RJ's Blog

Believing when you don't want to believe

2014-06-01T15:15:00.000-07:00

"I lost my job". I came home early last December and told my wife. My daughter comes crawling up to me and I pick her up and hold her while she's sucking her fingers.

"I'm sorry," Kacy says. "What happened?"

What I said next was just a bunch of details about mistakes happen - blah, blah - boss yells at me - blah, blah - never liked me - blah, blah blah. A lot of tears of fear being shed of what was going to happen next. Then I feel something.

*squish* - my daughter, Averi sticks her slobbery finger in my ear and gives me a baby wet-willy.

Thanks, kid.

That was a hard time for me and my family (not the wet-willy). It's interesting how the Lord works in our lives. What he blesses us with at the most unexpected times. To give you background, I was planning on quitting that job I lost a month later, in January. I was terrified to do so because I did not know how we were going to pay for what we needed. Then the next day after receiving the news I sat down and talked to President of the company. He essentially told me that he would pay my salary through January for me to find a job that would give me a good beginning in my career.

Speech-less.

Again, I came home in tears. No baby-willy's this time. Kacy and I had been feeling for a couple months that we should move to where her family was in Arizona. I began applying to jobs like crazy and I even tried to get a little creative in the applying process.

While down in Arizona for the Christmas holiday, I was applying to any job I could find. Kacy suggested on Christmas I take a break from the madness. I woke up Christmas morning and felt I should apply to one job. I applied and a few days later was called for an interview.

That has been my job now since the beginning of the year.

The Lord is here to bless each of us. In our own individual way, a way we may not understand. At times we may feel discouraged and afraid but if we are willing to follow Him, we will be blessed.

Believe in yourself and in His plan. You may have to do something crazy like move to another state...but the blessings of being willing to do His will instead of your own...immeasurable.

Baby wet-willys notwithstanding.

A World Worth Living For

2013-08-28T19:47:00.001-07:00

Have you ever sat back and given yourself time to think? Have you thought about how you treat other people? Have you thought about how other people have treated you?

Have you grown a little bit more wise today?

Today, I was feeding Averi. As I watched her hold the bottle and gulp down her milk in about 5 seconds flat - I thought about how I want to do things differently as a parent, and I became a little be frightened realizing that...this world is way messed up, people.

Way messed up.

I thought about how I would teach her about strangers, about why there is war, about the adversary and how he is real - even though you can't see him.

I thought about making good friends, not being a hypocrite, and I can't control everything she will choose to do or to say...

But I can show her why this world is worth living for.

I can show her the importance of: talking to the guy on the street, making food for a family that needs it, loving people who hurt you, and admitting you're wrong even when all the pride in your body wants to defend the opposite,

and how to be Christ-like.

Will I be perfect? Nope.

Will I make mistakes? Absolutely.

But at least she'll know why life is worth living.

To live the laws of God, serve other people, and being willing to change who you are today....

To be a better person tomorrow.

To Lead with Confidence

2013-04-11T21:11:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while I go to the gym. More times than not it's because my wife, KacyAnn is pushing me out of the house telling me I'm "a little fluffy", but I go.

A few weeks ago I went and played a pick-up basketball game at the gym. I learned a valuable lesson that day. Now, let me give you some background here - there is a full court game being played of 5-on-5. After one team wins, 5 other players in the gym form a quick team and go in to play the winning team. The winning team then continues to play until they lose a game or one of their players leaves. Pretty simple, right?

Not today.

The team we ended up forming were as follows: 5 white guys, all under 6'1" with one guy that - - well lets just say he was in his mid-50's and didn't look to be in basketball shape. The team we were up against?

5 Black guys, all over 6'5".

*Gulp*

As we started the game, I noticed something strange about one my teammates. I don't remember his name, but for the sake of my story we'll call him - David.

David was walking around to our team introducing himself and saying, "let's go guys we've got this. Let's go."

Yeah-let's just go home and save ourselves the beating that we're about to have put on us by this Goliath basketball team.

We start playing and David keeps passing the ball. To everyone on our team! Mr. Mid 50's would fumble a pass and he would shout, "That's alright man. That's alright we'll get it next time." He would pass the ball to a smaller guy on our team and he would make one. David would say, "I'm comin' to you next time hot hands."

He showed confidence in others, and they did what was needed to win.

Toward the end of this game we needed only 2 points to win the game. Because of my "fluff" I was a little late getting to that side of the floor. David tossed me ball at the top of the 3 point line and said, "Game winner right here baby."

Swish.

We ended up playing 2 more games in a row that night until David and I had to leave.

I wonder how much different the world, our jobs, and our families would be...if we just expressed more confidence in each other, our coworkers, and loved ones...

