Living Power Life Coaching

Great News When Life's Leaving You Battle-Weary

2012-02-02T10:53:00.000-08:00

We're in the trenches, people. With our kids, our jobs, our dreams and choices. Nobody said life would be easy, but sometimes it just feels downright relentless.

Which is why escape is a welcome pastime. :) At least for me. Movies are my favorite way to escape, mostly because I'm a closet geek and enjoy biographies and World War II films. But I didn't realize until tonight, when I picked a film to watch, that there's probably a reason I resonate with this genre. I had to laugh when I discovered it.

Can you spot it in this photo?

Don't you just feel like this a lot of the time??

Yeah, me too. But there ARE a few bits of good news that come with life's battles.

What war movies teach us about living life well in the trenches:

We're not the only ones with dirt in our hair. Everyone is in the trench whether it's with a financial challenge, a child who's in a wheelchair, or even a simple bad day.
It's okay to make little mistakes along the way. History will only remember the big picture.
Because of that, it's our job to enjoy the small joys that history will overlook. If we don't, they're lost forever.
In the toughest moments, we can choose either to let it bring out our best, or our worst. But it's always our choice.
The guy on the opposing side is a human being too, and worthy of respect.
Victory comes not necessarily to the smartest or strongest, but to the most persistent.
Even the toughest battles eventually end.
You've got backup, anytime, any place! God reassures us: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33).

We may have been drafted into the wars we face, but we can come through them strong, confident, more beautiful. Even if we sometimes feel as exhausted as the guy on this movie cover looks!

Your friend in the fight,

-Laurie

P.S. If your confidence is waning in the battles you're facing today, a special opportunity has come up: I'm starting a small invite-only Facebook coaching group on the topic of getting confident. Cost is $20/month (versus the $100/hr individual coaching rate), and you'll have 5-day-a-week support and resources from me and the others in the group. We've only got 3 spaces left, and we start next week - so email today if you're interested!

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Are You Going The Right Direction With Your Child's Tough Behaviors?

2012-01-30T10:03:00.000-08:00

Yogi Berra said it perfectly:

"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else."

It's true in life, and it's true in parenting.

Some of you know I've been repainting walls in my house recently. As a birthday gift to one of my girls, I repainted her room a beautiful deep blue. What joy to sit in there and enjoy the rich color. She loved it and talked nonstop for days!

Which is why it gutted me to see this in the wall a mere week later.

Exactly 22 2-inch gauges in the perfect new paint. (Because a child with ADHD and sensory issues does that kind of thing when they feel stressed. And after last week's visits with her sister in the residential center, I have to admit we were all a little stressed.)

At this point, I had a choice. I could keep thinking my initial "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO MAKE SUCH A MESS?" or I could remember who I ultimately want her to be as an adult, and say "That hurts my feelings! I was excited about the paint, about giving that to you as a gift. I worked hard! I know you must have been upset to do this. What else could you have done to get that stressed (or just plain wiggly) energy out?"

Which I said. (And yes, she did have to make it up to me - exactly 22 chores around the house to pay me back for each hole I had to patch and repaint.)

You know what I'm overhearing now as she plays with her sisters? Her talking herself down from making the wrong (i.e. damaging) kinds of messes. Saying things like "It hurts mom's feeling when I break stuff. I need to rip paper right now instead!"

That's the power of knowing where we're headed with our kids. Of partnering with them to help them become the kind of people we know they can be at their best in life.

I know I'm not alone in these kinds of struggles with intense kids, and that's why I'm continuing this series on Raising a Tough Nut. This next video gets into the specifics of managing the tendencies and behaviors that most drive you crazy with your child. So grad yourself a cup of coffee or hot cocoa, and get ready for a dose of hope and renewed confidence as you watch this next video in the series!

Manage Tough Behavior by Building on the Good in Your Child

If unable to view in an email or RSS feed, click the post title above to watch on my site.

If you're short on time, here's the topic-by-topic video breakdown:
0:49 min - Seeing the connections between good and bad behavior in your child
1:53 min - Using the different perspective in how you approach bad behaviors
2:15 min - Examples of this technique with toddler, preschool and school age kids
4:23 min - Connecting this new perspective to parenting toward your "end game."

Previous 2 videos in the series:
Getting your confidence back as a parent (Tough Nut Part 1)
Parenting with the "End Game" in mind (Tough Nut Part 2)

You CAN do this!

In joy (no matter what life brings :),
-Laurie

P.S. I'd love to partner with you further as you grow in confidence with a "tough nut." If you have specific questions, please feel free to email me, or check out how coaching with me can support you in life and parenting.

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Dealing The First Big Blow To Your Inner "Mean Girl"

2012-01-27T11:31:00.000-08:00

In the last post, many of you resonated with the struggle of insecurity. Especially the idea of fighting your inner Mean Girl's voice. Today's guest post, written by a dear friend and fellow mom of special needs kids, gives us the first tool in our arsenal to do just that. Enjoy this story - and great take-away - from my friend Jennifer Janes!

This is NOT a Potty Party!
by Jennifer A. Janes

It’s hard to believe that my little girl - equally obsessed with the color pink and all things princess - is as fascinated with potty talk as she is. Inevitably, she wants to discuss this preoccupation at the dinner table---or during some other equally inappropriate family activity. If we let it go on for too long, she’s really hard to stop.

My husband often tells her: “This is not a potty party.” Sometimes that statement works. More often it doesn’t. The thing is, though, that my thoughts are the same way.

Most of the time I do okay with my life and trying to balance everything--- homeschooling, the struggles that come with my daughter’s disabilities, and managing her older sister's emotional needs when life is full of specialist appointments, therapy sessions, and doctor visits which she often must attend too.

Then there’s the added challenge of trying to keep myself mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally healthy, and maintain a great relationship with my husband. It’s not easy, and sometimes I struggle.

I think things like “My life is so hard. No one knows how hard it really is.” Or “I’m so lonely. Does anyone care about me?"

Those thoughts are potty talk, plain and simple. They’re unproductive. And they don’t lead to great family nights or friendships either!

It has taken a while, but I’m doing better at avoiding “potty parties” in my thought life now. The transformation began with a gratitude journal I started in the summer of 2010. I began by listing five things a day.

Then I started reading Ann Voskamp’s blog and decided to start counting my Gifts in weekly blog posts. I reached 1,000 and kept going. It has changed my life.

But I didn’t realize how much until Christmas Day 2010. Right after we opened gifts, my daughter came down with a stomach bug. Because of her GI issues, that is bad news. She was sick all day, and we ended up in the ER that evening. In the past, I would have considered our Christmas ruined. Because of my focus on gratitude, however, I found myself sitting in the ER that night with a child who was so sick she couldn’t remember what gifts she’d received that morning, thinking of all the good things about the situation.

Things like . . . the chance to open gifts together before she got sick, being together as a family most of the day before heading to the ER, friends who welcomed our older daughter into the midst of their family activities so my husband could go to the hospital with us, a gift that allowed us to head to the hospital without money worries, and the assurance that with fluids and gut rest, our daughter would recover.

Was that the best Christmas Day we’ve ever had? No, but it certainly could have been much worse. Learning to see the smallest blessings in every situation made all the difference. I have as much or more to be thankful for today as I did then. Turning my “potty parties” into “positive parties” has changed my life and my relationships.

For you to ponder: How do you turn your negative thinking around so that you---and your relationships---can stay healthy?

Jennifer lives in Arkansas with her husband of ten years, two beautiful daughters, two cats, and two pet mice. Her younger daughter’s special needs have made her life more of an adventure than she ever anticipated, but she’s finally learning to relax and “embrace the crazy.” Jennifer blogs at her own site and is a regular contributor at The Homeschool Village and the Home Educating Family blog. She's speaking alongside Heather Laurie about special needs homeschooling at The 2:1 Conference in April 2012.

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Thanks so much Jennifer! It's amazing how our own self-talk can make life, relationships, and how we feel about ourselves so much better... or so much worse. Here's to hitting our inner Mean Girls right between the eyes as we live in gratitude!

-Laurie

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3 Tools That Send Insecurity Running

2012-01-23T10:54:00.000-08:00

You wouldn’t know it to look at me, or if you saw me speak to a group, or hang out with friends. Deep down, I’m pretty shy.

