"Dear Diary
I love the springtime, the first rays of sun, the extra hour of daylight in the evening as the clocks change, and the new flowers emerging in the garden. I have noticed that these changes in the outside world seem to reflect a new creative phase in me too. During the winter, I find I tend to hoard things.. from clutter to emails to a few extra pounds of weight (for warmth purposes obviously!!) So how can I make the most of this new found energy to create more momentum in my life?"
This is a good time to capitalise on this burst of energy. Here are 3 tips for creating space in your life :
1) Clutter Clear:
A great time to clear out the junk and stuff that you have accumulated. I have a philosophy of love it/use it... or bin (recycle) it. For more information on this, OrganizingLA have some great suggestions at: http://organizingla.blogs.com/organizingla_blog/2005/07/excellent_syste.html
2) Create a system for your emails:
I love technology. When I consider the opportunities we have in this decade compared to even the last one, I am blown away (ok, I confess I am a secret geek, but don't tell anyone!). But I have noticed that many of my coaching clients don't always share my enthusiasm for IT, especially when it comes to email.
The trick with email is to be in control of it rather than the other way around - and having a system can be really helpful. My process is to schedule time in my diary for checking and responding to emails..I aim to respond to everyone within 24 hours. This saves my flow of work being interrupted by the "ting" of a new message! I then have a strategy of replying to emails immediately if I can do so in two minutes or less. If not, they go into my "action" folder for me to action (funnily enough) later or my "pending" folder if I am waiting for further information from someone else.
How do you organise your email? Please feel free to share your ideas/systems too :-)
3) Let go of old patterns of thinking!
One of my favourite sources, Abraham Hicks, say "It's not more time we need, it's less resistance". Have you noticed that there are days when you are in the zone, feeling resourceful and able to take life in your stride.
And then there are other days when it seems to be one challenge after another, or you start a 5 minute job and it takes an hour, or you never get round to starting the job in the first place!
It's worth noticing what you are focused upon on these less productive days. Our thoughts create our experiences... so if we can think things are going to go well, or not... and either way we get to be right! Change your focus... change your life!
If you would like more tips on spring cleaning your life, I am running a coaching teleclass on this topic in May... for more information visit www.tiffanykay.com/page4.htm
"Dear Diary
Making decisions isn't usually an issue for me. I tend to be quite focused and generally know what is right for me. Recently though, I've been experiencing situations where a face a dilemma. The good news is that the dilemma comes about because there are two or more options that I want to choose...and often they are only small decisions...but it's left me wondering how I can always ensure I am making the right choice in the moment. So short of cloning myself.. what can I do?!"
There are always going to be different choices we can make, and unless we have clear criteria for making our decisions, it can be a challenge to identify what is most important to us, and therefore what we ought to do.
We make our decisions based on our values. Values are deeply held beliefs about what we believe to be "good" or "right" and what we think will ultimately bring us the results we want. Sometimes, however, we perceive that we will get different benefits from doing different things, and this sets up a dilemma (known as a towards-towards conflict in NLP).
For example, I could choose to spend time with friends to meet my values around friendship and connection, I might choose to go to the gym which would meet my values around health and wellbeing, or I might choose to write some more of my book which would meet my values around career and success.
So when there are a number of choices that are appealing, how do we pick the right one?!
The quickest way to transcend a dilemma is to identify how you can meet your highest values in a way that contributes to your longer term goals. So I might decide to go to the gym as having good health will ultimately allow me to achieve more career success...and if I buddy up with a friend, I get a hit on all of my values!
Kate Trafford in her blog post "Does this really matter?" (see http://katetrafford.typepad.com/successatwork/2008/09/does-this-reall.html ) offers the following great advice:
"really begin to think through what matters most to you, contributes most to your growth and expansion as a person, and supports you in making the difference in your world that you really want to make."
Doing this will bring you into alignment with the decisions you make... knowing that your choices are leading you to become the best you can be!
"Dear Diary,
I have had the privilege of coaching and working with some wonderful people. One thing is obvious… we all have self talk that either limits us or encourages us in the moment. I have been curious recently about what makes the difference between an internal chatter box that supports us and one that makes us less resourceful. In my experience, the difference that makes the difference is the quality of the questions we ask of ourselves. It is the questions that we ask ourselves that direct the focus of our attention and therefore affect the success (or lack of it) in our lives."
