Living Small, Loving Large

Merry Christmas Eve!

2013-12-25T10:44:00.000-08:00

As a lot of you know I do have to share Brielle. It's not fun especially around holidays. Chirstmas was her fathers this year so I got her Christmas Eve. Boy oh boy did we have fun!

We started the morning at the apartment. Which I debated putting our "beautiful decor" up for the holidays and I am really glad we did. We woke up around 7 a.m. ISH. (Joys of a three year old on what she thinks is Christmas morning) She tore apart those presents so fast and was so excited! What made me most proud is when she said thank you after every gift. Doin' somethin' right!!

Just an FYI I could not get my camera to turn on so these were all taken with my wonderful iPhone4. Like a boss.

I don't want to over load you so moving on!

We do Chirstmas at my Grandmas every year and she made a special exception and moved her party to Christmas Eve so Brielle and I could both be there. It was so much fun!!!

I did manage to get my camera to work half way during grandmas party

This picture^^^ So precious.

I took 4 takes at this because I thought Ethan was picking his nose.

Andddd my parents got Brielle a 500 dollar rabbit fur coat. Rolled my eyes a bit but after using it as a pillow I'm a tad jealous.

These two kids <3

This picture as well. We look so happy. I am so excited for our wedding!

Oh! My diamond earrings!

Story time! Once upon a time my adopted parents gave me a pair of diamond earrings (before they had adopted me) and then my biological mother sold them for drug money! Then when I moved in with my adopted parents they bought me another pair. Guess who came for a visit and stole them, again! How nice of her. These are my babies. And they mean so much more to me than just a pair of earrings. Best Christmas ever!

Oreo Diabetic Cake

2013-12-12T15:10:00.000-08:00

NO THIS IS NOT FOR IF YOU HAVE DIABETES. THIS WILL CAUSE DIABETES!

That's enough for shouty disclaimers. This was my desert I made for our Thanksgiving. I kept calling it Oreo Diabetic Cake and everyone kept asking why I'd make a cake for diabetics when no one is diabetic. My answer... It is so damn sweet you'll get cancer!!

All you need is:

2 packs of Oreo's

2 tubs of whip cream

a cup of milk

Chocolate Syrup

Easiest thing you will ever do is make this desert. Dip your Oreo's in milk and line the bottom of a 9x13 pan.

Using your fingers will break the cookie. Jamming the fork will break the cookie. Trying to wiggle the fork in will break the damn cookie. This was the worst part of the whole thing.

Being delicate frustrates me.

Next take your first tub of whip cream. Using a plastic spatula spread it around

If you push down ( Just a little bit ) some of the Oreo will break off and make the whip cream really delicious.

Now soak more Oreo's and smear more whip cream. Second layer done.

Let chill for a good half hour and then cut out a piece and drizzle some chocolate over top of it!

Stuffed Jalapenos

2013-12-06T14:45:00.000-08:00

For Thanksgiving I made stuff Jalapenos. These are a favorite of everyone!

What you'll need:

4-8 Jalapenos (depending how many people you are feeding)

A little bit of cream cheese

Shredded cheese (we always like sharp cheddar)

Bacon

Preheat over to about 350

Start by cutting your Jalapenos in half long ways.

Then clean the seeds out! Try to scrape them out with a spoon. If you use your nails the seeds will burn your fingers for days. No joke. It hurts..

Next spread cream cheese inside of them with a butter knife.

Very lightly sprinkle the cheese on top. Wrap in bacon. I do use toothpicks but it still works without (I tried)

Throw in the oven for about 15-20 minutes.

ENJOY!!

So easy and they have been a hit every single time I make them. No one ever believes they are that easy.

Try them and tell me what you think!

Thanksgiving!

2013-11-29T14:27:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving already? Wow! What a great day. I'm so thankful to have Ethan around. I am so secure with myself around the holidays now. He truly does complete me. We spent this thanksgiving with my beautiful parents. I made an appetizer and a desert which I will post later, stay tuned!

I seriously could not have had a better time than I did. Everyone was so happy and relaxed. The aroma of all the food just made me smile. The game was on, my mom and I were in the kitchen, and kids were running and giggling non stop. It was just.... PERFECT.

