Live for the Moments

A Weekend of Soccer

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Sun, 22 May 2011 23:27:00 +0000

We spent the weekend playing soccer. Emma had a game on Saturday morning in New Castle. They lost by one point, but they played very well. Emma is turning out to be quite the little soccer player. I think that it must have something to do with the influence of her older sister. She is much more competative than I thought that she would be. After the game in New Castle, we loaded everybody up and went to Molly's first game in Grand Junction, at Long's Park, next to Central High.

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Sat, 21 May 2011 18:33:00 +0000

Shoot!!!

What parenting foster children means to me

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 04:35:00 +0000

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=579103449#!/video/video.php?v=10150151190951542

Tinie Tempah - Written In The Stars ft. Eric Turner

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 04:14:00 +0000

Homers help Titans to win over Cardinals | PostIndependent.com

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 14:53:00 +0000

Homers help Titans to win over Cardinals PostIndependent.com

Thank You

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 04:20:00 +0000

Today I am faced with something that we all have faced or will face at sometime in our life. It is the reality that we are mortal beings and that our time is limited on this earth. It always makes you stop and ponder life, God, and the direction that your life has taken or will take.

Somewhere in fog of transition between Jr. High and High School, I was privileged with the opportunity of a job at the "Hideout". I call this a privilege, because of the family that opened their door to me. Gary and Debbie saw that this point in my life was critical, and that I was lacking in authoritative discipline. They did not replace my family, just helped out with the parts that were missing with mine. At the time, my parents had been divorced for several years, my dad lived out of state, and my mom was working full time to support the both of us.

There is no one moment in time that defines this relationship, but as I told Debbie tonight, they were able to direct the rudder that steered the ship in the right direction. I am in a large part who I am today, because of the time an energy that they put into me when I needed it.

If you ask them they will probably say that they didn't do anything special, or purpose to "help me", or "fix me", and I would agree with that. What they did do was allow me into their life, and show me what it meant to be a family. I was able to see how they cared for each other, the struggles that they had, and the obstacles that they overcame together. Again some of the words that I heard tonight were very appropriate, Gary said "All we can do is the best that we can do." It is hard to pinpoint what to thank them for, but when I realized what it was that I was thankful for I also realized that they had more of an impact on my life, than I originally thought. What I am most thankful for is the the door that was open, that allowed me to see what it meant to be a family. Subsequently, this is also what I have purposed to provide for children that cross my path, an open door to see what it means to be a family. Please take comfort in the knowledge that you planted this seed in my life.

I now know that there is no such thing as a perfect family, mainly because I am responsible for my own, and we are far from perfect. It is not the house that we live in, the cars that we drive, whether our kids excel in school, or are on the first string of the soccer team. What I have learned that a family is, is a group of people that love each too much to watch each other make mistakes. To support each other in their goals, to forgive each other when we make mistakes, and to be there when we need each other most.

This was the direction that I was nudged in when I was in the fog of adolescence, I guess this gives me hope for my own family, knowing that something that important can be imparted to someone that has no idea that they are in some of the most important years of their lives.

Thank you for being you, and allowing my to be part of your family.

"Off to Work"

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 21:12:00 +0000

I woke up early on Friday morning because I had to get to work. There are times when I go into the office early to get a jump on the day, knowing that it is going to be a busy day. After getting ready, I grabbed my backpack of essentials that I take with me everywhere. I headed to the door, and the thought ran across my mind, "Off to work".

This is a common thought for me, but the circumstances are definitely different. Today work requires a 14 hour flight across the country. I was up to early to say goodbye to my wife and kids, so I had done this the night before. I shut off the lights, shut the door, and left my house, not to see it again for a week and a half. Fortunatly, I am not going to be gone the usual 20 days, I only have ten. My schedule was rearranged so that I could attend the Expo that we are going to be a part of on the next trip. I am sure that I will make up the days lost on the next trip.

I spent the rest of the day in the routine of travelling through various airports across the country, Grand Jct., Pheonix, Charolette, Philadelphia.....but I never made to Williamsport that day. I got to the airport, made the plane, sat down in the exit aisle seat that gives you th most room. Started reading my book, and waited for the plane to start rolling down the runway. The pilot hit the throttle, and away we went headed down the runway, waiting for that moment when the we are freed from the grip of gravity. That moment never came.

