IZAT AIZEN RAZALI

LEL

2015-04-10T03:54:00.001-07:00

I wrote in another blog (it that must not be named ) because I couldn't get access to this one but now I can. So hmm, I feel bad for my old self because I was consistently emotionally depressed lol. I wish I could tell to myself a lot of things.

One dont be sad over teenage feels because they are temporal and useless. When time comes ( has came), there is more things that will challenge your patience. To be honest, I don't feel the sweetness of living, and to be more honest, I feel I belong to death more than being alive. But that does not mean i am embracing the death coz well, I still have good faith in my religion.

Used to be hardworking but now I dont feel anything i achieve can be any beneficial. I am more scared if I ever be successful. I dont wish to be rich. I dont wish to be successful. I just want to keep living. Life is unfair for me in this world and i wholeheartedly accept it. The fear of going one more day without hearing your voice again forever scares me, and makes me cried to bed. It is awful, I can't reason the logic behind all these things.

Okay, on the other side of note, I want the internship. Please God. But well if I dont get it, I would be happy too because I think career-wise this year has been good to me so I honestly can't ask for more. I'd be happy if others get it. But I just want to be a better person this year. Less bitchy, kinder towards each other but sometimes it's hard when people keep chalenging your bitch level. Oh well i did give my best shot.

Also I have lots to learn this semester, and few things to achieve too. Amin.

Con, Rep and Des

2014-06-26T15:37:00.000-07:00

The idea of my writing can be dated back years ago. Oh shit I was trembling while hitting keyboard, tryng hard to find suitable word I can use. Maybe I just realized how rusted my head is with the idea of English words but may this be the first step to enliven the lost passion in writing. I shouldn't stop writing. Never.

The reason I write this, 3 days away from home is to reflect back how this semester has gone, and it's gone pretty shitty. I hate the fact that how choosing the wrong tutors will significantly affect your performance, something in which i experimented this semester thinking it's all depending on your ability to unleash the lust of learning. I couldn't have been more wrong. I think I did only good for Representation, but for Studio and Construction, WHAT THE FUCK. I am here hoping i just would not fail Construction, because it is terribly hard to digest the fact that I keep getting Pass for most assignments. Yup, not even the first year can hit lower than my performance this semester. And half a semester to finish degree. What have I learned? Absolutely little.

Oh need to stop writing. My download has just finished. Let's pray hard for me to pass Construction will ya?

inaudible fear

2014-02-13T05:41:00.001-08:00

WELL it's been eons since I wrote my last post, and the one and only reason my writing posts is because again, writing in such philosophical, if not metaphorical manner adds joy and a slice of luxury into my consistently boring living habit. But then again never a second I oppose minimalism in literature, in fact I find it rather deeply mysterious and a better medium to fantasize, but well, should I lie again in the only section where I find myself liberated despite being utterly vulnerable to those judging eyes, no I.don't.think.so.

So uhrm yeah, HELL lot of stuffs have been going on around me, I am living a fast-paced life, although it is not even half of what I imagine. Shitlazy to write it down so yeah, urhm, lazy. Sometimes what I think about doing all of these things just to scour all those bad memories off my chest is futile, and that thought alone disgusts even my inner monologue but I just can't help but falling down submissively as a tragic human being. I can't change even if I try, even if I wanted to you know. And if I can only remember how to forget I would. But there's just something that catapults me back to the starting point that I loathe to cross, or even think about it. I hope it is not the same for you really.

Not even for one second I believe in miracle though, but it seems not believing in it is even more impossible.

HOPE.DESPAIR.PRETENCE

2013-12-06T10:34:00.002-08:00

And I have never felt more alone. In this busy world, full of people. It's like staring into the darkness of the skies whose chest full glittering hopes that intensifies strength and determination, in the bare outback of Australian in which I think is the most romantic place on earth. From end to end there are stories that paint the skies but it's just no star is worth gazing at in which in the 1000th times bears no bore. I need a break from this pretentious life cycle of cheering up the empty and hiding the poisoned reality.

When the world does not believe in you, you hold on a second to resist the opposing, and then you might start building up more courage by giving rooms for doubt and possible failure, and you realize, you need not to convince anyone to move forward. Right. But what if the fundamental rule is to move forward with people? Snap. Can't blame anyone though for self-shoddiness. Eating my own spits that lubricate the way I paved to come this far. Gone is faith, trust, courage. But I grew a stronger liar. To lie beneath the smile and the jokes pulled, while attentively waiting for the right moment to tell people 'I was not okay when you broke you promise and I keep this latent grudge up until now so that one day you will face the similar moment when people you trusted betray you in times you need to most'.

