LISA LOSES IT

2008-05-08T10:01:00.004+12:00

Week 13 Weigh in...

08/05/2008

Start weight : 97.5kilos

This weeks weight : 90.2kgs

Loss this week : -1.3 kgs

Total Loss : 7.3 kgs

Okay I know I've been slack updating, but I'm so busy at the moment, thinking of stopping blogging. I'm not really reading any blogs at the moment, all of my faves have either stopped or like me have other things more important to do.

A few dot points to get you up to date:

I'm still doing picking and packing job, I did get that other job but turned it down as the guy was a bit dodgy, he wanted me for some pathetic amount of money but in return he wanted me to grow his business and have sole charge of a whole section and for the money he was offering I just wasn't going to put myself through the uneeded stress.
Weight loss is going well as you can see, really happy, I'm seeing the doctor again in 2-3 weeks, I would love to make it to 10kg lost but we'll see.
For the last three days I've had a migraine, worked through it on Tues, but have had yesterday and today off from work.
Over the holidays me and DH did heaps of work with DD on her alphabet and she can now name almost all lowercase letters and some capital letters. She is loving school but most of peers already know all their letters.

Okay my heads splitting so I'm gonna go and lye down now

Lisa

2008-04-11T09:20:00.002+12:00

WEEK 10 WEIGH IN RESULTS............

11/04/2008

Start weight : 97.5kilos

This weeks weight : 91.5kgs

Loss this week : 900grams

Total Loss : 6 kgs

I'm sooooooooo happy, I have never lost 6 kilos before this fast......and its soooooo easy!!!!!

I'm pretty sure that the job is helping alot, but unfortunatley other than the exercise it provides me - I hate it.

Normally there's more than one thing you like about your job, but with this job there is nothing.

I basically push a trolley around, go through my order, find the item, check the bar code tick it off and put it in the trolley. Its annoying because sometimes its hard to find what you need, the isles are narrow and there are other workers that you have to navigate around. You kinda almost get a bit of road rage only with a trolley. It just fustrates me, couple this with really tired feet from standing/walking on them for 5 hours a day and you get one grumpy Lisa.

Another thing is, I am finding it hard to do more than 3 days of it and that only earns me about $150 a week. We need a lot more than that.

I am still looking for jobs and actually got an interview yesterday, that looks really promicing that I'll get the job, as he said he had two more to go but at this stage I was the best one.

This job is my kind of job, although there will be a lot to learn, there's a lot I don't know but he likes that I want to learn. He was a bit vague when I asked him what a typical day would involve, so I'm a bit unsure about it. The hours are great 10am to 2pm mon to fri and the money is good and its a real job with annual leave and sick leave etc. I guess I will just wait and see if I get the job first and then worry - I just hate not knowing!!! and I won't find out until Tuesday arrrrrggggg.............

2008-04-04T14:46:00.002+13:00

WEEK 9 WEIGH IN...............

04/04/2008

Start weight : 97.5kilos

This weeks weight : 92.4kgs

Loss this week : 1 kg!!!!!

Total Loss : 5.1 kgs

Wooo hooo bit of a mile stone losing 5 kilos soooo happy.

When I hit the 91's I'll be the weight that I was at the beginning of last year!!!

2008-04-03T13:20:00.002+13:00

UPDATE.............

sorry its been so long and sorry I've missed a couple of weigh ins, just been so busy these last couple of weeks organising DD's birthday party, getting sick, starting a new job etc. I will be weighing in tomorrow so stay tuned.

I can't believe my little girl is 5 already and is on day 4 of school. She is very much up and down at the moment, one minute she loves school, the next she is in tears at the gate and doesn't want me to leave ie today.......it really pulls at my heart strings, I miss her heaps.

So Monday was a huge day for both of us as she started school and I started a new job. I can't believe how life can change so much in a matter of days......oh well.

My job is not the job that I want, it's not me but it's casual, I can pick my hours and I don't have to work in the school holidays. The money is crap as well.

The bonus is I am on my feet all day walking around (its a warehouse job) and I have already lost some weight since starting yay.

2008-03-18T09:32:00.002+13:00

THANKS.........

Thanks for all your comments guys, yay I feel so much better.

Sorry about the whiny post, but it all just got too much, still is but I'm just going to have to live with it.

Life at the moment is a bit sucky, DH is the only one working, I've started looking for a job as DD is starting school in two weeks time eeeekk.........I was feeling down about my weight and then DH makes his snide comments, then I get turned down for a job I went for, money is crap - we are in so much debt on the Mastercard and its not gonna get much better until I get a job, I've got DD's uniform to get, stationery pack, shoes for her, her party to organise and pay for......arrrg the list is never ending and its all money, money, money..........

