Now?

Not so much.  Summer, while still filled with endless 14-16 hour days of kid-duty, has become more and more relished here at Literal Mom.

They’re growing so fast.  It’s the one time a year I get with them that isn’t cluttered with all the other junk the school year brings.

I love it.

My Little Iggy at our kick off summer festival winning the big prize. Shhh, don’t tell her I just asked the carnie how much I needed to give him for her to win. Wink, wink.

She went to school a 5th grader and got in the car this day a 6th grader. I remember the big changes my 6th grade year. I wonder if she’ll have similar changes coming.

Thanks to Galit and Alison for resurrecting Memories Captured this  month.  Linking up with them.

It’s the sure sign of a perfectionist, to say those two lines up there.

One of my favorite slogans of all time was always “Failure is not an option.”

Of course I have some big ones in my history – flunking my driver’s test the first time.  Failing the first Semester of Contracts in Law School, which made it necessary to go to summer school that summer.

They say (the elusive “they” I’ve always kind of hated – because who are THEY to tell me how to feel) that only through failure can you see real growth.

With the contracts failure, that is absolutely the truth.  I wouldn’t have met the Big Man without that.  And I’ve always said it was God’s plan.

With the driver’s test failure, I don’t think it made me a better person.  Other than to teach me to eat humble pie.

Other than the above, most of my “failures” really aren’t big colossal messes.  They’re more like setbacks.

I’ll lose weight.  Gain some back.  Lose it again.

Is that failure or is it life?

I’ll promise myself I’m not going to get noticeably irritated with the kids today (again) and then get noticeably irritated with the kids.

Again, is that a failure on my part or is it life?

And I don’t know, per se, if this is a failure or a personality trait, but there’s no question I have trouble with relationships.  The giving that is required in a relationship to sustain it (immediate family excluded – I give them everything, which is probably why I have so little left over for others).

I like to be alone.  I crave it.  It’s what feeds me for the times I need to be with others.

Classic introvert qualities.

So right now while everyone heads to the pool and looks forward to visiting with everyone else, I start to get antsy after a certain amount of time.  I start thinking about my book I brought and how badly I want to go in the corner and read it (it’s awesome to have kids old enough to swim with only lifeguard monitoring).  I find myself unable to think of things to say anymore.

Is that failing?  I don’t know.

Maybe it’s just transitioning.  I’m transitioning out of having hours a day to choose my own schedule into having less than an hour a day to devote to the alone time I need to thrive.

And I don’t even have both kids out of school yet.

First couple of weeks of summer are tough for me.  Are they tough for you?

But I’ll get through it.  And maybe these quotes about failure will help.  Enjoy:

Remember that failure is an event, not a person.  Zig Ziglar

Success is the result of perfection, hard work, learning from failure, loyalty, and persistence.  Colin Powell

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.  Steve Jobs

I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.  Michael Jordan

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes

Remember this Boyz II Men song?  ”It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday?”

Today Little Iggy’s “graduating” from Kindergarten.

Her very first day – 4 years ago.

And that means I’m “graduating” after 9 years of having one or more children enrolled at that school.

How could she have possibly ever been that small?

And it’s so hard to say goodbye.

I have so many memories of the place.  Both good and painful, but mostly good.  My children have had their educational foundations built there and I see the results already.

A Montessori education is, without question, the best way to start your kids off in life.

In my humble opinion.

Her first day this year.

I can’t imagine that today is the last day I’ll walk down the halls to drop off or pick up a child.  In the future,  I’ll only be coming in as a visitor, or an alumni parent.

This chapter in my kid’s life is complete.

This morning – last day of Kindergarten.

And for me, the chapter is starting to close as well.

And it’s sad to say goodbye to this particular yesterday.

I planted my second garden EVER over the weekend.

I kept some of the things that worked last year – early girl tomatoes and jalapeno peppers.

I exchanged some things that didn’t – replacing the colossal failure of zucchini with cucumber, abandoning the herbs, and adding red pepper.

And I even added a raspberry tree!  Raspberry plant?  Raspberry bush?

Look at those itty bitties. In a month, I’ll barely be able to see the railing!

My little garden, in pots on my deck, always starts so small.  I wondered last year, and I wonder again this year, will it make it?  Will it thrive?  What can I do to help it along?  How much do I need to just let it be to do its own thing?

