living life with faith

Our Dirt

2017-09-26T21:02:00.000-04:00

It's been a long time since I've written here but I felt like this was a great event to document. Not an overly exciting event, as Tink found out when she came along. Just a few signatures and we were on our way home. Very financially broke but our hearts spilling over with possibilities.

What am I talking about? Our future.

Four years ago we bought a beautiful little 15 acre parcel on top of a hill. Great views, lots of sun, harsh winters and a blank canvas for us to fill.

Here's my post about that first purchase.

https://reynoldsfaith.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-curve-in-road.html
Over the last four years, we've gone up just to catch sunsets and sunrises. We have camped in blistering heat, crazy thunderstorms (ok, so I hid in the car), watched the stars move across the sky, had the hair stand up on our necks from the howl of coyotes (almost slept in the car), celebrated Tinks birthday up there, enjoyed the smell and sights of fall as the hill, watched meteor showers and 5-6 different firework displays in a single night. My Musician and I have talked into the wee hours of the night as the crackling logs keep us warm. We have dreamed about what we might do on the hill and we've talked about selling the property.

We both love the sun. We love the heat. We have talked for years about moving south. We fell in love with Miami and the Florida Keys when we visited. Every time I went to list the property on Craigslist, just to see what bites we could get, God stayed my hand.

This past year, we started having some serious discussion about what we want our future to look like. I know it's morbid, but I'd ask him, "If one of us was sick, where would we want to be?" we both always answer near family. Ok....so why wait till then??? Let's build our future here instead of just existing till we can retire and move south to build a retirement.

Today marks the start of our new journey.

We just purchased 38 more acres surrounding our current 15. We are "all in" now.

even writing the checks that will drain our account, we are still smiling

Our lawyer is explaining the documents.
Tink was super bored but clearly got lots of pix

That's some serious business right there!

Makes you wanna build

A 10 percent down

White picket fence house on this dirt

~florida georgia line

Confirming with a look we are making the right choice

Time for his part of the serious business

Three happy land owners right here.

Our goal is to be living in a home we build within the next few years.

I am hoping, with the help of Tink, to capture the journey on here and Youtube (she likes to vlog). So stay tuned for updates as start to figure out this path.

Happy Anniversary Mr. Basbe

2016-04-15T08:47:00.003-04:00

Early spring of 2005, I'm typing to my love in AOL messenger and he mistypes babe as basbe and 11 years later, it's what we still call each other.

This man. There's so much to say about him that I couldn't possible to him justice. There's so many sides to him. He's my rock, my place of rest and peace, my anchor in this crazy world. It's not always been easy, fun or nice, but it's been worth every single second from the first time I met him, playing a guitar at a prayer meeting at church, to just a couple minutes ago when I kissed him good bye for the day.

If I had to do it all over,
I would do it the exact same way,
the highest joys
and the deepest heartbreaks,

together.

Even though we don't really celebrate this wedding anniversary, we celebrate December 16, the day of our first date and the day we renewed our vows in 2011, in front of God, family and friends, I just want to take a moment to say...

Happy 10th Wedding Anniversary, my love

2006, the year we eloped

2011 ~ Vow renewal

I'm now Mrs. Reynolds....again!!

New Blog

2015-04-25T23:23:00.001-04:00

As I dive more into running and fitness this year, I decided to finally utilize a different blog I created a few months ago. Instead of posting here about that topic, you can find my ramblings here: Every Mile Earned

My AFAA Primary Group Certification Experience

2015-02-18T12:50:00.003-05:00

***UPDATE - my certification came in the mail yesterday! I passed. I was so nervous opening it but what a relief to find out I had passed. So it just a little over 4 weeks waiting.***

I'm writing this for those of you who are starting on the journey for your Primary Group Cert. When I first started looking into this last September there wasn't too many personal experiences out there for me to see what I'd be facing.

I signed up for one of their APEX weekends, which saves a significant amount of money. If you can wait till of one of them, I think they are 2x's a year, then that's the way to go. The one I registered for was at a college that is about 2-1/2 hours from me. I'm grateful that I have a relative about 30 minutes from that college so I didn't have to drive down there that morning, I stayed the night with them and thankfully I was able to get a little extra sleep. I got there about 45 minutes early and it was a good thing because the thing that gives you your parking tickets had a huge line. People were coming into the workshop late. I'll keep that in mind with the next workshop I attend.

Oh, let me back up a bit. I received an email about 2 weeks after I signed up (I registered in December for February APEX) with links in it to a live study group. Here's what the email calls it:

"Since you registered early, we are pleased to offer you an optional complimentary live online study group session as part of your registration."

But it was definitely more just an outline of the workshop with a Q&A at the end, the Q&A was the most informational part of it.
They told us to dress comfy, in layers, bring food & water, bring a chair if you want, bring a yoga mat if you want, pencils, your book and study guide. We never touched the book or study guide.

The live study group actually goes over what's in the front of the study guide but in more detail, pages 5-8. The woman running the group also went through the study guide and told us how many questions would be on the test from each section.

Make sure you study, study, study. Make sure you know your muscle groups and and the joint actions each do. For example, the bicep is elbow flexion and latissimus dorsi is shoulder extension and shoulder adduction. Study and know your vocabulary for the anatomical terms, anatomical planes, joint actions, muscle terms (e.x. agonist, assistors, etc) and muscle actions. We used these terms a lot, all day!

Side note: Research on line for some other blogs and youtube videos. I found a few great ones. I got some great ideas that helped me study.
1. ADDuctor : adding something, bring together. Your adductors bring your legs together.
2. ABDuctor: think of being abducted by aliens :), or away from. these two tips really helped me. the instructor had some different suggestions but they weren't as memorable as these I found.
3. Gastrocnemius (glad I don't have to try to pronounce that for you all!) remember "Gas - Calf" that tips helped to finally get it to stick for me.
4. Your muscle man. Know him. Intimately! He'll be about 20 questions on your test. Know every one of his muscles and the actions! One of the tips I found was to copy him, block out the muscles and make little cards with the names on them, then line them up. I did that and I also used an extra copy and filled in the muscles myself once I knew them and took notes on that one.

Back to the workshop. After everyone was there and checked in, you start moving and you really don't stop till you go to take your test.

The instructor went over the muscle man and ever muscle action. She'd have us repeat back all the ones she'd just covered. It was a great review. She also went over proper alignment and the cues that you should remember and teach the participants in your classes.

Next she started going over the different sections of the practical exam. I'll be honest, I've been co-teaching a class for about 5 months and I was still terrified for this part. I was sure I'd forget everything about the muscle actions and exercises for them. After she finished all the review for the practical exam, I was so comfortable with the process, I knew I could do it with no problems.

I'm sure every instructor does the workshops differently but this is what she did:

Had us practice warm up moves. We only needed to know three and you just keep repeating them till she says stop. Be prepared to move a lot, I mean a lot. She had us keep practicing till everyone looked like they knew what they were doing.

Then we moved on to the cardio. We had 30 seconds to reach high intensity cardio. Unfortunately, it felt like 5 minutes of straight cardio during each practice of this. And we did this over and over like the warm up.