That's what a paradoxical loneliness I define. It's true they say 'you just need to have one right person to believe in you so that shits really coming in your way'. I am the prejudice that every thought dissipates belief. Despite freezing my heart and begin to tame down the monstrous delusion, I still fail to move beyond reason. I am not to blame as I have been so faithful. You guys are.

A.P.P.L.A.U.S.E

2013-11-27T09:16:00.000-08:00

Feel the need to write, I love writing, I could write all day long, because it makes me happy to express myself in an easier form than drawing, not that I am not good at drawing, it's just, when you spend more than ten years recording your life process through visual you get fed up and you realize pen ( or words ) is a more powerful tool to open up. Plus, I love English, although I am not as good as my what my hardwork says.

So what's up with my life? Uhrmm well pretty boring I guess, the only 'love' I known ( now ) suddenly leaves me to grab it again, which is architecture. Truth be told, I didn't quite enjoy architecture, not as much as fashion designing or science stuffs ( weird right but i do love science a lot luls ). Architecture is definitely a competitive field, and somehow I find myself quite attuned to its madness. I feel really powerful, and really useful. But again, as I said, I do hate architecture. But somehow the need to forget more horrible things happened in your life makes you love uni life, love working hard, and love stressing out yourself. So yeah, you can say I was never driven by love of archi initially, but the need to hate the thing you love and you love the thing you never thought of falling in love ( luls so high I didnt know if you get it).

Forget about that brief summary of life. My high school teacher always said "you will miss the days in high school the most once you start working" and there is one blogpost that spread like wildfire all over Malaysian internet-sphere in which the blogger wrote "you will regret for studying too hard and caring less about making more relationship". True, true. I always regret now, having achieve so little things in life, and having sacrificed everything. Still miss all of my friends, whom I am left out in their thoughts now. But as much as I miss them, I know I just won't let those friendships died for nothing. I can't give up. No, I have to stand up. I need to work 400% harder, I don't care, I just want to be successful and have values in this world.

Nothing can limit me but my Creator.

streaks of luck

2013-08-28T07:32:00.000-07:00

After all, success is really a lousy teacher and it seduces smart people thinking they can't lose.

It was a good critic, in fact, something I really like to hear. Mirai said my works are something unexpected and she said I have good directions in all three of my designs. It felt good because she criticized other people's designs and only picked one out of three but in my case, she said I have interesting directions in all of the designs and she would really love to see the progress next week.

For some reasons I kept getting good feedback from tutors ever since last week. Not so-so good, but really, feedback that really inspires me to push myself further. To be frank I am always afraid of being the enemy of myself, which is my ability to push further is always halted by my obsession to complicate things. I am not proud, but these days maybe I complicate it in the most understandable, easy to read, beautiful way. But I learn to incorporate minimalism in my design which still executes my passion of beautiful complexity. I used to think complex things are beautiful, but I realize, understandable complexity tops minimalism and dramaticism.

At last, I have proved Mirai that I am a good student. :)

the comfort of weekly retirement

2013-08-25T06:38:00.000-07:00

Another two days go wasted, watching the most awesome series, Breaking Bad! OMG I am so going to waste a lot more time as I just now finished watching season 3 episode 2.

My boundary of wasting time has no limit, it keeps expanding without any hint of contracting. It is something to feel ashamed of to myself because I really don't want to waste my time watching drama series no more, not in this frenzy busy season where assignments fall off the skies like raindrops.

But again as self-appointed philosopher I frequently wonder, is taking break after two or three days working hard a norm or a jinx? I don't know. Somehow I worked so hard lately that I want to take a break and indulge in things that are interesting, such as watching movies and series. But then again, for now I believe it is not an excuse as i think the blame goes entirely to Breaking Bad because it is too addictive!

Breaking Bad casts. Everyone of them is fun-tastic!

So may I be more spirited to struggle against blazing tides! Gonna leave my writing with Lady Gaga's Applause's lyrics!

"to crash to critics saying, is it right or is it wrong"

Something not to kill myself

2013-08-23T09:06:00.001-07:00

A.L.H.A.M.D.U.L.I.L.L.A.H

Today went really well. My tutor who is possibly the most handsome tutor ever walked on the Adelaide University but at the same time the creepiest sex offender and boobies-obsessed with his statement mustache is well-known to be the sweetest talker, complementing ugliness to a different absurd level, like seriously. However, what he said to me about my works really makes me like him as a tutor so much, it is weird, since that subject is supposed to be hated and abhorred and the subject of release-all-your-hatred session.

