Living In God's World

Back In God's Presence

2011-10-16T19:21:00.000-05:00

We joined a new church two weeks ago today. It feels like home. We weren't able to attend last weekend because we were out of town at a family reunion. Today, the sermon seemed to hit home. Being back in the workforce has made me forget my christian side. I love the people I work with but sometimes just like in all of our lives we have issues dealing with the way they respond and then we respond to counteract their response. Neither is good and it makes the work environment difficult.

The language is another issue. I've tried hard not to use words I haven't used in a long time, but being with people who use four letter words and do spiteful things constantly doesn't always bring out the best in me or anyone you are around.

Today's sermon which is still dealing with struggles was Demonstrating Perspective. One of the questions that was asked was: Who do you serve? Man or God. It is my wish and my desire to serve God. I don't want my human side, earthly side to out shine my christian side. However, that is what has been happening. My earthly side is ugly and I don't want it to be the side I present to everyone. So today I had a talk with God and re-examined my heart.

I have a friend who says she has accepted Christ but has never walked an aisle or public profession of faith or talk to a preacher and I have not been a good example. I'm not sure she really understands what it means. When you become a Christian, it becomes a tougher life. Accepting Christ and walking in faith is not easy. Satan tempts you and tells you it is okay to do things to others, or to do things that are not all that bad, but they aren't good either. My goal is to show her the right way. To show her that Jesus is the truth, the way and the life.

I am deeply sorry for the way or things I have said over the last few weeks. I've been angry and upset with people that even though what they did was not right, it's not me they have to answer to or explain their ways. Everyone will stand before God and be judged. All I can do is try to show others the Christian way and hope I can be a light to someone and that they will see that God is the one true God. That Jesus is/was the word made man. That He died for our sins and rose again.

God Bless!
Love, L

Keeping God in My sight

2011-06-26T12:54:00.000-05:00

I returned to the work force this week, out in the big world, away from my friends and the people at church. The first couple of the days, the first thing I noticed was the language of the people I'm working with for eight hours a day. It made me ask the question, "Did I used to talk that way?" The resounding answer was "Yes you did." It's not so anymore and I find it very offensive. My friend that I carpool with, says things and I finally told her that her language was awful. I even got on to her for saying something and she said, "I know. Someone should get on to me for it." I just did.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that on the third day back to work, I found myself slipping in to old habits and that is not what I want or desire. So by the end of the week, I was having to really focus on God, my faith, and being a Christian. I was having to try hard to stay true to my beliefs. This makes my job even more difficult. They are all fairly good people. I don't know about their religious beliefs or if they attend church, but I'm praying that my light will shine so that they can see what God has done for me.

God answered my prayers for a job. He has answered my prayers that my husband's eyes would be opened more about his work, and he has answered my prayers for many other things in the last days, weeks and months. God has seen me safely to work during the last week. He has seen me make it home when my car should not have. God is definitely by my side every day, every hour and every minute. He is providing the strength I need to persevere in the face of the world. I thank you God from the deepest part of my heart, for all that You have done and will do. I ask for your continued blessings, guidance and wisdom as I continue on this new leg of our journey. I know God that you will show us if moving is what we need to do. I know God that you will heal my body to allow me to make the drive, work, do school and still be a wife, mother and friend. I know you are the King of Kings, The God of all the world and I know You hear my pleas. Father please help me to help those I'm working with to see Your hand in my life. God do in my anything and everything you need to do, in order that you can do all through me that You want to do. In Jesus precious might name, Amen.

God's Hearing

2011-05-21T15:46:00.000-05:00

God doesn't wear hearing aids. He hears us every time, every second of every day, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. He is always with us. However, as sinful humans we don't always think about that and we just wallow in self-pity or get angry that God is not helping us. God answers every prayer, it just may not be what we want or think we need at the time. I pray all the time, but I guess just like other Christians, my faith is not always what it should be and I feel very alone and away from God.

I am here to tell you that this last week has been horrific! But you know what? God was by my side and provided two very good friends to help me on Monday. My stress level was maxed out. My emotions were on a roller coaster. I went to work out and my friend asked a very simple question, "How are you?" Those three words caused a cascade of emotions to burst from me and the stream seemed unstoppable. Our workout session turned into a therapy and prayer session which is what I needed but didn't realize it until much later.

My friends have held my hands, wiped my tears and encouraged me to rely on God this week. Now, before you say anything, I'm not a Christian that only goes to God with things are going wrong. I talked to God every day. I thank Him for the things He provides and for meeting my needs, but I guess that I got so overwhelmed that I was loosing faith. Well just to prove to you that God does listen, He has answered every prayer this week. He is showing me that through Him all things are possible and Faith is not seeing, but believing in those things we can't see.

I know that He has my back through our current situation and that He will lead us through the days and weeks to come whatever the outcome may be. So when you think God isn't listening, have faith in Him and what you believe. He will answer. Just remember it may not be the answer you are wanting at the time, but it will be what is best for you.

I don't know if my friends will see this or read it, but a big loving hug and thanks goes out to them. Without them, this week would have taken its toll on me, my marriage, and my recovery. Thanks Barbie and Sharon!

God Bless and Love, L

A letter for recovery

2011-05-13T15:44:00.000-05:00

To friends of the past:

I have friends out there that have turned their backs on me, made statements about how I was evil, rude, crude, and abrupt. You sometimes walked away when I needed you as my friends the most. If I ever offended you, hurt your feelings or made you feel bad in anyway, I apologize and ask you to forgive me.

There were times when I confessed my soul to you, told you of issues only to have you stab me in the back and turn away or side with others against me. I was made to feel stupid, and that I was in the wrong especially when I was ask to call each member of a department and apologize. Some of you as friends were my bosses which made it even more difficult. What I learned from you is that even friends/bosses/managers cannot be trusted, but I forgive you.

