Living a Blessed Life

a (really) good day

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 22:47:00 +0000

"For we are God’s masterpiece.

He has created us anew in Christ Jesus,

so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

Ephesians 2:10 NLT

Back in November I shared about the struggles my youngest daughter is going through. Today was a good day. A really good day. God gave us a HUGE win.

Today I took Sara for her quarterly neurological evaluation. We do therapy with her every day at home to help her brain to heal. It was a rare day in that the two of us were able to go off alone while Geoff worked from home and supervised Chelsea & Liam's homeschool.

Our appointment went well. Sara is working hard and moving forward in her healing. I was able to learn new insights into her behaviors and struggles, as well as glean some new ideas on how to help her continue to heal and blossom into the little girl God created her to be. It's been a long, slow process. But little-by-little, day-by-day, we are seeing progress.

On the way home, I decided to surprise Sara with a special congratulatory lunch for all of her hard work. (And to stretch out our time alone together just a tad bit longer. It's amazing how much her behavior improves when she's 1:1 with Geoff or myself.)

After our drinks arrived, Sara looked me right in the eye and said, "Thank you for being my Mommy."

I hadn't realized how very much I needed to hear those six little words until that moment. Sara has been through so much in her short life. Just a few months ago, she decided to name the different "mommies" she has had while getting ready for bed. After she named me, she blithely asked, "Do you think I'll have a fifth mommy?"

Ouch. (On so many levels.)

Today, however, her words were sincere and so heartfelt. Her words brought a smile to my face and explosions of sheer joy in my heart.

We finished our lunch and then ran a few errands together. I heard many more "thank-yous" for the special time we were having together and again after we got back home. Aside from our lunch, we didn't do anything out of the ordinary, but given my prior batting average, it was one of the best days we've shared since August.

One of our stops was to the library. As soon as we got out of the car, Sara pulled up the hood of her sweatshirt. As I took her hand, she asked me if I could please pick her up. When I asked her why (she's not so tiny anymore!) she said she wanted to share her hood with me so I didn't get wet in the rain. (Smile.)

After picking out a nice stack of new books for Sara to read (she has a voracious appetite when it comes to the written word,) we headed back to the car. It was dark and the rain was pouring down even harder. As we hustled back to the car to get out of the rain, (the shared sweatshirt hood idea didn't work out so well) we passed another mother and daughter.

The little girl was at least a few years older than Sara and was using arm crutches to walk. It wasn't the crutches that caught my eye. It was how slow and difficult each and every step was for her. A quick glance back at her progress confirmed that she was only moving forward about an inch at a time. At best.

Meanwhile, the mom followed closely behind her, gently guiding her, ever-so-patiently. In the dark night with rain plastering both of them. I'm not sure that either one of them noticed the rain as their efforts required their calm, undivided attention.

A lump formed in my throat as I marvelled at their tenacity. And patience.

I felt both inspired and convicted. Sad to say, I'm honestly not sure if I would have the same patience that mom had. Even if it was daylight on a dry day.

I don't know their story or what led them up to that point. Regardless of the details, their every-day-life situation challenged me deeply.

My Sweet Sara, while not limited in her physical capabilities, is very much restricted in her daily life. I'm not able to do the "normal" activities with her that most moms of 6 year-olds can enjoy. Sara has a very thin threshold when it comes to sights, sounds and activity. Her senses quickly become overwhelmed and her stress level sky rockets. The trauma she has survived has left her hyper-alert. She needs very tight boundaries and parenting techniques specially geared towards children healing from RAD.

In the time that Sara has been a part of our family, we have worked in many different ways to help her heal and grow. We have experienced progress - but the process has been slow. Snail slow. You know, the kind of progress that even if you are staring at it with great attention, you still can't see any change or movement? That's where we've been. For quite some time now.

As I reflect back on the mom and daughter in the rain, my still-being-refined-flesh cries out to my loving Savior.

"Lord, please help me to be more patient. Help me to die to myself. I don't want to try to rush or push Sara. Sometimes I'm so tempted to just pick her up and move her to where I want her to be. I know I can't. But the impatience screams at my every day. Please forgive me and help me to learn from the example I saw tonight. I can't do it on my own. I know that. I've tried. Too often. But with You, I can do all things. Thank You for Your love and grace. And forgiveness. In Jesus' name, Amen."

The photo above is a coffee cup that Chelsea painted last month. (I love her creativity!) I'm so glad that I took a photo of her work while it was still in-process. Such a good reminder that God's not finished with me yet. Nor is He finished with Sara.

May God open our eyes to the work He is doing not only in ourselves, but in those around us. And may we always rely on His patience and grace when the progress seems impossible to see.

Keep pressing into Him and KEEP LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

With grace,

got struggle?

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 23:25:00 +0000

"We give great honor to those who endure under suffering.

For instance, you know about Job,

a man of great endurance.

You can see how the Lord was kind to him at the end,

for the Lord is full of tenderness and mercy."

James 5:11

"Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials

you are going through, as if something strange

were happening to you.

Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you

partners with Christ in his suffering,

so that you will have the wonderful joy

of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world."

1 Peter 4:12-13

"God, for whom and through whom everything was made,

chose to bring many children into glory.

And it was only right that he should make Jesus,

through his suffering, a perfect leader, fit to bring them into their salvation."Hebrews 2:10

"And God will use this persecution to show his justice

and to make you worthy of his Kingdom,

for which you are suffering."

2 Thessalonians 1:5

"For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting

in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him."

Philippians 1:29, NLT

I've come to discover that life is a journey filled with choices. At the very core, my choices are all about drawing close or pulling away.

Do I draw close to my Creator? Or pull away?

Do I seek to uncover my true self? Or do I try to cover up?

Do I reveal my true heart to others? Or do I run away and hide?

One choice leads to the beautiful fulfillment of God's amazing plans for my life.

To abide in Him and allow Him to reveal His glorious love for me.

To face my woundedness, weaknesses and sin and allow Him to heal, restore and transform me.

To enjoy relationships that allow the giftings and blessings He has implanted within me to grow and blossom.

And, to share God's goodness and grace with those that He has placed in my life.

The other choice leaves me alone.

Wanting.

Hurting.

Hopeless.

Self-medicating.

Suffering for the sake of suffering - not growth.

It's an absolutely miserable place to be.

And quite honestly, it's such a stinkin' waste of time.

A waste of my life.

It most certainly isn't what I was made for.

Some days the choice seems really simple.

But most days? Most days I have to work really hard to stop working so hard.

'Cause you see, abiding in Love is simple.

There is no real effort. It's just a choice. A life altering choice.

Running? Hiding? Avoiding? Those take effort. Great effort. And the results are disastrous.

Today I find myself facing a big, stinky, ugly mess. I feel overwhelmed and defeated.

The latter choice actually feels quite appealing - if I'm honest with myself.

Don't push through the struggle, just settle in and wallow in it.

I look around me and see those whom I love hurting and struggling.

We are in this together. At least we can be - if we choose.

Going through suffering and struggles is exhausting and excruciating.

But as Elisabeth Kubler Ross said, the most beautiful people we know are those who have gone through.

Pushed through.

Refused to give up.

While the wallowing may feel like the easier choice, I know where it ends up. And in truth, that's not where I want to end up.

If I quiet my raging heart for even just a split second, I can hear Love whispering words of life and hope to me.

Reminding me of all He has done in the past. And promising me that He has better things in life in store for me than this.

Today God has laid the same choice before each of us, my Friend.

Which path will you choose?

I have a feeling, that you, my Friend are one of those people. Beautiful beyond words.

You may not see it yet because Master Potter isn't done with either of us yet.

But rest assured, one day His work will be complete. And it will be more than worth the suffering.

Please don't give up.

Please don't give in.

I know how tempting it is to give into wallowing.

I also know how damaging and destructive it is. To us. And those we love.

I encourage you to make the choice today to KEEP LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

In His love and grace,

perspective

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 01:22:00 +0000

"So where does wisdom come from,
and where does understanding live?
It is hidden from the eyes of every living thing,
even from the birds of the air.
The places of destruction and death say,
'We have heard reports about it.'
Only God understands the way to wisdom,
and he alone knows where it lives,
because he looks to the farthest parts of the earth
and sees everything under the sky.
When God gave power to the wind
and measured the water,
when he made rules for the rain
and set a path for a thunderstorm to follow,
then he looked at wisdom and decided its worth;
he set wisdom up and tested it.
Then he said to humans,
'The fear of the Lord is wisdom;
to stay away from evil is understanding.' "

Job 28:20-28 (NCV)

Sometimes we can spend so much time looking that we forget to really see.

Our eyes are open, but our perspective is off.

Some people may look at these photographs and wonder why I took them. The answer for me is easy. I see beauty in the simple things. The textures and patterns and places where every day life happens.

These particular photos I took a year ago, July. Geoff and I hired our favorite babysitter (Brea, WE MISS YOU!!!) and snuck away for dinner at our favorite sushi restaurant in The Pearl.

Afterwards, we walked around Portland and snapped shots of whatever caught our attention. Geoff's the true photographer in the family, but I have fun messing around. (I admit to being a bit ADHD when I'm behind the lens!)

As I look at the pictures, I can't help but wonder what God's perspective is on my current life situations.

His Word is full of verses that tell us to look and see.

Two particular verses caught my eye tonight:

"The Lord looks down from heaven and sees every person."

Psalm 33:3 (NCV)

and

"God looked down from heaven on all people to see if
anyone was wise,

if anyone was looking to God for help."

Psalm 53:2 (NCV)

I don't know about you, but the idea of the Creator of the Universe looking down on me brings a smile to my face.

The second part of that verse really hits home. Because, quite honestly, I could really use His help with the challenges I have before me.

Today and every day.

I don't want to miss out on all that God wants to show me and teach me.

Some days, my eyes are wide open and my spirit is sensitive to His gentle leading and love.

Most days, however, I get stuck seeing things through my flesh and I miss out on all that He wants me to see. And hear. And know.

Sometimes, we just have to lift our eyes up and really look around at all that is really going on.

And always, always I think we need to remember that we have a Creator who is readily available to offer us help. All we have to do is ask.

Today I pray that God will give both of us His perspective. To view our challenges, our lives and especially ourselves through His eyes.

