Little Miss Drama Pants

$156 Can Buy You Peace of Mind…Sort Of

Miss Pants — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 02:45:59 +0000

Remember when I posted this at the beginning of last month? Well, I went and got tested for allergies. Part of the deal with allergy testing is that you can’t take any antihistamines prior to testing. That was torture. FIVE DAYS OF TORTURE.

Well, one kind of torture, anyway. To start out the allergy testing, I had to blow a 1.8. OK, not really, but I did have to take really deep breaths and then blow them out into a thing that is probably not unlike a breathalyser only it measured my lung capacity and not my blood alcohol levels. (I think.) Then I did a breathing treatment. And then got to redo the breathalyser test thingie. And then I had to take off my top and lay down on the table.

The problem with this scenario is that albuterol makes me HYPER and JUMPY. And more inclined to sprint laps around the building rather than hold still.

So of course THEY MADE ME LAY DOWN AND NOT MOVE FOR 20 MINUTES.

That right there is cruel and unusual punishment. Also? Pricking my back with THIRTY-NINE different allergens didn’t really make it better either. Especially since it made my back itch and I couldn’t scratch it. Because, you know, if I move, they’ll have to start over. Turns out, however, that the only thing that made me itch was the histamine that’s the control. Everything I was tested for was a big fat negative.

YAY! Sweet, right?

Not exactly.

Because they wanted to make sure the scratch test on my back was not a false negative, they did a second test. One that involves TWENTY-ONE intradermal injections of allergens in my arm. See?

Sucktastic

And then I had to sit and wait another twenty minutes to find out that, guess what? STILL NOT ALLERGIC.

At this point, the doctor comes back to tell me that I’m a freak. Because that’s how I roll. Anyway, turns out that I definitely do not suffer from allergies. However, what I DO have is non-allergic rhinitis. He gave me a handout about non-allergic rhinitis and, OMG, this pretty much fits me to a T.

How much of a T? Let’s see:

Excessive watery mucus (causing post-nasal drip)

Nasal congestion or stuffiness with pressure around the head, face and eyes

Headaches ( sinus and/or migraine)

Occasionally, extreme cold hands and feet

OH HAI. I have 4 out of 4 symptoms. Awesome.

Anyway, the best part of all this? If the treatment plan he prescribed works, in the long run I will no longer have to take any medication. At. All.

That right there? That is a full angelic choir singing the hallelujah chorus. No. More. Meds. (down the road) And it only cost me 3 hours and $156 out of pocket to find that out.*

I should have done this years ago.

*Murphy’s law in full effect: My insurance coverage has no cap on allergy treatments after my yearly deductible is met; ergo, I have no need of this service.

Evolution of Shoe Love to Shoe Hate

Miss Pants — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 21:24:35 +0000

“OMG! Look at those cute shoes!”

Walk over and get a closer look.

“THEY’RE ON SALE!!!!”

Start looking for your size.

Become dismayed at not finding your size.

“But I really love these shoes. AND THEY’RE ON SALE!!”

Continue to look through shoe boxes.

Still can’t find your size.

“Hmmm…..these are really close to my size. I can make them work.”

Try them on.

“Hey, these will work!”

Walk around in them only to find that your heels slip out of the backs.

“I’m sure I can find some way to accommodate the heel slippage. THEY’RE ON SALE! I CAN MAKE IT WORK!”

Buy shoes despite better judgment.

Wear them out.

Become increasingly annoyed that no matter how tight you get the straps on the back of the shoes, HEELS STILL SLIP.

Make new holes in the strap and tighten up your shoes. Put them back on only to find that now your toes are jammed up in the top of your shoes and the straps are still slipping off.

*^&$#$&(!!!$%$#

Get home, kick your shoes off and swear never to wear them ever again.

Stuff them in your closet and forget about them.

A year later notice them while you’re getting dressed for work.

“Oh! I forget I had these. And they’re so cute!”

Put them on and wear them to work.

Heels start slipping…

Rinse.

Repeat.

Dear Self,

Miss Pants — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 00:20:32 +0000

Next time you get the bright idea to “go run a quick mile around the block before belly dance class,” just don’t. An HOUR AND A HALF of bellydancing is MORE than enough exercise for one day. Adding a mile run to it is just, well, stupid.

Especially since you somehow managed to give yourself a Charlie horse. In your hip. What the hell is that all about?!

From now on, STICK TO THE PLAN, OK? Because this is just stupid and now you have to miss your class. The one you’ve been looking forward to. ALL. DAY.

Idiot.

Love,
Myself

P.S. Yes, it was totally WAS cool that you ran a mile outside without having an asthma attack. But next time just do it on a night that doesn’t involve belly dancing class.

P.P.S. Not having an asthma attack still doesn’t make up for the Charlie horse.

P.P.P.S. Now go fold some laundry or something. Idiot.

5k Training Take Deux

Miss Pants — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 02:29:32 +0000

I love making grandiose statements on the blog and then never following up on them because no one is checking up on me. Or if they are, I can totally ignore them. Like remember when I was all, “I’m gonna train for a 5K!” and then I tried to kill myself with a pair of new shoes? And then nothing ever really came of the whole training for a 5k thing because I didn’t?

Well, I’m going to do it all again! (Minus the part where I try to detach my foot from my ankle by taking a dive off a pair of platform sandals. Which I kept, by the way. We’ve since made up and get along just fine.) But this time I’m training with a friend of mine (who has not updated her blog in OVER A YEAR. But I’m not judging. Much.) who will be just as merciless to me as I will be to her whenever either one of us wants to punk out.

We started today. After work.

Some good things about today:

We didn’t kill each other.
We ran on a track (small as hell, but still not a treadmill).
We didn’t die.
Did I mention that we didn’t kill each other?

We decided that we would run together 3 times a week. I think this should work out decently. We’re both pretty flexible. And it’ll supposedly start getting cooler maybe in the next month or so and I’d really like for us to find some outdoor places to run to really start training in earnest to run outside. Oh look! There are plenty of places for us to run. (She is so gonna kill me for this next part.) Before even looking for outdoor trails to run, I thought I would just check and see what other 5K races are available in our area and wouldn’t you know, there’s a race coming up in the beginning of October. I think we should do this one for multiple obvious reasons.

So yeah. I am doing it for real this time.

Monster Army of CUTE

Miss Pants — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 21:46:16 +0000

This year BAD Boy is in fifth grade. It’s going to be a bittersweet year as this is his last year at the elementary school. Thanks to proration, this year there are only two fifth grade classes and there are a lot of students in each class. And when he asked me what I was going to knit for the birthdays this year, I just couldn’t say, “Nothing.” (I might be a bitch, but I am not that mean.) There are also a lot of students who were in the same class as BAD Boy last year. This meant cupcakes were out.

I needed something small and quick to knit. And preferably something that could be accomplished by stash diving rather than stash enhancing. I ended up deciding on the Monster Chunks pattern (Rav link) by Rebecca Danger. Y’all, this pattern fits all my requirements. AND these are possible the cutest things I have ever knit. Not to mention addictive to boot. You can’t knit just one. Which is good, because I’ve got to knit at least 27 if them. They just need mouths. I’ll probably add the mouths after I’ve knit them all up. Maybe. I really think they’re super cute without the mouths too.

I mean, look at them! They are ridiculously cute! I want my own personal Monster Chunk Minion Army. We will rule the world with teh cute!

*ahem*

I think I’m going to need constant reminding to think of the children.