I bet more people would perform above their perceived potential. And probably knock down the winning shot a lot more than we realize...

"Game winner. Right here baby."

Swish.

Being a baby

2012-12-08T13:30:00.001-08:00

I'm sitting in a quiet hospital room right now after an eventful couple of days. While mother and baby are sleeping, I sit and reflect. From "Ryan, come home from school now and we're going to the hospital." to me thinking, "What have I done to my wife she's going to die!" to now, "Oh she's such a cute little girl."

I was talking to a great mentor of mine the other day and he said, "the labor room of the hospital and the celestial room of a temple are the two most sacred places I can ever be. It may not feel the same for the mother, but for the father, it can bring you very close to Heaven."

I felt that.

It's true that you can't really know what it feels like to be a father until you are one. But why can't we do other things in our lives to feel that close to Heaven?

God holds you in his arms just like I held Averi Belle in mine. God sees us as if we were babies. He sees how we sometimes look around everywhere, trying to understand what is happening; that life is hard and confusing. He knows the times we are hungry, when we are tired, and most of all...

He knows we need to be clean.

When you're unclean, you feel uncomfortable. Getting older, you tend not to cry out and let everyone know your weaknesses. You and I tend to stop "being a baby" and we instead look to our own ways and think we can handle it. When we have our Father and Brother looking at us and wanting to say as KacyAnn says to Averi:

"Are you having a rough day today? What can I do to help?"

But we forget that.

We don't listen. We don't repent. We just complain that our life sucks and we don't let our Parent take care of it.

Maybe we should be more of a baby. More needy for love, more reliance on our Parent,

More willing to grow into the person we can be.

We talk too much

2012-10-06T22:01:00.003-07:00

"There's too much talk and not enough do."

I have few things in life that can really twist my 'annoyed' strings. One of them I realized one day while I was preaching the Gospel in Boston for the LDS church. I was in a brand new area where my preaching companion had been for quite some time. He knew the area better than anyone I had ever met. He was constantly telling me things I needed to do to help this area and he was constantly working with different church members to get them excited about helping us with the work we were doing. One day as we were walking home for lunch I was feeling pretty dejected. I was thinking of how we were constantly talking to people about the importance of doing something, and we talked about it all day long. But on this one afternoon walking home, it hit me -

There's too much talk and not enough do.

Do you realize this? Do I realize this?

I think talking is good. Talking gets us thinking, it gets ideas flowing, but it isn't until we act that we actually see the "fruit of the labor." It's like telling your mother that you want to plant a tree in her yard for her but never going outside to plant it. Just saying, over and over - I should plant a tree for you outside.

A similar process applies with repentance. We can talk ourselves out of repenting, and we can constantly tell ourselves we don't have anything to repent of, but it isn't until we act and truly go through the process to repent, that we discover the power of Christ's Atonement.

Doing righteousness has it's blessings, yes. But doing righteous for the sake of receiving blessings can make us less grateful for those. The Lord knows what blessings we truly need, and we can't do something "expecting a specific blessing for that."

My brother pointed this out to me and gave an example. He has just started school, and was married about a month ago. He was very worried about finances but said he had faith that God would help him. In the past month he said, "I've received a pay raise at work, my school funding came in, and I have enough money to purchase a better car so my wife and I can save money on gas and constant repairs. But these are things I didn't know I needed. God did. I was merely doing what I have been asked to do through God's Prophet and He has blessed me in the way He expected, not what I expected.

We talk about what we should do.

But we need to do what we've been talking about.

Progression Succession

2012-08-09T15:27:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite quotes is "People are in favor of progress, it's the change they don't like." I think the reason I've come to love it so much is because it always begs the question..."Why is that?"

From children to adults, if I was a social scientist for a living I would study this topic like mad. I remember times when I was younger, one of my siblings would do something and my parents would scold them and they would respond with "Sorry, I won't do it again." Then they do it again, and again, and again.

We all do it, you and me alike. But with all these short falls, there's gotta be a way to strive toward perfection. Let me share with you a few principles I've found to help in loving not only the progression, but the changing that coincides to it.

1. Stop thinking you are right about everything. You're not. Admit it. Move on.

2. Listen to others. Believe it or not, most people know a lot about a lot. From cars to relationships, they have something that can help you progress. Listen to feedback, suggestions, and anything someone tells you. Do you have to do all of it? Of course not. But it never hurts to try new ideas. If you don't think that's true, go back to Step 1.

3. Read what others have to say about things you are involved with. Yes, the scriptures are very good tool to have and to read. But did God not bring us here with different talents and abilities so that we could 'edify and uplift one another'? If you're a parent, read parenting books. If you're a teacher, read how to teach better. If you're stressed about finances, read financing books. The list goes on. But if you don't think you need to do that, then go back to Step 1.

