Live Knowing This... aha moments of self growth

My first novel is out now!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 19:20:00 +0000

I've turned to fiction and I love it! My first book is called 'Your Perfect Life Will Commence Shortly'. The novel is about everything in life happening for a reason, embracing who you are and where you have come from. Because I love self development, my books are all going to have self development woven into them. I'm merging my love of that with fiction and writing.

My author website is www.allison-oneill.com and you can buy copies here http://allison-oneill.com/Buy%20the%20novel.htm (It is not currently available in any stores). It costs $23 including postage within New Zealand and $30 International. There is a book preview (first 2 chapters) available on the site too.

Its official blurb is:

Lucille Ryan's childhood was not your typical one. She never got to run around, play and laugh with other kids. Her mum; Paula, wanted her to have the best start in life which she believed came from education. Forced to spend her every waking moment doing extra work her mum set for her, Lucille is very lonely. She is considered weird by her peers and is lacking in self esteem. Desperate for a different life, Lucille transforms herself from a timid wee thing with various social problems into a teenager that rebels and soon wins her freedom. Even though her new life gives her the freedom she so desperately wanted, she still finds herself lacking peace and seeking her mother's love. Her curious journey into womanhood unexpectedly peaks in Paris. She brings home answers in her heart that creates an amazing new beginning. Lucille learns that everything in life really does happen for a reason. The pains of her past end up being the building blocks of a life she loves.

Tell EVERYONE you know (and those you don't ;) ) put it on facebook, stop people in the streets or yell it out your windows. Any promotion for a Christchurch wannabe author very welcome. In light of this, I have very humbly announced myself on LinkedIn as "the new JK Rowling". Very fitting I'm sure.

Love and kisses

Allison xxx

The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 13:15:00 +0000

I’ve just read The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield. I think it’s classed as half novel, half true. It is also (like my other recent read Synchro Destiny by Deepak Chopra ) another tool in the toolbox of the law of attraction. I really enjoyed this book. It delves deeply into the conscious level of our world. It talks about the world’s energy vibration in the past, present and where it could go in the future. It draws on ancient wisdom to give guidance on things like the struggle for power in relationships/interactions with people, our energy levels and clearing our past. I highly recommend this book if you are into the law of attraction – it grew my knowledge and awareness of it hugely. It’s written in novel ‘style’ and very action packed - I couldn’t put it down!

What are your dreams trying to tell you?

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 13:47:00 +0000

I’ve never taken too much notice of my dreams, sometimes if something really obvious sings out to me I question its meaning and message – but that doesn’t happen very often. After reading Deepak Chopra’s book Synchro Destiny I realised I should take more notice of my dreams. They are a view into your subconscious, and often bring things to your attention that you need to learn from or ponder. So I’ve made a list of some dreams that I want to take some time to ponder. After doing that I realised how silly I am to have not done this before – as I have a recurring dream (for years and years) that obviously has some kind of message for me. I’ll set aside some time to try and figure out what that is. Once you get really good at ‘listening’ to your dreams, you can ask your subconscious mind questions – during meditation or just before sleep and your dreams will often bring you an answer or a different perspective. I can’t believe I haven’t ‘utilised’ my dreams – the view into my subconscious mind before!! Maybe you should start this too.

Who are you forgetting to pray for?

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 13:11:00 +0000

I had a bit of a wakeup call recently. I heard an 'update' on a person who I haven’t had anything to do with for years. As I pondered their struggles I wondered how the heck I managed to make it all these years without remembering to pray for this person everyday! They have many challenges and issues in their life and will probably have for years to come. I don’t have anything to do with them, but I do care about them. They aren’t living their best life, they have low self esteem and don’t seem to have access to tools to help them live the amazing life they deserve. This breaks my heart! I started wondering who else I had somehow managed to not ever pray for but should be, and came up with a sizeable list. We sometimes get so set in our ways (yes even with prayer) and so busy praying for people that are close to us that we forget those who need our prayers most.

Synchro Destiny by Deepak Chopra

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 22:08:00 +0000

I’ve just read Synchro Destiny by Deepak Chopra and loved it. It is another tool in the toolbox of the law of attraction. It is about the power of coincidences.Part of the book that I found really powerful to remember is this:
Imagine that your intention can....
Heal those who are not well
Bring joy and laughter to those who are in sorrow
Bring success to those who are failing
Bring strength to those who feel weak and fearful
Bring hope to the helpless

...because it can. Your every thought, word and deed can bring some benefit to the world.

This kind of mindset builds on my post about radiating kindness.

The secret to a happy life

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 18:32:00 +0000

Read this amazing article about happiness (read it twice and slowly!). It is full of insight including:
*Removing a person’s problems WILL NOT make them happy
*You shouldn't first focus on tackling your problems and THEN shift the emphasis to look for happiness - otherwise you may run out of time and NEVER seek happiness. Seek happiness now, despite problems.

I love this part: “If you are faced with two doors, and one has a sign saying ‘self-improvement’ and the other has a sign saying ‘self-acceptance,’ I would encourage you to walk through the self-acceptance door every single time. If you do that you’ll come to know the truth about yourself. You won’t get in your own way anymore and everything else will improve.”

