Live, Work, Eat, Play

Meditation for Performance.

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Sat, 09 Aug 2014 18:42:00 +0000

On Friday, August 8th, I participated in the Chopra Center's "A Global Meditation for Peace" (globalmeditation.chopra.com). Not surprisingly, there were many nuggets of spiritual and meditation wisdom and for that alone I was grateful to have participated. To know that every country in the world had at least one person participating made it feel not only special but huge and small at the same time. And if the world vibrated peace a little more strongly and solidly for that one hour and maybe a few after, it was a major meditation coup and so, so worth it.

One of my favorite quotes of the event was when Deepak Chopra said something to the effect of "I normally tell people to meditate at least once a day, unless they are really busy and then I tell them to meditate twice a day because they are the ones who really need it." This struck such a powerful chord with me because it was my learning insight from the week before.

I had been focused on pulling together a workshop that a colleague and I were presenting later in the week for one of our most important clients. I had delivered pieces of it in other workshops but I was pulling the content together in a different way and having to shorten it significantly. For me, shorter presentations are always harder to create than longer ones. To add to the stress and pressure, due to our travel schedules and a major undertaking I had in my personal life (I was the celebrant at the wedding of two of my favorite people in the world--in both English and Spanish), my colleague and I hadn't really had time to discuss the content or our approach until the Monday of that week.

Even though I'm steeped in stress management and wellness techniques, I often and easily default to old patterns and behaviors of just shutting everything out and off and focusing exclusively on whatever the big project is. This time, however, I resisted the pull to my old ways of being and kept true to what I knew would help me best get through and be successful.

I made sure to go to yoga or to meditate each day--sometimes twice a day. I took long walks and breaks. My drinks of choice were green--green juice and green tea (and ok, maybe a glass of wine to ease the nerves a bit). I hydrated. I made time to spend with friends and family without feeling guilty. And sleep was my priority.

Maybe it was the wisdom that comes with age. Maybe it was giving myself permission to heed to an instinctual pull. Maybe it was the collective force of the guardian angels who, bless their hearts, clock some major overtime keeping me out of danger and on a productive path. Maybe I rationalized it as research or experimentation. Or, maybe it was a sense of accountability to live as authentically close to the words I speak and the beliefs I cling to but occasionally fall short of (she says with self-compassion yet a continued call to action at the same time).

Whatever it was, it worked--and it worked big time! I was proud of the workshop we delivered and best of all, I felt exhilarated not drained both before and after.

I am not only grateful, I am re-energized and re-affirmed that really, meditating twice a day when you are at your busiest and all the peaceful living that goes with it is the most prudent course to stick with for peak performance.

Be well.
Namaste.

Picking & Sticking

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Wed, 12 Feb 2014 13:24:00 +0000

My husband thinks I don't listen to him. I'll own that I can see where he's coming from. But this micro-blog is a testament to my commitment to try to show that I do listen. Well, most of the time :-) Yesterday he told me he was reading my blog. (P.S. I haven't blogged in almost 2 years.) I asked, "Which post?" He said, "All of them." I mean, can you say "loving, romantic husband"???!!! He then encouraged me to start writing more. Believe, I'd love to!

In trying to live my work though, I told him it will have to be a 2nd quarter area of focus. You see, two plus years into being a working parent I have a keen awareness that my "free time" (defined as non-work; non-family; non-home) is both incredibly limited and precious so I need to be extra discerning about where it goes. And a tool I've implemented to make the best use of said time is to just pick one thing that time will be dedicated to for a quarter or other specified period of time. I call it "Picking & Sticking". This quarter my "free time" is going to preparing for my second degree black belt promotion--although if you were my main instructor you probably wouldn't believe it. But there it is.

So, blogging will need to wait until April. For now, this mini micro-blog is my pre-Valentine's Day way of saying to my biggest fan, the artist, that I love him, I appreciate his support and that I do listen. And for any other readers who've stopped by, thanks for indulging this morning's romantic gesture. I appreciate you too! Happy Heart Week!

Which Offer Is The Right One????

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Thu, 03 May 2012 14:06:00 +0000

Evaluating job offers can be an anxiety provoking exercise—particularly in a challenging economy. Many people feel pressured to take the first offer that comes along even if it is not consistent with what they are looking for. Or, the offer they do not want will expire before they have heard back from their first choice. If you're in this boat, here are some things to consider:

Take Stock: It is helpful to step back and take stock of your priorities, your career objectives and what is motivating you in your search. To the extent possible, it is best to get this clarity at the beginning of your search before you get to the offer stage to have as much objectivity as possible.

Below are fifteen factors that typically drive the decisions people make about their careers in general or jobs specifically. For those that apply to you, please rank them in order of importance (with 1 being the highest). Try to really differentiate when possible.

_____ Job security

_____ Salary

_____ Opportunity for advancement

_____ Culture/environment

_____ Experience

_____ Lifestyle/Stress Factor

_____ Prestige

_____ Content of work

_____ People

_____ Personal happiness

_____ Management opportunity

_____ Skill advancement

_____ Public service

_____ Travel

_____ Geographic location

_____ Other: _____________________________________________________

Once you are clear on the above, below are some additional steps to take as you work through your decision making process. Continue to drill down on these steps until you find enough clarity to help you find the best solution possible.

