Little Gems Unravelled

Its Back...

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 09:02:00 +0000

Well, after a relatively blissful 4.5 years, the cancer is back.

Kind of saw that coming with the substantial amount of stress i was going through following a series of unfortunate incidents over the last 2 months. Stress is afterall the catalyst of my relapse in 2007.

Its either the cancer or my failing heart that will eventually get me, but I am surprise that the heart held up better than the cancer.

I did the half yearly scans 2 weeks back. Sadly the last scan shows that there are 2 new lesions on my spine. That makes it 3 lesions on my spine. I just hope that the spine is continue to hold up my body, while I am still kicking. I feel like I still have so much to do, to see, to experience

So, I am now on a new course of drugs since Femara is now no longer able to control the cancer. I am now on Aromasin. Didn't take to the drugs too well initially, but its getting better. I do feel bouts of extreme lethargy that I just have to lie down and close my eyes in the afternoon. And when I am awake, I move like the sloth, haha. But like I say, its getting better. I move a little faster than that now.

And so, my sucky life goes on. Looking forward to my next vacation before my spine crumbles

Thru' the years...To be Continued

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Mon, 10 Sep 2012 12:09:00 +0000

Oh how my little girl has grown...

Hanging Out on the Plateau

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Thu, 05 Jul 2012 07:00:00 +0000

Its been 6 months since I had this new installation in my body, and I was scheduled for the check to look for new revelation on the status of my well-being.

I have been feeling pretty well, not fabulous, but reasonably well. And so, with much enthusiasim, I went to receive the results from my heart doc a couple of days back.

Have you had one of those days as a student when you were super confident that you will aced your exams, and then to receive one of those blah results. Well, its like deja vu for me. It happened to me before, and it happened again, but this time round as a patient receiving my examination results more crucial than the PSLE, "Ö"and A Levels. Its the results that will determine not only my future, but the possibility of ever having a future.

I was kind of expecting better than great kind of results, and then lo and behold, the results was really just .... (drum roll, please) blah! Thats right, there was no improvement in the EF reading, It was kind of a crushing moment, as i was hoping that the ICD would have improve my heart function. Alas, the results were the same as that as I had before I had the surgery in January 2012. Yup, no change in EF reading...still at 29%. Well, I am hoping to hang around on the plateau even if there is no upward climb.

I am not sure whats my prognosis like. The heart doc will not give me a number. Just as well, i guess. There's not much information I could googled about my condition. If you know of any blog or medication publication that will provide an insight, let me know :)

On a happier note, I am officially a 9 year old cancer survivor!! yeah!!

Thank God!

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 08:13:00 +0000

I found this Poster Print on Pinterest. How apt, I thought. I will be turning a year older pretty soon!! Hey, glad to be still around! Didn't think I would still be around back then. Thank God!

Maid in Singapore

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 08:08:00 +0000

After many many years of being without a helper at home, we are finally caving in, and have now joined the many many families in Singapore with live-in help. Yes, we are now awaiting the arrival of our newly hired helper who will be living under the same roof as us with effect from the month of May.

It is with much anxiety and anticipation that we are looking forward to the helper's arrival. The last time we had a helper was way back in 2003, when i was going thru'chemotheraphy, and i figured I needed help with the chores and watching my then 2 year old. Alas, it was more heartache than help i had during the short duration of 2 months she was with us. And so, the helper packed up and went home, and I had managed to live without a helper since then.

I guess the situation is a little different now. I do have to admit that I am not as energetic as I was 9 years back. I am unable to do any chores for a prolonged period of time. I would scrubed one bathroom, and it would seem like i had just ran a marathon. Ironing tires me up, so I am just limiting to ironing Nic's uniform and a couple of Mike's work shirts. I could still live in crumpled tees. Not to mention changing the bedsheets. I just found up from this article in Yahoo that the sheets have to be changed on a weekly basis. Yikes!! Not saying how long I have been lounging on mine.

And so we are praying fervantly that she will be a help to us, that she will be able to accommodate us as much as we can accommodate her.

Till my next post. Peace

Running on Batteries

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 15:28:00 +0000

And so the surgery went without a hitch, other than a brief couple of minutes when i woke up in the middle of surgery and hearing the surgeons talking and the beeping of machines that i am wired to. Well, that freaked me out quite a bit, and i burst into tears! Pretty embaressing, thinking about it now, but i was promptly knocked out again with more Propofol because of my distress.