Read it in full here:
http://www.thealimagazine.com/secret-happy-life-you

A lesson in ENJOYING moments you can't change

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 22:19:00 +0000

Mindfulness is so important. It is about enjoying every single moment of your life instead of thinking “I’ll be happy when” – always looking to the future as a time when you’ll enjoy yourself. I can be a bit of a stress head over small things at times (yes I now notice when I’m being like this so it’s changing!). Hubby and I were late to an engagement because his boss had called him asking him to do an emergency job. We stopped on the way so he could do it. I was sitting in his work van tapping my fingers, noticing every second that went by as we got later and later. I noticed I was doing this (after a while) and told myself to chill out – that the world WOULD ABSOULTELY NOT END if we were a bit late. I then noticed how nice the rain sounded gently coming down and also an awesome song came on the radio so I started belting out some off-notes (FYI the song was “rock me gently rock me slowly take it easy don’t you know? That I have never been loved like this before...BABY BABY.....” good ol’ time tune!). I realised how silly it is to not accept moments as they are and just go with them. I realised it takes effort to take your mind off ‘auto drive’ and that there is more than one way to react to a situation. Life “is what it is” so why do we let our minds choose to be stressed and tap our fingers instead of just living, embracing the moment and belting out a fab tune? If you can’t change a situation, why not just enjoy it? I remember opening the fridge one day and the one litre of yogurt managed to fall out and splat on the ground abundantly coating the whole kitchen. Hubby was nearby and we just froze in silence – looked at the ground, looked at each other, looked at the ground, looked at each other..... it was one of those messes you wonder “how the hell am I gonna clean that up?!” eventually we both burst out laughing and came up with a haphazard strategy that eventually got it tidied up! I'm pleased I chose a great response in that situation instead of letting out an almighty sigh and **enter expletive here**.
I’m trying to keep my mind out for more situations like the work call out one – so I can see how often I choose the wrong focus, hopefully over time I can override my brains ‘hard drive’ to enjoy moments I can’t change instead of tapping my fingers.

Anyone got any similar experiences to share?

Why getting older is awesome

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 21:07:00 +0000

I read a page recently that took one quote from Brad Pitt and turned into something huge (isn’t that how the gossip/celeb sites work!?). His comment was something about how he loves getting older. I agree with him - I don’t want to go backwards and get younger. There are great memories to re-live sure, but every day we get better and better, clever-ra, wiser. I remember the countless times parents/workmates have said to me on birthdays (when their number is getting higher and higher) about how they still feel 25 on the inside. As a kid when I heard this I thought it was just people blabbering on, I’d think “yeah yeah”. But now being 24 and a new mum, I remember being 6, 12, 15, 20 – and it really does just feel like the other day. I used to be so excited about the days I’d be married and have kids….. and now I do! I really didn’t have to wait that long as time has flown! It has often been said that 40 is the new 30 or 50 is the new 40 or 60 is the new 50. I believe that 70 is the new 30 – it is all about attitude. There are 70 year olds around that are younger than some 40 year olds. Getting older is truly beautiful. With every year we become (hopefully) wiser. We should become better people – interpreting life better, asking better questions of ourselves and learning what is really important (leaving behind what isn’t). We are always in a state of ‘becoming’ and growing. A great book I read recently (Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge) said to stop striving and just ‘be’ so I think there is a fine line between growing constantly and endlessly striving to grow. We shouldn’t sacrifice living happily for constantly ‘working on ourselves’ waiting for the day we are ‘there’.

It’s not nice listening to someone go on about how they hate getting older – I’d much rather hear them bleat on about how they adore their life and how it gets better with age. I love becoming more and more comfortable with myself and life the older I get, it can be scary seeing how fast life flys by but I have no problem with my ‘number’ growing as I’m only as old as I feel and I intend on being forever young!

How to let your man be your man

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 15:00:00 +0000

A relationship dynamic I saw recently got me thinking. One bloke kept getting a hard time from his Mrs in front of others. She kept saying things like “sit up straight” “don’t swear” “don’t say that” and more.

A lot of women complain that some men aren’t cutting the mustard ‘man’ wise. I.e. they aren’t the big, masculine, tough ‘protectors’ we want them to be. I believe that it is we women that have done this damage to men and their traditional place in the world. I think it is women who have caused men’s “stones” to shrink.

Losing the good old fashioned polarity (where the man is the man and the woman is the woman) can cause all kinds of relationship problems. There are arguments, sexual problems and a feeling of disconnect from each other.

Women have been pecking away at blokes for years now (playing the masculine “call the shots” role). We can be too bossy, do too much nagging and think our way is always best. Men have gradually been beaten down and have accepted women as the boss just to keep the peace. If you are annoyed that your man is not manly and is a bit “pansy-ish” it’s probably because you forced them into that position – you took the reins either at the start of the relationship or sometime during it.

If your relationship has got to a point where your bloke asks “honey can I have a beer?” then crikey – things are very very wrong! A guy who needs permission to have a beer... what the heck has happened here!?

I first learnt about relationship polarity from a Tony Robbins CD seminar that talked about building an amazing relationship. It was a light bulb moment for me and my now hubby. Our relationship was great at the time, but it wasn’t exceptional. The CD taught me I am far too bossy and taught my hubby he’s far too laid back. It was interesting to learn that it’s this same everyday polarity that plays a huge role in a couple’s sex life too. If a woman is so busy being masculine (bossy/calling the shots) she’ll have no time to be feminine and the couples sex life isn’t likely to be that hot! Same for men – if they are too busy being pushed around by their woman they won’t much be arousing their woman!

I encourage you to think about what you believe is the ‘mans role’ and what is the ‘woman’s role’. You may find you aren’t living it in your marriage or relationship. If you decide to make changes to reflect the masculine and feminine energies your love and life will probably take on a whole new level of love and romance.

Do you have adamant attitudes that are causing conflict?

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 15:00:00 +0000

We all have black and white, inflexible adamant attitudes about something. I know people who adamantly believe (and talk constantly about) "Anyone who has babies is absolutely stupid" and "God is a load of shit". As billions of people in the world have kids and believe in God these peoples harsh, adamant attitudes are more of a minority – not that they would ever consider that to be true.

