Living in the Upside

Adjustments

2013-09-25T12:10:00.000-05:00

My daughters are now in college. How I envy them! I remember those days so clearly. Young, able bodied, exciting and safe all at the same time. Looking back I realize that college was more than another text book to read but an environment to practice being an adult with your parents nearby. The independence of those years was intoxicating.

I also miss them. It is cliché to say it seems like yesterday but there is truth to clichés. While I don't remember my breakfast this morning, I do remember feeding them their breakfast fifteen years ago. I remember all those tedious details of hair combing, clothes selection, meals, homework, and all the drama involved with young girls. Sigh.

I am now a woman in a house of men. Not that I talk about it with my husband because he was outnumbered for so many years. And I am certainly not the feminine sort. Yet, I miss helping with their outfits, hair and the general chatter that follows them. I feel very alone sometimes.

Or perhaps it is loneliness that stems from their leaving whether they are girls or boys. The house is quieter. I make far less food and wash fewer clothes.

No, I do miss them. I feel that we became more than mother and daughter in the last few years. I hope we became friends.

Perseverance

2013-09-16T09:35:00.001-05:00

I published on wattpad one week ago and I have half of the book posted. The book went from the backroom listing up to fifty and on the front page. It has dropped down to 80 but I know now It is a real roller coaster ride.

I read quotes on courage all week. For the past five years I have been circling around the events that occurred during my cancer treatments. Coming to terms with the stress, I suppose. I used humor, therapy, art, group therapy – you name it and I tried it. I hope this book is the last of my therapy. It has certainly took courage to put it out there for critique.

Yet, the roads of any one following their faith is hard. Christian, Muslim or Jewish – they all require faith and perseverance.

Persevere I will. I made it through treatments and five years beyond. Yeah, I got this!

Look, Leap and Breathe

2013-09-10T09:40:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I gained the courage to post my memoir on Wattpad. With the support of family and friends, I took the leap! Wow, has it paid off! In less than twelve hours, I had more than 100 people reading the first four chapters. No, not a Wattpad record but certainly a record for me.

Publishing this story is quite difficult. The content is very personal. For those that know me, I try not to be evangelical. I am certainly not the Church Lady. Yet, I did experience something profound. I am following His directions and pray that I heard them correctly.

For those of you reading my book, thank you. Your support is genuinely appreciated!

For those who haven't read it yet, you can find it here http://www.wattpad.com/story/8219934-please-god-how-do-i-sit-on-the-toilet. This site is free and accessible online or with a free app on all types of devices. Search on my name or the title, Please, God, how do I sit on the toilet?

Enjoy and God bless!

2013-09-09T09:08:00.002-05:00

I cannot believe it has been a year since my last post. In my aged and seemingly feeble mind, it feels like yesterday. I apologize to my loyal and few followers on a true lack of follow through and procrastination. Hmmm, maybe that is why there is few?

In my defense, it has been an exhausting year. I stopped just about every non Mom part of my life to focus on my family. My middle child graduated, received her Gold Award, traveled overseas and started college. My oldest completed her second year of college and traveled this summer working. My youngest completed fourth grade and began the adjustment of being the last kid home. All in all – a very busy year for Mom. Enough of the bragging already!

Now that everyone is off and moving in their own life direction, I can refocus on my extra-curricular activities. I am blessed to be surrounded by such incredibly talented people like Laura Schweitzer. She created my new book cover. I will be posting about it soon.

Why not now you ask? One aspect of building an author’s platform is finding exciting material for a blog post. If you are friend on Facebook, lucky you I posted it there recently.

Yes, there will be more . . . All will be revealed I promise! Check back soon and I will have all the info my new book, where you can get it and how much!

How I Handle Rejection

2012-09-26T13:02:00.001-05:00

An old childhood friend recently posted on my Facebook wall that I shouldn't talk about rejection but be positive about publishing. Yes, I agree that being positive is important (hence the title living in the upside) but rejection can be important as well.

All writers get rejected. Let's face it -- there are far more of us than there are publishers. That's is a fact. Rejection letters are not really rejection. They are replys that mean you are not a good fit for us today but perhaps in the future.

Basic sales philosophy. Not today only means not today. Perhaps next time or perhaps you need to look at your presentation or perhaps I am in a bad mood or perhaps I am too busy or . . .

So sending queries and asking for the contract is selling. Look professional, sound professional and someone, somewhere will pick you up.

