Have you ever seen the movie The River Wild? It’s about a couple with a failing marriage. They take their son on a river rafting trip and get caught up with some crooks who are attempting to escape with their loot.

Never heard of it? Well, that’s because it came out in 1994! The Husband found it on Netflix during our trip to Breck a few weekends ago. Yes, it looks a little ancient compared to today’s big screen excitement, and it’s hard to imagine Meryl Streep EVER looked that young. But it’s worth adding to your queue if you haven’t seen it.

However, the real reason I feel compelled to share this movie is because of a little conversation between Streep’s character and her mother—who hardly has an entire page of lines in the script. But her words in those few moments really pack a punch. Check it out {Sorry, haven’t been able to get the video to work on Chrome, but IE works fine. Click here if you have trouble.}:

“It’s because you give yourself an out,” she says.

It’s the world’s way…even 18 years ago in 1994…the world was teaching us that if you don’t like what you ended up with in marriage you can easily get out of it. Somewhere along the way marriage became a transaction rather than a commitment. {Sounds a little like hooking up if you ask me.}

I observed a similar conversation between a mother and dauther when we recently watched the {little more recent} movie “The Vow.” {Spoiler Alert!} Paige asks her mother Rita why she didn’t leave when Paige’s father had an affair. Rita says it’s because she chose to forgive him. {Ok, Hollywood, ya’ done good here.}

But I’m wondering if this isn’t the line that really stood out to you: “I chose to stay with him for all the things he’s done right and not leave him for the one thing he did wrong.”

It was a precious moment in the movie. Yet another bit of elder wisdom worth listening to. The Husband and I have talked about what we wish they would have had Rita say…maybe something actually referencing the vow or the promise she made to stay. {That WAS the title of the movie! Right?}

Anyway…just wanted to throw it out there to hear your thoughts.

Have you seen it? What did you think? If not, what are your thoughts about the vows you made or will one day make?

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Post tags: Forgiveness, Love, Relationships, Respect, Sacrificial Love, Vows

I decided to join in on the AtoZ Challenge at the end of March. I had no hope of writing all my posts in advance and sitting back to just let them flow onto the page each day. Nope. This was an everyday deal. I knew what I was signing up for. And I needed it to be that way. Just to see if I could do it.

I’d never promised to be an everyday blogger. But for one month I would try. I printed out a blank calendar, filled in the dates and letters, and set out to brainstorm 26 topics. Most posts had one- or two-word titles. On purpose. I intended them to be simple. And to stick to the recommendation of short {or short-ish} posts. Definitely a challenge, but a good one for me, and worth the effort!

With so many bloggers participating {just over 1,700}, I knew keeping posts short would be more welcoming to first-time visitors. As I visited other participants’ blogs, those long posts definitely discouraged me from sticking around or spending much time there.

And I’ll admit, after about a week, I found it close to impossible to visit five new blog a day from the list {though I hope to catch up a bit now that it’s over}. By the time I hit Q, I was hoping just to make it to Z on my own posts. In the end, I fell behind in the alphabet by one day and finished the Challenge on May 1st. I might also add, April was my busiest month at work in a long time. It’s no wonder the masseuse I saw last Friday said I had the back of a lawyer.

In all, I enjoyed my experience in the AtoZ Challenge. I even posted a survey last week for my readers to tell me what they think {about my blog and the Challenge}. 80% of respondents said they enjoyed reading shorter posts every day, and yet in the comments many said they don’t mind longer posts. I guess it all has to do with a connection to the topic. People who aren’t interested in the topic of marriage aren’t likely to stick around. BTW – If you haven’t responded to the survey, it’s not too late. Just click here.

As far as what Google Analytics shows, the traffic patterns as a result of daily posts made the graph look a little more like the Rocky Mountains {in April—with its higher peaks and not-as-deep valleys} and a little less like knives poking through fabric {like March—with its high peaks on post days and deep valleys on non-post days}.

One of the most beneficial aspects of the Challenge was meeting other bloggers with similar interests. I loved finding a blog I liked, commenting and then seeing comments back from that blogger on my own blog. It’s encouragement for me to “get out there” more often to explore the blogosphere and meet other bloggers by actively commenting on their posts.

Will I do the Challenge again? Ask me next year. For now, my takeaway is to be more intentional in my blog planning, like I did for April, so when it’s time to write there’s already a structure in place to follow.