If it gets into trouble with pests, should I intervene?  Or just let nature take its course?

And I’m reminded that gardens are so much like life.

You try new things.  Some work.  Some don’t.  You hopefully learn from your mistakes.  And you hopefully build upon your successes.

Sometimes you go into new things blindly.  And you come out just fine after.

You struggle with how much to be involved or how much to stand back and let things happen on their own.

You appreciate beauty when you see it.

And you see, every now and then, that as hard or uncertain as it is, life is very good.

Shhhh, don’t tell anyone, but I kind of hate the advent of social media and smart phones.

Why?

Because it’s made capturing memories so easy that I’m not capturing them, if that makes sense.

I take pictures on my phone and upload them to Facebook.

(As an aside, why don’t I GET Instagram?  Everyone seems to use it, but I get nothing out of it.  I don’t know why.)

I take videos but keep them on my phone.

I don’t do scrapbooks anymore.  I actually never even finished Little Iggy’s first year scrapbook and that causes me great distress.

How can a Mom not finish a child’s first year scrapbook?

I’ll tell you why – it’s because social media and smart phones make it seem too easy to have the memories captured on your phone!

But I think where my worry comes in is here – While I may be capturing our memories, I don’t know that I’m CAPTURING our memories as memories.

You know?

I don’t know that I’m writing the things down that I don’t ever want to forget.

Like when Little Iggy tells me she’ll never turn into a moody tween.  Sigh – how sweet is that – and how untrue.  Or the fact that she won’t let anyone – ANYONE – beat her in the soccer running exercises.

Or when Big G hugged me and her Dad – HUGGED US UNSOLICITED – on the morning of our anniversary.  Or when she cried when she read his anniversary card to me.

Or the fact that they make me crazy when they can’t stop being silly when we sit down to dinner.  But I know there’ll come a day when I miss that silliness.

I do belong to This Life, where I upload everything from my phone.  And I’m happy about that.  At least I have everything all in one place.  I spent all summer last year uploading 10 years worth of pictures.  And I try to remember to upload from my phone every couple of months.

And of course there’s here.  I’m leaving this for them to read someday.

But what about traditions like passing a scrapbook to a grown child at their wedding to say “here you go.  I made this lovingly for you and now it’s yours to keep.”  (and then the child thinks they don’t want it because they’re too busy getting married, but they do want it.  They just don’t know it yet.)

What about that?

Is there even going to be traditions like that in 20 years?  Or will I hand one of them my phone, or a CD with pictures to download to their phone?

Do we REALLY love the advances of modern technology?  Or does it lose some things in translation?

It always seems to go faster when you’re on it, doesn’t it?

photo credit

I used to think December was the busiest month of the year.

Then I decided September was pretty darned busy too.

And now I’ve decided that May gets the same honors as December and September.

And I think I’ve written about this before.  Probably like last year, but I don’t feel like searching back through and finding a link for you to visit.

Sorry about that.

From today until the end of the school year, when you include kid-tivities, I have something scheduled every weeknight.

Every single one.  My days are filling up like MAD because it’s the panicky, “OMG school’s almost out I need to see some people and handle some issues before then feeling.”

Yesterday, I sat down with the Big Man to go over the remainder of May with him and after we were finished, he was appropriately shocked and awed by the things that are on deck.

I both treasure and dread this time of year.  I think the end of school activities (barring some really silly ones – like the patriotic concert scheduled the night before Memorial Day weekend) are sweet and fun.

And one of mine is “graduating” from Kindergarten this year, so I’m, of course, a sad little mess over that and its reminder that time is our biggest enemy as we grow up and through adulthood.

Conversely, I dread May because we reach this part of the year and I just want summer to come.  I want a schedule I create, rather than one that’s created for me.  I want lazy mornings, late nights, swimming and time spent outdoors (as I write this, it’s in the 40s here – what?).

I’m already making our summer plan, deciding on daily activities, chores, making the points and rewards for our annual summer book challenge.

It’ll all be here before we know it and as the kids get older, I cherish the arrival of summer more and more.

Do you?

Johnson & Johnson’s For All You Love Campaign – benefiting Save the Children

Last week was our 15th wedding anniversary.  15 years!  It’s hard to believe we’ve been married that long.