My problem with people that have such adamant attitudes is that I have the same problem...except my adamant attitude is about them (which of course makes me just as silly). When I hear someone’s stiff and adamant attitude I think "gosh that person is so clueless/silly/terrible/stupid". Maybe what I need to remember is that most people have a reason for their fierce attitude towards things. Perhaps something from their past has left a scar. It just annoys me when people form such adamant opinions (and talk a lot about them as if their opinion is gospel) when it is something they quite obviously know very little about. It might be based on a one second experience. Religion is such a topic. It is often people that have never been exposed to religion that bad mouth it terribly and very loudly. They attend your wedding which has a minimal amount of ‘God-ish’ stuff in it, but all they can do is cringe and talk about what a load of crap that was, how painful it was to sit through, when all they should realise is that they themselves ARE NOT God and that their opinion actually doesn’t matter that much!

Adamant attitudes and closed minds can cause a lot of conflicts. I choose to just let people be, and no longer let their attitude annoy me. I am not interested in pursuing any discussion about such topics, so if they try and start one I tell them so. It keeps me out of silly arguments and allows me to keep my energy vibration high by accepting them and their attitudes as they are.

What adamant attitudes do you and others around you have that you have to deal with?

Why you MUST enjoy the journey

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 15:00:00 +0000

We are all on our way somewhere, busy trying to achieve something. The trouble is, if we get too focused on what we are chasing, we can forget to enjoy the journey. There is a popular poem called “I’ll be happy when…” which illustrates why it is important to choose to be happy NOW no matter what you are busy trying to achieve. Don’t wait till you earn $x, don’t wait till the kids leave home, don’t wait until you’ve brought a house, don’t wait until you find a husband. Be happy NOW. Whatever it is you are trying to achieve make sure you aren’t halting your happiness until it happens (you may be doing this without realising it).

Sometimes achieving your goals can take one hundred times longer than you thought it would. You know that one day you’ll get there, but the journey can be rough. You take stock now and again to refocus and re-gather your strength and keep going. It is at this stage it is key to remember to be happy on the journey – not slaving on until the final result and being happy then.

We have no idea what tomorrow will bring, it is said that no one on their deathbed ever says "boy I wish I spent more time at the office". If your life ended tomorrow would you take pleasure in the fact that you have been living each day up until now happily as you make your way towards your goals? Instead of holding on until X, Y or Z is achieved?

Once we do hit that moment of achievement – where we get what we wanted and we look back, the painful, long, dreary, disciplined and taxing moments seem a lot less dramatic than how we felt them at the time. It pays to remember that on the journey and have a real blast getting there.

How to understand the phases, changes and ending of friendships

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 15:00:00 +0000

The saying “we become many different people over our lifetime” is very true. As we go through life experiences we change and develop. Sometimes our peer group doesn’t move with us and we end up taking different paths. Big life changes can challenge friendships as can changing values.

I witnessed someone going through a life change recently and they seemed to rebel and go back to the attitudes, values and behaviors they exhibited at age 18. It was very strange for me to see. They seemed to go from an empowered, strong and wise woman to a rebellious, tough person with a harsh “I don’t give a shit” attitude. I think that must be how she processes things –she puts up this wall of rebellion that I recognize as their former younger self. As a friend, all I can do is stand by and support her where I can. She will come out of these changes the way she wants to. It may mean she keeps on with the extreme attitude and never returns to the wise woman I once knew – but that’s ok because that’s her journey. If our life values become too different it may mean we are no longer close friends. But everything happens for a reason.

Even friendships you hold very dear to your heart that you think are absolutely foolproof can go through rough patches – and fast too. When a friend makes decisions that they know and you know are outside your values system, they can start to pull away and you will probably also. Suddenly there is distance there. There is nothing wrong with that – it just means both people are growing differently. The friendship may get back to its former depth or it may not.

Not all friends take nicely to relationships that drift. I am 24 years old now, but still hear comments about a person I knew aged 16 that is miffed that I choose to no longer be part of their life. I believe we are far too different to bother with a friendship and we grew apart big time. I personally value quality friendships over quantity. I like to really know people deeply, to really cherish the friendship (and give lots and get lots from it). I am not the kind of person that likes to have lots of loose ‘associates’ who I barely know. I know quite a few people that are the like that though. In fact I’ve had to ‘shake a few off’ in my time. Once you’ve made the decision that you aren’t getting anything from the friendship and you aren’t willing to put any energy into it you have to make changes. This isn’t always easy if the other person is always on you case – hounding you for get togethers, calling, emailing and expecting you to be at their beck and call. I had this happen to me from someone who I barely knew, that was determined to be constantly in my face. They were really mad when I didn’t constantly give into their demands – I found this so weird, but eventually she left off and is now busy hounding other people, nurturing her list of ‘associates’ while emotionally keeping her distance (choosing to not have any actual close friends). She gets the same response from lots of people that I gave her, she is lovely, but has a strange approach to friendship.

What stories do you have about friendship changes, new friendships, old friendships and the quality vs. quantity thing?

What really bugs you and how are you managing it?