I am trying hard to forgive and forget. I truly want to move forward in my life, and as long as I harbor these feelings I know I can’t.

This is my first attempt at seeking those of you out that I feel hurt me, made me feel unwanted, unloved, and not worthy. Some times what others perceive as being mean or sarcastic is actually a cry for help.

I still find it hard to forget as the past has a way of coming back at the wrong time, but that is the devil’s way of retaining control of our sinful nature. I may have to start over each and every day from this day forward, but I know that God is always by my side. I’m hoping that my true friends will come forward and accept my apology. I am hopeful that I do still have a few true friends out there, those that stand beside you no matter what, always have your back, and will always take your call no matter what time of night or day it is.

I love you all.

Emotions behind Letters of Recovery

2011-04-26T13:35:00.000-05:00

I sat today and started writing letters to help with my recovery. The emotions that are moving through me today are almost surreal. Between the emotions of this and life in general, I find myself on the verge of tears.

Anger, hatred, abandonment, hurt, spite, disgust are just some of what I am feeling. Being inferior, unworthy, judgmental, sarcastic, and wanting to strike out against those I truly love is difficult to keep under control.

I am fighting with all my strength today and have called upon God many times. Three different hymns keep going through my head all at the same time, and I’m very tired.

Doing this is bringing back many memories and feelings that I don’t really want to deal with or have to deal with and I guess I really don’t have to. I can walk away right now and never take another step forward. Is that what I truly want?

I sometimes wish there was a switch that I could flip and become the person that has not bad experiences, no bad memories, no feelings of being a lone or deserted. There is no one out there that has the perfect life. There is only one that was ever perfect and walked upon this earth.

My emotions are on a roller coaster every day, each hour, every minute. I fight constantly to keep this at bay, but I can’t be someone I’m not. I don’t want to be someone I’m not.

It has been 480 days since I’ve had anything alcoholic. Yesterday I would have killed for a shot of tequila. The want was so bad, I could almost taste it.

I seem to be having difficulty finding what I need these days. I have Jesus and I talk to Him probably more than He wants to hear from me. The outside world has a big part in this, and I truly hate it when it takes over and I can’t get on top of the dirt.

God hear my pleas! Help me to sort this out and finish. In Jesus precious name, Amen.

Too Much Thinking

2011-04-19T10:27:00.000-05:00

My husband laughs sometimes when I'm caught up in thought and he says, "What's up?" My most usual reply is, "Nothing. I was just thinking." He usually knows that I will end up asking him something or telling him something that I may not have shared with him before. We met and fell in love so quickly that we don't know everything about each other and our past is not something we talk a lot about.

I was very naive about the way our life would be when we got married. I had hoped that his children and my daughter and us would be what they now call a blended family. I was wrong. We only see his kids at his mother's or other family functions around holidays. I don't know how to reach out to them. My daughter only lives a little ways from us and we see her a lot. She loves her stepfather and tells him so often. I'm glad. She only had my dad as a father figure growing up and she lost him in a year ago in February.

I guess what I'm really trying to get at is that no one knows the future, except God. He wants us to live in the present, not the past, and definitely not the future. However, that is very difficult. I try constantly, and I know that when the past is brought to the future, that the devil is at work. I also know that God is always with me, no matter where I go, when I go, or what may happen. I try to trust fully in the Lord, again that is harder than anything else I try to do.

Today, I need God's strength, because today I am at a point where I don't care. I'm void of feeling or maybe I feel too much. There are days like today, when I would rather live some where in the middle of nowhere, with no one around but my husband and kids, and the dogs. I want to hear nothing more than nature rushing around me. I want to see the green of the earth, the beauty of God's hand all around me. I don't want people or the drama they bring invading my space. I, also know that is being selfish, but that is currently the way I'm feeling.

I long for the day when there are no worries, no sadness, no tears, no heartache and no more lies.

Revelation 21:4
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

God Bless you all!
Love, L

A Day To Reflect

2011-04-07T10:20:00.000-05:00

Over the last couple of days, worrying has me too stressed out. So this morning, at six, when the alarm went off, I was basically awake. I had been up and down all night, too much water right before bed time. However, as I laid there awake, life seemed to ease up some. Today has been a day to re-think, re-form, and re-do things in my life. Kind of like a make over. I stopped and thought about where I want to be in the next 3 to 5 years. Norman will be 60 on his birthday, and I don't want him to have to work until he is 80, 75, 70 or even 65, unless that is what he wants to do. I don't want us to have to rob Peter to pay Paul, so to speak.

So this morning, I cried out to God and asked Him to hear my pleas. God always hears us, even when we don't see His answer right away. I know now more than ever, than going back to school for my degree was the right choice. Have we had to make some decisions that were difficult? Yes, and we do every day as we re-evaluate where we are headed and what we want and what really matters.

I read devotionals and people's post about letting our light shine so that others can see Christ in us. I don't know that I always do that, I try, but I'm sure I fall short. We live a pretty clean life. Is it totally clean and do we stay totally aware from the conformity of the world we live in? No. Can we? It is a struggle each and every day that we and all Christians live to not be pulled into the world. Does everyone that accepts God go out to reach those that are lost? Do new Chrisitans really understand what it means to be a Christian? I don't know. I know that I didn't.

As a Christian we are suppose to help others that are lost or have turned away from God, to find the way home. I don't know that I have ever done that, but I hope that with my blog posts, and the friendships I have, that I do impact someone's life every once and awhile. I don't read my bible as I should. I'm sure I don't pray often enough, but how often is enough. We could pray every day all day long, and it still probably wouldn't be enough.

