Here’s a free workbook for you called (ta-daaa) The Balance Wheel.

I’ll tell you how you can download it in a second.

This little tool is used a lot (I mean a LOT) in coaching, some call it the ‘Wheel of Success’ others the ‘Wheel of  Life’.

You can pretty much take a blank wheel (which is included in download) and use it for any area of your life.

Clients love it, they always find an ‘a-ha momento’ completing it, but then, they do have someone (me) sitting next to them bursting their brain with a heap of questions, challenging them, asking them for clarification on every little detail.

So advice: take your time, and try not to dismiss the thoughts that come up but question them.

What else?

Oh, yeah, just because it’s called the balance wheel it would be easy to assume it’s all about weighing things up.

It’s not. Not really.

Balance wheels were used in watches and clocks to make sure they were keeping tickety-boo-top-notch time.

Translate that into a wheel for your personal development: it’s about identifying what’s not working, what needs some focus and attention, what’s out of sync, what is long overdue some TLC!

If balance wheels didn’t work in watches, the right time was never displayed.

Same in life, if the balance is all out, some areas of life suffer over others.

Whats’ going to BREAK! Soon.

I’ll shut up now, ’cause it’s all in the worksheet.

If you want it…

Here’s how to get it

Wait! Sorry, not trying to keep you back, promise me (if you download) that you complete all the worksheet as it’s split into two parts.

Part 1 Self Evaluation

Balance Wheel Part 1 Screenshot

Part 2: Taking Action

Balance Wheel Part 2 Screenshot

How to Download

If you’re already subscribed to free updates, you can access the worksheet via the resources page (check back your emails for the link.)

Not subscribed? (Shame on you!)

No worries. you can do it easily using the box on the right hand side or here.

Or, if you don’t want to bother with all that palaver, you can download a copy via my little social media experiment either with a ‘tweet’ (if you use Twitter) or a ‘like’ if you use Facebook.

Here’s how:

1. Click on the button below
2. Choose either Facebook or Twitter
3. Allow access (you can revoke the access after you get the download, nothing is ‘stored’)
4. Follow the instructions on the screen
5. The download will open (or at least that’s the theory, if you run into problems just shout)

Download the Balance Wheel with a ‘Like’ or a ‘Tweet’

Share&Get it !
	    

Let me know if it was any use to you, feel free to leave a comment below.

What’s your plan of action for the times you feel like you want to quit?

I read in a forum a few months back a question from a member: ‘How do you know when it’s time to quit?’ because the forum is filled with small business owners all but one of the 42 replies said, ‘keep going, you’ll get there’.

The one reply that didn’t say keep going asked some questions such as:

• How much time do you have?
• Do you have the money?
• What have you tried so far?
• How long have you been attempting to achieve the goal, have you changed the goal?
• What’s working?
• Have you quit what isn’t working?

Before we talk about quitting let’s make sure we are on the same page, I’m not saying ‘just quit’.

No way. (This post isn’t you’re permission slip or get out jail free card.)

There is a massive difference between the person giving up because things are getting a little painful and uncomfortable, to the person who has tried a million ways to make something work, and it’s not happening.

There is a massive difference between the person trying something for a week, to another pouring years of their life into an idea: all their time, energy, money and creativity. When what they wanted to achieve has taken every single last piece of their soul.

You’ve probably heard the saying ‘winners never quit, and losers never win’.

Tosh-pot I say.

Some of the worlds most ‘successful’ people have quit and failed, quit, failed, then won.

They ‘won’ because they quit what wasn’t working.

We don’t get that from that statement.

I believe when you start on the path of creation, whether it’s a new career, solo business, or a new way of life there usually comes a point when you feel that you want to quit.

For you, the person who started a business to gain more time, freedom, and money and now find yourself working 20 hours a day, missing your family and wondering where the hell the money is going to come from to pay the bills at the end of the month, you may feel like quitting…I know I have.

For you changing career, when doors slam in your face, when people say again and again ‘we were looking for someone with more experience’ or ‘you were our second choice’, you may want to quit and return to the role you know…I know I have.

For relationships, when you are wanting to make it work but the arguments and pain far outweigh the good experiences and love, you may want to quit…I know I have.

How do we know the difference  from when it’s time to quit, and time to keep on going to reach the breakthroughs we want to happen?

Is the problem we see quitting as a failure? And failure is such a dirty word, huh? Who wants to fail!

Why is quitting feared? What’s your definition of quitting? Is it to change paths and direction, to say goodbye to what isn’t working to make room for the new. Or does it include shame and guilt?

Back to my small business owner forum friend. I wonder if they wanted someone to write ‘Just quit’. That they needed to hear if anyone else had been where they were at, and to receive permission would’ve made their decisions easier?

When Is It Time to Quit (Stop What Isn’t Working) and Try Something Else?