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 15:05:00 +0000

Life is too short to get annoyed and irritated about silly little things. I used to be crazed about:
*Conserving water
*Conserving power
*Loud eaters
*Keeping the house clutter free (“don’t put things down put things away”!)
*My husband accelerating and breaking really hard in my car using up lots of petrol

Now I’ve learnt to ‘chill-lax' about such things. I realised it made me nothing but a bossy old cow! Always on about something! When I let go, I realised how silly I was to care about such things in the first place. I still do my best not to waste water or power etc but I don’t go on and on about it. There is the other extreme too of just being dam careless i.e. people that will leave heaters running all weekend when they are away “opps I forgot” (hello power bill and fire hazard) or doors unlocked “oh whoops…oh but we’ll never be burgled” or leave a tap running while they ‘nip out’ for an hour. They could definitely do with smartening up their act! I recon it’s more important to focus on happiness and living than rigid rules or pathetic concerns. If you are a borderline obsessive compulsive cleaner, tidier, rule maker or light switcher off-er-ra then maybe its time for you to look at the bigger picture. Step outside yourself and ‘watch yourself’ in the third person – you may not like what you see.

I think these kinds of behaviour traits come from thinking you are always right. And your way being the best way – thinking, doing and being. I have definitely been guilty of that in the past. Bossiness and nagging are not attractive traits. When I’ve been nagging about one of the above things in the past, I wish I’d stopped and just thought “is this even important”? It seems to be about control – getting people to do things your way because it’s “the best” way… (!). By holding yourself accountable about these things you will start to question why you are blah blahing on about something then realise it is time to stop! Then you can just live – and peacefully. You’ll be much nicer to know!

The grass is NOT greener!

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 15:00:00 +0000

We can often think the grass is greener and that another person’s life or circumstances are much more desirable than our own. When we think that way we need to take the advice “if the grass is greener water your own lawn”. What we don’t always know is that there is more going on ‘behind the scenes’ in the lives of others than we realise. Often the circumstances we are admiring are nothing but illusions.

Each of us has a 'personal brand' that is seen by others. It includes how we hold ourselves, how we speak, how we present ourselves, where we live, what job we do, what kind of attitude we have, our reliability (are we trustworthy and always on time?) and even how we walk!

When we admire or envy someone because they have an expensive house and super flash car what we may not know is that it is all be ‘on tick’, has been in arrears for three months and they lie awake all night stressing about it. Or perhaps a business that looks very successful from the outside (as though they make gazillions every year) has a tiny tiny income and is on its last legs.

Thought it’s not just things like houses and businesses that can be illusions. People can be too. Someone who is really attractive, intelligent and seems like a real catch could have hhhhuge issues and emotional immaturity problems – perhaps not a dream date!

The lesson is to never assume. I’ve seen plenty of ‘rich’ people that have all the showy mod cons that are actually broke, and people that live very very humble lifestyles that are absolutely loaded. When you are admiring the achievements of another, take it with a grain of salt – as you don’t know the real inside story.

What lessons have you learnt about the ‘grass being greener’?

When your brain likes to think it knows everything

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 15:00:00 +0000

This is a tricky topic really. To stop being a know it all (for some it’s accidental) I think it’s like a muscle you have to build – a habit that you form with practice. I know I DON’T know everything, yet a lot of the time my mind keeps thinking thoughts that act as though I do which is very frustrating! It might be that my mind is busy judging…
*The way someone lives
*The decisions someone makes
*The way someone thinks or behaves
*Others for the way they are judging someone else (!)

All of these kinds of thoughts are my mind saying “ick – look how person X is doing that – they should be doing it like this...” my mind is behaving as if my method/opinion is the right one – and the only right one (not cool at all!). This topic kind of builds on the pieces I wrote about internally focused mental chatter and externally focused mental chatter.

I think meditation is one answer to this problem (though I claim that is a solution to almost to everything it seems!). I do it daily, but not to the depth and duration I want to – I need to commit to this better, then I’ll hopefully be able to stop thinking I know everything. The reason I believe meditation is an answer is because that space and silence should kill your silly mind patterns and create a peace and silence that stops your mind behaving as if your views on something is THE answer.

When we are thinking we know everything about other people’s situations we are thinking with our brains and our life experience and not taking their experiences, thoughts and situation into account – hello – we are totally different people!

There is no need for us to weigh ourselves down being concerned with our view on something someone else is doing. It’s their life – we don’t have to live it! Once we can easily and quickly identify when we are thinking such a thought, we should be able to let it go and admire the beautiful space we now have available in our minds – maybe start doing your affirmations or visualisation or focus on being 100% mindful of whatever it is you are doing

If we can master (i.e. recognise and get rid of) such pointless and negative thoughts (which actually lower our vibration) we not only save our brains a lot of hard work, we also are nicer people to know, wiser and have more space in our heads for thinking positive things (and start manifesting them).

I’m gonna start working on this – let me know your thoughts and experiences about this.

Why you should have conversations with your inner child

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 15:00:00 +0000

Check out the below blog post which is about conversations with your inner child. This is a very important topic. It kind of outlines an exercise I’ve read about in the past (and think is great). If you had a bit of a hard time as a kid (in whatever way) you now as an adult can give the child version of yourself whatever it was missing. If all you needed was a hug, understanding, attention, or positive affirmation (“aren’t you clever” etc) you can give that to yourself now. It’s a powerful (and very healing) visualisation exercise. Close your eyes and imagine yourself as a kid. What are you doing? What are you playing with? How are you feeling? Walk up to them and say to them what you need to say, talk to them, hug them, explain things to them. If there is sadness in the child’s eyes relieve it, give that child whatever it needs – become the adult that is loving them PERFECTLY.
http://www.urbanmonk.net/765/the-inner-child-dialogue/

Relationship boundaries during big life changes

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Sun, 31 May 2009 15:00:00 +0000

I can think of no better example to illustrate the breach of relationship boundaries than when a woman is pregnant. People (even strangers) seem to think that she suddenly becomes ‘public property’. I’ve heard stories of:
*Strangers charging up to the pregnant woman and getting right inside her personal space, then vigorously rubbing her tummy asking when the baby is due.
*Strangers giving a pregnant woman a good (and public) telling off in a cafe for having coffee "you are so selfish". It was a shame she didn’t get the chance to say "this is a decaf”.
*Then there are the comments about size – everyone seems to have an opinion about this “gosh you are very big for x weeks” “you are farrrr too small to be that far along… is your baby growing ok? Are you eating properly??” Um yes I am thank you strange lady on the bus.
*Strangers stopping pregnant women on the street to tell them their horror birth stories and then telling them it could happen to them too.
*Strangers in the grocery store saying “I hope you know what you are in for” “you will never get to sleep in ever again” or “prepare to be tired for the next 15 years”.

