Living Life Lovelier

Sleep, Sleep, Ah......Sleep

2010-12-03T11:39:00.000-05:00

I am an insomniac. I live for decent, deep comforting sleep that I seldom get. But I am working on it! If you have problems with insomnia (and I have had since I was only 6 years old when fears kept me awake) make sure that you are doing the following (they really are important):

Don't sleep with your television on. Okay, that's a given, right? But if your insomnia started early in life and was terror-based, it's hard to believe that you can actually go to sleep without the television. I used the television for everything from company to blocking out other people's annoying sounds. TURN IT OFF! Breathe deeply, and see that now that you are grown, it is much easier to go to sleep without the light and sound of a tv.
Don't take long naps in the early evening. It's tempting, especially if you are really sleepy and can lapse into a delicious sleep at 6 or 7 in the evening. That sleep feels so good - but it's going to keep you up for the rest of the night when you actually go to be at 11 or 12. Find something to do and skip the nap.
Don't drink coffe, tea, sodas. When I was in my twenties, I drank cup after cup of coffee all day and made fresh pots at 6, 7, 8 and 9 at night, then complained that I couldn't sleep. The coffee wasn't the only cause of my insomnia, but it certainly didn't help.
Do take a warm bath with something that smells soothing and great added to the water about 30 minutes or more before bed. Don't watch Criminal Minds, CSI (any of them), Forensic Files or any of the other doom and gloom programs you may ordinarily enjoy. You may think that they do not disturb or scare you, but they are unsettling to the mind which doesn't forget them that easily. Best: watch something funny, something that can make you laugh out loud. Try Nick at Night or TV Land for some of the lightest comedies going.

Sleep is too important to us to tolerate poor quality sleep or insomnia. Do something, even if the last resort is a sleep clinic or doctor-prescribed sleeping pills. Your quality of life will vastly improve!

The Trials of Love

2010-11-03T14:32:00.001-04:00

Loving is difficult, especially when we have loved ones who are going through trying times, who are unhappy, even bitter. We can try to be supportive, but when that doesn't work, and they retreat into themselves and their misery, we can try to understand and do our best not to blame them for their coldness or their anger as they lash out against everyone who cares for them. We must remind ourselves that love means harboring no resentment toward them, no anger; sometimes, we simply have to wait.

Do You Want To Cure Procrastination Problems?

2010-10-29T14:38:00.001-04:00

The greatest thief of time is procrastination; it steals away the time you need for important things and in return gives you time that you don't really enjoy because you know you should be doing something else.

I am a procrastinator, and like most procrastinators, I had excuses, such as, "I work better under pressure." Of course, I really did believe this for a while, but it simply isn't true. Most of us work better when we have time to take time and do a job correctly - and that may mean time to redo.

I've left the excuses behind, but I still have to fight an almost daily battle against procrastination in many areas of my life (not work, thank goodness!).

Here are some coping strategies:

If you procrastinate about cleaning, try to reduce clutter and clean as you go; never put dishes in the sink, they go straight to the dishwasher, clothes go straight into the hamper, or even into the washer, magazines go into the trash right after you've finished reading (or clipping, if you do that).

If you procrastinate about bill-paying, do it online. I used to dread those monthly sessions, opening bills packed full of advertising that filled a trash can, writing checks, addressing envelopes, and making sure I had stamps. Save time and pay bills online by either going to each site individually and paying (my preferred method for credit card payments) and paying utilities online through your checking account. The time saved is considerable, plus if you go paper-free, you save a mountain of trees in paper!

Do you procrastinate at work? Get a work buddy if possible and keep tabs on each other about finishing work. If your work is solitary, look at what is interfering - do you spend too much time talking and visiting, flirting with the cute guy in Accounting, planning lunch, or doing personal business (or games) online? Either go in early and do work before others get there or stay to yourself. Plan tomorrow's lunch the afternoon before after you've done your tasks for the day. If you do personal business online, remember that with most companies or institutions, nothing that you do on your office computer is actually personal; it can all be traced. If you have games on your computer, have them taken off!

Just changing one of these can get you started on a more disciplined path that can result in actually having more time to have fun!

Here Come the Holidays!

2010-10-27T16:20:00.001-04:00

Do you use your sterling silver and silverplated flatware and decorative pieces for the holidays? If they are tarnished and you are rushed for time, try polishing your silver this easy way.