You’ve Changed

Take my business for example, I started in 2003, aged 32. The initial business activities sat with a handful of my core values, but not the ones that really mattered. And it was painful. I hated the business as it stood then, and in the end it made me ill.

The clients were great. The business, no.

I quit it. Letting it go and saying goodbye to what it was known for.

Scary? Yes.

Feelings of failure? Of course (I’m human!), but more anger that I hadn’t stopped it becoming what it became.

Lessons On When It’s Time to Quit

1. When you can’t bring yourself to work on the business (career, relationship etc) because you hate every aspect of what it’s become: it’s time to quit, to change, to shift paths, in fact, it probably could’ve happened sooner.

Of course it’s painful.

All endings are.

But the pain is easier (and quicker) than the pain of holding onto to something that no longer works.

2. When the good days are so few and far between.

3. When what you are doing is leaving you empty inside. That seems a little ‘woowoo’ I mean: when you have no passion, purpose, energy for what you are doing or the goals you created. But don’t get this confused with frustration that things aren’t happening quick enough.

Trust yourself that you know the difference between empty and run down. (I was empty!)

4. When there is so much resentment towards what you are doing.

5. When what you do de-presses you and you can’t lift yourself up to change.

It’s okay to stop, let go, put an end to something because it just doesn’t fit with who you are now. It is okay.

And you may be thinking ‘but it’s not my time to quit, I need to try it a little longer‘.

You know, that’s fine too. But take some advice: whether for your life, biz, career; run it past someone, let someone else try and see what you see daily, you’re right they may see something that you aren’t, it may not be your time. Get help.

The F Word

Failure.

Look around the Internet for plenty posts on ‘failing and failure’. Plenty will ask you if you’re a quitter or failure: because to fail is much better than quit, according to those posts.

Screw them. I’ve failed so many times, but is my life a failure, am I a failure, am I heck. Neither are you if you’ve failed a few times, life can get tough enough without adding a label to yourself!

If we quit, we can feel like a failure. Feeling like and actually being are very different. Because we’re taught that failure is a bad thing (in part thanks to personal development world).

Some of the worlds greatest inventions were built upon many failed attempts, because people were brave enough to quit what wasn’t working sooner rather than later – that has always been the way, and it always will be the way.

We all need to learn what works and what doesn’t. We can learn it quickly from others, or we can discover it ourselves.

Failure isn’t bad.

People teaching we should ‘feel’ bad and guilty for quitting is a crime.

So you may decide to quit a project, goal, idea that you started. You haven’t failed if you learn from it: the errors and mistakes of the past are learning for the future.

Learn from your mistakes and be aware of ‘failed attempts’ quicker.

There is no way a scientist trying to find a cure for a disease would carry out the same experiment over and over again hoping for a different outcome. If something doesn’t work: change it or quit, don’t keep flogging it wishing for a better result.

You aren’t a failure if you quit an idea. You aren’t a quitter if an idea fails.

Personally I feel I’ve failed myself when I didn’t quit something sooner. Or I battled on with a failed idea from the start. But never, ever, do I see myself as a failure.

Do you get that? Deep down, do you see the difference?

Quitting can bring amazing emotional release. I’m not kidding.

Where others see it as a failure, I see it as empowering.

To let go, to say goodbye to that which isn’t working, on your terms, is personal power.

A Little Viewing:

Your Turn

Have you ever quit a project or idea? How did you come to the decision? What made the final choice?

When you get a minute Google 'cold swimming images', interesting pics.

Have you ever wanted to dive into a swimming pool or venture into the sea on a sweltering hot day? It looks so inviting, you’re dripping sweat like a shoplifter in Harrods, you want to get in, but you just know, you’ve done this before, it’s going to be baltic.

Instead of going for it, you do the Human Biscuit Dunk Test (there’s no such test!) assuming the rather risk-aayyy maneuver of pool side hovering, or the threat of waves reaching your thighs unexpectedly if your beside the seaside, beside the sea.

You could’ve ran and jumped in.

How long would you have been screaming like a chimp just been robbed of it’s banana? What, five minutes? The pain of a full dive doesn’t last long, does it?

But you went for the toe dip. Not even the ‘Half Shut The Knife‘ move: up to the waist and gagagagagasping.

See, the thing about toe dipping is, it’s really easy to stop, and retreat, step backwards.

But the with the full frontal, you’re in there, up to your eyes in it. You’ll probably cope with the change eventually, your body temperature will start to regulate out.

A bit like that (sick) boiling frog experiment. Throw (don’t though, I don’t advocate trying this at home, but I’m veggie) a frog in hot water it will try to escape, but pop it in cold water and heat it up gently it won’t move, just slowly be boiled alive (surely that’s wrong, boiled dead it should be, how can you be bolied alive?) Perfect metaphor for gradual change.