But you know what, 'what will be will be' its not the end of the world, its just money. I just so want a job, I'm bored of being at home.

I'm expecting some phone calls/emails this week for two jobs I went for last week, I just wish they would hurry up, as the longer they take the more likely it is that they don't want me.

As far as DH goes with my weight, I have tried everything, he just doesn't get it. He was a chubby kid but lost the weight when he was around 19, he basically just grew out of it. He now if he feels he as put on weight will basically not eat. He is a shift worker and some days he may only eat one meal. Or he just goes for heaps of runs.

At the moment I'm not exercising as my knees and ankles are giving me the 'what for' - it hurts too much. I am happy at the moment with just making some good changes with my food/alcohol intake, its working at the moment and it leaves me with something up my sleeve for the inevitable plateau.

I'm hoping that once I have shifted a reasonable amount of weight that my joint problems subside and I can get out and do some walking.......ultimately I would love to get back into aerobics. Back when I was 18 I did it about 3 times a week (I was a mere 52kgs). I have a dancing background, did ballet and jazz dancing until age 14......I love music.......so yeah thats what I want to be able to do again. Its impossible at the moment, I would just feel so defeated if I was to try it now, as the thought of what I used to be able to do hurts so much.

2008-03-17T10:41:00.004+13:00

SUPPORT

As some of you may know my husband is useless as far as my weight is concerned. He is so sick of me trying yet again to lose weight that he has litterally given up on me.

I told him the other day that I had lost 4 kilos and he made this stupid motion with his hand/arm like an up and down motion and rollled his eyes.

He is so bitter about my weight that I just can't be bothered talking to him about it as he just doesn't care. He wants me to lose weight but will not celebrate the small loses with me. He believes that I will never lose all my weight as if I was serious I would have lost it ages ago on one of the other trys.

So I come on here and post my weight and talk about R's (which he doesn't know about) and what do I get - a big fat NOTHING!!!! no support. I know people are reading, so why hasn't anyone said well done on the last two weeks weigh in's of 900grams lost. I know I have done well, I have never lost that kind of weight two weeks running before. Maybe you guys don't care either. I reckon I've had some pretty good loses in the last few weeks but there have been no comments of wow/cool/great etc.

Thanks to the couple of readers that have left comments, I'm not grumpy with you.

2008-03-13T10:31:00.004+13:00

WEEK 6 WEIGH IN.....one day early

13/3/2008

Start weight : 97.5kilos

This weeks weight : 93.4kgs

Loss this week : 900grams

Total Loss : 4.1 kgs !!!!!

Woo hoo this is actually working!!!!!!

I even had 2x bottles of wine over the course of the weekend.

I am keeping a food diary as sometimes I feel like I am eating too much but when its all written down its not too bad. Probably in the vacinity of 18 to 20 WW points. Sometimes I wonder if the R's are doing anything but if I really sit down and think about it they are.

I guess the R's are making me feel like I've had heaps to eat but when I think of what some of my portions were like and how they are now there is a big difference. Even with my favourite dinners I just can't eat and eat there comes a point when I just have to stop.

I'm also not snacking at night nearly as much, I might have some fruit etc.

I am making changes as well though for instance:

I'm not eating in front of the computer or tv as much, when I have a meal I'm sitting and enjoying each mouth full and noticing more when I've had enough.
I'm not eating 2min noodles anymore - I have low fat egg noodles sometimes instead
I'm eating 3 meals a day with two snacks and desert (fruit)
I'm drinking heaps of water (thanks to the dry mouth)
I have almost eliminated drinking alcohol
I'm mostly drinking just water, occassionally I'll have a coke zero or tea or coffee.

I'm sure theres more but I've run out of time for updating.

See ya later

Lisa

2008-03-07T09:39:00.003+13:00

WEEK 5 WEIGH IN RESULTS:

7/3/2008

Start weight : 97.5kilos

This weeks weight : 94.3kgs

Loss this week : 800grams

Total Loss : 3.2 kgs

Yay, Yay.......didn't think I would have a great loss this week as on Tues when I had a sneaky peak the scales were still sitting at 95.1 then they gradually dropped over the next few days:

Wed: 94.9 -200g
Thurs: 94.7 - 200g
Fri: 94.3 - 400g

I'm so tired though, didn't get a good nights sleep last night, so I will leave this post here, might update later though.

Lisa

2008-02-29T10:13:00.003+13:00

WEEK FOUR WEIGH IN.........