Compare Specifics: What are the specifics of each offer (ex: salary, bonus, benefits, title, responsibility, location, etc.) and how do they compare and contrast. How do they match up to the above?

Compare Experiences: When you think about your interview experiences (ex: the people you met, how you were treated, the environment, the culture, etc.), how do they compare and contrast. Make sure to include your gut reactions or instincts that surfaced.

Pro/Con List: Take the two comparison experiences and create and further evaluate a pro/con list.

Forced Comparison: Take two data points from the pro/con list and do a forced comparison. In other words, if you could only have one of either high salary or high responsibility, which would you pick? Proceed until all of your data points have been compared. Now take your new list of prioritized data points and compare it to each offer to see which comes closest.

Known vs. Unknown: Often it is the unknown which can paralyze a decision making process (ex: will I be successful; will I be happy; will I be the first out if there is a downsizing; etc.). It can be helpful to list everything that is known as well as unknown about a particular offer. Then take your list of unknowns as see if you can get some more concrete information by having follow up discussions with your potential future employer or others.

Risk Assessment: There will likely still be unknowns left on your list but hopefully they are now fewer in number. The remaining unknowns will need to be factored into a risk assessment. What is at risk if you do accept? What is at risk if you don’t accept? Knowing your typical level of risk tolerance will be helpful here. Once that is all factored in you need to explore what could mitigate the risks of both. Finally, you will need to assess how willing you are to take the risks at hand.

Best Case Scenario: Reviewing the best-case scenario can be helpful for with motivation to move forward as well as mitigating some risk.

Worst Case Scenario: Reviewing the worst-case scenario can help you manage the risk as it gives you a plan if things do not work out. It can also remind you of the tools you have at hand including your own resourcefulness.

Other Options: Sometimes clients get so focused on having to decide on the options currently on the table that they forget there may be other options. This can help take some of the pressure off of the decision at hand.

Want vs. Should: Another delay in decision-making can be the tension between knowing the decision you want to make yet feeling that you should make a different decision based on current priorities (ex: finances; support of family members; job security). Write down or articulate what your “want” and your “should” are. Then consider what would you need to make both decisions. Either way you will likely trade off something so it will be important to go in fully understanding what that will be and how you will manage it.
Little Picture vs. Big Picture: Before you make your final decision, revisit your long-term career vision. Where do you want/plan to be in the long-term? Consider how whatever decision you are making in the short-term will impact your larger goals. In particular, if you are making a decision based on current priorities that is out of sync with your overall career goals, you will want to consider putting some time limits on it and develop a plan to get you back on track as soon as possible.

Don't be afraid to pull the trigger. Whatever decision you make will ultimately get you to the right place one way or another.

Top Ten Most Productive Job Search Activities While Your Career Coach is On Vacation

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 11:49:00 +0000

Is your career coach taking a breather at the holidays? I know I am. Still, that doesn't mean that your job search needs to be put on hold. Below are ten tips I left clients with last year while I was on my honeymoon.

1. CLE: Keep current on/expand training & maintain your CLE hrs. In person CLEs are also a great way to network.

2. Technical Knowledge: Brush up or research any technical areas of the law that are important to your search (Ex: if you’re applying to jobs for which you are mostly qualified but missing one or two key areas—use this time to teach yourself about them through relevant reading materials or reaching out to those in your network who are subject matter experts in those areas.)

3. Committees/Associations: Have you been meaning to join a committee or association that would be relevant to your search? What research could you do to make this happen? Or, are you already a member of one but want to get more involved? How can you best go about doing that?

4. Alumni Career Services: Have you reached out to your law school’s career resources center recently? They may have some resources or alumni to put you in touch with that could be helpful to your search.

5. Linked In: Spend some quality time on LinkedIn

a. Add contacts:

i. Reviewing the suggested contacts that LI suggests for you

ii. Look at your current contacts and see if you want to be introduced to any of their contacts

iii. Using the search engines for parts of your background you might not have searched under (ex: previous employers; schools; alumni associations)

b. Join groups:

i. For those looking in-house-ACC has a group you may want to check out

ii. Most practice areas & specialties have dedicated groups

iii. Government sectors also have groups

c. Update/enhance your profile: make sure your profile is as complete as possible so you are searchable by recruiters & potential employers

d. Get/give recommendations

e. Re(search)—Linked In is a great way to build a list of potential employers (firms & companies) that you might be interested in targeting

i. Scroll through your contacts who have the types of positions you want—see who their connections are and where they work—start to build your list

ii. Once you have a working list of 10-20 company/firm names see if they have LI profiles or go on their websites to do further research to find out:

1. If they are hiring

2. If they have what you’re looking for in a future employer

iii. Once you’ve narrowed your list down further—go back to your network to see if anyone can make an introduction for you

iv. If you can’t pinpoint a human connection, use your research to craft a very targeted cover letter that shows two things: a.) all of the relevant things you know about the company/firm/department and b.) how you specifically can add value based on what you know

6. Networking:

a. Do a sweep of your most important contacts if you haven’t reached out to them in awhile

i. Give them an update on your search

ii. Let them know if anything has changed

b. Reach out to contacts you haven’t yet hit in your search

c. Start adding new contacts

i. Go to events

ii. Ask your current contacts to introduce you to their contacts

d. Reach out to those contacts you know would be helpful but you’ve been avoiding

7. Search Sites: Pop onto the sites if you haven’t had a chance in awhile. Particularly for in house, there have been a lot more postings of late. Even if you have a search saved and get updates, you can sometimes surface new things by going on to the sites and throwing in different criteria.