Sometimes I think personal growth should be a full frontal. Other times a toedip, but never a cling on to the sides.

Too painful.

Sooooooooo…

I want to invite you to a toe dip, and the plan is: within 52 weeks you’re taking frontals!

Living Moxies’ next intake of wonderful peeps is the 27th February.

Yeah!

For you if fear, self doubt, self sabotage is getting in your way to creating the life and career you want, or you would love a program that is ongoing and you know you’ll succeed better if you can take it slowly (or you fancy an ongoing boost and pick me up.)

The criteria:

You have to be ‘nice’ and want to create a new way of life.

If ‘ya meet my strict terms and conditions click here to read more you won’t be disappointed, promise.

“The air is full of ideas. They are knocking you in the head all the time”  Henry Ford

‘Wanna play?

Let’s assume you have a ‘Oh, what a brilliant idea’ brain flash: a moment of sheer fecking genius, inspiration on tap, creativity bounding, what do you do with it?

A. Sit on it.

B. Act on it right away.

C. Question it’s brilliance.

E. Dismiss it because it probably wouldn’t work anyway.

F. None of the above.

Let’s now go have a tangent moment.

Remember your summer school holidays?

Endless fun, fun, summer fun. The days when you returned home filthy, rugged, scorched from the sun, covered in scratches, bumps, bruises but by goodness you were one happy being.

Remember what you used to cram in, in the space of what, 12 hours?

If you, or one of your friends had an idea, it would get tried and quickly, depending on it’s success, it would be dumped, or played out for days, and days, and days, and days.

Yeah, I know you aren’t a kid, the ideas that you have now will (probably) have a greater impact on your life, to those you had when you were an 8 year old.

Deciding to go for a bike ride is not, I agree, the same as changing career.

Deciding to make a den out of sheets, is not the same as creating a new product, or service if you’re a small business owner.

Different consequences, perhaps a higher risk, needing more thought, research and planning.

But the point is, the time it takes to take action on an idea as an adult is too long, for most. 

Why? (Fear aside for a minute)

Right, some ideas you have are going to be massive and their implementation won’t happen right away. But you probably have hundreds of little ideas that crash into your head, those are the ones we’re talking about here.

The ideas that present themselves to you in the strangest times: on the loo, in the shower, having a casual conversation, reading a blog post or comment on the Internet, a tweet, a visit to a website, watching a soap opera (okay, maybe not that!)

Do you keep them safe?

Do you nurture the idea?

Do you write them down?

Do you take action right away, at the risk of not finishing something else?

A big fault for many of us is we don’t complete one project before we move onto the next. If that’s you, you have a not so good habit there, finish what you start, don’t be hypnotised by the shiny green on the other side of the fence, until your own grass is topnotch.

And your ideas, try this:

This is what I do, most of the time (do as I say, not as I do!)

1. Write the idea down.

2. Take some form of action on it right away (when you have finished the most important tasks that require your full attention at that moment of course.)

3. Take action:  research, running it past someone, writing a blog post, tweeting it, give it your full attention for 20 minutes.

4. Commence the ‘sit on it’ part here, 2 days max. Even if you’re tempted to revisit. Do nothing. Just hold onto your galloping horses.

5. Revisit after 2 days. How do you feel about it now?

6. Still the same way? Take more action.

7. Not as excited? Shelve it for one month.

8. Revisit after a month.

9. Does it inspire/fit/mean more now? Yes? Take more action.

10. No? Ditch it. (Or keep a little folder of ideas!)

You’ll have other ideas. Probably better ones.

Update: just read this post by Krista Peck Lightbulb Moments  - Krista says ‘look for the patterns’ — good advice. Take a look.

Have you ever lost the will to live during a presentation?

I have.

Today.

At one point I caught myself thinking ‘just, fake a faint that’ll get you out!‘

A tad extreme, even for me.

‘They’ say speaking in public is a number 1 fear, I disagree, I think it’s an urban legend.

First, if it scares the heebie-jeebies out of you, where did you learn that? From your own experiences, or through tales of horror from individuals who bombed on the podium?

Is the true fear vulnerability, judgement, being exposed, being the centre of attention, the fear that something may happen that you can’t control?

I’ve seen people terrified to the point of throwing up, get up, speak and rock their message.

I’ve also (today) witnessed professional public speakers (confident and fearfree) make a complete stinky old hash of it.

It doesn’t matter if the audience is 1 person, 5, 10, 500 everyone can learn to:

• Connect with the audience
• Lead the audience
• Acknowledge the audience
• Be in ‘flow’ with the audience
• Pace the audience
• Feel the audience
• Help the audience
• Share with the audience
• Be real with the audience
• Be truthful with the audience
• Include the audience
• Let the audience participate
• Build rapport with audience

It’s not difficult to master.