Since becoming mom, the shy girl’s grown stronger. She convinces me not to say hello to other moms at the park. She finds ways to busy me in the kitchen when friends come over. She makes excuses at church about how she needs to get the kids from Sunday school for lunch (as if the 5 minutes of connecting with other adults might actually starve them to death).

Over the past few months of change in our family, I’ve started resenting the shyness. But the real kicker was last week when I started repainting my home. With each new hue covering life’s scuffs and scrapes, I felt stronger. Excited even. Why?

Because the shyness was only a facade.

Underneath lurked something else. Something broken and life-draining: insecurity.

Gnawing insecurity born from the sense of helplessness that marks life with a child (or two, in my case) with special needs. Embarrassment about what it's made my home look like - carrying the marks of their struggles.

I’ve let insecurity close me in. Tell me it’s okay to back away and make excuses. Keep my house a nice safe shade of white. And I’m tired of it.

So I’ve decided to break up with my shy girl. To rip her hands off my heart and reach out to people again. (And paint my house outlandishly deep and wonderful colors, while I’m at it.)

You can break up with your shy girl - with insecurity - too. Here are a few ideas to help:

Soak in the truth.
The truth that sets free, and is alive, and that heals and grows and strengths you: scripture. “All scripture is God-breathed...” and is “living and active” in our hearts and lives.* ALL scripture. Every. Single. Word. It’s truth changes us, opens us to life and relationships. Check this out:

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness." ~ Jeremiah 31:3

The original meaning in “drawn you” indicates not only drawing us TO God, but drawing us OUT of everything else. Including our shyness and insecurity. As we marinate in truth like this, we can’t help but feel bolder, stronger, and more like the beautiful women God sees in us every moment!

Banish your inner mean girl.
By this, I mean catch her in those lies she’s telling you. The “you can't do this,” “your house is too messy to invite her over,” “it’s been too long to just pick up the phone and call her” kind of lies. Or even worse, the ones that attack who you are physically, mentally and emotionally. When you feel dumpy and lonely and boring and incapable, stand in front of the mirror and tell that yuck to jump out the window. "No thanks, mean girl. YOU'RE the loser. Take a hike!" Because you are amazing. And you are worth more than that.

Read widely.
On Saturday I walked in to a meeting for church. My shy girl was already concocting an excuse to run back to the car for some “forgotten” item. The usual introductions exchanged, I asked: "Where are you from?"

"Portland," she said.

"You like it here in San Diego?" (the car was calling my name at this point. Shyness and insecurity are persistent little buggers).

"I do, but I miss the Pacific Northwest...” she continued.

Instantly, my shy girl vanished, and insecurity slithered away after her. "Ever been to Bainbridge Island?" I asked.

"Yes! It's beautiful...." And another woman chimes in, "I'm from there, actually!"

"No way! Really? I was just reading about there!" And the rest was history. I made two new friends because I'd read a book set in a region they’d come from. You may feel (like I did until this year) there’s no time for reading. But there IS time. There’s always time for what we value. And valuing reading can add breadth and confidence to life like little else.

To a life of unabashed joy and confidence,
-Laurie

*2 Timothy 3:16 and Hebrews 4:12

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Life Uncaged: Interview with Mary DeMuth

2012-01-19T10:16:00.000-08:00

This week's been about repainting life. Rolling fresh hues over worn scuffs of history and struggle. A few months ago, I discovered a kindred spirit in this journey online - someone I've come to admire and whose writing I love. Some of you probably know her already, and I'm excited to share today my recent interview with Mary DeMuth.

She describes herself this way: "Chef wanna-be, a sometimes tri-athlete (note emphasis on sometimes), and a passionate follower of Jesus. I’m in love with my husband and kids and am zealous about writing and speaking. (I promised my family I wouldn’t talk about my nose ring.)

My deepest dream is to see stories—mine and others—change lives as they’ve changed mine."

Here's a little more about what she's working on, what brings her joy and how she sees God leading her in life and ministry this year:

Q: You've recently changed "brands" from "Trials to Triumph" to "Live Uncaged." What led to the Uncaged idea?

"I really liked Trials to Triumph, but it felt like there was too much emphasis on trials. And I didn't like the word triumph because there are seasons where we don't feel triumphant in the trials, even if we are. With so much of my past behind me, I wanted to have a more forward-looking attitude... a more carpe diem, in the moment idea. So I asked my blog readers, Facebook and Twitter followers what they thought was my "one thing." I got hundreds of responses and phrases back on "living now," "living healed," and ideas like that. But it was while I was praying that the words Live Uncaged came to me. And I thought, 'That's it!'"

Q: What kinds of issues have tried to cage you this past year? How do you 'Live Uncaged'?

"Beautiful Battle was hard to write because, of course, I went thorugh spiritual warfare the whole time. Now that it's released, there's more of that too. And my spiritual growth book was hard to write because, after all, I'm just a person and I struggled with a lot of insecurity and inferiority as I wrote it. I have to remind myself of the truth in those moments, and have some good friends that remind me of the truth so I don't stay stuck when I get there."

Q: How do you keep up those important friendships with all your other commitments?

"I'm part of a life group that meets regularly and is like a little church. And I make sure to get together every week with some of my best friends."

Q: What new directions do you feel God's taking you this year?

"I fell like I'll be speaking and promoting books more, but more strategically than in the past. Also my upcoming books are much more broad than in the past. One is for all Christian women, rather than specifically women from abused or challenging backgrounds. Another is for both men and women - about growth. I feel like God's going to lead me to speak to both men and women, and to broader groups."

"Also, as I developed the new site image in 2011, I realized the writing resources needed their own space. It isn't really fitting with the Live Uncaged blog, so I launched a Write Uncaged site that has all the writing and mentoring resources - and more - all in one place. "

Q: Do you have any fears as you move forward?

"I fear that the travel will be too much. But I'm determined to make the choice not to make it overwhelming. Last fall I traveled too much. I could just feel it... and I felt it with my family. I will have to be more discerning about where I'll go and how much I travel."

Q: What do you enjoy doing outside of your work and ministry?

"I disciple some junior high and high school girls in my daughters' groups through church. It's a fun way to stay connected with them. I also like to run and I like to create. I really love decorating, graphic design and anything that's visual arts. All of that calms me down. That and spending time with family, cooking, taking walks, gardening... just getting outside."

Q: What are your hopes for 2012?

"I'm going to run farther this year, maybe even a half marathon [she laughs]. I want to be spiritually open to whatever relationships God has for me, and be more dedicated to the ones I have. I want to be more available and let go of my workaholism, although it will have to be after this upcoming book deadline and the 60-hour workweeks it will bring!"

Thanks so much, Mary! Can't wait to see how God unfolds this new theme more and more in your work and ministry. There's nothing worse than the sense life's got us stuck, and I love how you convey the imagery of living unstuck, living life uncaged!

Find Mary online at her website, on Twitter, sharing on Facebook, and in places where her books are sold.

To all of us living life uncaged!
-Laurie

Repainting Life

2012-01-16T10:42:00.000-08:00

He rolled over in bed and stroked my hair, picking flecks of dried paint from it.

"How late were you up painting?" he asks me.
"Until 1 a.m.," I reply, "And it looks so beautiful! It looks like joy on a wall."

He laughed. And he understood. This man who's walked life by my side for thirteen years.

I got out of bed and walked downstairs, lightly touching the fresh-painted walls as I went. Smiling. Feeling free. Thinking to myself, "It's funny how $30 worth of paint can erase years of struggle."

Struggle with two little girls, brought into our family. One who's thriving now. One who's not. At a our most recent help-seeking appointment with a specialist, I wanted to give up. It took everything I had to even GO to the appointment after so many years, so many dead ends, so many trials leading to hope, ending in hopelessness.

When the doctor asked me what I needed from him, I wanted to yell, "A LIFE! (for her... and me)" But I knew even as I thought it, that I have one. I realized then that I needed to go find it again. (Because we all have to re-learn and re-re-learn things in this crazy life).

Turns out part of my life was in a paint can in my garage.

Two hours of rolling, painting, splattering... covering scuffed reminders of tantrums, meltdowns, and grief. It gave me hope.

Repainting my walls was repainting my life in this season of still-not-knowing with my daughter.

Why is that?

It reminded me I'm not helpless.
As I rolled fresh Swiss-Coffee-white over black-brown-brokenness, I felt a weight lift from my heart. A freshness creeping in and replacing the stale hope that I'd been nursing inside. There WAS something I could do - not just with walls, but in our situation. It was just a matter of finding the right color and tools...