In my last post, I discussed how in the moment of facing a difficult situation, changing our focus is a really easy way to recover emotional wellbeing. To go a step further, our lives are a direct reflection of what we (consistently) focus upon and the quality of the questions we ask ourselves. Our internal dialogue (or self-talk) directs and controls our attention to the various aspects of our experience and is a deciding factor in the meaning we assign to events.
Personal Development "Guru" Tony Robbins is quoted as saying "The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of the questions you ask of yourself". He differentiates between low and high quality questions. Low quality questions are those questions that keep you stuck. High quality questions move you forward and help you to grow as a person.
For example, if you are facing a challenge, compare the impact of asking the question "How do I resolve this in a way that moves me forwards?" with "Why do I have this problem?" The "why" question, keeps you focussed on the problem and examination of the past. The "How" question faces you towards the future and is solution-orientated.
The questions that we ask ourselves have the power to create more joy, appreciation and happiness in our lives. Below are some examples of high quality questions that you may want to consider. Take a few moments to reflect on each one and notice how it affects your emotional state.
Morning Questions
What am I happy about in my life now? What about that makes me happy? How does that make me feel?
What am I appreciative or grateful about in my life now? What about that makes me appreciative/grateful? How does that make me feel?
What am I enjoying in my life right now? What about that do I enjoy? How does that make me feel?
Evening Questions
What have I given today?
In what ways have I been a giver today?
What did I learn today?
Problem Solving Questions
What is great about this problem?
What is not perfect yet? What am I willing to do to make it the way I want it? What am I willing no longer to do in order to make it the way that I want it?
How can I enjoy the process while I do what is necessary to make it the way I want it?
"Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers" - Anthony Robbins
"Dear Diary,
This year has got off to a flying start and I am right on track with the deliberate creation of the lifestyle and wellbeing I really want. And then it happened…my most-of-the-time adorable 5 year old dropped a drink on my laptop. Firstly, anyone who knows me, also knows that my MacBook is one of my most treasured possessions but add to that a few weeks of non-backed up work and we are looking at a major trauma! My first reaction was blind panic….But in even the worst situations, there is always a learning opportunity… so apart from the obvious lesson (to back up my work more regularly!), how else can I learn to handle situations more effectively so if nothing else I can limit the emotional fall out?"
Even when we have made the decision to become the deliberate creators of our lives, there are going to be some unforeseen events, seemingly outside of our control, that knock us off balance and set us back. With hindsight, we may spot the clues or patterns of thinking that led up to the situation we face, but in immediately going into the analysis of what went wrong, we will tend to set ourselves up for guilt and regret, and this doesn’t serve us in getting back on track.
What we can do, even in the moment of experiencing a set back, is to make a conscious decision on how we are going to respond. This isn’t about taking action…instead its about making choices about the emotional journey that we want to take.
Taking action from any place of unresourcefulness is rarely going to give us the outcome we really want because we will miss so many of the options available to us. So, in the event that a situation triggers you into feeling anything less than good, the first step is always about emotional recovery. How can you soothe yourself into feeling better (internally) in this moment despite how the situation (externally) looks right now?
In my "laptop" situation, I started to put my focus of attention on to possible hidden benefits of what had happened. This was a challenge initially but, slowly, the process of telling myself a different and better feeling story began to work. The trauma of thinking about all the lost files became an opportunity to rework and redesign projects to make them even better. The effort of finding out how to get the laptop repaired became an opportunity to do a bit of retail therapy at the Trafford Centre (where the nearest Apple shop happens to be!). And the devastation of losing my treasured laptop became thoughts of somehow manifesting a brand new, shiny MacBook Air!
And telling myself a different story about the situation had a surprisingly different effect than I could have imagined…less than 24 hours later, I write this blog on my (now fixed and working) MacBook… Maybe in thinking differently about the situation, I released the resistance to something miraculous happening… and all it took was some self-soothing thought (and a bit of help from a friend)….And how much easier was that?!! (Right, I’m off to do a back up now!)
