Living, Learning and Loving Simply

A New Blog!

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Tue, 28 Jun 2016 20:39:00 +0000

Can you believe that I have been blogging slowly and quietly here for 9 years?

It actually makes me a little teary when I remember sitting in an upstairs office and publishing my first few posts.

I have sought to make this space one of simplicity, gentle encouragement and an offering of my own insights on living simply, mothering well, and walking in freedom in Jesus.

I have decided to begin a new writing space called Middle Mercies.

Many of my writing themes will be the same, just in a freshened-up space. But instead of my overarching theme being simplicity, I am focusing on women who are in the middle years of life, faith and mothering.

If you are currently a subscriber to this blog through Feedburner, I have moved your subscription over to my new site. You should continue to receive my blog posts in your inbox from MailChimp with the new domain name.

If you follow my blog through Blogger or follow me on Bloglovin', I would be honored if you would continue to follow my writing over at middlemercies.com.

I will leave this blog public but won't be posting here anymore. I will be mining the archives and updating some posts to republish in my new space. I did move about 10-15 posts from the past year over to the new site so that it will still feel like my online home :)

Thank you, kind readers, for quietly coming and reading and offering your own thoughts, encouragement, and kindnesses over the years. I have never been consistent in blogging it seems, but you always are consistent to show up, read and comment.

I look forward to building our friendships in new ways!

A Recipe for an Introverted Afternoon

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Mon, 20 Jun 2016 14:46:00 +0000

One of the joys and challenges of home education is the amount of time with our children. We are living and learning together day in and day out, year after year. My greatest memories will be of the unhurried pace of reading together, exploring nature, watching documentaries, creating art. On the flip side of those lovely memories is the intensity of needed energy for the constant interactions and conversations. A mother at home with children receives little time for uninterrupted thinking, solitary reading, or quieter pursuits.

For an extroverted mother, she might receive energy from the happy sounds of her children, the verbal teaching, and daily companionship. She does need breaks, but likes the outward energy, movement and curiosity of her children. An introverted mother is challenged by the repetitive nature of training young children, the interruptions to her mulling on ideas, the physical closeness that young ones demand. She will not survive without some quiet because it is there that she finds her strength again.

So how can a mother find small restoration in an afternoon?

Place your children in a one-hour quiet time.

Pour yourself a lovely hot or cold drink.

Light a candle.

Silence your phone for the hour. No dings or alerts or texting. I keep my phone on “do not disturb”. This will restore you emotionally.

Put in earbuds or noise-canceling headphones. Listen to the Pray as you Go app or the Divine Office app or some instrumental piano music on Spotify for about 10 minutes. This will help calm your adrenaline and soothe your nerves.

Breathe deeply. Do you know how? This will show you how.

Read or take a 20-minute power nap.

This is an hour for quiet, restorative practices. Choose not to catch up on the to-do list or chores unless tidying in the quiet is life-giving. No frantic movement or mind-numbing scrolling. Do something creative that feeds you that you have neglected for other things. Write, photograph, paint, sew, bake, journal, garden.

Choose the deeper rest instead of the shallow escape.

Silence + Hydration + Prayer + Breathing + Reading/Sleeping =

A Recipe for Refilling for Body + Soul + Spirit.

Simple Summer Self-Care

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Wed, 15 Jun 2016 10:00:00 +0000

Oh Summer.

Hot and slow and sticky. Ice cream and sprinklers and grilled burgers. Ponytails and cotton skirts and loose tank-tops. Almost-daily trips to the pool, freezer pops and blinking fireflies. Juicy watermelons and tender corn on the cob and refreshing pasta salads. June is probably my favorite month of the year.

June speaks to me of freedom + slowness and a sort of external permission for my body and soul to find rest, relaxation, and rebooting. No deadlines. Pared down schedules. A deep exhale.

My body and emotions have been whispering to me that I am burned-out. I didn’t see it coming this time, and my pride has been wounded by that realization. I had a misguided belief that because I have a sober attitude towards burn-out, plus a proactive life towards refilling my well, that I had somehow become immune to its exhaustion.

As I look back on the past year, my being empty totally makes sense. I reviewed my Powersheets from January and was reminded that I had written down the need to tend myself, to quiet my life, to recognize the intensity of my parenting season. Somehow from January to June, I neglected to follow-through on what my heart had been telling me, and now I am running on fumes.

I have not written my recovery-from-burnout plan yet because what I need most right now is mind, emotion and body rest. I need sleep and spaces of quiet and a narrow focus on home and children. As I get closer to the beginning of the school year when my already-full-plate becomes fuller, I know that I will need a detailed plan for living well within my limits.

For now though, I am writing a Simple Summer Self-Care Plan:

Sleep as much as I need. My littles aren’t allowed to come out of their rooms until 8am. Then they have cereal and watch an hour of TV. I have no guilt over this any longer and know that it’s just for a season. I sleep until 8:30, if possible. I feel as if I am making up for about 15 years of being under-slept.
Read lots of fiction. My favorite fiction book in 2016 has been The Nightingale.
Watch Netflix shows with Mike. We just finished Parenthood and now we are finishing the final season of Downton Abbey that we missed when our home was having new flooring installed.
Write. Hospitality and events are something that I value deeply and love doing, but when I am burned-out, the imaginary “closed” sign is hung on the door. I find other ways that I can connect, serve and give that don’t tire or require. Writing out my thoughts on this blog or social media gives me a gentle way to be creative, expressive, and engaged with others in a smaller, sustainable way.

As I get deeper into July, I know that this list will change, but for now, lovely smiling June is extending an invitation to me to simply be.

On Tomato-Staking Toddlers and Teenagers

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Mon, 13 Jun 2016 10:00:00 +0000

When my children were little, I remember feeling a sense of confusion when it came to training and disciplining my busy toddlers. Toddlers freak out with all the little bodily changes and independence they are beginning to experience. Curiosity gets the better of them. They have to be told a million times not to touch certain things, not to throw their toys (or food), and to be gentle to the dog. I have had a few young ones enjoy dumping Duplos or a billion sheets of toilet paper into the potty. Sometimes they hit or bite and somehow find a hidden Sharpie and create new artwork on my yellow walls.

About twelve years ago, I read an article by a mother of many children who said that when her young ones are out-of-sorts emotionally and are finding difficulty in following the rules, she would recognize that they needed to be “tomato-staked”.

When tomatoes are growing, they will begin to fall over and not grow upright if not held to a stake or tomato cage. They need close boundaries to keep them growing strong and fruitful. I use cut-up strips of old T-shirts to tie my tomato plants to their cages when they begin leaning towards a strange direction.

When our children are misbehaving or making poor choices, our natural inclination is to send them away from us. We send them to their rooms or to a time-out spot. Sometimes this is a suitable action when we need some space to calm down. Other times it is only a temporary bandaid, and when the child comes out, all of the bad behavior starts up again. We get angrier and they get worse. Everyone’s emotions are fried.

Tomato-staking means that we choose to keep the child near.

We recognize that they are struggling and decide that what they need is touch, vigilance, and to be a companion in our work. They aren’t left to deal with all the crazy emotions alone, but are kept near to be loved, calmed, taught, fed, and led. The big emotions calm down. The sneaky behaviors end. And the frustration the mother feels towards the child slowly becomes compassionate again. I have used this technique on and off many times over the years, and the results have also been fruitful.

So if this works for a toddler who is feeling all the feels, then why wouldn’t this work with a teenager?

Last week I was struggling with one of my teens. He was moody, argumentative, critical of his siblings, and being deceptive about computer use. I was feeling pretty frustrated and like we were going around the same mountain again and again. It’s easy for me to pull the authority trump card, get louder, remove privileges, build relational walls. Anger and bitterness can fester under the surface. The road can be rocky and awkward and maddening.

I sat in my frustration and thought, “What is my goal here?” Relationship.

I started with compassion.

Remembering teen hormonal changes and their power, the fight for independence, the deep sense of insecurity, the fears, the comparison: IT’S SO DANG HARD. Birthing into a young adult is messy and fraught with mistakes and immaturity, and instead of shame, they need so much care and reassurance. The struggle with identity is huge.

Since we felt at odds with each other and I wasn’t trusting him to be with siblings with all the big feels, what did I do? I tomato-staked him. He spent the afternoon with me. I bought him lunch at Chick Fil-A (an aside: food with teens heals many wounds). He went with me to a friend’s house to help her with some decorating ideas. Then we went to meet another friend to look at a space for an event. Having just the two of us in the car together helped us to enjoy one another, to laugh, to be near.

By the end of the day, we both felt calm and connected.

And I am reminded that God is the same way. When I am a giant brat, He draws me close. When I am faithless, He is faithful. He never drives me away and is not angry or harsh with my disobedience or immaturity or hormones, but kind, compassionate, long-suffering and corrects me gently. He tomato-stakes me with His love and grace. His presence is always near. When you feel the depth of the love of the Father, obedience becomes a want-to and trusting becomes easier that His plans are good and right.

It’s certainly not an A + B = C because there are no guarantees in parenting. But nearness, calming presence, unconditional love, laughter, and some fast food sure does help.

The Necessity of Quiet Time

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Mon, 06 Jun 2016 10:00:00 +0000

I loved reading this post by Ann Kroeker about writing in the midst of motherhood. Neglecting writing is so easy to do when you have many children and few moments of quiet. I am not one who can create easily in the midst of noise and interruption. Quiet space for focus and reflection is where clarity comes and the words and phrases are able to be released from me.