4. Trust that others may see things you don't. I remember growing up, I heard a church leader say "a wise man learns from his mistakes, a wiser man learns from the first wise man." How many times have you tried to warn a child, friend, or parent of something that you can see is taking them down a wrong path; and they do nothing? Are you happy when that happens? Now, on the flip-side.....has that child, friend or parent ever been you? If you don't think so, go back to Step 2. And if you still don't believe so after that, go back to Step 1.

5. Have humility in your heart. Notice I didn't just say have humility. But in your heart. Pray for it, read about it, find it in others. Humility is key to progression. It excites the mind to the world of possible changes it can achieve. Don't think you need humility? Go back to Step 1.

Start one at a time.

Pray for guidance.

You will be amazed at the changing that can happen.

Whether you like it or not.

Don't believe me? Go back to Step 1.

Watch out! Someone may need you!

2012-06-08T23:04:00.003-07:00

"When you practice perception, you practice following the spiritual promptings."

A few Sunday's ago, I was sitting in a church class with a couple of friends of mine Jared and Marcus. Jared has a cute little daughter, Launa that we were watching (being distracted in class) as she climbed in and out of chairs, through our legs, and Jared trying to stop her from eating random something's from the floor.

As she was climbing through the backs of one of the chairs...I noticed something. Each time she would stick her head through the back of the chair and smile at Marcus and I behind her; she would bring her head backward and Marcus would put his hand between Launa's head and the top of chair to prevent her from hitting her head. Then Marcus would move his hand, and as soon as Launa went through her smiling-distracting us boys from the lesson routine, there again, was Marcus and his hand. Marcus was perceiving.

Having perception means not only that you are aware of your surroundings and what is happening, but you act on what you see as well. Like Marcus, you see something happening in your life and you do something about it. Perception takes practice, I'm sure that for some like Marcus; he has naturally been that way a majority of his life. He saw a child playing in a chair and because he has had so much practice with perception his mind didn't need to go through the thought process "This child is not going to know that if she puts her head up too quickly while still under this section of the chair, she will bump her head on the chair and that may not feel very good." No, he naturally did this. Launa never noticed that she had a possibility of bumping her head on the chair.

I think that our Heavenly Father is amazingly perceptive. He see us (his children) and he notices when we are going to bump our heads before we know we are going to. He has a higher perspective, and therefore He knows whether to help, or whether a lesson will be taught. Or both.

How perceptive are you in your everyday life? How am I? Do you notice the people around you, or do you have blinders on from being so focused on the task in front of you? Have you noticed another's body language while you are talking; maybe about something that is personal to them but they won't tell you? Do you watch for the stressed one at work and try to help? Or have you done what I've done and thought you're too busy to help.

When you practice perception, you practice following the spiritual promptings. You begin to prioritize with the Spirit in mind, instead of your own agenda.

I challenge you to be perceptive. If you're like me who needs a little more practice, next time someone is talking to you ask yourself two questions: 1. What can I do to help this person? 2. How can I see from their point of view?

Try it.

Or you may never know what you are able to see.

Wheat bread

2012-04-13T22:10:00.005-07:00

"Gross Dad!" I say with a look on my face that would make you think something just rotted in front of me. "I only want white bread! Not wheat."

Recently my 6 year-old nephew, Jayden had about this same conversation with my brother. Replace the word, 'dad' with 'Chad'; and you've pretty much got the gist of it. Chad responds, "have you ever tried it?" "No," Jayden says. "Because it's gross." Chad smiles, probably because he remembered himself doing the exact same thing. "Well how do you know it's gross if you don't try it? It could give you strong 'muss-culls'." Chad says, flexing.

"Nu-uh." retorts Jayden. "And its muscles. Not muss-culls."

"No, it's muss-culls. And you won't know if it's good for you unless you try it."

"Okay." says Jayden. Continuing for the next week to flex his wheat-built biceps.

President Uchtdorf once stated, "There are times when we have to step into the darkness in faith, confident that God will place solid ground beneath our feet once we do."1

Our natural human nature is to escape. To fly away from something new, something hard, something unfamiliar. It isn't until we take that step into the darkness-that we begin to taste of His fruit. That we begin to better understand why and what He wants us to know.

I challenge you to not run away. To have the strength to step into the darkness. To kneel down and ask Heavenly Father to help you.

Come on....try it.

It will help build your muss-culls.

This is about you

2012-03-07T19:12:00.003-08:00

Now, just so you know, this post is about you.

Yes, you. I am talking about you.