And, the courage to ask Him for help when the things He shows us feel too big or too heavy to face on our own.

May you know, my Friend, how truly loved and valuable you are.

Keep pressing into Love and KEEP LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

Looking up,

win or lose

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 07:07:00 +0000

Xia-Xia, LangFang, China, June 2006 (brings tears to my eyes)

Sara showing me the look she gives her sister & brother behind my back most days to push their love away. :-(

Sara working on getting her brain strong after acting out on a "fun" family outing.

Jumping jacks help kiddos move out of fight-or-flight mode.

Sara feeling a bit more grounded but still struggling during one of her difficult days.

"And may you have the power to understand,
as all God’s people should,
how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is."
Ephesians 3:18 (NLT)

Welcome to my world. Looking at the above pictures may leave you scratching your head wondering why in the world I'm sharing such sad pictures. As well as what kind of parent I am. No worries! I wonder that myself. Every.Single.Day. (Grin.)

I've had several people ask me to share a bit more detail about the struggles my family has been working through this past year, plus. After much prayer and thought, I still believe that most of what we are going through needs to remain confidential.

However, as with most things, I know we aren't the only ones struggling. My intention in writing on a public blog is to hopefully encourage others by sharing what God is teaching me through this crazy-daisy life I'm livin'.

Life is hard and we're all in this battle of good vs. evil together. A word of warning: I most assuredly do not have all the answers. Nor have I figured out how to live a life fully pleasing to God. That is, of course, my heart's desire.

But I'm human. I struggle. I make mistakes. Sometimes I think I've figured something out, only to realize that I was reading my Bible upside-down!

Some days I'm clear-headed and my focus is where I want it to be - while other days I'm downright confused and overwhelmed. So please take what I share as what it is. One person's experience at this point in time. Please allow God to be your source of wisdom and guidance. He won't let you down or steer you wrong. I'll try not to, but as I said, I'm human. (Smile.)

You and I are fellow-sojourners on this amazing journey called life. Together we can offer each other support - and a whole lot of grace!

So, grab a cup of coffee and step into the "World of Amy" for a moment or two...I have a feeling you'll be more than relieved to step back into your own reality by the time you're done reading! (Chuckle.)

Here goes...

As a mom to two birth children and two adoptive children, God has given me a unique perspective. I have the joy of parenting children who have always known the security of love and acceptance. I also have the anguish of wanting to pour love and acceptance into children who have never known the security of love and acceptance. Holding both experiences in tandem, I'm learning, is beyond excruciating.

I spent my first 8 years of parenting taking for granted that love was something that was freely given and freely received. I couldn't fathom that anyone, especially a child, would consider love to be something to run from. Until I met RAD.

Reactive Attachment Disorder.

I'll spare you all of the gory details and cut to the chase. Children (and adults who have yet to experience healing), suffering from RAD are terrified of love. Their sole purpose in life is to protect themselves from love and do so by working tirelessly to control others and their environment. You see, for them, to give into love or allow others to be in control is equal to dying. Their goal is to survive at any cost.

Their behaviors do not make sense - at least not to untrained heart. You see, in reality, these individuals are AMAZING human beings - full of creativity, intelligence and deep beauty. And, of no fault of their own, experienced devastating loss or trauma before the tender age of three.

There's much more to the diagnosis and disorder than what I'm relaying here. But for the sake of keeping this l-o-n-g post from being even longer, this is 'RAD in a nutshell.' And quite honestly, after living with it and learning about it for 5 years, my brain is still tied up in a painful-pretzel-knot every day trying to figure it out.

Moving on...

My Sweet Sara has verbalized extreme trauma during her first 18 months while she was in China. I recognize that the average person does not (should not? cannot?) remember the first several years of their lives. But, for whatever reason, Sara does. Vividly. Painfully.

Shortly after we brought our baby girl home, we recognized that her special-needs went far beyond her physical heart, lip and palate. She needed special parenting, unique therapy and lots and lots and lots of prayer. And patience. And the one thing she was most afraid of - love.

Bringing Sara into our family has taught us so much. We spent three solid years helping her to heal and grow and settle into our family. The miracle of transformation we saw in Sara, and in ourselves, inspired us to adopt again. Through our own histories and experiences, God birthed within us a desire to help hurting kids heal.

For reasons God alone understands, He led us to another child who also experienced a traumatic start in his life.

The details of Sara and Luke's lives are for them alone to share. Suffice to say, they have experienced deep wounding and trauma. Unimaginable experiences that have scarred them both deeply - resulting in RAD - which affects every cell of their being and every aspect of their lives. Their thought processes, decision making and actions are all affected by what they did - and didn't - experience during the first few years of their lives.

For all of my fellow mamas out there - whether you are parenting children who grew in your womb or in your heart - when your child hurts, you hurt. You want to pull them close and shower them with love.

The only problem is that RAD doesn't allow us to do that. In fact, it's a defense mechanism that seeks to destroy love in any shape or form. "Devastating" doesn't even begin to describe what it's like to want to love someone who not only refuses to let you love them, but works tirelessly to make themselves unlovely.

For Sara, the past couple of years have brought her more pain. The details of her life thus far would break your heart. Watching her struggle, trapped in a world of solitude that she has carefully constructed is beyond painful.

Every day she wakes up with a plan to push us away from her. Every day I wake up with plan to pull her close and help her fragile, bleeding heart heal.

I would do anything, give anything to help heal my little girl's heart.

Out of 417 days, Love has won out on only 6 of those days. One could say, therefore, that my youngest has won 411 of those days. But, sadly, the reality is that when Love loses, we all lose.

My precious child has missed out on 411 days of peace, joy and love. And it breaks my heart.

You might be wondering what a child healing from RAD might say about such a sorrowful situation. Sadly, she's quite pleased with herself. I kid you not. Like I said, it doesn't make sense. Or maybe it does?

RAD makes these amazing children believe that they don't deserve anything good. Otherwise why would they have been abandoned by their birth parents? Why would God have allowed bad things to happen to them?

I don't have the answers to those questions. But I can guarantee you that I've done everything in my power to try to convince both of my wounded children of their value and my unconditional love for them. (Have I mentioned my pretzel-knotted-headache?)

The problem is that RAD doesn't allow reasoning. It wires the brain in a different way.

So far, my batting average (6:411) stinks. But you know what stinks even more? The fact that my precious kiddos aren't the only ones battling RAD.

When it comes to God's unconditional and abundant love for me, I'm afraid that more often than not, I have my own defense mechanisms and refuse to let Love in. I don't know why I do it. In fact, most days, I don't even recognize that I'm doing it. Kinda like my hurting kids.

When I see RAD come between me and my Heavenly Father, it gives me greater compassion and empathy for my two struggling children, and gives me the strength to try yet again tomorrow.

I've said it before - I'm not giving up. I'm not giving in. I refuse to let RAD - and the enemy of our souls - to win.

Because, despite all of the loss, trauma, grief and pain the enemy throws our way, we have a God who is far bigger and far more powerful. As a human, as a mom, there is only so much I can do.

But God.

He is love. He is life. He brings new life to seemingly hopeless situations. He is the light in our darkness.

He has gone before us and is preparing the way to freedom.

Our breakthrough didn't come today and it might not come tomorrow. But I believe that it will come. In God's time. In God's way.

Friend, I don't know what challenges you are facing today. Maybe some of what I've said is resonating in your heart. Maybe your struggles are even more intense than what we're dealing with here.

But I do know that if you are struggling and feeling like every day is a losing battle- you are not alone.

Our situations may look nothing alike, but I do know that our core desire as humans is to know love, give love and be loved. We all struggle with that in one way or another.

Some days can be so very, very hard. We win some. We lose even more.

But that doesn't change God's never-ending love for us.

He loves us with a fierce devotion. Especially when we do our best to look and act unlovely.

Today, may we both take a chance to stop fighting, allow our defense mechanisms to drop and let Love in.

There is nothing my children can do to earn my love. There is nothing they can do to make me stop loving them. They've tried. Believe me. They have tried. And I still love them. Immensely.

There is nothing you or I can do to earn God's love. There is nothing we can do to stop Him from loving us. I've tried. Believe me. I have tried.

God is love. And "love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:8a, NIV)

Win or lose, I'm choosing to keep on loving and to KEEP LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

With hope and LOVE,

thankful

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 22:59:00 +0000

"Rejoice always,

pray without ceasing,

give thanks in all circumstances;

for this is the will of God

in Christ Jesus for you."

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (ESV)

There's a saying that I keep seeing around the Internet lately that I've been contemplating.

"What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?"

It gets your attention doesn't it? It sure got the attention of my flesh. In the form of a flinch. Followed by a sigh. And intense panic. And then condemnation.

I can honestly admit that my initial thoughts, sadly, were entirely selfish. While I love camping for a full week every Summer, there are certain creature comforts that I would never want to live without. Those were the first "things" that came to mind.

A few seconds later, however, I tossed condemnation aside and got real. With myself and more importantly, with God.

And I remembered who He is. As well as who He's not.

While I can sometimes fall for the trap of expecting my children to say "Thank you," if I do something nice for them, I honestly prefer a heartfelt thanks that comes naturally and without obligation. Or conditions. You know - without strings attached.

True giving is like that. Simple. Pure. From the heart. Derived from love. Without expectations.

And so it is with my Heavenly Father. He delights in showering abundant gifts upon me. Regardless of whether I thank Him. Or if I even stop to notice that it was from His loving hand the gifts came from.

That doesn't mean, however, that my thankfulness doesn't warm His heart. It just means that He graciously bestows good blessings upon me because He loves me.

So, with condemnation out of the way, I felt the Holy Spirit bring His sweet and ever-so-gentle conviction. Ah, that's where the real teaching begins. When pride, selfishness and guilt are gone, the eyes (and ears) of our hearts are open.

With my flesh thankfully silenced, I was able to dig a little deeper. And you know what? I actually liked what I saw.

I wish I could say that my initial reaction was pleasing to my God - and to myself - but it wasn't. I'm human. And I'm still learning and growing. But I'm thankful that I have a patient Creator who knows me fully and is ever-so-gracious with me - and my annoying flesh. :-)

Which brings me back to the original question. What am I thankful for today? After all, it's the perfect day to consider such things, isn't it?

