photo by Bruce Turner on flikr

As one travels this life journey, there are certain people that leave their thumbprint on our lives and on the lives around them. I have friends who do this well…and I marvel. As I think of friends and mentors that leave their thumbprints so effectively on lives around them, 7 traits come to mind. Traits that I’d like to have more in my life. Traits that will help us leave our thumbprint on the lives around us, helping us be a difference-maker.

Note: I originally started writing this post 8-9 months ago. One of my close friends had just been re-diganosed with pancreatic cancer. She came to mind over and over as I pondered the traits of those that make a difference in others’ lives. In early January, Brenda  passed away. Her  name comes up throughout this post. Since I wrote most of this post while she was still living, the post is written in present tense when it comes to her life. I publish this in remembrance of someone who made a huge difference in many lives.

Gratefulness.

Brenda’s health has been life-altering for her and her husband. Health issues have plagued her for the past 7 years. The most recent health issue – pancreatic cancer, found a year ago. Until recently we thought it was in remission. Now they’ve found it in her stomach. Yet, she finds things to be grateful for. A bike ride. The warm sun. The breeze awakening her skin. It’s not a superficial gratefulness. When the hard news comes, she’s not saying thank you. Yet as she processes the reality of her situation, she’ll find what-we-take-for-granted-things to be grateful for.

Creative.

Too often, we think creative means being a artist. It doesn’t. Being creative means we don’t get stuck. We live life with options and possibilities. We may get slammed now and then – cancer news, loved ones die unexpectedly, a friend’s betrayal – but we find our way through and adjust to new realities. The ability to adjust – that’s creativity. The ability to  move forward in the midst of new realities – that’s creativity. The ability to overcome – that’s creativity.

Learner.

What I love about Brenda is she asks questions. Not just ‘how are you?’. In most circles, I’m not asked much about my work. I think it’s because I’m in the computer field and people assume they won’t understand and so they don’t inquire. My work is a big part of my life. Brenda is different than most. She inquires. She digs. She goes after it. I love that about her. She not only does this for my work, but other areas as well. Difference-makers are curious, they are life-time learners.

Open-minded.

Being open-minded is being accepting. Open-mindedness lacks judgement. Instead, it embraces. It reaches out. It loves. It doesn’t condemn. It isn’t reactive. Brenda does this extremely well. She’s one of the most accepting people I know. Open-mindedness invites others in. It finds creative solutions. Difference-makers live open-minded.

Connector.

Brenda doesn’t call just to tell me about her day, or the latest news, or what she’s dealing with. She calls and may tell me those things, but often it’s after she’s inquired about my day. She’s an extrovert who  really listens. Listening is more than just listening, it’s also connecting. People that make a difference not only hear what you say, they also hear what you don’t say. They connect. They hear more than just words. They share more than just words.

Fun.

Brenda is one of the most fun people I know. Walking out of the hospital, she’ll have the team of 5-7 valet drivers all laughing within seconds of walking by them. She’s the one with cancer. Yes, she’s the one making others laugh. People that make a difference find humor in spite of what they may be walking through. Humor lightens the load. Humor draws others in.

Dance.

Brenda doesn’t walk, she dances. When one sees her, they may not see her dancing, but she’s dancing on the inside. That’s a difference-maker. Circumstances, physical ailments, others’ opinions don’t kill the dance. Difference-makers find a way through so that they can continue to dance.

What have you observed in people that make a difference? What would you add to this list?

photo by Jonathan.vail on flickr

I wrote this post nearly 6 months ago. I’ve heard many times that living courageously is not living without fear, but moving forward in spite of fear. This was one of those moments. I was making a financial decision that scared me. Usually I want all my ducks lined up in a row when it comes to making a financial decision. In this scenario not all the ducks were lined up, yet I went ahead anyway. Six months later the decision is working well. Here are my thoughts from that morning.

Today I do something I’ve never done before. I’m scared. I”m scared that just maybe it’s the wrong choice. I’m scared of the potential long term effects. I’m scared because I’m not 100% sure it’s the right decision.

It may be a new beginning. It may be a breaking off of old thoughts and old patterns that have held me back. It may be the beginning of living boldly.

Does one have to do something that scares them to be free?