He said my work is exactly what they are looking for. And then in awe he explained my work to the class, maybe because I was struggling to speak and at the same time didn't want to object to the person who was complimenting me, and too most importantly, I didn't know the crap I just pulled off. And he said make sure I submit my work as there is going to be an exhibition so my work is needed there. And at the end, he went close to me and said, 'this is really, cool man'.

Of course I am the happiest person today. Plus, I got my lost Ipod, hanging out my people after Jumaah to now. Yeayyyy! I am blessed today. I love Representation suddenly lol. Not that I want to boast about my work as I am sure posting in somewhere as secretive as this would totally defy that idea.

However, I still need to focus on the other two subjects because I still want to keep my aim straight HD this semester. And too to have my works be exhibited as many as possible.

Inshallah. Stay successful! ( until there's gonna be another bad critic, I am sure I will be happy the rest of the weekend. Well, it's not sinful to hope for happiness right? ) *cliche nohorom tapi this is my blog this is my rule, I can't stop.

hari-hari berikutnya

2013-08-21T04:11:00.001-07:00

Another bad presentation it was today. Sigh.

This semester hasn't really gone well, especially Design Studio where things just go wrong, or shall I put it, things just go not as planned. It was terrible looking at the efforts I consistently show. Not that I want to blame tutor which is a usual thing for architecture students to do because well, you can't really say someone who used to work in 3 major studios ( I just remember OMA and Bow Wow) as incompetent, can you? Mirai Morita is a beyond-believe good tutor. I admire her in every aspect-her care for representation and her view of architectural beauty. Even though she doesn't quite like me yet ( my works of course) I am going to prove her I am too a good student. Plus, this studio is just mysteriously exciting.

Somehow whenever I stood presenting all words flew away out of my thought. I am quite sure I wasn't grammatically retarded since I have come to a point where I actually can use proper grammar while at the same time talking. It's just, I was totally lost. I don't know. I have a lot of things to improve.

Better luck next time, maybe?

p/s is sickened by Representation and History Theory. Mehh.

jangan benci sangat orang agama boleh?

2013-08-12T04:37:00.001-07:00

Let us be clear one thing, yeah, I used to hate those who were preachy. This blog will prove a lot of things even though I have since removed a lot of its content. But as much as I hate them, I realize, what they bring is something good for you, something essential, and something you can't take for granted. About Islam, a religion, a set of beliefs and practices that are going to define what it's meant to be a Muslim.

Even now a lot of people hate them, the ISMA, IKRAM, and whatever ( i don't know the names, sorry but sure they are a lot of them ). They say they try to make others becoming like them. They say the way they take Islamic practices are beyond normal human being capability. They say they are too strict and old-fashioned. They hate their idea of early marriage. They hate usrah. They hate their ukhwah. In fact they hate a lot of things about them. They say they can guide their own lives without the help of these religious people yet they are free hair, bitchy, slutty, acting like someone who wants to be fucked and socializing as if the whole world is the night club.

But they can't fool no one. I know because I have been there, done that, but God gives me opportunity to repent. They aren't really hate those religious, Islamic people. They are just not used to Islamic way of life. They are not used to dressing decently. They are too used to Western way of living. They are lazy to submit themselves to God. Yet they pour a lot of hateful remarks and hurtful sarcasms. But these religious people, they are patient.

Why do they hate them so much? They are preaching the good things, the ones that will save your asses from the hell. They are not invading your mind with negative whispers. Ironically enough, you can tolerate Katy Perry and Lady Gaga, the ones who are obviously promoting nudity and bitchiness. You see, this writing itself sounds preachy but if you can't take it, then don't hate it. Someday you will regret because you see the truth. I know because I do.

Up until now, I am thankful to God for giving me opportunity the see the world through a new set of lenses. Everything is apparent. I am trying my best to be a good Muslim, and to practice what have been preached. It's true, I rarely go to usrah, but it's not because I hate it. It's just I am lazy. So i really wish God gives me tendency to pray and read Quran over eating and sitting in front of lappy. It's true too my social friends are not religious but not that I want to distance myself from those religious people, it's just, again, I am lazy to mingle around. I know a lot of them are offended because they rarely see me and they think I don't like them. It's not true, anymore. Believe me, I am lazier to do a normal person thingy more than you think.

bertaubat tak nak, complain banyak

2013-08-11T05:53:00.000-07:00

Last week was a complete catastrophe for me, and on top of that it was during Raya season where we were all supposed to celebrate with joy and ecstasy, greeting strangers with the warmest welcome and bullying close friends with the most evil pranks. But the dream I had or the moment I've been waiting just crumbled to pieces. I was left to wonder life again. It was time-wasting, in the midst of euphoria I was caged.

