Last Wednesday’s Refuge topic was about our attempts to find happiness in appearances or material things.  Rather than share thoughts I’m posting a link to a video. It’s produced by Dove. You may have seen this video already, but it sums up the theme of the night. I suggest watching and discussing it with your teen.

I once heard a man say he was leaving his wife because he wasn’t happy, and hadn’t been for a very long time. He rationalized that God wanted him to be happy. He concluded that the only way to achieve happiness was to end his marriage and move on.  I have a friend who is restless. He moves from one job to another, often having to relocate. His reason, every time he finds the “perfect job” he eventually becomes disenchanted with it and unhappy. He discovers another job that he believes will make him happy and pursues it. It’s a vicious cycle.

Isn’t it funny how happiness can be so elusive? Happiness means different things to different people. We might even say that everyone is looking for happiness, but where do we look? Where will we find it? What is it? Many teens are looking for happiness — in relationships, success, appearances, the right circumstances. All of these things will fail a teen at some point. We’re beginning Refuge in 2012 asking the question, “What is happiness?” What do I base it on? How can I find contentment and joy in all circumstances.

We will begin by looking at the desire to find happiness in relationships, especially with those of the opposite sex. The second week, we’ll expose the lie that happiness comes through success and accomplishments. Third, we’ll expose the lie that one must look, dress, wear the right labels, or have the right look in order to be happy. The series will conclude with a study of what it means to find happiness, joy and contentment in any situation. Our prayer is that through this series students will develop a deeper trust, and greater intimacy with the Lord that brings them to a place where they find joy and contentment in being a child of God.

Every Thursday, a lesson summary and some “Table Talk” questions will be made available on this blog for you. Take time to talk through these issues with your teen. Our prayer is that you have significant conversations about faith, culture and what it means to follow Jesus and be happy.

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” - Thomas Merton

“A good spy doesn’t wait for something to happen. A good spy looks to make something happen.” From Spy Kids 4

Chris, a friend from several years ago, has a child with a disability. He shared a story with 350 students I’ll never forget. What made the story compelling was not the adventure or storyline. It wasn’t the plot or the setting. It was
simply this, he wept as he explained what it meant to him to watch someone at his church take time to get down on a knee, look his boy in the eye and meet his son in the son’s world.

Isn’t that what God did? Didn’t he, by the incarnation, by being born as one of us, choose to get down on one knee and enter our worlds?

Can’t we learn from this? Is it possible for us to take time to love others by stepping into their world rather than waiting for others to come to us?

During this third week of Advent talk as a family how your family can love others by making something happen rather than waiting for something to happen.

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. If we live by the Spirit, let us also be guided by the Spirit.” – Galatians 5:22-25

Nothing expresses joy like the smile of a child who’s genuinely happy, at ease, laughing, and living in the moment. Children can’t suppress their joy. It’s evident on their faces, in their language, in their movement. It’s contagious, too.

If I’ve had a difficult day, nothing brings me to a better place faster than spending time with my children. Their laughter and enthusiasm for life spread. It’s as if Jenna’s one goal in life is to make me laugh… and she’s quite successful. Isn’t it curous… the things that bring us joy? It’s not usually stuff. It seems that it’s relationships.

This third week of Advent is about the joy God’s in-breaking brings us. It’s his desire to relate to us, to walk with us, to know us that brings us joy.

This week, read Luke 2:1-20 once again as a family. Discuss the things that bring you joy with your teens. Share specific ways your children bring you joy. Finally, talk about how Jesus has brought joy to your lives.

“The child’s father and mother marveled at what was said about him.” Luke 2:33

Stories surrounding the birth narratives remind us that salvation comes in strange, unexpected places – a baby born in a stable, visits from foreigners, an encounter in the Temple with a 114 year-old man. All of these tell us that God works salvation in unexpected ways.

God reveals himself to us in moments and situations we least expect. And often, we find it difficult to understand. This week, slow down, and keep your eyes open for all the ways God is at work in your life, your family, community and world.

Read together the story of Jesus’ birth in Luke 2:1-40. Consider this birth story and the responses of those in it. Notice all the ways God was at work. Pay attention to those who recognized the significance of the momen. Notice those who weren’t sure about what was take place. Discuss these questions together:

• How have you seen God at work this past week?
• What are some situations in which you wonder if God is at work?

“Lord, now I can die in peace!

              As you promised me,

I have seen the savior you have given to all people.

He is the light to reveal God to the nations,

            and he is the glory of your people,  Israel.”