It’s about getting out your own head and into the head of another human being(s): you’re presenting to a brain, an emotional brain, emotions that create different ‘states of mind’ every moment of the day.

Today. Ugh.

Sitting through talks from the:

The Self Proclaimed Expert

“Dear you, I don’t care if you’re an expert in something really awesome, if you don’t give a tosh about your audience, (listener) and care more about belittling the ‘techie’ person who couldn’t get your laptop to connect to a projector, and to do it in front of a room of 300 peeps, shame on you.

Yeah, you got through your content eventually, but your goal of displaying your ‘expertness’ meant you lost your audience.

Remember that person who asked you a genuine question, they were ‘stuck’, not heckling, instead of saying ‘Is anyone else not getting it, or is it just my good friend at the front?‘, you could’ve acknowledged their fears, and said you didn’t have the answer (it was obvious you didn’t), oh, but that would have blown your ‘expert’ cover huh?’

(Gosh, even writing that, it’s made me more mad. You were rude and obnoxious. There. Said it.)

The ‘Go Out On High’ End of Day Speaker

“Dear you, your first words after you ran onto the podium of ‘Stand Up, Let’s Connect, Let’s Move!‘, and then leading us into a dance to the notes of James Browns ‘I Feel Good‘ followed by the instructions of ‘massage the person in front you’, didn’t cut it.

Heard of pacing and leading? I know that works for the man with the headpiece and great knashers, sorry, teeth (Tony Robbins), but this was a different audience.

Were you in the hall before your slot?

Or did you just pitch up 10 minutes before ?

Did you see the state that everyone was in?

Were the folded arms, sighs, fidgeting, heads to the side, crossed legs and the severe lack of eye contact with you not enough of a hint?

You missed such an opportunity.

And funny, (you being a renowned world class motivational speaker, according to the brochure) I would’ve thought that you of all people would’ve been clued up on noticing human behaviour and the state people were in.

When giving a presentation your audience is asking:

• Has this person got something interesting to say?
• Should I give them my attention?
• Why should I listen to them?
• What’s in it for me?
• Do I feel safe?

Most people plan their content, not why their content matters.

They don’t even consider answering questions about their audience or listener such as:

• Who are they?
• What’s in it for them?
• What state of mind are they in?
• How do I want them to feel at the end?
• Why should they listen to me, what benefit is there?
• What can I tell them to ease their pains or add benefit to their life?

Today the ‘expert’ speaker didn’t need his PowerPoint. If he had stood up there and said ‘It looks like I’ve blown it, it doesn’t matter, let’s have questions and answers instead. I was going to talk about…what three things would you like to know more on’.  It would’ve worked.

Some would say that takes a lot of courage. No, it means knowing your message inside out, and being comfortable with the all the ways it can be delivered, that takes passion about your subject.

Today, these two speakers managed to alienate a room.

As a speaker you cannot possible know the states of mind of every person in front of you, but we both know (because we have experienced it ourselves) that a positive state of mind is more productive than a negative one.

There’s a great saying there are no unresourceful learners, only unresourceful states.

So consider these questions before you even think content and planning:

• What state would I like to lead my listeners into?
• What state would I like to induce and maintain?
• What states may be present before I start?
• If positive, how can I maintain it?
• If negative, can I change it?

Here’s a few more points from today:

For Speaker 1:  you didn’t need to execute or display your authority, we were your audience, we gave you power automatically by coming to hear you speak.

You had personal power, all you needed to do was connect with us.

You could’ve included us in your ‘techie’ mishaps if you knew anything about building rapport.

We would’ve helped you.We wanted to. We felt for you.

You didn’t even acknowledge we were there and you missed a perfect opportunity to show real humanity and connection.

Lesson: The thing about (most) audiences is they are on your side at the beginning, one of your tasks is to make that bond stronger: connect, share, be honest, be human, let us in and participate with you.

For Speaker 2: I do appreciate you were at least were aware that movement is crucial in any learning environment, it could’ve worked but you didn’t let your audience know they were safe, first.

If you’d said ‘I realise you’ve been sitting for a long time (‘oh thank you, thank you, I need to move’), how about we move a little (‘you read my mind, awesome’) and then spend a couple of minutes hanging out with the people next to you, sharing what you want from this session (‘a chance to speak, wow, at last’), would that be okay? I know I can’t sit for longer than 20 minutes (‘you feel my pain, you know me!‘) I get ants in my pants.’

Lesson: you will lose your audience if you do or say something that makes them feel unsafe.

What does your audience really want?

It’s basic: respected, connected, cared for, safe and included. That’s for starters!

More next week…I need more time to process today, if you fear public speaking, what specifically do you fear the most?

Photo Credit: Flickr Trasiegu

Suzanne is sitting completing an application form, she knows she can do the job, however one of workmates is going for the same role. He’s been there longer, he has more experience in some of what’s required, but not all of it.

