Lisa's Rough Drafts

Alone

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 03:06:00 +0000

"Look into watery old eyes and see refelected there a past that is impossible to reproduce in this fast and broken-up modern age, an age in which the younger members of the family have struck out on their own to make their fortunes, and ended up living like kings and queens on small, lonely, perfectly landscaped suburban islands" -Roland Merullo, "In Revere, In Those Days"

I live in a fast and broken-up modern age. I methodically go to work in the morning, yearing for the evening. At work I do my best to keep up an enthusiastic facade. Managers love people who look like they are enthusiastic. They love people who look like they'd rather be at work, and tolerate the task of going home. That is not me.

My profession is not a complete fit for me. It is a logical maze of problems, once solved, that only reveal more mazes of problems. It is taxing.

I live far, far away from my family. I live like a queen in that I can pay my bills easily when I am working, and even reward myself with some luxuries. But I live in a condo; my own small, lonely, perfectly landscaped suburban island. I do not have a large circle of friends. I have a large circle of acquaintances. I am beginning to resolve myself to the reality that this may be all I can achieve. At night, after work, I am spent. I have nothing left to give. Maybe if I lived closer to family, maybe life wouldn't seem so lonely.

Broad-tailed Humming Bird?

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 02:10:00 +0000

In camp, I was dive-bombed by a broad-tailed hummingbird. I'm not sure why it's called this instead of "ruby-throated" but there must be some sort of difference. I think this should be the government's new un-manned vehicle destroyer. I imagine that beak stings like a needle.

WildFlower

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 13:40:00 +0000

"Quiet hour

You have always been my wildflower

Showing up wherever beauty's lost its way

Your heart must break"

"I was free

Until I heard the song you sang me to me

Pulling me away from everything I knew

To be with you"

"And everything I know just fades away

And every time you go it hurts me so

I don't know why when I know we're free

Free to fly"

"Here we are

Burning faster than the closest star

Falling back down to the Earth

I love you so it sometimes hurts"

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 13:34:00 +0000

"Closer still

You will find me standing on the hill

Waiting for you with my arms stretched open wide

Now, come inside"

"And everything I know just fades away

And every time you go it hurts me so

I don't know why when I know we're free

Free to fly"

"And everything I know just fades away

And when a wildflower grows it picks its space

And that's the way it is when nature plays its lovely hand

We'll understand everything

Everything, everything" -- Sheryl Crow

The Big Thompson River

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 02:16:00 +0000

The Big Thompson River really isn't that "big" at all. Perhaps it was named after its length rather than its width. Or maybe its flow in the spring-time. In the Spring, after a winter of good snowfall, it speaks in a language somewhere between a roil and a gurgle.

Is the Big Thompson male or female? I would guess female, because of all the life the river nurtures. Humming birds dive bomb her waters in search of a refreshing drink. Trout swim her waters, looking for insects and dodging fly fishermen. Lilies and a myriad of other flowers drink from the marshes she creates. Elk graze on the long grasses and find shelter from over-eager tourists behind her winding banks.

The Big Thompson river in Moraine Park, a glacial basin, sustains, breeds, and protects life. She nurtures my life when I sit on her banks listening to her speak words of wisdom and peace.

"Be gentle. Slow down. Go with the flow. Or fight hard against it when you are losing your life. Let nature protect you and guide your soul. She will only guide you to the truth."

King Richard III

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 04:36:00 +0000

For my Valentine date, I was treated to a wonderful performance of King Richard III. A Shakespearean tragedy, Richard III schemes, betrays, and murders his way to the throne. Having never read nor seen this play before, I was thrilled with how much I enjoyed it. (side-note: I did try to read the play ahead of time, but I ran out of time in the end....)

Aside from the cost of the tickets, it was a simple evening. My date and I arrived at The Stage theater in the Denver Performing Arts Complex very early. I loved this! Normally myself and those I am with are running for the theater door. How wonderful to stroll into the theater complex, take in the mezzanine, grab a small bite to eat, and chat with other theater goers at shared tables.

