Live in Stereo-News

Bipolar blast-Hospital A

2012-07-02T15:34:00.000-07:00

In the middle of June I was put in the Psych. Unit at the nearby hospital. If only I would retain the lessons I learned there. I hated it , but came out so much better.
What happened was I was manic irritable in spite of my medicine.(this is another story I will post soon) I tried to get help out of my husband and he did not want to deal with me like this, so left. I got upset thinking in my crazed mind he hated me so called to talk to my support at the Dr. She was not there. I had been told her phone was not working which made me angry at a professional place, so I called her boss. This women seemed put out that I had bothered her and I became frustrated explaining about my counselors phone and how that was annoying she would not get my calls. She asked about me being angry. I told her wouldn't you when someone at a professional office has a non working phone.?

I told her I had a pamphlet about speaking up about your care and she switched me to a crisis place. I told them about my husband not listening to me (next time I will hang up- if switched like this.) I had not noticed the switcheroo she did on me. I thought I had gained a listening ear. I am an honest individual and sometimes too trusting when on irritable manic side. this person asked me if I felt like I needed a break.- A change in my meds. I said "yes", I would like that. She made the hospital sound inviting-like leading a witness if you know the workings of trials.. .I could read and rest, YES. I would have a break from dishes and Kids-Don't we all want that once and awhile? YES!Was I feeling like I wanted to harm myself. "Yes, doesn't everyone once and awhile in their situation." She agreed with this concept.

I was making a pie while conversing with her and next thing I know a policeman is coming in yelling at me about having a knife- I was using to cut the fruit with. I was told I would go to the hospital willingly or be arrested and sent for 4 days. I went willingly being told I would only be there 4 hours. Guess what? No phone call, no lawyer, strip searched like a criminal and put in psych unit like I was a druggie. told I was sentenced to 4 days because I wanted an ambulance. ( I did not!)

God got me out with prayer on sunday-2 days early and I did learn so much in there. He is working it to good, even though I believe I was tricked to make a Quinta or something.
I am on several bipolar support sites and most people on there are in and out of the hospital so I consider myself blessed that this was only the 2nd time in 20 years this has happened to me. last time in 97 I wanted to go in because I was psychotic and knew I needed help. That was different.

I am thankful for the experience, but do think it was evil the way they dealt with me. I do deserve hell though. And by God's Spirit and mercy and grace, total trust in him, I have escaped the road of horror I could have been on unsaved. I have a great testimony through Him. Only 2 times in the hospital in 20 years. ONLY HIM.

I will post soon Part B my experience in the hospital.

Heat.

2012-06-28T12:49:00.002-07:00

I was so glad to leave WA state behind with it's dry heat(Even though much better fro my asthma.) to Missouri and last summer there was damp mist hanging in our Ozark valley in the fields. it was beautiful and damp. I only had to water my flower beds 2 times all summer. It rained every 2 or 3 days.It was in 80's - to low 90's.

It feels like the state of Washington out there. Everything is dry, dusty and hot. People never water here much and the few neighbors out here and our lawns look like: dust bowl. I am even watering our beautiful trees. Trying to pray like Elijah. God maybe answered Elijah in Florida for rain and someone here to stop rain. I do not know.

So how is the weather in Siberia? The rain forest getting any coolness? What is the weather like anywhere else?
My chickens look putrid even. Glad they do not mind the dust, but does put a damper on bug catching. had to feed them in winter, now summer?

Thoughts.

2012-06-27T16:23:00.002-07:00

I have been so busy and even if no one else misses this blog I do. Bullet point. 7 thoughts:

Taking care of chickens and my other fowl. A lot of work, though I love it. 7 chicks on their own and mama gone back to father rooster she hatched from. Like mates for life. funny.She did not like the other roosters trying to impress her.
As I noted prior posting: I am thinking of expanding my blogs and focusing on more individual subjects. I am looking at after school starts . It starts here in early August.
I like blogging. I tried hard to write for money sites, but I like to do what I am interested in and seems like I am boxed in with their guidelines. I want to just do what I like.
I have a camera I need to get up and going to post my own photos. I want to draw more readers and be a blessing. this is going to take some time but-
have been doing a lot of projects and wow I am so missing out on not doing pictures.
Birthday party Saturday. I would love to post my party ideas. Oh great another blog subject-How to limit myself.