A few blogs I happened upon during the Challenge:   

Our Life in a Caravan – About a family living in a motor home

Civil War Horror – Exactly what it sounds like

I Refuse to Go Quietly – This was a fascinating take on the Challenge. A story broken into 100-word sections posted each day. {I only visited one of those days but was intrigued by the concept and hope to find time to go back and read the whole story from start to finish.}

I happened upon Magpie Writes on the day she learned she’d gotten an agent. That was pretty exciting!

Although I might have found Whole Foods Living on my own, since eating healthy is a high priority, I was so glad to have found her through the Challenge.

And here are a few LSL followers who participated in the Challenge {Way to go fellow-bloggers!!}:

Overcoming Loneliness
Our Simple Love Story
The Newlywed Wife

What thoughts or observations do you have from the Challenge, either about my blog or the whole thing in general?

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Post tags: AtoZ Challenge

Thanks to a little inspiration from Em’s Happy Anniversary post over at Today’s Letters, I’ve got a little Happy-Birthday-Self post to celebrate with today.

The Husband {who admits he’s not much of a planner when it comes to vacay-type-adventures} pulled together a little spontaneous visit to Breckenridge for us last weekend to celebrate my birthday.

We hopped in our Subaru Outback for an early getaway on Friday afternoon and landed here…

As we scouted out this historic but classy little ski town, we came across a 100+ year old livery stable-turned-artist-studio…

Found a dive bar with hundreds of dollars taped to the wall {forgive any obscenities, they were difficult to avoid}…

Found something familiar…

Bought a cute hat for the Wife…

Tried to capture the Supermoon with our camera-phones…one night too early…

The next day we tried our hand at an early spring hike…

Were thankful when we found our way back to this {more than once}…

Saw some of the most incredible views EVER…

Munched on a lovely picnic complete with a bottle of wine and tasty treats the Husband carried up the mountain…

Sat next to this amazing waterfall…

Made friends with Willow, the 20-year-old arthritic dog that made us feel a little better about how we were faring above 10,000-feet…

After our hike, we enjoyed the sun and the view on this patio at the Breckenridge Brewery {the beers and food weren’t so bad either}

We finished out our visit to “Breck” on Sunday afternoon with a little Italian yumminess. Hopped back in the Subie and headed down the mountain.

It was a most lovely weekend. The weather was the perfect combination of crisp and cool in the mornings and warm and sunny in the afternoons. It was “mud season” so the town itself was extremely quiet. When we weren’t out exploring, we cuddled, watched movies, went to bed early, slept in and just enjoyed being together. I’m so grateful for this Husband who plans things when he’s not a planner and makes time for what matters in our marriage.

What’s your favorite adventure you’ve taken with your spouse?

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Post tags: Colorado, Love, Marriage

The AtoZ Challenge provided a little hiatus from Make-Up-Monday, which is challenging in its own way. But whaddya know, I’ve got a fresh conflict to share.

Hiking near Breckenridge

It all started when the Husband gave me a Living Social gift certificate for a massage. I finally went to use it last Friday afternoon, and OH, WAS IT GOOD! It’s been a few years since my last massage…maybe even since our honeymoon in Mexico…and to sum it up, I’m a bundle of knots.

The masseuse spent the first 10 minutes telling me—in the kindest way—that I really need to work on my stress level. She said I have the back of a lawyer. Not kidding. And, truthfully, I’m not that surprised. As a freelance writer, I spend most of my waking hours in front of a computer, and the last month has been incredibly stressful. I knew something was wrong when my arms and hands started tingling on a regular basis.

I’m working on some stress relieving techniques, but when I asked what the masseuse would suggest, her prescription was to spend more time on her table. I know a lot of professional writers work massage into their health regimen just like they would a visit to the gym. It didn’t seem too farfetched. In fact, I really liked her and the way she worked on me. She communicated throughout about what she felt in my back, and at the end of the massage we talked about future visits. Because her practice was new, she offered an on-the-spot discount if I purchased a package. So I took it! Even though I knew I should have talked it over with the Husband first.

You see, we’ve agreed not to make any purchases over $100 without discussing it. We made this decision soon after we’d paid off our credit card debt, knowing that the feeling of “extra money” in our bank account might tempt either of us to be a little spendy. Our agreement is not even really an asking-permission thing, it’s a respect thing. We acknowledge we’re in this together, and we don’t ever want to go back to where we were before. And truthfully, when I take the time to logically THINK through a purchase, present it to him, discuss the pros and cons, I usually make better choices. When I don’t do this, I’m often acting based on my emotions.

