Is there anything more disappointing than becoming exactly what everyone said you would? Feeling the way they told you you’d feel, wanting the things they told you you’d want?

It seems such a failure to be so painfully un-unique, to be the same as, oh, everyone else in the whole world ever. You’re no snowflake. You’re just another child of a couple baby boomers; another Gen Y-er who eventually gave up boozing for a healthy relationship, a fulfilling career and a pack of friends she can really lean on. (Like everyone else approaching 30, I traded in the large pack of acquaintances for the small nuclear circle of love. Yet another cliché, sigh.)

I suppose it’s all relative, right? The most interesting person in the world probably feels they’re anything but. When people say they admire this or that about me, I feel like a fraud, a phony. Is it an issue of perception, or am I actually faking them out? Is it a front I’m putting on that can be ripped away? Or do they truly see who I am — an accomplished woman — and I just cannot?

When I look at myself, all I see is the loose ends: I have trouble paying my bills sometimes, I worry if I’ll be a good mom, I hate myself for not calling friends enough, for deciding to move across the country from family when they need me most. I love my job, but I’m terrified of somehow losing it all. That the tech bubble will burst, or that because social ROI is still (nearly) impossible to measure, my work will never be appreciated.

And yet a part of me knows that, at least on paper, I lead a life far more fortunate and exciting than most in this world. I face exhilarating challenges in my job, constantly engage with brilliant people, and learn new things every day. I never worry about food or a roof or even about having someone to lean on; my primal needs are more than covered (and usually come with a side of bacon).

I fear the expense, worry and responsibility of raising a family, and yet I can’t imagine a life without creating one. I outwardly revel in “feeling old” and staying in most nights, because truthfully, part of me is so relieved that I did stop feeling the need to constantly be out and drinking and surrounded by people. (I don’t want to party anymore, but I sort of miss the girl who did.)

And I wonder if that light died too fast, and if it will ever flicker back on… or is this just the next chapter, and should I simply be glad for it?

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Almost exactly a year ago, I packed all my worldly possessions and flew across the country (BTW, my favorite new flight search tool = flighthub. Get on it!), accompanied by a loudly protesting feline. We moved to a city I’d only ever spent a few hours in, to live with strangers I’d found on Craigslist, and start a new job at one of the world’s coolest companies. I had Twitter friends, and friends-of-friends, but essentially, I was on my own. (Well, except for that yowling cat.)

I’ve never been one to shy away from change; if anything, I search it out and crave it. If things aren’t changing, I feel like I’m stuck, or stagnant. Or the ultimate sin in my eyes - boring.

So, if you think about it, it actually makes perfect sense that I’ve decided to leave the security of corporate Americana for the scrappy, insanely busy lifestyle of a lean little startup.

Adobe has been an incredible ride. I’ve worked on social for some of the world’s biggest brands, while learning from brilliant teammates, colleagues and the world’s best manager. And best of all, we had a ton of fun while doing it. (God, I will miss our Skype chats full of videos of animals doing and wearing silly things they have no right to be doing or wearing. It’s incredible for team morale.)

But the opportunity presented to me is one I simply can’t pass up. The chance to lead my own community team and head up social for one of the nation’s most exciting companies; a business that’s not only part of the “share economy” I so love, but actively revolutionizing the transportation industry? Sign me up, please.

April 15th will be a very good day this year. A) Because my taxes are already done, and B) because that’s the day I’ll start my work as Sidecar‘s National Social Media Manager, where I’ll be focused on growing our amazing national rideshare community by leading a team of 8 community managers spread out across the nation, all charged with telling the SideCar story in their home city.

Dream job FTW.

So that’s me! What are your big life changes? I need to get back into the blogger-ly world – in the year that I’ve been here, I’ve focused solely on exploring the new (enchanting) city around me and developing my new relationships; I feel like it’s time to get back into e-world as well.

So *sips my wine* - what’s new with you??

Update: We’re hiring like crazy as we expand – check out the openings here and we could be coworkers (squeeee)!!!!

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Most of you who talk to me outside of this blog know this little ditty by now. Many of you have even met the incredible man I serendipitously moved in with, and immediately fell for, when I landed in this fair city last spring.

But for the rest of you… well, it’s about time.

In truth I got a little too lucky; people shoot me death glares when I mention how we met. (Actually, Shawn hates that story, since I enjoy telling people that “we met on Craigslist.” Granted, it was in the apartment listings, not the casual encounters, but what can I say – it makes me laugh, anyway.)