But if I constantly wait for three hours of quiet, then I will never write. Never share my life, my stories, my reflections on faith, motherhood, home and hospitality. Blogging has been sporadic for me over the years because I never seem to find a consistent place in my schedule for it. The suggestion often offered is to simply get up earlier. I have come to accept that I need 9 hours of sleep a night to live well and absolutely won’t skimp on it in order to create. In the evenings my mind is too tired for coherent expression and the daytime hours are loud and full.

Where can I find space for an hour of uninterrupted creativity every day?

In my ideal world, I would have a quiet breakfast with coffee followed by a morning of engaged learning with my children. After lunch, my children would create and play outdoors while I take my two-mile walk. Then they would have solitary quiet times in their bedrooms or on living room couches, and I would write. Then we would all arrive back together after an hour for more learning, games, read-alouds or the pool.

There it is. I found it. An hour in the afternoon.

An hour of daily afternoon quiet time has become a forgotten routine. Years ago I started that afternoon practice, and although difficult for me to begin, with consistency, it became an hour of bliss for all of us. Some boys read books and others listen to stories with headphones. Bodies and souls were calmed and the silence healed the agitations and frustrations of the day. It’s as if all was forgiven when we experienced an hour of stillness.

Somehow I have let this healthy practice fall away this year, and now I need the fortitude to face the initial whines and complaints that will ensue when I reinstate this rhythm. It’s never easy to begin new habits and resistance should be expected. But the beauty and calm that comes from a well-ordered day cannot be underestimated for its offering of health, peace, productivity, creativity, and a deep soul satisfaction.

That hour is so vital in order for the soul to be watered and fed and expressed. Sacred Time for reading, creating, journaling, prayer --being alone with our own thoughts, generating ideas, processing our lives, getting in tune with our hearts-- is a gift to ourselves and to others that should not be devalued or minimized.

May we all make space for uninterrupted time for our hearts, souls and bodies to flourish in healthy, creative ways.

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Tue, 31 May 2016 23:36:00 +0000

I don't do it consistently, but I really enjoy linking up with Emily at the end of the month and processing what I have been learning.

1. Potting herbs and planting tomatoes + peppers is very therapeutic.

There is something about new plants and small seedlings that are visual promises of hope, growth, fruit. Sometimes when life feels stuck or stagnant, nurturing plants is an act of faith that good things will come in the right time with consistent care, water, light.

2. Never undervalue spending time, money and vacation days on a week at a quiet beach.

The kids play so hard outside and with each other. Less arguing and fighting, more joy and collaboration. I read so many books that it feels like the healthiest, most blissful kind of overindulgence. Delicious seafood dinners. Numerous jigsaw puzzles. Binging at night on Parenthood. I always come back feeling so rested, clear-headed, and genuinely full.

3. The end of school year struggle is real and I hate school projects.

Four of my children attend a two-day a week homeschool academy, and I tell you what, the last month nearly put me in the fetal position rocking in a corner. (Actually THAT sounds like bliss.) Why the projects and finals and END OF YEAR PARTIES? These things drive me crazy and exhaust me. Hence the beach vacation.

4. Generosity without boundaries leads to resentment.

That's straight from the final days of the Brene Brown Living Brave course that I took this Spring. I have been contemplating that and ruminating on it and quoting it all month long. I keep seeing examples in my life of giving to others with my time, energy, insight or hospitality that I offer because I genuinely love people and deeply enjoy helping people but I do it at the expense of my own emotional needs and my children's plethora of needs, feel resentful, and then feel deeply guilty about the fact that I feel resentful so I push through and continue to give. It's a pretty gross vicious cycle. I am trying to figure out how to live generously within my own limits and knowing what those are...it's not easy.

5. Games with family + friends really fills my tank.

When we were at the beach, we played Nerts and also Quelf. Nerts brings me back to my college days where I ODed on adrenaline, Coke and fast card games. My neck and back would hurt for days from sitting cross-legged on hard floors getting cards out into the middle at lightning speed. Now? I sit at a table. Quelf is a down-right hilarious "party" game that is just so unexpectedly great. I even play this with my kids and we laugh so hard we cry!

On Memorial Day, we played Exploding Kittens with friends: super simple to learn, fast to play, really fun. It would be a great addition to your slower summer rhythm.

What about you? What are you learning that's deep or silly or random?

On "Calling" and Daily Faithfulness

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Thu, 12 May 2016 17:02:00 +0000

When I hit that normal "mid-life crisis" that I have read is from the ages of 39-42, the persistent search was for a deeper sense of meaning and clarity of calling. I thoughtfully questioned all of my life decisions and sifted through the lifestyle choices that I had made. I wondered if now that my children were beginning to get older and now that I was 40 if it was time for something bright, shiny and new.

I spent a lot of time thinking about strengths, gifts, personality types. I was able to see areas that I am not and will never be good at and let them go. Through stepping out in faith to do some different women's ministry ideas, it reconfirmed to me that my heart really does beat for teaching women truths, providing spaces for conversation, and offering thoughtful acts of care. I had been doing those things for years though and was still wondering when that bright, shiny and new life was going to reveal itself.

Over time and prayer, dreaming and wondering, goal-setting and planning, I realized that my everyday ordinary days were the call. That I am on a long road of obedience in raising a houseful of children, providing a warm and comfortable home, and loving the neighbor that crosses my path. This initially felt like a let-down of sorts. Lord, isn't there something that *feels* more fulfilling and would make me happy and wouldn't be so dang challenging?!? The Lord showed me gently again and again that this smallness, this home, this community is where I am to invest daily acts of care and love. (Also? This post is a gold mine if you are also are one to ponder "what is God's will for me?")

Jen Hatmaker in her book For the Love says, "Your calling is today. God makes you worthy as you desire goodness for your children, meeting needs and nurturing little souls. No future calling is any more important than your current station. Every good, meaningful possibility is yours today....God's Kingdom will not come in any more power elsewhere than it will come into your life today...You don't need to wait another day to figure out your calling. You're living it, dear one. Your gifts have a place right now, in the job you have, in your stage of life, with the people who surround you. Calling is virtually never big or famous work; that is rarely the way the kingdom comes. It shows up quietly, subversively, almost invisibly."

Those thoughts completely resonate with me.

It's so easy to get angsty to "be your best self" and self-actualize and figure out what it looks like to "live out your passions". I often wonder if this is simply a by-product of living in a wealthy culture where we have time on our hands to ponder such things when most of the world is trying to simply feed their family that day.

What if God's calling is as simple as waking up and walking faithful? It's not glamorous and the work is mostly hidden, but it's holy work. Jesus spent His days listening to the Father and then doing it. Usually His will for Jesus meant touching the next person, teaching the next parable, going to the next meal. He listened and obeyed and lived it out with a handful of people on a small plot of land.

I often wake up and think, "Not again! I can't do this! I don't want to!" But I think of Jesus who said "Take this cup from me, but not my will, but Yours be done." He models to us submission and obedience despite feelings. As an act of the will, he continued to love and sacrifice His very self to the very end. His sacrifice is my example. A choice was made out of trust in a good, good Father that knows the very best path.

These thoughts have become my guidepost each morning for the past few months. I follow you Jesus, not myself. I follow Your call today, not mine. I am your servant....give me the grace to walk this out. I am seeing that these days have been some of the most freeing and energizing that I have had in a long time. Self-preservation doesn't preserve. Self-actualization doesn't actually mean a fulfilled life. Only listening to and obeying the voice of the Spirit does that.

May we not demean the smallness, the gritty, the messy, the repetition, the hidden. God sees and is honored with our five loaves and two fishes and His kingdom multiplies them in ways we will never fully realize and see. May we wake up to our fresh mornings living a life worthy of the calling which we have received: to love God and love people well.

Love, Mamas

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Mon, 09 May 2016 01:08:00 +0000

{my son turned 10 last week and I bought a Food Lion cake. I fought myself for about an hour over this. In the past I would have pushed through crazy fatigue to make a perfect one despite recognizing my limits that day}

When I read this post of going “off-brand”, her words reflected the conversations I have had over the years with friends about how easy it is for our ideals to begin to define us. I was once branded a “crunchy homeschooling mama” who naturally birthed, nursed on demand, wore my babies, didn’t vaccinate, made all my food from scratch with at least 80% being organic and/or locally sourced, crafted and sewed birthday and Christmas gifts, recycled, upcycled, cloth diapered, used a clothesline, toted cloth shopping bags (this was way before it was a trend and stores thought I was way weird), used cloth towels/napkins, made my own laundry detergent and all cleaning supplies, square foot gardened, relaxed homeschooled, camped/hiked, preserved food, raised chickens…

It’s interesting how these choices evolved into an identity for me. This natural way of living deeply resonated with me (it still does) and I thought the outcome would be wholesome, healthy and sustainable living. The fruit of living as intensely as I did turned out to be isolation and exhaustion. Who has time for others when you are so busy living a handcrafted life with many littles? When do I find deep soul and body rest when I have so much food to cook and gifts to make and children to guide into their interests? Work hard, focus, sacrifice for the greater good.

I had many young children and little money or physical support. I worked incredibly hard in my home to fashion a lifestyle that was meaningful, focused, creative and sacrificial. Many of these things brought me such joy and life but became an incredible amount of work and started becoming an emotional burden. My work began from the time I awakened with a baby strapped to me or a pregnant belly until I crashed hard around 8-9 every evening. This “sustainable life” was slowly revealing that it wasn’t sustainable at all.

