live4lifechange

.Before I Got Married.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 12:25:00 +0000

What do you wish you knew before you got married?

Hmmm... This is one of those hindsight 20/20 deals. Not a ton of things come to mind for me here. Here are a few things I learned really quickly:

1. Girls are not wooing boys-they do want to spend that much time with you, and if you think that is going to go away, you are mistaken. I am not saying that I want/wanted more of my own time... I am saying that I had a misconception- I thought that just like when Tiff and I were dating and said goodnight or hung up the phone and I could do whatever I wanted with "my time," I would have loads of "my time" as a married man... That is not true (or at least it shouldn't be.) One of the things that has made our marriage work so well is that Tiff and I figured out the "one flesh" thing pretty well. We are by no means perfect, but our life is ours-not his/hers. I have seen so many marriages of good people that everyone would say "would never" struggle completely blow up. I have had to ask "why?" the answer is almost always that they have become roommates. Their lives have drifted apart so completely that they barely have a relationship anymore. Sometimes its hobbies or careers, sometimes hurt and pain, but always something draw them away. As spouses, we have to be so careful to ensure that we are in this thing together and that we have each other's back!

2. Set clear boundaries. Having said all that... I fell face-forward into something I think was really good. One Sunday shortly after we were married Tiff cuddled up to me and settled in to watch the Giants. Then she began asking me what I wanted for dinner this week... then about some future dreams, then if... to be honest I don't know what the other questions were-I was completely focused on tuning her out. So, on commercial I looked at her and said, "if you want to do this stuff anytime, that's fine-but for 4 hours on Sunday afternoon while the Giants play, I want peace and quiet. You can watch if you want to, you can ask about the game... but, please, no talking about anything else." And, 10 years and three kids later... that's still what happens. Tiff loves me, knows I love her, and knows that for four hours I love the Giants. And that's okay. Usually she walks in the room and says "how are they doing?", and I grunt happy or - well, if it's bad it's pretty easy to tell...

I know this is a counter-part to the last point, but if there is something in your life that is important to you, even if it is as foolish as a football addiction, own up to it. Because I will choke down broth based soup with peanut butter in it all day for a wife that will respect a clearly set boundary.

3. Like I said, I do not have a ton of things that come to mind. Here is one I wish someone had been man enough to tell me: I hope you enter your marriage without having had sex. If you are in that enviable position (no pun intended) you are going to stink at it. Just understand that your wife doesn't know what she's doing either... You'll figure things out with time. Don't go in with high expectations. Be open with your spouse about what you like, ask her to do the same. Be honest. AND DON'T TALK TO OTHER GUYS ABOUT IT! I hate it when guys come up to me and give me complaints about their sex life or worse-when they brag about it... It's skeezy. That is an intimate relationship with your wife, keep it that way.

That's about all I got folks...

To read my wife's answer to this question click here.

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.Free Fun.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 15:14:00 +0000

How does a couple keep their marriage fresh and alive! I've been married for almost 7 years and although we love each other more today than we did 7 years ago, 4 kids later (and #5 coming!) it's hard to get in time for just the two of us that fit into the budget! :) I'd love to hear creative ways of getting Husband and Wife time on a budget.

Wow. How to have fun on a budget. There are so many things that come to mind for me, but I think they all come back to one fundamental question: Do you have to be alone?

In our marriage, the most fun times come as a family. There is nothing more fun and romantic than strolling down the path lagging behind the kids, whether because they are in the stroller or running up ahead, and enjoying life with each other. It's those moments of watching our kiddos do all the fun and crazy things that 1, 2, and 5 year olds do that drive conversations of who I was as a boy, or who Tiffany was as a little five year old.

This can only happen is a few things are true:

1. Mom and Dad have to love spending time as a family.

2. Going to the zoo, for a family walk, or out for ice cream cannot be about endurance.... it must be about enjoyment.

3. Both Mom and Dad have to want to see it as fun and romantic.

"Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing.... Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away." — Ann Voskamp

The biggest lesson I have been learning in marriage and in life is that only rookies hurry. I don't want to be that rookie any more. To be who I desire, I must surrender many things-including the illusion that I am a perfect parent or husband... but in so doing, I gain moments that forever change and shape my relationships.

Bottom line: There is no secret to free 5 star restaurants and trips to the Bahamas... but there are an abundance of free moments, that when grasped and treasured can do far more that a $100 steak or a 10 thousand dollar second honeymoon!