Anyway, since i have been fitted with the device, life seems to be a little better, a little rosier. I could drink a bit more water without gagging and feeling nasaues, I could walk a little bit more before needing to sit down and rest, i could do a bit more packing and unpacking without breaking out into a major sweating. Essentially, I am feeling less of an 80 year old. Maybe a 70 year old. There are still limitations. I still break out into major sweating and become breathless when i am low on sugar. I still cannot carry a conversation while walking uphill. I turn blue, apparently. Its definitely not Energizer batteries that i am fitted with. I don't feel like a bunny at all!

Anyway, the true verdict will come in April when i will go for another ECG to determine if I am responding to the device.

And so fingers crossed, hope and pray that this will work. I don't wish to join the queue for the broken-hearted waiting and praying for a healthy heart in a broken body to come their way.

Did i mention that i am getting new titanium implants?

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 14:54:00 +0000

Ok, so i didn't get the implants in October 2011. By some strange twist of events, the operation was cancelled, and because my holiday schedule clashes with the surgeon's busy year end calendar, the surgery was postponed to.....gasp! 05 Jan 2012!! Glad i didn't suffer a "sudden cardiac death" while waiting...

It was nerve racking, initially. I wasn't too sure if I wanted to go ahead with the crazy holiday plans that we made months ago before i was aware of my situation. We were heading to Taiwan for 10 days in November and Hong kong for 4 days in December, and there were two staycations in between. I would suffer major losses if i were to cancel these trips. Too late to cancel. I wasn't too sure if i wanted to be caught in a situation either while in a foreign land. With the issue of breathlessness, i wasn't too sure if it will be safe to fly. What happens if i collapse? Will i be saved in time? So many questions, so many fears!!

With the doctor's name card, medication, a printout of my medical history in my bag, and faith in God, we decided to packed our bags and go ahead with our vacation plans.

I guess the mind is the strangest of all things. And of course, the power of prayers. I made it through these trips and back, and feeling better than ever. Perhaps its the worry free days of reckless shopping, dining, sight seeing and great company...Perhaps I am away from the stress of our daily routine, the renovation problems ... Or perhaps, its just not my time yet.

I am glad we went ahead with the plans despite the risk, and i could gladly say that the days spent on vacation will be cherished memories.

And so, tomorrow will marked another new chapter in my life...living with a defillabrator with the hope of buying some more time. Hope its a worthwhile purchase!

Happy New Year Everyone!! Hope it has been a good start to 2012. It has been for me. I am still feeling the adrenaline rush :)

Revisiting - Going for New Implants

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 08:14:00 +0000

Its been a while since i visited or made an entry here. There were attempts to do so during the past one year to sit down and pen my thoughts. But words do not flow too easily these days. Guess i have been bitten by the Writer's Block.

The last few months had been really really crazy. We finally ... after a long delay of 1 year and a massive massive clean-up, got started on the renovation works at my mum's place. Yes, it is way overdued, and through the tears, angry words and drama, the place is finally ready to be renovated. It is no easy task getting there, with almost 20 years worth of stuff, clothing, junk and what mum calls treasures and memories. Mum is a hoarder, and that explains the drama that have been going on for the past couple of months.

Through it all, we did find a stack of letters that Dad wrote to her when he was working overseas, while Mum, as a new mother, stayed on in Singapore. Those letters, yellowed with age, and somewhat brittle, brought back a flood of memories as Mum reads them over again. She found comfort and solace reading them as she felt Dad's concern and love through the words he penned so many years ago.

I found many letters and cards from my dear friends who would drop me a letter periodically during those days they were overseas. I used to look forward to receving their letters, and enjoyed reading about their days in the university and what they have been up to. I guess in this day of electronic age, hardly anyone writes a letter or sends a card. Nothing beats the feeling of holding those hand-written letters in pretty stationery, and the anticipation and delight of receiving them in the postbox. And its also a good excuse to stock up on all those pretty paper and envelopes and stickers.