As I reflect over the past year, I can obviously thank God for the flowers of blessings. Beautiful, colorful, many of which have popped up in unexpected places. Extravagant love full of mercy and goodness.

But that's not all.

In the very same thought, the very same breath, I utter heartfelt thanks for the painful thorns and thistles I've encountered as well. Especially the ones embedded deep in my heart with wounds still fresh and bleeding.

As crazy as that sounds, I'm especially thankful for pain I've endured.

The tears fall silently down my face as I thank my Father for the thorns.

Without the thorns, the beauty of the flowers grow pale.

Without the sadness, the joy falls flat.

Without loss, that which we still hold loses it's value.

My heart still physically aches on a daily basis because of the burdens I carry of loss, grief, trauma, betrayal and pain. However, it's those very things that tell me my heart is still soft, beating and alive.

I refuse to give up.

I refuse to give in.

One day my hope will be fulfilled.

And there will be a glorious resurrection and unbelievable redemption.

We will experience new life through this season of loss.

Our hearts are being refined. Our joy is being purified.

It's a painful, painful process. But it is going to be worth it all. I have no doubt.

And so, today, I thank my Daddy first and foremost for who He is - awesome, faithful, generous and kind. Good to the core.

And I thank Him for my best friend and husband, Geoff.

I thank Him for my firstborn daughter, Chelsea.

I thank Him for my firstborn son, Liam.

I thank Him for my youngest daughter, born in my heart, half-a-world-away, Sara.

And, I thank Him for my Ethiopian son, Luke, who taught me how to embrace the thorns and thistles.

As my Savior taught me, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13 KJV)

As I come full circle in my thinking, I can't help but laugh at my weak flesh. It's forever bound to this temporary place I call home. Thankfully, I'll get to leave it behind, along with all of my other earthly possessions.

What I'm most thankful for today is Love.

And all that He is.

And all that He has given me.

And those things, my Friend, are eternal.

And so, while loss is a part of my life today, I can be wholeheartedly thankful for it, because one day it will all be made right.

And the thorns and thistles will be transformed.

And my wounds will stop bleeding.

And my heart will be made whole.

And so will yours.

I am also thankful today for you, my Precious Friend.

And, because of that, I pass on the gift of a question that brought me bitter tears and a heart refined.

What are you thanking God for today?

Don't be afraid of what your flesh reveals.

Just make sure you don't stop there.

True growth comes in being honest with yourself and your Creator.

Push past the junk and shove aside the trap of condemnation.

The Maker of this universe loves you.

He knows you fully. And He loves you. All of you.

Keep pressing into LOVE and KEEP LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

Thankful beyond words,

P.S. I'm also thankful for the Guide Dog pup, Jeremiah, we helped raise this year. a.k.a. "Big Jer" or "Clifford the Big Red Dog!" Oh, how we miss him...

PHOTO CREDITS:
Geoffrey D. Ivey - Flowers & Thorns, David Hill Winery;Liam, Rockaway Beach, OR;Jeremiah, Portland, OR
CLI - Bro & Dad, Rockaway Beach, OR
Amy J. Ivey - Geoff, Shimanek Bridge; Chelsea, Hannah Bridge; Sara, Larwood Bridge

light

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 16:58:00 +0000

"In the beginning was the Word,

and the Word was with God,

and the Word was God.

He was in the beginning with God.

"All things were made through him,

and without him was not any thing

made that was made.

In him was life,

and the life was the light of men.

The light shines in the darkness,

and the darkness has not overcome it."

John 1:1-5 (ESV)

A powerful truth for all of us to hold onto. No matter how dark the night, no matter how dark the day, no matter how dark the season, no matter how dark the year - He is the light. He is our light. And darkness will never overcome Him.

Keep pressing into the LORD. He loves you. He is holding you in the palm of His hand.

Whatever burden you are carrying, trust and believe that He is carrying you.

You are not alone. You are loved.

God is good. All the time.

May we both experience His Word and His light in a new way today.

For it is in Him, and through Him, and with Him that we are LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

Still believing,

desperate for words

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 09:09:00 +0000

"Though He slay me, I will hope in Him"

Job 13:15 (ESV)

It's beyond frustrating for a writer to lose their ability to communicate. And yet, that's the state I've found myself in for months now. Unable to express in words how I'm feeling and what's going on with my precious family.

I've talked our situation to death since our world exploded 13 months ago. I wish I could say it's given me clarity or some sort of peace of mind. But it hasn't. I don't have any answers or brilliant ideas on how to move us forward. But we keep trying. Waiting. Hoping.

Supportive friends call, email, and text me checking in. Concerned and worried. Oh, how I love my sweet, sweet friends! (Ya'll are AWESOME.) But I just can't seem to find the words. Despite the fact that my brain has yet to stop trying to make sense of all of this - it just keeps churning over the facts, feelings and thoughts - over, and over and over again. But the words fail to come.

There just aren't words to express the anguish we still feel. They say time heals pain and experience has taught me that they are right. But the deep sense of loss and the continued processing of intense trauma have yet to lessen.

Nor do the problems. And challenges. They just seem to keep coming.

But inspite of all of the trials, I know what's on the other side of this mountain we are up against.

Breakthrough. It will come. I know it because I still hold firmly to the fact that my God is faithful. He is loving. He is compassionate. And He has good things in store for us. (And whenever I forget that, I have faithful friends to remind me and encourage me.)

One day, my family will have yet another incredible testimony to share of God's amazing faithfulness and deliverance. We're just not there - yet.

And so, I keep searching for words - desperately.

I've come up with some unexepected ways to express myself. Who knew that my high school French could bring me comfort?

Je suis triste. Mon coeur saigne. J'ai deuil.

I am sad. My heart aches. I grieve.

Art therapy is my latest addiction. Black construction paper and Craypas work wonders. As does music. (I updated my playlist at the bottom of my blog.)

And playing Legos with Liam. And knitting with Chelsea. And talking Bible with Sara.

I'm trying to teach myself how to play the violin...interestingly, the horrific screeching when I bow is therapeutic. (At least for me...I think the rest of my family may need more therapy after enduring my practice sessions!)

I've found a couple of TV series on Netflix that I've never watched before. It's a great way to unwind after the emotionally draining days - and get out some good laughs. And tears.

Every week I spend two hours processing and praying about all that's happened with my gifted and compassionate counselor. Sadly, even she has difficult making sense of all of it. But we keep pressing in and pressing on.

We'll get there. I believe it. But we are most definitely worn out and desperate for breakthrough. Desperate to see God's glory shine through all of the ugliness and pain.

Yup.

Nope.

Still can't find the words.

No eloquence with this post, I'm afraid, Friends. I think Job said it much better than I ever could:

"Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him."

Are you struggling to make sense of what God is doing in your life, Sweet Friend? Or maybe what it feels like He isn't doing? You are not alone.

As a precious friend reminded me yesterday - God is always working His will in our lives, even when we don't see it or feel it. Our job is to keep pressing into Him and rest in His love. It's always easier than we make it.

I can't find the words, but I can make a choice. Today I am choosing to trust Him and keep LIVING A BLESSED LIFE.

With hope and faith,

only love remains

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Thu, 19 May 2011 20:30:00 +0000

"the fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth..."

This song has been a prayer that my family has been singing for months now. As we are finally able to catch our breath and begin to process all that God has brought us through, we are so thankful for the refining process.

Only true crisis has the power to melt away all of the little, insignificant worries and burdens we as humans allow ourselves to carry on a daily basis. So much "excess" has fallen away. Our priorities were completely turned upside down and we never gave it a second thought. Survival mode can be incredibly freeing. Things that used to be so essential no longer hold us captive.

As we reflect back over the past nine months (has it really been that long?!?) we continue to be amazed and astounded by all God has done in and through our lives. The blessings and sweet treasures continue to surprise us as we recognize the deep work of healing, deliverance and redemptive work He has done. (And, He's not done yet!!!)

Don't get me wrong, the process of refinement is painful, especially when you find yourself in the fiery furnace instead of on the mountaintop rejoicing in LORD's goodness. And yet, He always knows what we need exactly when we need it.

We set out on an adventure of obedience that we knew involved risk. We knew there were going to be sacrifices and hardships. But, we trusted God's gentle leading and sought Him every step of the way. We weren't haphazard, nor were we ignorant of the potential dangers. However, the reality is that where we thought we were headed was some place very, very different than where God intended to take us.

He didn't trick us. That's not who He is. He just didn't give us all the details until we needed to know them. One would think after hearing our story that we might feel resentful towards God for the ways things have turned out. I won't lie. There have been (many) times when our faith has been frail and we've questioned what in the world He was thinking - but there has always been that tiny mustard seed of faith that has kept us hanging on. But rather than resenting His will for us, we are humbled and so very, very thankful that He loves us so much to not leave us in the condition we were in before we embarked upon this journey.

God has worked glorious miracles through a situation many would deem irreparable and hopeless. He is SO amazing!!!

We know that only true riches come through suffering. Growth only happens through the hard times. Our lives are only transformed by going through the pain. Resurrection only comes through death. We can't go around the problems and running away will only bring more trials. When we go through the fire, we are not alone, we are delivered and we are set free from our bondage.

All of God's principles have proven true over, and over, and over again throughout my life. My life is a true testament to the goodness of my God and His steadfast love and forgiveness.

We have endured extremely painful pruning in our lives. We have experienced grave loss. We've had to let go of relationships we thought were going to look a certain way and are sadly, quite, quite different than we had hoped. We've had to allow other people to step in and play the roles we firmly believed belonged only to us. We've had to trust ourselves to systems and processes that we had absolutely no control over. In fact, we have lost absolute control over every single aspect of our lives - except for one. Trusting God and following His lead.

It's an interesting prospect when you find yourself led to the edge of a cliff and your back is to a wall. Nowhere to turn, nowhere to run. Voices around you questioning your decisions and your sanity. It's been impossible to please man in our situation. Our choices have gone against what many on the outside believe to be the best for our family. And, yet God...

Day after day, He brought us to the edge of a cliff and we chose to jump off into His will. He caught us and brought us to the edge of yet another cliff.