She’s been sat for hours, the more time goes on, the chitterchatter in her head gets worse ‘why am I bothering?’ She fears looking stupid, even though she has years of experience: in a different field but the skills and knowledge can be transferred to this role, easily.

She’s ready, but hiding.

Richard is a small business owner offering IT services to other local business owners, he knows his customer service is better than his larger local competitors: he does a better job, he understands the needs of the solo business owner better than anyone, he talks language they understand.

He’s been asked so many times by a friend to attend a local networking event. He won’t go, because he fears speaking in public, and doesn’t feel that he belongs there yet, he thinks: he’s new and needs to prove himself first.

He’s hiding.

When are we really ready to take strides forward in our careers, life or business? 

Is it when we have enough information?

Or is when we have minimised all the risks?

Perhaps it’s when we feel safe that the stride we are taking isn’t going to hurt that much if the leaping doesn’t go to plan.

Maybe we have no other options, we have to move because of external circumstances.

As a child do you remember playing Hide and Seek?

Squeezing your eyes tight, your palm covering your face, facing the brick wall, at a spot your friends put you at so you had no chance of seeing the direction they ran?

“1……..2…….3…4…56789…10!  Ready or not here I come!”

Ready or not? Here I come.

Are you ready?

Or are you?

1. Still Seeking.
2. Not ready and hiding.
3. Ready but hiding.
4. Ready?

Look, sometimes we aren’t ready. We don’t have all the information, we haven’t got all the resources and done our homework. Nothing wrong with that, being a seeker is fine.

But to be ready and hide?

Oh dear.

Usually it’s fear, you’re scared. You can remember the feeling before you were ‘caught’ playing hide and seek, right?

Stomach churning, ‘butterflies’, holding your breath, and if you never played it, I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Going for it is generally less painful, than knowing you’re ready and hiding.

Count to 10 then…

Complete the following statement:

I know I’m ready to____________, I’ve been hiding because____________.  Today, ready or not, here I come.

Are you hiding?

Please check out the next Ignite Your Spark No Excuses Workshop & Firewalk Seminar, no more hiding because of stupid, untrue, crappy, beliefs, this is a ‘I’m soooooo ready!’ event, well, after it that’s how you’ll feel and behave.

Are you waiting on any permission to complete, start, say or do something?

I think I’m going to start giving clients ‘permission slips’.

They’ll have themes: permission to make decisions, permission to say what I really feel, permission to think my own thoughts, permission to not wait on life instructions, permission to be awesome, permission to not worry about others think, permission to think differently, permission to question…the list is endless.

Think for a minute.

• Who’s permission are you waiting on?
• How long are you choosing to wait?
• What will happen if it doesn’t come?

Growing up: it was parents, carers and authority figures.

In education, it was your teachers, the systems and the rules.

In the workplace, it’s bosses, managers, rules and regulations.

In society, it’s cultures, global beliefs, friends, acquaintances

Looking at the above, all your life you’ve been told to ‘get permission first’, usually from the most responsible adult in the room.

Someone else has said ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to your request.

Look around you.

Who’s in the room? Are you not the most responsible person who has the most authority about your life.

So the only permission you need to seek is your own, this is easy!

Complete the following:

Today, I give myself permission to…what?

I give you permission to slap this on a postit and carry it with you, I found it the other day on my new internet crack addiction (Pinterest) ‘YOU are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking Act Like It’.

Slap.

Until next time.

Do you have self discipline? Many don’t, no shame, mainly because they haven’t worked out yet what to get self disciplined about.

• They wish to be able to play the guitar like Jack White or Jimi Hendrix, but they won’t put the time in to learning the chords and notes.

• They wish to pen the next Harry Potter or Booker Prize winner, but spend the time watching ‘I’m a Celebrity Get me Out of Here’, rather than write for two hours.

• They wish to change career or create their own economy, but would rather update their Facebook status with ‘life is shit’ or ‘I really love my job (not)’ and do nothing towards the shift.

• They want to end living in fear. They won’t apply what they already know, instead they ‘like’ a thousand ‘positive quotes with pretty pictures’ but ask them if they took the information and applied it? They won’t have. They probably don’t even remember what the quote was within in 2 minutes.

This year, I really wanted to avoid the ‘How-To-Live-Your-Best-Life’ post, or the ‘New-Year-New-You-Impossibilities’ post and the ‘Live-The Next-365-Days-With-Kapow and Wow’ post.

But here I am, a week into the new year, and I think this is going to be one of those types of post.

And I would love your ideas and suggestions at the end.

Give Your Year/Week/Month a Theme

See, I’ve decided that this year my life will have two events running throughout, I’m not sure if personal lives can have year long events.  I know it happens in tourism, Edinburgh had  the Year of the Homecoming (when people returned to Scotland with kilts and bagpipes for a weekend.) The Chinese calendar has Year of The Pig, Dog, Cat, Monkey, and mine is…

Ta-raa…

‘The Year of (Use Big Boom Voice) Discipline’

Mmm, it isn’t mega exciting, I know. However done well, it will allow more time for things that really matter.

