Lily is growing like crazy.  Hard to say how big she is, but her 6 months baby clothes are getting a little… snug.

At this point, it looks like she’s going to keep those blue eyes, and her red hair is starting to grow in, too.  She will definitely be joining Lil’ M and I at the BJJ school as soon as possible.  The standing rule in my house is no dating until achieving a Blue Belt.  

In many martial arts currently taught, a Black Belt indicates a fundamental understanding of the style.  In Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, this is a blue belt.  So, I feel confident that when my daughters achieve this rank, they’ll be competent to defend themselves from… if not 10 ninja in a dark alley, at least an overzealous date who doesn’t understand that no means no.  The other thing is that, regardless of how long they train, a blue belt isn’t typically awarded to anyone under the age of 16.

She had her DTAP (or is it the TDAP?) vaccinations and I will admit that I stress about these things.  I’ve read the horror stories about parents who have a healthy, happy child who is suddenly fussy, unconsolable and in some cases ultimately diagnosed with autism after having been given a vaccination.  Is this myth?  I don’t know, but things like multi-dose vaccinations and all of the shots freak me out a little…  particularly when faced with an extremely happy, smiley baby who is suddenly crying unconsolably for 20 or 30 minutes at a time.

That was Tuesday.  Wednesday is when she really melted down, although she seems fine now.  She looked tired and her color was off yesterday, but by bed time she was back to her old (new) self.

K, my son, was never a cuddly kid.  Well, I take that back.  He was VERY cuddly, but he never fit into one of those snugglies.  M, my daughter, would have LOVED the snuggly thing, but she was so small and cute that my wife and I just carried her everywhere.  Lily is big and cuddly, and she seems to like the snuggly carrier thing.  Whatever, as long as I don’t have to use it! 

I was reading Rebel Dad’s blog, and he linked to a story on Parenting.com about the relationships between moms and dads and the jealousies that can arise.  I’d never thought about it in these terms. 

While I’ve personally run into a few guys who were jealous of their, I’d never thought about whether moms could be jealous of the relationships between the kids and their dads.  Fortunately, my wife is all too happy to take a break and doesn’t seem to mind the time I spend with the kids at all.

Don’t compliment me for doing something simple that any mom would do. 

What I mean is, consider what I’m doing.  I am often approached by women (always women) who say things like, “I think it’s really great that you’re spending time feeding your baby.”   Sure, that sounds like (and was clearly intended as) a sincere compliment.  But it’s functionally the same as saying to me, “I think it’s great that you take personal hygiene so seriously.”   

A typical encounter for my wife is, “She’s really cute.  How old is she?  Are you getting any rest?”

A typical encounter for me is, “You’re such a good dad for [insert literally anything here].  I think it’s just great.”

The test of whether it’s a backhanded insult or a true compliment is this:  If I had a pair of ovaries, would you consider it worth mentioning?  If not, then you’re probably insulting me without intending to.  I’ll give you some real life examples (and yes, this happens to me at least once every single time I go out with the baby without my wife).

Shopping for groceries.  I get complimented for shopping for groceries with Lily.  If I have either or both of my other kids with me (which makes it even easier) I increase the likelihood of an unsolicited, backhanded compliment exponentially.  At least once while rambling through the store, I will be approached by a woman who will tell me how I’m a great dad for…  I don’t really even know.  I’m pushing my baby through a store and… I guess I’m not yelling at her and… maybe I look willing to change her diaper if necessary?  I don’t know.  All I know is that I’m not doing anything of note. 

Feeding baby:  This one kills me.  The baby is hungry and I’m feeding her a bottle.  It’s not rocket science.  I mix the formula and stick it in her mouth.  She’s really doing all the work.  I just sit there, sip on my coffee or read other blogs on Google Reader and relax.  After she’s done, I burp her, change the diaper if necessary and we’re off and running.  Now, if I were able to breastfeed her, then I’d expect a compliment or two, cause that would be a neat trick.

Changing a diaper:  Okay.  The truth is, I don’t do this unless I have to.  But sometimes I have to, and when I do, it’s not a huge deal.  Sure, if there is anyone around who to do it for me, I’ll gladly defer diaper duty.  However, complimenting for not leaving my baby in a dirty diaper isn’t really a compliment. 

What kills me is that I LOVE it when women come up and gush about Lily.  Tell me how cute my baby is and that she has my eyes.  Please.  I’ll lap it up like cream to a kitten.  Tell me she’s adorable.  Ask me how old she is, or whether she’s sleeping through the night.  I’ll tell you all about it.  Ask me if she’s my first and I’ll tell you about my other terrific kids, too.  Just, please, stick to the baby.

We set her down and she immediately rolled up onto her side and then swung her leg over.  We couldn’t believe it… and neither could she.  The look on her face was priceless.  It was a classic, “What the hell just happened there?” look.   So, after a minute or two we put her back on her tummy and she did the same thing.  Not quite as fast as the first time, but again, very deliberately.  I’m telling you, Lily is a natural grappler.  She’ll be joining us on the mats in no time.

Lily works some Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

1. We are always teaching our kids a lesson.  The question is, are we teaching them a positive lesson or a negative lesson?
2. Be a parent first and a friend second.
3. Have rules and hold my kids accountable.
4. Hold myself accountable to those same rules.
5. Focus on the positive behaviors and reward them.
6. Enjoy the stage that they’re at, rather than the stage that they’re approaching.  I wasted so much time looking forward to the next accomplish that I sometimes failed to recognize and enjoy the ones happening in front of me.
7. My wife and I are a team and even if we don’t agree, we will always present a united front.   We both enforce rules and we both have the authority to bend them if we feel it’s necessary.
8. There is a big difference between a rotten child and a spoiled child.  My job as a parent is to spoil my children as much as I can.  But I’m to blame if they’re rotten.
9. The secret to keeping a child from becoming rotten is to give them nothing for which they are not genuinely grateful.  Put another way, the point at which my kids take something for granted is exactly the point when that thing ceases to be.
10. Finally, keep an eye on grandpa.  He feeds his grandkids dessert with far more regularity than he ever did me.  

Please feel free to add to the list.