I heard a great way to deal with unwanted tummy rubbers is to start rubbing their tummy back. This makes the person uncomfortable (and sometimes mad) with a "how dare you touch me" look on their face, which is precisely what one should be trying to achieve really - given that they are doing the same to your tummy.

Then there is the endless advice that can come from closer sources. It seems pregnancy can turn people crazy! I know of an 17 year old who suddenly became a parenting genius (apparently) and was dishing out all kinds of criticism about some new parents. Most of these advice givers think they are 300% right and that if you do not take their advice you are absolutely mad. The truth is you probably have totally different views and values when it comes to parenting and life.
Naming a bub is another big topic. Anyone who is brave enough **coughs** I mean silly enough to share the names they are pondering with other people should be prepared to hear millions of opinions on why you "cannot" call your child that. Then comes the suggestions that "Mary" or "Beverly" or "Colin" would be much better ideas. I heard a woman say to her brother “if you call your child ____ I will never speak to you again”. He did end up choosing that name, she didn’t follow through on her promise (which may have disappointed the brother!). I don’t understand how outsiders (i.e. not the parents) think they hold so much authority and say over such things. Who do these people think they are!!!??? I know one woman who had to resort to saying very firmly “this is MY baby – go get your own baby”.

Pregnancy can be a cleansing and peaceful time too though. It is a time to focus inward and put your needs and desires first. Especially when baby is born - you can 'go bush' if you want. If you don’t want visitors – tough luck for those trying to bust in the front door! You call the shots - not them.

Going through a pregnancy and becoming first time parents could be considered similar experiences to other big life projects like choosing a career or university or buying a house. People close to you may think they have the ‘authority’ to boss you around and make you listen to their views, opinions and thoughts. It comes back to healthy boundaries in relationships. I highly recommend you build them before (or very early on) in such life changing times.

During my pregnancy I haven't had any huge 'boundary breeches', nor have I had to rub a strangers belly back. Hopefully our relationship boundaries still stand up once bubs arrives, or I may resort to the genuis statement “this is MY baby – go get your own baby”!

Balance your strengths and weaknesses

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Sun, 24 May 2009 15:00:00 +0000

Some people recommend spending more time working on your strengths than trying to reduce your weaknesses. This is a good idea for people that tend to get stuck on what is wrong with them rather than seeing all that is fabulous. I recon a balance between strengths and weaknesses is best. You shouldn’t spend all your time sobbing about your flaws but some self awareness of them, as well as taking some action to reduce them is positive.

It can sometimes be hard to identify our own flaws. We might know of a couple, but a couple more may remain hidden from us. Sometimes circumstances (such as a relationship break up) can draw our attention to flaws or a friend or colleague is brave enough to fill us in about a flaw we can’t see ourselves. If our flaws are brought to our attention at an already tricky time it can be a bit overwhelming, but take it on board and you can process the info once things have settled down. There is no need to get defensive or angry about things (or with the person who filled you in!). Any info you can learn from to try and improve yourself is positive. It is also said that “defensiveness is a truth you don’t want to see” – so ponder that before you react!

Having your flaws pointed out to you can test your maturity. I recommend being very willing to listen to anyone who wants to discuss such things with you (even if you disagree). Try and clarify exactly what they mean – ask them to expand on that, give you examples, ask them questions – that will give you a fuller picture.

Maybe you are never on time; maybe you seriously lack discipline, maybe you moan too much behind your friend’s backs. Perhaps you are really negative and are constantly sporting a ‘poor me’ attitude that drives those around you crazy. Whatever it is, it can great to know these things – so we can address and reduce them.

When pondering and working on your flaws, don’t forget all the magnificent things about you also. I’m sure they well outnumber any negatives. I find doing a brainstorm helps me. If I’m pondering something about myself or about relationships/issues in my life I tend to pull out blank (recycled scrap!) paper and put every thought and issue down on it so I can SEE the whole picture, then I can start pondering solutions and ideas.

What are your thoughts about dealing with strengths and weaknesses – do you avoid all weaknesses and focus only on strengths or do you adore knowing about your weaknesses so you can develop and grow?

What is your brain stretch project?

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Sun, 17 May 2009 15:00:00 +0000

I think it’s really important to always have a ‘brain stretching’ project on the go. My current one is learning the guitar, I am really really rubbish at it, but I thoroughly enjoy it.

