As a leadership coach I often see people who are concerned with being well-liked at work. Others spend inordinate amounts of time trying to connect with the higher ups.

People that really get how to use their connections know that it’s not about ‘leveraging’ influence or calling in favors. Quite the opposite.

You know you’ve got great relationships when people around you are inspired to take action because they feel personally committed to your game plan. You’re a true connector when people know that you believe in them and that you want what’s in their best interest, not just your own.

When people see you this way, there’s a trust that arises. And from that trust, there’s a willingness to help.

To have this rapport with people, you have to get out of your own head and think beyond your own aspirations. You need to start truly understanding those around you and what motivates them on an individual level.

Here are some warning signs to watch for in yourself:

* Do you connect with people mostly for a strategic purpose rather than out of genuine interest?

* After you meet someone new, do you think about how that person might be useful to you in the future?

* Do you tend to disregard people if you think they’re not in a position to help you?

These are signs that you’re letting your ambition get in the way of your relationships, and this is a sure-fire way to limit your ability as a leader.

I believe leadership is about people first, goals second – because you won’t be achieving any goals without people on your side.

What do you have to say about relationships and leadership? Please chime in on Facebook or Twitter. I’d love to hear from you.

We live in a society where it’s not uncommon to read an incoming text or email while sitting across the table from someone.

You may find yourself scanning the news while you’re on a conference call, or mentally preparing for one meeting while currently sitting in another one.

You might even praise yourself for your ‘multi-tasking’ talents and supreme levels of efficiency. But at what cost?

Your to-do list might be shorter, but let’s face it, you are sacrificing real moments of human connection that are far more important.

People with strong relationships get farther in life and work, and they’re happier for it. Thriving doesn’t come from a completed to-do list. It comes from fully experiencing your life and the people in it. This can’t be done without heartfelt connection.

If you are really listening to people (whether at work, home or at play), you will hear far more than just what is being said. You will tune into the subtext, which is often far more important. You will hear unspoken concerns and challenges. You will be aware of the hidden interests and talents of people around you.

And you’ll just know people better. It’s one thing to have pleasant, polite relationships. It’s another to see the unique light that shines in each person and to feel a true connection.

So, back to my original question…are you really listening? Here are a few statements to help you see if you are. How true are these statements for you?

1. In conversation, I focus on others and their needs not just my own.

2. I quiet my thoughts when others are speaking.

3. I resist the urge to plan my response when others are speaking.

4. I make sure I’ve understood what someone has said by confirming it with them (i.e. ‘So, what I’m hearing you say is…’).

5. I consciously listen beneath the surface of what is being said so I can understand unstated concerns.

No matter how strong your current listening skills are, I urge you to take them further. This is a key skill that leads to thriving at work and in life.

Please share your thoughts on this topic with me on Facebook or Twitter.

This question is crucial if you want to shine as a leader in your organization and community.

Being a great connector isn’t about knowing everyone in town or being a social butterfly. It’s not about wowing people with your personal network, charisma and talent.

Great connectors are people who inspire other people to believe in themselves and make a positive contribution. They are people who take the time to really get to know those around them, rather than having superficial relationships.

If you want to be a great connector, you need to notice the people around you, ask questions, be open-hearted and, above all, listen.

Here are five questions to ask yourself:

1. Do you actively connect with many different types of people in your personal life?

2. Do you actively connect with people at all levels of your organization?

3. In work conversations, do you truly focus on relating to the other person or could your conversations be defined as transactional exchanges of information?

4. Are you open and honest with your colleagues?

5. Do you feel like people at work know the real you?

If you found yourself answering ‘no’ to some or all of these questions, working on your connection skills will take your leadership abilities to the next level. More than that, it will help you have more significant relationships with the people around you.

I’m offering ongoing leadership and life tips and advice on Facebook and Twitter. I hope you’ll follow me and share your insights.

A superpower is something you do with such ease and ability that it’s like breathing. It’s so second nature that it doesn’t even occur to you that it’s a talent, or that other people can’t do it just as easily.

HUGE HINT: If you are always super annoyed at the way someone else does something and you want to take it away from them so you can do it ‘right’, hello – that’s probably your superpower.

Knowing your superpowers makes life in the work world so much smoother. It lets you focus on the things that come most naturally to you, and it makes you far more compassionate when others try to do them.

Credit: www.cracked.com

If, for example, you are a marketing director who is a wizard at editing, I promise you, you will be unable to stop yourself from re-editing content that was already edited by someone else. It will be far more efficient and harmonious for everyone if you simply assign yourself the task of editing and re-organize your team accordingly.  As long as that serves your long-term career goals…and that’s a completely different issue for another blog post!

If you’re a sales manager who is genius at closing…FOCUS ON CLOSING. Please. Save yourself and everyone else the aggravation of trying to do it as well as you. If you need to scale your team, hire others who have this superpower. Let those who are great at getting the first meeting and building relationships focus on these tasks…these are different but equally awesome superpowers.