With the masseuse, I’m sure I could have told her I’d get back to her by the end of the day after I’d spoken to him. But I didn’t. It’s a humbling thing to say, “I have to ask my husband,” so I rationalized it in my mind that this was something I NEEDED for my health. That may be true. And he might have even agreed. But as soon as it was said and done, I knew making the decision without him was wrong. In my mind I went round and round trying to justify it. But the bottom line was, it was still wrong. I called him on my way home to tell him how great my massage was and confess my deliberate defiance of our agreement. I felt awful. He was still at work and was noticeably upset, but he didn’t have time to talk at that moment.

We finally talked about it many hours later on our drive out of town for the weekend. I felt like a fearful child, not sure what he was going to say or if I was “in trouble.” I realize these are not rational feelings, but that’s where I was. And in those few hours before, I’d tried to think about what he must be feeling. I realized my decision did not communicate respect towards my husband or our agreement. And that’s not how I want to be.

In the end, I was so proud of him for pushing through to talk about it rather than avoid it. {I wanted to avoid it and likely would have, which could have impacted our weekend away.} I acknowledged that he probably felt disrespected, and I asked his forgiveness. He immediately forgave me. I confessed that I’d only told him a partial truth {I’d bought 5 massages} and then shared the whole truth {I’d really bought 6}. He also communicated some irrational fears he knows he has about what we spend our money on and the ways he’s trying to rein those feelings in. I asked a few questions to better understand him. He did the same to try to understand me. And by the end of the conversation I could hardly believe we’d handled it with such maturity.

No yelling, no tears; just honesty and forgiveness. And while I felt pretty yucky from the point of that first phone call to the minute we finished this conversation, the slate was wiped clean for us to have a fun weekend away.

I’m still accepting weekly submissions for Make-Up-Monday if you are willing to share your story. I know it’s not easy. But the reality is we ALL have conflict. And sharing is a reminder that we all have work to do to communicate, resolve and forgive in our marriages. Just email me: merritt {at} livesimplylove {dot} com 

Anyone else have such an agreement with your spouse about your finances? How well do you abide by it?

© Editor for Live Simply Love, 2012. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Conflict, Debt, Finances, Forgiveness, Make-Up-Monday, Trust

I’ve spent a little time reflecting on the month I spent participating in the Blogging from AtoZ Challenge. It was a new thing for me to blog every day. Most days were great…those ones near the end were tough. For those of you who kept up all month, I’m impressed! And THANK YOU! If you’re new here and have no idea what I’m talking about, scroll down to the Archives {right-hand column} and click on April for a backwards alphabetical list of all the posts. Some of my favs were: Beloved, Husband, Intimacy and Reconciliation.

Spring in Colorado - Just a few weeks ago this tree in our neighborhood looked like it was COVERED with snow.

Now…I’d like to know a little about you. Would you be so kind to answer a few questions for me? I’ve put together a survey that should take no more than a few minutes. I’d love to know more about YOU and what you enjoy about LiveSimplyLove.

Take the Online Survey

It’s going to be a beautiful spring weekend in Colorado. We’re planning an early birthday celebration for me…

What are your plans?

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Post tags: AtoZ Challenge, Marriage

Hard to believe it’s already May and the AtoZ Challenge is over. Whew! Thanks for sticking with me through daily posts and to all of you who commented, I’m truly grateful. It is so encouraging to know you’re out there so keep ‘em coming! {And if you’re a blog-stalker, it’s okay, I can wait until you’re ready.}

It’s wedding season again! The Husband and I attended a gorgeous ceremony on Sunday afternoon in which a young couple from our church tied the knot. They’ve been together for five years and—like most couples—had some ups and downs that preceded their engagement and marriage.

Knowing the challenges don’t end when the groom kisses his bride, I have made a point these past several weeks to pray for their marriage. I’ve prayed for everything from the ability to communicate effectively, for their wedding night {and specifically for their intimate moments} and for the individual struggles I know each of them brings to the marriage.

A few months ago another friend emailed me to share about two of our mutual friends who are getting married this year. She’s making each couple a book of 365 prayers from friends and family. What a great idea! Here’s a little bit from the email she sent me:

What better gift to give some of our favorite people than endless prayers and encouragement?! Don’t get us wrong, money and flatware are newlywed essentials but so is a daily dose of God’s faithfulness.

The idea is that they will have a prayer to read each day for the first year of their new life together. 

For starters, will you write at least one prayer for the newlyweds? You can pray for good heath, wisdom, finances, happiness, fun, safety, faithfulness, a stress-free day, whatever!