I laugh as I write this as I'm sure many will think that I'm being overly dramatic. Oh, how I wish that were true! One of my close friends has said, "Amy there are so many facets to what you are going through, it's overwhelming!" Indeed. I continue to shake my head at how complicated all of this has been.

I recently heard that some people were concerned that I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I laugh now, because that's exactly where I was several months ago. Completely and totally at the end of my rope. (I have to ask, who wouldn't be near complete and utter despair when dealing with this type of trauma and horror? The human heart can only bear so much grief.) The pain was too intense, the burdens too heavy, the losses too great. I wasn't able to sleep at night - the nightmares I was facing during the day became even more terrifying at night.

Every single day brought more bad news, more struggles to face, unimaginable decisions to make. Geoff and I spent countless days barely hanging on as we clung to each other in sheer desperation. Each one of my children were falling apart and their needs were so intense. Forget about the daily things that needed to be done like preparing meals, grocery shopping, washing dishes and doing laundry. Quite simply, I didn't have what they needed to heal. I didn't have what I need to survive. I was beyond broken, devastated and empty. The grief I was carrying quite honestly should have and could have killed me - and it should have destroyed my marriage and family along the way. But God.

He gave me the strength to cry out for help and answered it with His gentle and faithful love. He surrounded us with trusted friends and faith-filled counselors to help us through those unbearable days when we didn't think we could continue on. His love brought us through and held us together when the reality of our situation should have destroyed us all.

That said, we are still in the process of accepting our new reality, uncovering heinous memories, making difficult decisions, setting painful boundaries, pouring ourselves into the healing and restoration of our children and letting go of dreams we once held so dearly. But, rather than living on the brink of a nervous breakdown, I have hope. I have peace. And, I have unexpected joy. God is SO good!

The only reason we are able to look back and be thankful for all of the blessings we have experienced through something so intense, dark and ugly is because God is real and He is so good. The fact that we are able to count our blessings today is testament to who God is. We give all the glory to our God and King, for without them, all of this would have been impossible. On our own, we were definitely headed towards breakdowns and far, far worse.

When I am able to find the time to write about our experience, I am purposefully vague about what we are working through. The details are not something that should be shared in such a broad forum - at least not at this time. Rest assured, though, God is writing incredibly beautiful stories upon each of our fragile hearts and giving us new strength. Some of those stories already reveal His redemptive plan; while others are still, sadly, looking hopeless and full of despair.

But God...

He's not done yet.

And, I can't wait to see what He is going to do. And it is for that reason that I joyfully jump off this next cliff and trust myself to His trustworthy hands - and His glorious will. Not my will, but His. Yes, there will definitely be more suffering and pain. But, I know that it will be worth every single tear and sigh.

My family continues to be incredibly thankful for the faithful love, support and prayer our friends around the country continue to pour into us. We are also blessed to have an incredible team of professionals to help us navigate our way through this wearisome journey. We are so thankful to each and every one of you. Words will never enough to express our gratitude, but to each of you, I would like to say this:

My Sweet Friends, your love has taught us so much. You've sat with us in our grief when there simply were no words to speak. You found creative ways to make our daily lives more bearable with cards, gifts and meals. (I never knew how nurturing a schmorgasborg of leftovers could be, Ruth! Your love and creativity runs deep!) You helped us to laugh when our tears ran out. You've walked alongside us and held up our arms when we felt too weak to go on. You've listened to us talk about unbearable details when we needed to get outside of our heads. You check in on us regularly and keep us from isolating ourselves. You respond faithfully to each and every prayer request we've sent your way. You've stood by us through the long-haul, allowing us to likewise support you in your trials as well. Friendship is such a magnificent gift!

You've taught us that love is a verb and is best fulfilled through actions rather than sentiments. We are already using all that you've taught us, Friends, and are finding ways to bless others who are hurting and in need of support. The blessings you have poured so generously into us are now being shared with others. What a JOY it is to spread love and kindness!

Quite simply put, you are treasures far more precious than rubies and we love you all!!! May God bless each of you abundantly for the endless sacrifices of time, resources and love you continue to generously bestow upon my family.

We continue to find ourselves walking in places we never expected to be and it is then that Geoff and I are reminded of our prayer that God would break our heart for those things that break His. Although we had no idea what we were asking Him for at the time, He is answering in ways we never could have imagined. As heart shattering as this season has been, we find ourselves praising God for not only answering our gloriously naive prayer, but for giving us the perseverance and faith we need to continue walking this painful, tiresome road. We no longer try to foresee where He is leading us, for He only gives us what we need each day. Rather, we've learned to trust that His plans for us are always good, that He will never leave us alone and that the journey will always bring us closer to Him.

The pain has been excruciating and I never would have chosen to walk this path. However, I never will regret my choice to be obedient to the calling God has placed on my life. I know that we have all suffered greatly, but I can't wait to see how He will continue to heal and strengthen my family and redeem our pain.

While I continue to protect my family's privacy by carefully choosing the words I write, it is also my hope that writing vaguely will allow you, my Friend, to be able to find yourself somewhere in the midst of God's refining love as well.

The best encouragement I can give you is that no matter how overwhelming, hopeless or painful your current situation is, my Friend, that you will put your trust in God and allow Him to lead you through the fires and into His arms of redemption. He can turn your ashes into beauty, your mourning into dancing and your tears into joy.

He has given us a Savior who has walked this road before us and an assurance that He will never leave us nor forsake us.

The God of this universe loves you, my Friend. He knows your struggles and your pain. I can only imagine the burdens you carry and the scars that need healing. I am so very sorry for the losses you have experienced and the wounding your heart has endured. My prayer for you today is that you, too, will choose to leap off the cliff you find yourself on today and into His arms of love.

Trust Him.

He loves you.

He will bring you through the fire "until only love remains."

Keep pressing into Him and keep LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

With love and grace,

gratitude

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Mon, 02 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

"When the righteous cry for help,

the LORD hears and delivers

them out of all of their troubles.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted

and saves the crushed in spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous,

but the LORD delivers him out of them all."

Psalm 34:17—19 (ESV)

Today my heart is overflowing with gratitude. God's grace, mercy and faithfulness have brought my family through unbelievable pain, devastating loss and deep, deep anguish.

In September of last year, our world fell apart. We realized that our reality wasn't what we thought it was. As we began to unravel the situation, the enormity of our true reality began to grow in size and intensity. We have been through incredibly trying times before, but nothing of this magnitude.

Not a day has passed where we haven't been forced to deal with more bad news, extremely difficult truths or unbearable decisions. The waves keep coming and crashing down upon us, but our Faithful King has walked with us through every single painful moment.

We've had friends who have come alongside us to bear our pain with us, cry with us, pray with us and support us in humbling ways. We are eternally thankful for their love and acts of kindness and generosity.

We've also had friends who, for their own personal reasons, have been unable to walk this painful path with us. And that's alright. We honestly would have chosen to skip this detour had we known how excruciating it was going to be! (Smile.) Admittedly, it hurts when those close to us suddenly disappear, but we do understand and there is grace in that.

And yet, God keeps providing all that we need and in unexpected ways. Eight months into this and the oppression finally feels as though it's starting to lift. We are seeing peeks of sunshine through the clouds and are so hopeful that the days and months ahead will bring deeper healing, new growth and awesome redemption. We trust that whatever else the Lord allows us to walk through, He will continue to walk with us.

This pain that He has allowed us to endure has been truly refining. I am so very proud of my family. They've had to deal with extremely difficult matters, and, even on our worst days, they have continued to trust God and His love for us. The blessings and gifts that have come through our trials are abundant and we are full of gratitude.

That said, this isn't what we planned. Our dreams have been shattered. Our hopes crushed. In all our lives, we never, ever would have expected to find ourselves in this horrific situation. And yet, what the Enemy meant for our harm, God has used for our good and His glory.

I stand in awe of all that God has brought us through. Clearly, His plans are far different than ours. I have to believe they will be better than anything we ever expected. He is good and He loves us.

He knew where we needed to rely more fully on Him and we can't help but cling tightly to our Rock. He has stripped us to the core and changed our priorities in ways we never imagined.

We asked Him to break our hearts for those things that break His — and, WOW — He is answering that prayer in bold ways. Geoff and I are walking in places we never dreamed of walking.

We are coming face to face with so many of His broken and hurting children. Families working their way through overwhelming trials and struggles. It's humbling. We are dealing with matters we honestly never thought we would be facing. But, in spite of how painful and difficult this is, we are thankful.

God is answering our prayers — again, in ways we didn't expect, but amazing things are happening. Our faith has been tested, in countless ways, and proven strong and true. Our God is magnificent and we praise Him for who He is!

The journey ahead is still long. I wish we could say that life was starting to settle down and that the hardest part is behind us. Oh, if only that were true! We're in for a l-o-n-g haul, and if I learned anything from this past year, it's that I can't assume to know what lies ahead. The one thing I am sure of, though, is that God will be with us every step of the way. It's not going to be easy, but it will be worth it. Because He's good. And He loves us.

He loves you, too, my Friend. Wherever life finds you today, trust that you are loved. When the road seems hard, He loves you. When the blessings are few and far between, He loves you. When it feels like you can't bear another day, He loves you. When you feel abandoned and alone, He is with you.

I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that my God loves me, He loves you and whatever this journey brings, we can face it, together, with God's love pressing us on.

May you trust His love in a deeper way today and may you keep LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

With gratitude and grace,

blessed be Your name

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 21:39:00 +0000

"Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there's pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name

Every blessing Your pour out

I'll turn back to praise

And when the darkness closes in

Lord, still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

You give and take away

My heart will choose say

Lord, blessed be Your name"

Matt Redman

We're still here. We're still alive. We're still praising God.

We thought we had hit rock bottom three months ago - but the bottom has dropped out twice now. Just when we thought the situation couldn't get any bigger, any more serious or any more heartbreaking.

But God is still God and I will forever sing His praises.

Our family is in the midst of an intense battle - and we are fighting it on many fronts.

We've walked through the fires of Hell before and God brought us through. He made us stronger through that devastating season and I have no doubt He will do it again. This time, however, the wounds go even deeper and impact even more people. Our hearts have been ripped out, torn in two and stomped on.

But God is bigger than our situation. He is a redeeming God and His mercy endures forever.

The pain is beyond bearable. The storm keeps on raging. The tears keep on flowing.