Health wise, i am not sure if i am doing too well. About 2 months back (August), i had some episodes of breathlessness, and while sleeping, i vividly remembered being out of breath and gasping for air. It felt like a nightmare, but i awoke still feeling breathless and perspiring.
I brought up this issue to the Docs in NUH whom i am under their care. Foreign talent doctor listened intently and increased my dosage for some medicine. Check my blood pressure, gave me new prescriptions, and bid me goodbye - we will see you in 6 months time.

The breathlessness didn't go away. I still have those bad dreams and waking up gasping for air.
And so, i decided to listen to that little voice in my head, and made an appointment to see another Doc at the National Heart Centre. I cannot wait another 6 months, can i afford to? And the little voice in my head has proved itself right again. Things are not looking too good. The echo done last year has a EF reading of 38% (moderate), but its condition has decline to 29%. A normal person has a EF reading of 40-50%. In Doc's words, i am at risk for "sudden cardiac death". er....i wasn't really expecting that. I didn't even come prepared with the extra pair of ears (my hubby) to listen to him say that. And so , i receive the news ... alone...

I was pretty calm, and there were no tears. It was like deva ju yet again. The Doc was kind, and his tone was calm, when he delivered the verdict, but I guess whichever way he delivers the news, bad news is still bad news.

And so, the Docs have recommended that that I get an ICD (Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator) implantation. Its a small device, the size of a pager with wires threaded through the veins into the heart. It will help stimulate the heart to restore a normal rhythm, and will give an electric shock to reset the heartbeat if the heart stops beating. macham like battery.

I will be going for the procedure next week. I have been waiting anxiously for the past 2 weeks. I was so afriaid that something will happen before i could go for the procedure. It will be very "sway" if it did. And so i have been trying to be very very calm. Didn't let the little things ruffle my feathers.

So now, praying that the procedure will be successful. Pray i don't get a heart attack while on the opearting table (10%) and that the doc can find the vital veins to hook up the wires (some 5% folks do not have that vein, according to docs. i hope i am not one of them)

And so, i will be out of action at Little Gems for a while, while i get my new implants....a battery operated heart (?)

PS. If you are a family friend or relative reading this blog, please do not ask my mum about my condition. My exact condition has been sugar-coated, so she does not know the full extent.

You know your little girl is no longer little when....

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 16:04:00 +0000

...she tells you that her classmate R has her first period, and she found out about it on .... gasp! Facebook!!

Yes, Nic's classmate R had her first period recently, and decided to share her experience with her peers on her facebook account, not realising that what transcends between her friends and herself on the Wall are all out there for the world to gawk!

And so with that, we had the Talk. She had asked about the Whisper and Kotex ads that were airing on TV, and I had explained briefly about it. Well, this time round, we went into specifics, like what happens, dealing with it, the inconveniences, keeping track of it, etc...woman to girl.

I found this on the web, if anyone of you mommies has problem having the Talk.

Everything you can possibly think of, ranging from books, disposable panties, starter kit, they have it here. Pretty helpful site for inspiration as to what your little girl would probably need to deal with her first period.

Well, I am glad I had the chance to talk to her about it. Its never too early to talk to her about it, though Nic has just turned 9, and still pretty much a kid. Her classmate R will only turn 10 in March'11, which makes her technically 9 years old when she had her first period. I guess girls these days are hitting puberty at a much younger age. Not a good sign, as there had been researches on breast cancer being linked to early puberty.

And so with that Talk, we had another conversation. And that is the power of the social media, and how certain things should just stay discreet...

Moving On

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 18:19:00 +0000

I should have written about this earlier. The results for the androgram is that there isn't any blockages in the heart. (yay!) And so, they were spot on what they had anticipated about my condition. The cardiologist prescribed some medication that is suppose to slow down the pulse rate, and which will improve my heart's condition. So yes, more pills added to my pill box. Wish they have some nice fancy pillbox to make my day. i am currently using the Daiso ones. Functional and cheap. But i think i deserve something fancier...haha...and so, one more reason to go shopping.

And oh, i found this while surfing, and thought this is just so meaningful

The Cross

The young man was at the end of the rope. Seeing no way out, he dropped to his knees and prayed.

"Lord, I can't go on," he prayed. "I have too heavy a cross to bear." The Lord replied, "Son, If you can't bear its weight, just place your cross in this room. Then, go to the other room, and pick up any cross you wish."