I remember feeling an incredible amount of guilt after having one of my children and thinking that I really needed to buy paper plates to reduce the crazy amount of dishes I washed each day. The environmental and financial and aesthetic angst of that was a huge mental hurdle for me. Every little lifestyle decision became black-white battlegrounds in my mind…how could I have integrity and live well if I made concessions in these small areas of my life? How could I buy my kids a box of granola bars when I could make them myself with better, healthier ingredients? How could I allow that baby to cry for a little bit so I could find breath and rest when it will clearly scar him and our trusting bond FOREVER?

Every single little decision began to trap me into perfectionistic and idealistic rules. I felt like I had to absolutely fulfill every ideal even if it exhausted me body and soul and spirit in order to live with wholehearted intention and without hypocrisy. The result? I didn’t love well. Fatigue led to chronic irritation and the desire to escape. All the work left me heavy and distracted and disillusioned. I offered my young mothering self little grace and space while attempting to create this holistic life. Holistic living was supposed to guarantee simplicity but this “simplicity” actually ended up being complicated.

I look back at my well-meaning spirit and desire to live well with a twinge of sadness and with gentle compassion. We all have to walk out our paths and be humble enough to acknowledge when the quest for health becomes unhealthy. I was doing the best I could and I needed to hear again and again that I AM LOVED and IT’S OKAY and MY KIDS WILL BE OKAY.

I value faithfulness. I confused faithfulness to ideals with faithfulness to God. I wasn’t called to be faithful to cloth and craft, handmade and from-scratch. I am called to be faithful to Him and the path of love. Love can look like paper plates and store-bought cakes because it may be the thing that day that gives me space for receptivity and presence with Jesus and others. Love happens in the choices that help me be gentle and kind which may include Amazon gifts and Method laundry soap. The only rule is LOVE.

These days I try to ask myself this…does this choice reflect love or make space for me to be loving? The answer depends on the day, my schedule, my season. I default to natural and handmade because of preference but have no problem any longer chunking it if I feel like it moves me towards pressure, perfectionism or is fueled by shame. Living well is loving well and that often looks “off-brand” because the Spirit isn’t branded. He blows one way and then another and I simply need to open my eyes to see and ears to hear where He leads.

On Tending in 2016

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Tue, 12 Jan 2016 23:54:00 +0000

2016 seemed to sneak in quickly and quietly. That favorite week between Christmas and the New Year was a blink, and before I knew it, we were toasting 2016 with fondue and champagne and sparkling juice!

Way back in October I knew my word for this new year. It kept showing up when I would read...just kind of glowing on the page. After a year of INVEST, this new word offered the new steps.

TEND.

As simple as that.

My investments this past year have taken a lot from me...as all investing does. I planted many seeds in my home, my personal life and in ministry. I recognized that I don't have what it takes to continue to invest in new things, but need to tend to the new life that has sprouted up in many areas. I keep thinking of TEND as a gentle nurturing...watering, weed-pulling, focused attention, care.

The first area that I will be tending is my emotional health. As I was reflecting on the past year with Lara Casey's Powersheets (which I still feel like is one of the most clarifying tools out there whether or not you ever use the monthly tending sheets), I realized that one of my greatest fears for the year is vulnerability. It surprised me as I wrote it, because vulnerability has always been a part of my relational DNA. My vulnerability has actually invited a lot of pain, and I am not in a place where I am willing to get my emotional butt kicked anymore. I wept many tears the first few days of January. The months of numbness and emotional disconnect finally broke wide open, and I could recognize much woundedness and a deep need for healing and perspective.

Todd Henry in his podcast The Accidental Creative has an episode called "Tending the Flame". I listened to it yesterday because "tending" jumped out at me. He said that we come to places in life when we need to disengage so that we can actually reengage again with our best creative work. Without tending our flame, we will get snuffed out and have nothing for ourselves and others.

That's where I am. I acutely feel the need to disengage with many things in my life, to pull back and tend to my soul. I am taking Brene Brown's semester course Living Brave and am hoping to receive some insight, healing and hope.

I also learned that challenge is important to me in my relationships. Some people thrive off encouragement, but I really thrive off people who push me to grow, to be healthy, to tell me that apathy stinks, to motivate me towards change. That's been a missing component in the past six months or even longer, so recently I have been looking for ways to say yes to challenge. I received a Fitbit and had no idea that there was a challenge element to it. I have so enjoyed having daily, weekend, and "workweek hustle" challenges with friends. Being pushed to go farther has been amazingly great not only for my physical health, but I think even more so for my mental health. This year I want to tend the habit of 10,000 steps as many days as I can.

(me at 12:30 am trying to win a Fitbit challenge! :)

I also joined Goodreads after years of being sad with the demise of Visual Bookshelf on Facebook where I had all my books logged and lost. It's amazing how the act of setting up a goal challenge of fifty books for this year has had a direct impact on how I spend my afternoon and evenings. I am much quicker to choose to read over mindless scrolling knowing that I have a solid goal to meet. Three down and forty-seven more to go!

Spiritually, I am tending to myself by listening in prayer and not so much speaking. I am also reading the Daily Office of Scripture passages as marked out in my Sacred Ordinary Days planner. Knowing that I am reading the same verses as other men and women around the world makes me feel small in all the right ways. It's not all about me or my "quiet time" but entering into the greater Body of Christ as we read together and allow the words to have their way.

At first I felt scared about this year, but now it is feeling more and more like freedom. Sometimes I forget what freedom feels like...the joy, the soul-lightness, the grace. When I think about who I want to be at 80, what keeps coming to me is that I want to be healthy. Body + soul + spirit. I want healthy relationships with myself, with Mike, my children and my friends. I want to still be walking four miles every day and sleeping 8-9 hours a night. I desire to pass on emotional and spiritual health to the people I care the most about...a lifetime of habits of forgiveness, openness, prayer, grace, love, margin, simplicity, renewal, service. Who I am at 80 begins here in the small places at 42.

Begin with the end in mind, right?

On Floods, Fatigue, and God's Abundance

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Thu, 08 Oct 2015 23:26:00 +0000

Starting in the wee hours of Sunday, our beloved water-saturated state of South Carolina received another pounding of rain. Many places were receiving two inches an hour. I got a text from a friend at around 6am telling me that their cars were under water! That morning was just the beginning of an overwhelming flooding saga that would unveil itself across the state. Dams breaking, roads collapsing, business buildings falling down...absolute chaos.

The days that have followed have been intense. The 'round-the-clock news coverage and my Facebook news feed are inundated with updates, new problems, amazing generosity, constant giving/receiving/volunteering...I have never experienced anything like this. Social media takes calamity to a distinctly higher level of emotional pressure.

My husband warned me a few days into the catastrophe that I needed to back away a bit and take care of myself. He knows how my sensitive spirit empathizes and feels deeply the hard, the loss, the feelings other may feel. I began having nightmares and restless sleep. Agitation and anxiety began to creep into the way that I was speaking to my children. Stress is not a friend to body, soul and spirit.

And yet, I felt like I couldn't look away? That it would be somehow selfish not to "listen", not to understand the problems, not to engage with all the pain and turmoil. My spirit would whisper, "don't turn on the TV right now", but my obligation to be "in the know" would go against that and turn it on anyway. The result was a mama who was emotionally tired, distracted, and overwhelmed.

Yesterday, I woke up with the covers over my head telling Mike that I just couldn't do life today: parent, teach, love, empathize, give. I had hit my emotional limits and was moving into self-preservation. He prayed for and with me, told me to get up, and that I can do what I am called to do: take care of myself and my family. In order to give to my community out of a place of fullness, life, vitality, and sacrifice, I had to put the oxygen mask on us first.

We went to the library. Fresh books heal many ills. I prepared lunch slowly and gently. The boys romped and played outside while I read a new book while sitting on my front porch. I cleaned my laundry room and put fresh sheets on our bed. Decluttered and tidied my neglected kitchen. Spent time teaching my 4th grader and caught up on schoolwork. I tuned the world out so that I could tune in to my heart and my children. I exhaled.

When trauma hits, know your limits. It's hard not to have survivor's guilt that your home wasn't destroyed, that your home has power and water, that your cars work, and as a result, over-work, over-volunteer, over-give. Our hearts hate to see the pain so many are facing. But to love them well, you must live well. Take a shower, grab a nap, drink a smoothie. Turn off the news for most of the day. Listen to worship music. Read to your children. Take a long walk. Pray.

The work to be done here in South Carolina is only just beginning. The broken homes and destroyed land and grieving spirits aren't going to be healed any time soon. This restoration process is more of a marathon than a sprint. In order to stay engaged with the local needs over the long haul, we need to set a sustainable pace which will be different for each person and each family. A long-term crisis situation has the potential to cause burn-out and compassion fatigue.

So this is my encouragement to you: listen to your body, your emotions, your spirit. When a friend or spouse shows concern for you, listen. Listen to the promptings of the Spirit as to where He wants to send you this day. He may ask you to pray quietly, text a friend, donate diapers, pull up carpet or take a nap. The key is to stop listening to the anxiety of the news, social media and your own compassionate soul and to tune in to the Holy Spirit's movement and guidance. He offers an easy yoke and a light burden and provides an entire community to provide for the entire community. Let us not overestimate ourselves but instead completely estimate His immeasurable power, love and provision for His people. He never sleeps nor slumbers. He always provides. His abundance never fails. There is no scarcity in His Kingdom.

May we be His very real hands and feet in these challenging times and listening daily to the Father's will for us in the moment just as Jesus did. May we drink deeply of the love, light, and truth of the Spirit so we have the best resources to give away. May we never neglect the ones under our own roof while seeking to repair another's roof. Amen.