Next we went through every muscle group. We had to know two exercises for each and a stretch. I was surprised at the exercises we weren't allowed to do that my class has been doing. She kept reminding us that it's for beginner participants so things like a deadlift weren't allowed. She did show us every single exercise we could do and the stretches so if for some reason we weren't prepared, we were by the time she was done.

After lunch we sat and reviewed the written test portion. I won't say she spoon fed us the answers but she went over all the most important info we needed and we saw it all on the written test. She took about 45 minutes and did a rapid review.

Then we took our tests.

Individual presentation, which is at the end of the practical, was so easy. I was glad I wasn't first and I wasn't last either. By the end I was exhausted. We were all lined up in rows facing one direction for the practical and for the individual presentation, you go to the front and teach the entire group a strength or cardio move. It's not nearly as scary as it sounds or I thought it would be. Just remember your cues, proper alignment, and to define each level you are doing.

I did squats. (a good part of the group did squats. I did more squats and grapevines that day than I ever want to do again). You introduce yourself, explain the muscle groups you'll be working, give alignment cues and start with level one. Through the whole thing you keep talking and you move to the next level, without stopping between levels and make sure you let the class know they can go back to a previous level if the challenge is too great.

So that's it. I left knowing I'd made one stupid mistake in my practical, got exercises mixed up once, but overall I felt I really nailed it and was pretty comfortable with the multiple choice test too.

Now for a wait of 5+ weeks to find out if I passed. Good luck if you are journeying down this path also!

2014 in pictures (and a few words)

2014-12-31T23:35:00.001-05:00

This has been one heck of a year.

I was telling a friend yesterday about how there were deep lows this year, mixed in with amazing blessings, for example, in September my ex-husband died and in the midst of helping his mom and our boys with arrangements, my husband and I had a grandbaby born. Her response was, "That's amazing because most people don't have such blessings when going through hard times." That simple statement helped to change my perspective of 2014. Yes there were hard times but also some really great moments.....here is a compilation of pictures from each month, some have more than others but I realize there were many moments, often not captured by the camera and each one is precious to me.

So here is a very long photo wrap of of 2014, come along on the journey and enjoy a peek at who we are:

JANUARY

January was a dry and sad month for us. I didn't take many pictures at all. Here is one of our Tink and Peyton.

FEBRUARY

February was another month of hibernating from the bone chilling winter we were having, dealing with the courts and just waiting for the warmer weather to come.

It's not a great picture but I love it because my son and I are just chatting and laughing on my birthday

MARCH

My sister and I are both February babies but we weren't able to get together to celebrate till March.

Dad and I

My little sis and me

Mini-me at her EPAC fundraiser at Barnes and Noble.

APRIL

This month started off with deep heartbreak. This was the month that Peyton left our home.

Day before he left

Tink as a Blind Mouse in EPAC's production of SHREK the Musical

Easter

MAY

The month my husband whisked me away from normal life for two whole weeks.

We drove to Asheville to visit my friend, then to Homestead and the Miami area to visit a friend of Hubby's, then to the Marathon and Key West for a few days and then to Daytona Beach for a week. It was a much needed vacation for both of us and I have more pictures that I could ever share here. If you are interested in seeing them you can look on my Flickr.

Packed in and ready for the long drive ahead

I miss her so much!

This picutre captures all we love about the south. Palm trees, ocean and the blazing sun. (Marathon, FL)

We watched Raoul roll this cigar, then we bought it.
We will light it up and share it the day we fulfill our dream of moving south.

Daytona Beach

Christian's graduation from RIT

JUNE

Hubby was the only one really crazy enough to get into the pool this past summer.
It was a chilly summer and the water stayed cold.

Beautiful granddaughter

Tink and Tay

Father's Day. Hubby always mans the grill.

Me and our son Aaron

Hubby and his son Aaron

Tink and her brother Seth

Seth, Joe and Henry

camping on our hill

the girls loved climbing on the hay bales up on our hill.

JULY

July was a pivotal month for me. You can here more of why here.

Every year on Tink's bday we do a Mommy & Me picture.
I love this one because we're both squinting from the sun.

Tink's bday morning

The view as we were leaving.
Wow, when they grow up??

Tink and Tay with their counselor.

Hubby and his mom on his bday

AUGUST

We discovered kayaking and bought a convertible, named Katharine, after the Great White Shark.

Taking Kat for a drive

All the kids are part of our group except one!

I couldn't have survived Tink's toddler years without these women

Hubby, Tay and Tink

Tink and her life love friend Boo.

I love having friends like this!

SEPTEMBER

September started out like any others, homeschool lessons started again, fall weather was beautiful and then it took a life changing turn, for my boys.....

Labor Day kayaking

First day of school

We kayaked 7 miles this day

the memorial for their father

The boys with a family friend who has been a part of my life since I was a kid.

OCTOBER

This was another month that I didn't take many photos. My hubby had to go to Nashville but first he got his plans changed by a day so I could attend the Runner's World Half Marathon & Festival's 5k. Pictures for that to follow.

waiting for daddy's plane to take off

We got lots of cuddle time in.

Tink was almost sad when daddy came home

because she couldn't sleep with me anymore.

NOVEMBER

Thanksgiving is such a time of joy and blessing for me. My favorite part is after the dinner is done, on the table and everyone is chatting while eating. Family. It's really what it's all about. This was the second year there was Great Grandparents, Great Aunt and Uncle, Grandpa and Nana (us), Aunts, Uncles, brothers, sisters. Family.

1st Snow

I love that so many of the family can make it each year.

Precious grandkids

DECEMBER

Cody's birthday kicks off the month. Our 10 year anniversary was this month too. What an amazing journey it's been so far!

Christmas eve celebration is our house with my hubby's side of the family and then at my mom's on Christmas with my side of the family. Through it all there is laughter, food, family, love and of course music.

Brothers

Cody and his girlfriend Kayla. She's a wonderful addition to our family

Christmas Eve carols led by my hubby

Our daughter Ali and our beautiful granddaughter.

I love this man with all my heart.

I love these kids

It was a lot of fun to have some of the adult kids around on Christmas morning this year

Beautiful Sisters - the two most influential women in my life

Thrilled with her dolly and me sleeping bags

The boys love their aunt

Running 2014

Since I ran a marathon in 2010, I have only sporadically run, till July of this year. I ran four 5k's and around 200 miles.

Aug 14 -Women's Distance Run 32:11

Aug 23 - Chris Thater Memorial 30:20

Beautiful (hilly) October run

With Bart Yasso - one of my running heros

with Ted Spiker - the creator of the Sub 30 Club that became my driving motivation to run a sub 30 minute 5k

My greatest Champion, supporter, encourager and love of my life

My 1st sub 30 5k and it was a rough one but was so excited it happened at RW!

Training run in late October

my second sub 30 5k - I placed 2nd in my age group at the Chilly Chase 5k 29:56

Thanks for coming along on this journey.