The man was filled with relief. "Thank you, Lord," he sighed and he did as he was told. Upon entering the other door, he saw many crosses, some so large the tops were not visible.

Then, he spotted a tiny cross leaning against a far wall. "I'd like that one, Lord," he whispered. The Lord replied, "My son, that is the cross you just brought in."

When life's problems seem overwhelming, it helps to look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself far more blessed than you imagine

************** Author unknown ************

the Mind is Willing...But the Heart is Weak

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 16:28:00 +0000

Well, who would have thought that what probably had save my life years ago, had probably been slowly creeping up on me, and little by little stolen my heart.

Yes, the docs did mention the list of side effects of the chemotheraphy. The part about losing the hair and puking registered, but i guess i totally forgot what the chemo drugs could do to my heart. I guess that was the last thing on my mind when the imminent danger was the cancer.

I was due for my routine bone jabs last week. While waiting for the drugs to be ready, the nurses checked my vital stats, and found my pulse rate racing at 122 beats per minute. All these checks done while i was leisurely reading a magazine on the recliner. Subsequent readings hover around 100+ beats per minute. Not normal. ECG was ordered, and then the ECHO.

What really freaked me out is when the attending nurse asked if i needed a wheelchair or if i am feeling faint. They looked at me as if i am going to pass out any moment. Even the doc reminded me to check myself into the Emergency Department if i don't feel well. Thats when panic mode set in. Hmm, not normal.

Anyway, the week went by uneventfully with zero episodes of fainting or breathlessness, racing heartbeat, yes. Saw the Cardiologist today. Not good news. The heart is now weaker. I am now scheduled for andriogram in 2 weeks time, after i am back from my trip. The docs are quite certain that cause of the weaker heart could be due to the chemo but they are not going to rule out blockages in the artery. Either way, i now have a weaker heart, that is .

I am going on a vacation tomorrow. Hopefully it will mend my heart a little

Looks like December is going to be a busy month

this put a smile on my face

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 09:40:00 +0000

Remember the movie "Big" starring Tom Hanks in the 1980s? For some bizarre reason, the tune that he played on the giant piano kept playing on my mind, and i just had to do a seach on Youtube.

The name of the song is called, "Heart and Soul". theres so many versions, but I love this version. Put a smile on my face after a pretty dreadful week.

Will blog more about it next week :)

Mila's Daydreams

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 14:49:00 +0000

I just adored these whimsical pics from this blog "Mila's daydreams". Its 'a mother's peek into her little baby girl's dreams as the little one takes her nap.
I think its a pretty creative way to showcase the clothing as well...if you are in the retail biz for baby's clothing

These are a couple of cute ones that i like.

Little Red Riding Hood

Gone Fishing

Mary Poppins

Home-made Cotton Candy

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 18:34:00 +0000

Cotton candy makes me happy. I have always have such fond childhood memories of having those freshly made cotton candy in lovely hues of pink and blue that you can get from those amusement parks and night markets. They used to be so huge that i had my fingers and cheeks covered with sticky residue, which calls for some tongue twisting and finger licking moments as i tried to clean them off. Nic haven't really enjoyed one. The last time i got her one, Mike got pretty OCD about the sticky fingers and the hair getting into the Cotton Candy.

Well, guess what i found....Ta Dah..Nostalgia Electronics Hard Candy Cotton Candy Maker. Yes, you can now spin cotton candy from hard candy or sugar free candy from the comfort of your home. I thought this is a pretty cute gadget, and its in pink :)

If only I do not need to watch my sugar intake....

The Hard Candy Cotton Candy Maker is available here.

hmm...

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 15:47:00 +0000

My poor neglected blog. I have just been so caught up with the goodness of life that I guess i have neglected my little outlet of solace.

Things have been great and I am enjoying the quiet joy of my life right now. I just had my scans done last week. As usual, the days creeping up to the scan day is filled with anxiety and restlessness. And as Dr Lee deliver my "unremarkable" scan results, it was a great relief. I never knew "unremarkable" results could sound so good.

On the homefront, Mike has taken on a newfound passion in photography. He has invested money on a DSLR, and time on photography courses and photo-taking outings. Well, at least someone in the family can now take great photos. Definitely beats me in my pathetic photo taking skills using my point and shoot camera ANYTIME!