Line your kitchen sink with aluminum foil and add a scoop of Arm and Hammer clothes detergent. Let the silver stay in this mixture for about 5 minutes. When you take it out, wipe it, then rinse it and dry: you have newly polished silver!

Thinking Like a Psychoanalyst

2010-10-24T16:46:00.001-04:00

Have family and/or friends come to you for help when they had a problem, when they felt depressed because of circumstances, when they had relationship troubles, or during other trying times? Remember that it is very easy to tell a person what we think he/she should do; it is another thing entirely to listen, really listen to the person's problems. But that is what he wants: a listener. Sometimes he may ask for advice, but think to yourself, does this person really want advice? Can I give good advice? Ask the last question of yourself carefully, over and over, before you spontaneously say what you think off the top of your head. Very few of us give good advice for the person who needs it. We may give advice that would work for ourselves in a similar situation, but we so seldom really think about the other person, his needs, goals, and priorities. Psychoanalysts probably help patients the most by listening to them, then letting them know that they are understood. And you can do that and be more helpful than you may know!

Rejoice

2010-10-22T18:45:00.000-04:00

Tonight a full moon shines over the city where I live. It is a reminder of everything that is beautiful in this world. Go outside, look at the moon, and rejoice that you are alive in this moment.

Remember...

2010-10-21T21:19:00.000-04:00

To be nice to yourself; we all do things we wish that we hadn't and have regrets, but each regret that you have is replacing what could otherwise be a moment of happiness. If you can say you're sorry, do so; if what you did can't be addressed by talking to someone, then let it go, and every time you think about the misdeed, say to yourself, "Let it go." Remember something that you did well instead or concentrate on doing something good in the present.

Spring Cleaning for the Soul

2007-04-28T17:24:00.000-04:00

This is a wonderful time of year for me. It's almost summer, but not quite, and there's a promise in the air of good times ahead and outdoor fun breathing fresh air.

I love Spring Cleaning and try to do it every year for my house.

Have you ever tried to do it for your mind?

Banish the negative thoughts you've been hanging onto about the people around you.

Tell yourself that the little things that seem to annoy you and make your day unpleasant (the passenger behind you who kicks your seat on the plane, your husband's socks on the floor, the way your teenager has to slap the stairwell as he/she comes downstairs and dirty the wall) just don't really matter enough to spoil your mood. In 50 years, who will care. The plane trip is only 2 hours - you can stand that. Ignore the socks - your husband more than makes up for them in other ways. And remember, in a few years, you'll be fondly remembering how your long-gone teen slapped the wall.

Life is too short to spend it in a bad mood.

New Year's Resolutions

2007-01-17T00:41:00.000-05:00

I make New Year's Resolutions every year, and like many people, I don't quite follow through - all the way. But that doesn't stop me from making my Resolutions the next year...and the next.. and you know what? I think that it's a good thing to do anyway.

Making New Year's Resolutions means that you consciously think of ways that you could improve your life (and we hope, others' also), and that is a positive act in itself. Then, even if you only succeed in doing 20% of what you resolved to accomplish, you're still 20% better off than you were last year.

The only thing I warn against is feeling as though you failed if you did not live up to your resolutions. If nothing else, realize the optimistic outlook it takes to make resolutions in the first place. It is an acknowledgement that life can be improved upon, that you can improve yourself, that progress is always possible.

And progress is what it's all about, right?

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Remember Someone

2006-10-03T02:29:00.000-04:00

Today, think about someone you haven't thought about in a long time - someone who was good to you, someone who made a difference to you in a positive way. Call that person if you're an extrovert; if you're an introvert, write a brief note saying hello or even an e-mail saying "Hi!". Do you remember the last time you got mail that wasn't a bill, a request for a donation or a favor, or bad news? It was nice, wasn't it?
Return the favor and just say hello to someone you like.

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Be a Master of the Universe!