A brain stretch project is something that pushes you outside the realms of what you already know and the connections your brain has already formed! It keeps you growing and makes you more interesting by teaching you new hobbies and skills. Almost anything can be a brain stretch project. I recently read a fiction book for the first time in ten years – I normally only ever read non-fiction stuff about personal growth or work stuff. It was a really different experience for me! I enjoyed it. Some other ideas are things like:

Learning meditation
Learning to bake
Learning to cook great meals
Learning the piano
Becoming a parent
Writing regularly
Reading about a new topic
Fitness challenges – i.e. taking up a new sport or exercise
Managing your finances with a great budget/plan

By always having such a project on the go, you are constantly growing. I’ve found it pays to get into a good routine – I always practice my guitar once I finish work, but before I start cooking dinner. Most of the time my hubby isn’t home yet, so his ears are saved from me belting out some (very off key) tunes – I’m sure both of us are happy about that! I like the term brain stretching project because it’s not as serious as having specific goals you are trying to achieve – its more laid back and relaxed. Nothing wrong with committing to goals (I do that also) but I like having ‘chilled out’ projects that aren’t bound by timeframes as well – they are purely for enjoyment and I have lots of fun with them.

Have a think about what brain stretching projects you want to take on. They should be things you’ll enjoy, otherwise you will never want to do them! Share your project ideas below!

7 personal rituals to improve your life

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Sun, 10 May 2009 16:01:00 +0000

It is said that your character is the sum of your total habits. Great habits – daily, weekly and monthly ones can simplify your life and keep your mind stress free. Simple things like tidying your desk at the end of the day means your next day can begin productively (and with clarity!).

Here are some of my daily habits that help me live “my best life” (as Oprah would say!):

Meditation
I aim for 30 minutes a day – deep breathing, a clear mind and just peace and quiet from within (and my surroundings)!

Gratitude list
I write a gratitude list everyday. It can be anything from “water” to “my legs” or “socks” to things like healthcare systems and kindness. Anything I am grateful for that day gets written down. A gratitude list reminds me of how blessed I am and keeps me in a great frame of mind.

Written affirmations
I normally have a couple of affirmations I am working on at any given time. Each morning I write them out quite a few times. Writing them helps them settle into the unconscious mind apparently. I notice great results when I do my affirmations regularly.

Exercise
I adore exercise and walk everyday. I get fresh air, a clear head and to see the world. Anyone who is not exercising regularly is really missing out on one of life’s great pleasures (no I’m not joking!). It makes you feel amazing in mind and body.

Read your goals
After my gratitude list and written affirmations I read through my goals. It reminds me of where I’m heading and what I want.

Visualisation
Visualisation is a very powerful tool as your mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined, that is why the law of attraction works so well with regular visualization.

Read
I like to read something everyday that is good for my brain. Even if I only manage 15minutes it is worth it (I prefer 45 minutes to an hour). It is said that a man that doesn’t read books is no better off than a man who cannot read books – so true. Books are a fab tool to keep you growing, thinking and learning.

Some other rituals you could do are having a relaxing bath instead of a shower and taking the time to really relax when having a hot drink (instead of drinking it at your desk). Practical rituals and habits (such as the desk tidying) can help you keep your house tidier (so easier to live in). I always remember the saying “don’t put things down – put them away” it keeps my place from getting messy and unmanageable.

What habits and rituals have you made your norm? How do they make your life better?

One way to understand the nasty parts of this world

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Mon, 04 May 2009 16:00:00 +0000

When I first heard the expression “hurting people hurt people” suddenly a lot of things made sense to me.
I understood bad parenting
I understood murders
I understood sexual attacks
I understood domestic violence
I understood theft and vandalism
I understood bullying

Of course understanding it doesn’t make it ok, but it does allow you to see the background, understand the ‘why’ and see it from a broader perspective. You may find you have fewer question marks floating about in your mind.

There is so much truth to the statement “hurting people hurt people”. You see the proof in many criminal cases. Often when the media digs around to find out about the past of the person accused of the crime what they find is not pleasant. In a recent case I remember, the accused had been very very horrifically sexually abused by his own mother. In another case the accused had been brought up in a very unsafe, unstable home where the basic necessities of life weren’t provided (they were spend on drugs). When the kid wasn’t being left alone or beaten he was being ridiculed constantly and emotionally abused - starting at a very young age. These stories themselves are heartbreaking, innocent kids treated so badly…and then you remember the crime they committed – you don’t know whether to cry for them or because of them.

Stories of horrid pasts like these sort of explains why such people go onto hurt others – they don’t know love, they only know trouble and pain. Likewise, if their parents had been whole, stable and mentally healthy adults they would not have abused their child in the first place. It is a never ending cycle until one person breaks the chain and decides to outgrow their past and their parents ‘issues’. There are of course people that have experienced horrid circumstances in their life who haven’t gone on to kill or hurt others – obviously it is not an excuse.

I hope knowing the statement “hurting people hurt people” influences your life in someway – giving you an answer where there has previously been a big huge ‘?’. It doesnt just apply in extreme circumstances like crimes but in our everyday relationships too. Feel free to share your experiences or thoughts about this

Read 'My Steve' to connect to your intuition

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 23:08:00 +0000

I’ve recently read the book written by Terri Irwin called “My Steve”. I highly recommend it as inside it you will see a guy who is hugely connected to nature and a higher wisdom. I have always absolutely adored Steve. When I found out about his passing I refused to believe it and felt empty inside. Though suddenly it all made sense – I am not much surprised when people that amazing leave us young. I believe that God needed him ‘upstairs’ to work along side him to change the world.

In the book there are plenty of examples of how connected Steve was to a higher wisdom:

* When Steve’s mum died he was miles away working on the zoo development. At the exact second his mum’s car hit a lamppost he suddenly and unexpectedly fell of a huge piece of equipment he was on top of, his sunglasses flew up in the air and they both landed in a heap on the ground. He knew nothing of the crash, but all of a sudden he wanted to leave the job he was doing and get in his car and drive. On the way he got a call telling him of the accident and the location – but….he was already nearly there.

