“Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone.”

-       Margaret Whealtey

Whether it’s you, your neighbour of a spinning electron – we exist because we relate to something or someone else.

Even master craftsman like Da Vinci or Michelangelo succeeded because they worked with or for others.

In our increasingly interconnected world this is even more true.

My house has been recently sold. This temporary abode was only a rental so it was time to move on – and I am now emigrating to India.

I knew the agent though our mutual interest in art. Sad to say, my immediate reaction was ‘why him?’

I know that is a negative thing to say – perhaps I need to assess my own attitude.

Let me explain.

I have studied body language for decades. Even in the art gallery I always felt this man was  smiling at a distance.  I felt I was being talked to – or even sold too – which I didn’t like when appreciating a sculpture or painting.

He was presenting and never listening – a moving, talking sales robot.

Yes he was good at his job – and as soon as it looked like he had a sale I was no longer useful and strangely my calls were ignored.

He makes sales but internally he is very alone.

Relationships work when you are both credible and vulnerable.

Think about your closest business associates. I’m talking about [people you work witjh, have a drink with after work and even have round for a barbeque.

Now think about your close business associates only.

If you stuff up, who is always more forgiving and helpful in fixing up your mess?

If you are never close to people they may admire and respect you and talk about you behind your bacjk when it all goes wrong.

Of course, it will.

Master business coach Brian Tracy points out that most business people fail 17 times before they hit it big. He also says you should expect a business threatening crisis every two and a half to 3 months.

In other words, you need friends- genuine frends. The type of intimate associates and mentors who see you asboth a business professional and as a genuine caring human.

You need to get beyond the business bravado and talk abour what matters – the kids, your fears dreams even those issues that keep you awake at night.

They wont think less of you. Infact, they will epathise and feal endeared to you.

Think about it.

In the business world  every introduction has two goals – to continue to build your credibility but also to show vulnerability.

“Let me be clear, vulnerability is not self-deprecation” wrote networker Lisa Sasevich . “You’re not diminishing yourself. You’re showing your heart. You’re giving people a way to connect with you, to see you as a real person, to see that you’re just like them.”

Lisa suggests you move pretty quickly into my vulnerability story. This also conveys credibility.

It also gets away from slipping into negativity. No one likes a Sad Sap.The where you were andhow you are now approach works brilliantly.

Or even the where you were, where you are, and where you intend to be approach. Show your passion and how you are determined to rise above the challenges.

You may even get some helpful hints.

What is it that lights you fire? Find your passion and find how you can use it to help others succeed.

Lisa Sasavich stumbled into her expertise around sales conversion because she was passionate about women understanding men.

The surfer ‘bum’ discovered a passion in helping people and health after nearly dying of strychnine poisoning and meeting heath specialist Paul Bragg.

Both these people don’t just talk there passion. They master in matching what they offer to what others value most.

This means building relationships now – and not when you need it.

Imagine being put off at work and being able to make ten or twenty calls and finding a job almost instantly.

Be Generous

Don’t be a relationship Jerk. You know the type- who throw business cards in everyone’s face. people who don’t care one iota

As Law of Attraction coach Robert Anthony  reminds us: Help others succeed where you want to be successful. Then your success will multiply.

Succeed in Numbers

Are you passionate about a sport?  Invite some friends. Do you like wine? Share it with friends. Why not do your workout in a group?

Sure, there is time to do things alone.

You could develop trading network, It could be an old style bring a plate affair where you each bring something – and a friend. Or a few of you host a night together – a shared expense- and invite friends the other does not know.

Don’t Limit You Options

Its al to easy to tell yourself something will not work.

I like Joe vitals recommendation:

“What is the most fun thing you can do right now that is in alignment with my intentions.”

When it comes to working with others, it is all to easy to be tangled up with the latest new craze. To get another adrenaline rush as you try out a program, get bored and move onto the next one.

There is a balancing act here.

A balance between hardnosed in our single minded focus and being ‘soft eyed’ and open to new ideas.

You have no doubt seen, or heard of the selective attention test.

Clearly we need focus to achieve our intention.

We also need to relax to respond too, and encourage, our creativity and intuition.

Follow your intuition, don’t be so goal focused that you scare people away.

Life is to be lived. It is a journey to enjoy and not a struggle to achieve some day in the future.

The Huna tradition has a meditation that stimulates a 180 degree vision by entering into a meditative state using the HA breath.

Peripheral vision has even been used to help improve sight with the Yoga for the Eyes technique.

How can we expand our mental peripheral focus?

By taking time to meditate and reduce our attachment to the outcome.

Be focused on your intention but then relax and listen  …..

Rsspond to the answers and follow your intuition. Like a yachtsman, trim the sales and constantly correct you’re your course by reading the winds of experience.

Life is the ultimate mirror of your inner world.

Enjoy your intuition and ride with it – but keep pointed toward your intention.

Like a surfer you must ride the waves offered to you – while you intend to perfectly surf the wave of life.

Most of those waves that force upon us are people oriented. So we must learn to ride the vagaries of others. Never forget our intention. Never get side tracked by the vagaries of fashion.

Learn to develop your connections and work with others and mutually – together – enjoy meeting your own desires by fulfilling others values.

Image: dangerous relationships by ~CheshireC

What do you do when you have failed so badly and you cannot trust yourself?

Or the pain of life is so great you cannot get beyond doubts and learn to trust again?

In those moments it is hard to reach beyond measuring ourselves by an external standard.

Yet to live in a state of low – to truly attract the life of your desires, be gentle.

Edison made many mistakes on the way to inventing the light bulb. Treat corrections as a yachtsman treats adjustments in the wind and ocean. He constantly shifts course and trims his sails to best catch the prevailing wind.

Is your life really a failure? Or will adversity become an opportunity?

Energy follows focus and builds on what you place your attention upon.

So begin each day , or even end each day as you go to sleep, with these four questions:

1. What made me happy today?
2. What gave me a sense of peace and comfort today?
3. What inspired me today?
4. What Can I celebrate that I did right today?

Never accept discomfort or tension.

We have been brainwashed to believe hardship and struggle is part of the process of success.

To appoint this is true.

A body builder knows he must strain against heavy weights if he hopes to build his physique. But if body building is his passion this is no struggle – it is a delight. It may be hard but he is prepared to wpork through the strain.

Likewise if you want a degree, chances are there will be lessons that bore you or you don’t like. Bu having a passion for a goal makes it all worth it.

When the negative challenges release the emotional- body connection to the resistance. Try EFT or Richard Ross’ Emotional Freedom and Healing.

So how can you stay on purpose and live and know your passion?

Evaluate your Vision for the 12 Life Areas.

Both john Demartini and Vishen Lakhaini ask you to evaluate your life vision purpose in 12 life areas:

What is your vision for

1. Life and Fitness
2. Intellectual Life
3. Emotional Life
4. Character
5. Spiritual Values
6. Love Relationships
7. Parenting vision
8. Social life
9. Financial Life
10. Career
11. Quality of life
12. Overall Life Vision

Vishen Lakhaini recommends you ask for each of these areas:

• What do I want?
• Why do I want it?
• What is my strategy?
• What are my beliefs about this topic.

Lakhaini spent four eight hour days on this before he launched into his present business success. He attributes his success to being clear about these goals. He even has 12 separate vision boards.

The Demartini Method is a little more complex, but has the advantage of revealing the underlying feelings behind how our life manifests our values.

Many people become stuck when analyzing their feelings. Demartini asks you to look at your life’s objective reality and then ask what values are driving these results.

It can be reduced to analyzing 12 questions;

1. How do you fill your space?
2. How do you spend your time?
3. How do you spend your energy?
4. How do you spend your money?
5. Where are you most organized?
6. Where are you most disciplined?
7. What do you think about?
8. What do you visualize?
9. What do you talk to yourself about?
10. What do you talk with others about?
11. What do you react to?
12. What are your goals?

Each of these questions is answered by looking at your present life. You write out atleast three or four answers to each that come clearly to mind. The next step is to discover the12 top life values – extracted from a list of 84 – in the mental, physical, spiritual, familial, social and vocational life areas.

Then match these up to the life questions. You will find you are successful in areas you value most, but struggle where values you have lowest on your list drive life areas that consume your time but have little meaning to you.

John Demartini teaches seven basic fears that can run your life and keep you from living your life to the fullest

1. Fear of breaking away from the values system of a perceived spiritual authority. (I on’t want to be considered a bad person or go to hell.)
2. Fear of not having the mental capability. (I’m not smart enough. I don’t have the credentials or degree.)
3. Fear of failure. (I’ll fall short.)
4. Fear of losing it all financially. (I’ll go broke or bankrupt. I won’t make enough money to survive.)
5. Fear of losing loved ones. (My parents might disown me, my lover will leave me, my kids will hate me . . .)
6. Fear of societal rejection. (I’m afraid of what people will think, I won’t fit in, and people won’t want to be with me.)
7. Fear of not having the physical capability. (I’m not tall enough, strong enough, or good looking enough. I don’t have the energy for all of this.)

Click here for  the FREE values inventory  eBook so you can determine your hierarchy of values and align your own competing values or with other peoples values.

Think about it.

When your values are in conflict, don’t you feel disempowered and frustrated? These conflicting life values are often hidden and reside deep in our shadow.

However, we manifest friends, and family who demonstrate these values in their life.

How often do we expect other people to do what we want when their values are diametrically opposed to our own? When we learn to recognize and love these sides of ourselves we feel empowered and empower others.

Expecting others to go against their hierarchy of values is madness.

When we love others for who they are, they become the people we want them to be.

The same is true of ourselves. When we know and accept ourselves, we give ourselves permission to grow.

Image: Life in Black and White by wikidly

In every bloggers life comes a special day - the day they first launch a new blog. Now unless you went out and purchased someone else's blog chances are your blog launched with only one very loyal reader - you. Maybe a few days later you received a few hits when you told your sister, father, girlfriend and best friend about your new blog but that's about as far you went when it comes to finding readers.Here are the top 10 techniques new bloggers can use to find readers.

These are tips specifically for new bloggers, those people who have next-to-no audience at the moment and want to get the ball rolling.

They come from the expertise of Yaro Starak, a professional blogger who is a Brisbane local, like myself.

It helps if you work on this list from top to bottom as each technique builds on the previous step to help you create momentum. Eventually once you establish enough momentum you gain what is called "traction", which is a large enough audience base (about 500 readers a day is good) that you no longer have to work too hard on finding new readers. Instead your current loyal readers do the work for you through word of mouth.

Here are Yaro’s Top 10 Tips

10. Write at least five major "pillar" articles. A pillar article is usually a tutorial style article aimed to teach your audience something. Generally they are longer than 500 words and have lots of very practical tips or advice. This article you are currently reading could be considered a pillar article since it is very practical and a good "how-to" lesson. This style of article has long term appeal, stays current (it isn't news or time dependent) and offers real value and insight. The more pillars you have on your blog the better.

9. Write one new blog post per day minimum. Not every post has to be a pillar, but you should work on getting those five pillars done at the same time as you keep your blog fresh with a daily news or short article style post. The important thing here is to demonstrate to first time visitors that your blog is updated all the time so they feel that if they come back tomorrow they will likely find something new. This causes them to bookmark your site or subscribe to your blog feed.

You don't have to produce one post per day all the time but it is important you do when your blog is brand new. Once you get traction you still need to keep the fresh content coming but your loyal audience will be more forgiving if you slow down to a few per week instead. The first few months are critical so the more content you can produce at this time the better.

8. Use a proper domain name. If you are serious about blogging be serious about what you call your blog. In order for people to easily spread the word about your blog you need an easily rememberable domain name. People often talk about blogs they like when they are speaking to friends in the real world (that's the offline world, you remember that place right?) so you need to make it easy for them to spread the word and pass on your URL. Try and get a .com if you can and focus on small easy to remember domains rather than worry about having the correct keywords (of course if you can get great keywords and easy to remember then you've done a good job!).

7. Start commenting on other blogs. Once you have your pillar articles and your daily fresh smaller articles your blog is ready to be exposed to the world. One of the best ways to find the right type of reader for your blog is to comment on other people's blogs. You should aim to comment on blogs focused on a similar niche topic to yours since the readers there will be more likely to be interested in your blog.

Most blog commenting systems allow you to have your name/title linked to your blog when you leave a comment. This is how people find your blog. If you are a prolific commentor and always have something valuable to say then people will be interested to read more of your work and hence click through to visit your blog.

6. Trackback and link to other blogs in your blog posts. A trackback is sort of like a blog conversation. When you write a new article to your blog and it links or references another blogger's article you can do a trackback to their entry. What this does is leave a truncated summary of your blog post on their blog entry - it's sort of like your blog telling someone else's blog that you wrote an article mentioning them. Trackbacks often appear like comments.

This is a good technique because like leaving comments a trackback leaves a link from another blog back to yours for readers to follow, but it also does something very important - it gets the attention of another blogger. The other blogger will come and read your post eager to see what you wrote about them. They may then become a loyal reader of yours or at least monitor you and if you are lucky some time down the road they may do a post linking to your blog bringing in more new readers.