8. Follow Up: If you’ve got some opportunities pending but haven’t heard back in awhile (whether via recruiters or directly with employers), do some targeted follow up to see where things stand. Don’t feel like you’re bothering people—you’re showing initiative and interest—both of which are important to employers.

9. Professional Reading: Pull out that piles of articles you’ve been saving up. Check out the American Lawyer or other relevant sites. Read the WSJ or NYT business section. See if you can pick up any tidbits that could be a clue to your search. (ex: are you an IP litigator and a huge IP litigation practice just moved from one firm to another?)

10. Take a Break: Particularly if you’ve been diligent throughout your search, it’s ok and even advisable to take breaks from time to time. Taking a break and regrouping can re-energize a job search. Just make sure it’s a defined break.

Don't Go To Your Holiday Party Stressed!

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 19:17:00 +0000

Holiday parties can have a big upside for your career--particularly with respect to internal networking and profile building. They offer a chance to catch up with people you may not have worked with in a while but want to stay in touch with. They can be a venue to meet or get in front of someone you would like to work with but haven't gotten the chance. Or, they can let you enjoy the company of those you do work with in a nicer, more relaxed environment. As an added benefit, people are generally in good moods around the holidays.
On the downside, free booze and food makes holiday parties fecund ground for overeating, drinking too much and even potential career or reputation missteps.

From my days in HR at a large law firm, I've broken up fights; saved marriages and spared otherwise awkward next morning moments; thwarted attempts at public urination; sent a fair number of merry-makers home in cabs; and kept grumpy humbuggers from negatively contaminating everyone's good cheer.

Holiday party patrol was never fun but it was certainly eye-opening. But really, who hasn't overindulged at a holiday party? I'm certainly not throwing stones.

So, what's the culprit or common thread? It definitely comes down to stress. And let's face it, stress at law firms at year end is just a big old given! Year-end deals are trying are to close. Projects have hard & fast deadlines so the fortunate can get out on vacation. Throw in holiday shopping and stress is a constant year-end companion.

You need not put your career or your health goals in danger though if you heed these simple pre-holiday party tips:

1.) Stop and gage your level of stress. If it's high, go for a walk around the block, pop on your head phones and listen to a soothing song or just take a few deep breaths.

2.) Eat a light, healthy snack before you go so that you're not starving when you get there. Hunger at a venue where there is unlimited access to food can easily derail your nutritional goals.

3.) Establish guidelines for eating and drinking before you go and be disciplined about them. For example, maybe you will have only one of each appetizer and skip the carving station or cheese spread. Or maybe you will avoid the dessert table. And perhaps you will limit yourself to just wine or beer skipping the top shelf hard liquor & set a numerical limit.

4.) If you are concerned you may overindulge, buddy up with someone who can help keep you accountable and vice versa.

Other tips for once you're there:

1.) Alternate drinks with water.

2.) Situate yourself away from the bar and/or the food stations. Having to get on line for things will help to create natural breaks and slow you down.

3.) Mingle and immerse yourself in conversation. Engaging dialog can be a helpful distraction.

Now armed with these simple preventative measures, go enjoy yourself. This season only comes once a year.

Meditation Monday: Bechamel Sauce

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 19:30:00 +0000

I love, love, love to cook. For me, it's one of the best forms of meditation because it requires a fairly intense focus. Problem is, with a 5 month old around I don't get much of a chance to cook the way I love to--all day long, with my husband on big projects like intricate pastas, soups or stews. That is until grandparents show up for Thanksgiving weekend.

So, with the precious resource of babysitters around, we embarked on some epic cooking projects this past weekend. One in particular, lasagna made with Bechamel sauce (a la Giada DeLaurentiis), provided an unexpected meditation opportunity. Bechamel sauce, because it needs constant stirring, requires you to focus on just one thing for at least ten minutes. Wa-lah!! It fits my micro meditation definition.

There I was, stirring my Bechamel sauce. I would breathe in for 7 counts stirring right to left and then I would exhale for 7 counts stirring left to right. I did that for approximately 15 minutes while I waited patiently for the sauce to hit the right thickness.

There you have it. Grab a pot, some milk, flour, butter, etc. and get to stirring, breathing and a very fulfilling micro-meditation.

Meditation Monday: A Chair & A Midtown Waterfall

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 19:40:00 +0000

For today's Meditation Monday, I'm borrowing a page from someone else's book. The best part is, I don't even know this guy.

With a few spare minutes in between a lunch and an afternoon meeting, I happened upon a lovely outdoor space on 53rd between 5th & Madison. The draw for this space is that there is a full length waterfall/fountain. Talk about a Zen spot in the middle of mid-town craziness.

I thought, what a great place to just sit and meditate. And then I realized, someone else beat me to it. There he was--conservative blue suit; white shirt; blue tie. He was sitting in a chair, by himself in front of the water. That's all he was doing. Just sitting. Sometimes he'd look at the water--and sometimes he'd simply look down or off into space. He wasn't on his blackberry, chatting or scarfing down food as others around him were (myself included). He was just sitting.

What struck me was how calm and yet how purposeful he looked. Very peaceful and serene. I have no idea how long he was there prior to my arrival but he sat like that for at least 10 minutes.