They are so cute!

Her face is priceless.

Stuffed mushrooms!

NOMNOMNOM

This Makes Number 8

2013-11-22T10:22:00.001-08:00

This tattoo has more meaning than any of them.
I'm having a few problems health wise and I'm really stressed about it. Without going into depth I'll just briefly say Monday I'm going in for a slight procedure and if that doesn't fix it I go in Friday for a serious surgery. I am terrified and stressing. To relieve the stress I figured a trip to Frankies would do me some good. So I got the tattoo that I have debated about since I first started getting tattooed. With everything going wrong and difficult in life I can always count on a tattoo to just distract me for a while. So here is tattoo number 8.
( See my puncture hole? I've had so much blood taken it's not even funny )
BTW, getting tattooed after you've had blood drawn for the last three days is really painful because you are bruised underneath.

"There is no love without the Knowledge of pain."

The meaning behind this goes so far back that I don't really want to go into it too much, so just know that this is a scar cover up tattoo. This tattoo is for my biological mother who has caused so much damage in my life. The skull represents her and how I feel about her. The yellow roses were her favorite and they are wilting away. I wouldn't be the strong woman I am today if she hadn't been the way she was. I'd also probably be a normal person without the issues I have if I'd grown up with my adoptive family.
That's a little insight on my life.
And I am so thankful for Dave at Frankie's. The fact that I can tell you my feelings for her and just a basic skull with roses and then you come out with this just amazes me. He portrayed the feeling perfectly.

If you ever read this, or if you ever find me I want you to know, after everything you put me through I just wait for the day I hear of a methhead in SLC who passed away. One who gave up on two of her kids and kept the middle one for her own fucking selfish reasons. I hope you rot. At the same time thank you, the abuse, the hurt, the prostitution, and the drugs has taught me how to survive. That's exactly what I am, a survivor.

DIY Glitter Cups!

2013-11-16T13:37:00.000-08:00

With us preparing to move I've been doing everything I can to prepare and have places for everything. My bathroom is the most disorganized room in our apartment. It's my fault. I'll admit it, I have a problem with smelly good things. There is my confession. So most of the drawers and cabinets are filled with yummy lotions, sprays, soaps and things like that. I don't have a lot of room for make up stuff in my bathroom. I came up with a simple solution! Make a cup to put my brushes in so I'm not losing them in a drawer of lotions. Also decided to make one for ponytails, bobby pins, and barrettes so I don't have to dig every morning.

Cute right? I originally saw this on Pinterest, here.

But her way didn't work for me! ): ( which is why the purple one looks like crap. )

Here's what you will need:

Mod Podge, Brushes, glitter of your choice, a bowl with cling wrap lined in it, and some simple jars from the dollar store or walmart had some for 67 cents!

I used a mason jar from Brielle's birthday party.

Next pour some ModPodge in your bowl and dump some glitter on it. Like alot.

Stir it up!

Swirl it around the jar.

I just let this one dry and it didn't turn out but my others one I sprinkled more glitter in the jar and it got way more coverage!

The purple one was used for my makeup brushes. The silver one is for my bobbypins and the blue and silver ( my favorite ) is in my room just to be cute :p

I love these! super easy and super cheap!

What's in the Package??

2013-11-12T13:33:00.000-08:00

I can't even tell you how excited I am to finally have this arrive at my parents door!

( I can't have things sent to my house because they get stolen off my front porch ): sad, I know)

I love Etsy. Always have. I ordered an adorable bracelet and it only took 4 days to get here!

I ordered it from Candy Couture Shop on Etsy, which is one of my favorites.

I seriously want to buy one of each color.

It even came in a hot pink envelope. How special. ( I'm seriously over excited. )

I really wish I had a picture of it on but I just didn't have time. This really is a beautiful piece and it's so simple!

Get ready for a DIY tomorrow (;

Menu Monday

2013-11-11T12:58:00.001-08:00

I found the most delicious spinach and artichoke dip. Super easy too!

Looks delicious right?!

Secret: Found it on Pinterest. Seems these days everytime I cook something new my recipe generates from pinterest. This one I found at Natashas Kitchen on Pinterest!