On Some Healing from Cynicism

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Tue, 22 Sep 2015 00:12:00 +0000

I went to the IF: Local Leaders Gathering in Orlando, Florida last week. I had signed up and paid for it a while back, and as the date neared, I just did not want to go. I was just finding my groove and routine and contentedness in homeschooling and didn't want that disrupted. I worried that I was going to go to be told "one more thing that I need to do for God's kingdom" when my plate is already full. And the real reason that I didn't want to go was that I was feeling deeply cynical.

This summer was a rough one. Physically I had suffered with chronic digestive problems that weren't going away and managed to get myself into some poison ivy that was truly awful. Some local church leaders made some decisions that not only surprised me, but grieved me deeply which led to many tears, questioning, sleepless nights, and wrestling. Some friendships felt strained and weird, and I didn't know how to handle it all well and with maturity. I tried the best that I could to listen to God and keep a soft heart, but let's face it, I'm human and made mistakes and allowed some hurt to fester in my soul.

I asked a few friends to pray for me as I left to go to Orlando. I mentioned the cynicism that seemed lodged in my heart and knew that I couldn't receive much inspiration or leadership training with the state my heart was in...wounded and distrusting, confused and undone. I also felt some anger with my assumption that I would show up to a bunch of women trying to cheerlead me into doing more ministry.

And wow, I am so glad that my assumptions proved to be wrong.

The first night was all an acknowledment of where many of us were. Hurting, aching, tired, weary, and CYNICAL. I couldn't believe it. I sat there almost jaw-dropped that whole evening as it almost seemed written word for word to the bruised state of my heart. All I could do was be amazed that God was showing me that He *sees me* and He *loves me* and desires my freedom and relationship with Him more than my service. How easy I forget that.

I cried a lot. I received a lot. I was humbled.

At the end of that evening session, they offered a time of prayer either alone or to come have one of the leaders pray for you. I am never one to go ask for prayer in a situation like that, but immediately God prompted me to have Ann pray for me. Ann and I had messaged each other about seeing each other at this conference but had never nailed down a time to meet. Little did I know that she would leave the next morning for Israel and that this was the only pocket of time to connect. I went to her while my legs were shaking and my spirit was overcome with the weight of pain in my life. We hugged tight and I bared my soul and she listened well and encouraged me in my path and that I am *safe* and she prayed over me. I felt like a giant weight was lifted from my soul and those moments catching up with her filled me deeply.

I recognized clearly that the enemy of my soul wants to sideline me through judgment, isolation, being intoxicated over mission instead of Jesus, and through the deep weariness that settles in and causes you to fade away when you have suffered. Taking an honest evaluation of the lies I believe was so freeing, and only once I had confessed those could I see the hope and joy again in Jesus and the discipleship of others.

Jesus placed so much hope and joy into my heart in those short days in Orlando. It was a gift and a trip that I didn't know that I needed. He brought so much clarity to specific situations and so much healing to my hurting heart.

And did I come back with a vision for mission? Yes. Our culture needs men and women who are breaking open the Scriptures, loving by willing to be inconvenienced by hard things, opening to allow people access to our very real lives, and standing shoulder to shoulder with others as living examples of the words, works, and ways of Jesus. The Body needs men and women who look to be broken and given to people despite disagreements, plans and agendas. There is real suffering involved in that kind of sacrifice...it sounds lovely on paper, but in real life, it takes the indwelling and filling of the Holy Spirit to breathe this out in me in the dailiness.

May I choose obedience over comfort, love over comparison, the person of Jesus over all.

What I Learned in August

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Tue, 01 Sep 2015 02:20:00 +0000

1. Listening to women who give me soul-nourishing messages is vital for my spiritual health and mothering heart.

I participated in Sally Clarkson's Own Your Life Webinar and also reread that book (which hit me in a wrong way earlier in the year, but this go 'round has been life-giving). I also just got done reading Emily Freeman's book Simply Tuesday. There is so much gentle, life-giving truth woven throughout the book and she always seems like a kind, gracious friend who nudges you along into all the quiet, beautiful ways of spirituality, creativity, and grace.

2. Teen girls are a pretty delightful bunch and teen boys are a pretty hilarious bunch.

My teen son and daughter both had birthdays this month and both wanted to have a group of friends over to the house. We haven't done much teen party hosting, and I wasn't sure what to expect. Do I need to entertain them? Do we have enough room? Won't they get bored at my home? Won't it be too LOUD? A dear friend said, "you don't need to entertain teens...just give them space to be together and plenty of food!" She was right! Easiest parties to host ever. My daughter's friends were simply adorable and well-mannered...they played games together outside, ate pizza, made body scrubs, and watched a movie. My son's friends chronically laughed, joked, ate junk and gamed. I am willing to do this more now that I recognize how doable it is.

3. Making time for podcasts really feels like having an intellectually stimulating conversation with a good friend.

This month one of my favorites was Episode 23 of the Read Aloud Revival podcast which is an interview with Julie Bogart. There was just something about her wisdom, tone and spirit of freedom that over and again made me teary and inspired. Another one was listening to Tsh interview Emily Freeman on The Simple Show (episode 10). Hearing Emily say out loud many of the truths from her book cemented those ideas in my heart (auditory + visual really drives information in!) Finally I really like Episodes 1 and 2 in the Cultivating the Kingdom podcast hosted by Allison Burr. Dr. George Grant is a warm and wise pastor who offers deep truth coupled with wide grace and care. I don't care for her Puritan segment at the end of each of those episodes, but the interview with him is a real encouragement.

4. I really enjoyed this recipe for Pesto Shrimp Linguine Salad.

After trying many new Crockpot dishes and not really loving any of them, this fresh and tasty pasta dish hit the spot! It's fast, delicious and wonderful leftover for lunch!

5. I must get together weekly with women if I want to mother and homeschool from a sane place.

My homeschooling days are full and life-giving and meaningful right now, but as it has been said, "if your output exceeds your intake, then your upkeep becomes your downfall." I must take in encouragement and laughter and connection in even greater amounts because my output is so high right now. I tend to get more withdrawn but have made myself get out twice with friends in the past week and a half, and I felt so refreshed by it. I can't allow my output and the inevitable fatigue of that work isolate me.

6. Work hard, Be diligent. Show up every weekday ready to serve, train, teach and give. Rest hard. Fill the well. Show up on the weekends ready to simply rest, do simple projects and something creative.

Over and again I am called to live with integrity, to offer up my five loaves and two fishes, and to invest in my children and in my home with the best of my energy. And then I need to take time to regroup, plan, read, find stillness, and make. Ebb and flow. Work from rest.

Beauty in Brokenness

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Sun, 30 Aug 2015 17:57:00 +0000

I have fought against brokenness all of my life. Haven’t you?

If you are anything like me, the messages that I adopted early on were that brokenness, pain, and vulnerability were the heart-places to be spiritually ashamed of and the sure path to judgment and rejection by others. I learned to hide these shameful places with my version of Beauty: big smiles, cute clothes, high achievement, moralistic purity, popularity, perfect order, and idealistic dreams. Beauty was the antidote to brokenness…the cover for it, the mask, the balm for the internal chaos.

Throughout my twenties, I chased that list of outward measures of Beauty and named it maturity. From those so-called places of Beauty, I looked down on brokenness and believed that if others just made better choices, read better books, worked harder, ate better, prayed more, then their lives wouldn’t be so jacked up. Mine wouldn’t be so jacked up. That judgment and works mindset rooted deeply in my heart, and instead of being able to receive grace and love well, my pursuit of Beauty filled me with pride and ego and superiority.

I found myself in an elitist Christian group that believed that we were the ones with THE answers to the abundant Christian life. I drank deep of the pride Kool-aid because underneath it all, I was absolutely terrified of being found deeply broken. If I was found broken, then God would reject me. Hell is for the broken ones. Jesus wants beautiful spiritual superheroes.

Read the rest over here at Called For Such a Time.

On the Value of a Personal Retreat

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Tue, 11 Aug 2015 19:58:00 +0000

In the past few years as we have added more children and have more noise and interruption, I have found that it is essential for me to take Personal Retreats. A personal retreat is simply carving out extended quiet space to hear the Lord, to gain vision for my calling, and to plan the rhythms of my dailiness in the season that I am in. More than just a stack of curriculum for my children and plotting plans, this is a time for me to listen, to reflect, to repent and to course-correct. It is a spiritual and scheduling reboot for me.

Personal retreats don't just happen. We have to prioritize this need and not minimize the fruit that can come from a time like this. We must discuss this need with our husband, put it on the calendar, and keep it there. I have used websites like Hotwire and Priceline to book nice but frugal hotel rooms. I have borrowed a friend's family cabin in the mountains. Two weeks ago I asked some friends who were on vacation if I could borrow their living room for an entire day. Even carving out half of a day at a local coffee shop or in a library study room is better than neglecting to have the time at all.

A day or two before my retreat, I think through books to bring, music to listen to, podcasts to ponder and also gather snacks, notebooks, Bible and planner. The books I choose are ones that will refresh my perspective on homeschooling, books that will encourage better habits and time management, and books that remind me to take care of myself as I pour out to others. Of course I can't read all of these in such a short retreat, but I plan to sit with them to read important points that I have underlined in the past or particular chapters that resonate with my current season.

When I arrive at my destination (usually on a Friday evening), the only expectation I have for that evening is rest. I am always wound pretty tight from living in constant stimulation and from the heroic feat it is to pack and leave a house of six children. So I have learned that it takes time for my soul to unwind and that my number one priority must be physical, emotional and spiritual rest.