I was thinking about you the other day. I was sitting in church trying to stay attentive and avoid "the tap" from my wife. You know, the one where they're wanting to whack you over the head with the hymn book because they can clearly tell you're merely singing every other word until the chorus of the song comes...then you sing a little bit louder? Yeah, that tap.

My mind was off track that day. Because of you, and myself as well; but I was pondering about you.

I was wondering why you don't listen. Why I don't listen. Why do you think you know how to run your life? Why do you argue? Why don't you change?

I was talking about you the other day to a friend. After asking them how life was, and the normal chit-chat, I asked them about how dating life is going.

"Non-existent" they responded.

In asking why, I began thinking more about you. I began thinking about me.

"I don't think the right one is out there." they said.

You and my friend are very similar. You see - there is a lack of faith.

We are here to be tested. To see how we respond to life. For some, it is sickness and for others it's money. For some it is to see where our priorities lay. It takes faith to get married and venture out on your own. It takes faith to repent. It takes faith to admit that you are wrong. I think a trap you and I fall into is that we begin to feel that we're doing everything right, so we don't need someone to give us advice and to help us. What's ironic about that, is that once we stop trying to listen to others, we lose faith in them. God has brought you and I together to edify and uplift each other. Part of that may mean trying what they suggest. Like when Christ asked his disciple to walk on water. Having faith it will work out.

But for some reason, your reason is different than mine. You are afraid to get out of the boat. Why?

"Because I'm not sure what's going to happen."
"Because I don't have enough money."
"Because I don't want to get hurt again."

Reach out to Christ. Do something that will help you grow your seed of faith. Not hide it under a bushel.

No Juevos

2012-02-16T15:11:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wanted to tell someone how you really feel, and then you don't do it?

Have you ever known that if you say you're sorry (even when you may not need to be) that a relationship can begin to heal....and you don't do it?

Why not?

Because you're scared, intimidated, worried, shy, upset, prideful.

You have no courage. You have no juevos.

That's why.

I will always remember the quote from Dr. Jason Carroll of my marriage prep class. We were talking about communicating with others and he said, "It's not 'if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all,' instead it should be if you have nothing nice to say, figure out a nice way to say it."

But doing that takes courage. It takes change.

I find it interesting that people expect people to understand people. But people need training. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you needed to learn how to go to the bathroom in a bathroom, just as much as my good dog friend Bella needed to learn that same concept- only outside.

We all need training, to become the kind of people we should become.

How do you do that?

I believe that it starts by being perceptive. Putting yourself in others shoes. If you don't like something, chances are someone else doesn't either. If you like something, chances are someone else does too. I don't mean your favorite color, or sports team, but a behavior.

If you like when you're house is clean, chances are someone else in your house does too. If you don't like the look of dirty dishes in the sink, or the feeling of being stood up for something, chances are someone else thinks the same. Have the courage to be perceptive and clean up. Don't focus solely on your wants and needs. Sometimes your needs are coinciding with those around you. But if you put the blinders of busy-ness, and 'I want things my way'.... you'll have no time to see how you can serve others (including your family).

Have the courage to notice those around you. Have the humility to admit that you can be trained, and when you mess up - go back and seek feedback to be better trained the next time.

Get some juevos, be perceptive, accept that you need training.

Now- if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go walk to my next class...

Oh yeah - I had to be trained to walk too, hmmm.

Christmas trees, Campfires and Zambonis

2011-12-05T12:02:00.001-08:00

I have never decorated a fake Christmas tree. Let alone put one up. I snapped in all the branches, wrapped the lights around it, and hung up my ornaments.

The tinsel came later, don’t worry.

After everything was in place, KacyAnn flipped the switch and we sat on our couch looking at our newly finished project. (Trust me, it was a project. I’ve grown up with real trees me whole life…you pop it in the stand and then a week later pinecones are growing on the top. Real ones!)

“I love Christmas trees.” KacyAnn says to me. (If she had the time, she would have included “I love Christmas snow, I love Christmas carols, I love Christmas music, I love Christmas food, I love --- you get the idea. She really LOVES Christmas.)

“They’re like campfires and Zambonis. They bring peace to you.” She continued.

Now, it was after midnight at this point…my brain was operating in tired mode. I’d guess its somewhere along the lines of being drunk, minus the morning wakeup fun.

“Zambonis?” I asked; making sure I heard Zambonis and not zucchini or zebras or something.

“Yes, Zambonis.” She said. “Everyone stops to watch it, just like trees and campfires. It’s peaceful.”

Zambonis give you a fresh start. You skate around your rink of life, at times you dig your skate in the ice, other times you go too quickly. Then, periodically you have to slow down, step away, and repent, forgive, or apologize. You have to pull out your “Zamboni” and give yourself or someone else…a fresh coat of ice.