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.Transparency on Twitter.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 25 May 2011 11:00:00 +0000

This week for Wedded Wednesday, we are answering:

Any thoughts on transparency in marriage? I am finding with the age of computers, email, texting and twitter so much of what we do is now "hidden" from each other if we are not careful.

What a great, funny question. Basically the idea that the more we can open our lives to exposure, the more we can hide. It makes sense. In a world where a person can have a thousand friends on Facebook, several hundred of whom they have never met, can follow hundreds of people through twitter and even send them private messages via their cell phone, it is no wonder why this might come up.

In a simpler time, it was easy to hide who you really were to the general public. Even ten years ago, it was relatively easy to go through life without even thinking about what it means to "guard your public image." That kind of thing was reserved for presidential candidates and Michael Jordan. Now we all think about it. When chat rooms were all the rage, I used to say I never met a fat unattractive person in one. However, you could never escape the reality of humans that know the "real you" (one of whom being your spouse.) Now that is less and less true. The "real you" is more and more subjective.

Before I digress into some media tirade of how it should be, or could be or whatever... let me start here:

In Genesis 2 We enter the end of Adam's naming the animals God had just created, when all the sudden he realizes he got shorted. There's a bull and a cow, there's a boy butterfly and girl butterfly, there's a boy dolphin and a girl dolphin... wait a minute!

So God swoops in, puts Adam to sleep, takes his rib and makes woman... and there we have the foundation of marriage. One man, one woman. Then there is this interesting little verse:

"And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." (Genesis 2:25 NKJV)

Fast forward through the fall, God comes down and begins questioning Adam and Eve:

"Then the LORD God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?” So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.” And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?” (Genesis 3:9–11 NKJV)

Okay, bare with me. (pun intended) What is happening is that God created us to be completely exposed to one other being. In fact, there was no other human that walked the earth with Adam and Eve during this time. It was not until they were clothed that they began to bear children. I believe this nakedness refers to more than clothing. I believe that a person can infer from the context that there is a fundamental knowledge that goes along with that nakedness.

Let me put it this way. Marriage functioning biblically should look like this: All of who you are, your mind, your body, your emotions, are to be naked before your spouse. They should know and understand all of what makes you up. And the converse is also true: You should know all of who they are. Then, as a function of grace, you should be wholly accepted and you should completely accept your spouse.

This means in a world full of twitter, facebook, email, text messages, and a laundry list of other social media paradigms, we must fight the urge to hide anything! We must intentionally open ourselves to our spouse. We must stand naked before our mate, anticipating that they do the same, and embrace their uniqueness, while helping each other in the journey of picking up the pieces of our brokenness and striving more for godliness.

click here to see my wife's response.

.Wedded Wednesday.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 18 May 2011 12:00:00 +0000

What do you do when you know that your husband is NOT fulfilling his role, and won't--Flat out refuses?

Men, herein lies a fundamental problem. Our role is, in my opinion, relatively simple. (click here) The problem is, there are many ways to distort, ignore, dance around, or flat out abuse it!
For instance, we can simply tell our wives to submit... that is what they are supposed to do, right? So, as the leader, I may do any number of things that I so choose, and it is the wife's responsibility to accept that. So, if I want to go out to eat every lunch instead of saving for a date night, or if I want to spend a weekend with the fellas instead of hanging with my family-my choice-that's the benefit of being the leader, right?

Or, you can easily just step back, allow your wife to do the decision making. This is, in leadership terms, called delegation. My wife should submit to me, and I am willingly letting her do whatever she wants as far as purchases, up-keep of the home, bills, etc. I just ask that she not "bother me" with the day to day junk.

How 'bout this, a man can simply develop his/hers policy. This is often seen when two incomes are at play, and most of the time this has a very simple reason for coming about: Whatever he values the most ends up in the "his" column so he does not have to get a lot of yap yap about those things, while whatever she values can end up in the "hers" column so the husband won't ride her about that stuff. Then, you split down the middle all the junk neither of you care about, like mortgage, groceries, etc. Plus men, this is a convenient way to have a private line of credit for all those things you are "protecting her" from {you know, the porn habit, drinks, the other girl, or just an unlimited supply of ring dings out of the office vendor}.

Here's the deal:

The role that we are called to is not a domineering, egotistical, self serving position. Nor is it a responsibility set that can be pawned off on the next person down the leadership ladder {the wife}. And, counter-to-culture, it is not a 50/50 proposition. Our role is to love and lead our wife as Christ loves, leads the church {Ephesians 5:25}.