It created a physical portrait of redemption.
When we're in the longer battles in life, redemption - a getting back of what was lost or sold away - is hard to keep hoping for. Loss cuts deep, and keeps cutting. But as I painted the stains of loss on my wall, I saw how sometimes, even after a long while, repair comes quick. And that breeds some very much needed hope for the long haul!

It invested in what IS instead of focusing on what isn't.
Yes, my girl is in a residential facility. Yes, her sisters, dad and I miss her. Yes, we're still completely at a loss about what will unlock her mind and moods. But we're also living here, with three other daughters - girls who are growing, learning, exploring. It's not that I'd neglected them these past months, but somehow investing in my home let the part of me that I'd been ignoring come back to the here and now.

What needs repainting in your life today? Are you willing to invest in a fresh new coat of hope in whatever long-term challenge you find yourself?

You're not helpless, no matter how long you've been fighting the same fight or how little hope is left from the struggle.
Redemption is real, and it's happening in your life and the lives of those you love, even if you can't see it.
You can DO something today to help that process, whether it's paint a wall, write in journal, call a friend to encourage them, or simply choose to turn and believe there's a God who's for you in this life.
The solution to the problem may be elusive, but the solution to how you're FEELING about it is very much in your control.

Happy repainting!
-Laurie

P.S. May I join you in your repainting journey? Help you gather your tools and make the first broad strokes on the walls in your life? I'd love to talk with you more about how coaching might help. Email today for more info!

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Parenting With The End Game In Mind (Video Post)

2012-01-12T08:52:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but even things as simple as going to the grocery store can be frustrating without some kind of plan. (Especially when I've got my 4 small chaos-makers with me!) When it comes to parenting, we need that sense of direction even more.

This video, second in the series on Raising a Tough Nut, is about just that: parenting with a plan.

Parenting With the End In Mind (Raising a Tough Nut Part 2)

If you're unable to view this in your email or feed, please click the post title above to view it on my blog.

Video Main Points:
0:25 min - Why it helps to keep the end goal in mind
1:52 min - Determining your end goal, and using it to shape discipline w/your kids
3:15 min - Practical examples for 3 age groups
4:17 min - Application exercise for your family

In case you missed the previous video on noticing our role in the issues we have with our Tough Nut kids, here's that link too: Getting Confidence Back as a Parent

"Where there is no vision, the people perish." ~Proverbs 29:18

"If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else." ~Yogi Berra

-Laurie

11 Creative Ways To Beat the Tedium in Parenting

2012-01-09T14:00:00.000-08:00

It took every ounce of concentration I could muster. My mind wandered, I pulled it back. I downed the second cup of coffee for the day. And it wasn't helping.

I just could. not. sit. through. one. more. game. of. Hungry. Hippos.

Or read the Curious George book. Or handle potty training. Or manage a get-in-the-car tantrum. Beginning with adoption of my first two girls as toddlers, I've parented someone in that age group every day for the past 7 1/2 years. Yes, that's over 2,700 days, people. The tedium might kill me.

Ever feel like that about something in your life? That repetitive, required, "it's really the best thing to do" and "it's good for the kids (the husband... the company... the school... the church...)" kind of thing? The activity that may well push you right over the edge?

What if we started being the boss of those things again, instead of letting them drive us to caffeine addictions and violence toward plastic hippos on a game board?

WE MIGHT JUST START PLAYING AND ENJOY LIFE. That's what.

Here are a few ideas to get the creative juices flowing and beat the parenting tedium:

Pretend: Act like your body froze up and make your kids position your arms and legs to move you around. Or pretend the whole family lives in a different era or culture for a day.
Talk different: Play the same old mind-numbing games using your best Mary Poppins accent. (Unless you're in England, in which case, go for a nice Southern twang or California valley girl accent...)
Use a timer: Set a timer on your phone that says "tickle time" and have it repeat every 30 minutes. You must tickle whoever is present (excluding non-family members!) when the alarm goes off.
Say yes: Let your kids jump in the pile of clean laundry. Better yet, join them.
Make it up: Instead of the usual "How was your day?" after school, talk in complete gibberish to your child on the way home. Have a whole conversation that way.
Ham it up: When your child gives you an attitude or pitches a fit, pretend to fall over on the couch asleep. Or when they do something spontaneously wonderful, fall over having a heart attack of happiness. The bigger the performance the better.
Change it up: Do your routine in a different order.
Be fun: For one day, feed them the popsicle before the meal.
Direct the "show": Make a big deal about the moments you KNOW will induce tantrums. Something like, "We're about to get in the car... Are you ready? Is your voice ready? Let's make this an extra loud, squirmy meltdown. In fact, I'll join you!"
Seek the new: Read the story you've read a thousand times... but focusing on a different character or trying to find a certain object or color on every page instead.
Reward yourself: Plan something fun after the thing you're dreading (even the Hippos). Or have your kid plan it for you... after all, while we're about loving on them daily, we're also about teaching them to consider others. You, for starters :).

Basically: be a spaz, a goofball, a wild-woman, a mischief-maker, an actress and a comedian. It makes all the difference in the world!

(And it will inoculate you against premature death by toddler games or other tedium that threatens your sanity.)

What would you add to the list? And for readers raising tweens, teens and beyond, what does being playful look like for your family?

-Laurie

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Getting Confidence Back as a Parent (Video Blog)

2012-01-05T09:00:00.000-08:00

A round black token with painted-on gold words, the message was worn in places. Even as a kid, understood it's meaning. I liked it because it captured grandpa's propensity for wise (and corny) humor. It said:

"Now's my chance. Now I can do it. Now at last I've got a round tuit!"

Over the years, I've often thought of that little token when I finally get to something that's lived way too long on my task list.

This video is one of those things! Of all the talk topics I share with groups, this has been my most requested year after year. Parents often ask afterward if I have online videos or refreshers for them to view or share with friends. I've smiled and said "No" (and thought to myself "Good idea. But it took just about everything I've got to LIVE this talk. Then the sliver of me that was left to SHARE it... Capturing it online might make me pass out!")

Now, with life a little less stressful than it's been in recent years, I've come back to the idea. So here it is!

This short video is the introduction to my talk, Raising a Tough Nut. It shares the first of 5 tools to overcome your child's most frustrating behavior battles.

Getting Confidence Back as a Parent (Raising a Tough Nut Part 1) - 5:22 min

If you can't view this in your email or feed reader, please click the article headline up top and view it directly on my site.

What I like about it is the one-on-one style, like we're sitting together over coffee (which I wish I could do with you!). But what I don't like in this format is the absence of the energy that is present as audience members pipe up with questions, comments and join in the problem solving.

What do you think?

Could this be a helpful tool for you or someone you know to feel more confident, equipped and joy-filled when parenting their "tough nut?"

If it is helpful, would you help me to make it even more so? I'd love suggestions on topics/behaviors you'd like addressed in this video series. I'm not the definitive expert on parenting, but I've been in the trenches as a mom of 4 and I love to get creative and get the joy back into parenting the tough stuff!

Looking forward to hearing from you. Let's help more families together!

-Laurie

P.S. If this video helped you and you want to skip suggesting future topics and head right for some individual support in your family and parenting, I'd love to connect! Let's see if coaching is a good fit for you. Email today for info!

What Do You REALLY Want This Year?

2012-01-02T09:30:00.000-08:00

"Surprise me."

The words filled most of the construction paper in front of me. Almost surprised I'd written them, I thought, "What does that mean?" and "Yes, that's it" all in one breath.

Pictures filled the page too. Ones of peace, inspiring scenes, a playful couple, adventures, mountains, oceanscapes, a pair of friends walking among trees, images of happy kids. It was a vision board full of hope, that truly captured what I wanted for the year.

And there was that phrase dancing through the middle of it all.

"Surprise me."

Why that?

Maybe because...
- I was at the end of all I could figure out to help my redhead heal and overcome her personal challenges.
- It had been 4 months since my husband lost his job and no replacement was on the horizon.

Or maybe it was because...
- I'd seen God take a group of bloggers who'd never met in person, and in a few months create a place online that encourages thousands of moms.
- Doors were opening for me to write a book - a life-long dream.

Whatever it was, I stood at the door of 2011 and knew God truly had bigger dreams than I ever could. Which is saying a lot... I've got pretty darned big dreams! One of my favorite quotes of all time reveals it:

"Every day I wake up wanting to change the world and have a hell of a good time. This makes planning the day difficult" (E. B. White).