So. K’tsh. K’tsh. Whip ready? Let’s go…

What exactly am I getting at?

Us Coachy-Peepleey-Helpery-Personal-Developmenty-I-Fied types talk a lot about taking action, setting goals, self talk and the rest ‘ye all!  But hardly ever go heavy on discipline.

In coaching, you could be asked ‘On a scale of 1-10, 10 being committed to meeting your goals for next week, 1 not at all, what number are you?’You’re paying for coaching, so chances are you will keep the peace and declare ’10! Oh 10! Yes! 10! Yes!‘

Which may please the inexperienced coach because they aren’t really that sure about how to question your ambivalence and why you say you are a 5!

Coach-y probably would never say (cough cough) ‘are you going to, or not,  or are you just wasting your time?’

Routines, Regime, Regular

Let’s make one thing clear, we’re talking about having a routine or regime here, one that makes sense, one that is good for you and one that serves you, not severe heavy penalties, commando and ninja style of discipline.

*sigh* It’s not a great word, huh? Past learning and experiences again, darn brain programming and conditioning.

See, I don’t know about you, but for me, discipline conjures up childhood memories of being quickly whipped across the back of the legs as I dived out the road of my mums flapping hand (Why the legs? Why?)

Or it reminds me of those ‘do this, or else’ threats  or ‘Dawn, I’m warning you, if you don’t stop, you can kiss goodbye to (insert pleasurable experience!)

Even at school, I was ‘disciplined’ 4 times by a foot long piece of leather, graciously applied by my Indoctrinator, whoopsie, sorry,  teacher, to my young backside.

So look, I get the fact discipline may not be as rosy and touchy-feely as ‘focus’ or ‘action’ or ‘drive’ or heaven forbid ‘ambition’.

But geez, it’s only a word.

Have you got much discipline? Do you get done what needs to be done? Are you easily distracted?

I think I was 31/32ish before I realised that I perhaps needed a little bit discipline back in my life, you know, my own kind, not the sadistic measurement taken by the adults I had dragging me up.

Back when I was what 15, 16? I exposed myself to this ‘shelf help’ and personal development malarkey. Name the book to tell me how to live a fabbylicious life, I bet I’ve got it.

The next step was training and courses, qualifications,  conferences, NLP, Coaching, Counselling. I ‘learned’ the theories and techniques, and yes, I used them with clients.  I paid attention, studied hard, listened, read, applied but I still wasn’t disciplined.

How did I know? Erm…simple, life sucked!

It continued to suck  just into my 30′s, it wasn’t until I set up my own little biz, that I really started to get serious, and…erm, well, a little bit more disciplined.

You see when you realise that nobody is going to pay you anymore, that you can’t hide behind a team, when you have to make decisions at lightning speed, when all your mistakes, faux pas, misdemeanours and the such are totally your own doing you get serious. You change.

When you can’t ‘pretend’ to be working, or go a week and get to Friday, then say to your workmates ‘I’ve not done much this week’. You learn, apply and get disciplined.

When banks want to talk to you when you have money in your account and when they refuse to even pick up the phone because you don’t have enough, when you have to convince mortgage lenders and mobile phone contractors you’re a safe bet, when you know you and your pets will eat that month if you are serious about what you do.

You accept discipline is part of this process.

Which begs the question, does the mean that when the motivation is high, discipline is more likely to play a part?

How Do You Discipline Yourself? (My Philosophy!)

1. Find What Motivates

Discipline was wasted on me as a youth. Rebel. Oh Yes! (Not as much as my sister though, eek!)

Growing up, the motivation came from not wanting to be controlled by parents or any other adult. Standing firm, wanting to be ‘free’ of them was a great motivator (probably is for any young adult!)

There are days when I would much rather put on a wash, clean the house, cook tea rather than sit down and write a blog post or an update. These ‘tasks’ though are just fillers. They are procrastinators.

Asking yourself ‘what is motivating me to do this’ will probably work better than ‘how can I discipline myself to do this‘.

Or try these, think of the task(s) that need your FULL attention and need done:

• What will happen after you have completed it?
• What are the consequences for not finishing?

2. Avoid The 3 W’s: Wishy. Washy. Wasteful.

This is an easy one. Time. How often do you waste it? Time is precious. It slips past.

You don’t have to fill every single minute, of course you don’t, geez, you aren’t superhuman. But there is a clue in the wishing part.

Wishing doesn’t get it done (whatever your it is.)

Where have you wasted so much time? Were you motivated? 