What a great role model. A business type who was taking some time out of his day to just sit in silence and stare at a waterfall. Maybe he was reviewing a presentation he was about to give or go over a difficult conversation he needed to have. Who knows?

What I do know is that I took note of him and was impressed by him. I thought, if he can do it, so can I--and so can you!

Ugh!! I Botched the "Tell Me About Yourself" Question

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 22:34:00 +0000

I really hate it when I catch myself not following the advice I give to others—especially clients. It’s an unsavory feeling.

Recently, I was in a meeting with a client of my firm’s who wanted to meet me--put a name to a face type of thing. Not exactly an interview but still important to make a positive impression.

I had prepared for what I thought would be the content she’d be most interested in and was determined to get it across. And then, there it was---“tell me about yourself”. A question I’ve prepped clients for a thousand times over.

And what did I do?? I proceeded to break every rule I give them. Ok, so I really don’t set rules—they’re more like guidelines. And I didn’t break every one of them but sadly, more than I’d like to admit. Although I am going to admit it here so I don’t fall prey again.

Here’s what I did wrong:

- I launched right into a chronological story. In 1994, I did this. Then a few years later I did that. I spent some further time doing this. And then I did that. Oh and I forgot something so let me go back. And finally I ended up right here where I am.

- I put in a lot of unnecessary and probably confusing details. I took her to one place and then I switched directions and took her somewhere else.

- I talked too long for any human being to possibly retain all of the information.

- I showed no signs that I was able to parse out for her what the most important and relevant information was.

- I forgot that if she was really interested in the specific details, she could also ask questions.

Ugh! B-O-R-I-N-G!!! Bless her heart for even listening to me that long. I finally caught on when she asked me a question and said something like “I’d love to hear you ramble on about that.” Now, that might have been a total Freudian slip on her part --but it certainly got my attention.

And like the sea parting I saw exactly what my mistake had been. I wasn’t listening to her. I was trying to pack in all the information that I had prepped and I totally botched what she really wanted to know—not my resume but who I was as a person.

Here’s what I should have done:

- Define: “Here's what I do/who I am.” (in one sentence or less)

- Energize: “Here’s why I love what I do.”

- Show: “Here’s the level and scope of responsibility I have.”

- Highlight: “Some (but not all) of my credentials include….”

- Focus: “Here's the exposure I've had with the main skills someone with my background needs” or “My main areas of expertise where I like to focus are…”

- Brag (Humbly): “My proudest accomplishment is…”

Thankfully, I was able to regroup, start listening, shorten my answers and ask her some questions that got her talking about herself and her firm. This shift made a huge difference—at least I hope it did.

We ended on a positive note and not surprisingly, talking about personal things like my daughter and motherhood—something we had in common. If I had just listened in the first place, I would have saved both of us a lot of time and I would have made a better impression much sooner on in the conversation.

Meditation Monday: Micro Meditation

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 14:25:00 +0000

To me, meditation is one of the most important tools in the whole LiveWorkEatPlay equation. It's challenging for me though on two fronts. First, it's incredibly daunting to still or quiet my mind. Who am I kidding--I often happily settle for just slowing my mind or even just putting it in "time out". Second, where do you find the time? Yet--it is precisely because my mind is so frantic and I'm constantly in search of more time that I make meditation a priority.

So, I'll let you in on my little secret of how I work it into a "regular" practice. Well, two secrets really. One, I sneak it. Yup--I'll steal even as little as five minutes if that's all I can get because to me, five minutes of something good for you is better than no minutes of something good for you. And two, to coin a Sinatra-ism, I do it "my way."

My grade-school pastor once gave a sermon about being "cafeteria Catholics"--those who pick and chose what they liked from the religion and left the rest. Clearly his message was intended to rebuke this practice and fully commit. To me though, I thought the concept was brilliant and I've applied it to several areas of my life since.

So, I consider myself a "cafeteria meditator". If there were meditation police (which thankfully there are not because it is such a kind and supportive practice), they may be appalled by what I consider to count as "meditation" sometimes. But here's the great thing--I'm pushing 40, I work hard, I'm a good person and my intention for meditating is always positive. So guess what?? I get to define what counts as meditation for me. And so do you!

And for me, the answer is what I call "micro" meditation--mini meditation or mindfulness sessions that work with my life. And just so it's got some structure to it and not totally willy-nilly, I've come up with some guidelines for my micro meditations for them to "count":

- they have to last at least 5 minutes
- they have to incorporate some form of breath work (to reap the benefits of voluntarily calming my nervous system and pumping oxygen throughout my body)
- my intention (even if not successful) has to be to focus on "one thing"
- when my mind strays from my "one thing", I have to keep bringing it back

Pretty basic but these guidelines help me to be creative about when, where and how I sneak meditation into an otherwise time-filled life. So, one Monday a month (Meditation Monday) this blog will share some of the unorthodox ways I come up with to have a somewhat "regular" meditation or mindfulness practice. Don't get me wrong though, when I get an opportunity to sit on my seiza bench, in proper posture for a more formal and extended meditation session, I jump at it.