And now, as I wrap up this long post, I'm headed to bed. However I must first remove my contacts, on this last evening of 2014 so that tomorrow when I wake, I can put in my fresh contacts and view 2015 with new eyes.

favorite day: revisited

2014-12-22T08:01:00.000-05:00

Really, there's nothing more to say today than, "YIPEE!!! Today is my favorite day of the year!"

Wondering why? Here's why: Read Me!

10 Beautiful Years

2014-12-16T08:14:00.001-05:00

Music. It is powerful. I don't fully understand just how it impacts me. I'm not sure anyone fully understands musics impact on us. I can hear a song from 30 years ago and I remember every single word yet I can't remember the name of most of the people I knew 30 years ago. The first time I heard music that moved me to tears was when I was 15 years old with I was introduced to Phantom of the Opera. Since then music has continued to move me.

A little over 10 years ago, while sitting in a prayer group at church, I heard someone playing a guitar and singing. I knew right then I needed to know to that man. Little did I know it would totally change my life. Music. It's the driving beat to my life.

I was a different person then, more bold, aggressive, so I tracked down this man that I'd seen and heard from across the room. I introduced myself and we began to get to know each other. I'd look forward to his emails each day and our phone calls at night. A few times he had emailed me songs he'd recorded just for me. He consumed my thoughts. We didn't really spend time together, just the emails, phone calls and I'd see him at church. Then he told me he had to go pick up a couch. I immediately volunteered my services. It was that night that started it all. We moved a couch, we got coffee, we wandered around the drug store and we began our incredible journey together. I'll never forget walking through Eckerd Drug Store, him singing Baby It's Cold Outside with the store music. Even though it's not really a romantic song, I always joke that it's our song. Music, again, imprinted into major memories of my life.

Our legal wedding anniversary is in April but December 16th, 2004 is our 1st "date", the day we marked the beginning of our relationship. It is also the date, in 2011, after 5 years of marriage, we renewed our vows at our church with all our family and friends present. Our real song, God Bless the Broken Road, was sang at our wedding and has been a thread through our lives. The music of us!

So after 10 years of some extremely wonderful and blessed times and some heartbreaking and challenging valleys, I want to say Happy Anniversary to my Beloved. I look forward to many more years with you, our children, our families, our challenges and joys.

I love you my Mr. Basbe!

Lion or Gazelle?

2014-09-16T09:52:00.000-04:00

“Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up, it knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're the lion or a gazelle-when the sun comes up, you'd better be running.” ~unknown

Some days I feel like I'm the gazelle, trying to outrun the lion of emotions, pain, stress, life.

Lately though, I feel more like the lion: strong predator hunting down my goals, setting PR's, blazing a new and exciting path for the future and handing life's stresses better than ever before.

Since my last post in July I have gotten stronger, emotionally and physically. In 8 weeks of running I went from running 3 miles in 45 minutes to breaking all my past 5k records with a run of 28:51.

Without this proof, I still wouldn't believe it

I attribute this to many things, my husband's constant support and encouragement, yoga, weight training, challenges from my former personal trainer to push myself harder and the phrase "Suck it up, Princess" from a group of crazy FB runners that I've never met.

As always, running has become a time of wonderful conversations with Jesus. I love having the quiet time alone to just pray and reflect on all that has happened, especially this past year. I can't yet see what the end result or purpose of the last year is but I know that whatever it may be, that God's allowed the storm to further refine me. I no longer feel like I'm running from myself but towards a healthier, happier me.

I'm not sure where this is all going to take me but with encouragement from my husband and a few friends, I'm now on the path to get my AFAA Certification to become a Group Fitness Instructor. It's scary for me to venture outside of being mom and wife and back into the world outside home. It is also extremely exciting to take on this new challenge!

Tink and mommy studying at Dunkin Donuts

For today I feel like the lion and I plan on fighting to hold onto being the lion and not the gazelle.

Women's Distance Run 08.14.12- 32:11

Chris Thater Memorial 08.23.14 - 30:20

Running from Myself

2014-07-28T09:05:00.002-04:00

Those closest to me know the struggle I've had the past 8 months and especially how hard the last 3 months have been for me. If you read my post Saying Goodbye, then you'd understand why my husband has been encouraging me to speak to a professional about working through my grief. I have spoken with one and even though she was an enormous help with a couple things, and I felt great after talking to her, it didn't help me with the day to day feeling of loss. I started to think that I needed an antidepressant but I keep telling my husband that I just need to run, mostly because I know that running always makes me feel great physically and emotionally. In this situation, it would be the best medication that I could take.

Four years ago I ran a marathon. It was the single hardest and most rewarding thing I'd ever done for myself. Unfortunately, afterward I didn't stay running consistently. I ran sporadically but because I'd gotten out of running shape, even 20 minutes of running was too hard. Plus, honestly, I didn't want to put the time in it took to run. I hadn't been prepared at how exhausting and time consuming training for a marathon was going to be. However, I deeply missed the quiet hours on the road, just me, my thoughts, emotions, and talks with God.

Two weeks ago, when our daughter was at camp, I was cleaning my room. I kept coming across things of Little P's that I thought I'd packed for him. After laying on the floor of my closet, curled up in tears I decided enough was enough and I was going to run. I grabbed my stuff and out the door I went for almost a 3 mile run/walk.

Two weeks and a total of 23 miles later and I'm now running over a 5k. I'm running it really slow but my miles have come back easy. I feel like I'm trying to outrun my emotions and the "demons" that chase me during the day. It's been great prayer time for me and I've found a different determination to my running that was never there. Some days I feel like I can run forever.

Will I do another marathon? I'd like to but for now I'm just happy to add miles to my run and enjoy the solitude and quiet of the open road; to take it day by day and see where I end up.

I love this quote....in my past, I have gone to a therapist and I have dove into many a pint, but I've found running to be the "cure" for all that ails me.

“Some seek the comfort of their therapist's office, other head to the corner pub and dive into a pint, but I chose running as my therapy.”

― Dean Karnazes, Ultramarathon Man: Confessions of an All-Night Runner

Happy 10th Anniversary

2014-07-24T11:41:00.000-04:00

Ten years ago today I smoked my last cigarette.

It's hard for me to believe that after 17 years of smoking, I was able to quit. I remember going out on a Friday night to watch the Yankee game. I only had a few cigarettes left and had decided to quit when that pack was gone. Someone had other ideas.

This was during a time of great change and personal upheaval for me. Most of it self created but some of the change was because I had a deep spiritual yearning. I had met a group of Christians at work, some, very strong in their faith and some, not practicing what I now know as relationship with Jesus. I had been asking a lot of questions about God, Jesus, faith, what it entailed, what did it mean to walk with Jesus??

Here I am, sitting in a bar, pondering what I've been learning and hearing, not sure if I really believe in some All-Powerful-God and I decided to throw a challenge at Him. I remember thinking, "Ok, God, if you're real, then you will help me quit smoking. I've tried many times on my own over the years and I just can't do it."