 - Simeon (Luke 2:29-32)

It’s so easy for something to capture our sense of wonder, especially during the Christmas season. For some of us, there is that one thing we would love to unwrap. Whether it’s the latest
cell phone, wide screen TV or money for a shopping spree, there is one thing that makes our heart skip a beat with anticipation wondering if this Christmas it will happen. Simeon lived his whole life with that type of anticipation. He waited expectantly for the Messiah. His life was consumed by one thing, but it was really the only thing that mattered.

In this first week of Advent we reflect on hope. Is your life consumed by anticipation of the one thing that really matters?

Take time this Advent season with your family. A weekly Advent guide is available for your family. It contains one family devotional idea for each week of Advent.

Download a copy of a Family Advent Guide HERE

I have a history of driving cars that most of the teens affectionately refer to as
ghettomobiles. My latest is The Granny Car – a 1997 Buick LeSabre complete with
the mauve interior. It squeals, the driver’s seat falls back if I push too hard
against it, and the gas gauge doesn’t work.

I discovered the gas gauge was broken one morning before school when I ran out of gas and
Deana had to break away from a school function she was volunteering at to go
home, pick of the gas can, fill it up and bring it to me. Now, I have to reset
the mileage every time I fill up and pay close attention to the miles I drive
every day. Once I accidentally reset the mileage and forgot I did. I ran out of
gas. Deana had to rescue me again. I pay close attention to the miles! I fill
up weekly whether I think I need to or not. I do everything I can to prevent
running out of gas (except have the gauge repaired).

I recently read a blog made me stop and think about whether or not I’m living with a full
tank. Rather than repost the blog here I thought I’d ask the same questions he
did:

There are things that give you life and there are things that drain your life. What are
they?  Here are some of mine:

Things that drain me:

•  Working more than 55 hours a week
• Administrative tasks (budgets, etc)
• Shopping
• Taking care of health care details with my mom
• Not getting at least 8 hours of sleep
• Filling my work week with too many tasks rather than people
• Not managing my time well on Refuge nights
• Having more nights out of my home than in my home during the week
• Not eating well

Things that energize me, bring me life (outside of my family)

• Running at least 3 days each week
• Spending at least 20 minutes in a spiritual discipline on a daily basis
• Taking a day off to play
• Reading a good novel
• Spending half my work time with people
• Being with students
• Spending time with my wife (I can’t resist. She’s not just family. She’s my best friend.)
• Hiking and taking photos
• Blogging/writing
• Conversations with friends

Here’s what I find – the more balance I have between the things that bring me life and
those that drain me the more life I have. That means the more I have to offer
my family. When my tank is full, I can show up in the lives of others with
something to offer rather than needing them to fill me up.

What are the things that drain you? What are those things that bring you life?

I think, many of us, teens in particular, have the same view of our lives. We have this picture on a puzzle box of we think our lives should turn out. We dream of the type of home we’ll live in, the car we’ll drive, the job we want, the love we desire or the family we’ll have. And even if we wouldn’t dare share those things with someone else, deep within us we hope that life will turn out one way . . . even if we’re at the same time skeptical it won’t. We begin to piece our lives together building this picture. But sometimes the life we envision is different than the one we actually have . . . okay, most of the time. The older we get the more we understand this. But teens understand this, too. They set their hearts on going to a certain college only to discover they can’t afford the school of their dreams. Their vision of a family is shattered by the divorce of their parents. People they thought were their friends begin making choices they don’t want to make. They try out for the basketball team, but don’t make it. The list goes on… Things just don’t always work out as planned.

So how do we react when life doesn’t turn out the way we hoped? And more importantly, what do we do with Jesus, because as wonderful as He is, He steps into our lives and makes things messy. He leads us down paths we never thought we would go. He asks us to do things we don’t always want to do. And even with all that, somehow life still turns out even better than we dreamed. In other words, he replaces our picture on the box with one that is more beautiful than we could have imagined.

Below are four questions to discuss around the dinner table with your teen this week:

• What are some events in your life that turned out differently than you hoped?
• Looking back, did things work out better than you expected at the time?
• How has following Jesus “messed up” your plans?
• Talk with your teen about how following Jesus has cost you something, yet has made your life more beautiful.

I invite you to consider something as you begin this new week. Would Jesus be on that list of “just one more…” Is following Jesus just one more thing to do, one more rule to follow, one more event to attend. messy. What do you do with him? Because as wonderful as He is, He steps into our lives and makes things messy. He leads us down paths we never thought we would go. He asks us to do things we don’t always want to do. And even with all that, somehow life still turns out even better than we dreamed.

This week,spend time meditating on John 6. Consider the following words especially:

“I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.” – John 6:35