5. Encourage comments on your own blog. One of the most powerful ways to convince someone to become a loyal reader is to show there are other loyal readers already following your work. If they see people commenting on your blog then they infer that your content must be good since you have readers so they should stick around and see what all the fuss is about. To encourage comments you can simply pose a question in a blog post. Be sure to always respond to comments as well so you can keep the conversation going.

4. Submit your latest pillar article to a blog carnival. A blog carnival is a post in a blog that summarizes a collection of articles from many different blogs on a specific topic. The idea is to collect some of the best content on a topic in a given week. Often many other blogs link back to a carnival host and as such the people that have articles featured in the carnival enjoy a spike in new readers.

To find the right blog carnival for your blog, do a search at http://blogcarnival.com/.

3. Submit your blog to blogtopsites.com. To be honest this tip is not going to bring in a flood of new readers but it's so easy to do and only takes five minutes so it's worth the effort. Go to Blog Top Sites, find the appropriate category for your blog and submit it. You have to copy and paste a couple of lines of code on to your blog so you can rank and then sit back and watch the traffic come in. You will probably only get 1-10 incoming readers per day with this technique but over time it can build up as you climb the rankings. It all helps!

2. Submit your articles to EzineArticles.com. This is another tip that doesn't bring in hundreds of new visitors immediately (although it can if you keep doing it) but it's worthwhile because you simply leverage what you already have - your pillar articles. Once a week or so take one of your pillar articles and submit it to Ezine Articles. Your article then becomes available to other people who can republish your article on their website or in their newsletter.

How you benefit is through what is called your "Resource Box". You create your own resource box which is like a signature file where you include one to two sentences and link back to your website (or blog in this case). Anyone who publishes your article has to include your resource box so you get incoming links. If someone with a large newsletter publishes your article you can get a lot of new readers at once.

1. Write more pillar articles. Everything you do above will help you to find blog readers however all of the techniques I've listed only work when you have strong pillars in place. Without them if you do everything above you may bring in readers but they won't stay or bother to come back. Aim for one solid pillar article per week and by the end of the year you will have a database of over 50 fantastic feature articles that will work hard for you to bring in more and more readers.

As a student of Yaro’s blog mentor program, I can whole heartedly recommend his Blog Mastermind mentoring program designed to teach bloggers how to earn a full time income blogging part time.

Master sales coach Eric Lofholm reminds us that to be successful we must Do What We Know.

If you know you must do twenty five calls a day to get clients then you do it.

Lofholm recommends calculating your success baseline and them constantly improving from there.

List the top ten things you can do to expand your business, and help more happier clients. Now rate your effectiveness and passion for each task from zero to ten. Redo this exercise every 90 days.

Now work on improving each skill just one point on your scale. Perhaps your ability to relax a client is a five. Or you rate yourself a five for advertising. Then simply work to make them a six.

Chances are you will see immediate improvement.

… then you will plateau.

How Do You Conquer Discouragement in these more difficult times?

Get used to it.

It is in these times that we can make our greatest breakthroughs. If we constantly focus on improvement – be it ever so small – we will have toughen up and have a break through.
Success coach James Arthur Ray uses the work of Nobel Lauriat for Chemistry, Ilya Prigogine, to show that “we grow in direct proportion to the amount of chaos we can sustain and dissipate.”
All systems go through different phases of life. Each time our system is overwhelmed by too much energy moving towards chaos, unable to dissipate the excess. Pushed to the brink, the system either breaks down or breaks through.

If it breaks through it reorganizes at a higher level and the adjusting system grows dynamically. Because it is this stress we are pushed to reorganize at a higher level and increase our prowess to manifest our desires.
Will you break through, or break up?

Stay focused on your goals.

Brooding is a waste of time. Ask what you can do next to bring you closer to your goal.

Get back on your bike.

When your knocked down, immediately start again. If you have to start on another project just to clear your head. Move forward and don’t quit. If there is something to learn from rejection, accept the les but don’t take it personally.

Checkout the success of others.

Success leaves clues, and inspires your creativity. Learn to access your unconscious mind to find the solutions that will make you just as successful.

Mentor others.

Few things inspire you as much as seeing your protégé excel. You will feel encouraged, appreciated and be inspired to greater ever expanding achievement. 

Accept constructive criticism.

You cannot see your self as others can. So listen. You may not agree with how its presented or with everything said. The fact that someone finds something to improve means others probably feel that way too. So what can you learn from it? 

Keep it fun.

You are at your most creative and successful when you dance with life.

Use a life coach.

The worlds greatest achievers a coach. A coach makes you accountable. A coach also has a fresh perspective intended to make you better. Rather than relax into mediocrity, a coach pushes you through the chaos to a new level of power.

Keep healthy.

When all is going wrong it’s easy to slip into work, hard work and more work. Take plenty of rest and you will work better and more creatively. Exercise will energize you and help you stay flexible of mind and body.

Health food will keep you energized while excessive coffee will eventually stress, tire and discourage you.

When Tiger Woods won the Masters for the first time – with a record winning margin, his coach then had him reinvent his swing.

At first his results dropped. The media criticized him and he simply replied he was improving.

Improving? Your results sure don’t show it.

Then it all came together. He then went on to win seven consecutive championships. To compare, Jack Nicklaus won only 3 in a row!

Sticking through a plateau may not be fun. Stick with it and grow at every opportunity.

The results will be worth it.

Does your partner do something that really annoys you – I means REALLY upsets you?
Or is your work, your life, the Universe conspiring to wreck your life?

Other people, especially those closes to us, tend to reflect the shadow side of our personality – the side of yourself that you deny or refuse to face up too.

When you learn to love and integrate these same annoying characteristics in yourself suddenly your whole world, your love and passion feels free and light.

The heavy burden is lifted.

Pinpoint the specific most negative trait?

What trait, action, inaction do I dislike, despise, or consider negative or repulsive about this person?

What is it about this person that pushes you away?  While your at it, are there any other traits that annoy you about this person? Apply the following steps to these traits too.

Name anyone who has observed or recognized the same trait in you?

You may choose to use initials for brevity.

We all have the same characteristics that upset us in our own personality – that is why we can recognize them in others.

Keep writing until you are completely convinced you have see this trait to the same extent in yourself – this is called ‘integrating your shadow’.

Have I ever benefited from behaving the same way?

How have I used this same upsetting characteristic to benefit myself when I have acted or behaved this way?

Can you see how this trait can be equally of service or disservice blessing or curse?

This helps neutralize any contempt or fear of the character trait itself.

When I caused this event how did it benefit me or others?

You could also ask How have others who see this trait in me benefited from it?

Using abbreviations try to write out at least 15 benefits.

This helps dissolve any shame or guilt Ask yourself again: Can you see how this trait can be equally of service or disservice blessing or curse?

Has anyone seen the exact opposite trait in that person?

Name anyone who has seen the exact opposite of the negative trait in the other person

List as many initials of people who have seen the opposite, possibly good, trait.

You could ask: where and when does (s)he show this trait?
Can you see that this person has the trait and it’s opposite equally?
Where and when did this person exhibit the exact opposite trait?

This helps dissolve the illusion of all or nothing, black or white, good bad thinking about people.

Lets expand your awareness of the balance of opposites in your life experience.

Think back at the times when you were upset by the annoying trait of your lover. Who else was there? Who was acting out the exact opposite trait at that same moment?

(If you were attacked verbally, did someone defend you for example? When (s)he was critical or negative, who was positive of me).

Repeat this for every occasion you can remember being upset by that person.

Can you see there has been a simultaneous expression of this trait and its opposite at the very same time?

According to John Demartini, do this enough and you will begin to focus on the present. There is no need to focus on the good old days – they may not have been as good as distorted memories remind you – or as bad as you want to tell yourself to justify your failings.

You can begin to enjoy the synchronicity of the present moment when you learn how to look and see the counterbalancing of values in your awareness.

Every trait is neutral until you or someone else judges it as good or bad. So lets dissolve any remaining fantasies about other people and see both sides.

If  the other person acted the exact opposite what would be the drawback to me?

What would be the disadvantage to me of they were the way I wanted them to be?

Keep listing all possible reasons why you would lose out if they were the way you wanted. keep going until you feel no more resentment.

The previous exercise can be expanded to be a life changing exercise.

Imagine you list not one – but about twenty characteristics of a person or event that profoundly hurt you. You may find – as did id I – that I suddenly found deeper, darker scarier past events come to the surface.

When we can only see differences, separation and opposition we build resentment.

When we are infatuated, we see no differences our identity becomes submerged into the other person.

In a healthy relationship, there is  unity through duality when two people have  separate identities but remain connected. A similar approach can be used to neutralize infatuations.

Symbolized in ancient traditions as the vesica pisces, thiswas the symbol of Venus, the virgin Mary, it was adapted by the early Christians in the form of the icthus, or Jesus fish, symbolizing a connection between heaven and earth, or g-d and man.

When using this process for a list of traits as part of the Demartini Method, people report

• Tears of inspiration,
• Growth in self love,
• Unconditional gratitude
• Unconditional love
• Fearlessness and guiltlessness
• Reduced mind chatter
• Balance, centredness and integration
• Lightness and weightlessness
• Non local all sense presence of a loved one
• Experience of light
• Certainty of truth
• Desire to embrace
• Uplifted head and eyes in gratitude
• A domino effect of a deeper understanding of past events

EFT significantly reduces your cravings, states Griffith University School of Medicine lecuturer and researcher Dr Peta Stapleton. EFT can reduce food cravings in theshort and longterm.

While EFT did not change weight or body mass during the six month trial, EFT is an effective  psychological intervention combined wirh a weight loss/dietary program.

A study by psychologist Dr Stapleton and EFT practitioner Terri Sheldon examined the effectiveness of EFT for food cravings.

The study investigated if food cravings play a role in weight loss and if it is impoertant in controlling cravings.

Most participants rated their cravings at around 9 or 10, but after trreatment 79 per cent rated the intensity of their cravings at four or less. After six months, almost 60 per cent were still rating their cravings at four or below.

The Randomised Clinical Trial compared a group of 96 overweight or obese adults received EFT  with matched waitlist of 47 adults who received no EFT for the same period.

The EFT group attended a 4 week group based program run by EFT practitioner Mr Brett Porter. The Program taught participants how to use EFT to control cravings.

Food craving, the perceived power of food, restraint capabilities and psychological symptoms and weight measurements were assessed pre-, post- and 6-months after the treatment.

While a  post-test, ANOVAs found EFT significantly decreasedcravings, psychological symptoms and the percieved power of the capacity for restraint was not initially reduced signficantly but had a delayed effect, achieving significance after 6-months.

The research received a grant from the Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology (USA).

Are teenagers programmed to take risks?

Teenagers don’t take risks because they cannot foresee the consequences; research published in the journal Cognitive Development.

Teenager stake risks because they like it, said the article ‘Adolescents’ heightened risk-seeking in a probabilistic gambling task’.

After studying the behavior of 86 boys and men 9 to 35 year olds playing a computer gambling game, scientists at University College London (UCL) found the teenagers experienced more enjoyment from winning in a ‘lucky escape’ situation.

This could help explain why teenagers are more likely to take bigger risks.

Each was asked to play computer games, during which they made decisions in order to win points. After each game scientists recorded how satisfied or dissatisfied they were with the outcome.

Compared with the other groups, the riskiest behaviour was seen in 14-year olds.

The UCL results suggest teens are good at weighing up the pros and cons of decisions but take risks because they enjoy the thrill

“The reason that teenagers take risks is not a problem with foreseeing the consequences. It was more because they chose to take those risks,” said lead author of Dr Stephanie Burnett from the UCL Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience.

“This is the first evidence from a lab-based study that adolescents are risk-takers. We are one step forward in determining why teenagers engage in extremely risky behaviours such as drug use and unsafe sex,” she said.

Are we really surprised?

In the Western world we have lost touch with the rites of passage practiced in past societies –for example the Bar mitzvah in Judaism.

I thought the studies release timely because Monday evening begins the Jewish celebration of Passover which reveals an interesting viewpoint of human nature in the Seder ritual.

I believe, the message behind the practice transcends culture and religion especially in our increasingly connected world.

A Jewish boy of twelve becomes subject to Jewish law at his Bar Mitzvah – technically he need not eat kosher food until then, although parents are enjoined in Jewish law to teach the traditions from childhood.

From the story of Adam and Eve – and throughout the bible – there is an idea that a person returns to the creator after having realized the futility of selfishness returning to the joys of altruism and generosity.

“The onset of adolescence marks an explosion in ‘risky’ activities – from dangerous driving, unsafe sex and experimentation with alcohol, to poor dietary habits and physical inactivity” said co-author Dr Sarah-Jayne Blakemore.