Today's Micro Meditation Idea:
Central Park is one of my favorite meditation playgrounds. Yesterday I took my daughter for a walk (yay--got me some exercise) and then to the little pond where people operate miniature remote controlled boats. With her on my lap we just sat and watched the boats. To bring focus, I picked one that I mostly followed (number 77--my birthday). There was also a tiny red speed boat that I shifted gaze to a few times--providing a nice slow/fast contrast. I also breathed in for seven counts and out for seven counts while sitting there. That's it!! I got about 15 minutes in before my small thing started to get fidgety. So, all that was required for this micro meditation was: breathing, staring and some fun objects to focus on. Even better, in addition to all of the usual benefits of meditation, I got time outside, cuddles with my daughter and pretty fall scenery!

What is Your Main Motivator: Pleasure or Pain?

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 00:18:00 +0000

I've dubbed March "Motivation Month". With the first quarter of the year almost complete, it's a great time to check in on those new year's resolutions, career goals or other personal challenges you kicked 2011 off with. Soooooooo? What's the progress on your goals?

If you're not as pleased as you'd like, it may help to check your motivation. In my observation, motivation can fall into one of two categories: pleasure seeking or pain avoidance. Many of us can be motivated by both depending on the situation while others have a strong leaning toward one over the other. One approach isn't necessarily better than the others (I'm always a fan of balance) but it can bring clarity to your goals when you know where your preference lies.

The first step to conquering or, more positively stated, leveraging motivation is to step back and reflect on which part of the pleasure/pain motivational divide you fall on. Goal attainment can be a difficult and challenging process that will require you to use all tools at your disposal--motivation being one of the most powerful.

When embarking on a particular goal, the first question to ask is "why" do you want it. I call this "understanding the why". For example, if the goal is "I want a new job", challenge yourself to articulate why this is important to you. I've heard a range of answers to this from "I want to pursue something I'm more passionate about" (pleasure seeking) to "I cannot stand getting up and going to work each day" (pain avoidance). Drilling down to this level of specificity with motivation is critical for staying focused on the end game.

Here's how it works. If you're tempted to not complete the tasks necessary to pursuing your goal--in this case let's use networking--you can circle back to your motivation. For example, is not networking more valuable to you than the pleasure of pursuing a passion or, alternatively, the pain at work each day? If the answer is "yes", not doing the task is more valuable, then you need to go back and ask yourself if you really want your goal. Or, you'll need to decide if there are other tasks that would be equally as effective. Or, if they are not equally effective, you will at least understand that you are making a trade off. Either way, it provides clarity which is another important tool in your goal seeking quest.

Of course, this all requires being aware that you are in what I call a Moment of Choice or MOC. Stay tuned as I've now been inspired to make April "Awareness" Month.

February Career Follow Up

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 23:53:00 +0000

Last month we did a quick career check in/check up. Hopefully you've had a chance to answer the questions posed. I've cut and pasted them below and re-ordered them around next steps to take/further questions to ask yourself.

Further Reflection: Does this feel like a coaching session yet?

- What is your relationship with your career?
Based on the answer to this question, ask yourself the following two questions:
1.) Is my relationship with my career serving me and my life goals?
2.) What changes would I like to make to my relationship with my career?

- What expectations do you have of your career?
Based on the answer to this question, ask yourself the following three questions:

1.) Are my expectations of my career realistic based on my current life circumstances?
2.) Are they aligned with my life goals?
3.) If not (to both), what adjustments do I need to make?

- On a scale of 1-5, how happy are you with your career?
For those of you who scored a happy high score of 4 or better--congrats! Enjoy this career bliss and take care to maintain it.
For those of you who scored a 3 or below, ask yourself the following question:
1.) What steps would I need to take to improve this score?

The Big Dig: Take your answers from above as well as your answers to the following questions, and see if you can drill them down farther to come up with some specifics. To do so, think of going back to what you learned in kindergarten and answer: who, what, when, where, why & how? For example, who would I need to involve; what specific steps do I need to take; when would I need to start/be done by; where would I start; why is this even important; and how am I going to accomplish all of it?

- What direction would you ultimately like to see your career take?

-What dreams have you given up/are not actively pursuing regarding your career?

If you can start to answer the questions above, you, my friends, will have the makings of a solid career plan to follow for the rest of the year. Now, plans are important to reach your goals. They are, however, limited without proper motivation. You'll want to check in on how motivated you are to implement your new sparkly career plan. Here's a quick exercise:

Want vs. Willing: One a scale of 1-10, rate yourself on the following two questions:

1.) How much do you want this goal?
2.) How willing are you to do the things you'd need to do to be successful at this goal?

If you're like most people, your "want" score is probably pretty high--maybe even as high as 9 or 10. Unfortunately, your willing score is probably somewhat lower--maybe a 4 or 5. Not to worry though, I've dubbed March "Motivation Month" so stay tuned for ways you can boost your willing score. For now, simply continue to reflect on your answers to these questions, your new career plan and the difference between your want and willing score.

It's January--Do You Know Where Your Career Is?

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 21:04:00 +0000

As I'm fond of telling my clients, we often get so busy doing our jobs day to day that we forget to take time to think about our actual careers. No good can come of this. Potential dangers include: career malaise or flat out dissatisfaction; missing out on key opportunities; watching others enjoy opportunities that could have been ours; or even worse, having someone else (read employer) making a career decision for us.