"Dear Diary
Every New Year's Eve, I spend the evening reviewing the last twelve months and setting goals for the year ahead. Not only does this save me from the dreaded New Year's Day hangover, but I really find it clarifies my thinking and my intentions for my life. In short, I get to work out what is really most important to me! As I reflect on 2008, I realise it was a year of consolidation, but there were a few areas where I am still not achieving what I want. So how can I make sure that this year will be truly successful?"
As I plan for an outstanding 2009, there are a number of questions that I ask myself to understand how I limit myself from reaching my potential and to help me to identify what my key priorities are and which are the areas of my life where I want to invest my energy. As the saying goes, you can do anything but not everything...so making choices about how to spend your time is vital in achieving your goals.
Here are some questions to get you thinking about what you would like to create in 2009:
It can be more fun to get together with a friend and share your answers to these questions... then you have a buddy to keep you on track. Alternatively, if you don't yet know what you really want and/or how to get it, you may consider coaching to help you gain some clarity. For more information visit www.tiffanykay.com
Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing ideas and hints for making this year your best year yet! In the meantime, I wish you all a very happy, healthy, prosperous, successful 2009!
Dear Diary. I have come to realise that being a deliberate creator in my life is about focusing on what I want and then allowing the process to unfold. Manifesting my desires in my life seems to be preceded by a feeling of alignment - an absolute knowing in my being - that something is about to happen. As soon as I have a sense of this alignment, almost instantly, what I have been waiting for appears in my life. So how do I create more alignment in my life so more good things come my way?
We all want good things to happen in our lives - whether it is something tangible like that new relationship, ideal job or dream car, or something less specific like a feeling of peace or happiness, more love and laughter, or a sense of wellbeing. Whatever we desire, we can have as long as we can bring ourselves into alignment with what we want. The only obstacle to having what we want right now, is the degree of resistance we have to achieving those desires.
So how do we get more aligned in a way that helps us to achieve more of what we want? I have noticed that there seem to be three key techniques that assist in the manifestation process:
1) Visualisation
Everyone makes pictures in their mind (whether you are conscious of these pictures or not). The real question is whether these pictures are empowering and bringing you more of what you do want or less than helpful and pushing your dreams further away. To use visualisation, firstly begin to create a picture in your mind's eye of what you would like in your life. It could be anything that you can think of that would make you feel good! Imagine that you have a fairy godmother with a magic wand granting you three wishes, what would you wish for? Pick one of these and start to get a sense of what you would be like if you had this now. How would you look? How would you feel? What else would be happening around you if you could manifest your desire? Really connect to all that this would bring you. Bring the picture to life with all of the senses.. what would you be hearing, seeing, feeling etc?. Allow yourself to expand into being that way and notice how that would be for you...And if you are still not sure what you want, imagine what you would be like if you did know. Visualisation is a powerful process for bringing you more of what you want but the trick is to ensure that you are connecting with being that way now, and you'll know when you are doing this effectively because it feels so good!
2) Affirmation
Sometimes it can be less than easy to connect with what it will be like to have achieved a desire when we are aware of the lack of having it now. For example, if you are in debt, it is easy to become so focused on the lack of money, that picturing yourself as a millionaire is not an easy task. This is where affirmations are so powerful. An affirmation is a statement of success, stated in the present as though it has already occurred. For example, "Money flows easily and effortlessly to me". Now if you are facing a mountain of unpaid bills, that statement may feel like quite a stretch, but here is the best bit... you don't need to believe the statement initially for it to work, you can just act "as if" it is true. So if I act as if money does flow easily and effortlessly to me, how would I be feeling?... maybe much more peaceful, calm or simply just relieved! It doesn't matter as long as I can access the feeling it brings me in the now, because then I am getting into alignment behind my desire... and the rest will follow!
3) Appreciation
The final process for instant manifestation is appreciation. It has taken me a while to realise how important appreciation and gratitude are in bringing more of what I want into my life. In simple terms, appreciation raises your emotional (vibrational) level, the quickest way to bring you into alignment with your desires. One tip is to start a gratitude diary where you give thanks for everything you do already have in your life. Even when we don't have all that we want in that moment, it is easy to think of some things that you can be grateful for. Even on a really tough day, I have managed to express gratitude for just getting through it in one piece and with my sanity (mainly) intact!