2006-08-18T00:32:00.000-04:00

Many of you are parents who have children heading back to school in the full heat of the summer (in much of the USA anyway, and it certainly is sweltering here in the South).
Make up your mind that this year your child is going to be a real success! Yes, actually it is up to you, believe it or not. Sorry, but much of what goes wrong with your child is often your fault (and yes, I'm a parent).
You are the adult; you control your child's environment outside of school. So it's up to you to:

Make sure your child is at school on time. If he/she can't find shoes, then you should have found them the night before and put them in a safe place, along with homework, lunch, or anything that your child needs before he/she leaves. (Yes, your child should learn responsiblity; that's why he is with you when you say, "Look I am putting your shoes...[whatever] by the back door so they'll be ready for you in the morning." You're avoiding morning tension, speeding your departure, and teaching a lesson, too).
To be understanding and realize that you are the adult. Your child needs encouragement in the morning, so forget that you have a killer day in front of you and that life and your boss aren't fair. That's not your child's problem. Speak in a gentle voice, don't hector your child, and kiss him good-bye every morning (maybe a block before his friends see him) or maybe even when you get in the car.
Know that your child is being picked up on time from school and is in the very best after school care situation if you are at work. Children won't tell you everything, and you've got to take time to assess after school care. What is more important than the people and place your children spend time?
Not to nag your child because you cannot go home, and you have to run errands and he has to go too. Do you really think after a day at school he wants to go to the grocery store with you or watch you get a haircut? Don't let his whining bother you or make it a major issue so that it turns into a fight. Refuse to engage in bickering. Tell him he can do some of his homework in the salon, and then he'll be able to do something he likes to do when he gets home.
Spend some time with your child in the evening. Yes, let him go outside to play, but have him do at least some homework at the kitchen table while you are preparing dinner. Look at his homework, even if you don't "check" it. Know what he's studying in math, history. Know as much as you can about his world.
Have a firm "lights-out" time for school nights and stick to it! Consistency is key here. Our mother could never make us do anything because we knew that we could always wear her down. Be the rock that does not erode.
Have a 30 minute period before "lights-out" when your child must be in bed, but can keep the light on to read, play a quiet game. I did this with my son and it provided a nice calming path to sleep for him.
Not to put a television set in your under age 14 child's bedroom. He doesn't really need to watch much tv at all, and when he is watching, shouldn't you and/or some other family member be watching too? You are watching tv for entertainment - not to numb your mind, right?
Determine who really needs to come first. Yes, you need some time for yourself, but remember that it was your decision to bring a child into the world. When I taught freshman English composition, I had many adult students whose children had entered school and they had come back to finish college. They often wrote essays in which they declared, "Now I'm going to do something for me." These women felt so put-upon. That always made me angry. Whom did they have children for? Not for me - I had my own son. Since when did having children for other people become a duty we must fulfill? So if you have that attitude, lose it quickly.
Realize that you are Master of the Universe. Use your power for good, not evil.
Try this one day, but if you fail, and curse me, just try to do it again the next day - and the next day, and the next day....you'll get better, your kids will get better, and life will be better - for everyone.

By the way, have you told your children that you love them today?

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Words To Live By

2006-08-08T16:46:00.000-04:00

Before you speak, ask yourself, is it kind,
is it necessary, is it true, does it improve
on the silence?
-Sai Baba

It was when I was staying in Madras/Chennai in 1999 that I first heard of Sai Baba; there was a temple across from the compound where my son lived. These words are his best.

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Turnabout

2006-07-20T18:42:00.000-04:00

For at least 21 years, we train our children to live up to society's expectations (and frequently our own), then, if we are lucky, we spend the rest of our lives living up to our children.

Speak Up or Give That Look

2006-06-12T20:04:00.000-04:00

I can be pretty cynical, but sometimes there is something that gets to me that is little, that is corny. One is this commercial on television where a man is in a restaurant being served by an immigrant who doesn't speak English - or not well - anyway. The man is an obnoxious boor and says rude things about immigrants and ends with, "You know what I mean?"
A clean-cut young All-American Iowa corn fields and middle America man looks at him, and says very respectfully, yet firmly, "No, Sir, I don't."
I love that! It is the Hollywood form of modeling - showing people how to behave when confronted with wrong-minded rudeness, especially when it is biased in nature. I consider it a great leap toward the "kinder, gentler place" America wants to be (or I hope it wants to be).
Not everyone can carry off the respectful tone in such a noncombative manner as the young man in the ad, so I prevail upon everyone to practice "the look." You know what "the look" is because you got it a million times when you started to do something wrong when company was present and your mother was too. It's a warning of dire things to come...if.
Or there's the "cold shoulder" look. That's the one where you look at the person and raise your chin up and then look away, never to look again because that bad person no longer exists on your planet.
It's the easiest way to make unacceptable behavior unpopular without drawing undue attention to yourself.