It's easy to fall victim this career planning disengagement but it's equally easy to mitigate it. We're at the start of a new year--an organic time to stop and take stock. You may have recently had a review or gotten a salary/bonus message. What better time to take 30-60 minutes to do something so beneficial and relevant. Skip the gym one night if you have to (yes, even I'm saying that), forgo your favorite TV show or give up Facebook/Twitter for a night. This is important!! Don't forget, your career is a big piece of your overall healthy and wellness.

Here, I'll even make it easy for you. Ask yourself the following questions:

- What direction would you ultimately like to see your career take?
- What is your relationship with your career?
- On a scale of 1-5, how happy are you with your career?
- What expectations do you have of your career?

Extra Punch Question: What dreams have you given up/are not actively pursuing regarding your career?

Well, that should provide an effective script for some interesting self-dialog. Step One is simply to answer these questions as honestly as possible. Sit with the answers for a bit. Read them over every few days or so.

Next Step = what to do with these answers. Stay tuned.

You Can't Always Have It All, All At The Same Time

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 01:17:00 +0000

In so many ways, 2010 was one of the best years of my life culminating literally at year end by getting married (12/29/2010 to be exact). Also on the huge, life altering yet amazing front for 2010--I'm (we're) expecting a bundle of joy. All things I can check off my larger life "To Do" list.

2010 also brought one of the most taxing work schedules I've had in a number of years, replete a delicate dance of almost weekly travel since September, sandwiched with trying to keep up with a full slate of clients. Add to this first trimester fatigue and nausea and planning a destination wedding in less than two months and you have what I like to call a Time Management Hot Mess (TMHM).

In short, I quickly had to confront the reality that all I had time for out of my blog title was the "work" and "eat" (and "eat" is meant in more of a functional than enjoyable way) part.

Here's what I learned: you can't always have it all, all at the same time.

Turns out Balance is not a perfectionist like I pretend to be. Not even close! Even though it says right at the top of this blog that I try to do all four things at the same time--sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. Time is limited and sometimes it feels like we don't have a choice about how we get to spend the time we do have--a rather unpleasant piece of grown up reality.

But here's what else I learned: it's ok if we can't Live, Work, Eat & Play all at the same time, all the time as long as it doesn't go on for too long.

I got through this TMHM knowing two things: 1.) some really wonderful things were going to come out of it and 2.) the patch was limited in time. My first trimester would be over; my project had an end date; and the wedding would come and go. Knowing that there was light at the end of the tunnel and that I would, in fact, get to see that light was a motivator. It allowed me to let go of my need/want to have things balanced and just hunker down and get through the end of each day. I always forget how powerful and liberating letting go can be--even when faced with letting go of something you value so highly.

Happily, I'm now spending time recalibrating the balance scales once again--reacquainting myself with my want/need to have things balanced. I'm trying to appreciate and savor that feeling of having the concept of balance seem like a concrete possibility--even if I now know better than ever that it's likely for a limited duration. Being a kid in the "I can chose what I do with my time" candy store is truly invigorating.

Today I've already done two things I've been saying I want to do for a long time now: going for a swim and blogging. Tomorrow, back to meditation class. Moving on to yoga after that. Riding the glorious wave while I have it.

Happy New Year! Wishing you as many pockets of "having it all, all at the same time" as possible in 2011.

11-20 of the Top 20 Things I Learned on Vacation

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 01:28:00 +0000

Here's the remainder of the things I learned on my August vacation. Hope everyone got to take vacation this year. It is soooooo important to overall life and career happiness. And the holidays are just around the corner.

11.) Thanks to many forwarded emails and Facebook & Twitter updates, moderate drinking can prolong your life according to recent studies. As a health coach, I'm not sure this is the best info to have circulating. As someone who enjoys wine, a cold corona with lime on a hot summer day and the occasional margarita (ok-maybe not so occasional), I say "Rock on!"

12.) It doesn't matter how old I am, I still miss my parents when I'm away.

13.) When you get lazy and forget to put sunblock on (or get cocky when you think you already have a base tan going) and then you fall asleep on the beach, you WILL get sunburnt. Aloe does really help though.

14.) One of the best feelings in the world is falling asleep on the beach in the arms of your special someone-even if you end up getting sunburnt.

15.) The difference between relaxation and boredom is that when you're relaxed you're grateful for and enjoy the fact that you don't have anything to do--when you're bored, you feel the compulsion for and loss of something to do.

16.) Even when things don't go your way or as you planned, there really is always something to learn from or be grateful for. (Although, swallowing your own pill can be somewhat painful.)

17.) Resistance, in it's many prolific forms, is fertile.

18.) Laughter is one of the best abdominal workouts on the market--and, it's free.

19.) Bargain shopping can be fun and is actually an art form.

20.) When you get stung by a bee, honey is one of the best cures (apparently motorcyclists keep honey on their bikes with them at all times). And, bees can swim. Who knew?

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 00:39:00 +0000

It's been awhile since my last blog post but sometimes when you live, work, eat, play (especially the "work") part, you can't always find time for blogging. Over the course of two posts, I'm sharing the Top 20 Things I Learned on Vacation. Here's the first ten.

1.) Doing a few minutes of work each day of vacation is better than doing a full day of work each day.

2.) Pizza on the grill is actually quite tasty (albeit a lot of work if you're feeding a bunch of people and need to make multiple pizzas). A true exercise in logistics and coordination.

3.) No matter how many times you tell people how long you will be away for and when you'll be back, they will forget and still ask you multiple times.