My Valentine evening was incredible, and my man gets a "Two Thumbs Up!" from me :)

Recently Published Short Story

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 04:35:00 +0000

One of my short stories was recently selected for publication at Voca Femina. You can check it out @

"The Choir Boy" by Lisa Bowman

Reflecting Back & Looking Forward

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:12:00 +0000

Taken From: The Carnival In My Head Blog by Kathy Escobar

reflecting back 2008:

• some words that described 2008…loss, heart-ache, betrayal, loneliness, broken-hearted, deception, hope, community, friendship, understanding, concerts, confession, love, abandonment, puppies, determination, struggle, family,

• the biggest surprise of this year was….my ex-husband telling me he could no longer be friends with me, breaking off all connection, getting engaged, and getting married.

• my biggest regret of the year was…not taking advantage of the last few months of the year to do more writing.

• i saw God in….Kathy Escobar, Trinity, Mira, Shaha’la, Kari Mackenzie, myself, the midst of my tears,

• one change that i made that i’m really proud of is…I let go of my ex-husband. I did not accept that he would “possibly” be friends with me again if he broke up with his girlfriend. I stood up for myself and said that I had to protect myself and could not live in that kind of relationship

• the hardest thing i tried this year was: finding a new “church” to attend. As it turned out, I found The Refuge.

• the relationship that got better this year was…my relationship with my Mom. She is beginning to accept that my ex-husband is gone and that I need to move on with my life. Even if it’s with a man that she did not approve of in the past. She said the words that she only wants my happiness. That was huge.

• some ways i felt loved by people this year were…listening to my story, sharing their story with me, walking with me in my despair, hugging me, holding me accountable for writing stories, saying “I love you” when I owe them nothing, suggesting books to read to help me with my “issues” (out of love and not out of judgement)

• some ways i loved other people this year: lending a helping hand at the Refuge, offering my support, listening, accepting,

• i tasted grace when: I told the truth of my story and I was accepted…not condemned. When my mother listened to me for 3 months

• a shift that i experienced in my faith was….that death and personal pain help me be more compassionate for others. I believe this is why God allows these things in my life. Otherwise, I might become very self-absorbed.

looking forward 2009:

• words that i hope describe 2009…love, growth, dare to (fill in the blank), camping, relationship building, healthy romantic relationships, self-acceptance, serving

• one thing i want to try that i haven’t tried before…camping A LOT this summer, and taking friends with me on my hiking excursions. Also, I would like to volunteer to help children at Joshua Station with their homework. Is that more than one thing?

• i’d really love to experience more of God’s healing in…removing painful memories from places I visited with my ex-husband. This way I can experience them afresh with others and not hurt over the past.

• the thing that i’m most afraid of about this year is…that I will go broke

• the thing i’m most excited about this year is…..the opportunity to commit myself to a different path, and not the same one that I feel forced to take.

• a relationship i really want to invest more of my heart in is….my friendship with Kimberly

• a characteristic of God i hope to experience more of is…hearing my confessions and experiencing his forgiveness

• a way i want to take better care of my heart is…by learning how to talk to God in a way that is meaningful for me.

• a dream (or two) i have for this year is…transitioning to a writing career, finishing a champion German Shepherd which will possibly lead to a new career in dog handling.

• one step toward that dream might be…writing daily and sharing that work with others.

• my wish for my family in 2009 is….that we are more honest and accepting of one another

• my wish for the world in 2009 is…that we respect and love one another.

New Puppies and a Sad Departure

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 05:45:00 +0000

The American celebration of New Year is supposed to go something like this:

New Year's Resolution
Out with the old
In with the new
Par-tay!

This year my out with the old in with the new was a bit mixed up. On December 29th, just after 1pm MST, my boyfriend's dog Mali gave birth to seven healthy pups. While a few did not make it, the surviving pups eventually tipped the scale toward joy and celebration for me. "In with the New" was complete for me.