And she closed her message with this…remember Paul’s encouraging words, “Pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for the all the Lord’s people…”

On that note, will you join me today in sharing what YOU would pray for the newlywed couples you know based on what you learned in the early years of marriage? Whether you are newly married yourself or have countless years under your belt, I’m sure there’s something you’d pray for those entering this beautiful {yet challenging} covenant.

Please share in the comments. And Happy May!!

© Editor for Live Simply Love, 2012. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Communication, Marriage, Newlywed, Prayer, Transition, Wedding

It’s the sweet sound of sleep that arrives just moments after his head hits the pillow. It doesn’t matter what time of day or night. When the Husband lies down to rest, it’s not long before his breathing slows, his mouth cracks open a bit and he drifts off into slumberland.

If he didn’t look so peaceful I might be upset by the ease of his sleepiness next to my mind racing through thoughts and activities from the day, tomorrow’s To-Do list and even the slightest worry about what will happen if I don’t fall asleep in the next 25 minutes. {They say one of the greatest influencers of insomnia is the WORRY about not being able to fall asleep. Sheesh.}

It wasn’t just his perfect restfulness that was difficult about the sleep situation when we first got married. Probably more significant was the sleep arrangement. I love to sleep in what feels like a puff of clouds, enveloped with covers, melting into warmth and softness. And I’m a side sleeper. He’s a back sleeper, and he likes a firm mattress—and that’s what we were sleeping on. Ouch! For months it felt like I woke up bruised. It wasn’t until we sat down to lunch with a friend who used to sell mattresses that we learned this is a real thing. Hard mattresses are for back {or tummy} sleepers; soft mattresses are for side sleepers.

After almost two and a half years later, we still have the same bed–and it’s not because he hasn’t offered to get a new one. But I’m more of a tummy sleeper now. I can even be found on my back now and then. I still have trouble falling asleep about four nights a week, but the Husband has learned that if he can manage to keep his eyes open an extra five minutes, a little soft caressing of my back often helps me relax and drift off to dreamland. {And I’ll add, a little melatonin doesn’t hurt either!}

Do you have different sleep habits from your spouse? How have you adapted?

Photo caption: © davidundderriese – Fotolia.com

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Post tags: AtoZ Challenge, Newlywed, Sleep, Transition

It took some time in our first year of marriage to figure out the whole what’s-yours-is-mine-and-what’s-mine-is-yours thing. I think this was a little harder for me than it was for the Husband. I’m not sure why. Maybe it had something to do with getting married “older” or maybe it was that he moved into the house I’d already lived in for 5 years or that—like most husbands—he had a lot of “guy things” and I had a lot of girl things.

Whatever it was, it definitely provided opportunities to learn to communicate and work through conflict. During the AtoZ Challenge, I’ve been on hiatus from my weekly Make-Up-Monday series in which I write about marital conflict {on Mondays, of course}. But whadaya know, today is Monday, I’m a day behind on the Challenge and coincidentally, I’ve got a conflict to share.

One of those Yours & Mine issues arose over the weekend. I’d promised to loan a friend a huge salad bowl that belonged to the Husband before we were married. {This man loves to entertain friends and as a result he owned LOTS of household items with which to do that, even before we were married.}

So, I’d promised to bring this bowl to church yesterday. I told him about it and thought I’d asked him to help me find it. Next thing I knew it was 10pm on Saturday night and we hadn’t yet located the bowl. I started tearing through boxes of still-unpacked-stuff from our move last July, and I insisted he help me. My attitude was poor, I’ll admit. And as I thought about it later my thought process looked a little like this:

“It’s HIS bowl. He should know where it is!”

But that’s not exactly true anymore. It’s OUR bowl. And I was the one who’d promised it. I realized later that I didn’t do a good job of letting him know my expectations—especially the part about expecting him to know where it was. And, I admit, that wasn’t fair since I was the one who packed the kitchen when we moved.

I apologized when we went to bed. But even the next morning I was still a little sideways with my attitude. During church that really came to light for me and afterwards I asked his forgiveness for being inpatient and unkind with him. He’s always quick to forgive. Sweet Husband.

Do you and your spouse have any “yours & mine” conflicts that you’re still working through?

Photo credit: © Stuart Monk – Fotolia.com

© Editor for Live Simply Love, 2012. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: AtoZ Challenge, Communication, Expectations, Forgiveness, Newlywed, Self-centeredness

So it feels a bit like a cop-out to misspell a word in order to use it for this A-to-Z Challenge post, but I’m already a day late. I’m thinking it’s not going to get any better than this. For those who may be wondering how he feels about it, this topic was actually the Husband’s suggestion. Plus, I woke up this morning writing it in my head. It was meant to be.