I try to do everything in moderation as the bible states, but am addicted to Pinterest. it is about the only site I have made time for lately. Everything has really fallen off, including FB which I really miss for fellowship, but just cannot seem to get on there at this time. My pen pal has been shuttered to back seat also, so has All Recipes and even though I have over $100 dollars earned in gift cards for Amazon- and this is a plus I believe- I have not had time to even order.

I love posting pictures on here so am thinking what I would love to see........... Above ^

Branching Out

2012-06-21T09:24:00.002-07:00

I always knew I needed to focus more on a single subjects with my top interests. I have been praying and thinking on what to do. I hope it is not just envy, but I feel deflated when I see blogs with at least 300 followers. I am thankful my 15. Finding time will be hard part, but I can do about 50 projects in one day. This includes things as brushing teeth of course-small and big projects. So I may be branching out and spreading my wings. If any have input please let me know. I like anything not sinful. I will keep this one awhile with just all over the board posts, but I need to focus on a couple single subjects which is extremely hard for me-one reason I never got a degree. I could not settle on anyone I liked so many.. I am extremely diligent, creative, focused with wisdom and spontaneity. I am an excellent problem solver. Someone saying they like my blog and not following is not good enough for me. What would be a need in the blog world I could fill.-even if not as fun to write? What do I really love in all my hobbies? - I would enjoy? This is really tough! What can I do simple, but extraordinary.Easy,y to do , but so eye popping it come off astounding. .I have a lot to offer, but I am over the board and do not know if blogger as my resource will cut it.I want to start doing my own photos with my projects and just need to redo-LIKE A NICE Hairstyle.

I will try to do this one also, because it is my funky blog. And start out slow getting the others going.
Things I love to blog on:

DIY
GARDENING
BIPOLAR
NATURAL HEATH
BIBLE
READING
HOUSEHOLD TIPS
COLORS
FARMING
INTERNEY
CHRISTIAN MUSIC
FUN STUFF

HOW WILL I EVER FIGURE IT OUT?

P.S. I was off here for a longer time than normal since I was in the hospital -first time ever for non psychotic bipolar. I think I will definitely do a site on that since it is a real need.

Follow up links and images.

2012-06-11T14:48:00.000-07:00

PCOS Challenge - PCOS | Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome Support - Connect With Other Women and Join the Fight Against Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

As promised and following up my post from 5/29 -called "This and That". I wrote on my daughters surgery and PCOS. The above link is is a great helpful community and learning site to check out for anyone or anyone that knows someone with PCOS

http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/BannerServlet

The link above is a site for finding missing children. Pictures on there heart-wrenching I have included on poster of a missing child . this site has a collage of faces.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rare_disease. I mentioned the rare disease a mother was crusading for with her twins. Rare diseases often called: orphan diseases are explained here via Wikipedia. Rare disease day last day in February.

http://www.ehow.com/how_4735726_make-rose-beads.html

For the fun of the day, I am including directions for rose petal beads. Lovely way to keep those summer petals for a lifetime of memories.

Future posting -What is coming up.

2012-06-09T16:18:00.000-07:00

HYDRANGEAS

Will be explaining my new blog roll my main great blog link and catching up on links promised in the next few days by God's grace.Thanks for hanging on.

Ways To Reuse Gift Wrap

2012-06-09T15:29:00.000-07:00

wrapping paper scraps

Mason Jars

shredded wrapping scraps.

Ways To Reuse Gift Wrap

This is a great link with several ways to use any left over or prior use gift wrap This goes back to our frugal hobbies series on crafting. I have been saving pieces of wrapping paper for awhile an was happy to find these ideas. This site has many other great craft ideas. So check it out.The ideas listed on the page are:

Decorating of mason jars.
Shredding the wrap to use in different ways.
Paper bows
Decoupaged pencils
Lining envelopes prettily.

For more great ideas for crafting and DIY , check out my Pint erst board. I have several for crafting One to check out is:Simple and cheap Crafting Pinterest board

Some great health sites

2012-06-05T19:43:00.001-07:00

A diversion from the norm: Ever since I got real sick a month or so back, I have really been studying up on healing stuff I can find in my backyard. I live in rural Missouri so almost anything can be found with a few feet of my porch steps. I do not want to be sick like that again and I also want to get off my dependence on prescription and over counter drugs. Not only do I have bipolar and hate the medical system, but I also have "brittle" asthma, and chronic pain. Besides these chronic conditions I have some minor ailments. Because my allergies-asthma are my most deadly condition, I am concentrating on it first. Above are 3 Pinterest pins I pinned to my health board.