In summary, I lost my Ipod, my earphones, bought the broken phone, lost the perfume, and discover the phone is broken even more. There was a long pause of me to fathom all of these tragedies and like a beggar of love I kept hoping for the good and keep looking for the odd chances but well, I began to slowly accept it wholeheartedly. It's true they say, we never know what we have until it's gone. And then we start new life again, only to lose, in a circle with the deadly ending. Sad, but face it.

So yeah I didn't go to Eid prayer because i couldn't hide my sadness and I didn't want to bring or infect that poisonous aura in the field where Muslims celebrated the biggest day. Then negative thoughts came sliding through the strength I built. I remembered I was rather lonely here despite being surrounded by friends. I realized how sad it was to go back and forth the uni alone. It was tragic as it exacerbated the it-couldn't-get-any-worse condition.

Then I remembered the joys I used to have in the past, the friends I can call home who have all long gone from my life. Even though there more bad things happened in the past than now I am now hugely bored by the relatively flat life. Not so much joy and not so much bad stuffs. Then I realized reawakening past would just pour more salt in my heart. Not only that, even though I have friends but they all have similarity with each other that I don't have: they come from same previous college and they all are sponsored by MARA. So yeah, it's like you are a stranger in a family that accepts you. They say have a place to stay is nice, but I would say have someone to go the journey through is much nicer. Then why should I complain life and argue God's doings? I'm just saying what I think, again believe me, I am not that complain-lover in real life and my writing appears me to be.

Then I realized yesterday maybe losing is a part of growing. It is sad because you never want things to change, not a bit. But they do. Not for better but usually to teach you nothing lasts forever in this world. I accept all the loses with submission to Him. It's true, I love things too much that I forget He can take it away anytime He wants to.

But It's a lie if I do not wish for something better to appear, or if possible, for something to re-appear.

Raya In Tears

2013-08-08T08:09:00.001-07:00

Yet another goodbye is made. Why? I am not ready for another separation. In fact, I thought I will never be separated. Today, you left me with no goodbye nor a single word was said. How can I live without you? Don't you remember the fun we used to have together? Come back, come back, come back to me now, if this was a movie. Nevermind, i'll find someone like you, although I will always love you.

R.i.p. Ipod. I am going to miss you very dearly. T...........T

*in remembrance of losing iPod yesterday and I searched like crazy, my head went dizzy and my intention went all wrong.

is title really necessary? I mean, this is just diary!

2013-08-04T08:02:00.000-07:00

Oh urmm, what do I aim for this semester? Oh wait, I have....nothing.

Last semester was a tragic nightmare, the thought of trudging through it itself gives me nightmare. I wish I were never there, because somehow as phoney as it sounds, bad history affects future to be bad too. That's why my motivation to proceed is dying, but again, I aint rich so yeah, that kind of talk is just to illustrate something bad.

So yeah, really looking forward to be more useful this semester. No more dramas, games, excess social life, and so on and so forth. Oh yeah, those are dreams too, not that I really am going to give up all of them ( I tried but it didn't work :( )

Will this bitch survive?

i lied to you but you should not ask okayyy

2013-07-27T13:52:00.001-07:00

Too long for a title I suppose. Believe me, I have shortened it.

I lied a lot to my friends which make me feel guilty. For example

1. I lied when they asked me whether I used hair straightener or not because my hair looked super ( or close to be ) straight. I said I used shampoo, I said I wore snow cap all the time even when I was asleep, I said 'hair straightener is too gay'. What should I reply, oh yeah I use hair straightener! For those with impossible-to-keep-clean-and-tidy hair will surely understand the bad dilemma of having rambunctious hair, especially for male who are always being discriminated against as the use of hair straightener is known to common sense to be feminine. Yeah I lied, I know you know it, but isn't it obvious to be answered or i really need to hot press my hair in front of you?

2. I lied about my horrendous result of last sem. It is terrible beyond belief. I could have lost all of my hope to live, just kidding, I just grow more intense hatred towards architecture. I got straight C. I told everyone that I got C, D, and HD. Either way, it wasn't entirely my fault. Not that I am the type who blames anything for something but it's just, having something to blame is kinda therapeutic. You know, I didn't know they set the bar to get HD too high. I pissed off the most in Construction subject because I thought my final which was 40% and I scored HD in it would get me at least D, although following to probability distribution last year would qualify me for a HD. But I get C. the other 60% of the marks is pretty good too, D+, C and D. So well, i lied before I got the result and after the result was out, and after hours of jibing anything I could possibly think of, I decided to accept it, and keep it a secret, because it's too bad that's why. I have reputation to keep by the way ( if I had any! ).