Remember with all of this, its about having fun and being joyful. Deliberate creation is as much about enjoying the process of manifestation as it is about actually having what you want!
"Dear Diary, I don't usually watch the news but last night I had it on in the background whilst I worked. Once again, I was shocked by the amount of tragedy and suffering in the world. Many of us are driven by the desire to make a difference and to make the world a better place. But when we are surrounded by so much media information on the problems of the world, its difficult to ever imagine being able to make a significant change. How can one person really make a difference?"
The news (and media in general) offers a real challenge to everyone who wants to live an inspiring life. Whilst it is important to stay abreast of current affairs, the general tendency of the media to focus on negative events can lead us to believe that the world is unsafe and unjust. If we buy into that life philosophy, it is easy to become demoralised and feel less than inspired.
The truth is that there is suffering and tragedy in the world but because of the way that the media filters information and focuses on reporting events that will provide the most dramatic effect, we are much more aware of these negative events than all the positive changes taking place around the world. I notice more and more people are looking for ways to make a difference, both in their own lives and the lives of people around them. I have found it helpful in my life to generally avoid watching or reading the news as it helps me to stay more focused on creating happiness and joy...I've noticed that if there is anything I really need to know, someone will always find a way to tell me!
It is worth remembering that we are not here to "make a difference". Our perception of our self is not dependent on us being "worthy" or "good". We are perfect and whole just as we are (NOW!) and we know when we are on track when we get those feel good feelings. And yet there is something to be said for treading lightly on the planet whilst we are here and not intending to create undue suffering or hardship for others, simply because our relationship with others is really a mirror for our relationship with ourselves. If we treat others with a lack of respect or consideration, the chances are we are probably doing the same to ourselves through our internal dialogue, self talk, or just how we take care of our wellbeing.
If we feel a sense of purpose or passion to make a difference and stand up for something we believe in, the Law of Attraction still applies! If we join a group that is "against" anything we are adding to the energy and resistance around that topic. We need to be "for" or "pro" the change that we want to see in the world. Mother Teresa was asked why she would not demonstrate against war:
" I was once asked why I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there."
So my purpose is not to be "against" suffering or hardship, I am "for" the opportunity for each and every one of us to live an inspired and fulfilling life, in whatever way FEELS right for you!
"Dear Diary. Over the last few days, I have really come to understand the importance of my emotions as my "inner guidance system". I am really aware that when I feel good, I am attracting more positive things into my life and when I feel bad, I can be pretty sure that I am attracting negative experiences. I have noticed significant changes to my overall emotional standpoint . I spend much more time being content and accepting of where I am whilst still being clear about what I want to create. I even feel good about some of the things that I want that have not yet arrived... I can be in joyful anticipation of what is on its way! I still experience negative emotions but my ability to recover from them is much quicker and I recognise that setbacks are only temporary. I am beginning to truly recognise that I am the creator of my own experience"
The principles of the Law of Attraction have been part of my life for some time now, and yet, I am noticing a deepening of my understanding of how our emotions provide us with our own internal guidance system to let us know when we are moving towards our goals and when we are off track. Our thoughts are our point of attraction and yet we don't need to constantly monitor our thoughts (which would be a time consuming task!), as our emotions our are feedback source to let us know what we are creating. The analogy used by Abraham Hicks is that our feelings are like our Sat Nav system, gently guiding us when we are heading in the right direction and reminding us when we are not. Those "feeling bad" emotions are the equivalent of the Sat Nav saying "turn around when possible"!
We all experience a range of emotions from anger, disappointment and frustration to joy, peace and appreciation. And within that range, we will tend to find an emotional standpoint that we occupy more often than others. John Overdurf refers to this as our "enduring state of being"... the emotional state that we go to in the absence of environmental stimulation (ie when people/events are not causing us to act or react!). As our enduring state moves towards peace, joy and appreciation, it is much more likely that we will attract positive experiences into our lives.
So how do we raise our emotional standpoint and access a more empowering enduring state of being?
Developing this conscious process of recognising our point of attraction through the guidance of our emotions allows us to move towards our goals easily and effortlessly. As we fine tune this awareness and are able to track and align/re-align ourselves with what we want, we literally become the deliberate creators of our own experience.
For more on this, you may enjoy reading "The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent" by Abraham Hicks