I shared today how I'm an emotional eater, and the person I shared it with, is a pastor's wife, who struggles with that as well. She is a blogger and someone I look up to for her walk with God, and how she tries to do what Christ wants all the time. I wish sometimes I was more like her.

So as a day of reflection, I'm going to turn more to God instead of food when I feel lost, stressed or void of human emotion. There are days when I don't feel or what I feel is un-named. Anyway, so today is a day I start again and try to be the best I can be for the Lord, for my husband, and my family. That is all I can do and I just have to recognize that is the solution, not the problem.

May you all have a blessed and glorious day! I am, and will continue to do so! Satan cannot steal me from God. He can tempt me, but I have to be stronger and realize that God is there with me and all I have to do is ask.

Love, L

Two Volumes In Your Life?

2011-04-03T20:28:00.000-05:00

Tonight's sermon was very good. One thing that really hit tonight was the pastor stated that everyone should have two volumes or be two volumes in a book. First volume, your life before you knew Christ. Second volume, your life after becoming a Christian. I've thought about that a lot since he said it. I love Brother Joe and his sermons. Sometimes it might take a day or two for it to sink in, but when it does, I usually come up with other questions. Tonight is the first time I've been to service in about three or four weeks. Too much life in the way, and I know that is no reason to miss, but pain killers that knock you out and pain you can't deal with is.

Back to the two volume set. I'm not sure my first volume would be very big. I was about 11 or 12 when I first asked Jesus to live in my heart. At 14 things happened that sent me far away from God, and I never really made it back until the last three years. Oh don't get me wrong, there were years or times that I never missed, but it didn't change the things I was doing, or saying or the way I was living. In the last five, I have attended church more than in my whole life.

I guess my question is this...If volume one is my life before Christ and volume two is my life after Christ, what do I call the section in between? It is the past and for the most part I can leave it there, but occasionally, the devil likes to trip me up and throw something in my head, that makes me think what if. Does he win? Not very often, does he make me have regrets, fears and worries? Absolutely.

So when you look at your life, do you have two volumes? Is there a section in between that you aren't sure what to call? Do you only have one volume? If you only have one volume, my prayer to you is this, that you meet someone you can show you how to have someone love you unconditionally for the rest of your life. My prayer is that you meet Jesus Christ, accept Him as your savior, and start living, instead of dying in a lost world.

I hope that who ever reads this will share it with others. I do try to live my life for Christ, but self does get in the way. I try to be good, real, and honest. I don't like fake people or those that pretend around you. I fight be judgmental constantly, I think part of that comes back to a trust factor.

Search your heart, search your soul. Where is your path headed? Do you have fire insurance?

Love, L

I am a Southern Baptist

2011-03-17T08:22:00.000-05:00

I am a southern Baptist because the Baptist beliefs, I feel follow the word of God more closely than other religions. Now I'm not knocking anyone religion. You can believe however you want to believe. There is only one way to get to heaven and doing good works, or helping people is not the way. Those are things you do need to do to be more Christlike, but that is not the way to get to heaven. Believing that Jesus is the son of God, born to a virgin, died and was resurrected, and that He did this for you, is the way to get to heaven. Now I know it is a little more than just those things, but that is the general gist.

I don't apologize for my beliefs. I don't believe that Jesus meant for everyone on this earth to be well all the time, or have riches beyond beliefs. I don't believe that all believers possess all the same spiritual gifts that the apostles had when they walked with Jesus. I do believe that Jesus has been with God since the beginning of the world. When the two angels appeared to Abraham, I believe that the third being was Jesus. The bible says that no man has seen the face of God, so it couldn't have been God that stood before Abraham.

I know that God has a plan for everyone. I use to think that God wanted me to be a missionary and minister to people in foreign lands, but I've not received a calling to do that for God. I do think that God has a plan for be to be involved with a church, or a religious entity. I'm not sure what that is yet, and I'm pretty sure that this title, is not the right one, but it is the one that came to mind.

There are a lot of people out there in the world who believe in the wealth and prosperity preachers, and that is okay, if that is how you want to believe. I can only stress that you should read the Word of God, and don't take the verses out of context. You need to read what is before and after the verse to get the true meaning of what God and Jesus are telling you.

Have a blessed and beautiful, Awesome God Filled Day!
Love,
L

My Letters For Recovery

2011-03-03T18:01:00.000-06:00

Okay so I think I mentioned that I was going to write the letters to those I need answers from and either asking for them to apologize or seeking forgiveness. Right now I have just started writing down questions and I am not really addressing it to a particular person, just kind of getting my thoughts down. Some of it is not worth a whole letter and those are the things that I will address directly with the person or the people involved. However, there are a few things that might need a letter of three or four pages, but that's okay.

There is still the issue of whether or not I will send the letters to the people or person, or just hold them, and leave directions for my daughter or husband when I'm dead and gone. I don't know how this is going to work exactly or if it will even help. I have discovered though that it is not so much in the front of my brain any longer. I'm not sure if that is because I'm occupied with school, work and the house, or if I'm making progress. Whichever it is, God is the one in control.

One of my devotionals this week was titled, "Truth Is Important". The bible verse that it used was Proverbs 12:22. "Lying lips are abomination to the LORD; but they that deal fairly are His delight.
The title struck me and it made me think about what I say and how I say it. There have been some times that people or a person has done or said something, and then asked if that was okay or say things like I hope I didn't hurt your feelings. I have always just said that's okay and brushed it off. However a couple of times, it wasn't okay. The particular instance made me feel unimportant, and not cared for, and at the same time made me angry.