4.) If you haven't been running in awhile (or run more than 3 miles the last few times you have been running) and you go out on a 5 mile run, you will be exceedingly sore the next day and get reacquainted with muscles you didn't remember you had.

5.) Reading nutrition books on vacation can help keep you focused on eating healthfully.

6.) It takes more than reading books on nutrition to help keep you focused on eating healthfully while on vacation. You still need some good old fashioned discipline. They should really bottle that stuff in travel sized containers.

7.) It's ok to take a short break from otherwise healthy eating habits as long as it's not a permanent break-which can be the dangers of a two week vacation.

8.) Two and a half year olds are actually smarter than 38year olds-even ones with fancy schmancy psych degrees and certifications in behavioral motivation. And--it doesn't really matter anyway because they're so bleeping cute, they will win either way.

9.) In addition to regular paprika, there is a souped up version of it called smoked paprika that makes a kick ass rub for shrimp and sausage skewers (thanks Epi app).

10.) Even though the Expendables was a highly entertaining movie with amazing fight sequences (albeit slightly unrealistic that none of them sustained major injuries while taking on entire armies with full ammunition), it provides a painful reminder that there is a shocking lack of female "bad ass" roles out there. Is there not even one women in Hollywood who's Expendable worthy? As a woman, a martial artist and an HR professional, I find this a glaring oversight-particularly in 2010.

Stay tuned for the second ten next post. In the meantime, have fun as you live, work, eat, play.

Matisse and other "Out of World" Experiences

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 11:47:00 +0000

A few weeks ago I went to the opening of the new Matisse exhibit at MoMA (thanks again Friedrich!!) and it reminded me of how important it is to have what I call "out of world" experiences. I'm not necessarily talking about "out of this world" experiences--although those are great too. What I'm talking about is when you get the chance to step out of the world you live in every day and get to experience a whole new world or, at least, one that is vastly different than yours. Engaging in a hobby doesn't really count because that is conceivably part of your world.

For me, my daily world is the corporate world with a little bit of karate and other health/fitness things. It's a lot of knowing and using corporate lingo and helping others navigate their own corporate experiences. So, when I step into MoMA and the art world I really do feel like I'm on some alternate level of existence. I certainly enjoy art but it's not something I would put myself in front of often. (Dating an artist has definitely increased the volume of art time I get these days though.)

When I do put myself in the art world or other "worlds" though, the benefits are unbelievable. First, it gives me a fresh way of looking at things. Second, I'm not a subject matter expert so it's a very humbling experience which is always good. It stretches me to think differently--and sometimes in a more playful, humorous, creative way. For example, as I was looking at a painting called Bathers and a Turtle--I was thinking to myself, "Why the hell is there a turtle in this scene (logic) and realizing the answer in the art world is, why not (creativity)?" It was also fascinating to observe the people who live in the art world so to speak. Many of them dress differently than those in my world--somewhat more creatively, sometimes even outlandishly. They use different lingo--almost as if they speak a language that I don't. Do I want to learn that language or just stay in the periphery???

Some other recent "out of world experiences":

- Surfing: I spent some time a few weekends ago mesmerized by the surfers I was watching. Surfing---another art form to be sure. I have a fantasy about being a hard core surfer (but for my intense fear of sharks, I'd give it a try). What would it be like to plan my days around the tide and weather? Something you don't worry about when you go to an office every day. To walk down the beach with a surf board with one of those little safety cords attached to my ankle--looking like I knew exactly what I was doing. Wearing cool surfing clothes.

- 3 children under the age of 7: Last weekend I was with my college roommate, her husband and their 3 children under the age of 7 who I'm totally in love with. That love does have its extreme challenges I realized. There's nothing quite like navigating sibling rivalry dynamics to suck all of the energy out of one's body. Definitely a change from my, "my life is my own and I make sure things go smoothly" routine. Appreciating the perspective of parents who manage this on a daily basis was definitely an eye opening, out of world experience!

- Small town: While with my roommate, I got to appreciate her small New England town replete with a small town square/park where they were having a farmers market. Town consists of one of two main streets & a traffic circle. Hard to compare to the vast beast of NYC. I was fascinated to see how everyone knew each other, names of kids, etc. We literally couldn't go anywhere without bumping into people they knew.

- Financial planning: I'm a liberal arts/psych girl. I don't speak finance. I have a better chance of learning French than I do becoming even remotely competent at personal finance. Yet, I know I must keep pushing forward on this front. I met with my financial advisor last week and my head is still spinning. For sure--this is not my world. I've been trying to self-educate on this front and I'm hoping the accounting/math genes on the Costigan side start to kick in soon. (More on the importance of financial planning and how it links to being able to LiveWorkEatPlay in a separate blog post).

So, while I'm not likely to become an artist, surfer, mother of 3 (although you can all have a good laugh at my expense if this does happen someday), financial wizard or small town dweller, it's been fun and eye opening to temporarily inhabit those spaces. What are you doing to live "out of your world?"

Networking Out of Network

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 18:34:00 +0000

Below is my latest article published in Young Lawyers Connect of the New York City Bar Association. It's geared mainly to lawyers but really applies to anyone in professional services.

You Don't Have to Network with Just Lawyers
By Diane Costigan

Networking is one of the most important tools any attorney has in his/her career toolbox. It can help you find a job, develop business, uncover hidden opportunities, discover previously unknown resources, and even develop longstanding friendships. Naturally, it will be most likely that you will network with other lawyers. One of the biggest mistakes I’ve seen clients make with respect to networking is to seek out only lawyers as contacts. Focusing your networking efforts exclusively with lawyers can limit your career development. Here’s why.