29/02/2008

Start weight : 97.5kilos

This weeks weight : 95.1kgs

Loss this week : 400grams

Total Loss : 2.4 kgs

For a few days over the last two weeks I have seen 95.2kg on my sneak weigh ins, but its been up and down hovering from 95.2 to 95.5........so this morning "weigh in morning" I was delighted to see 95.1. Stood on the scales three times and all three were the same, so it wasn't just a fluke.

Yesterday on my scales I saw 95.5 and then at the Doctors it was 95.4 (love that his scales are obviously lighter than mine) So I'm happy that this morning the numbers dropped and I can record a loss for this week.

Right off to update my ticker and then get on with vacuming/washing etc.............

2008-02-28T18:27:00.003+13:00

GOOD NEWS...............................................

Went to the Doctor this morning to see how I was going after a month on the R's and my blood pressure was heaps lower (was a bit on the high side) and my pulse is now under a normal range, so good too.

On the other hand I only lost a bit over 2kilos but this turns out to run in my favour as it means I can now go onthe 15's.

I'm slightly out of the criteria seeing as I lost more than 2kilos but my doctor wasn't that worried. I had told him that it was probably more the result of coming off the Aropax and feeling so sick and not eating than the R's all by themselves.

I made sure I told him all about my withdrawal stuff but stopped myself from telling him that he shouldn't prescribe it to anyone else.......he after all does have ?? years of being a Doctor, all I can do is tell him what I experianced and hope that he does understand what can happen to some people.

So tomorrow I start on the 15's yay.

Bit annoyed that so far I've only lost 2kilos (official weigh in tomorrow) but now in hind sight its good as anymore and the Doc may not have thought that I needed the 15's.

I just want to lose this weight. I would love to lose a kilo a week.

Well I'll leave it there and be back tomorrow with week 4 weigh in result.

2008-02-25T12:52:00.002+13:00

Bit of an update........

Weight is sitting at 95.2 as of this morning, so 300 grams down since Friday. I really want to lose another 700grams by Thursday morning to make an even 3kilo loss for the Doctors weigh in.

Its annoying how the weight loss has slowed down, but since DH has been back we have had a few more social occassions so thats invloved a few drinks here and there, plus the odd night of just having some drinks together. Clearly there is no room for too much drinkies for me if I want to lose weight.

We are going out to a friends place for dinner tonight and DD will be staying the night at her Grandma's, so its gonna be another hard one, but I plan to drive and these friends don't really drink much so should be ok.

I know the R's are still doing something as I have another couple of side affects, one thing is a sort of nervous feeling in my chest - kind of a fluttering feeling, pleased I'm going to the Doctor to get BP checked etc, don't think its anything bad.

I'm also feeling quite figity, like I feel like I have to have some part of me, leg/foot/toes/fingers moving.

And of course I still have a dry mouth which I'm getting used to and its a good thing because it means I'm drinking my water. I mostly down two 750ml bottles of water a day.

Its also a good thing for DD as I always have water bottles lying around the house now and she has started to pick them up and drink from them too, so she's getting more water as well.

Speaking of DD, she starts school in 5 weeks!!!

I still have so much to organise between now and then:
School uniform
Stationery
Her kindy leaving stuff, presents for teachers/kids
Her birthday party
Getting the kitten desexed

Food has been ok, meaning its normal, I'm not gorging on food.....the other night we had a 40th to go to and I knew there were going to be nibbles, I normally would have had dinner before going and still nibbled but instead I didn't have dinner and just had nibbles. I suppose its changes like this that will start to add up after a while.

I now have my dinner and thats pretty much it for the night. Some nights I might have some fruit a bit later or a hot drink, but there's no 'Second Dinners' as DH calls them.

I think my portions are smaller too?

I still have hungry times and I'm just going with them but choosing good stuff.

Talk soon
Lisa

2008-02-22T11:25:00.003+13:00

WEEK THREE WEIGH IN........

22/02/2008
Start weight : 97.5kilos
This weeks weight : 95.5kgs
Loss this week : stayed the same
Total Loss : 2 kgs!!

Yeap I was expecting this. During the week there was not much movement on the scales. Its been a harder week as DH is back and its hard not to slip into our usual naughty routines of having a couple of drinks together once DD is in bed.

So I had some drinks on Satuday night when some friends came over and then some on Wednesday night.

I will be seeing the Doctor on The 28th so I have 5 days to try and move a bit more. Two kilos is pretty good for me for a month (1 week away) but I would like to lose another kilo and be approx 94 ish.

I'm just scared that I will lose the mojo and start to slip. Its my typical danger time, 2 kilos gos quite easily but from then on the scales don't move as fast and I lose my wilpower when I'm not getting the visual of the numbers going down.