I know that we are not suppose to do this amends or make amends if it is going to hurt the other person. So I'm trying to keep that in mind, but isn't it hurting me by not addressing it?

God Bless You All,
Love,
L

The Awesomeness of God

2011-02-25T14:35:00.000-06:00

I've been blogging for quite awhile now and there are times when I really wonder if anyone reads what I write. Not that I should be recognize, but sometimes just because I wonder if anyone else has the same thoughts that I have about things, especially God, Faith, Scripture and religion in general.

Over that last few weeks or maybe the last couple of months, it just seemed that no matter how hard I or we tried to get things caught up and together, another obstacle would smack us. I have tried on many occasions to just "Let Go" and "Let God", but that is extremely hard to do. I have a running conversation going on with God most days. Some times it is just me talking or thinking about life and asking why things happen the way they do. Other times, it is on my knees or laying prone asking God to please help me. Don't get me wrong, I don't just go to Him when we are having difficult times, I thank Him all the time for the things we have, the things He has provide, because I know that without God our lives would be meaningless.

I usually write on here about attending recovery and what the experience is like. Most of the time, I don't get any comments, but my last post received a comment from a new follower. We will just call her T for the moment. She is struggling, and I want to ask for my followers of this blog to pray for her. She is trying to get well, and complete recovery. She state that I had inspired her! I was amazed. Never have I thought of myself as an inspiration to anyone. But if my posts on here can help her, I'm here for her and I want to share more to show her that it is possible.

So with all that being said, I am going to try to get through the Amends portion of recovery. I'm going to write letters to the people I need to write them to and get it all on paper. Now it will be in God's hands whether or not I give those letters out, or just put them in a box to be found when I'm dead and gone from this world. Either way, I need to complete this step. I want T to be able to complete her recovery and go through the steps and succeed.

A word to anyone else who might have addictions to alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, food or anything that is an addiction, you can succeed, but you have to really want it. You need God, you need scriptures, and the best recovery steps are those that have a biblical background or so I feel. Celebrate Recovery is an excellent program. Check your local churches. Remember you have to really want it! You can't do it alone, but God is always with you no matter what the circumstances.

God Bless you all! I'm here for your T.

Love, L

Amends On Finishing This Step in Recovery

2011-02-08T09:03:00.000-06:00

I haven't attend recovery meetings in quite awhile. I feel that I am at a place where I can't continue, and I don't want to attend meetings just for a meal. I feel that I cannot complete this step in recovery because I can approach some people about what happened and ask them to forgive me or for me to let them know how they hurt me, or I really don't know what I'm trying to say here.

I have somethings I need to let some people know but I don't think it is possible without hurting feelings. A friend suggested I write letters and just don't mail them. That is an option, but I've been writing some of these hurts down for a long time, and if that has help me, then how is writing a letter and not mailing it. I feel that I am caught between a rock and a hard place.

So I have started praying for God to show me how to handle this step. I've been told that God will present the opportunities to make amends when it is His time, His will, and when it is the right place. So I continually wait.

On a side note, I made it past the one year mark of "no alcohol". 404 days. I still have days when I would like a glass of wine or have a bourbon and coke, but it is not something I plan my life around or hold money back for, or let it control me. I can walk down the aisle in the store and not want to pick it up and put it in my basket. That I feel is an accomplishment.

Have a God Filled Day! If you struggled with this step in recovery, I would love to hear how you handled it. Because at this point, I see no use in continuing if i can't finish this part.

Love, L

Faith

2011-01-29T19:03:00.000-06:00

As a Christian, I often question the depth of my faith. I have weeks where I constantly have the Bible open or I'm reading something on line about religion or Christianity, and then there are the other weeks. What happens on those weeks? Well I read a daily devotional, on work days I listen to christian music, and mini sermons, and other than on Sunday, I may not even open my bible. So does that mean I don't have faith? Or does that just mean that I'm not a committed Christian.

Faith to me means believing in God's word, and relying on the promises of God. Faith means being thankful to Him, turning to Him not only in times when we need Him, but every day. I talk to God all the time. I'm always asking Him questions, or making statements to Him. So does that mean I have lots of faith?

Being a good Christian is attending church, worshipping God, praying, reading His word, helping others, bringing others to know Jesus, and having a constant walk with God, right? Some times these questions haunt me. I am intrigued by those people who know that no matter what all will be okay. They constantly walk around telling you everything is good, and that God will provide for your needs, you just have to have faith.

So here's the big question, if God doesn't provide for my, our needs, does that mean we don't have enough faith? I know for a fact that right now, our needs are overwhelming, and I've laid it all out and prayed. I'm not asking God to prove Himself. I believe in God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. I believe in the birth, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I believe that the bible is the Word of God, and that Jesus was the Word made man.

As Christians when we are in dire needs or dire straits as I've heard it said, and we don't receive answers to our prayers, what does that say about us? I know that God answers all prayers and that it is just not always the answer we are wanting, but when it is to be able to survive, what exactly does that mean.

L

Basics continued

2011-01-23T11:56:00.000-06:00

I wear an ipod or mp3 portable device when I clean at the church. I sometimes wear it when I am riding my bike, but I only ride it for just now up to 7 minutes and 3 miles. Anyway, as I said in my last post, I talked about the song by 4Him, The basics of life.

So what are the basics that we need in life? Well if you were born in the 80's you might say, a vehicle, microwave, television, computer and some kind of gaming device. If you were born in the 90's it would include the internet, cell phone, unlimited bank account and a college degree paid for by someone other than yourself. Okay, so that might be a little harsh, but a lot of kids that are going to college now, think that their parents should foot the bill. They feel they deserve it, even if they are not planning on using their degree. Okay so that is another post.