“This contributes to the so-called ‘health paradox’ of adolescence, whereby a peak in lifetime physical health is paradoxically accompanied by high mortality and morbidity. ‘

Of course, in past societies, at the point a boy will enter his most challenging period- when the Yatzah Hara or evil inclination peaks says Kabbalah, they are enjoined to smarten up – to take on responsibilities and move into manhood.

We in the West seem to argue that we should make the teenage years a responsibility free zone.

Meanwhile, traditional societies recognize the passages of youth and simultaneously urge using these challenges to force us to grow and mature.

While sensitivity is required in teenage years learning comers from handling greater responsibility.

During the Seder celebration four children are depicted asking why the celebration is conducted.

The first child is described as wicked- but does that mean here is without hope?

Recently, Rabbi Yisrael Rice wrote about the teenage approach to life and this Seder ritual.

The Seder or Passover celebration was first celebrated before marching out of Egypt.

“Even before we leave Egypt, G?d is telling us that in the future, your kids will give you lip. I guess it is full disclosure.” He wrote.

However, analysis approaches the contrast of a detailed – and in fact quiet long ritual laden celebration – with teenage challenge.

“S/he is at a remarkable stage in life of seeking self-definition. In order to adequately experience this stage s/he does not want to be part of the norms of general society. This may manifest itself in many shapes and forms. But the common denominator is that they are now, in some way, apart from the world of their childhood years. And if you don’t go through this stage, well then, you are still a kid” he said.

His childhood past is no longer  their reality. He must forge their new reality

This youths question chillingly reveals something about us as growing humans , the reason behind the Seder and how we must also develop.

After all as teenager he is no doubt feeling his parents disapproval about something.

This is how Rice describes the youths view of Passover.

“So this child comes and says: “G?d took you out of Egypt. Whatever was sacred to the Egyptians became dinner to you. As you became defined as a nation, as your identity developed, you rejected everything around you to experience something new and sublime.”

Yep – that is the story – go and sacrifice some sheep splash its blood on your doorposts and upset the Egyptians who had a ram god.

“And now you are all getting together to celebrate this event. Are you still lifting yourselves up beyond your surroundings? Or have you settled into mediocrity? Have you now created new “norms” to box you in? “

‘I thought the whole idea of Passover was redemption and change. All I see is matzah balls and roast beef.”

It is not apparent at first reading but the Hebrew word for Egypt is Mitzrayim related to the word meitzrayim or straights and limitations.

According to the interpretive explanations of the Midrash, 80% of the Jewish people refused to leave Egypt, preferring familiar misery to unfamiliar freedoms.

That  is one reason why events maneuvered Pharaoh to desperately throwing them out!

Leaving Egypt is as much about escaping spiritual, emotional and Intellectual boundaries as it was about feeing the land of the Nile.

“In every generation” says the Talmud “a person is obligated to regard himself as if he personally left Egypt.”

Isn’t that thevey message of the teenager?

“Look at me,” s/he says, “Do you see what I am about? I am about change! However life has been until now will not do. My life is a point of departure. A redemption, as it were. I may need to wear different clothes, talk funny and be less accessible in order to facilitate my change.”

Of course, all this tradition with its seemingly boring rules and regulations seems so stifling. Well, for a kabbalist, the whole experience is full of meaning if you know how to experience it. There is  a reminder in the tradition of a need for personal transformation.

If the Passover is meaningful for you it can change your life.

Of the youthful challenge the Seder ritual text, or Haggadah, responds “So too, shall you blunt his teeth,” or remove the edge of his argument.

How this is done according to Rice is not by arguing and fighting, but borrowing from Steven Covey, a paradigm shift.

Covey wrote of a man whose children acted terribly on a train , eventually someone spoke up. However, once everyone realized that these children had just lost their mother to death everyone’s anger dissolved.

That understanding makes possible the ability to assist.

Perhaps the best way to blunt the teeth of a teenage rebel is to hear his message.

Yes he must grow into his responsibilities over time- we cannot just whitewash growing up. By example, compassion and strong guidance when needed, we can understand why s/he acts the way s/he does.

We can see that perhaps science is catching up to kabbalah.

“Understanding why adolescents take such risks is important for public health interventions and for families,” said researcher Dr Sarah-Jayne Blakemore.

But then, Kabbalah is about the analytical analysis of experience anyway. It is not blind faith. Those strange rituals challenged by the youth are full of meaning that ask us to question our own life and to move beyond our boundaries.

However. like a teenager, we must be prepared to embrace change. At the same time, being prepared to dig deeper into hose boring past traditions,  can reveal a deeper meaning for the modern world.

We mostly suppress emotions as a way to avoid expressing them. All social groups beginning with the family, develop their own sets of good manners and behaviors which govern the acceptable and unacceptable times for emotional expression. A society full of people all spontaneously expressing their emotions threatens unending chaos.

In order to form polite, civil, working groups, individuals must somehow control their emotional energies. Maturing socially means learning to rein in our natural (but childish) tendency for emotional expression.

Yet while emotional suppression may sometimes serve a useful purpose, inhibiting the free flow of emotional energies over the course of a lifetime causes serious damage to our bodies, minds and spirits. Our efforts to stifle emotion become a stifling of life itself. Though the symptoms vary, most people die from a slow suicide of self strangulation. Therefore we must understand just how badly emotional suppression injures us, even as we find healthier ways to deal with ever flowing emotional energies.

When we suppress an emotion, the energy of that emotion does not go away.

Instead it subsides, it sinks deeper. Rather than resolve the emotional energy through some form of response, we choose to hold it inside. Though the immediacy of the feeling may pass, the energy does not. We hold it deep inside and, typically it stays inside.

Mass becomes energy as energy becomes mass. Although emotional energy forms the  most subtle stuff, it is stuff nonetheless. If you hold enough of this stuff inside you, then you become energetically “stuffed up,” which carries the same implications as a stuffed nose, stuffed colon, stuffed arteries, or even owning too much stuff.

Energy moves within the body in regular currents and beyond in radiant fields.

As emotional suppression becomes an unconscious habit and emotional energy becomes stuffed inside, the free movement of vital energy gradually degrades.

Think of a wide rushing river into which one daily throws several large stones. Over the course of a lifetime the river becomes clogged, diminished, and sluggish. Likewise, over the course of a human lifetime the habitual suppression of emotion energy clogs and diminishes the once rushing river of light.

As we clog and diminish the flow of emotional energy we block and interfere with the fundamental design and function of the human organism. This causes system wide dysfunction, with most biological processes failing to operate at full efficiency.

Life spans shorten and creative potential declines. Sickness, disease, and general unhappiness all take a larger than necessary role in the human drama. Our bodies and minds struggle through energy-starved lives, while suppressing great wells of life force within.

Emotional suppression inflicts injuries in specific places of the body. This occurs when, especially as children, we must suppress extremely traumatic emotions. The child who has just suffered a severe violation or who has suddenly learned of a huge loss will experience a great burst of emotional energy in response.

If for immediately compelling reasons the child suppresses that emotion, then all of the child’s surging energy becomes forcefully jammed somewhere in particular in the body.

The specific location will relate in some way to the specifics of the situation. If the child suffers physical injury, then emotional suppression may occur at the site of the injury. If the child contracts into a grimace or a frown, then emotional energy may lock in the muscles of the face.

Anywhere that the child experiences pain or tension during the traumatic event whether it be clenched firsts, upset stomach, spanked bottom, abused genitals, becomes a likely place to harbor suppressed emotional energies. And unless the child later experiences

deep healing, the suppressed energies of a traumatic event remain embodied forever.

When a strong charge of vital energy contracts in the body for a long period of time, the energy eventually becomes matter. The energy literally becomes an unhealthy, pathological mass. Suppressed emotional energy can become tumorous, harden arteries, stiffen joints, weaken bones. Suppressed emotional energy can precipitate the onset of cancer in any system or organ of the body.

Suppressed emotional energy can undermine the immune system and make a body vulnerable to innumerable illnesses.

Emotional suppression deforms the body. Whenever we suppress an emotion we physically contract some part or parts of the body. In time we develop patterns of repeated emotional suppression, which means that specific parts of the body must engage in chronic tension. Such long term chronic tension eventually alters body form and posture, invariably for the worse.

The “character lines” etched into an older person’s face result from years of tensing the face while struggling with emotional energy. A permanently hunched upper back reveals a person who never made peace with burdens and responsibilities, just as a caved in chest shows us someone overwhelmed with unresolved grief.

Years of fearing and resisting sex can tilt the pelvis back and away from other people. Angrily clenching the jaw will eventually grind the enamel off teeth, just as chronically clenching toes will shorten tendons in the feet, with ramifications throughout the body.

Emotional suppression leads to misshapen bodies. The tree will grow as we bend the twig. As human bodies grow, incalculable bending comes from the chronic physical contraction of emotional suppression.

Emotional suppression renders us less capable and responsive. Ideally, energy-in-motion empowers us to deal more effectively with the changes and challenges of life. Through the unconscious habit of suppressing emotional energy, we misplace the very essence of effective response.

The person who habitually suppresses all feelings of fear will stand frozen in the road unable to leap out of the way of approaching traffic. The person who suppresses all feelings of sadness will fail to fully resolve painful losses and may always suffer from chronic grief.

The person who habitually suppresses anger will feel forever oppressed and victimized by the inevitable violations of life. The person who suppresses feelings of sexual pleasure will drive little satisfaction from lovemaking and may manifest various forms of sexual deviation. We need our emotions. They provide us with the vital force to think creatively and act decisively.

The more successfully we suppress our emotions, the less successfully we do anything else.

Energy moves in both directions, inwards and outwards. Obstructing the flow in one direction is obstructing the flow in the other direction. The less you express, the less you feel and the less you feel, the less you express. For all its power, love cannot flow through an individual riddled with and crippled by chronic suppression. Every act of emotional suppression contracts your inflowing emotional energy and thus diminishes your experience of energy expanding love.

The more you condition yourself to emotional suppression, the less loveable you become.

Suppress any feelings of sadness and your capacity for love diminishes. Suppress and feelings of anger and your capacity for love diminishes. Suppress any emotion whether positive or negative, easy or difficult and your whole emotional experience, including and especially your capacity for love, diminishes. The opposite is true, anytime you allow yourself to feel and express emotions, you increase your capacity to experience love.

Emotional suppression causes fatigue. Suppressing strong emotion does not occur easily. It requires an act of forceful muscular contraction, stifled breath, and mental denial to engineer the origin suppression of an emotion. The stronger the emotion, the more force required and it requires continuing contraction and denial to sustain such suppression. Without the expenditure of great quantities

of energy, emotional suppression could not and would not occur. As the person ages, more and more vital energy is tied up in sustaining suppression. All of which just plain wears us down.

Emotional suppression undermines the healthy function of body and mind and stuffs inside the rushing energy of effective response. To make matters worse, emotional suppression requires that we permanently commit significant amounts of energy to keeping everything stuffed away, unfelt and unnoticed.

This places heavy demands on our daily resources. So much of the chronic fatigue that afflicts people stems from this unconscious sustaining of emotional suppression.

Though we have access to great wells of vital energy, we can only lose so much to the dynamics of suppression before we become chronically weakened.

Emotional suppression energetically disconnects us from the rest of our world.

The energy fields that surround a healthy human being extend outward to touch and meaningfully connect with other people and the environment. Through these vital energy connections we experience oneness and can communicate with others in the most profound and satisfying ways.

Positive emotions such as love, compassion, empathy, intimacy and trust only occur between people who can connect energetically. Telepathy works in the same way, we experience better nonverbal communication with those with whom we have the greatest intimacy simply because we have more energy links through which to transfer information.

The more we expand our energy-selves, the healthier our relationships become.

Conversely, the more we suppress our emotions the less we can energy-connect with others and the more difficulty we have with basic human relationship. A tight and chronically suppressed person has contracted his or her energy fields in and away from others and becomes effectively disconnected and less able to relate.

All forms of communication seem difficult for the “energy disabled”. When we have the sense that another person just “doesn’t get it”, it indicates some degree of energetic contraction and disconnection we have from one another.

The most sincere efforts at verbal communication quite literally go nowhere once we have severed our energy links. Even worse, we sever our innate capacities for feeling other people. We cannot experience empathy, compassion, trust or love without the genuine oneness engendered by vital emotional energetic connection.

Such disconnection takes an enormous toll. The worst behavior occurs between those who become energy disconnected. All of our violence, wars and oppressions, racism and sexism can only be perpetrated by those who have cut themselves off from “the other”. We cannot intentionally hurt another person, animal, plant or ecosystem with whom we experience living oneness.

Before we actively attack or exploit another person or group we must first sever our common links. Before we lash out, we must first suppress, contract, disconnect and separate.

Being truly in control of our emotions is to be able to choose when to express them and when to not to. When we express, we express powerfully and authentically.

A life changing business coach, trained in traditional medicine, Dr. Rachana Goswami found greater fulfilment is an NLP success coach, Reiki Master, hypnotherapist and EFT specialist who has reached out to change the lives of youth in her home nation of India. Based in Pune, Mahararashtra, she can be contacted at +919822207751.