Let me tell you a little bit about the airplane I was travelling on. This is not your typical walk down the hallway, and onto the plane with the other 120 people. This is a twin-turbo prop that holds 40 people, including the pilot, co-pilot, stewardess, and the guy stuffed in the aisle on the back row. You have to walk out onto the tarmac, and go up the stairs, and duck your head before you get on. Because of the turboprops, there is a inordinate amount of noise, especially on takeoff.

Anyway, imagine getting halfway down the runway with this thing going full tilt, with the anticipation of being a part of something completely unnatural, and suddenly the engine shuts down, the plane comes to a stop on the runway. A little while later the pilot says that there was a panel light that wasn't working so they aborted the take off.

This little light was the cause of a stay at the local airport hotel, and I didn't get to work until the next day.
Fortunately I only have to do this commute once a month rather that once a day.

Cooler than me

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 02:30:00 +0000

Mike Posner - Cooler Than Me download at emp3

Washington plane.jpg

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 13:43:00 +0000

A Broken Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 02:48:00 +0000

Today I face a terrible situation. I now know what it means to have your heart broken. My job requires me to be in Pennsylvania for a period of 3 weeks, and home for 1 week. I have basically been seperated from my family since March. During this period of time, we were waiting for the Colorado State Court of Appeals to come back with a decision on Andrew. The lower court had adopted the parental termination, and we were in the process of adopting Andrew, when his birth-mother filed an appeal with the Colorado State Court of Appeals. This has been almost a year, and they finally came back with a decision. They felt that reasonable efforts were not given to the birth-mother, and that we had to start the re-unification process over. The catch is that we had to be completed with the re-unification process in 60 days.

Andrew has been in our home since he was born. He has never spent the night at another home without us. He is part of our family, he has two brothers, two sisters, a cat, and a dog. He knows us as Mommy and Daddy. He has a stuffed bear that we gave him when he was born, and he goes nowhere without him. He has a bed, his toys, his animals, and loves to take baths.

The decision that the court made, in no way, shape or form, took Andrew's best interest into account. All they see is some t's that need crossed and some i's that need dots. What they don't understand is that should he go back to his birth-mother within the short time of 2 months, it will devestate us as a family.

Let me tell you a story that I heard recently from my wife. There is a set of children, brothers and sisters that have had a rough time in life. They were living with a friend of ours for a substantial period of time, a year at least, if not two, and then went back to their parents. For some reason, they ended up back in the system, and went back to this friend of ours, because they already had relationship with her. Again they stayed there for a year and a half or so, and the State of Colorado, decided that it would be better for the children to return home. So they went home. Our friend went to visit these children on several occasions, only to be turned away, literally, or by the fact that nobody was home. On one occasion, she pulled up to the house at the same time as the family did. She ended up staying and visiting for about an hour. It was appearant to her, that they two boys were being looked after fairly well, they looked good, the were tan, like little boys in the summer should be, from playing outside in the sun. The little girl, on the other hand, looked as if she had been neglected. As our friend started to leave, the little girl came running up to her, and asked if she could go home now, she would go get her boots, and her things and get in the car if she could go home. This little girl had been living in this home for over a month, waiting for our friend to come and get her. She did not understand that she didn't live with our friend anymore, se thought that she had been left there, but that they were coming back to get her. She waited for over a month.

My heart is broken, because I have visions of Andrew sitting in the corner of the birth-mother's home, with 6-8 other kids, at least 4 adults, not knowing who these people are, or why his parents (Annie and I) would leave him there, and just sitting and waiting for us to come get him and take him home.

Furthermore, I am sitting here in a state 1500 miles away, while the days tick by that I will be able to spend with him. I am hopeful that the truth will prevail, but I must plan for the worst. I will never get this time back.

This has got to be what a relative of a terminally ill patient feels like. Everyday I here his voice, on the phone, and look at pictures of him, and am reminded that....

Would the real mother please stand up.

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 00:58:00 +0000

Would the real mother please stand up
1 Kings 3:16
This scripture gives me hope. This is the Wisdom of God given to Solomon. I believe that this is absolutely pertinant to our situation. Please pray with us that the judicial system has the Wisdom of God.

1 Kings Chapter 3
16 The very next thing, two prostitutes showed up before the king.17 The one woman said, “My master, this woman and I live in the same house. While we were living together, I had a baby.18 Three days after I gave birth, this woman also had a baby. We were alone—there wasn’t anyone else in the house except for the two of us.19 The infant son of this woman died one night when she rolled over on him in her sleep.20 She got up in the middle of the night and took my son—I was sound asleep, mind you!—and put him at her breast and put her dead son at my breast.21 When I got up in the morning to nurse my son, here was this dead baby! But when I looked at him in the morning light, I saw immediately that he wasn’t my baby.”