Really though what are the basics, that we as adults need to survive in this world? I'm not talking about material things like an expensive house, or car, or designer clothes. I'm talking basics. You know like a roof over your head. Does that mean that you are entitled to a home of your choosing? No, it means a place that is warm in the winter, cool in the summer, and dry when it is raining. What else is it that we need? Food on the table right? Does that mean that society is to pay for your food? No. Does it mean that you take your food stamps and go buy steak and lobster? It shouldn't, but I have seen that done.

It the days of the bible people ate bread, drank what wine, but it is not like the wine of today. It was actually a mulled ale or something along that lines. If you had meat it was from your flock. You grew your food and made your bread. We take a lot for grant these days. We think we must have meat with every meal, flavored coffee or an espresso, and those are not requirements to survive. Could I give up coffee? Probably not with out something else addictive to take its place, but I don't drink flavored coffee so I don't go spend $5.00 on a cup every day. Okay again another post.

So food and a roof are two of the basics. Air of course is a given, water to wash with, clean and bath with are also a necessity. What else would you consider a basic that you have to have in order to survive?

God should be first in our lives no matter what. Our spouses and our children come next. Those are also basics that we need in order to survive in this world today. Without our faith and belief in God our lives are meaningless. The more that God is removed from our society, the worse it gets. So God is a basic that we must and should keep first and foremost in our lives. It is not something we always do. God never leaves us, but we do walk away from Him.

Please share other things that we must have as a basic in order to survive in this world. They say that technology is part of the progression in order for us to survive in a changing world. Is that true? It all the computers, telephones, cable TV and video gaming systems disappeared tomorrow, would life stop?

Think about that. Share your thoughts.

God Bless!
Love, L

The Basics of Life

2011-01-21T06:56:00.000-06:00

I dreamed all night long again with this one song playing through my head. The Basics of Life, by the group 4Him. I love their music and they have some really good songs. Most would consider them old music, but it is all good.

So what are the basics of life? The song talks about getting back to a Christ centered life, faith that is true and love.... can't remember the rest of the verse. What would you consider something basic that you must have in your life? I am not talking about the most important and that is Christ being first in your life, but what comes next for you?

So that is the thought provoking question of the day. I'm off to work at the church. I downloaded four sermons from Truth For life, and I ordered three booklets today. I'm looking forward to reading those when I receive them. My time with God grows more and more each day. I hope yours does too!

Have a God Filled and Blessed day!
Love, L

Listen To Your Heart

2011-01-16T07:11:00.000-06:00

As human beings, especially adults, we should all know what is right and wrong. You know that if you are doing something that doesn't feel right or you are watching or listening to something that just doesn't sound right, than you should probably not be doing it, watching it or listening to it.

As children of God, the deceiver comes to steal, kill and destroy. Satan is quite capable of making us think that we are doing right. There are many things on television, radio, and the Internet these days that we should stay away from. False prophets and false teachings are every where and disguised so that we easily follow.

You should not take a single scripture out of context and base something on that. You need to read what is before it, after it and probably the whole chapter to get the full and true meaning of a biblical passage.

The Word of Faith movement is huge and I've just started learning what they believe and how they believe and the few things that I have read really scare me. Tonight at church we are starting a video presentation called, A call to discernment. It is presented by Justin Peters, through his ministry. www.justinpeters.org

I know that there are a lot of people who like many of the pastors, preachers and evangelist involved in the word of faith movement. Some of them are big names and have huge churches and followings. If you are involved, I urge you to look them up, read what they believe and compare it to what the bible really says.

Be filled with God today! Have a Blessed Day!
Love, L

As a Christian I try

2011-01-10T19:36:00.000-06:00

As Christians we all stumble at times. I never purposely hurt some one, say anything bad, or and this is the hardest, think bad thoughts about something someone did, or just about a person. I hope that makes sense.

I don't do drugs. I don't drink and haven't since 12/31/2009. I try to always be courteous, and not sarcastic, and to mind my manners and say things like yes sir, no sir, thank you, your welcome, and please. I know we all have bad moments and a slip of the tongue. However, I find it very offensive to get on Facebook and read postings of people who use curse words trying to drive home a point. Some one told me that people who curse don't have a very big vocabulary.

Something else I find offensive is people who claim to be Christians, but go out and get drunk, smoke, do drugs, and curse and post all their activities on Facebook and brag that they out drank everyone at the party or at a club or whatever.

I will be the first to admit that at one point in my life I did drink and get drunk, and do drugs. I had a child out of wedlock. I lived with my husband before we were married. So I am no stranger to those things. However, it was not right then and it is not right now, Christian or not. I rededicated my life to Christ. He has forgiven me all my transgressions.

If you are truly a Christian, believe in God, attend church, then maybe you need to examine your life. If you are doing anything that is not the will of God, then you need to stop, and ask God to forgive you and make it right with Him. You can't be a Christian, and go into the beer store or liquor store and buy from them and give your testimony. You have lost all credibility. Think about it.

I try to spend time in the Word everyday. I pray everyday. Some days more than others. We attend church, and we try to live a life that shows others how Christians live and act. If you see your brother and or sister in Christ doing something they shouldn't do, then you need to approach them about it. I would expect one of my sisters or brothers in Christ to approach me if they see me doing something they feel is not Christian. We should all expect that, but we don't because we don't want to upset family and friends, we just ignore it. That is not right and we should all take a better stand. There has only been one perfect person to walk this earth. He currently sits at the right hand of God. One day I will kneel before Him and I want Him to say to me, "Well done."