What does that look like?

Well, for Christ, it looked like sacrificing everything. It looked like giving up every luxury far beyond what this world offers, to be born in a stable, live a lowly existence with no home or bed, and die a wrongful death so that you and I could be pardoned for our sin.

For you, it means committing to daily lay aside self for the benefit of your wife and family. To daily ask yourself, "what can I lay down for her/them?" Is it more than you signed up for? No. Honestly, you may not have been educated or truly realized it when you said "I do," but this is what you signed up for.

Jesus knows how pathetically selfish we are, that is why He said to "love your neighbor as yourself" {Matt 22:39}. If your wife is nothing else, she is your neighbor... and the Bible says she is something else. She is one who should surpass the love of self. You should be willing to die a wrongful death for her redemption. You should be willing to give up every luxury you know. You should be willing to abandon even the most intimate relationship you have for the sake of her.

That is what your role is!

Embrace that, and you will never see your wife in the position this poor woman is, desperately crying out for a Godly leader. C'mon men, let's lead this thing!

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.Someday, you'll know.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 06 May 2011 16:49:00 +0000

We visited the postal district, on appointment. It was the day we were to dine with H. I had promised the other boys on the street that I would bring them something to eat. It was a reality they reminded me of often.

After walking around the postal district for about an hour or two, our van arrived and I began distributing the food... much to the dismay of our driver. But before I did, I told H, don't worry I have many things for you... As I began to give out the food, H frantically tried to get his share. I told him, be patient I have much better things in store for you, but still he grasped for the insignificant treats.

I thought to myself, someday you will get it.

H, I would move heaven and earth to help you. I would uproot my whole family if I had to, just for you. You are special to me. Not because of who you are-you are certainly not a dignitary, you aren't going to bring me wealth, fame or renown... nope. You are insignificant.

BOOM! CRASH! BANG! {and various other batman effects}

In the same way that I am nothing, there is One who is desperate to captivate me and gift me with good things {Matt 7:11; Luke 11:13; James 1:17; 1 Peter 4:10}, that One has seeded H in my heart. So why am I expecting him to understand something I don't.
Every day I hear of some new trinket I desire. Some other device, machine, tool, car, job, etc. and I think to myself... If I had that... Meanwhile God is saying, "you just don't get it." I abandoned everything of value for you. I have grand plans for you. I am going to gift you with things your mind's eye can only now imagine. When all that junk fades away... You will have Me.

H, I am not God-not even close. But I know what I would do for you, and knowing that makes me shutter at how shallow my perspective has been on what God has to offer me.

Someday you'll know... and hopefully, someday I'll get it.

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.Following through with "I Do" {his}.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 04 May 2011 14:43:00 +0000

I thought it would be fun to take the time to write an accompanying post to my wife's "Following Through with 'I do'"

The first question posed was:

What are the wife's responsibilities to her husband?
You can go here to see her response.

I am going to tackle the question: What are the husband's responsibilities to his wife?

Wow, talk about a softball. This question can be narrowed down to just one word: Leadership.

Men, you want to captivate a woman's heart? You want her to want to follow you anywhere, you want her to consider you manly, smart, funny, dare I say, sexy? None of these things are accomplished by reading up on her likes/dislikes, you can't do it by quoting her favorite line in a movie, not by running a marathon, or lifting a truck off its axels, or even by wearing that pheromone-enhancing cologne.

Some of you say: "If I did that, she'd be impressed." (insert buzzer sound)

If you are a man she could follow to the ends of the earth, then she would readily swoon at almost any ridiculous act of manliness you could come up with... {Really}.

I have seen the homeliest, most disheveled, wimpy men captivate the hearts of women... and I have talked with the strongest, hairiest, burley, good looking men who couldn't convince any girl to give him the time of day.

Why?

Leadership.

What does this leadership involve?

Ephesians 5:25-33
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

A leader is sacrificial. Christ-like love is not self-serving. It is not an opportunity to have your ego stroked, or even doing something with the thought that you may get something in return!! (Let's be honest, this is a huge problem for us, men.) Love is not sex... Love is leading your wife by putting her needs, wants, desires above your own while filtering them through the Scriptures. That does not work if you are ignorant concerning Scripture. It does not work if you have "wants" that consistently trump your wife's.