I know I have greatly improved my diet and that if I keep going the scales will move again.

I'm a bit worried cause I have been feeling hungry again and i'm worried that they are not working although I do have a really dry mouth and have been drinking heaps of water (for me).

I was thinking the other day that late in January I did see 98 point something on the scales, and although it was not offically recorded it was there, so that does mean that I have lost approx 2.5 to 3 kilos - just can't remember what the 98.?? was.

2008-02-20T14:35:00.002+13:00

FEELING BLAaaa.....

I'm hungry again.............
Could be the time of the month.......
The ititial excitement seems to have worn off and now I'm entering the danger zone.......
I have to get through it and just try to remember how much less I've been putting into my mouth and that this is just a blimp in the road and my hard work will show soon.....
The scales are not moving, so looks like it will be a stay the same for Friday at this rate......

2008-02-18T09:47:00.003+13:00

THINGS I AM NOTICING.....

Well its day 18 on Reductil and I am definatly sure now that they are helping:

They are making me thirsty so I am drinking heaps of water.

I am noticing that when I sit down to eat (after making an amount that I would normally eat easily) I am finding that I get full earlier and can't finish.

I still get hungry at meal times and to start with I wasn't eating much, but thats leveling out a bit now, I am very aware that eating too little can be just as damaging and that after I come off the R's it would be impossible to sustain that small amount of food.

What I really love is even when I'm bored and eat, I will only eat a small amount before feeling too full to eat any more, so now snacks are smaller. The R's keep you from eating too much, you just feel full.

One night I tried to eat heaps, cause felt like it and I ate too much (a previously doable amount of food) and I was left feeling so horribly full that I almost felt sick.

I am aiming for 3 kilos (total) lost this weigh day (friday), I hope I can get there, I'm about 600grams off at the moment. The first 2 kilos always come off easily and then I generally hit a brick wall. I am so hoping that I can get past the two and get well on the way to 4 before I go and see the Doctor again in a week and a bit.

2008-02-15T13:33:00.005+13:00

WEEK TWO WEIGH IN.......

Start weight : 97.5kgs

This weeks weight : 95.5kgs

Loss this week : -900 grams

Total Loss : -2 kgs

Ok, I don't want to over analyise this but these are my weighins during the course of the week:

Fri = 96.4 weigh in day
Sat = 95.9, down 500grams over night
Sun = 95.8
Mon = didn't weigh
Tues = 95.8
Wed = 95.6
Thurs = 95.7

and this morning 95.5kg

So although last official weigh in was 96.4 the next day it dropped 500grams.......stayed down and then slowly dropped over the course of the week to 95.5.

Anyway, I think it should be interesting to see what the scales say tomorrow morning, could be in for another good loss?

I go back to the Doctor in a little under 2 weeks time and I would love to shift another 2kilos.

It makes me sick that back in November 07 I was around 93kg and at the moment I'm just shifting xmas weight.

During 2007 I was about 91kg through most of the year then started gaining slowly to where I was two weeks ago.

Around August 2006 I was around 87 kilos so in approx a year and a half I have put on 10kilos and now I have to lose them.........and I remember at the time I was trying to lose weight and vowed that that was the heaviest I was going to get ha ha.......now look at me trying to lose that weight that I never wanted in the first place.

I just have to lose this weight and keep losing until I get to 65-70........my ideal weight is 55-60 but at this point in time 30 kilos is such a huge amount I don't want to look tooo far ahead. I just get so annoyed at myself for putting this extra 10 on in the first place.

When I was around 87kg I had some photos taken by DH as before photos ha ha, I can't even fit into the pants that I wore in those photos and the t-shirt I was wearing is now too tight.

Anyway..............

DH is back tonight woo hooo...........Lauren is really excited and now she is home from kindy its gonna be hard to keep her entertained until he gets in about 6.30pm.

I wonder if he will notice a difference.......I have told him that I've lost 2kg but not about the R's.

2008-02-12T09:50:00.000+13:00

BIT OF A RAMBLE

So my last post was Friday, weigh in day. I'm now sitting at 95.8kg, although when I first stood on the scales this morning they were 95.5 (thats 2kg gone).

I am sooooo terrible when I am activially watching my weight and trying to lose weight I have to get on them every morning. So far its not been depramental, the numbers are just moving down, sometimes they stay the same for a couple of days and then drop.

So I should see a good result on Friday. I am expecting that I will hit the 2kg lost.

2kg is always an easy number to lose for me. When I first start out i am focused and obviously holding fluid and have been eating crap before hand so it does come off reasonably easy. Its just the keeping it going that's hard. I get slack and let a few things slide and then before I know it, I'm not really doing anything thats good for me and back into old habits.