The first picture, my focus is the 2nd from bottom "weed" Usnea. it is supposed to be all over U. S. , but I have had trouble finding information on my area about it being found here. I have seen it before, but maybe it was in northwest where I have also lived. Not even the extension office knew anything concerning it. I have read how to make tinctures with this and others following and it is online to order, but I would rather do it myself since it is expensive.
Stinging Nettles: They are all over and as I am able will do them, I will. Cover plants with alcohol or vinegar for several weeks, then stain liquid through cheese cloth. Toss the plant parts and use dropper They have a lot of properties for many conditions-as does usnea. I would love to have the book.
Butter bur-I am sure I have seen this plant on outings, but my husband did find this one in capsules at a health food store. It is really helping the allergies-It seems, though I am not ready to jump into not taking my asthma medicines....YET? I hope to find this plant also since the store price was steep.

For safety, I would recommend you check with your Dr. before trying your own medicinals.
Check out my health board on Pinterest: 28 pins and growing. Health on Pinterest

This and That.

2012-05-29T14:14:00.003-07:00

Had several things in mind to post and could not focus so I thought I would just say a few things going on at the moment.

I have tried "help" on blogger and even Googled what has happened to the " follow" button on every blog I try to "follow" on here. I do not know what I am doing wrong and can find no answers. Has it changed with the new blog changes? You used to -if you had a blogger blog account- hit "follow" to follow a blog easily. Now I cannot find this spot on any blog on here. FRUSTRATING.
My daughter was screaming in pain Saturday and acting like she was in labor. She has PCOS, ( I will include a link on this condition which I diagnosed myself to DR, much to their chagrin, if you want to read up on this condition.) ,but never this bad of symptoms. Finally at the hospital, with a cat scan, she was found to have a base ball sized cyst on one fallopian tube. This is another story I do not want to go into here, but she was born with a deformity that somehow when she formed in the womb -(she was my hardest pregnancy and I wonder if it may have been indication)When the baby she was ,was forming and sex was determined by xx chromosome, what would have been xy as a male and cause the drop of sex organs did not completely eradicate and she ended up with a tiny bit of male formation on one fallopian tube. This caused a cyst to form and it lay like a pearl in an oyster shell until puberty where hormones kicked in and caused the pearl to grow until as happened this past weekend it became so heavy it twisted her tube inside out and around which as with an oyster became so irritating and painful, she had to be operated on as an emergency. She is now recovering from the operation this past Sunday night and I for one am looking forward to her being free of all the pain and stuff she has suffered from that cyst draining her life. It had brought on false diabetes, made her gain weight even when she ate right, made her sluggish, etc.
Following #2: I saw a story similar with some guy that went in for a cat scan and he was a male. He also had some female parts that had not dissolved and now he is messed up if he is male or female. My daughter is female. He is male. I will go by the bible even in this sin cursed world where things do not always turn out perfect as we would like. this is a subject it is not easy to talk about, but to me whatever parts are on the outside of the body is the determining factor, not alittle piece from some genetic twist in the interior.
And speaking of genetics. My mom gave me magazine subscriptions -of which I do read some of the articles (though I do not really care that much for the whole magazine) Really heart breaking but triumphant story of a mom who had twins 8 years ago. I read this before the happening with my daughter, but I am so thankful that even though this is hard and I do not understand God's ways at all, I am not dealing with the no cure disease this family discovered their 2 little girl's had. Only 500 cases int the whole world and her fight to save these girls. Which is still going on as they search for a cure for an extremely rare disorder. I will add link here also, If you care to read more.
All the points above are depressing-at least to me. Also the 25th was missing children's day, which is a big passion of mine (missing people) Perhaps you read or heard of Etan Pratz who the day was started from. He disappeared at 6 Yrs. of age walking to school on morning. They now have a confession, after 33 years are trying to find his skeleton since the confessor said he put the body in a garbage bin. I also read about a 4 year ordeal of 2 missing kids reunited with their mom. Both are answers to prayer. At the same time , I find it hard not to be sad by the evil surrounding this world. Glad to have prayers for these answered, but cannot wait for the "real answer" to come back (Jesus)and stop this stuff from happening ever again.
ON an upside note, I am drying flowers from Mother's day and my daughter's high school graduation to make flower beads out of. I will post a link on that. I have made beads from roses way back and they still smell like a fresh rose- though they look like a black cyst. lol This will be a way to keep the flowers and since I am using other types than roses will probaly add rose fragrance to the paste I make the beads with.
My gardens are looking lovely and there are so many butterflies in my yard. That with the new baby chickens and so may birds, my heart soars. I saw a beautiful garden sparkler on Pinterest via Etsy that I am going to try to duplicate after I get off here. Will link a picture of it also.
I could add more, but I think this is enough for one post. I will do a follow up post with links and pictures.