Ingredients

8oz cream cheese (reduced fat is ok)

16 oz light sour cream
1 stick (8 tbsp) unsalted butter
2-3 Cups shredded Parmesan cheese
14 oz quartered artichoke hearts, drained and coarsely chopped
10 oz frozen spinach (thawed and drained)
1 Tsp. Garlic Salt

Instructions

In a medium pot over medium heat, melt together 8oz cream cheese, 16 oz sour cream, 1 stick butter and 1.5-2 cups parmesan cheese, stirring frequently until melted and an even consistency. It should start to bubble.
Stir in coarsely chopped artichoke hearts and drained spinach. Finally, stir in garlic salt.
Serve hot with chips or crackers or toasted baguettes or pita chips.

She used jalapenos but Brielle wouldn't have eaten it if it was too spicy. She also used real garlic cloves, I would have too but, I didn't realize I was out. I was not about to run to the store midway through cooking this just for garlic cloves. Not happening.

Also, when trying to drain the artichoke hearts I was squeezing them to get the excess juice out and WOW, that is a mess. So I gave you fair warning.

Let me know if you try this and how it turned out!

Also follow me on Pinterest!

Steal Deal Saturday

2013-11-09T12:36:00.000-08:00

Shopping was an almost perfect success! So happy with everything I got.

I did not find my jacket so I will probably just order it off of 6pm which is fine.

I didn't find those exact flats or anything close but I found some even cuter ones that I am beyond pleased with! And instead of burgundy I picked up maroon ( according to Ethan there isn't a difference, but there is! Right? ) jeggings that are super comfy! Picked up a cute shirt with a leather collar and pocket which I think just make it all sorts of fancy (:

The thing that started all this was not only my stressful week but this fortune cookie!

New Shoes, YNot! $17

5 for $7 at Rue21! Didn't even have to break out my Angels Credit Card by VictoriaSecret

These maroon jeggings that are beyond comfortable were also Rue21 for $20

Shirt: Rue21 $8 on SALE!

I had found this shirt at oasap.com a couple weeks ago and refused to spend that much. Look how similar!

Ethan took me out to dinner as well to Corbins Grille, so delicious!

Quite possibly my favorite thing from our shopping adventure is this wonderful case

that I got for only $4. Incredible! :D

I am officially a couponer! I

Finally Friday!

2013-11-08T15:33:00.000-08:00

To say the least I have had a very stressful week.

To start I was late to work every single day this week. On Thursday I had to do a live meeting with our dev team which was basically an hour of me talking and explaining the advantages of different plugins and we needed to add onto those plugins that they can go on ahead and get started on it. I am not a developer, I do not write code. This was a very high stress task. Thirdly I have been a week with no smoking and it just doesn't help. Lastly, I found out some news that just really sends me over the edge. I feel if you can't support the child you have now, DON'T HAVE ANOTHER. But spite my opinion people still do and I just find it incredibly unfair to the unborn child who won't be cherished or loved, the already born child who is already not taken care of, and that persons family who now has more responsibility to take care of there kids. CRAP! On the drive to work this morning I was on the phone with my oh so wonderful mother who is very patienet and eventually she just shut up and let me vent and basically the whole conversation was "That's crap! This is crap! Holy crap!". End rant. but after that I was just over the top and ready to go home.

Ethan ( as wonderful as he's been ) hals seen my stress, anger, disappointment, and fear this last week and offered me to go to City Creek.

No hesitation came from that yes, haha I made a funny.

So! To prepare myself for this all night adventure I have been picturing what I need to add to my wardrobe. Hopefully I can find some good deals! If I do I will post on Saturday for Steal Deal Saturday!

Some sweet flats similar to these ones on ModCloth ones.

A sweet new jacket similar to this one off of 6pm which has been a favorite lately

And last but not least I have been dying for a pair of burgundy skinny jeans similar to the ones at H&M

Hopefully this goes well and I don't break my bank this week :p

Ashton Gray and Her Beautiful Family

2013-11-07T14:34:00.002-08:00

Got a family to do pictures with! I'm so happy with how most of these turned out!

Thanks guys for giving me this opportunity.

And I do have a Facebook page to check out or contact me if in the Utah area!