Old habits like:

Having wine every night
Eating a whole bag of chips
Eating 2 minute noodles
Eating McDonalds and takeaways in general
Not drinking enough water

I am quite amazed that since DH has been away (9 nights) I have not touched any chips/evil food. I am a bit of secret eater so with him away for 2 weeks there are plenty of opportunities to gorge on crap - but I haven't. I also haven't had any wine!!!

I just hope I can keep off the booze when he gets back. I know he's been having his beers every night down in Wellington. Hopefully 12 nights of all this better eating and no wine will have given me enough time to change my attitude about what "makes me happy"

This time has to be the time that I lose this weight.

I will be going back to the Doctors on around the 27th of this month (just before my 4th weigh in) he says that he will probably put me on the 15mg Reductils and I have heard that they make a big difference.

I am still kinda hungry, but mentally I feel better able to make a good choice if I have to eat something.

Another reason why this weight could be coming off is the fact that I have come off the Aropax. Oh and also, I have been so caught up in al the withdrawal that the other day I sat and had a think about if I felt different since coming off them and the answer is no......I really think that they weren't doing that much for me. While on them I still at times got really angry/depressed/sad, they didn't keep me on an even keil all the time.

I am so glad I'm off them now and pretty much back to normal with not obvious withdrawal stuff happening.

Well this has turned into a bit of a jambled mess this post, so I'll leave it there.

2008-02-08T10:12:00.000+13:00

WEIGH IN week 1 .............

Was = 97.5
Now = 96.4

lost = 1.1kg

Yay, thought it would be more but I'm still happy. My clothes are already fitting better and I'm confident I can lose another kilo before DH gets back from Wellington in a weeks time.

He doesn't actually know yet about the R's as he's been away so it will be a nice suprise for him when he gets back. Hopefully he will see a difference. My mum can even after a kilo. But probably being a bloke he won't notice.....don't really care either way, I just want to lose it for me and one day he will notice and then I will tell him about the R's. A girls still gotta have some secrets and this is a good secret. He's a bit of a d**k about my weight so you can't blame me for not wanting to talk to him about it. Each time I get into weight loss he always sees the negative stuff and puts me down, not intentionally but enough to make me give up and think whats the use, he says stuff like "yeah its a kilo but you've still got 30+ more to go" and then when it doesn't work out, he's like, "didn't think it would work, you always give up"..........so this time I'm doing it under the radar and if it doesn't work, I don't get the lecture.

Anyway..........

I always stand on my scales a few times, as they are digital and sometimes they just give me a far out reading, I get off and on again, then they give me yet another different reading.

This morning I got on and they said 98!! then 96, then a combination of
96 point somethings, but the most common was 96.4, so thats what I went with.

WITHDRAWAL

Yesterday was just a bit of headache and still a bit dizzy but certainly liveable (sp)

Today so far just a bit of a headache.................

2008-02-06T16:35:00.000+13:00

UPDATE ON WITHDRAWAL AND WEIGHT LOSS

Okay so yesterday was a far better day. I was slightly dizzy but didn't feel so out of it/spaced out, like I was on some kind of other planet with no gravity.

Today the headache has started. I remember from coming off (or trying to) that after 2-3days a headache would set in for a few days (then I think I would be pretty much over the major withdrawal), sometimes it would be so bad I would even call it a migrane (without the throwing up).

I have just been downing the panadol and my mum gave me some panadol extra and that seems to have knocked it down a few notches, now its just a mild headache. Still a bit dizzy today too but its calming down.

So I think I'm on the downhill slide of my withdrawal. All in all 6 days so far...........

Thurs - slight dizzyness started
Friday - very dizzy
Sat/Sun/Monday - Absolute worst days
Tuesday - mild dizzyness
Wednesday (today) - headache and mild dizzyness

Whew it seems I maybe over the worst - I just hope this headache doesn't get worse, cause they can be very debilitating and I'm the only one to look after Lauren so I have to be able to at least function at 60%.

She's been watching a lot of DVDs lately, due to my need for no movement at times. But today we have been out and about and she's only watching her first one of the day now 4.45pm.

So onto weight loss.......its been good. I officially started Reductil ("R" from now on cause I'm lazy) with a weigh in of 97.5 and I've been terrible and weighed in every morning - a habit I hope to break soon so.............

Fri - 97.5
Sat - 97.5
Sun - 97
Mon - 96.7
Tues - 96.7
Today (wed) - 96.3

So 1.2kg down with the official weigh day being Friday - can I make it to 2kg?