The next morning I woke up with pneumonia. Can't say God doesn't have a sense of humor. Seriously, this August I will have been a follower of Jesus for 10 years. I've experienced some pretty incredible and amazing things. I've seen things that can only be described as miracles. I've felt the living presence of the Holy Spirit. I have no doubt that God's hand was in this. I don't believe that God "took me up" on my challenge but I do believe He stepped back and allowed me to experience this. Since I became a smoker in my teens, I have experienced bronchitis so bad I thought I'd get hospitalized, yet I smoked right though all of it. This was different. I've never been so scared about my health before and I pray I never experience pneumonia again. It wasn't just the health scare though (I'd had plenty of health reasons to quit, like needing an inhaler), I literally had zero desire to smoke, even after I got better. The need was gone, completely taken away from me. That I know was God. He's done that with other things in my life, I recognize his handy work.

I'm glad to be 10 years free from that horrible addiction. I had quit worse addictions on my own, but this one I couldn't. I freely and fully give God all the credit and glory for this victory in my life.

Saying Goodbye

2014-07-09T16:02:00.002-04:00

I've looked at this blank page for months now. It mocks me, teases me. I try to find words to share what's going on in my life. They escape me, always dancing on edge of my thoughts but never fully coming forward to be examined and shared. I've decided to just try to pour my raw emotions and thoughts out here without much examination. Please forgive me if some of my statements are far from Christ like, or if my anger boils over or if I forget to be grateful for what I do have. These are all states of my being that I have been in and out of for months now.

Seems like it was a lifetime ago since we found out that Little P was not our biological grandson. Seems as if my world has been off it's axis since then. The fact that he isn't biologically ours isn't the really hard part....really who cares? Love is love, it's not tied by blood. The hard part is the instability of the birth mom and how easily she could have wrecked our world. I know it all sounds a bit melodramatic, it probably is. That doesn't change how I felt. If it's possible, I loved him too much, no I would't say too much. I would say I loved him, from the moment I brought him home from the hospital, only three days old, like he was my own child. I honestly didn't think that was possible. I thought I could stay detached, love him well and return him when it was time. That logic was probably my greatest mistake in the entire situation. There was no way I could just care for him, return him and go on with my life.

When I realized that, I became angry. Angry at God for being in this position. Angry at my husband because I married him! Angry at our son and his is ex because if they'd made different choices, their son might be with them. Basically angry at the world because this beautiful little boy stole my heart. I'm sure that people who are foster parents go through all of this. My heart breaks for them but I never wanted to be a foster parent. I never wanted to chose to give my heart away knowing that an unfair system could at anytime break it.

I know I'm complaining, there was just so much going on this winter that I can't really get into, yet all of it effected the state of my heart and mind. I was having a hard time coping with visitations and with all the court dates. I was irritated by the other lawyers attitudes, dismissing all my husband and I were doing. I was frustrated by the lack of regard for our personal schedules. The courts were more concerned with the birth mom's rights (sorry but this is the 5th kid she had taken from her, so I'm less than sympathetic for her situation) than the impact and chaos this was creating in our home, and ultimately the chaos it would create in this little boy's life. Everything is said to be done "in the best interests of the child". I would challenge the truth in that statement. We would cram 8-12 adults in a courtroom to determine Little P's fate. In the end nobody blinked when the course of action changed. It all seemed so impersonal, Little P was just another case number for the courts to deal with. I was very close to losing my cool with the whole situation.

It all came to a head for us when my husband asked the question, "What happens after we have custody?" We had no idea. The "agencies" kept telling us to file for custody, so we did. Figured it was the wise thing to do since he was in our custody. We had no idea just what that really meant though till we started digging for answers.

Unfortunately the answers were not what we had hoped to hear. We discovered that all along we were mislead by the "system", that Little P was placed with us incorrectly and that basically the reason the representatives of the "system" kept trying to get out of court appearances was because they were trying to wash their hands of the situation. When my husband found out that Little P wasn't part of the system, we knew that any hope of being able to adopt him through the state went out the window. The case worker had lied to us and then tried to cover his butt (thank God we found the lawyer we did to rout out all the lies....but I'm getting ahead of myself). We discovered the situation we were in by accident, really. Because he wasn't placed by the system properly, it meant that with custody it was like Randy and I had been married to the birth mom and were now fighting for lifetime custody. So we would have joint custody with her. Her making half the decisions in our care of him, her telling us how to raise him, while not having to lift a finger to care for her own child. I was really angry at the thought that we would be doing all her work while we just waited for her to finally get her life together and then the courts could just hand him back to her. I don't know how foster parents do it. I just can't wrap my mind around going through this pain every time. I have the utmost respect and admiration for those who chose that path. I knew I couldn't do foster care, yet, here I was in that type of situation!

After much discussion and prayer, we decided to withdraw our petition for custody and put our support behind our son, who was also trying to get custody. Then the proverbial you-know-what hit the fan. Her DSS case worker called CPS on us for abandoning Little P. Ok, how do you abandon a baby that is still in your care and your home??? CPS sent a case worker out to question Randy. Mind you, they did NOT tell us we were under investigation at that time, she didn't even identify herself as a CPS case worker. We had no idea what was going on. It wasn't till 2 days later when I met with the same CPS worker, still not knowing she was investigating us, that I finally found out they had opened a CPS case against us. I don't think I've ever been as pissed off as I was right at that moment. I felt like our world was collapsing on us. I realize that it's probably pretty dramatic to say that but I've never had CPS involved in my life. It scared me. All of a sudden all those news articles I've read about them taking kids away from their parents for the dumbest reasons started running through my head. My biggest concern was our daughter. The woman asked me questions about her and homeschooling her. It felt like a veiled threat and I realized that we'd always have this craziness around with the birth mother in our lives.

So anyway, we consulted with a lawyer who told us there is nothing we could do. That CPS can pretty much do what they want and have immunity. We weren't going to stand for that. On to the next lawyer. The day before we were supposed to be in court, the day that the DSS worker told Randy he'd have Little P removed from our home since we weren't going after custody, we finally found a lawyer. He was as angry at the system bullying us as we were. He spent many hours on the phone that afternoon and found out all the things they either lied to us about or did wrong. There are details I still can't share because we are still fighting this but at least he was willing to take a stand against DSS and CPS. That was a huge relief for us because we knew they were trying to push us around. So CPS removed Little P from our home because we weren't going to go after custody of him. We believed and still believe that he should be with his parents, specifically his father and we were going to help him achieve that goal. DSS however, had other ideas and removed him from our home and placed him with a foster family.

That day in court was the single most painful thing I've every endured. I've never wanted to take a kid and just run away as much as I did that day. It was a small blessing that I got to hand him over to a woman, involved in the foster system, that I've gotten to know and trust. She was very patient with me. I felt like I was cutting off my own arm as I handed him to her. I was grateful for the support of my husband and one of our kids that day. I couldn't see through the tears, I couldn't breath through the sobs that racked my body and I barely had the strength to walk back to the car empty handed. I remember being scared that I was going to pass out because I just couldn't breath and it didn't matter what I did to try to calm down, it wasn't helping. The first few days after that were a blur. Every time I thought I had cried till I couldn't cry, I'd start crying again. I had no idea how to cope with the grief I was feeling. If it wasn't for my family and a friend of mine, I'm not sure how I would have gotten through those first couple of weeks. I had a friend who called me every single day. She's been a solid shoulder for me to cry on through this whole ordeal. My husband is my rock, the one I turn to first but he can't always be available and when he's not been, Suzi has happily been there. I had to call her once because I couldn't even walk through Wegmans without having a full blown panic attack. I was hiding in a corner isle, in tears, unable to catch my breath and frozen with the fear that I may run into Little P and his foster family. Thankfully she was able to chat with me the whole time I walked through the store and helped me to stay calm so I could get groceries. My husband has held me while I cried more times in the last three months than he's needed to our entire 10 years together. Randy's endless patience and love for me and her always being a shoulder I can turn to, has gotten me through some very dark days these past months.