Why am I choosing to move forward? to move forward without 100% certainty? To move forward with questions still lingering? I’m moving forward because I’m more scared of what if I don’t. What if I don’t move forward and nothing ever really changes for me? What if I don’t move forward and everything stays the same. I continue to grind it out. I continue to work hard. I become more and more weary. No, that’s not an option. If I don’t do this, I’ll never know.

I’ll never know if this step may break the fear that holds me back. If this step will break the old patterns and behaviors. If this step will really help me help others in a bigger way. I cannot not take this step. If I don’t take this step I’d always wonder. My guess is it will take this step and other similar steps to break the old patterns and behaviors, but this step is a start.

I choose to take the step.

What’s your experience in moving forward scared?

photo by Satoru Kikuchi on Flikr

Small is beautiful. Katie Tallo, from Momentum Gathering, gets credit for spurring the thoughts behind this post. Her post, Small is Beautiful, caught my attention.

A couple of years ago I moved from a small town to a metro area. Seven years prior, I had moved to the small town after living in metro areas for the past 20 years. I run a small business. I lived in a small apartment. I am a small family (me!). I have a small circle of close friends.

Small is Beautiful.

In Katie’s words:

Small is beautiful. Small cities mean a greater sense of connection, ease of movement and self-sustainability. A small house, a small car, a small Christmas are all easier, more affordable, more peaceful and more spacious. Small means you have time and space for the lovely in life.

It makes me want to embrace small even more.

I treasure connection. Small seems to welcome connection. Yesterday I connected one-on-one with a lifetime friend I hadn’t seen for 20+years. It felt whole.

I want time and space for the lovely in life. Small invites that.

How is small a part of your life?

Time and a sense of wonder.

In early December, I attended a funeral for a 4 month old baby boy. In early January, I attended a funeral of a close friend. Such moments invite us to ponder the gift of time and the gift of moments—and what will we do with those gifts.

The family of the little boy spent the last couple of weeks knowing a stopwatch had suddenly started ticking for their little boy’s life. They lived each moment with time only for their little boy and the wonder of treasuring and loving their little boy to the very end, in the midst of his struggle for life.

Family and friends of my close friend treasured the last few days we had with her. A major stroke took her ability to speak the last few days. For four days and four nights, a family member or friend constantly held her hand as she transitioned from life on this side to life in heaven. We treasured the moments in the midst of saying good-bye, yet sensing the wonder of the gift of life.

The video below isn’t about these stories, but it encourages us to open our eyes, to live with a spirit of wonder, to really see who and what’s around us. Louie Schwartzberg is an award-winning cinematographer, director, and producer. His career spans more than three decades providing breathtaking imagery. May we spend the time we have with our eyes and hearts fully open.

Here are the books that have influenced me the most this past year. My focus this past year has been to get out of the rut of ‘comfort and ease’ and really push myself to discover what it means to be a Creative Entrepreneur.

The War of Art

by Steven Pressfield

Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles

I’m on my second reading of this book this year. This book is a kick-in-the-butt. It’s basically about doing the work that’s inside of us. Too often we let our creativity slide.  Pressfield’s perspective is that we give in to the resistance. Will we do what it takes to break through the resistance?

Tribes

by Seth Godin

We Need You to Lead Us

This is another book that I read twice this year. The internet has removed the barriers of geography, cost, and time in leading other. Tribes (groups of people) have never been so easy to form. Along with that, are the opportunities for people to step forward. Leadership opportunities abound. Who will lead?

Unmarketing

by Scott Stratten

Stop marketing. Start engaging.

I love the byline of this book. As one who enjoy really engaging with others and tires quickly of chit-chat, I found this book fascinating and encouraging. It’s about building relationships amidst the wide-spread use of technology, including social media.

The Cancer Conqueror

by Greg Anderson

I’m sure the title of this book narrows the potential audience, but this is a book for anyone wanting to live life more fully. A good friend who is ‘cancering’ (a term used by the author) shared this book with me. The author, Greg Anderson, was told he had 30 days to live. That was over 20 years ago. My favorite quote from the book is “Choose to live life fully as long as we live!” He takes the reader (with or without cancer) through life-changing principles, challenging our thought patterns, our habits, and our beliefs. It’s a life changer.