"What if I left the planning to God this time?" I wondered. The thought terrified me. And somehow calmed me too.

I think for the first time, I saw a window into the infinite. I peeked into the majesty of the one who breathes stars, creates worlds, knits tiny bodies in darkness, heals hearts with light... and TRUSTED Him.

And so I wrote my first un-resolution: "Surprise me."

Every day, I looked at that poster, those words, as I got ready for the day. As I pursued goals, reached for dreams through the year, the two small words colored it all. Every day, He answered. And the surprises changed everything.

Things I'd never even thought to ask for. Things I couldn't have dreamed, which as I opened them lifted burdens, inspired me and others, built friendships, challenged fears, gave hope, opened my eyes to all that is truly possible.

Will you join me this year in making the un-resolution?

Do make goals. Do dream big. But also, would you take a leap in to His arms and ask Him to do more than you can ever even imagine?

Here's to a year of unfathomable joy and goodness!

-Laurie

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Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T12:26:00.000-08:00

Whether 2011 has been full of joy or sorrow, loved ones or loneliness, discovery or longing... may 2012 be your best year yet.

And what if, this year, we made a different kind of resolution?

"I want to know the thoughts of God; the rest are details." ~Albert Einstein

Happy 2012 Everyone!

-Laurie

12 Days of Christmas, An Interview and Other Tidbits

2011-12-22T11:00:00.000-08:00

Hello dear friends!

This is my last post of 2011 as I enjoy some time and adventures with my family.

First I wanted to thank you for sharing your heart, time and comments here throughout this year. I'm grateful for you!

Also, I'd love to invite you over to Special Happens, where Gina interviewed me this week on topics like:

What I think is the biggest issue facing parents of children with special needs
What are the recognizable signs of unmanageable stress in parents
A little about my own parenting journey thus far
What I do as a coach with parents and families

If you know anyone who's new to special needs parenting (or simply facing a new challenge in their existing journey), please bring them along to check that interview out.

I'll leave you and this 2011 year with my silly version of "12 Days of Christmas." It's become a tradition for me to write one for my family each year. You'll notice a theme, as I apparently decided to channel Rachel Ray in my baking adventures!

Laurie's 12 Days of Christmas - 2011

12 Hours of baking

11 Jars of sprinkles

10 "No, don't eat those!"

9 Loads of dishes

8 Pounds of flour

7 Pounds of butter

6 Pounds to lose now...

5 Scrumptious treats!

4 Smiling munchers

3 Mopped up floors

2 Minor burns

And a dog who snatched half of the sweets!

(Oh yes, that last part really did happen! And no, the photo isn't of my creations. Recall: 1) the dog, and 2) my co-decorators are all 9 and under :).

If you're new to my blog, or just want a little inspiration, I invite you to check out some of my favorite holiday posts from the archives during this blogging break:

Merry Christmas everyone!

See you in 2012! It's going to be a GREAT year.

-Laurie

(Photo Source)

Surprising Inspiration Behind 6 Loved Christmas Carols

2011-12-19T12:30:00.000-08:00

We breathe music in this family. Hubby's often playing the piano, kids listening to radios and mp3s. And these days, singing carols. Ones like "Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer" and "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells..."

But seriously.

Music is my favorite part of Christmastime. Carols play as I clean the house, fold the week's mountain of laundry, and play with the kids. I crank it up and sing when the kids argue or whine. Or when the obligatory glass of milk splatters on my floor. No matter what's happening, carols lift my spirits.

You can imagine my joy when I discovered that like many hymns of past eras, familiar carols have amazing stories. Couldn't resist sharing a few here:

Seeking Hope
I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 1863)

Longfellow endured the death of his first wife. Then his second. Then his son was critically wounded in the Civil war. On Christmas Day, 1863, His heart heavy, he heard the bells of the local church began to ring. As he listened, he penned the words of this familiar carol of hope.

"I heard the bells on Christmas day, their old familiar carols play. And wild and sweet the words repeat, of peace on earth, good will to men" (verse 1)

Overcoming limitations
Silent Night! Holy Night! (Joseph Mohr, 1818)

You know how life gets stressful when you're most seeking peace? Mohr had a moment like that preparing for Christmas Eve service in Austria in 1818. A beautiful new song written ...an organ that wouldn't work! Almost ready to read it as a poem to his congregation instead, he asked a friend to write music for his guitar to accompany the words. Much ado to birth one of the most beloved songs of peace at Christmas.

Healing through grief
O Little Town of Bethlehem (Phillips Brooks, 1865)

A famous preacher in Civil War America, Brooks was deeply discouraged by the War, and even more so as he'd preached for President Abraham Lincoln's funeral the year before. He needed to get away from the grief. On a wild whim, he took sabbatical in Israel. While on a hillside overlooking Bethlehem, he felt some of the first peace he'd felt in a long while. Thus was born this sweet song.

Strength for life's battles
God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen (Unknown writer, Middle Ages)

Written so long ago, the original intent of the song's language is lost to most of us. But to listeners of the Middle Ages, "God rest ye, merry" meant "God make you mighty." Who of us doesn't need a little more strength for the challenges that scare us or we feel like we just can't face?

Overcoming division and prejudice
O Holy Night! (Placide Cappeau, 1847)

When amateur poet Cappeau had his Jewish friend Adolphe Adam compose the music for this Christian carol, France banned it. In 1865, when abolitionist pastor and editor John S. Dwight discovered it, he fell in love with lyrics proclaiming freedom to the captives, "the weary world rejoicing." Later, this carol was the first song ever to be broadcast by radio, across our whole divided globe.

Inspiration through illness
What Child Is This? (William C. Dix, 1865)

I love this story: insurance agent by day, gifted song-writer by night. Then he fell quite ill. While bedridden, he wrote multiple songs (most are better known in England), including the wonder-filled, spirit-calming "What Child is This?" Deep faith from desperate illness still pours beauty through this carol after all these years.

What's your story this season? Are you battling something? Facing prejudice? Grasping for health? Longing for peace? What would your spirit-song's lyrics be?

God rest ye, merry friends!
-Laurie

(Photo Source)

Information Sources:

The World's Greatest Christmas Carols: Stories And Music of The Best-Loved Carols. Shawnee Press, 2007.
William C. Dix
O Holy Night

Reasons to Say Yes (And Not Resent It Later)

2011-12-15T11:04:00.000-08:00

If you're a female in this world, you can relate to emails and voicemails like the ones I've gotten recently:

"Mrs. Wallin? Hi, this is Marion from the school. We need some things for the holiday party in our kids' class tomorrow. Will you bring...?"

"Hi Laurie, this is Andie. Someone stepped down from this task at church. Can you fill in for a few ~~years~~ months?"

"Hi there! Can you watch my younger kids for a few hours while I head to the doctor with my oldest?"

"Hey, honey. Can ~~you~~ we make that new ~~really labor intensive~~ recipe for dinner tonight?"

"Mom" and "woman" are synonyms for "need-filler." Sometimes I love meeting those needs and helping people around me. But if I'm not careful - if I say yes to too much, for the wrong reasons - my "help" comes off more like:

Anger.
Sarcasm.
Annoyance.
Frustration.
Resentment.

Been there?

God (and everyone else!) loves a "cheerful giver." So how can we be that kind of need-meeter, especially during the holidays with their added tasks and roles?

Choose YES if the need fits one or more of these:

It brings you joy. Not happiness, which ends with circumstances, but deep joy.
It fulfills your calling. It makes sense based on the calling you sense God's designed in you for this season.*
It honors God. Which doesn't mean trying to be perfect!
It honors your strengths and talents. The task or decision fits in with what you're good at. It gives you energy, rather than sapping it.
It's life-giving to others. It helps, comforts, supports or refuels others, rather than feeding into the culture of unrealistic expectations.
It opens the door to a dream. It's the first step of faith toward doing something you've longed to do for a while. It takes guts, but energizes you at the same time.
It builds relationship. It deepens and supports a friendship or family bond. It provides opportunity for conversation and connection.
It helps you grow. Like the "dream following" idea above, it stretches you in ways you know you need it. (Again, not trying to be perfect... whatever that is!)
It stretches your faith. It's maybe a little out of your comfort zone, but it's in line with what you believe - Who you believe - and it feels like it's worth the risk.
It redeems a loss. It rebuilds bridges that burned before or gives you a chance to heal from a loss and step in to a new season.