Does it take time to clean the ice? Yep.

But it makes life so much more…

Peaceful.

Thanks for giving Consequences

2011-11-23T21:12:00.000-08:00

The turkey has them because he is a turkey.

My body will have them starting about at 2:00 pm MDT tomorrow. Because I ate too much.

Consequences.

Good or bad, happy or sad, hard or easy. They happen. If the best prevention of stress is preparation, then how do you prepare to prevent without first preparing to stress out along the way? (Go back...read again. Better?)

It's harder than it looks and easier than it sounds, (what am I, the Riddler from Batman all of the sudden?)

You say thank you.

Your eyes are opened a little wider, you find you have more in you than you thought you did. Because the consequences brought you there. They may be consequences of others choices that you are up against, they may be choices that are perfectly fine in all aspects, or they may be consequences of you being mortal.

Every person has a context for why they think and feel what they think and feel. Example, we'll play a quick game... Think of three words for the word "brown"....Anything. Go!

What did you think of? You want to know what I thought of?

Fish, baseball bat, hot cocoa (don't judge me).

Did you think of all of those? Probably not. We don't know where everyone is coming from. And at times people aren't willing to do anything different to change where they are. You are the person who has to decide whether you'll change or toss it aside. Whether you'll strive for those new goals that seem afar, or just be content to stay where you are.

This year, give thanks for giving of consequences. See them through His eyes. Not yours. You'll begin to see the miracles around you. You'll love your loved ones more. Selfishness will begin to melt away and the spirit of giving for the Holidays will begin to take hold of you.

That is...if you're willing to do what is needed to face those kind of consequences.

Your choice.

I just want a car

2011-11-19T11:02:00.000-08:00

I have a tendency to be quick to judge. My personality demands perfection from myself, and at times I demand that perfection from my wife, my friends, coworkers, or family. But...the other day KacyAnn told me a story that has given me a new perspective...I hope it will do the same for you.

She was in her developmental biology class. The teacher began a discussion about genetic tendencies, and how each of us have a tendency for doing something. One boy raised his hand and stated, "my family is genetically prone to alcholism. If we have one drink, we're done for." (As I thought about it, I believe I'm prone to way too much hot chocolate in the winter time - I just bought 4 lbs of it--it was on sale...give me a break).

Then as the discussion moved on, the teacher began discussing homosexuals. He pointed out that they have done studies with children, boy or girl. He said that the some of the boys like to play with dolls, while some of the girls like to play with tonka trucks, and that some of the children have said "I don't want to be a ____ (fill in gender here)." The students were discussing the need not to judge others. We don't know what kind of things they have going on inside them, we don't know what struggles they go through.

Another boy raised his hand. "I'm gay." he said. "I haven't told too many people that, but its true. I have always struggled with it."

King Benjamin teaches us that, "the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord..." (Mosiah 3:19, emphasis added)

KacyAnn was talking to a friend of hers about this later and her friend said, "When you first turned 16 and your father gave you the old junker car as a gift, you didn't care whether the car dripped a little oil or the steering column was a little off. All you cared about was getting from point A to point B."

We accepted our gift to come here and to have a body. A body that may have chronic health problems, be prone to indulgences (hot cocoa notwithstanding), or not function properly. We didn't care, as long as it gets us from point A (this life) to point B (life after this).

Will it be hard to put off these tendencies; be whatever they are? Yep.

Will you be able to do it? Absolutely.

For with God, nothing is impossible.

....Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to go make some hot cocoa.

I'm right you're wrong....right?

2011-08-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

Have you ever needed to be right?

No matter the cost?

I've thought recently about this need to be right. When I have a disagreement with my wife, I find myself holding emotions associated with anger; because of my need to be right.

To find who is right, one must establish what is right. Humility is the key to opening this door. If one can admit to themselves there is one way, truth and light then they can begin to find what is right.

If we're not willing to accept that, then we're not willing to walk in His ways, and to be about His business. To seek truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

And if we aren't doing that...what are we doing?

Other than filling voids with feasts that come from already malnourished satisfactory?

Learning from the Potter

2011-07-19T11:52:00.000-07:00

Apparently I talk in my sleep. I've always known this. My little brother, Chad and I use to have conversations in our sleep. TJ, my roommate use to hear my tell him things he never thought I would say.

Over the last week KacyAnn and I have watched every Harry Potter movie. The other night KacyAnn's arm had fallen asleep, and so she had her arm in the air trying to bring the circulation back.

"What are the books for?" I ask.
"What books?" she asks me.
"I don't know. I just saw that you had your wand out and thought you were doing some potions."

I guess I've been watching too much Potter.