I was bemused watching his animated balding head dance animatedly with unbound enthusiasm. He didn’t look the confident type, yet, as he explained the power of Taoist energy I found myself drawn in as his nervousness gave way, caught up in the pulsing flow permeating the room.

“If it’s such a great idea then why aren’t you doing it?” said Loral Langemeier addressing us all.

Commitment is critical   ….. and yesterday I had the opportunity to meet with the Millionaire Maker herself in Brisbane, Australia.

Her message was simple: “You don’t have a fixed potential, so why do you settle for a fixed income?” Making money is so simple her 9 year old has four companies making several hundred a month – by himself.

Having a great idea is fine – if you are doing it daily.

Loral Langemeier was out to prove that anyone can be a millionaire.

You need to know where you are, where you going and follow a plan to achieve it.

Know your relationship with money

You must know your income and expenses and your assets and liabilities.

Can you say right now, what your net income and net worth is?

Plan your freedom Day

Know your freedom number, how much each month you need to live free.  Don’t think retirement says Loral. People retire and in two years their dead.

Find what you love and finance giving and growing your world.

Handle Your Relationship With Debt

Wealthy people create the money they need to live.  While most others try to save a million dollars, a wealth conscious person learns to generate it.

They generate income for freedom, assets and fun. While others waste money on trivial expenses.

Keep Your Cash plan

Develop an income strategy to maximize tax advantages, for example a PTY LTD company.

Does your asset portfolio make atleast 10%?

Develop Team Leadership

To make money you must leverage your time.

‘Do you have a maid to do the cleaning?” asks Loral.

Vale your time and delegate tasks. Don’t major in minors.

When it comes to making money don’t just say you will think about it.

“Be in an intuitive place” she says. “Trust in God and decide if it’s yes or no.’

It is very easy to allow a house to consume your time.

“Trust yourself, and make the money by serving the world “ she said.

When you begin to make even a small extra income and deposit it in your business bank account your psychology changes.

If you are unsure about your ability to sell, get in front of sales people and let them try to sell to you.

Just leave your credit card at home.

But I can’t seem to make money?

“If you’re not making money then you’re identity is not clear” said Langemeier.

“Coaching is  a way of learning, she says. “therapy is a wway of being with someone.”

So will you look to serve someone with solutions or simply let them moan at their problems?

She reminded me of john Demartini’s admonition, that   there is always enough money for people who want to serve.

To make an extra $1000K a year  you need to earn $8,333 a month or $416 a day on a five day week.

How many products do you need to sell, or services performed, to make that each day?

How many people do you need to get in front of each day to achieve it? Probably 10 times more than you need sales.

Although, Loral suggests  you need to prove what you can do for 21 people a day and get them on your list.

Before you explain that you are an introvert and that’s not your style, remember Bill Gates and Warren Buffet are introverts. So are a majority of the world’s richest she suggests.

Most people get nervous when others talk about problems because thy are unclear of the benefits they can offer to people.

Success is not about the widget, it’s about service.

So Loral asks you to consider:

• Who am I?
• What do I do for people’s lives?
• What is the benefit people get through me?

Loral describes herself as an expert in getting people to connect to their wealth.

“I am an expert at teaching students learn ……….. so that they will create their  …” is an example of an exercise suggested.

Loral teaches people to sell themselves.

The process reminded me of master Marketer John Carleton’s The Bar Conversation and the Elevator pitch.

Imagine you are hearing Jack wining at the bar about his woes. Can you put what he needs into about three sentences?

Can you describe EXACTLY problem or need Jack has, show that you offer the solution to that problem and concisely state what benefits your service offers people?

To convert that concise knowledge of Jacks problem into cash you must be able to explain, clearly and without umming and arring

• enough about who you are…
• what you do…
• positioned in a way that gets his attention and stirs interest

All in the time it takes an elevator go from the 9thf to the first floor,

Mere seconds.

Yet most marketers can’t clearly explain this in half an hour, says Carelton.

To use Carleton’s formula:

“ We help [blank] … … do [blank] … … even if [blank]”

Let me explain this more precisely:

“We help (this group of worst case scenario people) … … do (this series of BENEFITS … (better, cheaper, faster, easier)…

… even if ( they are in the worst case scenario.”

While, I will not go into Loral’s Fast Cash Formula here,

Ask most people if they want to make more money and they will say “Yes” – externally.

Inside they are probably asking “how?”

Loral teaches turning your ‘how?’ into a ‘who?’ by finding people who can help you where  you are not gifted.

Success is about service and sourcing people who have the strengths you need.

You must learn to create and not just save wealth, she says.

Be authentic, live out loud shopping for assets.

In times of hardship it is the entrepreneurs that rebuild an economy – big companies only employ 20 to 30% of most populations.

Ultimately, you must develop a database of people who are willing to develop a relationship with you.

So many people put off networking with others because they can do it themselves.

“If you can do it yourself, then why don’t you?” asks Langemeier.

The answer is simple.

You must have a clear identity and clearly explain what you do to twenty one people a day, she said.

Success is about being with people.

Entrainment means to pull or draw along after itself. It works much like a tuning fork.

When you strike a tuning fork, it will vibrate at a certain frequency. And then when you hold second tuning fork close to the first one, it will begin to vibrate along at the same frequency as well. The first tuning fork entrains the second one.
Let’s say that we have a bunch of pendulum clocks hanging on a wall. If we erratically swing all of the pendulums at different speeds. Over time, all pendulums on every clock will become synchronized. They will all be swinging together in unison.

Entrainment happens all the time. Your mind and biological rhythms are entrained by the environment in every single moment. The outside stimulus such as the sound of waterfall in a misty part of a beautiful forest or the sight of racing cars whizzing by dangerously near you on a dusty track will evoke a certain response from your physiological and mental states.
It is said that the most powerful thing that can change your state in an instant, is music. How many times were you in a certain state of mind and experiencing a certain disempowering emotion but when you heard your favorite song or upbeat music, you immediately start to feel very different?

That’s entrainment.

Brainwave is the rhythmic fluctuations of voltage between parts of the brain resulting in the flow of an electric current. Basically, your brain has electrical activity that vibrates at a certain frequency. There are 5 main kinds of brainwave states distinguished in neuroscience. The five brainwave states are alpha, beta, gamma, delta and theta.

Each brainwave state represents a certain frequency range. The frequency of your brainwave determines the state of consciousness you’re in which will in turn lead to the resulting kind of emotions and mental functions that are at work within you.

Brainwave states à Level of consciousness à Resulting kinds of emotions and cognitive functionality experienced.

Wave types

Historically four major types of continuous rhythmic sinusoidal EEG waves are recognized (alpha, beta, delta and theta). There is no precise agreement on the frequency ranges for each type.

Delta is the frequency range up to 4 Hz and is often associated with the very young and certain encephalopathies and underlying lesions. It is seen in deep and dreamless sleep.

Theta is the frequency range from 4 Hz to 8 Hz and is associated with drowsiness, childhood, adolescence and young adulthood. This EEG frequency can sometimes be produced by hyperventilation. Theta waves can be seen during hypnagogic states such as trances, hypnosis, deep day dreams, lucid dreaming and light sleep and the preconscious state just upon waking, and just before falling
asleep. It is connected with intuition and creativity.

Alpha (Berger’s wave) is the frequency range from 8 Hz to 12 Hz. It is characteristic of a relaxed, alert state of consciousness and is present by the age of two years. Alpha rhythms are best detected with the eyes closed. Alpha attenuates with drowsiness and open eyes, and is best seen over the occipital (visual) cortex. An alpha-like normal variant called mu is sometimes seen over the motor cortex (central scalp) and attenuates with movement, or rather with the intention to move.

Beta is the frequency range above 12 Hz. Low amplitude beta with multiple and varying frequencies is often associated with active, busy or anxious thinking and active concentration. Rhythmic beta with a dominant set of frequencies is associated with various pathologies and drug effects.

Gamma is the frequency range approximately 26–80 Hz. Gamma rhythms appear to be involved in higher mental activity, including perception, problem solving, fear, and consciousness.

Sensorimotor rhythm (SMR) is a middle frequency (about 12–16 Hz) associated with physical stillness and body presence.

All five brainwave states exist at varying amounts in different parts of your brain. Your brainwave state is determined by the dominant brainwaves that are active in your head at any given moment.

Brainwave Entrainment occurs when the frequency of your brainwaves starts to follow the frequency of a stimulus. It happens when your mind synchronizes with the rhythm of your environment. Your brainwave starts to emulate the rhythmic pattern of the external stimulus in your environment. It can be said that almost any rhythmic or frequency based stimuli can be used to entrain your brainwaves
whether it be sound, light, touch, etc, or anything else the brain can perceive through its senses.

Brain Sound Technology or Psychoacoustics is a mind technology that creates brainwave entrainment. Through the process of playing audio soundscapes, your brainwaves are being entrained by the entrainment frequency present within the soundscape.

Brainwave Entrainment technology can put you into the deepest meditative state at a touch of a button or to unleash super high levels of creativity and insight. You can even achieve intense focus and phenomenal concentration of psychic energy for fullness of engagement in an activity.

This audio technology, when placed beneath soothing music produces some absolutely mind-blowing experiences (and benefits) for the listener. It dramaticaly increases in the production of a whole variety of beneficial brain chemicals, including pleasure-causing endorphins—as well as a number of others proven to slow aging and increase longevity and well-being.

It increases the learning ability, enhanced creativity, greater intuition, improved focus and concentration—and (even more amazing) greatly increased personal self- awareness (scientists call this combination “whole brain functioning”).

On a purely mental level, many scientists believe this increased communication between the two hemispheres of the brain is what separates the Einsteins, Edisons and Mozarts from the ordinary population.

A life changing business coach, trained in traditional medicine, Dr. Rachana Goswami found greater fulfilment is an NLP success coach, Reiki Master, hypnotherapist and EFT specialist who has reached out to change the lives of youth in her home nation of India. Based in Pune, Mahararashtra, she can be contacted at +919822207751 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              +919822207751      end_of_the_skype_highlighting.

So you enjoy tapping but feel rediculous.

You know know EFT works, but whenever you tell youself to accept the pain ion your back it seems so – well phoney, you just don’t want to believe it.

Dr Patricia Carrington found that, while the set up phrase used by traditional EFT is very effective, some people found it hard and mentally resisted it.

The traditional method is not precise enough especially for people who have low self . Also, the traditional method does not install what you want. We need to anshor positve states.

This is why Dr Carrington devised The Choices Method.

The traditional set up phrase begins “Even though I … I completely love and accept myself”

Which may sound ridiculous  for a new comer to EFT. So some people find themselves mentally fighting the statement. It doesn’t seem to fit.

Carrington found it necessary to implant a positive phrase

So she developed the choices method.

The Choices Method installs a positive method after the negative is removed.

This is done by adding the word “I choose” to the last section of the setup phrase and “I choose” in the reminder phrase

So “even though I ….. I completely love and accept myself” becomes “ …… I choose to feel (relaxed, excited about …  ”

It allows you to get out of the negative so you can install the positive desire. Much as a person empties a dirty glass before filling it with clean water.

Pat Carrington dvised what she calls The choices Trio:

The choices trio is simply three rounds of tapping, the first on the negative reality, the second taps on what you want, and the third alternated on negative then positive on each tapping point ending on a positive statement.

1. 1 round of negative – “I feel angry”
2. 1 round of the positive choice “I choose to to feel relaxed and at peace”
3. 1 roud of alternating negative (I feel pain in …) then positive (I choose to feel relaxed about) . Alternate from a negative statement then a positive one )

For example you could begin on the Eye Brow point:  “Even though I feel angry .. ” and on the side of the eye tap “I choose to feel relaxed …”

If you feel resistances or even a strong rejection to a statement then tone it down on the next round make an easier phrase theyyou can relate to

EFT is about building a relationship with your self and building momentum.

To help Patricia developed Carrington’s 6 rules for Effective Tapping

Carrington’s 6 rules for Effective Tapping

1. Be specific (like an affirmation)
2. Use words that pull you in, eg delightful beautiful exciting that you will sll to yourself in a positive or creative way
3. Best possible outcome (N I choose to have 95% on my exam) go for the jackpot
4. Be positive phrases (e.g .you are selling this to yourself) even though I have a sore knee I choose to have a relaxed pain free day
5. 5 make choices that apply to you – not others. For example, choose how you feel  about someone else’s actions,  you cannot  change another person’s actions. They will probably change to your new attitude to them anyway.
6. Choices that are easy to pronounce

11 Social Media Tips from the SES London 2010

1. The first step of a social media campaign should be to determine the goal or objective. What do you want to achieve? Brand awareness? Traffic generation? Link generation? Conversions?
   Lisa Myers
2. 2. The key to successful participation in social media is to listen first, sell later.
   Lisa Myers
3. 3. Social networks provide an immediate audience and you don’t have to wait for search engines to find your content.
   Lisa Myers
4. 4. #hashtags are great for sharing your Tweets with a wide, targeted audience.
   Lisa Myers
5. IM (Instant Messenger) is a social media tool, as is email.
   Mel Carson
6. Blogging is increasingly taking a backseat to social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, which offer greater opportunities for interacting with followers.
   Rand Fishkin
7. Gauging the success of a Twitter campaign by the number of ‘retweets’ you’ve received is foolish. Just because something is retweeted, doesn’t mean the message is consumed.
   Jim Sterne

See Chris Turberville-Tully’s post on Jim Sterne’s SES presentation.