So how do my needs get met? This is every man's objection, right? Who's gonna take care of me? This is tricky. One, a Christ-like leader is not looking for something in return. (What value do you add to Christ?) Two, although this should not motivate you, if you are leading in this way, it is very likely your wife will follow... and your needs will be met far beyond your foolish manipulation.

that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

A Leader is a guardian. Listen men, when you got married you did not trade in your college roommate for someone that is equally as fun, but you can do way cooler things with. You are a protector of this woman. I was told in my premarital counseling to treat my wife as an antique vase. That meant, to guard her, keep her clean, protect her value from outside influences that may deteriorate her... My wife will say every once in a while when I tease her and treat her a bit like a college buddy, "I am a vase." It's her way to say, "hey, that's not okay... "

Men, we tend to be so incredibly selfish that we lose sight of what all this looks like. Let me put it this way: Think of your most prized possession... maybe it is a Babe Ruth autographed baseball... how would you treat it? Would you say... hey, this thing looks like fun, grab your mitt and start tossing it around outside in the rain with your eight year old son? Nope. You would encase it in glass and carefully think of everything you let influence it... dust, sunlight, cleaning agents, its proximity to little ones. That is the kind of care and attention we should be giving our wives. Men, we need to always ask: "How will that increase or decrease her value in the sight of God?" Sometimes that means saying no to things she likes, like Desperate Housewives. Sometimes its pushing her to attend a women's Bible study, sometimes its setting aside a time for her to do her devotions amidst the chaos of family life... However it looks, it's your job, and your accountable to God for how you are guarding your wife.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

A Leader does right. Men, there is a reason that this passage is redundant. We are dumb. You can read this, agree with me, walk away and do stupid thing after stupid thing. One of the coolest things I have embraced is something I picked up from a business leadership book (Monday Morning Leadership). It is the "Do Right Principle." It is the idea that in every situation, there is a right thing to do. It often is not hard to know what is right, it is often just hard to do what is right.

Here is the bottom line: You can't know what is right if you're not biblically grounded and you can't/ won't do what is right if you are not committed to leading your wife by sacrificing for her and guarding her.

Men, you wanna be that Marlboro Man you think every woman wants? Be the leader God has called you to be, and in your wife's eyes, he won't hold a candle to you!

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.Ethiopia.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 17:01:00 +0000

I am not sure how to process what is about to happen to me. I am about to step into a whole new world. I am on the precipice of understanding life in a whole new way.

I am naive... but I am about to abandon naivety.

I have only begun to realize what "poor" means. I know that it will have a whole new definition. I have been trying to understand compassion... but what will that mean in Africa?

I have been asked, what do you fear? Have you been educated about water/food/disease, etc. It's not those things I fear... I am afraid that there is still so much callous in me, that I will somehow be able to come home, unchanged.

God... press on my heart a new understanding. Please, do not let me come back the same!

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.Missions.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 19:16:00 +0000

Working on missions at a church. Honestly, I had always viewed this as an old person's passion. For whatever reason every missions board I have ever seen is chock full of elderly people splitting dimes between 25 missionaries... It left me asking myself, is it more costly to write the check than the value on it??

So, now I am working to transform our missions into Biblical relevance. Here is where our ministry is headed (love to know your thoughts).

As a ministry, we are seeking to make wise choices with our time and resources. For many years, the leadership of our church and our members have been discussing our thoughts on how to better approach missions. Understanding the development in communication through technology, the fact that it is nearly impossible for missionaries to report to several churches during a time of furlough, and the realities we face annually with our budget, we have come to a few key understandings:

We continue to believe strongly in missions and the global call of the Gospel.

We believe missionaries should be supported by few churches to great degrees, thereby providing accountability to both the church and its missionaries.

We continue to believe that money is not the primary function of church missions programs, but rather prayer and communication .

We must partner with missionaries and mission agencies that are in lock step with our understanding of the Gospel, the Scriptures, theology, and social justice.

What are we missing?

P.S. here is my latest attempt at "art."

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.It's been forever.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 19:51:00 +0000

I know, it has been forever since I last posted. To say the least I have been busy. Redoing missions, bringing a dog into the home, and trying my hand at being "artsy." I have yet to feel successful in anything.

The good news is that God is working in my heart and that well much of it I am not ready to share, I think it will be time really soon. to pacify you in the mean time, I will let you see my not-so-good Africa...