As for Nic, she seems to be growing up quite a bit. She enjoys listening to pop music, and enjoys artiste like Justin Bieber (eeks!), Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus. She uploads their music to her Ipod Touch (her weekend toy), and listens to their music with the earpiece plug in, oblivious to everything and everyone.

Class work now include group projects, and the girls would arrange to go to each others home for group work and afterwhich they will be just "hanging out" (till we pick her up). And she is 8 (turning 9 in dec). Maybe i was a late bloomer, but I don't remember hanging out with my school friends at their home that young. I was still playing barbie dolls at my neighbour's home then. i really can't imagine how much she has grown. She is a baby no more. I couldn't help but fill a little tinge of sadness at how the years have gone by. But I couldn't help but be very thankful that I can be around for her as she grows each day.

Till the next update ...

The Ultimate Debate - Point Proven

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Tue, 11 May 2010 16:44:00 +0000

Who has a higher threshold of pain, Man or Woman? Well, we got our point proven.

This is a Must watch for every man to understand and appreciate the their partner who is going to, or already had a child.

Have fun...This is Hilarious!

No Excuses...for neglecting the Blog

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Sun, 09 May 2010 17:29:00 +0000

I can't imagine, that I have neglected my blog. No excuses. It just has been such a busy busy month.

This weekend, I celebrated my turning one more year older in a quiet and in the company of my treasured family members. It is also Mother's Day, and also the weekend before Nicole sits for her mid-year examinations. And becasue its the weekend before the examinations, there hasn't been much of a celebrations, as we didn't want Nic to be distracted.

What can I say, I think I am more anxious than Nic herself, and she is the one taking the examination. Though I am constantly reminding myself not to stress the kid, I couldn't help being anxious that she isn't putting in as much effort as i want her to. Oh well, I am just glad that she will be sitting for the last paper tomorrow. Fingers crossed that she will clear all the papers...no red dots

Blessings In a Bag

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 09:24:00 +0000

I realised recently that Nic had outgrown quite a bit of clothes. Her skirts were too tight, her jeans were hanging at her calves, and her dresses were way too mini for her own modesty. Anyway, managed to pull out almost 2 bags worth of clothes. Some of them were worn once or twice, others were just too good to be thrown away. We have also packed away some of her toys as well...lots of Happy Meals toys were evident of the amount of fast food she had consumed over the years. opps!

Anyway, we didn't like the idea of putting these into the bin...like i said, they were too good to be thrown away. I didn't want to leave these at the Salvation Army bins either for people to do their picking.

Anyway, I was surfing around when I found this webby: Blessings in a Bag. Blessings in a Bag seeks donation of used items in good condition, like clothing, books, shoes and toys. These are packed in boxes and sent to various orphanges in Cambodia, Philippines and Indonesia. I like the idea that the donation will go directly to a child who will find some use for it, (and not some kid who will "hiam" about it).

Well, we do hope that Nic's old toys will put a smile on the new owners' faces, and the clothes will warm little girl's heart and body. If you are a parent reading this, and wondering what to do with all those old clothing and toys that your little one has outgrown, why not do a charitable deed by donating them....and at the same time, free up some space. Its an ongoing project, sso no datelines :)

You may read more of what Blessings in a Bag does. There are currently 2 points where you can drop off your donation, Comics Mart at Serene Centre #01-02, or Scape Park, opposite Cineleisure.

Happy Packing!

Florist at Work

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 16:02:00 +0000

The big box of Flowers arrived safely this afternoon! Nope not from the hubby! Haven't received flowers from the Dearest since our first wedding annivesary...Oh well, we are practical folks :P

Oh! The lovely flowers that came in the box! There were Hydrangeas, Sweet little Rosettes, large blooms, all with lovely Swarosvki crystal centre! They are just so irristably lovely, and I just couldn't help but admire the fine delicate work of the Artisan. Check them out here

Not everything is listed yet. I will be retaking some of the pics, so the flowers can be seen in its full glory

We have stocked up on Mudpie products!

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 12:53:00 +0000

New in our Store, we have stocked up on a wide selection of lovely Mudpie products for the little princesses in our midst.