I have a bunch of ex-boyfriends, more than I’d prefer to count. Many of them were serious I-think-I’m-in-love-with-you relationships. While others were more, I-think-I’d-rather-date-you-than-be-lonely relationships. Sad but true. I didn’t have a good handle on what serial dating would do to my heart. I just thought I knew what I needed in the moment and went for it. This went on through my teens, into my 20s and a year or two into my 30s. And then something changed.

The big change was Jesus. And with Him came the realization that the One who would love me truly, deeply and faithfully had been there all along. Yes, I’ll admit, even though God’s love is perfect, it’s not the same as a person. And there was still a huge part of me that desired a spouse.

And then the dry spell came. I might have gone on one date {and maybe one I-hope-this-is-a-date} in four years. It was so good. I needed it. And for a good portion of that time it was an intentional break from dating to heal the parts of my heart that were broken and numb from my early dating years. But I also spent a lot of that time wrestling with God about why He hadn’t yet brought me a husband.

And then, in the summer of 2006, I had a boyfriend again—at last. There’s much that could be called “good” about that particular relationship; but there was a lot that was difficult. We had some VERY similar struggles—insecurity, people-pleasing and fear—so when things were bad, it was very painful. He was probably more aware of this than I was. I just wanted it to work out; I was tired of waiting.

But 11 months into it, he wasn’t sure. I was ready to move forward. He wanted to take a break to sort through his feelings. I honored his desire and we didn’t speak for a month. I was sure he would come back, ready. Or at least I wanted to be sure of that. Instead, after 30 days, he broke up with me at the Olive Garden. I was crushed. He knew we weren’t right for each other, but I so wanted him to be wrong about that.

I celebrated my birthday a week after our breakup. I remember it like it was yesterday; my friends gathered around to try to cheer me up. It felt more like a funeral than a birthday party. And then, I kinda fell off the face of the earth. I needed to grieve this heartbreak, and I needed to do it apart from everyone who had been part of our story. I joined a running group and started training for a marathon. I lost 15 pounds, in part from training harder than I ever had before and in part because I didn’t feel like eating. It was awful, and it seemed like I’d never get over feeling so sad.

Four months later, Todd {the Husband} would tell you that God flipped a switch in his heart. He knew we were meant to be together. He thought and prayed about it for a month, and then he asked me out. I was still reeling from the previous break-up. I couldn’t possibly say yes. {Insert long story of faithful friendship turned “maybe-you-can-ask-me-out-again” and then almost two years of dating.}

When we were engaged in 2009, Todd asked me how I would feel about having my ex as one of his groomsmen. You see, they didn’t just know each other, they were close friends. He would never do it if I wasn’t okay with it. And for a long time I wouldn’t have been. But in two years I’d witnessed God’s tremendous healing of my heart. I’d gotten over wondering what I’d done wrong in the previous relationship and was able to value this person I’d dated who was wise {and brave} enough to end it when I couldn’t see the truth. I was ready to call him a friend again.

And on that joyful day in November, I knew without a doubt, that the man in the tuxedo standing closest to me was the husband the Lord had chosen.

Have you ever felt like God wasn’t answering your prayers the way you wanted Him to?

Photo Credit: Ivan Luk 

© Editor for Live Simply Love, 2012. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: AtoZ Challenge, Dating, Jesus, Love, Relationships, Wedding

I’ll admit, as we look forward to X, Y and Z in the next few days of the A-to-Z Challenge I’m getting a little weary and wondering where these next words are going to come from. Ha! There are a few words I could have used for today. Alas, I’ve already made my choice. I’m feeling a little silly today, so without further ado…

Wah-Wah – This is what I say to the Husband when I squeeze one or both of his cheeks…and I’m not talking about his face. I’m not sure why I started doing this, but it most certain began after we got married. It’s always a double squeeze, accompanied by one or both of us saying, “Wah-Wah.” There are often a lot of giggles, more squeezes and smooches involved.

It’s all part of the silliness I didn’t discover about myself until we got married.

There I said it. {Mom, are you blushing again?}

Hope you all have a fabulous day…and before you go –

Share in the comments one silly thing that has become “tradition” in your marriage. 

Photo credit: © dzain – Fotolia.com
{You don’t even want to know what came up when I started looking for stock photos to go with this post.} 

© Editor for Live Simply Love, 2012. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: AtoZ Challenge, Friendship, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Silliness