22 “Not so!” said the other woman. “The living one’s mine; the dead one’s yours.”
The first woman countered, “No! Your son’s the dead one; mine’s the living one.”
They went back and forth this way in front of the king.23 The king said, “What are we to do? This woman says, ‘The living son is mine and the dead one is yours,’ and this woman says, ‘No, the dead one’s yours and the living one’s mine.’”24 After a moment the king said, “Bring me a sword.” They brought the sword to the king.25 Then he said, “Cut the living baby in two—give half to one and half to the other.”

26 The real mother of the living baby was overcome with emotion for her son and said, “Oh no, master! Give her the whole baby alive; don’t kill him!”
But the other one said, “If I can’t have him, you can’t have him—cut away!”27 The king gave his decision: “Give the living baby to the first woman. Nobody is going to kill this baby. She is the real mother.”28 The word got around—everyone in Israel heard of the king’s judgment. They were all in awe of the king, realizing that it was God’s wisdom that enabled him to judge truly.

38 and Counting - View - Journal - My - YouVersion.com: Online Bible

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 17:01:00 +0000

38 and Counting - View - Journal - My - YouVersion.com: Online Bible:
38 and Counting
Philippians 4:19
I have spent the last couple of days traveling to work in PA. I will only be here for 10 days this time, but it comes at a time when I would prefer to be home. The Colorado Court of Appeals has just overturned the termination decision for Andrew, and we have to move back in time. We are starting visits again, and will appear before the judge on June 11th. Hopefully we will find out some information about what Eagle County wants to do with this case. They have two options, adoption or removal. Andrew will either stay with the only family that he has ever known, or be removed, and placed with an unknown biological family. I say it this way, because that is what I believe. Please stand with us on this, and keep praying until it is completely complete, until you receive an adoption notice for Andrew Neil Delaplane."

The Roller Coaster

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Sat, 29 May 2010 00:16:00 +0000

Here we go again. The State Court of Appeals has determined that the county did not provide enough support for "mom" to make the visits. We now get to go back in time to about a year ago. At the hearing in June of 2009, the judge decided that it would be appropriate that "mom" got herself to the visits without financial assistance from the state. Soon after this, there was a motion filed by the GAL (Andrew's Attorney) for the termination of parental rights. Basically what happened was that "mom" needed to show that she was able support her children, including what it would look like if Andrew returned home. The real reason for the GAL to file for termination was because that Andrew has been in our home for more that 18 months, unfortunatlly, that is not the way it was cited by the judge as the reason for termination.

We are waiting to hear what direction the county will take, they are currentlly waiting to hear from the state experts. Once we hear how the interaction went with the county, and the state experts, we will have a much better idea about which direction we are going.

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 02:28:00 +0000

Family wonders why deputies didn't arrest allegedly violent man

http://www.gjsentinel.com/news/content/news/stories/2009/11/02/110309_3a_Swat_folo.html

"More Than Cats Love Milk" or "Big Truck, Large Wheels"

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 04:30:00 +0000

As of June 18th, we will have been married for 15 years. We have 4 natural birth children, 1 in the process of adoption, and 3 foster children (I had add one since I started writing). Annie and I met in 1993 in a time when both of us were living much different lives. Annie had her challenges probably since early childhood, and continued them into her teenage years. She moved out of her parents home at the age of 16, and has been supporting herself from that point on. When we met, I was working for a construction company in Aspen, and my main goal was on serving my on needs, looking for a paycheck at the end of the week, and how much fun I could have on the weekend. Annie happened to be a party to one of many of the parties that we had at the "Brown Palace". The "Brown Palace" was a dive of an apartment that I lived in with three other self-seekers. Unfortunately Annie was not there on my behalf, but somehow we ended up spending a substantial amount of time together. From that point on we had our ups and downs, most of the downs were due to my own stupidity, but regardless we decided to get married. We gave everyone about a weeks notice, and have now been married for 15 years. I think several people lost some bets on how long we were going to last.

One event that I need to share that cemented my love for Annie, and subsequently my commiment to her, was when she took my dog "Zues" to he pound to be put to sleep. I had raised him from a handful of fur to a 120lb companion. Together we were making our way through life's ups and downs, and I was devestated after the police had taken him into custody, and said that he needed to be put to sleep. I don't know if I asked her to do it, or if she did it on her own accord, but the fact that she faced what I couldn't, in my place solidified a place in my heart forever.