And yet, we still find joy. We still find peace. We still find laughter.

It's one of the greatest mysteries of God - the ability to hold two opposing emotions in tandem.

We have every reason to forsake God. Our situation has been compared to that of Job - and on some days I tend to agree. Like Job, we refuse to curse Him and die. Quite the opposite - we have never clung to Him more closely.

Even on our darkest days, He has held us up. Especially through the amazing friends He continues to place in our lives. (Thank you is never enough - but you know who you are and all you have done to love, support and pray for us. Our hearts are eternally grateful. Thank you for standing by us in spite of the awful details you've had to listen to. You've cried with us, you've fasted for us, you've selflessly poured yourself and your resources into us. And, you've help us keep our hands raised in prayer and faith when we grew weary. You are amazing, Sweet Friends. So, so AMAZING!!!)

He is so faithful to give us all when need - exactly when we need it.

We have every reason to be angry, bitter and to seek revenge on the one who has so betrayed us and left us so broken. And yet God continues to give us love and mercy and compassion instead. It absolutely blows my mind the grace He continues to pour through us throughout this horrific situation.

The biggest lesson my family has learned this year is that there really is an enemy of our souls - and he will do everything in his power to steal, kill and destroy. And he will use anyone to accomplish his goal. As much as I would rather paint a pretty picture about God's blessings and goodness - I can't deny that He has an enemy. And, because I profess absolute faith in the One who created me - I have an enemy as well.

The good news? He has nothing over my Savior. He's been defeated once and he will be defeated again.

Until then, I'm going to continue to fight the good fight, holding fast to all that my God is teaching me in the valley. For one day, in His timing, we'll be standing on the mountaintop with our hands raised in praise to the One who brought us victory.

Friend, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Whatever season you are in, I pray that you know how very much you are loved and valued. No matter how fierce the battle, how deep the pain or how hopeless our situations may appear - God is in control - and He will never, ever fail or forsake us. His love is trustworthy and He is a good God!

Together, may we both keep pressing into Him, and keep LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

To God be the glory,

blessed by His love through others

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 02:46:00 +0000

Healing Hearts Camp Olympics

Me and my beautiful girls (self-portrait!)

Canyonview Camp (love this verse!)

Me and Xia-Xia (yup, I had cried off my make-up that day!)

Chels, Geoff & Li (yup, my man cried off his, too! ha.)

Candy basket from Chatty Aunt Laura!!!

Four meals from my Chatty Girls who live across the USMy new favorite necklace that arrived on a very hard dayA tissue-box-plastic heart from my Li-Boy :-)

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more

than we ask or imagine,

according to his power that is at work within us,

to him be the glory---"

Ephesians 3:20-21 (NIV)

The last time I wrote, I had a hard time expressing the deep grief that was in my heart. I'm still not sure how to share all that's transpired, so I'll save that for another day. This time, however, my heart is full of joy and thanksgiving.

The past can't be undone and our hearts are still very much broken into two. We still find it impossible to believe all that has happened and accept what our new reality is. The tears still come at unexpected times and the blows just seem to keep coming, one after another. Those who have been brave enough to listen to the details shake their heads in unbelief and weep with us.

But God. There is so much in that phrase, isn't there? The enemy has tried to do everything possible to steal, kill and destroy. If you don't believe that he exists, I assure you, he is real indeed and knows exactly where and how to hit us. God's Word is true and the battle is real.

But God. He sent Jesus so that we may "have life and have it to the full."

But God. He's already written the end of the book and He wins. And so do we!

God has bigger plans for us. He knows that with Him we will not only endure these beyond-difficult days, we will be stronger because of them. And, we will be victorious through Him.

Though the future is unknown and we have so many big mountains ahead of us, God is leading us, guiding us and uplifting us.

He's done so in big and little ways throughout these past few weeks.

Prior to our world crashing out from underneath our feet, He led me back to the incredible attachment therapist we used when Sara first joined our family. We LOVE Miss Hannah! She invited us to the life-changing Healing Hearts Camp for RAD families.

The camp was exactly what we needed to learn how to be better and stronger parents. It gave us time to be surrounded and loved by people who understood our pain and challenges. (Their own courage and strength brought me to tears.)

The camp gave us six solid days of focusing on our family, healing our hearts, building stronger relationships, learning better communication skills and enjoying new adventures together (obstacle courses, zip lines and horses - oh my!) We made new friends that I know will be apart of our lives for eternity. In short - camp ROCKED! (Just ask my kiddos! They can't wait to go back, nor can Geoff and I.)

God introduced us to Miss Kate who is filling a critical role for our family - one that we aren't able to for many different reasons. She's an amazing strong and loving woman who has blessed us beyond belief.

He blessed me through my friend "J" who has walked a painfully similar journey as my family. She sent me the beautiful necklace above, sent us a card with a gift certificate to have ice cream and then FLEW OUT to stay with us and love on us for two days!!! She cooked us dinner and filled our freezer with meals. She loved on my kiddos and stayed up until midnight with me talking, praying and crying. Oh, did I mention that we had never met in person before?!? What an incredible blessing she is!

He blessed us with our pastor and good friends who dropped their Saturday night plans to come and pray with our family.

He blessed us with my Chatties (we all adopted special-needs daughters from China in '06 and have been super-tight ever since.) They have fasted, prayed, supported and loved my family on an hourly basis - listening to my sadness, frustration, worries, anger, fear and doubt. They've sent hundreds (OK, thousands) of emails, texts, cards, gifts and candy. They blessed us with a generous gift certificate to a local meal delivery service - SO helpful! They've invited my older kiddos to visit their "aunties" for a bit of sanity and fun. And they've distracted me and made me laugh when the details became too much to bear. I love them beyond words.

He blessed me with a hairstylist who doubles as therapist and then gifted me with a free facial at their spa. So sweet!

He blessed us through our daughters' dance teacher who gave us our monthly statement with our balance due zeroed out.

He continues to provide our overwhelming financial needs to get through this season, as well as the referrals, connections and specialists we need.

And, He's blessed us through our friends around the world who comment on my blog, leave me encouragement on Facebook and offer amazing encouragement, love, support and prayer - you are all SO wonderful!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. God is hearing your prayers and answering them in big and little ways. You are all so very amazing and kind.

Our God has met each and every one of our needs - before we even have a chance to know what they are. We're humbled by the love and generosity our friends have shown us. We are so very, very grateful and pray that God multiplies your precious gifts and acts of kindness. May He shower each of you with His goodness and love! Thank you for standing with us and upholding us in prayer. You are remarkable, my Precious Friends! Truly remarkable.

The battle we are in continues to rage and each day seems to bring more troubles and bigger concerns. But our God is bigger and He will bring us through. I may not understand what He is doing, and clearly His plans are far different than ours - but I do trust Him, for His ways are good.

We are expecting BIG miracles and continued healing for all six members of our family - and we will tell of His goodness and give Him all the glory on the other side of this storm. He's a good God and I am so humbled by His extravagant love for my sweet family!

Wherever you are and whatever trials you may be facing in your life, I pray that you know that you aren't alone. God sees you, God knows you and God loves you with a fierce devotion. Together may we praise Him in the valleys and on the mountaintops.

With all that I am, I encourage you, Friend, to keep pressing into Him and keep LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

With a deeply wounded but very full heart,

when dreams come crashing

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 05:00:00 +0000

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed;

perplexed, but not in despair;

persecuted, but not abandoned;

struck down, but not destroyed."

2 Corinthians 4:8 (NIV)

My family is in the midst of an excruciatingly painful and difficult season. Our live had been turned upside down and the path we thought we were on turned out to be something very different. I struggle to find the words to express how much I am grieving and how much my heart aches.

Sometimes life just isn't what it appears to be. Sometimes God's plans don't align with our plans. Sometimes the people we love hurt us in BIG ways. Sometimes the people we love get hurt. Sometimes our dreams come crashing down and we want to throw in the towel and give up.

But God...

Is still sovereign.

Still loves us.

Grieves with us.

Understands our questions, our confusion and our human pain.

There isn't anything that He allows us to walk through that He didn't ask His Precious Son to walk through before us.

Suffering. Pain. Rejection. Abandonment. Betrayal.

He knows them personally. While He could have stopped Judas, he could have stopped the whips, he could have stopped the nails - He chose to sacrifice His one and only Son that we might have life eternal. Because He loves us.

One of my greatest joys in life is to express my heart in writing - but the stories that have been written on my heart this past year are too painful to express - at least not yet.

For now, I will simply share that my family is facing one of the most difficult storms one could ever imagine. Our hearts are bruised and bleeding and we have a long - new - road ahead of us.

This isn't at all where we expected to be. But God is not surprised. And He is trustworthy. And He is still in control.

I ask, humbly, that you would please cover our family in prayer - for wisdom, for guidance, for for strength and for healing.

And, I thank you, Sweet Friends, for your love, support and grace.

May God give you all that you need to fully embrace the present season you are in. Life is hard - but thank the Lord, He never intended for us to walk through it alone.

Together may we both keep pressing into Him and keep LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

In His love and grace,

He is trustworthy

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 22:55:00 +0000

"The LORD's promises are pure;

like silver refined in a furnace,

purified seven times over."

Psalm 12:6 (NLT)

It's a full week of packing boxes and packing suitcases. The Lord has continued to keep us praising Him, as well as giving us lots of opportunities to test our faith. Needless to say, we have not had a dull moment in a long time!

This week, I'm especially thankful that God is trustworthy, and, as Psalm 12:6 says, His promises are pure.

The photo above is a tangible reminder that I can trust God in all of the details of my life. In 2005, He invited our family to embark on one of the greatest adventures in our lives - adopting a little girl from China. The journey seemed long, and including a blood test that suggested I had Leukemia. (A few months and many more tests resulted in the "all clear" news.)

But, despite the bumps in the road, His promises proved true. In 2006, He brought us all the way to China and back with Sweet Sara. Since then, life has brought many, many more challenges our way, but God has provided all that we needed to persevere - and so much more.

In 2008, God put adoption again on our hearts. This time, however, He led us to a little boy in Ethiopia. I can't explain it, but it just made sense to our family. And so, we said YES!