For a bit, I thought "Out with the old" referred to all of the baggage I carried around this past year. But on New Year's morning, I found out what this phrase would mean for me. Shaha'la, a beautiful twelve year old German Shepherd who had become a part of my life, suddenly became very ill. A stroke. An annurism...who knows. She could not walk, was sick to her stomach and seemed completely disoriented. We decided it was time.

I took her to a nearby animal clinic. The drive there was very sad and reflective. When Jon carried her out to my truck, I thought back to all the times she would have loved to take a ride with me. How ironic that her only ride with me would be her last.

I cried nearly the entire way to the animal clinic. They put her in a nice room for me and we lay on the floor together. I showed her my Zuni Bear and asked him to protect her. I assured her that the Bear would meet her on the other side. I assured her of my love for her and that I would be with her 'til the end. She was calm when the doctor came in to administer the overdoses of drugs. I blessed her with my Zuni bear and she cuddled against me as he gave her the first dose. She leaned back into my body and relaxed. Then the other drugs were given and I was amazed at how quickly she went. I held her there in my arms for a bit, feeling her breath on my hand from her nostrils. Then...she was gone.

They left us alone in there. I asked for five minutes. Shaha'la's spirit was hovering above me or already on it's journey to her Native people. I clipped her nails as keepsakes. Originally I planned to bury them all in a private ceremony. I will definitely do this, but I will also keep a few for my medicine bag. Shaha'la had a strong spirit and I know her strength, courage, and protection will go with me wherever I go.

Missy Higgins Concert 2008 -- Part II

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 17:26:00 +0000

Missy Jamming out on one of her songs

Missy's bass player with the stand up bass

Missy is an incredible musician. Her vocals are great, her songwriting skills are phenomenal, and piano and guitar round out her repertoire.

The bass player and drummer worked really well together to create a wonderful sound for Missy's vocals

Missy Higgins Concert 2008 -- Part I

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 17:11:00 +0000

Outside the venue in Denver, CO

Inside the Bluebird Theatre, pre-concert. This concert was Sold-out.

This gargoyle is a perfect example of the elegant inside of the theatre

Bootleg Communion #2

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 22:11:00 +0000

Bootleg communion. It's a daring proposition. Not only are you messing with one of the oldest institutions of Christianity, but if their theology is completely correct (which I doubt) then you are messing with God too. The way I look at it is

I am getting away with something
It's exhilerating
I think of King David and his men who were hungry and consumed the consecrated bread.

I have participated in bootleg communion exactly 3x thus far. The first time at a 2006 Midnight Mass. The church was almost baptist it was so modern. I could hardly recognize it as catholic due to the praise choruses, an acoustic guitar, women serving communion, and the Irish Priest cracking jokes in his sermon.

The second time was at Easter service in 2006. Once again, a very modern church and there was nothing to it. I remembered to mumble something unintelligable and the server seemed to think that it interpretted into the correct Catholic words

Then came this Christmas. I took holy communion at an old church in Downtown Denver. Maybe I was a little too lax on observing those in front of me. Maybe I thought I knew what I was doing. I don't know what went wrong.

I always have butterflys in my stomach when waiting for and consuming the holy body of Christ and his blood. I have this nightmare of being called out in front of thousands for being a false catholic. I've always thought this was an unfounded fear. Now...I'm not so sure.

When I approached the server, he said something. Two alter boys stood at his shoulders like the good and evil angels in cartoons. He held the wafer up, I performed the "scoopy" thing with my hands...and he kept holding it. He didn't give it to me. We made eye contact for far too long (likely 2-3 seconds) and then he said "Amen". I said "Amen" too as he placed the wafer in my hands. I put it in my mouth and walked away wondering what happened. I was shaken.

Halfway up the aisle to my seat, I heard the steps and felt the wind of something approaching. I half turned and saw an alter boy coming. Was he coming to block my way? Was he coming to say something to me in front of the entire crowd? Like a speeding motorist who pulls over anticipating that the police officer has come for them, I stepped aside. But instead of me, he approached my friend in front of me. He placed an arm on him and said something to him that I didn't hear. Then he returned from whence he came.