Just under being married 1 year, Annie got pregnant, and we were waiting for our lives to change. Little did we know how much of a challenge the next year would be. In Dec of 1995, Annie went into the doctor to do a check up and see how the baby was doing. The Doctor said that there was something wrong, and that her blood pressure was too high. He sent us to the hospital across the street in Glenwood, and they diagnosed here with pre-eclampsia. Pre-eclampsia is basically a condition where the body is rejecting the fetus, like it would reject an organ transplant. They decided to fly her to Denver on flight for life, and told me that there was a high possibility that one or both of them could die. I got in the car and got to Denver about an hour after she had arrived. We spent the next couple of weeks trying to maintain the pregnancy to allow the baby to develop a little more. It finally got to the point that they had to do an emergency C-Section. Austin was born on Dec. 30, 1995. He was 4lbs 6oz. when he was born, and his weight dropped after that. Annie and Austin spent 2-3 more weeks in Denver, before we told them that they had to transfer them to Glenwood. Once in Glenwood, things started going better, and they went to stay with her mom in Glenwood, due to the fact that the altitude that we lived at did not have enough oxygen to support Austins needs. He came home a couple of weeks after that. Austin will be turning 14 this December, and has had no major problems since then.

We continued our lives, built our family and I slowly built up a career in electrical. Our next child was born on July 19th, 1998 in Aspen, Molly. Consecutively we had Jack on June 26th, 2000, and Emma on Feb 19th, 2002. We have been blessed, were able to buy a home in Silt, and then built a home in Silt.

We spent several years volunteering at the church in children's ministry. We were actually asked to take care of the children's ministry, it was not something that we saw ourselves doing. After spending some time in this arena, we both realized that helping children was where our hearts were. Some people may consider children's ministry as basically babysitting. We discovered this to be far from the truth. We spent a lot time with some of the kids that came there. When you ask a child what they need prayer for, you expect an answer like "I scrapped my knee, or my dog ran away." We did on a regular basis receive these type of prayer requests, but would also on occasion receive something like "my daddy hasn't come home yet", or "my brother is sick, and has to have his head cut open.". I realized that the circumstances of life, come at us all regardless of age. The difference with children, is that they don't know, or haven't been told that this is not the way things are supposed to be.

As I worked beside my wife, and watched her compassion, I realized that this is what we were made to do. We complement each other, she will be strong when I am weak, level-headed when I am irrational and compassionate when I am grief-stricken.

About three years ago may brother passed away from a sudden pulmonary embolism. It was my wife that came to my office and told me what had happened. It was my wife that dropped everything to make sure that I was able to go where I needed to go, and do what I needed to do. It was my wife that took care of the house, and family while I was mending a broken heart or two, or three. It is my wife that still understands that damage like that to your life heals, but will always leave a scar as a daily reminder of what happened. I only hope that I can be half the person she was, when she needs me.

We have moved away from children's ministry, and stepped into the world of foster care. We received our certification about 2 and half years ago, and have been helping children through circumstances that most adults could not even imagine themselves dealing with. This is the most challenging work that I have ever done. This work will test your mettle, bring out the worst in you, and demand the best of you. What gets me past my own self-centered behavior is stopping, looking at the child that I am dealing with, and realizing that his actions, attitude and physical demeanor is rooted is a short life of self defense. Many times, these children have been taught that they cannot trust adults. Their behavior is contrived to keeps these untrustworthy adults away, or to move "through" them on to the next. It is not the yelling, force fullness, strict discipline that changes children, this only re-enforces their mistrust of adults. It is compassion, and unbiased love, regardless of the behavior, that changes the lives of these children. The logic and compassion that Annie has is a constant inspiration to me. Everyday that goes by, and everyday that will come, reveals another facet of who she is, why I married her, and the reasons that I will always love her.

Today is a Good Day

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 03:38:00 +0000

Today was the second to last court hearing for Andrew. Today was a good day. We are being represented by the Rocky Mountain Children's Law Center, pro-bono. They have been fantastic. I believe that they have made a substantial difference. They have helped us to bring in highly qualified "experts" to speak to the lunacy of this case. It seems as though anyone that gets wind of this case, and how things have proceeded, they want to do everything that they can to help us. I know that we have favor. We are now providing the judge with the credible expertise that he needs to make the right decision. I believe that his opinion is favorable to our case, but he needs the outside evidence to make an unbiased, undeniable decision. To the other side, things seem to be falling apart. We will have another review hearing in July, and the Termination hearing is in August. Keep praying for us. I cannot even imagine Andrew not being a part of our family. It would be like another death to me.