While each day gets better, some are almost as hard as that very first day. Some days I miss him so much, I just curled up in bed crying over him and lifting him in prayer. I've heard that this foster family is a really good family and that he's doing really well. I'm hoping that they will have the opportunity that we were denied and will be able to adopt him. My anger is slowing dissipating but at times it comes back in it's full ugliness (like while writing this) and then I feel completely out of control of my own life. I get so angry at all that happened and the actions that CPS/DSS took. I pray that someday I'll get to hold my precious Little P and build a new relationship with him. Until then, I am grateful for the time I did have, for the lessons I've learned through this and for the knowledge that he is with a good family, in a safe loving home.

Broken Lives

2014-01-09T20:11:00.000-05:00

Two months ago my husband and I prayed about a new life coming into this world. We knew the mother of our grandson had had issues in the past with caring for her kids. We did not want to see our grandson end up in the system so we prayed and opened ourselves to be available to whatever God put before us. Two days later we received a call from CPS, requesting us to take him home with us when he's discharged.

It's been two months, since we brought this precious baby home from the hospital. After many sleepless nights, feedings, cuddling, lots of precious smiles and a few first coos, we have found out the devastating news that he is not our biological grandson.

I write this news with my heart breaking. This little boy has stolen my heart as I've poured every waking moment into loving and caring for him.

I ask for prayers for our son as he processes through this news. I pray that God blesses his father's heart with many children to love.

But my heart breaks even more now for this precious fatherless child. I ask for prayers of God's protection for him, that whatever the "system" does is in his best interest, that his physical being and his heart is protected and most of all that God's will for him be done.

~randy and kirsten

Thank you to a dear friend for reminding me of God's word....

Isaiah 41:10-13

Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

“Behold, all those who were incensed against you
Shall be ashamed and disgraced;
They shall be as nothing,
And those who strive with you shall perish.
You shall seek them and not find them—
Those who contended with you.
Those who war against you
Shall be as nothing,
As a nonexistent thing.

For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand,
Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’

The Curve In The Road

2013-06-03T15:32:00.000-04:00

Many years ago, we lived on a little mountain. It wasn't an ordinary mountain, not to us anyway. It was a mountain full of life, love, family and God's beauty.

The sunsets were breathtaking.

A nightly view we never grew tired of ~ 2008

The days were full of sunshine. Rarely did the fog touch us. Most days, we were well above the fog.

One of the valleys surrounding us ~ 2008

The views went on for miles.

In the summer we could see at least four different firework shows in the towns around us ~ fall 2008

And the winters were the harshest I've ever endured in New York!! There are no trees to stop the wind so it blows all year long. It keeps the summers cooler but makes the winters extra burtal. The wind would blow the snow under our doors and into our house.

snow blowing across the road. The drifts were taller than us, sometimes ~ jan 2009

Despite all that, it was a place we loved.

Fifteen months after moving up there we left. We mourned leaving the hill. We went from a mountain top house, to a tiny house in the woods with hardly any sun. It was very difficult for me yet God used that time to teach me about being happy where ever he planted me.

We left for a variety of reason, all out of our control, yet that hill has remained imbedded in our hearts.

My husband and I joined together into an extended time of prayer and fasting this spring, with many prayers on our hearts but one of our common prayers was about our future. He's about 11 years away from retirement and where we'll live is one of our big questions. We deeply desire Florida but with family here, we didn't want to just leave everyone behind.

With one day left in our fast, my husband stumbled upon a farmer who had a piece of property for sale, on that very hill. Different place on the hill but still amazing views with stunning sunsets. A place for us to build our future home together and a mountain top to retire to!

Through this process, we have covered every step in prayer. We have run into many closed doors that we thought would stop the purchase but each time God has opened those doors wide open.

Last night, on the eve of our closing, we went up to the property. Our goal was to seek God one last time on the purchase and just pray together for awhile about the road He has us on.

We were treated to not just a magnificent sunset again but also a rainbow off in the distance. We had been praying about the purchase when my husband noticed the rainbow. It really felt like God was telling us that Yes, He was indeed with us through this.

at one point it was a beautiful double rainbow

Hubby's picture of the rainbow. Love the perspective of this one.

enjoying the views

Sun's just setting

Hubby's picture of the sunset last night

about 40 minutes after sunset

Today we closed on this piece of property. It's exciting however this has been and will continue to be, a journey in trust and faith.

A few years ago a friend gave us a picture of a dirt road in the woods. The road curves and disappears out of sight. You can not see what is beyond that curve or what you may come up against and that is how we view this journey with Christ. We could see down the road to today, the closing, but we are now at that curve and can't see what's in store for us. We know our destination is to eventually sell this house and build our home up on the hill but we have no idea what pit stops are in store for us along the way.

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." ~ Maria Robinson

Today was the 1st day of writing our new ending.

Daniel Fast ~ Lesson's Learned

2013-04-21T10:42:00.000-04:00

I posted three weeks ago about doing the Daniel Fast. It seems like the time has both flown and crawled. This evenings dinner will break our fast. I'm looking forward to have some chicken on my salad and just maybe a cannoli for dessert.

I wasn't sure how I was going to do with no coffee, no animal products and no sweets. We also added in no wheat to see who we'd feel, so that add another challenging layer to what I wasn't eating. My hubby did his own version of the fast and Tinker Bell fasted from sweets. I was so proud of her and how she did over the last three weeks. Especially because she's involved in two church activities each week that has snacks and I always forgot to pack her something she could eat.

Here are a few things I've learned over these last three weeks.

Lesson one: Just because you're not eating much doesn't mean you're going to lose weight. I had this idea that because I was eating a vegetarian diet, I was going to lose weight and a lot of it. Swim suit season is coming up, you know. I've been watching my calories and what I was eating closely. Some days salad was both my lunch and dinner! I've lost only 3 lbs but that's better than nothing.

Lesson two: I can survive without coffee. More importantly, my family survived me not having coffee. After the first two days of withdrawal headaches I was actually feeling really good without it. I have less of the ups and downs during the day and I've been sleeping better too. I will not be going back to coffee tomorrow morning. I may occasionally have a cup when we go out somewhere but there is so much freedom knowing I'm no longer held captive by that morning cup of coffee.