The time feels incredibly long and incredibly short.  Can you understand that?

We were such babies when we were married, but we thought we knew everything there was to know about life.  We certainly had all the answers!

And now, 15 years later, as questions in life have taken away our answers one by one, we’ve been slowly gaining wisdom as we muddle through life’s challenges.

Our anniversary always falls right around Mother’s Day.  Which is funny, because when we got married, I was so wrapped up in the wedding, I didn’t even realize Mother’s Day was the day after our wedding.  Good daughter moment.

But now I’m aware.  In the space of 3 weeks, the Big Man has to come up with something special for my birthday, special for our anniversary and something special for Mother’s Day.

That’s a lot of somethings special!

But he always comes through.  I always feel loved and appreciated on these days.  I’m not a girl who needs the BLING to make me feel special.  I just need the emotions.  I need to be told, whether in words or actions, that I make a difference in my family’s life.

And every year he makes me feel special.

I’m a lucky, lucky girl.

In celebration of Mother’s Day this year, JOHNSON’S® Baby has established JOHNSON’S® Baby CARES Care Cards, a digital e-card platform encouraging moms to share positive messages of encouragement with other moms across the country, while simultaneously supporting Save the Children®.

You can help, too!  Simply pick and share a card filled with messages of reassurance for a Mom in your life on Facebook at http://www.johnsonsbabycares.com. For every card sent, shared or liked, JOHNSON’S®  Baby will donate $1.00 to Save the Children® (up to $150,000) to benefit early childhood education programs that foster education and reassurance for new moms.

These cards will not only spread encouragement to Moms throughout the country but will also provide Moms in need with the skills and knowledge to successfully support their child’s growth.

As part of this campaign, recognizing their commitment to the health and well-being of moms and kids worldwide, J&J is also planning to donate $25K this Mother’s Day to Save the Children®: http://www.savethechildren.org

Take a look at this video and see what I’m talking about.  Or click here to go see it.

I received compensation from The Motherhood and Johnson and Johnson for writing this post.  All opinions expressed are my own.

I’m not quite sure when I’ll be back.

Probably sometime in May.

Life’s gonna get crazy after we return from Florida, so I need to keep my options open.

Until then, as always, here are some snarky cards to entertain you.

If you need me over the next indeterminate amount of time:

What percentage of friends do you feel this way about?  Me?  Maybe too many to admit.

There are a lot of things I’d like to write about poop.  This, however, is not one of them.  Who gets naked for a poop?  Men?

And while I’m gone, this is who I’m going to be:

THAT is a promise.

See you soon, lovelies.

My little friend when she used to hear “happy birthday” being sung.

“I’m just a Pilgrim who is starting on the last part of his pilgrimage.”  - Pope Benedict XVI

Pilgrim – Noun – 1) one who journeys in foreign lands; 2) one who travels to a shrine or holy place as a devotee

Pilgrimage – Noun – 1) a journey of a pilgrim; especially: one to a shrine or a sacred place; 2) the course of life on earth

- Merriam-Webster Dictionary

This sentence from Pope Benedict XVI on his last day as Pope, has stayed with me for months.

I truly can’t stop thinking about it.

I mean, I don’t think about it every day, but . . .

I can’t stop thinking about it in the sense that a man who was arguably the most important Catholic for several years would “only” consider himself a pilgrim on life’s pilgrimage.

Can it get any more humble than that?

So many of us (present company included) toot our own horns practically every time we fart these days, looking for recognition, affirmation, praise, encouragement, kudos, cookies.

And we wonder why our kids don’t have the ability to intrinsically reward themselves.

Well . . . we can’t either!  Why should they?

But this man, this POPE, thinks of himself as just a pilgrim.

Today is my birthday.

I love my birthday.  I love being showered with attention, I love getting sweet little kid presents (Little Iggy has been drawing me birthday pictures and hiding them in her room for a month), I love having the Big Man finally paying attention to me again now that tax season is blessedly over.  I used to love going birthday shopping with my mom when she could get around more.

I can admit this too – I love going out and having a huge birthday meal and a couple (maybe a few) drinks.

Birthdays have always been a celebration for me.

But maybe it’s ok to stop celebrating so loudly and start being a little more like the Pope.