When we're intentional and give in the context of our larger vision for life and people, we can say YES wholeheartedly and enjoy the ride! If a need that comes doesn't fit one of these criteria... maybe it's time to say the hardest word ever: NO.

With a warm smile, of course. :)

Have fun with all you give this holiday - of your time, your treasure... yourself.

"Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." - 2 Corinthians 9:7

- Laurie

* If you hear "calling" and cringe, or don't have any idea what yours is, it doesn't have to be that way! Would you trust someone to come alongside you to discover it?

(Photo Source)

If Your Worth Is Based On What You Do... (Interview: Emily Freeman)

2011-12-12T15:02:00.000-08:00

You know that thing you dread each week? Mine's Monday mornings. Not because it's the end of the weekend, but because it's my daughter's treatment team meeting, where I have to make decisions I don't want to deal with.

"Should we pursue another specialist consult for Angel?"
"How do we handle new troubling behaviors?"
"Will we spend Christmas morning at the residential unit with her?" and "How the heck is THAT going to work?"

Hard questions to consider. Harder to answer. And, because I'm ~~a perfectionist~~ responsible, questions that press on me like solid lead.

My guest today gets that, too. Her new book challenges all of us perfectionists to face grace head-on. Through her story, she invites us to (re)discover grace and find freedom from the need to control life. Please welcome Grace For The Good Girl author Emily Freeman!

Q: Thanks for being here Emily. Please tell us a little about you and your family.

My husband and I live in North Carolina with our three kids. We have been married for 10 years -

...this last year has probably been the most difficult as well as the sweetest of the 10. He is a youth pastor and I lead a small group of junior girls at our church.

We have two daughters who are twins in second grade and a son in preschool. I'm also a writer, a job I still can't believe I have. I've always wanted to be a writer but I don't think I realized that until a few years ago. As dream-come-trues often are, it's a gift as well as a burden. I am truly thankful.

Q: What led you to write your book?

I'm not sure I'd say any challenge led me to write my book. I think it was more of a burden, more of a if I don't write this book, I might explode. This book was many years in the making, years of knowing a fair amount about holiness, discipline, obedience and rules but longing to understand this thing called grace.

Watching women and high school girls around me try-hard to live life as believers really motivated me to write, as I lived that try-hard way for many years and realized that life is too hard to handle, really.

Sometimes when we try so hard to do life right, we never know what it means to live life well. I needed to flesh that out. The book was how I did that.

Q: What do you think makes grace so hard to understand for all us "good girls"?

Simply that it has no boundaries. Good girls like lists and outlines and tangibles. Grace doesn't have bullet points or corners. That can be uncomfortable for those of us who are used to holding onto this life with both hands. We are comfortable earning our rewards. Grace says we can't and quite honestly, that feels a little offensive.

Q: How's God used this book so far to help others?

I hear this line all the time: I didn't think I was a good girl until I read your book.

I think women are surprised to realize that being a good girl isn't necessarily about how good of a life you've led. Rather, it's simply those of us who want so desperately to be good yet we never believe we can be good enough.

Giveaway Details:

Emily is giving away a FREE copy of her book! To enter the drawing, leave a comment or question here (click the post title if you're viewing this in an email or feed reader) or on Moms Together by 11:45 p.m. PST on 12/13/11. UPDATE: The winner was one of our Moms Together commenters: Lori Curlee Croston. Congratulations!

If you resonated with the "good girl" idea above - one who (like me!) struggles with perfectionism, lists, and significance to God and others based on what you DO (instead of who you ARE)... connect with Emily. I've been following her blog (Chatting at the Sky) for over a year and revel in the sweet, powerful encouragement there. You can find her on twitter @emilychats or on Facebook as well. And check out her book, Grace For The Good Girl on Amazon too.

Have a grace-filled week!

-Laurie

Eating Impossible For Breakfast

2011-12-07T15:14:00.001-08:00

It's not pretty, this milk splattered over my dining room floor. Ten feet in all directions, up the wall. It's breakfast and I'm barely even alert. Why must every day with kids be a spectacular mess?

I want to yell.
I start to yell.
I stop and swallow words back.

Those words... and ones for my mood-battling daughter whose morning verbal shrapnel flies everywhere. And for my sink that creates dishes overnight. And for the neighbor whose careless judgement strangles what's left of my morning joy?

What to do with all these words I eat for breakfast? These hurts, frustrations and stressors that, if I let words out, would hurt the people I love most?

How, exactly, do any of us do this? This eating impossible for breakfast?

Over years I've grappled with this question. Some years I lost the fight and dove into depression. Then one weekend I sat in a room at a women's retreat, listening to my friend speak on forgiveness. You know, the kind of topic that in bitter seasons makes us cringe, but we sit there and listen because it's your friend, and that's what you do for friends?

It seems there are a few supplements that help digest the impossible, even first thing in the morning.

Vitamin M - Mindset
Wake each day "in the game," ready for problems that will inevitably come. Decide from the day's first moments how you'll react to these challenges. Keep a notebook by the bed, a ready arsenal of strength-building Scripture, affirmation, and favorite quotes.

"Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I (Jesus) have overcome the world" (John 16:33).

Vitamin T - Trust
Decide to believe that with every struggle you face, you have what you need. Every problem is covered. Every grace given. You are, after all, still here after all you've faced to this point. You'll make it through what is to come - with His strength, wisdom and joy.

"Lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing" (Psalm 34:10).

Vitamin R - Remember
Keep a list, and check it twice (three times, twenty times... however many times you need during the day!). From your first breath, the God of the entire universe is already up and thinking of you. He created you for this moment, these challenges, these relationships. Consider all the times you've discovered that truth, even if it came in unexpected packages. You aren't alone.

"And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:20).

Vitamin F - Forgive
If you're like me, you balk at the supposedly huge number that sermons preach - the "forgive your brother 70 times 7." In families with special needs, grief, loss, blended families... well, let's just say that's about a month. If that. So we can either wake each day already primed to be mad and resentful or we can decide right then to have a posture of forgiveness - a willingness to "give before" anything hurts us (and before we hurt others).

As we let out the poison of resentment, our ability to digest the "impossible" in our days grows by leaps and bounds.

Are we still going to feel like freaking out when we see 12 ounces of milk seeping across our floors? Or when our tweens roll their eyes at us AGAIN? Or when a therapist says your kid's needs are going to require even MORE of your time and money than they have over years so far?

Yeah. We are.

But if we bolster up our emotional immunity with these 4 vitamins, we can look impossible straight in the face, even through sleepy morning eyes, and eat it for breakfast.

Go get 'em!
-Laurie

(Photo Source)

Beat Commercialism and Enjoy Peace This Holiday

2011-12-05T14:40:00.000-08:00

What makes you most nuts during the holidays?

Last week I asked my Living Power Facebook page the same thing. Of all the choices, "commercialism" won by leagues. The ads, radio spots, store displays... even well-meaning people around town whose greetings invariably include "And what do you want for Christmas?"drive us nuts during a season when we sing of joy and peace on earth.

We can't become hermits... our kids won't let us! So what CAN we do to prevail against commercialism and live the lyrics we sing this season?

Prepare homemade gifts.
Instead of buying things for teachers, neighbors, coworkers and others, spend time together baking with the kids or filling jars with the makings for your favorite brownie, cookie or bean soup recipe. Many of the ingredients can be found at dollar stores locally (including containers or jars). The smiles from friends and neighbors as they appreciate your thought and time will be even better than the stressful store-shopping time you missed!

Engage the needs of others.
My kids this year are getting presents in their stockings but not under the tree. There will be, however, one box with each of their names on it under our noble fir... inside which are pictures of the gifts they gave to kids around the world who need so much more than we do. Honestly, I think they're more excited about the goats and chickens they're giving to kids in Indonesia than they've ever been about toys they want to get.

Arrange family gift-giving to build relationship, not debt.
Do an exchange where each member of the family (kids included) gives to one other person in the family. We've done this for years in our family and it is so much fun to see the complete joy of spending shopping time focused on one person - finding just the right thing to give to show how much we love them.

Cut the noise.
There's nothing worse than 30 minutes of ads telling you what you need, don't have, and can't afford while you're sitting at home or driving in your car! So turn off the commercials on radio and TV and opt for CDs, mp3s or intentional commercial-free viewing on services like Netflix instead.