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.New Vinedresser.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 18:17:00 +0000

In Luke 20, there is a parable about a vineyard owned by a man in a far off land. This man entrusted wicked vine dressers to care for his vine. When the fruit ripened, the man sent servants to bring him his bounty. The wicked vine dressers beat the servants and sent them home empty handed.

The owner then said, "I will send my beloved son."

The wicked vine dressers conspired to kill the son in an effort to control the vine. Listen to the response of the owner:

“‘The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone’? Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces; anyone on whom it falls will be crushed.”

Jesus made it clear that He is the vine and we are the branches. We also know that God is the Owner from afar, so...

Moral of the Story: When you embark on teaching God's Word, you embark on keeping the vine. It is a holy endeavour... best not to treat it lightly.

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.The Princess and the Toad.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 15:50:00 +0000

This marks my official first "mommy blog" moment.

I honestly have no intention of this place becoming an avenue for my gushing about my wonderful kids. Not because I don't want to gush about them, but because this place is about something else.

Today, those two worlds collide. Recently, I have been having some struggles being a good Daddy. I have been frustrated, torn, and bothered. I cannot express to you how badly I want my son home. And, somehow in the midst of my journey to bring my son into his forever family, I allowed the frustration of paperwork, the tare of a missing family member, and the bothersome nature of waiting to seep into the time I have been given with my two beautiful children that are already living in their forever families.

I have been listening to Steven Curtis Chapman, and was struck by these lyrics and what they mean in regards to my two kids:

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms'
Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song'
Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone...

It won't be long, and this season will be gone...

To my princess:
You are beautiful... The special little one that taught me what it first meant to want to hurt for someone else. You are the one that showed me how sacrifice can be something to treasure!

To my toad (b/c he looks so much like Toadstool from Mario):
Your compassion for others will never leave my mind... May I never forget that no matter how valued the prize, you would not take without making sure there was enough for Sissy!

God, give me the eyes to see the life you have granted me to live now.

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.Love God. Love People. Serve All.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 14:18:00 +0000

It's actually the purpose statement of my church. I would argue that whatever you put in writing, it should be the purpose statement of yours too.

Yesterday our church got a call from a man in seminary looking for our mission statement... which, being the mature people we are, we immediately began throwing out our "purpose statements."

Here were a few:

Hate God, Hate People, Serve Self.

Acknowledge God, Ignore People, Serve Self.

Acknowledge God, Ignore Truth, Serve Self.

Funny right?

Here's the deal: The only thing that makes this remotely amusing is the fact that it mirrors our churches.

Gulp. God, may it not mirror me or the ministry you entrusted to me.
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.The Isaiah 58 in Me.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 15:45:00 +0000

Isaiah 58 details an account of God's people crying out to Him... basically telling the God of all creation how He should respond to their "sacrifice."

‘Why have we fasted,’ they say, ‘and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves, and you have not noticed?’
(Verse 3)

God then responds to their cry by informing them that their "sacrifice" is not sufficient. Their expectations of what God requires is so menial, while their expectations of His provisions is so incredibly lofty.

Is this the kind of fast I have chosen, only a day for people to humble themselves? Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed and for lying in sackcloth and ashes? Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the LORD?
(Verse 5)

This is where I have found myself for about a month now: Crying to my Father, "do you not recognize what I have given up for Your sake? When are you going to come through for me?

How arrogant! I have essentially scoffed at all the amazing things God has done in my life, because He chose not to meet my expectations for a court date!

Me: God, I need $30 k for an adoption...
God: Done. (still waiting with confidence for about $4k)

Me: God, I need my social worker to act swiftly on my behalf.
God: Done. (completed 1 day after our final meeting... unprecedented)

Me: God, I need... (a million little details)
God: Done. Done. Done. Done. (you get the point)

Me: God, I need a court date by the end of October.
God: That's not My timing.
Me: How dare You.

How dare me. God, forgive me for questioning Your timing. You are perfect, I am flawed, and I submit myself, once again, to Your plan... It is right!

Now, on to fulfilling the rest of the Text:

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains
of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed
free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the
hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter— when
you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from
your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like
the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your
righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will
be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing
finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf
of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your
light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the
noonday. The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your
needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose
waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and
will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer
of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings. “If you keep
your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you
please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the
LORD’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going
your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle
words, then you will find your joy in the LORD, and I will cause
you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land and to feast on
the inheritance of your father Jacob.”
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

Give me the strength Father!