When I wake in the morning, I eat breakfast and drink coffee and fight the urge to move fast and strive to make the retreat "perfect". I simply surrender the time and am grateful for it. I start my time by turning on worship music, reading the Bible and journaling all my current emotions, fears, anxieties and struggles. Receiving a proper view of how big and caring and faithful God is helps me to enter the time of pondering and planning in a state of peace and trust. Planning from peace offers greater clarity and wiser scheduling decisions and a perspective on what's actually realistic.

On my last retreat, I began by playing Jennie Allen's worship playlist on Spotify called Summer and also spent time meditating on The Liturgist's song Vapor. I read almost the entire book of A Mother's Rule of Life, and it renewed my perspective of the goodness and greatness of my vocation and the need to work hard and trust God and rest well. I pondered the first chapter of Sally Clarkson's book Own Your Life, and her words brought me to a place of surrender with my current season and was an invitation to live out my days with joy and an eternal perspective. I listened to Lisa Grace Byrne's WellGrounded Life podcast on Sacred Scheduling which helped me be intentional to plan daily, weekly and monthly habits of self-care in order to refill my well so that others have something to draw from.

It's also important to realize that after 60-90 minutes of deep thought, taking a break to clean or to walk is needed. Our minds need rest and can return to planning and reflection without fatigue if we take regular breaks. We nurture body, soul and spirit on personal retreats. Healthy snacks, delicious meals, naps, and walks are all rejuvenating. Sometimes I bring along knitting or crochet and allow my mind to rest while working with my hands. Many times in those moments when we are not purposefully focused with our minds but instead are engaging our bodies, clarity to a problem suddenly arrives. I keep spiral notebooks at the ready for these eureka moments and write unedited whatever may have come to my mind.

After all that worship, reception of information and vision, and gentle movement plus nourishment, I sat down with my calendar and Lara Casey's Powersheets. I revised my ten goals for the next three months and made sure that they all aligned with the things that I feel most called to invest in (that's my 2015 word!) I also looked at the calendar for the fall and tried to plug in dates for things that we love to do each year like apple picking, camping, and hosting a Fall Potluck. I thought through my daily schedule and wrote out a rhythm for each day. I wrote down our evenings and put the scheduling puzzle pieces together of extracurricular activities, a mid-week Sabbath evening, date night, and hospitality. The goal was to create on paper a picture of what my daily intentions and focuses need to be which gives me clear purpose, meaningful margin, and clarity of the boundaries of what I can realistically say yes and no to in this current season.

I also did many Brain Dumps of lists into my notebook. A list of all the upcoming financial obligations we have. A list of items I needed for my daughter's birthday. A list of things I want to craft and to give to others. Christmas giving ideas. Books to read to my children and possible topics to be explored with them. Any and everything that had been floating around in my brain and needed to be captured on paper in order to give my brain space to breathe and be at rest.

If you like to process some of what you are learning and gleaning with others, then plan to grab lunch with a friend and/or dinner out with your husband in the middle or end of the retreat. I did both and it was refreshing to share my reflections and receive their input. I usually end my retreats by resting and journaling some final prayers and thoughts. Then I usually hit up a few thrift stores for fun!

There is no perfect way to take a personal retreat...only the one that resonates with you and fills you up and meets your spiritual, emotional and physical needs. I encourage you to see if you can carve some time before the end of the year to step away, press pause on life, and listen and receive God's heart and care and purposes for you. This is the most beneficial way for me to walk my path sustainably and well.

On Doing the Small Things

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Tue, 28 Jul 2015 00:16:00 +0000

There have been so many big happenings in our country this summer. Shootings and Supreme Court decisions and flags and protests and all things heavy and confusing. My soul has had a difficult time processing all these events along with my own hurts, disillusionments, heartaches and questionings. The good is that I have gotten old enough and know myself well enough to make room in my life and schedule and days for margin and rest and renewal when these times come. If I try to barrel forward when there is stress in body, soul, and spirit and neglect to pay attention, slow down and listen, then things inevitably get much worse.

When the Big Things in life start to demand my attention, I have found that doing Small Things keeps me grounded and discerning. Big Things are when you have church disagreements, parenting problems, life decisions, betrayal, financial problems, death, change, transition, illness, spiritual struggles, relational strain, job stress. These always come, and we are never immune to the toll that living in a broken world takes on us. The Big Things threaten our sanity, our spirituality, our well-being. They shake us and rattle us and throw us off course. They don't seem to care about how frail we are, how depleted our spirits feel, and that our resources are limited. We cannot control these Big Things. They will have their way.

What can we control? The Small Things. I can get up each morning and make my bed and get simple, comfortable and pretty clothes on. I can feed a little one breakfast and tidy my kitchen. I can move the laundry forward from washer to dryer to hands to hangers in closets. I can open the Living Word and receive bread for my hungry spirit and water for my parched soul. I can reach out to friends and ask for prayer and for wisdom. I can read a stack of picture books to young children and talk to older children about life and goals. I can take a new mother a meal and mail a birthday package to a dear friend. I can snuggle up to my husband and receive his warmth and care. I can gather fresh flowers in vases to brighten our home. I can make beautiful things with my hands. I can plant seeds in soil and water. I can surrender myself to the Lord, His sovereign and good plan and to the dailiness of loving the ones in my path.

The Big Things always try to tell us that the Small Things don't matter. They try to paralyze and make us stagnant and myopic. The temptation to throw up our hands and lose heart and drown in our miseries is strong. We feel weak, and we think that we are powerless in our lives. It takes tremendous fortitude to keep putting one foot in front of the other, to keep doing the next right thing, and to keep loving the person in our path. There is a holy tension between a surrender that is waiting and trusting and open-handed and yet moving forward, living on purpose and with daily intention. An active trust.

As the Big Things have made a strong appearance in my life this summer, I have chosen not to fight them but to receive them as gifts. The Big Things are painful but they always, always produce good and beautiful fruit in my life. I certainly don't like it, but I also know that God uses pain in extraordinarily redemptive ways. And when the Big Things start to become Bigger than God in my heart and soul, I promptly set them mentally aside the best that I can so that seeking God in the Small Things come first. God shows up in my heart with His peace and His light and His love when I am taking long walks, sewing quilts, preparing meals, changing sheets, folding towels, rubbing backs, setting tables, praying, writing, reading, stitiching. When my hands get engaged, my heart calms and is able to hear and to discern and to trust.

May we not despise the Small Things where God is active and present and heals. Jesus walked around in fields and went fishing and fed people and celebrated weddings and touched strangers. He did the most normal of activities in the midst of very Big Things that were happening and that we going to happen. He listened to God as He walked and as He talked and didn't rush to figure it all out and get to the More Important Things. Every small step was the Important Thing and so it is for us.

A Summer Daybook

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 15:15:00 +0000

I can't seem to write anything that is coherent right now. There are just too many things that keep shifting and changing and happening that my brain and heart can't keep up and process it all well. I do want to keep up the habit of blogging that I began, and just need to move past what I think my posts should be (thoughtful and clarifying) and just be okay with writing as-is (messy and more messy).

So in the spirit of Elizabeth's "gathering my thoughts" posts, I am going to share the current things in my life that I am doing and thinking on. Nothing profound or necessarily inspiring, but where I am.

Outside my window:

Temps are back up near 100 which means my daily afternoon walk must be done by 10 am otherwise it's unbearable. We have spent more time at the pool this year than any other year (older children and not being pregnant/having a baby/toddler changes everything). We have lots of baby Silkie Bantam chicks walking around the yard and it's the truly the sweetest. I got out into my neglected raised beds, weeded them all, mowed and I planted some pumpkin seeds. I find such tangible hope in a packet of seeds...that life will bloom despite all the areas of our lives that seem to be dying.

Listening to:

Normally I love having a lot of podcasts going but just like I have had to curb the non-fiction books, I have also had to put boundaries on the podcasts. Just too much information-overload that ends up paralyzing me and making my mind too cluttered. I did however listen to Todd Henry's Accidental Creative podcast titled "Your Collective". It was only 12 minutes but gives lots of ideas on the types of community we need to do our work well. My current music is a lot of Josh Garrels and Damien Rice's song Trusty and True.

Clothing myself in:

The Dottie Angel Frock that I made. Also, my "uniform". V-neck t-shirts, necklace, yoga skirt and flip-flops. It will always be my go-to. I haven't found shorts in years that fit me right or are the correct length. When I went to Holden Beach on vacation in May, I actually found some shorts at Walmart that fit perfectly. Chino, upper mid-thigh length, cute patterns, and $10. Those are my second uniform.

Reading:

I am currently setting down most non-fiction and allowing my over-active mind to find rest and escape through fiction. Reading fiction is like watching a movie for me...both allow me to get caught up in a story and find my own personal connections (or not) and offer me a reprieve from the details and scenarios of my own life.

Pondering:

I have been slowly reading the book Anything by Jennie Allen with a group of women in my church. My spiritually idealistic nature wants God to call me to big things...I could sell everything and head overseas if that was His call. I find it much harder to realize that my surrender, my "anything", is to be continue to be faithful in my home and to homeschool over the long haul. I really wanted God to release me from homeschooling and to give me work that feels better, more emotionally comfortable, but He has made it very clear that this path is my current vocation. I would be lying if I didn't say that I have been angry about this and frustrated and disillusioned. But I wake up and say, "Yes, Lord. Not my will but Yours be done." And I walk this path out by faith and with my eyes on Him and not on what I think my "rights" are.