"What did he say?" I wanted to know immediately. Some sort of self-absorbed mind set caused me to believe that the Alter Boy had come to speak to my friend about me. But how would he even know we were together.

My friend brushed me off and kept walking up the aisle toward our seats. When we sat down, I asked again.

He said, "He wanted to know whether I consumed it."
"Consumed what?" I asked.
"The wafer. They gave me two, so I tried to pull them apart as I was walking away. I didn't want to put the whole big thing in my mouth. But...I couldn't pull them apart, so I just ate it. I guess he didn't see me and was worried I'd put the body of Christ in my pocket and sell it on ebay"

No, that would be me, I thought.

"I told him 'Yes' and he walked away. Unbelievable!"

It kind of put a damper on our midnight mass. I felt like I had come closer than ever to getting caught, and my friend was deeply embarrassed that an alter boy chased him down in the aisle in front of hundreds and maybe even a thousand people. It was another successful Bootleg Communion, but not as rewarding as in times past. This time left behind a nagging guilt.

And that, is our Midnight Mass Bootleg Communion 2008

Christmas Eve 2008

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 15:38:00 +0000

A fun tradition for me is attending a Christmas Eve mass. This year I attended Holy Ghost Catholic church in downtown Denver. The service was nice, but communion turned out to be not so pleasant. The guy hesitated on giving me the wafer and for a second I thought I was going to be denied. Then an alter boy went rushing toward me. Luckily he was after someone else who he suspected had not eaten the body of Christ. I thought for sure I'd been caught in my 'bootleg communion'.

This year I really out did myself with gifts. I am currently a victim of the economy, so I didn't have the bank to break on gifts. In a lot of ways, this was a good thing. It forced me to really think about how I could make small gifts more meaningful. The tree in this picture is the one I helped decorate this year. Alas, my pink Christmas tree from last year fell victim to my youngest German Shepherd's destructive phase.

Rocky Mountain Folk Festival 2008

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 12:40:00 +0000

Because Missy Higgins was playing at the Rocky Mountain Folk Festival in Lyons, CO this year...I decided to throw down for some tickets. I am so glad I did. What a great time. The festival is a general admission event. This is where we setup our chairs and convinced ourselves that it wasn't too bad considering we arrived at 2:30 in the afternoon. Most of the chairs in front of us were likely set up by concert-goers who camped on-site. It pays to able to setup as early as possible.

What a cool way for the kids to keep occupied. I think a lot of adults like myself also enjoyed the river that ran by Planet Bluegrass, the concert venue. There were lots of rock sculptures, kids tubing, and adults wading throughout the afternoon.

In front of me are our new seats. By politely asking a "tarp owner" down front if I could sit there, they responded in the positive. Much better sound, could see the performers pretty well (the fence sometimes got in the way), and felt more like I was in the thick of things. Also met Josephine who had just moved to Denver from Seattle, WA. She was so sweet and sort of embodied the spirit of making new friends at an event like this.

Missy Higgins. Wow! What a great singer/songwriter. She put on a wonderful show! I was so thrilled to get such fantastic close-ups and to even record a full video of her singing "Ten Days", which is on my YouTube site.

Dolly Parton Concert

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 04:55:00 +0000

I've always wanted to see Dolly in concert, and this summer she happened to have a tour date in Denver. I scooped up 4 tickets. 2 for me and a friend and 2 in case my parents were in town. The parents came early and I almost lost my money on the 2 extra tickets. But at the last moment, craigslist came through for me. The concert was awesome, thought it was VERY difficult to get a picture. No pictures or videos were allowed, and security was heavy at the event. I was lucky to get this shot. Dolly puts on a very broadway like show where she tells her life story, and also lives out her dream (I believe) of being on Broadway. It was a great show, and I'm really glad that I went.

Fire On the Mountain!

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 14:47:00 +0000

Green Mountain, that is. The wind-driven grass fire was started by a lightening strike on Monday August 4th, 2005. More than 100 fire fighters from at least 10 different agencies helped fight the fire which burned a fence and melted some siding on one house. The fire was close to my condo on the north east side of green mountain, but far enough away that I did not worry about my own safety. I watched during the afternoon as approximately 900 acres was charred. Flames were visible from my condo on this hillside.

