Lilly's Life in Hollywood

New Poem

2010-05-26T20:31:00.000-07:00

When you look into my eyes what do you see?

Do you see a gliding blue fish wandering through hoping to get free?

Do you see this other world full of peace and freedom?

Or do you see a world with war, blood and sorrow?

Oh please let me be free please let me get away

I’m sick and tired of all the people pulling me back when I’m fighting to push forward

You see all that you want but deep down you know nothin

The core of your body is who you are and it shines every once in a while

And I’m trying so hard to let it shine right on through to the other side

So I’m breathing fighting just riding the ride

Waiting, anticipating that only chance coming up so fast

it wants you to dance that dance that will be your last

Stupid Life

2010-05-26T20:30:00.000-07:00

How can you be so good?

When you walk around acting like you’re from the hood.

You walk with that limp like you’re so cool.

As you sit around watching that girl and drool.

Up and down she goes as your jeans get tight.

While you sit alone in this dwelling night.

This life so stupid and you finally see.

Everyone around you going so free.

you hear that voice from so long ago.

telling you to go back and you finally know.

you’re white no aa

lets go back to the day

when you a normal boy

that acted so coy

you went to school did sports and shit

but you knew there was more so you had a fit

you went off got high joined a fucking gang

went around and did bang bang bang bang

you’re so stupid look what you’ve done

i watched you grow up now you go and have fun

but i know that’s lies

i can see the cries

you asking to come back

when you’re so out of wack

let’s rewind and go back to what we had

that love so true and it’s turned out so bad

part of me wants to love you as well as hate

could this be fake or something like fate?

you come along as I see the new you outside

but i know you just taking this new you for a ride

as you come up to me with that beautiful smile

and i see the old you that’s been gone for a while

than i see your new friends and you change to the new you

you’re not the same and i finally knew

were going a different road

taking off this huge load

and i finally see

I am going to be free

like everyone else in your old life

as your “new” friends take out that sharp knife

bam you’re gone and you were so young

just trying to have a little fun

goodbye to everything that you could’ve had

i wish you were smart and didn’t act so bad

i sit here tonight in this new city

thinking back to you and kinda feel so shitty

I loved you but i gotta move on

to this new life that isn’t like a con

smiling away thinking about the day

when it was so true so real now you’ve gone away

life’s good i think leaning back to sleep

waiting for the next day to start with a leap.

Some Poetry

2010-05-26T20:24:00.000-07:00

When you look around you and don’t see or feel nothing

While you watch the clouds around you springing an puffing.

Let’s take a second sit down for a short break

While the room around you starts to shake

You need that white dust that floats to the sky

While you wish you were up there feeling so high

You feel nothing, you’re numb but there’s this deep pain

That stirs so strong sometimes come on please take away the shame

What has happened to this strong wild girl? You feel nothing no more and you feel this sharp driven pain to the core. You look to my changing colors of eyes and see a deep sadness that shows so many cries. It will never go away! NEVER but just take my hand and let me put my head down and stay. I need someone there to help me through this deep mess of things because I feel so blue. You’re there in my mind but not outside. I miss you Oh do I miss you

You fly so high up in the sky, watching down at me being how I be, you love me I love you and even if you're not here I know you are always still near, you're my blood so I'll always have you even if you are in heaven while I am down at the ground waiting to be found. I remember that goodbye it lingers deep inside. It shall be there always and it may make me cry but I know you are happy flying in that sky.

Love is to Lust what you all may think but if you don’t have lust you will never have love Running through space, trying to find that face

When you finally find it all senses are lost

You look in to there eyes seeing those cries

Wondering how you deserve to be with this one

Hiding your emotions just wanting to open up

You can with this one oh how amazing it feels

Just tingles inside as your skin peels

Each peel shows more of who you really are

Its bundled up inside just wanting to hide

There’s a shell all around you but inside something else

This pureness so beautiful so soft to the touch

It’s a pool of warmness just wishing to be free

With you, each shell slowly melts until you see

Flowers all around you and this beautiful goddess

That’s me??? You think... you can’t believe it no way

This whole time I’ve been the lead actress in a different play

never showing my true identity until I meet you my dear

I love you I whisper not knowing what to say

As you grab my hand and smile that smile

I love you too he says as the light shines through

It’s finally free and only because of you.