1. Twitter is a cheap, effective method for handling customer service requests.
   Mike Lewis via Targetstone
2. Twitter is excellent for building customer relationships and securing repeat business.
   Mike Lewis via Targetstone

10.  Handled incorrectly, Twitter can cause serious damage to a brand’s reputation (such as the Vodafone example).
Mike Lewis via Targetstone

11.  Twitter is great for finding and attracting new business leads.
Mike Lewis via Targetstone

12.  Don’t just create accounts on social networks, integrate Facebook and Twitter with your own site by using tools such as ‘Facebook Connect’ and Tweetmeme.
Lisa Myers

Perhaps we need to remember that Social Media Means Being Social – no one likes to be sold too – or to recieve bulk advetising on Twitter or Facebook.

If only social media was so easy even a baby could use it!

Acupuncture specifically designed for depression resulted in a ‘significantly greater decrease in depression symptom severity’ during pregnancy.

Although the study was small it is the first of its kind said the researchers who hope patients and doctors consider an alternative to antidepressants.

The study, Acupuncture for Depression During Pregnancy: A Randomized Controlled Trial, of 150 women, between 12 and 30 weeks gestation, was published online in the March issue of the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology.

Doctors aren’t sure how depression develops in pregnancy, said co-author Dr Deirdre Lyell in Medical News Today, but believe it could be something to do with an influx of hormones, or that some women might feel overwhelmed by the major change in their life, and this could also trigger depression.

“Pregnancy just by its nature can bring out some underlying psychiatric and emotional issues” she said. Lyall is assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the School of Medicine.

The researchers randomly assigned to one of three groups, the active therapy group and two control groups. The active therapy group included 52 women who  received acupuncture designed specifically for depression.

In the two control groups, 49 women received acupuncture at points not thought to treat depression, and 49 received Swedish massage.

All the women met the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (Fourth Edition) criteria for major depressive disorder.

They received 8 weeks of their particular ‘therapy’, and were interviewed using the 17-item Hamilton Rating Scale for Depression at weeks 4 and 8. The interviewer did not know which women had undergone which form of treatment.

Outcome was assessed by blind  raters using a protocol approved by The Institutional Review Board of Stanford University. Stanford University collected the data, stated the study report..

The study found

• The active therapy group showed a bigger reduction in depression symptoms than the two control groups.
• 63 per cent in the active therapy group claimed least 50 per cent or more reduction in symptom
• Symptom reduction and response rates did not differ significantly between the two control groups.

“Treatment of depression during pregnancy is critically important so that a woman can maintain her sense of well-being and take good care of herself, her fetus and, someday, her child,” said Lyall

“The short acupuncture protocol demonstrated symptom reduction and a response rate comparable to those observed in standard depression treatments of similar length and could be a viable treatment option for depression during pregnancy.”

Though pleased, the researchers said they not surprised. They had conducted an earlier pilot study with similar results. Other studies involving the general public had found acupuncture can relieve depression.

“I don’t think that one-size-fits-all treatments are appropriate for everyone, but acupuncture should be considered as an option.”

“I hope that people will respect the rigorous methodology used in this blinded, randomized, controlled trial and accept the result: Traditional acupuncture was associated with a significant improvement in depression,”  she urged.

Major depressive disorder includes feelings of hopelessness, gloom and dread, accompanied by a loss of interest in pleasurable activities. The disorder affects up 14 per cent of pregnant women, some of whom start experiencing symptoms in pregnancy, while for others it can be ceasing to take medication during pregnancy that triggers a relapse.

There is evidence, that if lef untreated, depression during pregnancy can lead to poor birth outcomes and postnatal depression. There is also a higher likelihood that the expectant mother may neglect to care for herself and her unborn child, and in extreme cases, engage in self-destructive behavior.

According to a paper published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology in 2007, although use of antidepressants in pregnancy doubled between 1999 and 2003, many women don’t take them because they are worried about safety.

The lead author was Dr Rachel Manber, professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford University School of Medicine, California.

Manber said they saw evidence of this in their present study: 94 per cent of the participants said they were reluctant to take antidepressants. She said because of this concern among women and their doctors, she and her colleagues thought it was important to explore alternatives to drugs.

Manber and Lyell recommend further study pointing out that “acupuncture research continues to grapple with finding the best control condition.”

“Both insertive and noninsertive procedures influence expectation, sensation, and contextualization, and both have effects in brain areas controlling sensation, cognition, and affect” states the study report.

“The noninsertive shams are associated with less biological activity but are more prone to unblinding of the practitioners, who are trained to sense the physiologic sensation produced by needle insertion.”

“This was the main reason we opted to use insertive control at actual acupuncture points” they said.

However they admit that “despite our efforts, we were not able to fully blind the providers. The possibility that a noninsertive control might have yielded different results and the determination of optimal dose and frequency of acupuncture will need to be tested in future designs.”

The researchers will be continuing their research into women’s health in pregnancy and after birth.

Just as you master a new sales technique along comes the latest and greatest marketing campaign.

If you are like me, you wonder how on earth you’re supposed to keep up.

When I grew up all my teenage friends wanted to be different.

Looking back at my school photos and one thing is clear – they all looked like clones.

In the rush to standout they forgot to ask themselves who they really were.

Yesterday I cut a guy from my twitter because he stupidly expects me to believe that he ‘posted a new blog post’ on about 200 different subjects in a day. Every day. Every day.

Besides cluttering my twitter the same pitch was boring – and stupid. No one buys from someone they don’t know – why should I care if he has a new product to pitch?

I like to buy from people I feel connected too.

Marketing, and especially social networking is suppose to be just that – SOCIAL.

No wonder people talk about your own personal brand. However, like my school buddies, most are chasing what they think they should be – or what someone expects them to be.

“Who are you?” Jack Canfield asks his workshop participants this probing question – again and again. For two minute you asked those simple words and mustgive a reply – andwithout comment you asked again the same question

“Who are you?”

Well “Who are you?”

What is your essential unchanging essence?

In a fast paced world finding who you really are takes time.

(Tip: It’s not your job title!)

To brand yourself you need to know who you are. Sadly finding your inner soul is hard work..

We are all too often chasing external things to take the time to stop and look within. For some people it takes decades to discover. Nor can anyone tell you what it is.

Sure, they will have an idea of how it may appear to them – but the essential seed that will drive its manifestation comes from your soul.

The creative spark within has fueled the minds of seer, mystics with stories of death and rebirth, resurrected to a new creative inspiration.

You have to let go of lot of what you think is you.  You must learn to die to your illusion with deep introspection and self analysis.

For some this psychological rebirth is almost as torturous as death and resurrection.

A re-awakening of the feminine creativity crushed by our masculine need to achieve.

For me success is when both the masculine conquering energies and feminine sense of nurture merge to serve the greater good. So for me, the greatest  fulfillment and joy always comes from serving and working with others.

Yet sometimes under the facade of success we trying to fill an inner emptiness by

• craving approval.
• Seeking  control
• Or yearning safety and security

Yet when we chase these things we drive them further away and the emptier we feel.

We are used to thinking in terms of projections and timelines, but personal change is not linear. Rather it is a change from one state alchemically transformed into another.

When we can get beyond the position of scarcity and start to ask the Universe for the strength and courage to find away

We find this at the point when we realize that 90% of joy comes from giving and not getting. This allows us to feel the deep joy of feeling truly satisfied.

Nearly everyone you meet craves some change and yet ironically we are held back by fear of the consequences. Yet once embraced, this change is an invitation to find the unchangeable part of ourselves within.

This type of change requires us to accept the reality of life, and to rebuild from this foundation.

When we emotionally can accept our reality then to be at peace with the yardstick of the universe. The more we struggle the harder change is.

If every day we find some small way we can serve other’s opportunities will open up to us. At that moment when knowing your true self meets a need of others you can invite the reality spirit to merge with business, success and love.

No wonder psychotherapists link the process of personal transformation with death and resurrection. In psychological circles this whole mythology underlies the creative process.

It is compared to Kali, triple Mother-Goddess of creation, preservation and destruction. The  “hungry sow who devours her young,” at once the image of the “terrible mother,” who gives life and destroys it.  She is connected with the cycles of the moon,  womens’ menstruation, the cycles of nature that can be at once creation and destruction, light and dark.

The creative process can be a roller coaster ride of self discovery.

Like a gardner, we must sometimes prune the dead wood and remove a few favourite plants to make room for the whole garden to grow.

It is no surprise that one of the best things you can do to find your personal brand is to find your creative outlet.

Take up photography, write poetry (my favourite), do a portrait in pastels (another favourite), paint, dance, sing, or yoga.

The act of expression helps you find the unchangeable uniqueness that is within you.

One you have captured your soul, you will be so good at being you that you won’t need to the latest fancy copy or sales techniques on Facebook or Twitter. You can just be you – and you will shine through.

Your name will be your brand.

You will live the life that you were destined to live, transcending the branding techniques of good copy, by becoming your true self.

You will transcend personal branding itself, and ultimately live the life you were meant to live: yours.

Remember that Social Media Means Being Social – no one likes to be sold too – or to recieve bulk advetising on Twitter or Facebook.

find your selfl and express your inner soul.

Stacey Vornbrock is a Sports Performance Pioneer who helps elite and amateur athletes turn blocks into breakthroughs. She has worked with athletes in golf, baseball, football, hockey, track and field, tennis, and a variety of other sports.

Stacey has her Masters in Counseling from the University of Nebraska and uses EFT to assist in trauma recovery and can be found at breakthroughperformance.net.

Injuries can be recorded physically on a cellular, emotional and memory level according to Vornbrock.

When we experience trauma or almond sized hypothalamus bathes our body with chemicals that we experience as emotion. These emotions can fill our cell receptors in the injury site, limiting the availability to process proteins, vitamins and nutrients.

During an EFT session (or in some other Energy modalities) past trauma, or trauma we have mentally blocked, can be retraced and re-experienced, just keep tapping and it will pass she said.

For this example, imagine you have fallen and hurt your wrist

Trauma is experienced on three levels:

Cellular Level

You have damaged tissue, but why is it that even after healing, this area may pain?

Emotional Level

In experiencing a trauma the emotions of the event, and surrounding incidents, can trigger a neurological response.

Protective Memory Level

Our body remembers the area of injury so as to protect the traumatized site from future harm. However, this protective memory can easily remain long after the injury has recovered. However, our neurological response can retrigger pain or the emotions linked to the trauma.

Long term back pain is an example of unprocessed emotions stored in the body, according to Vornbrock.

If we experience a pain or discomfort she suggests we list the emotional events in the past 24 to 48 hours.

In the case of long term pain she suggests listing your top 10 emotional or traumatic past events.

She advises people not to be surprised if EFT brings up past emotions and recommends drinking lots of water after an EFT session.

Water is needed to flush chemicals released from our cell receptors. She compares it to drinking after experiencing a deep massage.

She taps on the various cellular structures of the injured site.

For the complete protocols Stacey uses check out the Tapping World Summit for the excellent workbook for paid subscribers.

“Even though I’m holding this trauma in every cell of my , I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”

I am holding all this trauma in all the muscles of my wrist

The process is repeated for the ligaments, tendons, bones, joints, cartilage, tissues, fascia, membranes, skin, fluids, and fibers of the injury site.

The sequence then changes to “I give my wrist permisiion to release this trauma from every cell.

My wrist no longer needs to hold on this trauma and relax and let it go

I give my permission to release this trauma from ever cell membrane and cell receptor site.”

However, Vornbrock differs at the end by finishing the last line by tapping on the pulse points of the wrist.

If emotional events keep coming up that is a good thing, she said.  it’s the body processing the emotion behind the trauma.

Fear of Death

Another issue can be our bodies unconscious fear of death. While many are not conscious of it, there is a hard wiring for the body to preserve itself which can feed emotional insecurities.

Even though I am holding this fear of death  in every cell of my body, UI completely lover and accept myself.”

“Even though my body had taken on this fear of death ….

“I am holing this fear of death in every cell of my body …”

The sequence continues as before, however, she expand s to include our energy system, our heart and neural pathways:, the spine, every cell in my heart, the neural path ways of my brain, organs,

“I am holding this fear of death in all the muscles of my body, …  cell of my eyes, cell of my ears, mouth and taste buds, nose and smell … …Cell of my touch… Node and smell … In every cell of my aura … My energy body.”

In a number of the situations she addresses about traumatic injury she taps on “And all my  receptor sites.”