Let’s assume you have everything you need right now to ‘get stuff done’, you may find it useful to set yourself some deadlines, real deadlines. And to do that you may be someone who needs some goals, real goals. Ones that take into account every step.

Want to change career? Then stop ‘wishing’ it were so, and get disciplined. Lay out the all the small steps. And you know, don’t be surprised that once you break it down, it doesn’t look that exciting. But all these steps make up the whole picture.

3. Be Ruthless and Delete, Ignore or Switch Off

Cut out the noise, mind fillers, unnecessary nonsense, and if you keep ‘to-do’ lists, how about deleting what you have been moving for a fortnight, if it was that important would you not have done it already?

To really get disciplined it requires you to pay full attention, refuse to be diverted and give your precious time to others (apart from children and pets!)

Today, stop doing three things that will give you an hour to put the attention back to you.

Need ideas?

Okay, desperate to change career?

I know you won’t give up Coronation Street, Bones or Downton Abbey, but record them. Gain of 10 minutes just by zipping through the adverts. Free up an hour every evening for a month. Make a trade, use the time on Linkedin or Twitter connecting with people who you can network with and connect.

Get your favourite tipple, snacks and music blaring. Make it pleasurable, dammit, make it fun!

Work and little biz:

Check your emails 3 times a day, maximum. Then close the program.

Discipline yourself to an hour tops every day on social media. Try it for a month. Give social media your full attention for an hour each day. Not 10 minutes every hour when what your really doing is procrastinating.

Why Bother With Discipline?

To me, discipline is about giving life some structure, making sure that there is space and time for all the things that need to be in there in my life (and business.)

For me this year, that includes stuff-like: work, business, and that things that really matters stuff-like: family, relationships, being a better auntie, being a more attentive daughter, longer doggy walks, being a friend, shopping, cooking, cleaning (well, maybe), going to the library, out for coffee, meeting people, learning and applying.

The trade will be worth it.

It also means going on a diet (not a foody one), I’m refusing to consume time fillers and continually asking myself ‘what is my purpose in doing this?‘, or ‘is what I’m doing right now, this second adding or taking away value?’

Your Turn…

Would you say you were disciplined? What do you do to get the stuff done that matters? What techniques work for you? Or do you have a theme for the year?

• Are you are a networker or a collector?
• Are you a sharer or a stalker?
• Do you give 10x more than you take?
• Are you the same person online as off?
• Do you network for what you can get, or what you can give?
• Are you in it for the long haul or take it and leave?

networking definition: a supportive system of sharing information and services amongindividuals and groups having a common interest

Everywhere you look, people are networking. For business, for personal reasons, for careers and education.

Online you probably have your preferred tool whether it’s Twitter, Google+, LinkedIn, Facebook, or perhaps you enjoy forums, online communities and shared groups. Do you love to network, or is just another thing you have to do?

Great networking takes time.

Awesome networking is building relationships that last a long a time.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the ‘numbers’ trap: ‘How many Twitter followers do you have? How many FB friends have you got? How many likes? How many circles do you belong to in Google+?’, it’s relentless.

Fantastic networking is not about numbers.

It’s about building rich, meaningful, rewarding relationships.

So without further ado, here’s a few tips for better networking , whether you’re on Twitter or having a one-to-one at a live event.

If I’ve missed anything glaring or obvious, or you have one to share, don’t be shy, share in the comments at the end.

1. All Relationships Take Time – this has always been the case. Cultivate and care for it. Look after it. Nourish it. Enter relationships with the goal it’s for a long time, that means there is plenty time.

2. Relationships Fade – the question is do you want it to? If not, keep the relationship alive by connecting often.

A quick ‘hello’ or a ‘how are you?’, send something to the person they know they would like, a link to an interesting post you think they may enjoy is free!

3. Know What a Person Likes – how can you find out? Follow them, see what they Tweet and share, what they talk about.

Read about pages on websites, read their bios.

If you share a common interest in dogs or coffee, there is the first commonality. In the ‘real world’ conversation take legs when the communicators are sharing common ground.

Find it. If you really have no idea, just ask.

4. Listen and Thank Often – if someone has made an impact, offered advice, say thank you.

A tweet, a card, a mention, small gestures take hardly any time, and they do  matter.

5. Give Networking Your Time – great networking takes time.

Please don’t be a ‘collector’, or a number cruncher.

Diary and timetable networking into your day or week. Write down key people in your network, plus people you wish to start a relationship with. And just connect with them. You don’t need to contact the same people each week. Rotate, keep on top of it.

Make your networking a habit, part of your routines.

6. Ask How The Person Likes to Connect – my preferred ‘networking’ tool is Facebook, followed by Twitter.

It’s okay to ask people their preference, you are showing them respect. Some prefer email. Keep a note of this information, and useit.

7. All Sizzled Out – keep networks alive.

If the relationships dies, then take accountability for it and learn from it. It takes less time to move from ‘knowing of someone’ to knowing someone’.