(At some point this year I saw my highest ever weight of 98 something kilos. I think this might have been my shock to get me into gear.........I do not ever want to see that number again!!)

Some weight loss will because I've been feeling so terrible but in saying that I'm a comfort eater and generally I eat worse when I'm sick or feeling sorry for myself. The only time I don't eat is if I'm throwing up.

I don't think the R's have had much affect on my appetite yet. I think at the moment its more the monetary aspect and the fact that I have to go and be weighed in at the Doctors before the end of the month.

I have been eating way less and drinking heaps of water (dry mouth R's?, one of the side affects), but at the moment I think it is more down to my own will power than the R's helping me.

Most people seem to have about a 3 weeks before they notice a real difference in appetite etc.

2008-02-04T11:13:00.000+13:00

The below is an incredibly personal post for me, please respect the fact that I have to get this out there and off my chest, I don't want to offend/upset anyone on purpose - this is just what I'm going through at the moment and maybe it might help someone?

BEWARE OF: AROPAX/PAROXETINE/LOXAMINE

I am in a really bad place at the moment, a few things are happening, DH is in Wellington for 2 weeks, I am coming off this antidepressant after almost 5 years and am going through major withdrawal, I've started to take Reductil...........

I suppose I should start with a tiny bit of history....When DD was 9 months old I was diagnosed as having PND and was put on Aropax. I have been on and off them a couple of times. I think from memory the first time I actually got off them fully (approx 3/4 yrs ago), but subsequent attempts have failed due to the withdrawal affects and I am only on them still as coming off is almost impossible, I wish I could just totally isolate myself from my life and lock myself in my bedroom and sleep until I'm weened.

I am a busy person and there is never a good time what with working and looking after Lauren to put aside god knows how many weeks of withdrawal so previous times I have after 2 or 3 days gone back on them. I don't need them at all anymore but I'm still on them due to the terrible time trying to come off them. Now is not a good time to come off as DH is away and I have to cope with everything on my own, but its never going to be a good time, even when he is home he works shifts and I don't want him to have to take time off so I can come off this drug.

Anyway onto the present. I went to the Doctor on Wednesday the 30th of Jan to talk about going on Reductil, he said that it was a good choice looking at my resent weight gain, but that I would have to come off Aropax (Loxamine) He suggested having 1/2 a tab instead of a whole for a week and then starting the Reductil. After 2 days of 1/2 tabs the withdrawal started (I will go into the withdrawal symtems a bit later on) so I thought 'F**k this' and decided to stop. I have tried stopping before with both gradual reductions and cold turkey and the results are the same I still suffer terrible withdrawal. I don't want to delay the day of being withdrawal free so I have decided to just tough it out.

My Withdrawal symptems:

Vertigo - I move my head, things go blury and takes a while for my eyes to focus, walking around feels like the floor is moving or all spongy, loss of balance......
Feeling my pulse/blood pumping in my ears/head (like hearing your own heart beat, hard to explain but its horrible)
My head just doesn't seem to belong to my body, I'm extremely uncoordinated and clumsy.
Sweats
Sick feeling in tummy
Loss of appetite (might be Reductil 3days?)
Head aches/migraines
Emotional - tears/grumpy
Pins and needles in my fingers

If anyone reads this and is recommended to go on Paroxetine/Aropax/Loxamine - DON'T, sure while you're on it, you feel better but coming off (after any amount of time) is sheer hell.

I'm going to update more about coming off aropax over the next days/weeks (hopefully not months) so I can look back and also I may help others who are in the same situation or might have to go through the same thing or have already been there, and if you have already been there please leave a comment about your experiances.

I wish I had taken more notice of how long withdrawal took the first and only successful time of coming off it so I could remember now and know how long I'm going to be like this. Better still I wish that I had never gone back on it.

I have to be strong this time and not give up and take it again...this time I'm coming off and staying off.

When I see my Doctor next I am really going to give him a heads up about all this - he does know that I have trouble coming off it but I hope that he never prescibes it to anyone else. you only need to do a search on the internet on "Aropax withdrawal" and it is quite clear that its incredably common for people to get terrible withdrawal from it. That its not, like the Doctor says, that you might suffer from "slight dissyness and headaches" its much much worse!!

2008-01-13T14:58:00.000+13:00

THINGS I WANT TO BE DIFFERENT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR

Every summer I think, 'If only' - I get to summer and I am still fat and unhappy and in many cases I am a couple of kilos more than I was the last summer (this summer, its 6!!)