Enjoy the sights.
Spend time on memory-making in your area. Visit parks with Christmas decorations, stop to listen to the street musicians playing carols, snap pictures of the kids with the 30 ft tree Christmas in the center of town, walk or drive through your neighborhood each night to enjoy your neighbors' lights and decorations. My 3 year old loves this so much, if I forget it one night, she really lets me have it!

As we Prepare, Engage, Arrange, Cut, and Enjoy... we can quiet the commercialism in our families, and have a lot more PEACE. And we'll have a lot more space for the Prince of Peace - the true reason for this season - when the clamor quiets.

- Laurie

(Photo Source)

When Parenting Turns Out WAY Different Than You Expect

2011-11-30T15:22:00.001-08:00

Soft and warm in our hands, the days-old eyes look up at us. Squirming, gurgling... perfect. Until the first time they scream for an entire night. Or spit their rice cereal in your face.

Or end up in the NICU for months at a time.

Or wind up with a lifelong diagnosis that changes their life - and yours - forever.

Our family's faced situations like that. Many of yours have too. Today's special guest, friend and author Jolene Philo, is here to share the story behind her new book for families raising special needs kids: Different Dream Parenting. Welcome Jolene!

Q: Jolene, please tell us about you and your family.

My husband, Hiram, and I have been married for 34 years. We met in college at the Freshman Orientation Dance, and as they say, the rest is history. Our son, Allen, was born in 1982 and immediately made life interesting. Shortly after birth, he was diagnosed with an esophageal birth anomaly requiring immediate surgery at a hospital 750 miles away. It took 7 surgeries over 5 years and another at age 15 to correct the issue.

He had no other physical anomalies and no intellectual issues. But at age 26, he was diagnosed with and treated for post-traumatic stress disorder caused by all the early medical interventions. The treatment was successful. He is now married and doing well. Our daughter, Anne, was born in 1988. She was our "easy child" though she struggled with dyslexia throughout her school years. She is also married and graduated from college in May of 2011.

Q: What challenge(s) led you to write your book?

When our son was born, pediatric medicine was still fairly new. Kids ten years older than him were the first to survive surgeries and cancer treatments in large number. Very few resources existed for parents in those days, and I felt incredibly alone. 15 years later, when Allen had his final major surgery, I was surprised at how few resources still existed.

When I left teaching in 2003 readers responded positively to my articles about special needs parenting. That's when came up with the idea for my first book, A Different Dream for My Child: Meditations for Parents of Critically and Chronically Ill Children. Someone who read it suggested the idea for a practical parenting guide for a broader spectrum of special needs situations.

Again, my preliminary research unearthed some good, comprehensive special needs parenting books in the general market, but none in the Christian market. That was deeply disturbing, as believers are charged to care for widows, orphans, and the oppressed. Never in my life did I feel more oppressed or alone than when first parenting our son. I felt called to write the book to fulfill God's command.

Q: What do you feel is hardest for parents of special needs kids?

Hands down, the isolation. It is so hard to find someone who understands what it's like to have a child with special needs in a typical world. Care giving, doctors' appointments, and trying to keep up with daily life and work was so consuming, there was no time to search out other parents. In fact, our son was 27 before I spoke face to face with the mom of another child born with the same anomaly.

Another hard thing was to allow myself to grieve what was lost in our son's childhood because of his special needs. I thought that was wrong because our child lived and eventually thrived.

So I felt guilty about my grief until doing the research for Different Dream Parenting. While interviewing parents for that book, they voiced similar emotions and experiences. I realized our grief was normal, necessary, and valid.

Q: How's God using your book to help others?

I recently received an email from a young mom who was a student of mine when she was a third and fourth grader. She's the mother of twin boys born prematurely in the summer of 2010. I sent her a copy of A Different Dream for My Child several months later.

In her recent email, she ordered four sets of the books: a set for the NICU where her babies were, another for the hospital's parent outreach program, another for her sons' pediatrician, and the final set for herself. She needed both books because the book I'd sent had been passed on to a NICU nurse in Iowa City. Since the first book was published, several families have ordered books by the case, so they can include the book in gift bags they distribute at the hospitals where their kids were treated. Pretty amazing!

Q: Anything else you want to share?

I love to hear from readers and connect them to resources and other parents equipped to come alongside them. I encourage parents to visit A Different Dream where resources, product reviews, and guest bloggers including Laurie Wallin are featured daily. If you want a peek into life at my house, check out my personal blog, Down the Gravel Road.

Or connect with me on Facebook or on Twitter. Different Dream Parenting: A Practical Guide for Raising a Child with Special Needs can be purchased at bookstores, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, ChristianBook.com, and at Discovery House Publisher's website. Those involved in non-profit organizations can contact the publisher for information about special discount rates.

Thanks for being with us today, Jolene. I'm so excited to see ways your book helps set free and give confidence to special needs families!

- Laurie

What If Your Spouse Doesn't Share Your Faith? (Interview and Giveaway)

2011-11-28T11:42:00.001-08:00

What if that thing you daily take for granted wasn't around?

I thought about that this morning as I wished my hubby happy birthday. We snuggled up together and prayed for the day. As we ate breakfast, we thanked God for the food. As Gary left for work, he asked me to pray for a big meeting later on. All these things seem so normal to us.

For some couples, though, shared beliefs aren't the norm. It's a deep personal connection I - and probably many of us - take for granted, but is sorely longed for in many homes across the world.

Today it's my joy to introduce you to someone who's heart is to support those couples. Chris Moss is an author, speaker and teacher who longs to see couples with differing beliefs enjoy long, wonderful marriages despite faith differences. Enjoy what she shares here, and check out the great giveaway she's offering at the end!

Q: Chris, please tell us a little about you and your family.

I am a Christian woman, wife, mom to three adults, stepmom to three more adults, grandmother of three (with one on the way!). I am a Mentor Mom in MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers), a teacher of Purpose Driven Life and I am called to set women free. I am married to Ed--the love of my life--who happens to be Jewish.

I knew what scripture said about being unequally yoked when I courted and married him, but I did it anyway. It wasn't until years later that I saw the wisdom of scripture and realized my life had become a series of little compromises that seldom honored me, my husband or my commitment to God all at the same time.

Q: What challenge(s) led you to write your book?

In Christian circles I most often attended alone because my husband did not attend. In social circles, I was with my husband, but as a Christian, I often felt alone. I realized that like Jesus, I was between two worlds.

I did not belong with a singles group and I did not belong in a married group without my husband. I was "spiritually single."

Every study I attended--even if I had heard it before at a different time in my life--began to teach me God's lessons through the lense of a spiritually single wife. It led to more questions: How do I love Christ and my husband? How do I create a place where I belong? How do I honor God without turning my husband off? I believed if I found answers to those questions, I needed to share them with other women like me, make friends, get together, become free, and create a place to help other spiritually single wives with similar struggles.

Q: What do you feel makes being spiritually single so hard?

Three things make being spiritually single difficult for me:

Watching while my husband's struggles and knowing that God is reaching out with amazing tools to help him...but he does not have eyes to see or ears to hear. He must rely on himself when God has so much to offer--that is simply the hardest for me.

Functioning day after day with little or no spiritual affirmation from the man I love.

Focusing on #1 and/or #2. I don't want to create an environment that breeds anguish, loneliness, unmet expectations, or frustration. Those emotions can be there sometimes, but I don't want to LIVE there. I have the choice to filter them through the Word of God so that I can be the best ambassador of Christ to my husband and family and bring glory to God.

Q: How's God using your book to help others?

On my website are several abbreviated testimonials from women who share how the book and class have changed their lives. God changed things, my book was just a simple tool. But knowing the women behind those testimonials has changed me! The most amazing results of writing the book is finding women like me who just need a little encouragement and friendship from another Christian.

Teaching the classes and watching women linger afterward to find friendship on a spiritual level with other spiritually single wives tells me we have created our own place to belong. No judgment, no expectation. Just encouragement and kindness from someone who, like themselves, knows how they live and loves and accepts them. Truly a gift!

Q: Anything else you want to share?

For anyone in the San Diego area, I am hosting a "Happy Birthday Jesus!" party on Tuesday, December 6th at 9 am. Bring a breakfast dish to share, an ornament for an exchange (white elephant encouraged), and a friend. Message me on Facebook for location.

Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us, Chris. You're bringing hope and help to marriages so they can thrive, and it's wonderful to hear how God's using your ministry!