It was all very moth-to-flame. I warned myself, I swore to friends that I wouldn’t let his cuteness faze me… and then promptly forgot all of that the moment I moved in. He was too funny, too brilliant, too witty, too sexy (and with just a trace of an eastern European accent – seriously, what’s a girl to do)?

The next few months, quite honestly, should have been captured on film. (Let’s just say Britney’s “Chaotic” had nothing on us.) It was a whirlwind of emotions, of highest highs and lowest lows (all of which were patiently borne by our innocent bystander of a third roommate. God bless you, Brian.)

But we got through it intact, somehow. Eventually we decided to do the responsible thing and date like normal people, so I moved out in September, a whole half a mile away… which lasted all of four months. But it was long enough for us to realize that living apart, while responsible and whathaveyou, was wrong in every way.

We’re now bunned up in an adorable Pac Heights apartment with Girl Cat and a new furry addition:

Please to meet L’il Sebastian.

It’s been such a short, fun-filled, wonderful year, but in that short time, I already can’t imagine what my life would be like without him. I feel like something (fate, karma, call it what you will) was literally dragging me across the country to meet the one person who could inspire me to become the girl – the woman – I’ve always wanted to be. He challenges me in ways that both drive me nuts and that I always knew I would need, and I am desperately, beautifully, satisfyingly head over heels is love with him.

So that’s the story. Sorry for the one-year cliffhanger, for those of you who only know me through this blog… I didn’t want to jinx it. But now that L’il Sebastian’s in the picture, I’m pretty sure he’ll be sticking around.

/schmoop

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I think the reason it took me so long to return to this place is that I don’t *just* want to write; I want to write well. Sharing with e-friends is great. Recording memories is even better. And being a part of the “blogging community” (at least as it was Once Upon a Time) is the very best of all. But my primary motivator has always been to produce something I was proud of; something that would make people laugh, or at least feel something.

Even though I’ve (finally) been pushed to come back here thanks to a very cool project with Sony (more below) — and I’m very grateful for the much needed nudge — I’m still a bit hesitant because, honestly, I feel like my writing rhythm is gone. Or at least in need of some serious re-discovering. But I suspect the only way to conquer that is just to attack it head on, bull-in-a-china-shop style. (That’s always been the method I’m most comfortable with, anyway.)

So here we go! Fortunately for you, my first posts back here will be quite media-rich, thanks to Sony’s ridiculously fun Unedited 408 Project. They’ve chosen social-savvy people from all over the country to rep their cities in the photographical sense, and I’m thrilled to be their Bay area person of choice. Over the next week or two, I’ll be taking 50 unedited photos of my fair city; things I believe show the true San Francisco. (I hope this doesn’t have to be PG-rated, because the real SF is generally not family friendly — and we like it that way.)

I’ll be leaking a few of the shots here, and then the whole collection will be up for viewing in the Santa Rosa Sony Store (hence the #Sony408 hashtag, for those of you wondering why it’s not 415!) before finally being online for the whole world to see. This will be especially interesting for me, because I am one of the worst photographers on. the. planet. If there’s bad lighting, I’ll find it. I never know when to use the flash, and even my cat has a double chin in my pics. Still excited you picked me, Sony?

No matter how they come out, ultimately, I think  it’ll be a blast. And my ulterior motive is that by the end of it, I’ll feel comfortable blogging (at least somewhat) regularly again. Uber win.

(Please leave tips for beginners below, photogs!)

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This place, which was essentially my second home for so long, has been quiet for the better part of a year now.

And if I’m being honest, it wasn’t very loud in the months leading up to that. A pitiful smattering of (unintentional) teasers, vague-isms, and a few brave moments I probably shouldn’t have published (but am ultimately glad I did, and not just for the e-hugs I so desperately needed at the time).

I’m surprised at how that stretch of silence has ticked on and on, honestly. I suppose the past year was just such a roller coaster, it was all I could do to live it, never mind find the energy to share it. I’m not sure yet if I’ll regret how much time I missed getting down on paper; how many memories will disappear because I couldn’t find the wherewithal to save them here.

But it is what it is, right? And I can either continue to sit on my ass and ponder that, or I can shut up and start to hit publish again.

Fortunately, I was handed a fun shiny new project out of the sky today – something that will require posting somewhat regularly for the next couple weeks. It’s one that I’m actually excited about, so I think it’s the perfect excuse to get back into the habit of sharing, (Or over-sharing, as we all know is much more likely with me.)

So that’s it, for now. I’ll try to play catch up over the next couple weeks, and get back to a place of normalcy here, so that it’s no longer this big, fat, bully of a blank page that stretches on for eons and can’t possibly be filled. Instead, it will just be my little old life, day by day-ish, again – a place I once again love to call home.

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