This may sound very judgemental or critical, and may not be politically correct, but it is something I feel needs to be said. If I have offended you, hurt your feelings or stepped on your toes, maybe you need to look at yourself, and see if there are areas that you can improve. I know I can. Have a God Filled day, every day. Love, L

Where do I go?

2011-01-06T10:34:00.000-06:00

My thoughts are clouded today. I know that is the work of the devil trying to get me to worry, have fear and being anxious over things I have no control over.

I get a devotional everyday except Sunday from Truthforlife.org. It is done by Pastor Alaister Beggs, who is a Baptist pastor in Ohio and he is on the radio and I love him. He speaks the truth about the bible. He doesn't just tell you what you want to hear. He is not a "feel good" pastor. There are a lot of those types of pastors and evangelist out in the world.

As a christian I have my own beliefs and it is based off the doctrine in God's Word. I believe everything in the bible, not just pieces and I try never to take anything out of context. When I have a question that I can't find the answer to, I pray and seek counsel from God, and I talk to my pastor.

I know that there are people in the world that use the bible to justify things that aren't good to make them feel at peace. I've made a lot of mistakes over the years. God has forgiven me for those mistakes and sins, and I am learning to forgive myself.

I usually move my daily devotional to a folder after I read it, however, right now in my inbox, I have many that I have read, but feel lead to leave them where they are currently. I keep reading the titles over and over.

Here is the first one:

Find Your Life in Christ - I received this one on 12/27/10
Follow Boldly - I received on 12/28/10
Till Now - on 12/29/10
Anticipate the End - 12/30/10
Let the Thirsty Come - 12/31/-10
The Property of Every Believer - 1/3/11
Grow in Grace & Knowledge - 1/4/11
Reflecting on Light - 1/5/11
Say Goodbye to Anxiety - 1/6/11

As I look at each one of these titles, it brings a different thought but they read like a complete sentence or a list of instructions. Can I do these? Can I trust? Is my faith strong enough? Do I truly believe the word of God? I can answer yes to two out of the four. Is that bad? No, its just that I'm still trying to understand and learn as much as possible.

Someone once told me that the only thing we need to believe from the bible is that Christ was born, died and rose again, and that everything else is left up to interpretation. I don't think I believe that. Someone also told me not to label myself as a particular religion. Well I can't do that, because I follow the Baptist because the doctrine is closer to the true doctrine of the true church.

My pastor and his wife gave me a devotional journal for Christmas. It is wonderful and I have started writing in it and reading the bible passages. However, I've only read the first one. I'm not sure I'm mature enough in my Christian walk with God to understand. So today I'm seeking help from the Great Teacher. I am going to devote time everyday to read the devotional passage, make my notes and not move on until I fully understand what it is telling me.

"God hear my plea. Help me to grow closer to you, understand your word and live my life for you. Father, grant me the wisdom and knowledge to help others to know you and to let your light shine through my life. Father you know my heart, without me having to speak the words. You know my love for you. Father heal my heart, open my eyes and my heart to learn all I can of you. In Jesus precious name. Amen."

Have a God Filled and Blessed Day!
Love, L

My Heart's desires

2010-12-30T17:22:00.000-06:00

Psalm 37:3-5 (King James Version)

3Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

The above scriptures were shared with me by blogging friend, and they have really made me stop and think. I am sure I have read them before but I am not sure if I have really ever thought about what these scriptures say. This is a promise from God. As such we should take it to heart.

Think about what it says, "It says to trust the Lord, do good (follow His commandments, live by the scripture), dwell in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit yourself to serving God, and He will make it all happen. That is probably not exactly right, but that is how I interpret those passages.

It has made me stop and think a lot about my life. One of my biggest desires is to make a living by writing. I want to write a Christian Fiction book, along with several others. Being a published, successful author has been one of my greatest desires since I was 14. The other is to operate an animal rescue and shelter and to train dogs for service with people with handicaps and to do all of this while showing others what God can do if you just trust Him. Aha! There's the catch! You have to trust in the Lord. Trust is such an issue for me. It all comes from a past where I have been betrayed, but through recovery, I'm hoping to get past that. I am going to a meeting for a little while tonight, but I am going to start attending on a regular basis, and I am going to start sharing things that God has done for me, us, so that they too can learn to trust in the Lord.

What are your heart's desires? Do you Trust in the Lord? Have you committed Your way to Him?

I would love to hear your answers, please feel free to leave a comment.

May God Bless You all for the rest of this year and for the year 2011. I know He will bless me and mine.

Love, L

The Calmness

2010-12-21T17:21:00.000-06:00

Even though I haven't been sleeping well, my whole being is filled with this calmness I can't explain. My dreams of late have been surreal and I jerk awake in the blink of an eye. I never have a full scene in my dream. Some how though I know that God is about to reveal something to me, us, my family something. It is this very uncanny feeling I have that something is about to happen, not bad, something good.

God is working and moving in our lives. He does provide even when we don't realize it to start. My work week or weeks will be short by 1.5 to 2 hours this pay period because of Christmas Eve and the office or church being closed. To show that God does provide, I received an order for dog treats yesterday and it will be double the amount I would make for those 2 hours.

Deep in my heart, I know that the move we are planning is the right thing to do. Norman can work on the ranch or work off the ranch, whatever he prefers. I will work on the ranch and go to school. It is out in the country. We will have room for Sioux to run and if I want a couple of beagles, I will be able to do that as well. God is providing for everything except our personal bills. There won't be housing or utility costs and we don't have to leave the place if that is our desire.

I know that God is guiding us. Yesterday while I was cleaning, I saw the bible verse, "Be still and know that I am God." I know without a doubt it is Him talking to me. Don't get me wrong we are a little scared about moving, but staying here, in East Texas we will continue to struggle to survive and make a living.

