I try not to ask or concern b/c you need your own space. Well I won't be clingy and won't disturb u anymore.

We don't even care abt each other's welfare anymre.
Maybe you've changed. I've changed. Everything's changed and I'm still living in the past.
And for the very last time I'm going to say it since i've already said it a gazillion times.
Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Sorry.
You must know that the last thing I will ever do is betray you. I never did, & I never will.

I know i wouldn't be able to say it to your face b/c im such a coward so i cld only write it down behind a screen. i hope it will explain everyth i rlly wanna say.

EDIT: it's something I brought upon myself, so ignore me, hit me, etc whenever. altho you could've rubbed it in my face i don't understand why you don't.

something that i'd die for

2012-05-12T01:54:00.002+08:00

Recently watched some video of homophobics screwing the love between two gays oh fuck them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pR9gyloyOjM&feature=youtu.be
homophobics should just die, srsly.
oh & read some news that Obama approved of gay marriages.
Support gay marriages! #EqualLoveEqualRights
'love, is a human experience, not a political statement'

In Your Arms - Kina Grannis

2012-05-11T12:31:00.000+08:00

You gave me so much to remember and a promising future to look forward to with laughter, frustration, & gratitude, swirling endlessly like the snowflakes in the highest mountains.

Nobody's a picture perfect but we're worth it

2012-05-09T22:48:00.001+08:00

'Please remind me who I really am'

Okay, this time I'm finally going to make a normal-length blog post!! B/c....

EXAMS JUST ENDED TODAY!!!!!!

Okay not really, I still have Chinese Listening Comprehension but bleah that doesn't count.

So recently I know I have been writing 'abnormal' and emo blog posts but wh4t3v3r, as long as I'm fine now it's okay right? Ha.

But I won't be writing as much emo posts now, so don't worry that you have to scroll through a pile of ~~f-cks and shit~~.

This blog will be used for neutral posts only (: (okay can't help it maybe I can complain a bit about first world problems???)

(okay maybe after here it'll be a bit emo :/ soz)

The 7deadly sins. I remembered hearing about it somewhere before. they're something like.. the reason why you sin.

& I did three.

Will the sins stay with me forever?

Oh and can someone tell me the story of Adam & Eve?

1've g0t $$$$$ 1n m4 H4l\ldS tH4T 1 RlLY LyK t0 Bl00\l/ (SW4G, SW4G, SW4G)

2012-05-04T21:18:00.001+08:00

wounded

2012-04-23T19:38:00.002+08:00

IM A BITCH IM A FUCKING BITCH I AM SORRY I AM TERRIBLY SORRY I ALREADY PUNISHED MYSELF FOR IT IM SORRY.. IM SORRY..
FUCK MYSELF

One more spoon of cough syrup now.

2012-04-23T19:23:00.000+08:00

3 words. no it's not what you think. It's the type of 3-letter words that common people would use to call themselves when they're feeling out of place, left out. The three-letter word that when spoken, common people would think of only 1 meaning, left out. Perhaps open-minded beings would think of a million other reasons. Maybe a dead pet. Maybe getting bullied. Maybe self-hatred. And these words never fail to appear in a large font in black and white wherever I go.

I

I feel lonely.

For every millilitre of tear you shed, in exchange I will shed the same amount of blood.

2012-04-12T22:18:00.003+08:00

I'll bribe you with a picture of a cute kitten so you will continue reading my blog.
You said it's my blog, I can say whatever I want right?
Before you even think of leaving us for other friends, I want you to know you are the awesomest and bestest friend I ever had. I remembered seeing you in primary school, before I even met you, you were holding a Twilight Saga book and had this rectangular spectacle frame (and you still do now!) and I remb thinking to myself 'Oh, she reads Twilight. I'm going to be friends with her in the future.' And I did! I did and I'm so glad I did. & I was really very sure I would make friends with you that time, idk why. hahah.
I'm sorry for being sensitive and the meanest bitch ever alive on earth that deserves to be shot in the head. Please ignore whatever I said before. I don't deserve to be your friend. I deserve having The Most Trustworthy role taken away from me. But you will be my friend forever.
Maybe this clearly isn't the time to say this since everyone is buried in their own shit. But I miss when we used to have fun and chill almost 24/7 without feeling a second of down. I miss when we could talk about almost anything and everything. & this may have been the most stupidest thing I'll ever say, but I will miss you hitting my head cause it makes me feel lyk your smaller sister and I feel sho kyuute! heh :3 :3
Please don't feel depressed anymore. As once an optimistic person who was once pessimistic, told me, you were inside your mom's stomach for about 9months, gave birth to you, raised you up until today. So don't you think its kind of wasted if you spend almost your whole life brooding and dwelling? Don't waste your precious time, it could've been used for revision for a Chemistry test you know? Life is short. Live life to the fullest. God gave you this life to fulfil something important. Mine was to make you fulfil yours ^__^ now go, fly little bird and come back a peacock!! k kidding. But please really don't be sad. I'm always there for you. But you think you never talk to me you cute liddat isit? not cute okay is like shit!!!!!!11111
K honestly, maybe tmr you will continue to neglect me, the day after tomorrow. Maybe even if you tie me to a rocket and set fire, I know in the end I will crawl back to you and apologise and put super glue on your side and stick to you muahahhahahhahaha!!!
Please never give up on yaddadadadaaddadadada, k?
k ciao

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2012-04-12T22:10:00.001+08:00

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2012-04-12T22:02:00.002+08:00