Is there anyone you can rekindle with today? Explain that you let it sizzle, apologise and ask if they want to reconnect?

8. Adopt the Phrase ‘Connection is Key‘ – this isn’t just in networking, this is life.

Connection, belonging, sharing, being part of, caring, relating is a human need. If you enter each relationships  with the premise ‘Connection is Key’ not ‘Collecting is Key’ you’ll be miles ahead.

9. Expect Nothing in Return – many people network so they can see what they can ‘get in return’. They assume the relationship is about them, no relationship lasts when it’s one sided.

10. Share, Share, Share – it is hard to keep up-to-date with all the information, even with the best will in the world we can miss what our networks are sharing.

Use timely or buffer, add them to your toolbar. Again, allocating time will allow you to catch up.

11. It’s Two Way, Not Your Way – relationships are built on effective communication, trust, respect, compromise, compassion, we both know that. Build rapport, take accountability for it.

Rapport is not the same as ‘fake niceties’ , rapport is genuine, authentic, honest:

“Rapport is the ability to enter someone else’s world, to make him feel that you understand him, that you have a strong common bond. It’s the ability to go fully from your map of the world to his map of the world. It’s the essence of successful communication.” … Anthony Robbins

12. Practice, Practice, Practice – get into the real world, meet people face-to-face, notice how you interact, observe how your communication is received begin by asking yourself ‘what can I bring to this relationship?’

13. Keep Up-To-Date – make it easy to keep updated with your networks.

You could set up Google Alerts, you may want to use the persons name or their blog, website. Google Alerts will email you information every time the alert you set up is mentioned on the Internet.

14. What If You’re Shy? – difference between shy and being scared.

If you’re scared, are you ready to network? That may seem like a stupid question, but some of my clients have told me they can networking online, much easier than face-to-face.

You can be shy and build excellent relationships, can’t you? You can do both.

Fear diminishes with practice. If scared, connect via something you have in common, see no 3.

15. Be Fearless – that’s fearless, not frightening!

Regardless what you may believe, the majority of people get a little apprehension and butterflies when networking.

Just remember you are communicating to another human being, treat, act and behave as you wish to be treated. I promise you won’t go wrong!

But get out there, send those introductory emails and tweets, tell people why you would like to connect further (without desperation or a sell, which will put anyone right off!) Be the person to step up to someone with an extended hand!

16. Know When to Back Away – nobody likes to be hounded, we can all ‘tell’ when we need to back off from a relationship, same online.

17. Keep Notes and Information – in the real world, after a networking event, it’s not uncommon to write a few notes and reminders to the back of business cards you were handed.

You can use Twitter lists for this online, or even create a mind map with key pieces of information.

18. Don’t Force – no relationship can be forced, this has always been the case. A forced relationship can’t be sustained or maintained.

19. Give 10x More Than You Get – how though? Be genuine, be helpful, ask if someone is okay, share blog posts, connect and introduce, ask people how you can help, reply to messages.

It’s not rocket – give more, take less.

20. Connect and Introduce- online and off, connect people.

You could be making a fantastic first introduction for someone. You aren’t responsible for the relationship, just the intro.

Maybe that’s something to remember networker and connectors are very valuable. Many people ‘hold onto’ their networking, assuming the person doesn’t have enough relationship to go around. They do! Share!

21. Humans – never, ever, ever forget, that’s what networking is. Human interaction.

Think gardening: seed, nourish, cultivate, grow, reseed!

Your Turn

What is your number 1 networking tip? Share in the comments below.

Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons Mommy Victory

When it comes to personal and professional growth, there appears to be plenty of secrets around.

You may perceive that others have been granted insider life information and they aren’t afraid to tell and sell you that they have it and you most certainly don’t, and because you don’t you’re the one ‘missing’ out.

For example, have you ever come across these:

• The Biggest Kept Secret to Looking and Feeling Great
• The Number One Secret to Making Next Year Your Best Yet
• The Secret to Losing Weight, Forever
• 7 Hidden Secrets to Getting What You Really Want
• The Secret to Finding Your One True Passion

Fantastic headlines (nothing wrong with that) however there are no secrets.

None.

When you read information about anything being a secret, ask yourself ‘is it really a secret’, if it’s a secret why on earth is the person sharing it?

When anyone is selling you on a secret, they know what they are doing, they have your mind in a state of curiosity, and your brain loves that. Always has. Always will.

Being human we don’t want to be left out, we like being let in on a secret.

It’s ingrained in our conditioning. Remember the days of your childhood when your friend said ‘can you keep a secret’? How special did you feel?

There are no secrets.

Why am I telling you this?

Question everything, you probably know the information already.

Maybe you just need to apply it. And that has never been a secret.

Who do you listen to? Are they accurate?