Lesson three: It is possible to mourn a food group. Sometime in the last week I stopped mourning no bread. I believe that bread is one of the biggest culprits to the muffin top I've developed since last fall. I love to make bread. I would make it a couple times a week and I would live on it. I've been reading Wheat Belly and can see the concepts he's talking about in both my body and my hubby's body. Bread was harder to let go of than coffee. But this too, I'm not really going back to. I'll still make bread occasionally but not in the quantity I was making it. I'll eat bread occasionally but I've found the gluten free bread to be an acceptable replacement.

Lesson four: Food can be consumed just for survival. I LOVE to eat. I mean LOVE it. I love food, how it tastes, the joy of making it, the joy of serving it and the satisfaction of being full after a good meal. For weeks I've not had any of that. I've eaten just to put the required nutrients into my body. Most of the time the food was pretty bland but I've still found ways to enjoy making and eating a salad. I learned to be creative with what I put on my salads and what foods I mixed together. The last week and a half, especially, has had a better mix of foods and flavors. Side note: Chickpea burgers are no replacement for real juicy hamburgers.

Lesson five: This is probably my most important lesson and it's not really a lesson so much as a reminder again of something I've known; prayer works. In the first week or so, I really had to press into prayer to get through each day. Hunger would remind me to turn to my prayer list. Cravings would drive me to my knees in prayer. I know this fast was not something I could do on my own. I believe that there is so clarity in some of the items on my prayer list. There are still things that have yet to be answered too. I do believe those answers will come in time. Even Daniel didn't get his answers within in 21 day fast.

So as we get ready to break this fast today with dinner, I believe I'm coming away from it with hope for some answered prayers, a better grasp on my foods and feeling a little bit better than I did. I have a little more energy than before and I've decided to keep a lot of the unnecessary foods out of my diet in the future. I'm grateful to have been called to this time of fasting and prayer and look forward to the next time, as long as it's not too near in the future.

The Daniel Fast

2013-03-31T18:54:00.001-04:00

At a time when a lot of Christians are breaking a fast of some type from Lent, my Hubby and I are embarking on our own fast.

Last fall, as I was reading Daniel, the scripture on how he requested to eat really stood out to me. Back when I was training to run a marathon, I attempted to eat a more vegan diet but was left feeling run down and weak. I quickly gave it up, knowing that I needed more in my diet than I was getting.

While reading Daniel, I was struck by the fact that he requests eating only foods which consist of vegetables and water. (Daniel 1:12) After the 10 days Daniel and the others with him, appeared better then those that ate the kings delicacies. (v. 15).

I felt God speaking to me through this but I just gently pushed it away. I like my food. A lot. This scripture kept coming to mind over the winter but I continued to push it away. I cook mostly whole foods. I really felt like I was doing what I could to make us healthier, BUT I still have my weakness in sweets and carbs in general.

It's hard for me to admit but food is an idol for me.

The last couple of weeks have been particularly difficult in how I feel with my weight and with finding clothes to wear that fit comfortably. I'm 30lbs overweight, and that's 30 lbs over a healthy, reasonable weight, not a size one weight! I've gone up two jean sizes this winter alone and I'm pushing outgrowing this size. I've stopped running again and I'm back where going up the stairs leaves me breathless.

This has been the springboard for me to look into this scripture even deeper. I don't want a quick fix, I want more life change. We've been altering our food intake, changing from packaged to whole foods. Adding in more organic foods. Adding in more over-all healthy choices. It's just time for me to take it to a new level.

It's not just about the food though. As I've been digging into Daniel, I discovered there are many churches and individuals who have done fast such as Daniel describes in Chapter 10:2-3. It's about submission to our Father, about prayer for our needs and for the needs of others.

There are things my hubby and I pray about together and we've seen many of our prayers answered in amazing ways. However, we still have prayer requests for our family and friends and about the path that God desires us to be on.

As we go into the next 21 days, I'll be cutting caffeine, sweets, gluten (that's my choice, the fast typically specifies yeast) and any animal products out of my diet. There are a few exceptions I've decided on and my Hubby's fast will look a bit different from mine.

Our goal is not just about what foods we don't eat, it's about finding a deeper balance in our healthy eating, submission to our Lord, seeking His will in our life and interceding for others.

The last time I participated in an extended fast, it drew me closer to Jesus and I have no doubt it will this time also, especially as I walk away from foods I rely on and I deeply crave.

A bit of prayer from my friends for us, especially this week, would be deeply appreciated as I know this first week will be the hardest as our bodies adjust to "no choice foods" (daniel 10:3).

Thank you Lord for providing Your word that contains all the knowledge we need to live our lives according to You, even the things as simple as what we should consume. Amen

Spring Will Come

2013-03-16T19:08:00.000-04:00

I love spring. So many exciting things going on.

I'm planning our expanded garden. We've already cleared away a lot of the winter debris from the garend area.

I've been planing like crazy. I have my tomatoes, peppers, onions, broccoli, herbs and many flowers already started. Some of the seeds I planted 3 days ago have already sprouted and my kitchen garden, that includes, 2 types of lettuce, spinach and a bush cucumber, is well underway.

Tink planning her garden with her new plant book

Today I made a frame to hold the lights for my seedlings. They are very happy now that they don't have to stretch to the windows anymore.

I've been listening to friends and family that live about 45 minutes to an hour west of us, talk about seeing robins. Yesterday, Tink and I saw our 1st robin in town. Glad them finally decided to make the trek east, to our little town. Now if they'd just make it up our hill!

If you know us, you probably know that we are slightly addicted to grapes. I hate to rush the season on us because it means summer is over but we look forward to our grape picking every year. We normally pick around 100 lbs of grapes for eating, grape bread and sometimes grape juice. This spring we have broken down and purchases some grape vines. Our grapes have the beginnings of grapes on them already and I swear I can see the plants themselves get bigger every day.

Isn't that the cutest leaf?

I've started seeing some of the spring flowers breaking through, like the tulips.

I love that the days are getting longer. It's still daylight at 7 pm! It also means that we are starting to get more eggs from our chickens too.

Each day there is something new coming awake despite the chilly temps that refuse to go away. Soon the wonderful heat of summer will be upon us! Till then I'll just keep planting and planning my garden.

My Sky Blanket

2013-02-16T13:23:00.000-05:00

**UPDATED: added my mom's scarf

Last year on Pinterest I found a conceptual scarf. I thought it would be an interesting project to work on. The site says it comes out to about five feet long. As much as I love to knit, I knew if I made a scarf like this, I'd never wear it and really wasn't sure what I'd do with it. My mom is doing this project also but she's going to hang her finished scarf on the wall.

My mom's conceptual scarf

I decided that I was going to crochet it instead and make a blanket but still wasn't sure what pattern I would use.

After much research, I decided I really liked this pattern from the Lion Brand website.

My next step was to choose the yarn. After looking at the local craft store I picked the same yarn brand listed in the pattern.

These are the colors I picked in Vanna's Choice
Dusty Purple to mark each month
Silver Grey for cloudy days
Denim Mist for partly cloudy, sunny days
Colonial Blue for mostly sunny days with little or no clouds
White for snowy days
Charcoal Grey for rainy, stormy days

I'm trying to do a composite of each day. For example, if it's cloudy most of the morning and then gets clear and sunny for the rest of the day, I do the octagon or square half of each color.