I picked up my journal this morning for the first time in 14 days. I thought about that, and I guess it is because I am at peace and don't need to write my feelings down. I've been praying, actually I'm not sure I ever totally stop. I talk to God off and on all day. He has done wonders in my life, our life, and it just keeps getting better.

Do you have a relationship with God? If not, do you need to know how to get one? If you are a child of God, you should have a relationship with Him. I'm not talking about going to church and filling a pew. I'm talking about believing in Jesus, that He died for our sins, and rose again, and that He sits on the right hand of the Father. I'm talking about believing that He was born of a virgin. He is the son of God. He is the word made man. You have to study His word, believe what He tells us, and pray. He will take care of your needs.

May you all know God personally. May you all have a God Filled Day! May You receive blessings upon blessings!

Merry Christmas!

Love, L

While I Clean The Church

2010-12-20T15:01:00.000-06:00

Most of the days that I clean at the church I wear my ipod and listen to music. I have to admit when I first started cleaning, I mostly had country and some rock on there, but now it is a big mixture. I have an Eric Clapton song, a bunch of country, some Robert Palmer and a lot of Christian music. I don't see anything wrong with the music I listen to while I am cleaning. There's nothing about getting drunk or doing anything illegal. Most of the country and western is about the love of your life, and how you feel about each other. Some of the other songs are about living in the country and just enjoying life.

I sing out loud while I am cleaning. If someone comes in, I stop singing and just listening. When I'm cleaning it is my time to reflect on my life, on God, and what changes are coming in the future. I find myself thinking and talking to God a lot while I am cleaning. Sometimes, I will pause the music and forget and I just like to feel the peace and serenity that fills the auditorium or some of the other buildings.

However, there is one of the buildings that is kind of creepy, well maybe not creepy, but it makes a lot of noises while I am in there cleaning. It is the very old Sunday school building. Today, I kept hearing the door chime from the alarm go off like someone was coming in and out, but the door never opened or closed. Anyway, it is probably just my mind playing games with me.

But it is usually very relaxing while I am working. I know I will miss the church when I find a full time job, but I'm sure they will find someone to take my place if they need it filled. I love the people at church and all though I don't quite feel the same thing I did a few months ago, I know that God is there. Some Sundays and other days, His presence is much more noticeable than other times, but He is always with me where ever I go.

Remember this is the season of our Savior's birth. Rejoice and don't be afraid to wish everyone you meet a Merry Christmas! Jesus loves you! He will never forsake you, no matter what you do. You can Trust the Lord with all things! He will provide all that you need!

God Bless You all!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Love, L

Be Ready Before You Ask

2010-12-12T14:15:00.000-06:00

God listens to our pleas, prayers, and cries and you should never doubt that..never. Sometimes when we pray I'm not sure we always really mean what we say. Sometimes people pray what my mom and dad called, "Canned prayers." You know it is the same prayer that they say every day, every week. Those are canned prayers. Kind of like when you are a kid and you are taught to say grace or the blessing of the food at the dinner table. "Fold my hands, bow my head, Thank you Lord for this good bread, Amen." or "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take."

Something you are not really taught to do in church as you grow and attend is how to pray. As an adult I sometime still struggle with prayer. A friend told me this, "It's just having a conversation with Jesus." That is true, and so that is what I do now. For a month or so, I have been praying for God to give us direction, and I think He is answering that prayer. It's just like the prayer I do, when I ask the Lord to do in me anything He needs to do, in order for Him to do everything He wants to do through me. I thought about that a long time, before I prayed that on a daily basis. Why? Because I wasn't really sure I was ready. If you ask God to do something in your life, make sure you are ready to accept the assignment that you are asking for, when you ask.

I've been married for almost five years, but before I met my husband, I felt called to work in missions. I even attend Criswell College in Dallas for one semester so I could learn more about the bible. Things happened and I kind of stepped away. I still feel that God is calling me to do something for Him, and I am gladly willing and ready to accept. Since I've been married, I've wondered how my husband would feel if I were called by God to work in some mission for Him. Now I'm not talking about missions in the foreign field. I'm talking about missions here in the United States. We have much that needs to be done here in the United States without having to leave the country to help people to Christ.

A friend of mine that is married to a preacher, said this, "If God calls you to do work for Him, He will make sure both of you are ready before He calls one of you." I took that to heart and I know that is true. God is truly at work in our lives, and we are having to learn to trust Him.

Early this week, I had an ongoing conversation with God on one side in my head and Satan on the other side in my head. God won and always will. I was seriously starting to doubt my Faith in God. Why?

Well first I got sick around the middle of October and was still quite sick until just before Thanksgiving. Norman got sick about the week before I started getting well. He is still fighting it, but is much, much better. We have not had much money and he has had one or two little jobs since the end of October. I had to seek help from the Methodist Church here in Emory to help us pay our electric and they agreed to pay half of it. However, the payment got there the same day as the disconnect. So we were without power for 4 hours or so. I have applied for numerous jobs and have not received one interview call. Norman does have a job to start on Tuesday, but not sure how big, how long, I am still working at the church about 18 hours for two weeks, and I was writing for two people. One of my writing gigs ended on Friday due to her hand being broken and she won't open back up until after the first of the year. So what do we do? I am praying and still looking for a job.

This is what I know. God is going to provide for us and we will be moving in the fall of next year or late summer. How we survive between now and then will be by trusting in God to provide for all our needs and that is all we ask for. I will continue to work at the church and do whatever else I can find to do. God has answered my prayer for directions in that I will be able to work for my sister at www.rememberwhenranch.com teaching, and working on the ranch. My husband has a job there too, if he wants it.