Happy Halloween!

2013-10-31T10:01:00.000-07:00

Not much to say other than I was happy to have my honey home this year for Halloween!

Brielle was my little Tangled, and I did a sugar skull.

Also I made Pumpkin Seeds again! If you need an easy recipe check out when I did them 2 years ago

Holiday's are coming up and I'm warning all of you now, be ready for craft overload.

Photo Day Challenge

2013-10-24T12:28:00.000-07:00

I wanted to show you guys how lame my weekday is. All I do is work. So I did the photo challenge of a picture an hour. Lets start.

6 A.M. Cuddle with my animals and debate if I REALLY want to get up

7 A.M. Arrive to work and chug as much caffeine as possible

8 A.M. Relieve stress with my adorable owls.

9 A.M. Take a break, solve a Rubix cube, and get more caffeine

10 A.M. Take a random selfie with my managers coat

11 A.M. Get more caffeine. I have a problem.

12 P.M. Make calls, enjoy my caffeine overload.

1 P.M. Enjoy the lunch provided every Thursday, this Thursday delicious sandwiches.

2 P.M. Struggle to get back to work and waste time on YouTube

3 P.M. Go over notes for the day. Can I start cleaning up and going home orrrrrr? Oh. No. Of course not.

4 P.M. Be a nerdy developer and look into a 5th dimension. And break a software. Bwahahahaha

Sometime around 5 P.M. get stuck in rush hour traffic for an hour

6 P.M. Arrive home to these two just hanging out.

7 P.M. enjoy "Dinner"

8 P.M. do my nightly routine.

9 P.M. Look like crap, cuddle, and finally pass the eff out.

I am so excited for the weekend. My week has officially sucked!

New Dreams

2013-10-20T12:39:00.000-07:00

Maybe this isn't a NEW dream but it's one I'm finally pursuing. After finally getting a proper camera for my birthday I decided maybe I could start taking pictures. Who's a better model than my 3 year old? These turned out so much better than I thought they would. I also took a family picture trying to figure out the delay option. After many failed attempts it finally came out right! Introducing Summer Dreams Photography

20 Years Young

2013-08-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

Celebrating my birthday has never been a huge extravagant thing for me. It's been more or less a day to be grateful for everything I've experienced in life. My past is an ugly one. I like to pretend I've lived with my adopted parents for 20 years, but we've only been a family for 5 years now. The 15 years before that were nothing but hell. So every year when my birthday rolls around I thank the heavens for the family I was blessed with and the wonderful years I have had with them. I never thought i'd make it to twenty. It was a relaxing day spent with my family doing absolutely nothing. Brielle woke me up with a picture frame she picked out and her favorite picture of us at her birthday, my mom got me a beautiful Peridot ring, my dad got me a brand new Fuji 4800 Camera, and my honey bought me my seventh tattoo. The three best gifts I could have ever asked for.

Oh and Ethan made me delicious dinner! :D

( Phone picture )

Memorial Day

2013-05-27T14:54:00.000-07:00

Happy Memorial day everyone! Memorial day every year is a tough one for me. The whole reason I moved to Utah is because my blood mother married someone in the air force and we got stationed out here. He was the most amazing step dad I had ever had. Before he left my blood mom he swore to me that he would come back for me when he was done serving our country. Sadly a few months later we got the call that he had died fighting for our country. Things turned out in the end of course because I got adopted by the most incredible family, but for so many years before I met my adopted family I wondered how much better things would have been. I miss him like crazy to this day. He's forever in my heart.

Ethan's brother served our country as well. He died six years ago in a fatal motorcycle accident. When Ethan and I first met in high school it hadn't even been a year since his brother passed away. Ethan has come such a long ways and I'm so proud of him for working through everything instead of just acting like it didn't happen.

R.I.P Kasey Hunt and Gary Holley. Thank you for all that you did for us.

To celebrate Kasey's life we went to Fort Douglas to put some flowers on his grave and pay him a visit. Sadly Gary wasn't buried in Utah so I just had to keep him in my thoughts. It was a very calm and relaxing day. We spent it with Ethans parents.

After visiting Kasey we went to Ethan's and had a nice BBQ with his family and played in the pool.