I was sitting on the beach the other day watching my husband and daughter swim and play in the water and where was I? Sitting on the side lines as always - thank goodness it's ok to be covered these days and you don't feel over dressed as people are more aware of the ozone layer etc. So I didn't feel too bad, just kinda like "yeap here I am another summer sitting on the beach, not swimming" I almost felt to hell with it, I should just not bother with how I feel about how I look but I just can't.

This summer has been the best one we have had for a while, day after day of really nice weather. Its rained a couple of days but for the most part its been really nice, a bit muggy but nice.

The following are things that I would like to see change during the year or for this time next year:

Tan Lines

We have had heaps of outings to the beach and up to the local school pool, and I am actually getting a bit of a tan (with the help of a bottle). Last night I was looking at my tan lines and thinking one of the things I wish I was worrying about this summer (instead of being fat) was imagine being 30 or so kilos less and worrying about these tee shirt and 3/4 pants tan lines. I would love for that to be my only concern. So this is one of the things that I hope to have as a problem for next summer - tan lines.

Clothes

Another thing is the choice of clothes, I would love to be able to just go into a shop and not have to worry about them having my size in the colour that I like. At the moment I just look at sizes first then generally if it fits I will buy it regardless of whether or not I really like the style/colour etc.

Sweating

I am sick of sweating. Okay I have always been a heavy sweater but this is exasperated due to the excess weight. I would love to be able to not feel the heat so much.

Money

My daughter will be starting school in April and I will be hunting for a job that I can do during school hours. This year will be a year to pay off the Mastercard and start saving again. Also DH has been really focused on my being at home all the time and literally doesn't do housework, so I want that to change as well, with us both working, he won't be able to say "I work a 40 hour week and earn all the money" bla bla bla. When I worked before he did help a bit more, I don't want or need him to do heaps just a few bits here and there.

Chin/Neck

My chin/neck area it horrible, I have a horrible waddle. I love earings but at the moment don't buy many because my neck just doesn't do them justice. I want to have my neck back.

TOGS

I am going to buy some togs so I can go swimming next year, to do this I need to lose 30+ kilos.

Wine/chips

These two go hand in hand with me. I am cutting down big time this year. I am going to try to not drink at all for the next couple of months and see it it has an affect on my weight. I know it should but there is still that 'what if it doesn't' thought. Especially as I always get into the chips with the wine and over the holidays its been bad (whispers most nights)

Things that I secretly do think my weight affects, but don't want to admit:

Family holidays, don't feel I can enjoy them to the full as my weight is always there to hold me back from joining in activities.

Swimming

Snoring, this leads to the fact that my husband and I currently don't share the marrital bed due to my snoring, I really really want this to change.

Just generally getting out there and doing new stuff. I tend to just stick at home and do the same stuff all the time. I would like to get out of my comfort zone.

I am sure that I will add to this list as I think of more.

But basically to sum it all up:

I need to lose weight so I can enjoy my life more, not be afraid to try new things, wear what I want to wear, have a healthy marriage, and be a fun mum.

2008-01-12T20:17:00.000+13:00

PAMPERING

Gee the weather here in Auckland at the moment has been so hot and muggy, you only need to move and you break out in a sweat - I hate it!!

I am normally a morning shower person, but lately I've been having my shower in the evening around 8pm ish once dinner etc is over. Then I hit the pampering to try and fight off the nibbles. I've been using a moisturiser on my legs that gradually builds to a light tan - perfect for me as I am a red head and don't tan too well. I put on some nice clean clothes and fiddle with things like my nails, hair - anything really to keep me busy and away from food.

I've also been trying to not watch so much TV in the evening - also a thing that leads to nibbling. Instead I've been doing more puzzles like Sudoku and word finds or reading.

Well there is more to say, but I want to put it in a separate post, so I can refer to it throughout the year - Not resolutions per say just things that if I could skip to this time next year what I would like to be doing that I'm not doing now/wearing that I'm not wearing now - if you get what I mean :-/

So hopefully I'll be back tomorrow with what is going to happen in my life in the coming year.

2007-12-29T09:38:00.000+13:00

NOTE: Below post has been changed from 83 to 93 - pretty stupid typo aye? Didn't realise until Wanna commented on 10kg loss I wish so ooooppps.......

Anyway, I will be back soon to post some more, but at the moment I am sad to say that my weight is sitting at 96kg eeeeegawd!!!!

2007-11-03T08:18:00.000+13:00

HI YA.......

Well I'm back, almost within the week whew.....

Weight has basically stayed the same give or take a 100 grams here and there, so I guess its safe to say that I'm now 93.4 and that kilo is definitely gone yay!!! What I mean is sometimes the scales do a drop but it seems to only last a day so I don't pay much attention to it until it stays for a while.......so yeah 93.4kg.