Firepower Forward: 9 Lines

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 03:31:00 +0000

Firepower Forward: 9 Lines

The Roller Coaster

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 03:59:00 +0000

I learned a lesson a few years ago. Never make you wife ride a roller coaster. We were on a trip to Elitches, and I told her that she had to ride the roller coaster. She said no way, I said it wasn't that bad. She listened to me, and come to think of it, there may be some root cause as to why she doesn't always believe me. Anyway, we got on the roller coaster, and started to head up the hill. This was not the old fashioned sit your but in the chair, and hold on for dear life, there was no chair. You were strapped in, and hanging from the shoulder thing, while your feet dangled. As we got closer to the top of the hill, I could see the panic rising up in Annie's face. By the time we got to the top, I think she was in a full blown panic attack. At one point, there was a camera that took a picture to show you how much "fun" you were having. I don't have the picture any more, but if I did, I would post it so that you all would know what "scared to death" looks like. Needless to say, she was not happy with me, and as I said before, I will never make her ride another rollercoaster again.

Well here we are again, headed up the hill, although, I think that the roles are reversed. It is me that is in a place that I never wanted to be, and never want to go to again. We kid each other, and say that we are only on the little kids emotional roller coaster, but the reality is that we are definitely on one of the scariest emotional roller coasters that I have ever experienced. If you don't know, I am talking about our experiences with Andrew. One week, it looks as if he is going home, and the next we are talking about adoption. When my brother died, I was suddenly thrown into the roller coaster, and just had to ride it out. It was too late to worry about what happened, or what was going to happen, you just had to ride it out until things got back to a place that was normal again.

This is an entirely different scenerio, I feel like Annie must have felt, with the panic rising up inside of me, almost sure of certain death. We have a court date in a little over a week, and we are fairly certain that a decesion is going to be made, one way or the other. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I had pretty much resolved myself to the fact that Andrew was probably going back to his biological mother. Today is a different story. We have some people that have become interested in the case. These are expereienced attornies, that don't usually get involved in cases that don't have a favorable outcome. Good news, right. Well the problem is that now I realize that what my heart really wants is a real possibliity. The problem with that is the what if. This has to be what if feels like when the doctor has told you that your cancer has gone into remission...what if.

I tend to hold things inside until there is not more room, like dry ice in a pop bottle. Well here it comes...I haven't completely lost it yet, but please support us in your prayers. My mind does not want to believe what my heart is do desperatly hoping for. I need some encouragement, and have resolved myself to "believe until I see" the hope of my heart. Please, please if you are with us, stand with us, if not I don't want to hear it.

Andrew

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 02:16:00 +0000

Andrew came into our house some 10 1/2 months ago. When he arrived, he was only a few days old, but was fighting an uphill battle. His mother had been using cocaine during his pregnancy, and when he was born the first thing that he had to do was break the addiction that was given to him. The first couple of months were very hard, we were at the time new to the foster care system, and just wanted to do our part. We have made some guidelines about the type of children that we will take, and do our best to stick to those. Andrew fit the bill, and we felt that we could give him a stable and inviting environment to help bring him back to reality. Babies are "our specialty", not by experience, but rather by passion.

These first months were difficult, Andrew's schedule was reversed. He would sleep during the day, and would be up at night. Understand me when I say that he would be up at night, I know that infants are up every two hours, but in between the two hour feedings, he would cry. It was not the type of cry that you would expect to here from a baby. This was a cry that bored into the very depths of your being, because you knew that you could not give him what he was wanting. Andrew was addicted, and it took several months before he was moving in the right direction.

In the past 11 months, Andrew has adapted to our family, as well as our family has adapted to him. He is part of our family. He knows us by name, and recognizes our faces, and hears our voices. Andrew has transformed in the 11 months that he has been here, but now he faces another challenge. I am not sure if the challenge is his or ours.

Without divulging to much information, the people that are "responsible" for him have prejudicedly decided that Andrew needs to go home. This is where I have to guard myself. My job is to take care of him, to look out for his best interest, to be his father, in place of the father that is not there.

The workers on the case are supposed to also look out for the best interest of Andrew, to determine the path of his life. Based on their evaluations of the paternal family, and their progress to resolve the issues that caused Andrews removal, it is their job to determine this path.