To create my pattern, I took the Lion Brand pattern and pulled it into Photoshop.

Then:

I turned it on it's side
Copied it many times to different layers
Overlaid the edges
Counted all the squares to ensure I'd have enough
Erased all the marking from the pattern
Printed it
Then color coated and marked each month

I do have extra squares at the bottom but I'm just going to carry the last day of December across the bottom.

If you are interested in a copy of the pattern I made, I'd be happy to send it to you, just email me from my profile.

I'll post updates as I go through the year. I'm a few days behind right now, I despise sewing the squares together. Hoping I don't let myself get to far behind in the summer!

It's still not too late to join this project. There are a lot of really cool ideas on the Ravelry group.

Tink's Reading Update

2013-02-14T09:02:00.001-05:00

It's amazing to me the progress Tinker Bell has made in reading over the last 5 months.

In the fall she was struggling with reading and remembering simple 3 letter words. We'd help her sound out a word and two sentences later she didn't know the word at all.

Now she's sounding out big words like beautiful and spectacular, all by herself. She's reading various levels of books and her bible on a regular basis.

I attribute this progress to prayers (thanks Anne) that were added and lifted up with my own! I really don't believe it's because of our curriculum especially since we were very lax in it during December. We are not as advanced in her daily studies as she is in her reading. I'm very cautious though, to advance her studies so that she won't miss any important reading rules.

I'm overjoyed to have another reader in the house. She stayed up late reading last night and we had to finally tell her light out.

I pray she always finds adventure, love, fun, mystery and so much more in all the books that have yet to come.

today is my favorite day

2012-12-22T08:33:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows me, knows that I live for summer. I love the heat, the sun, the colors, the smells and the activities. So you may be wondering why today, the day after the first day of winter, not the first day of summer is my favorite day.

Winter solstice - According to the farmers almanac, the word solstice comes from the Latin words for "sun" and "to stand still". That's what the sun does this time of year. The last three days have had the same amount of day light. The sun has stopped falling southward in the sky and is taking a breath before it's long climb back north.

Starting today, the day is one minute longer. It's a long, slow process getting our daylight back. For example, by New Years day we will have only gained four more minutes of day light, but it's four minutes more than we have today!

It's the hope of what's to come that keeps me looking forward and excited about the future. The knowledge that under the dull slumber of nature, there is vibrant life just waiting to come bursting forth. It's interesting to see the comparison of the seasons to how I feel lately and the excitement that I'm feeling for the future, largely due to the the book study I'm involved in right now. I know Ann Voskamp's book won't cure all the spiritual dullness I'm feeling but I see God already using it in my life to bring forth the first sprouts of gratefulness, like those first crocus that peek through the frozen ground in early spring. I believe I'm heading into a new spring in my life and God calling me to changes always excites me.

So today, the day after the sun stands still, I look forward to the coming spring, the freshness of life both outside and in my heart.

thoughts for today

2012-12-19T11:17:00.002-05:00

FOR TODAY

Outside my window...a very long fall rages on. I don't normally like winter but I desire some winter, instead of these short, cold days of drab brown, that drag on with no end in sight.

I am thinking...how I'm in a season of growing and changing. I feel that excited, charged air feeling, that is right before an exciting storm in the summer. It thrills me because I always come out a new and better person after such a season.

I am thankful...that my husband listens to the voice of God

In the kitchen...we are still slowly remodeling and I'm still exploring meals that can be from scratch and be healthy for us without blowing the food budget

I am creating... a little bit of everything at once. I need to concentrate on one craft project at a time.

I am reading...One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp

I am praying for...my hubby and the project he's working on at work

I am looking forward to...Christmas with both side of our families

I am struggling with...fear and worry....

I am learning...to be grateful

Around the house...there is the joyous mess of Christmas everywhere

In the classroom...we are not doing me, especially this week.

I am pondering...the ticking of the clock in my kitchen and how it always reminds me of the ticking away of the minutes of our day. Helps me to focus sometimes and get things done or push it all aside and spend time with the kids.

A favorite quote for today..."Danger is very real but fear is a choice." from an upcoming movie

One of my favorite things...Classic Christmas songs about Christ

A few plans for the rest of the week: visit this afternoon with family, shopping and cleaning tomorrow and a friend and her kids over on Friday

A piece of my past....

This has been a part of every Christmas for as long as I can remember.

happy God anniversary

2012-12-16T20:13:00.002-05:00

Eight years ago on December 16th, I helped move a couch, it changed my life.
Six years ago I married my best friend.
Last year we re-newed our vows.

When we eloped six years ago we had said "someday" we'll have a wedding. That someday became a reality last year. It was an honor to be married by our Pastor, in our church, for God, with friends and family as witnesses. This past April, we acknowledged our legal wedding date but today, December 16, we celebrated our very 1st God anniversary.

Someday, I'll get a video put together of all the pictures from this blessed day but for now, here, again, is our wedding video we played as part of our testimony.

crafty idea

2012-12-06T15:18:00.001-05:00

So for me this is an original idea. If anyone else has come up with it already, no stepping on toes intended. Normally I don't come up with ideas but this was borne out of fighting with chalkboard paint yesterday. Have you see the site Pintrosity? Yeah, my 1st painted jar could have gone on that site, easy. I posted to facebook for suggestions, got a few good ones, but they didn't work.

Finally I decided to try painting the labels that come with my little mason jars. I won't use them on the jars because what's in them changes all the time, well most of the time they are filled with yogurt.

Anyway, here's how it turned out. I think it came out pretty good. Better then the jar that I painted directly on. I lost count how many coats I used. I just did it till it looked nice and smooth and the paper didn't peek through anymore.

Please don't except too many brilliant ideas and if it wasn't for a friend suggesting I pin it, I wouldn't have even thought to put it here.

homemade yogurt Update

2012-12-04T08:29:00.000-05:00

*** UPDATE*** Here are some links that I've used to create my own method for making yogurt.

Her's is the closest to what I do, except I do not use the microwave. I had good success with the crockpot but mine has hot spots so until I break down and buy a new one, I heat mine on the stove, very slowly. She also uses an $80 strainer. I'd LOVE to have this, it's on my wish-list so that maybe someday it will show up in my cupboard for for now, very fine cheese cloth has worked perfectly for me and I just rinse it and throw it in the washer with the towels I use for my bread. http://www.salad-in-a-jar.com/skinny-secrets/healthy-homemade-greek-yogurt

This is the one that I got the crockpot idea from. http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2012/04/crockpot-greek-yogurt.html

What to do with that whey if you strain your yogurt?? I use it in smoothies, in my soups, to boil pasta in, in my breads, and I use it to feed my plants too (cut with water or it will burn your plants) I try to remember to put what I don't use in the freezer for future use. I don't have a single comprehensive site to refer you to, so if you find some, please add it to the comments. I've just done lots of google searches to find out uses for it.

Since my last post about being sick I've been looking for ways to try to feel better. Claritin helps sometimes but it's not fully allergies making me feel so horrible. Now that it's fall and I spend more time inside, I'm really trying to cook more whole foods, oh and do it on a budget. One of the things I was spending a lot of money on was Greek yogurt. More than I am willing to admit!

