tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87512305791065671202010-01-05T21:12:13.057-08:00This blog is all about bipolar disorder and me...I've a lifetime of battling mental illness and have personal as well as professional experience in my aresonal. I do not have all the answers. I am just living forward, staying true to my heart, and insisting on living a life beyond the diagnosis. This blog gives information on all sides of the "animal" that is bipolar disorder as it also chronicles my journey to "becoming" God's best for me.Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.comBlogger81125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-71671744059590414762009-04-08T08:31:00.000-07:002009-04-08T08:50:30.343-07:002009-04-08T08:50:30.343-07:00

I think spring may finally be here. I have the fever...the same one I have every year at this time; needing to get out and dig in the dirt so I might see what's new and fresh and growing green. I have managed to get most of the front lawn raked and have cleaned out amongst the perennials, eliminating the first layer of mulch...though I have left the roses buried just in case we have another

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com1http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/04/spring-metaphor.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-78816686611207432732009-04-04T21:35:00.000-07:002009-04-04T22:00:15.778-07:002009-04-04T22:00:15.778-07:00

Tonight I went to church. For me the experience was a monumental one because I have issues with churches in general. As an individual with mental illness, I have come up against all manner of idiotic notions and perceptions about my illness, but none so blatant as those I have encountered after walking through the doors of a church. They want to pray over me, or exorcise me (and I am NOT

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com0http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/04/heart-desires.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-38272575061029379332009-04-02T23:03:00.000-07:002009-04-02T23:12:26.261-07:002009-04-02T23:12:26.261-07:00

Well my life keeps shifting like fault lines during an earthquake, but I'm holding on and waiting for the new. I have this sense of freedom that I simply have not experienced in what feels a lifetime. And all the constraints I have had for the past year have seemingly dropped away. I am left open to whatever comes into my life. It is both exciting and scary...equally.I wonder yet again how

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com0http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/04/winds-of-change.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-65700516302549176382009-03-23T22:57:00.000-07:002009-03-23T23:14:45.753-07:002009-03-23T23:14:45.753-07:00

This week I have one last project and I am finished with this class. I have to write my educational philosophy and create my ideal school. Whatever. I am not even a teacher...the only psychologist in with a bunch of teachers. They may as well ask me to kill a dragon and name all its parts. This ought to prove a very interesting ride.I have learned something about myself...I am a really great

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com0http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/03/stepping-into-sunshine.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-7011931914774781452009-03-22T20:27:00.001-07:002009-03-22T20:37:10.384-07:002009-03-22T20:37:10.384-07:00

The first troublesome wave of finals stuff is over, so I'm indulging in the kind of writing that simply rolls off the brain and onto my computer. I must say I am getting kind of burned out on the academic paper thing. I mean, it is one thing to write and research about a topic you are vested in in some way, but to have to do it for something you could really care less about is draining. I

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com1http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/03/what-time-tells.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-85872532588566754512009-03-18T22:43:00.000-07:002009-03-18T22:56:03.699-07:002009-03-18T22:56:03.699-07:00

I guess I should follow up on my last blog. I am now officially single after many years of being fettered. It actually feels really good most of the time. I don't have to carry my cell phone around like it is life support. I get to move to Wyoming if I want without having to consider someone else's desire to move anywhere BUT Wyoming (though I am not currently planning to do that).I was so afraid

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com0http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/03/i-guess-i-should-follow-up-on-my-last.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-49467680801147290322009-03-12T22:29:00.000-07:002009-03-12T22:39:39.349-07:002009-03-12T22:39:39.349-07:00

Well you read the title. No secrets now! I'm almost single. Only he doesn't know yet. I'm waiting for something. Not sure what. I've reached that point after three years where I don't give a damn any more. I've been pushed, pulled, stretched and just plain stabbed for long enough. Here's a thought. Men and their children. I always thought a man who had children would be great if he loved

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com1http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/03/almost-single.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-51242885812129188042009-03-05T21:20:00.000-08:002009-03-05T21:38:53.775-08:002009-03-05T21:38:53.775-08:00