This is where my conflict lies. My opinion, and the caseworkers opinions do not match. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, what my capability is to take care of Andrew, and to make sure that he is following the right path. What I do not know is His mothers capability. If I had to measure that based on the actions, and interactions, I would have to say that there is a serious concern, as to whether Andrews mother is capable of looking out for his best interest. Why the department feels that his return home, after the positive drug tests, missed visits, disappearance for 3 months, and a referral based on here unsafe home, is beyond me. There is so much low-level political crap, and people afraid of losing their jobs because they are not doing theirs, that their interest is not in Andrews success at all. They are only looking to cover their own asses.

I now am the caregiver of a foster child that has grown up with us. He went through withdrawals with us, rolled over, made silly faces, started to crawl, is learning sign language, and is well on his way to walking. I am now being told that the best thing for him is to remove him from the home that he has lived in for almost 1 year, and give him back to a mother that has not proved herself or, her environment, and has had minimal contact with him.

I truly believe that if Andrew goes home, he will end up back in foster care, and will be worse off for the experience. The bond that he has created with each one of my children, my wife and myself will be shattered. He will be placed in an environment that he does not know, with people that he does not know, that have not proved to anyone that they do not have a drug problem, and have no way to support him.

It is not a matter of if he will end up back in the system, it is a matter of when.

Tell me, what to do. Tell me what to say. Tell me how to explain to my children that the State has decided that the best thing for their "baby brother" is to be taken from our home. Tell me how I am going to physically let go of my son..

Your life is the occassion, rise to it.

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 04:21:00 +0000

"Your life is the occassion, rise to it."

I watched Mr. Magorium's Wonder Empouriom yesterday, and this is a line that struck me. I was watching this movie because it helps me cope with the loss of my brother 1 year ago. It is a story of life, fun and friends, but it is also a story of death, loss, and struggle.Mahony finds herself in a place of decision, but "just can't" do what everyone wants her to, because of her grief and lack of self-confidence. Mr. Magorioum said this line to Mahony knowing that she would be in this place. I find myself in this place, and feel as if it is too hard to do what everyone is expecting, and knows I can do.

"Rising to the occassion"

If your life is the occassion, what does it mean to rise to it for you? For me, it means taking care of my wife and her needs. Raising my children with an understanding of faith, hope and love. Faith in a God that you can't see, a confident hope of sucess in this world, and love from a family that will never end. It means being there for your parents as they grow older. It means being there for your brother's widow no matter what the need is. It means doing something in this world that is going to make a difference. It means taking in children into our home that have been pushed aside, abused, treated as objects or just not wanted. It means accepting these children for who they are, and not judging them based on my life experiences, but learning who they are because of their life experiences.

It means living your life with an understanding of what's important and what's not, what's right and what's wrong.
I will never stop grieving the loss of my brother, but I will turn the page, and I will begin a new chapter. This chapter started a year ago with Bobbie (1yr) who is back with his own family that loves and cares for him. It continued with Scarlett (1yr) who is with a new family that loves and cares for her, and still being written with Andrew (7mos) who is with us who love and care for him.

Rock On

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 04:52:00 +0000

In an effort to capture some of the moments of our lives as a family, I had to initiate some aspects of these moments. As a symbol of gratitude from my employer, I was told to pick out the best seats to a Rockies home game that I could for my entire family. As you can imagine, I was fairly excited. I asked myself "What are the best seats?", behind home plate, first base, third base, or maybe a box. Ifinally decided on above the dugout on the first baseline. I spent a couple of weeks fretting about which seats to get, and what game to go to, before it was time to round everybody up, and head out.

We loaded everybody up and made out way to Denver. I knew from my past experiences that if we got there early we might be able to get some autographs before the game started. We got to the stadium, and found our parking spot, gathered up our stuff and headed to the gate. We were about 2 hours early, so there wasn't much of a line. As we made our way through the gate, we each got our own Rockies beach towel, this was part of the consideration of which game we went to. We made our way to our seats, made ourselves at home, and sent the kids down to the rail to watch the Rockies warm up, and wait for the players to head back to the dugout.

It took some time and convincing to get the kids to stay in the right spot next to the dugout, but they did, and it was worth it. They were able to get several balls signed, and their own baseball mits as well. Our seats were about 4 rows up right behind the the Rockies dugout. As it turned out, this was a great place sit. The attendent for the area stayed down at the bottom of the isle, and would allow 3 or 4 kids to come down to the rail between innings, for a chance to catch a warm up ball from the field. We spent most of the game working on getting the kids down to the rail, and were successful a few time, but never did get a game ball. Regardless, we had a great time, ate hot dogs, coke, cotton candy, nachos, and anything else that the they could talk me into.