Golden Gate Canyon State Park

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 20:45:00 +0000

Went hiking up in Golden Gate Canyon State Park on Sunday. We hiked a 4 mile trail up to Lost Valley trail. The main objective was to view wildflowers, exercise the dogs, exercise the people, and explore some of the beautiful country near my home.

Trinity and Mira were excellent hiking companions. For the most part, they listened very well. Both enjoyed sniffing around off trail, racing each other around the lake, chewing on some snacks that I brought along for them, and taking a dip in the pond. I think they also enjoyed hanging out with their people:)

Alas, the long awaited view of the homestead. Since the hike is approximately 4 miles in and out, I can only assume that the lake and cabin are 2 miles from the trail head. We hung out for probably 2 hours around the lake enjoying the quiet, the occasional visitors that stopped in, lunch on the front porch, and the beautiful wildflowers which were still blooming. Storms circled during late morning, but didn't materialize until afternoon...which was about the time we left the cabin. We were chased over the mountain top by thunder, lightening, and a few raindrops, but made it back to the truck before the storm arrived. Whew!

What sort of animal print do you think this is? It's larger than my german shepherds' paws. I don't think there are any wolves in the vicinity. I like to think it was some sort of dramatic animal like a bear or a mountain lion, but I really have no idea. Hmmmm...

Rain @ 5 months

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 20:35:00 +0000

I attended an Obedience/Rally A.K.C. event at the Jefferson county fairgrounds yesterday. Jon brought Rain along to further her exposure to new situations. As it turned out, we had to sit on the side lines at the event because non-competing dogs are not supposed to be on the premise.

Afterward, we took Rain down to Golden. We visited the Golden Farmer's Market, took a little dip in Clear Creek, and ate some lunch up town.

Allison Kraus/Robert Plant Concert

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 03:44:00 +0000

@ Red Rocks. I've been a fan of Allison Kraus since my early 20's when she did a cover on Keith Whitney's song "When you say nothing at all". Always have to go with the fun hippy attire for concerts:)

Uh...yeah. I recorded with my digital camera. I think this sign was posted pre-digital camera age.

Here's Alison singing one of the songs from the Raising Sand album with Robert Plant. Robert Plant is singing backup just behind her, slightly to the right. Allison has a haunting voice that is effortless and she plays the fiddle. Robert doesn't play an instrument to my knowledge. His voice is his instrument and he is quite the showman. Charisma.

An incredible painting of something. I love the colors. I think it's an abstract painting of the concert. I wonder if the artists were given free admission.

Homing Pigeons

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 03:38:00 +0000

Jon keeps a pigeon coup in his back yard in addition to the German Shepherds. I had never held a pigeon before, so he got one out and showed me how to hold it. It felt like I was holding a heart beat in my hands...

Rain is getting big!

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 03:32:00 +0000

Took Rain shopping one afternoon early in July. She quickly wore out, so I attempted to carry her. She cooperated, but it was like carrying around a 40lb sack. She's heavy! Ironically enough, rained while we were out shopping.

My Friend Flicka

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 03:30:00 +0000

One of the few times in my life that I've been this close to a horse. Jon has some left over alfalfa growing wild in his yard, so he showed me what it looked like, so that I could lure his neighbor's horse over to feed and pet. What an amazing experience!

Mira on a July 4th Hike in Evergreen

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 03:42:00 +0000

4th of July Hike with Mira in Evergreen

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 03:40:00 +0000

Mira sniffing some wildflowers, trail side.

Mira chilling out under a tree. It was really HOT up there that day. Since when are the mountains warm?

The canvas of nature really has her stuff down

July 4th Ever Green Hike with Mira

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 03:38:00 +0000

Definitely, I'll have to haul my bike up to this trail. It looks pleasant to ride on and I'll likely get further than walking.

I'm a huge fan of wildflowers!

There were no stars upon thars -- Dr. Seuss The Sneetches