Most people have three(ish) true superpowers. So, pay close attention to your irritation level. It could be clue to a potent insight into who you are and what makes you unique.

As always, I’m sharing career advice, leadership tips and insights on thriving on Facebook and Twitter. Please follow me!

Superqualities are the aspects of your personality that really make you, you. Sure, your organization may employ several accountants, project managers or sales reps that all have a role quite similar to yours.

But the way you do your job – the unique qualities you bring to it – will be distinct from everyone else.

Knowing your superqualities is a vital way to distinguish yourself in the workplace and in the world. It allows you to consciously put these natural traits to use. Just as importantly, it allows you to stop trying to be something you’re not.

People sometimes assume that the extroverted, charismatic personalities in the are always the most valued. In my experience as a corporate executive, I can tell you it isn’t true. In reality, it takes an assortment of people each with distinct qualities to make a kick-ass team. If everyone is the life of the party, nothing gets done.

Credit: www.caresearch.com.au 

So, instead of trying to bring out qualities in yourself that you perceive to be leadership-worthy; notice, value and leverage the qualities that people already value in you.

Be super-cautious not to mistake common positive attributes with your superqualities. For example, all of the project managers at your company may be highly organized. That’s a great attribute, but it’s one that is expected of a project manager. Just as anyone would expect an accountant to be ‘thorough’ or an HR manager to be ‘relatable’.

Below you’ll find three exercises to help you brainstorm your superqualities. After you do this brainstorming, try to narrow your list down to three superqualities that most define you.

1. Write a list of 5 to 6 words that best describe your personality. Use words that really get to the heart of who you are. Here are just a few possibilities to get you thinking: creative, straight-shooting, decisive, intuitive, compassionate, clear-headed, rational.

2. What have other people said are your best qualities? Think back…consider what family members, friends and colleagues have said.

3. What 5 to 6 characteristics do you value most in yourself? Maybe you’re someone who is always punctual or who has superb listening skills. Maybe you value your honesty or your sense of compassion.

I would love to hear your feedback on Facebook and Twitter. If you discover your superqualities, please let me know!

Leadership, very simply, is about results. Can you get the results you say you’re going to get? Can you get the results people expect from you?

If not, then nothing else really matters.

Now, I’m not saying get results at any cost. I’m not Machiavelli. Without question, you want to be a leader of integrity and values. I’m just saying if there are no results, then it’s all for naught.

When I coach people on improving their leadership skills, I always talk about ‘knowing your results’. I see so many talented people exhausting themselves with too many ill-defined projects and commitments. The end of a quarter comes along and although they’ve worked their butts off, they’re hard pressed to explain what they’ve accomplished.

 Credit: www.thebmc.co.uk

To be a leader that really shines, you need to get uber-smart about what you’re taking on and then go above and beyond what’s expected. Soon you will be known for what you’ve achieved every quarter, every year. That’s how you build a leadership brand.

Here are 4 questions to help you start to zero in on your results:

1. Who do you serve in your organization (which is to say, who are your internal clients and external customers?)

2. What major results have you delivered in the past 12 months?

3. What results would allow you to generate the maximum value for the people you serve? (aka – what do they really, really want from you?)

4. What major results can you deliver in the next 12 months?

Leadership is an ongoing theme on my Facebook page and Twitter feed too.  I do hope you’ll follow me there and weigh in with your thoughts.

And a ‘shout out’ to moms everywhere.  I hope you had a splendid Mother’s Day celebration this past weekend.

So, the question is: who are you as a leader?

I’m a huge believer in defining your own leadership brand. I get how odd and disconcerting it may feel to see yourself as a ‘brand’, but go with me because applied correctly the concept is really powerful.

Your leadership brand is based on who you really, truly are as a person (as opposed to some ideal of ‘a great leader’). It’s comprised of three things: your superpowers (the things you do with uncanny ease and ability), your superqualities (the aspects of your personality that shine the most) and the results people (and you) have come to expect from you.

Simple, right?

Deceptively so. If I ask most people to name what they are most brilliant at (their superpowers), they are likely to hesitate or tell me about the skills they think are most exciting or marketable.

If I were to ask you what personality traits really make you…you, you might find it hard to narrow it down to just two or three that really set you apart.

I find that many people think of ‘their brand’ as the role they plan in an organization – as in, I’m the VP of Marketing or the Director of Sales.

But a leadership brand is not a title. It’s a promise. It’s a promise of how you will use your unique abilities and traits to deliver results that people can count on.

Knowing who you are as a leader is, in my view, the first essential step to becoming an extraordinary leader. It helps you zero in on exactly how to invest your energy to make the biggest impact rather than taking a scattershot approach.

It also becomes abundantly clear how to differentiate yourself within your organization. There may be many people who play a similar role, but none of them will have the exact same leadership brand.