Everyone Communicates, Few Connect

by John Maxwell

What the most effective people do differently

Talk is cheap. I’d include blogging, facebook updates, tweets, etc is also cheap. Every one talks, and millions of people are on social media. How can we make our words matter? It’s all in connecting. Maxwell includes Five Principles and Five Practices to help us learn to connect one-on-one, in a group, or with an audience. In learning to connect, all your relationships change – from your kids to your boss to your neighbor.

Special Mention

Uncertainty

by Jonathan Fields

Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance

This book is a late-comer on my list because I just picked it up a couple of weeks ago, but it’s a life-changer. Instead of running from uncertainty, Fields challenges us to embrace it. The act of embracing uncertainty can become the catalyst for innovation and creation. Fields discusses techniques and processes we can use to help us turn uncertainty into creativity and productivity…and even enjoy the journey along the way.

 What books have impacted you this past year?

Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it—every, every moment?  -Emily Gibbs, in Our Town by Thornton Wilder

Life is. . .about a greater hunger that is beyond words and food…Life is worth living in and of itself. Life cannot be satisfied when it is lived out as a consuming entity. -Ravi Zacharias

Have you noticed how many hungers there are in life? They might also be referred to as yearnings, desires, longings. My guess is you’ve experienced a number of these hungers. The hunger for truth, the hunger for love, the hunger for knowledge, the hunger to belong, the hunger to express, the hunger for justice, the hunger of the imagination, the hunger for significance. The list goes on. The hunger for creativity, the hunger for relationship, the hunger for family, the hunger for acceptance.

Too often we try to bury the hungers of life. Sometimes it’s too overwhelming, sometimes it’s too sad. Sometimes it seems it doesn’t really matter anymore. Yet, if we can stay the course, if we can let the hunger spur us on, the hunger becomes the driver to find truth, to find love, to find knowledge, to find belonging.

As wonderful as that might sound, I believe it’s impossible to fulfill all the hungers all the time. We may fill very satisfied with our friendships, but the hunger for justice doesn’t leave us alone. I wonder, can we learn to live with the hunger?

Instead of desperately trying to feed the hunger, what if we chose to live with the hunger? What if we embraced the hunger and thought of it as the motivator to live more fully? the instigator to try new things? the inspiration to add value to others? the initiator of making our life count? the stimulator of making a difference?

Can we embrace the hunger? Can there be shift at our core of realizing we can’t satisfy all the hungers of life, instead we can choose to embrace the hunger and use that as a driver to make our lives count?

What do you think?

The thoughts for this post came from reading the book Jesus, Among Other Gods by Ravi Zacharias.

Photo by Striatic on Flikr

Great listeners make great friends. They also make great mentors, great coaches, great leaders.

The simple act of listening well gives value to those around you. How do we listen well?

Be Quiet!

Someone that listens well doesn’t feel the need to fill quiet with words. A pause in the conversation, a break from the chatter – these are actually powerful communication tools. Sometimes more can be spoken in a pause or in the midst of quiet, than can be spoken out loud. A respite from words lets what’s deep inside us surface. There’s treasure deep inside each person. Allow the deep to surface in the quiet.

Don’t Interrupt

It’s rude. It devalues the person speaking. When you’re having a pleasant conversation with a friend or a spouse and they are sharing their thoughts or a story, let them share. You can add thoughts and comments when there’s a pause in the conversation. If you tend to forget your thoughts or comments, jot down a note. Then bring it up when they’ve finished their thoughts.

I would add that there are a few exceptions to not interrupting. Most of the time it is rude but there are a few occasions where it’s necessary to interrupt. For example, it’s good to interrupt constant negativity.

Ask Questions

This is one of my favorites. Asking questions indicates you care. Questions invite others to share. It values them. It communicates interest. Its say I want to know more about you.

Observe

Often times there’s more said in the body language and in what’s not said than in what is spoken. What is their body language saying? What aren’t they saying? Depending on the type of relationship, you may have an open door to explore unspoken words, or you may just have to be aware of what you are picking up.

Clarify Your Understanding

It’s surprising how the very same words can mean two very different things to two different people. As you converse with others, make it a point to verify your understanding. This can be done  by simply stating “If I understand you correctly, you’re saying….”. Or, “Just to make sure I understand, …” Or, “So what you’re saying is ….. Right?”

Tell them you care

Some of the most meaningful words spoken to me recently are “I care about what you do.” It’s only six words, but I felt those six words go right to my very soul when they were spoken to me. Don’t hesitate to tell others you care.