Still not happy with that weight though but it has gone purely due to all the cleaning and certainly not what I've been putting in my mouth.....which I still need to improve on, even with that lower number on the scales I have not improved on my eating whatsoever this week, just can't seem to get everything right. Even though I still lost some weight since starting the cleaning and not changing eating I need to do more otherwise the weight loss will take soooo long arggg............

Anyway enough weight rambling.

Cactus thanks for your comment re my template, if you click on the orange part at the top of the page it will take you to Pyzam, a web page with heaps of free templates. There are some really cool Cactus ones on there.....go check it out!

OMG its almost Christmas yikes.......gonna try and keep it simple this year, just don't have the money to go overboard........oh and that reminds me, we had to get a new box thingee for our computer $400 later on our credit card ouch...didn't have a computer for almost a week and man I missed it, terrible aye.

Anyway Lauren is having a nice sleep in this morning, its 8.30am, pitty I can't still be in bed but hubby kicked me out this morning when he got home from night shift boo hoo.

Wells thats about it for me.
Take care
Lisa

2007-10-24T10:17:00.001+13:00

RANDOM STUFF........

Gees its been over a month since I last updated. This post is going to a bit all over the place, just going to type as I think of stuff, but it will certainly bring you all up to date.

Still cleaning, 4x a week in the mornings whilst Lauren is at morning Kindy. She is going really well and its great for me as its half an hour longer than afternoon kindy, so if I need to I can get a shower in before picking her up.

The other weekend I water blasted the deck and deck furniture, should have really got a before and after photo sorted for you guys because man the difference!!! now all we have to do is get it all stained and a couple of nice pot plants and it'll be ready for some summer BBQ's.

Initially with all the cleaning and extra spring cleaning around home, my feet would kill me after being on them for so long but I've noticed that they don't get that bruised feeling now, also the other day I was walking around the mall and I was feeling a bit fitter.

This leads onto the weight.......haven't been on the scales daily as food wise I've not been going too well. I've been eating too many 2min noodles and drinking too much wine in the evenings. The last time I stood on them they were nearing 95, they were something like 94.8, well this morning I stood on them and they were 93.4.......hells bells, looks like I just need to get my eating sorted and I might see some more action!!

I've got a wedding to go to on the 17 of November, its my brother in laws and Lauren is going to be a flower girl - she's so excited. I have nothing to wear yikes!! my old work clothes are now all a bit too tight. When I stopped work I was about 91kg and I thought that I was going to lose weight stopping work as it was a desk job and now I'm up and about a lot more?? I'm not going to go into what I would like to lose before the wedding as it never works, but just quietly 90kg would be great, not going to happen though.

Now for some quick bullet points........

Money - tight, but the cleaning certainly helps - drip feed of $30 mon, tues, thurs and friday's.
Knees and other joints - a bit better but I'm sure they would be better with less weight on them.
Watching Oprah's 'Best life weight loss show' today again...saw it yesterday and it got me a bit inspired again.
Pets at the moment (told you this was going to be a random post) 3x cats (boys), 4x rats (girls), 4x fish (???)
Need to clean the fish tank today.
Used to have a rabbit and Guinea pig, but recently re homed them as it was getting to be too much having a rat cage, fish tank and two hutches to clean out, also they were up on the deck and the flys were starting to become a bit of an issue......hence the deck now being all water blasted and lovely.

Well thats about all I suppose.....I promise I will come back and update a bit more regularly and I'll try and get some pics organised or stuff.

Lisa

2007-09-17T13:57:00.000+12:00

JUST CHECKING IN......

Cleaning is going well, all up I have done 6 cleans. I did a Thursday, Friday, Tuesday then Thursday (2nd clean for this house and it was soooo much easier a week later after a good scrub the week before) and then a second clean for Friday (this house is spotless - why does she need a cleaner???? oh well at least its easy money for me ha ha and then I did a clean today Monday and OMG........I don't think this person knows what a vacuum cleaner is - or a mop, thank god she only wanted vacuuming and moping and then just whatever I had time to do be cause the vacuuming virtually took the whole time - I came outta there pretty buggered to say the least - but I think/know she will be happy.

So far no money to show for it as it keeps getting eaten up by all the little things, buy hey thats why I'm doing it so we have some play money.

Don't know what the scales are doing at the moment, but I'm feeling thinner - all this house cleaning has gotta help right? I mean its 8 hrs a week its gotta do something. I come out in a wee sweat and feel tired after I've finished and then bearing in mind I still have my housework to do.

Anyway thats enough about the cleaning.........um what else? mmmm....... na nothing else

see ya

Lisa