God does hear us, and He does answer us. So make sure you are ready, and stop praying canned prayers. Be sincere in your heart, and tell Jesus how you feel, who you are worried about and Thank Him for everything in your life. It is there because of Jesus.

God Bless You all.

Making Amends: A Step to my Recovery

2010-12-11T11:13:00.000-06:00

I haven't written about my journey through recovery for awhile because I'm sort of at a stand still. I'm at the portion of recovery for making amends, seeking forgiveness and forgiving. I'm not sure I can take this step. Yesterday as a matter of fact, if I'd had any Jack Daniels in the house, I probably would have had a drink. Sad thing is I'm so close to completing a year of being alcohol free, I would have kicked myself a thousand times afterwards and been angry.

So I've been thinking about this step a lot. There are some people who will take my apology, or what I'm seeking amends for and be the type of person to smile, say that's okay, or I love you and there is nothing to forgive, or I'm sorry. However, there are some people who will not, and even though I will have done my part, and the next part is their responsibility or what they will be accountable for, it scares me to death to take that step. Norman and I have had this conversation, and it is true what he has said and that is that some will not even acknowledge what you are doing or they will think they have done nothing wrong, or they will be vindictive and mean. I guess that is what scares me the most. My husband just takes whatever is said and shrugs it off. I am not made that way and can't just shrug something off.

I believe in being honest, truthful and have always said, "If you don't really want to know then don't ask me. I will be honest." I have tried in the last year to tone the way I reply to people so not to hurt anyone. It takes a lot for me to do that. I'm not sure what that says about me as a person. If I constantly have to watch what I say and how I say it, does that make me a mean person. I'm not. I'm very tenderhearted actually. I cry over the stupidest emails especially if animals are involved. I cry at movies that I shouldn't cry at, and I cry sometimes just because.

Fear is a tactic of Satan, and I let him win a lot of times. I will just back away, or avoid a situation, or look away from a person. I didn't use to be the kind of person that backed down, no matter what. But I guess I finally got tired of being called mean, rude, crude, abrupt, and angry. I guess I finally felt defeated because I was trying to do a job, or be what I thought someone wanted me to be.

I've let remarks go by without saying anything, and have been humiliated. I have listened to things said by people I trusted and thought were friends only to find out there never really were. It is the whole trust thing.
So as I try to figure out how to complete this step, I stress over what will happen. My sponsor said that God will let me know who and when to make amends to. That it is in His time that all will come to pass. I know this, but it still hangs out there looming over me like a great big sign. "You Have To Finish This".

I have attended a recovery meeting in about six weeks. I will go back. When? Only God knows that, of that I'm sure.

Can You Hear?

2010-12-06T07:08:00.000-06:00

Its that time of year where you see Christmas lights, Stores decorated for Christmas and you hear Christmas music every where you go. One of my favorite Christmas songs is "Can You see what I see?" That must have been a very magical or guess a supernatural thing they night the Star appeared. The time when Christ's birth was announced and the star directed the wise men and shepherds to Him.

We don't have a star directing us to Him now. We have His written word.

Although none us probably read it, take it in, or devour it like we should, it is there to give us and remind us of His promises. We can read His word and every place there is a promise, it is not just for Israel, it is for every child of God and for those looking for Jesus.

There are many times when I stand in worship service and cry during the invitation. I know that it is God tugging at my heart, convicting me, and calling me to do more. What more? I'm not sure, but I know that as long as I keep praying and asking God for His direction, give Him control of my life, that He will continue to provide everything I need. My faith is tenfold more than it use to be. My trust is tenfold more than it ever was.

God does not let people down. He does not forsake us, and He never leaves us. We are the ones that turn our backs and walk away. Why? Because of something we don't understand. As a child of God, I am trying to live my life for God, to spread His word, and to show others just who Jesus is, the one true living God. There is no other! All the other religions worship gods that are dead. My God, My Jesus sits on the right hand of the Father.

Do you know Jesus? Would you like to know someone who loves you unconditionally, no matter what you have done? You can. It is for everyone, not just the chosen people.

May God Bless You as you read this blog today! May You have a God Filled Day! And if you don't know Jesus, I pray that He will send someone to you, to show you how to meet Him. Your life will be forever changed.

Love, L

Don't Be Afraid to Ask For Help

2010-12-02T15:26:00.000-06:00

The economy stinks right now and because of the business that my husband is in there are times when he goes for weeks without work because of the weather, and just because it slows down at this time of year. I work part-time at the church and freelance/ghost write but can't make more than a $100.00 a week so far and that doesn't happen very often.

There have been times when I didn't know how we were going to pay rent, or utilities or buy groceries because of our money situation. I've never really had to worry until this past couple of years, because I was always in Corporate America and made good money.

Well because of the economy, weather and just life, I have had to look for resources for help. Food stamps is a place to go for help if you need it, but there are sometimes other options. There are many community outreach centers that offer things like a food bank, or maybe even a church that helps with utilities. Never think there isn't some way to get help. Just don't wait until your are about to get your lights disconnected. My family has stepped in many times over the last year and we couldn't have made it without them.

Although some churches don't offer this kind of assistance, the United Methodist Church here in town, helps with your utilities. Thank You God for giving me the courage to call them. There are other places in town that help as well. One is called the Good Samaritan. They have a food bank, and a store where you can buy clothes for very cheap. I bought a really cute, long blue jean skirt to wear. But there even have suits for men and women so if you have a job interview, go for it.

The Texas Department of Health and Human Services does offer assistance, but more so if you have a family or children. Look around you area and see what kind of assistance is available if you need it. Start with your church and see what they can recommend. I really think all churches should help some way especially for their members, but I guess I understand if they don't.

May God Bless You in All You do.