2010-01-08T22:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to my acting class and my teacher said my door and the partner I was with was outstanding. That was pretty awesome to hear. Went to that than went to a music video audition. It was interesting..... to say the leas. First off had to bring a bikini.... second off waited for 2 hours.... 3rd off had to dance very sexy in a bikini.... lol also sang... thank goodness I am outgoing. When I got done with that I went to an opening for a club called haute which was very amazing. Saw the blonde dude from high school musical and other stuff. Don't really like that movie though.... hmm what else? Oh yes I wandered to the 101 cafe with my friend ate fried chicken (it's bomb there) Than all the sudden this guy walks in who looked extremely like Joe Jonas... Look more closely and what do ya know? It was Joe Jonas... lol very funny. I got home and went to sleep because I had to wake up early for work. Had work today... the owners came in for most of the time I was working so worked very hard... I usually try to work hard though all the time. Just not as intense... it's stressful. Worked worked worked than got home and cleaned the entire apartment so extremely tired right now... but it looks really nice now. I went to CVS with this container of coins we collected and got $69.05!!! woo hoo Now I am in my comfy bed watching TV on the new dresser we got for very inexpensive at a garage sale so I can see my TV. Going to go to bed soon than meet with a bunch of people tomorrow. Farewell au revoir adios shalom

goodnight

xoxo

Lilly

Busy Lilly

2010-01-06T22:57:00.000-08:00

Today and yesterday is one blog! I will start with yesterday..... Yesterday I woke up and got ready for acting class. Went back to class after a long time. My friend stopped and I can understand why she did. I totally believe in everything they teach I just think they pick favorites sometimes. I do agree with everything they teach though. Went to that didn't feel very good.... Stayed after stupidly and hurt my back.. lol I don't even know how I did. I used to go to a chiropractor and stopped so now my back is all messed up. After acting class I came home and just relaxed and rested my back. Didn't go to bed till late though. Woke up this lovely morning at 7:30 to do my hair for this music video audition that I found out is not till tomorrow. Went to work had an okay day i guess. Just lovely work..... Got my contract for the movie I am doing yay! it is official. Got off work went to the address for this music video and there was a play rehearsal going on I was like wtf? ha ha Came home made the dinner today it was yummy and played Parcheesi with my momma won both times. woo hoo Staying up to talk to someone that lives in France on skype :) excited about that. Talk to you guys later don't know what else to say and not in the best mood right now hopefully it will get better.

Night

xoxo,

Lilly

Errands Girl

2010-01-04T23:23:00.000-08:00

Woke up today, got ready and went to run some errands. Got a starbucks for the first time in a while.... Went to RiteAid and the bank and post office. The "job" my mom was offered was a total SCAM and we kind of figured it out right away. They sent checks that were fake ridiculous. I got to work and am just kind of annoyed with the whole thing. I havent been talking about it too much but I really don't like it. I like dressing up and being myself at work and i am not that here. The people aren't very nice to me either and I feel like because I slipped and fell they are totally against me now because I had to go to the hospital :( it sucked and it totally was not my fault I need the job so I am just going to tough it out and keep going. Today at work I met a jewelry owner who was very sweet and wanted to hang out. I met a girl with him to who was totally awesome as well. Tiring day at work now watching a show called Demons on BBC America Secret Diaries of a Call Girl isn't on On Demand yet :( Well talk to you soon

Muah,

xoxo,

Lilly

Sunny Lilly

2010-01-03T22:36:00.000-08:00

Today was an eventful day. Woke up kind of early to go to the farmers market in the lovely sun! I walked around with the confidence of a superstar and than I went to Del Shores garage sale. We bought a chair and dresser for very inexpensive, I'm actually sitting in the chair right now watching Keeping up with the Kardashians for some dumb reason. Del Shores gave me a little acting lesson which was extremely helpful. He also does acting workshops that I will start. I had to heave the two heavy ass furniture pieces with my mom but we did! So self assuring :) I than was hot and sweaty and took my doggies to the dog park right by the Hollywood sign. Absolutely beautiful in all aspects. Left there even more tired and decided to go to l' petit Ermitage and went swimming forever than it got cold.... and the pool was like a bath. Did not want to get out..... Finally got out got changed and watched the old James Bond eating a caesar salad. met a famous photographer and he told me to email him which was cool. Now just sitting at home missed Secret diaries of a Call Girl on Show time new season started yay! Will watch it on on demand for right now just wait. I am in a good mood replenished and feeling good just still stressed about money but what can I do? Anyways talk to you guys later.

Muah,

Xoxo,

Lilly

The New Year, The New Lilly

2010-01-01T18:34:00.000-08:00

Hello everybody, yesterday I could not write a blog because I went out on a Yacht for new years with my friend. HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYBODY!!! Fresh start for lil' ole' me :) Had to work and got my pay check which was more than I thought it would be. yay! The dumbest part is that I left the pay check somewhere at work. Anyways the Yacht was huge it was crazy and I had a pretty good time. I slept on the boat on the edge of a couch which was not comfortable. Today I woke up at 7 AM uhggg not feeling too great...... went back to sleep when I got home for a little while but I am exhausted still. Too top the not feeling great I had a mild anxiety attack which was totally random because I never have anxiety.. I have been relaxing all day watching a marathon of Law and Order SVU and Criminal Minds. I am still in my pajamas. :) My mom made a really good dinner and I just ate that just now and am about to watch The Perfect Getaway. Very calm day today... yesterday was a little crazy being New Years Eve and all. Need to take it slow today.... Have work tomorrow from 4-1030 not fun. Well I am going to go watch the movie. Talk to ya later