Carefully cultivating rhythm:

I am choosing to get enough sleep this summer. Rest is so vital for health in spirit, soul and body. It's the best self-care, and I am thankful for a husband who knows me well and tries to make sure that it happens for me. After neglecting meal planning for six weeks and consuming way too much pizza, I sat down and made a July meal plan and starting looking at cookbooks again as a way to inspire me back to homemade, fresh foods. In learning, we continue to move slowly forward in math, phonics, audiobooks, library trips and field trips. Potty training and babysitters have been in the mix this summer which is awful (the former) and amazing (the latter). Mike and I have gotten strict about going on a weekly date night which has never been a part of our 18 year marriage. Our rule is to keep it FUN and not heavy or about the kids. It's the best new habit of the year.

Creating by hand:

I am rather good about drawing boundaries in my life with time commitments and not over-scheduling. What I am not good at is setting mental boundaries with who/what is taking over my brain. I can get a bit obsessive about people's problems and about people's needs which is kind and compassionate when under the power of the Holy Spirit, but toxic when it's done from a savior mentality. Choosing to create is a very tangible way that I can keep my mind guarded and focused and productive because it requires concentration and creative thinking. It allows me to push other's issues aside and ushers me into the present moment. I am currently committed to hand embroidery and sewing as ways to take care of myself, bring beauty into my world, and give meaningful gifts.

Keeping house:

June/July are always decluttering months and slowly dusting and purging our learning spaces (dining room!) The crazy thing though is that in a large family, everything gets so dang dirty/messy and cluttered so fast right after you feel like you cleaned. We've got a serious "lived-in" look going on over here. My house is so worn and weathered after 10 years of living, birthing, and homeschooling here. Maybe instead of "lived in" I could rephrase that as "loved in".

Crafting in the kitchen:

Shrimp tacos. Lots of fruit. Rainer cherries are the summer candy of choice.

Giving thanks:

Mike. My daily Voxing with two dear friends. Psalm 121. Friends who show up with poison ivy cream and Krispie Kreme donuts. Breakfast and lunch dates with women. My sewing machine. My maltipoo Lily. My king-sized bed. Books. Little boys as superheroes.

Planning for the week ahead:

I'm not. Soon my life will be filled with plans as schooling gears back up in August and the calendar gets full and we begin the momentum towards the holidays. For now, I choose rest and slow summer with lazy days and quiet evenings.

What I Learned in June 2015

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Wed, 01 Jul 2015 16:38:00 +0000

June has been a doozy. It's usually my favorite month of the year. It speaks to me of long, warm days, getting lost in hours of fiction, decluttering my home, hours at the pool, creative projects and grilled meals with fruit salads. All extracurricular activities recede and margin-filled days reign. The good life. This month has held those things but also some health issues for me, deep and hard conversations with friends, disillusionment with the Body of Christ on all sides, and the pain that our country is in over racial and sexual identity issues. It all feels like too much to ponder and hold. In light of all of this, here are some of the things I have been learning:

1. Unity doesn't mean uniformity or theological agreement. The foundation of unity is our identity in Christ. Unity isn't holding hands and smiling and warm hugs and nodding yes...sometimes it is fought for with tears and questions and listening and humility and disagreement while sitting at picnic tables and Panera and my dining room table. Unity means vulnerability. Unity means that we keep showing up and we don't give in to the very real temptation to fight or flight when we feel threatened and scared.

2. Reading heals me. Besides sleep and food and connection, reading is one of the highest forms of self-care for me. Always has been and always will be.

3. When in doubt, go love someone. There is so much in the Bible that is hard to understand and so many faithful Christ followers deeply disagree. However I think no one would disagree that the highest commands are to love God and to love others. That much is clear. So when your theology and thinking is challenged or you are in a space of doubt and confusion, the thing you can know is that it is always His will to go love the person in your path.

4. Sewing always proves to be a great way to get out my mind. I internally process a lot of things. My mind is very very active and the ideas and thoughts that seem to go on overdrive are forced to stop when I engage an activity that makes me think. Sewing makes me slow down and focus...the measuring, the seam allowances, the understanding of patterns and construction. I spent all last Saturday making Dottie Angel's just-released Frock Pattern from Simplicity and I adore it. Planning to make many, many more. I also made four of these wonderful headbands and it was a quick, satisfying and practical project.

5. Friends ground me and pray for me and I am not alone. I have had many seasons where I have felt so deeply alone and unknown and under-supported. As stressor upon stressor arrived this month, I had many different friends listen and reach out and pray for and with me. My temptation was to feel untethered and unseen but my dear friends from so many different walks of my life encouraged me and listened and prayed. It has been a beautiful, redemptive thing to experience.

God at Walmart

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Tue, 09 Jun 2015 08:30:00 +0000

If you know me, you know I have a giant dislike for Walmart. The lighting, the crap, the clientele, the chaotic parking lot, the terrible carts, ad infinitum. That landscape never seems to change, but once in a while, cheap and convenient shopping wins so I put up with their scene for 20 minutes

On Thursday morning, I reluctantly entered those Supercenter doors and walked briskly down each needed aisle with a tightness in my chest due to anxiety-overload. I was emotionally drained by disagreements I had been having, schooling decisions that I am wrestling with, and that overall pressure I feel as a wife, mother of six, friend, and mentor. Combine those pressures along with figuring out my boundaries so that I can focus on personal projects and ideas that fill me, and I found myself in a perfect storm of internal stress.You know this feeling, right? The ache to live balanced and well, to love Jesus and others, to somehow find the magical solution where nothing is ever neglected and all blooms beautifully. Sigh.

I grabbed some ingredients to pull together some Pad Thai for dinner and tried to find a check-out line that wouldn't trap me for yet another 20 minutes. I was drawn to that rare Walmart phenomenon in which the cashier actually seemed to be moving efficiently. She was a warm-natured African-American woman with a bright smile and shiny eyes. As she was scanning my items, another Walmart Worker sidled up to her and began to share a sad story with her about some painful family issues she had been having. (Another reason why Walmart is strange...people overshare their drama in the checkout lines when they are supposed to be working...but I digress...but seriously) My biggest worry at this point was that this conversation would slow down my getting out of there because STRESS and WALMART. My spirit was already feeling teary and fear-filled and clamoring that I just needed to get out of here and go find some quiet already and deal with my issues.

But without skipping a checkout beat, the Joy-Filled Cashier glanced over at her associate, and with a giant smile and without reproach said, "TRUST AND BELIEVE!"

And in that crazy, crappy Walmart Moment, my spirit received that beautiful truth from one of my Must-Be Sisters. A smile slowly spread across my face, and I knew that in what seemed like the Unlikely Spaces, God was speaking to me and offering me faith and grace. I didn't need a quiet space or a magical solution. I needed Jesus in the form of His Body to speak some Faith right into my spirit.

God meets us in the daily, ordinary and quotidian tasks of life. Over soap suds and in traffic. Check-out lines and laundry baskets. Toddler tantrums and juice spills. His Presence shows up in these spaces that seem utterly chaotic and confusing, and He gently speaks and comforts and lifts and corrects and infuses and calms. Everyday we have the Gift and need eyes to see Him and ears to hear Him. We are not without a Shepherd and not left here as orphan lambs to figure out our days and our lives alone. He offers us Himself which is far greater and more beautiful than a script of answers for life that we so think that we need.

What my anxious heart needs is relationship and abiding and through that, I learn to really live, to trust and to believe.

What I Learned in May

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Tue, 02 Jun 2015 13:53:00 +0000

I really like Emily's monthly post of what she is learning...the deep or the ridiculous, the funny or the random. I have found these posts to be great prompts for taking some time to reflect on what I have been reading and pondering, and of course, it's always good to share with others.

1. Spending about $100 on flowers and ferns and pillows for my porch is the perfect Springtime self-care. There is just something about sprucing up neglected outdoor spaces that makes one feel like all is right and beautiful in the world.

2. Older Christian Book titles and design absolutely crack me up. A peek through my bookshelves or perusing my thrift store always uncovers some hilarious gems. Edith Schaeffer's books are mentors for me, but good gracious, the stuffed animal, truck, ball and flower combo leaves much to be desired when pondering the meaning of family.

3. A Lowcountry Boil is the perfect combination of delicious + slow + fun + community. I always forget the happiness it brings me to eat outside, eat with my hands, and eat with others. I am motivated to buy a few picnic tables and gather some friends and do this again this summer.

4. I really am an introvert. I adore people and I laugh loud and I love to talk, but I get this crazy inward jittery and anxious feeling if I go a few days without time alone. Our beach week with family was so deeply wonderful and fun, but when I came home, I could barely function socially. I had to cancel almost everything in my calendar and hunker down to refuel. Even still, I am committed to having low social obligations for the entire month of June because I feel overexposed and underfed.

5. We as Christians tend to try to move people as quickly as possible from grief or anger or fear or struggle to a place of joy and love and peace and hope. We seem to be deeply uncomfortable with the untidy spiritual process that people need and have discomfort with the emotional messiness of our journeys. I was amazed at how often I heard this past week admonitions to forgive and to walk in hope and be happy-clappy while I was struggling with the anger of spiritual abuse and grieving the pain of several areas of my life. My encouragement is to hold space with the wounded and not always rush to make them better. Grieve with them and then walk out together. And THAT is certainly easier said than done. And I am not talking about "stuck" people who stay in patterns of negativity and need firm admonishment to move on...I am talking about the one who is growing and struggling and pursuing peace but is in a time of wrestling and questioning.