I am thinking tonight about relationships and how very fragile they can be. I have had many over the course of my life, but none has endured the way the one I have with Jesus has. There is this hole, this place inside me that is so deep, so hollow, to plumb its depths would be an endless endeavor. No human being can fill this place in me. For so long I looked for what I could see to fill this

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com0http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/03/i-dont-know-why.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-70845380157590941222009-03-04T22:04:00.000-08:002009-03-04T22:14:18.985-08:002009-03-04T22:14:18.985-08:00

Wow! It's been a long time since I've put imaginary pen to paper! It seems time has simply slipped away while I have been gearing up for my next move...whatever that might be.We have now entered the time of year where the brain is coming out of hibernation and like a big surly bear, it sleepily raises its big black nose and sniffs the air discovering....SPRING! Hello chemical change. The ride

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com0http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/03/rides-hats-and-bearsoh-my.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-41049017447193673762009-02-17T23:51:00.000-08:002009-02-18T00:03:46.075-08:002009-02-18T00:03:46.075-08:00

I have not forgotten my little literary corner of the world. Life has just been...strange. I've either not been in the mood to express anything worthwhile, or I couldn't express anything worthwhile, or I've simply been inundated with new experiences and could step back from them to sort of get a more objective view. In a couple of days I am going home. Home for me is Kinnear Wyoming. I grew

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com1http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/02/bit-of-babble.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-86239026384559394612009-02-10T22:27:00.000-08:002009-02-10T22:40:28.480-08:002009-02-10T22:40:28.480-08:00

So here's another thing...journaling. Now I am only going to touch on this tonight because, well, because I am tired and have a sinus infection, but I want to at least throw it out there and then expound later.Journaling is important. It is a personal thing. There is no set time or frequency, color of ink, or computer, lined or unlined paper. Journaling is about taking what is in the mind and

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com1http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/02/making-mental-healthy7.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-14030332213548930672009-02-07T22:53:00.000-08:002009-02-07T23:09:31.674-08:002009-02-07T23:09:31.674-08:00

OK, so here's another veering off of the main topic I've been writing about. But I really need to talk about...Valentine's Day. I have several issue with VD as I like to call it. Maybe such issues stem from bad experiences in the past (there were certainly enough bad relationships to create such an outlook), or maybe it's because I detest the color pink. Both are true, but I think that,

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com0http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/02/cupids-candy-and-all-that-other-crap.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-64384431362403590202009-02-05T21:02:00.000-08:002009-02-05T21:10:41.172-08:002009-02-05T21:10:41.172-08:00

This one may seem quite simple but is very important in the grand scheme of maintaining a healthy mind. Look for beauty.Life is so hectic. Time is in demand; our time. Putting the head down and plowing through a day sometimes seems the only way to get through it. Here's a tip. Look up, even if for just a moment. Look for something to make a smile come to life. I discovered, while dealing

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com0http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/02/making-mental-healthy6.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-50824761179642917662009-02-03T22:03:00.000-08:002009-02-03T22:09:44.986-08:002009-02-03T22:09:44.986-08:00

So back to my little list of things to do to make the brain healthier.This time of year, depending on where you live, vitamin D may be lacking because sunlight is lacking. So consider a supplement if you find yourself dragging as if trying to move through cement.Depression is a common thing. Where you fall on the spectrum of depression is what makes a difference between needing psychiatric

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com0http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/02/making-mental-healthy5.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-29260474534755147312009-02-02T19:42:00.000-08:002009-02-02T20:16:41.359-08:002009-02-02T20:16:41.359-08:00

Pardon the veering off from the mentally healthy thing...I need a creative moment.I've got Daughtry pounding through my head phones and I feel the need to simply expound from the outside, heart-side up, rather than the intellectual stuff I've been pontificating about. One thing I learned by pursing all the psychology education was that a total disconnect from my imagination is a deadly thing.