Happy Easter!

2013-04-02T14:09:00.000-07:00

For Easter I took the weekend off and drove down to St. George to be with my family. First time in years everyone has agreed to meet up spend a holiday as one happy family. Well it didn't turn out that way, everyone ended up fighting and just my grandparents, my parents, Brielle, and I were left at the campsite. We made the best of the situation. We all colored eggs, went four wheeling through the dunes, went to the Indian ruins, and enjoyed some good dutch oven food. Sadly Brielle still hasn't got to meet any of her cousins but at least she had her great grandparents all to herself!

The Indian writings (:

Brielle and grandma

My little poser

My mini me

Breaking stuff

Only flower I found in the desert ):

Grandpa helping Brielle color her eggs

Our eggs. They have adorable faces

Brielle and grandpa at the pilgrim fort

Brielle and grandma on the fourwheeler

Shooting my daddy's 22 AR

Grandpa with his old school 22 AR

Clouds were so pretty (:

Egg dye cups

I love this picture <3
Regardless of all the family tension it was a wonderful Easter and I'm just happy to have my parents back in my life. I don't know what I would do without them. Hope you all had a wonderful Easter!

Whiskey Grilled Salmon

2013-03-08T17:13:00.000-08:00

It's been a while! I promise I'm going to get better about blogging and start making it a normal thing again. I've missed all of you. To the multiple people who have sent me messages asking if I'm alive, why yes I am! I appreciate the concern guys (: you all are awesome. Anyways, on to my new mouth watering recipe! Whiskey grilled salmon. Delicious, I know. I was surprised at how easy this recipe was and how amazing it tasted! I've been searching for a salmon recipe that wouldn't take all day and something I could play with to make my own. This is it. I got it from my wonderful grandma who actually used beer. Wasn't my favorite at first, but then I found another recipe similar to my grandmas but it used whiskey ( cooking with alcohol has been one of my favorite ways to cook lately ) I decided to try it. But I mixed the recipes, praying it wouldn't ruin it, it is seriously amazing. (As my boyfriend would say) *awesome Zohan voice* it's de best!

What you will need:

1 FULL fillet of salmon. Whatever kind you like.

1/2 cup of whiskey. I used my good friend Jack Daniels. But he can be pricy.

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/4 cup soy sauce. I like to use low sodium just because we are watching our sodium intake in my house

1 tbs honey

1/2 tsp ginger

Salt and pepper

Start off by warming your grill, or if your broke, the over the stove skillet. *cough cough* While that is warming up, in a small sauce pan mix your whiskey, brown sugar, soy sauce, honey, and ginger. Bring this to a high boil. I mean high. After a couple of minutes of it boiling turn the heat down to a low setting and get ready to stir. It should start to thicken. Once it has thickened a little take the sauce pan off all heat. Before I go in further I want to give you a little one on one with grilling. I know when I moved out at 17 I didn't know much about grilling. So just in case someone doesn't know this, salmon will stick to the grill. As will vegetables. So take out a decent size of tin foil. Most people say fold up the edges to makes walls so grease doesn't drip out but I like to roll it. But this on your grill and bam. You're ready to throw your salmon on the fire! Before you do that rub your salmon down with salt and pepper. put it on the grill and brush on your whiskey. I use a basting brush because its easy as hell but you can pour it I guess. The way you know it is done is when you take your fork and poke the salmon, it will piece apart. You are ready to eat! Unless you want sides. We grilled asparagus to go with it. But my wonderful boyfriend and I ate 4 1/2 pounds of salmon to ourselves soooooo. Yeah. We didn't eat much of anything else.

Well you guys have an awesome week! Enjoy!

And just to show you guys how broke I am right now, my recipe cards are index cards :p

Love Your Skin!

2013-02-16T11:00:00.000-08:00

I want to apologize for the terrible quality of my pictures and the sloppiness of my blog. My damn iPhone will never be advanced enough to please me. I just get frustrated and say FINE POST YOURSELF! On a happier note. I had my half sleeve started, since Ethan was out of town for Valentines he sent me money and told me to go get my tattoo :D I am in love with my tattoo artist. He is wonderful. After an hour and a half and only 75 bucks my half sleeve is almost finished! If you're ever in Utah go see Dave over at Frankies in Clearfield.