In all of the watching though, I was reminded of something important. We are all innately good. It is our choices that define our character. Leadership, power, money, and the wanting to be right...All can eat away at who we are until we have nothing left. When we have nothing we find vain satisfactions to fill our voids. All because we wanted something for ourselves more than we wanted to keep our child-like humility, submissiveness, and forgiving character.

Maybe there is a little we can learn from the witches and wizards of Hogwarts.

Wands and potions notwithstanding.

If you can't stand....

2011-06-28T11:41:00.000-07:00

I do my best to be prepared.

With father's day just passing, being prepared to be a father has recently been on my mind. I remember going to the park as a child and going to the playground and saying,

"Watch me dad! Watch me! Look what I can do!"

Being prepared takes work. From being prepared for a disaster, to preparing yourself to be a star athlete.

You cannot become, without coming to work.

You cannot become a better husband or wife, without working at that.

You cannot become a better employee, better friend, without working to be that.

Heavenly Father knows this. He knows that we cannot abide with Him, unless we abide by his laws. Why then, do we make it so difficult?

Becoming is harder than doing. Becoming an athlete is different than doing athletic activities. Humility is one of...if not the hardest beginnings we can have.

The beginning of becoming is through the gates of humility.

...Maybe this is why we're asked to be like a little child....we could get down on our knees and instead of a list of "to-dos" we could say,

"Watch me Father! Watch me, look what I can become."

Watch the lights!

2011-06-19T20:09:00.000-07:00

The other day I walked over to my kitchen and tried to turn on the light. It wouldn't turn on. I tried again....nothing.

"KacyAnn?"

"Yeah?"

"The kitchen light won't work."

After inspecting what could be the problem, KacyAnn noticed one of the breakers was flipped. KacyAnn said oh, this one is off. And she flips it...

POP!

It sparks and ALL the power goes out in the whole apartment. So...luckily I remembered that I still had lights from that time we played glow in the dark ultimate Frisbee a few years ago and so we were able to see and to get things done until the power company came.

Now, why do I tell you this?

I find it interesting how there are times when we all find ourselves in the dark. Be it because of our own choices, or otherwise. But even if someone else has done something to wrong us, we cannot forget that there is ALWAYS someone who can be there for us. And, like the power company, they may not be there right away. But they WILL be there. If we prepare ourselves, then those times may not be so bad, in fact, they may be a bit more bearable.

If we are humble.

If we are willing to ask for help.

And... if we are careful which switches we flip. Sometimes they spark.

POP!

Dirty Laundry

2011-06-05T17:45:00.000-07:00

Have you ever looked at your dirty laundry and seen how much it can teach about repentance?

Think about it, or next time you look at it, think about it.

We have all these things that we do that make us 'dirty'. It may not be any fault of our own, but by our human nature we just get 'dirty'.

Now, most of the time we can 'clean' all the laundry ourselves. There are times though, that our 'load' gets too heavy. We need something to help us clean our load. A tool that will give leverage, or power---to carry our dirty loads and to have them become clean again.

Ah-ha! The magic of laundry baskets!

Cleaning your dirty laundry-It takes some effort on your part, but you have help.

Same is true of life.

Choices are made, and people get dirty.

But the Savior is here to help us carry our 'clothes'...to become clean again.

Don't ask me which soap to use though...that one you can figure out on your own.

Pray with me brotha'

2011-05-28T10:06:00.000-07:00

Chad and I have pretty much lived together our whole lives. We shared a bedroom, and then when our basement was finished we pretty much lived alone in the basement together. Chad would call it our "man-pad" because we had our TV, couches, mini fridge, and microwave; and Mom's food storage too---which made food retrieval for 2 lazy boys, very handy.

Conversations with my little brother, Chad, never went quite as I had hoped.

"Shut up."

"You shut up ya idiot."

--Yeah, about like that. I was thinking recently about a time when Chad was just entering his teenage "saga" and mine was at it's peak.

(Girls = drive boys nuts! As a teenager)

One night, Chad and I had yelled at each other-and this was like BYU vs. UTAH rivalry game, Lakers vs. Celtics--type of yelling. He went to his room and slammed the door.

I sat there on the couch. Festering in myself and telling myself why I'm right and he's wrong. I was angry, and all I wanted to do was let that anger stir inside me. Then I thought, "go pray with him."

Yeah right! Pray with that?! I wouldn't be able to pray because Heavenly Father likes happy prayers and trust me...I am not happy!

Amulek, while preaching with the Prophet Alma, said unto his people, "Yea, humble yourselves, and continue in prayer unto him."

I walked to Chad's room, opened his door and said, "Hey, would you like to say a prayer with me?"

We continued doing that for about 2 weeks...every night.

Our relationship began to change, our friendship changed,

Our attitudes toward each other....changed.