Starting again at the karate chop point, she begins tapping on giving permission to release the fear and statement of feeling completely safe.

Anger Frustration and the Betrayal of Injury

Anger and frustration are often experienced with injury – even if it is anger at yourself for what happened or for frustrations following the trauma.

Then tap “No longer need to hang on to this anger and give myself permission to let it go.”

Because in recuperation people can be frustrated during a healing a process – say they have an arm in a caste and cannot do things they need to do

So you can tap on the frustration and suddenly experience a different perspective of the situation.

“Even though I am holding this frustration in my wrist”  for example.

She also recommends tapping on sadness because injury is often associated with injury, surgery and the loss of time.

Even tapping on a sense of betrayal that your body has let you down may useful.

“I am holding this feeling of betrayal in all the cells .. Muscles … tendons ….   of my body”

Tapping on the Habit of Pain

Every cell membrane remembers our pain habits in the 50 -100 trillion cells. This is why old injuries can act up on cue to an emotional hurt. This is why tapping on the habit of pain can be so beneficial she said

Clear the energy of anesthesia

Every substance we consume leaves an energy signature in our body which is why it is so hard to give up sugar coffee etc or drug

Use EFT to clear up this from our cell receptors

By calling it the energy of anesthesia can be used to clear any substance – but a maximum of two per day.

Inegration

Tapping this is a big change for body, and some feel unbalanced. Even disoriented  after such a major psycho-physical change.

It is  important to integrate these changes. For this reason, you can conclude a tapping session designed to give the body permission to find a new neurological level.

A suggested tapping sequence could include:

“Even though my body has not fully integrated all the changes.

Even though big change for my body in such a short time of change.”

First tap on feeling un balanced on a neurological, then follow this idea on a muscular, skeletal, and subconscious level

And then tap to give the body permission to find a new level of normality.

Remember to drink plenty of water after a session, says Stacey Vornbrock. You need to wash away all the chemicals freed from your neuro-receptor sites.

Throughout the day drink a lot of after a session, she says.

I recently attended a seminar given by John Demartini, during a break, am am nrushed round dropping his business cards on everyone’s chairs.

The man sitting next to me returned to his seat, with a rather displeased look placed the card on my chair, thinking I had left it there.

Others returned, some rolled their eyes, some used kind ‘endearments’ like ‘What a creep” and I doubt this wine merchant made a single sale.

Why should anyone care about a person who couldn’t even be bothered getting to know me?

Yet that’s exactly how most people treat Twitter and Facebook.

Social media relationships are very tenuous. – with the click of a button you can gain or lose a network friend.

It’s a bit like talking to someone at the water cooler at work. People impart short gems of information and then get back to work.

If at stranger turned up and flashed his sales letter at you – or he dressed like a jerk you would get away from him quick.

Yet that’s exactly what most do on twitter – and many experimenting with Twitter applications are doing it and are not even realizing that posts are being sent in their name that alienate their Twitter friends.

If you want to make it big on Facebook or Twitter then imagine how you would approach developing  a potential customer at the water cooler.

You need to build a relationship first, expand your brand – on this case Brand Rachaele, or Brand Brian or Brand {Insert your name here].

However, to profit on Facebook or Twitter you need to know how you can best meet the needs of others.

You need to go to the water cooler and find out the latest gossip. Or in the internet world you need to listen to the online talk.

What is social Networking?

Social media networks are Interactive sites, where people can exchange ideas. They are not like the static web pages of the past that offer one way communication.

However, they build relationships on steroids and can transmit information extremely quickly.

As social networking guru Lorrie Morgan said  recently said of social media “More info can be out than a lunch with your girl friend.”

Besides, it’s cheaper than a restraint  and you can get back to work or play a lot quicker.

Don’t Under estimate social Media

Social media guru Lorrie Morgan pointed out that there are over 400 million Facebook users, over 18.1 million tweeters and a survey revealed that Us e-commerce is planning to increase its social media budget by 79%

However, few use it correctly.

I heard marketing expert Vishen Lakhiani explain that most advertising on Facebook is ignored simply because people are not intending to by on Facebook.

The most effective advertisement he knew of on Facebook was for an Australian magazine. Because no one ever clicked the ad, it was almost free for the advertiser. However, the banner exposure left an unconscious imprint that caused people to remember the magazine when they saw it on the news stands.

To succeed in social  networking you must think socially.

Don’t imagine that you are not interesting enough

Real life is full of silly gossip. People don’t go top the water cooler to hear a University lecture.

They go get a drink and spend a few moments being entertained. If you are entertaining enough they will want to hear more.

Just don’t think that you have to be a celebrity to be noticed.

Social Networks are the new communities of our connected world.

Where people once spent time with their neighbors, may will travel long distances to see friends, or spend hours online to overseas companions and not know the name of the man next door.

Just like a real community people like to hear about what the can relate too – food, pers, kids, even getting a new hairdo.

People bought up on a traditional business model just don’t get this. Even brilliant marketers and copywriting experts often misunderstand social networking.

All this waffle online seems so pointless – it doesn’t list detailed product benefits, there is no serious discussion.

Nor is there at the water cooler. People go to the water cooler simply to share ideas – even silly ones.

People Love Video and Pictures

A short video – no longer than three minutes, can go a long way to hooking an audience on your page.

Because some people like to read add a short summary of the main points. Even on information soites where you may ad detailed vinformation videos, this can be good practice.

On one of my friends Ning sites, mindpowermasters.ning.com, it was neccessary to add commentary because on e of the members is deaf. Besides, its good to be able to see written a main point if you are distracted or miss a detail in the video.

Keeping all types of people happy is essential some like to read, some like the movies, others like goofy or romantic pictures.

Pictures cannot be added directly to twitter, but they are loaded to a twitter site and a link is provided from your tweet for people to view your visual masterpiece.

Just don’t think you have to make a video epic for it to go online.

I had a friend who decided to deride a video I once added to facebook because it had ‘low production values’. Now the video was long – which is where I made a mistake, however, the product it promoted quickly sold out.

I learned to things, on Facebook people like it short.  However, I also learned that [people don’t expect or even want visual; masterpieces anymore, if they feel connected to a person or product.

Many people are put off by the copywriters hype often spreading rubbish online.

Don’t sell until you make a connection

In fact, don’t sell to them directly period. Your followers need to feel connected to you, so make them feel wanted and appreciated.

You must care about your followers. Unlike the hard sell method in direct sales, buy or die does not work on social networking.

Rather, remember your relationship is extremely tenuous; it can be lost at the click of a mouse.

Generally people go online to find information, and not your product.

Particularly when you start out, concentrate on giving value to people as you develop a following.

When you have over a thousand followers then you can begin to drip feed free information – which people can get from your site via a link.

By drip feed I mean one free link or offer every ten tweets or Facebook posts.

You are developing a community that you are giving value too.

But what is Valuable?

This is where you need to keep your ear to the online water cooler.

However, I find that quotes work wonderfully, they need to be less than 140 characters – so that others can retweet  your post.

Retweet other peoples posts that you enjoyed – you may even get a thank you  tweet for your efforts.

Retweets are the life blood of the Twitters viral spread, The more people retweet you, the more your message is sent to people on other people unknown to you.

However, this very feature can also alienate you.

I don’t know about you but in trying out a number of applications that interspersed offers in my tweets I suddenly lost followers.

Other people have used programs like socialoomph (formerly tweetlater)  to sens messages to knew followers.

But what is the difference between sending a tweet that says “Thanks for the follow. Please by my program’ and the dork who uncaringly through business cards at people without even a polite hello?

I don’t buy unless I either feel there is a benefit in it for me – or I feel connected to a person.

Instead, concentrate on value and contribution. I f you concentrate on giving value people will look out for your messages.

If all you do is advertise your latest blog (yeah – I’m guilty of that too)  your posts will be ignored.

Remember, when you start out retweet lots of other peoples posts offer lot’s of content. Not lots of offers.

You will establish yourself for content offered without an agenda. People will respond to your generosity and sense you are different from others seeking to take their money.

Seeing your abundant information people will seek you out for more information. You gain by the law of reciprocity.
Don’t create a call for action on Facebook or twitter

But isn’t that how people sell ? Yes but, not at the water cooler they don’t.

However, Facebook has allows you to use add personal details under your profile photo. Most people describe themselves there.

You could add “Do you have my free report Making Money at the Online Water Cooler -  A guide to Social Networking success at mysite.com.

As an aside, add a real hot of you on your profile page – not an icon.

Social Networking allows you to brand yourself. So let people identify with your picute. The more they identify with you, the more your will be noticed.

learn the shortcuts

Twitter particularly has developed a lot of abbreviations so that the maximum 140 charcters can be used with full effect.

Platforms allowing you to multiple applications are a great help.

Lorrie Morgans recent advice made my life a lot easier. She recommended Hoot Suite. I was really grateful for the recommendation, because, like lorrie, I was finding Tweet Deck cumbersome. It often slowed my computer down and annoyingly does not allow you to schedule tweets.

The free Hoot Suite application, allows access to multiple twitter account, Facebook, Linkedin, ping fm, with applications to run from your web tool bar, access your cell phone, or  twitter .

Just as you need to appear presentable at the water cooler, you need to present well online.

To get on in the office you need social skills, it’s the same on facebook and twitter. There are conventions that are developing and people don’t like to be sold too.

Show that you care about your followers, entertain and talk about your daily life and experience – the daily items people relate and care about.

Social networking is the online water cooler of the future.

Rebuilding your reality begins with you. It requires a clear direction, purpose and passion in your life.

You have to rebuild your world, reestablish or at least reassess the structures that support your world view and begin again in the daily struggles of life.

From the cultural metaphors of our past, we can draw powerful inspiration to rebuild our future.

One such metaphor is Noah, surviving the passage of an old world, in a protective ark and emerging to rebuild a new human society.

Whilst we all have our protective asks that have helped us in the past, no matter how useful they have been we must leave them and start afresh.

Like, the ark, the past can be lifesaving, even reassuring, bur  also confining. A lifeboat cannot be your home for life. It is a means to bridge a new start to life.

Water is a powerful metaphor. In scripture, the world began submerged in water, just as we begin life in a fluid amniotic sac. We spend 9 moths submerged in water before we emerge on dry land. Noah spent a year in a box.

However, unlike a fish, we must leave how fluid surrounds if we are to continue to survive.

We must recreate our reality as children. As adults we are also expected to grow and seek new horizons and to expand our perspective.

For Noah, the ark was a tool for him to reach his greater purpose. Entering the ark was not an end in itself.

Empowered by the prospect of a new world, and given 7 divine basic rules for human conduct, Noah sets out to recreate his reality.

In our world it is very easy to get caught up in the security of our past success.

However, vision and purpose are needed for tools to create a masterpiece.

Noah himself is given a vision of a rainbow, a rainbow that reminds us that from the storm came the potential calm of the future.

Once the ark served its purpose of preservation through adversity, future horizons must be met. What will be those horizons?

Mission and purpose must be individualized, they are not generic. If in business I define my mission as ‘to make money’ what makes me different from every other business out there?

If we are not careful, a bank account can distract us from the service we offer to humanity. However, money is purely a means to achieve a greater, more encompassing life purpose.

What is unique to you? What is your divine gift that can make this world a more divine, tolerant and embracing society?

There are so many tools out there, so many websites with information, books to read and programs to enjoy that we can spend all out time submerged in information and forget to get out of the comfort of our ark to rebuild our world.

The Chassidic teacher and kabbalist Israel Shem Tov taught that we are allocated a number of spiritual opportunities  or “divine sparks” that lay buried in our life experience.

It is up to us to recognize these opportunities and release them to the world, actualizing their potential and purpose.

It reminds me of  Jack Canfield’s advice to ask ourselves: “What’s the opportunity that this is?”

In every moment in life, there is something waiting to be revealed and developed.

The Ari, who revealed the Zohar to the world, taught that in all things there is a divine spark. By saying blessings before and after eating a kabbalist seeks to connect to g-d to release is potential.

This is to remind us of the great opportunity inherent in each moment sustained by the food. It is not simply to perform a ritual.

While, different traditions and cultures express gratitude in various ways gratitude can empower our life’s purpose.

In each moment, states Kabbalah, the world is recreated, past and future are perspectives dependent on this very moment that we chose.

However, choice suggests that we have a clear focus and mission in life.

As we do not leave our ark without it leaving an experiential influence on our life, Life itself becomes the journal from which we can derive the clues of the past patterns within our life.

We all have a unique personality, know a set of people and experienced places in ways that no others have. Hence, we have opportunities are unique to us and it is up to us to find how we can develop these gifts as a way to serve others.

We must find within ourselves, where in life we are most needed and offer it to the world. Seek out the patterns of your experience.

Delve deep into the People, Places, Personality and Opportunity in all things and find that divine spark inherent in your life and you will find your life’s Purpose.

Do you have a compelling enough reason to consistently give your best?

Do you have empowering beliefs that cause you to make the best in any situation?