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How Do You Live?

2006-06-01T05:34:00.000-04:00

Don't associate with lowly qualities.

Don't consort with heedlessness.

Don't associate with wrong views.

Don't busy yourself with the world.

Get up! Don't be heedless.

Live the Dhamma well.*

One who lives the Dhamma

sleeps with ease

in this world & the next.

*It's an oversimplification to say "Truth" for Dharma, but it would work here for the understanding of those unfamiliar with Buddhist thought.

-Dhammapada, 13, translation by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

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What Is Important to You?

2006-05-09T12:00:00.000-04:00

Have you thought lately about what is really important to you? What is your goal in life? I'm not really talking about how much money you want to make - or I hope that I'm not - but what your spiritual or mental or personal goals may be.
Now is a good time to think about what you are doing to acheive those goals.
If you want to become a better person, help others, make peace, keep your family together, think if you've done even the smallest thing today to help that goal along.
If you haven't, then think what you have spent your day doing. You may be expending all your energies on activities , errands, clubs, or pleasing people that mean nothing to you.

The cliche is that this is the first day of the rest of your life.

Do one thing today (or tomorrow) that helps you along the path to a goal that really matters to you.

You'll feel that you've done something worthwhile.

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Sometimes a Little is a Lot

2006-04-26T20:46:00.000-04:00

If you are sick and tired of your surroundings, make a little change (or changes) to help you freshen a room that has grown stale to you.
One of the easiest things to do is to change your room by putting it on the diagonal. If your room has a square floor plan with an area rug, then turn the area rug a few degrees on the diagonal; then place your furniture, couch, chairs, tables relative to the rug so that it looks as though you rotated just the floor of the room. Voila! A different look - and when you sit, you will find yourself looking at different wall art, windows from a different perspective, etc. so that will be a change also.
Using the diagonal works for your bedroom, too although I don't recommend it with a king-sized bed unless you have an extremely large bedroom.

(First photo is a room done by designer Lynda Lankford)
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Choose Peace

2006-04-16T01:03:00.000-04:00

We all make choices everyday; some of the most dangerous choices we make are when we do not choose consciously. So I will ask you one question:
Do you cause dissension in the world?
Are you the kind of person who leaves a room with everyone in it feeling worse than when you came in? When someone makes a comment, do you have to contradict? Even when it's about something silly? (i.e. "It's supposed to rain today." you: "I didn't hear that. I heard it was supposed to be nice today.")
Do you have to "one-up"? ("I'm so happy; I finally won fifty dollars after buying a lottery ticket every day this week." you: " Oh, last year I won a thousand dollars on one lottery ticket!"
Do you walk in a room and announce that you are in a bad mood?
Does your tone of voice, even about ordinary subjects, have a tone of challenge in it?
If any of these scenarios fit you, you are not making the world a happier place; you are likely causing dissension.
Note: I am not talking about the times you have to argue a point, stand up for yourself, or defend someone who needs your help. I am talking about those times when what is under discussion is usually inconsequential.
Make a choice today NOT to cause dissension wherever you go.

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Do Something Beautiful

2006-04-08T23:16:00.000-04:00

How do you do something beautiful? Many ways, but I was thinking in terms of either sharing beauty in a personal way or improving the way something looks.
First, pointing out beauty is one thing everyone needs to do. Beauty uplifts us; it actually can cause a chemical change that makes us feel better. If you have young children, you need to be making them aware of beauty. Say to them: "Look how beautiful those fluffy clouds look! So soft and so white!" This makes them look at the world differently - makes them aware of the possiblities in things - that those things are not just there. They can give us pleasure and add meaning and interest to our lives.
Adding beauty by adding a vase of flowers to the kitchen table is a nice touch, and at this season you may be able to pick some free. Make sure to let your children smell them, and call attention to the flowers. Make them aware of beauty.
Note that beauty is not just something to look at and touch or hear; it has meaning, too. When my son went to graduate school in Denver, we arrived there at dusk - all of us for the first time. I went upstairs to our hotel room and opened the curtains to a lovely view of the Rocky Mountains in the last light. I turned off the lights in the room except for the one in the doorway so that when my son came in, I turned and said, "Look." His response was wonderful - a look that combined his appreciation for nature's beauty, an awareness that he had embarked on a new and exciting part of his life, and gratitude that I knew him well enough to do this so that he would always remember his first glimpse of the Rockies.
He has not forgotten, and obviously, neither have I. Make the day better by pointing out beauty to someone.
Make the rest of their lives better by teaching your children to recognize beauty in their everyday surroundings.
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Say Something Nice