Giveaway Details:

One book will go to the first question for Chris - here or on Moms Together.
One will go to the 50th comment on Moms Together.
One book will be given to a randomly drawn name from those who sign up for Chris's email newsletter at her site. Be sure to leave a comment on today's post at her site to let her know you signed up from Moms Together or Living Power so she knows!

Please stop by and check out Chris's website, and book info on Amazon. Also, you can follow her on her Facebook Page and Twitter.

- Laurie

Tired Before The Holidays Even Start? Here's Help.

2011-11-21T11:00:00.000-08:00

"That's done," I say, and glance at the to-do list. "Now to do laundry, pack for our Thanksgiving trip, plan for the dog, pay the bills... and then there's Christmas...."

It's endless! The more I look at my list, the more I envision crumpling it up and crawling back in bed for a month.

Can you relate?

Clinical professor at Albany Medical College in New York, Dr. Ronald Nathan, says holidays stress us out because “When we think about the holidays, we dwell on the past and what went wrong, or we romanticize it and make it impossible to re-create."*

We're tired because we focus on the wrong things - problems or unrealistic expectations - and those drive our insanely tiring holiday schedules and lists. We end up living life like my grandfather used to say, with the "wrong em-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LA-ble!"

The good news is that focusing on the right things gives us back the energy we need. Here are a few questions to help bring focus to your holiday this year:

What's your ultimate goal for the holidays?
More than just what you want to DO, who do you want to BE over Thanksgiving, Christmas and everything in between? What do you want people to remember about their time with you?

Think of words to describe those qualities and keep them visible this season. Post them on your bathroom mirror, your car dashboard, your computer monitor and let your mind marinate on them.

It also helps to find a quote or Scripture to support the idea to root it even deeper in your heart and thoughts. Here are two that I desire for myself this season: "Be the fragrance of Christ" (2 Cor 2:15) and "Live the wisdom from above" (see James 3:17).

What tasks today move you toward that goal?
Would shopping for gifts for your spouse support your goal? Or baking? Or calling a friend? Or sitting by the fire with your kids? If so, then do it knowing you're BEING who you want to be this season - the calm, friendly, financially responsible, thoughtful, or playful person you noted in the section above.

Focus is the key to being less tired this season.

As we keep the vision clear about who we are - who God sees in us - we'll fashion our days around that instead of unrealistic expectations or past-based fears.

Though focus on the right things, we'll all have more energy to make the kinds of holiday memories we long for. We'll move from being "worried and bothered about many things" to choosing "what is better" (Luke 10:42).

What's your goal this holiday? Leave a comment to make it official, and be encouraged by others who are ready to have more energy this season!

Have a very happy Thanksgiving.

- Laurie

(Photo Source)

*Tips for Reducing Holiday Stress, WedMD

7 Reasons To Act Like a Turkey This Holiday

2011-11-17T10:27:00.000-08:00

If someone calls you a turkey, it's usually not a good thing. And yet, Benjamin Franklin liked the turkey better than the bald eagle as the symbol of America.* Why is that??

I decided to learn a little about them and discovered how interesting they are. While clearly there's one big reason NOT to be a turkey at Thanksgiving (ehem), we'd enjoy the holiday a lot more if we acted like them.

They're good listeners
Turkeys don't have physical ears, but they have amazing hearing. Like them, when we find we're missing resources we think we need to be present with others, we can listen anyway. Let's be good listeners this holiday.

They're open about feelings
A turkey's grey head and neck skin changes colors with their mood - if they're nervous, excited, scared or sad. Being real lets others know what to expect from them in the moment. Let's decide we'll be honest and real in ways that open relationships this holiday too.

They're surprising... in a good way
Like wild peacocks, these large birds can fly - sometimes as fast as 55 miles per hour. They also run at 25 miles per hour. That may seem surprising as you look at this unassuming native bird. We've all got positive talents and traits that may surprise others. This holiday, let's decide to let a little of that out!

They eat healthy
These birds eat lots of vegetation, nuts, seeds, grain, and protein. While we wouldn't probably choose lizards as our protein source like they do, we can make substitutions that give our bodies what they need most this season.

They speak up when it's important
Turkeys make lots of vocalizations, the gobble being only one. In certain situations, the birds' calls can be heard a mile away. Like them, we can choose to speak up and be heard clearly when it matters this holiday.

They get good rest
Wild turkeys roost in trees, preferably in branches over water to protect them from nocturnal predators. With a little intention and some well-placed trust in God, we can make our sleeping place a haven from distractions, noise, and the day's worries that seek to prey on tired minds.

They have a bigger vision
With a 270 degree field of vision, they see widely and in color (unusual for many animals). We could all do with a little wider vision of the world around us and the people in it this holiday. Take time to notice, greet and connect with others as you're shopping, cooking or traveling.

Here's to a happier Thanksgiving this year, as we all act a little more like turkeys!

In fun,
Laurie

Info sources: Here and here (also the photo source). *Franklin info here.

Discover Your Place In the BIG Picture (Michelle Lazurek Interview)

2011-11-14T15:18:00.000-08:00

What is your role in the bigger story?

Author Michelle Lazurek

We all wonder that sometimes. Michelle Lazurek wondered it "out loud" in her new book, Becoming the Disciple Whom Jesus Loved. I'm excited to introduce her and this inspiring new book to you today. Be sure to leave a comment to be entered to win a free copy of her book!

Q: Michelle, we're glad you're here! Please share a little about you, your family and your ministry vision.

I hold a Bachelor’s in Communications and a Master’s Degree in Counseling/Human Relations. I have been a pastor’s wife for over ten years, and we planted Praxis Church in Wallingford, CT five years ago. I work as a Pre-K teacher at a local YMCA and have two beautiful children, Caleb, 7 and Leah, 5.

Mary Demuth encourages all writers to answer the question “ What is your one thing?” My one thing is to tell people that

God is writing a story for your life and all of the people, circumstances and events in the past, present and future are a part of that story. It is up to you whether you want to engage in that story. 

Q: How did you come to write this book?

Someone recently asked me “ How did you choose to be a writer?” and I replied, “ Writing chose me.” I felt a call on my life about two years ago to write a book. I had never written anything extensive - some poetry in high school, but nothing since I found the Lord at age 18 - so it was definitely out of my comfort zone.

As I prayerfully considered which topic I would explore, I began to comb through the gospel of John. I couldn’t help but notice that over thirteen times John refers to HIMSELF as “ the disciple whom Jesus Loved”. I searched commentaries to find out more about this reference, but no scholar deals with this seemingly arrogant title directly.
I believe the insights I have provided give a unique and timely spin on the nature of God, who God called John to be and who He ultimately, calls us to be.

Q: What do you hope readers will take away from reading?

I wrote this book out of a great love for the Church (not the building, but the people.) It's been my family in some for the most difficult times in my life, some of which I share in this book. I wrote it for the jaded, the hurting, those that believe in Him but want to protect themselves from the messiness a relationship with Him and His people can bring.

I'd love for readers to have a deeper understanding of the character and nature of the apostle John, who demonstrated great love, faithfulness and loyalty to His Savior in his darkest hour of need, in the same way that the church has for me in my darkest hours.
I hope readers will gain a deeper understanding of what love really is – that we as the Church might answer the call to “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1).

Q: How has the message you share challenged you to grow personally?

One of the biggest lessons is that God demonstrates His faithfulness through our obedience. By me obeying God’s call by carving out time on a weekly basis, going to a quiet place, and opening up my laptop and saying “What do you have to say to me today, Lord?” God allowed this project to come to fruition.

Secondly, I am inspired by the example of John to love others in spite of deep pain, rejection and persecution. Relationships are messy. Sometimes I feel I cannot love others who have wounded me.

The last lesson is that delving into the scriptures can be a richly rewarding experience. I realized that Jesus’ apostles were just ordinary people like you and me, and related to Jesus’ apostles on a deeper level, falling in love with God’s Word in a new way through writing this book. I would love my audience to fall in love with His Word in a new way as well.

Q: Anything else you'd like to share w/my readers?

Yes! Are you ready to accept the invitation to become a character in the story God is writing for your life? Are you ready to embark on the journey to becoming the disciple whom He loved? If so, then let the Story begin…

Thanks again for sharing your story and heart with us, Michelle!

You can find Michelle on Facebook or Twitter.
Books are available on Michelle's Website, Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
Please join her on her blog at Becoming the disciple whom Jesus Loved.