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com0http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/02/beautiful.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-52381641938608984432009-01-31T11:44:00.000-08:002009-01-31T12:07:11.059-08:002009-01-31T12:07:11.059-08:00

So in moving forward with the mentally healthy thing...Number four.Boundaries! Learning to set boundaries is healthy for you and for those in your life. It is important to take stock of people in your life and determine whether they are healthy for you or not. This is one of the more difficult things to do in the process of becoming mentally healthy. I learned the hard way when I was in a

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com1http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/01/making-mental-healthy4.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-21698907858855187252009-01-26T20:28:00.000-08:002009-01-31T11:44:32.640-08:002009-01-31T11:44:32.640-08:00

Hello again! Sorry about the long pause...I know I am going through a series of small blogs on mental health but I am going to interrupt my series to talk a bit about my experience over the past seven days.I am in Phoenix, preparing to leave tomorrow afternoon to go back to Montana. I have been working on my doctoral degree in the form of a residency class. Talk about intensive! Eight hours a day

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com0http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/01/telling-time.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-79973923955580543542009-01-19T21:47:00.000-08:002009-01-19T21:52:47.488-08:002009-01-19T21:52:47.488-08:00

So the next in the succession is water. Drink water. Your brain needs water. The brain gets dehydrated, then can't function and one gets sluggish or struggles to remember and concentration goes out the window. So let's recap here. Exercise for the endorphin rush and to get that body and brain in sync. Sleep because that's when all the repairs are done on the mind. And drink water because

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com1http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/01/making-mental-healthy3.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-28999166619516079442009-01-18T20:17:00.000-08:002009-01-18T20:41:29.914-08:002009-01-18T20:41:29.914-08:00

Okay...Where were we...Oh yeah...Number two.Sleep. You need it. And contrary to popular belief the older one gets, the more sleep needed or at least more than six hours. The brain functions better. I am not providing proof here. I can get it and have run across it over the years of researching the brain, but this is my blog not my discourse community, so if you want info email me and I'll find it

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com1http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/01/okay.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-70823319302341499172009-01-17T22:56:00.000-08:002009-01-17T23:06:54.686-08:002009-01-17T23:06:54.686-08:00

Tonight I am beat. Mostly I think it is that time of the year where, at least in Montana, the thermostat is playing yo yo with the temperatures, and more often than not the sky is a nondescript gray. Both changes in temp. and lack of sunlight seriously affect my moods and energy levels, as they do with many people. All this to say, I find myself flagging at the end of the day with relative

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com1http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/01/making-mental-healthy1.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-65696077651714304652009-01-17T08:47:00.000-08:002009-01-17T09:10:06.218-08:002009-01-17T09:10:06.218-08:00

So I thought I'd try writing a post in the morning to see if somehow the view is different from the one I have at night...it is...I am moving in slow motion, my mind refusing more complex functions. Maybe another cup of coffee would do it...I've taken my first morning pill. It's the one that takes the agoraphobia monster and handcuffs it to a bit of railing that exists somewhere in the back of

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com0http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/01/take-that.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-82428735259785096352009-01-16T23:25:00.000-08:002009-01-17T00:07:26.718-08:002009-01-17T00:07:26.718-08:00

I think one of the most difficult things about having a mental illness is that you are constantly straddling wanting to be like everyone else and do what everyone else can do, and yet still need to be acknowledged as not being like everyone else so that when control heads south and you are exhibiting behavior that could easily get you into the circus but not the mean of society, you will be

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com0http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/01/potential-adventures-in-agoraphobia.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-86864709628031940752009-01-15T21:04:00.000-08:002009-01-15T21:13:46.098-08:002009-01-15T21:13:46.098-08:00

I've been thinking a great deal about my residency I'll be attending in Phoenix. I've a pile of reading I have only read about half of. Most of it seems of common logic to me, but there is this underlying thread of "critical consciousness" that disturbs. There are many definitions or variations of what critical consciousness is but from what I've been able to tell in my reading, it's this

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com0http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/01/critical-consciousness.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8751230579106567120.post-31694317007858767582009-01-14T18:23:00.000-08:002009-01-14T20:32:59.388-08:002009-01-14T20:32:59.388-08:00

Today was the day I began to look forward to going to Phoenix for my residency. Having had agorpahobia for almost ten years has made me quite reluctant to go to new places, much less board a plane (no escape route and all), but I have, for the past several months, been on medication that curbs the anxiety. It's amazing how I have to retrain myself to be "ok" with going places...though I doubt

Laelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15815658296727176567noreply@blogger.com0http://livemental.blogspot.com/2009/01/blinders.html