This adoption journey has been even more crazy than the last. It's also been doubly blessed with new friends and strengthened faith. In a very short time, He will bring us all the way to Ethiopia and back. Only God knows what kind of healing our new son will need, but we trust Him to be faithful, because His love never fails.

As humans, we try our best to be trustworthy, but, the fact remains that as humans, we all fail each other. God, however, can be trusted. Always.

We may not understand His reasons and we may not always like His answers. But, He always, always, always has the very best plans for our lives. Each and every one of us.

As we press further into Him, may we have eyes to see His goodness and hearts to receive Him more fully. May we know His love and trust His promises more and more each day - for it is in Him, through Him and for Him that we are LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

Sweetest blessings & JOY,

brotherly love

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 22:50:00 +0000

"Finally, all of you should be of one mind.

Sympathize with each other.

Love each other as brothers and sisters.

Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude."

1 Peter 3:8 (NLT)

When you first meet Liam, his excessive energy and enthusiasm for light sabres and weaponry may cause you to assume that he's a boy full of mischief. And honestly, sometimes I get so distracted by his constant need to move and talk that I forget to look a little deeper myself.

That is, until he totally derails me with his tender heart and loving spirit. This morning, my young Liam, humbled me to tears through his sensitivity towards his little sister.

Sara's day started off with three time-outs within the first half-hour of her waking. After I had dealt with her misbehavior, I sat down to enjoy my morning coffee. A few minutes later, I heard Liam ask Sara why she looked so sad. She sat down on the stairs and started to cry. Silently.

You don't even have to know Sara personally to feel the arrow pierce your heart, do you? Watching a four-year-old cry without sound is sad enough to break any one's heart.

Liam immediately jumped to action and ran up the stairs to his little sister. He put his arms around her neck, gave her a very gentle hug and began speaking to her in soothing tones. He immediately knew that Sara was upset about our upcoming trip out of the country.

I joined them on the steps and held Sara in my arms. We talked for a bit, but before long, she was back in the loving arms of her big brother. While Sara typically prefers to be with her Mama when she's upset, this morning she needed someone who understood how sad she felt. Someone who had, just a few days before, struggled with the very same emotions. Her big brother knew exactly the kind of love and support she needed.

I quietly retreated to the next room and listened in awe as my own tears began to silently fall. What I heard blessed me beyond belief. Liam asking Sara if he could pray with her. And he did.

"Dear Jesus, I know that Sara's heart is hurting right now. Please comfort her. Help her to know your peace and your love..."

By the time he finished his precious prayer, the Lord was already responding to his words. As well as prayers that I hadn't even begun to voice myself. The scene I witnessed ministered deep within my own heart. This new season we are entering into is one full of blessings, and yet even positive changes bring their own amount of stress and strain. As I watched Liam loving on his little sister, I felt God lift off some of the burdens I hadn't even realized I was carrying.

He also gave me some precious insight into being a godly mother. Sure, I could give you a long list of all the way Liam challenges me on a daily basis. I could choose to see only his weaknesses and point out all of his faults. Sadly, on some days I do.

Today, however, God gave me eyes to see Liam's biggest strength - his heart of compassion and love for others.

Liam has a heart of gold. He's fiercely devoted to protecting both of his sisters and physically feels their pain when they are hurt or sad. He spent the last several days sleeping in Mesfin's bed to "fill it up with love" before his new brother comes home.

Liam makes friends with babies, kids and adults alike. And, unlike most boys his age, he really enjoys talking to people and making a heart connection. Especially when he sees someone who is struggling or in need of a friend.

Today, I am one proud Mama. Not because I feel like I had anything to do with the special boy my son is - because some days my own example is less than stellar. Nor is it because I think he's better than any other child - because I fully believe that in God's eyes we are all created equal.

I'm proud to be able to call this red-haired-dark-brown-eyed-man-child my son, because in him I see the light of His Creator shining brightly. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the goodness I see flow out of him and sense that God has given me a small window into His own amazing character. I feel proud to be loved by a God that is so good and so very personal as to allow me to experience just a small taste of His awesomeness in such a tangible, real-life way. And, I'm humbled.

Friend, if today is bringing you nothing but stress and struggles, I pray that God would send someone your way who would allow you to taste and see that the Lord is good. I know sometimes it's easier to get focused on all that's wrong and fail to see some of the simple ways God is trying to communicate with us.

My prayer today is that God would open our eyes, our ears and our hearts to His amazing love for each one of us. For it is in Him, through Him and for Him that we are LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

Thankful for His love through others,

gettin' ready for ET!

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 01:40:00 +0000

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good,

his faithful love endures forever."

Psalm 136:1 (NIV)

I've spent the past few days doing something that has brought me great joy with each of my children - taking off the tags of their new clothes, washing them and folding them. It really helps make their impending arrival feel real.

It's definitely been a different process buying clothes for a boy who I've only seen in photos and videos. They tell me he's small, but some photos make him look like a typical 8-year-old.

In December, I picked out a bunch of clothes all in size small. And then I saw photos of him that made him look much older. So, I took those back in January and picked out new clothes in size medium. And then I received his actual measurements. Guess what?!? He's a size small! So, this month, I went back and picked out a whole new set of clothes. Whew! My favorite stores are seeing quite a lot of me.

Am I complaining? NOT AT ALL. It is an absolute joy to be able to pick out new clothes for my son who has been through so much these past years. I would just rather have him here at home where I can take him shopping in person. (OK, honestly, I want him home for some many more important reasons, but you get my point!) Soon enough, though! God's timing is perfect.

At home, I'm helping to prepare the hearts of my three children here as they start to realize that we'll be apart for awhile. As excited as they are to enjoy an extended sleepover with their good friends, they're starting to feel a bit anxious. Thankfully, they all know how deeply God loves each of them. This morning we spent some time remembering all of the ways He has been faithful towards our family. We prayed about each of their concerns. And, we recited our favorite memory verse:

"Don't worry about anything,

instead pray about everything.

Tell God what you need,

and thank him for all he has done for you."

Philippians 4:6 (NLT)

Sometimes faith comes easy, other times we have to dig deep. Wherever you are today in your journey, I pray that God would give you all the reminders of His faithfulness you need today. I trust that He will continue to pour out His love and graciousness upon you, Friend.

Let's keep pressing into Him and continue LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

Enthusiastic for the journey ahead,

blessings through others

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 00:42:00 +0000

"He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress,

and for his children it will be a refuge."

Proverbs 14:26

I'm so very thankful for my husband today. We have quite a lot going on in our lives. Through it all, Geoff has remained prayerful, stopping a few minutes before he heads out the door for work to pray with me. He thanks God for all of the provisions He has blessed us with. He asks God to help us be good stewards of those blessings. He prays that God will help us to see Him and hear Him in all situations. He asks God to draw us closer to Him. And, He lays our needs and burdens before the Lord.

Geoff's faithfulness to God has given us sure footing during this crazy adventure we're on. Even when bad news has come our way, he trusts in God's goodness. Even when I start to fret about Mesfin's well-being, Geoff reminds me that God is keeping our son secure. Whenever I feel anxious about the unknown future, my husband reminds me of all God has done so far within our family.

God is using Geoff to help me keep my eyes steadfast on Him and I am so very grateful. As he fears the LORD, he in turn, is providing safety and security for our family.

I am reminded again, what God taught me yesterday. God knows exactly what we need, exactly when we need it. Sometimes God calls me to be an encouragement and faith builder for others-while other times, God allows others to help me see His hand and heart more clearly.

Whatever season you are in, Friend, be assured that God loves you and has good plans for your life. Look for the blessings He brings your way through the people He has placed in your life.

Today, I am especially thankful to be LIVING A BLESSED LIFE! I pray you are as well.

With JOY,

He knows our limits

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 23:58:00 +0000

"When the king sent the people out of Egypt,

God did not lead them on the road

through the Philistine country,

though that was the shortest way.

God said, 'If they have to fight,

they might change their minds and go back to Egypt.'

So God led them through the desert

toward the Red Seas. The Israelites were

dressed for fighting when they left the land of Egypt."

Exodus 13:17-18 (CEV)

I'm a month into my Grace for the Moment Daily Bible, and I'm really loving it. I tend to need a dose of Old Testament, Proverbs, Psalms and New Testament, as well as the tear-jerking excerpts from Max Lucado's writings.

This morning I read the above verses from Exodus and received them in a fresh way.

God knows exactly what we need, exactly when we need it.

Sometimes, God calls us fight. The Israelites were dressed for fight, and up until this point, God had wowed them beyond belief with His amazing display of power and miracles. It seems like their faith in God would have been strong enough to prevent them from returning to Egypt and to their old lives of bondage.

But God knew better. He knew their limits. He knew their weakness. He knew when to push them just a bit farther to allow them to both grow and trust Him more. And, He knew when to back off and allow their faith to catch up. Even if it meant taking the longer route.

The next chapter of Exodus is the mind-blowing story of God parting the Red Sea and destroying every single one of the Israelites enemies. It doesn't get much better than that.

This morning, Geoff and I woke up feeling a bit down. We weren't quite sure why, until we acknowledged that if our timeline had worked out, we would have just finished our first day with our new son. It didn't happen.

God took us the longer route. We're still on track and fully believe that our journey will be successful, but God knew that the best place for us right now is on the shores of our own Red Sea. He knows that in this place, with the sand between our toes, all we can do is trust Him to deliver us. And He will. In His timing and His way. It may not be the way we imagined it to be, but I trust that it will be even better.

God's ways are perfect every time.

This morning, I logged onto my laptop to find not one, but two emails with updated photos of Mesfin. Our sweet boy.

Sadly, it was a permanent front tooth that he lost playing soccer. And, his left eye seems to be infected. But, thankfully his care center has a nurse on staff and will give him the care he needs, until we can take over. Oh, I can't wait.

Until then, my son is under God's watchful eyes and loving care. He knows Mesfin's needs and I fully trust Him, and His timing.

Friend, whether God is calling you to fight or whether He is calling you to rest, I encourage you to trust His leading. He won't steer you wrong. He has good things, very good things, in store for both of us.