I'm proud to be a mother and I'm proud to be tattooed. My parents always ask me what I'm going to do when I'm forty, finally I said "look fucking awesome with all the other tattooed parents". Love the skin you're in!

Beauty School Junkie

2012-11-09T21:18:00.001-08:00

I love beauty school

Beautiful people

Doing my own nails. not to shabby

Skunk tail!

Having your guy friends come in to get there nails done

for doing my own I did pretty good (:

Changing

And even more change!

Throw Back Thursday

2012-11-08T23:09:00.000-08:00

Found the only pictures of me and my siblings together <3 so happy.

The only picture of my brother, sister, and me that I have. Also the only picture of my mother

I'm left one, I'm amazed at how much my daughter looks like me. My chubby lil' Emily on the right (:

Emily and I, chuck-e-cheese

It's been awesome having two families again. For the longest time I had no contact with my siblings. Took me eight years for my brother to find me and thirteen years for me to find my sister. I'm so happy to have them back in my life. (:

Halloween

2012-10-31T20:11:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween everybody!

Brielle was strawberry shortcake which, thank you to my wonderful boyfriend, turned out perfect with the spray paint for her hair, the costume, the tights, and the bag.

I hadn't planned on dressing up but my wonderful sister-in-law insisted. I was wearing black skinny jeans with blacks boots, she gave me a black shirt, put a D battery in a sock and safety pinned it to my butt, then glued black paper to a headband and drew some whiskers on me. We had a blast trick or treating in my boyfriends neighborhood even though he couldn't be with us because of work. Brielle got a lot of king sized candy bars and a bunch of compliments on her adorable-ness!

Special wine sale! :D

My sexy pumpkin
In school I've learned theatrical make up and I've mastered it!

Just some of the fun stuff I did this week!

Life is good!!

2012-09-13T20:44:00.000-07:00

I'm actually happy. Being where I am now and looking back to how I was I'm so much happier. I've got a real man who treats Brielle and I amazingly and actually takes care of our needs. I've got my own place I pay for on my own. I've got awesome friends at school and I'm halfway done. I've got a fun job working with animals all day. And Brielle is a wonderful two year old (:

With life finally going smoothly I've taken some time to bring out my nerd in me and start playing a crap ton of playstation. Skyrim and Call of Duty. When I don't have Brielle I also enjoy a nice glass of wine or a beer. I can't even remember the last time I was at such peace with my life. (:

Official

2012-08-29T21:04:00.000-07:00

Well as of today my high school sweetheart and I have decided to give us a shot. He is perfect!

aweee

He bought Brielle some fairy wings at the fair!

He also won me this puppy! His name is pugsley we decided

He bought my tattoo for my birthday and its actually professional (; so much better

He loves to cuddle with us

He's sweet in cute hick ways :p

He comes to see me at lunch at school

He takes me on weekly dates <3

someone who truly cares. We've dated on and off for about 5 years but nothing ever serious until now.

You're amazing Ethan

Memorial Day

2012-05-29T14:23:00.000-07:00

Freddie and his family invited me up to their cabin, in Idaho, for memorial day weekend. It rained most the weekend but it was so nice to get away from the city and breathe some fresh air. First night was just Freddie, his twin, Marquee, and me. We had a lot of fun just laughing and being a little tipsy. I ended up holding poor Marquee's hair for an hour but what are girl friends for? (: Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday we pretty much sat by the fire, watched movies, and played cards. It might not sound exciting but it was nice to catch a break and just relax. I missed Brielle quite a bit and that's the longest I've ever been away from her but her grandma sent me a few pictures to let me know she was doing alright. Monday the sun decided to poke out so we went to the pool but sadly didn't have time for the hot pots but it was still a nice day that ended with some amazing pizza! I felt like being a photographer and I got some really neat shots.(:

My snack for the ride there

Phase 10!

I just want to say how grateful I am to all the men and woman in the army. I've lost an amazing step dad and an uncle to the war. This is their day. I'm also grateful to Freddie who also serves our country and has helped me get on my feet and move on.