The Weekly List, June 1

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Mon, 01 Jun 2015 11:25:00 +0000

I absolutely adore making lists and the deep satisfaction of checking things off. Brain to hand to paper helps me to make sense of my life and my daily priorities. Many friends enjoy seeing my lists, so for now, I have decided to share a personal photographed list every Monday. In the early years of the blogosphere, there was something so interesting about taking a peek into someone else's everyday life. My weekly list will be a small peek into mine.

Today's list is the Summer Bucket List that my children and I came up with at the end of last week! We are certainly ready for a change of pace and some intentional fun and adventure.

On Temporary Healing from Phone Addiction

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Tue, 26 May 2015 20:25:00 +0000

When I entered my vacation week, I felt like my phone was an extension of my hand. The hyper-connectivity afforded by social media, texting and Voxer had unknowingly crept in and made my soul and mind a fragmented, unfocused mess. I decided early on in the week to "be present and pay attention" and part of that would be documenting my vacation with capturing plenty of photos but not with scrolling through social media. I left my phone behind most of the time, and at first, I was incredibly twitchy.

I had gotten used to filling every bored and lonely moment with a quick visual jolt through Instagram. If I felt momentarily uninspired, a quick glance through Pinterest might scratch the itch. And what if I missed an important status update on Facebook?! What if someone was sick or troubled or celebrating something big and God forbid I MISSED IT. {FOMO: Fear of Missing Out is a real thing.} What if a friend had texted and needed a response? A missed Vox message? No!!

It's obvious to me and probably to you too that I lack good boundaries in this area. It's crazy hard. I have spent the last 16 years as a stay-at-home mama with littles being my constant companions, and as we all know, that can get lonely. The choice to homeschool my children built in a greater sense of isolation and then having children that didn't fit tidy cultural molds compounded everything. The lovely iPhone entered the room, and BOOM, I had instant contact with adults, images, ideas, music and podcasts, and it just felt so fabulous. I love my phone and it has changed my life for good in a million ways. But just like I love really great food and too much of that makes me sick, the same is true for my phone consumption. Too much of it makes my spirit and mind bloated, achy, distracted and anxious. There is also the sobering fact that it took its toll on my homeschooling this year (ouch) and usurped the normal outlets of creativity that have always brought me great joy and fulfillment like reading, sewing, knitting, crochet, decorating, crafting, etc.

These realizations all came into focus for me towards the end of my week. My spirit felt so lightened and free. My mind chewed on deep ideas from really great books. I was all-in with my family and felt happier and healthier than I had in a while. And yet I was also grieved. It sucks to admit how weak I am and how powerless I can feel over an addiction like this. I don't claim to know the way forward or what are the best and healthiest boundaries for me. I am praying and seeking and asking myself the question before I click on the app, "Is this the wisest use of my time?"

You see there aren't any black and white answers for this...no absolute right or wrong. The better question with most situations for ourselves and for helping our children discern healthy living is to ask, "Is this wise?" That simple question prompts the person to pause, to contemplate, and to listen. It keeps us from legalism and from judging other's choices because what is wise for one may not be for another. This is a lifestyle of keeping in step with the Spirit, and He moves one way and then another. Sometimes He prompts me to check Facebook because there is someone that He wants me to notice and pray for. And two hours later, He may say instead, "Go take a walk and be still."

Smart phones are here to stay, and I am so happy for all the ways these amazing devices have enriched my life. My responsibility as an adult is to learn and live the path of using them as responsibly as I can and recognizing that my deeper core needs for intimate connection, engaged parenting, tactile creativity, and reflective thought cannot be met without putting my phone in its proper place in my daily priorities. I must repent, choose boundaries, pray for wisdom, and probably err on the side of a quieter, focused life. And that quieter, focused life sounds like the loveliest of gifts as we enter these lazier days of summer filled with long days, good fiction, pool visits, and dinners with friends and family. May it be.

Umbrellas, Overestimating My Power, and Freedom

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Tue, 19 May 2015 08:30:00 +0000

I sat down by the ocean with the wind whipping around and the sun turning my winter-white skin a golden shade of peach. I was alone, pondering life and motherhood and roles and the self-inflicted rules that I once thought would bring me life but instead offered a slow death by fatigue.

I stared at our navy and white striped umbrella sunk deep into the damp sand providing a circle of shade and protection from the early summer heat. The wind whipped it and shook it and yet it didn't move. I looked at it and thought of my mothering, and that the umbrella must be a metaphor for all that I am and do. I must provide all protection and never waver in the storm, and my presence must stand deep, strong and firm, and there is no room for me to venture into any calling beyond that one rooted space.

And within minutes of that narrow and restrictive and formulaic thought, the wind took my umbrella down the beach, twisting and turning at the mercy of unseen forces. And the Voice whispered deep in my spirit, "You are not Me for your children. That is my job."

And I repented and I relaxed and I smiled the way that you do when freedom blows you hard and your spirit flies free.

An Abbey, Alligators, and Courage in our Calling

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Thu, 14 May 2015 08:00:00 +0000

I first heard about Mepkin Abbey a few years ago, and when I looked at their website, I knew that I wanted to have a visit. Mepkin is a Trappist Monastery located on a beautiful piece of land along the banks of the Cooper River in the Lowcountry of South Carolina. As with all monasteries, hospitality is offered to visitors with warmth and grace. The old plantation land is still home to amazing, large Live Oak trees that drip with silvery moss, and there are also well-kept gardens, ponds and a prayer labyrinth for any guest to come and enjoy.

I showed up on my 42nd birthday, all alone and happy to have several hours for receptive listening and contemplation and prayer. I entered into the Visitor's Center and spent some time looking at their lovely books and treated myself to Henri Nouwen's book Life of the Beloved. There is something so nurturing for me in spending time alone in a slow and beautiful setting that tunes my heart towards God and allows me to pick up on His whispers and nudges and graces. Slowing our life down is an act of trust that all will be well. The ultra-efficient, fast life doesn't need to rule us and cause us to miss out on paying attention.

I drove down to the gardens, and when I got out, the drizzling rain began. I loved walking through the quiet mistiness and observing the natural gifts that God was offering. A retired couple from Huntington Beach, California, was also there...all outfitted like tourists with bug spray, Eagle Creek backpacks, sturdy hiking shoes, and maps and cameras in both hands. I fought a sense of judgment towards them while thinking that most of us as tourists seem to show up ready to consume instead of ready to receive. We demand to consume a certain knowledge or experience and we will push to make that happen instead of allowing the environment and setting to speak to us in its own way. We come into conquer instead of entering in to learn.

It didn't take long for my arrogant ponderings to be interrupted when I saw a snake in the grass near my feet. I have had a long-standing phobia of snakes that God has been healing by my having five adventurous sons who find snakes to be some of the most fascinating of creations. I quickly moved away from it and breathed deep only to look ahead toward the banks of the pond that I wanted to explore to find an alligator sitting on the left-side bank. Again I redirected my steps through the grass up the hill only to stumble upon another snake making his way towards the water. This threatened to do me in.

In the past, snakes and alligators would have been signals for me to simply leave. I would have not been able to stay and enjoy another minute of my time because fear would have had a stranglehold on me not to mention the panic that the fight-or-flight response triggers in those kinds of seemingly threatening situations. This time though I was determined not to allow fear to keep me in a place of living small and living safe. I called Mike at this point and his reaction was the same. He agreed that his initial response would be to tell me to be hyper-aware, back up and get to a "safe spot", but that we knew this time that wasn't the truth that I needed to lean into.

The fact is that when we decide to pursue a life of Beauty and Adventure in our callings, in our passions and in our dreams, we will face snakes and alligators every single time. Fear and threat aren't just found when we are veering off the path into unknown territory, but they show up right here in our chosen paths of life every day. Perceived threats will arrive wherever we want to go in life, and these predators love to show up when we are seeking Beauty in our giftings and in seeking to hear His voice and want us to be paralyzed and shut down and shut up by fear. Their messages tell us to freeze, hide, and be quiet. Our fight-or-flight responses shut down our creativity, our rational problem-solving skills, and put us into self-protection and into "going away". Our presence is gone from the present. Fear robs us of all good things especially knowing God's love and the love of others and strips us of our ability to love back. There is wisdom in noticing threat but not in allowing it to rule us and control our choices. Growth comes when we can notice but choose courage.

If I had left the Abbey at the point that I met the reptiles, I would have missed out on a deeply meaningful walk through the outdoor prayer labyrinth where the path dividers were filled with yellow and purple wildflowers with viceroy and cloudless yellow sulphur butterflies skipping across the paths and ladybugs making their ascent up stalks to find their afternoon lunch of aphids. I wouldn't have had the chance to repent of my fears and offer up prayers of healing for my gut as I sat in the center of that labyrinth space.

If I had left the Abbey, I wouldn't have met Brother Joe whose birthday was also that day and we would have missed sharing in that joy together. I would have missed the tour of the church designed by Cistercian architecture that offered simplicity, balance and contemplation. I would have missed Brother Joe's humility about how he approaches conflict with a brother, his thoughts on diet and food, and the meaning behind the Vow of Stability that challenges my own wanderlust sensibilities when it comes to location and community.

If I had left the Abbey, I would have missed out on Beauty and Courage and Connection and Grace. I would have driven away harried and harassed and saddened by my day. Instead, my day was filled with all the good things that we really want in life when we move through fear and say Yes to Presence. This is a lesson that I will be thinking and reflecting on in the days to come as I face fears in writing, speaking, and in investing myself into my husband, children and friendships. I don't want to be robbed anymore but to live life open, courageous and abundantly.