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.So, I'm Back.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 14:02:00 +0000

So, here's the deal: I made a mistake.

When I began this blog, it was with the intention of giving people an inside peek into my life and relationship with my Creator. Basically, somewhere in the midst of it all, I began thinking about people who may be reading it. (Not that that's bad, just not my goal...) So, from now on out, I am going to continue with my original intention. Obviously, I welcome people to comment and give me feedback etc. But, its not about that.

So, I'm back.

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.My Son, My Journey {Part 3}.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 15:23:00 +0000

"Do you believe I can be your everything?"

I can still remember the clear sound of His whisper in my ear.

"Am I really sufficient?"

Somehow, unwittingly, I uncovered the reality that my journey is mostly a reflection on how people have impacted me. So, I am going to continue in that way... until things change or until I run out of people.

With that said, meet Jo. A sweet, gentle woman that God placed in our path. She and her husband are seeking adoption via ET as well. In fact, it was her blog that led to our watching Lucy. The part of her journey that found its way into my story came after we chose to adopt.

Honestly, I thought it would be the most fantastical news anyone would want to hear. I thought that when I told people our plans, they would run up and down the streets. They would say things like "I am so proud of you." or "God is so awesome to have put this on your heart." Instead, our story was kind of... "so, we have been accepted to adopt via Ethiopia!" {cue the crickets.}

That's when Jo spoke the words into my life that I needed to hear. I wish I could say them all to you, but honestly, they are hers not mine. When it all is said and done, of all the things she said... the words I will never forget were: "I am doing this because I love God and I believe HE is in this. I want to be in His will and I want to be like Jesus for this little life." {me too, Jo}

{Part 3, Truth 3} Jim, it is about God, a little life in ET, and your obedience... not anything or anyone else.

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.My Son, My Journey {Part 2}.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 16:40:00 +0000

"Do you believe I can be your everything?"

I can still remember the clear sound of His whisper in my ear.

"Am I really sufficient?"

Public perception {my perception} about adoption is {was} full of lies. If you can't birth your own... If you are wealthy... If your life has a void nothing else can fill... Don't get me started on the lies... Honestly, I wish I could stand at the top of the Holy pile and cast judgment down on all "those guys" that pereptuate these lies, but the truth is, I was one of them... {wince} [Just once I would like to have figured this stuff out before I write about it, but alas, that is not my story]

Jim, meet Lucy. There are a few people who everyone in the adoption world know all about, every once in a while, one of those people make their mark on their "gotcha day." For Lucy, God showered a divine charisma that He is using to fuel revival {at least in me}. Lucy, it is my desire to one day hug you and express to you everything you began in me... with tears in my eyes I write:

{Part 2, Truth 2} It starts with one...

{And for me, it started with a beautiful little girl in ET who forever owns a piece of my heart.}

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.My Son, My Journey {Part 1}.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 15:10:00 +0000

"Do you believe I can be your everything?"

I can still remember the clear sound of His whisper in my ear.

"Am I really sufficient?"

God has been tearing me down for quite some time now. I am only now at the place where I can look backward and begin to see just how pathetic I truly am in light of Him. Honestly, I am a very selfish person. I am extremely prideful, and I have a huge propensity for seeing the grass as greener on the "other side." Most of my life I have spent dreaming about how good it would/could be if only... Never once considering how good it is. I remember in my past ministry, relating to people how content I was, how I was "living my dream", all the while knowing that it was words I should say, not words I wanted to say. Not because I wasn't living my dream, but because I couldn't ever find true contentment.

Now, before I digress too far, let's just leave it at a reality that I have long since worked to attain full control of my world and a death grip on my circumstance.

In walks Gerlie... my family's Compassion child. Thank you Gerlie for opening my eyes to the Truth that I have it sooo good!

It was in reading the realities of Gerlie's circumstance that God began to rub a salve on the eyes of one selfish, prideful, pathetic soul and begin the process of removing the blinders of my life.

{Part 1, Truth 1} Jim, you lack nothing.

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.Sheep or Goat?.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 15:06:00 +0000

Matthew 25 has this incredible account of Jesus describing His own judgment on the nations... Now, for those of us who get caught up in some of the details... the question arises, "When does this happen, and who is Jesus judging?" While I recognize there could be a variety of answers to that question, one thing is clear:

The standard is NOT exclusive to this one judgement!