These two questions are asked by Anthony Robbins’ The Power to Influence

Persuasion has the power to shape your destiny. however, 80% of success is influencing yourself.

To lead others to their own personal success, remember that repetition is the mother of skill.You want to have impact, so commit to spend at least 15 minutes a day reviewing your successful, and your less successful, moments.

Take just one skill you want to improve upon and use it through the day. Give it your full attention, monitor your results, and use the feedback to adjust your aim.

Finally, reinforce your progress with audio information, wherever you go. In your ipod, your car stereo or your

A Sales Masterclass Super Set

A hard close will never make up for a lack of desire on the buyers part.

80% 0f sales success comes down to finding a big enough why to sell, says Robbins. No wonder that 80% of success comes from your own internal state.

If having a big enough why is all important then ask yourself:

• Do you have your customers best interests in mind?
• Do they trust you?
• What is this product – really (without the sales hype)
• What’s in it for me?

Successful selling is finding your prospects needs and values. However, they will only buy if they are dissatisfied with what they have.

Successful sales includes:

• Finding your prospects dissatisfaction and hurt
• Stirring up the pain
• Demonstrating that your product or service will alleviate this pain and create pleasure.

However, to be successful you not only need to find what they want and stir it up. Your customer must want the problem solved now, and your product must really solve the problem.

Especially since people act emotionally, and then use logic to justify their decision.

Customers rightly have fears about making some purchases. After all, what if your product turns out to be a dud? Can they trust you?

If a person has enough emotional reasons to buy now they will be compelled by a sense of urgency.

Therefore,

• If you sense they do not have enough desire to buy now, expand the hurt and pain they want relieved.
• If they don’t have sufficient justification to buy the product, give more information.

‘Every time you sell” says Robbins, “you must sell to this particular prospects emotional needs, and to their specific system of logic and justification.”

Future blogs will address how to know what your customers emotional, logical and justification systems are.

Why don’t we choose to be happy?

Asked to write their top 100 goals of things to be or have, very few will write happiness.

It seems easier to aim for things, for goals and targets. There measurable. Happiness seems ephemeral. It’s just out there somewhere.

Sadly few have found it.

As less than 30% of Americans claim to be deeply happy and 27% of Europeans are depressed.

Happiness is’t elation, euphoria, mood spikes or peak experiences. Nor is it insanely grinning 24/7.Happiness is a specific measurable physiological state characterized by distinct brain activity, heart rhythm’s and body chemistry, said Marci Shimoff in Happy For No Reason: 7 Steps For Being Happy From The Inside Out.

With the aid of the stories her Happy 100, she describes three guiding principles and seven happiness habits to attain that elusive inner smile.

However,  than being full of cliques, Shimoff’s book, offers practical summaries of techniques ranging from Sedona, to Qi Gong. Or for a quick pick-me-up the M-Power March.

50% of our happiness comes from genetics, 40% by our habitual thoughts and only 10% from our circumstances, claim researchers Kennon Sheldon and David Shaade.Nor should we be surprised. As 90 plus percent of our thinking is unconscious.

However, if a ships rudder is very small yet can direct a ship. We also can profoundly direct our own life.

What expands you makes you happier, claims Shimoff, who recommends developing your own happiness GPS that detects what expands and contracts you.

Shimoff believes the universe is a friendly place, that will help find ways to support you when you feel expanded.  However, what you appreciate, appreciates, she says.

She recommends the following Secret formula to happiness:

1. Intention. Be clear about what you want.
2. Attention. Put your attention on your desires and practice the Happiness Habits daily.
3. No Tension. Let go and relax. Learn to relax and trust yourself.

To achieve this she offers seven Happiness Habits, which come with practical exercises.

1. Take Ownership of Your Happiness

• Be Solution focused
• Look for the lessons and gifts in your circumstances
• Make Peace with yourself

2. Don’t Believe Everything You Think

• Question Your Thoughts
• Free Yourself of your negative thoughts
• Incline Your mind toward joy

3, Let Love Lead

• Focus on Gratitude
• Practice forgiveness
• Spread Loving kindness

4. Make Your Cells Happy

• Nourish Your Body
• Energize Your Body
• Tune into your body

5. Plug Yourself Into Spirit

• Invite Connection with a Higher power
• Listen to your inner voice
• Trust Life’s unfolding

6. Live a Life of inspired Purpose

• Find Your Passion
• Follow Your inspiration of the moment
• Contribute to something greater than yourself

7. Cultivate Nourishing Relationships

• Tend your relationships
• Surround yourself with Support
• See the world as your family

My favourite story from her Happy 100 proves that no matter where you come from in life you can profoundly enjoy your life.

Zainab, born in Baghdad, her father was handpicked to be Saddam Hussein’s personal pilot. It was a job you could not refuse and live. While children dutifully called Saddam Amo (Arabic or Uncle) she was taken to palace parties.

Saddam would off handedly mention killing a family member or colleague and carefully scrutinize your reaction, said Zainab.

“Offending Saddam with the wrong remark or facial expression could be fatal, so I learnedto match ny facial expressions to his.”

Then suddenly she was married off by her mother to an Iraqi American who did not honor his commitment to care for her or allow her to study. Unknown to Zainab, her mother had  arranged the wedding to get her away from  Suddam’s  amorous interest.

A prison her violent home, she fled after being raped and would go onto help the Bosnian and Croatian women subject to rape camps, and later was inspired to write her story by women for Women International mission.

“I really believe that every misfortune I have gone through has led me to my fortune, the happy life I have today. She describes, the inner joy, lightness of spirit that comes from being able to tell your story

Shimoff reminds us of the importance of a support group because we only remember

• 10% of what we read,
• 20% of what we hear,
• 30% of what we see,
• 50% of what we see and hear
• 70% of what we discuss with others
• 80% of what we experience personally
• And 95% of what we teach others

.

‘Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in life has a purpose’ – Elizabeth Kubler Ross.

When helping a terminally ill patient, Dr Bernie Segal, would encourage that person to volunteer. Focused on others outside of his hopeless situation, miraculous transformations often occurred, even physical healings.

By having a reason to live, and a purpose to live for, everything changed.

Still, to realize that vision we must believe in our self.

Sometimes, like a person confronting death, there is no other alternative. You are forced to create meaning in your life.

If you knew that you had only 24 hours left to live, your priorities would change.

Sadly, most of us unwillingly must be forced to act.

“I will harden Pharaoh’s heart” said the Bible (Ex. 4:21).

Like the Biblical pharaoh we ignore the signs and stubbornly refuse to change. Kabbalah suggests there is a little bit of pharaoh inside of us all. We dig in our heals , and do more of the same and wonder why life is getting worse.

However, nothing is set in stone. Even a decree of g-d can be changed, as happened to the Ninevites in the story of Jonah. They change themselves, – G-d recants his decree.

There is no theological reason why people should convince themselves that fate precludes any hope of change.

However, like Pharaoh sometimes circumstance make change harder because we need to make deeper, more soul searching, transformations.

However, we must first believe it is possible. We get what we expect in life, as is shown repeatedly with surgery. A person’s expectation of a positive recovery markedly effect’s the outcome.

“You can be anything you want to be, if only you believe with sufficient conviction and act in accordance with your faith” wrote Napoleon Hill, “for whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.”

We have all heard those words.

How can you, in the depths of your unconscious self, believe them?

Firstly, it requires total commitment. You will change, you must change and then you can change.

It helps to have someone who believes in you first. Someone who will not stupefy you with platitude but gets you off your butt to act.

When you are prepared to risk all, you are ready to transform your soul.

However, the risk must be calculated and focused. A powerful goal will inspire you to move. It’s up to you to keep moving toward your goal.

This requires keeping your eye focused on your target and trimming the sails to keep on course.

It is all to easy to let someone else do it for you. Delegate certainly, do what service you can give the most value in.

If you have a purpose in life, even if everything appear lost, you have not lost yourself. Again and again, history reveals people who lost everything and started again – and again – and again.

These are the people, single minded in their life’s purpose who are willing to change themselves to give grater value to others.

They then receive greater rewards for themselves.

Why are there so many Jewish psychologists?

A Rabbi once quibbled that the Hebrew name of the dream interpreter Joseph was the initials of Sigmund Freud.

It’s a good question really. Not that all Jewish psychologists religiously observant. However, is there something in the Jewish psychology, or Jewish soul, that seeks the deeper meaning behind life?

Kabbalist’s would answer yes. Not that a person need be Jewish to study it. However, the whole Jewish liturgy is interwoven with deep psychological and spiritual meaning.

Consider the Bible book of Job. If any book faces squarely the unfairness of life, then this, along with Ecclesiastes, has to be it.

Struck down with illness, financial loss, and family death the once prosperous Job begins arguing with G-d. On the one hand, he argues he must accept both good and bad from G-d, on the other he demands justice.

He even accuses G-d of moral dyslexia – or at least a Freudian slip.

“Why do you hide your face, and count me as your enemy (‘oyyeb)?” (13:24). Without the vowels, Job (‘iyyob) is identical to enemy. Hebrew was originally written vowel-less and sound very similar.

Along come his friends – comforters they are called except they offer no comfort. At best its cold comfort.

Like shrinks hovering behind Job on couich they dissect and analyze poor Job’s every move.

First, there is Eliphaz, who has read too much Skinner and like any good behaviopuralist, sets out to prove Job is suffering from faulty actions.

Then there is Goldman loving Bildad who tears into Jobs emotions.

Finally, Zophar goes for the cognitive approach. Come on Job think it out, you must have done something stupid! Hmmm…. Too much Beck?

Of course, Job is really dissatisfied with this therapy. He just wants a break.

In the background has quietly sat the younger Elihu. His name also forms the number 358 in Hebrew, as does the word for Messiah.

Hence, Ehihu is seen as a Messianic symbol. Rabbi Nachman of Breslev describes a picture of all the Jews being given a therapy session by the Messiah, explaining the purpose behind Jewish history.

Now while some Jews believe Job copped it because of a past life – possibly Abrahams father, idol worshipping Terah. Either way, Job must realize there are other things going on beyond his experience.

Elihu calms things down a tad, before the real fireworks.

The idea of a direct experience with G-d Himself is every mystics dream. Out of a wind storm comes the booming voice.

For all his complaining, Job neglects, or simply in too much awe to ask about justice.

Either way G-d never once addresses jobs demands for justice. There is a fundamental Jewish idea that the devil mentioned in Job is not a force apart from G-d, its all part of G-ds whole plan.

Perhaps this is part of the therapy.

Often circumstances are beyond our control. It is when we accept them, and can appreciate their potential for growth, that we move on renewed and excited at future prospects.

It is the, when Job gets up and prays in behalf of his friends – that is when he gets off his butt and thinks and acts in behalf of others that blessings return to him in abundance.

In Chassidic psychology the human soul is said to have five levels that match up with jobs five therapists. The first three describe the humans gut level experience. The last two are more divine.

1. Nephesh. Like the root of a flame, this is behavioral, the animal unconscious part that keeps us alive.
2. Ruach or spirit. The emotional intelligence level of our being.
3. Neshama, or mind. Refers to the cognitive intelligences.
4. Chayya begins the transcendental experience. This is the state of the complete nullification of the ego, where we begin to recognize what g-d is not- he is not defined by the universe or by our understanding. The foundation of our wills and desires.
5. Yechida is the level of universal cohesion with G-d. It is said that this is the state where thoe soul existed, merged with G-d, sublime, pure and transcendent. Here it cleaves to and reflects the original Infinite Light of the creator.

In Yechida the infinite and finite collapse, as if the G-d within me is speaking to me. At that point I can experience the divinity within all things, both supposed good and bad.

Finally, I begin to see that life is a biofeedback loop that is ultimately for my good, refining and improving me to my, and G-d’s ultimate purpose. It reminds me of the belief of life coach John Demartini that we must find our deepest values andthen find a way to us this to bering meaningto our experience.

While therapy may see a world free of divinity, Job, like any one in therapy had to see the parts of his life and then get on and do something for others.

Perhaps there are so many Jewish shrinks because the ultimate meaning of all three Abrahamic religions is to find ourselves in a service outside of ourselves.

Persuasion and manipulation can be two sides of the same coin.

A mother who persuades her child to one cookie before bed, or none at all, is using the same type of psychology that a dishonest salesman uses to build up desire in a prospect.

The difference is in the intent, the internal psychology of both people. One wants a quick buck, the other is concerned for a child that needs a good night sleep not disrupted by a cookie full gurgling tummy.

Persuasion, sales, and manipulation have four prerequisites:

1. The search for a solution

By admitting I need to go to someone to fill my needs I lower my defences. I need what you have.

2. Time Sensitivity. The needing a solution implies a deadline, otherwise is it really a need?

Negotiators know that as time runs out people make concessions. Donald Trump found hour long business meetings wasted so much time until the very end. So he cut them all to 15 minutes. No wonder websites and sales people  like to develop a sense of urgency (time pressure)  and time sensitivity.