On Marriage and Love Languages and Honesty

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Tue, 12 May 2015 08:00:00 +0000

Most of 2015 has found our family to be busier than we have chosen in the past. When our children were small, we kept a guard against busyness and much preferred a slower, more contemplative lifestyle. But as your children age and you begin to allow them to make social decisions and extracurricular decisions, your life becomes much fuller and scheduling becomes a sort of art-form of ebb and flow. There is a real need for quality time at home and yet another need for being more open and flexible to the world around us.

As a result of greater involvement in Scouting and youth group activities, and for me, a greater investment in loving and leading women, Mike and I just haven’t been getting the time that we need with each other to feel connected and loved and known. Both Mike and I have Quality Time as our primary love language, and when that language isn’t being spoken we both feel pretty neglected. As an aside, I think it’s really wise to see how love languages influence a marriage and also parenting and friendships. We tend to love others according to our own language, and if we speak a different language, then sometimes we don’t realize how we are being loved by someone and only look at the ways that we think we aren’t. It’s really helpful to communicate what our languages are to each other!

So we went to Charleston, SC, for an overnight this past weekend. We had the annual triple whammy of my birthday, our 18^th anniversary and Mother’s Day to celebrate and getting out of town for 18 hours is better than not going at all! We both entered this weekend feeling happy and hopeful for rest and connection but as the Friday evening wore on and the expectations of intimacy arose, we realized how relationally disconnected we felt and that no amount of physical closeness was going to connect what was feeling broken on a spiritual and emotional level. That would just be a brief band-aid of sorts and may give us the illusion of connection when our hearts would be far from one another.

So instead, Mike and I stayed up talking vulnerably with open listening and sharing without accusation or defensiveness because at the end of the day, we are best friends and we are on the same team. We forgave one another and recognized areas where we have allowed distance and stress to keep us from oneness. We got up Saturday morning and had a beautiful breakfast together and went deeper on catching up with each other’s hearts about our dreams and goals, books and podcasts we are listening to and found our way back to fun and laughter.

It’s really hard when you have expectations of what a “romantic getaway” will look like and you hear about or read about these idealistic images of what it “should” be like and you know that your marriage isn’t in that place that week. We look at each other’s photos on social media and assume that every other marriage is connected, intimate and loving, and we feel a sense of marital shame that ours feels a bit stale and needs some work and healthier ways of relating.

All marriages go through growth seasons and there is no shame about that. We have been married 18 years, and there have been years of deep friendship and grace and connectedness and seasons where we felt so different from one another spiritually and emotionally and also just in our interests, mindsets, hobbies, expectations and habits. These are the times that our deep covenantal commitment kicks in, and we remind ourselves that we are in this for the long haul and because of that, we are going to invest in this love and also trust that God has so much more He wants to give us and free us and heal us for in the context of this bonded relationship.

Having a large household means that he and I are going to have to build better habits of dating and connecting with each other in consistent, creative ways. We have young children up early and teenagers up late so finding the time to connect alone is crucial. We can’t just get by with being teammates and parenting partners. We have to pray and plan and commit to holding up our relationship in ways that will protect it, nourish it and grow it back into better health. Stress and busyness contribute to the insidious undermining of a marriage, and bring out the worst in both of us. We keep reminding each other that life and dishes and laundry and schedules are not an emergency, and that we can live this calling with joy and peace, love and respect.

We are not alone in our marital struggles. Most of us desire vibrant marriages built on commitment, respect, love and grace along with adventure, laughter and intimacy, but those things take tending, a growth-mindset, communication, forgiveness, humility, and grace. These are all worth asking Jesus for and fighting for as we pilgrim through the middle years of marriage. We need to share our stories with each other and stop hiding them. We need to ask for help and insight. And mostly we need to trust that He can do immeasurably more than we can ask for or imagine in our very messy relational dailiness. We are counting on it!

How To Host an IF:Table

noreply@blogger.com (Aimee) — Thu, 07 May 2015 08:30:00 +0000

"The heart of hospitality is about creating space for someone to feel seen and heard and loved. It's about declaring your table a safe zone, a place of warmth and nourishment."

~ Shauna Niequist, Bread and Wine

I have said this many times but I think it always deserves repeating: being around the table with women is where the good life happens. Some of my most favorite, most connected times, have been when I am seated around my beat-up white farmhouse table or around the table in the homes of good friends. The table provides nourishment for body and soul and is an invitational platform for vulnerability, active listening, compassion and the reception of grace. It's the place where friendships are forged, secrets are shared, and hearts are held gently. IF:Table has been an equipping tool that God has used in my life this past year to focus my hospitality efforts and to make it simple and doable for me to invite women into my home and into my life. It provides a schedule, conversation cards, and a larger community all participating together to bring women together on Sunday evenings. These are the steps that I have taken to make IF:Table a regular part of my monthly rhythm.

INVITE

Make a list of women that you know locally. I use my list of Facebook friends to prompt me to write down women that I know from many different segments of my life. You can also jot down a quick list of women at church, preschool, your neighborhood, your job, etc. Write at least ten names to begin. Which of these names represent five women that you want to know better? Pick a Sunday evening (I stick with the second Sunday of the month and don't fiddle with switching it all around to try to get everyone there) and send out a private message on Facebook or text to invite these five women over. Tell them that you are hosting a dinner for two hours to get women to know one another better and cultivate friendship, and that there will be four questions to guide the conversation. Setting the parameters for the evening allows everyone to know what to expect and that you will be facilitating the time. The evening is purposeful to get us below the surface of only talking about our children, schools, etc. If a woman responds that she can't come, trust God that He has the right mix of women that He wants together on that evening and go down your list and invite someone else. Keep going until you find the woman who has that opening in her schedule. He has always, always, always provided women to come even up until two hours ahead of time!

{Personality Tip: I find that inviting a mix of extroverts and introverts offers the best opportunity for the richest and diverse conversations...when you make a list, think of each one's personality a little bit so that you have a balance of conversationalists and listeners}

MENU

I keep it very simple by cooking a main dish or soup and offering salad, crusty bread and a simple dessert. I don't deviate from that because the goal is to make hosting as streamlined and easy as possible so that I will actually do it! Oven Chicken Risotto is always a winner, and in the winter, any of Edie's soups are delicious. And of course, you can never go wrong with a recipe from The Pioneer Woman. If one of the women asks me what they can bring, I have them bring the dessert. If others ask, I give them the salad and bread. The only drink I offer is water, and I keep it in glass carafes with limes and lemons. Depending on the group, I will also offer red or white wine and have glasses out on a counter for them to serve themselves. I have a Keurig machine that I keep on a side table over near my dining room table that I make sure is filled with water, and place mugs and a basket of decaf K-cups over beside it along with sugar and half-and-half.

SETTING THE TABLE

Go with your personality and with whatever makes you a hostess who feels warm and welcoming. If setting a table stresses you and perfectionism creeps in, then keep it super simple! I like to use vintage sheets for tablecloths and layer a table runner over it from Target or World Market or a thrift shop. I buy a $3.99 bouquet of flowers from Publix, trim down the stems low, and place them in a Mason Jar in the center. I scatter six glass tea light holders over the table runner. These can be bought cheaply in Target's candle section, and I keep a stash a tea light candles from the Dollar Tree in a drawer in my kitchen. I go to the IF:Gathering website and download that month's questions, print on cardstock, cut and scatter on the table. White plates are always simple and versatile paired with cloth or paper napkins, and place a fork, knife and spoon. I always use Mason Jars for the drinking glasses with a colorful paper straw in each one. You can buy paper straws in the Target or Michael's Dollar sections. Setting the table is something I do several hours in advance so that it's complete, and my focus can shift to food preparation. Now that is what I do, but if using paper plates and a bare table gets you to actually invite women in, then DO IT! The goal is connection with others not stressed-out, angsty hospitality.

GUIDING THE CONVERSATION

When everyone arrives, introduce women to each other that may have never met before. Have everyone fill their water glasses or pour themselves a glass of wine. I serve the meal buffet-style so that each woman grabs her plate, fills it up and finds a seat at the table. I pray for the meal and for our conversation, and then I immediately ask one of the women to grab a conversation card and read it out loud to all of us. We jump right in. If there are some women who don't answer the question, that is fine. Move on to the next question when the conversation lulls or if you need to move on because of the time boundaries you have set for the evening. On the second question, call on women who haven't shared and tell them that you would love to hear their thoughts. Guide the evening so that everyone is heard and can feel safe to share openly. Lead with vulnerability. Vulnerability is holy and invitational and allows sacred space for women to bare their own soul struggles and receive love and acceptance. Shame keeps women in hiding and thinking that they are all alone and that their struggles are unique to them. Vulnerability is the powerful antidote to shame and is the avenue to connection with others. It is the relational key that allows us to know that we are not alone and every woman has a story of pain and heartache, fear and sorrow.

NEXT STEPS

I try to follow up by sending a private Facebook message to the women later that evening or the next day to thank them for coming and for sharing their evening with me. I may even challenge them to begin their own IF:Table now that they have seen how easy and fun it can be. My rhythm is to host new women each month and offer more and more women the opportunity to be invited, fed, listened to and challenged. Your group of women may be one that God is calling to stay together and meet monthly. I have a group of women like that, and it has evolved into being a place of safety, mentoring, connection and hope for each one of us.

Women are lonely and need spaces to be nurtured, loved, listened to and seen. We have been generously gifted by God with homes, no matter how humble, to use for His people and His glory. We own tables and chairs and plates and cutlery and why don't we take time to share them once a month with five others? It seems so simple and small, and yet when we offer our spaces and our very lives, His Kingdom is ushered in with life and light and laughter. And we could all use a whole lot more of that, couldn't we?