3. and a lot of other lies. Just for the record i don't consider lies as they are, but more to ways to pass by.

But what is the most horrendous of all is my lying to myself. I lie when I say I don't like relationship, I lie when I say I am not going to miss my friends who are as loser and as pathetic as me, I lie when I say I love my life and I am living my life to the fullest. I lie to myself there is somewhere over the rainbow. I lie to myself I'm not missing anyone. Lie, and lie, and lie, and lie and lie and lie until another day passing through. I can't help lying, because somewhat it makes me happier than i am supposed to.

Forgive me.

Feeling architecturally insulted

2013-07-26T23:14:00.002-07:00

Recently my housemates were having intellectual argument about which course is the hardest. Of course everyone tried to defend themselves with emotionally-assisted facts together with the disparaging remarks on how easy other courses are. Engineering is the hardest, medic is the hardest, law is the hardest and the first place nominees go on and on.

But they somehow agreed architecture course is the easiest. Surprisingly I didn't dodge the bullets, and nod with obvious acceptance of defeat. But deep in my heart, I have 1001 arguments that might make them think twice. Not that I was oppressed that I hide the tongue of my heart it's just, unfounded argument shouldn't be participated in the first place.

Is architecture easy? Those streaks of brush on drawing paper and carefully drawn lines, or changing constantly the perspectives of 3D models just to end up with the same result as last 7 hours, and other seemingly fiddling tasks that bore everyone but architects to death ( they bore me too, although I feel sinful having revealed that). It's true, i can't compete with software engineering or medic or law or anything. It's true architecture is easy if you just want to settle for C, which is the informal HD for other courses. It's true what you've been bragging; architecture is easy and I can't refute it.

But i tell you why it can too be the hardest.

1. It is a well-aware and self-supported argument ( because 'fact' sounds so steadfast that's why, and I hell don't want that ) there is an oversupply of architects. Therefore in architecture school we are constantly battling with others who's going to sit in the spotlight and enjoy the attention of being called 'true master of art'. Most of the time, it is changing, indicating no one enjoys absolute control of the throne. Those who can draw ( like myself ) will constantly piss everyone off with fabulous care of image-making, those who can model will heartlessly craft their babies with ridiculous accuracy and those who are good at computer will simply do something that makes you look plain uncivilized, with only a few mouse clicks. And they are too who think they are the genius of giving ideas, which still makes me laugh because idea is far more abstract in nature. But surprisingly the last group of people will always prevail. They work so little compared to other groups of people yet they achieve the same, if not better results.

2. Most of the architecture students are somehow artistic, if not all. Therefore, too often they channel their emotions into the works, resulting in polarizing results, some might be commended hugely while some might be condemned horrendously. Not only that, architecture also is a course of defying cliche, making something fresh and new and thinking something futuristic yet pragmatic. Is it easy? NOT.ALL.ALL. You have to think the new way of life, sometimes you idea precede your capability as an architect, sometimes it is just a more humanistic approach of in-existence science. Therefore it is not only limited to challenging others but also challenging the boundaries your body and mind set. I like this part of being an architect, because you are automatically a futurist, being a part of those who spearhead the imagery and built vista of tomorrow.

Random post of a bi-arch ( pun for bitch but sounds so negatively gay )

2013-07-25T15:07:00.001-07:00

Three more days ( or whatever ) the luxurious feeling of holiday indulgence will end with a cliche ending of procrastination. I don't know, it is just a matter of perspectives, might be good and might be bad but, well, being a realist, I choose consistently the negative one.

I came across the old movie I was jaw-dropped by because of it's fine directing and pure intelligence, Amadeus which basically told the story of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, someone who was arguably more genius than Beethoven but no doubt more influential. I don't like the movie because of Mozart but I rather pinpoint my interest in Salieri, the main antagonist of the film. So you can say I can relate myself more the Salieri than Mozart.

You see, I have full respect of genius, be it in evil or puritanical, sometimes I would prioritize it over moral grounds. But Salieri is different. He is not genius, he makes his way to the top and he acknowledges genius. He also is kind as long as people don't try to defame the only reason he exists ( which is music in his case). He is also wondering to God, does He select the person He wants to be the wider extension of His existence? No, I don't deny God, never in my life because as a Muslim I think I have sufficient faith ( going to improve if He wills ) to stay on the right track. My point is, am I capable of achieving what genius achieves?