‐ Universal rule: It is a universal rule that everyone is a lawyer, is married or related to a lawyer or has a close personal friend who’s a lawyer. So, no matter who you are talking to, you are never more than a few degrees away from a lawyer contact. For example, you may be looking for a job. The person who’s always on the treadmill next to you at the gym who works in fashion and with whom you’re now friends happens to be the daughter of the hiring partner at a mid‐sized firm. Bingo!

‐ It’s not just about you: An important part of networking is building up your own contacts to be in a position to help connect others. Helping others will inevitably be returned back to you through networking karma. It’s real, believe me. The person you help may not be the exact person who ends up helping you down the line but the help will come back to you in one form or another. It will be important then, to be a “connector” and to be generous with your network. You will be a more effective connector if you have a diverse range of people in your network. For example, you are trying to develop business from a contact going through the “how to get a toddler into a Manhattan pre‐school” ordeal. You may not know another lawyer who’s been through that experience but your next door neighbor, who happens to be in advertising, just did. Being able to connect your potential business development lead with a helpful resource will make you look good in his/her eyes and fresh on his/her radar screen.

‐ Sometimes it is about you: Even with respect to your own career goals, it may be helpful to know people in other industries. For example, you want to be an entertainment lawyer but have no experience in that industry. Clearly it will be important to network with entertainment lawyers. Don’t stop there though. To really enhance your chances of breaking through potential transition barriers, think beyond entertainment lawyers to other professionals it might be helpful to know. What non‐lawyers may work with or know entertainment lawyers or have information on that field? Public relations professionals could be one option. Media people another. Maybe even actors who use entertainment lawyers (dream big!).

‐ In house lawyers aren’t the only people who influence hiring decisions: For those at large firms trying to develop business, it’s important to know that in‐house lawyers aren’t always the ones who make decisions about who gets hired. Sometimes business people make those decisions or, at least they can have a major impact. If you have a friend who’s an investment banker he may be in a good position to refer you to their legal department. Or, he can be instrumental in getting you an introduction/appointment with the right person in the legal department. For solo practitioners and those at smaller firms, depending on the clients you are trying to attract, you will want to focus your networking efforts directly on your target market. If you are a T & E lawyer, you may want to network with financial advisors who can refer you or join your college’s club to go directly to your source.

‐ The law may not be your ultimate destination: You may not know it now (or maybe you do) but you may want to leave the legal profession at some point. To transition out of the law it will be critical to know people outside the industry. Let’s say you want to work off your student loans for a few years in a large law firm but your ultimate career goal is to do international relief work. Your college roommate is currently working with displaced refugees in Nepal. Not only will it be important to keep up with her, you will want introductions to the other people in her network. You will also want to get involved in either pro bono or traditional volunteer work around such issues to expose you to as many people in the field as possible. Waiting until your three years at your firm are over to start the process of networking with such contacts will only delay your search, especially in a bad economy when there may be a flood of applicants.

All good networking should flow from a strategic career vision. Being creative with how you’re networking and with whom can have a significant impact. Set your goal and then think backwards. If you want to be a certain type of lawyer in a specific position, dig down a few layers and think through who else you would be interacting with. Who else would know your target audience? Apply those answers to your networking strategy.

As you get more senior in your career, you will want to focus your efforts as much as possible.
In the early stages of your career, however, your goal may well be to find out what your strategic career vision is. You have a lot of options ahead of you, so you can afford to cast a wider net to start to get some answers. Be smart and include non‐lawyers in that net.
Remember, you never know who the people you know know and when that will come in handy vis‐à‐vis your strategic career vision.

noreply@blogger.com (Diane Costigan) — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 15:13:00 +0000

Today is my 38th birthday. I've been talking about starting a blog for, oh I don't know, four years now. So, today is the day to walk the walk.

My work involves helping people balance work, life, health and happiness and that will be the main content for this blog. Now, here's the big secret........ I have totally self-selected into my work because we teach what we most need to learn. This blog will journal my quest to balance all of these things and share the resources and lessons I learn along the way. I'm tempted to call it a struggle but perhaps it's more of a continual dance that sometimes looks fluid and has flow while other times is choppy and off tempo.

Every year, I use my birthday as a day to take stock. My quick 2010 inventory resassures me that I have many things to be grateful for. A career I love with fantastic clients & colleagues; amazing family and friends who make me feel special on my birthday and all year long; and a significant other who writes me special birthday poetry and takes care of me (and that's no easy feat!!). This reflection gives me a sense of security that as I get older, I'm moving forward. Birthdays can make us feel simultaneously old and panicked yet young and accomplished. So much time has passed yet we have all the time in the world.

I don't do New Year's resolutions. I pick themes for each year instead. This year, my theme is breaking old habits that get in the way of my personal growth. To go with my theme, I always write a mantra for the year. Here's my 2010 mantra:

I commit to live in a happier, healthier, higher way by honoring the power of choice, respecting my instincts and embracing the warrior within.

Six months in, I think I've done a decent job. My birthday promise to myself is to pick this up a few notches.

I'm excited to see how this manifests itself.

Thanks for reading this inaugural post!!!