And Again

2012-09-19T09:27:00.000-05:00

So I was rejected twice in two days. That makes a total four rejections in the past few months. I know that seems so little but until you see those actual words "You are not for us," it really sends you. Right back to the middle school feeling that you are just not good enough. Ugh, like a punch in the stomach.

The punch felt so physical that I resorted to the turtle and hunkered down under the covers and hid. For almost two weeks. I just licked my wounds and felt sorry for myself. I was almost convinced that I wasn't good enough.

Amazing how those adolescent wounds are so fresh more than 30 years later.

So I did what I always do - open up Google and research rejection. Thank you www.onehundredrejections.com for the inspiration. I am reminded to reach deep down like I did fighting cancer and autism. Reach deep down and find the resources to keep going on!

I can do that! Not can but will!

Hit Send

2012-09-07T11:12:00.001-05:00

Friday, September 7, 2012 at 12:08 pm marks the time and date that I hit send on an email query for my memoir, Umm, God, How Do I Sit on the Toilet? I am going to take the process slow and target first Christian publishers and literary agents who are open to this genre.

If that fails, I will refocus the target list towards any publishers/literary agents open to memoir. Paticularly those who are OK with multiple submissions.

As far as I can tell, it can three to six weeks for someone to respond. Wow, it may take a long time to find someone.

But that's OK, because I finally feel that I have a little time!

Drafting a Query

2012-09-06T14:27:00.000-05:00

Drafting a query is an exercise in brief. Convey your idea minimally and quickly. Hit them hard and fast and try to leave a positive impressions.

That is the advice from the book I just finished on query letters. Good advice with a well thought out formula. So why then the first initial rejections.

Not that I don't expect rejection. I expect enough rejection to line the walls. But what I found missing was my voice. Following the outline was a good exercise in presenting my case quickly and concisely. Yet there was me there.

So I reworked the query for the past three months. Yes, that sounds like a long time but remember my fingers don't always and there are children involved. Writing will always come second while they are home.

Today I am hopeful. I woke up this morning with an idea in the front of mind. I rolled it around and began to get excited. I think it could really be a good hook.

Here goes:

The distance from the average toilet seat to the ground is sixteen inches. That is a long fall with tubes sewn into your leg. Yes, I fell often and talk about in my humorous and inspirational memoir, Umm, God, How Do I Sit On the Toilet? . . . .

What do you think? Maybe someone will sit up and take notice. Here's hoping!

Memoiring Again

2012-08-29T10:37:00.001-05:00

Last spring I put the final touches on what some publishers would call a memoir. I am not sure what the genre is - part self help, part story, part devotional and part guide. The book is titled "Umm, God, How Do I Sit on the Toilet?" As you can see, there is a great deal of humor too.

Now, I am working on query letters, researching publishers and hoping that someone will take a chance on me. So far, nothing but I am hopeful.

The difficulty is the query. Advice is that the query should reflect your style of writing. As you know, I am a former English teacher and published author but my most comfortable style of writing is conversational. I like to feel that I am writing and speaking directly to you the reader. Perhaps that will resonate with some readers.

I hope to have a solid draft on the query by next week because I also need to start work on another project. Next years Kid's for Christ VBS program.

Sigh, if only these deadlines came with a paycheck . . . .

My Niece and Wonderlust

2012-08-27T10:44:00.002-05:00

My beautiful and talented niece Kelly Taylor (who has traveled everywhere! Yes, I am jealous!) is really promoting her blog www.getwonderlust.blogspot.com and her Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/#!/GetWanderlust. I am so proud of her and only wish I could take a little credit for her success. But alas, I can only admire her travels from afar and give the credit all to her own adventurous spirit!

I believe we all need a little wonderlust so I challenge all of you to breakout your top ten list of places I want to visit before I die and start wondering.

Here's to you Kelly!

How did I do it?

2012-08-27T10:00:00.000-05:00

I was asked recently how did I get through the past fifteen years. Yes, it is the subject of my manuscript but the answer can be summerized into a few simple steps.

My mom calls it "crisis mode." Just like waging a war, a person under attack can shift into crisis mode. This is the same tactic you see in parents when their child is injured. Unfortunately, crisis mode is an all too familiar area for my family.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer and Adam with autism; my husband and I quickly reevaluated or to-do lists. Our lists went from fix this or that to call him or her. Information gathering was our priority. The more we knew, the better we could decide our next course of action.