Why? Of course I am wondering. I think I have some talent in it, to spearhead the global change of the way we express ourselves of the transform the insinuating notion of beauty. Oh yeah, you can say I am being a bit to delusional but you should expect I am telling things from my heart and not beating around the bushes like in real world, or Facebook, or any form of social media. I gave up my good SPM education for architecture, ignoring the line of doors to every single career there is on earth opened as wide as they could.

Yet I was blinded by the infinitesimal amount of prodigy I possess.

Yes I received Golden Key which is kind of a big deal for Malaysian students as they are not many of them who get it. As far as I remember they were only the respected Izzat Roslan and other Malay girl. My reputation had plummeted since then. People try to get close to me more than I can allow myself to, they greet me with compliment of my result. I am lying if I say it doesn't make me proud of myself. Yes I love my life even more since then that I gave up mirroring (imagine if couldn't care less about how you look because you are confident about what you are capable of doing in the thing you are best at) but then that's it?

I am not saying I expect the world to revolve around me. You see, I love to achieve things and usually I get what I want if I really want it ( nah lying but I assure you the results are not disspointing, they are super close!). I just feel, I am still underachieving. There must be more than Golden Key, more than streaks of HD which the occasional D. More than pretty images or cliche ideas. More than realistic 3D modelling, more than being criticized, and more than being judged.

Will I become just another man on earth? Just another wasteful existence that shits and eats in the fixed cycle of time?

I don't want that. I want to be one the greatest things on earth. People laugh at me when I want to be as big as Adele ( not in music but well, YKWIM). I just, love dreaming big. I love fantasizing. I love not being attached to the world. I just, want my existence to leave some marks of earth. I am willing to give up my right to love or my right to socialize, although I think I excel at both ( well, please don't set the bar too high in determining my success in both ^.^)

God, please let me be one of Your wider extension of existence?

A BAD DESTINY

2013-07-17T12:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes destiny is scary, it leads you to somewhere you never wish to be, it is misleading for all the obvious wrong reasons yet it is intrigued to be followed. It is quite sadistic in nature, ripping apart your determination to forget or pouring salt deep into the wounds, yet you enjoy it as far as you realize, you shouldn't.

How beautiful coincidence can be before ugliness engulfs the form? and how skillful can destiny be without hurting people with the magic of disappearance? can destiny introduce encounter without goodbye?

Can destiny erase the smile of your face and then beautiful sound of laughter you make? can destiny too erase the memory of being haunted with the way you speak that it warms me in the coldest season? and can destiny too change you the person I could hate effortlessly?

can destiny too let me meeting you without saying goodbye?

BLEACH-MANIAC

2012-08-22T12:26:00.001-07:00

I have always been a huge fan of Bleach, and in fact, I used to be Bleach bigot especially during Soul Society vs Huenco Mundo but today, again i become Bleach bigot! I mean, come on, look at these photos, who doesn't feel inspired?

I love everything about Bleach, especially the character variations, the mindblowing philosophies that make you wonder more about life than any other scholarly philosopher can do, the articulate but at the same time artistic style of drawing and of course, the surprise storyline that drags you even further into his own carefully erected illusion.

Kubo Tite is the legend in manga, decorating the new world of Bleach not only with aesthetics but also livens up the unspeakable statues, that are coated in complete nudity that transcends directly the meaning of perfection without redundancy, with the glorious verbal representation that awes every human sense with how beautiful one word interconnected to each other.

I like Kubo Tite's way of uplifting the bland emotion into an earth-shattering dilemma. Even though many argue he consumes way too much space prioritizing the drawing instead of the writing, I without a doubt has my emotions awaken one by one; fear, strength, jealousy, frustration, victory and all.

He is truly a genius guy who is a polymath as well. Suck it up Mashashi Kishimoto, Eiichiro Oda and even Obata Takeshi! You guys lose by wide margin!

FIRST DESIGN STUDIO 2 ASSIGNMENT...

2012-08-17T04:55:00.001-07:00

Today is Raya Eve, if that word ever existed. Well, nothing is happening, or well, at least in the tiny atmosphere of my shabby room, but slightly is invigorated by the pleasant surprise of vanilla+cashmere essence coming through my nose, and further it employs the need of lagu hari raya. But still, the suffocating feeling of a dying alienated stranger on a proud land is too massive to be ignored. Time like this should be happening, my being in kampung, going back to the root that rocks the inherited house until the dawn sets in. But now, I am a lonely anak perantauan finding the love in the hardest place, where people are all complicatedly interconnected to each other in a network that is too impeccable to be rectified.