*When filming a documentary with a film crew that had come all the way from America they were having trouble tracking down the animals they were after. They had been looking for days. One morning at 5am Steve woke everyone up saying they had to get on the road as they would find the animals at 7am. Everyone laughed thinking “yeah sure”. After travelling to a new spot to search at, Steve seemed to be on a mission. When they eventually found the creature they were after, the crew began laughing saying “ohh I wonder what the time is” they stopped laughing when they looked at their watch and saw it was 7am!!!! The same thing happened on a different trip, he said at 11:30am they would succeed in finding this crocodile they were after. Terri was with him and took his prediction seriously – she had seen him be right enough times to ever doubt him. It’s just as well she didn’t. 11:30 was the moment!

*On location in a forest, Steve wanted to get close to an orangatan who had a new born baby. The guide he was with strongly suggested he keep his distance from them. Steve said it would be ok; he’ll just get a little bit closer. He started climbing a tree to do so, at that point the mum starting charging down towards him with her bub on her back. Steve said later that at that moment he realised he should have probably listened (orangatangs can get very vicious and a million more times so when they have a newborn - they also have eight times the strength of a man) but when the animal reached him he sat down on his branch (Steve was thinking “she’s got me now”!) but she reached out and put her arm around him and then started pouting her lips at him and doing ‘kissy kissy’ faces. I think he said something like “my Mrs won’t be very happy about this”. They talked and hugged for a while – the orangatan was thrilled to meet Steve and obviously knew he was an awesome bloke. The guide could absolutely not believe what he was seeing! Steve was so lovely he was whispering things like “you are absolutely gorgeous aren’t you” and asking it questions about its cute wee bub.

I highly recommend this book – it is good for the soul. Steve had such a high energy vibration and an incredible attitude to life. We can strive to be more like Steve – living as connected and passionately as he did. What moments of connection and intuition have been most surprising/memorable to you in your life?

How you benefit everyday from ‘being stupid’ in the past

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 17:00:00 +0000

Even long after you've forgiven yourself for past mistakes they may still pop into your mind now and again as you find yourself thinking “boy was I stupid”.

A fantastic way to utilise these mistakes is to remember all you learnt from them. If you’re not sure what you learnt, rack your brain till you identify what you did. Perhaps you wouldn’t be who you are without them. Perhaps they happened for a reason (even if you never find out what that reason is). Maybe without them you wouldn’t have come to the great place in your life you are at now (or will be at in the future). Some people have stories like recovering from a nasty divorce; they take a holiday and end up meeting the true love of their life. They have the divorce to thank for that – they see their previous marriage had a purpose – to get them on that holiday!

We humans aren’t born with a foolproof mindset. We are left to learn and grow as we go. Nobody makes the best decisions or takes the right actions 100% of the time. It takes stuff ups and experience to learn what works and what doesn’t in our individual lives.

I sometimes think of incidents that happened in my teens and think “boy was I stupid”. I realise that thinking that is totally ridiculous as at the time I was “doing the best I could with what I had” (meaning my mental resources and knowledge). There is no need for me to be hard on myself about things just because I now know better. As a teen it seems I was seriously lacking a sense of self, and an awareness of what I should and shouldn’t tolerate. I’m referring to things like:
*allowing myself to be made a joke of and disrespected by the guys in our ‘group’ (they decided they didn’t like me)
*trying time and again to ‘prove myself worthy’ of being liked by them
*allowing school peers to impact my views. When I got the smokin’ ‘posh spice’ haircut I got called an ugly lesbian. Instead of realising the people making the comments were a) of no consequence b) bitchy and c) not exactly ‘style guru’s’ I doubted my choice of haircut.
*When a boy emailed me to tell me I was ugly and had an “out of proportion body” (he was referring to my curvaceous buttock and lack of chest at age 14). Instead of realising that he was nothing but skin and bones (very very very literally), he had big braces (and I later found out from a friend had a very small ‘area’ – touché!) I was determined to get this guy to change his mind and think I was a great girl.

What a waste of time!!! I wish I’d had the confidence to live for me, trusting only my inner compass.

I also see now how little other peoples opinions matter. When I was 15, a friend and I smoked the odd cigarette. A popular guy and girl in our group of friends were constantly riding a very, very high horse about how stupid we were and what losers we were for smoking. Anyway, a year on and we’d passed that experimental smoking stage, and guess who had taken it up!? (Talk about behind the times…late developers!). I saw then that “adamant teenage opinions” were very fragile and best ignored! Again… my inner compass should have been what I took notice of.

I’m aged 24 now which kind of explains why the teen years are still ‘close by’ in my mind. Looking back on things like this I am disappointed that I didn’t THEN have the mindset, self belief and sense of strength I now do. If my ‘today self’ was in those situations I would have absolutely zero tolerance for being treated as I was, caring about such peoples opinions or feeling the need to prove myself worthy to them. Now I see these situations and people for what they are. Back then, I was too busy trying to be accepted and liked.

I suppose what I can take from those experiences is knowledge of what unhealthy relationships are and how important self esteem and belief really are. Maybe if I hadn’t experienced such relationships then, I’d have to experience them now to learn those lessons (no thank you!). It does feel good to look back and know there is no way in hell you’d tolerate such relationships now – you can actually see the growth. It’s great to see how different you really are.

It’s quite amazing how we can divert our brains back to days gone by and remember what was going through our minds at different stages of our lives. Especially when hindsight tells us to give ourselves a good shake and scream “stop thinking like an idiot”. I do truly believe that every single thing in life happens for a reason, though some we may never learn the actual reason. But that doesn’t stop us looking back and thinking those dreaded words “boy was I stupid”. An occasional thought like this isn’t going to kill us or our self esteem – as long as we keep a hold of perspective. It is actually a growth tool and proof of how far we’ve come. This topic needs further exploration – what are you thoughts on things you have forgiven yourself for but still remember and cringe?