We’re all on the pilgrimage he talks about.  And we’re all at various stages.  Maybe celebrating in the sense of life being a pilgrimage, or a journey, or even a journey to God, is the way to go at it.

And I think I do that, albeit quietly.  You don’t see me waxing philosophic about my faith on here very much.  But it’s there.

Maybe the whole point of the pilgrimage is to draw away from MEMEMEMEMEMEME and draw closer to what I’m starting to think of as the 3 most important components of life -

Faith

Family

Fitness

I want my pilgrimage to last a long time.  And following the three Fs up there will hopefully help me do that.

In the meantime, pass the cake and pour me a drink.

I’m toasting to “42″ years of being a pilgrim today.

If you want to catch up, here’s Volume 1, Edition 1.  And Volume 1, Edition 2.  And Volume 2, Edition 2.

It’s funny, no matter how happy I am to put Winter to bed each year (and good God in Heaven I was happy to put this year’s to bed), I always want to go back to it at some point when I see our Spring calendar fill up with daily obligations, Galas, meetings, end of school year celebrations, birthdays, anniversaries, trips, Spring Breaks, social events, social events, social events.

Suddenly the mundanity of Winter doesn’t seem too boring anymore, does it?  Mundanity – spell check tells me I just made that word up.  I say “screw you, spell check, I’m on a roll.”

Anyhoo.  Where was I?

My birthday’s part of April. Should I get a party hat and then decide it has to come off RIGHT THIS MINUTE like this little friend did?

Oh yes.  I promised to update you on my resolutions from January.

Resolutions check-in

Yelling at my kids.  I had one spectacularly bad week where I yelled at both of my kids two or three times each.  Like blew their hair back yelling – the worst kind.  It was no fun for any of us.  And by no fun, I mean we were all in tears by the end of each time it  happened.  But it was a great reminder for me of why I undertook this resolution and it renewed my need to succeed with this.

And you gotta move on.

Two posts a week. Yep.  Done.

Increase personal writing.  Develop goals for this.  Uh?  Did I really resolve this?  Not yet.  And I’m sure it ain’t happenin’ this summer either.  Scratch.

Lose the weight.  Yep.  Done.  Boo-mother-fucking-yah!

Phase out of things I hate.  Working on it.  Moderate success.  This is a process, not a light switch.

Read 26 books.  I joined Goodreads and I’m 1 book ahead of schedule.  Rock.  I’ve read some GREAT ones.  Stay tuned for a book recommendation in the summer.

Go to bed at 10:30 Sunday through Thursday.  Hahahahahahaha.  What was I thinking?  I’ve been pretty good at 11/11:30 though.  And there have been some weekends when I went to bed at . . . well, let’s not talk about that.

Will the day possibly come when I’m going to bed at 8pm like my parents do now?  I don’t see it possible.  How would I keep up with Dancing With the Stars?

Friday fun twice a month.  March killed me because of Spring Breaks, but I’m going to do an extra one in May to make up for it.  Shhhhh – don’t tell.  Playing hooky’s only fun when you feel like it’s a secret.

Get back to morning pages and meditate.  Refer back to the resolution about sleeping.  Except I guess I can say I’m meditating when I’m in the steam room?

Daily Life Dilemmas

When do your kids fight?  Mine fight in the morning, the moment they come together in the kitchen with me.  Sometimes badly.

They fight right when I pick them up after school.  Sometimes badly.

Know what the common denominator is here?

Little Ol’ Me.

Which pisses me off.  The times when I’m happiest to see them are the times when it’s been the longest since I’ve seen them.  After bed and after school.

So why would they deny me the pleasure by fighting during those times?

Wait, wait . . . I know why.

They’re competing over my attention.  Neither have seen me in awhile and they’re trying to jockey for position.

But I hate it.

Does this happen to you?

What do you do?  Do you consider sibling fights part of life?  Or do you try and stop them?

This  . . . is one of my biggest struggles as a mom.  Finding the balance between “regular” sibling arguments and arguments where I need to intervene and/or discipline them.

That’s it for this newsletter, friends.

So here’s to Spring and the outdoors.  Maybe the fights won’t seem so loud when they’re outside.  And maybe I won’t hear them so much because of my busy schedule.  Let the babysitter deal with it.

Just kidding.  Kind of.