SO FRUSTRATING, I HAVE TRIED TO GIVE INFORMATION LINKS IN ANOTHER POST ABOUT ALL ABOVE, BUT AM GIVING UP FOR TODAY. WILL NOT LET ME FOR SOME REASON. WILL GET BACK TO IT SOON. THANKS FOR UNDERSTANDING. I AM STILL LEARNING AS I GO.

Good Reads book challnge widget

2012-05-23T14:57:00.001-07:00

Frustrating, I tried and re did and worked on it and checked help on the/Good Read's site and could not get the widget to show my updated book progress. I am at like 45 out of 80 books so am ahead for the year so far and the widget was stuck at 3. I finally-sadly-got rid of it and put another type on there. I am so disappointed since I liked the reading challenge one. Sigh.....

Unfavorites Letter E

2012-05-23T13:35:00.001-07:00

This one Is actually one I can like I just do not like having to get it done in and fir it in.

I saw that I had doubled up on my unfavorites for letter D, (so one was extra and no cost). LOL So on to letter E.

A few happy endings, but endings really are sad most of the time.

Emptiness-this one really fits with one of the factors in depression. I want to do post set on this one with that focus soon.

Rattlesnake bites man at Wal-Mart (OneNewsNow.com)

2012-05-21T13:35:00.001-07:00

Rattlesnake bites man at Wal-Mart (OneNewsNow.com

You may have already read this odd news, but if you have not . Crazy one.

I tried to do another blog and just could not get it right so gave up for another day. I had this on "draft" so this is what I decided to do instead. I am at least posting OKAY. LOL!!!!!!!

Bipolar blast- sickness part 2

2012-05-16T14:06:00.001-07:00

I never made it to Dr, but using a myriad of things I am doing better. I am really glad to have gotten over this stuff( it seems) without The Dr.

Well back to what happens to me when sick with bipolar.
Going back almost 20 years until I first experienced a time being sick when I thought my experience was a normal one for anyone with a yearly influenza bout. I am so thankful it has been many years since I had influenza. I am talking the high temp. , cannot do nothing but lay in bed, with burning ague with upset stomach, headache and lung pain. Not mere stomach-what people call flu- which is not really flu. This is the flu where you can barely walk to bathroom and so grabbed in hand by dizziness, you feel like you will fall down.True influenza like the kind that killed so many in early 1900's.
This time I had it- I remember laying in front of the bedroom door in carpeted hallway, hoping for strength to get the rest of way to bathroom;. I started having dark shapes before my eyes and seeing hallucinations as I lay in excruciating pain heap. I thought this would be normal for everyone since bad sickness with high tempo can bring hallucinations to some people. I had read of that. At that time I did not know the bipolar I had beneath the surface. Every time I became really ill, I have these. I did not have them bad with my last bout but slightly. Being sick is extreme scarey with bipolar. in my situation anyway, I am not sure if other bipolar get this as well. I do not know if those that I read so long ago with high temperature and hallucinations had any mental issues either. Some were missionaries and I think many in this field would lean towards more of the mind set or temperament such as mine. Just my thoughts on it.

A big problem is with me is also my extremely dangerous and deadly asthma. Because of my asthma I can more easily become sick in a harder manner. My lungs easily go to bronchitis and there may be someone out there like me-perhaps several-with "brittle" asthma. (Only 5% of asthmatics have this deadly form.)