Well, at least there is an interesting event that happened yesterday where I got to present my work. Here are some photos, even though I am not a big fan of uploading photos despite being aware of the fact photos deliver million more stories that words.

This is the paraline drawing. The tutor was impressed with the style that I discover, which is cutting room in half in that arrangement to as a part of paraline presentation. I expect HD for this part, if not HD. +

Well, this is the shame part, which is the up one. She is kinda disappointed with my plan, so do I. :(( Could have scored excellent marks if I did this right. Well, the more I look at it, the more I see wrong things. Especially the plan, so terrible I could die. I expect C, if not D. :(((

This is the diagram. She commended my incorporating difficult readings into my design. To be frank, I don't want to put the stuffs i found while reading the hard passages, I just thought, we should, so merely, this is a luck. I don't think the representation is good though, in fact it is terrible, but I believe if I score high, it is because of my putting the stuffs I read. Well, no time to render.

She said nothing about the models, but she did say I did a rather difficult model good, but she did mention about the glue fucking UHU glue. Sigh, I damn hate UHU now. So, well, don't expect a HD for this, even though I think my model is second best in class, if not the best. Okay, that sound pompous but my blog who fucking cares?

And last but not least, the study of the human body. This receives the most praise from the crowd, hoho, I was too at first but being too used to drawing figures, I find, this is not amazing. :/ HD+ boom, LOL not really.

And it ended quite stunningly and smoothly good. I got to present my work, and classmates voted me as the best presentor (LOL even orang putih pun though so) even though I forget to word 'bow down'. Shit really, because shit happens.

Actually I did wish to get HD+ for this project as it accounts for 15% for this subject but having the plan wrong, my dream is crushed to smithereens. However, I pray to do better next project, in order to achieve one of my goals this year which is getting all subjects HD.

CHECKLIST

2012-08-02T03:11:00.000-07:00

1. ~~Owning a DSLR~~

9 more to go people ! :)

BUT THERE'S NOTHING TO GRASP SO I LET GO

2012-07-31T22:32:00.002-07:00

LOL, that's a random title from Blow Me One Last Kiss, just to say how random this week has been for me. Sigh. T.T

I have been cheated by fucking Paypal for 1000aud, and I still feel lazy to resolve this fukcing issue. I feel no motivation to call, no strength around my verbal construction to swear on the phone, and etc etc etc

But on the bright side, I think two of my list-of-things to do in this year have been achieved. I think. The reason is I bought a dlsr already and is waiting for ages for it to arrive, and I start many conversations with housemates but still, that's not important at all. The more important thing is I finally find my place in the social society of Adelaide, and to be frank it is not important as well. Oh ada aku kisah dengan kamu, kamu, kamu, kamu sekalian. As long as I don't feel like swearing to people or chant imprecations on them, life here should be okay by now.

And there's only one plausible thing to achieve next, which is sticking Izzat's butts on the chair in front of camera and ask him to babble, if you know what I mean. Oh sounds nasty but, why do I care?

This week has been a turmoil, I hit deep down as often as I pierce the skylimit. But whatever it is, I finally join Photography Club with my coursemates yeyeyeahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Blow Me One Last Kiss is so eargasm, and the video idea is creative but the art direction is simply amateurish.

SUCK IT UP PEOPLE

Blow Me One Last Kiss-P!nk

2012-07-23T10:26:00.002-07:00

White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight
Clench of jaw, I've got another headache again tonight
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and the burn from all the tears
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you
Tie a knot in the rope, trying to hold, trying to hold,
But there's nothing to grab so I let go

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of sh-t
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Just when I think it can't get worse, I had a sh-t day (no!)
You had a sh-t day (no!), we've had a sh-t day (no!)
I think that life's too short for this
I'll pack my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this, Blow me on last kiss.

I won't miss all of the fighting that we always did,
Take it in, I mean what I say when I say there is nothing left
I am sick, whiskey-dick, no more battles for me
You'll be calling a trick, cause you'll no longer sleep
I'll dress nice, I'll look good, I'll go dancing alone
I'll laugh, I'll get drunk, I'll take somebody home

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of sh-t
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Just when I think it can't get worse, I had a sh-t day (no!)
You had a sh-t day (no!), we've had a sh-t day (no!)
I think that life's too short for this, I'll pack my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this. Blow me on last kiss.