3. Potential for loss. This simply exists because a good salesman should have knowledge you don’t!

4. Encountering a benevolent authority

In a con all our miss giving’s will probably be relieved by layers of technical; knowledge. After a while you sense your desire grow and the 80/20 rule kicks in.

That 20% of doubt you have is pushed aside by persuasion to relieve your 80% comfort zone. Your desire begins to exceed the perceived possible loss.

The Anatomy of a Con

1. Observe your audience. Find people who are searching or appear over confident.
2. Test their knowledge and commitment. Ask them lots of questions about the subject. Then very confidently give them some information that is not wrong, but slightly questionable to see if they really know and if they will challenge you.
3. Use sweeping generalities about things that they will agree on. Called the Socratic Method, people who say yes a few times find it harder to say no. It’s used in the courtroom constantly.
4. Build a relationship with the person. Be friend them.
5. Get them to verbalize their desire and commitment. This will make it harder for them to go back on their word.
6. Describe a picture of the future situation of them enjoying the benefits of following your advice. Subtly imply why your great opportunity will not last forever.

“Other people have put an offer for this car you know, you don’t want to miss out!”

You could even take the opportunity away from them in some way so their desire grows.

7. As they leave reinforce the relationship and friendship you have with them.

8. If they challenge you place the blame on someone else. The boss requires you to make this deal. Your grandma is sick and you are feeling a bit stressed. Then you can ask if they have had similar misfortune and ask how they handled it. Suddenly you won’t appear so bad in their eyes.

9. Continue the preceding 8 steps until they either commit or quit coming back.

If they commit, offer them insider privileged information. Offer what little things you , including more opportunities to do what you want them to do.

As you can see from the above description, there is little difference between genuine sales and manipulation.

The difference is in the intent and internal psychology of the persuader.

So next time you persuade someone else ask yourself the  following:

Is it reasonable, ethical, legal or moral? If you answer no to any one of these then don’t do it!

If the answer is yes do your best to persuade others to make the world a better place.

In our highly distracted world, it can be hard to find time for your inner voice.

Reducing the noise and finding your spirit means letting go of our “need” to be busy doing more than one thing at our time, said EFT practitioner and energy healer Carole Look.

She suggests people need to to reduce the “noise” in their lives.

Reduce the multitasking, turn off the TV, cell phone and give thanks for all you have recieved.

According to Look your aha moments are actually you downloading information from universal consciousness because you cleared sufficient space for your unconscious to work.

Rather than meditating hours at a time, regular periods of quiet throughout the day.

“If you’re unsure how to go within” Carole Look suggested  “having a dialogue with your body like it’s a good friend”

She suggests the following method for body dialoguing:

“Place your hand over the place where there’s pain, and ask your body what it needs. It’ll tell you, and oftentimes, the answer will be of no surprise to you”

For optimal health and wellness talk to it often.

Don’t wait for your body to break down before you start. Without knowing an illness energetic source, perhaps masking it with an aspirin, it will return.

She suggests these few simple techniques simple techniques:

• Get your “yes” or “no” from your body from the little things first. Find out how your body answers you.
• You have to know the way your body responds. Everyone is different, so take time to find out.
• A “yes” can be a feeling of excitement or happiness about your decision.

For example you could ask your body what close suit your energetic mood – and follow the hunch. Enjoy the fun.

Make the exercise fun and set the intention to “tune in” 30 – 60 seconds. That simple process can be done many times throughout the day and you will be amazed as your life begins to fill with wonder because of living in a higher vibration, said Look.

Is all this just a little too way out?

Well, according to 2006 study published in Science as decisions become complex better and happier decisions come from allowing your unconscious to sift through the many permutations.

It seems that perhaps writers like Deepak Chopra were on the money, even if scientists disagree about how intuition works.

Before making any major decisions, we must look at it from all angles, she said.

In relationships particularly it is rare that everyone in the family will be happy with a choice.

By being able access inner guidance, you can more holistically consider multiple angles.

When you think about orthodox Jews, you probably don’t think of yoga.

Yet Chabad, the orthodox Lubavitch Jewsh movement led famously by Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, or the Rebbe, as he is known, has a center in Dharamsala.

And it seems to have a collection of Guru Jews. The Dalai Lama, seeking to learn how to guide a people in exile,  has met with a number of Rabbis including the Australian mystic and kabbalist Rabbi Laibl Wolf.

Both Hinduisn and Judaism teach that that there is an underlying divinity that is in and through every level of creation and spirit.

It is not surprising then that Judaism has its own forms of mediation, usually visualizations. The practice of davening, which combines sequential bending the knees and bowing, is continued after prayer in a meditative repose by some Jews.

Some Jews even believe that that Indians are offspring of Abrahams second wife, Keturah, who some Rabbi’s believe was noneotherthan Hagar under another name, the mother of Ishmael, ancestor of Islam.

However, few imagined that the Rabbi Schneerson would  ‘kosher’ yoga and meditation practices. However, lets be clear, the Rebbe was not linking kabbalah to yoga – he was addressing a medical practice of meditation in a kosher setting.

In Hinduism the Ultimate Reality is described by the Vedic phrase “Ekam sat vipraha, bahudha vadanti” or “Truth is one, the wise call It by various names.”

Ultimate Reality possesses infinite potential, power and intelligence, and therefore cannot be limited by a single name or form. Therefore the ultimate reality is described as having both personal and impersonal aspects.
The impersonal (Nirguna Brahman) has no attributes and is beyond reasoning, thought and conception, is not an object of prayer but the object of meditation and contemplation. However, the personal aspect (Saguna Brahman) is creator, controller and sustainer of the universe, however, being unlimited Saguna Brahman is described as unable to take only one form and so is worshipped via both male and female deities.

Judaisms famous declaration of faith, the shema,  declares, “The Lord is G-d, The Lord is one.” In kabbalah this is not a mere statement of monotheism. It is a declaration of the divine unity permeating all things.

Ten divine qualities, or sephirot, that come from G-d’s light are compared to the  spectrum, each a different quality of G-d. How these qualities relate to each other profoundly effects creation. In Kabbalah every level of creation, spiritual, physical and psychological in some way mirror each other in various degrees.

However, there are fundamental differences between the belief systems.

Although both faiths share a belief in a unifying oneness, Jewish law expressly forbids idols or the chanting mantras that include the names of deities. Not that all Buddhist, Hindu’s or yoga practitioners  use images. Hindu writers like Mahatma Gandhi argued against idols, he conceded they were necessary for some people.

judaism fundamentally rejects a system that allows prepresentation of the divine creator.

The Rebbe then began a program that took the therapeutic benefits of “Transcendental Meditation (TM) and dressed them in Judaism.

This way a person could enjoy the calming and physical benefits of yoga and meditation while not compromising Jewish faith.

“It follows that if these therapeutic methods, insofar as they are utterly devoid of any ritual implications, many could benefit from such treatment,” said the Rebbe.

“This is a matter of healing of the highest order, since it has to do with the mind. It would therefore be wrong to deny such treatment to those who need it . . . if they had a choice of getting it the kosher way.”

Together the Rebbe and Dr. Landes planned center that would teach meditation, breathing and posture exercises for health developed “with halachic (legal) and general chassidic orientation for the dissemination… of these techniques to Jews and non-Jews.”

The Rebbe offered to assist with funding and although the project did not get off the ground as was hoped for, today the project has become possible.

“In Judaism meditation is often associated with hitbonenut (contemplation), hitbodedut (isolation and conversation with G-d), and kavana (Divine meaning), practiced while praying or learning of deep concepts” said Lubavitcher Audi  (Yehuda) Gozlan, founder of Kabalah Yoga.

“These forms of meditation have existed since Biblical times and were all developed by the founders of Chassidus” he said.

The word yoga means union or to join and is practied to unify mind and body with postures and breathing.

“When you physically move your body with more awareness and join your actions with your breathing you can become more energetic and graceful” said Gozlan. In the classic Chassidic text, Tanya, this is known as the mind focusing the heart.

“When the mind and heart are aligned then we can live in harmony and reveal the benoni, someone totally self-controlled.”

Gozlan was able to take this idea further when he realized some postures resembled Hebrew letters.

In Torah, G-d spoke and the universe occurred. The letters of the Hebrew alephbet , the  language of Torah, in combination created the world.

As the physical, spiritual and psychological world are seen as one, each letter has profound spiritual and emotional significance and have been meditated on for centuries.

Gozlan was able to develop a kosher way to meditation whether in movement or in stillness.

The Rebbes approach was not just to keep Jews from leaving their faith. Chassidus, inspired by Kabbalah, teaches finding the spark ofdivinity in all things andreleasing it to the world. Even in the most mundane things.

The Rebbe envisioned of a harmonious world ready to welcome Moshiach and to release the possibilities within us.

(or the power of what)

“Are you listening?”

“Do you hear what I’m saying?”

Even listening intently, it seems people just don’t understand each other.

To be understood you clearly must know what you are talking about – and know what the other person is saying? Otherwise the potential for meaningful thought will be lost in confusion.

Listening and hearing are words that mean different things to different people. So to achieve understanding we must clearly understand the power of what.

There is a biblical phrase that at first glance seems rather odd:

“Listen with your ears.”

How else can I listen? What’s the point?

In deep discussions it is very important to really listen and understand.

The major declaration of faith in Judaism, the Schema, begins ‘Hear (Shema) O Israel.” The point of the Shema’s opening words is that a person should hear, clarify, and understand before agreeing to the declaration of faith.

True listening means to hear, clarify, understand and apply. Using the Bible again Adam is told off by G-d for “Listening to your wife” (Gen 3:17) – he did what she said, not just hear her words. (Why do men listen to their wives when they shouldn’t and ignore them when they should?)

Clearly listening means actively understanding and acting on what he was told.

However, that means we must truly knowwhat is said.

Focus

How often have people began to argue with someone before understood what was being said?  Clearly focus on and beBe sure you know what is being said.

Attention

Make sure you understand the message being communicated. Dig deep and question. Don’t be tangled up in excess verbiage.

What is the message behind the words?

Ask What and put it in your words

Constantly ask what is the topic and express it in your terms. This will clarify your understanding.

Ask What about the message and its individual parts

Definitions are important. In deep philosophic questions spirituality means different thing to different people.

You must be clear about what you mean to be able to talk on the same page.

Some people use the word cult to describe a non orthodox religion. Others us it to describe a secluded and sinister group. Some use it to describe a different but hope by using the label cult they can imply an unsavory slur.

Be clear about basic terms

It will help you think clearer and impart your ideas to others. By asking so you know what another person means by a word you will understand them better.

To one person freedom means doing everything they want and to another that would be anarchy. What does it mean to you to be good? Everyone thinks their good – even a gangster.

Recognize viewpoints distort

When I am in an argument my viewpoint is white, when I am arguing with someone who is there depend their opinion, their view is a neutral grey. When they are not around, then they are as black as a coal shovel and stupid to boot.

As a concerned parent I may be persuading and educating, while my child thinks I’m a bigot. Definitions can be very loose depending on the situation.

This why we must clarify what we are talking about.

Don’t react a wonderful pithy quote until you are clear of the definitions.

Sweet sounding quotes often have a tendency to rake on meanings the authors never intended in the mind of listeners.

Ask What You have learned by experience

Many of us experience sadness and hardship in life. We have learned from the school of hard knocks – or have they?

So often they have learned to avoid a painful a situation. But have not grown from it.

Top grow we must ask deeply what happened so we can learn the reason behind it.

The power of what in negotiating conflict

In conflict former friends or lovers suddenly describe others like devils. We need to probe deeper and ask “Is it really?”

Often what is happening is simply hurt pride. Logic is distorted by rationalizations of why the other person is villainous is exaggerated hype to justify why a person is hurting.

Delve deep and find out What is really going on.

What is your purpose?

Have you ever asked a person what they have just read? Perhaps they have just spent hours reading a paper and yet they cannot give you a clear answer.

What did you learn?

If you don’t ask you will soon forget most of it. Ask what your purpose is before and after reading to make it meaningful.

So you want to watch a movie? Great – so long as you hadn’t intended to spent at your sons football game.

A What Question in an argument

So your stuck in a debate.

Try this:

Ask the other person “What do you think I’m saying?” Often the other person has not really heard your message. This will ensure feedback and help understanding.

Of course you can repeat back what you think they are saying. That way they will know they are being heard.

Only when you know what is being said can you act.

Only then can you be certain your course is correct.

Living without clarity is like living death

People who are alive have purpose. Being sure that you have clarified what you mean about the great questions in life will sharpen your potential.

Clarified definitions can help you be sure of your thinking and helps you live by integrity.

So, to start off, why don’t you describe what these terms mean for you?

• Good/goodness
• Tolerance
• Fanatic
• Freedom
• Brainwashing

You might be surprised how difficult these concepts are hard to pin down with absolute certainty.

What Do they mean to you?

(Based on a lecture by Rabbi Noah Weibberg’s 48 Ways to Wisdom)