Steroids: When I had pneumonia and lung troubles I could not get over because of the Hamas. I have been put on Prednisone. This is a great medicine to get rid of the asthma and any infection. but as many know with sport steroids and medical Prednisone is no different. Dangerous drug for long term. One time on it when I was 19 I gained 10 pounds in a short time from side effects. I hate the cravings you get. I was on it and gobbled 3 hot dogs and a pile of macaroni and cheese when I took it for the Pneumonia.
Where does this lead me with bipolar? The Prednisone also effects hallucination factor. I had to take it fro my lungs a year ago and I had really bad hallucinations. It seem to get worse every time I take it. I put trust in God and his promise of a sound mind, but the thought of having to take the stuff is total "fear factor."

Since I live out in the forest (hardwoods -Ozark Mtns.) - now that I am feeling better and have spent sick time studying the subject- I am checking into wild herbs and plants to make tinctures for lung strengthening. I am checking in with extension and horticulture stuff in the area, am hoping to get some natural help with my asthma so I will not have these bouts. Will let all know what I discover. I like studying that subject, just another thing takes time.

So this is the extra horror for sickness with bipolar for me anyway.

Blurps in blog.

2012-05-14T16:33:00.001-07:00

My links are not connecting in blog roll and my book progress had not updated on good reads widget. Embarrassing. Will fix and get to the problem as soon as I am able. Sorry.

Excited.

2012-05-14T15:49:00.000-07:00

Ward catalog- my birth year camera.

I am still not totally up to par, but yesterday for Mother's day received a new camera. I am hoping that I will be able to post pictures- ordered as taken -showing steps for crafts, cooking, yard sale finds, etc. I wanted to share this since I am exited. I also have not forgotten blog post # 2 on bipolar and sickness. Please have patience with me in my weak and worn down situation. It is just too close to home at the moment with my faith barometer to finish the continuing story. (So like bipolar to get in the way.)

I saw a cute blog button on a friend's blog on here and wanted to get one done, but this is to be for another day. Just not having another strength to be my whirlwind self. Hopefully soon, I can reveal one of my own. Really like the button....http://libbysbitofheaven.blogspot.com/p/my-blog-button.html

Friend's blog "Beautiful" button.

Thoughts On God.

2012-05-12T16:30:00.000-07:00

I want to post, but actually I am feeling worse than I had been for several days. I have tried everything to heal ,myself. today it is 4 weeks. I think 2 weeks of it was a cold and this went into 2nd bacterial infection that I cannot get rid of . I will probably have to end up at DR. I have been trying to wait until insurance kicked in if I can endure another almost week of what seems like bees buzzing in my ears and the extra depression. Friends on FB are even concerned since I do not even want to deal with it which is very unusual for me.

To cover up noise that cannot be described unless you have had ear infections like I have. I am at least thankful there is no pain, but it is like water torture,extreme in the right ear s o I can barely hear out of them. Without allergy meds I am coughing so bad to throwing up phlegm from the guts upon awakening. And so much coming up from lungs you would think body would expel it out ant it would be gone. I am going off on family- not like me at all.

My thoughts on God right now. I know many are wrong and they need to be cast down per : 2Co_10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. They surely are not captive unto God's will. To block out ear noise, I have been listening to preaching which helps.At the same time, (And I know we all have some kind of difficulties in our lives,
These are straight what thought I am thinking:

What is the use of praying? A few night ago, my husband thought it better to leave the ducks out since they are happy eating bugs at night and they are big. Plus we have tiny chicks in the coop a couple inches tall and did not want the ducks to squash them. One has been killed already. So we did and even terribly sick I had confidence with praying for Gods to watch over them. Now one of our beautiful ducks is gone.
I am somehow cursed for marrying into a family that is cursed. If you knew my husband's family you would understand. Or Is it because I was a bastard born by unwed mother. Born with bipolar and extreme asthma which has been illness blight since I was about 3. Both of these showed up at about same time.This has been my misfortune to be an outcast since childhood because to this day no one understands my allergy to animals especially. I was and am not able to have friends because I cannot go to some peoples houses with my condition. It is always a terror to me to have to make sure people do not have pets inside everywhere I go and explain and have people say they will just put them out. That will not work. it is in the air, in the carpet on the walls, Microscopic dander particles.
Hard to trust God, that heaven will be that wonderful, when it has been like total nightmare existence for 4 weeks.this is what husband said today, feeling terrible should make you long for heaven all the more. Maybe if heaven took up more bible pages, I might be more confident in the fact. Maybe if I had more foretaste of it instead of sin and sadness, I might see some good somewhere.
My family hates me. I need to go away. I do not blame them, I am acting hateful myself.
The shame , the guilt but forgiven. Yes Oswald Chambers said God does not go by what makes sense. I am forgiven? Hard to believe it.
You must have really stirred the enemy up with your stand and that is why you are in all this tribulation.Atheist have a point. what kind of God is this that is not able to do things in love in another manner that is not so horrifying. And I do not have it bad compared to many more. I know this. Nobody murdered my mom and sister with a maniac on the lose. or I am not starving in Africa just because I happened to be unblessed enough to be born on the dark continent.
Why does the enemy or God keep you so bogged down in affliction you can do nothing? Your heart wants to give, but unable even though you are to have sufficiency to abound to every good work.
Why did you pray such foolish stuff on the mountain? And why does God answer all the negative prayers, but not the positive ones?
If I had only been or could be status quo plastic christian-easy sailing.
I have always strived to walk in spirit for judgement seat of Christ. But if you do not care once there about the rewards, what is the point?
He has magnified his word above his very name, so when His word makes a promise it should be kept.

There are probably others, but lastly I would say: Explain the healing verses? Now I am not Pentecostal or charismatic , Oral Roberts or others, but what is the healing mentioned.? I have always believed per transition of acts from physical healing to sickness not healed to mean this is a spiritual healing. The only way you can fit it, is to make it a future heaven event since if it is spiritual healing, no working either. STILL SIN, What are you supposed to believe. I have dealt with atheists- i think they are fools, but do see their issue, Rapture people in every form, non rapture , lose salvation folks, Calvinism of several flavors.only God is love "Christians." I say the term loosely for all these. worldly Christians that blocked me for disliking Micheal Jackson. Such confusion, such division, such disobedience everywhere, if I have any sanity left,I am amazed.

I hate writing this , but need to vent. I hate telling what is actually whirring in my head. I do know these are. lacking faith, evil not wisdom from above and in un belief-of which I know better. Throw the self pity in and I am headed for perhaps the loss of my very life like in John 5 ( I do not get that one, wouldn't you want him to take you home anyway? ) As Stated at the beginning of post I should be casting them down. Just some thought and I am sorry if this causes any one else any problems.
CALL me a FOOL !!!!!!!! I can call myself that much quicker and far stronger than anyone. Job gets the righteous award, I get the kill her in the desert murmur award.

Stubborn

I cry and maybe in mercy someday I will be here again:

Apology-

2012-05-11T17:27:00.003-07:00

I have not been able to get to part 2 of my blog on bipolar and sickness. I will get it done soon though. In the meantime I am supplementing with a draft I have not published yet- this concerns one of my fascinating pastimes: Castles and Abandoned Forts. Is next post of this day.

10 Unique Ruined Forts and Castles

2012-05-11T17:25:00.000-07:00

10 Unique Ruined Forts and Castles

Wolf's Lair Poland. To read more on this and the 9 other ruins hit on link.http://listverse.com/2012/05/05/10-unique-ruined-forts-and-castles/#.T6UvOvRC5EE.blogger

Love this list. A sample:

bibpolar blast and sickness

2012-05-09T17:02:00.002-07:00

Have been away from here for several days since I have been pretty sick.What was a viral cold turned into bacterial infection in ears and lungs which I have done everything in my power to get rid of. I did not recognize it coming. Not only do I have Bipolar, I also have chronic asthma and chronic pain which has not been determined the cause of.
3 weeks ago, I had extra bad pain on the side of my hips above my normal body chronic ache. I had not had this hip pain for a long time and because of my chronic pain took it to be just the regular chronic pain worsening( though I had read an article in Reader's digest about a cold in the hip and way back when I had a lot of colds the cold would start with excruciating hip pain.) I had drawn by trial and error that the hip pain was related to being sick somehow and was excited to see this article in reader's digest. I really believed it was the cold manifesting in my hip as article stated.
I mentioned this to a DR. some time back and he had "answers" you know what I mean? Maybe not all Dr's are this way, but the ones I have dealt with do not like to hear something from a patient that does not go along with the pedigree they have. I am just "crazy woman." That is the feeling I get and with my extreme sensitivity via bipolar, I am right about what I am actually hearing come through a lot in this category.
Well my hip hurt and they are trying to figure out if I have arthritis after so many years because of lack of insurance-which is another story. I- at first felt like the hip must prove I am going into far worse arthritis. I thought fleetingly about how the pain used to come when I was sick, but I did not think I was at all sick.
I had other sick signs. I was very depressed -normal with extreme dark pole of bipolar, but this depression was an unusually bad and different form, but I just thought It was normal bipolar.
I also started clogging up in my eyes, nose. I began sneezing like I was wanting to win the sneeze prize in Guinness World record book. I attributed all the prior things to my allergies since I struggle so much with being hit with 2nd hand smoke and animal dander I cannot always catch and control anyplace I go. Not even in my own house. It is dragged in with the "dirt."
I went on a week like this. A couple days I conked out and took long naps-which is very unlike me. I thought it was the medicine I take for the bipolar since it can cause me to be tired sometimes, but I was so extra fatigued-more than the usual. I still did not recognize I was sick though.
A week and a 1/2 into it feeling terrible I woke up to a sore throat. Blam-hit upside head. This is not allergies and my asthma, nor is it bipolar, though I think the bipolar depression was worsened extremely by the sickness. It was not my medication and the far worse pain was being sick.
This is my introduction. I will try by tomorrow or at least Friday How horrifying bipolar can be when you are sick for me anyway. this would probabnly be the worst part if bipolar and the only blast it might give is splintering pain of a bomb blast of trepidation.

To be continued: Part 2............

What I am into now-blog roll

2012-05-02T15:25:00.000-07:00

Collections found at stores mentioned-even shelf

A spoon lamp made from items found at a 2nd hand store.

I have really been into going to thrift stores and collecting for a couple months lately so this month I put on my blog roll 4 blogs I found wandering around that cover collecting and thrifting for lovely stuff. If this is one thing you enjoy, you may want to check them out. Love, but off and on in spurts-flea markets, yard sales, 2nd hand stores, junk collecting shops..........

Favorite things letter K

2012-05-01T14:45:00.000-07:00

Kids and Kindness

Moving on to letter K.
Kindness
Kids

King of Kings

Kingdom

Bipolar and Depression -Acrostic

2012-04-25T15:14:00.001-07:00

D= Darkness
E= Elusive to happiness
P= Pain
P= Pointless existence
R= Ruinous feeling of remorse.
E= Enough of despair.
S= Sadness
S= Sun has been put out.
I= Images of tarnish into blackness.
O= Over bounding in sorrow and tears.
N= Nothingness-None can bring me up. Waiting.........

2Co 1:8 For we would not, brethren, have you ignorant of our trouble which came to us in Asia, that we were pressed out of measure, above strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life:
2Co 1:9 But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead:
2Co 1:10 Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us;

Flowers vs Chocolate

2012-04-23T13:18:00.002-07:00

Flowers look Good.............

Chocolate IS Good

Chocolate is Good!!!!

So which will you have next month for Mothers Day? LOL.

Bipolar Blast-Top problem of living with this is Manic or depression driven manic irritability.

2012-04-22T08:23:00.003-07:00

David's Random Thoughts
This is a great explanation for the worst bipolar effect. I found this blog last week and has some great stuff to help bipolar. I could not have said this hard subject in a better manner so I have shared this blog with you as a guest blog and recommend the whole blog if you need to learn of bipolar. This is a blog with a different take on it then the personality I bring to the subject on my own blog. Here is a copy of it, but go to the site and read a lot of good stuff. Helpful stuff.

Bipolar 101 - "Irritability"

I thought that for some of my coming posts I would describe a little about the symptoms of someone who has bipolar, mainly myself. I write to be able to give you a little insight into what I experience or have experienced in the past. Maybe it will encourage you as you go through the same thing or maybe it will give you insight as a family member or friend! These things are hard to describe, so bear with me.

I chose irritability as the first symptom because I think that this one was the one that my family can most relate to. Other symptoms such as my racing thoughts, grandiosity, sexuality and behaviors were there of course. But perhaps they would claim that this one was the most difficult to deal with. It affected them the most directly on a day by day basis.