Find times to pray.

Especially when you feel you have no need to improve.

And especially when you're angry---

Even if he is your little brother.

Neptune and Saturn

2011-05-17T12:55:00.000-07:00

Have you ever looked through something and seen something different that what your natural eye can see?

For instance, a microscope, telescope, or a glass filled with water?

What happens to you when you learn this new perspective? Do you learn, apply, and grow to be a little taller...a little wiser?

Or do you just say, "that's great to see" and then do nothing about it?

Sometimes you have to really focus to see what you're trying to see. I remember going to look through this massive observatory telescope; I was hoping to see these amazing views and extraordinary pictures....

I saw little dots. Lame

It wasn't until the clouds had moved and the man in charge came up and said,"here let me adjust your view" that I started to see Saturn's rings and one of Neptune's moons.

We all have in our mind-eye what we want to something to look like. In talking to a lot of different people over the years, I've found that maybe it's more about finding within ourselves the humility to turn to the man in charge and say, "I can't see very well."

And then when the time is right, and the clouds have moved...He will come to you and say,

"Here, let me adjust your view."

And you'll be amazed what you'll be able to see.

You chose to leave

2011-04-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

To quote the old man of Princess Bride, "Muewidge is what bwings us togeva, today."

Okay, so I'm not getting married for a week...but I'm still going to say some things related to it that are on my mind.

I have been trying to wrap my mind around something...I am not a professional in any field, nor am I perfect in everything I do, and everything I say, but I try to find ways to be better.

Why do we allow ourselves to "leave [our] father and mother...and cleave unto your [spouse]"... and then financial, communicative, or relationship strains occur...and we see people all around us who start to cleave to anyone but--be that friends, coworkers, church friends, pets, anything but that person they chose to cleave to. Interesting, we find anyone (or anything) to bring us those exact feelings that our spouse originally brought.

I understand people change. If I was still the same person I was when I was 15 years old...trust me, I would not be marrying the woman I am marrying in 8 days...but there are three fundamental principles that-if upheld, will keep you cleaving to whom your covenant or vow commits you to...your spouse.

One principle is loyalty. Elder Scott stated, "If you are married, are you faithful to your spouse mentally as well as physically?"1 I always think of KacyAnn's dogs when I think of loyalty. You can see how much they love that family. No matter how many times they're teased (like bottle rockets being shot at them and watching them bark at them when they pop). No matter how many times they do something they shouldn't do, and then they walk toward you with their tail between their legs... and you just know they're sorry. They find ways to enjoy their time with you, even when you know they'd prefer doing something else (usually eating). Loyalty is demonstrated through actions taken, not through words spoke.

Next, is the principle of humility. British nun, Monica Baldwin said, "What makes humility so desirable is the marvelous thing it does to us; it creates in us a capacity for the closest possible intimacy with God"2. If we're not willing to admit that we are wrong, how can we hold that against another? Finding how to improve and admitting you don't know everything, there lies untold power and strength. There sits ability to become more tomorrow than you are today.

Lastly, the principle pure love. You cannot be everything to everyone, but you can be someone to somebody. When you're married, that somebody is your spouse. I hope throughout my married life, my wife can question everything in the world...but never question how much I love her. My theory is--love does not conquer all in a relationship, but it certainly gives you a leg up on those competing for your place.

Do I know everything? Nope.

All I know is...I see a difference between Ryan now...and Ryan 10 years ago.

And it's not just because I got older.

Comprising a compromise

2011-04-20T13:14:00.000-07:00

I love basketball.

I went to the basketball hall of fame....6 times, (It helped that I was living in Springfield, MA for 6 months).

I remember when I was 15 years old. My little brother, Chad and I, were tired of the swing set.

"Dad, I'm too old to swing on those flexible pieces of plastic connect to chains and whenever I go down the slide the little hornets nest gets disturbed and I run away screaming. Can't we get rid of the swing set and get a basketball court?"

(Okay-so maybe that is the worst run on sentence ever; and maybe it wasn't phrased quite the way I'm describing....except for the run away screaming part...but I was only 15 okay?....and the screaming part was mostly Chad...)

"Ryan, we can't throw out the swing set. Each post is cemented three feet into the sand pit with about four feet worth of cement on the post itself."

Now, my compromising skills weren't quite like they are now. So, they probably sounded as follows:

"But Dad!"
"No Ryan, we can't"
"But Dad!"
"No"
"Bu--"
"Ryan, this conversation is over."

Being my teenage self, and trying to find a way to show my dad that I do know everything. I came up with a plan.

"Hey Dad, what if Chad and I dug up the posts and chipped off the cement?"

"You really want to do that?"