This was one of the most unforgettable times that I have ever spent with my family. We had a great time, and hopefuly created some memories for the rest of my family as well. I want to express my gratitude to Brad for his generousity, and thank my family for giving me one of my own lifelong memories. I have come to realize that I could have gone to the fame with some friends, or other family, but I would never have had the experience that I did with my own kids.

Live for the Moments

In a fowl mood

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 02:17:00 +0000

I have determined that chickens are one of the dumbest creatures on the face of the earth. Let me bring you up to speed on the series of events that have brought me to this conclusion. About a month ago my wonderful wife decided the six kids, one cat, and a dog did not quite make our family complete, she informed me that she had brought home two chickens. Chickens tend to create their own enviroment. In other words if you don't give them a place to live your home will soon become their home.We started with a cardboard box and light. This managed to contain them, but did not keep them safe an secure. For a week or so we would have to retrieve a rouge chicken from our cat, appropriatly named Sylvester. Unfortunately one of our fine feathered friends did not survive this ordeal. My youngest daughter found the indistinguishable carcass and asked "daddy what's that?" Hoping to not create an emotional situation, I causally told her it was a dead chicken, and tossed it in the trash. She took this in stride, and went outside to play. At this point I thought that this would be a short lived season, and chickens would soon be out of my life. On my return home the next night I was surprised to find that we once again had two chickens, and that my main objective for the evening was to turn the dog kennel into a makeshift chicken coop. This took most of the evening, and I was distracted, because one of the chickens was trying to roost on my hand while I was working. We eventually got the dog kennel turned into a makeshift chicken coop, which kept them safe from the cat. The "coop" ended up in the garage, and stayed there until it was necessary to move them into something bigger. This something bigger, turned into another weekend adventure. There was some discussion about what, and how, but in the end we have a bona fide chicken coop sitting in our back yard. The chickens are now as big or bigger than the cat, and we are hoping that someday they wil lay eggs.
The daily routine of the chickens is food, water, and letting them roam around the back yard. The chickens are scared to come out of the chicken coop, and can't figure out how to get back in. Sometimes te chickens chase you, an sometimes you chase the chickens. The other addition is a rabbit. The rabbit has been loose for about 2 weeks, because no one can catch it. This leads me to believe that rabbits are much smarter than chickens. At least when you let the rabbit out, it knows that his freedom depends on staying out. The chickens will just climb back in the coop, because it is the only thing they know. There must be a moral there somewhere, but I really am not in the mood for a moral.

Memorial Day 05 revisted

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Tue, 27 May 2008 04:21:00 +0000

This is a repost of my brothers blog where he posted an email from me, while he was in Afghanistan. Brian passed away 8 months ago.

A Day to Remember, a Day to be ThankfulPlease bear with me, our communication is still a little sketchy as we continue setting up our operations here. My unclassified computer has been sent away to Bagram's Shaolin Techie Temple where it is being BAFtized in in order to exorcize it of all evil spirited viruses and corrupted files. When I finally get it back it will be a lean powerful machine with a calm and serene spirit. It will aslo be purged of every byte of usable data and totally useless. I would probably be a bit more serene if I could purge my memory once in a while too. In the mean time I am borrowing other computers as they come available to take care of important tasks like this.I want to share a letter that my brother sent me for Memorial Day:I just wanted to take a minute to say hi, and thank everyone there for theirsacrifice. I think that the best way to say thanks would to be to explainwhat I am thankful for. I am blessed to live in a country that is "of thepeople, for the people". The freedoms that I use every day need to beremembered and recited so they are not taken for granted.When I attend church on Sunday, I am thankful for the men and women thathave put their lives in harms way to defend my right to express my beliefs,even when their beliefs may be different.When I vote, I am thankful to these same individuals, that may or may notalign their political beliefs to their current or previous Commanders inChief, and for allowing themselves to be distanced by thousands of milesfrom their families.I am thankful that I live in a country that allows me to keep and bear arms,for the purpose of defending myself, my beliefs, and my country. Thank youfor missing birthdays, anniversaries, and personal family events.I am thankful for my ability to express my beliefs in the local newspaper,without worry of arrest. Thank you for missing the birth of your children,or the loss of a loved one.I am thankful for the men and women that consider it a privilege to defendmy way of life, as well as carry that way of life to others. Thank you for your years of training, moving from state to state, crawling in the mud,choking on tear gas, and being told to do something that every fiber of youbeing is screaming not to, like jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. Iknow you love it. Thank You.Most of all, I am thankful for my family, for being able to watch mychildren grow and learn in a country that provides every opportunity forthem, for being able spend my life with the woman I love, and for theability to provide a living for myself and my family. I know that the onlyreason that I have these abilities is because of those that are sacrificing the very things I love. Thank You.GlenThanks Glen.