Imagine always being irritated and never knowing why. Many of us will be irritated if someone steps in our way or does something that we feel is an infringement upon the way that we like to see things done. That is common and natural and depending on how we deal with it, it is a perfectly natural emotion. But for the one that has bipolar disease there is no rationality. Everything irritated me at all times! It really seemed to be a 100% narcissitic emotion where everything, and I mean everything, had to be done according to my frame of mind. If it wasn't, the irritability would fly. But note: I said the word "seemed." It "seemed to be." I didn't want it to be that way and frankly I had no idea that it was that way. But somehow my mind had warped into the position where it was trying to protect it's own territory at all costs. My mind was fractured and it was trying to protect itself from anything that seemed wrong. It was too weak to be able too handle anything else that conflicted with what it believed. There were many times of irritability where I had no understanding of why I was irritated. I just knew that I was.

My mind had literally broken and so even the smallest of things would then send off an attack mode. Just a word, just a clanging dish, just a wrong look, just a minor disagreement and there was irritation. At the time the irritation felt like it was the right response - it was justified and it made sense. After all, you infringed on what I thought was the correct thing and how dare you do that! And it was a normal response if the behavior indeed had been wrong on the part of the other person. The problem was that the behavior was not that bad. My mind made it to be much more grievous than what it actually was.

The irritability was an over reaction to an exaggerated behavior in my own mind. I became argumentative and demanding, hostile and impatient, aggressive and super quick to anger. I would try and step back and count to 10, but my mind was to overly sensitive and to easily offended. Everything seemed like an attack and I became intolerant, snappy and critical. I lashed out at everyone and everything in my path. It was all about self protection. My mind was aggressive and hostile. Everything became chaotic for me.

Imagine now a stray cat that gets cornered and is scared. What is it's reaction when you try to reach out to help? In it's mind you are there to hurt, not to help, and so it responds accordingly. The claws fly, the hair stands on end, there is a high pitched hiss and a cry, and then there is the fight. The cat can not see that you are there to help. It can not see that you are not a danger to him. He is simply trying to protect his own. His mind is not seeing the situation clearly.

Maybe this is not the "purfect" (lol! sorry!) example, but it does get at the heart of the challenge. My mind believed that it had to protect it's space, it had to careful to keep things calm. It knew that things were swarming around inside just like a hurricane, tornado, tusnami, and earthquake all at the same time. Too much was happening all at the same time in my head and so the smallest of intrusions would literally send it over the edge. The smallest of things were the straws that broke the camel's back. Fury would be unleashed as it tried to protect itself from any new threat that might add more noise to the mental storm.

My family paid the price for that imbalance. They received the brunt of the hostile demands of an angry, impatient, argumentative, snappy, critical over reactive mind. They dealt with that emotional abuse for years on end as my mind continued to deteriorate. My heart goes out to them. I still have no full comprehension of what that must have been like. I have a small comprehension now from friends who have acted like towards me and I feel a portion of the horror of being on the receiving end, but I have no idea what it was like to be in it day in or day out.

So how has that changed? My mind is calmer now. It has been a tough 6 years since I was diagnosed. Unfortunately there were some who thought I could change overnight, but it has taken much time to rewire my brain. Through medications, lifestyle changes, and coping techniques my mind has calmed. I enjoyed hearing from my son over a year ago as he looked at me in disbelief. There was a bunch of noise going on in the house and my lovely girlfriend was being her usual bubbly ("loud"..lol!) self and I was happy and calm. He commented on the change several times which brought tears to my eyes. He saw the change.

My mind still today struggles on a regular basis with the noise factor. Recently, MaryEllen and I have gone to several events where the noise and confusion was simply to much. I politely had to leave - my mind could not handle the confusion as it reminded me of what used to be happening on a daily basis on the inside of my mind, not on the outside. I find at other times that when my mind starts to head towards those storms again that I will reach into my coping technique bag. Inside there you would find deep breathing techniques, meditation, long walks, more vitamins, eating habit changes and other distractions. I am honored by my son's opinion on the change and I am equally honored when MaryEllen states that she does not understand why family thought that I caused them grief through constant irritation. Things have changed. The family never caused the irritations. My mind did as it reacted to the imbalances of the storm that were raging.

ODD STORY

2012-04-18T12:14:00.000-07:00

Animal lover moves pet horse into her living room after falling out with neighbours

I love my birds and dogs, but is this a little too out there? : Comments following story are interesting .