Crisis mode also means that you have to dampen feelings. Anxiety, fear or even happiness all become secondary to purpose. Purpose being doing what you have to do to survive even if it is scary or ugly. Like a starving person eats old food in order to live, a person takes the chemo or listens to her son's screams in order to treat the illness.

Of course, prayer is a constant. Crisis mode is necessary but not without prayer. It is only by God's grace that we do live.

Six More Months!

2012-08-24T12:09:00.000-05:00

Break out the bubbly! I have passed my four years, six months exam. No sign of a tumor so I am dancing with NED for six more months. I just love NED - no evidence of disease.

I am back home with the kids off to school and now I can continue to work on the house and my manuscripts. Goals for the next six months: begin and maintain diet, exercise, finish manuscript/start next manuscript, submit manuscript, porch/patio, organize house and more.

As each healthy passes and I am encouraged that I will live a healthy future!

Six Months Out

2012-08-01T10:15:00.000-05:00

August 1st usually means dog days of heat, humidity, shorts and sun. For me, it means all of that and more -- planning for winter vacation. Yeah, six months out and I start thinking ahead for what to do over Thanksgiving and Christmas break.

I began to watch the airfare and see if they have specials over winter. The fall fares are already out and winter fares are just beginning. I check the school schedules including any concerts, benefits or extra activities that would affect planning. I put a quiet reminder to my busy husband to watch for any scheduling conflicts or issues that may affect planning.

I know my family. I know one child may or may not be home from college. The other two are willing to go anywhere at anytime. Just let them know and they will be ready. This includes my autistic son who by now knows trips mean fun and adventure.

Today I will grab my travel notebook and start working through my lists. Maybe we will go somewhere - maybe we won't. But I can't wait until the week before break to decide. Now is the time to plan.

The Empty Bucket

2012-07-30T10:02:00.000-05:00

I have mentioned it before but I face it again. My creative bucket is nearing empty. I find myself craving alone time so I can fill my creative bucket.

The problem is simple. It is summertime. The children are home. I have a great relationship with them. I want to spend with them. They want to spend with me. So I am talking with one of them. or all of them, all the time. There is never quiet, alone time. Without alone time, my bucket never fills up.

Which wouldn't be a problem except for the promises I made to others and myself. I promised to work on publishing my memoir. I promised to start writing my new teen fiction novel. I promised to write the curriculum for next years vacation bible school. Where I will find the inspiration, I don't know.

The other side of the problem is this -- the added stress of the cancer and fibro pain and worry for children - scoops out any creativity in my bucket. I do find time to meditate, blog or pray and little bits of creativity creep in and leak into my bucket. I cling to those beads of creative moisture.

I need to work on a method of instantly filling my bucket. I need a method or idea that will generate creative thought and energy with simplicity. Perhaps one of those beads moisture will yield a good idea.

To Whom It May Concern

2012-07-27T10:02:00.000-05:00

I pray that this post does not come across as whining but here goes . . .

To Whom It May Concern,

When I was young in the olden days 'common courtesies' was preached in the classroom. The nuns emphasized manners in every aspect of our day. Elders were address as Mr, Mrs or Miss. There was no Miss Ann only Mrs. Schlosser. This was indication of respect for the older person's age and wisdom.

Now this post isn't about using Mr or Mrs but simple courtesies like Thank You or Excuse Me. For example, when you bump into someone, you say I'm sorry or Excuse Me. Even if it wasn't your fault. It is an acknowledgement that you and the other person invaded space and you saw them even if after the fact. It is saying simply, "I see you and I know that we touched so I am sorry."

I find myself sometimes just wanting someone to say Thank You. I see you. I see you holding the door, standing there and smiling. I see that you are a person who unintentionally bumped into me in this crowded place. Yes, you are a person.

That is what common courtesy means. A simple acknowledgement of the person's humanity. And a simple nod to our own.

A Riddle

2012-07-25T23:14:00.001-05:00

If you don't know by now, my son is special. So when he totally stumped me, his english teacher of a mom, I was totally surprised! Here is his riddle:

What seven letter word existed before God and is greater than the devil; poor people have it and rich people don't?

Do you get it?

I didn't.

I know he got off the computer but you have to realize that he first read it, comprehended it and then retold it in such a way that he didn't give away the answer.

That's my boy.