For example, you may be an outrageously talented project manager whose superpowers are tracking minute details and foreseeing obstacles. But maybe you are also naturally comedic with the gift of the gab – and these qualities mean that your team adores you and they’re motivated to go the extra mile.

The other project managers down the hall might have mad organizational skills, but they don’t bring the same personal qualities you do, making their value proposition different from yours.

As always, thank you for reading. I hope you’ll follow me on Facebook and Twitter for my ongoing tips on leadership and thriving.

Whenever I see someone struggling to find meaning and passion, I know they are seeking to uncover their core values (even though they often don’t realize it). You can’t feel purposeful, directed and fully you without knowing them. Some people are lucky enough to just spontaneously know them early in life. Others need a bit of guidance to get there, and that’s where I come in.

Steve Jobs’ strengths and flaws have been analyzed ad naseum, so I won’t get into that here. But what I’m continually fascinated by is his ability – for better or worse – to live and lead according to his values. He had an unrelenting talent for this that I personally strive for.

There’s a grainy, undated YouTube video of Jobs discussing the core value: “…People with passion can change the world for the better.” Even though he describes it as Apple’s core value, it’s clear it’s more than that. It’s his personal core value. Apple is simply how he manifested his core value in his business life.

Here’s what I believe: If Jobs had not aligned his work to his personal core value, Apple as we know it would not exist today.

If, like many well-meaning CEOs do, he had chosen common core values like ‘innovation’ or ‘exceptional customer service’ or ‘integrity’, I wouldn’t be writing this story on my MacBook Pro or proof-reading it later on my iPad.

Jobs dug deep. He didn’t let mistakes and failures water down his view. Even when he was booted from his own company and his career seemingly veered off course, he came back with an even clearer focus on his mission…on his value.

This is why – for individuals and for companies – deciding your core values is not a exercise to be taken lightly. If you’ve been guilty of creating your core values and then shoving them into a binder somewhere never to be seen again, think of Steve Jobs. And go dig your values out of that drawer! Or better yet, go through the exercise of creating them again with this new perspective in mind.

Here’s the video of Jobs discussing Apple’s core value and how he’s bringing it to life through branding.

As for me, I love helping people discover and live their values. And thanks for reading.

People – It’s my birthday on April 25 and I want to celebrate! So, here’s my little gift to you…and only you my amazing community.  A thank you for all your support!

If you’ve been wanting to get more out of out of your life and secretly hoping to do The THRIVE GUIDE program when your budget allows…now’s your chance.

For a very limited time (the next 3 days!) you can sign up for my 52-week online coaching program, The Thrive Guide for just $99 (the regular price is $149).

This program is for you if you don’t want to just live your life, but instead you want to THRIVE. It’s for anyone who wants to feel like their life has a deep, abiding significance.

The program teaches you how to make huge life changes in a kinder, gentler way using my method of ‘tweaking’.

Go ahead! Sign up. You deserve to thrive!

Birthdays always cause me to pause and think about what I’m grateful for.  My appreciation and gratitude to you all.

I never tire of seeing people become reinvigorated by their lives when I help them tune into and articulate their core values. It’s like an inner light bulb turns on, illuminating their true essence.

But knowing your values and living your values are two different things. Living them requires breaking old habits and being comfortable with making decisions that might unsettle other people. If you’re an established accountant who’s just realized, for example, that creativity is one of your core values, you might alarm people if you start pursuing your secret passion for fashion design.  To onlookers that kind of realignment might seem rash. But it’s not really.  Your values form the foundation for your purpose. You gotta be you.

Having said this, living your values doesn’t often require dramatic upheaval in your life. It’s mostly about the more subtle aspects of how you live and breath.

Let me help you get a quick gut check on how well you’re currently living your values.

First, think of one of your core values (if you’re not sure what your core values are, please check out my new online program The Thrive Guide). Now ask yourself the following questions…and please, be brutally honest:

1. Do I exude this core value in the way I speak?

2. Do I exude this core value in the way I present myself to the world?

3. Do I exude this core value in my career choices?

4. Do I exude this core value in the way I spend my free time?

5. Is this core value evident in my leadership style?

Repeat this process for your other core values (by the way, I recommend a maximum of four).

If you discover that your core values are hidden away in the recesses of your mind instead of out there in the world, fear not. It’s a process. This cause is pretty simple: you’re probably not using your core values to filter your personal and business decisions.

Start now. Without a doubt, something will arise later today. It might be a very small decision (where to take your client to lunch or what to do this evening), or it might be something more significant. Whatever it is, filter your decision through your values. If creativity is a value, what can you do this evening that’s creative? If adventure is a value, maybe you can take your client somewhere off the beaten track.

And so it goes. Decision by decision, day by day, you start living your values. It won’t take long for you to notice that you’re feeling more purposeful and clear-headed. Then…empowered and full of life.

Thanks for reading! I do hope you’ll connect with me on Facebook and Twitter. I’d love to hear your insights and feedback.