For another perspective on becoming a better listener, visit 7 Powerful Tips To Becoming a Better Listener.

Photo by Nishanth Jois on Flickr

There is power behind contentment. Not an overt power that seeks to control, but an inner power that says I’m ok with who I am. This kind of power seeks to serve, seeks to make a difference, seeks to make the world a better place.

It starts with contentment. John Maxwell, in his video series “A Minute with Maxwell”, mentions that contentment is a stabilizer for success.

Contentment is the ability to know who you are, accept who you are. It’s the ability to appreciate who you are and value where you are in the journey.

Contentment values where you are in the journey.  Discontentment doesn’t. Instead of seeing how far we’ve come, discontentment makes us strive to get to the next point in our journey – only to arrive there and start the cycle over of striving to get to the next point beyond that. Contentment values where I am now. Contentment enjoys the moment.

Contentment gives you the energy and strength to continue the journey. Contentment is an inner strength combined with a peace and a knowing that I’m on my way. It’s fuel for the journey.

Discontentment keeps you moving, but not necessarily moving well. Discontentment can be a great motivator, but it can also be a huge distraction. Discontentment tends to breed anxiety.  Instead of moving forward, we find ourselves on rabbit trails going nowhere.

Contentment is a security based within you that allows you to know who you are, where you are going and the path you want to take.

How’s your contentment quota? What helps you be content?

Photo by Saxon on Flickr

The secret of leading well is to follow well. I’ve worked with many leaders over the years. The ones that left the biggest impact are those that also followed well. They also happen to be the the ones I most enjoyed working with.

In hindsight, I also see that the ones that left a wake of hurt and chaos are the ones that didn’t follow well.

Good leaders follow well. They seek input, they value advice from others. They seek counsel. A bad leader just plows ahead without seeking counsel or insight from others.

Good leaders trust. Just as good followers trust their leader, so a good leader trusts those around him or her. They trust their peers, they trust their followers.

Good leaders listen. Just as a good follower listens to her leader, so a good leader listens to their followers. They care about those that follow them. They want to hear their thoughts, their opinions.

Good leaders speak well of others. Just as a good follower speaks well of those around him, including their leaders – so a leader speaks well of his followers. A leader knows it’s not about them. It’s about adding vlaue to others.

A leader leads well because the leader has been where the followers are. They made a difference as a follower. They will also make a difference as a leader.

What other ways is a good leader also a good follower?

Photo by Alan Vernon on Flickr

It is a sad truth but many people go to their grave with their song unsung and their talents and passions undiscovered.   – Jeff Bullas

The first of the New Year is fast approaching. This time of  year, I often reflect on this year’s goals and ponder next year’s. Why? Because of what’s referred to in the quote above. I am passionate about singing my own song, and helping others discover theirs.

Although Bullas’ article isn’t just about discovering your song, he makes some very good points.

Find Work that Is Play

Work that is play is the combination of innate ability and aptitude that combines with passion to create a synergy that lubricates life’s journey.

I know a very successful businessman who says he plays everyday. He’s singing his song.

I know a professional hair stylist who wouldn’t trade what he does for anything else. He’s singing his song.

I know a couple who, during the day he runs a business and she takes care of the kids. In the evening, they run a non-profit that helps hundreds of kids learn to sing, dance, or play an instrument. They are singing their song.

I write this blog to sing my song.

Singing your song doesn’t mean it’s easy. It doesn’t mean that suddenly life is always filled with purpose and clarity. There are moments of doubts, moments of confusion, moments of ‘why am I doing this?’

But, in the end, it comes to down to singing our own song.

How To Find Your Song

Finding your song is a life-long journey. As you commit to singing your song, you’ll find that on the path of defining and refining your song, you are singing your song.

If you need help in discovering your song, Jeff Bullas includes a list of questions to ask:

• What comes easily to you?
• What do you read about till 2.30 in the morning
• What gets you up at 4.30am?
• What do you enjoy doing?
• What kind of things do people compliment you on?
• What activities give your spirit energy?

Singing your song doesn’t necessarily mean giving up your job, or moving somewhere else, or going back to school. It may mean one of those things, but I’ve found that usually it means finding how to sing a verse of my song in the midst of my current situation.

What’s your song? How do you find your song? How do you sing your song?