2006-04-04T16:43:00.000-04:00

When was the last time you said something really nice to someone? And I mean really nice, not a left-handed compliment or the very obvious.
Over 25 years ago, when I arrived at her home, a friend said to me out of the blue, "You know, you are always very punctual."
No one had ever said that before. I remembered it, and took pride in my punctuality, and do to this day. But it was her compliment that spurred me to take pride in something that I hadn't particularly thought about.
Tell a person who is that she is good about remembering birthdays, being thoughtful to others. If there is a person who always asks if you want coffee before she gets some for herself, then tell her, "It's so nice of you to ask me if I want coffee; that's really good of you."
Compliments don't just please people, they spur us usually to repeat whatever the good action was.
Tell someone today that he/she did something good.
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Change is Good!

2006-03-31T01:31:00.000-05:00

Want something in your life to be different? Well, you can't change everything overnight, but you can change a room, just a little bit, and make it feel different.
Maybe you can't afford new furniture and your old stuff looks awful. Maybe you're just sick and tired of it. The one thing that you can do for a temporary lift is move it around. Even if your room is small, you can always change at least one thing. If you're in the living area, switch the placement of the end tables, move the coffee table closer to or further from the couch. Move a chair , just a bit, out from the wall if you have it against it. If you have chairs on either side of a fireplace, angle them toward the fireplace, or if they're already angled, change them so that they face one another.
Another way to make a change in any room is to change some of the pictures that you have on the wall. If you can't do this, then rotate your family photos. Many people have framed pictures of family outings, etc. - change these for a different one. Or, put all the family photos away for a while - especially if they are in the living area.
Of course, if you do this, you'll find yourself cleaning some as you go. Even if you move things back again very soon, at least you got them clean!

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Fragrant Dreams

2006-03-30T02:04:00.000-05:00

Before you go to bed tonight, spray some of your favorite perfume over your pillow case (notice I said "over" not on). You'll smell the scent as you go to sleep and will relax much more easily!
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Forgive Someone

2006-03-28T18:21:00.000-05:00

Are you harboring a grudge from something silly that happened long ago or just the other day? Drop it. Let it go. Tell yourself that a day or two is long enough to give your emotions the anger they need against the other person; after that the anger is really only turning inward toward yourself.
Shake your head and take a wise and philosophical stance: perhaps that person is just silly; perhaps the person is not too bright; at the worst, maybe the person is bad, downright evil - again shake your head and toss off the grudge.
Even if you don't believe in karma, remember that people who do very bad things make enemies, and enemies do not tend to help us on this earth.
Don't try to seek revenge actively. People really do reap what they sow....eventually. The wise and the philosophical know that much of life is simply a waiting game for the reaper.
Don't let another person's bad behavior cause you more harm by nurturing negative feelings that get turned inward against yourself. Forgive - or if you can't do that - remember that life has a way of evening things out.
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Tea Is Good!

2006-03-27T17:28:00.000-05:00

Today is Monday, and one of the roughest days for many people who have to go back to work after the weekend. Try this: to improve your day, when you get home, or at some point during the evening, get out either the silver teapot you rarely use or the good china teapot with matching cup and saucer. Make your favorite tea - or some tea that is especially fragrant (Earl Grey is great; so is jasmine) or add some cinnamon and a couple of cloves to the pot. Put teapot and one cup, and the creamer and sugar if you use either on the tray and take it to the bedroom. Put your feet up and pull out the latest "fun" magazine that you haven't had time to read, and give yourself at least 30 minutes alone.
You'll feel a sense of luxury and elegance that is usually foreign to Mondays!

Tell Them You Love Them!

2006-03-26T18:40:00.000-05:00

Tell someone that you love him/her today - even if you do it by e-mail. You'll feel better that he/she knows and the person will get a wonderful lift and a smile - I promise. The by-product of making someone else happier is that you'll feel better, too.
Hi! Just wanted to remind you how much I love you!
or
Have a great day and know that you are loved!

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