I then went on a mission to figure out how to make it. It goes against all I know of dairy to leave milk sitting out all night but I figured I'd give it a try. I ended up taking a combination of a few different sites (will include links later) and have created my own method.

I began using the crockpot method but I didn't like making it in the crock since I have hot spots. Turns out, in my experience, that making it on the stove produces a better yogurt. I heat the milk on the stove over very low heat. To kill the boredom I usually watch a movie on the iPad. Takes about 30 -45 minutes to heat 2qts to 180 degrees. Don't scorch milk or let it boil. Then cool to around 105-110 and stir in 2 teaspoons of yogurt. I use a little of the last batch or you can use plain store bought yogurt as starter. Wrap the whole thing up in a towel and put in an oven overnight. I give it about 12 hours. Leave the oven light on so the environment stays around 100 degrees. Then check it in AM and if it's thick, its done. (hope to add some pictures next time I make it) I strain mine through a strainer lined with very fine cheesecloth. Eventually I will get a chinois but the cost is preventing me for now. After I strain the yogurt for 30 minutes or so I put it in a large bowl, whip it with a whisk till nice and smooth and refrigerate it. My hubby won't eat it till it's cooled down but I actually like before it's cooled down. Try all sorts of different toppings. I have found that I can eat the homemade yogurt even plain, which I used to hate. My favorite is with some raw honey.

I like to save the whey and use it in my bread. Soon I'll also try to make ricotta cheese from the whey.

what is LOVE?

2012-11-29T12:20:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, I woke struggling with my reaction to a recent event in our lives. The details I can't get into but my response I can. I responded wholly in the flesh. There was no grace in my heart. The worst part is I knew it and even vocalized it in the moment. No, the worst part is that it was in front of my precious six year old. I didn't want to respond in a Christ like manner to this issue, but I felt the weight of my behavior staring at me through innocent eyes. As a parent, I feel I have the responsibility to behave in a calm, mature manner but that doesn't always happen. As a child of Christ, I feel the weight of responding in a manner that is honoring to Christ. Not just in what I say or do but in my heart also. And that, unfortunately, doesn't always happen. My brokenness drives my responses at times. I really hate when that happens but I also recognize its a symptom to a bigger issue. The issue that He's walking me through right now is love.

I know how to love but the Holy Spirit is gently showing me that I'm not doing it well. It's easy to love those that please you but how in the world do you love those that have hurt you, hurt your loved ones, someone who is just mean, uses you or less dramatic, someone who is just annoying to be around? We all know people like this but what does it look like to love someone like this? That's easy to answer but hard to live out. I LOVE how God works. This has been part of the sermons lately at church and was brought up in my small group.

So the answer to this is in scripture: Jesus said, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your sound and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets." matthew 22:37-40 We also see in 1 Corinthians 13. That scripture talks about some selfless things you can do for others but then says "...but have not love, it profits me nothing." 1 Corinthians goes on to say "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

I've been spending a lot of time marinating over these scriptures the last couple weeks. This has been a hard post to write because I wanted to study the scriptures and hear what God was saying to me in these verses. Like I said, I LOVE how God works. These same scriptures have been preached at church. It has felt like Pastor Garry preached these sermons just for me. He gave the example of the Good Samaritan from Luke and how the definition of a neighbor is helping anyone that you can, not just those that live next door. I see my kids live that out more than I ever could. I've watched my kids reach out and try to help people that I wouldn't even take notice of in my introverted me centered daily living. I've seen my kids extend grace and kindness to other kids that were being mean to them. I look at that and I wonder where I lost that love and what I can do to first, recapture it and second, how can I help protect my kids from losing it. I'm not sure where I lost it, somewhere in my journey of life before Christ, when I was angry and bitter about what I perceived as the injustices of this world. Somewhere in the back of my mind I do know how to recapture it. Live my life for Christ. Which I do, I've come a long way but I struggle with looking at those deep dark corners of my being, knowing that when I do open those doors they will cause pain. I know the flip side of that too though, that after walking through the pain, there is great joy and freedom. I've experienced God's healing in many broken areas of my life. So the answer to recapturing that type of love and protecting my kids from losing it, is the same; live my life for Christ. Sounds easy, as easy as just loving someone. However, I'm finding it's a daily, sometimes minute by minute decision to love, to keep my thoughts captive, my tongue behind my teeth and to allow Jesus to speak through me. I know the more I allow Jesus to live through me, the more it just becomes who I am.

In this day and age of "Five Easy Steps to..." there really are no five easy steps to learning to love. It's a daily submission to Christ, it's a daily dying to self and the instant gratification of responding in the flesh, it's putting aside hurts and extending grace to those who do you wrong. I look at the things I've done in my life and God still loves me, still extends grace and mercy. Who am I to withhold that from others? I'm grateful for the opportunity to practice Christ's love that was recently placed before me and I look forward to experiencing ways to live out God's love as I continually learn and grow in Christ.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for the family you've given me. For placing a loving, grace-filled husband in my life that sets a daily example of Christ's love towards others, for kids who just live out Your love in a natural selfless way. Thank you for opening my heart in this season to teach me how to love better and for giving me opportunities to practice Your love. Ephesians 4:2 says Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. I look forward to the day I'll stand by Your side and truly understand what Love mean.
Amen

thoughts for today

2012-11-28T14:15:00.001-05:00

today....

Outside my window...it's gray and cold but not yet quite winter out there.

I am thinking...about getting the Christmas tree up

I am thankful...for my hubby's job even when it pulls him hours away from home

In the kitchen...I'm loving my new present and excited about the pending remodeling we'll be working on

I am creating...ornaments for the tree, a video album for a family member, various crochet projects

I am hoping...for a white December

I am looking forward to...our Christmas celebrations with family

I am struggling with...learning to love as Christ

I am learning...to recognize when I'm not loving like Christ

In the classroom...we are doing a light load of classes for December

A favorite quote for today...Open your mouth only if what you're going to say is more beautiful than silence

One of my favorite things...the sound of our kids

A few plans for the rest of the week: get the Christmas tree up, try a new bread recipe, bible study and a play date

A picture I've shared before but means so much to me:

living life with faith

Our Dirt

Happy Anniversary Mr. Basbe

New Blog

My AFAA Primary Group Certification Experience

2014 in pictures (and a few words)

JANUARY

FEBRUARY

MARCH

APRIL

MAY

JUNE

JULY

AUGUST

SEPTEMBER

OCTOBER

NOVEMBER

DECEMBER

Running 2014

favorite day: revisited

10 Beautiful Years

Lion or Gazelle?

Running from Myself

Happy 10th Anniversary

Saying Goodbye

Broken Lives

Isaiah 41:10-13

The Curve In The Road

Daniel Fast ~ Lesson's Learned

The Daniel Fast

Spring Will Come

My Sky Blanket

Tink's Reading Update

today is my favorite day

thoughts for today

happy God anniversary

crafty idea

homemade yogurt ***Update***

what is LOVE?

thoughts for today

homemade yogurt Update