Until next time....

-Laurie

Ambushed: Overcoming Grief Waves This Holiday

2011-11-10T11:42:00.000-08:00

It happened suddenly. In the middle of a meeting where we discussed things that seemed safe - topics seemingly unrelated to the tender place in my heart. A friend asks an innocent question:

"Do you have any pictures of your kids?"

"Of course I do!" I reply, pulling my phone out and scrolling through snapshots filled with grins and antics that animate life in a family of six.

Except in the photos it's only... five.

Screen after screen I scroll through faces. Dozens of images... and she's not there. Has it really been that long?

And the tears ambush me. Hot and bitter. I curl over, laboring to breathe through grief that blurs images in my hand. Where is she?

Where is my little redhead?

She's in a center for children who hurt deeper than their families, doctors and specialists can manage to heal. She's in a place that's not home. As we unpack decorations and bake pies this holiday season, she will miss more photos. She's already missed so many. She's missing our life... and we're missing hers.

As holidays unfold this year, your grief may surprise you like that, too. In the middle of a mall. In a meeting at work. Driving down the street past a favorite place. A reminder that the pain isn't really gone. It's just waiting for a little air to breathe. One small crack of a window and it floods in again.

In those ambushed moments, we can still see good this holiday. We can fight the despair with powerful tools that strengthen grieving hearts.

Get a grief buddy. Take a friend to coffee and ask if they'd be your "I feel like crap today" friend. Someone you can email or text or just call and know they'll listen and won't need you to smile and have it all together. And someone who loves you enough to tell you it's time to get up, give the kleenex a break and let the good in too.
Find a comforting book, CD or Scripture passage for this season. Read it every morning as you awake, allowing yourself permission to cry, question and sometimes just feel numb. Choose to trust that resource to inspire and strengthen you... to fill in the gaps the tears leave behind.
Go for a walk. Plan some time each day to get your heart pumping, whether it's a walk around the block, vigorous house cleaning, or popping in that exercise video for 20 minutes. Endorphines released in your body will lift your mood and allow you a healthy way to expend the grief energy that sometimes feels overwhelming.
Invest in others who are struggling. Give an evening to a battered women's shelter, collect shoeboxes filled with personal care items for poor kids abroad, write letters to service men and women deployed across the world. Others are grieving this holiday, too. As we reach out, we remember we're not alone.
Plan quiet moments in your holiday busyness. The grief will surge, so give yourself space to let it. Make a 6 week calendar and plan events through the end of the year with your family, making sure there are days - even stretches of days - that are unplanned. Just allowing space in your schedule keeps away the stress that exacerbates a broken heart.

This season may feel different for me, my little girl, our family. It may be different than normal for your family too. But the joy that marks it can still be ours - real, deep joy and peace - when we let ourselves do what we need to care for our hearts.

In comfort,
Laurie

If you need a little extra support this holiday season, I'd love to help. I'm offering a discount on special needs and grief coaching for November and December: Buy one session and get the second one free. Email me to find out more.

(Photo Source)

The Cure For What Annoys Us Most

2011-11-07T12:23:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while it's good to vent. If you're like me, you could probably come up with 20 things right now that annoy or frustrate you just about every day.

Things like:

The 12 year old selling me Oil of Olay on TV
Pulling an empty jug of milk out of the refrigerator
Forgetting wet laundry in the washing machine overnight
Accidentally stepping on the tube of toothpaste someone left on the floor, capless
Picking up the same jacket off the floor every day
Finding a free movie ticket in my purse a month after it expired
Missing a phone call from a friend overseas
Reaching into my jewelry box on a special night, and finding only one of my favorite earrings
That the kitchen sink, I'm convinced, produces dirty dishes on its own
Leaving my wallet at home and discovering this at the Costco checkout stand
Being late someplace and noticing the fuel needle pointing at "E"
My dog jumping on me while I'm grabbing that same jacket off the floor every day
Searching through the 3 a.m. darkness for my youngest daughter's dropped pacifier
Hearing "I have to go too" as I return to a restaurant table from the other child's bathroom trip
Hearing "I have to go" at the Costco checkout stand while I'm looking for the wallet I left home
Discovering I'm missing a key dinner ingredient when the meal's almost cooked
Domino tantrums - the 9, then 5, then 3 year old - as we leave Costco emptyhanded
Seeing my husband work incredibly hard to earn way less than he's worth
Wondering how long my 8 year old will need to be in residential treatment to get stabilized
The anxiety that comes when I focus on all this stuff instead of spending my energy noticing the unbelievable number of good things in my life.

Interesting, isn't it? Simply venting toxic complaints about life builds more pressure in the heart. Not unlike a volcano, our frustration and annoyance builds to explosive results when we vent like this. We need heat vents that actually dissipate the pent-up pressure inside us. And gratitude is just that.

With Thanksgiving holiday later this month, we're all thinking about gratitude a little more. But life-giving gratitude is so much more dynamic than traditional acts of remembrance and giving.

True gratitude chooses to see good in the moments that try to suck joy out of us.

It is, as Ann Voskamp says in One Thousand Gifts, openhanded to the gifts God gives every second of every day - whether they're good or bad.

It's in being content - satisfied - moment by moment. In being glad for the beating heart, life breath, moving limbs, sunshine, smell of rain, sounds of laughter, Saturday morning snuggles, smiles of neighbors. Giving thanks for abundant resources like Costco even if the wallet's at home. Or welcoming the fridge with the empty carton because the child whose small curious hands left it there means so much to us.

Gratitude like this changes everything. It not only vents the volcano, it levels it and plants a garden in it's place.

What annoys you most? Will you vent that into gratitude today?

-Laurie

To leave a comment, click here. To find out more about how coaching can build the habit of gratitude into your life intentionally, please email me.

(Photo Source)

Secrets to Love Your Mornings (Even Before the Coffee!)

2011-11-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

I roll over and smack the alarm clock. Green numbers blurry, static playing on the radio (thank you, little child who messes with the dials!) My husband gently nudges. Waking to his voice still fills my heart and makes me smile. But the moment is short-lived.

"Oh crap. The kids are going to be late for school!!"

I leap from bed, grab my sweats (I'm pretty sure I wore them two other mornings this week, but who cares, right?) Rubbing sleepy eyes, I reach up to start the oh-so-fun morning routine.

I know I'm not alone in this moment. A whole bunch of moms at a group I visited yesterday admitted to the same thing!

There has to be a better way. A way to wake excited and full of energy... at least most mornings. I've been on the hunt for that magic recipe as a mom myself, and here's what I've discovered: Mornings really can be alert and full of energy, without 3 cups of coffee, if we do a couple of simple things.

Set up a morning that welcomes you.
While I always feel better when my kids' bags are by the door, and the table is cleared or even set for breakfast before I go to bed, those things don't make me jump out of bed singing Sound of Music refrains.

As part of the evening routine, I'm learning to leave little "love notes" to myself around the house.

I clean and stock the coffee maker so I just have to click "on" in the morning, or put all the dishes in the dishwasher so my sink is gleamingly empty, or lay out one of my favorite outfits for the next day. Or even write a post-it of encouragement, a fun quote or "go get 'em!" and stick it on my bathroom mirror.

Plan what you love into every day.
I always know the days when I did nothing that naturally plays to my strengths. They're the ones where I stay up until 1 a.m. surfing the web or watching movies.... just because I feel watered-down and empty. But somehow it's easier to retire early on days when I busily did what I love: writing, speaking, reading a great book, organizing one of my kids' rooms (yes, I know I'm weird). So now I plan a little of that into every day.

When we're intentional about making space for the things we naturally do well each day, we won't need to stay up late searching for something to make us feel better, happier, more relaxed or complete. We'll already feel that way. Which makes mornings much more fabulous!

Trust... out loud.
If feeling like you're not really living the life you want keeps your mornings funky, fear will glue your body in bed with the covers over your head. This one's a daily battle for me, especially over the past few months as my oldest daughter's moods swung and raged over the absence of her younger sister. I discovered a secret about trust recently that is getting me through this:

Trust isn't a feeling. It's a choice.

As we choose to rely and be confident in God during the tough stuff, and even speak the choice aloud, we change things. Discouragement dissipates, and everyone around us is on notice we don't intend to quit or let the situation steamroll you. Intending, choosing trust will get you out of bed on the days you think you can't do it.

So rise and shine, amazing you!

-Laurie

(Photo Source)