A person only needs to look up the themes of poverty and justice in the Bible to find that we are called over and over to care for the poor and the needy... the orphan and widow. But back to Matthew, Jesus describes this scene where He is separating the sheep (true followers) from the goats (those who claim Christ, but do nothing for the "least of these"). Jesus gives us the gold standard when He says,

"I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me."

It makes e think of the book of James... "...be doers of the Word and not hearers only..." or "Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble..." or "What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him?" or "...even the demons believe-and tremble..."

It looks to me like James got it... What good is head knowledge if our hearts aren't broken? What good is a broken heart if it doesn't move our hands?

According to Matthew 25, "...inasmuch as you did {or not} it to one of the least of these, you did {or not} it to me..."

Jesus, give me your eyes...

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.C'mon Jesus... just this one thing.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 16:54:00 +0000

I used to joke that Jesus' favorite football team was the New York Giants.

Why?

Because I gave in "to the dangerous temptation to take the Jesus of the Bible and twist Him into a version of Jesus [I was] more comfortable with." [Platt]

I wanted "A Jesus Who is fine with nominal devotion that does not infringe on [my] comforts." [Platt]

I wanted to "gather in [my] church building and sing and lift up [my] hands in worship..." [Platt] to me.

This may not make a lot of sense to anyone who reads this, but if you knew my heart... it did not ache for Africa, it ached for the Meadowlands... it was not desperate for the Scriptures, it was desperate for giants.com... it did not yearn to find followers of Christ, it yearned to make converts to my beloved royal blue NY. In fact, my daughter recognized a Giants logo long before she recognized the cross.
Friends, I have been crying out to God, what can I sacrifice that I have not already given... so today, I will go home and gather my Eli Manning football, my Lawrence Taylor Jersey, my Tiki Barber prints, my Harry Carson hat, and my Jeremy Shockey helmet... the symbols of my former allegiance... and I... [without exaggeration I paused here to think... I wish it were not true] give it all away. Our school is putting on an auction to support Christian education... may God bless the sale of my idolatry.

Forgive me for my sin, I am so foolish to see it as anything valuable in light of You.

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.Ashamed.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 13:17:00 +0000

I have begun reading The Hole in Our Gospel. Let's just say, I didn't make it through the introduction without crying and running to the office next to mine reading quotes. How have been a Believer this long and just now realize I have been missing the point?

Honestly, I am pretty ashamed of myself. Who grows up in a Christan home, receives a Christian eduction, grows up in a church that cares only about Truth, attends a great Bible college, serves in ministry for years and somehow misses the point? Who? Me.

One of the huge recurring themes in my life is my pride... I grew up in a world where meeting external standards were most of what matters. People say don't drink, don't chew, don't go with girls that do... it was more like "don't show evidence of sin (even if you need help), dress right and sing hymns, judge all by what you can see."

Yesterday, in the midst of a conversation with a woman who is watching her grandchildren grow up, desperately desiring their salvation, while dealing with the reality that the Truth is not coming from her children, tell me, "My children rejected church because I gave them legalism." I didn't know what to say, ummm, gulp. Yeah you're right... or it'll all be okay? Nope. The answer? Be changed, and tell them all about what God is doing in you. Then, trust Him. Ouch. I know, not the promise it'll all be okay. Tough words to hear... but the Truth is, God is the only One sufficient to make all the wrongs right again. His transformation is all that matters.

So back to my shame... Today, I cling to the reality that I am so foolish, so limited, and I need to be transparent and transformed by Him. Because, while I am ashamed of me... "I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes." ~Romans 1:16

God, change me... You, not rules is what this world needs.

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.Count the Cost.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 12:39:00 +0000

My family is in the process of adopting, and one of the funny nuances of adoption is money. It is so akward for me to look at a dollar figure and say: "Can I afford to adopt?"

I have always felt that you do not chose to expand your family based on your budget... but is that biblical?

Now great multitudes went with Him. And He turned and said to
them, “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and
mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own
life also, he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not bear
his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which
of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and
count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it—lest, after
he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it
begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not
able to finish’? Or what king, going to make war against another
king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able
with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with
twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is still a great way
off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. So
likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot
be My disciple. ~Luke 14

Now, here Christ says that in order to be a disciple (follower) of Christ [not some extra-special-super-Christian], a person must count the cost of following Him.

So here is my question: Does that mean we should constantly be asking ourselves"Is it worth it?" or does it mean that at a point in time we ask, then live our life with the answer "yes, God"?