God is good, all the time, and in Him, I am LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

Thankful for His timing,

Valentine's Day gifts!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 22:28:00 +0000

There's not much I can add to Tom's powerful video. All I can think about is my son waiting in Ethiopia and his friends who are still awaiting forever families (and shoes...and shirts...and medicine.) If you haven't been inspired yet by Tom's ministry, start by watching this video and then check out his blog. His books are incredible and his heart blesses me to the very depths of my being. The best thing about his ministry is that there are countless, simple ways to get involved in the work he's doing.

Shirts for Shoes from Tom Davis on Vimeo.

I just did a little shopping myself...seeing as we'll be celebrating early here in the US...and then again on the actual day when we are half-a-world away!!! See my HUGE grin?!?

Several friends have asked how I'm doing today as we were supposed to be on our way to Ethiopia right now. I have to admit, I tear up a bit and feel sad, but really have a deep peace about God's timing and His good plan for my family. I'm thankful that Mesfin is in a safe place and being prepared for his transition to American life.

Our lives will all be hugely different in a matter of weeks and I'm really trying to make good use of this extra time. My priority right now is pouring lots of love and attention into my three blessings who are with me. And, I am so excited to be able to have my fourth blessing here to pour love into as well!

Thanks, my Sweet Friends, for being sensitive to our hearts and the painful wait!!! (For those still waiting, we are with you in the wait and will continue to pray you through to the other side!)

Today I am thankful for God's perfect timing in my life and pray that you are able to rest in His peace and faithfulness today as well, my Friend.

In Him, through Him and for Him, we are LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

Simply love.

every little detail

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 03:14:00 +0000

"The LORD is good,

a refuge in times of trouble.

He cares for those who trust in Him."

Nahum 1:6 (NIV)

I won't lie. It's been a really crazy and challenging couple of weeks. But through it all, God has remained faithful.

His timing may not be mine. His ways may not be mine. His priorities may not be mine. But I am His and that's really all that matters.

God knows exactly what I need and when I need it. He has every single detail of my life, and those I care deeply about, already worked out. No amount of stress or striving will make a single difference in His will for my life. But, it will wear me out. It will waste my energy. Most importantly, it takes my eyes off of Him.

As I look back over the past month, I'm left amazed and in awe of His goodness and faithfulness. Again.

Oh, how too soon I forget the incredible work He has already done in my life. I could choose to complain and be devastated when things don't work out the way I hope or expect them too.

OK, I did complain and I was devastated. But I have to believe that God was able to handle that and allow my flesh to wail for a bit before He swooped in and began working out the details.

And He did. Every. Little. Detail.

Isn't He incredible?

Through His love and graciousness, He has used these weeks to help me learn how to surrender my heart just a little bit more. He has shown Himself completely trustworthy.

And honestly, as humans, I think we need to have stinky situations in our lives to allow us to truly see that when all else fails, God will never fail us nor forsake us.

So, today, I thank my Father for answering so many prayers. I am praising Him for:

* The doctor calling my friend's husband with the news that he does not have cancer! The cherry on top? They are now able to continue with the adoption of their fifth child with peace in their hearts.

* Another friend having a successful hysterectomy to prevent the spread of cancer. Her positive attitude has left me truly humbled.

* Blessing us with a fabulous realtor/friend and her incredible team! They have invested their time, attention and prayers in helping our family sell our home and find a new one. Both home inspections went really well and we are extremely pleased to be moving forward towards closing date!

* Assuring us that Mesfin is in good hands at his care center. The director is a godly man who radiates love and joy. He has been kind enough to translate our email of love and reassurance to our sweet boy!

* Removing a few more obstacles in "M3" finally coming home to her family. (Please keep praying for them, Friends, it's been a long and heartbreaking journey for them.)

* Allowing us to love on and minister to 8 energetic K-3rd graders at church on Sunday. Granted, we were wiped after two hours, but it feels so good to have God using us to plant seeds of faith into the hearts of His children.

* Working out all of the details involved in moving our trip to Ethiopia - childcare, plane tickets, guest home, etc. He has provided the extra funds required and moved mountains to get the necessary changes completed. It's been far from easy, but as of today, we're good to go!!!

* Finding us a home that goes above and beyond our wish list while still meeting our budget. It's an amazing story that I promise to tell soon. For now, I invite you to enjoy the view from a winery located about 1/2 mile from our new home. Funny enough, we had no idea that our current home was so close to such incredible beauty. We are really looking forward to lots of exploring and photo-ops.

* Blessing us with so many precious friends who have commiserated with us, supported us, encouraged us and prayed for us. We are so, so grateful for each and every one of you. We are humbled by your love and kindness and pray that God blesses you abundantly!

As I look over my list of thankfulness, I'm reminded of why it's always better to bring my concerns before the Lord and allow Him to work out the details.

Friend, if you are carrying the weight of the world upon your shoulders today, may I gently encourage you to take each and every one of your burdens before the Lord and lay them down?

He's promised to meet each and every one of our needs. And, He's promised to never abandon us. We can trust that His plans for us our good and that He will work out each and every detail of our lives. No matter how big. Or, how small.

Today, I am extremely thankful for God's faithfulness and love. It is in Him, through Him and for Him that I am LIVING A BLESSED LIFE! I pray you are as well.

With hope & JOY,

holding on

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 04:37:00 +0000

"Think of all the wonderful things He has done for you."

1 Samuel 12:24b (NLT)

My eyes are so swollen from crying all day that I can hardly see. My heart is grieving and I'm feeling really, really disappointed.

As I shared yesterday, God has been working overtime on behalf of our family. His blessings and miracles are almost too good to be true. Funny how quickly a phone call can make my human mind forget His goodness and grace.

You see, we were just shy of a week away from finally traveling to Ethiopia to meet Mesfin. And then our agency called with some really bad news.

Although he finally arrived at the care center, he was a day too late. The US Embassy requires that children's passport photos are submitted two full weeks before their appointment. And, because of the holiday, he wasn't able to have his photos taken. Sigh.

I realize that two weeks doesn't seem like a long time, but it is when you promised your son that you would be there soon. And you can't. My momma's heart is breaking in two. He's been through so much and this wait has been excruciating for all of us, but especially him.

We have travel plans that need updating and a whole list of other details to undo and redo. That I can handle. It's the not being where we said we would be that makes me so sad.

And yet, we trust God and His timing and remember all that He has done so far for us.

We know that this unexpected delay is a part of His plans for us. This is happening for a reason and He will see us through. We know that once we are on the other side of this seemingly huge mountain, the fourteen extra days will seem like nothing. But, today it hurts. Today I'm crying and I can't stop.

But, in the midst of that, God is showing His incredible love for me and my family through the beautiful friends He has filled our lives with. I have received so many sweet emails and phone calls. God cares about our sadness and He's using our friends to love and support us through yet another bump.

This journey we are on has been more than we could ever have imagined. While doubts and fears try to steal my peace and joy, God is refusing to allow me to doubt His love for me and His goodness. His love through others keeps me holding onto the truth of His promises.

My heart grieves and the tears flow, but God is good, all the time. He'll get us through this, I know He will. And, He'll get you through whatever struggle or bump you're facing in your own life, my Friend.

His love conquers all. Keep seeking Him and allow His love to wash away your pain and tears.

God's grace is sufficient for today - and because of that - I am LIVING A BLESSED LIFE! (Tears and all.)

Seeking His face,

Photograph courtesy of Chelsea Lauren

counting the days

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 17:52:00 +0000

"Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,

your faithfulness to the skies."

Psalm 36:5 (NIV)

The last few weeks have been a wild ride, to say the least. Through it all, God has greatly blessed us with His grace and faithfulness.

On New Year's eve we learned that Mesfin had not yet been transferred to the transition home as planned. (Once children in ET pass court, our agency moves them to their care center to begin preparing them for life in the United States.) We spent the next several weeks waiting for the move to happen.

Last Tuesday, our agency called to discuss the problem at hand. First of all, I love our agency. They have been so amazing over this past year and have remained steadfast and professional despite all of the unexpected challenges that international adoptions bring. They had done everything they could to make the move happen, but were being stalled by distance and cultural differences.

While I am still trying to understand the details, the short story is that the orphanage director was refusing to relinquish our son. Talk about feeling helpless. Thankfully, our agency's director made the decision to fly to Addis Ababa over the weekend to resolve the problem.

Depending upon the outcome, Geoff and I agreed that he would fly a couple of weeks early to be with Mesfin until I could join them. Needless to say, being halfway across the world when your child is in need is a really, really awful feeling.

I honestly don't know what I would have done without my faith in God and His goodness.

We prayed and waited. And prayed a lot more. Our incredible friends supported us greatly through prayer and fasting. (Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!!)

In the midst of receiving this devastating phone call, we received an offer on our house. Talk about a crazy week. We were able to come to an agreement with the buyers and then spent the entire weekend shopping with our fabulous realtor.

Our prayers were answered at 2am Saturday night when our telephone rang. It was MESFIN!!! (We had asked our agency if they could please arrange a telephone conversation with him as soon as they were able to confirm his well-being.) I still tear up thinking about that priceless moment that I "met" my new son for the first time.

Through the help of our agency director and a translator we had a short but very sweet conversation.

Mesfin said, "Hello Mommy. Hello Mama. Come get me. (sigh)" He told us he was where he was supposed to be and then added, "I'm cute." (He's really good at repeating words and phrases in English. His accent is way too precious.)

Since our other kids were sleeping, I was able to record our conversation. They have been extremely worried about their brother and were beyond ecstatic to know that he was safe.

Lisa sent the above photo via her cell phone to calm my mother's heart. She says he's really small and is missing one of his permanent front teeth. We're not sure what happened and while I'm thankful that he appears to be doing well. However, my mind won't fully rest until he is safely in our own care. We're almost there...

The next day, God answered one of our other prayers. A new house that went above and beyond our wish list. I have to say, though, as happy as we are to be able to move to a bigger house for our ever-growing family--a house is just a house.

The past few weeks have really cemented the fact that the material things of this world really don't matter. It's serving and loving our amazing God and the beautiful children and friends He has graciously filled our lives with.

Geoff and I were able to fully surrender our plans to the Lord and trust Him with the outcome. He answered in ways we never expected and has continued to work out not only the big, but little details along the way. He is SO good!!!

But, I'll have to save that story for another day. For now, we're thrilled to be packing for our long awaited trip to finally bring our precious son HOME. (And then soon after, we'll pack up our house and move all six of us to a new home.)