Almost Ready

2011-11-18T16:26:00.002-05:00

I am in the final editing process of the book titled Seriously God, How Do I Sit on the Toilet? I love that title. Wow, it really does take time to work up a good title. I have been through so many as evidenced by the number of revisions with different names all in the same folder marked 'Memoir.'

I emailed the manuscript to a good friend. I know that my writing style is casual. I think that can be forgiven. The difficult part though is the frequent switching between today and the past. The chapters are inconsistent in size as well. I hope that it is considered quirky -- which is a good word to describe myself. She hasn't responded yet but that could be good news. Perhaps she has the flu and not up to reading this incredible literary masterpiece. HAHAHAHAH Or perhaps she is filed in the circular file. Either way, I am moving ahead on the assumption that the work is good. Yes, I know what they say about assumptions but what the heck.

I joined Writer's Market and began the process of finding a publisher and/or literary agent. I am leaning toward agent. Perhaps that is the route I need to take this time. They all take email submissions now. Much easier than my last book with the reams of paper and stamps. Now you receive immediate rejection via an impersonal email.

I will let you know how it goes.

But here is my first paragraph to my query letter. I think I may have nailed it:

As a cancer survivor, mother of an autistic child and woman of faith, I experienced life from the critical to the hilarious. In my 145,000 word inspirational memoir with the proposed title, Seriously God, How Do I Sit on the Toilet?, I chronicle my survival of cancer using the lessons taught my autistic son.

The experts all want copy that could be on the back of the book. Concise, smart and a reflection of the work. I hope I got it right!

Keep you posted!

Yes, It has been three months . . .

2011-10-06T07:55:00.002-05:00

I was recently asked to give a witness to the church's youth group about the meaning of motherhood. Before I accepted the challenge, I verified that they wanted me. I am not a traditional mother. Never wanted to be. I am a stay at home mom by default. But they said it was OK. They still wanted me to give the talk. I am not sure who was crazier -- them or me.

I did give a witness. I spoke about the unconditional sacrifice of motherhood. Just like Jesus gave the unconditional sacrifice of his life. I felt it went pretty well.

The upside (pun intended) was that it reinforced that the decisions I have made were the right decisions at that time. I do not regret staying home for Adam. And I am grateful for the time I have at home now.

Not so grateful though that I don't need a break. I asked, and Jim gave, for a week away by myself. I am really excited! After the the good (but stressful) news from MSKCC in August; sending Megan off to college and just the everyday grind of being home; I really need some time to myself. 24 hours a day, seven days a week of just me making my own decisions. Heaven.

I am still writing. Actually, plan to finish the book on my trip and then prep it for submission. I am very close to being done. Yipee!

When not writing

2011-04-30T13:48:00.004-05:00

I imagine creativity as ebb and flow. When the creativite energy flows you can barely contain the ideas. When the energy is low, you are drained and unable to focus. At least that is how it works for me.

I have a great deal of creativity energy but it is often used in ways that I can not control. Such as reviewing my child's IEP; helping my daughter analyze Shakespeare; plotting the map for vacation or working on anew recipe. If I am not careful then I can use all that energy up and there is nothing left for my own creative projects.

Years ago I took the Myers Brig test. One of the questions was where do you get your energy? Do you get energy from being by yourself or with others? I was clearly in the self category. I know that if I don't spend some alone time I will crash and burn like an alcohol coming off a night on the town.

So lately I have spending alone time. And the ideas are coming so fast I can't react quick enough.

I am uploading one of my projects that is beyond writing. I have been working with gourds. Bleaching, carving, painting and making fairy houses.

Yup, fairy houses. I created a two story house, village shop and playground. I hope you enjoy them!

Still Writing

2011-03-10T21:59:00.002-05:00

I have been writing daily since I last posted. So far there are 15,000 words. Only I don't know if what I am writing is worthy. I suppose that is every writers nightmare or fear or angst or whatever you call it.

So I did ask a friend to read the first three chapters. Now I know that a friend may not give me the feedback I need -- but I'm pretty sure that she will give me the feedback I want. No, I'm kidding. She is actually the perfect reflection of my projected audience. She is also scrupulously honest. If if does not meet her standards, then I know I should scrap the project or start again.

In the meantime, Writer's Digest has sent a notice for submissions for their annual contest. I am considering submitting part of my manuscript. I have some time to prepare a submission so here is hoping.