Here's the thing: The answer is not simple. We grow, things change. Life happens. Choices get complex.

Here's where I am at: I want my life to count for His glory. So, with eyes wide open to the reality that life is hard and clinging to the Truth that life is short, I want to blindly say, "Yes God."

Why? Because I trust You, God. You will never leave me or forsake me, You will never give me anything I can't handle, and You are sufficient!

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.Evidence of the Gospel.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 14:29:00 +0000

I have been thinking through the reality that if my life is completely shaken by the Truth... it should look like it. So, this morning I took a peek at the first few chapters of Acts to see what should be true of me...

If the Gospel has changed me, I should...

show evidence of the Holy Spirit's work in me.
be a powerful witness of Christ in my community.
be baptized by water in the name of Christ.
praise God in word and song.
live contently in simplicity.

God help me to remember... God, make me more and more attune to Your Gospel, and give me the strength to be shaken by Your Truth!

How about you? What evidences does the Text say you should show?

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.Hope.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 12:59:00 +0000

I have spent a lot of time here expressing my hurt for the realities of tons of people in desperate need, all over the world... I have reflected some of the world's most compassionate people and asked their burning questions.

Like this one:

"Do you believe that Jesus is worth abandoning everything for?
Do you believe him enough to obey him and to follow him
wherever he leads, even when the crowds in our culture -maybe
even our churches- turn the other way?"
~David Platt
I have found myself crushed by the reality of my ridiculous perspectives of God. I have starred into the mirror of the Text and found myself struggling with this:

"The core problem isn’t the fact that we’re lukewarm, halfhearted,
or stagnant Christians. The crux of it all is why we are this way,
and it is because we have an inaccurate view of God. We see
Him as a benevolent Being who is satisfied when people manage
to fit Him into their lives in some small way. We forget that God
never had an identity crisis. He knows that He’s great and
deserves to be the center of our lives."
~Francis Chan

But today, there is hope. I was informed that Into the Streets of Ethiopia, a ministry that God is burning onto my heart finally received a donation of 600 cans of formula.

So What?
So a child that may have died due to malnutrition can grow to be a child who is loved in a forever family that shares the Gospel with him/her, and that child can be held up by His Father who desperately wants to adopt Him into the family of God.

God, there is only One who can be exalted when nothing makes sense... You! May I never forget You... Use me.

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.Last Night, I Visited Hell... Again.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 12:41:00 +0000

Through the wonder of the World Wide Web, I visited hell once again... and I was not prepared to handle what I saw... Then again, Who is?

I walked into my house and my wife sat me down and said, "You have to read this (click to read)..."

I was confronted with the reality that while I sit in A/C in the summer... heat in the winter... while I have bemoaned the 10 pounds I put on this summer from the "stress"... this woman sat in her own feces in a ramshackle broken-down hut starving for 10 years.

She is 23 years old and weighs 37 pounds... PEOPLE OF GOD, I CANNOT SEE THE KEYS OF MY KEYBOARD BETWEEN TEARS, BECAUSE THIS IS WRONG!

God, open my eyes to the reality that I am blessed. Help me to see how incredibly blessed I am... and shake me for Your glory. I cannot be blind to it anymore... it makes me sick... not her, ME! God, I am sorry I never cared... I'm sorry...

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.Counter-Culture Club.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 13:20:00 +0000

I'll tell you what's wrong with our culture...

We need men to rise up and build great homes. Men need to get back to being the protector of the home. If men would just work a little harder... you know get up a little earlier, got to bed a little later... make just a little bit more money.

If women would just cling to their husbands for security... If ladies could just be content with a few children, and nice little home. If they would just find their security in their loving husband...

We would all be OK... {You with me?}

Ahh the voice of the American Christian... {me.} Meet Psalm 127.

Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.

In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves.

Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.

Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

Five quick Truths for this Tuesday:

God is the builder and protector of the home... all other options are vain {wicked}
God provides work and grants rest... to constantly pursue more is wicked.
God's rewards with {money, fame, fancy cars, nice clothes, etc.} Nope. Children.
Parents role is {Builder, provider, protector} Nope. Warrior.
The path to contentment is: {having the best stuff} Nope. Lots of kids!

Father, may I, today, be a warrior, willing to point my kids into dangerous circumstances, for Your glory, understanding that You are the builder of my home, You are the protector of my home, You are the one who rewarded me with my children... and You asked me to be a warrior willing to use my arrows in battle! Your glory, nothing else!!

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