God is so faithful. He has brought our family through so many challenging times.

Friend, I trust that whatever you are going through in your own life that God will meet each and every one of your needs as well. Sometimes He calls us to wait for His answer to our prayers, but He will never, ever leave us without His love and grace.

In Him, through Him and for Him, I am LIVING A BLESSED LIFE! I pray you are as well.

With JOY,

AmyJo

grace for the moment

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 19:20:00 +0000

"Let us, then, feel very sure that we can come

before God's throne where there is grace.

There we can receive mercy and grace

to help us when we need it."

Hebrews 4:16 (NCV)

I've shared before that I love all things Max Lucado. His Grace for the Moment Daily Bible is no exception.

Several of my friends have committed to reading the Bible through in 2010. Most of them are following Wendy Pope's journey and blog. While I really enjoy the New Living Translation they are using, I hesitated to order mine because I was hoping for something different.

And then I found Max's Daily Bible. Rather than follow the chronological order of the Bible, this format allows for reading a section of the Old Testament (in order), the Book of Psalms, Proverbs and the New Testament. For example, on January 1st, we read:

Genesis 1:1-2:25
Psalm 1:1-6
Proverbs 1:1-7
Matthew 1:1-25

It's still in chronological order and still allows me to read through the entire Bible in one year, it just adds a greater variety.

An added benefit of this version is that each day includes an excerpt from one of Max Lucado's books. Aside from reading directly from God's Word, I have never had an author leave me quite so breathless and craving more.

I also like that this Bible is in paperback format and not too large. (Although I admit that the words are a little smaller than I'd prefer.) Thomas Nelson is also coming out with a "LeatherSoft" version of this in a couple of weeks.

This isn't one of the books that I'm reviewing for Thomas Nelson, although I do give it two thumbs up. I'm so excited to see what God will teach me through His Word this year.

If you're not already doing so, I would love to have you join me in my year of reading. It's not too late. And really, it only takes about 15 minutes a day. It's definitely worth the investment of my time and focus. (For added resources and instruction, I encourage you to check out Wendy Pope's blog.)

God's Word is alive and active. Through it, He has granted me wisdom and new life. Every single moment I spend reading and learning changes me forever.

On a side-note, today is Christmas in Ethiopia! Sadly, we learned that Mesfin has not yet been transferred to the Thomas Center as he should have been back on the 15th. (It's a transition house where they will prepare him for life here in America.)

We sent a care package and Christmas card with a recorded message telling him that we love him. He'll receive our gift when he finally arrives at the center. We would greatly appreciate your continued prayers during these final weeks while he is still waiting for us to bring him home.

Please pray for Mesfin's health, safety, well-being and heart. It's been a painfully long wait and we know his hope is starting to wane. Please pray that He will know God's love and peace, and that he trust that we are coming! THANK YOU, Friend!

I pray you are having a GREAT week and that you know how very, very much God loves you. Keep pressing into Him and keep LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

Thankful for God's grace,

the narrow gate

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 22:40:00 +0000

"Enter through the narrow gate.

For wide is the gate

and broad is the road

that leads to destruction,

and many enter through it."

Matthew 7:13 (TNIV)

Today I found myself drawn to the teachings of Jesus. I love my NLT Slimline Bible because all of His words are in red letters. I read through several parables before I reached the narrow gate. I love the imagery Jesus provides. He didn't give a lot of flowery details, but rather made His point clearly.

Walking through the narrow gate requires us to leave others behind. Either because God calls us to do something on our own, or He's called us to do something that others see as too big of a sacrifice.

Walking through the narrow gate can be lonely. Choosing to move forward alone can feel incredibly intimidating.

Walking through the narrow gate requires faith. It requires courage to enter through a gate when we have no idea what lies waiting for us on the other side.

Walking through the narrow gate requires deliberate action on our part. When we reach the gate, we are faced with choice of either walking through it or walking around it.

Walking through the narrow gate requires that we lay down all of our baggage. It's impossible to enter the narrow gate while still clinging to other people, doubt, fear, worry and all of those other heavy burdens we humans love to hold onto.

In my life, God has placed many, many narrow gates. I wish I could say that I've entered through every single one of them, but I haven't. Far too many times I have allowed my need for companionship, security and control to lure me towards the wide gate.

Destruction comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes it's been the loss of friendship I relied to heavily upon. Sometimes it's come in illness or depression. Other times it's come in the loss of a dream. Always, it's been the loss of blessings, peace and joy.

I don't believe that God has been the author of the destruction. That's not who He is. My consequences have come when I've chosen paths that are outside of His will for me. All that He has for me, for us, is good and pure.

When I have dropped my need for control, trusted God to never leave me and allowed myself to rely on His strength and promises--I have been blessed beyond believe. Every single time I have followed His path for my life, He has met me just on the other side of that narrow gate. I'm never alone and I'm never in want. He supplies all that I need, each and every date. And His blessings are out-of-this-world!

Choosing the narrow gate keeps us LIVING A BLESSED LIFE! God loves us and has amazing things in store for each of us. May we have the faith and courage to trust Him and keep on walking...

Thankful for His goodness,

right-side up resolutions

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 23:23:00 +0000

"Love your neighbor as yourself."

Matthew 22:39 (NIV)

Happy New Year, Friends!!! I wound up going M.I.A. unexpectedly. My laptop went out on me--literally. Somehow the screen broke and although my computer still worked, I wasn't able to see anything. Talk about frustrating! And then of course there was a whole 'nother round of colds and sickness over the holidays.

But, the good news is that we are all healthy and Santa (a.k.a. my generous husband) brought me a new laptop--and this one works!

The great news is that we finally received our Embassy date and will soon be traveling to bring our precious son HOME! God is good, all the time! Please continue to pray for our family as we finalize travel plans and prepare ourselves for the adventures ahead. THANK YOU!!!

As I began to think and pray about the year ahead, God gave me a new perspective on setting my New Year's resolutions. As I started to contemplate the things I wanted to start doing and some of the areas I'd like to change within myself, God showed me that my focus was on ME again. Ah, the naval-gazing syndrome.

I think that New Year's resolutions are great, don't get me wrong. We all want to grow and change, right? Setting goals and having direction for the year is critical if I want to accomplish anything. The key, however, is to make sure that I'm not placing all my focus on myself. And, that I'm not expecting to achieve my goals through my own strength.

While I thought about all of this, I was reminded of the words of Jesus, "Love your neighbor as yourself." Over the years I've learned how to love my neighbors. And, in this season I'm in, I'm learning to truly love myself. However, I've been missing the whole crux of Jesus' commandment. It's found in the word "as."

In my life, I've viewed that word like a one-way arrow, when I think it's really a two-way arrow. (Think mathematically for a minute, Friend.) I need to treat my neighbor the way I want to be treated and vice-versa. At least that's the way I learned it.

But, what if, "as" really isn't translated to "like?" Perhaps Jesus actually meant, "Love your neighbor [while] you love yourself" and vice-versa? It seems like a slight difference, but I think it's a difference that can transform lives. It's a difference that moves me out of acting out of obligation, guilt, striving and self-centeredness and moves me to a place of true servanthood.

If I'm putting others first in my actions and am loving them wholeheartedly, I am changed in the process. Yes, I want to get more exercise, eat healthier and spend more time in God's Word. But those are just the basics of what will make me a healthier and more well-grounded person. As (while?) I'm setting my goals this year, I'm choosing to make them "right-side up" resolutions.

"For even the Son of Man did not

come to be served, but to serve,

and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Mark 10:45 (NIV)

What can I do this year to bless and love my neighbors? What can I do this month? This week? Today? I'm so excited to see what God has in store for me, and for you, this year. I know it's going to be good. Really good.

Today I am choosing to take my gaze off myself and put it on the only One who really truly matters. In Him and through Him, I am LIVING A BLESSED LIFE! I'm praying you are as well. May you know His deep and unchanging love for you in a new way this year.

Happy, Happy New Year, Friend!

meeting Mesfin

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Jo) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 22:36:00 +0000

"Come to me all who are

weary and burdened

and I will give you rest."

Jesus of Nazareth

Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

This is the photo that captured our hearts a little less than a year ago. Liam, actually, was the first to recognize his brother from half-way across the world.

"That little boy, with the puffy hair, that's my brother!"

His words were spoken with both sincerity and deep conviction. I felt myself start to cry and laugh at the same time.

Puffy hair? Um, big curls, maybe?

I had noticed his gorgeous hair. But honestly, it was his big, brown, teddy-bear eyes that pulled me in.

My mother's heart immediately recognized his fear and bewilderment, but, I also saw something else. A glimmer of hope.

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,

for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls."

v. 29

When we called Michelle to inquire about this precious boy, she shared her special connection to him. She wrote about her heart-wrenching experience in her ministry's newsletter. (See: "Facing the Lion: The Ethiopian Famine")

Over the past year, we have received updated photos of our precious son, and watched him grow from a frightened little boy to a now energetic eight-year-old.

We have been assured that he is doing well, but that he really needs to be home with his family and have parents.

We've completed each of the necessary steps as quickly as possible, but adoption takes time and the process has been painfully slow. Especially for Mesfin.

As our family both celebrates the gift of a new son and brother, we are also cognizant that there are sure to be challenges ahead. For all of us.

But, God is good and we completely trust His plans for our family. We have already experienced the incredible miracle of adoption with Sara. It's absolutely indescribable. The best thing we have ever done. Sure, it's been hard, but it's been so worth the struggles.

We are excited, but truthfully, a little bit apprehensive. As I'm sure Mesfin is. (If not a lot apprehensive!)

My faith rests in the words of Jesus found in Matthew 11. His yoke is easy and his burden is light. I've experienced that over, and over, and over in my life so far. I will cling to that promise as I prepare myself for the incredible adventure ahead.

I am the proud Mama of four beautiful, loving, intelligent, creative and amazing children. This brings tears to my eyes and joy to my heart.

My God is so good and His blessings leave me humbled to the core.

Trust His love for you, my Friend. It is better than anything this world has to offer.

He loves you with a fierce devotion and will never leave you abandoned and alone. His love and life claim each of us as His very own adopted children and heirs.

He is the reason for my joy and in Him, I am LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

Sweet blessings & JOY,