Light of the World

2011-02-07T15:40:00.002-05:00

Yesterdays Godspell, Matthew 5: 13-16, is one of my favorite passages. The salt of the earth and light of the world immediately inspires the song from the musical Godspell. Which immediately leads to other Godspell songs and then of course, Jesus Christ Superstar songs. Today, of course, those songs are burrowing through my brain like a worm.

While I have written about my faith here, I am hesitant to write too much. I have never been comfortable proclaiming my Christianity. I have many friends who are evanglicals and every conversation is another discussion of their faith.

I have felt that my faith should be present in word but more present in action. I am fascinated by other religions and their traditions. I have a margin of error in my soul that perhaps they are onto something as well. If they follow the tenants of the ten commandments in their own way, then isn't there a chance for them in heaven as well? I truly don't know but I do know that preaching to them is not what works for me.

Anyway, I thought I would take a few moments and wrestle with those thoughts as I continue to work on my memoir. I am still not sure what the line is that I have to walk. I only know that inspiration is coming daily. I am sure that God will send me a message soon.

Finally Friday and I'm Ready for Monday

2011-02-04T10:41:00.003-05:00

Three snow days in a row this week. Five people with cabin fever. Roads are finally passable and ice is still covering everything. Today I am sitting still and enjoying the quiet. There are no sounds of arguing; no TV noise; no Wii beeping. Just blissful quiet. I am so ready to pass by the weekend and move into Monday - some more days of quiet bliss!

On Monday I finished a substantial part of the book. I was able to craft an introduction. I found a workable method to weave the blogs together in a meaningful, humorous yet substantive way. I only hope that the time and order of blogs makes sense. I hope that the writing is meaningful and worthwhile.

I want this book to humorous, spiritual yet not trite or preachy. I hope that the book is not perceived a evangelical or preachy but quietly, dignified witness.

A fine line I need to walk and in the long run it will still be up to the reader to decide.

Not Again

2011-02-03T19:59:00.000-05:00

Third snow day in a row. Enough said.

Balmy Night

2011-02-02T09:03:00.002-05:00

3 am and I am walking around outside. This is how crazy our weather has been. 34 degrees and it feels balmy outside. I am in my pajamas with only a crochets shawl around my shoulders.
The world was covered in ice. What we couldn't figure out was the rain? I had opened a window and heard the pitter patter of rain. Yet I couldn't really see it against the street light. So outside I went with my husband for support. Don't forget I am still jerking all over.
The trees were frozen to the ground with the weight of the ice on their branches. Bushes were smashed and broken from the weight. The entire glittered like the inside of a snow globe. It was surreal experience. I felt I walking on a movie set and waiting for the director to yell cut.
The sound of the rain came from the melting ice on the trees. It was only 34 but of course freezing is 32. What we heard was the ice melting and hitting the frozen icy snow.
I had visions of the kids slipping and sliding outside the next day. The world a frozen Popsicle. Yet when I woke up a few hours later, it was all gone.

Legal Stuff

2011-02-01T10:00:00.001-05:00

I was browsing articles on the Writer's Digest website when I was struck with a disturbing thought. Since this is a memoir, do I have to worry about legal stuff? Do I need to worry over writing about real people -- doctors, nurses, friends and even my family? Am I setting myself up for a lawsuit?

There are some tests for this that I can apply as a writer. First, am I writing about real people? Yes, I am writing about real people. In many cases, I don't even know their names. They are just people I sat next to in a waiting room. Or that faceless nurse in post op surgery. Or the priest hearing confession in NYC? I don't even remember the name of the parish. But essentially yes, they are real people.

Are they recognizable to readers? Probably not. In fact, I don't know if I would even recognize them again. Except for the surgeons. If you really were a creeper, you could find the surgeons online as they are very specialized. I can change the name but not always the description. I will need to step carefully there.

Am I spouting indisputable facts? Nah. Only opinions. Opinions influenced by drugs, pain and a warped sense of humor. I am sure that anyone could dispute that.

Are you disclosing private, possibly embarrassing information? Yup, absolutely. Very embarrassing. I believe I mention the anus a few times. Breasts. Moods. Tubes coming out of everywhere. Yup, very embarrassing. Who cares? It's only me being embarrassed. And anyone who has had any kind of surgery knows the embarrassment I'm talking about.

Disclosing a problem in the community or disclosing a crime? Unless you count the quality of thin hospital robes, nope.

So I guess I am 50/50 on the legal. I better do some more research.