muah,

xoxo,

Lilly

Lazy Lilly

2009-12-30T20:47:00.000-08:00

Sorry I did not write a blog yesterday I was very tired and fell asleep way early. Yesterday was fun went to the doctors office than I went to the cute little French cafe that was really good. Than headed out to calabassas, to go to DASH. Let me tell you that was so stupid. Dash is overpriced and the people that worked there were so unprofessional. They were sitting on the couch eating trying on clothes!!! I could not believe it. We did find some cute stores out there though so it wasn't a total waste. We than came back and I just past out and slept and slept and slept. Maybe I am depressed about the New Year because nothing that good happened this year and I have no money to celebrate this new years eve. It's just upsetting I guess..... Anyways TODAY I went to work and everything was normal this person came in asking for a donation for this dance company at this high school which was a total lie everything she said. I left work and came home and took a nap than got up and had some yummy dinner. I have been sleeping a lot! I do not know why it sucks. Now I am just sitting here about to watch I am Legend with my Momma, not very entertaining I was suppose to go to rehearsal but I slept through and was too tired to go. Happy almost New year's Eve and New years. It's crazy its almost 2010! Well talk to you later.

Muah
xoxo,
Lilly

Back to Cupcakes

2009-12-28T23:24:00.000-08:00

I woke up today at 12.. I guess I needed the beauty sleep. My mom made me breakfast AMAZINGLY today.. love ya mom :) Ate the scrumptious breakfast and just relaxed. Today was back to cupcakes day after a little break. I kind of missed working weirdly. Working in a place like Beverly Hills has its up and downs. On the up side you get to see some famous people and really rich people that are nice..... but on the down side you get the stuck up rich bitches as well. I have had some mean people come in but this woman today was just ridiculous. She blamed me for a cupcake being sold out and gave me the dirtiest look than stormed out pushing people in the way. I could not believe it... people like that I act very nice to them just to piss them off. Worked with my manager Topher who is very funny. We listened to the hairspray radio station which has a bunch of musicals on it. Sang and danced to them when nobody was in the store and took espresso shots together. Working at a cupcake place you would think I would get sick of the cupcakes but no I LOVE THEM and not good for lilly's body. Thank god I have a teenage metabolism still or I would be very huge. They are natural and organic and let me not forget KOSHER woohoo but they are still fattening. Working from 3:30 to 10:30 PM the night evening went by quickly. It's getting more and more busy as people learn about it. Stop in and see why I love them so much. FAMOUS CUPCAKES on Beverly DR....... enough with work when I got home my mom got a job offer that we both read.... but it seems kind of iffy. It's too good to be true you know? It would be amazing if it was real we just don't know.... I am about to go to bed have to wake up kind of early tomorrow. Thanks everyone who reads this. I really appreciate it. Love ya,

Muah

xoxo

Lilly

P.s. Adding a funny pic. of myself after a long day at work! :)

Lilly's New Start

2009-12-27T21:53:00.000-08:00

Today is the first day that I am blogging to tell you guys about my new start here in the crazy Hollywood. When I first got here I breathed in the lovely humidified air. Although coming from a place like Seattle, so cold and "rainy", it was nice having warmth in the middle of Winter. We got in the new 1930's apartment with not very much although we had a friend decorate it with free stuff from Craigslist. Lots of cool free stuff on Craigslist by the way. It was nice to finally be where I knew I had to be. It has been 2 months already since first moving here. It was a little crazy at first getting situated, finding a job ect... I did find a job in Beverly Hills called Famous Cupcakes thank God. It's good to have a job in this economy and that's all I am going to say about that. L.A. is EXPENSIVE so so so expensive, I can not believe it. We are having major issues with money right now and it is definitely stressing both my mom and I out. I keep asking myself why am I up here and than I look at the Hollywood sign and than I realize I am here to be an actress. My whole life I have loved being in front of people and performing and now I get my chance to become a star. People ask me why I want to be an actress and here is why.... when I act I act from my heart and am myself at the same time a different person. I love being in different stories and acting out a character in MY own way. I'm NOT here for FAME, I am here to do what I want and live out my dream. My whole family besides my Mom and Grandma are totally against this in every way possible and it really upsets both my Mom and I. You would think a family would support there family in every way possible, but they are the complete opposite and think my Mom and I are stupid for doing this. I hate it, I am not perfect, and they should support me no matter what but they don't. They think I don't follow through with anything and I haven't in the past but I am a new girl in a new world living my life in a completely different way. You can judge me all you want but really I don't care. I used to care and it just overwhelmed me way too much. I am doing this blog to keep you posted on my new life and if you want to read it so be it. This is Lilly's new start in HOLLYWOOD baby and I will be posting a blog every day from now till whenever. So start enjoying my crazy, abstract, unique, struggling life and you will get to know that. Love you all who support me and may these next few days be more entertaining than this one. Tah tah for now!

Muah

xoxo

Lilly