".....yes.....and we can give the swing set to Mrs. Jensen's kids. They're little."

"Okay. If you do that, we'll get a basketball court."

I spent that entire summer sweating away, breaking my dad's pick-ax, and chizzling off that cement. But I got the court.

Sometimes compromising takes time.

Sometimes you have to step back, think a little different, and be willing to work.

...Even if it takes all summer.

"The look"

2011-04-16T11:15:00.000-07:00

In high school I was a student body officer. I loved every second of it. I made new friends (some of whom I still go to dinner with every now and again) and I learned a lot more about myself and my potential to handle stressful situations.

I was in charge of the videos for the school. Video announcements mostly.

I began staying at school for 12-14 hours a day.

I was editing videos for teacher's classes, for student's projects, for the announcement of the ballroom dance team, for the basketball team's game on Friday. I was always doing something for someone. (Living on Wendy's combo meals and Mt. Dew...ah, the glorious life of a high metabolism).

One day, my adviser Mrs. Sheen walked into the room I was working in.

Sheen was one of those super tough teachers. She was very intimidating until you began to know her. Then you saw how much she really cares about students becoming and not just doing.

"Why are you still here?" she asked.
"I have to get this video done for the french teacher." I replied.

"Why do you have to do it?"
"Because, (looking at her with the classic teen "I know what I'm doing" look) it's my job."

"It is not your job to be walked on, it is your job to serve."

I've thought a lot about that through years since.

I serve until I feel I'm being used, that I'm being walked on, then I discuss it with the person to help them understand that although I look like Superman---I in fact am not. None of us are.

We serve others because in service to others, we find ourselves. "Whosoever shall lose himself for my sake shall find it."

Whether that is in your job, in your family, or in your daily life.

You serve without want. You serve to become who you know you should be.

To reach your potential...

Avoid being walked on though, trust me--if there is one thing you want to avoid in life, that one thing is what I learned from Mrs. Sheen on that day....

"The look"

I do what I am

2011-04-08T10:33:00.000-07:00

I knew a woman once. A widow in fact.

She was kind, easy to talk to, and a great church going woman.

Her local church leader would come visit her at least once a week. He would talk to her for while and share spiritual thought or two with her.

"Is there anything I can do for you, Karen?" He asks.
"No, I'm fine thanks." She would respond.

This church leader noticed that things seemed to be consistently taken care of: garbage taken out every week, lawn mowed, pets fed (yes, even the 3 stray cats that would come by daily), dishes washed, clothes hung to dry....it was all done.

"Can I help vacuum or dust?"
"No, it's fine. Sally did it."

On his walk home one day this church leader thought, "Who is this Sally person? She's doing everything, and she's putting me to a little bit of shame as Karen's leader."

He found out some time later that Sally had moved Karen into her house.

"That's IT! I have to meet this Sally woman."

As he walked into to Sally's home, he noticed pictures on the walls. Grand kids, late husband, marriage photos, they were all there. Sally was not a part of this man's faith, and as he began speaking to her, he couldn't help himself-he had to ask,

"Why did you move Karen into your home? Why do you shovel her walk, take out her trash, and feed those 3 stray cats for her?"

Sally looked at him a bit puzzled.

"Well...she needs it. It's what you do-isn't it?"

Isn't that interesting--for some we have to be given a position or an assignment to be a friend and a neighbor, and then we don't do it.

Sally did those things because that's who she is. She just does that.

I think that is the heart of conversion.

It is not just to do....it is to be.

I know you

2011-03-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

I have always loved superheroes.

I have been intrigued by how they are so willing to help other people because they recognize that is who they are. It is in their nature to serve, help, and save. They don't do something and then expect reciprocity, they do something and if someone reciprocates-I applaud them.

Reciprocity is something to be valued. Not something to expect.

One of my church leaders from when I was a youth told me this story once. He said he was way outside of town on a date. They were at an area called Nutty-Putty caves and they were going there for a date and then heading back home in the late afternoon for the local school dance.

"My tire blew out." He said. "I didn't have tools, or a spare. We were stuck."

(Now-I didn't ask him this, but I wonder if that made the date a little more awkward.)

He told me that he wasn't sure what to do, and he knew he needed someone to help him quick.

"It was getting dark, and I wanted to at least get my date home." He stated.

He told me that he said a prayer. Nothing huge, he just asked for help and he promised that if they could have help, he would do everything he could the rest of his life to stop and help others who were stranded.

He had decided that reciprocity was something he valued.

"No more than 10 seconds after that, a truck pulled over. He hooked my car up and towed me home."

I've heard countless stories since then of this man helping others. From older women stranded in a blizzard, to ladders falling from a construction truck.

I can know what you value by what you do, more than what you say.