I will do what I please, anything that I want
I will breathe, I won't breathe, I won't worry at all
You will pay for your sins, you'll be sorry my dear
All the lies, all the wise, will be crystal clear

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of sh-t
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Just when I think it can't get worse, I had a sh-t day (no!)
You had a sh-t day (no!), we've had a sh-t day (no!)
I think that life's too short for this, I'll pack my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this. Blow me on last kiss

Blow me on last kiss
Blow me on last kiss

Just when I think it can't get worse, I had a sh-t day (no!)
You had a sh-t day (no!), we've had a sh-t day (no!)
I think that life's too short for this, I'll pack my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this. Blow me on last kiss…

10 THINGS TO ACHIEVE IN ONE YEAR

2012-07-15T07:20:00.000-07:00

1. Owning a DSLR
2. Help Izzat make vlog (boleh tumpang femes)
3. Sell manga (this one is a must!!!)
4. Get all subjects HD
5. Go to Melbourne, Sydney, Perth and Tasmania
6. Save 350 dollar or more for any month, which means spend 630 for that month
7. Berbaik2 ngan housemates, or simply get new ones
8. Atttend all the classes in one semester( inshallah)
9. Make friends with 99 people of the same course
10. soon.

THE FLAWED NOTION OF PERFECTION

2012-07-02T04:42:00.001-07:00

Perfect, everyone wants it but do we really understand it?

Today has opened so many locked doors for me. Zul and Muhammad come to Adelaide to pay a visit and they told me quite a lot of interesting things, assuming I am sadistic, I mean, I hear a lot of suffer that the melbies and Syds are going through. I ask myself, who am I to doubt my own living here?

I admit living in Adelaide is not that worse, at least it is what I feel now. Actually, i kinda starting to fall in love with it, and the people. Tak kenal maka tak cinta, perhaps the best to describe the magical feeling I have right now.

AND of course i feel hugely worse for not participating in Winter Trip. Plus, it will the the last year of some of the good seniors like abang Aizat, abg Afifi, abg naim, abg Moja, and some others. They are really kind, that the thought of this is their last year makes me really sad. I am a bad junior. And of course, I feel so wronged towards the Meredith people house-Amir, Chom, Lut and of course the most Izzat Roslan. I remembered my talking to him about the fun we will have in Winter Trip when we were on the tram to Glenelg Beach. It is just so sad I break so many innocent hearts. I feel worse today. I should not do this. They are the ones who make my life easier and they are really helpful too. Oh and one more, Danial. He is so kind but, I don't know.

What have I done? What have i done? I feel like crying.

So I hope I am still being given a chance to correct what went wrong. I should not just pull out all of my anger towards those uninformed souls. In fact, I should start loving them as a human. After all, i am in a new environment indeed.

Inshallah.

THE CRY 1

2012-06-22T12:43:00.000-07:00

I am in so much mood for procrastinating right now, with so little things during so much time. Everything seems to move rather quickly even though I don't have any activity. Laptop is my best friend here, I cry, I smile, I laugh, I emo, I rage, all in front of it. Thank you for being there 24/7 for me. I will send you for service this year end. :)

Truth is, i feel everything has changed so much in my world in Adelaide. I feel far from the people I used to be close to. I feel even far from people whom I don't really close to. The laughter we used to have when in the lecture has gone. No more jokes tickled between us as frequent as early of the year. Everyone is leading his or her own life. I, too, want to have my own life but right now, all I can feel is being caged and limited. I am not ready yet for this, when the people change faster than I am. I used to be vivacious but just like a lion in the zoo, the spirit of treasuring life passionately has gone because you know you can't do anything, the best is still, reaching the walls of the zoo.

I despise my own living in the devil's lair. People inside talk cockily about religion and they preach excellently but, things that they make appear different from things in the theory they uphold so tightly, as least through their convincing words. It's hard to love people who make your life a living failing hell. Oh God, I can't get my own room and really close to the university, I am pretty much score this pathetic, and I believe my grade overall would be D-. D-, hello? That is sad. Even though it can be backed up with many bad things, really really many, that happened in the entire semester, I still don't like putting blames on others. And I too don't like to say I can't. So my brain is keeping the wonder.

They say we need to get outside to make changes but in my case, based on my whole life experience, good things will come to me out of blue. So I am patiently waiting. I am really feeling so horrible right now, I feel like punching the wall but I remember my schoolmate whose hand was broken because of that ( LOL I know right?). I imagine killing people creatively too but then I am afraid of karma hohoho. So I do nothing. And patiently wait for the chances to open widely.

And in summary, my life is a total fucking crazy bitch mess right now. i don't know what I am doing. SGH.