As part if our blog revamping exercise, we are offering all our readers a 15% discount off Mudpie products. Let us know upon checking out by indicating in the message box that you saw this ad on the blog!

This offer ends on 20 March 2010

We are almost fully dressed

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 11:52:00 +0000

Yes! We are almost done!

It has been pretty fun re-doing the blog, with loads of free stuff available online. There are endless resources out there in the WWW. It was a little tough going for me at first, as I had zero HTML training and graphic designing skills. Everything was picked up from online tutorials and I guess with a little hard work and patience, I managed to churn out a decent looking blog. *Pat myself on the back*

And now for the commitment part. With the shell in place, I guess I would need to be more discipline to get this blog rolling....

Pardon Our Appearance while we Dressed

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 16:14:00 +0000

If you have been coming by these few days, you would have notice that there are some changes with the blog's window dressing. I figured its about time that we did some sprucing up with the blog.

The blog has been a great resource for comfort as i journaled about the happenings in my personal life, and a great avenue for solace as i put my thoughts into words, and help sets my thoughts straight.

In the coming months, I will be twiddling around with the blog. Not sure how long it will take before I am satisfied with the end result, but I know it will take a while with the meagre HTML knowledge I have.

I will still be offering readers a glimpse to my life, and occasional updates on the healthfront. But i would also like to provide more highlights on what Little Gems could offer.

So stay tune, folks!

We have been Married 10 years!

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 07:00:00 +0000

Well, 10 years ago, I said yes to someone's suggestion to register for a HDB flat...I know, its kind of lame, but I thought "why not". He's a nice decent fella, good career, though a wee bit older than me. But oh well, i tend to have an inclination towards older man, anyway :P

And so, we took a leap of faith and went on to register our marriage, and said our vows on this day, 10 years ago. Thinking of it, I am kinda of blown away. Those 10 years hadn't been the smoothest journey of sort. We stuck it out, we honour our vows, we learn to accept each other's idiosyncracies and quirkiness, but more importanly, we learn to live with each other without tearing each other's hair out.

To my pillar of strength and love of my life, Happy 10th Anniversary!

I love this video clip from the movie "UP". I could watch this video over and video again, and it still brings on the tears.

All clear! Yeah!

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 03:55:00 +0000

Saw the doc yesterday, who delivered the results slip with a big smile. Yes, the results are stable. So, that means i have another 6 months worth of restful worry-free living, at least till the next scan comes round the corner in June.

Thank God

Kampate!

noreply@blogger.com (Gloria) — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 17:42:00 +0000

You know how sometimes I get so caught up with the hustle and bustle of daily life that I do forget that I have health issues. I have been well, thank you very much, and am enjoying my life, mundane as it may be. Well, tomorrow, i will be reminded yet again why i have so much to be thankful for.

I am due for my half-yearly scans tomorrow. Yes, I will arrive at the hospital early in the morning to have my blood drawn, radioactive isotope injected into me, and bladder filled up with some strange tasting liquid disguised as orange juice which will light up any lurking cancer cells in my abdomen.

Plug all set, Ready for the long day

LooK, i am Radioactive! Neon bracelet to warn people to stay away!

Outdated magazine that kept me entertained

The yucky drink that they made me drink. Bad aftertaste!

Despite having done these scans countless times, it just doesn't get any easier each time. I still get apprehensive when nurses couldn't find my veins to draw copious amount of blood for testing. I still close my eyes each time they pierced the needles through my skin. And lying there on the cold steel bed with the scanner machine just inches away from my face, i feel clastraphobic, and my heart beats a little faster each time, and i just want to scream, "get me out of here!". When more angles are required for certain region of my body, i get worried, despite the nurses reassuring me that they just want a better look. A better look at what? Did you see something that is not suppose to be there? At the end of the scans, i avoid looking at the nurses' eyes. While thay are cold and mechanical most of the time, I fear looking into their eyes and seeing the look of pity at having found something that will cripple my chances of surviving another month, another year.

Tomorrow will be a day that will serve as a reminder on the fragility of my life, and the many aspects of my life i should be thankful for.

ok, going to bed now. Its going to be a long long day tomorrow, and I am doing it alone ... should be ok. Been there, done that! Kampate!