How to stop bad moods before they take hold

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 17:00:00 +0000

You can learn how to snap out of a super bad mood and change your state. It takes a bit of practice and an ounce of self growth, but you can learn to master your moods. When you drift into a bad mood don’t forget you are also drifting into a much lower energy vibration. Call it hormones, call it being stuck in traffic, or call it dropping a kilo of yogurt all over the kitchen floor – it can be overcome.

Up until I was about 17 years old, I was an impatient and moody person. Now at the ripe old age of 24 I have slowly mellowed. I now have a better handle on my moods, my state and my brain. I’ve learnt that I really am in control. If I’m in a bad mood it is not only my choice it is also my fault.

I now automatically seem to almost get outside myself and see situations from a much broader perspective. As my self-awareness and mental capabilities have grown I've gained more self control. If my computer starts locking up and I sigh (then nearly unleash an array of bad words) a red light starts flashing in my head, and I choose to conquer the mood rather than have it conquer me. I see that the situation really is not as epic as my near bad mood wants me to believe it is. This seems to happen naturally for me now – its automatic and not an effort.

I’ve noticed that the pettiest things can create a bad mood. It helps to identify the exact cause. If I’m a bit short with hubby he asks “why are you all grumpy?” I always think carefully about it and tell him the whole truth. This proves how embarrassingly easy it is to flick the mood switch. The other day my answer was “because when I was putting on my jersey the sleeves of the top I’m wearing underneath got all rolled up and it took ages for me to get my other sleeves up so I could pull the other ones down again” (!!!) this was classic – and really not enough reason to be grumpy. When I can see how silly the cause of the mood is, curbing it becomes easy. I will not allow myself to be in a big grump just because my sleeves got rolled up!

Often an ‘overload’ can make you grumpy - when one thing adds to another...... like you’ve just spent ages tidying up when something spills, as that happens a family member enters the room and asks a million questions while getting right in your way just as the phone rings. Then the doorbell goes and a guest arrives who would like to use the loo which you haven’t had time to clean yet!!!! **Sigh**! If you deal with the most important thing first and leave the rest, your mood will thank you.

Tools you need in your ‘stopping bad moods’ toolkit:
1. Notice how you are breathing. I guarantee you will see you are barely taking in air. First things first breathe deep and properly.
2. A tool I find useful is comparing my behaviour to a person I know whose temper lives a wild life of its own. I see the similarities of myself in the moment and realise there is absolutely no need to react the way I am.
3. Keep those closest to you informed – have a system that gives them a warning and they can support you and understand rather than get annoyed with you. I tell hubby "I feel so mad I could cry" or "I feel so mad its like I've taken P" (luckily I have no idea what the drug is actually like). The reference to the drug P is not the most socially acceptable description but it clearly explains I don’t feel at all like myself but a real crazed madwoman.
4. If all else fails try a bath, some exercise, meditation, positive thoughts, affirmations or just change your surroundings.

For more ideas check out this awesome article on http://www.selfgrowth.com/ http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/A_Bad_Mood_5_Energy_Healing_Tips_to_Get_Beyond_It.html I especially love this part: “Every time you choose not to let something hard sink you, every time you choose to energetically rise above it—you evolve automatically. Your energy field radiates a little brighter and vibrates at a little higher frequency.”

If you no longer wish to tolerate negative states and super sour moods know that you can learn to overcome them. The more practice you have the easier it gets. Life is a lot more peaceful and it’s great for the soul!

Curb the arguments that happen only in your head

noreply@blogger.com (Allison O'Neill) — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 17:00:00 +0000

When I say ‘head argument’ I’m sure you know what I'm talking about. It’s when you are pondering a certain issue/relationship/conflict/situation and you start arguing it out with the person concerned in your head. Some people can really annoy us, so we keep pondering these outrageous things to ensure we stay one step ahead of them. You may find yourself going off on many tangents, exploring all possibilities so you are ready for any real arguments that arise.

I've started being able to identify a head argument early. Anytime I find myself drifting into one I notice it, label it 'head argument' and instantly I realise I’m doing negative, ridiculous thinking. It is a waste of time, energy and puts your body in a state of stress and adrenaline (and anger) which over time actually physically harms us. Since your mind doesn’t know the difference between real and imagined things, your blood pressure will rise, your heart will race and you will get really mad. These arguments are nothing more than a way of ‘visualising’ tension that you don’t actually want – which means spend enough time visualising it and it will happen exactly as you don’t want it to.

You may wonder if you benefit by ‘preparing’ for potential tension – giving you a ‘stronger case’ since you’ve thought it through already. But I think it’s a pretty fine line between ‘preparation’ and craziness. Often we may be considering the situation and just processing our thoughts about it, when suddenly a dreaded head argument starts. In fact it could happen a million times in the ten minutes we are pondering it. If you keep stopping yourself then focus on the real issues you should gain the clarity you are after.

There is no point pre-pondering what someone may or may not say. It doesn’t help us at all, and just attracts negativity. I bet it makes our relationships more troubled, than if we didn’t have such thoughts so regularly in our minds.

The biggest problem I see with head arguments is that we well underestimate how many we actually carry out. We may think we have one or two a day, but I'd guess is probably more like 40... actually how do we not know its not more like 200? Think of the mental space we'll have when we stop them happening!

How do you feel about head arguments? Do you think they are useful because they prepare you for conflicts? Do you think they are a waste of time and energy? Do you want to quit ‘arguing your case’ in such head arguments because you now think they are silly? Please share your experiences.