Wow, that's gotta be hard.

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 21:43:00 +0000

This is the comment that we get from people when we tell where the new babies came from. It's funny to watch how people react when they can't rely on their past knowledge of a situation, and have to ask questions like, "I didn't know you were pregnant", and "is that your baby?" When we tell them we are foster parents, people always say, "Wow, thats gotta be hard." I am usually baffled by this comment. Is it our goal in life to make things as easy as possible. Should we be afraid to commit to something because it is going to be hard, even if it will change someones life. We do what we do because we know that we can make a difference in someones life.

We are on our third placement, and all three have been infants. Bobbie was our first, and he was placed in our home in the beginning of Nov. He is still here, but will probably be going home in a monthe or two. Scarlett was our second, and she is now in a home that cares and loves for her and her sister. We had her in our home for about 3 weeks. Andrew is our most recent addition, and we think that he will be with us for quite awhile. In the last six months these three children have changed my perspective on life. These three children have had more struggles in their short lives, than I have faced at the age of 36.

There is a black seed inside me somewhere called selfishness, I am sure that you know what I mean. There always seems to be something nagging at you saying things like, "that's going to take too much time", and "what about me, what about my time, or my needs." it is a constant internal battle that I fight, caring for myself, or caring for anything else. I first realized that there was something more important than what I was going to do for myself, when my oldest son was born. Having a family to care for changes you perspective, but that black seed still sits in the bottom of your heart. I know that it is my responsiblilty to take care of my family, provide for them, raise them, and do everything that I can so that they can be sucesseful in life, but I still want to know that I am going to be able to take care of the things that I want.

Again this realization hit me that I am not the only person in the universe, and I have a responsibility to help people, when Bobbie came into our home. Let me ask this question, what is more important, providing a home for a child that has been taken out of his because of a threat to his life, or if you are going to be able to play golf this weekend, or go skiing. The reality is that somewhere inside you still really care about golf. Is this wrong? Does this mean I am a bad person? I don't know. What I do know is that most of the time I have a choice, I know what the right thing to do is. This is the point at which the battle becomes most difficult. Am I going to put aside my life for the life of someone else, or am I going to do what I want to for myself.

No greater love has a man that to lay down his life for another. This scripture is used when we talk about the military, and the soldiers overseas, and is quite fitting, but this scripture means something more to me. No greater love has a man that to set aside his desires, and help fulfill the needs of another.

Yes it is hard, but anything that is worthwhile is going to take some effort. I know that the children that come through this home are going to be changed forever, and maybe have a chance that they didn't have before.

I said that I usually know what is right, but I didn't say that I usually do what is right. I have a long way to go before I am perfect, but I do know that I have never regretted doing that right thing, but I do regret my selfishness.

What does love got to do with it

noreply@blogger.com (Disciple186) — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 01:14:00 +0000

We grow up defining who we are, and what love means to us. We love our parents, we love our families, and we love our spouses. What is it that you think about when you think about love. Is it roses, diamonds, or little hearts that say "miss you"?

These last few months I have seen many different sides of love. John 3:16 comes to mind. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son. Sacrifice is the true face of love. I have seen husbands sacrifice for their familes, traveling overseas in the name of freedom. These same families adapt their lives to live without a father or a husband even while a newborn is on the way.

I have been asked to parent someone elses child and love him like he was my own. I am then supposed to return him back to the same parents after they have proved themselves to be fit. I should be glad that this child will be returned to a loving family, but it still feels like someone is asking me to give away one of my own children. A child that I have raised since he was 3 weeks old.

I have seen a family shattered by death, and felt the ripples of love torn out of someones life. I know that the depth of pain only reflects the strength of love.

My hope is that the loss, pain, and abesence can create bonds of love that did not previously exsist. The glory of love is a family reunited, a child restored to his parents, and a family that rallies around the survivors.

Mistakes can not be taken back, words can not be recanted, and the pain of loss will never be eliminated. But that pain is the evidence of the love we have had, and our capacity to love in the future.